The Most Common Reasons For Why He Broke Up With You (And What To Do Next...)

210 thoughts on “The Most Common Reasons For Why He Broke Up With You (And What To Do Next)”

Grace

March 4, 2017 at 6:38 pm

Well my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago.. we had been fighting that week and he said he was thinking about this long term and he’s not sure we’re the best match. We’ve known that we had differences in communication and affection, I’m affectionate he’s not, and our communication just didnt “click” like it had for him with relationships in the past; but he also always thought I was upset with him and it frustrated him and brought him down. I’m in a job I hate and I’ve noticed in general I’m not happy by myself so that clearly carried over and someone else can’t make you happy so something to work on during NC. We were going to stay together and work on that stuff until I asked him if he could see himself asking me to move in with him and him asking me to marry him when he said “This can go long term it will just take work”. After that he said “it’s best we don’t date”, he said he really cares for me and he doesnt want to lose me so wanted to be friends, but I cant do that. He’s been planning on moving 2 hours away for a while now for work, and before distance was a problem for him, I find it to be too big of a coincidence that this happened just 3 days before he moved so I also feel thats a part.
He’s almost 30 and I’m his longest relationship, we dated for 1 year and 3 months, he introduced me to his family and got serious with me after 6 months of talking. He’s only ever brought home his HS gf, so it was a pretty big deal. He’s also talked about the future with me up until that bad week. I’ve known he was nervous about commitment and its very clear that this, paired with him not thinking we’re a match is the cause, but when I asked him why he just said “it just doesnt feel right”, “It just isnt right”. Now he got nervous 4 months after we had been talking and said he wasnt sure where I would end up after school so he wanted to stop talking, the next day I went over to give it another try and he said he felt we just didnt have any chemistry. A couple weeks later he said he had just said that to make things easier since I was looking for a reason, that he had lied and he didnt want to be just friends. Again this came out of no where after unfortunately I had been asking him why, I blew up his phone distraught and begged basically. I know I know, looking back its bad. Plus he said he felt like I was just asking for answers I already knew and just wanted to put him down, so clearly things didnt end well. I just started NC, its been 1 week, we play soccer together and he texted me saying he couldnt make it and followed up with another text saying hes still at work will be at playoffs so while I’ve pushed him away it doesnt seem to be too far. I didnt quite get the section that I fall under. He doesnt truly upset me so thats not a problem, and communication and affection are things that can be worked on that at one point we were willing to work on. So I’m just curious as to what you suggest, and also I have soccer play offs in a week, it’ll have only been 16 days of NC what should I do? I’m considering not going.
Eeda

January 20, 2017 at 11:08 am

Hey I’m sorry if some of the paragraphs don’t make sense, English is not my first language.

My boyfriend of 8 months left me 6 weeks ago saying that he didn’t have feelings for me anymore. He is in the army right now so we could only see on the weekends. In October he started to change, he was cold and distant which is completely the opposite of his real character. I tried to talk to him about it and he would always tell me that the army was causing him alot of stress.

In December he broke up with me but didn’t really close the door completely. He told me that he was really depressed because of his work situation and that he felt like he couldn’t be there for me right now and that he didn’t feel the love anymore. He told me I should not wait for him and that I should move on but also said “please dont cut me off I still want to be part of your life” and “I really feel like we have a special connection”. He said he needed me as a friend. I really love him so I promised to be there for him because of his life situation and seeing him crying made me feel really bad.

We saw a couple times before christmas and he even bought me a really expensive Christmas present even though I told him not to. The last time we saw was before NYE and he was very cold and I could see he tried to fake being happy. That’s when I made the big mistake and told him that I still loved him and I couldn’t move on if he wanted me to be his friend. He said he undestood me and was willing to keep distance if that’s what I wanted. He also told me how much he appreciates me and feels bad for doing this.

I didn’t talk to him for a week. A month after our breakup I texted him asking if he had seen something of mine at his place and that’s when he told me “hey i have met someone”. He also really tried to rub in the fact that he’s suddenly really happy with his life again just a week after his depression took over. That’s when I told him that I wanted to clean the slate and not be his friend. He told me he understood and I started no contact.

Right now i’m on Day 11 no contact and I still love him very much. It’s really hard to pinpoint why he broke up with me and found a new girl only 1 month after. He has a history of having rebounds and thinking they are the real deal. We were really serious about our relationship and were planning on moving together next summer. I really want him back. I’m improving on myself, trying to seem happy on social media, seeing friends and keeping up with my hobbies and studying. What can I do after the no contact? I don’t know who the new girl is or how serious he is with her. Please help me, I’d really appreciate it.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2017 at 6:17 pm

Hi Eeda,

thats good that you’re active, keep being active even after nc and be active in social media posting too.. you can initiate a contact after nc to slowly build rapport

Sierra

January 14, 2017 at 6:07 pm

Hey Amor,
Idk if you remember me how could you you talk to millions of women a day. But last time we spoke I was working on being friends with my ex boyfriend and then at the beginning of this year we started bonding a lot more he even told me that he now trusts me that by the bonding we had I regained his trust same goes for him. We were extremely romantic and loving towards each other literally a few days ago. One night a few days ago I told him how much I appreciate him being patient and understanding and also listening to me about my job, family, friends and school. He then wanted us to pull back and be friends for the time being because his friend recently took his own life. He found out the night I sent him that message about appreciating him. Now when he sent me that message I didn’t know his friend died, so I told him I’m confused on why he suddenly wants to pull back when the day before he said he wanted to cuddle with me and all of the romantic stuff him and I have been saying towards one another. So we got into a fight there was a lack of communication coming from him. He said he I’m now apart of his family and that he needed me to just be there for him. So now we’re not at all romantic with one another just friends and here’s the crazy part Amor he told me that he was thinking about asking me to be his girlfriend the night he found out about his friend. Now that we are friends and I’m giving him time to grieve the loss of his friend I do really want to be with him and from what it sounds he was thinking the same thing what should I do? Do I even have another chance?

Sierra

February 22, 2017 at 9:25 pm

Yeah and I blocked him out for like 5 days so idk if that’s why he decided to block me idk but I’m very proud of myself cuz I didn’t allow it to bother me when he blocked me. I noticed that in his past relationships he hasn’t let go of the things the girls have done to him the fact that he can say what he said and I’m over it and he’s not over that I tried to move on when we weren’t in a relationship is the sign that I need to no longer chase after him cuz it just seems like he doesn’t want to grow and let go of some stuff
Sierra

February 21, 2017 at 7:44 pm

He blocked my phone number I haven’t reached out to him in 21 days I don’t blow up his phone I was really hurt by that even when I did reach out last month after the fight he didn’t respond the whole time I’ve been focusing on myself and not so much him and I know he’s been doing the same I’ve even prepared myself for the worst that he may move onto another girl but it still stings when you get that kind of response
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 8:51 pm

If he’s still angry after a week, you should move on..
Sierra

February 21, 2017 at 7:08 pm

So today marked the 21st of NC I held with my ex and I was going through some emotional stuff today and I reached out to him for support and help and he called me the phone ringed once then he hung up so I called him back he asked me why did I contact him and I said something happened I’m sorry I messaged you and he hung up on me. So he’s still upset about me giving a guy my number when we weren’t in a relationship I guess I’m somewhat to blame for that because after the time I talked to another guy when we still weren’t a couple I told him I wouldn’t try to pursue another guy which I didn’t I told the guy I wanted to be friends and Derrick was not having it. I guess my question is since he’s still made does that mean he’s moved on for good?
Sierra

