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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Sophie
September 21, 2013 at 8:55 pm
It’s hard getting through no contact. Every time I want to contact I read the book and this site and it makes it easier!
admin
September 21, 2013 at 11:34 pm
Thanks Sophie! That is why I created those things 🙂
cristinar
September 21, 2013 at 3:58 pm
🙁 why my comments are not appearing??
admin
September 21, 2013 at 11:28 pm
I have no clue?
cristinar SHOCKED
September 21, 2013 at 10:44 am
PS: I am tempted to confront him, breaking the NC.
I mean, let’s say he believes am unaware of what the much activity on his work phone means ( hence he’s chatting with someone he’s keeping secretive about): what if I suddenly say something on the line of “there was no need to lie about why you wanted to close it with me”? I actually can’t believe he put a picture on his account in such a way! He knows am on it, did he do it to hint something at me, or to provoke a reaction? It doesn’t feel a provocation though, rather he doesn’t care about me getting something out of the gesture 🙁
Do you think that would made him think, or further pushing him away?
I am going crazy here!
admin
September 21, 2013 at 11:21 pm
You are not crazy hahha. You are going through a breakup everyone acts like this.
First off, for your own sanity I would not break NC. Not until YOU are ready to carry a conversation with him calmly and not angrily.
cristinar SHOCKED
September 23, 2013 at 9:39 am
Thanks for your support. It’s hard, very hurtful to see him appearing and understanding he’s almost 100% chatting with someone else he’s keeping secret about. Replaced, that how I feel, and hopeless. Maybe it’s just the fruit of my imagination, but I find hard to believe he’s on whatsapp to check on my appearances there. Especially after the sudden insertion of that picture on his account, that was on anonymous icon since the beginning of our dating 🙁 that really destabilised me coz I can’t find a reason to such gesture of his.
Day 13 of NC and I feel as my entire universe has fallen apart, swallowing me.
Don’t know if I could do anything else, but it feels as NC is just going to be a vane try. I suppose time will tell. I am however beginning to wonder about how he can be so cruel and inconsiderate, insensitive, selfish 🙁 I deserve better.
admin
September 24, 2013 at 2:31 am
Time will tell for sure!
If you are interested you could grab PRO and that could give you a gameplan going forward. Just thought I would mention that to ya.
cristinar SHOCKED
September 21, 2013 at 10:32 am
Hi again, I have written to you seeking some advice but things are getting messy and I really don’t know what to do.
I went into NC 11 days ago, after a year together and 6 months pull/push troubles with my guy, whom has a long term partner and 2 kids.
The troubles were caused by the fact that he felt he had to stick to her for the kids.
At least this is the reason he gave me. Thing is: I think he’s having a rebound affair (!) with someone else, a third person.
I do think it because he has his Whatsapp only on the work phone (to keep me away from other contacts and avoid getting caught) and lately, on the days when he is more “active” (Tue/Wed/Thu when is away from home) I see him coming on it quite a lot. The pattern of his “appearances” resemble those he always had when we were dating; he used to text me around certain timings to organise ourselves. In theory, I should have been the only one there, and some colleagues from abroad: obviously he won’t need to be online as much to communicate with them!
In the 4 last months we were dating I found him to be more wary about meeting at our usual places, namely the park near where he works and the streets surrounding. He seemed scared of being caught and he said so, but for months and months before he was never, so I wondered what had changed to make him feel uncomfortable in going in the same places where we went for so long.
Now I believe that he could have taken someone else there, and was scared this person could catch him.
Also at times he would go on his work phone, with the excuse to check emails but gut feelings told me he was texting another woman.
To sum it up, despite him coming to take me back when I tried to distant myself from our relationship, I had the feeling that he was seeing somebody else, also because we kept arguing over the fact that he would continue to sleep with me and his partner. He wasn’t happy that we argued and kept trying to shift me into friend those, which I refused categorically. He then would get back to me and we would end up in each other’s arms again, restarting the same routine push/pull.
