The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Bz

October 21, 2013 at 1:29 pm

So it has been over a month since we broke up. I have been doing NC for over two weeks. He texted Saturday midnight, asking why I was not talking to him. He knew I was going out i am sure that is why he texted, If that wasn’t the case I don’t think he would have bothered. I responded 24 hours later with a two word text. He hasn’t texted back.

It has been a pretty rough relationship of about 5 years, he has many faults and so do I. He is the one that broke it of since the LDR was becoming to much work. He said he doesn’t know if he is I love any more, but one thing I know is that he as given this relationship more than a hundred percent.

Now I am wondering if he will text back, we have never played games before and I know he is not responding because I took a while. Two can play that game right. Help!

Btw some of my posts are not going through.

Bz

October 22, 2013 at 1:19 pm

Yeah I have. That is why I started with the NC, it seems to have worked, but he hasn’t responded. I donno what to do. His birthday is in a few days and u am thinking he is waiting for me to call him then.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:46 pm

I wouldn’t talk to him on his birthday. I would wait a few days after it.
Bz

October 24, 2013 at 2:19 pm

You see the problem in our relationship was that he feels as though i never cared. We have a group chat with all our friends on whatsapp, and this morning he sent a message indicating that nobody responds to what he has been saying all week. I am actually the one that doesn’t respond. I guess non of our friends said happy birthday either and he is butt hurt. I have not said happy birthday yet, but I think I should otherwise by not saying it I will only be reaffirming his assumptions. I know how this guy is, he is emotional, almost child like and it seems as though he has given up. I just don’t know what to do.
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:55 am

You have to fill in the Captcha. This one got through though!

Have you read my LDR post?
Bz

October 23, 2013 at 6:38 pm

Yeah I have. That is why I started with the NC, it seems to have worked, but he hasn’t responded. I donno what to do. His birthday is in a few days and u am thinking he is waiting for me to call him then.

Reply
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:13 pm

I would contact him only after your NC is up and AFTER his birthday.
Bz

October 26, 2013 at 2:27 pm

Broke the NC after 3 weeks and called on his bday. I think the conversation went well. He said he was wondering if I was gonna call. Mid conversation he said “I miss you!”, I told him I did too. He mentioned that I was the second person to call him after his sister and he was happy about that. He also mentioned that EVERYTIME his Facebook notifications we going off he was hoping it would be me. Honestly, I know for sure not calling him would have done more damage than good.
This is the longest we haven’t spoken in the last 6 years. I feel as though what he was saying was true. I told him I thought he was gonna come to town for his bday, he said that he was going to come the previous weekend but he couldn’t for financial reasons. What are my chances? What should be the next step? I know contact will not be coming from me.
admin

October 26, 2013 at 6:08 pm

I wish you hadn’t of called on the birthday BUT at least you got a positive response.

Unfroutnately, you kind of rushed things.

Hmm… wait a few days and text him continuing the process.
Bz

November 1, 2013 at 4:14 pm

So I posted something about being sick on Facebook a few days ago and he texted asking to see how I was doing. Later that day he texted to ask me about some home work from a class I took years ago, only to find out that I didn’t take the class. He said he would to it himself. A few hours later I texted to ask if he finished the hw, he said he didn’t and he would be dropping the class. I said good luck and good night. He replied to that. Next day I texted asking of he dropped it. He replied right way saying that he did and asked if I was feeling better. A few days later he texts at 1:30 am saying “hey”, I know he was drunk at that time. I replied a few hours later when I woke up(can’t be booty call, it was an LDR). He didn’t reply until after lunch the same day. Except he was asking about a different class this time. He replied just when I was going back to work from lunch, I replied over an hour later. Nothing after that. Just group replies on whatsapp. We have talked more this week than any other since the BU, but I can’t make of what this is? Helllp!
admin

November 1, 2013 at 7:02 pm

He is just checking up on you.
Bz

November 11, 2013 at 4:02 pm

It’s been a while! Update and questions.
So lately I have posted certain things on fb that would trigger good memories from the past and they actually worked, I got a call from him last week Sunday., which was good.

This weekend he was supposed to go on a trip with his boys to the east coast. I was dreading that! On thrusday he texts at 7 in the morning saying he he misses me and we start texting back and forth. Eventually he asks to see me on Skype and I agreed. During the convo he asked what I would be doing during the weekends, he said he wanted to see me! Surprise! Since when we broke up when I asked to see him he said he knows things would be great when we see each other and we would be back to problems.
So some naughty texts follow the next day and I asked of he was coming. He said he would see. He drove 5 hours the next day and came. He tsiad he hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship. I think he realizes that things have not changed and he wanted me to gauge my expectations.
But what I don’t understand is I know he knows feelings will resurface and why a change of heart now when he can be with anyone he wants where he lives..
Btw he canceled the trip with the boys to be with me.
Am I reading too much in to this or I justified in doing so? He will be coming back in two weeks. He knows that we always mend stuff up like this too.
Bz

December 1, 2013 at 11:57 pm

How to take control now?
He came for the second time. I was a bit uncomfortable at first so it could give me a chance to talk later. Which we did. He asked if it was wierd, I said it was confusing. He said he had a good time last time and he thought it would be ok this time. But this not fair to me, especially if I am not seeing it talking to anyone.
I asked if was seeing someone, he didn’t want to say but later admitted that he has been on dates but realized that he couldn’t do it. He said he ha to do it because we are broken up to figure things out and that is the one way. We need a fresh start and we should not force things like we used to. No pressure. We agree that all that is in the past has to die for it to work if there is a chance at all. He still cares and that is why he visits. He hopes to move to where I am but there is a lot that is unknown. We were a little to comfortable with how things were before. I know and understand all that he is saying. He does not want to be in a relationship and I know that unless we are in the same place it will be no different. Do u think talking about all this has pushed him away? What to do now?
admin

November 11, 2013 at 7:09 pm

I think you are justified.