February 2, 2017 at 11:55 pm

You’re right thank you Amor
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 4:52 pm

you’re welcome!
Sierra

February 2, 2017 at 7:41 pm

Truth is idk what to do. I mean yeah time needs to pass in order for someone to not be mad anymore but he is dead set that I’m in the wrong and he’s been posting stuff on his Facebook to upset me we aren’t friends on Facebook but we haven’t blocked one another.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 9:37 pm

if he sees you living life, being active, productive and happy, sooner or later he will realize it’s pointless that he’s angry and then you just kept soaring..
Sierra

February 1, 2017 at 1:19 pm

No it’s not healthy we’ve discussed how unhealthy it is he doesn’t like to fight neither do I but I realize we have to have certain discussions about things in order for us to grow as a couple and he doesn’t ever want to have those conversations. He hasn’t grown up and I’m not doing myself any favors by continuing being in his life that’s why I’m happy we aren’t talking I’m fed up tbh
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 3:32 pm

if he doesn’t want to talk and work things out..either you stop and move on or take your time for yourself for a while..
Sierra

January 31, 2017 at 5:17 pm

Yeah I sent it to him I didn’t become a text gnat I haven’t sent him a message in two days I sent the screenshots today he saw them and hasn’t said a thing. I think he likes me sending him the messages because he knows that I still care for him. He’s really insecure and he needs constant reassurance that he’s the only man I love I don’t know what to do with him lols
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 10:55 am

that’s not a healthy relationship.. if that’s the case, voice that out. You’re not his mom, so, dont baby him. At first that’s cute, but a relationship has to be balanced. If hr needs constant stroke of ego, he should find a protege not a gf..
Sierra

January 31, 2017 at 4:14 pm

He still hasn’t replied this scares me maybe he’s really done with whole situation but it hasn’t been that long it was last week
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2017 at 4:44 pm

then set a limit on until when you would wait but go back to being active again too
Sierra

January 31, 2017 at 6:59 am

A couple of days ago I reached out to him told him how I felt he didn’t respond back. Now I know him well enough to know that he is hurt right now and doesn’t want to talk but I have proof messages from my old friend from high school that I didn’t initiate flirting and I didn’t do it out of spite like my ex boyfriend thinks. My question is should I just wait until he’s ready to talk if he’s ever ready to talk or should I send him the screen shots of those messages?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2017 at 3:45 pm

send it,if he doesn’t reply then set a limit on until when you would wait for him to be ready
Sierra

January 27, 2017 at 2:25 pm

Precisely is what it is after he found out about the first guy he was like I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and trust you. The whole entire time he’s not telling me that this is bothering him and how he feels he’s lashing out and being super suspicious of me and we’re not even dating. He did stuff like that before we dated and I ignored it because I really liked him but now I’m seeing that it doesn’t matter what I do he has an insecurity and huge fear of being cheated on. He has a lot of growing up to do and it’s not going to happen anytime soon he’s 27 years old
Sierra

January 26, 2017 at 5:26 pm

Yeah you’re right because he has mental health issues that he doesn’t really want to go get help on. That’s how he is he doesn’t like to admit how he really feels it’s always me who has to guess or tell him this is what it means. He’ll tell me he feels this way and then his actions don’t match up to what he told me prior. One thing I just don’t understand is if it bothers him that I talk to another guy why doesn’t he step up and say I want you to be mine.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 10:48 am

it can be because of pride or ego.. you cant control that.. if he really loves you, he would set that aside
Sierra

January 26, 2017 at 3:19 am

Maybe I was being stubborn and not walking away. When he said he wanted to be friends after those two weeks of us being affectionate towards one another it actually felt like we were in a good place the only reason I started talking to him again was because of the fact that his friend died he called me that day to end things and I didn’t fight him and he said it’s hard for me to walk away after talking to you and I didn’t say anything because I was fed up with this back and forth especially when I never pressured him it was happening naturally and I think he isn’t in a healthy state to be in a relationship and idk about me but I’m pretty sure I’m not either idk if I should ever go back after what was said and done I can’t tolerate that disrespectful behavior after he found out about other guys I talked to when we weren’t in a relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:02 pm

take your time to think about things
Sierra

January 25, 2017 at 5:27 pm

The thing is Amor I already told him how I felt that it was unfair and that when he told me that he needed me to back off as far a relationship goes because his friend died I put aside my feelings and did what was best because I loved him. I said the same thing I need you to let this go and unfriend her because this isn’t making me comfortable and he was so blinded by his own revenge, pride and ego who wouldn’t unfriend her for me. That’s a red flag that’s a selfish person something so petty you can’t let go for me you don’t know her at all she’s my friend. He wanted to get back at me for the fact that I was talking to another guy before Christmas and he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship that us being friends is all that he can do right now so I backed off. My old friend from high school that just happened I didn’t do it out of spite cause I wasn’t looking for that but he’s convinced I did do it out of spite to hurt him
Sierra

January 24, 2017 at 7:19 pm

He’s had plenty of opportunities to be with me instead of addressing how he truly feels he hides it and pretends everything is ok. The week before Christmas he told he doesn’t want to be in a relationship so we decided to be friends just friends I didn’t flirt or lead him to believe we were anything else because he was going through issues with his friends so I backed off after we had that discussion an old friend from high school contacted me and we started talking as friends at first then my old friend started making passes at me which I didn’t reciprocate at first I started to a little bit it didn’t feel natural and he was moving too fast for me so I had to tell him I didn’t want that and he got mad and stopped talking to me I told my ex boyfriend this and he got upset because he thought I was playing him and the other guy at the same time and wants to sort of accuse me of something I didn’t do at all. I didn’t talk to my friend out of spite and he friend requested mine out of spite to make me jealous. My question is am I in the wrong for what I did? Because I don’t feel guilty because I wasn’t in a relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 1:35 pm

nope, you’re not.. he’s just being possesive
Sierra

January 24, 2017 at 3:48 pm

Thank you and if we are not in a relationship which he’s scared to get in with me because he has a fear of being cheated on, me talking to another male and giving him my number when technically I’m single then I’m not at fault right? I get he has this fear but I’m not obligated to be monogamous with him because he’s said I don’t want to be in a relationship but we were in an almost relationship didn’t seem like he had a problem with it because he liked being in it its his fear of being cheated on like the article Chris wrote about if your ex boyfriend thinks you cheated but you didn’t
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 11:46 am

yes, you’re not at fault..but I think you have to let him know what you feel.. you have to say that to him in a way that is calm and not blaming him.. maybe he’s not aware that he’s being unfair and unreasonable
Sierra

January 23, 2017 at 12:58 pm

Hey Amor,
I’ve gotten myself into a pickle. So my ex and I decided to be friends, about a three days ago I deactivated my Facebook because I was going to an event hosted by my brother and he told me not to post anything about the party (restraint) any who my ex boyfriend got scared called me and asked why did I block him (I’ve done that in the past, however he blocked me for four months after the breakup sent me a text saying he doesn’t want to be together anymore) told him the story and he was like oh I was going to friend request one of your friends (my friend Mailyn who I said I’m attracted to I think she’s very pretty I told him two weeks prior) I had to ask him which friend he got weird until I said her name he wouldn’t tell me. He said he would ask her to get in contact with me but she doesn’t have my number we are just Facebook friends. So that made me uncomfortable and the conversation about it was uncomfortable and he was saying that he doesn’t have to do that anymore since he’s not blocked; two days later he sends a friend request to her I found out and I asked him why he told me the same reason before I told I’m uncomfortable with it especially since you know what we discuss can you leave my friends be my friend alone. He’s so reluctant to be friends with her he’s never met her (and yeah he thinks she’s pretty) I’ve told him I’ve had a friend and ex boyfriend hook up behind my back before and I don’t feel comfortable with that situation he told me that I need to trust him because we worked on our trust. So I let it go the night prior to that day I went to a party and a guy asked me for my number and I gave it to him I knew I shouldn’t have because it’s complicated with my ex boyfriend but we’ve never talked about what happens when another person hits on each other technically I’m single we are not in a relationship he keeps dodging anything that has to do with a relationship like it scares him and I feel like I’m in this unfair zone where I can’t talk to other people but I’m not in a relationship and a this has happened before he wasn’t pleased and he gave me the benefit of the doubt and said that he doesn’t believe I was playing games because I wasn’t in a relationship with him and wasn’t talking to him like flirting with him and another guy at the same time I didn’t do that. He says that I have a double standard because I didn’t want him to be friends with my friend Mailyn but it’s ok for me to give my number to q guy who I told I want to be friends with them before I gave them my number the guy knows my cousin and brother i felt like I was a little obligated because he’s a family friend. Did I do anything wrong Amor? Am I a horrible person? What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 11:50 am

