The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

melissa

November 25, 2013 at 7:33 pm

should it be treated differently if you were never boyfriend/ girlfriend? and just dated?? also if it was short is 30 days too long to ignore them?

admin

November 26, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Yes I would cut it down to 15 days.

Apple

November 25, 2013 at 1:39 pm

hi Chris,
I just went back from the trip. I saw he’s never been admired by so many foreign girls, while I was always complaining to him, that might make him not love me any more.

He should still have feelings, but I only want to be with him when he comes back to reality. I plan not to get him back in a rush, I’d wait at least until he comes back in February, when he says “let’s meet in Feb.” (Maybe mostly a friendly meeting instead of a date.)

Now we still have to talk about our studies, but I wanna end everything asap, as he’ll be traveling for 2 months next week, without internet connection for at least every half month. During this period, I’ll do NC. How long shall I keep the NC. Will NC work well? Since he may conceive I don’t contact him because bad internet, or even he’d tell me first he’s not able to be reached. I’m afraid in this way, he won’t feel I’m cutting him off. Meanwhile, he’ll be enjoying the trip, not sure whether the NC is enough to make him miss me. And special tips on this special NC to make the goal work? Ie, let him think I cut the contact and make him miss me though he’ll be fully distracted by the fun traveling for 2 whole months.

Btw, I’m thinking about a rough plan now. Can I email you for advice?

Best,
Apple

admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:35 pm

Mostly its all about what YOU do during the NC. What do you plan on doing?
Apple

November 25, 2013 at 10:43 pm

During NC, I plan to
1. Focus on study, job application, travelling
2. New date (he also knows). Though the new guy has many qualities he doesn’t, I still want him back, because our deep connection and his good influence on me. Just life abroad blinded him.
3. Follow your guide, think about how to let him MAKE THE MOVE, chase me, despite the obstacles.

One thing to add. He already knows I’m not emotional about the break up any more, and changed. Just I’ve made some (not many) emotional mistakes, and some moments I might have shown signs of affections to him.

How does my plan sound? Any further suggestions? How can I let him know I’m happy since lack of internet connection, and I don’t plan to contact him, to build up a good base for our meeting in February. As he’s seen the “happy” me during our trip, will the contrast be too small to shock him?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:20 pm

1. Thats amazing!
2. Good again
3. YES MAM!

Plan sounds fantastic.
Apple

November 26, 2013 at 10:24 pm

Nice that Master Chris approved the plan? But any way to let him know my life is going great now?
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:25 pm

I am no master… I am a friend hahaha (a stranger but a friend.)

Showing him with being happy and bubbly seems to be the best way to do that IMO
Apple

November 28, 2013 at 12:05 am

Something to add for the last question. When it’s just the two of us, everything is the same as before, we talk and act “mean” to each other, but in friendly way. He doesn’t do it to anyone else, just me and his family.
All are the same except romance/sweetness
1.body contact. Physically we are very close, but most cases is jokingly fighting with each other, when it gets too close/romantic or his body has reactions, he stops, even when he comes close to me himself, like pretending a backhug when we are on the crowded bus. He initiated intimacy twice, but we each called stop one time.
2.romantic talks. We still share topics with deep connections. Only that nothing love/romance. Kinda like a couple married for 40 years.
3.He said he still thinks I’m very beautiful. And he never hated me. BUT given that he claim his feelings are gone during the breakup, and from how he handels his emotion seems he’s accepted the fact of breakup, does it mean he put me in the friend zone, only like, no chance for love?
4.We have many eye contacts, looking deep into each other for a long time, or sometimes he checks whether I’m looking at him when I turn my head to his direction.
So, 1.adding this to the last question, plz help me figure out how he may be feeling, his behavior is so mixed, what made him stop halfway.
2.my question in the third point of this reply.

I have to figure out this in order to take the next move.
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:45 am

….. thats a lot of questions haha. It’s thanksgiving any way you can simplify this for me..
Apple

November 28, 2013 at 1:16 pm

Haha, makes sense to give you a relaxed Thanksgiving. 🙂 so boils down to 2.
1. What’s LC?
2. He sometimes starts physical contact, but always stops when it gets close. Conversation topic is very close, but atmosphere is too friendly as it’s just 2 weeks after the ugly breakup words he puts, and he doesn’t HATE me about our breakup/fight. Question: how can I interpret his sudden over friendly conversation and mixed physical behavior? Is this a sign of his feelings are gone or tries to pull his feelings away? I’m lost about where we are. Friend or romantically attracted?
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:50 am

1. Limited Contact
2. No, it sounds like he wants to get physical at times but pulls away b/c of the consequences. It means he is attracted to you but is not quite ready to take that step yet.. its up to you to give him that push he needs.
Apple

November 27, 2013 at 10:52 pm

Another 2 questions
1.Based on our accessibility, second round NC may take 60 days.

Is 60 day too long? Just afraid he won’t think about me at all since traveling with friends and family for such a long period would fully distract him. So shall I contact him some time in between when I know he can be reachable?

2. Physically he’s still attracted by me, and when I tried to push him away, he won’t allow, but when he gets closed me to some point, he stops. He’s jealous when other guys kiss me, but also flirt with other girls in front of me. What’s he thinking?
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:25 am

1. It could be.. maybe you can try 60 day LC

2. He is physically attracted to you BUT the key is to get him to commit.
Apple

November 27, 2013 at 7:48 pm

Sure I will. My point was that, there’s actually no way to let him see me happy during NC. He even won’t have internet access. And we won’t see each other until February… it’s a bit tricky 🙁

Riri

November 24, 2013 at 7:28 pm

Would a second round of no contact be effective if you and your ex occasionally talk even months after a break-up? I managed to pull off 30 days of no contact a couple months ago and he never contacted me until I got ahold of him.

admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:10 pm

It can be.. But obviously not as effective as the first round initially was if you did it right.
Riri

November 29, 2013 at 2:03 pm

I aced the no contact for 30 days 🙂 but in any case, would extending it to 60 days be more or less effective? Worst case scenario during those 60 days I’d find someone who is just as if not better at making me smile.

Because if I’ve learned anything about being a single girl, it’s that there’s always someone willing to make a pretty girl smile.
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:36 am

I think 30 days are enough but extending it is up to you.

Very true… about the smiling bit. VERY TRUE!

