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201 thoughts on “The Most Common Reasons For Why He Broke Up With You (And What To Do Next)”

  1. Avatar

    Alina

    December 14, 2016 at 6:52 am

    Hey!
    So I reading reason 5 and read about the financial situation part. This was a major key to my fiancé and I breaking up. He said exactly that maybe he’s not the guy for me and I should find someone better. Our breakup I believe shouldn’t have happened if we both just talked about it, but we know guys. They don’t like to communicate. We’ve been separated for almost 3 months and together for 5 years. Basic question; there was no solution to having delt with a financial reason for breaking up. So is there one? He has told me that he trying to get his life together and work on himself and to give it all time.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 2:17 am

      Hi Alina,

      Sorry, that was not included in the edited post.. I’ll include the solution here. We’ll re edit it. Here was the solution in the original draft:

      Financial/Social Status

      If it’s financial and your ex feels like he can’t “provide” or keep with you, then you have to sacrifice some of the things you’re used to do or maybe find an alternative for it or work out an agreement that you get to do the things that you want, even at least once a month then that’s it, right?

  2. Avatar

    Lauren

    November 28, 2016 at 6:09 pm

    Hi there! Need some help. My ex and I broke up only dating after 4 months. We met through mutual friends, and everything just seemed amazing. The chemistry was something i never felt before. He lived about an hour away, i went there every weekend (because i wanted to) but at the same time it was definitely a little one-sided. I never complained because i loved his family/friends so much i enjoyed being there. About a month ago i noticed a change in his behavior. Due to my past relationships and falling to insecurity, it was hard not to take things personal and think it was me. I questioned him one night in a dumb drunk state of mind, and whatever i said stuck to him… “maybe we are two different people”.. another month went by… we went to his best friends wedding, took a trip together for a weekend where he was sick — but still something was telling me something was off. That Sunday we got back he was supposed to come to a family event of mine and he was super late, and just checked out. I had to go back to his place to get my things, we kissed goodbye and then on the ride home i called him to say what he did wasn’t right. Things escalated, and about week went by where he said he needed time to think. He used me saying we were different against me, and said “he agrees and didn’t want to believe it”. Now he has been ignoring me (radio silent), and when it first was happening he was just so short with me… he said his feelings changed and that was that. His friends gave me some insight saying he thinks i am a great person, but his feelings just weren’t there anymore. I know this was special. I am in my 30’s (not that age matters) and have had my share of bad breakups. We clicked, it felt right, and now i am devastated he thinks i am not the girl for him. I did send a few late text throughout this past week, and i am beating myself up. Still, no response. What should i do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 2:06 pm

      Hi Lauren,
      stop chasing him.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

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    Sophia

    November 28, 2016 at 4:19 am

    My partner and I had been together for just over 18 months, most of this time was long distance, and he kept asking me to move closer.

    I finally did a week ago, I moved to the same town as him.. I was at his place last Monday night (21nov 2016) and we were talking about trialling living together and meeting up, possibly going on holidays together, having Christmas together… so I thought everything was fine…

    Then, on Saturday morning he came over and said he didn’t want a girlfriend anymore, we don’t have the same tastes, he doesn’t like having the responsibility of meeting up with me, that I’m immature, I act differently around other people and he doesn’t like it, the sex got boring, I was never in it for the long run(he bought me promise rings, commitment rings, talked about marriage and everything, he also said he can’t just be with one girl for the rest of his life (just to name a few), when I asked him if he was breaking up with me he said “I don’t know what I want” obviously I broke down into tears and he was crying as well, he cried on my shoulder and cuddled me… he said he felt sorry for me because I was so upset about it and he didn’t want to take me back out of pity…he said he does love me and always will but not in that way, he cuddled me again,

    I ended up talking him into a break (no contact unless it’s an emergency for a month) to which we set rules, no booking up or meeting with other people during this time and to work on ourselves and come up with a list of things that if improved could make the relationship work again…

    He then said “we are no longer together” and after agreeing to the one month no contact went to leave before kissing me multiple times, giving me a hug and saying I love you, and asking me to please stop crying.

    Ps. We are both 20YO, and he recently (the Sunday before the breakup) bought a new gaming computer… might that have anything to do with it? What are the chances this break will work? What are the chances he’ll miss me and what me back? What can I do to increase those chances?

    I’ve been non stop nauseous and vomiting since he left Saturday morning, I’m so devastated and confused. I just love him so much.

    Thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      Hi Sophia,

      you need to check this one:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

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    Janelle

    November 13, 2016 at 3:42 pm

    Hi I need some help /advice.
    So I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 4 months plus and we ended off things 2 weeks ago (mutually in a sense). He said he liked me a lot but he just wanted to focus on his studies because he just entered university a few months back and said he has a hard time coping with his commitments. We snapchatted almost everyday our break up but he replied it like once a day. But 2 days ago, I sort of picked a fight with him because I saw his profile popping out on tinder and his bio was updated but shortly he deactivated his account after he told me his friend was using his account and said he would delete it.
    Do you think if we have a chance of getting back together though he made it clear that he wanted to focus on his studies? I don’t know what I should do.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      Hi Janelle

      honestly, it’s small chance. First, you had a short relationship. Second, I doubt he’s telling the truth about the Tinder account. Right now, do you want to try the no contact rule?

