Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
What Happens To An Avoidant During No Contact?
How A Secure Handles An Avoidant Pulling Away
The Moment An Avoidant Realizes They Lost You (THIS Will Happen)
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
Post categories
Sam
December 14, 2013 at 11:41 pm
Hi! Firstly I would really like to say that this website is amazing.love every bit of advice uv given really appreciate ur effort 🙂 It’s really helped me pull myself together. Iv been in a long distant relationship for nearly 8 years. I love this guy and have invested so much time effort and so so much more into our relationship. Sacrificed many close relations and lost out on many other opportunities of life to try to make this work. For the last two years we’ve had an on off relationship. He met someone in the same city as him and started dating her while I was in uk. They went out for a year. I was aware of this but hoped it was just a bad phase in our lives and it would pass. And a few months later he moved to a different country. And so as I had hoped he came back to me.He begged me to forgive him and marry him and said he regret what he put me through. He constantly begged me to marry him and promised he would make up for the pain by staying faithful. his went on for about 3 months.However I needed him to prove he had changed and so demanded more than just promises. Although I know he had stopped speaking to her completely, I wanted his facebook password and proof . Just so I could feel in control. At least to some extent .. He refused to give it and decided to leave me and contact his ex again. He told me he told her he loves her and was confused about the whole situation. He’d keep telling me he loved me but liked her a lot too but knows they’re not compatible. And that he could leave her without a problem. I went into beg mode for a month because I realised I couldn’t bare the pain I just wanted him back. He kept saying to give him a few weeks to let her go and that hel get back with me and when I asked him to leave her right away he kept saying he wouldn’t leave her at all. This same conversation kept repeating over and over again for about a month I went into nc for 4 days and he called me 4th day. I got 35 missed calls and 20 messages asking me to answer his call or text back. I answered and told him never to contact me and that I hate him. He apologised for contacting him and then stopped contacting me again. As usual I gave in and went back into beg mode. Last conversation I had with him I asked if we stand a chance and he said no. At this point id had enough And so I started nc.. It’s the 10th day and he’s sent me 4-5 messages.
First just my ‘name???’ I didn’t reply so he sent another one ‘please reply’ And then another ‘why aren’t u replying’. During this time I had spoken to his mum because she had a surgery a few days ago and I hadn’t messaged her so she text me to say she missed me and is wondering why I hadn’t called. He would’ve been goin through her phone today so he sent a text from her phone saying ‘why aren’t u replying to my messages. Please text me on my number’ I find it strange he hadn’t called. He would normally be calling like crazy!!!
My question is what should I do. I want to work things out coz I miss him a lot but don’t want to mess up again 🙁
Do I reply or stick to nc?
How can I control the situation so if we do get back i can feel content?
I want him to make up for the pain he’s put me through before I just go running back?
admin
December 15, 2013 at 7:27 pm
Have you read my stuff on long distance relationhips yet?
Jane
December 12, 2013 at 6:09 pm
he broke up with me about a week ago, and it was long distance. I didn’t see it coming. He asked me to marry him months ago and when I asked him what about that, he said he was in a ‘sensitive place’. I was sending him parcels, was very nice to him supported him. I also sent one the day before he broke up, so he must of got it this week (and did he feel guilty I wonder?). On that night he broke up with me, he admitted he had a lot to drink, he skyped and then said he didn’t think it could work and that he had a lot of stress in his life and he wanted to focus on his finance situation where he might be moving away. He comes back home in a week from now and said during that convo that he wanted to be friends and he wanted to meet up with me when he gets back (a week from now)and he will contact me when he gets back. I’m not sure if we can stay friends you see- we were best friends before but then we can see we are meant to be more which we can’t help. I then saw after the heated argument , he blocked me on fb, so I blocked him on skype- seemed fair. Then he was changing his avatar pic to a friend who’s a girl and his name on skype perhaps to get my attention and make me jealous- I don’t know- but I have not contacted him. I left it there and my last words were, ‘I’m hurt’ and he said ‘I know’. The NC rule is going to be affected since he comes back next week and it will be like 2 weeks since then. I have not contacted him and I was sweet to him- I want answers to why he thinks things won’t work. What should I do if he calls to meet up? And what is his male mind reaction if he says he will contact me- but changes fb pics and username randomly (is he trying to get my attention)? I don’t want him to have the power. A part of me feels it was easy to say this over skype but once he sees me in person- then i’m sure he would find it hard. It will be 5 months since we have seen each other and we have this intense chemistry in convo’s, im sure that would be noticed and emotions might be running high. He seems confused in what he wants in life- and I feel hurt and confused. Thanks.
Megan
December 10, 2013 at 6:39 pm
Hi Chris,
Unfortunately, I need to restart the NC rule again. I failed it two weeks ago, and this is my second week of restarting over again. So he sent to one msg on the 3rd day of NC, and two msg on the 6th day, one yesterday telling me that he “assumes i’m not going to talk with him, goodbye.” And the last msg this morning that he is “not going to send me msg anymore unless he hears from me, and assuming i’m going to the event with him this friday.” He and I were talking about going to the event just as friends. What should i do now? Ignore him? send me a msg saying “sorry, can’t go?” or saying something else? or go with him but react as a normal friend? What is he thinking now? Thanks for your help!