Karina

November 23, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Hi, again…. I feel the need to explain my relationship because of how insane and tumultuous it is… I’m seventeen I dated my ex for a little over three years and in the summer I broke up with him. I would love to be with him again but I believe I completely and totally extinguished my chances. Our breakup was not messy, at all… I was out and about so I couldn’t see him and I met other guys, I didn’t cheat on him but I was scared it might happen so I broke up with him. We stayed good friends until I began to want a relationship with him, about four months later. First, he told me that we couldn’t date again because we both needed a change in order to have a more successful relationship if we ever dated again. Then he told me he was interested in another girl and just last week he began to date the other girl. The problem is I can safely say I went terminally insane. I cried and begged him to give me another chance multiple times and I wrote him an entire journal of how I felt, which I then gave to him, he told me I was being dramatic. I sent him angry texts, I cussed him out and my health took a dive for the worst. I tried the no contact rule and broke on the fourth day. I called him, (we go to different schools), and he was angry. He accused me of avoiding him and of being immature for not being able to handle a breakup like an adult. The confusing part is that two weeks ago he told me he still had feelings for me and then said that he was going to quell and extinguish any romantic feelings he had for me. Yesterday, when I broke the no contact rule, we ended up losing what little we had of a friendship and now I don’t know what to do. I tried explaining to him that right now it was hard for me to be his friend when he was moving on and he yelled at me and told me that i needed to let it go because it was six months already and that again, I was being immature.I told him I was happy for him and his new relationship and he said thank you for handling it so maturely and that was the end. I don’t know what to do now, because I still want to be his girlfriend but now we aren’t even friends.

admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Well how long have you been in NC?
Karina

November 24, 2013 at 7:14 pm

I had to restart, it’s three days now. Should I just give up on a relationship with him? He has a girlfriend now and I doubt it’s a rebound.
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:09 pm

No I wouldn’t. Not until you are sure you have no chance.
Karina

November 25, 2013 at 8:04 pm

Hmmmm, okay. Thank you. 🙂 your site has been a great help and hopefully I will get him back.

Ri

November 23, 2013 at 5:24 am

Hello, think you site is brilliant. Wondering if you think I have a shot. My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months and everything was going great we talked about moving in and getting married and when his parents came to visit I spent lots of time with them. We had a breakup at the end of sept because I was upset about something and went home to cool down before talking to him because I didn’t want to talk angry and he got upset about that so we broke up for two days and then worked it out and got back together now fast forward a month later and my mother who I am not on speaking terms with at the moment showed up to his workplace and talked to him. He freaked out that she showed up there and said that that is too much for him to handle even though I had no idea she was going there and he left me. I’m devastated Chris. I started NC right after we broke up but cracked on day 4 and then we had an argument about getting back together the next day. It’s now been day 17 of no contact and I’m feeling awesome! it really has helped me move on or begin to and I feel like myself again and positive. He did say in the breakup that down the road we may get back together and then in our argument said we need time apart and neither of us are in the position to get back together. What do you think Chris? I feel positive about things should I give up? Thanks for reading! 🙂

admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:01 pm

Thanks for enjoying the website.

No I think you should give this a try if you feel that you really want this.
Ri

November 23, 2013 at 10:05 pm

Do you think I should go longer than 30 days? I’m scared to make the first move because I don’t want to appear to be needy or a bother
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:06 pm

No I think in your situation 30 days is perfect
Ri

November 26, 2013 at 12:43 am

Hey Chris! I will definitely starting contact after 30 days. He ran into my best friend and told her that I seem bitter even thought we haven’t spoken. It’s been day 25 since we last saw each other and day 20 of NC. Is he just saying that because he has expected me to be a text or call gnat and I haven’t been and he’s assuming that because I haven’t spoken to him? I haven’t said anything to come across as bitter to anyone since our break up. He still hasn’t contacted me either. Is she stubborn?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Looks like he is very stubborn.
Ri

November 27, 2013 at 5:21 am

Any idea why he would consider me to he bitter? Is it because I’ve implemented NC? I’m on day 21
admin

November 27, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Well that has to do with how you acted during your relationship. Did he perceive you as bitter?
Ri

December 1, 2013 at 7:05 pm

I have another quick question for you Chris. I’m on day 26 of NC! I feel so awesome doing things for me and enjoying myself. He hasn’t contacted me at all. Should I take that as him not caring anymore? Or does he miss me but is too stubborn to admit it. I feel like you should miss someone after not speaking for almost a month. I know I miss him
admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:27 pm

No I would say the stubborn bit you think. Usually its b/c the guy is too stubborn to contact you thats my honest opinion.
Ri

November 27, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Nope I’ve never been perceived as bitter at all during our relationship. I would honestly say maybe I came across as such while he was breaking up with me because I was upset? If I think back it may have seemed that way. And during our argument 5 days after the break up. I was very short worded by the end. That is my only guess. What do you think!
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:40 am

Wonder why he said the bitter thing then…

That might be it though if you were bitter about the breakup and that was the last thing he remembers…

luli

November 22, 2013 at 8:31 am

i broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years (lived together for 3) i know i was the love of his life and i broke his heart when i left him. we have a dog together so for the 6 months we have remained in contact, hanged out a few times with friends in common and overall had a very positive relationship/friendship. a month ago we started having sex about once a week and spending time together at his place (i initiated this.) it felt so nice and familiar and i know we both had a lot of fun. during this time he posted pic of him and a girl on fb. i knew he was seeing someone but was able to block it off because i wasn’t ready to have “the” conversation with him. we finally did. i told him i was upset he did that and told him this time apart helped me see how much i love him and want to have a life together, that i was sorry i had to go away in order to have this realization, etc. very politely and calmly he turned me down. he said he cares about me but has no interest in getting back together and would like to keep our friendly relationship going. i am devastated but i understand him. my question is, will the NC rule work in this case? i mean, even though i broke up with him he has rejected me now, which basically is as if he had broken up with me. should i be demonstrating him how much i love him and what i would do for him in order to get him back? if the NC rules applies, how should i initiate contact after? by being flirty, by asking to see him right away, by acting as a friend the same way he did after i broke up with him, by bringing up good memories about us? I’ve read all the possibilities you mentioned but i’m unsure which one would be the best in my case. thanks!

Natalie

December 4, 2013 at 1:57 pm

luli I am going through pretty much the SAME situation!! I totally get you 100%. I started NC 2 days ago. I am going to give it a shot. I think deep down he still he must have feelings for me even though he says he has no interest in getting back together. He also posted a pic with a girl he is seeing. We were together 3 years and I broke it off a year ago. It took me a while to realize how much I love him. And we also saw each other like once a month during that year we were apart.

I think NC will have an effect on him because I begged him for like 40 days nonstop and 2 days ago I stopped completely. What do you think?

I would love to know how you are holding up! It´s extremely difficult for me at least.

Natalie.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:05 pm

Have you read any of the other guides on this site? It should give you some indication on how to approach the post NC period.