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    Annie

    October 16, 2016 at 5:31 am

    Hi Amor, I met this guy from tinder who is almost 3 years younger than me. We hit off pretty quickly, we are both actors, share so many interests. I even lost my virginity to him. He asked me to be his girlfriend after 1 month of dating, and told me he love me after 2 months. I even saw almost all his friends and families. Before we broke up we’d dated for 4 months. I was actually the hesitant one cause I was about to leave the country at the end of summer, but decided to stay and transfer to another school in here. However, since new semester started everything went wrong, he went back to school which is 2 hour drive from my place, and it’s his final year so very busy. I’m starting new school so busy too. And pass the honeymoon phase we starts to have some fight, I felt I lost myself so I got kinda petty and bitter. What made things worst is his dog got diagnosised with cancer, so we see each other less often. And he became anxious(he had history of depression years ago), I also felt the symptoms of bipolar myself but still try to be supportive and didn’t want my problems bother him. We had few big fights over text and he suggested we take a break but we made up the same day. But his dog died the day he come back to my place. He didn’t blame me though but started to be more depressed and close up. And eventually he brought up threesome in a drunken text conversation one night. I got offended and said let’s take a break. I was angry so I changed our relationship status to”it’s complicated”, he found out and got mad at me. And three days later, he drove to my place and told me he think we should break up that he’s in a terrible place. Everything’s stressful and he want nothing in his life, he’s not right for relationship and think we should let go and move on cause he’s not coming back. I begged but he still left without even giving me a kiss. He had two relationships before. He dumped each one of them. His last girlfriend, had sex with him for a year even after their broke up. It’s been a week. I did text him few times about where he should mail my stuff to but he didn’t reply. And I want him back so badly. Is there any chance?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      Hi Annie,

      First, don’t be his friends with benefits.. Avoid it before you become it.. second, there’s no guarante that nc will work but it looks like it’s what you need.. he more probably said what he said out of emotion but the smart move right now is to have space and start healing and improving yourself.. do 21 days of nc…

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    Ocean

    October 1, 2016 at 11:35 am

    I had a live-in partner for over seven years. We started living together on 2009 and only found out in 2010 that he had abandoned his wife and two daughters when he was only 17. He’s already 42 years old now. I forgave him thinking he was too young then while denying the fact that he’s an adult now and still has zero interest in seeing his daughters. Not to just even look at them. And all I heard were excuses.

    This guy faced too many problems in life but I was there for him no matter what in the span of seven years.

    I lost my job in 2013 which was a very stressful year for me and that was the time he cheated on me with a colleague. I confronted the lady involved and so she left him. A few days after the confrontation, I found a job and asked this guy to leave the house. He stayed. Later on, the idiot in me forgave him. He proposed, we got engaged. I thought he’s learned his lesson and will not do the same thing again to me. I trusted. Life was perfect until I lost my job once again in 2016. He did exactly the same, cheated on me with a different woman, but he left the house this time when I asked him to. I applied the no contact rule and I have no intentions in getting back with him.

    Current update: he changed his profile picture twice on WhatsApp of them being together in less than two months we separated! How can someone be so inconsiderate and hurt the feelings of his ex partner of seven years – he could have waited for atleast six months as a sign of respect.

    1. Avatar

      Helen

      October 13, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      Okay, sorry to be annoying, but how long do you think?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2016 at 1:47 pm

      It’s ok! you can ask many as you like.. That’s hard to say.. you have to set a limit on until when you v would wait..a month or two? and then after that, if they go in the rocks, you can’t just jump in a relationship with him.. you’ll be used as a rebound if you do that.. You have to let him heal on his own.. You can be friendly but don’t be in a relationship with him at that point

    3. Avatar

      Helen

      October 13, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      So, it is not likely for us to get back together at all?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 9:09 pm

      not at all but not in the near future..

    5. Avatar

      Helen

      October 12, 2016 at 9:49 pm

      What I’d you were the person they thought would be better and it ended up to where they went back to their ex because they “realized” you weren’t? You see, my ex broke up with his gf to get the chance to know me, and then ended up introducing himself to me. After a couple of months, we began an official relationship that lasted four months. He then broke up with me and got together with her a few days later. He claimed that he hadn’t broken up with me for her, but that afterwards he realized he still had feelings for her. I have been trying to make improvements of my life, but she keeps seeming like she is too. Is there no hope? He claimed we weren’t right for each other. What do I do? I really want him back. Please help!

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 12:19 pm

      in all honesty Helen, all you can really do is to keep improving yourself..the only better chance you got is if they go in the rocks again but you have to tread that carefully too because you don’t want to be the go to rebound…but by this time, you should try dating too.. go out more..

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 4, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Ocean,

      He looks weak..First he left his family and had no intention of making up to them and then every time you lose your job, he goes and finds another woman he can be with.. I think it’s a blessing in disguise that you lost your job before you got married with him..

  7. Avatar

    Anette

    September 8, 2016 at 4:23 am

    So my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a couple of months ago saying that he wasn’t “feeling it anymore” he said I was the best friend he ever had but he just wasn’t getting the same feelings he did when we first got together. I freaked out and was really needy and stuff but eventually we ended up getting back together and since then he’s always second guessing himself and how he feels and but he keeps coming back and saying he really doesn’t want to do it again or hurt me because he thinks I’m great but he doesn’t really know what he’s feeling. Recently, he broke up with me again and I established the no contact rule and was actually doing really well, I even got a new job and I was doing stuff with my friends but I hadn’t entirely moved on. He came back to me but I told him we should try being single for awhile and I wasn’t ready to get back together. He said okay and then a few days later he said he wanted to be just friends so I said alright but then we saw eachother at a gathering with mutual friends and he took me home and he said he missed me but wasn’t sure about his feelings and I told him I’d be willing to try it out again with him for a month. Two weeks later he said he was still having mixed feelings from time to time and I’m trying to explain to him that he’s not always going to be 100% and that everyone has their doubts- he said we’d be better off as friends but I told him we still had two weeks so at the end of the two weeks we’d see what happens because he’s changed his mind so many times it would just be easier to leave it that way. But now while we hang out its like we’re not even together and it’s like in his mind the relationship is already over. He’s thinking it over but I’m not sure what to do. He’s also got a bad family history of relationships- his mom and his dad are both on their like 4th marriages and he’s never really seen a long term relationship work out while my parents have been together since high school and still love eachother and I’m 100% committed through thick and thin no matter my doubts. What’s should I do?