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:16 am
Yes, ignore him right now.
Julie
December 10, 2013 at 6:07 pm
So I am going through the NC, day 6, which I know is nothing. I have been reading your website, I understand the importance. I have been keeping busy, having fun. I was the “ungettable” girl ( his words ) it took A LONG time for him to “win” me over. And somehow I have become to “needy” <–my feelings, he never said it after 6 months, I hadn't brought up a relationship. But it was clear that we were moving that way. I felt more comfortable with him, and well that is when things fell apart. He pulled away, and instead of being "cool" the way I would normally be, I totally pushed…. I said the wrong things, and basically he said that he didn't want to be with me other then sexually…. which was a shock. I ended it. But I know it was more, I am not an idiot. SO NOW…. I am feeling like there are days (today) that doing no contact is so hard. Im at work, im busy, but I am struggling. Any advice out there. Most days I have been good. Today I just want to talk to him, my best friend. When you are doing all the tips, how do you get over those "bad" days. ALSO I ran into his friend yesterday, and he was really chatting me up. He walked in on a conversation I was having with someone else, where we were laughing and I was telling this other person about my amazing weekend. ( all true ) no acting. So his friend asked me more questions, we laughed, joked around… nothing weird or flirting… I was totally my old self. Bailed on the convo early, cause I had to go, and I thought about it later and realized that this might inspire him (my ex) to contact me… even if I ignore it. But he didn't, which is why I am struggling today I think. So beyond having something to help get over today…. is it a bad sign if I left a positive impression on his friend and he didn't reach out? ( I want him to reach out so I have the power again with the NC, cause right now I was the last one to contact him before NC ) That is probably a weird thing to want. But it would make me feel more in control over this situation. Thanks in advance. J
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:15 am
Well, I wish I could tell you what to do but him contacting you is up to one person, HIM. All I will say is that if you follow the advice in this site it will increase your chances of hearing from him.
Jade
December 10, 2013 at 2:36 am
After my ex and I broke up he was emailing and texting me. I told him that he said we were done and that I didn’t think we should talk “right now” because I needed to move on and initiated NC… I texted him two days ago (after 30 days) using your method but he didn’t return the text. Did I mess up by telling him not to contact me?
admin
December 10, 2013 at 7:06 pm
What was the text you sent?
LioLynch
December 9, 2013 at 10:57 pm
My bf broke up with me about a week ago. He did it by text message while I was at work, so I sent some pretty mean txts and voicemails since he got me in the worst possible moment. I had to go find my boss in a meeting to ask if I could go home, and then (I work retail) walk through my store to the front to my car. Right after I un-friended him from Facebook, and I have not spoken with him since those nasty txts and voicemails, he hasn’t contacted me either.
We were not together for very long (4 months, I am 25, he is 27), but he did go through a very stressful issue during our relationship and that’s when I noticed it falter. About a month ago his vehicle got totaled. At first he was communicating with me regularly, and it seemed like he was truly leaning on me for support. Then the insurance company gave him the run around, he couldn’t get a loan for a new vehicle, and his single cousin came home from being in the army. He went a week where he slowly stopped tx ting me less and less, then disappeared for two days.
I was of course very emotional, confused, and frightened, I finally texted him and asked if he was trying to break up with me. He responded and apologized, and later that day we spoke on the phone for an hour and made a date for the next night.
After this he never really communicated with me much like he had before. He was a huge workout buff when we first got together, and as far as I know he has not gone and worked out since his truck was totaled. I even started working out, and lost 30lbs, while we were dating. We would even workout together. At one point he was really excited about this.
The week before he broke up with me confused me also. He came to see me during the first snow, even though the roads were dangerous, and helped me move a couple days later depite having worked that day, the night before, day before, and still had to work that night. Thanksgiving was the last day we had positive interaction, he called me and even asked me what I was doing for the holiday.
I have not stopped working out, but I do and don’t want to get back with him. I have been good with the NC since I have some pretty awesome friends and family helping me out. I think he would be more of the clueless, stubborn, or angry in this situation.
Can I get him back is really the question?
admin
December 10, 2013 at 6:53 pm
I think you should give it a shot certainly!
LioLynch
December 12, 2013 at 3:14 am
I definitely am sticking to the NC. We don’t live in the largest town, so I think I may run into him somewhere first. He brought a lot of weaknesses in me I didn’t know I had, so I want to prove to myself and him that I’m much stronger than that. I’ll keep NC for 60 days.