Anne

November 22, 2013 at 8:29 am

Hi Chris, actually I’m from the Philippines and I’ve been reading your articles and you are very good at giving advices, but let me go straight to the point…. It’s not about bringing my ex back or any break up, I just want your advice since you are a guy…. My boyfriend is 36 years old Nd I’m 29, he is really mature, responsible, good looking well pretty much all I ever wanted but the thing is well he is not a text and call gnat like some guys, since I know you guys are not text and call gnats really. He just texts me 2x a day with just “good mornings and good nights” and pretty much how the day ends. We worked for the same company and we rarely see each other as well. Are you guys really not that sweet and appreciative ? Another concern is, he will be taking the bar exam and he will be reviewing for the next five months, will I use the no contact rule, will I even bother to text or call him or visit him since I know he needs time to review but should I even once a month? To check him out, I don’t have the intentions of bugging him, but should I? Or should I just give him space while reviewing….

admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:03 pm

No don’t bug him. I know the temptation is there but don’t do it.

Jenna

November 22, 2013 at 8:24 am

Hey,
I’ve really enjoyed reading your posts. My ex and I were together roughly 6 months. He is/was my person. From our first date it’s was 100% there until a month ago. I had gotten close with his family which no other girl had. He spends pretty much every weekend with them. So family is a key essential part for him. Everything was there between us until we stopped being physical the last 2 weeks of our relationship. The breakup ended with him being honest and saying that I reminded him too much of his sister and that he wasn’t physically attracted to me anymore. We are similar however we look nothing alike. I’m a former beauty queen and have dealt with self esteem building issues my whole life. Normally I can jump back up but this one has thrown me for a loop. I felt that he didn’t give it a true go or try bc we had sorbs the last 4 dates with his family and never made time for intimacy. I know there was no one else. Do you think there is still a chance. I’ve been doing the NC rule for 2 weeks now. I’ve slipped once I’m texting him. Every day we are apart it gets worse and not better. Advice?
Thanks!
-Jenna

admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Yes and you are still soooo early into this that you shouldn’t make any assumptions right now.

Karina

November 22, 2013 at 6:59 am

So I’m attempting NC and am on the third day. The problem is I have to see my ex-boyfriend every Wednesday because of meetings, what should I do? I need help!!!!

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:54 pm

You are going to have to do limited contact it looks like.

Marie

November 22, 2013 at 5:47 am

Okay, Chris, this is going to be the last question I ask you for a long time because I’m about to implement a second NC period of 30 days… but before I do this I want to run this by you so I can have peace of mind during my NC.

To sum it up:
1)He broke up, I started NC
2)He lost the NC rule duel
3)I caved and we started low contact
4)I sent him a stupid email letter changing my mind telling him (very sweetly) not to contact me anymore because I still love him and it hurts to hear from him
5)I regretted this BIG TIME and a few days later asked him to call me, he did, I straightened it out very quickly and it turned into a short positive convo where we enjoyed hearing from each other
6)I was starting my game plan to get my LDR ex back and had positive reaction from him
7)I really feel the need to do another 30 days of NC because of that stupid letter I wrote and he is doing push/pull and I don’t like it. His ex-wife is also begging for him to come back right now and he has a rebound girlfriend. I don’t want to be a part of that… I want to be UNGETTABLE and different.

So here’s my question: Do you think another 30 NC is okay? Worried that if he ever contacts me and I don’t respond, he MAY think of that letter I wrote him (about me wanting no contact because I still loved him)?
I feel in my gut to do NC but just not sure what you think!

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:46 pm

I think another 30 days is ok but may I suggest you shorten NC a little bit. Maybe to 21 days?

lee

November 21, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Hi Chris,

Older (read patient) woman here. Your website is very interesting and informative. I’d like your advice.

Was best friends and more with “Jack” for 3 years. I broke his heart and he married the next girl he dated. We never spoke again for 17 years. I wrote him 1 letter about 8 months after he stopped talking to me and told him I made a terrible mistake and I loved him. No response. This summer he contacts me out of the blue. I am engaged to someone else.

We texted, emailed and called every day for 3 months. I don’t know if he loves me now although he apologized profusely for ending our friendship,that he made a huge mistake, talked about how much he cares for me, and said it totally sucked that I was getting married. BUT, he has not indicated anything more.

We fall right back into the same kind of conversations and we clearly still really get along. Then we see each other, have a wonderful platonic-ish night together. BUT, after that, he stops contacting me as much. As in once every two days versus 10 times a day. I get emotional (but in a relatively calm way) and tell him I need to straighten out my engagement situation and talking to him is confusing me. However, my real intention was to never speak to him again as I felt I had no control over my emotions with him. I don’t think he realized that though.

I don’t contact him at all for 2 months. During this time, I break up with my fiancee and he moves out. Now I am single and still have no plans to contact “Jack”; however I still think of him every day.

Then Jack contacts me on my birthday to wish me happy birthday. And we start emailing back and forth. He calls me three times – and yes I think he was drunk but 3 states away so probably not a booty call.

I never called him back. But then I emailed him 5 days later to say hi. And he emailed me back.

I am in and have been in love with this person for almost 2 decades.

My question is – should I just forget this and not email him back? I am terrified of getting hurt. Would he have tried to indicate he felt something for me if he did? Or is it possible that he was trying to be a good person given I was engaged?

What should I do? I would very much appreciate your insight.

admin

November 22, 2013 at 6:46 pm

May I ask why you can’t just send him a quick text message?
lee

November 22, 2013 at 11:46 pm

Thank you for responding to my comment!!!

I did end up responding and we then emailed back and forth probably 10 times. Just banter, plans for the weekend, and trying to outdo each other’s jokes. He sent the last email (with a question – which he admitted at one point he does to get me to write back) however I’ve not responded as I am busy focusing on me 😉 – with the exception of writing you of course.

I think according to you, I should be ending the ‘conversation’ first, yes?

Here is the thing. I know that he cares for me and I am pretty sure he knows I care for him. But he may just care about me as a friend, nothing more. After all, when I did see him, he did not make a move beyond hugging and hanging out in bed. On the other hand, at the time his divorce was not final and I was still engaged. (Is this what you refer to as rationalizing his behavior?)

I would really love to see him again at some point…so which option should I be doing? While also taking your advice on focusing on my happiness and feeling good about myself – no moping.

1) NC until he reaches out to me again.
2) Drop in every once in a while by email – or is texting better – and see if he ever mentions getting together?
3) Ask him some time in the next few weeks if he wants to get together (keep it casual/fun) and if he seems uninterested, take the hint and move on? I should say that I am 50/50 on whether I could just have a friendship-only with him.

Thanks for your help!!
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Have you read this page yet: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
lee

November 23, 2013 at 9:03 pm

Perfect, thank you! I think I am somewhere in between the subtle jealousy and the Heart to Heart convos. It may not follow in such a linear fashion as you’ve laid out, but I will give it a shot. Thank you!
admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:52 pm

It usually never does go in the linear progression but thats why I want you to view them as more of guidelines which you are doing I think.

