The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0) - Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,163 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

Lou

November 20, 2017 at 12:15 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he found old sexual texts on my phone that I exchaged with my best friend before I had met him. My best friend is in a comitted relationship with a girl who has bipolar. ha never told my boyfriend about this little ‘affair’ because it was short lived, I put a stop to it before I met him and we had remained friends, I was also very ashamed of it. But my boyfriend has depression and has had a failed marraige because he was cheated on and when he found this out he said that he couldn’t look at me, would never look at me the same and had no trust in me anymore. (although he ad waited 2 days to tell me that he had seen these texts and had acted normal in that time before completely blowing up when he decided to ask me about it) He called me vile and said he hated me and that he’s shared everything and I didn’t show him the same. However, we were together for nearly 6 months, I was devoted to him, we had talked about marraige, I was very close with his 6 year old daughter, we very nearly moved in together. I’d let him live with me briefly, lent him money. A month ago he thought that he might have cancer and broke up with me because he said that he didn’t want me to be put through it even though I had said that I would stick by him no matter what. When he found out that he didn’t have it, he came back after 2 weeks and told me he needed and wanted me in his life and loved me, a week later this happened. We had a very intense love, it did happen very quickly but we were very attached and devoted to one another. I have things at his and he owes me money, I’ve been blocked on all platforms, phone, facebook, instagram. The day we broke up he told me not to contact him but then prceeded to keep texting me telling me how disgusted he was, that he despised me, how he wishes he’d never found the tets and then said that he was deleting me from his life. I dropped off his keys and a watch that I’d fixed for him a week after we broke up but posted it and cycled away, he wasn’t in. I’m not ready to see him or deal with any of it yet, if I did I would just break down. He’s very unstable but last time he came back and he’d been drinking and self harming. I’m just at a loss, I’ve told him i’m sorry repeatedly, that I’m ashamed and that all I have done is love him and that that period of time wa a strange time for me and meant nothing but that still doesn’t make it ok. but I have had absolutely no contact since the break up and I’ve come off social media. How much more no contact would you reccommend, and how should I go about contacting him when I need to?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2017 at 12:58 am

Hi Lou,

check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

Mia

November 20, 2017 at 12:59 am

Hi
So recently, my boyfriend of about 7 months broke up with me completely out of nowhere because he ‘needs to sort his life out’ or get things in order, and to be fair I do believe him because he is failing uni and doesn’t know what he’s doing with his life at the moment, and despite being heartbroken I’m trying to be as supportive as possible
In my head, we had a really good relationship, we were like best friends and i saw a future with him and I thought that he felt the same, but he said he cannot be committed while he sorts things out
the break up was so unexpected that I freaked out because I love him so much, but then to make myself not seem needy or anything i sent him a message saying i support his decision for ‘space’ and we’ve had no contact since then
I am planning on trying the 21 or 30 day no contact rule, however I am very worried because I’m meant to be going to Asia in December (just over a month) and so by the time that month of no contact is over, I am going on holiday for 6 weeks and I am really worried that I’ll lose him
i’ve had past relationships and I’ve never loved any one or been so happy with someone before
Please help as I am so unsure of how to handle this situation and I’m worried that while I’m away he’ll get over me and not want to be with me