After a year of dating and all the things he told me, I thought he was scared of making a major move and tell her he doesn’t love her, so I stuck around thinking that the best thing was to be there for him, to prove him we could work things out together.
I put my doubts to silence because he kept in constant touch with me and every time I tried to leave he’d stopped me, so I thought he really cared and was just confused.
Question: how long before the breakup a rebound relationship can start?
I know this guy has very strong feelings for me and our wasn’t a mere affair but an important relationship for him too. We spoken so much about what life could have been for us if we ended up properly together and we shared a lot, not only emotionally. Yet I fear he fallen into rebound affair due to his fears and confusion. Can it be?
I really don’t know what to believe any more and I am really hurting. I see him popping online with those same timings and I feel he’s not there to check if I am online, but chatting with someone that obviously he is keeping secret; if it was a friend/colleague he’d use his personal phone.
Yesterday, completely out of character, he even put pictures on his account which in an entire year of our dating remained set up with the anonymous icon.
Immediately my gut told me he’d done it to “show off” to someone else, that he’s there to chat with another and I can’t believe that he dragged our story for so long and did so much not to lose me in his life just to go down this path.
I don’t know what to do honestly.
Seems NC doesn’t bother him and I fear all we shared will go lost and forgotten; he’d do anything to avoid clearing how he feels because he’s emotionally challenged. He used to say emotions do anguish him.
I know you might thing this guy is not worthy a thing; but I know he’s a mess emotionally all over the places and that what we shared was a big love.
I’m just scared that NC won’t work!
Any thoughts about this mess? Anything else I could do?
Please help I am desperate! 🙁
LOSTHOPE
September 24, 2013 at 9:52 pm
Hi Christinar I am in the same boat as you the only difference is he cheated on his wife due to another woman and got divorced.That another woman has been in his life since then for several years. He got bored with this another woman and then came into my life.I was empty and lonely in my heart and that made me so weak that I let him in my life despite knowing that fact that he was still with that other woman. I trusted him when he said that he only cares about her cause she has been with him for so long and will leave her in two months. We dated 6 months and he took no steps to leave her with the excuse that he didn’t want to hurt her.Basically he was physically involve with her and me at the same time. He would spend most of his weekend with her ( what a jerk).I laterly started to realize that he was not looking for a seriously relativship and needed me to experience something new. At the beiggning I also thought he has strong feelings for me and cares about me but basically he is man with no morality and value. He is selfish. We had lots of arguments and fight due to that woman and he would also blame me for fight with him .This man basically ruined my life .
cristinar
October 2, 2013 at 10:03 am
No he didn’t. Life is not finished and I believe in karma. You’ll find someone worth your love and time and he’ll keep jumping here and there in the attempt to find what would fill the empty shell that he is, failing each time because his lack of commitments and understanding of what to love means.
Move on, like am doing. Not all the times these men are a…clowns, but if not, then only time will tell and we have no choice but to live and go on.
I’m with you sister, make the first step forward, towards your future and smile at life. There’s more to it than a taker.
Jeianne
September 21, 2013 at 8:42 am
I deleted all the photos of me and my ex on every social media website. Why hasn’t he deleted his if he broke-up with me, and it’s almost been a month now? He still goes on those sites regularly.
admin
September 21, 2013 at 11:16 pm
He maybe hasn’t gotten around to it yet or he just doesn’t know what to do.
You might be interested in reading my Facebook guide on this site.
