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Lucy G.
August 18, 2016 at 1:51 am
S.O.S. !!! So I have started NC a couple of days ago and I accidentally sent a wrong send to him which caused me to accidentally break the NC and I swear it was an honest mistake meant for my gay friend who has the same name as his.
(my friend got a new number so when he put his name in my contacts he didn’t put the surname so that was the story behind it)
Anyway I ended up texting with my Ex for a bit and it kind of got emotional, I ended it quickly with a nice and casual goodbye and told myself to go back to NC . The next day I woke up all lonely and sad it was the worst feeling, so since he lived just right below my unit I gave in then called him up and then went down to go talk with him. It was good and alright at first until we had sex and I got up and he probably noticed I felt bad about it. I texted him later on saying it was a mistake. This is the second time we had sex after the break up. The first one was at an after party of a friend’s we were quite drunk, we talked a bit then had sex as well. Same thing happened back then, I told him it was a mistake. Is it possible that I could still get him back by doing NC again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 19, 2016 at 10:18 am
Hi Lucy G,
do it one last time, and stick to it.. it’s not yet too late.
Julia
August 9, 2016 at 3:11 am
My ex has just got a new job, and when he broke up with me he told me he wanted to focus on his career and didn’t feel like dating with any girls because he couldn’t deal with everything like work, a girlfriend, friends and stuff. Well I was thinking if there are a girl who is really attractive to him, he has a crush on and he really loves, he would be together with the girl even if he’s so busy and has little time for date. Am I wrong? Or are there guys like him who don’t feel like dating when they want to focus on their work?
Julia
August 11, 2016 at 4:48 am
Thank you AMOR! I see. Okay, I understand. By the way, if possible I would like Chris to write something related to this stuff, I mean men’s feelings on dating, girlfriends, relation and stuff when they are busy. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 10, 2016 at 5:02 pm
Hi Julia,
it depends.. if the guy dated the girl right after the break up then that means he has been waiting for a long time to do it..
Maria
August 8, 2016 at 7:46 pm
Dear Team.. Yesterday my boyfriend with whom i have a long distance relationship broke up with me.. We met through internet and after a half year of good friendsip we decided to go into a relationship. Even though we both knew that it would be very hard. I live in germany and he lives in South Korea. We have been together for more then a year and i even visited him in april. We then alao had some issues and it was difficult for him since we never have met before, he wanted to break things off also but then i borrowed mone and went to him. We had an amazing time together and he couldnt stop saying sorry at time. I didnt need any prove to know that he really loved me and we even had serious future plans together.
After i came back to germany we both started to look for jobs, i to pay back what i borrowed and he to pay for the next ticket. Everything went well except for the fact that he had a lot of stress to get the money. Wr are both students and he finnishes next year, while i still gave 3 years left to study. He got some extra costs such as house payment that he didnt expect and he also needed to pay back money.. but nevertheless he stil worked hard to get more money to be able to buy the ticket. I even agreed to help a little and give some money also. He couldnt wait to see me and was counting the days down. We would be together for 55 days and i would fly next week to him.
A few days ago i got some bad news about something and started stressing super much. I told him i didnt want to talk about it at that time since i knew i would throw a fit, but he still wanted to talk it through with me. I was so negative and stressed.u said really bad things about myself such as that i always make stupid decisions and such. Basically, i throw a huuge fit.. and i think that scared him off… The next day he proposed that maybe we need to fix our money problems first and that i shouldnt go to him now.. but i declined that proposal and tried to find ways how to find a cheaper ticket (which i found) and i also said thar my parents also really expect me to go and that they will have super negative thoughts if i dont go (my parents really said that). He didnt reply at that day then (which was yesterday) and only in the evening he said that he had some time to think well and that he had something to tell me.
He said that in order to have a good relationship there is happyness needed. But he cannot deal with the distance anymore. If i come to him i need to leave someday and if he goes to me he also needs to go back to korea. He said that he is thankful to me and that i was very kind and very thoughtful and that i was his best girlfriend he ever met. But a breakup would be better for us he said and just stay friends..
I couldnt believe it and still cannot.. i was able to ask him some questions and he did reply. But i didnt get much out of it also… he said he did really love me but he wants to date me like normal people and wants to see me when he wants to see me. And not that its like that we see each other for 3 months and after dont see each other again for 5 months…he said that he couldnt wait for 3 years.. and that its really hard for him and also hard for us to get the money for the tickets…
After i also said my final words since he said i could do same. I said some things i wanted to say and ended it with a goodnight, he wished me goodnighr back. After though i did send some more messages with my thoughts and such. I also said sorry about how i was so negative the past weeks and that i will change the habit of pushing and such. Just for myself. I didnt ask him to come back to me.. i wrote a lot, but i said everything i wanted to say, i dont have any more left and just am only hoping he will change his mind…He didnt read those messages yet though.. But i wont say anymore and just see if he will say something or not… He probably needs some more time to think..