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 21, 2017 at 7:24 pm

Hi Mia,

Check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

M

November 15, 2017 at 9:01 pm

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago. We have been dating for around 3 months, and I really enjoy spending time with him, from going to the grocery store, to going to a corn maze, to just cuddling on the couch; I’ve loved every minute. I’ve dated a few guys in the past, one seriously for a year, but I have never felt the way that I feel about him about anyone else; from the first day I met him I honestly thought he was the one (of course I never told him that) and I still believe he is. We had some minor skirmishes during our 3 months, but nothing I would consider break-up worthy or abnormal. He would constantly tell me how happy he was in our relationship, how lucky he was to have me, and how he had never been such good friends with any of his other girlfriends, and how nice it was. One night we were talking about our views on marriage (which wasn’t uncomfortable or abnormal- we talk about pretty much everything); he thinks it’s governmental and for insecure people- I think its romantic and the ultimate commitment. Later on I asked him if he saw our relationship as a “just for now thing, or could he see a future with me”? He replied by saying “I can only answer that by evaluation of the type of person I’d need to be with in order to make it a future thing, I don’t think you’re that person now, but I’d also mention that you’re young and have time to change, so I’m not making any conclusions. I’d recommend not worrying about what person you are now and maybe just enjoying life as it is and letting everything happen naturally.” He is 22 and I am 19. This stung, but I didn’t respond, and we moved on. I then asked if I could think about what he said for a while and we could talk about it in a few days? He said sure; I thought everything was fine. The next day he didn’t speak to me at all, which was weird because he usually told me good morning every morning. Eventually I messaged him and asked if he was just busy, or there was something wrong? He replied “both.” The conversation resulted in him saying that he “needed some time apart.” I told him that if he wanted that he needed to say it to my face. We met up after his class (we go to the same college but share no classes). I asked him point blank, “so, are you breaking up with me” and he said “yes, that my question about the future made him realize that he was “half-assing” our relationship, and it wasn’t fair for me to be with someone who couldn’t return feelings/actions full force, and that he needs to be with someone who is more realistic, someone that won’t get hurt when he leaves after graduation (he wants to go work in Holland for a year, but has not fully decided on a plan) and that he never should have tried to have sex with me and ruining being friends” (we met on Tinder- where I made my intentions of wanting to date crystal clear- being friends wasn’t something we ever really discussed being). He also said there was nothing wrong with me, and said that he wants to be friends when I’m ready. Also, if it’s relevant he was cheated on by his last girlfriend, and she got pregnant on purpose by him so that he would stay with her. He just met my family last week and I thought things were going awesome. I think his reasoning is all over the place. Is there a way to know the true reason he broke up with me? Could he have gotten overwhelmed by the seriousness of our relationship (meeting my family, talking about a future)? How do I get him back? I’ve started the no contact rule. Please let me know if anything needs clarification- sorry this was so long; I just really need help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2017 at 1:58 am

Hi M,

it looks like you were too committed and he’s not.. do at least 21 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting.

KC

November 15, 2017 at 8:17 am

Hi,

I left two comments here yesterday but, they are no where to be seen.

I hope they were submitted okay.

I’d love to hear your advice.

Thank you.

KC

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2017 at 1:27 am

Hi KC,

I only see one in pending comments.. Why are you the only one making adjustments in your schedule? Can’t he file a leave or sleep over in your place?

KC

November 14, 2017 at 10:04 am

Hi,
I’d really appreciate it if you could help me with this. );

Our relationship is 6 month old.
During the period, we’ve said I love you to each other and expressed how lucky we are to have found one another.
We’ve never had an argument.
I guess the unfortunate thing was that we are both busy with our work and so we only get to meet up once a week ish. But even that was not a whole day. Just the evening + overnight.
I wasn’t complaining of this at all though. I was happy to see him once a week.
But the problem was when that short amount of time was cut even shorter.
One day, my bf said he would like to spend more time with me and that we should spend a whole day together.
His day off is Mondays and Tuesdays, not weekends like me.
So I used my annual leave to get a day off on a Monday so we could spend time properly together. I didn’t mind that I used my leave. I was happy to do so.
But, on that day, he received a call during afternoon asking him to work due to urgent issue. So we had to split at around 3 pm.
To be honest, I was quite disappointed. This wasn’t totally easy for me to do either. I was busy too and took extra measure to ensure my work wasn’t affected from time off.
I understood in my head that it’s not his fault but, in my mind, I was quite bummed out.
And the sad thing was that this wasn’t the only time. This happened once before too.
We don’t usually text or call each other often because we are both busy (we would text maybe every 2-3 days) but, particularly the week following this incident, we hardly talked.
I asked him whether we would be meeting up next week. He said, he’s really busy but, can do Tuesday night.
So on Tuesday, I texted him in the afternoon saying, “I’m finishing work early today so might be able to see you sooner”.
And then he replied to me with this, “hey, i’m really sorry but, a friend of mine rocked up at my doorstep this morning and she is a mess. I think we have to postpone. I’m really sorry”.
I was actually quite hurt by this. Again, there was a reason why but, it felt like the promise we made to each other was disrespected and I am like his 5th or 10th priority.
We already weren’t seeing or talking to each other all that often so I just felt that this is really unfair for me.
So that day, I texted him explaining all this to him and said that I don’t think I can do this anymore, that it’s not fair for me.
He said he is sorry but understands where I am coming from.
I asked him if I could pick up my things from his place and he said I can do that the next day.
So I finally saw him face to face that day. When we saw each other, we embraced and kissed each other. I didn’t realise how much I missed being in his arms.
I asked him straight up, “do you actually want this to end?”
He said, “No of course not. I love you. As I said, I wanted you to move in with me. I still do”.
After hearing this, I asked him whether we should take a break for a bit instead of breaking up.
He said, “okay, if you are alright with that”.
I said, “let me know when you are ready and I’ll let you know when I am ready”, which he agreed.
We said “I’ll see you soon” to each other when we parted. Still being very affectionate towards the end.
I also didn’t remove my things from his place too. Just left them there.
It’s been nearly a week now since this and we haven’t talked to each other since.
I do want to get back together but, I’m worried he might change his mind.