Jeianne
September 23, 2013 at 8:15 am
But I’ve already deleted him off facebook and instagram :(Is that bad? I’m already 1 week into my NC.
admin
September 24, 2013 at 2:29 am
No it is not horrible. You can add him after NC.
vanessa
September 20, 2013 at 1:10 am
Hi Chris-
I am doing this NO contact rule and I am begining to doubt it. Its day 7…let me back up My live in boyfriend of Three years dumped me two weeks ago via phone and moved everything out while I was at work. He stated he still loved me but wanted to see what else was out there as he is very young and I am older.I was heart broken but understood and allowed him his space to go. The first three days we talked but it was always about him adn how hard this was on him blah blah blah. I began the NC rule and for 5 days he ignored me however the past three days I got some sweet messages that I still ignored. Now hes texting mean things and getting mad at me for ignoring him. I feel I will loose him forever. He has called me 5 times and sent me 13 texts all of which I have ignored. THis is DAY 8…please give me adivce on what to do if ex wont leave you alone. ** Also at what point after 30 days do I say oh hey now I am ready to talk. And what do I say when its been 30 days.. I cant just now randomly send a text hey i saw you at the movies. THats weird? No ? PLease help ASAP
Kat
September 25, 2013 at 10:23 am
Vanessa our situations are very similar. However my ex after being gone for 5 weeks is in another relationship. He still wants us to be friends and sees a future for us he just needs this time to explore. Me being older and been there done that I understand. I did the same thing when I was his age. But this is so hard…he contacts me by text and I was trying the no contact thing and he called and then when I didn’t respond he showed up at my house. It’s crazy because he really wants me to be there for him now as a friend. I have kept emotions out of texts back and I’m still continuing with the NC but I’m sure he will text me again. I had also told him that if he sees a future with this girl that he needs to stop contacting me and give it a fair shot. He said he is not giving up on a future for us. He wants to give it 6 months.
admin
September 20, 2013 at 9:08 pm
Hi Vanessa,
Sorry for the late response. I have been so busy lately.
You are doing the right thing by doing NC so don’t fall now.
You should get my book as I describe the texting methods but read this page for a brief outline: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
Misty
September 19, 2013 at 3:52 pm
Last week, on Friday the 13th I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. It was our first argument and I yelled at him. He left me and I am still in shock about it while typing. We were together in our early twenties, about 10 years ago. I cheated on him back then and have regretted it all these years. Time passed by and we would go on a date once a year or at least talk briefly. I have been in other relationships since then, but he maintains he has not. He said he has dated women, but no real relationship. That I am his true love…I feel the same. When he walked out, he said that he needs space and he doesn’t want a relationship right now. We were apart 10 years, how can he need space?! Three days ago I was basically begging him to reconsider, but he maintained he needs to focus on him. Two days ago, I did what people say not to do after a breakup and we made love. He left with the comment of coming back over this weekend. I initially said no, but then said yes because he is going to be leaving town for work for at least a month. I want to see him again, but should I go to NC immediately or can I wait until after I see him once more. We were best friends and trying to make sense of it all. Will NC even work after I have broken so many of the NC rules?
admin
September 20, 2013 at 7:06 pm
Yes but it is important that YOU NOT break NC this time.
And horrible timing with Friday the 13th
skippy
September 19, 2013 at 7:57 am
So a month and a half he broke it off, I tried a lot of things, first 3 days I begged him back, then we didn’t contact for 8 days, talked about the break up and didn’t contact for 3 weeks, I was heartbroken still and I went to him to talk to him, he wanted to talk again, but on a way like before our relationsship on a normal way,like being friends, and if the “spark”would come back he would, 1,5 week later, yesterday it became too much. I caved in and I told him I can’t pretend anymore we had a talk and he’s still sweet actually.. He looked really sad when I met up with him 1.5 weeks ago.
is it too late to try no contact rule ..? as in will it work.. our conversation yesterday was really hard, andI’m really tired fromthe inside.. I just want him back and I don’t know how, and it makes me scared.
but if I would start today it would be weird, yesterday I told him (like many times before) that I just want one last chance. I miss him blablabla, If I would start today it would be pretty obvious right..? what about that, should I text him something like “You know, I agree with thebreak upnow. thanks for the memories’ so he thinks I’m starting to move on, or trying to..?
also tomorrow is my birthday and most likely would he congratulate me on facebook ignore, or what..?