This weekend will be interesting since his b-day is Friday… I won’t say anything. Scouts promise 😉
Louise
December 8, 2013 at 5:41 pm
Hi there, I was speaking to this bloke for a couple of months and was seeing him for about month. We got on really well speaking on a daily basis! It came to our last date that we had where I ended up getting a little drunk. I spoke to him the next day and he was fine but went out with the girls the next night and ended up getting a little drunk again. I text him the next day and didn’t hear from him so because he had a late night aswell that night I just assumed that he was in bed Allday hanging which is why I didn’t hear from him! I text him the next day after that making chit chat and that was it, he was advoiding my calls and msgs and when I finally heard back from him after slightly freaking out he had said that he had been in bed for a couple days hanging and that is why he hadn’t replied which I think is a poor excuse but I’ll wait till I next see him and say it on. I was sort of in contact with him for the rest of the week but he was very distant. As the weekend approached I got a drunken call from him which led to a drunken row because I wouldn’t drop what I was doing to go and see him. A couple days later he text me saying it clearly weren’t gonna work because if we’re rowing now what would the future be like, I tried to tell him diff and that I didn’t want to stop seeing him for a drunken arguement that we both can’t remember, he ignored me! I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks untill I bumped into at a mutual friends birthday where he told a friend he likes me, thinks I’m a great girl and fun to be around but mentioned how I drink too much! I texted him a couple days later saying I don’t want him to have that impression of me, I like going out with my girls on a sat but I have responsibilities too, I said I’m not asking for much bcos he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to take things further but I don’t want him to think I’m a drunk and yet again I didn’t hear from him! I don’t know if he’s being stubborn, scared or that he’s just not interested, what do u think?
Louise
December 10, 2013 at 7:39 pm
???
Carrie
December 7, 2013 at 8:00 pm
Hi there, this article is great.
I have a question. Me and my ex were together for 8 years. It was very on-again-off-again. The breakups throughout our relationship were him breaking it off. In the beginning he would find excuses to contact me but the more we broke up the more it became me ALWAYS running to him. He’s VERY stubborn. He can cut people off just like that and is never the one to initiate contact first. He stopped talking to his brother for over a year bc I was at his place visiting his girlfriend during one of our breakups and he found out through a friend and got really upset that his brother didn’t tell him so he went a full year of no contact with him. His dad, the same thing (his dad is more stubborn than he is), almost a year of no contact bc he wouldn’t give-in and neither would his dad bc of the stubbornness. Anyway, I did everything for him and was a really good girlfriend (no cheating or anything). I moved into his place a couple of months ago. We went on a vacation and didn’t get along bc his drinking was out of control. During a fight bc of something he did I told him it was over. It was more out of frustration than anything and I didn’t actually mean it. However, from everything he did wrong he turned it ALL around on me. It’s very hard for him to say sorry, or empathize. He told me if I didn’t say sorry he didn’t want to hear anything from me. It was really him who owed me one. 2 days later I apologized for not handling the situation as well as I could have but he told me the apology was too late, refused to speak to me and didn’t want to work things out. He completely shut down and told me I wanted the breakup so he’s accepted it and moving on. If I would have apologized when he wanted it everything would have been fine but bc I needed to cool off and waited 2 days now he was holding the breakup against me. I made all the mistakes crying, texting, calling, showing up (I went to stay at a friends place) but he just got meaner and more disrespectful turning the TV up while I was talking. He kept telling me to leave him alone. We texted back and forth and I told im I hated him and that he was an awful person and that I just wanted my stuff back so I could erase him from my life. I leased my condo out for a year to move in with him and he wouldn’t even talk to me. I only lived there for a month!! I moved out last week and we’ve had no contact. We completely ignored each other while the movers were removing my stuff from the apartment. I’m obviously not over this. A strong part of me wants him to reach out but if I’ve always run back to him why would he. He told me during one of our text exchanges that he loved me (I’m his first girlfriend, he’s 31) but won’t put up with this anymore … meanwhile it’s mostly because of him, others see it too!!!! Anyway, sorry for venting. I’m just wondering what category he would fall under bc he’s very difficult (stubborn, pride, ego) and if he can cut off his family and a couple friends who am I?! I know if I never contact him I’ll probably never hear from him again and it hurts like hell.
admin
December 8, 2013 at 6:38 pm
I think the stubborn guy is probably it. But also since he is inexperienced with relationships it makes things harder for him b/c he doesn’t really know how to deal with situations the right way yet.
Kelly
December 7, 2013 at 3:36 pm
Hi my ex boyfriend recently broke up with me last Sunday and I miss him so much. AT this point I have decided to implement the no contact rule, but I am afraid he just wouldn’t be bothered and he just wouldn’t contact me. Though a lot of people who know him and know me said he would probably come to his senses. I know I can’t contact him anymore because it won’t give him time to think about all the good amazing memories and moments and experiences we shared, how do you get back such a stubborn guy? I do not go to school with him, and i still remain close to some of his friends that’s their decision. I want him back and want to know the best way to do so. He is still Facebook friends with me. At first he was really cold to me but then he suggested we could talk once in a while but for now he said bye and good luck. He broke up with me because he said he’s an extremely busy person and knows what he needs and wants and he wants to focus on his stuff. I am hoping this would change as so many people know we supported each other and made an amazing couple despite our small problems I want him to understand after us being together for two years we can make compromises. I was never one to ask him to hang out three times a week I was fine with once a week or once every other week or longer. He had 80% of his time to himself so I don’t understand why things ended because I love him and want the best for him and know we could have worked things out. His sister said he did not mean to hurt me and wants to think things over but I miss him he treated me the best by far of any other guy I dated, he was so respectful and caring and loving and funny and smart and he is the best for me. Can you offer some advice??
admin
December 7, 2013 at 8:11 pm
Do you think you can make it through an entire NC?