    1. Avatar

      Mel

      September 10, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      I’m going through the same thing me and my ex broke up a month ago he broke up with me a the day after I had a misscarriage he fought alot while I was pregnant before I got pregnant everything was great and then in his message he said he needed space wanted to be on his own that he still loved me and that I was the girl for him but he couldn’t be with me because we wanted different things and he seems to be fine and over it while left heartbroken about everything

      Need advice

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 9:33 am

      Hi Melanie,

      I think he needs time to heal from everything. I don’t think it’s a good idea to confess what you feel right away, especially right after nc.. Do 45 days and heal too. Improve and make a new routine, so that you and him can be given a chance to have a restart as friends again

    3. Avatar

      Mel

      September 10, 2016 at 4:53 pm

      I’m going through the same thing me and my ex broke up a month ago he broke up with me a the day after I had a misscarriage he fought alot while I was pregnant before I got pregnant everything was great and then in his message he said he needed space wanted to be on his own that he still loved me and that I was the girl for him but he couldn’t be with me because we wanted different things and he seems to be fine and over it while left heartbroken about everything

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 9:33 am

      Hi Melanie,

      I think he needs time to heal from everything. I don’t think it’s a good idea to confess what you feel right away, especially right after nc.. Do 45 days and heal too. Improve and make a new routine, so that you and him can be given a chance to have a restart as friends again

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 9, 2016 at 10:56 am

      Hi Anette,

      how long did you do the first nc? for on and off relationships, we usually recommend 45 days nc

  8. Avatar

    Jeya

    September 6, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    Hi,
    I just broke up with a guy 3 days ago. I really like him and I didn’t want to lose him. Im sorry for writing you long paragraphs, but I’m really helpless.

    This guy and I had been dating for 2 months. 2 weeks ago, i noticed that he’s being distance from me. I asked him what was the problem and he didn’t want to tell me at first. He said he was his own problem. I told him that his problem was affecting both of us and so it’s a problem of both of us, if he didn’t want to tell me, there’s no point for us staying busy together because communication is one of the most important thing in a relationship. He told me that he was angry with me of deciding to stay with a guy friend’s place when I go to a trip in Sydney. The reason I made the decision was because I wanted to cut down my travel cost (I didn’t tell him that). I explained to him that friend is and close platonic friend. He said he would never be okay with me staying in a guy friend’s place. It’s either me finding another accomodation or i being another girl friend along for the trip to stay in my guy friend’s place. I was in daze as I didn’t expect that he would be angry with this issue, my mind was messy and I was upset with our argument, so I responded to him that I’ll think about it. He then dropped me home. After I went home, I immediately decided to find another accomodation to solve this conflict cause his feelings matter to me. I was about to tell him the next day when we go out. I texted him if we were going. He replied that he was upset and he had some work application issue, and he didn’t feel like going out. So i respected that and let him has his time. He then didn’t contact me for one week and I thought he was still upset about his work problem, so I didn’t disturb him (cause it seemed to me guys would want to have their alone time to solve problem without anyone disturbing when they were upset). One week later, he suddenly texted me that things weren’t working out. And he didn’t appreciate that I force him to tell the problem just to ignore it. I immediately texted and called him but he didn’t reply. I was really scared. The next day, I went to his house (of course informing him I would do so) to see him. We talked about things and I found out he was angry because I didn’t tell him the accomodation in the first place and he had to ask me. I explained that I was mad at him that time cause he always reply my messages 2 hours or even 1 day after I texted him. Anyways, in the end, the issue resolved.

    2 days later, when we went out for date, I still noticed that he’s still being distance and he didn’t hold my hand (normally he would). I got mad and walked a few steps faster that him. He followed me into a shop and I was still mad (cause deep down I thought he didn’t like me anymore). I told him ‘why are you following me? are you stalking me? Go away’ (in a whining tone). He then walked out of the shop. I thought he got angry and that’s why he went out to cool down. After half an hour I cool down my emotion, I thought it’s unfair get mad at him without telling him the reason. So i called him, he picked up and told me that what I said in the shop was disrespectful to him and he went back by using the train. I got panic and drove back immediately to where he parked his car. We argued again and i apologized for being mad at him without giving him a reason. I explained why I was mad. He told me that I treated him like shit and so don’t expect him to be nice to me. And he said he can’t trust me like he used to and so that’s why we were not close anymore. He even told me that we were so different and emotionally not connected. At this point, I thought he wanted a break up. I told him that I was willing to work things out and I asked him if he’s willing to. At first, he said he doesn’t know and then he said no. And therefore, I thought we were over cause I’m a person who take words for real.

    One day later, he texted me, saying he was sorry if he was rude and he didn’t mean what he said. He didn’t like being pushed if we were over when he was angry. And he’d still want to work things out. I didn’t reply him cause I didn’t know what he was trying to achieve by sending me this text after what he told me yesterday. He then called me and repeated the content inside the text. I told him I’ll give him a reply by night. He said I don’t have to give him a reply by that night and I can take my time and think. At night, I texted him ‘I need time to think, we talked things out one week later,okay?’. The next morning I saw his text reply. He replied ‘sure’, followed by another text 2 minutes after ‘hmm I think it’s alright, forget that I texted. Take care and goodbye’. I immediately replied ‘I need time to think on how to solve our issues especially our communication. But it seemed like I’m unimportant to you and I’m not worth the wait of one week. Anyways, I really enjoyed our time together. But I don’t appreciate you wanting to work things out and the next minute you regretted. That’s not a nice move’. I realized my latest text wasn’t able to sent through and I found out that he blocked me on whatsapp and Facebook. I didn’t bother to check if he blocked my number on iPhone cause it’s obvious that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. And also, we don’t have mutual friends on Facebook cause he deleted them few months ago for some reason.