My questions is, does it seem like I need to do the 21 day no-contact rule in this case? Or is 21 days a little too long or short in this instance?
If it’s a yes to no-contact rule, shall I reach out to him first after the no-contact period?

I’d really appreciate your opinion!!

– KC

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2017 at 1:27 am

Hi KC,

I only see one in pending comments.. Why are you the only one making adjustments in your schedule? Can’t he file a leave or sleep over in your place?

D

November 5, 2017 at 4:15 pm

Please help,

I cannot find the 2 comments I have made earlier today. I had written quite a long one and then a shorter one right after that about my relationship and the breakup.

I really need your advice.

Thanks
D

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2017 at 1:14 pm

Hi D,
If you’re still broken up after your graduation, start nc.. You dont have to be super active in posting.. 2-3 posts a week, that’s ok to start with… Because your posts are your indirect way of showing ypur improvements..and even the act of posting shows you’re not the same person as before

D

November 5, 2017 at 12:11 pm

Hello again,
Also, I am not sure what we are right now. I think he sees it as “over” and only wrote to me for my health issue. He accepted to wait till I go there not to continue the talk and not hurt me, he already made up his mind.
After what I saw on his account, confronted him, how he did not bother to reach out to me when I blocked him right after that, but still unblocked him a day later and wrote to him or the fact that he did not try to defend himself and days later tried to break up.. I feel so lame for still trying to get him back. I will only be there for 3 days when I go there, then I won’t be able to go to UK due to my visa termination and the only way for us to see each other, if we made up, would be like the old times.. him coming to visit me. It really has always been very hard, expecially after parents being involved with over a fight, but not impossible. I would try to find a job there if he asked, extend my visa, do something for us, persuade my parents when necessary. But he is bored, fed up, maybe attracted to other girls he sees on social media.. he doesn’t see me, we never even talked on the phone or video called since I came back because our parents did not know. He did not have 5 mins for me. he eventually started saying he does not like talking on the phone (funny, thats what we always did)
and I am unable to get over my 3 years relationship with him and carry on with my life when he was in the center of my life, my future.. because we did always talk about marriage, rings, where to live, buying a house, kids, visa, everyting. I am so upset to see him give up on us, in one message. to see him hungry for girls and making me feel like a paranoid when I was right to be suspicious.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2017 at 1:14 pm

Hi D,
If you’re still broken up after your graduation, start nc.. You dont have to be super active in posting.. 2-3 posts a week, that’s ok to start with… Because your posts are your indirect way of showing ypur improvements..and even the act of posting shows you’re not the same person as before

D

November 5, 2017 at 11:41 am

Dear Team,
My boyfriend and I have been/were together for almost 3 years. We met when he was in my city for an exchange program and we carried on our relationship even when we fell apart. We were going to celebrate our 3rd year on November 14 but he wanted to end our relationship 5 days ago. I want to specify it has always been a LDR (different countries, 2-3 hour time difference) apart from the last 1 year of it when I went London to do my masters and returned back for good to my country 3 months ago. Although I was always okay with LDR, everything is a lot different now compared to before I went to London. He is not as loving, caring, jealous, kind as before. By the way, when I was in London, I lived with him and his family for 5 months and I left their place in a tense situation with his family so they don’t like me at all and my parents don’t like them. Therefore, for the last 8 months, we have been hiding us from them. While I was still in London living somewhere else, we kept meeting every day, worked part-time in the same place, kept doing everything together. However, his parents’ views must have a big impact on him that he recently, before the breakup, said he sees no future for us. Although I am going through the same hardship with my family, I never pronounced this future thing, neither had he before that very time. In fact, when I was leaving London, he and I cried and he begged me to come work there in London, promised we would talk every day and he would tell me everything as in whoever would write to him etc.