Everything I did till now was a mess, I’m a mess, and I see that I have to work on that.
Even everything that I’m saying here is kinda a mess, sorry about that.
I just don’t know anymore, I have tools like facebook to help me letting him see I’m having a great time without him and stuff, but would it still work..? no contact, if so how should I start it?
Also if he wouldn’t contact me after 30 days, what then..?
sorry for the many quistions btw, I hope it’s not a problem for you to answer them all,
and thanks in advance.
admin
September 20, 2013 at 6:51 pm
No, I actually think it is a good time to try the NC rule. It is really important that you don’t slip up though.
skippy
September 22, 2013 at 12:44 pm
I’ve gotta say, I really appreciate people like you. I’m going to do my best!
I thought, maybe it would be nice to hear from someone that she is grateful for your help. 🙂
admin
September 22, 2013 at 11:08 pm
You thought right!
Thank you and I appreciate people like you.
Yasthmin Reyes
September 19, 2013 at 1:13 am
So almost a month ago I broke up with my bf bcz I felt he didn’t wanted me no more but thn I realized I MISS him to much n my love for him ain’t gng anywhere well I’ve try to talk things out with him n we have kiss n tlk to eachoother but everytime I ask him if he wants to come back he say he doesn’t know n that why did I left I c him everyday in skoo n I jst feel the need to go n hang out with him he gives me sings to keep trying but at the same time it’s seems he’s perfectly fine without me n today I was with him n he told me he couldn’t txt me for no more something about his phone but to me it look like his lying so not contacting him at all will work.?
admin
September 19, 2013 at 2:35 am
He is lying about his phone? Sorry I didn’t get all of that.
Yasthmin Reyes
September 19, 2013 at 2:40 am
We would txt mostly everyday but today he said he wasn’t gonna b able to txt but I felt like he’s lying to me like he is jst saying that so I won’t txt him I guess
admin
September 19, 2013 at 7:06 pm
Thats ok, don’t text him.
C Telfer
September 19, 2013 at 12:25 am
I broke my NC last night after 21 days. i was doing really well i had even been on a few dates. but i caved. we sent no more than 10 texts each, at the end he said “it was great to hear from you C” and i did feel sad straight after but it has made me determined now to do a full 30 days no contact. the idiot broke my heart. deleting his number again and all the texts, if he texts me in the next 30 days i dont reply at all do i?
admin
September 19, 2013 at 2:29 am
You are not supposed to no.
You might also want to pick up my E-Book. You won’t regret it trust me.
Karili
September 18, 2013 at 5:49 pm
Chris I need you to tell me if NC is GOING to work at this point:
1. Boyfriend and I were in a serious relationship for 5 months.He broke up with me and I moved 2 hours away.
2.We were apart for about 1.5 months (he dated another girl, but then claimed he wasnt feeling it anymore)and then he called me crying that he loved me and Iwas the one.
3. We got back together, he talked to my parents and apologized. It was a whirlwind, for three weeks. Then he said the distance was going to be a problem now and he broke it off.
4. Now he is dating the same girl again, who is closer to him (in distance). He claims he cant go “cold turkey”
5. He called me acouple of times since we broke up this second time. He cried, said he loved me, but we cant be together right now because he is not financially capable of marrying me ow. That he wants to stay friends, and he needs me in his life.
6. I havent talked to him for a week. He hasnt texted.
admin
September 19, 2013 at 2:09 am
Wow, he is all over the place isn’t he?
I think NC is a good idea.
Rob
September 18, 2013 at 3:43 am
What is really meant by him establishing a no contact rule, right after he told you about a relationship he is in with his friend?
admin
September 19, 2013 at 1:36 am
Honestly it means he doesn’t want his friend to know.
Rob
September 18, 2013 at 3:15 am
My ex discussed the no contact rule in June. A month later, I told him how sorry I was and how much I regretted him making that decision. He mentioned that I never contact him again. I will call him on his birthday, only to wish him a Happy Birthday. I will make it as short as possible. I cannot control how he responds, but I can control how I feel.
