The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Rachel

December 24, 2013 at 5:06 am

So, I am just confused. I get the NC rule, but I’m a teenager and my boyfriend and I broke up and I’m trying to get him back. I’m what you call addicted to twitter, so in addition to the NC rule, I stopped tweeting. Is this good, as well? It’s also hard to run into him since we don’t live in the same town, so should I put like one or two a month just to let him know I’m fine without him? I don’t know how social networks should be run during the NC rule..

admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:22 pm

I actually wrote a guide on Facebook on this site.

Coco

December 23, 2013 at 3:12 am

He and I met knowing that i’d have to leave to live abroad so we kinda started with the wrong foot. We were together for two intense short months and then i had to leave, but we decided to stay together LD. I wasnt emotionally stable and when he could not handle the drama anymore he broke up with me, thinking that he’d have to put up with the long distance situation for months. I got all furious about it and told him that i never wanted to see him again but then because of my health i had to go back home so the situation got weirder; we met a few times and he said that he didn’t want to get back together because i’d be eventually leaving again and although he didnt say so i know that i may have worn him out emotionally, plus he knows that i am both emotionally and physically fragile so i suppose that he is just afraid of the ‘moral responsibilities/expectations/dont know?’ that being with me might imply. He did mention that he was not interested in compromise, but before I left things were different and we frequently talked about possible futures together. I’ve been insistently contacting him for like 3 months since we broke up and even though he has been very constant about where he’s standing when we made out I could just tell that he was still ‘there’ although that was about a month ago. I just found your blog so I suppose I should start with NC but will it work even if I’ve been screwing things up for months now? Should I do it for more than a month?

admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:16 pm

It can work for sure!

Private

December 22, 2013 at 9:43 pm

Hey! thanx!

the NC worked during my 8 month relationship with my ex-boyfriend. He broke up with me just 2 days ago, and i didn’t text him yet. He broke up with me coz i was supposed to celebrate the christmas with him and his family in his country. But i couldn’t coz i have to be with my family in this time. I told him i can’t and i’m moving to your country after the new year. He became angry and didn’t like the fact that he has to wait for me 2 more weeks. (It’s a 8 month distance relation). I lived in his country for study, and i had to leave 1 month after our relation because of my study!

i told him many times this relation is hard for me, if i move to his country i will make my parents angry and lose my lectures at the university (but i don’t miss my exams). and always when i breake up with him because of the stress or because off simple mistakes that he makes, he always come back, begging me to take him back, crying for me! 1 week before we broke up he fight with me because he wanted me to travel to him as soon as i could. but i couldn’t because off my family. i stop talking to him and he always came back to talk, and when i don’t replay or answer him late, he is becoming angry and crazy! and he just broke up with me and told me he will delete me and block my number. i told him okay, tell ur parents merry christmas from me, and i told him i will enjoy my life and im deleting him too. he didn’t replay and i didn’t say anything after that. we didn’t talk in 2 days now… I sent him a picture off me the same day we broke up in the afternoon, and he said he miss me and he love me and he just became angry and crazy wanting me to book to his country,, but i just couldn’t and he broke up! he couldn’t wait 2 weeks!!! what should i do and do you think he’s happy now?

(sorry for my english)

admin

December 23, 2013 at 7:59 pm

So, you have been in NC for a total of 2 days?
boys and pictures???

December 26, 2013 at 9:34 pm

Yes, I broke the NC after day 3. I sent him a msg wishing him a merry christmas and he wished me the same. i though the next day he will send me something, but no… so i started to text him again. i don’t know what happened we just started to discuss about the reason we broke up… i made him realize that he took the wrong decision and he should wait 2 weeks for me. it’s just 2 weeks. He said yes it was stupid but he is tired to wait for me.

during the conversation i just observed that he is playing hard to get.. it’s irritable! so i decided to tell him that i’m not even sure if i want to be in relation with him one day, but i’m talking with him just coz i miss him, that’s all… he told me “fuck you” than i sent him nice pictures off me and showing him my middle finger. he sent me a picture off him showing his middle finger too… after i just ended the conversation. he started to be rude so i told him “omg, bye”.. and i turned off my iMessage. and now he is texting me asking why i’m not answering him… so do you think i should doing the NC?

and why he is initiative texting me after he saw my picture? it has been 2 weeks since last time i sent him a nice picture off me. the picture i sent him now, i was wearing a short dress and nice natural make up with my long hair, and just showing my middle finger. i always used to send him this kind of picture before:P and i observed too that every time we fight i often sending him pictures off me when i’m angry against him showing my middle finger “just to tell him fuck u” and everytime he is just becoming crazy begging me to take him back… huh? is that a picture power or what? 😛

sorry for my english! my language is norwegian, sorry 🙂

Danielle

December 22, 2013 at 6:53 pm

Hi Chris,

I really enjoy all the articles you have available it gives me hope with my current situation. Therefore, let me give you a background of my situation. My ex boyfriend and I dated for three years, we broke up in early October. We were in limited contact (which I initiated all of) in October and a little of November. During this limited contact my ex told me that he did not feel as though he could move forward with our relationship. He also said we could be friends and told me I need to move on and find someone better that can make me happy. He always made me happy, but I will admit I had a terrible way of showing it. I wasn’t always the nicest person to him and sometimes tried to control our relationship. I knew it was wrong and I did apologize to him, but clearly he had enough. Now I am currently 40 of NC and haven’t heard from him once, it starting to make me lose hope. I recently found out that he is seeing someone new as well, someone he works with. I dont know how long they have been together, but we jave been broken up for 2 1/2 months. Last weekend I was also through a mutual friend of ours that he texted him saying that he misses me, yet I still haven’t heard a word from him. How can you miss someone and not contact them? Therefore, my question to you Chris is do I still have hope? Is this relationship he is in a rebound? I miss him very much and have made wonderful improvements to myself in these past few months, but I don’t know want to regret anything later in life.
Thank you for all you do Chris!
Neema