He didnt delete anything of me.. we had special names for each other in the facebook chat. I changed his name to just his name, but he didnt change my name to my normal name. Also he didnt delete any of my pictures on all social media and even not on something like whatsapp. He has all thr pictures of us together and also of me. He didnt change his facebook status to single also and it still says he is in a relationship with me.. i also know he didnt sleep the night after the break up since its possible to see nowadays when someone is and was online. Now its nighttime in korea also and i know he doesnt sleep..
Do i have some hope left to het him back? I really want to go to korea next week to see him and i hope he changes his mind eventually since we can be in each others arms for so long next week… After 2 months our school starts and we both need to go to school for 4 months after.. I dont know what to do and if there is hope.. I believe if i go next week and we will be together for 55 days, it can be solved.. But he is the one that is buying the ticket, i cant afford to buy now…
What can i do? I even dont know how to ask the question. I really love him and i know he also really loves me, just i think. If i didnt throw a fit a few days ago, he wouldn’t think like this.. i dont know how to fix things…
I hope to receive a reply, thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 10, 2016 at 8:57 am
Hi Maria,
give him space..he got tired of you so the least you want to do is annoy him.. treat this week as a the start of no contact.. if he doesn’t contact you by next week to change his mind..continue no contact.. dont reply if it’s just a how are you text or a hello.. start to be productive in improving yourself
Yvonne's Granddaughter
August 7, 2016 at 9:17 pm
Hi Team… I recently purchased your books but I am wondering if my situation is too final for the NC plan to get us back. He basically made a very firm line that we can’t be. The background is that we were only hanging out for 1.5 months. We are neighbors who live in the same apartment building. We met 10 months ago when I first moved in. He was the friendliest to me. Always glad to see me, laugh and joke around, play games in our common area, confided in me about his past and dating life, and introduced to me our other social neighbors. Then one day he carried something back to my place for me and asked if he could come up. That’s when he said he wanted to get to know me, take his time, that he liked me for a while but didn’t want to make a move too soon. He said sex was the easy part let’s just get to know each other. So we started spending time together at my place or around the building pretty frequently. He is recently divorced (2 years separated, divorce finalized in 2015) and playing the field. He has his 5 yr old daughter 3 days a week. Early on, I said that I didn’t see us as casual because I like him and believed I would develop feelings for him if we were to hook up. So he said he would be interested in a relationship as long as it was a fun one. But things got shaky quickly. He would go MIA. The first time he popped back up I playfully hit/punched him for going MIA and then just hung out but (the other times he went MIA I said nothing. Gave him space.) In that 1.5 months he/we tried to break up with me twice because he seemed to feel really guilty and scared of a deeper emotional connection and confused. He said he wished we could be casual. But every time we had a break up talk, by the end of the conversation he couldn’t bring himself to really end it wanted to keep going. He we exchanged the L word in that time. We had intense attraction. It was very hard for me to keep delaying sex when we were hanging out at the apartment. We only went out once. When things kept looking shaky I started acting more erratically (got mad) from him canceling plans or just seeming inconsistent. I felt it was going to be over. So I decided I wanted to sleep with him. I told him I didn’t think want us to end and we never were intimate. So we sort of had sex but not full out. He was holding back. It was confusing because he claimed to want to be casual. He even said, “where do we go from here?” after we had brief sex for the first time. After our second break up talk we both didn’t want to part so we were supposed to think things over and talk again. He wanted to talk the next day, I said I needed a week. But that talk never happened. He attempted to talk 2 days later but I flaked because things were too intense and my nerves were bad. Then I tried to just keep the lines of communication open but we were phone tagging and it probably looked like I was trying too hard. A week went by and he called me at 5am. I ignored it. We saw each other at our gym and barely spoke. When I got back home he texted me a compliment and then immediately said don’t respond. I responded briefly. He said he shouldn’t have sent it, he’s the wrong guy for me. The next day I said, can we talk. That is when he told me he just can’t move forward in the relationship. No more to say. He is the worst kind of guy for me. He is really sorry. Is there any point to the NC rule here? I think it was just too intense too soon and although I think we really care about each other I think I did not pace or distance myself enough. He says we would never work and I dislike everything about him –which is not true. But I have not felt that I got much chance to really do the talking about how I feel. Most times he talked 70%. So not sure if I should do NC or just leave it
Yvonne's Granddaughter
August 7, 2016 at 9:56 pm
I should say that 1 reason he gave for wanting to end was that he was really enjoying being free and emotionally detached. He was very clear that he currently has multiple women he sleeps with and would bounce around whenever one of them got mad at him. Having been thru a rough divorce, fighting to keep his daughter in this city, and losing his Mom a few months ago, I think he was emotionally spent. Also FYI he is wealthy and a business owner. He said I deserved the relationship I was looking for.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 8, 2016 at 1:15 pm
Hi Yvonne’s granddaughter,
yeah, I think he found you needy for him because things were just going too fast.. anyways, no contact is also for moving on, so whether he goes back with you or not, it’s still better to start no contact process.