Nope.. You’re actually reasonable.. She’s your friend, he’s your ex.. If he had picked a different girl then it wouldn’t have been an issue.
Sierra

January 18, 2017 at 2:36 am

Yeah I know it is but I always second guess it because he tells me that he’s like that with anybody he cares about but we both know deep down he treats me differently then his friends. Should I be worried that he has a hard time admitting that the things he does towards me means he wants to be in a relationship with me? It just seems like he’s in denial about how he acts towards me
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2017 at 6:59 pm

nope.. just don’t be angry at him.. let him be.. As long as he’s investing time for you, and you’re up rapport..
Sierra

January 17, 2017 at 12:24 am

Ok so I guess I don’t really have anything to worry cuz he messages me everyday to check in to how things are going I was recently sick and he was being very sweet when talking on the phone
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2017 at 4:34 pm

yup..that’s a good sign
Sierra

January 16, 2017 at 5:46 pm

I’m scared because he doesn’t know what he wants you like he’s scared of being with me that’s how it feels. I mean we haven’t seen each other yet and I get a lot of emotions from him over the phone I can only imagine how he’s going to feel in person he already said if he saw me in person it would complicate the friendship we have now because he still has romantic feelings for me. What does it look like to you?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2017 at 6:42 pm

that’s good!! if you see each other and he acts awkward, don’t act the same..be happy, break the ice
Sierra

January 16, 2017 at 1:35 am

Thanks Amor I think you’re right it’s just really hard because the way he’s addressing and talking to me now is as a friend and it scares me
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2017 at 3:18 pm

Hi Sierra,

if he wanted to get back with you, then there is a chance..just let him grieve for now before further building the relationship

Iris

December 15, 2016 at 11:24 pm

Hi Amor,
I really need your help. My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 month ago. It was such a shock to me because I didn’t notice any sign of it before hand. We had been dating for over a year, during which time there was not a single argument between us. I always thought we were greatly matched for each other. He even introduced me to his family and friends. But then one morning he sent me a long text message saying that he believed we shouldn’t be together anymore. We had several conversations since as I really wanted to know why he made that decision. His reasons are always the same: he thinks we are too different; he can’t see us together in 5 years; he prefers someone ‘from a similar background’; there is no single reason but only his ‘feeling’. What does he mean? I believe we have similar values and interests and we always had great time together. To put things in context, I’m an international student and my ex is local. We live quite close.

Regards

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 17, 2016 at 3:57 am

Hi Iris,

how old are you both? so, someday you’re going back to your country? When? Are you always seeing each other now? did it get boring?

L

December 15, 2016 at 3:19 am

Sorry for a long comment but so much has sent me to confusion.
I was with a guy for 8 months who said he didn’t want a relationship with anyone anymore (because that’s what past relationships taught him, and doesn’t want responsibilities) despite saying things like he wants me, I’m his type, loves me, cares about me, like how im not clingy like his exes etc. but eventually had said he thought about having a relationship with me. We did began as FWB and both of us were still seeing other people but end up spending a lot of time doing things together, acting like we were in a normal relationship, and became exclusive without stating it and he even said he’s happy with just me. I did tell him I didn’t want a serious relationship with him too, but my feelings end up being beyond that or else I wouldn’t be here. He spoke so much of me to his dad to a point where his dad wanted to meet me and I did. He looked after me when I was sick and supported me through a stressful time. I ended up living at his place in the last couple of months as he offered as I was without a home and stayed longer than expected. He said I shouldn’t stay at his place for too long because of his landlord but also said he didn’t want me to go.

We would have disagreements but nothing was ever was serious argument. In the last month of the relationship he got a bit hot and cold and I thought it was because he was stressed about his uni projects (I did see him working on it constantly) so I thought I’ll give him space but still try to be there for him. We rarely spent much quality time together in that month and a couple weeks before we broke up he said we would do a lot of things together when the semester is over as I had kept asking him out to do things. He had a final exam and I wish him luck that morning but he didn’t come home that night. The next day he told me he is seeing someone who he only had meet a week ago and wants to have a serious relationship with her because he was able to talk to her about everything including the problems he had with me. It’s his pattern to start relationship immediately or after few dates. I moved out that day.

I’ve done all the ‘not to do’ things after a break up as I didn’t plan to get back with him although my emotions did. I’ve had long conversations (couple of hrs) in person with him 3 times within 2 weeks but will summarise the main points I remember. The first conversation (the day after I left) and the long texts I’ve sent summed up as he never wanted to be with me, he felt unfulfilled, said it would have ended eventually because that usually happens to him, it happened overnight with the girl and he didn’t want to miss the opportunity, I have helped him through a lot, I made him cry when I told what I liked about him and he asked why I didn’t tell him that before, and of course I begged. In the second conversation he was very emotional at the end and said he didn’t want to be with me at first but eventually did, I meant something to him, he wasn’t happy with the new girl and that I was the hardest person he had ever to let go of and to give him time to figure things out as I told him we should say goodbye for good and he seemed to still cared about me a lot and he was crying too. He wanted to be friends but I told him I don’t want to be in contact at all for good if we were not getting together. We had a long hug and he told me it wasn’t goodbye yet. In the third conversation a few days later, he said he got over everything the following day of the second conversation and acted much less caring (not emotional at all) than previous, almost like a stranger, despite I was crying a lot as I talked. He also mentioned he didn’t want to miss out on experiences including being able to sleeping around with many people even if it meant giving up connection (he mentioned earlier in the ‘relationship’ that it was empty without connection) thus not wanting a relationship because he has not and doesn’t want to cheat. Few days later I was a text gnat for a day asking for a second chance and also to meet for a final time. In separate texts, he said he didn’t want to be with me and said we weren’t getting back together. I didn’t contact him for 2 weeks but wrote him a letter, which would be a month since it ended between us. I think I still sounded desperate at the start of the letter but mostly saying I was appreciative of things he did and reflection of how I was in the relationship; I wasn’t expecting a response. I sent a text just before he received the letter saying I made a realization about myself (he’s into personal growth/development), his response was he was interested to hear about it and that he was happy for me. I responded with a very short sentence about my realization and said that might be something to discuss in the future but also said we both needed space because I realized I never gave myself time to heal and get over things. He didn’t respond.

The whole time I was adamant about getting over him and resigned from possibility about getting back together because he was so clear he doesn’t want to be with me and he told me he is someone that gets over things very quickly. He never made an initiative to contact me, it was me that asked him to meet me in person to talk each time and I always sent the first text.