Just take things day by day at this point.

Julie

October 21, 2013 at 3:51 am

Hi chris!
Please help meeeeeeeeee!! What if we work together?
Or more specifically… what if a work under him? :S
This was my bf of 2 years..
We broke up 6 weeks ago, had no contact for 2 weeks, then i had to go into to his office to get a signature, talked for about 10 minutes.
No contact for 3 days and then again saw eachother in his office.
At this point he asked me out to dinner, and told me he wanted to get back together. i ruined everything by getting all dramatic and emotional and needy and he IMMEADIATLEY backed off and started pursuing this new woman…
I went 2 weeks NC and again a signature. And now it’s been 2 weeks more until who knows when!!

Other than that, NOTHING! Where do I start my count?
At the moment of break up? At the failed date? every 2 weeks?! This is something beyond power!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Julie

admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:29 am

If you work together you are going to have to do a limited contact rule.

Anna

October 20, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Hello,
My ex and I had dated for almost 6 years and he is at the point of “not knowing what to do with his life” so he broke up with me. He left the door open and said he would probably want to get back together in a couple of months when he figures things out, but that I shouldn’t wait for him. Basically he is the king of mixed signals, one day talking about what type of things he wants to do in the future with me and the next day its something different.

So I told him I think we need distance. We had agreed on a week with no contact and he caved 3 days in by trying to call me and sending me texts. I didn’t respond to him and he started texting me on the 5th day telling me he missed me and he thought our 5 days should be over with etc. We ended our time and hung out a couple days later but he still maintains its too soon for him to make a decision. so now I found your site and I’m going to do the 30 days. he really needs it and I’m a wreck. My question is, if he couldn’t even make it a week, how will I deal with him texting and calling me for 30 days? If it gets too much should I just give him a one word reply so he doesn’t think I’m mad at him?

admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:19 pm

I am thinking you send him a text saying “look, I just need some time alone right now.”
Anna

October 20, 2013 at 8:17 pm

* oops above it should say he thinks our week (7days) should be over with not 5.

snapcracklepop

October 20, 2013 at 5:14 pm

Ok, so the mom texts me everyday. I have been taking hours to respond and have no idea if he has put her up to this or not. She makes it sound like he hasn’t and she’s just chatting. Does this apply to the 30 days?

admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:14 pm

You can talk to her I guess but not about him.
snapcracklepop

October 22, 2013 at 2:43 am

Crap, I caved in to his texts of undying love for me. We chatted a few today and he wants to see me, make plans for future. I am a bit mad at myself. I did cut him off and say I was going out to dinner, we’ll talk later. But, I feel like I got myself back involved to quickly. Now what?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 10:32 pm

Well, go out to dinner and then re-asses from there.
snapcracklepop

October 31, 2013 at 8:16 pm

So I’ve been in NC for 10 days but the mom texted me this morning and I told her in a moment of weakness that I missed him and still love him. Is this very bad?
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:09 pm

Yes because she is going to tell him hahahaha.

But maybe itll all work out for you.
snapcracklepop

November 1, 2013 at 6:38 pm

You’re right! He texted me this morning. I went out on that date you said to do and now we’re “dating”. But I still think about the other.
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:18 pm

Well, thats fantastic isn’t it?
snapcracklepop

November 3, 2013 at 3:14 am

Yes, except the new guy really likes me 🙁 haha. On a lighter note my ex wants me back too. I’m just treading lightly. I guess this is good for your readers. Do what Chris says!
snapcracklepop

November 14, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Update for all the ladies here. If you follow this guide, one of many things will happen here 😉 1. you get back together with your ex. 2. you fall out of love with your ex and realize he’s not for you. 3. you fall in love with the person you go out on that one date with and realize he treats you WAY better then your ex could ever. You can probably guess which one happened with me. Best $29 I ever spent. Cheers 😉
admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:15 pm

🙂 Mwhahahahah I am a mastermind of happiness!!!

I wish….
snapcracklepop

November 7, 2013 at 5:06 pm

So what if there was a negative situation? He did something for me and the mom said he told her I never thanked him. I should have been grateful but instead I was jealous over a girl that was involved. Should I go back on NC?
admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:29 pm

For a while I think yes!
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Yes you hear her! DO WHAT I SAY ;).

I am so glad you have options 🙂

cristinar

October 20, 2013 at 12:16 pm

PS: just to let you know: comments are visible as awaiting for approval until I move to another page.
Then they disappear from my sight and would reappear only if I write another one.
Why so?

admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:07 pm

Maybe it has something to do with there being a ton of comments?
cristinar

October 21, 2013 at 12:53 pm

Dunno really, but I read someone else to whom it happened.
It was just to let you know 🙂

cristinar

October 20, 2013 at 12:08 pm

Hi Chris, back to vent and ask advice:
After my first bow message we engaged in a brief chat that (as suggested) I managed to end after 10 minutes.
The day after I sent to him a message that said: I miss you in my life, miss our closeness, I just don’t know what we could do so not to lose it. And how you feel about it, what you hope to achieve.