Mely
August 4, 2016 at 11:38 pm
My ex of three years moves on right after the breakup to a new girl he has known for a year and never told me about it, we were both our first love, she seems like a rebound because he brags all the time about it, but it also seems like a serious relationship. I heard that he thinks I am not over him, and I cant get a new bf right away. Question: Will making my ex jealous by posting a pic on fb kissing another guy and appearing as if I was in a new relationship get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 6, 2016 at 11:57 am
Hi Mely,
nope.. that’s too forward.. and it’s so obvious that you’re trying to just prove him wrong.
Anita
August 2, 2016 at 3:13 pm
Hi, I really need some help here, Im living with my boyfriend for only 7 months, our relationship was always in and out kind, we´re having lot´s of arguing and since 3 weeks ago we almost don´t talk to eachother, it´s like living with a stranger. 2 days ago I ask what he wanted to do, if he still can see us working things out , if he stills want to be with me, he said he was not sure if we should try again and that he´s not sure if he stills feels the same. My quaestion is, I dont see myself living with him under these circuntances so I made it clear that if he´s so not sure he should leave and take his time so I could also move on with my life. because right now it seems so confortable for him this situation, I still cook , clean and he started going out with friends without giving me any explanation. What should I now, did I do the right thing asking him to move from my house??
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 3, 2016 at 3:01 pm
HI Anita,
yes, the question is, when will he move out? and stop cooking for him now.. don’t cater to him, so he won’t feel too comfortable there..
Olivia Laplanche
August 2, 2016 at 3:24 am
So I met this guy and fastforward 2 months down the track and he asks me to be his girlfriend. Yesterday I brought up that something wasn’t right and he told me he didn’t feel a spark but that he thought I was a great girl and deserved better. What is this “spark”?
We have a lot of fun together and get along amazingly and there is also intense chemistry (we weren’t missing that) so it took me by surprise when he said this because to me we had everything that could potentially be long term. Yes I suppose we never had the honey moon period and we straight to the comfortable, but is that a bad thing? What was missing, I suppose when he said spark he meant that giggly, butterflies in tummy, nervous feeling of lust but is it really a bad thing that was missing. When he asked me to be his girlfriend he listed all the things he loved about me and his friends all told me different things to, that he was crazy about me and so did he (we weren’t great at talking about feelings)! The way I see it is, that a spark burns bright and fades fast (something Taylor swift writes about) and from experience I have absolutely felt that as I am a hopeless romantic and I have always wanted a guy from a movie and to have that fairytale ending. Even I will admit that there wasn’t really as such a spark but he was crazy about me (so I thought). This is spark to me is made up (and sometimes maybe not) but do you really want a spark for your future or do you want, comfortable, compatibility, trust, familiarity, friendship, great sex (that wasn’t missing). It’s safe to say there were a few tears shed on both parts. My question is do you think he will realise he has made a mistake once he sees that yes he may get that initial spark (that we had at the start, otherwise he wouldn’t of kept it going) with another girl but when he realises he doesn’t have all those other things that make up a great long term partner, will he come back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 3, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Hi Olivia,
maybe it went too fast.. too much was given too soon until there was nothing left to discover with each other anymore.. if that’s the case, although we can’t guarantee that nc will work.. the absence can help him see you in a different light.. especially if you start to do new things.
Shells
July 28, 2016 at 11:42 pm
So me and my long distance boyfriend for over a year was on holidays earlier on in the year and he decided to finish things with me while on holiday. I split up with him first sometime before that and after a couple of months of him chasing for us to reunite I decided to give it another shot. We were not back together officially but working to see us get back to normal. And after a couple of months it seemed to be getting back to normal. When we went on holiday things were awkward at times very tense. I had seen on his phone texts from another girl. He insisted that they were nothing but friends and that they has talked that nothing romantic would happen because of me but seeing messages like ‘I am just going for a shower I wish you were with me’ and sending more kisses at ends of texts than to me showed me that they were not just friends.