Karry
September 18, 2013 at 3:08 am
Hey Chris, ive tried doing the NC but its so hard because my ex bf constantly texts me and I dont want to be rude and I end up replying…then all the horrible feelings come back…we had a mutual breakup..he says he really loves me but he is not ready for a relationship. ..I guess I might not be ready also..we both are still finding ourselves I guess…I dont even know why im even writing here, I guess it is making me feel better…But I guess I should try to do NC again to help me heal… Are you single? If you dont mind me asking.. Do you believe its only good to be in a relationship when you truly know yourself?
admin
September 19, 2013 at 1:37 am
I am single currently hahaha.
I would try to get through the NC Rule (I know it is so hard.)
Mai
September 18, 2013 at 2:28 am
Well, I have a sort of interesting story to tell. About three years ago, I met one of my brother’s friends and we just clicked and talked endlessly for hours. However, he was very young at the time ( he was 19 and I was almost 22), not to mention a very shy/ serious and insecure person. Nothing ever came of it because of this even though I was sure he liked me, and I didn’t attempt to pursue him either. A year and a half ago, he went to study abroad. This summer when he came back we “clicked” once again and had two amazing months together (he told me he was in love with me, I met his parents, he met mine) and about two weeks ago, he went abroad once more. We were never formally in a relationship because of the distance factor. This past weekend, he picked a very petty fight with me about my plans to go abroad eventually. He said that it “hurt” him because I didn’t trust him enough to tell him. Anyway, yesterday he sent me a message with the truth that although he “loved” me, the distance was too much, that I wasn’t “the one”, and that he had gone out on a date with somebody else this past week. While we were arguing, he said that he didn’t believe in soul mates and instead firmly believed in the “timing and circumstances”. I said good-bye and blocked him from everything. Seeing as I was completely mad for him, this is really difficult for me. He swears that he really does/ did (?) love me but that the conditions are just not in our favor right now. What I’ve been told by people that know him is that I was his “first-love” and I have therefore deduced that he probably just wants to play the field due to his immaturity in the dating world. However, I have never felt so strongly about someone as I did with him, seeing as I like to date around as well. Should I even bother trying to establish some sort of connection with him again after NC? Quite honestly, I’m realistic and don’t believe in friendship between men and women (except in very few circumstances) so it bothers me when he says that he still wants me in his life because if I make a comeback, it won’t be as a friend.
admin
September 18, 2013 at 3:30 am
Harry met sally.
Men and women can’t be friends right? Hahaha sorry.
I say all steam ahead with the NC rule and the plan in this site!
Lauren
September 18, 2013 at 2:17 am
My boyfriend just dumped me last night. He then asked me if we could talk tonight. I told him I didn’t know but then tonight I texted him to say we could talk around 10. For an hour he didn’t reply then told me he couldn’t do this anymore. When I asked why he suggested we should talk in the first place, he said it was because he felt bad for making me cry. I want to make him regret his decision and realize he made the wrong one. Will the NC rule work?
admin
September 18, 2013 at 3:32 am
I think it is a good starting point for sure!