Despite missing him my logic mind hasn’t decided if I would want to get back together and it hasn’t been hard to maintain no contact so far (it’s only been a week since last contact) and I know he won’t contact me. I’ve also been thinking I could have been a rebound. His last relationship lasted 3 yrs and possibly ended a few months when I met him. He said he never wanted to be with her and tried several times to end that relationship. His ex was sometimes physically abusive and did cheat on him. He still made necessary contact with his ex when I was with him. After we broke up he said I was a better match with him than his ex but they were able to sort through their problems. He’s been big on being open and honest and communication but he never told me he was having problems with me. He was also in a situation where he felt like he doesn’t have a much of a future (finishing his second degree in a field he doesn’t like and don’t want to work in) but I told him I’m willing to support him though his decision making. I also have no idea about the status of this new girl or if of newer ones or what’s happening in his life at the moment. Unfriended him on Facebook too, he doesn’t post neither am I’m big on posting.

I have read many posts on this website but still confused about what happened in the ‘relationship’ and if it ever meant anything to him and he seems to be unlike other guys in general as mentioned on another post about what happens to a guy after a break up, he seemed to have moved on instantly with the quick change in attitude. Hopefully someone can shed so light on what was going during and especially after the ‘relationship’. I must be looking at this in a confusing way when guys are meant to be simple. I don’t know if there is much point trying to get back with someone if the ‘relationship’ meant nothing to him (didn’t seem to get a straightforward response from him but he seem so emotional at times) or if he’s moved on completely already let alone if there is any chance to getting him back.

L

December 18, 2016 at 4:34 am

Hi Amor,

I’m deciding to give it a try. I don’t have much to lose as things between us has ended, I’m learning to accept that and prefer a fresh start. If the plan goes well in getting him back but if he still doesn’t want to commit then I’ll move on.

Sorry, I still have a few questions.

I did tell him I didn’t want to be in contact with him anymore. Would it be strange I’ll be initiating contact and still sound like I want him back? Although I still contacted him after I said that and the last thing I told him was we needed space.
Should I stick with 30 days no contact? When the no contact period ends it would only be a few days before he goes on holiday overseas for few weeks and I have no way of texting him during that time. How should I implement the texting plan if I can’t be in contact with him? It would be 60 days of no contact if I wait till he returns.

It’s been hard to decipher if he really meant it when he said he didn’t want to be with me. I’ve read the other post about that and it means depends situation and action. He said that via text after text gnat and begged, could that been an emotional time? He said he was seeing someone else when things ended but I don’t know the status of that. What’s the chance of he meant what he said?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 21, 2016 at 9:51 am

if he got annoyed, he probably just said that out of annoyance.. but after no contact, dont sound like you want him back, sound like you’ve moved on or in the process of it and just being friendly.. that’s why it’s very important that you improve yourself.. that can also increase the chances of him regretting not committing to you… use the short contact period to leave a good impression before he leaves overseas, and use the time while he’s overseas to continue improving.. and then reconnect when he’s home..
L

December 16, 2016 at 12:47 am

Hi Amor. Thanks for responding.

There were several occasions where he did say he thought about having a committed relationship with the last time saying he’s afraid. He’s issue/s with relationships was also one of the things we spoke about in our last conversation in person and he said he was going to get personal coaching on that.
I feel like I should bypass deciding if I would want him back if he may have never seen me as someone he wants to be with since it does takes two to be in a relationship. He did say he eventually wanted to be with me but in one the last few texts when I was a text gnat he explicitly said he doesn’t want to be with me. Though it confuses me how he was with his ex for 3 years when he didn’t want to be with her which I don’t believe 100%.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 17, 2016 at 6:05 pm

If from the start he didn’t want to commit, and then just occasionally tapped that option but finally deciding in the end that he really doesn’t want to, then yes you have to move on..but if you want to try, he has to see first that you are, at least, trying to move on so, that he will think that you’re serious with your standards..and you have to improve
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 11:15 am

Hi L,

it’s clear to you that he doesn’t want a committed relationship right? Even if he acts sweet and caring, he didnt make it official. Decide first based on that..

Alina

December 14, 2016 at 6:52 am

Hey!
So I reading reason 5 and read about the financial situation part. This was a major key to my fiancé and I breaking up. He said exactly that maybe he’s not the guy for me and I should find someone better. Our breakup I believe shouldn’t have happened if we both just talked about it, but we know guys. They don’t like to communicate. We’ve been separated for almost 3 months and together for 5 years. Basic question; there was no solution to having delt with a financial reason for breaking up. So is there one? He has told me that he trying to get his life together and work on himself and to give it all time.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 2:17 am

Hi Alina,

Sorry, that was not included in the edited post.. I’ll include the solution here. We’ll re edit it. Here was the solution in the original draft:

Financial/Social Status

If it’s financial and your ex feels like he can’t “provide” or keep with you, then you have to sacrifice some of the things you’re used to do or maybe find an alternative for it or work out an agreement that you get to do the things that you want, even at least once a month then that’s it, right?

Lauren

November 28, 2016 at 6:09 pm

Hi there! Need some help. My ex and I broke up only dating after 4 months. We met through mutual friends, and everything just seemed amazing. The chemistry was something i never felt before. He lived about an hour away, i went there every weekend (because i wanted to) but at the same time it was definitely a little one-sided. I never complained because i loved his family/friends so much i enjoyed being there. About a month ago i noticed a change in his behavior. Due to my past relationships and falling to insecurity, it was hard not to take things personal and think it was me. I questioned him one night in a dumb drunk state of mind, and whatever i said stuck to him… “maybe we are two different people”.. another month went by… we went to his best friends wedding, took a trip together for a weekend where he was sick — but still something was telling me something was off. That Sunday we got back he was supposed to come to a family event of mine and he was super late, and just checked out. I had to go back to his place to get my things, we kissed goodbye and then on the ride home i called him to say what he did wasn’t right. Things escalated, and about week went by where he said he needed time to think. He used me saying we were different against me, and said “he agrees and didn’t want to believe it”. Now he has been ignoring me (radio silent), and when it first was happening he was just so short with me… he said his feelings changed and that was that. His friends gave me some insight saying he thinks i am a great person, but his feelings just weren’t there anymore. I know this was special. I am in my 30’s (not that age matters) and have had my share of bad breakups. We clicked, it felt right, and now i am devastated he thinks i am not the girl for him. I did send a few late text throughout this past week, and i am beating myself up. Still, no response. What should i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 2:06 pm

Hi Lauren,
stop chasing him.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Sophia

November 28, 2016 at 4:19 am

My partner and I had been together for just over 18 months, most of this time was long distance, and he kept asking me to move closer.

I finally did a week ago, I moved to the same town as him.. I was at his place last Monday night (21nov 2016) and we were talking about trialling living together and meeting up, possibly going on holidays together, having Christmas together… so I thought everything was fine…

Then, on Saturday morning he came over and said he didn’t want a girlfriend anymore, we don’t have the same tastes, he doesn’t like having the responsibility of meeting up with me, that I’m immature, I act differently around other people and he doesn’t like it, the sex got boring, I was never in it for the long run(he bought me promise rings, commitment rings, talked about marriage and everything, he also said he can’t just be with one girl for the rest of his life (just to name a few), when I asked him if he was breaking up with me he said “I don’t know what I want” obviously I broke down into tears and he was crying as well, he cried on my shoulder and cuddled me… he said he felt sorry for me because I was so upset about it and he didn’t want to take me back out of pity…he said he does love me and always will but not in that way, he cuddled me again,

I ended up talking him into a break (no contact unless it’s an emergency for a month) to which we set rules, no booking up or meeting with other people during this time and to work on ourselves and come up with a list of things that if improved could make the relationship work again…

He then said “we are no longer together” and after agreeing to the one month no contact went to leave before kissing me multiple times, giving me a hug and saying I love you, and asking me to please stop crying.