Kerri

November 21, 2013 at 11:54 am

Hi

Hoping I can ask your advice. 15 days ago my ex broke off our relationship, after 10months off dating & 6months of being in a committed relationship. He told me that this is what he does, he gets scared/cold feet & that he was desperately unhappy with his ex before me that he would rather be on his own than be in another relationship like that again (he said she suffocated him). I asked him if I made him desperately unhappy & he confirmed no, not all all which I know is true from the times he allows us to spend together which are great. We always laugh & have fun, have lots of discussions, we’ve never had a bad word, not even when breaking up. His work is possibly taking him overseas & he does have a lot of work/social commitments in his life, but I have always given him plenty of space to do what he loves, he is a free spirit who loves to travel, but also possibly Mr commitment phobe. I told him during our break up that I was disappointed I was being judged by his ex’s mistakes & that I’m not her & that had he given me a fair chance he would see that. I have implemented the non contact rule since that conversation & I am investing my time & energy in looking after number 1, and im doing okay. Im keeping busy with family/friends & studying, but he is a wonderful person & I do love having him in my life & if I could start anew with him I would. I’ve faced up to the fact that it may never happen, however I am in love with him & have never told him this in those exact words, I’ve only mentioned I once that i have feelings for him & that seemed enough to make him scared. I guess what Id like to know is do you think I should after the 30days tell him exactly how I feel? (I feel i have nothing left to loose & fear I may regret never doing so) or just keep working on improving myself & let him see me all new & sparkley & see what happens from there? I’m torn with this decision because on one hand I’m being upfront & honest & want to show him that my love is different to his ex’s & feel if he doesn’t know he can’t act on it? or do i just keep it light & fun & away from the honest stuff, which seemed to push him away. I think I know the answer here, I just need an outside opinion if you could please.

admin

November 21, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Keep it light and fun…

Michelle

November 21, 2013 at 2:44 am

This is the first time I’ve ever commented on a website before, but your guides are so handy that I couldn’t resist, and I am desperate for help beyond belief!

My ex-boyfriend (21) and I (20) dated for two years before we broke up. We did long distance the first year (I was in Texas/Missouri while he was in Florida), and then due to some unfortunate circumstances on my part, I moved in with him and his family for the second year. Big mistake.

His parents were verbally abusive and extremely controlling and manipulative toward the both of us, and wedged their way into our relationship from the start. We had never fought quite like we did after I moved in with him. We underwent so much stress and had some terrible arguments, which were always about the same thing- his parents. We tried to get away from the situation so many times, but failed. They began telling him every day that I was destroying his life and I didn’t really love him or care about him, that I was using him and trying to take him with me on the “highway to Hell”. Because of this he started to resent me. None of it was true, but there was nothing I could do to convince him of that no matter what I did. Eventually, we were able to sit down and discuss the situation and agreed that if we continued to stay in that house together, our relationship would be destroyed. I told his mom that I wanted out because my ex and I weren’t on good terms, and I was very uncomfortable. Well, I should’ve known that she would take things to the extreme. She tried to manipulate him into breaking up with me, and kicked him out to live with his grandmother until she could send me to an emergency shelter because I was “causing her family to suffer”, and was “mentally unstable”. He came to see me the next night, and there was something very different about him. Long story short, he ended the relationship for good, and didn’t give me any explanation except that he can’t date anyone for a long time because he needs to focus on his life and his career. The day before, he had been telling me that we would get through this again and figure something out, and that he loved me and wouldn’t give up on me no matter what happened. Now he was just stone-faced and unloving and a complete dick. Well, I did all the wrong things that every girl does after a break up; I called, texted, e-mailed, and messaged him on Facebook about a million times. He would respond to me sometimes with short one word answers, or would completely ignore me. It was on and off. I came across this website (which is amazing by the way), and vowed to follow your guides religiously. First thing I did was send him an e-mail apologizing for my actions, and then immediately went into NC. I love this man very much. We have been through hell and back together (you have no idea), and I want to continue to learn and love life with him. I admit that I have made my fair share of mistakes in our relationship, there are no excuses for what has happened, but it can be fixed. I have faith in that. I just feel like this break up was such a rash decision, and was completely unnecessary and uncalled for. His parents changed his phone number (they told me they did because he asked them to, he didn’t want me to call him), so now we have no contact except for Facebook and e-mail, which he rarely uses. They are trying to convince him that I am and never was any good for him. I’m on day 6 of NC, and I’m going crazy, I feel like a recovering drug addict would, but I’m not caving in! He hasn’t contacted me yet, except for a “like” on Facebook, but that’s okay, because I can now make changes on myself that I haven’t been able to make before (rose-colored glasses). My only concern is that I have no good way of contacting him after the 30 days, and if his parents find out that he is communicating with me somehow, they will make sure to cut off ALL communication between us. I’m so determined to get my best friend back. What can I do?

Thank you so much for your time Chris, your great wisdom is so much appreciated! 🙂 And sorry for the long story, I’m a writer haha.

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:01 pm

No problem. I am used to long messages.

Welcome to NC… your description is exactly spot on. It’s like going through rehab and having withdrawls. What are you doing to keep busy?

dilemmaSoul

November 20, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Hi there, ur advice were really good but the prob is I came in to this site too late.
My ex broke up with his gf of 4 yrs which he claimed he has no more feelings for n gt tgt with me a month later (is this still considered a rebound? ) but after six mths he broke up with me giving e reason that he was self centered n couldn’t make me happy. Like during exams when I needed him e most to keep me company thru whatsapp, he felt pressurized. After the break up, I stayed NC with him for a month before he contacted me again offering to celebrate my bday. That’s how we contacted n went out again. Went overseas twice over this period. N recently I was quite affected when he Actually msg this femAle colleague of mine like random things though it was her who started it first. I know they were just friends but I’m just feeling jealous that everytime in our convo, I’m the one who will initiate a topic but now he’s being so outgoing to other girls so I went to confront him. Obviously he wasn’t happy I know we were no longer together so it’s not right for me to b so possessive too. So I apologise n he said he’s not angry anymore, just wans me to not do that to my future bf. When he said that, I know he really see no Hope in us getting back tgt alr. So I tried to forget about him by not contacting him for a month Till I saw his photo on fb recently, my heart hurt alot. Couldn’t control myself n went to send a whatsapp to him asking him how is his life since we nv talk for a while. He only replied the next day though I can still see him online in whatsapp. When he replied, he just gave the neutral reply ‘still Ok, nth special.
That point of time I really feel sad that why didn’t he ask about my life. N e fact that he took awhile to reply me though he was chatting online. Guess he has found someone new. So I was really curious n ask him to tell me honestly If he’s been seeing anyone recently or into anyone. He replied a nope.

I was reli feeling insecure nw and feel that whatever I’m msging him with, it will make him irritated cuz it’s not his style to take awhile to reply me. So at that time I really wanted to try n forget him. here’s Wad I wrote “I was Actually hoping u will say yes so things can have a fresh start. Things r no longer e same whereby just a simple asking of how u are may seem like im poking into ur affairs. I won’t disturb u anymore. Hav a blissful life ahead n Hope you’ll find ur true happiness soon.”