Back to today. Before he came up with that decision saying it’s the best for us 5 days ago, I had asked for a little break (so that he would miss me and wonder about me because he was way less caring). In the meantime, my fb account was deactivated but I deleted him not to see what he does (rushed decisions) and re-deactivated it. So I guess he has not realized I deleted him because my account is still off. While asking for this break, I had told him I would write back to him when I felt ready. On the second day of NC, I couldn’t hold myself back and stalked his instagram through someone else (I don’t have any social media apart from FB that I only use to stalk people and I never post anything). I saw so many people he is following and is being followed by half as many. A few months ago, he had told me he had opened a new account so him following more than 700 people was shocking for me. Furthermore, I saw that one of these girls was the one we had a massive argument about and I broke up for. Meaning he was supposed to have her blocked everywhere, let alone follow her. I saw she liked all his recent photos (he only has 5). Previously, I had caught my boyfriend flirt with her, try to continue the conversation and arranging a meet up. It was a total shook-up because I never imagined him doing these things behind my back, that’s why ı had broken up. Again, when I saw her name a week ago, I immediately confronted him with screenshots. He was shocked to see how I found out his followers as his account was private. He said it was about the follower-followed ratio. on the next day, he lowered the number of followings to the same number as followers, because he is obssessed with these things. Maybe a “narcissist” as you refer to in your articles.) But she was still there in both followers and following. He did not delete or block that girl saying I should first tell him my source. Although I insisted it was out of question for him to blackmail me, all he did was to unfollow her but she was still following her. I wrote essays asking why she was more valuable than our relationship, why he chose to have her and risk me, what is special about her etc. And all he answered to those long msgs was “it’s a struggle to read those msgs” and nothing more. By the way, I had caught his tweets and how he followed, liked and commented on pornstars, publicly asking about her sex life on twitter around the same time I had first found about this girl months ago. That was huge for me because not only was he horny for pornstars but also it was public. He had said it was a joke between him and his friend trolling pornstars. He never did that after I asked him. Since then I have been a heavy stalker of his twitter but I had never thought of stalking his instagram as I already couldn’t as he didn’t want to tell me his instagram name. Once I saw +95% of his friends are girls on instagram, and that I went through all their accounts and saw the photos my boyfriend liked (boobs, butt, legs, bikinis etc) I felt very disappointed for having been betrayed all this time. My messages could not go any further than me interrogating him. I would call him when he was free and he rejected. I was suspicious he was with a girl (not that one above because she is somewhere else). When he msgd me back after my calls, he said he didn’t like the way I am in our relationship and wanted to end it. He kept saying he is not seeing anyone and he unfriended and deleted her (yes, he did) but I am guessing he does flirt or like the idea of being able to flirt without me being a barrier in his way.

I am going to London in less than 3 weeks for my graduation where he was going to accompany me during the ceremony. I asked him how he could end it over a msg, that I am going there for graduation and we could talk face to face. He said he’ll wait until I go there so that “I can say whatever I need to” and that he is not running away from anything. I need to get some of my stuff so I have to see him on the day of my arrival. That’s why I cannot apply the NC rule. In the meantime, I have been checking my facebook (then deactivating it) to see if he deleted our photos and so far he hasn’t but I am scared to activate and check it every day. Furthermore, he is always online on whatsapp (he does have many football groups and a best friend (male) group that he always talks to.) But after what I found out on his social media and the fact that he broke up makes me think he could possibly be talking to girls.