Ps. We are both 20YO, and he recently (the Sunday before the breakup) bought a new gaming computer… might that have anything to do with it? What are the chances this break will work? What are the chances he’ll miss me and what me back? What can I do to increase those chances?

I’ve been non stop nauseous and vomiting since he left Saturday morning, I’m so devastated and confused. I just love him so much.

Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 10:05 pm

Hi Sophia,

you need to check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

Janelle

November 13, 2016 at 3:42 pm

Hi I need some help /advice.
So I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 4 months plus and we ended off things 2 weeks ago (mutually in a sense). He said he liked me a lot but he just wanted to focus on his studies because he just entered university a few months back and said he has a hard time coping with his commitments. We snapchatted almost everyday our break up but he replied it like once a day. But 2 days ago, I sort of picked a fight with him because I saw his profile popping out on tinder and his bio was updated but shortly he deactivated his account after he told me his friend was using his account and said he would delete it.
Do you think if we have a chance of getting back together though he made it clear that he wanted to focus on his studies? I don’t know what I should do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Hi Janelle

honestly, it’s small chance. First, you had a short relationship. Second, I doubt he’s telling the truth about the Tinder account. Right now, do you want to try the no contact rule?

Annie

October 16, 2016 at 5:31 am

Hi Amor, I met this guy from tinder who is almost 3 years younger than me. We hit off pretty quickly, we are both actors, share so many interests. I even lost my virginity to him. He asked me to be his girlfriend after 1 month of dating, and told me he love me after 2 months. I even saw almost all his friends and families. Before we broke up we’d dated for 4 months. I was actually the hesitant one cause I was about to leave the country at the end of summer, but decided to stay and transfer to another school in here. However, since new semester started everything went wrong, he went back to school which is 2 hour drive from my place, and it’s his final year so very busy. I’m starting new school so busy too. And pass the honeymoon phase we starts to have some fight, I felt I lost myself so I got kinda petty and bitter. What made things worst is his dog got diagnosised with cancer, so we see each other less often. And he became anxious(he had history of depression years ago), I also felt the symptoms of bipolar myself but still try to be supportive and didn’t want my problems bother him. We had few big fights over text and he suggested we take a break but we made up the same day. But his dog died the day he come back to my place. He didn’t blame me though but started to be more depressed and close up. And eventually he brought up threesome in a drunken text conversation one night. I got offended and said let’s take a break. I was angry so I changed our relationship status to”it’s complicated”, he found out and got mad at me. And three days later, he drove to my place and told me he think we should break up that he’s in a terrible place. Everything’s stressful and he want nothing in his life, he’s not right for relationship and think we should let go and move on cause he’s not coming back. I begged but he still left without even giving me a kiss. He had two relationships before. He dumped each one of them. His last girlfriend, had sex with him for a year even after their broke up. It’s been a week. I did text him few times about where he should mail my stuff to but he didn’t reply. And I want him back so badly. Is there any chance?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Hi Annie,

First, don’t be his friends with benefits.. Avoid it before you become it.. second, there’s no guarante that nc will work but it looks like it’s what you need.. he more probably said what he said out of emotion but the smart move right now is to have space and start healing and improving yourself.. do 21 days of nc…

Ocean

October 1, 2016 at 11:35 am

I had a live-in partner for over seven years. We started living together on 2009 and only found out in 2010 that he had abandoned his wife and two daughters when he was only 17. He’s already 42 years old now. I forgave him thinking he was too young then while denying the fact that he’s an adult now and still has zero interest in seeing his daughters. Not to just even look at them. And all I heard were excuses.

This guy faced too many problems in life but I was there for him no matter what in the span of seven years.

I lost my job in 2013 which was a very stressful year for me and that was the time he cheated on me with a colleague. I confronted the lady involved and so she left him. A few days after the confrontation, I found a job and asked this guy to leave the house. He stayed. Later on, the idiot in me forgave him. He proposed, we got engaged. I thought he’s learned his lesson and will not do the same thing again to me. I trusted. Life was perfect until I lost my job once again in 2016. He did exactly the same, cheated on me with a different woman, but he left the house this time when I asked him to. I applied the no contact rule and I have no intentions in getting back with him.

Current update: he changed his profile picture twice on WhatsApp of them being together in less than two months we separated! How can someone be so inconsiderate and hurt the feelings of his ex partner of seven years – he could have waited for atleast six months as a sign of respect.

Helen

October 13, 2016 at 9:24 pm

Okay, sorry to be annoying, but how long do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 1:47 pm

It’s ok! you can ask many as you like.. That’s hard to say.. you have to set a limit on until when you v would wait..a month or two? and then after that, if they go in the rocks, you can’t just jump in a relationship with him.. you’ll be used as a rebound if you do that.. You have to let him heal on his own.. You can be friendly but don’t be in a relationship with him at that point
Helen

October 13, 2016 at 8:18 pm

So, it is not likely for us to get back together at all?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 9:09 pm

not at all but not in the near future..
Helen

October 12, 2016 at 9:49 pm

What I’d you were the person they thought would be better and it ended up to where they went back to their ex because they “realized” you weren’t? You see, my ex broke up with his gf to get the chance to know me, and then ended up introducing himself to me. After a couple of months, we began an official relationship that lasted four months. He then broke up with me and got together with her a few days later. He claimed that he hadn’t broken up with me for her, but that afterwards he realized he still had feelings for her. I have been trying to make improvements of my life, but she keeps seeming like she is too. Is there no hope? He claimed we weren’t right for each other. What do I do? I really want him back. Please help!
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 12:19 pm

in all honesty Helen, all you can really do is to keep improving yourself..the only better chance you got is if they go in the rocks again but you have to tread that carefully too because you don’t want to be the go to rebound…but by this time, you should try dating too.. go out more..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 3:33 pm

Hi Ocean,

He looks weak..First he left his family and had no intention of making up to them and then every time you lose your job, he goes and finds another woman he can be with.. I think it’s a blessing in disguise that you lost your job before you got married with him..

Anette

September 8, 2016 at 4:23 am

So my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a couple of months ago saying that he wasn’t “feeling it anymore” he said I was the best friend he ever had but he just wasn’t getting the same feelings he did when we first got together. I freaked out and was really needy and stuff but eventually we ended up getting back together and since then he’s always second guessing himself and how he feels and but he keeps coming back and saying he really doesn’t want to do it again or hurt me because he thinks I’m great but he doesn’t really know what he’s feeling. Recently, he broke up with me again and I established the no contact rule and was actually doing really well, I even got a new job and I was doing stuff with my friends but I hadn’t entirely moved on. He came back to me but I told him we should try being single for awhile and I wasn’t ready to get back together. He said okay and then a few days later he said he wanted to be just friends so I said alright but then we saw eachother at a gathering with mutual friends and he took me home and he said he missed me but wasn’t sure about his feelings and I told him I’d be willing to try it out again with him for a month. Two weeks later he said he was still having mixed feelings from time to time and I’m trying to explain to him that he’s not always going to be 100% and that everyone has their doubts- he said we’d be better off as friends but I told him we still had two weeks so at the end of the two weeks we’d see what happens because he’s changed his mind so many times it would just be easier to leave it that way. But now while we hang out its like we’re not even together and it’s like in his mind the relationship is already over. He’s thinking it over but I’m not sure what to do. He’s also got a bad family history of relationships- his mom and his dad are both on their like 4th marriages and he’s never really seen a long term relationship work out while my parents have been together since high school and still love eachother and I’m 100% committed through thick and thin no matter my doubts. What’s should I do?