That was my last msg to him. It’s been 4 days n he hasn’t reply n I can see him keep coming into whatsapp recently which is not like him last time as he doesn’t have much friends. So I recently feel that there’s alr someone new in his life.
I don’t know what to do now. a part of me wants to forget about him but I’m still willingly to give it a try to get back cuz NC is really a tedious process. I find myself deleting his number n adding him back again juz to see If he’s online anot. I noe I shldnt be doing that but I just can’t kill e jealously inside that’s he’s actually talking to a new girl.
Hope to hear from you on what i should do next. Pls…

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:05 pm

I think in a week you should send him another message and really try to dictate the conversation and end it.

Robin

November 20, 2013 at 11:53 am

Hey Chris,

Your blog is wonderful! Even scary perceptive sometimes 🙂

I really would love your advice on tangly situation that is going on (please don’t judge me):
I met an amazing guy, since we were both in relationships we became friends. After some while friendship turned into affair. He broke up with his gf quickly, but I did not break up with my bf. Was not sure what to do and so confused. My affair guy wanted to be with me soo much that one day he told me he cannot live like that anymore, he is hurting and I need to make a choice. This decision making took a while, we were fighting a lot, until he said it’s over. About in a month I broke up with my bf, but he said he has moved on and is not interested in a relationship with me. I asked if there was someone else, he said no. Anyway, I started NC which is a bit tricky since we work in the same building, he tried to call or text me at first and then it stopped. I found out he has a new gf, and lied about it when I asked back then. I think that might be the reason he said he has moved on. I wonder if this could be a fake reality case? We known each other for about 2 years. He adored and spoiled me, wanted to commit and build a future with me, but I was too stupid, childish, confused and too much into “what would people say”. We always had a blast together, could talk non stop for hours and nights. The thing is in the end the fight was so bad, that he was angry as hell at me. Since I found out he had a new gf, I couldn’t start your advised steps after 30 days – I was not cool at all. So now we are on 90 days of NC (exept for times we see each other accidentaly in the building and say hi or so) and I think now might be the time already to try reconnecting. But I am afraid he is still angry and the fact he has a new gf might also not be good.

So I guess what I am asking is:
If this is fixable at all? Do we still have a chance?
Is this a fake reality that he has created now or is it real (he is ~3 months with a new girl)? I don’t believe that true love comes and goes just like that, but also that once the patience ends it just does and you cannot go back, what do you think?

admin

November 20, 2013 at 6:00 pm

No judging here.

1. Its fixable but it is going to take some work haha.
2. Hmmm… not sure its so complicated. I don’t think your feelings just stop its not that black and white. I do think you can go back but you have to make it worth his while.
Robin

November 21, 2013 at 8:03 am

Dear Chris,

Does some work mean the steps you have described in how to get you exbf back? All the time he told me he was feeling like my second choice and decided not to be a choice at all.
I am not sure how to proceed since he has this gf on the side and if he truly is commited there and wants to build a future with her I want him to be happy and do it.
It’s just that we talked 10s of times that what we have/had probably never happens in life. I still believe it and am sure that deep down he knows it too.

Thank you!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:59 pm

Pretty much!

Also it will take time so be patient.

Lizzie

November 20, 2013 at 11:40 am

Hello Chris!

Hope you are doing well

I was introduced to this guy by a friend who insist I meet up with him. I have been single for a year plus and i though what the heck, just go with it. Amazingly we hit it off right away, we can talk on the phone for hours and he is always the one initiating on asking me out and all. He confessed that he really really like me but we agreed to take it slow and date each other exclusively first before becoming a couple officially.

From then on, things have been really really great. We cook for each other, i come over to his place to watch movies or some sports games and he introduced me to his sisters and friends. He even asked me to bring a pair of shorts and leave it at his place so that i can change to something more comfortable when i am over (i have not slept over at his place before) that 3 months was once of the happiest times i have ever had in my life, he still consistently ask me out and we are always on the phone talking and keeping each other updated on our day.

He also go the extra mile but telling me who is out with just to gain my trust i guess. So one weekend, we decided not to meet as he has to do some work and yeah i wanted some girl shopping time. But while out shopping I started seeing things i know he needs like a new lunch box and socks. I got the stuff for him and went over to his place to leave it at his doorstep. As i was leaving his house area, he called me and said he can sense i am in his area, so i asked him to open his door and check what is outside. He was surprise that i did all that for him but he doesn’t sound happy, i asked if he wants to meet for awhile before i leave and he said ‘no’ and i let it be. The next day he called me and told me he doesn’t like surprises and i told him i expected him to freak out and we got over it. He started planning our next outing and said he will cook for me the coming weekend.

The next day, he msged me on skype and told me he has a surprise for me with a wink. And i tried to dig it out from him and he told me he got us matching water tumblers. He knew i was looking for one and i was really really touched. But the day after, he msged me to ask me out for dinner but since we were meeting the next day, we decided to just leave it to the next day.
He called me that same night and told me it is not working out between us he told me he can’t seem to find the spark between us and he is not physically attracted to me. He also mention that he does not see any future with me. I started crying of course. And he told me that this was a hard decision for him and he started crying as well. He even told me he did not finish grad school and i don’t get why he had to tell me that when i don’t really care. I asked him if he was crying and he cut me short and said he needs to do his ‘closure’ speech. He told me he won’t delete me off any social media platforms but he won’t contact me. And we hung up.

I am really really confused. How can someone be all sweet the day before and want to end things the next day? He always made future plans with me like how we should go on a trip next year and all. Really hurt and I have been trying my best to not contact him. It has been 3 weeks (NC rule) since i last spoke to him it hurts me and i really don’t know what to do. I miss him so much, and he is one of those guys i can really click with as we are so alike, somehow.

Since i am still connected with him via social media. I kinda noticed that he has not been himself, seems like he is stressed up with work and is full of angst? As or me, my social media updates and stuff has been my ‘normal’ me even though i am hurting and sad quietly.

Thanks! And if there is any questions about this whole problem, do ask me. I will gladly answer them.

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Yes be as normal as possible.

Umm… when you talk are you always responding?
Lizzie

November 21, 2013 at 3:11 am

Yes i am trying to be as ‘normal’ as possible and i get my gf to check if in on my social media to see if i sound normal or not. So far it has been good, i have been FB-ing and tweeting about my usual stuff. Its hard i have to say!