    For the past 3 days, I didn’t try to call him at all. And I’ve read the post about no contact rules. As much as I want him back, but I need time to heal myself too. Thank you so much for taking time to read this.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2016 at 7:55 am

      Hi Jeya,

      that’s good. Do 30 days and then keep your posts public because there’s a chance that he might still check that through a different account.

  9. Avatar

    Fiona

    September 2, 2016 at 1:15 pm

    IF he said something like I cannot make you happy, you can do better than me – something along those lines. You said that he will be hiding the true reason. Well what would you expect the true reason to be?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      Hi Fiona,

      it depends on the situation on why and when he said it.. If you were always fighting and then he suddenly says that, he probably is tired of fighting. If he saw another girl better than you and then he says that, then that means he just wants to move on to that girl.

  10. Avatar

    Bree

    August 26, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    Hi everyone. I’m desperate for advice!
    My boyfriend broke up with me the day after my birthday & so after our break up I gave him some space. A week later we both started talking again and decided to get back together, immediately after getting back together I believe the same night we got back together Or the night after we got back together, we had sex.
    So I figured all was well.

    A week into being back together he began to act distant again and started showing little to no effort. So 3 weeks passed by I believe and we started talking, and I got so upset that I told him we either breakup or we talk right now. He didn’t respond so I took his silence for a break up and so I said “ok well I guess we’re done.” He said Okay almost immediately after. We have been together a little over 1.5 years and in the beginning he was obsessed with me but I wasn’t so obsessed with him.. I didn’t really care all that much but as I got to know him more and once we got physically intimate I started to become obsessed with him and he started to lose his obsession with me. I gave him all of my time and was always available for him.

    Back in January at the beginning of the year he was starting to complain a lot about me not giving him enough space & he would say that I need to heed or else I’ll suck him dry of his love. I tried but the most I could give him was 1.5 days and after that I needed to hear from him again. The other day he yelled at me over the phone and that was the first time he ever yelled at me. I was pleading and crying to him to take me back but he said that he loves me but we can’t be together, he said there is no getting back. I don’t know if he really means it or if he just wants space.. it’s freaking me out because he said he’s going back to Jamaica and doesn’t know if he’s coming back. On top of that he deleted his Facebook account (I googled his page while logged off and nothing appeared) and all of his snapchats are either him being obnoxious or him singing lyrics that seem like they have to do with us but I can’t be too sure.. he sang something along the lines of I know you’re hurting but I’m hurting more and shit like that.

    Then when he was in my city he used all the geofilters on Snapchat for my city so I felt like that was him saying hey look I’m in your city, but maybe I’m overthinking it?

    I know he still loves me, he tells me all the time “you have no idea just how much I love you” even when he went all crazy and started yelling he still said I love you but just leave me alone.

    Even though he says that he loves me, part of me feels like he just does not want to get back together or work things through. I feel like he’s happy to finally get space and not hear from me.. I feel like he’ll get comfortable and not want me back.

    He’s so important to me and I just need to know if I have a chance of getting him back or if I shoukd try to move on.

    We do have a 10 year age gap and I know it somewhat affected our relationship. He always thought my family hated him even though that wasn’t true and his co workers would always tell him to find an older women and it would bother him.. he wants children and a wife and I want to marry him but only if we can be stable. Once we are married I told him we could start having kids.

    He used to say I make him so comfortable but now he says he’s not comfortable and even says that he doesn’t want sex, he feels like I took away his masculinity because I came onto him so strong and he says that I don’t allow him to chase me. I just give him everything. He said he loves me but not in a sexual way, he said his love is real love. Love love. He just wants to care for me and be good to me not fuck me as he puts it.. he says our conversations don’t stimulate him anymore.. sigh

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2016 at 10:57 am

      Hi Bree,

      I think you have a chance. He already said what was wrong.. You don’t have your own life, so it killed the desire. No matter who you’re with, the same problem will arise if you’re too clingy..

  11. Avatar

    CherLu

    August 25, 2016 at 11:26 pm

    Hey Amor,
    I can relate to situation 6 here. I was dating this guy for 3 months. He was the one who suggested that we be exclusive after a month and sorta pushed for the whole relationship thing early out. As soon as I started getting into to it, he tell me (after spending the weekend together) that he no longer wants to be in a relationship. I did 2 weeks of NC (didn’t even know that was a thing back then) and then he came over to get his things and apologized for the whole thing. We started hanging out for 2 weeks and I realized that I wasn’t over the hurt feelings from how he handled the breakup. So I decided to cut off communication for a while and just focus on me. It’s been 9 days and he reached out today just to say hi. Not sure if I should respond. Though I miss his company, I’m not sure if I really want him back. How do I handle a situation like this. Is the NC rule less stringent if you don’t want your ex back? Thanks in advance for your advise.