I know I need to create social media accounts and be active there, carefully posting parts of my fun life without him but I am not a photo person as I find it very insincere and fake nor do I have any friends here to hang out with. And I don’t work so I cannot interact with new people to make friends. Basically, I am a loner without him and my parents. I can’t keep myself busy apart from working out at home which is, again, for partly him to see me beautiful when I go there for 3 days.

By the way, we talked 2 days ago because I had some health issues and I informed him and he asked me how I was later on. I tried to continue the conversation by asking him how he is doing with university stuff. The conversation ended after his response. Since 2 days ago, there has been NC from his side, I don’t stalk him on twitter or instagram anymore (the latter because he unfriended my source, definitely not knowing he is my source, but for some other reason, so I actually can’t stalk rather than “don’t”).

Please tell me how I should behave until I go to London. Should I celebrate our 3rd year anniversary on the 14th, which will be a week before I go there? And say what and how? or accept it is over and not say anything? I need to definitely contact him before and during my visit for my stuff and maybe about our break up. “What I need to say” won’t change his decision or maybe he won’t even talk about it nor meet me as it is already over in his eyes but I want to be cool and UG so he regrets the tiniest bit deep inside. I want him to be mesmerized when he sees me, hence why I am working out, because it is different when I am there physically than us chatting on the phone. But if he is already seeing someone, it is definitely over for me, I won’t and can’t accept it.

I have read many of your articles, comments of people and your feedbacks, I know I should do NC, social media update, improve myself for myself rather than for him, focus on hobbies and friends ( I have none of either), not stalk him and try to be the UG etc. but now you know my story. I am so lonely to make it look like I am living my life.

Please kindly write an extensive feedback on my situation. I am drowning in possibilities and the truth.

Thanks for your time.
D.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2017 at 1:15 pm

Hi D,
If you’re still broken up after your graduation, start nc.. You dont have to be super active in posting.. 2-3 posts a week, that’s ok to start with… Because your posts are your indirect way of showing ypur improvements..and even the act of posting shows you’re not the same person as before

Kerry

October 16, 2017 at 2:38 pm

Help!
Day 5 of NC he’s called me 7 times, text, fb messaged and reached out to my friends as he’s had no response from me. I am due to go on holiday next month… with him, and because I’m not replying he’s asking what we are going to do about the holiday as we aren’t even on speaking terms, and has asked if my friends or family want to take his place. I feel like he’s desperate to get a response from me. What should I do!?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 16, 2017 at 11:54 pm

It’s not breaking nc if you’re only going to talk to him about that.. And make it one time only talk so that he doesn’t keep using it as a reason to talk to you..

Kerry

October 16, 2017 at 8:48 am

Help!
Day 4 of NC he’s called me 7 times, text, fb messaged and reached out to my friends as he’s had no response from me. I am due to go on holiday next month… with him, and because I’m not replying he’s asking what we are going to do about the holiday as we aren’t even on speaking terms. I feel like he’s desperate to get a response from me. What should I do!?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 16, 2017 at 11:54 pm

It’s not breaking nc if you’re only going to talk to him about that.. And make it one time only talk so that he doesn’t keep using it as a reason to talk to you..

ev

October 5, 2017 at 12:06 am

Hi,

I’ll try to keep this short. My ex and I separated less than 2 weeks ago. We were together 4 years, mainly long distance since he’s in the military. I was upset at first, but we left on a good note in which he indicated this is probably just “for now”. I told him I couldn’t downgrade myself from girlfriend to friend, yet he still wanted to remain in touch. He very obviously still cares about me and is still very attracted to me physically, but thinks this is our best bet right now. I’m handling this as if it is a permanent breakup, though, because of his mixed signals and mixed reasons.

I’ve been doing NC for a week now. On the 4th day of NC, my ex sent me a text (it was insignificant and I didn’t reply to it) and added me on snapchat. I only downloaded this a week ago so it’s new to me. I decided not to add him because I felt it was too soon, plus I don’t want to be in the friend zone. However, we’re still fb friends. Was it right of me to refuse his snapchat add?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2017 at 8:30 am

Hi Ev,

Yeah that’s ok of it helps you..because if you add him, you still cant5 reply since you’re in nc.. And post more in sites where posts last