What do you mean when I talk and always responding? Actually i dropped you an email after getting your e-book 🙂
admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:03 pm

I need to check my email… I will do that later today. It’s been a busy week so I cant get around to everyone like I used to be able to.
Lizzie

November 22, 2013 at 3:03 am

No worries chris! 🙂

I will wait for your reply and will communicate with you via email den! really really love your website, keep up the good work!
Lizzie

November 24, 2013 at 3:10 pm

Hey Chris,

I am almost at the end of my NC rule, last 5 days left. I noticed that my ex has been binge drinking and not himself! he posted songs on FB and all, but i dunno, i’m scared now. He told me that he won’t contact me and he won’t change his mind (while crying) . But i know i want to try it out again with him cause its worth it.
admin

November 24, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Go for it then. What is your text going to be like after NC?
Lizzie

December 18, 2013 at 4:14 pm

Hey Chris!

I really hope so too! trust me this is not the easiest thing i have to do, but i know it is worth it!

seems like he is posting stuff about going out for dinner with his gal pal and all, maybe in a bid to make me jealous? i know the existance of a few of that gal pals when we were dating.

something happened this morning, i tweeted joking and said that whoever who wants to hear my sexy voice, give me a call and you will be surprised. it was meant to be a joke.

but the next thing i know, i checked my phone and i got a miss call from him! i thought i was dreaming! but seems like he took my tweet literally.

so i dropped him a msg and told him my phone wasn’t with me and i was in a meeting and he replied back

‘you said sexy voice, so i called. only to be disappointed, HAHAHA’

i dunno this is abit of flirting for me? so i just replied ‘sexy voice is available the whole day. please try again later ;)’ and i closed the convo.

hope i did the right thing! apologies chris if my updates is bothering you!
Lizzie

December 24, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Hey Chris,

Latest update.

so i was out with my guy friend having xmas drinks at my favourite bar, and guess who i saw, HIM!

he knows that is my favourite hang out place and i frequent that place alot. even the last time he met up with me, we had drinks over at that place before things go abit bad!

it has been 4 days since i last saw him, i did not say hi, cause he was out with a gal pal (i recognise her from some of his pics). my guy friend’s back was facing him, so i kinda got a block from seeing him directly. but when my friend moved an inch, i saw at the corner of his eyes, he was looking at us! argh!

seriously??? im not trying to be territorial, but seriously?!
Lizzie

January 1, 2014 at 12:16 pm

hey chris!

happy new year! hope you had a great countdown!

latest update, since the day i saw him on christmas eve at my favourite bar, nothing has happened until new year eve.

so past midnight, he sent me a picture of a new year greeting he designed. i was shocked when i got that msg of his and till now i have not replied yet.

why is he being all weird, chris? he did not even acknowledge me when he saw me at the bar but now he is sending me happy new year msges?
Lizzie

December 27, 2013 at 5:21 pm

Hey Chris!

Merry Christmas! Hope you had a great one!

That very same night he saw me, he lost his phone. weirdly, i found that funny. haha!

but i really don’t get it, when i saw him at the bar, like why is he there?! of all place, THERE! and the last time i met up with him, he was going on and on about the girl and seems like my friends noticed the girl sounds alot like me!

was he trying to make me jealous? and if he really wanted to be friends with me, he could have just acknowledge me that night right?
Lizzie

December 25, 2013 at 6:26 am

hey chris!

i found out from my guy friend that when he went to the gents and walk pass my ex’s table he noticed my ex was actually trying to check him out! and my friend found that amusing!

i left the bar earlier that night and i did not even say ‘hi’ or acknowledge he was there. i pretended like i did not see him and had my own fun.

do you think i should have said ‘hi’? i don’t want to come across as being rude! and i’m curious, it was xmas eve, why wasn’t he out with the girl he is dating?
admin

December 26, 2013 at 5:51 pm

I think you should have acknowledged him to not seem awkward but you know what its not big deal everything is still a go.
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:37 pm

Hahah a bit of jealousy looks like.
Lizzie

December 19, 2013 at 7:32 am

Hey Chris,

Actually I have a question, what if my ex is just being friendly? maybe abit of an over friendliness from his side? but such thing is possible right?

just abit worried that he is just being friendly with me!
Lizzie

December 24, 2013 at 12:37 am

Hey Chris,

2 weeks is fine with me. he has not been contacting me since that last msg from him.

and my friends are all pissed off at him now, for asking me out and talking about the new girl he is dating. i guess everyone expected him to practice self censorship?

but when i msg him, do i follow the same steps as previously?
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:10 pm

I think so yes.
Lizzie

December 23, 2013 at 12:59 am

yeah i am into NC again. the last msg was from him from that night we met up and i just went into NC again.

how long do you think i should go for NC? and i dunno if i should msg him and apologise for being emotional that night?
admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:12 pm

Lets try 2 weeks. Are you ok with that?
Lizzie

December 22, 2013 at 7:06 am

Hey Chris,

honestly, i am truly devastated. i really do want him back and i love him so much. and i did everything pretty well and he has been giving me positive responses and even asking me out!

but when we meet up, he breaks me with this news. do you think i should just give up? or go into NC again? this really sucks.
admin

December 22, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Go into NC for a while.
Lizzie

December 21, 2013 at 8:58 am

Hey Chris,

i think you missed my latest msg, but here it is,

so i met him up for drinks and he apologise about how things ended between us. and he told me he is dating someone new and this girl has everything on his ‘check list’ 🙁

i really don’t know what do to now, i tried to play it cool but he might have seen through me. what should i do next chris? didn’t expect him to be so ‘connected’ with someone, so fast!
admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:21 am

Man I am sorry to hear that.

Do you still want him back after hearing all this?
Lizzie

December 20, 2013 at 7:07 pm

hey chris,

so i met him up for drinks and he apologise about how things ended between us. and he told me he is dating someone new and this girl has everything on his ‘check’ list 🙁

i really don’t know what do to now, i tried to play it cool but he might have seen through me. what should i do next chris? didn’t expect him to be so ‘connected’ with someone, so fast!
Lizzie

December 20, 2013 at 4:28 am

hmmm, i dunno! 20% of me said he is being friendly, or rather overly friendly.

i did tell you that he wants to go for drinks with me and booked me 2 weeks in advance, he called me up last night and told me he wants to bring it forward to this coming friday night instead. i told him i have dinner plans but should be able to see him but later on that night.

should i go for this? i dunno why he wants to bring it forward!
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:30 am

Yes I think you should.
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:37 pm

It’s possible but do you think that is what is happening in this case?
Lizzie

November 25, 2013 at 1:09 pm

First he posted a picture of the tumbler he got for us a day before he ended things to me on instagram and he used a quote i often use to him (which is weird, no other quotes for him to use?)

on the same day he posted a song by Fastballs “Out of my Head” on FB and den the lots of drinking starts. Seems like he tried to post pictures of him out drinking with his mates, but yeah i don’t think its his usual ‘style’

And just today he posted this tweet ‘Of all goodbyes, the kind that which hurts the most was the one your ears never heard of, yet your heart knew it has been already said. #emo’.

I really hope i am not over reacting or over thinking, but i have been very very strict with the NC rule.