The text basically was aiming at telling him that given his choice, there is not much space for compromise in our relationship and since becoming friends is impossible from both sides (it’s proven by months of struggles!) I don’t know what he wants by texting me. I was non threatening, but sweet and at the same time clear about the fact that if he isn’t up for compromises than there’s no chance we can save what we share together and his texting is pointless, since I won’t go back to merry-go-round-struggle time as I did before.
He responded by stating he was hangover (that’s how he felt?? was he taking the p***??) and asked me to be the keeper of a gift (it appears) he bought for me.
Now… it was the same item he said he’d buy for my birthday in March…!
He never gave it to me whilst we were seeing each other.
Has he forgotten about that? Why mentioning this when all I wanted was an answer on what he wants to do and how he feels about the current situation?
We exchanged a couple of texts that day (second after first contact) and then he disappeared on me; not a “speak you soon” or “gotta go” nor “bye for now” nothing.
He checked on Whatsapp, but not a word after that second brief chat.
I haven’t text him.
What should I do, wait to see if he initiate contact again, or text him let’s say tomorrow (would have been 3 days silence in between)?

I am confused about the next step to take, help pls! 🙁

admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:06 pm

Honestly, like I said in the other message. I think you are better off without him. He is not stable. Something is wrong with him.
cristinar

October 21, 2013 at 10:20 am

We got misunderstood Chris: last message I was talking about an ex… of 8 years ago, not my man now 🙂

The user was mentioning that similar thing happened to him, this the only reason for which I have wrote about mine.
My man now got back in touch, but I had to finish my NC and to be sure I added an extra 7 days on top, after which I replied as you suggested with one of the first contact text.
We engage into brief chat, with me leaving him on the hook waiting for replies for hours. Then he disappeared (after having said he’s got a gift for me?) and I am stuck.
You suggested to wait and see if he contacts me first again; it’s been 3 days now and yet not a word. Should I wait a little longer then start contact again?
cristinar

October 22, 2013 at 9:08 am

No problem, it was confusing (!)
Oke dokei. Thought so:) … he’s really stubborn, isn’t he??
Would be much easier if he wasn’t so proud. Thanks a lot Chris
admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:33 pm

Men can be stubborn (I can be sometimes definitely.)
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:43 am

Sorry. I totally misunderstood.

You will have to forgive me I rushed through a lot of messages yesterday b/c I wanted to watch football.

I do think you should wait a little longer before you start contact again. Wait 5 days. So, two more days.

Danni

October 20, 2013 at 9:43 am

Me & My ex officially called it quits today after 2 1/2 long years. We have gone throughout hell & back! But nothing like this last time. I feel so lost & confused because my happiness was because of him. We were broken up for about 7 months with contact the whole time & there was someone else in the picture. Call me crazy but I love that man more than anything that even if I didn’t have all of him at least I had a piece. We talked about space being given but on both of our behalfs we failed & continued to be around each other & do the same things as if there was a title even tho he had a title with someone else. Hearing him tell me today that things aren’t going to work because of past issues we had & him being with some else tore me apart & I’ve never felt this lost & this much pain! He was my Bestfriend my world. I need guidance & this 30 day NC is the hardest thing to do when he contacted me today saying we need to talk on Monday!!

admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:04 pm

How far are you into NC?

Keep on keeping on!

Radar

October 19, 2013 at 4:13 pm

Hi. I’ve just broken up with my ex 5 days ago. He dumped me after scolding me some really nasty and hurtful words. I decided to do no contact, to sort out myself and regain my dignity in front of him. Given that I used to cry and plead with him in the past whenever he threatens to leave me, I believe he has lost all respect for me now and so I wish to claim back my respect through no contact.

After 5 days of no contact, he initiated contact with me, asking for my bank account number. This was because we had booked a holiday trip for the end of the year, and I had paid for it. After I replied him a couple of hours later with only my bank account number, he said he intends to sell the ticket and told me to let him know if I have found someone else to go with me. I have not replied him since cos I’m not sure what to say.

Although I’ve been really upset with the way he treated me, I still hope that we can go for the trip together, even just as friends, cos we have been discussing the trip for the longest time before. How do I get him to go with me without sounding too desperate?

admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:57 pm

A trip after a breakup will sound desperate no matter what I am sorry to say 🙁
cristinar

October 20, 2013 at 12:23 pm

NO CONTACT sweet.
No replies of any sort, it’s HIS problem if he wishes to know what your intention is about those tickets and trip, not yours.
Instead, see if you can sell his ticket to someone else and go sort yourself out, go have a nice time to re-energise and get better… and whilst on the trip post lovely pics of the places you visit and the GREAT time you are having.
It does work. And since he initiated contact with you after only 5 days I am adamant that you stand great chances of getting him back… at YOUR terms and conditions.
Go have fun and don’t reply to any of his texts until your NC is finished.
Hard, but you’ll be happy after!

Have a nice holiday babe, carpe diem! 🙂

Sara

October 19, 2013 at 2:11 am

PLEASE HELP! I’m on day 13 of NC. I really hadn’t expected to hear from my ex at all and planned to stick out the NC for the full 30 days. Well, he just texted me. It was something playful related to an NFL game this Sunday (we’re both huge football fans). Yes, I’ve read everything you wrote about not texting back, but this is literally killing me (as if NC alone wasn’t hard enough). Do I really need to wait out the remainder of my 30 days before I text him back? What will happen in his mind in all that time if I’m not texting back?

admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:32 pm

Ohhh what team? I am a huuuugggeee Cowboys fan!

Sadly you do at this point. I know it is so hard 🙁 but you do have to wait it out I am afraid.