Kelly
December 7, 2013 at 8:56 pm
I am honestly going to try my best. I will update you here I suppose but what advice do you have? Reading through some of your amazing articles I know NC is pretty good and I signed up for those emails on that case study to see what’s going on with them. He broke up with me a week ago& I’ve been so emotional this week that today I’m trying to discover better ways to deal with this. You have said that messaging him constantly is not good &probably won’t make him miss me or miss what we had. I WILL TRY! What other advice do you have on trying to deal with this though? How do you get back a stubborn guy? He’s on Facebook even more now that we broke up and it was two years. I’m still friendly with his friends LOL I know I miss him and want him back and I know the NC will be hard , I’m trying to read more of ur articles but what other advice do you have? Thanks in advance your website is amazing Chris
admin
December 8, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Just read more guides so you can learn more about men.
Getting a stubborn guy back requires a number of things. Mostly though you need to be incredibly patient.
Kelly
December 9, 2013 at 2:32 pm
My ex boyfriend messages me this morning “I don’t love you anymore we grew apart I don’t want to be with you anymore please don’t make this harder on yourself try to move on as I have” 🙁 I feel really sad but I have many emotions and part of me knows I can get through this and deal with this at my own pace and I know I can make myself happy and move on and I know there’s another guy out there for me. Thanks for all your advice, what do you suggest in moving on?
admin
December 9, 2013 at 8:01 pm
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-boyfriend/
Kelly
December 9, 2013 at 11:01 pm
LOL wanna take this opportunity to say thank you for all the amazing advice this website is so good I’ve recommended it to some friends as well. Btw one more question …I’m going to an art exhibition on Weds night as I said and my ex (same guy who ended things a week ago) ‘s best friend one of them that is will be one of the artists showing pieces. We have so much in common and have remained good friends (we tag each other in History&Political statuses a lot, talk sometimes, enjoy each other’s company) he told me “it’s gonna be great to see you on weds night glad you could come” I’m not in a place where I want a rship right now but I’m wondering what’s your opinion on being close friends with any best friend of your ex’s. We share so many interests & he likes having found someone like me who we could talk about all these things anytime. What do u make of the situation? If u were in his situation, would u feel weird if I texted u frequently or let’s say weds I’m gonna lime with you? He’s my ex’s best friend ….I don’t wanna annoy him but we both agree we enjoy talking to each other & have so much in common. Again, not looking for a relationship anytime soon….. Maybe just dating when I feel I’m ready 🙂 what’s your opinion on all this?
admin
December 10, 2013 at 6:50 pm
I think you shouldn’t ever date unless you are ready.
Kelly
December 14, 2013 at 7:42 pm
Hi I went six days without contacting him and I emailed my ex today. Reason being is I’m extremely mad that a mutual friend can work things out with his girlfriend and they dated a few months and broke up a months ago, yet Marcus and I dated for two years and Marcus just is not very interested right now. I feel like there’s some unfinished business and we would have had the time now to talk and work things out and go out to dinner or something romantic and see if it cudnt work out. What do you think I should do to win him back? I was doing well till the mutual friend told me what they’re doing I did not send my ex an angry message I just can’t understand why it was two years and we could not try. He might reply to me but should I start over the NC or just try to recollect myself and start afresh ?? I miss him I’m just trying to recollect myself and make myself happy but this incident put me right back to how I was right after the breakup
Kelly
December 9, 2013 at 11:03 pm
Lime = hang out ! Lime is slang in my country
Kelly
December 10, 2013 at 3:00 am
Update – scott said I’m overthinking everything an he wants things to just flow between us to see where things go. So yeah, thanks a million for your amazing advice your site is truly wonderful and I have recommended it to many and thanks a lot! U never know…. Scott and I could date eventually…. But right now I know I need to make myself happy and work on myself
Kelly
December 9, 2013 at 2:35 pm
Ps. I’m posting an amazing picture of myself looking happy an beautiful an confident on weds evening as I’m going out that night in a beautiful dress, when he sees it on fb which is where I’m posting it it will be a confidence booster as deep down I know I can get through this and be happy until the right guy comes along soon.
admin
December 9, 2013 at 8:02 pm
I am sure it is beyond amazing and will make him jealous hahaha.