December 21, 2013 at 1:20 am

Hey
I just want an advice
I started the NC but I had to break it for urgent things , it lasted for 10 days but when we talked he told me that he misses me many times
to be clear I broke up with him .. I was too emotional and couldn’t think so he got very angry
beside that he was already angry at me and we had many fights
but when we talked it seems like he is not angry anymore but sometimes I feel that he is unhappy
when I talk to him I feel like he still have feelings for me but he never starts the conversation ! I feel like he wants to talk to me but maybe he is too stubborn to do this
should I start the NC again so he would miss me more or stay talking to him and starting the conversation but not everyday of course or should I wait for him to talk to me ?
and I have another question please .. I think he still have feelings for me already .. how can I make them grow like we used to be?
please answer my questions 🙂
and sorry for the bad english, it’s not my first language
aimes

December 20, 2013 at 11:10 am

wait, so after you do the whole NC thing? what do u do after? do u reply? LOL

admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:44 am

No you initiate contact the way I suggest.

Monica

December 20, 2013 at 9:23 am

We broke up 11 days ago… NC for 9.. and he randomly deleted me and all my best friends off facebook.. Is this a way of showing hes done for good??

admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:41 am

No… it’s his way of showing that he is going through a breakup..

Christine

December 19, 2013 at 3:00 pm

He texted me for two days during my NC period. The first was a hi and the second one on the next day was a just sad face. He stopped saying anything after having no response from me. Should I reply? Why did he stop contacting me too? (I’m sure he wasn’t angry)
Anonymous

December 18, 2013 at 8:39 pm

Your comment about how you see every interaction as a power struggle made me legit LOL. I am that way too and all my friends find me absolutely crazy for it.

My ex ended it with me about two months ago after some not so nice things I did. I didn’t lie or cheat but I definitely bruised his ego and played into his insecurities. I have a tendency to take it a little far with the “ungettable girl” and the chase, which works for some guys indefinitely, but looking back I think my ex saw it as me being stand offish and uninterested.

He definitely was the angry guy after it ended. We see each other three days a week for a couple of classes and he does this really cute thing where he pretends like I don’t exist: sits away from me, avoids contact, avoids any chance at interaction between us, etc. He even started flirting (really loudly) with another girl.

I sent him a couple of friendly texts after he ended it to test the waters and got no response. I decided to leave him alone and go into NC for about 15 days because I feared not contacting him for any longer would have the opposite effect, since he felt I wasn’t interested? Like that would kind of prove it to him, you know? He was a mixture of positive and neutral once I reached out to him again but he always makes an effort to respond.

I know you’re waiting for the but… I accidentally (no, really) sent him a text meant for another conversation at the start of the week. It was possibly the worst text ever to be accidentally sent to an ex in the history of this website. It basically said I only attract creeps and went on to talk about a guy in another one of my classes sending me a not PG 13 photo. He responded back within less than a minute and said, “That makes me a creep. Sure seems like you’re seeing a lot of (not nice word for a male part) lately.” BURN. I sent him back a text basically saying I didn’t think he was a creep. He never responded.

Any way I can diffuse this situation? Should I go back into NC? I haven’t contacted him since that incident. Is there any hope?

admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Sometimes being silent says the most. So yes, I think NC is ideal.

Rosie

December 18, 2013 at 1:19 am

Thanks so much for all of your articles and guides you put so much of your time and energy to. I love your devotion and I am very grateful for your dedication to helping others and making this sure as informative as it is.

Here’s a brief run down of my situation. My ex and I split about a year ago and have a 1 year old daughter together. He was very committed to me and was always the one to pursue me and bring up every conversation about commitment from us being in a committed relationship, to swapping house keys, moving in together, getting married and having kids. He always initiated any talks about his desire to move our relationship forward.

We broke up mainly due to me taking my stress out in him during my pregnancy and I wasn’t my usual carefree, happy self and I didn’t appreciate him and basically pushed him away. He felt I wasn’t as committed or prepared to make the sacrifices for our future as much as he was (ie, me not wanting to sacrifice a few of my luxuries to save more money).

Anyway I didn’t learn of NC until well into our breakup and I would implement it and after 3 weeks he would reach out and I wasn’t aware that I couldn’t respond, I thought that perhaps if he broke NC then I could reply at my leisure. Without knowing tho I was implementing push/pull and I saw some great results with him making an effort to pursue me again. So much so that he started opening up to me and being intimate and flirting again but he admitted he was scared I would hurt him again (it really hurt him that I treated him badly when I took my stress out on him and he is afraid I will do it again so there is a trust issue there).