    1. Avatar

      Jen

      August 30, 2016 at 6:23 am

      Hiiiiii okay so I don’t know where to begin so I am sorry if this gets confusing, (I am also confused). okay so here goes the situation I am currently in and desperately need advice on. My boyfriend and I dated for two years and we moved in together (bad mistake) anyways, I noticed he changed a lot towards the end of our relationship. For starters he picked up a full time job that was necessary to continue to afford the place we lived in (even though I took up half the rent), then he started to pick friends over spending time with me and used the excuse of “oh we live together, I see you everyday and I don’t need to spend a bunch of time with you but i don’t see my bros everyday”. We tried to compromise on that but by the end he said I demanded his time and forced him to spend time with me (which all I wanted was a day to myself with him, just one day) Also I know we moved in together but I rarely saw him, because he works a graveyard shift and I was in school all day time so really there wasn’t that much time at all. Also things got even worse because he started to smoke a lot of weed and that seemed to have changed him a lot too, and lastly he accumulated a $10,000 debt somehow and is still currently in. I am also doing the 30 day NC with him and am on day 21 and it’s still really hard, I am not so sure what to do. All my stuff are also still at his place, they are out of his room but not out of the apartment because it’s really hard to go back there. Everything just feels really unfair and I am wondering what to do, and when do things get better? When he broke up with me he said that I was more attached to him than he was to me so I know that shows how he felt overall, I am just sad and confused, I feel like I put so much time and effort and am the one who is heartbroken. I am not sure what to do, is it even worth trying to contact him after the NC days are up? I still care about him and miss him and sorry this is all over the place. I hope it made sense, and I could some advice? Thanks for taking the time to read this. (:

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 12:35 pm

      HI Jen,

      which means he lost desire for you and then you became clingy.. HOw much have you changed since starting no contact?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 29, 2016 at 3:34 pm

      Hi CherLU,

      NC rule is the same rule to moving on, you just don’t reach out after a certain amount of days. but what did you talk about before you did this nc? Does he know you’re taking time because you’re not over what happened?

  12. Avatar

    Hannah

    August 24, 2016 at 10:35 am

    Hi Team,

    So this guy and his mother were trying to set a get to know each other meeting for a long time (but somehow I didn’t know about this until after a year, they used to ask someone I know who would answer and say no without telling me ). I know his mom and see her on occasions even before knowing her son who’s 27 yrs old. Then the guy reached out to a friend of mine (who is also his relative) to ask for my cell number if I didn’t mind. I was hesitant at the beginning and which made me more hesitant that he seemed to have taken a long time to decide to finally ask for my cell number. Anyways we started texting then calls and spending time together. We felt that we had a lot in common. He was very considerate, caring, loving, and would do anything anytime to be there for me. He said that he loved me after about two weeks and started talking about engagement and how he wants me to stay in the same state/city since I was about to graduate and looking for jobs. However, I felt it was moving too fast especially the love part, I was worried but didn’t share this with him. He was always pushing me to tell my parents about us. He mentioned that he wouldn’t prefer to go visit my parents (who live in another country) but he wants them to come visit.
    Then my mom said she is visiting me and he wanted to meet her so bad so I told her about him. Between the time I told my mom and her actually visiting (around a month or less) this started changing. He started getting more worried about my parents impression about him and if they’ll give him their blessings for a proposal & he started being stubborn about not wanting to ever visit my family at their place! Or even me visiting them once a year! Or when feasible! And he said that he likes me now (not love me!) he started FREAKING out although he was pushing for it. We both have had agreed that we want a year long engagement so we can both get somethings done.

    When my mom came things started getting bad. (He started being cold). His mom asked to meet with me, my mom, and our coming friend. My mom said she’d like me to move back closer to them and that was the start of all trouble. I explained that if he directly contacts my dad things would change and I will work with him to make things work. I showed my support and that I do like him but it’s not good to avoid a call to my dad! I was going to travel with my mom as planned (although he tried to make me cancel many times however I explained it was only a visit and my family needed me plus I’ll be coming back). But anyways he started being so cold and when I asked to see him before I leave he was the coldest ever! And he didn’t even want to meet but still did it (to say he made an offer).
    When I traveled I stayed in contact but he said that if we have problems now that means we’ll always will. For me it seemed that he freaked out and backed out. And he gets affected a lot by his mom who really liked me but seems to control his decisions and doesn’t want him to make an effort.
    It seemed that they wanted me to work everything out myself and then let them know when it’s all taken care of.

    He said his feelings changed and we went no contact for a month until he contacting me on my birthday. I replied a thank you only. But he kept texting although I was very short, polite, and casual with the answers. He started showing interest again, and giving HINT (not directly) that he misses me. He said that he enjoys communicating with me again. He did not mention anything about the before NC. Then I stated that I’m still upset about what happened and he explained that he knows how I feel and that he knows I still can’t bear seeing his face (although I would love to see him or even talk not just text, I do miss him but not showing him). Anyways, I asked where he sees this going, he said “the right bath I hope”! Didn’t really give me an answer. His mom texted me that she hopes we work things out, I said if it’s meant to be it’ll be. I’m being careful with my replays. I don’t want to be hurt again, or feel that I’m let down again.
    Now we have been texting, he is showing interest, caring about my life, sharing some good memories, showing that he still knows all the details and won’t forget, and he seems to worry if I get sick too. His mom keeps asking about what I’m doing through my friend and always asks about us. Im not sure where this is going or how to explain their actions. Does he really care and would he make an effort to make this work? I feel the previous issues need to be addressed at some point but not sure if it’s good to open it up! Should I just go with the flow? But I’m worried that I may be hoping for us to get back together when he isn’t going to go through the trouble for it. Or he might expect me to do all the work and doesn’t have to help, which is not ok with me. Am I being stubborn too or is it my right to work things out together as a couple of he really wants to get back together?

    1. Avatar

      Hannah

      August 29, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      Hey Amor,

      Thank you for your comment. I am 26 and he is 27 years old. Lately I’ve started seeing he’s being a mama’s boy though he previously (before the trouble) wasn’t sharing any of our stuff with his mom. I think he got scared off with my dads first rejection. How can I encourage him to persue a second chance? And he seems to have money issues that might drag him back, which I think he is just making a big deal out of small stuff. If he still sounds not serious, what’s a way to figure out for sure? I do care a lot for this guy but I do not like wasting time with playful people. He seemed like a good match to me

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 11:31 am

      You have to let him be a man and do it on his own because if you assist or convince him too much, you’re like just replacing his mom. If he really loves you, he would prove to you and your parents that he’s man enough to face them and talk to them..