Was thinking of doing the ‘remembrance’ text message. Maybe said i had coffee from this place he doesn’t like, and he always make fun of me for drinking coffee from that place. I can say i remembered him not liking that place and now i know why? which is true?

But he is not the text msg type, he usually calls me ALOT when we were still dating… hmm….
Lizzie

November 28, 2013 at 3:47 pm

hey chris,

first of all, happy thanksgiving!

so i msged him and i did not get a reply 🙁 this was my msg to him.

‘hey how have you been? saw someone using the same exact starbucks tumbler that you have in your room at my work place and it reminded me of you 🙂 ‘

i’m bummed… but i know i should not give up yet right?
Lizzie

December 17, 2013 at 11:09 am

Hey Chris!

Hope you are having fun getting ready for Christmas!

I noticed my ex has been initiating contact with me now. We last had a chat on skype on Saturday (he initiated this convo as well) and den i went NC for 2 days. I woke up on Tuesday morning and saw that he msged me on skype at 2.30am to tell me he was at this bar.

Here is the thing, the bar is somewhere i ALWAYS frequent, its like my hang out place and we had our first date there! but i was kinda puzzled by his action of telling me that he was there.

I took my time to reply but seems like he got impatient and he msged me again asking me if my friend that works at the bar is called AJ. another amusing moment for me actually, my friend’s name is NOT AJ, seems like he is trying hard to make contacts?

i chatted with him for awhile and he was the one telling me ALOT of stuff and he also told me that his friend tried to set him up with a 20 year old and he said no. i was kinda annoyed with the fact he kept bringing some ‘date’ story of his!

what do you think chris? i have been playing it cool and not showing any jealousy or anger.
admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:07 pm

I am acutally going to be working a lot hahaha.

I think you are doing great truth be told.
Lizzie

December 13, 2013 at 8:26 pm

Hey Chris! hope you are doing good! Just giving a little update and maybe you can share your thoughts as well?

So after texting to and fro and being the ‘ungettable’ girl, i had a hair cut, lost abit of weight and have been having alot of good healthy fun with my friends. my ex asked me out for drinks!

initially he msged me on skype (he initiated the chat) and asked me about some guy who commented on my picture on FB and when i asked him why he asked he went ‘haha! nothing’ and now he is all curious about my dating life. he kept asking me if i have seen anyone lately and i told him i have been out on friendly outings (which is true)

in between asking me about my dating life, he asked me out for drinks and he even set a date without me even asking him to set a date. he even said maybe we can talk about those friendly outing of mine over drinks. he even said he will tell me about his dates as well.

i dunno if i should take the meet up as a date. i am actually kinda nervous about it and i dunno a part of me is getting ready for him to cancel it at the last minute.

what do you think chris? is this going the right way? i dunno why he is so curious about my dating life when i have NOT asked him about his once!

a part of me is telling me that he just wants to see me and the whole finding out about my ‘friendly outings’ is just a cover up?
admin

December 14, 2013 at 9:54 pm

I think its going well…

He is curious b/c he is trying to get a guage on you.
Lizzie

December 6, 2013 at 8:33 am

Hey Chris,

seems like ex bf wants to be friends, in one of our texts, he did mention to me that i should be ready just in case i hear his dating stories. which is weird to me, cause he is given a choice to tell me or not right? he doesn’t have to tell me everything…

i have not been contacting him for 2 days, might just drop him a random text later today…
Lizzie

December 5, 2013 at 10:03 am

hi chris!

im just curious, if an ex ask a girl if they could still be friends after the whole 30 day NC rule, is that a good sign?
admin

December 5, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Yes.
Lizzie

December 4, 2013 at 7:10 am

hey chris!

i hope i am doing good!

so he sent me a msg and i as always took some time to reply to his msges (he msged me at 2am in the morning to talk about his new watch, of all things) when i did not reply to his msg he msged me on skype and said that we can still chat there.

So i took my time to reply to the first skype msg from him and when i did we started talking and we were asking each other how we were and all and he told me

‘my friend set me up with her colleague’

i admit i was crushed when i saw that. but i played it cool and somewhat ended the convo awhile later.

what should i do now? should i go into NC for a couple of days? thanks chris!
admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:10 am

I think you are.

And yes just for a few days 2-3 should be ideal.
Lizzie

December 3, 2013 at 7:55 am

hey chris!

i am done with NC actually, but i have been ending convos with him or by leaving him hanging.

but he has been dropping me late night msges, and i have been taking my own sweet time in replying as well.

i really want things to go well between us, but im trying to avoid the whole ‘friend’ thing 🙁
admin

December 3, 2013 at 8:00 pm

sounds like you are doing good to me.
Lizzie

December 2, 2013 at 4:46 am

hey chris,

so my ex msged me suddenly and went ‘so are we good to be friends lizzie?’

i really dunno how to react to this!
admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Are you in NC?
Lizzie

November 30, 2013 at 8:03 pm

actually a few people i know thinks the msg is rather ‘cold’.. hmm,

i replied to his msg after 4 hours with this msg,

‘well i have been taking it easy, haha! anyway im heading out to meet my friends, talk to you soon :)’

tried to keep it short and simple and yes i was trying to close the conversation too. earlier tonight I posted a status and a bunch of pics of my new hairstyle on FB and he was the first one to ‘like’ it…

so i will go for NC again for a couple of days and what should i text him next? another remembrance msg?

thank you chris for your help so far, i hope i am on the right track! slowly but surely 🙂
Lizzie

November 30, 2013 at 4:37 pm

Hey Chris!

Really sorry for flooding this comment section! But i have updates, so i had a brand new haircut, really change my look and guess who was the first one to ‘like’ it when i posted a status and pictures of it, HIM! any suggestions on what i should do now?

he replied my first contact msg like 2 days after though…
Lizzie

November 30, 2013 at 6:06 am

Hi Chris!

OMG HE REPLIED! AFTER 2 DAYS! i send him my first contact msg on a thursday night and he replied on a saturday afternoon.

‘I’m good, thanks for asking. take it easy lizzie’

i guess that is a positive reply? and what is up with the ‘take it easy’ bit? i guess i will take a few hours to reply and when i do reply, i will probably just close the convo?
admin

November 30, 2013 at 7:02 pm

I think its positive. But stay in NC after it for an extra day or two befor eyou reach out again.
Lizzie

November 29, 2013 at 2:29 am

yeah i am not, and weirdly i am not like totally sad about it! maybe because i did expect him not to reply?

but how was the msg i sent him? is it ok? and how long must i go on NC before i msg him again?
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:09 am

I think it was ok… and as for NC.. just 2-3 days. or if he contacts you first.
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:55 am

Happy Thanksgiving!

