The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0) - Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,163 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

Anonymous

February 7, 2018 at 12:11 am

Hi,
Im on day 30 of my no-contact period and my ex texted me today (apologizing for bothering me and asking how Im doing). I still havent texted back. He didnt contact me once during no-contact, should I reply tomorrow or should I still ignore him?
Thanks in advance 😉

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 12:34 pm

Hi Anonymous,

did you reply? Are you texting now?

Veronica

February 5, 2018 at 6:46 am

No contact worked, due to I gave up. Guess what? Majority of them came back. One took several months, another one I just dated not even bf took 1.5 years. Another took 1 month, honestly, when I stopped trying, they all came back and guess what I didn’t want them anymore. Even if you acted psycho, were generous, begged. They all come back at some point. Heck even one ex is still asking me to marry him even though he broke up with me 5 years ago.
Help

February 1, 2018 at 11:42 pm

Me and my ex broke up in October, because of drama . We both honestly caused it He told me the main reason why he didn’t want to be toghter is because I’ll get mad and go off on him . . Fast forward to now , he has been off and on on day he will act nice and like he wants to be back toghter and the next he will act mean a distance .
So yesterday I called him out on it and said I’ve been trying to give him space and be cool but I can’t handle him changing his mind so much so he told me he just wants to be alone . No reason why . I messed up because I kind of went off on him which I know I shouldn’t have , he wasn’t saying much back but to calm down and stop , I decided not to apologize and just to go into NC I’ve tried NC before but never the CORRECT way in the right order . So I’m on my real first attempt ..

I’m barley starting today . But should I send a apology text for going off yesterday before I start it ?
Also my birthday is durning NC if he decideds to text me Can I text back a simple thanks ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 11:58 am

Whether you apologized or not, that’s ok but if he greets you on your bday, don’t reply.

Alexandra

January 29, 2018 at 2:44 pm

Hi, i left a comment before about him texting me up about wanting to return my items (as that was our last convo before i initiated NC). Additional notes: he texted and didnt really specify that he was about to return just asking if i was heading out (probably as a means to see if he could drop it off?) i just assumed thats what he wanted to do. i replied being unsure if i was and get no replies after. Im afraid i might have broken the NC rule over my ignorance :(. what do i do in the situation if he does or does not reply depending on his response?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2018 at 4:02 pm

Hi Alexandra,

Its ok to talk about exchanging stuff during nc if it it can’t wait until after nc and if you only talk about that?

Alexandra

January 29, 2018 at 11:37 am

been together for 10months. he broke up with me a week ago (for the second time) thru text (trust and communication issues). the night before a silent argument occured and he broke it off the next day over lost feelings. we’re on bad terms I think he was rly mad. he just texted me about returning my things. I’m not sure how to respond and also if I do meet him? expression wise, reply time, etc. I initiated NC right after the convo ended but still maintain SC streaks (waited till he sent first btw)
Alexandra

January 29, 2018 at 10:34 am

we dated for around 10 months. a week ago he broke it off with me on bad terms thru text (trust & communication issues) & the night before it happened, a (silent) argument occured after I triggered him. basically, he texted wanting to return my things. how do I respond by replying & also if I do see him? expression-wise, timing, and etc.
P.S. I initiated NC right after our breakup convo I did not reply his last text, however we do keep once a day snapchat to maintain streaks (I waited for him to send first btw)
Alexandra

January 29, 2018 at 10:29 am

my bf and I dated for around 10 months. a week ago he broke it off with me on bad terms (trust & communication issues) & the night before it happened, a (silent) argument occured after I triggered him. basically, he texted wanting to return my things. how do I respond by replying & also if I do see him? expression-wise, and etc
Mary

January 25, 2018 at 1:52 pm

I have questions for your expert advice:
– i think my ex is not that brainy ( not not smart but he doesn’t think like a girl). I don’t want him to forget me, and I believe that if i don’t keep the contact he will just forget me, he will probably think that i don’t think about him, and probably not care. So how does the NC rule help in that case? when the person just doesn’t think in scheme and tactics, but just like a normal guy? Because I have tried to give him the silent treatment when we were together, and he was not noticing, not one bit!
– Also if I decide to apply the rule, and he sends me something during the 30 days and i don’t reply, how do I justify that no-reply after the 30 days, when i take contact again? doesn’t it look crazy?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2018 at 7:25 pm

Hi Mary,

check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

Mary

January 24, 2018 at 6:48 pm

I have questions for your expert advice:
– i think my ex is not that brainy ( not not smart but he doesn’t think like a girl). I don’t want him to forget me, and I believe that if i don’t keep the contact he will just forget me, he will probably think that i don’t think about him, and probably not care. So how does the NC rule help in that case? when the person just doesn’t think in scheme and tactics, but just like a normal guy?
– Also if I decide to apply the rule, and he sends me something during the 30 days and i don’t reply, how do I justify that no-reply after the 30 days, when i take contact again? doesn’t it look crazy?
Gear-Bear