Kelly
December 7, 2013 at 9:31 pm
I get tempted a lot !!! Is he really over me like he seems to be portraying? You can’t just eliminate two years of good memories and experiences from your mind lol …. What advice do you have?
Bryana
December 6, 2013 at 4:01 pm
Hey Chris,
So my ex-boyfriend and I were dating for two years. I was his first serious girlfriends and his first for many other things in the relationship world. We had a great relationship, actually became best friends. I was very close to his family, as he was mine. We did everything together, we actually went to the Bahamas this past summer.
I made a mistake and broke up with him about 2 months ago. I had so much on my mind and became super confused with what I was doing with my life. I’m graduating college next semester and just felt overwhelmed. As a result, I pushed my ex away and left him in the dark. I admit I was wrong. He chased me for those two month, we talked every day .. we were still “friends”. He took me out a few times in the 2 month time frame, bought me flowers, we kissed. I told him we could eventually work on things & that I still loved him.
So anyway one day after he took me out to the movies, I texted him the next day & thanked him for taking me to the movies. He was being very short with me and I sensed something was wrong so I kind of backed off for a week and a half. I texted him that week and a half later after not hearing from him, just to say hi. He totally ignored me. So the next day I was pretty upset and just said somethings to get a reaction .. just so he’d say something. He then responded saying that he had already moved on and was seeing someone new. IN A MATTER OF 2 WEEKS. I was devastated. & to kick me while I was down, he said he didn’t love me anymore. I understand that I hurt him, but was that even necessary. I’ve never felt so low in my life. Because I genuinely so care and love him.
So it’s been about 3 weeks now since everything has happened. He doesn’t really reach out to me. I have had time to think about everything and I did eventually reach out and apologize for my behavior for the breakup and gave him answers to why I did what I did. And now .. he put in in the friend zone. Which makes me wonder .. is this rebound of a few weeks that serious that he doesn’t want anything to do with me & basically throw away 2 great years.
I’m on day 2 of the NC rule .. I just don’t know if its worth trying to save. Has too much time gone on? Is he really over me like he claims? Is this rebound that serious in a few weeks. Does he really not love me anymore after all we’ve been through? He even brought her around family on Thanksgiving & posted a picture on instagram.
Help!
admin
December 6, 2013 at 8:11 pm
I have something coming up that may be super helpful for you.
Louise
December 6, 2013 at 11:47 am
Hi Chris,
Firstly what a great site and hello from the UK! – it’s been a great help since my ex broke up with me. Anyway hoping you can help…
I was with my ex for 5 months before he broke up with me a month ago because he said I didn’t trust him. I’d been going thru some issues and instead of talking to him about them I just took it out on him instead. I asked him if I’d pushed him too far and he said Yes. He then did the whole “we just need some time apart”, “if we’re meant to be we’ll be” spiel. Wants to be friends etc.
I think I have done quite well since the break-up; I haven’t bombarded him with texts begging for another chance and promising I will change etc Infact I have been aware that doing this could backfire on me!
A few days after the break-up a friend told me that she saw his profile back on an online dating site (we met online) and this hurt because I couldn’t believe he was moving on so quickly; however it gave me more reason not to contact him.
Last week I had agreed to meet up with him so he could give me my birthday present (my birthday was the day after the break up – good timing!). I only replied to one text. Told him to let me know when he was free. I didn’t hear from him and on Sunday just gone I decided to delete him from Facebook and Twitter because of the amount of girls he had been adding – obviously from the online dating site. He doesn’t know that I know about his online dating profile (although my well meaning friend did tell me last week that he had now deleted it).
The day after I deleted him (Monday) he went and blocked me on Facebook. He then text me on Tuesday – When we were together he would send me random videos of what he was upto during the day and that’s what he sent on Tuesday. I haven’t responded.
What I want to know is why would he block me on Facebook now that I’ve deleted him but then text me after? What should my next move be? I worry that I have ruined my chances now that he’s no longer on my FB.
Appreciate your advice!
admin
December 6, 2013 at 8:06 pm
To me it just seems like a normal guy thing to do..
Louise
December 6, 2013 at 9:23 pm
so is it ok to text him without him thinking I’m crazy? Ha! NC Is up next week!
admin
December 7, 2013 at 7:28 pm
As long as NC is up and you are very smart about your texts… absolutely.
Cate
December 5, 2013 at 10:53 pm
…so how do you get a stubborn guy back?…especially if you go to school with him?
eye contact?lol
admin
December 6, 2013 at 7:38 pm
Patience and a lot of smart approaches to convos and maybe a little jealousy.
D'Nique
December 9, 2013 at 11:49 pm
So in other words you’re telling him I must approach him first?
admin
December 10, 2013 at 6:56 pm
I am saying sometimes this is what it takes.