Anyways he said that he tried to fall in love with me but just couldn’t and he won’t let his heart get broken twice by me but that long term it was me he seen as his wife. After a messy row for a few days he has ruled out any romantic involvent with me at all in the future because of what friends of mine have sent him on facebook and how I dealt with the row on holidays
We have my spoken since for two weeks until the other day when he sent me a snap chat saying ‘hope your okay since the dust has settled’ I am just wondering what to dour or how to take that. He was the one who wanted to break contact to heal and to take time apart. does this mean after two weeks he’s is over me? Over the situation? It’s just horrible to think he could move on so quickly.
I would love any help on this I am really not in a good way
Thanks
Shells
August 2, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Thanks for that Amor. He contacted me last night hoping that one day I can forgive him and apologised that he’s caused so much hurt for me. I didn’t respond and then was wondering why I’m banking him. Then to add he ended up calling me twice last night after he said he deleted my number.I just don’t know own what he wants from me. Should I get back to him or just leave it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 3, 2016 at 2:48 pm
leave it for now..
Shells
July 29, 2016 at 10:38 pm
How do you think I should go about that? We are not speaking I have deleted him of Facebook. I don’t really know how to do that. Your advice makes sense I know long distance would mean he was likely to find other attractions but he wouldn’t even be honest with me in that. He has ruled out anything in the future so I am just wondering is it worth me trying or remaining hopeful?
Thank you so much for your guidance
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 31, 2016 at 11:00 am
well, actually you have to start alone first..so, it’s good that you’re not talking right now because in that way you will change, have your own life and then later on it can be a fresh start as friends
Shells
July 29, 2016 at 1:48 pm
I just would like your opinion whether you think I should stay hopeful that he will change his mind and see that we were good or that itshe dead in the water. I don’t think I could be his friend but it kills me knowing that he won’t be my partner or that I wont speak to him potentially ever again. If it took two weeks for him to be fine about what’s happened I really font know what to think Amor. I’m so torn with anger and with questions.
Any advice tips or perspectives on this I would really love
Love your work
Many thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 29, 2016 at 6:44 pm
well, that’s natural to feel angry.. find an outlet.. sports or recreational activities that expend a lot of energy really help like wall climbing or boxing..
he probably is like that because he felt attacked when you confronted him about the text and at that time, he already had an attraction for the other girl and you and him were just starting out again. So, at that time the other girl is the better option for him..
he’s still human, so part of him still misses you and he probably felt guilty from that event so, now he wants to see if he can still be friends with you..
there’s a chance that you can attract him back.. but I think that means you have to improve yourself and to appear as somebody that he can’t easily have.. somebody that’s attractive, he has fun talking with, and yet, he can’t easily get..
Shells
July 29, 2016 at 12:39 pm
I have tried to go out and do all of that bit I’m so angry about the whole situation still. Just seeing how little he cared about the whole thing or the fact that he fell so far out of love with me in the space of a few months. I have no idea how to register the situation or where he was coming from or why he did it. And I think until I solve that I wont be able to move on. As bad as the whole thing is, deep down I would love for him to turn around and regret it because I think it was worth fighting for and he said he tried his hardest but he said he won’t love me the same way ever again because of how much I hurt him when I split up with him. My gut feeling is that it’s an excuse because he could quite possibly have another girl on the scene.
I would just like some advice or something so that I can feel less hostile towards everything at the moment.
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 29, 2016 at 12:11 pm
HI Shells,
I actually answered your first comment.. but this comment cleared my question.. I think he felt guilty and wanted to clear the air.. but you should do no contact.. even if you haven’t talked, have you started improving yourself and going out and meeting new people?
Shells
July 28, 2016 at 11:21 pm
So me and my long distance boyfriend for over a year was on holidays earlier on in the year and he decided to finish things with me while on holiday. Initially I split up with him sometime before that and after a couple of months of him chasing for us to reunite I decided to give it another shot. We were not back together officially but working to see us get back to normal. And after a couple of months it seemed to be getting back to normal. When we went on holiday things were awkward at times very tense. I had seen on his phone texts from another girl. He insisted that they were nothing but friends and that they has talked that nothing romantic would happen because of me but seeing messages like ‘I am just going for a shower I wish you were with me’ and sending more kisses at ends of texts than to me showed me that they were not friends. Anyways he said that he tried to fall in love with me but just couldn’t and he won’t let his heart get broken twice by me but that long term it was me he seen as his wife. After a messy row a few days later he has ruled out any romantic involvent with me in the future because of what friends of mine have sent him on facebook and how I dealt with the row
I haven’t heard from him in two weeks until the other day he snapchats me ‘hope your okay since the dust has settled’. This confused me because he was the one who wanted to stop talking until we both healed and took time apart. Does this mean he is over me? Or moving on? It sounded like such a pity message with not much emotion attached to it. I’m just wondering what I should do from here.