Dani

October 19, 2013 at 1:39 am

My boyfriend (well, ex) and I just started NC today. We’ve been together for about 6 months now but decided to go on a break back in August because we were just really stressed out with work, family, school, etc and it was causing us to fight a lot. It never seemed like we were truly on a break though, because we were still going out on dates, saying “I love you”, doing everything we did when we were together, the only difference being that we were no longer doing it in public and there was just no label on it. Last friday we got into an argument and didn’t speak until wednesday, it was the longest we’ve ever gone without talking. I had made the mistake of texting him both on tuesday and wednesday apologizing and expressing my love (like you said, we go crazy after break ups and do stupid things) and it wasn’t until I told him that if he didn’t speak to me after a week then we were done for good and I’d rather him just be straight up with me so I can know if I should still work on us or if I should give up and move on. He said he would call me that night, but then said he had family over and was too busy for it, but would definitely call me the next day. I told him that I wanted this to be in person, and he said that he would try but he had plans to watch the fball game after work. We texted a little bit through out the day, but he never came to talk to me and it felt like he was ignoring me. I became upset because us talking it out was important to me so today I sent him a text telling him that I think we should not see or speak to each other for a few weeks so we’ll have time to focus and work on other things in our lives and we’ll be able to appreciate each other more and miss each other hopefully.

His response was: “I honestly couldn’t have said it any better. Sorry I haven’t texted you, I’ve just been crazy busy and stressed with all the shit going on at home and at work. But yeah, I think a break would do us both good, just to get all our stuff together and just rekindle the flame as some would say.”

I tried this just a few weeks ago and when I did, he practically begged me to not cut off contact with him and said that he felt like he was losing his best friend, but this time he agrees with it. Is that good or bad? My main question though, is that I know if he does contact me during the NC period that I’m supposed to ignore him, but what if this does make him angry? I get the feeling that he his the type after a few unanswered text messages will just be like “Fuck it, if you’re gonna keep ignoring me when I’m trying to reach out to you, then I don’t want this anymore. Have a nice life.” and so then when I do decide that it’s been long enough and I text him for the first time, he’ll no longer be interested and won’t ever answer back. What should I do if this happens? If his unanswered texts start to get frustrating like that, should I break the NC rule just to briefly let him know that I’m still not ready yet but I’m still thinking of him?

admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Yup, I think that is the best way to approach this situation. If the unanswered texts start to irk at him briefly break NC and let him know your still alive and just need some time for yourself
Dani

October 24, 2013 at 6:05 am

Alright so day 6 of NC, still going strong haha. Or at least on my part. Today’s my birthday and at exactly midnight I got a text from him that said “I know things are different between us right now and we’re not talking but I didn’t forget your birthday. Just wanted to tell you happy birthday and hope you have a great one. Have fun and have a great day!!!” I don’t think this is some declaration of his love or anything, just a nice thing to do lol. But it is nice and I’m glad he texted me because I was hoping he would and now I know I was on his mind, I was wondering if me sending back a ‘thank you’ text would be alright or if I should still continue with NC?
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:57 pm

Yup still continue with NC.

Fiona

October 18, 2013 at 6:35 am

Can you get someone back if they have said the spark/chemistry had fizzled out? We were together for around 8 months.

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Yea, you just have to reignite that spark.

nana

October 17, 2013 at 3:53 pm

oh God where to start!

i’m totally lost and had to ask for some internet help! yes I’M THAT HOPELESS! and i found this and thought it might be useful to tell my story to see if NC would work. although i believe my case is different.

i was in a relationship with a guy for four years. i come from a muuslim country and we both are. we also have “traditional” issues. for that when he decided to pop the question i was really worried and happy. he talked to his parents and as expected they refused. and for many reasons. the fact that i’m one year older! and that im from a different family. and that my mum is not from the nationality of my country.

we struggled a lot and decided to stay together no matter what. but then i drove him crazy by being jealous from every girl. he has an account on instagram and many girls are there. but just as friends. he always likes to be famous. he is 30 years old. anyway.. one day i lost it and he got really mad saying that i wanted you as a wife and you care about these stupid programs where everything is infront of ur eyes! and said thats it i’ve had it. he broke up with me a year ago. blocked me from whatsapp. BUT! he followed me on instagram..

today.. i got accepted in a scholarship in the UK for Masters degree. no contact and many ups and downs for a whole year with text msgs ..i begged and he was like “there is no future between us. my family refused, and ur driving me crazy. its over”
when i arrived to the UK. i wanted to find a way to contact him since he was in the UK before as a student.

so i sent him a msg saying im lost and i need your help. he instantly unblocked me from whatsapp.. and started helping me out.

i was really happy.. and started to sweet talk him.. till he told me “nothing has changed, no need for this kind of talk, i’m just here to help”

i had to ask him after.. i said i will ask you this one time only and never repeat just to know where im standing. do you still love me ? he replied : yes, but nothing has changed… everything is the same.

from the moment he told he loves me.. every now and then i try to tell him words while talking like : baby, boo, love.. sometimes he gets mad and asks me not to talk this way. and sometimes its ok.

another thing is that sometimes we find ourselves talking and talking through whatsapp “not even one single phone call” and sometimes he just pulls out on purpose. i dont know what to do .. or what he has in mind. he said i’ll help you all the way in your masters. does that mean he will be back like before but just dont know what to do now??

not to mention that he said i’ll breakup and marry a girl that my family find ok and get over with this thing. and he never did.

sometimes he laughs like before.. and it seems like as soon as he remembers that he should not talk this way..he just stops! and that is devastating!!

i love him to death. he refused any kind of contact before.. i reached a point where i asked to b friends and he refused. but now what does his action mean??

i’m done with all my University questions. he can leave if he wants to. but he didnt.

he told me he will open a jewellery shop soon and should me the website. and i liked one of the earrings, and he said i will take it off the website cz its urs! refusing me to pay a penny! and he did.

what does all that mean. and what am i suppose to do ?

and now he asked me to open an instagram account under his name and put all his accomplishments and achievements. and when i asked him arent you afraid that i might get jealous of all the girls ?!! he said that is why i want you to be in charge to see everything not me.

please help! i will do ANYTHING to have him back.. he is a wonderful person. and i love him so much. please!

admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Well, have you tried NC yet?
nana

October 22, 2013 at 6:04 pm

not yet! so scared to do so. simply cuz he started to talk to me on daily basis since he told me we are friends now. and i told him loud and clear i can never see you anything but my love. i will accept whatever you’re saying now.. but what you have to respect me when talking to me since everything is clear now. but bare in mind that i still love you.

ever since i did that, and started to talk to him more formal. he started to open a conversation whenever i disappear for hours through the day.

he would text me with anything silly just to make a contact. i have a feeling that he does not want to lose me again.. yet still he wants to see if im still the naggy person who drov him crazy months before the break up. so i dont know if NC really works in this case since he is closer to me now and i feel comfortable and happy to be honest that he is trying to contact me. cz after the break up he vanished and ignored my msgs no matter how serious i was. i feel he misses me. sometimes when we open a conversation it can last for hours.. but as soon as he realize it.. he starts to pull away.

so that is why im confused on what to do.. im afraid if i use NC .. i may never have him back again.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:11 pm

I can tell you right now NC is the way to go!

Not only will it help but I think you will be surprised at how well it works.
nana

October 31, 2013 at 7:39 pm

thank you for replying instantly.. you are great!!

im so scared of doing that. you cant expect his actions anymore. im afraid that if i disappear he takes it differently and gets mad and never comes back.

plus i have him on WhatsApp. so he can see me online. how can i do that? and its going to be really rude if i block him!

so should i just stop talking to him? and whenever he talks i reply with short answers or pretend to be busy?

thanks a million!
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:07 pm

Pretty much. For once stop caring about what he thinks and I promise you will be shocked at how well it works.
Nana

November 4, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Well,

Couple of days ago i asked him whether he believes lve can turn into friendship..he said why ru asking such questions..and i said just answer me..he said yes..i said does that mean im a friend now? He said yes..i said what about couple of days ago when u said i still love u but thats not gonna change anything? He said well is love exclusive only to lovers? He shocked with his answer! Dont know if he means it…

Few days later i couldnt handle the fact that im just a friend now..i used to b his everything.. So i said..can i be ur best frind instead of just a friend..he said ok..but then he paused..and said..u r my best friend..i said i dont feel im even close..he said..i said u r my best friend…

Then ihe started being nice and respected me more..and a day he talks and talks… Then he disappears..

I really dont know..

Is it possible that im just a friend now?

Or is he saying this only so that i dont open the marriage issue since he cant take a step with his family yet..and wants to keep me close at the same time…

I really need help here..does he love me still? Cz if so..im willing o do anything..

Thank u so much !
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:09 pm

Its possible BUT you can change that perception of you if he does view you as just a friend.
Nana

November 5, 2013 at 7:14 pm

How! He pulls away a lot!! Whenever we laugh like before and talk..for example he disappeared for two days now for no reason and our last talk was amazing i actually cried while typing to him cz he sounded more like the old him..my boyfriend..and the he stopped talking to me for two days now..though he get online a lot on whatsaap.. Its weird specially after our last conversation which was super sweet!! I felt as if he got scared that hes losing it… What to do plzzz i cant handle it anymore,,i love him so much..and i feel it that he loves me too.. He even opened a new jewellery shop as a new bzns and i liked one earring from the website and he said consider it urs and took it off the sight saying sold without letting me pay a penny!! Isnt thAt something to do for a friend?? Just cz i liked it..

Its his family that distroyed everything..and the fact that he loves them so much.. Kept him away.. But now where r we??

Plz help me on what to do

Many thanks
admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:44 pm

I guess you just need to do a better of getting him engaged. Maybe that is just how he is though.

Lily

October 17, 2013 at 1:39 pm

Okey, its actually not about getting back but I just have a funny realisation xD My friend who is a girl, and I am a girl, but she is bi, and when drunk, she always wants to kiss me, go to bed with me, etc… even when not drunk she always drops hints about being in love with me…
But anyway, I have a feeling that sometimes she uses NC on me, and when I don’t hear from her for some time I always bombard her with messages and she always writes back after a day…which is so annoying…
So yeah, just funny story passing by… ;P

admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Thats really funny! That actually made me laugh.

Judith

October 17, 2013 at 1:26 pm

Help!! I almost made the 30th day and got a positive response he told he still loved me then nada enothing I knew I messed up ! I guess id better put the 30 day contact back into effect our 5 year aniversary is nov 19, any suggestions? I have lost 20 pounds and I cant wait for him to see me, maybe I’ll be down 20 more by the time this is over I just need prayers and motivation to go to the gym thanks:)

admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Wait, I am a bit confused. He told you he loved you? So, whats the problem. That is a good thing right?

Louisa

October 17, 2013 at 7:31 am

I’m on day 5 of NC.
We ended pretty suddenly after a year together. You know when you get a little too comfortable in a relationship and you lose who you used to be? Well he missed being a guy and wanted time for himself and felt like the only way he could do that was by completely dismissing the relationship all together.
I understand his logic and I admit I’m not who I was when we started going out and I need this time also. He has spoken of a possibility of us trying again in the future but said he doesn’t know how likely that is. I asked if he missed attention from girls and he swore it was just time with the guys and the freedom he missed, he has no intention of meeting anyone else – but I only have his word for it.
We talked for a week after the break up, and he still told me how much I mean to him and he misses me being around, but now we’re having space I’m worried he’ll soon get used to me not being around and prefer to be single.
I’m going crazy missing him and I’m so worried I’m waiting for nothing. I know only time will tell, I just don’t understand if you love someone, why let them go?

admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:34 pm

People do some crazy stuff sometimes don’t they?