Anyway our current situation is we get along really well and are in regular contact but I tend to initiate most of our conversations now where as it used to be him chasing me a few months ago. I have slipped into the rule of pursuer. He always sets up and asks me when he can see me – I never do. He always puts thought and effort into what we do together. For example he knows that he can take our daughter without me being around but he always wants me there and we always do things like go for drives to my favourite spots and to visit his family and our mutual friends. He always hugs me goodbye and it’s very intimate but in between us seeing each other it’s me who reaches out and it’s usually to share about what our daughter has been up to and sending him funny pics of her. He works away in another state and flys back home to see us every three weeks.

My question is what can I do here? Should I implement MC? Will it work now seeing as though we have been in fairly regular contact now? He will always text me or call me about catching up but not much in between. I feel like I want to stop reaching out now. So can this MC work for me?

admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Absolutely you should implement NC!
Rosie

December 18, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Thank you for your reply. It means a lot to me that you take the time to read your readers comments and reply!

I love reading your articles. Does your book go into detail on how to get your ex back when you have a child together? I know you are passionate about those of us in situations where we have children together.

Thanks in advance 🙂
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:04 pm

I actually made a guide on that: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-have-a-child-together/
Rosie

January 3, 2014 at 8:28 pm

Ok so what do I do to fix this? Should I agree to see him Sunday or leave things as they are and not see him?

Do you think there is still a chance I can get him back now?
Rosie

January 5, 2014 at 3:13 am

So please help me out here Chris 🙂 What should my game plan be now?

I want to get your Ebook this week but I need to know if you think it will help my situation?
Rosie

December 20, 2013 at 10:40 am

Great read! Thank you. As always very informative and it highlighted some areas where I can improve on.

I have been doing a lot of work on myself, even before I came across your site. My intuition told me to disect all the issues I had control over that lead to the break up and to get back to the woman he fell in love with – only a much better version. In the beginning I can confidently say I was the ultimate unforgettable girl and I had that effect on him. So I know I can have that effect on him again. I am noticing that I have that effect on other men lately – probably because I am unattainable to them. So I just need to remember all of your teachings when it comes to my ex. I was lucky I never lost my figure – in fact I feel I look even better and I feel sexier than ever and more feminine. I do notice my ex checking me out again – I made some subtle changes – new hairstyle but I do have one question for you.

We are each other regularly now, he comes home every 3 weeks on his week off and he asks me if he can see me again when he is down and suggests ideas of what we can do then he will set up a date, giving me at least a week or twos notice so I am free, as once I told him I am starting to get busy and he will need to givr me notice if he wants to see me. He will also reconfirm a day or so before hand to see if I still want to catch up. The things we do together are things he suggests, the 3 of us going for a drive, going for a nice walk to some of my fave locations (all romantic settings), having lunch etc. so are these counted as dates? I mean our 1 year old is with us but there are times where she is asleep and whatever activity we do it involves us spending a lot of one on one time together. How can I escalate this to him asking me on a one on one date given we have a daughter together?
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:43 am

I think all that matters is tha tone on one interaction. Dates can be overrated sometimes in my opinion. As long as you strengthening your connection… you should be fine.
Rosie

December 21, 2013 at 7:20 am

Thank you 🙂 I will keep you updated on my progress. One more question? I took your advice and I’m on day 5 NC or in my case it may be more MC. I know he wants to see me and our lil girl in 2 weeks time, over New Years and he has told me he has booked a $1200 flight home so he can see us and his family over New Year. I know he will contact me soon to see when I am free to catch up as when he said goodbye he asked me at least 3 times to stay in touch and if I was keen to catch up. So in this case do I stay in NC or break it when he contacts me and do I agree to see him?
admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:14 am

Hmm… tough one.

If you think you will be ok seeing him. I think itll be ok.
Rosie

December 24, 2013 at 1:53 pm

What about if he texts me saying Merry Xmas? Do I stay in NC/MC or reply with a simple Merry Xmas?
Rosie

December 31, 2013 at 12:56 am

Thanks again. Thank you for your patience with me asking so many questions of you considering you have so many other women to reply to as well – you do an amazing job in helping us and handling our emotions, which I now understand is not easy for you men, and hey I totally get this now!

I will take your advice. I actually got offered a modelling gig, I used to model a few years back and in a few weeks I will be doing a shoot so I will use these to pimp out my profile! I’m still surprisingly enjoying no contact! Usually I would freak out I will admit in not hearing from him much but I know he will contact me at some point, he always does but this time I don’t feel I am waiting around. I’m enjoying putting the focus ony goals and my life with our daughter 🙂 thanks for everything, I am feeling stronger emotionally every passing day!
Rosie

December 29, 2013 at 9:55 pm

So in pimping my profile I get the whole point of it entirely. The thing is if he has me blocked how can this effect him if he won’t see it.

The thought has crossed my mind that he is spying through his family and friends – he once told me on a recent visit when discussing some cute pics of our daughter “Oh yeah mum showed me those pics on your fb page.” So do you think he is spying on me via his family and friends?

I have had this in the back of my mind. Pretty much all of my posts centre around our daughter – she is my world! I know I need to have a more active social life – well I do with my daughter in toe (she’s too cute for me to part with lol) mainly my social life is going out on lunch/coffee dates with the girls, going to baby fun play centres and going on walks with my mummy friends. My old social life before we had our daughter was me heading out for work drinks nearly every fortnight and doing lots of camping trips, hiking, anything involving lots of energy and adventure. Being a mum I am a lot more tame but I still have fun.