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2016 at 2:09 pm

      Hi hannah,

      how old are you both? Sorry but he sounds like a mama’s boy and the incident that he didnt want to meet your parents showed that he’s not serious with you

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    Emmy

    August 23, 2016 at 11:30 pm

    Hi Amor and Chris,
    My ex and I have been together for 1.5 years, he’s 27 and I’m 22. I love him to death, and he’s told me he loves me and always will as well. I sincerely planned to marrying this guy one day…. he’s the love of my life. Only problem is, timing. I have just gone back to School for two years to finish my degree, and he really wants me to succeed in school and have a real “college experience” (whatever that means lol). Nonetheless, the past few months have been a bit rocky for us, we started getting into a lot of arguments (I would get jealous and have my trust issues coming out), and he was going through some type of depression where he was unhappy with his work, and his life in general. He didn’t love himself and felt as if he hasn’t grown in the relationship. So we mutually agreed to seperate for now, due to our current endeavors not matching up and seeing where things will go later on in life, since we do still love and care about each other.
    It’s been 1 week NC and I’m hanging in there, working out everyday and trying to lose some of the weight I gained.

    My questions are, do I have a chance to be reunited with him? He’s an emotional guy inside, but doesn’t like to show it.
    And, how can I better myself during this time apart (I’m doing NC), so I could be better for the both of us if we do ever match up again? I feel guilty that he didn’t feel growth in the relationship, and am not sure how I am suppose to help with that.

    Please let me know! I’ll appreciate it!

    1. Avatar

      Emmy

      August 28, 2016 at 9:06 pm

      Okay, Thank you Amor. I’m still doing NC, it’s been almost 2 and a half weeks now and he still hasn’t reached out. I have been working on myself and trying my best to be better for us in the future if there will be one.
      Do you think NC will work with him? Or should I just not reach out. I know he misses me and wants to talk, but he’s trying to be strong.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2016 at 7:28 pm

      We can’t guarantee that it will but what do you mean by not reaching out? As in not reaching out at all even after x days of nc?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2016 at 7:49 am

      Hi Emmy,

      improve the health, wealth and relationships aspects of your life.. work out, build skills, reconnect with family and friends and make new ones.. The space can let him work out his problems.. focus in yourself..dont worry about him..he broke up with you because he needs to focus in getting himself back together.. so that he doesnt have other things to think about but his improvement only

  14. Avatar

    A

    August 23, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    Hey my bf of almost 3 years who I was planning on moving in with broke up with me over a month ago. During that time I asked us not to talk for 2 weeks, afterwards he asked me if we could do anything physically/emotionally as long as neither of us were getting hurt. He said he also wanted to stay separated until school started (which it has now), I later told him I was just using this weird inbetween situation to pretend we were still together. I said I would prefer to work it out as a couple or to not talk for awhile. His reasons for breaking up have been he felt I was dependent on him for happiness (which is strange because I am a pretty independent person but he got stressed when I felt we weren’t spending enough time together/that I was paying for most the meals we had together, granted he does not have very much money), that I had lost my temper with him a number of times, especially recently (which I have apologized for and regret and have said so, and that I want to change that) he is also extremely conflict avoidant and shuts down, and that school is a big stressor for him right now. He said he feels really horrible for hurting me, but that he has shut down the part of him that says whether or not he loves me or misses me and he has been keeping himself really busy. He said talking about getting back together right now just reaffirms the reasons he chose to break up as those memories are stuck in his head, and while he definitely wants me as a friend later on he needs to consider if he wants me as a partner again. He said i should try to move on and let go, and that he would contact me in a few months. I had groveled a bit I will admit, but he also said he was serious about how he thought we were going to get married and that I haven’t lost my chance with him. This is why he keeps saying maybe about a future together as he doesn’t want expectations but doesn’t want to lose his chance with me. Literally three days after saying he wouldn’t contact me for a while, he texted me asking about a certain band we had listened to… I responded but also asked for space and time and that I would appreciate him not contacting me for awhile. Do I have a chance? Is NC the best way to go or will he move on? How long should the NC be?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Hi A,

      we cant guarantee that nc would work but it would help for him to miss you and to have a restart

  15. Avatar

    Ana

    August 22, 2016 at 4:11 am

    Hi Amor,

    Its been a month since my ex broke up with me. Our situation is that He is my Neighbor and we got used to be always together. Sometimes we had arguments because we used to spend too much time together. But then I had to go to Asia to study for a semester. He gave the support I needed from him, and in the end of the semester away he went to visit me. It was great that our relationship survived the distance, we felt strong. But when I came back home things got difficult for me, I couldn’t get a job, I started feeling insecure so I started getting a little paranoic about him. But he never made me feel insecure. I was insecure about myself so we got into many stupid fights. I know im very responsible for it, but I resent the fact he broke up with me in this chaotic period of my life, it feels like he gave up on our 3 years old relationship. Our last fight resulted on him breaking up through WhatsApp. At first I was mad about it, so I texted him agreeing that the break up was the best thing for us. I thought he would come after me for a decent face to face talk. So two weeks after I reached him for a conversation. My intention was to apologize and trying to get back. But he was cold and decided to it. In the end I asked for a kiss and he said he was still super attracted to me, so we ended in bed. I had hopes but on the next day he was cold. I was crashed but I decided not to chase him. I asked the keys of my house back and he returned them with a book I needed to study that he took the time to print after the brake up. Since then we had very little contact, I reached him when I needed some things and once when I missed talking to him. He always answered my calls and texts, and even said I could reach him. But I don’t do it often, we are neighbors so I see him on the club we go, and sometimes on the street. After this month and 2 weeks I needed him badly and I called him. He came to my house and we had sex again. He says he is enjoying his time alone, by concentrating in his personal goals and learning from solitude. I told him this time apart also made good I was finally able to see I wasn’t being good for him and not even for myself. He went away and I don’t know what to do. I know I should not beg or ask to come back. What then? No contact is difficult and he doesn’t avoid me. When I see him he treats me well. Thank you for your time

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2016 at 12:43 pm

      Hi Ana,

      so right now you’re friends with benefits.. you said nc is hard, does that you have started it and you’re already actively improving yourself or you’re just about to start it?