What are you doing thus far? Nc?
Louisa

October 17, 2013 at 8:12 pm

Yeah no contact for 5 days now. I’m seeing my friends more, working on improving myself.
Do you think once the hype of single life gets a bit repetitive he’ll think about all of our good times? We were such a great couple, he was so proud to be with me and I with him… I can’t accept that that could be gone forever :
admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:09 pm

Read the Ungettable Girl post. THAT is what you need to become.
Louisa

October 19, 2013 at 10:40 pm

I read it, loved it. That’s who I used to be. I’ll work on it. Thank you for your help, Chris. And keep up the good work! 🙂
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:41 pm

Thanks and glad you enjoyed it!

Stuck in a cycle

October 16, 2013 at 9:37 pm

Hi,

My ex-boyfriend broke things off with me 7 months ago. During this time, there have been instances where we both try to not talk to each other and cut each other out however the longest time which we’ve not talked to each other is about a week and a half. I’ve always remained wanting to give our relationship a second shot whereas he has been on the fence or no. A couple of months after we broke up, I went travelling for about a month. During this time, he saw someone else but would get upset at me for not answering his messages when I was halfway across the world. He told me that one of the things that was a problem between him and this girl was that she felt that he was not over me. He also told me that all of her good qualities reminded him of me. When I returned, he tried to ask me whether or not I had met any guys on my trip. We have hung out a few times in real life in which there have been times he has been emotional around me or even admitted that he did want to get back together but he was scared and it was hard.

We seem to always go through this cycle where we will talk consistently and basically act like a couple until I can’t take it anymore and ask him where this is going. About a month ago, I told him that I could not be friends with him if we couldn’t give our relationship a second shot in which he got upset at me and hung up on me. Usually I would call back but this time I did not and he called me back three times trying to compromise with me. That resulted in me apologizing for being pushy. Since then we message very consistently but sometimes he is hot and cold. He has said before that he didn’t want to give me hope because we might not ever get back together but then when we hang out in person, we act like a couple, he would cuddle with me or sometimes even hold my hand. More recently, I deleted him off facebook in an attempt to move past this and he got upset at me. I am at my wits end trying to understand or find out what he wants. I’d really like a second chance at this relationship. Is this hopeless? I’m afraid the NC will only tell him that I’m no longer interested in having him in my life and he will just give up on me. I’ve shown him in my actions that I do care on different occasions now and I can’t tell if to him I’m just someone to keep around until he finds someone else.

admin

October 17, 2013 at 5:49 pm

Well, there is a lot to go over for your situation. Too much for me to comment on to be honest.

Firstly, I do think you should go NC but I also think you need to work on your texting form with him and check out this article: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-making-your-ex-boyfriend-love-you-again/
Stuck in a cycle

October 17, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Hey Chris,

When you said that there is a lot to go over, it seemed pretty grave. Is my situation too much that there is no hope for it anymore?

Thanks
Stuck in a cycle

October 22, 2013 at 5:03 am

Hey Chris,

I’m just feeling worried. Prior to starting NC, we had been talking pretty back and forth like friends. More recently, he stopped greeting me with affectionate names (i.e. he used to say good morning doofus) and did not initiate as much. Do you think we would be going through this cycle if he did not have feelings for me? Also, do you think that it’s likely he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore when two weeks ago he got upset at me for deleting him off facebook and he still greeted me affectionately?

He has already seen someone else (couple months ago) and he told me that he told me he was hurt by her. While he was with her, he would still get upset if I didn’t respond to him. Do you think it’s likely he’s going to find someone else during NC?

I’m afraid during NC that he’s going to just lose more feelings for me and forget about me.

Your input would be greatly appreciated!
Stuck in a cycle

October 24, 2013 at 12:48 am

Hi Chris,

I just found out that my ex lied to me. He told me that he was just staying in for the night but it turns out he was actually out dancing with some girl he just met.

Does that mean I’m completely out of his mind and off his radar? Is my situation hopeless?
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:38 pm

It means he didn’t want you to feel bad.

Pretty lame thing of him to do though.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Haha I think it would be the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you are thinking.
Stuck in a cycle

October 23, 2013 at 5:15 am

I’m really afraid that this has gone far too long that he has lost all feeling for me but I really can’t tell.
admin

October 18, 2013 at 5:06 pm

No No No just the opposite. I meant it like there is so much you can do but it would be counter productive of me to try to fit it all into a comment.
Stuck in a cycle

October 21, 2013 at 4:52 pm

Hey Chris,

What did you mean by throw him a bone but don’t engage him? Do I tell him I want space from him?

Thanks!
admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:07 am

Say something like “I am here I just need some time alone” and then go back into NC. Sorry for confusion.
Stuck in a cycle

October 18, 2013 at 9:32 pm

Hey Chris,

Thank you so much for your reply! I only have one more question, is there anything specific to my situation that I could do that isn’t outlined in your e-book/website?

Thanks again, your website is so awesome!
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Hmmm… there is always more things to do but at this point just keep up to date with the website and read as I write more and more on the topic every week. A lot of people put me in this “expert” status but I am learning new things every week to and testing them out myself. So, I guess just keep an eye out for any new posts.
Stuck in a cycle

October 17, 2013 at 7:17 pm

Also, I don’t know if this would be helpful but me and my ex had been dating for about 2 years before breaking up
Stuck in a cycle

October 18, 2013 at 5:33 am

If he gets really angry that I’m ignoring him, should I just say that I wanted time and space or continue ignoring him until NC is done?

Thanks for all your help Chris, your website is really insightful!
admin

October 18, 2013 at 7:01 pm

I think it is ok if he gets really angry to jump in and throw him a bone but don’t engage him.