Mel

September 10, 2016 at 4:56 pm

I’m going through the same thing me and my ex broke up a month ago he broke up with me a the day after I had a misscarriage he fought alot while I was pregnant before I got pregnant everything was great and then in his message he said he needed space wanted to be on his own that he still loved me and that I was the girl for him but he couldn’t be with me because we wanted different things and he seems to be fine and over it while left heartbroken about everything

Need advice
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 9:33 am

Hi Melanie,

I think he needs time to heal from everything. I don’t think it’s a good idea to confess what you feel right away, especially right after nc.. Do 45 days and heal too. Improve and make a new routine, so that you and him can be given a chance to have a restart as friends again
Mel

September 10, 2016 at 4:53 pm

I’m going through the same thing me and my ex broke up a month ago he broke up with me a the day after I had a misscarriage he fought alot while I was pregnant before I got pregnant everything was great and then in his message he said he needed space wanted to be on his own that he still loved me and that I was the girl for him but he couldn’t be with me because we wanted different things and he seems to be fine and over it while left heartbroken about everything
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 9:33 am

Hi Melanie,

I think he needs time to heal from everything. I don’t think it’s a good idea to confess what you feel right away, especially right after nc.. Do 45 days and heal too. Improve and make a new routine, so that you and him can be given a chance to have a restart as friends again
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 10:56 am

Hi Anette,

how long did you do the first nc? for on and off relationships, we usually recommend 45 days nc

Jeya

September 6, 2016 at 1:11 pm

Hi,
I just broke up with a guy 3 days ago. I really like him and I didn’t want to lose him. Im sorry for writing you long paragraphs, but I’m really helpless.

This guy and I had been dating for 2 months. 2 weeks ago, i noticed that he’s being distance from me. I asked him what was the problem and he didn’t want to tell me at first. He said he was his own problem. I told him that his problem was affecting both of us and so it’s a problem of both of us, if he didn’t want to tell me, there’s no point for us staying busy together because communication is one of the most important thing in a relationship. He told me that he was angry with me of deciding to stay with a guy friend’s place when I go to a trip in Sydney. The reason I made the decision was because I wanted to cut down my travel cost (I didn’t tell him that). I explained to him that friend is and close platonic friend. He said he would never be okay with me staying in a guy friend’s place. It’s either me finding another accomodation or i being another girl friend along for the trip to stay in my guy friend’s place. I was in daze as I didn’t expect that he would be angry with this issue, my mind was messy and I was upset with our argument, so I responded to him that I’ll think about it. He then dropped me home. After I went home, I immediately decided to find another accomodation to solve this conflict cause his feelings matter to me. I was about to tell him the next day when we go out. I texted him if we were going. He replied that he was upset and he had some work application issue, and he didn’t feel like going out. So i respected that and let him has his time. He then didn’t contact me for one week and I thought he was still upset about his work problem, so I didn’t disturb him (cause it seemed to me guys would want to have their alone time to solve problem without anyone disturbing when they were upset). One week later, he suddenly texted me that things weren’t working out. And he didn’t appreciate that I force him to tell the problem just to ignore it. I immediately texted and called him but he didn’t reply. I was really scared. The next day, I went to his house (of course informing him I would do so) to see him. We talked about things and I found out he was angry because I didn’t tell him the accomodation in the first place and he had to ask me. I explained that I was mad at him that time cause he always reply my messages 2 hours or even 1 day after I texted him. Anyways, in the end, the issue resolved.

2 days later, when we went out for date, I still noticed that he’s still being distance and he didn’t hold my hand (normally he would). I got mad and walked a few steps faster that him. He followed me into a shop and I was still mad (cause deep down I thought he didn’t like me anymore). I told him ‘why are you following me? are you stalking me? Go away’ (in a whining tone). He then walked out of the shop. I thought he got angry and that’s why he went out to cool down. After half an hour I cool down my emotion, I thought it’s unfair get mad at him without telling him the reason. So i called him, he picked up and told me that what I said in the shop was disrespectful to him and he went back by using the train. I got panic and drove back immediately to where he parked his car. We argued again and i apologized for being mad at him without giving him a reason. I explained why I was mad. He told me that I treated him like shit and so don’t expect him to be nice to me. And he said he can’t trust me like he used to and so that’s why we were not close anymore. He even told me that we were so different and emotionally not connected. At this point, I thought he wanted a break up. I told him that I was willing to work things out and I asked him if he’s willing to. At first, he said he doesn’t know and then he said no. And therefore, I thought we were over cause I’m a person who take words for real.

One day later, he texted me, saying he was sorry if he was rude and he didn’t mean what he said. He didn’t like being pushed if we were over when he was angry. And he’d still want to work things out. I didn’t reply him cause I didn’t know what he was trying to achieve by sending me this text after what he told me yesterday. He then called me and repeated the content inside the text. I told him I’ll give him a reply by night. He said I don’t have to give him a reply by that night and I can take my time and think. At night, I texted him ‘I need time to think, we talked things out one week later,okay?’. The next morning I saw his text reply. He replied ‘sure’, followed by another text 2 minutes after ‘hmm I think it’s alright, forget that I texted. Take care and goodbye’. I immediately replied ‘I need time to think on how to solve our issues especially our communication. But it seemed like I’m unimportant to you and I’m not worth the wait of one week. Anyways, I really enjoyed our time together. But I don’t appreciate you wanting to work things out and the next minute you regretted. That’s not a nice move’. I realized my latest text wasn’t able to sent through and I found out that he blocked me on whatsapp and Facebook. I didn’t bother to check if he blocked my number on iPhone cause it’s obvious that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. And also, we don’t have mutual friends on Facebook cause he deleted them few months ago for some reason.

For the past 3 days, I didn’t try to call him at all. And I’ve read the post about no contact rules. As much as I want him back, but I need time to heal myself too. Thank you so much for taking time to read this.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 7:55 am

Hi Jeya,

that’s good. Do 30 days and then keep your posts public because there’s a chance that he might still check that through a different account.

Fiona

September 2, 2016 at 1:15 pm

IF he said something like I cannot make you happy, you can do better than me – something along those lines. You said that he will be hiding the true reason. Well what would you expect the true reason to be?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 6:12 pm

Hi Fiona,

it depends on the situation on why and when he said it.. If you were always fighting and then he suddenly says that, he probably is tired of fighting. If he saw another girl better than you and then he says that, then that means he just wants to move on to that girl.

Bree

August 26, 2016 at 9:33 pm

Hi everyone. I’m desperate for advice!
My boyfriend broke up with me the day after my birthday & so after our break up I gave him some space. A week later we both started talking again and decided to get back together, immediately after getting back together I believe the same night we got back together Or the night after we got back together, we had sex.
So I figured all was well.

A week into being back together he began to act distant again and started showing little to no effort. So 3 weeks passed by I believe and we started talking, and I got so upset that I told him we either breakup or we talk right now. He didn’t respond so I took his silence for a break up and so I said “ok well I guess we’re done.” He said Okay almost immediately after. We have been together a little over 1.5 years and in the beginning he was obsessed with me but I wasn’t so obsessed with him.. I didn’t really care all that much but as I got to know him more and once we got physically intimate I started to become obsessed with him and he started to lose his obsession with me. I gave him all of my time and was always available for him.

Back in January at the beginning of the year he was starting to complain a lot about me not giving him enough space & he would say that I need to heed or else I’ll suck him dry of his love. I tried but the most I could give him was 1.5 days and after that I needed to hear from him again. The other day he yelled at me over the phone and that was the first time he ever yelled at me. I was pleading and crying to him to take me back but he said that he loves me but we can’t be together, he said there is no getting back. I don’t know if he really means it or if he just wants space.. it’s freaking me out because he said he’s going back to Jamaica and doesn’t know if he’s coming back. On top of that he deleted his Facebook account (I googled his page while logged off and nothing appeared) and all of his snapchats are either him being obnoxious or him singing lyrics that seem like they have to do with us but I can’t be too sure.. he sang something along the lines of I know you’re hurting but I’m hurting more and shit like that.