I’m really hurting
Many thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 29, 2016 at 12:11 pm
HI Shells,
I actually answered your first comment.. but this comment cleared my question.. I think he felt guilty and wanted to clear the air.. but you should do no contact.. even if you haven’t talked, have you started improving yourself and going out and meeting new people?
sabrina
July 26, 2016 at 2:56 pm
Hello Amor,
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP
My boyfriend broke up with me last december, I did the no contact rule and then texted him after and things seemed to go pretty well. We were in a long distance relationship, (he lived four hours away). Months went by and we texted a couple times in between (although I was the one always initiating it, he never texted me first), and I was fine w this because I knew I would see him during the summer. This past weekend I texted him that I was in town and he responded that He wanted to go out w friends and do something. So we went with a group of friends to a college bar. This is the first time I have seen him in months, and i have lost twenty pounds, dyed my hair, I have confidence now that I never had before, and I can tell he thought I looked good. He kept walking up to me and talking to me but I didn’t want to seem so clingy so I would talk for a little then walk away. Later on in the night I saw some of his friends, and started talking to them and we ended up talking for a while (i was just being social I was not trying to come off as flirting, but his friends were flirting with me. I thought to myself, okay maybe this isn’t a bad thing cause then he will realize what he is missing out on. When he found out that we were talking, he thought i wanted to take them home or hook up and i was just being nice, i would never do that i knew they were friends. so later that night when i would try to talk to my ex, he completely blew me off. I was so confused cause I didn’t do anything. The next morning I called to see if we can try hanging out again and he ignored me. I called from another number and he picked up. At first he was trying to act like everything was fine, but when I told him to be honest he blew up. He told me he was looking forward to being with me that night until I started talking to his friends. He said his friends told him that I was all over them and wanted something for them which is a complete lie. I tried explaining myself but he wouldn’t listen to my side, he hung up. I texted him to explain myself and he ignored me again. I don’t know what to do, he doesnt believe me or doesnt want to listen or talk to me, but hours before he was all over me.
Please help…
Sabrina
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 28, 2016 at 4:31 pm
hi Sabirina
well that’s good that you really improved physically.. first mistake was, you texted too soon after that meet up..he was still angry when you contacted him and then it got worse when you tried to explain… give him space and let him cool off for now
Shells
July 25, 2016 at 7:23 pm
I am really struggling at the moment and I genuinely don’t know what to do. So me and my long distance boyfriend for over a year was on holidays earlier on in the year and he decided to finish things with me while on holiday. Initially I split up with him sometime before that and after a couple of months of him chasing for us to reunite I decided to give it another shot. We were not back together officially but working to see us get back to normal. And after a couple of months it seemed to be getting back to normal. When we went on holiday things were awkward at times very tense. I had seen on his phone texts from another girl. He insisted that they were nothing but friends and that they has talked that nothing romantic would happen because of me but seeing messages like ‘I am just going for a shower I wish you were with me’ and sending more kisses at ends of texts than to me showed me that they were not friends. Anyways he said that he tried to fall in love with me but just couldn’t and he won’t let his heart get broken twice by me but that long twrm it was me he seen as his wige. After a messy row and subsequent few days he has ruled out any romantic involvent with me because of what friends of mine have sent him.on facebook. Contact was broken for two weeks until yesterday when he sent me a snap chat saying ‘hope your okay since the dust has settled’ I am just wondering what to do. I was beginning to recover from the humiliation until that. Now I feel back to square one again. Please help.
Many thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 28, 2016 at 11:33 am
Hi Shells,
sorry I didn’t get what you said last.. you mean you have not talked for two weeks now? and it was broken because he sent a snapchat with you?
Maria
July 24, 2016 at 5:25 pm
Amor,
The section about “financial” is the exact reason, word for word, that my ex gave me when he broke up with me. I read your advice in the comments that say I should adjust my lifestyle, and I don’t have a problem doing that. I’ve just gone through 30 days of NC, during which he sent me 2 small “hi” and “how are you” texts that I ignored. How do I re-engage? I am back on a dating site and saw he is there now too. We’re both “active” daily. Should I end NC? Or is it over? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 1:08 pm
Hi Maria,
how long was the relationship? hold being active in dating site if it’s just the beginning if your nc
Victoria
July 23, 2016 at 1:00 pm
Hello Amor – thanks for this article it’s very informative.
My ex boyfriend broke up January, we were together for 5 months. I did NC for 3 week and then messaged him and meet him up. I asked him to get back together on that meet up which he refused. I was very upset, I got drunk that day and ended by on his apartment asking to speak to me – which he again refused. He deleted me on FB that same night. That’s when I start to search and found about this site.
I never contacted him – I think about 2 months. I only emailed him when I learned about her mom being sick. I also mentioned on that email that I accepted the break up. Said sorry for the shortcomings I did and thank him for the wonderful times. We exchanged email couple of times.