Sara

October 16, 2013 at 5:37 pm

I am on day 7 of NC. I noticed that he just deleted all of our pictures (any any remnants of me) from his facebook account. Should I take this as a sign that he is completely done with me, forever?! Has he already moved on and is over this relationship?? This is tearing me apart.

admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:15 am

No it just means he deleted your pictures. You two are broken up this is a natural thing to do. Stay strong stay strong.
Jessica B.

October 17, 2013 at 11:45 am

I should add that the day prior I did the exact same thing and deleted all of his/our pictures. Is it possible he was checking MY page, saw what I did and then turned around and did the same thing out of anger/spite?

pixie

October 16, 2013 at 4:55 pm

Hi,

I started seeing a guy a few months ago who was actually a friend of mine and then he disappeared. I didn’t talk to him for two weeks but then he contacted and continued to talk to me on and off every few weeks. I finally asked if he wanted to hang out and intially got a positive response. Then we the day came he said he was meeting up with some work people and to let me know where I ended up. I replied saying that was a blow off. He said he thought I was going out with friend regardless.

I said i told him that I didn’t know anyone else going out. He said something like I thought we were catching up because we were friends once. I said we are friends and was hoping to catch up. He wrote listen my fault on tonight that’s it period. so I didnt respond…he later wrote at 11PM that he was headed back down by me, “fwiw”. I still didnt respond and havent for about 18 days. Should I be woried that he hasnt tried to contact me or do you think he thinks I just wont respond….thoughts?

admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:41 am

Not overly worried. Some guys are just extra stubborn.
pixie

October 17, 2013 at 6:03 pm

But do you think he’s hasn’t contacted me because I did not respond to his last two messages? I don’t plan on contacting until at least 30 days, but I’m getting worried he thinks I’m being a bitch and/or has forgotten about or just doesn’t care
admin

October 18, 2013 at 5:57 pm

Its possible but unlikely.

Now, if you do feel he is getting upset with you, you can throw him a bone just to let him know you are alive BUT do not engage in a convo.
Pixie

October 18, 2013 at 7:56 pm

Sorry do you mean it’s unlikely he hasn’t contacted me because I never responded to him after that fight?

I just think it’s either that or he just doesn’t care that we are not speaking. And since we haven’t spoken I don’t know if he is upset.
admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:39 pm

He is probably still harboring some resentment.

Tessa

October 16, 2013 at 1:54 pm

hello. I’ve been together with my ex boyfriend for about 8 months, we had a complicated relationship but he broke up with me for no reason, he only said we had a different perspective of what our relationship will be next time but we always talked about our future together and we would agree on each other’s opinion. My parents didn’t allow us to be together but we still became a couple one day after my birthday (15 February) he was my first love and my first kiss. Though we may be young (13 years old, don’t judge), we really loved each other deeply and he was the one, Im very sure of it. I used to have many girl friends but because of him, I lost all of them because I spent all my time with him and not them, thus im more comfortable with him and I was very clingy and over protective of him but I did all of that because I don’t want to lose my last friend to other guys. I have a very short temper and I’ll just lose it when someone pisses me off, he isn’t a exception. He gets sad when I scold him but I did apologize at one point of our relationship, he said it was okay and he is willing to accept my attitude. It was around the 6 month when my parents found out about our relationship and forced us to break up. We decided to stay together and kept our relationship low, but soon afterwards I thought since we could get back together after we graduate as my mother promised and he also promised to love me forever and wait for me, I decided to be best friends with him so I don’t have to feel so guilty about lying, he did hesitate but soon he just accepted it and we were best friends acting like couples. We kissed and hugged so that our relationship won’t drift apart and stuff. Until one day, a Friday, we were texting each other as usual, he suddenly said that he didn’t love me as much as before. I was dumbfounded. I started feeling him give me the cold shoulder a few days before that but I didn’t expect this to happen. I know that I was being a b*tch and asking him do simple tasks for me like taking my phone out of my bag but im tired and I had a bad headache from studying too much for the upcoming test. I was easily agitated and angrier because of all the stress I was facing but I did think of how to make up to him for my horrible behavior. I was thinking of the different things we could do during our winter break because he is the type of guy that just needs your love and company to be happy and he’ll just forget all the negative things that happened. I was begging him not to leave me alone and listing out all the things that he does that makes me happy and how I couldn’t love without him. He just kept quiet. After that I told him that we can become a couple again, hoping it’ll save our relationship, he agreed and we continued talking like nothing happened. On the following Wednesday, after the test, he was sending me home as usual. Since he was feeling sick and sleepy, I wanted to give him a kiss, thinking it would make him feel better. When I tried to kiss him, he just kept avoiding me and resisting me. I was very sad and on the verge of crying, I asked him why can’t I kiss him and he just gave me a short peck. When we continued walking home, I told him, ” I feel sad, the guy I love doesn’t love me.” He looked at me and said, ” why must the person you love, love you back? It’s just a crush if he doesn’t love you.” I was so close to crying but I held it in, I told him that he didn’t need to send me home anymore but he insisted sending me home as a friend, without thinking I just blurted out “I don’t need a friend like you” and walked home quickly. He texted me afterwards, saying “hi” but I ignore it. Till 8, I decided to text him back about how I feel, we just kept arguing and the next day, he just ignored me completely! I was very sad and depressed, I couldn’t focus on my exam at all. I texted him afterwards, begging him to come back to me but he just kept telling me more hurtful truths, he said he didn’t want me anymore. I went crazy when he said that. I blocked him and deleted our chat, un friended him on Facebook and blocked him on Instagram. I went to sleep crying, it was so difficult to accept the fact. The next day, I was extremely lonely at home, I was dying to talk to him so I unblocked him but I didn’t dare to talk to him. I talked to one of his friends who was quite close to me and he helped me ask my ex to talk to me and my ex did talk to me. I asked him to meet me on Monday after our test at a park where we used to play at, we met there and I broke down. He didn’t even care about me, he just looked at me and used his phone. I asked him a lot of questions but he didn’t give me complete answers, he just said “um”, “ya”,”no”. I was still happy that he kept me company. When we were walking to another place to sit, he suddenly hugged me, I asked him why he was hugging me, he said “because you told me you wanted hugs yesterday, you don’t want is it?” I kept quiet and hugged him back. He also held my hand because I told him I wanted to the previous week. After that I tried talking to him but he answered me a few hours later or he would just ignore me, on the 8th of October, I texted him again, he told me to stop talking to him at 1:40pm or he’ll block me, I was pissed and sad. How can he do this to me?? I’ve not talked to him since then and whenever we bump to each other in school, I would look down and walk away quickly, I also get panic attack and it’s so scary just so think of him now. Im not sure whether I’ve gotten over him but I do not feel sad when I think of him now. I’ve searched many websites to find ways to get him back and I think yours is still the best. I’ve planned out what to say after the No Contact Period ends. Hopefully he doesn’t ignore me and we can get back together. And i’m not sure why but he’s attitude has changed a lot, he used to be kind and good but now he is so rude and mean to me, even my friends said he has changed. I don’t know why!! Im really lost and confused. Now im just waiting for NC to end so I can carry out my plan, he owes me a day out together so I will be spending a day alone with him, I’ll be trying to show him the independent me (he scolded me for being so dependent on him on the same day he ‘broke up’ with me) Sorry for the long story, please please help me, im tired of always searching for a reliable source to help
me. My only hope is on you D;
Thank you for your help ;]

admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:37 am

Ok, well lets focus on what you can do during NC.

Any plans for that?
Tessa

October 17, 2013 at 8:43 am

I haven’t gone out with my friends lately so I can’t really make him jealous but I’ve been changing my physical appearance like my hair. I’ve also lost a few pounds and my face appears more refreshing?
Hopefully he will notice all of this before winter break, school is ending in a few days :
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:39 pm

Oh, have you read the new UG post?
Tessa

October 24, 2013 at 4:17 am

I’ve read it and from all the information I gathered from my friends, I guess it’s most likely a rebound relationship. They met last Thursday and that girl asked for his number, and they met again on the following Sunday which I guess is when that girl asked him to be her boyfriend and he said okay. My friends told me that he brought her to meet them and she was holding his arm and apparently he didn’t look to happy. They said that he looked pretty gloomy and he isn’t the same person with her. Usually he is fun and chatty but now he is pretty quiet. I’m not sure whether he is happy with her or not but my friends promised to help us get back together because they think we are cuter together and that girl to them is slutty. Does this mean I have a higher chance?
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Whenever a girl asks me for my number… I get a little scared tbh.

Not saying this is true but in my own experience every girl who has asked for my numver (and I have given it out) has turned out to be crazy, no joke…
Tessa

October 22, 2013 at 8:41 am

no… What are some of the factors that shows my ex is actually in a rebound relationship? I don’t think he is the type of guy that will go around hurting other girls feeling. He called her pretty and they have planned many outings together. Will it mostly likely be a rebound or a real relationship?
admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Check out this article: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-know-if-your-ex-boyfriend-is-in-a-rebound-relationship-how-long-will-it-last/
Tessa

October 21, 2013 at 6:30 am

He is only mean to me and not the other girls. And I new your help now… I really feel like killing myself. Today I found out that he may have already gotten another girlfriend and i’m not saying he can’t do that, I know I have no rights but it’s just that isn’t he a little too heartless? We broke up about a month ago and he is just getting another girlfriend? They went to the beach yesterday and they will be going out to catch a movie tomorrow… Who knows whether they kissed or not. I thought I still had a chance but now it seems like I have nothing… I really want him back
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:35 am

If you feel that way then maybe you need someone professional. I don’t joke around about people saying they want to kill themselves. If you need a few professional numbers I can find them for you.
Tessa

October 20, 2013 at 2:44 am

before we stopped talking, he told me that he isn’t the same guy that I knew and he is gonna stay bad because no one can change who he wants to be and he is only bad to me? It kinda hurts me :
If he is mean to everyone, im actually fine with that but only mean to me??
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:52 pm

Well, is he? Mean to everyone I mean?
Tessa

October 19, 2013 at 12:11 am

yeap, i read most of your post that i think can help me. I have a question. Is it bad that my ex rolled his eyes when he saw me? I was really pissed when he did that. It was in art class and I was just asking from some paint from one of my classmates and he was also asking for it. when he saw that I wanted it, he rolled his eyes, didn’t ask for the paint and his face turned black. He looked quite angry but I was even more angry for the whole day. Why is he even doing this to me? It’s not like I killed his family right? And I found out something, he treats everyone else but me the same like before, when he was nice and kind. He treats me like his enemy. What do I do?!?!? Does it affect my chance of getting back with him??
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:19 pm

Probably not great but usually men can do this when they get really really nervous about a situation. And the fact that you make him nervous is a good sign.

bri

October 16, 2013 at 11:29 am

This is the hardest thing to do..i even changed my number to help. N it was till he message me on fb cant sleep..whats up……n im like thinking really this is working n i cave in..n then things just get worse he tells me im old news im this and that…so now i just want to deactivate fb too…if he wsnts to reach me he knows were i live or work…is this a smart idea or what i do…im so sad stressed n i miss him so much

admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:34 am

Hardcore changing your number.

Respect!

Read my new post you might find it interesting.

« Previous 1 … 112 113 114 115 116 … 128 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”