Chris
September 17, 2013 at 9:46 pm
My girlfriend and i have had a very rough relationship built on game, manipulation, lies, jealousy and obsessiveness. We both love each other so much but felt like we needed to do these things to not lose each other. Ive always ran after her, but im also the one who cheated on her a few times. Ive admitted this to her about a month ago and she gave me another chance and changed everyhing about her that i asked her to and i felt we became really close for the first time, almost perfect! The other day she broke up with me over a dumb argument and started to ignore me. I decided to look for attention by making her jealous with one of her co workers. She found out and went crazy and said mean things, but the next day she calmed down and we met for coffee and she said she still loves me, misses me and wants to be with me but shes hurt. We talked for 6 hours, laughed, cried and went over the whole relationship bad but mostly good times. I made a lot of promises to her that i would change and gave an amazing speech before i kissed her forhead and hugged her goodbye and swore to her shell always be my girl. I left, got in the car and left the parking lot and i saw her crying very heavy, i drove off and decided to turn back around and she was gone. Then she called me crying “You didnt even come back, how could you leave so easy” I said i did come back, we talked for a bit on the phone while we both were driving. We spoke at night, she new i had a yoga class and she asked me how it went in a text, then we talked about her homework, then we said goodnight and i left a inside joke and she said well atleast we can be a bit friends, but i cant be that close because i need to move on but thankyou for ending on good terms. I said dont mention, youll always find a friend in me, ill always respect you..Goodnight sweet dreams and ended the convo first. She wrote back bye takecare.
I feel like i have a strong chance at getting her back
admin
September 18, 2013 at 3:26 am
Haha it does look like you have a decent chance :).
Have you started NC yet?
Chris
September 18, 2013 at 8:34 am
Well today we didn’t speak at all, im surprised she didn’t message me
Her friends and family are against me because ive cheated in the past. This past week ive shown up at her house at 5am drunk and her parents kicked me out. Then the next night i show up and she kicked my car and went nuts and neighbours called the cops. Theres been alot of unhealthy shit we have been through. We need to focus on our prioritys. I know she wants to be with me and hates for it to end this way because maybe she feel like she can’t trust me but i feel like she really wants to accept my apologie and promise i wont mess up again. She swore to herself and me that she won’t get back with me but maybe she will break? we left on very good terms, and not the HAPPY DONT CARE TERMS, more like mature, very sad, still love you, gonna miss you terms. So today we haven’t talked even though im ITCHING TO…
Ive thought of many things, risky things to show her i love her and was thinking of pulling it off
I cant date another girl, when we went on breaks thats what i did and it would be going back on my word.
space and no contact is all i have
but deep down, I feel like she WANTS me to run after her and contact her and not give up and this is just a test but then again i don’t want to come off week and it might blow it
thats why i think for my situation, 30 days might be a bit to long
what do you think?
admin
September 19, 2013 at 1:49 am
You know your situation better than anyone.
You can shorten NC if you think it is necessary. I would shorten it to 21 days if you do decide.
Grace
September 17, 2013 at 9:35 pm
My ex boyfriend and I haven’t dated for too long but we had broken up and gotten back together a few times prior to this last breakup. It’s been about three days since the breakup and he’s already texted me asking me if I’m seeing other guys already. Since we have gotten back together in the past all the time should I still do NC?
admin
September 18, 2013 at 3:28 am
Yes definitely do it!
yen
September 17, 2013 at 7:37 pm
This is the first time I read your article; after all of my story below happened:
My boyfriend ask for space a few days ago (it’s pretty much like his breaking up with me). I decided to give him the space he wants, despite how painful it is to me—coz I want to believe him that “we” are still going to work. But he began txting me , I did not reply and that’s when he called me. My instant response was to pick up my phone. The conversation was just about how both our day went. Then, I started becoming emotional during our conversation. I cried telling him that his not fair, that he wants space but he still tries to communicate with me. So, I told him not to text or call me anymore, coz’ his giving me too much hope and it’s not really fair.
My question is.. Can I still apply the NC rule? Because, I basically push him away, I told him not communicate me…i mean what if he already wants to communicate but because I told him to be fair with me, to not text/call me and because of that he will not try to get back with me anymore? Please give me an advice. I’m really at lost. Thank you so much
admin
September 18, 2013 at 3:24 am
Yes, I would if I was you!
cas
September 17, 2013 at 5:03 pm
Hi chris, during the no contact can I post on fb on my feeling of how hurt I am, I still miss him, or share some quotes about my disappointment in love?all these he is able to see
admin
September 18, 2013 at 3:25 am
No, I wouldn’t b/c then he will know that you are talking about him.