Then when he was in my city he used all the geofilters on Snapchat for my city so I felt like that was him saying hey look I’m in your city, but maybe I’m overthinking it?

I know he still loves me, he tells me all the time “you have no idea just how much I love you” even when he went all crazy and started yelling he still said I love you but just leave me alone.

Even though he says that he loves me, part of me feels like he just does not want to get back together or work things through. I feel like he’s happy to finally get space and not hear from me.. I feel like he’ll get comfortable and not want me back.

He’s so important to me and I just need to know if I have a chance of getting him back or if I shoukd try to move on.

We do have a 10 year age gap and I know it somewhat affected our relationship. He always thought my family hated him even though that wasn’t true and his co workers would always tell him to find an older women and it would bother him.. he wants children and a wife and I want to marry him but only if we can be stable. Once we are married I told him we could start having kids.

He used to say I make him so comfortable but now he says he’s not comfortable and even says that he doesn’t want sex, he feels like I took away his masculinity because I came onto him so strong and he says that I don’t allow him to chase me. I just give him everything. He said he loves me but not in a sexual way, he said his love is real love. Love love. He just wants to care for me and be good to me not fuck me as he puts it.. he says our conversations don’t stimulate him anymore.. sigh

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 10:57 am

Hi Bree,

I think you have a chance. He already said what was wrong.. You don’t have your own life, so it killed the desire. No matter who you’re with, the same problem will arise if you’re too clingy..

CherLu

August 25, 2016 at 11:26 pm

Hey Amor,
I can relate to situation 6 here. I was dating this guy for 3 months. He was the one who suggested that we be exclusive after a month and sorta pushed for the whole relationship thing early out. As soon as I started getting into to it, he tell me (after spending the weekend together) that he no longer wants to be in a relationship. I did 2 weeks of NC (didn’t even know that was a thing back then) and then he came over to get his things and apologized for the whole thing. We started hanging out for 2 weeks and I realized that I wasn’t over the hurt feelings from how he handled the breakup. So I decided to cut off communication for a while and just focus on me. It’s been 9 days and he reached out today just to say hi. Not sure if I should respond. Though I miss his company, I’m not sure if I really want him back. How do I handle a situation like this. Is the NC rule less stringent if you don’t want your ex back? Thanks in advance for your advise.

Jen

August 30, 2016 at 6:23 am

Hiiiiii okay so I don’t know where to begin so I am sorry if this gets confusing, (I am also confused). okay so here goes the situation I am currently in and desperately need advice on. My boyfriend and I dated for two years and we moved in together (bad mistake) anyways, I noticed he changed a lot towards the end of our relationship. For starters he picked up a full time job that was necessary to continue to afford the place we lived in (even though I took up half the rent), then he started to pick friends over spending time with me and used the excuse of “oh we live together, I see you everyday and I don’t need to spend a bunch of time with you but i don’t see my bros everyday”. We tried to compromise on that but by the end he said I demanded his time and forced him to spend time with me (which all I wanted was a day to myself with him, just one day) Also I know we moved in together but I rarely saw him, because he works a graveyard shift and I was in school all day time so really there wasn’t that much time at all. Also things got even worse because he started to smoke a lot of weed and that seemed to have changed him a lot too, and lastly he accumulated a $10,000 debt somehow and is still currently in. I am also doing the 30 day NC with him and am on day 21 and it’s still really hard, I am not so sure what to do. All my stuff are also still at his place, they are out of his room but not out of the apartment because it’s really hard to go back there. Everything just feels really unfair and I am wondering what to do, and when do things get better? When he broke up with me he said that I was more attached to him than he was to me so I know that shows how he felt overall, I am just sad and confused, I feel like I put so much time and effort and am the one who is heartbroken. I am not sure what to do, is it even worth trying to contact him after the NC days are up? I still care about him and miss him and sorry this is all over the place. I hope it made sense, and I could some advice? Thanks for taking the time to read this. (:
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 12:35 pm

HI Jen,

which means he lost desire for you and then you became clingy.. HOw much have you changed since starting no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 29, 2016 at 3:34 pm

Hi CherLU,

NC rule is the same rule to moving on, you just don’t reach out after a certain amount of days. but what did you talk about before you did this nc? Does he know you’re taking time because you’re not over what happened?

Hannah

August 24, 2016 at 10:35 am

Hi Team,

So this guy and his mother were trying to set a get to know each other meeting for a long time (but somehow I didn’t know about this until after a year, they used to ask someone I know who would answer and say no without telling me ). I know his mom and see her on occasions even before knowing her son who’s 27 yrs old. Then the guy reached out to a friend of mine (who is also his relative) to ask for my cell number if I didn’t mind. I was hesitant at the beginning and which made me more hesitant that he seemed to have taken a long time to decide to finally ask for my cell number. Anyways we started texting then calls and spending time together. We felt that we had a lot in common. He was very considerate, caring, loving, and would do anything anytime to be there for me. He said that he loved me after about two weeks and started talking about engagement and how he wants me to stay in the same state/city since I was about to graduate and looking for jobs. However, I felt it was moving too fast especially the love part, I was worried but didn’t share this with him. He was always pushing me to tell my parents about us. He mentioned that he wouldn’t prefer to go visit my parents (who live in another country) but he wants them to come visit.
Then my mom said she is visiting me and he wanted to meet her so bad so I told her about him. Between the time I told my mom and her actually visiting (around a month or less) this started changing. He started getting more worried about my parents impression about him and if they’ll give him their blessings for a proposal & he started being stubborn about not wanting to ever visit my family at their place! Or even me visiting them once a year! Or when feasible! And he said that he likes me now (not love me!) he started FREAKING out although he was pushing for it. We both have had agreed that we want a year long engagement so we can both get somethings done.

When my mom came things started getting bad. (He started being cold). His mom asked to meet with me, my mom, and our coming friend. My mom said she’d like me to move back closer to them and that was the start of all trouble. I explained that if he directly contacts my dad things would change and I will work with him to make things work. I showed my support and that I do like him but it’s not good to avoid a call to my dad! I was going to travel with my mom as planned (although he tried to make me cancel many times however I explained it was only a visit and my family needed me plus I’ll be coming back). But anyways he started being so cold and when I asked to see him before I leave he was the coldest ever! And he didn’t even want to meet but still did it (to say he made an offer).
When I traveled I stayed in contact but he said that if we have problems now that means we’ll always will. For me it seemed that he freaked out and backed out. And he gets affected a lot by his mom who really liked me but seems to control his decisions and doesn’t want him to make an effort.
It seemed that they wanted me to work everything out myself and then let them know when it’s all taken care of.