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    Lucy G.

    August 18, 2016 at 1:51 am

    S.O.S. !!! So I have started NC a couple of days ago and I accidentally sent a wrong send to him which caused me to accidentally break the NC and I swear it was an honest mistake meant for my gay friend who has the same name as his.
    (my friend got a new number so when he put his name in my contacts he didn’t put the surname so that was the story behind it)

    Anyway I ended up texting with my Ex for a bit and it kind of got emotional, I ended it quickly with a nice and casual goodbye and told myself to go back to NC . The next day I woke up all lonely and sad it was the worst feeling, so since he lived just right below my unit I gave in then called him up and then went down to go talk with him. It was good and alright at first until we had sex and I got up and he probably noticed I felt bad about it. I texted him later on saying it was a mistake. This is the second time we had sex after the break up. The first one was at an after party of a friend’s we were quite drunk, we talked a bit then had sex as well. Same thing happened back then, I told him it was a mistake. Is it possible that I could still get him back by doing NC again?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2016 at 10:18 am

      Hi Lucy G,

      do it one last time, and stick to it.. it’s not yet too late.

  17. Avatar

    Julia

    August 9, 2016 at 3:11 am

    My ex has just got a new job, and when he broke up with me he told me he wanted to focus on his career and didn’t feel like dating with any girls because he couldn’t deal with everything like work, a girlfriend, friends and stuff. Well I was thinking if there are a girl who is really attractive to him, he has a crush on and he really loves, he would be together with the girl even if he’s so busy and has little time for date. Am I wrong? Or are there guys like him who don’t feel like dating when they want to focus on their work?

    1. Avatar

      Julia

      August 11, 2016 at 4:48 am

      Thank you AMOR! I see. Okay, I understand. By the way, if possible I would like Chris to write something related to this stuff, I mean men’s feelings on dating, girlfriends, relation and stuff when they are busy. Thank you.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2016 at 5:02 pm

      Hi Julia,

      it depends.. if the guy dated the girl right after the break up then that means he has been waiting for a long time to do it..

  18. Avatar

    Maria

    August 8, 2016 at 7:46 pm

    Dear Team.. Yesterday my boyfriend with whom i have a long distance relationship broke up with me.. We met through internet and after a half year of good friendsip we decided to go into a relationship. Even though we both knew that it would be very hard. I live in germany and he lives in South Korea. We have been together for more then a year and i even visited him in april. We then alao had some issues and it was difficult for him since we never have met before, he wanted to break things off also but then i borrowed mone and went to him. We had an amazing time together and he couldnt stop saying sorry at time. I didnt need any prove to know that he really loved me and we even had serious future plans together.
    After i came back to germany we both started to look for jobs, i to pay back what i borrowed and he to pay for the next ticket. Everything went well except for the fact that he had a lot of stress to get the money. Wr are both students and he finnishes next year, while i still gave 3 years left to study. He got some extra costs such as house payment that he didnt expect and he also needed to pay back money.. but nevertheless he stil worked hard to get more money to be able to buy the ticket. I even agreed to help a little and give some money also. He couldnt wait to see me and was counting the days down. We would be together for 55 days and i would fly next week to him.

    A few days ago i got some bad news about something and started stressing super much. I told him i didnt want to talk about it at that time since i knew i would throw a fit, but he still wanted to talk it through with me. I was so negative and stressed.u said really bad things about myself such as that i always make stupid decisions and such. Basically, i throw a huuge fit.. and i think that scared him off… The next day he proposed that maybe we need to fix our money problems first and that i shouldnt go to him now.. but i declined that proposal and tried to find ways how to find a cheaper ticket (which i found) and i also said thar my parents also really expect me to go and that they will have super negative thoughts if i dont go (my parents really said that). He didnt reply at that day then (which was yesterday) and only in the evening he said that he had some time to think well and that he had something to tell me.

    He said that in order to have a good relationship there is happyness needed. But he cannot deal with the distance anymore. If i come to him i need to leave someday and if he goes to me he also needs to go back to korea. He said that he is thankful to me and that i was very kind and very thoughtful and that i was his best girlfriend he ever met. But a breakup would be better for us he said and just stay friends..