LILLY
December 5, 2013 at 9:56 pm
Ok what if NC worked, my ex came back, said he loved me and wanted to be with me but then dumped me all over again (probably because I became really clingy). Can it work even if a guy says “I am going to stay far far away from you and never contact you again”?????
admin
December 6, 2013 at 7:33 pm
I guess if he chooses to never contact you or reply to you ever again that would be bad but I have only heard of that happening once in over 20,000 situations.
lizzie
December 5, 2013 at 12:51 pm
Hi Chris, my Boyfriend (also Chris) broke up with me the day before yesterday. We weren’t together long, in fact we dated two months, but we’re only “officially” BF/GF for just over a week before he ended it (how mortifying!) I’m questioning whether the NC rule would apply given the reasons he gave for our breakup, or if i should just move on with no thought of us ever working it out? He had a gambling addiction, and went to meetings every week. I know he said he lost everything and really hurt his parents a year ago when it was really bad, and that he hates himself for it. Everything was great, he said i made him happy and feel good about himself. Then something in his meeting last week made him think of the future and freak out. He ended it because he said if he messed up again it would be worst that last time, and he’s hurt me too this time, and could cause me to lose everything. He said he needed to be on his own and not close to anyone because he “needed to feel safe”. He said i was never anything but amazing, that i made him happy but his head was a mess and he wanted to be alone, but was 100% certain he was doing the right thing by ending it. I believe its genuine, he was crying, and he spent 4 hours talking to me after breaking it off. Is there any hope the NC rule would work on him given these issues? He’s convinced he’s gonna mess up “like he’s always done”! Any male input would be most appreciated on the subject, because this has all confused the hell outta me!! Thanks Chris 🙂
admin
December 5, 2013 at 7:07 pm
Yes I thikn NC can work.
lizzie
December 5, 2013 at 8:32 pm
Thanks Chris, all your guides on here are great, and insightful, and i spent a good hour and a half reading them all today. Personally I’ve decided to do NC to get over it, not because i want him back. I mean why would i want to be with someone who’s stupid enough not to be able to see how great i am? I’m not a pathetic little girl who’s gonna devote that much time waiting round for someone to decide they want me. Good luck to all the girls out there, but have a bit more self respect and do NC for yourself, not some guy 🙂
admin
December 6, 2013 at 7:26 pm
Lizzie that is really the whole point of the NC. Not doing it for the guy but doing it for yourself! Glad you read between the lines and figured that out :). I am cheering for you to get over this.
anonymous
December 4, 2013 at 4:39 am
I did NC on my ex for a few wks at first. Till he called me and we started talking for awhile. Then i did NC on him again for one month. During which he bothered me on facebook and texted me. Now i’m planning to do NC again. I’m wondering how effective can NC be if you keep feeling the need to have to do it? Does all of what is said in this guide applies to men whose ex gfs keep doing NC on them?
admin
December 5, 2013 at 1:03 am
If you keep having to do it over and over again it gets less and less effective though I don’t have person experience with that particular case I just have seen it happen to other people.
Belle
December 6, 2013 at 1:02 am
I have a question for you Chris, do you as a guy think it’s possible to get your ex to come back numerous times (if he says you’re the love of his life and soulmate)! (Long story, but we’ve had a lot of external and relationship stress through our time together), so we’ve broken up twice already and both times he’s come back…I’m in NC with him now, and have been for 3 weeks. Thoughts? Is hope gone?
admin
December 6, 2013 at 7:48 pm
Yes I think history is actually on your side hahahaha.
Natalie
December 3, 2013 at 6:37 pm
Chris your blog is literally the only thing that is giving me hope. My ex and I broke up a year ago, kept in touch now and then and last month when I told him I wanted to get back together he became veeery stubborn and said No Way. He is dating casually other girls. Im heartbroken. we were together for 3 years. I was the one who broke up with him because we were fighting. But I never stopped loving him and never really thought I could actually lose him forever. I begged him constantly last month for like 40 days when I realized I had lost him and he ignored me and rejected me everytime. I stopped completely yesterday because that´s when I found your blog. I want to try the NC rule and see if he misses me. I don´t know what to do. Is it possible for me to get him back?
admin
December 5, 2013 at 12:27 am
Of course it is. Obviously it won’t be easy BUT I think you have a shot definitely.
Natalie
December 5, 2013 at 1:29 pm
Thank you!. I think I should do NC for 90 days, given how strongly he rejected me and how much I begged him. What do you think its best in my case? 30, 60 or 90 ? Also, the summer is starting right here where I live, so those 90 days would be the entire summer, and I’m sure he is gonna choose to have fun. So how many days of NC do you recommend in my case?
admin
December 5, 2013 at 7:07 pm
30 days is usually what I recommend.
Carissa Marimon
December 3, 2013 at 6:03 pm
Hey Chris !
First off I wanted to say I love your website. I found out about your website a couple days ago, and I could stop reading it. 🙂
I do have a question for you. My boyfriend broke up with me On November 24. I have been doing the NC rule ever since the day we broke up, (And oh my is it ever hard to not contact him, but I gotta do it in order for me to want him back). Anyways what I was getting at was, his birthday is December 17. And I was wondering should I send him a text message on his birthday just to say Happy Birthday. Or continue doing the NC thing with him ? I know that the day of his birthday will be 24 days of NC almost a month, so iunno if I should or not.