January 22, 2018 at 5:25 pm

I love this advise! So what I needed to hear. I do have a question though because my ex-boyfriend is so hard hearted at times he gives me silent treatment; he’s so used to me begging and crying for his attention when he does this. So my question ultimately is how do I apply the No Contact Rule on a guy who gives me silent treatment?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2018 at 2:30 am

Hi Gear bear

Just stop chasing.. He doesn’t have to contact you for it to be an nc rule. Just stop initiating, and social media stalking. If he contacts you don’t reply..be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

Prachi

January 12, 2018 at 8:35 am

So my boyfriend and I were together for 1.5 years and it was a rocky relationship. The great times were out of the world but during the worst ones we used to not talk for weeks. It was my jealous, controlling behavior that made us end up with no friends. I was that way because he used to lie and hide stuff. Not something great but a lie nevertheless. He used to always take all the efforts. All. So basically i used to try no contact a lot to make him stay how i wanted him to. Then after a point he snapped. He was depressed. He just wouldn’t want to talk to me and i just kept making it worse by not understanding that i was wrong. I kept making him jealous and just begging him to give me his love. He dropped out of college due to bad grades and blames that on me. That was the ultimate blow after which he didn’t talk to me at all for weeks. I gave him space and then went back. He was very angry and started abusing me. He thought i was enjoying my life whereas he was depressed. I had hacked his whatsapp and found out he is the most loyal person ever. Even though i had tried to support him, he was the one to push me away. All this went on till mid Oct 2017. After that we met with our common friends and he ended up kissing me. But he immediately pulled away saying it was wrong. I was done begging so instead i did what he used to do. I started making him feel better. Doing things for him selflessly for two months. Till dec 2017 i brought him various gifts, supported him unconditionally, let him dump his anger on me. He started taking me for granted. He friendzoned me. He had no friends. That’s when i started no contact and its going to be 30 days next week. He tried to check my profile in the third week. I know this because i have his fb account, he doesn’t know of. But after that he has started badmouthing me again.
See the thing is i was always the one to go back after no contact. So this time I’m sure he’s hoping i would go back. We have one class together that happens twice a week. He looked bad in the third week when i met him. He ignored me. But now he has started to workout since two days. He’s getting attention from this girl as well. What’s going on? Suddenly after being lonely and missing me, he started recovering, how?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2018 at 9:19 pm

Hi Prachi,

It’s not healthy to go back to an abusive relationship. Check this one:
Should You Get An Emotionally Abusive Ex Back?

Ruth

December 24, 2017 at 9:55 pm

My ex reminds me several times that he is done being my bfand that he can be nothing more than just friends and that is his final decision. It has been 7 months since the break up. He has reached out to me at most 2 weeks since breakup, sometime 2-3x a week. I havent done no contact. Would it still be effective in getting my ex back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 10:09 pm

Hi Ruth,

It’s not a guarantee but you can still try it

Hanna

December 22, 2017 at 2:39 pm

Hey Amor

I announced No contact three days ago to focus on myself. I really mean it as I see it as a chance. We split up now for 2 months already bit with good contact in between but ended up fighting again because I was too fast.
LLDR btw.

Now I contacted him AGAIN the last three days. I GNATTED
Hehe doesn’t believe me any more… pushes me away and tries to destroy all hope. He said he doesn’t want me any more and thinks we are better off alone. He says we both need to fix ourselves and heal. He said it’s may be better to be friends.

Since I f**** up NC several times… is there any chance left?
Do I need to initiate it with a text…maybe by apologising for that mistake or no text nothing just staying quiet? I really want to do now. I made a calendar even.

I am considering to join the fb group but without an idea if that makes sense at all… don’t know. He fell out of love completely ..

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 4:27 pm

If you already sent a clean slate text and then you gnatted, you can’t send it again..just restart nc and stick to it.. The more you restart it, the less it can help you

Charlie

December 12, 2017 at 10:28 pm

My boyfriend of four years broke up with me, he got a new job and new friends and was going out partying 3-4 times a week so I got a bit naggy. He said he’s to immature for a relationship but he still very much loves me. Anyway I’ve been doing the no contact rule for a week now but he keeps liking all of my posts on Facebook? I just feel like it’s making the no contact role pointless as he’s still “seeing” me everyday? I don’t want to block him or unfriendly him as he’ll take it the wrong way! What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2017 at 3:36 pm

Hi Charlie,

That’s good that he stalks your account..just dont talk to him..

Amanda

December 8, 2017 at 7:49 pm

Hey Chris,

Sorry I forgot to mention, we have been together for 3 years and we broke up multiple times in between. Eventually ended up fixing it after a short period of time. But I’m sure you understand, every time feels like the last time and this time he said he was “serious”.

Amanda

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 11, 2017 at 10:23 am

Hi Amanda,

Yup, you’re on track..