I stopped contacting him again for about a month since I am away on vacation. The next contact I did was through text message on June. I used the advise on how to text ex bf – he responded positively, I replied back saying I still have his DVD and that I can give it to him. He replied fine but said he’s’ very busy and that July/Aug would be better. I did not understand what he really meant with this reply if he is really busy or he is making excuse not to meet up with me. I still replied in a good note – saying to just inform me when he wants his stuff back.
I greeted him again almost 2 weeks later on his birthday which I responded very positively. And then I sent him a link of a video of something he really likes last week – he did not respond. Funnily day after I bumped into him for the first time since Feb (the night i came to his apartment unannounced!). I was with friends so we briefly said hi hello and I asked how is he becoz he was injured and had crutch to help him walk. He texted me that night saying it was nice to see me, but look more of a reply to the link I sent him night before. I replied by saying that it was nice seeing him too, and told him of an activity i am doing which we both like. He replied with the short general response the next day. I did not respond anymore as it seems that the convo died. Days later he texted me again, as if a continuation of his reply. I find it weird, why would he reply again? Nevertheless I replied asking how his injury and hope him well. I also told him about my fave walk path and suggested he try that once he can walk w/o crutch. He has read the message but hasn’t replied yet – it’s only been 2 days.
I am very confused if he is showing interest or he is just being nice. I tried all the positive change I could during the time we broke up until today. But I felt that I couldn’t get him to have a meet up with me so we can spend time together even for a little while. I don’t know too if I should ask him again to meet up with me, I don’t know what excuse I will give this time. I really want to give us another chance – i truly believe in my heart we deserve it. And I think the time apart made us both better (well at least for me I can yes a definite yes!). But I am also thinking if I should just move on… or should I give us more chance. I need help on this…
Thanks
Victoria
Victoria
July 23, 2016 at 4:53 pm
Thanks Amor – it’s very hard to do that as the text message is dying with his dry response sometimes and the number of days it takes him to respond… it’s not our usual text conversation before…
Any article here on how to build rapport trhu text and call? I only saw the one to get them to reply..
Many thanks
Victoria
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2016 at 2:04 pm
try this ones:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR 022- How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend
Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 23, 2016 at 2:52 pm
Hi Victoria,
I think you shouldn’t ask for a meet up right away.. your first challenge is to build rapport through texts first.. then calls..and then when enough rapport and attraction is built during calls, that’s when you meet up
Zeyna
July 20, 2016 at 12:00 pm
Hello,
I’ve been binge reading this website since my breakup. I started no contact 2 days after the breakup.. the day we broke up the country went into an impromtu coup and we just wanted to make sure everyone was safe and what was going on on the news..the next day we spoke about how it was very hard to cope with the breakup for both of us and how we were handling it. On the third day I simply stopped texting him.
The way we broke up was very strange; he said he wanted to remain friends and still talk and meet up and just not have a relationship anymore. I asked him if he stopped loving me but he said no i can never say I dont love you i still do and very much. It was very confusing and i couldnt calm myself for a few hours durig which a lot of crying and begging happened. He had invited me to his home and i left to a friends and he insisted on taking me there. We had a little shopping trip on the way there and he even bought me dinner before dropping me off, he also held my hand in the car the entire way. At my friends house he asked for a hug before i left.
Today is day four of no contact and its a little eaaier since he went to visit hisparents in a different city. except turns out i accidentally pocket dialled him yesterday and when he called back i picked up. He seemed upbeat and asked how i was doing and apologized that he couldnt pick up as he was at the movies. I was confused and told him that i didnt call him and there was a long silence. he said how come? There was even a voicemessage attached. I apologized and said that i must have pocket dialled him and i didnt mean to call him. His tone changed and became pretty sd and he apologized for calling and i said no problem and hung up. Did this harm the no contact?