Thanks Chris !!
admin
December 5, 2013 at 12:26 am
No just message him after your NC is up.. simple as that!
Carissa Marimon
December 5, 2013 at 2:42 am
Really? Even though his birthday falls on the 3rd week of NC. You think I should wait that extra week of NC.
Also don’t you think it’s rude not to say Happy Birthday ? Lol
admin
December 5, 2013 at 6:39 pm
It may be a little rude BUT sometimes you have to be rude to get your point across.
Carissa Marimon
December 5, 2013 at 2:48 am
Like I mean, if I don’t send him a message saying happy birthday, wouldn’t he think that I don’t care about him anymore, and that I’ve moved on ?
Kate
December 3, 2013 at 3:35 am
Hi Chris, I dated this guy for 7 months. However he never dated me exclusively, there was always another girl in the background but i was more like his main girl. He gave me all hope that one day me and him would get into a serious relationship until he broke it off with me 2 days before thanksgiving to be with the other girl. He gave the speech that ” I deserve better, it’s the best choice for us, and lastly he wants to be friends.” I am on my 4th day of no contact. But since we were never boyfriend and girlfriend, will a 30 day no contact work on him?
admin
December 3, 2013 at 7:47 pm
Hmm.. I don’t think it will be as effective to be honest. I mean, if you never dated the guy.
tgblack
December 2, 2013 at 10:17 pm
I broke off with my boyfriend back in October because although he was trying his best, I felt I wasn’t good enough for him to make efforts in our relationship. He works 15 days on/ 15 days off. I knew that from the beginning and was willing to make a go of it and understand when he is away for 15 days. I have been surprisingly fine with that when he is away. I had been very faithful, very supportive. There were times when I did need him and he talked about a quick break meeting to just be together and talk and just spend time. That had been awesome. When he is off for 15 days, I understand he has to go home which is an hour away. You have to take a ferry and then drive 40 minutes to his home. My whole reason for the breakup was because when he goes home, he find ways to keep himself busy by throwing himself into working and doing whatever back at home. To my knowledge, he is faithful but always felt that he was still in touch with girls from online. I had that issues forever in my past with every new guy I met. They never seem to let go of the internet to be in the relationship with me. My issues. Yes. He is aware of my issue. There has been times that he refused to call me, text me back, and no contact for 2 days without any explanation. I think I played a big part in that because in the beginning, he would call and would have to cancel coming to see me because of some situation he needed sorting out at home. He was very specific in what was going on. So, I understand and just wait for him to make time to visit. Over the course of the months that we were seeing, he did make efforts to stay overnight and visit a while. Time went on, I felt he wasn’t trying anymore. His texting was less, his communication wasn’t there, he would just not talk, not answer my calls. It drove me MAD. He would always tell me he loves me, he misses me bad, we will be together under one roof or in same town very soon. To my knowledge, he was working his butt off to get his house fixed up so we could be together. Time went on and each conversation, he still talks about getting his house fixed up. I understand being gone for 15 days, he has a lot to catch up on. He has someone watching his dog and he does have responsibilities. I understand that. Then cancelling became a lot more and more excuses were coming up. He would tell me we will be together soon, don’t give up, he loves me, he is serious about me. I am his old lady, he’s in love…. I met his parents. He paid a lot of money on my car to keep it running. I see that he has put a lot of effort into “spending” money on me and my kids rather than take the time to fix his home so we could be together.
When I broke up with him, I was feeling like my love for him was not enough. I felt like the more I wait for him, the more he distance himself. He is a very stubborn guy and doesn’t want to change. He is awesome, he is sweet, he can be considerate except the time when I want to hear from him… he’s a butthead when it comes to that. Anyway, he never wanted to break up, but understood if I did break up. I finally called it quit because he cancelled on me again and it was a perfect opportunity for him to visit me cuz I had a birthday and we were to celebrate but he chose to go back home. All I knew was he was coming to my home on a Wed and he said he did not say that but was planning on coming over on the weekend. He never mentioned to me about any weekend. Had I known that, I would not have expected him to show up on Wed. That’s our battle. We have a very loving relationship but it lacks communication all together. He does not want to hurt me so he would avoid contacting me if it means it will disappoint me.
I broke it off by hanging up on him when he refused to say that he did say he was coming over Wed. I just got fed up and told him that I just may not be the girl for him and I think I should walk away and move on with my life. Those words broke my own heart because I did NOT want to end. He did not want it to end either. So, he never responded nor call. Time went on, I sent another text saying that I hope he finds happiness and he finds a girl to marry b/c I may not be the one. I had been married 3 times and none never worked. He was never married. Our love was a whole new level and yet I broke his heart. I just felt he wasn’t giving me his 100%. Anyway, I told him he will find someone special to marry, just not me. I was hurting and that was probably the worst thing I could say. Then 2 days went by, I sent another text saying I hate that I was loosing him. He responded saying he would call and he never did. I lost my cool again. I texted him again asking if he moved on. I was afraid he was moved on. I didn’t want to him to go. I wanted him to fight for us. He shut down and it broke my heart. Few days went by, nothing. I got online and found him on a dating site. It crushed my heart! I was looking for him, not on there to meet anyone else. He deleted his account after 2 days. I deleted mine. I stopped contacting him for 2 weeks. 3 weeks went by and Thanksgiving was coming up. My son expressed his hurt by our breakup and it encouraged me to contact him again.