Rachel

September 27, 2017 at 2:06 am

I’m not sure if I’ve messed up the purpose of NC. I started about 10 days ago but before I went no contact I told him I was leaving because I needed to get my thoughts in order. He didn’t want me to leave and wished to remain friends so I feel like I shut that door on him, however I did allude to returning later if I was feeling better. I definitely realize I probably shouldn’t have said this and just gone ahead and implemented the rule without word of it, but now I’m somewhat stuck and confused. Is this no contact still going to have any effect? I’m working to improve myself, but it’s hard to stay focused because everywhere I’ve read it appears like I’ve already messed up the beginning because you’re not supposed to tell them. Another thing to mention is that before I left, my ex straight out told me he would definitely miss me, and that he didn’t want me to leave. If I decided to return, he would still be there.

Our relationship was tough, but we got along really well despite our worries about our relationship. We had a long-distance and due to him not feeling we could share as much as we both wanted, we’ve had our fair share of fights and struggles trying to make it work. We broke up once, got back together, but then he broke up with me again. Our situation has spanned over the last 6 months. He says he has logical reasons to want me and he still wishes it could work, but he’s not emotionally feeling it. He also said he’s exhausted at this point and pessimistic to future possibilities because of our past experiences. I would be able to fix our circumstances soon as this issue was money, but waiting for so long for things to get better has taken it’s toll. The last time we talked, around 10 days ago, I got a little questioney about us and it turned into an argument. He apologized before I said I was leaving, and said pushing this for as long as we could has brought out the worst qualities in him. I left and told him I won’t be returning until something changes. I’m sure I’ve messed up at least a little by saying I was going away, but is there a way I can work with what’s already been done and can’t be changed? I haven’t broken the rule yet.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2017 at 9:34 pm

HI Rachel,

if you didn’t tell him the no contact rule exactly and when you’re going back, it’s ok.. And be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

Jade

September 1, 2017 at 2:46 am

So, basically I was strung along after the break-up. We are long distance. He told me he thought it was for the best to break up because he wasn’t certain about our future cuz of the long distance (he had been uncertain for a while) and it was clear the uncertainty was hurting me. So, I did the worst. I begged him. But he said because he missed me so much even while we were just talking, and that he still loved me he just needed more time because he was worried he was making a huge mistake, but he needed a month. I agreed being dumb. So all that went on and we spoke every single day while broken up. We both love talking to each other so much. It was hard for us both to stop. And he was bad at responding, He responded enough to keep me around but not enough to where he had responsibility. When he got back after a month he started avoiding my texts even more. I brought up the fact that he said he would make a decision again. He said he was putting off the conversation. Then he would somehow put off the conversation for a week, and then I would bring it up again. At this point I knew I was annoying him. Eventually I got sick and I just said that I change my mind and I want to stay broken up for now because this isn’t right. He said he thought it was for the best too because his uncertainty was hurting me. He told me after that month and a half that he still loves me but he just doesn’t know what he wants. He still hasn’t made up his mind. I wouldn’t believe him for so long because that didn’t make sense to me. I had a solution for us to end the long distance and everything and I was telling him about it that whole month (Reading this site I get what I was doing was absolutely wrong). One time I just flat out said, I think we should stop talking because I needed a break from him and cuz I wanted to try NCR. But it erupted into a huge conversation and this was the first time he expressed serious annoyance with me. I was telling him how we could work for that whole time, which wasn’t fair cuz he kind of put me in that position instead of allowing me to just go full no contact. I had a whole plan to end the distance. He wouldn’t respond to any of that so I finally just decided to make the decision for him and say I want the break-up now. But none the less, I did what you DON’T do if you want someone back. I hounded him that whole time asking when he would respond to me so we could finish the conversation and reach a conclusion- good or bad. Anyways. so I finally said I was okay with the break-up too now and I thought it was for the best. Obviously if I really did want that, I wouldn’t be here at all. My question is, where do I go from here? I called it off in a way. He said I “forced the decision”, but honestly I had no other choice because he was being so unresponsive. Anyways, if I told him it’s best that we don’t talk, will the no contact rule work? I mean it’s not me ignoring him anymore, he knows I’m cutting him off. Will NC still work? And are the odds in my favor if he says even now (despite clearly not wanting a relationship) that he still loves me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2017 at 7:23 pm

HI Jade,

the nc just helps increase your chances, it doesn’t guarantee that it will get him back. So, ignoring him after saying it’s better not to talk can still help because he probably doesn’t expect you to stick to it and improve.