I dont know what is going on here. I feel like the bad guy because im ignoring him and it feels like he didnt even want to break up in the first place, just got rid of the responsibility of the relationship while keeping me in his life. Do we have a chance? And what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 5:23 pm
hi Zeyna
nope it didn’t affect nc.. actually just contnue.. if he doesn’t want relationship, then why would he get thr benefit without the reaponsibility
Didou
July 19, 2016 at 4:29 pm
Hi
My ex fiancé broke up with me because I told him in a moment of anger that he can’t make make me happy. So I did apologize 1000000 times by all the ways. He is in a long distance. We text every day he said he loves me but he can’t marry me.and he will never get marry.he feel hurt
What should I do now
Confused Gal
July 19, 2016 at 2:49 pm
Hi Amor,
My BF and I were together for 5 great months (we even took a trip to costa rica together!). I was the first girl he was interested being serious with since his divorce, he had dated a few girls before me but nothing substantial. After the 5 months, he started to drink more at social events than I was used to, and this showed me a different side of him that I was not comfortable with. After talking about this issue he agreed he would take more care to not get so wasted, but that failed and I resorted to nagging him to slow down or not party so hard. Unfortunately during these events I would get noticeably upset and sometimes have public displays of annoyance, which he found extremely “neutering” in his words. This lasted for 2 months after our great 5 months together. At the final social event we attended he was absolutely wasted and proceeded to partake in illegal activity that I was against. That was the breaking point for me-and I left the event. He tried to talk to me but I wasn’t having it and told him I was going home. He texted me that evening to apologize and I said we would talk the next day. During our talk the next day I tried to ask him if we could slow things down and just try to get things back to normal-hey, its summer and mistakes happen….right?! But he turned the tables on me and said that even tho he was really happy in the now, and I make him really happy, he doesn’t see a future with me, doesn’t see himself having kids with me, and wants to find love again (like he felt with his marriage). I was completely shocked, I didn’t know he was this unhappy. He continued to say he thought he should maybe date other people to be sure that this relationship is right, since he feels he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, and really cares about me but doesn’t feel emotionally invested. We agreed to talk a few days later, which I again proposed we slow things down and just see how things turn out, but he again was really confused on what he should do, and wanted to see if he would even miss me… We met again a few days later to talk but his response was the same-still confused but willing to hang out and see what happens as long as there’s no expectations (aka doesn’t want me getting my hopes up), and when I asked if we can be dating other people he told me he didn’t know what he was gonna do and that we should talk again after the weekend. Since then I have not contacted him (aka I started the NC) and he has not contacted me-its been 11 days! I’m staying busy and doing things for myself, I deleted our pictures off social media, I’ve been going on dates, I’ve been working out more, and I even got new a new hairstyle! I’m feeling really good 🙂 but of course I still miss him. I’m wanting to make sure I am on the right path to leaving things open between us, so that I have the best chance possible at the end of the NC period. He hasn’t asked for his stuff back and I haven’t asked for mine, but he added girls to social media (i checked, it was a moment of weakness!). How do I stop feeling that panic that he’s just going to move on and meet someone else, or try to be a better person for a different girl?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 9:41 am
Hi Confused gal,
yes, you’re on the right track and it’s normal to feel what you feel.
Just keep in mind that this is a restart..so avoid opening up anything nega at the start of talking to him.again
June
July 18, 2016 at 12:00 pm
Hi Amor, HELP. My ex and I (2 years and a half) broke up over a small fight and he said it didn’t cause the breakup but it triggered it. So basically…
1) He breaks up as he wants to focus on his work and career, He’s a very busy guy, we’re both in the same college same class.
2) “It’s not you, It’s me” But I know it’s BS, either he lied or he doesn’t know he fell out of love.
3) My problem: Lost myself, clingy and just basically lost my initial life goals being with him. But to be honest, not to brag we were once a power couple in my college. He improved tremendously yet I’m just there like a stagnant water.
4) Nearly a month since the breakup.
5) He claims it is a “mutual breakup”. Cares about me even after the breakup but recently he sensed that I wanted to get back together, He’s been keeping a distance while he still cares? When we do see each other in school He would come over and small talk and just leave somewhere nearby to do his work.
6) I do think at some point, he regrets breaking up but he’s stubborn to see that and he isn’t as sure as he claims on what he wants ( career and studies)
What I think the problem is: I’ve been doing NC but failed after the 5th day as I’m being very insecure that recently he’s getting closer with a girl i used to dislike him being close with and so I replied his message. The thing is Amor, I’m seeing him every Monday and HE SITS NEXT TO ME. I feel like NC is always ruined because of the Monday class and I absolutely cannot sit away from him as the seats are permanent. Will this kinda NC work? Semester break is coming ahead, I’m afraid things will turn sour and he would just move on… He asked my close friend to care about me more as he knows I certainly feel like shit now (not really, after reading so much on this site!) and he hopes she can care for me, he said he’s treating me like a friend now but he doesn’t want to give me any high hopes.
Seriously what should I do.
June
July 21, 2016 at 11:41 am
Thank you Amor 🙁
Update: met up with his mom just now for his birthday planning, I’ve promised her I’ll help her on before the breakup and she’s always been very kind to me treats me as though I’m her own daughter (she knows our situation) and she’s been consoling me a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely feeling myself back lately, but whenever I met up with his mom, I tend to always draw myself back into the “WE MIGHT HAVE HOPE stage” (tbh I’m been focusing on myself so much lately I felt empowering, even when I found out he’s been flirting around with girls I’m still cool.) but one thing tho, I don’t know what is he thinking, he been flirting around with girls, going out having coffee with girls but he tends to always “just asking” my close friends about my whereabouts. Is this a good sign? I’ve been on NC for the 4th day now from this week. Failed my NC on the 5th day last week….