I do have close family like my mum and sister telling me I should go out at least once a month or get away for a couple of nights with the girls and they will look after her. I’ve only gone out once of an evening to a concert since I had her. So any advice on displaying “social proof” that I still have an active fun social life on fb while showing I am dedicated to our lil girl. I guess my point is I believe I am scared of being judged for putting up pics of going out with my girls etc. everyone is telling me I need to get out more and let my hair down on occasion without her but I find it hard as I just love spending my time with her 🙂

Also, you mention that your cover photo should go with your profile pic, how exactly do you mean?
admin

December 30, 2013 at 8:21 pm

True!

But I would still do it. You never know when one of his friends could say “hey check her profile out.”
Rosie

December 29, 2013 at 12:01 am

One more thing…I just read your article on how to effectively use facebook to get your ex back – another impressive article, I am finding myself on your website daily – I just love studying all of your material and I am enjoying applying your advice. I can’t wait to get your Ebook (I’m just waiting til I have the spare $$).

Anyway back to my question. I’m am confused as my ex still has my blocked on fb from back when we first broke up. I really don’t understand why as he has been seeing me consistently now for a few months, taking our baby girl and I out every 3 weeks now without fail. I never initiate or suggest these outings, it’s always him. He puts a lot of thought into and I notice him suggesting and taking me to romantic destinations that I wanted to go to with him when we were dating (we just didn’t get around to it due to our work commitments at the time). He always offers to pay for lunch – well insists on it and fills my car up with petrol (I let him drive my car as it has her baby seat in it and is set up for her do its easier than getting his car ready). I always show gratitude for him paying and I can tell he appreciates that. Only once did he let me shout him back because I wanted to return the favour but he only ordered something small. We have lots of jokes and he always hugs me goodbye and smiles and shares all about his life, what he is up to, shows me his pics on his phone, he recently even handed me his phone to show me a page on his fb he liked and thought I might be into. I appreciated that as it showed me how much he “got me” as a person – it was an inspirational page. I noticed that he still has all of our photos up – ones of us together and all of the albums he made of us. Yet he still has my blocked on fb and I just don’t get it! His family who I get along with extremely well (I was the first and only girl that he has introduced to his family and they approved of him wanting to marry me) they have all added me and lately just in the past few weeks I have had several of his very close friends add me on there and they are often “liking” and commenting on my posts and pics. But still nothing from him.

Why do you think this is? I even mentioned to him the last time I saw him in reply to him saying “Please stay in contact and keep in touch so we can try and organise a catch up over New Year. Let me know when you and if you are free.” I said “No worries I will do. You can always add me on fb in the meantime.” He said “Yeah there is always that I suppose.” But he still has me blocked.

Any advice? Should I just implement your tips for “pimping” my profile, as I like to call it? Lol I’m still in NC currently on day 13 but he broke it on day 10
admin

December 29, 2013 at 6:48 pm

Hahah pimping your profile… YES definitely go for it.
Rosie

December 28, 2013 at 10:04 pm

Thanks again Chris 🙂
Rosie

December 26, 2013 at 9:33 pm

You make a good point. He ended up texting me at 3am in the morning (12pm his time) and simply wrote “Hey could you please send me a pic or 2 of lil miss?” When I woke up I sent him 2 pics of her and that was it. So I guess this means I start NC again or do I just count this is limited contact cos he text me first about our daughter? He will def notice I am not initiating or engaging with him like I used to. So where to go from here?
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Na.. I think this is ok. Just keep on keeping on with the NC.
Rosie

December 25, 2013 at 12:11 pm

Ok. I guess I just feel guilty as last year I sent him a pic of our daughter saying Merry Xmas.

Big sigh. It’s Xmas night and no message from him saying merry Xmas. Usually this would cause me to break NC and send him a text of our daughter and reach out to him to say Merry Xmas in case he was waiting for me. I kinda feel mean by not sending him anything about our daughter. I guess it’s just because for me Xmas means sharing and I feel like I am withholding his daughter from him by not sending him a merry Xmas pic of her on the day. On every special occasion such as Fathers Day, his birthday etc I would send him a pic of her and make an effort to make it special for him. For example by dressing her up and have her holding a sign related to the particular ocassion.

How do you feel this can make him feel? I think I am just scared because I am afraid he may be annoyed at me for not sending anything about our daughter as per usual and he fits in to the stubborn guy category so therefore I feel he will too angry to reach out. What are your thoughts?
admin

December 26, 2013 at 5:58 pm

Obviously the final decision is up to you but having him annoyed may also make him realize how much he really cares about you.
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Nope you don’t reply at all.
Rosie

December 22, 2013 at 5:43 am

Emotionally I will be great. I am actually feeling like I am slowly but surely progressing closer each day to the woman he first fell in love with. I’m actually enjoying NC and focusing on myself rather than placing so mych emphasis on him.

For the first time since the breakup, I feel ok with letting go and just focusing on self love and the love for my daughter and I feel happy and so blessed. Your site and your articles have helped me immensely and I really enjoy reading them. Thanks so much for your insights. What you are doing is inspirational 🙂 Thanks to you, I feel I am having a break through by embracing NC. Please keep up the good work!
Rosie

January 3, 2014 at 8:48 am

Ok so now I really need help Chris! I’m not sure if I have done the right thing or not and I really need guidance. I am torn.