Juli

August 27, 2017 at 9:06 pm

hello
Does the no contact tule Work on someone i ve dated only
For 3 weeks?
We met and started going out after 3 days and everything happened very fast
Then he said he can’t continue with me

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2017 at 2:37 pm

There’s no guarantee that it will work on any situation, it just helps increase your chances

KK

August 27, 2017 at 2:32 pm

My ex has been back forwards between me and his ex for the past 3 months. Sadly I have fallen in love with him and never completed no contact because each time he says he wants to be with me, so I break it.
We also work together in a very close environment.
Anyway, on Thursday just gone we had a huge row (at work awkwardly) where he said we were done and could never be together because he wanted to be with his ex. It hurt. I tried one last time, but nothing.
I’m now on day 3 of no contact. He has text me every day. Saying he’s worried about me. Saying he wants to speak to me. Saying he wants us to sort out what we’re going to do about work. (I’m leaving but he doesn’t know this) Today he’s called, left voicemail, text a mutual friend, text me from both his personal & work phones. Oh and DM’d me on social media.
Although NC is clearly doing the job, he’s still not saying the all important “I want us to be together” so I’m still not responding.
Please can you tell me if I’m doing the right thing still? I’m confused. I want him back and I want to see him and of course I want to talk to him. Do I keep quiet for now? Should I shorten NC? I was going for 30 days. I’m on day 3.
Just need a bit of guidance at the moment. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2017 at 1:10 pm

If I were you, I wouldn’t believe him unless he really cuts ties with the other girl

Alex

August 27, 2017 at 6:21 am

Baskcally, my ex ended things becuase he will be leaving for the military soon . I wanted to ask if I should still use the no contact rule or try to keep in touch until he leaves and have the no contact rule work itself when he’s gone for bootcamp?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2017 at 2:04 pm

Hi Alex,

check this one:
Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

Mae

August 20, 2017 at 2:50 am

I just recently found out that my boyfriend has been using Tinder to talk to girls. He doesn’t know that I know his phone’s password. I just had a gut feeling about it. So I checked his phone while he was away. From his messages, it seems that nothing materialized, and he never contacted them again since June 30th.

I confronted him about it, and he eventually admitted. He said it was because he sometimes felt that I was pressuring him into marriage and kids. He feels that I am too good for him, and that he doesn’t deserve me. That I am “so so kind, generous, sweet, and selfless” towards him.

Long story short, I asked for time out (no contact) to heal and to reassess the relationship. He started crying really hard, and begged that I give him another chance, that I am everything to him.

I already know that I will forgive him. But I don’t want him to think that I will forgive him easily, because he might just do it again. Does the 30-day no contact rule still apply here? Because he is already begging me to forgive him. But I just don’t want it to be too easy for him. I want him to work hard to get me back. And I want him to put in more effort to the relationship. I am a 34 year old surgeon, and he’s a 30 year old fireman btw. I do want to eventually get married, but I am not going to settle for anyone just because of that.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 7:01 pm

you already told him you need time, so take your time. Just do whatever number of days will make you less angry before talking to him again.

sarah

August 17, 2017 at 4:21 am

On Day 21 of NC, I found out that MY FRIEND reached out to my ex without my permission or knowledge. That friend tried to get my ex to talk to me by saying that I was having a big meltdown the other night, and was “afraid of something happening when I’m left alone” — inferring that I was suicidal. That friend’s message to my ex was exaggerated and false. I was absolutely FURIOUS when I found out my friend did that. Because not only did he violated my trust, and painted me in a desperate/pathetic light, he also messaged my ex WHO HE HAS MET ONCE. They’re not even acquaintances. My ex never liked him very much either. I feel stupid for trusting this friend..
ANYWAY.. My ex, responded to his message by saying “I’ll do something about it”. My ex reached out to my brother stating that he does not think that there is anything he can do for me, and so my brother should handle it. Which is totally understandable, because we are broken up and he is no longer responsible for me.