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 12:53 pm
you’re welcome 🙂 it’s normal for you to feel that way when you’re with his mom and also normal for him to date others.. but it is a good sign that he is asking about you..
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 19, 2016 at 7:11 pm
Hi June,
I remember you.. i answered your other comment and I’ll paste may answer there here
Hi June,
he said you won’t move on easily? so, he knows that you’re still hoping to get back together.. do the opposite.. be civil with him during class but don’t initiate contact and don’t be engaging when he initiates..be polite but give short rplies..and then just focus in improving yourself and going out with friends and meeting new people
Sun
July 17, 2016 at 6:59 pm
I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years. In that four years he broke up with me out of the sudden, i begged for him for about two months until I didn’t beg anymore. Six months after he was begging for me to take him back and crying telling me how sorry he was. We got back together (for a year). The last month he broke up with me again out of the sudden because he didn’t feel the same way. What should I do? Do you think I have chances of getting him back? It would be the second time I got him back, if I did.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 19, 2016 at 1:40 pm
Hi Sun,
do you want to do no contact? Try that and then just focus in improving yourself during it and going out with friends too
kiki
July 16, 2016 at 6:19 pm
hello amor!
i just wanted to say that this article is amazing and comprehensive! not only did it review important concepts in this EBR site, but it also added a few more specific tips that focus more on women becoming better people.
i also want to say that i am doing most of the solutions amor posted here for three years and i am feeling great! i have more friends, lost 35lbs, learned a new language, and am enjoying new things. I do miss my ex and i still do care for him. Before I was a jealous, GNAT who did nothing but cry and cling. Right now I feel like an independent woman who’s got a lot in store for her (i am about to get my MA degree!) I am open to reaching out to my ex, however there is one thing i learned after NC: so not look at your ex with rose colored lenses. see them for who they are without your bias.
again, i really appreciate your help, amor. i visit this site daily and i read through the comments section. I can say that your advice is more empowering for women than encouraging them to chase their ex. Applause for you, and keep it up! Master Chris must be proud!
Elena
July 18, 2016 at 3:53 am
Yes, we are both filipinos! That was what my friends were actually telling me too later on in the situation. They told me to “face the feelings before it cools off” saying “if you don’t face your feelings too, he might friendzone you first and when you come out honest, it’s too late.” Though he really has a history of being afraid of commitment because while everyone is wanting a gf/bf he would always shoot them down like ‘haha it won’t last” or “I don’t think I can see myself getting married/falling in love” and a lot of girls try to get close to him but he wouldn’t want to get close to them because he is sort of aloof from people in general (he wasn’t aloof with me but later turned cold in just a few weeks after one hangout when we had a heart to heart talk about personal things in our lives, especially about his problems). That’s why it’s surprising that he suddenly went dating others after this (not to mention, one of our mutual friends said that the girls he is dating are similar to me in terms of skills, smarts and even fashion style)
BUT I think it is true that ” he friendzoned (me) early aback then” because it is possible that he was hinting at me, but I really REALLY didn’t notice until only the end so that ended up with the both of us telling ourselves that nothing is going to happen to us. So literally what my friends say “too late” because at the moment he accepted that we are just friends is the moment I realized my feelings. I think with my emotional outbursts back then, he is now aware about my “possible” feelings so I don’t know where that will lead or if that’s a dead end.
“Actually the best option is that you become an ungettable girl first before talking to him or seeing him”
Thanks for the advice! I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing then because I’m totally living life (without romance of course, but even before meeting him, I am the kind of girl who can wait when it comes to that)
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 19, 2016 at 5:47 pm
welcome! he just has to see that you’re beung active in other things so that he will think you’re moving on
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 16, 2016 at 9:49 pm
Hi Kiki
Thank you very much!! It means a lot!! Ahm I didn’t catch your question though, did you mean how to reach out to him after 3 years of no contact?
Hajime
July 16, 2016 at 12:07 pm
So what is the answer to why men break up with women who earn more or are more successful in their careers? I Seemed to have missed seeing this in the post?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 16, 2016 at 9:30 pm
Hi Hajime,
omg! no you didn’t..it wasn’t included in the post, thank you for ponting that out 😉 we’re going to edit it.. but it’s supposed to be that the girl should adjust her lifestyle to meet halfway.. she can do what she wants of course..but not to the point that the guy thinks it’s the girl’s lifestyle that he would have adjust to and can’t keep up with down the line