My ex broke NC again, first time at day 10 and now at day 16. Like I thought he would do he called me and asked to catch up. I missed his calls in the morning but he called me back that afternoon.

He asked me about what I had got up to New Years, did I go out, party etc and wanted to know what I had been up to. The conversation was going well until he mentioned that he was moving to the state he is currently working in. He currently works and lives on a mine site he works at and is planning on working there for a couple of years until he clears his debt etc. He currently flys home to see us every 3 weeks without fail but the flights home are costing him anywhere from $600 – )$1,400 (if he books them in advance he can get them cheap and the only time they cost around the $1,000+ mark is if it’s around Xmas/New Year or he books then last minute). Anyway he proceeded to tell me that he couldn’t afford to fly home every swing (every break which is every 3 weeks) as he is trying hard to pay off debt. He said he feels he will only be able to fly home every 3 months!

I was obviously rather upset about this and voiced this to him. Although I was furious on the inside I remained calm but mention my concerns about the fact that I didn’t feel it was good enough him seeing his daughter only 4 times a year.

He told me he just wants to set her up for the future and that’s why he is doing it. He kept saying I am just trying to do the right thing. I said I don’t see how seeing her less is going to be the right thing for her. I don’t know how you could go that long without seeing her. He got angry with me and said “Don’t worry about me, I will deal with things in my way, I can look after myself.” I replied “I know you can. I just see so much joy for her and it hurts to know you are missing out on that.” He asked when he could see me and I said “I don’t know if I can. I’m busy and I feel I need some time to get my head around your decision.” He said “Please, just for an hour can’t we talk about this.” I said “I don’t know I just think its better if we leave it, plus we are both sick.” He was upset and ended the call with “Ok I will just have to tell myself I am doing the right thing.”

I ended up calling him back a couple hours later also felt bad as a couple of times on the call he sounded really hurt and upset. I agreed to see him Sunday. He was really happy and we parted on good terms.

Then the next morning I felt angry again that he was prepared to go 3 months without seeing her and I was feeling very sick and our daughter was also getting sicker so I rang him and said I am sorry but I think it’s best we leave it til you are back home next. He said that won’t be until March though. I said oh ok that’s a long time to go without talking about things. He said “That’s your suggestion not mine. I want to talk things over with you.” I said “I just feel like I needs some space. I feel hurt that you won’t be around as much and I think it would be good for us to both have some space and come together when we have had time to think about how we can make it work so you can is still there for our daughter.” He said “Yeah maybe that’s a good idea.” Then I got him to open up about his reasons for trying to improve his financial situation so he can support us and set up a trust fund for our daughter. I also opened up as to why I was so affected by his decision to not fly home as much. I explained that it was due to seeing my dad come and go from my life and that I vowed never to let my kids go through that. He was very understanding and his whole time of voice became even more compassionate now he saw where I was coming from. He said he would try to fly home more and plan booking his flights home in advance so he can save money that way. I told him I supported and admired what he is trying to achieve with his decision and I respected him so much for being such a great dad and supporting us and I believed in him and I thought what he is trying to do for the our daughters future is inspiring and I understood, I just want to find a compromise so he can achieve his goals but still see his daughter regularly. He seemed happy with this and for the first time since our daughter was born he told me how grateful he was for everything I do and for keeping him so included with our daughter when he is away and supporting him. I thanked him for saying that and told him it was nice to hear. I then told him I was grateful for his help and everything he did for us.

He went on to ask how I was and asked how my leg was (I injured it when he was home last) then he made some more small talk and said he wanted to chat about how we can make things work for our daughter. I ended the call agreeing to chat when he is home next which he now said he will try to come home in Feb instead of March. I ended the call saying. Thanks again for giving me space. I will leave it up to you to contact me now. He said “Ok.”

Have I done the right thing? I am having an attack of the guilts for not seeing him. I feel like texting him asking if he still wants to catch up Sun so we can talk. What are your thoughts?
admin

January 3, 2014 at 8:05 pm

I wouldn’t have left it up to him to contact you… Saying that basically means that there is no pressure from his side if you undergo NC.
Rosie

December 22, 2013 at 8:30 pm

Thank you 🙂 I still miss him, but I am actually feeling quite stubborn so I know I will stick to NC. I’m having an attitude change from “I want him so much and I have to get him back” to my new attitude of “I am worth chasing, and I deserve to be appreciated so if he wants me he can come to me.”

I still love him so much but I am over making so much effort. I have noticed the less effort I make the more he makes, so I believe your teachings are spot on!

Do you think he is showing se signs of there being a chance with him?
admin

December 23, 2013 at 7:51 pm

He is showing a few.
admin

December 22, 2013 at 7:47 pm

Glad you are doing well!