Now I’m wondering if what my friend did completely ruined my NC/chances? For all of 21 days, I was active and whatnot. To my ex, I looked happy and moved on. But now, I feel like what my friend did has ruined all the work I’ve done. My NC is almost up (I’m doing 30 days), should I still talk to him after NC? Or should I prolong it?

Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

sarah

August 17, 2017 at 8:18 pm

Should I apologize to my ex on behalf of my friend’s behaviour? Should I mention this incident at all after NC?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 18, 2017 at 5:31 pm

for me yes, to clear the air about that
sarah

August 17, 2017 at 3:55 pm

Ok, I thought so too..but after 45 days of NC, 1) it ends the day after my birthday, 2) he leaves overseas for a couple of weeks with his family…. Would that hinder my chances because he will be busy?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 18, 2017 at 3:09 pm

If the 46th day is the day after your birthday..better to end it at 30 days so you can start building rapport before they leave too
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 17, 2017 at 3:41 pm

Yeah, you should extend to 45 days

Roche

August 16, 2017 at 3:38 pm

My ex and I broke up last month, pretty big fight, we were together for 1 and a half years.

I didn’t speak to him for two weeks, we then had a discussion where he agreed to work on his issues and said that he loves me, misses me, wants me in his life and that it is my choice.
He then became distant, so I asked what’s going on, to which he said that he feels really bad about hurting me and that he is scared to try again because he doesn’t want to hurt me again and that is why he is not trying again. (Complete 180 on our last discussion.

I’ve seen him a few times since, during which he told me he still loves me and that he isn’t over me yet. Last time I saw him was on Monday evening. I was in an accident this weekend and while in hospital, learned that I was 8 weeks pregnant and that I’d started having a miscarriage due to the shock from the accident.

I told him about this on Monday night. He was shocked and said that he needed to think about what I’d just told him and would talk to me once he figures out how to feel. We’re both still relatively young (25 and 26), and didn’t exactly plan on getting pregnant, so I can understand that he might be confused as to how he feels about this. But planned or not, I’m devastated by it, and can honestly not see why he would be so nonchalant about it..

I found this website a few days ago and would like to try your strategy, but I’m not sure how to apply it. Firstly, we broke up a month ago now. To start NC now, would put me very close to the 66days mentioned by Chris. I did ignore him for 2 weeks though before we had the initial conversation, so if I were to continue and use the “broken, extended” NC Chris mentions in his other article, that gives me roughly 17 days of NC to do still.

This morning I texted him to tell him that I’m going in for my first checkup, and asked him why he changed his mind after our first conversation post breakup. He basically replied that we’d already had that discussion, that I mustn’t ask something 100 times (I honestly didn’t ask that before), and that he feels worse when I ask that and proceeded to say good luck with the appointment. I replied and said that no, we did not have the discussion, he never told me why he’d changed his mind, and thank you for wishing me good luck. I was left on read. (Yay me, lol).

Should I do complete NC or proceed to do extended NC (starting from the 2 weeks I ignored him previously) ? I’m a little conflicted on complete NC, since I honestly do not know if he will try to talk to me about the miscarriage. Also, he knows I did ignore him on purpose before (before having found your site), will this make a difference?

Help, please…

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 17, 2017 at 3:26 pm

Hi Roche
Start the count of 30 days of nc after reading this

Laurie

August 13, 2017 at 6:36 pm

My ex ended things and I went into no contact 30 days ago today. He reached out to me once three weeks in to via text to wish me a happy birthday. But all he said was “happy birthday!” I responded with just “thanks.” He didn’t reach out again after that and neither did I. And now it’s been a month. Do I reach out now? Or do I need to restart no contact because I responded to his text and stay in no contact an additional few weeks?

Laurie

August 13, 2017 at 8:44 pm

Yes improving stuff but I’m not over the breakup. I still want him back. I’ve been posting but my ex is not on social media.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 14, 2017 at 8:20 pm

The purpose of nc is for you to heal, improve and be more rational and to continue doing that after nc while slowly building rapport.. The purpose of posting during and after nc is for you to indirectly show that you’re moving on and improving.. If he’s not in social media or you’re blocked that means you need to make your publick so that if he gets curious during or after your nc, he will see them.. If you didn’t that, restart nc..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:44 pm

How active were you in improving yourself and in posting?

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