He said his feelings changed and we went no contact for a month until he contacting me on my birthday. I replied a thank you only. But he kept texting although I was very short, polite, and casual with the answers. He started showing interest again, and giving HINT (not directly) that he misses me. He said that he enjoys communicating with me again. He did not mention anything about the before NC. Then I stated that I’m still upset about what happened and he explained that he knows how I feel and that he knows I still can’t bear seeing his face (although I would love to see him or even talk not just text, I do miss him but not showing him). Anyways, I asked where he sees this going, he said “the right bath I hope”! Didn’t really give me an answer. His mom texted me that she hopes we work things out, I said if it’s meant to be it’ll be. I’m being careful with my replays. I don’t want to be hurt again, or feel that I’m let down again.
Now we have been texting, he is showing interest, caring about my life, sharing some good memories, showing that he still knows all the details and won’t forget, and he seems to worry if I get sick too. His mom keeps asking about what I’m doing through my friend and always asks about us. Im not sure where this is going or how to explain their actions. Does he really care and would he make an effort to make this work? I feel the previous issues need to be addressed at some point but not sure if it’s good to open it up! Should I just go with the flow? But I’m worried that I may be hoping for us to get back together when he isn’t going to go through the trouble for it. Or he might expect me to do all the work and doesn’t have to help, which is not ok with me. Am I being stubborn too or is it my right to work things out together as a couple of he really wants to get back together?

Hannah

August 29, 2016 at 10:08 pm

Hey Amor,

Thank you for your comment. I am 26 and he is 27 years old. Lately I’ve started seeing he’s being a mama’s boy though he previously (before the trouble) wasn’t sharing any of our stuff with his mom. I think he got scared off with my dads first rejection. How can I encourage him to persue a second chance? And he seems to have money issues that might drag him back, which I think he is just making a big deal out of small stuff. If he still sounds not serious, what’s a way to figure out for sure? I do care a lot for this guy but I do not like wasting time with playful people. He seemed like a good match to me
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 11:31 am

You have to let him be a man and do it on his own because if you assist or convince him too much, you’re like just replacing his mom. If he really loves you, he would prove to you and your parents that he’s man enough to face them and talk to them..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 2:09 pm

Hi hannah,

how old are you both? Sorry but he sounds like a mama’s boy and the incident that he didnt want to meet your parents showed that he’s not serious with you

Emmy

August 23, 2016 at 11:30 pm

Hi Amor and Chris,
My ex and I have been together for 1.5 years, he’s 27 and I’m 22. I love him to death, and he’s told me he loves me and always will as well. I sincerely planned to marrying this guy one day…. he’s the love of my life. Only problem is, timing. I have just gone back to School for two years to finish my degree, and he really wants me to succeed in school and have a real “college experience” (whatever that means lol). Nonetheless, the past few months have been a bit rocky for us, we started getting into a lot of arguments (I would get jealous and have my trust issues coming out), and he was going through some type of depression where he was unhappy with his work, and his life in general. He didn’t love himself and felt as if he hasn’t grown in the relationship. So we mutually agreed to seperate for now, due to our current endeavors not matching up and seeing where things will go later on in life, since we do still love and care about each other.
It’s been 1 week NC and I’m hanging in there, working out everyday and trying to lose some of the weight I gained.

My questions are, do I have a chance to be reunited with him? He’s an emotional guy inside, but doesn’t like to show it.
And, how can I better myself during this time apart (I’m doing NC), so I could be better for the both of us if we do ever match up again? I feel guilty that he didn’t feel growth in the relationship, and am not sure how I am suppose to help with that.

Please let me know! I’ll appreciate it!

Emmy

August 28, 2016 at 9:06 pm

Okay, Thank you Amor. I’m still doing NC, it’s been almost 2 and a half weeks now and he still hasn’t reached out. I have been working on myself and trying my best to be better for us in the future if there will be one.
Do you think NC will work with him? Or should I just not reach out. I know he misses me and wants to talk, but he’s trying to be strong.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 7:28 pm

We can’t guarantee that it will but what do you mean by not reaching out? As in not reaching out at all even after x days of nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 7:49 am

Hi Emmy,

improve the health, wealth and relationships aspects of your life.. work out, build skills, reconnect with family and friends and make new ones.. The space can let him work out his problems.. focus in yourself..dont worry about him..he broke up with you because he needs to focus in getting himself back together.. so that he doesnt have other things to think about but his improvement only

A

August 23, 2016 at 3:31 pm

Hey my bf of almost 3 years who I was planning on moving in with broke up with me over a month ago. During that time I asked us not to talk for 2 weeks, afterwards he asked me if we could do anything physically/emotionally as long as neither of us were getting hurt. He said he also wanted to stay separated until school started (which it has now), I later told him I was just using this weird inbetween situation to pretend we were still together. I said I would prefer to work it out as a couple or to not talk for awhile. His reasons for breaking up have been he felt I was dependent on him for happiness (which is strange because I am a pretty independent person but he got stressed when I felt we weren’t spending enough time together/that I was paying for most the meals we had together, granted he does not have very much money), that I had lost my temper with him a number of times, especially recently (which I have apologized for and regret and have said so, and that I want to change that) he is also extremely conflict avoidant and shuts down, and that school is a big stressor for him right now. He said he feels really horrible for hurting me, but that he has shut down the part of him that says whether or not he loves me or misses me and he has been keeping himself really busy. He said talking about getting back together right now just reaffirms the reasons he chose to break up as those memories are stuck in his head, and while he definitely wants me as a friend later on he needs to consider if he wants me as a partner again. He said i should try to move on and let go, and that he would contact me in a few months. I had groveled a bit I will admit, but he also said he was serious about how he thought we were going to get married and that I haven’t lost my chance with him. This is why he keeps saying maybe about a future together as he doesn’t want expectations but doesn’t want to lose his chance with me. Literally three days after saying he wouldn’t contact me for a while, he texted me asking about a certain band we had listened to… I responded but also asked for space and time and that I would appreciate him not contacting me for awhile. Do I have a chance? Is NC the best way to go or will he move on? How long should the NC be?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 12:16 pm

Hi A,

we cant guarantee that nc would work but it would help for him to miss you and to have a restart

Ana

August 22, 2016 at 4:11 am

Hi Amor,

Its been a month since my ex broke up with me. Our situation is that He is my Neighbor and we got used to be always together. Sometimes we had arguments because we used to spend too much time together. But then I had to go to Asia to study for a semester. He gave the support I needed from him, and in the end of the semester away he went to visit me. It was great that our relationship survived the distance, we felt strong. But when I came back home things got difficult for me, I couldn’t get a job, I started feeling insecure so I started getting a little paranoic about him. But he never made me feel insecure. I was insecure about myself so we got into many stupid fights. I know im very responsible for it, but I resent the fact he broke up with me in this chaotic period of my life, it feels like he gave up on our 3 years old relationship. Our last fight resulted on him breaking up through WhatsApp. At first I was mad about it, so I texted him agreeing that the break up was the best thing for us. I thought he would come after me for a decent face to face talk. So two weeks after I reached him for a conversation. My intention was to apologize and trying to get back. But he was cold and decided to it. In the end I asked for a kiss and he said he was still super attracted to me, so we ended in bed. I had hopes but on the next day he was cold. I was crashed but I decided not to chase him. I asked the keys of my house back and he returned them with a book I needed to study that he took the time to print after the brake up. Since then we had very little contact, I reached him when I needed some things and once when I missed talking to him. He always answered my calls and texts, and even said I could reach him. But I don’t do it often, we are neighbors so I see him on the club we go, and sometimes on the street. After this month and 2 weeks I needed him badly and I called him. He came to my house and we had sex again. He says he is enjoying his time alone, by concentrating in his personal goals and learning from solitude. I told him this time apart also made good I was finally able to see I wasn’t being good for him and not even for myself. He went away and I don’t know what to do. I know I should not beg or ask to come back. What then? No contact is difficult and he doesn’t avoid me. When I see him he treats me well. Thank you for your time

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2016 at 12:43 pm

Hi Ana,

so right now you’re friends with benefits.. you said nc is hard, does that you have started it and you’re already actively improving yourself or you’re just about to start it?

« Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

210 thoughts on “The Most Common Reasons For Why He Broke Up With You (And What To Do Next)”