Boyfriend Lost and found

December 17, 2013 at 4:02 pm

Hi Chris,

i love your teachings. I would appreciate your advice. I lied to my ex about my past and he broke up with me after 4 mths. He went NC and I was the frantic caller/texter for 4 days. Then I thankfully read your advice and went NC. 12 days into NC he sent me a message saying he forgave me and would bring my belongings to my house. I stayed NC and never responded and I am now at 16 days. You said that in circumstances where you have lied or cheated you may want to cut NC in half. Should I do this? Since he already forgave me, can I skip the apology message and just send one that says I saw a cat that looks like him? or should I do NC for the full 30 days? Thanks in advance, just not sure how to proceed. BTW, your advice is incredible and it works. All women should follow these steps exactly. You are a genius and thank you for sharing so much of your male soul and heart to help women heal. You are a gift.

admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:10 pm

NC for full 30 days

Sam

December 14, 2013 at 11:41 pm

Hi! Firstly I would really like to say that this website is amazing.love every bit of advice uv given really appreciate ur effort 🙂 It’s really helped me pull myself together. Iv been in a long distant relationship for nearly 8 years. I love this guy and have invested so much time effort and so so much more into our relationship. Sacrificed many close relations and lost out on many other opportunities of life to try to make this work. For the last two years we’ve had an on off relationship. He met someone in the same city as him and started dating her while I was in uk. They went out for a year. I was aware of this but hoped it was just a bad phase in our lives and it would pass. And a few months later he moved to a different country. And so as I had hoped he came back to me.He begged me to forgive him and marry him and said he regret what he put me through. He constantly begged me to marry him and promised he would make up for the pain by staying faithful. his went on for about 3 months.However I needed him to prove he had changed and so demanded more than just promises. Although I know he had stopped speaking to her completely, I wanted his facebook password and proof . Just so I could feel in control. At least to some extent .. He refused to give it and decided to leave me and contact his ex again. He told me he told her he loves her and was confused about the whole situation. He’d keep telling me he loved me but liked her a lot too but knows they’re not compatible. And that he could leave her without a problem. I went into beg mode for a month because I realised I couldn’t bare the pain I just wanted him back. He kept saying to give him a few weeks to let her go and that hel get back with me and when I asked him to leave her right away he kept saying he wouldn’t leave her at all. This same conversation kept repeating over and over again for about a month I went into nc for 4 days and he called me 4th day. I got 35 missed calls and 20 messages asking me to answer his call or text back. I answered and told him never to contact me and that I hate him. He apologised for contacting him and then stopped contacting me again. As usual I gave in and went back into beg mode. Last conversation I had with him I asked if we stand a chance and he said no. At this point id had enough And so I started nc.. It’s the 10th day and he’s sent me 4-5 messages.
First just my ‘name???’ I didn’t reply so he sent another one ‘please reply’ And then another ‘why aren’t u replying’. During this time I had spoken to his mum because she had a surgery a few days ago and I hadn’t messaged her so she text me to say she missed me and is wondering why I hadn’t called. He would’ve been goin through her phone today so he sent a text from her phone saying ‘why aren’t u replying to my messages. Please text me on my number’ I find it strange he hadn’t called. He would normally be calling like crazy!!!
My question is what should I do. I want to work things out coz I miss him a lot but don’t want to mess up again 🙁
Do I reply or stick to nc?
How can I control the situation so if we do get back i can feel content?
I want him to make up for the pain he’s put me through before I just go running back?

admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:27 pm

Have you read my stuff on long distance relationhips yet?

Jane

December 12, 2013 at 6:09 pm

he broke up with me about a week ago, and it was long distance. I didn’t see it coming. He asked me to marry him months ago and when I asked him what about that, he said he was in a ‘sensitive place’. I was sending him parcels, was very nice to him supported him. I also sent one the day before he broke up, so he must of got it this week (and did he feel guilty I wonder?). On that night he broke up with me, he admitted he had a lot to drink, he skyped and then said he didn’t think it could work and that he had a lot of stress in his life and he wanted to focus on his finance situation where he might be moving away. He comes back home in a week from now and said during that convo that he wanted to be friends and he wanted to meet up with me when he gets back (a week from now)and he will contact me when he gets back. I’m not sure if we can stay friends you see- we were best friends before but then we can see we are meant to be more which we can’t help. I then saw after the heated argument , he blocked me on fb, so I blocked him on skype- seemed fair. Then he was changing his avatar pic to a friend who’s a girl and his name on skype perhaps to get my attention and make me jealous- I don’t know- but I have not contacted him. I left it there and my last words were, ‘I’m hurt’ and he said ‘I know’. The NC rule is going to be affected since he comes back next week and it will be like 2 weeks since then. I have not contacted him and I was sweet to him- I want answers to why he thinks things won’t work. What should I do if he calls to meet up? And what is his male mind reaction if he says he will contact me- but changes fb pics and username randomly (is he trying to get my attention)? I don’t want him to have the power. A part of me feels it was easy to say this over skype but once he sees me in person- then i’m sure he would find it hard. It will be 5 months since we have seen each other and we have this intense chemistry in convo’s, im sure that would be noticed and emotions might be running high. He seems confused in what he wants in life- and I feel hurt and confused. Thanks.
Megan

December 10, 2013 at 6:39 pm

Hi Chris,
Unfortunately, I need to restart the NC rule again. I failed it two weeks ago, and this is my second week of restarting over again. So he sent to one msg on the 3rd day of NC, and two msg on the 6th day, one yesterday telling me that he “assumes i’m not going to talk with him, goodbye.” And the last msg this morning that he is “not going to send me msg anymore unless he hears from me, and assuming i’m going to the event with him this friday.” He and I were talking about going to the event just as friends. What should i do now? Ignore him? send me a msg saying “sorry, can’t go?” or saying something else? or go with him but react as a normal friend? What is he thinking now? Thanks for your help!