Amanda

December 8, 2017 at 7:42 pm

Hey Chris,

I’m 2 weeks into no contact. We broke up because he said our “small fights are piling up”. He dumped me and obviously I went through the begging and pleading cycle for a few days but he was adamant about not changing his mind. I must say I looked very desperate. However, I went out with all our friends (including him) a few days later and pretended to be completely normal and joyful. The day after that he messaged me asking me how I am and I ignored it (started the no contact). He called, I ignored again. He sent another message saying ” he just wanted to drop of something of mine and talk”. I ignored that too. Then he sent another message saying ” I still want to talk if you want to”. I decided to do the no contact because I wanted to avoid getting into the “make up break up cycle” like you mentioned in your site. Also I didn’t want to forgive him so easily for saying some really nasty things to me, some things were very personal. He called once a week later, but my phone was off. Thing is I’m leaving the city for a vacation at home while he’ll still be here. He always gets a little paranoid when I go back alone. Anyway, I just wanted your reassurance that I’m on track, and if I didn’t make a mistake by ignoring his initial message where he said he wants to talk. I’ll be back shortly 2 weeks after the 30 day NC ends, but I plan on messaging him before that.

Looking forward to your reply.

Kind Regards,

Amanda
sally

December 6, 2017 at 7:54 am

And do u think there is any hope for reconcillation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 11, 2017 at 4:10 am

Hi Sally,

He wanted to get back with you but he also wants to continue seeing the other girl? Check this one:
My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

sally

December 6, 2017 at 7:49 am

Hello, my fiance and i we broke up 7 days ago. Our relationship was on and off for about 2 years where he said he loved me and i’m his 1st love and 1st time he considers marriage(he’s 34) but he would leave after fights when angry. 2 months ago he wanted to leave and blamed it on me. I tried to work it out with him and to convince him or beg him to stay. Sometime he was v loving and wanted to proceed with marriage(it was scheduled last month). And sometimes wanted to leave after fights. Then our parents talked together about us separating and fought somehow.. it was nasty. That day he panicked and asked to try to fix things and to get back. I took him back. Then we were love birds then he wanted to leave again last week. I asked him if he was sure he said yes. I thanked him for everything and said that i loved him. It got emotional and he told me that he loved everything about me from the time i wake up in morning till i’m sleepy late at night and when i talked in enthusiastic way. We agreed to end the financial issues smoothly as we bought new furniture and appliances for house and i’ve got the ring and family shared in it (family share in our country) . It was a clean breakup. I did no contact. He texted me that night: love don’t b upset with me… i want to make u happy but i swear i couldn’t. I didn’t reply. 4 days later my mom texted him asking him to get her money after 1 week as she asked him for it 1 month before. He texted me asking about the amount of money but being nice. I answered in a professional short way. Then he texted me asking me to send my mom appologies and doesn’t want us to b angry with him. I didn’t answer and continued posting nice pics and working on myself. Then yesterday his mom called me to tell me something about the money. The he texted me saying that his mom told him she called and he is appologizing sincerely about her calling if she said anything to call me and he was planing that no one bothers me with this. I didn’t answer the text. He texted again : it seemed he really bothered u. I’m really sorry. I didn’t answer to this. My question is: how can i apply no contact in this situaton. Should i call or meet him to solve this mess as i feel no one is getting along here. I don’t want this to end in drama. And do his multiple appologies indicate anything good. Thank u and sorry the complexity of things
Jane

December 5, 2017 at 3:31 am

Hi, I’ve read several articles on your blog about NC but I don’t recall reading something about having to be active on social media. My ex bf and I dated for four years and he broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. After being a complete mess and begging him to take me back the first couple of days and then a slip about another week later, I have been in NC for the last 2-3 weeks. I have been working on improving myself and focusing on how I can just heal (even though my heart wants him back). As the end of the 30 days approaches, I saw some comments here that said you should be actively posting on social media so he can see how you’ve changed. I haven’t done that as neither he nor I use social media at all really. We occasionally look at it but never post. My questions are: 1) Should I be posting or can NC still improve your chances if you don’t? 2) I understand you’re supposed to reach out after the NC period with an interesting text but what if you told him that you at the beginning of NC that you can’t be in contact because you needed to pick up pieces of yourself and you can’t be friends?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 8:12 pm

Hi Jane,

If he said that to you, then the posts will help you indirectly show him that you’re moving on.. because there’s a high chance that he will check your account when he gets curious on what you’ve been doing lately. Just extend to 45 days so you can do that first before initiating and check this one:
EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Jeri

November 21, 2017 at 8:49 pm

Hi
Here recently, me and my boyfriend of almost 4 years have broken up. The past 2 years it’s been on and off. This time I was tired of the on and off situation, anyway, it’s the first time I’ve initiated the no contact rule ever. Today is exactly a week. My ex is weird and very hard to understand, he has blocked me on social media, however, before I initiated NC, we texted back and fourth with each other. Well, here is my problem.. a week into NC, my cell number has changed. So I have no way of knowing if me not contacting him is driving I’m crazy, should I text him and let him know my new number, or wait until NC is over and text him without knowing if he’s tried contacting me. Which do you think is best, or am I just overthinking this entire thing?
Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2017 at 2:57 am

Hi Jeri,

finish nc first and then initiate contact after that.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting, just make your posts public.

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1,163 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”