    I couldnt believe it and still cannot.. i was able to ask him some questions and he did reply. But i didnt get much out of it also… he said he did really love me but he wants to date me like normal people and wants to see me when he wants to see me. And not that its like that we see each other for 3 months and after dont see each other again for 5 months…he said that he couldnt wait for 3 years.. and that its really hard for him and also hard for us to get the money for the tickets…
    After i also said my final words since he said i could do same. I said some things i wanted to say and ended it with a goodnight, he wished me goodnighr back. After though i did send some more messages with my thoughts and such. I also said sorry about how i was so negative the past weeks and that i will change the habit of pushing and such. Just for myself. I didnt ask him to come back to me.. i wrote a lot, but i said everything i wanted to say, i dont have any more left and just am only hoping he will change his mind…He didnt read those messages yet though.. But i wont say anymore and just see if he will say something or not… He probably needs some more time to think..
    He didnt delete anything of me.. we had special names for each other in the facebook chat. I changed his name to just his name, but he didnt change my name to my normal name. Also he didnt delete any of my pictures on all social media and even not on something like whatsapp. He has all thr pictures of us together and also of me. He didnt change his facebook status to single also and it still says he is in a relationship with me.. i also know he didnt sleep the night after the break up since its possible to see nowadays when someone is and was online. Now its nighttime in korea also and i know he doesnt sleep..
    Do i have some hope left to het him back? I really want to go to korea next week to see him and i hope he changes his mind eventually since we can be in each others arms for so long next week… After 2 months our school starts and we both need to go to school for 4 months after.. I dont know what to do and if there is hope.. I believe if i go next week and we will be together for 55 days, it can be solved.. But he is the one that is buying the ticket, i cant afford to buy now…

    What can i do? I even dont know how to ask the question. I really love him and i know he also really loves me, just i think. If i didnt throw a fit a few days ago, he wouldn’t think like this.. i dont know how to fix things…

    I hope to receive a reply, thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2016 at 8:57 am

      Hi Maria,

      give him space..he got tired of you so the least you want to do is annoy him.. treat this week as a the start of no contact.. if he doesn’t contact you by next week to change his mind..continue no contact.. dont reply if it’s just a how are you text or a hello.. start to be productive in improving yourself

  19. Avatar

    Yvonne's Granddaughter

    August 7, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    Hi Team… I recently purchased your books but I am wondering if my situation is too final for the NC plan to get us back. He basically made a very firm line that we can’t be. The background is that we were only hanging out for 1.5 months. We are neighbors who live in the same apartment building. We met 10 months ago when I first moved in. He was the friendliest to me. Always glad to see me, laugh and joke around, play games in our common area, confided in me about his past and dating life, and introduced to me our other social neighbors. Then one day he carried something back to my place for me and asked if he could come up. That’s when he said he wanted to get to know me, take his time, that he liked me for a while but didn’t want to make a move too soon. He said sex was the easy part let’s just get to know each other. So we started spending time together at my place or around the building pretty frequently. He is recently divorced (2 years separated, divorce finalized in 2015) and playing the field. He has his 5 yr old daughter 3 days a week. Early on, I said that I didn’t see us as casual because I like him and believed I would develop feelings for him if we were to hook up. So he said he would be interested in a relationship as long as it was a fun one. But things got shaky quickly. He would go MIA. The first time he popped back up I playfully hit/punched him for going MIA and then just hung out but (the other times he went MIA I said nothing. Gave him space.) In that 1.5 months he/we tried to break up with me twice because he seemed to feel really guilty and scared of a deeper emotional connection and confused. He said he wished we could be casual. But every time we had a break up talk, by the end of the conversation he couldn’t bring himself to really end it wanted to keep going. He we exchanged the L word in that time. We had intense attraction. It was very hard for me to keep delaying sex when we were hanging out at the apartment. We only went out once. When things kept looking shaky I started acting more erratically (got mad) from him canceling plans or just seeming inconsistent. I felt it was going to be over. So I decided I wanted to sleep with him. I told him I didn’t think want us to end and we never were intimate. So we sort of had sex but not full out. He was holding back. It was confusing because he claimed to want to be casual. He even said, “where do we go from here?” after we had brief sex for the first time. After our second break up talk we both didn’t want to part so we were supposed to think things over and talk again. He wanted to talk the next day, I said I needed a week. But that talk never happened. He attempted to talk 2 days later but I flaked because things were too intense and my nerves were bad. Then I tried to just keep the lines of communication open but we were phone tagging and it probably looked like I was trying too hard. A week went by and he called me at 5am. I ignored it. We saw each other at our gym and barely spoke. When I got back home he texted me a compliment and then immediately said don’t respond. I responded briefly. He said he shouldn’t have sent it, he’s the wrong guy for me. The next day I said, can we talk. That is when he told me he just can’t move forward in the relationship. No more to say. He is the worst kind of guy for me. He is really sorry. Is there any point to the NC rule here? I think it was just too intense too soon and although I think we really care about each other I think I did not pace or distance myself enough. He says we would never work and I dislike everything about him –which is not true. But I have not felt that I got much chance to really do the talking about how I feel. Most times he talked 70%. So not sure if I should do NC or just leave it

    1. Avatar

      Yvonne's Granddaughter

      August 7, 2016 at 9:56 pm

      I should say that 1 reason he gave for wanting to end was that he was really enjoying being free and emotionally detached. He was very clear that he currently has multiple women he sleeps with and would bounce around whenever one of them got mad at him. Having been thru a rough divorce, fighting to keep his daughter in this city, and losing his Mom a few months ago, I think he was emotionally spent. Also FYI he is wealthy and a business owner. He said I deserved the relationship I was looking for.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 8, 2016 at 1:15 pm

      Hi Yvonne’s granddaughter,

      yeah, I think he found you needy for him because things were just going too fast.. anyways, no contact is also for moving on, so whether he goes back with you or not, it’s still better to start no contact process.

  20. Avatar

    Mely

    August 4, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    My ex of three years moves on right after the breakup to a new girl he has known for a year and never told me about it, we were both our first love, she seems like a rebound because he brags all the time about it, but it also seems like a serious relationship. I heard that he thinks I am not over him, and I cant get a new bf right away. Question: Will making my ex jealous by posting a pic on fb kissing another guy and appearing as if I was in a new relationship get him back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2016 at 11:57 am

      Hi Mely,

      nope.. that’s too forward.. and it’s so obvious that you’re trying to just prove him wrong.

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