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:16 am

Yes, ignore him right now.

Julie

December 10, 2013 at 6:07 pm

So I am going through the NC, day 6, which I know is nothing. I have been reading your website, I understand the importance. I have been keeping busy, having fun. I was the “ungettable” girl ( his words ) it took A LONG time for him to “win” me over. And somehow I have become to “needy” <–my feelings, he never said it after 6 months, I hadn't brought up a relationship. But it was clear that we were moving that way. I felt more comfortable with him, and well that is when things fell apart. He pulled away, and instead of being "cool" the way I would normally be, I totally pushed…. I said the wrong things, and basically he said that he didn't want to be with me other then sexually…. which was a shock. I ended it. But I know it was more, I am not an idiot. SO NOW…. I am feeling like there are days (today) that doing no contact is so hard. Im at work, im busy, but I am struggling. Any advice out there. Most days I have been good. Today I just want to talk to him, my best friend. When you are doing all the tips, how do you get over those "bad" days. ALSO I ran into his friend yesterday, and he was really chatting me up. He walked in on a conversation I was having with someone else, where we were laughing and I was telling this other person about my amazing weekend. ( all true ) no acting. So his friend asked me more questions, we laughed, joked around… nothing weird or flirting… I was totally my old self. Bailed on the convo early, cause I had to go, and I thought about it later and realized that this might inspire him (my ex) to contact me… even if I ignore it. But he didn't, which is why I am struggling today I think. So beyond having something to help get over today…. is it a bad sign if I left a positive impression on his friend and he didn't reach out? ( I want him to reach out so I have the power again with the NC, cause right now I was the last one to contact him before NC ) That is probably a weird thing to want. But it would make me feel more in control over this situation. Thanks in advance. J

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:15 am

Well, I wish I could tell you what to do but him contacting you is up to one person, HIM. All I will say is that if you follow the advice in this site it will increase your chances of hearing from him.

Jade

December 10, 2013 at 2:36 am

After my ex and I broke up he was emailing and texting me. I told him that he said we were done and that I didn’t think we should talk “right now” because I needed to move on and initiated NC… I texted him two days ago (after 30 days) using your method but he didn’t return the text. Did I mess up by telling him not to contact me?

admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:06 pm

What was the text you sent?

LioLynch

December 9, 2013 at 10:57 pm

My bf broke up with me about a week ago. He did it by text message while I was at work, so I sent some pretty mean txts and voicemails since he got me in the worst possible moment. I had to go find my boss in a meeting to ask if I could go home, and then (I work retail) walk through my store to the front to my car. Right after I un-friended him from Facebook, and I have not spoken with him since those nasty txts and voicemails, he hasn’t contacted me either.

We were not together for very long (4 months, I am 25, he is 27), but he did go through a very stressful issue during our relationship and that’s when I noticed it falter. About a month ago his vehicle got totaled. At first he was communicating with me regularly, and it seemed like he was truly leaning on me for support. Then the insurance company gave him the run around, he couldn’t get a loan for a new vehicle, and his single cousin came home from being in the army. He went a week where he slowly stopped tx ting me less and less, then disappeared for two days.

I was of course very emotional, confused, and frightened, I finally texted him and asked if he was trying to break up with me. He responded and apologized, and later that day we spoke on the phone for an hour and made a date for the next night.

After this he never really communicated with me much like he had before. He was a huge workout buff when we first got together, and as far as I know he has not gone and worked out since his truck was totaled. I even started working out, and lost 30lbs, while we were dating. We would even workout together. At one point he was really excited about this.

The week before he broke up with me confused me also. He came to see me during the first snow, even though the roads were dangerous, and helped me move a couple days later depite having worked that day, the night before, day before, and still had to work that night. Thanksgiving was the last day we had positive interaction, he called me and even asked me what I was doing for the holiday.

I have not stopped working out, but I do and don’t want to get back with him. I have been good with the NC since I have some pretty awesome friends and family helping me out. I think he would be more of the clueless, stubborn, or angry in this situation.

Can I get him back is really the question?

admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:53 pm

I think you should give it a shot certainly!
LioLynch

December 12, 2013 at 3:14 am

I definitely am sticking to the NC. We don’t live in the largest town, so I think I may run into him somewhere first. He brought a lot of weaknesses in me I didn’t know I had, so I want to prove to myself and him that I’m much stronger than that. I’ll keep NC for 60 days.