I emailed him on Facebook since he got back on there after being deactivated for a while. My heart beat so fast and I poured my heart out. I kept it positive, telling him what I love and miss about him. Telling him that I made a huge mistake and wanted this opportunity to find out where he stands. He truly never gave me the “ok, fine”. Never really had his words about breaking up. I just never felt like it was closure. So, after a month and a half of breaking up, I broke down and was so scared I was not going to hear from him. My daughter watched me cry and she is so adorable, she wanted to fix it. She texted him, asking him to read his email since he has not read it. He called me the next day. He sounded really hurt but was still very loving. He said he misses me, he still loves me. He tried to hate me but still loves me. His parents asked about me a lot. I felt like we were back on track a little bit. I told him I missed him, love him still. We decided to meet for coffee the next week since he has to work a lot over Thanksgiving. After the phone call, I texted him back, thanking him for calling me and it meant a lot. He said I made him hate a bit but he still loves me. I asked how much did he hate me and he wondered why. I just said I was curious. Then I told him I never met anyone, did not have the desire to. I focused on me, kids, my situation and felt that it was good that we took that time so I can figure stuff out since his cancelling and staying busy had gotten me so upset. I did not say anything for 2 days. I got concerned. I just stopped texting him except for a Thanksgiving Wish, a good morning text and that I miss him. Nothing. I go online … on Match.com and there he was. Again, I was crushed. Why will he not talk to me, tell me all these things and then go back online again??? I don’t understand it. I waited a day to say something about it. I texted him the next morning expressing my confusion. Why are you online and we are planning on meeting for coffee? I expressed how I never wanted to break up with him, how bad I felt, how sorry I was. He just said that he had been working all day and all night and that he needs to nap since arguing was not what he wanted. He will call me later and that I was on Match too. I just told him I am not going to argue. He called later that night and I had stepped out to take movies back. I texted him apologizing for not taking his call but he talked to my daughter and said he would call back the next morning.
Well, it is the next morning and he did not call back. I sent him a text explain that I was on Match.com to look for him b/c I did not want loose him to another girl. I wanted him for myself. It was driving me crazy. I poured my heart out to him again. Again, no contact. No phone call. It has been a couple of hours. I go back on Match.com and he’s online again!!!! WHY?? I am reading all these articles and learning and practicing about what I probably should be doing. Now, here I am. I want your opinion. Sorry this is long. I know you are going to tell me to move on. Don’t contact anymore, let him call on his term. Let him go…. my friend thinks he is using me for backup which sux because I am better than that. Trust me, I have gotten myself busy. I have been depressed, crying nearly every day, getting myself worked up, hoping, loosing hope, you name it. I am tired and exhausted. I want to let go but I don’t want to loose him. I am in my 40’s and I am still CLUELESS! This sux.
admin
December 3, 2013 at 7:31 pm
You are not clueless. I think this is just him more than you.
Don’t get so down on yourself. Seriously! You are worth so much more than you realize. I can tell you are a very intelligent woman.
I assume you are in NC?
tgblack72
December 4, 2013 at 12:06 am
I had been in NC but not as long as I should have. I made few mistakes, which brought me here. I am hoping that we can put this behind us. I am really nervous about seeing him again. I am excited too and hope he feel about me as much as I feel about him. I am also prepare for rejection. I can at least be free and move forward to better things. Thank you and thanks for the compliment!
tgblack
December 3, 2013 at 12:36 am
Since my last post, he did call me and we are still meeting this week over coffee. So, I am hopeful that all goes well.
admin
December 3, 2013 at 7:41 pm
That is fantastic.
karina
December 1, 2013 at 10:31 pm
so i’ve been doing no contact but i found some little notes we used to send each other and i wanted to give them back, so i texted him asking if he wanted them back and he said “go ahead and get rid of them. we’re past that. :-)”. Does this mean he is over me? i said okay and then he asked if we could talk? is he really over me and am i being friend-zoned. we dated three years and i find it impossible to believe that in less than five months he has a new girlfriend and is over me. but is he?
admin
December 2, 2013 at 6:46 pm
How long did the two of you initially date?
Karina
December 3, 2013 at 1:39 am
Three years
Karina
December 3, 2013 at 4:12 am
We were each other’s very first relationship and we dated for a little over three years.
karina
December 1, 2013 at 10:53 pm
I feel like I lost my chances at getting him back because a few months ago he wanted all those notes back and now he’s okay with trashing them??