Not just yet. Don’t give up yet.
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:34 pm

Hmmm… maybe try texting for a while just to see whats going on.
Lizzie

November 27, 2013 at 5:58 am

okie one more day before my 30 days is up, but i dunno why i am freaking out about msging him? a tad bit scared, is this normal? haha!
admin

November 27, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Yes very normal but take a chance it may surprise you.
Lizzie

November 26, 2013 at 11:10 am

oh i was thinking of dropping him a website link i think he will like via skype? or should i stick to msging first?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Hmm…. good question..

Stick with messaging first I think. Thats more proven.
Lizzie

November 26, 2013 at 3:58 am

hmm ok i will try texting him first. will try the ‘remembrance’ text message. wish me luck!
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Good luck!

Brittany

November 19, 2013 at 9:01 pm

Hi! I have read through much of the website and it seems to me that it is all very reasonable, and worth trying. 🙂 My boyfriend of a year and a half just ended things by saying he just didn’t want a relationship. This is hard for me to understand though, because he recently was making much more of an effort and his company was very enjoyable. We bickered about keeping things clean, what we were going to do, just petty things, but to me, things seemed fine. He claims he still loves me very much, and wishes for me to remain a part of his life, but is adamant about not wanting to be in a relationship. He claims he is not ready to feel tied down. I am not sure if this is just a phase, or him trying to express he needs space.
For myself, I have some traumatic events that happened during my childhood and have yet to deal with them, until the break up. I started counseling and I let him know, because he said he wanted to be there. I am going to attempt the no contact rule now, since I did not know about it before. I am very close with his family, and holidays are coming up which I am supposed to be apart of.

So question one would be what do I do about the holidays?

Question two would be, if I’m just being thrown in the friend zone or if there is a chance of rekindling my relationship?

Thank you!

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:24 pm

1. Give him as much space that you think is required this includes holidays.
2. I think its worth a shot..

Kali

November 19, 2013 at 6:07 pm

I am not sure what type or “guy” my ex is. When we broke up he said “I’ll text you tomorrow” and never did so we haven’t talked since but we ended things mutually, after he initiated the break up I informed him I was trying to break up with him he just never answered his phone (he broke up with me over a text and I told him if he wanted an explanation as to why I was acting like everything was normal then he needed to call me, so he did.) So we ended things on good terms, it’s almost been a month since we broke up but he hasn’t tried to contact me since then. Not sure if he is the stubborn guy or just clueless.

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:10 pm

I am going to go with stubborn.

Jenn

November 19, 2013 at 3:15 am

Chris,

We’ve had NC for 15 days. Tonight he sends me a text that said he sold our hot tub and will give me half the $ this weekend. I didn’t respond. I was hoping for a “hi, how have u been text”. Instead it was a business transaction. What’s your take on it?

admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:50 pm

Why would anyone sell a hot tub?

Thats my take hahahaha.

Go get the money I just think he is being neutral about the situation.
Jenn

November 19, 2013 at 9:12 pm

He’s selling my stuff. Doesn’t want any memories of me. He gave me every picture and card I sent him Y do guys get rid of memories?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:26 pm

Is it ok that he is selling your stuff? Isn’t it your stuff?

Madelin

November 18, 2013 at 3:07 am

Hey Chris!
My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago. He is preparing to go into the Air Force and has a lot on his plate to get ready for that. So he told me that he is just so overwhelmed and stressed that being in a relationship isn’t good for him right now. I believe that that is true. But, I also believe that he has lost feelings for me as well but, just didn’t know how to say it other wise. This gets me very confused because he always told me that we’d get through him going through the air force together, when I was overwhelmed and nervous about it. Then once he gets too stressed he drops everything and doesn’t even try to work through it like he always said we could.
He even told me multiple times after he broke up with me that he still loved me and would always be there for me. I really don’t know what to think of that, but all I know is that just made it all hurt worse.
I broke the NC rule on that Sunday because I have one of his sweatshirts and wanted to give it back to him. Instead of it sitting in my closet, I knew it was one of his favorites so I wanted to give it back to him. So we made plans for that Monday night after our classes to meet and to give it back to him and so we could talk because he broke up with me over text and I just wanted to talk to him face to face one last time.
When it was the time for him to meet me I got a text from him saying he couldn’t meet because he had to go home. So we then made plans for Wednesday so I could give it back to him. Because of strong suggestions from my mom and my friends I didn’t text him on Wed. asking when we were going to meet. (He said that he’d text me wednesday saying when we’ll meet)
Needless to say, he didn’t text me or show up Wednesday. So now I have his sweatshirt and I’m stuck with a lot of questions. I have not contacted him since last Monday. But, I miss him a lot. What do you think it meant by him not coming to get his sweatshirt? About all of this?
I just have so many questions about all of this, I wish I could just talk to him one last time about this so I can get the closure I need. But, I guess I can’t always get the answers to everything.
Thanks!

admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Well ask me a question one at a time and we can get somewhere hopefully.
Madelin

November 19, 2013 at 12:45 am

Okay well first question is what do you think was meant by him not coming to get his sweatshirt?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Maybe he was scared to. There could be a thousand reasons but I am not sure if it is a huge deal you know?
Madelin

November 19, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Yeah true. I get what you’re saying. I guess when it all comes down to it. I’m just more upset he and I ddn’t get the chance to talk face to face. Because there is just a lot of unanswered questions that I was hoping to have answered by the time he an I talked. But, I haven’t yet.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:18 pm

Well, it really sucks believe me I know.. Just stick to your plan and focus inward.
Madelin

November 22, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Thank for all your help Chris! I do have one last question though. Do you believe that the reason he gave me for breaking up with me was completely true or do you believe it was also the fact that he didn’t feel the same way for me that he used to?
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:08 pm

I think that he lost some feelings and that he kind of didn’t give you the whole truth.. 90% of guys never do tell all the truth during a breakup though.
Madelin

December 16, 2013 at 3:48 am

Hey Chris,
So my 30 day NC ended a few days ago. He has yet to try to contact me at all. I still miss him like crazy, and this whole thing hasn’t gotten any easier. However, I have worked on myself during the NC time like you recommended.

I am nervous to be the one to try and contact him first because of a few reasons. My family and friends don’t recommend it, it may also be because they’ve all seen how upset its made me. AND the fact that around Thanksgiving he had removed the pictures of he and I together off of his profile on facebook, but it was just the ones he was tagged in. The ones he used of us as his profile pics are still there.

What had happened was a few days after he had broken up with me- out of anger and sadness- I decided to delete the pictures of us off of facebook. Because I thought the easiest way to get over him was to pretend like it never happened. But, after I deleted some I stopped because I decided I didn’t want to forget what happened between us since they were some of my best memories. So obviously I couldn’t repost the ones I had just deleted, so I just left what was there. Then three weeks later he removes the rest off of his profile.

So I’m not really sure what that means and I’m not sure if it would be best to text him after that. What do you think? Thanks 🙂
admin

December 16, 2013 at 6:38 pm

It is just a normal breakup thing.

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