This weekend will be interesting since his b-day is Friday… I won’t say anything. Scouts promise 😉

Louise

December 8, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Hi there, I was speaking to this bloke for a couple of months and was seeing him for about month. We got on really well speaking on a daily basis! It came to our last date that we had where I ended up getting a little drunk. I spoke to him the next day and he was fine but went out with the girls the next night and ended up getting a little drunk again. I text him the next day and didn’t hear from him so because he had a late night aswell that night I just assumed that he was in bed Allday hanging which is why I didn’t hear from him! I text him the next day after that making chit chat and that was it, he was advoiding my calls and msgs and when I finally heard back from him after slightly freaking out he had said that he had been in bed for a couple days hanging and that is why he hadn’t replied which I think is a poor excuse but I’ll wait till I next see him and say it on. I was sort of in contact with him for the rest of the week but he was very distant. As the weekend approached I got a drunken call from him which led to a drunken row because I wouldn’t drop what I was doing to go and see him. A couple days later he text me saying it clearly weren’t gonna work because if we’re rowing now what would the future be like, I tried to tell him diff and that I didn’t want to stop seeing him for a drunken arguement that we both can’t remember, he ignored me! I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks untill I bumped into at a mutual friends birthday where he told a friend he likes me, thinks I’m a great girl and fun to be around but mentioned how I drink too much! I texted him a couple days later saying I don’t want him to have that impression of me, I like going out with my girls on a sat but I have responsibilities too, I said I’m not asking for much bcos he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to take things further but I don’t want him to think I’m a drunk and yet again I didn’t hear from him! I don’t know if he’s being stubborn, scared or that he’s just not interested, what do u think?

Louise

December 10, 2013 at 7:39 pm

???

Carrie

December 7, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Hi there, this article is great.

I have a question. Me and my ex were together for 8 years. It was very on-again-off-again. The breakups throughout our relationship were him breaking it off. In the beginning he would find excuses to contact me but the more we broke up the more it became me ALWAYS running to him. He’s VERY stubborn. He can cut people off just like that and is never the one to initiate contact first. He stopped talking to his brother for over a year bc I was at his place visiting his girlfriend during one of our breakups and he found out through a friend and got really upset that his brother didn’t tell him so he went a full year of no contact with him. His dad, the same thing (his dad is more stubborn than he is), almost a year of no contact bc he wouldn’t give-in and neither would his dad bc of the stubbornness. Anyway, I did everything for him and was a really good girlfriend (no cheating or anything). I moved into his place a couple of months ago. We went on a vacation and didn’t get along bc his drinking was out of control. During a fight bc of something he did I told him it was over. It was more out of frustration than anything and I didn’t actually mean it. However, from everything he did wrong he turned it ALL around on me. It’s very hard for him to say sorry, or empathize. He told me if I didn’t say sorry he didn’t want to hear anything from me. It was really him who owed me one. 2 days later I apologized for not handling the situation as well as I could have but he told me the apology was too late, refused to speak to me and didn’t want to work things out. He completely shut down and told me I wanted the breakup so he’s accepted it and moving on. If I would have apologized when he wanted it everything would have been fine but bc I needed to cool off and waited 2 days now he was holding the breakup against me. I made all the mistakes crying, texting, calling, showing up (I went to stay at a friends place) but he just got meaner and more disrespectful turning the TV up while I was talking. He kept telling me to leave him alone. We texted back and forth and I told im I hated him and that he was an awful person and that I just wanted my stuff back so I could erase him from my life. I leased my condo out for a year to move in with him and he wouldn’t even talk to me. I only lived there for a month!! I moved out last week and we’ve had no contact. We completely ignored each other while the movers were removing my stuff from the apartment. I’m obviously not over this. A strong part of me wants him to reach out but if I’ve always run back to him why would he. He told me during one of our text exchanges that he loved me (I’m his first girlfriend, he’s 31) but won’t put up with this anymore … meanwhile it’s mostly because of him, others see it too!!!! Anyway, sorry for venting. I’m just wondering what category he would fall under bc he’s very difficult (stubborn, pride, ego) and if he can cut off his family and a couple friends who am I?! I know if I never contact him I’ll probably never hear from him again and it hurts like hell.

admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:38 pm

I think the stubborn guy is probably it. But also since he is inexperienced with relationships it makes things harder for him b/c he doesn’t really know how to deal with situations the right way yet.

Kelly

December 7, 2013 at 3:36 pm

Hi my ex boyfriend recently broke up with me last Sunday and I miss him so much. AT this point I have decided to implement the no contact rule, but I am afraid he just wouldn’t be bothered and he just wouldn’t contact me. Though a lot of people who know him and know me said he would probably come to his senses. I know I can’t contact him anymore because it won’t give him time to think about all the good amazing memories and moments and experiences we shared, how do you get back such a stubborn guy? I do not go to school with him, and i still remain close to some of his friends that’s their decision. I want him back and want to know the best way to do so. He is still Facebook friends with me. At first he was really cold to me but then he suggested we could talk once in a while but for now he said bye and good luck. He broke up with me because he said he’s an extremely busy person and knows what he needs and wants and he wants to focus on his stuff. I am hoping this would change as so many people know we supported each other and made an amazing couple despite our small problems I want him to understand after us being together for two years we can make compromises. I was never one to ask him to hang out three times a week I was fine with once a week or once every other week or longer. He had 80% of his time to himself so I don’t understand why things ended because I love him and want the best for him and know we could have worked things out. His sister said he did not mean to hurt me and wants to think things over but I miss him he treated me the best by far of any other guy I dated, he was so respectful and caring and loving and funny and smart and he is the best for me. Can you offer some advice??

admin

December 7, 2013 at 8:11 pm

Do you think you can make it through an entire NC?
Kelly

December 7, 2013 at 8:56 pm

I am honestly going to try my best. I will update you here I suppose but what advice do you have? Reading through some of your amazing articles I know NC is pretty good and I signed up for those emails on that case study to see what’s going on with them. He broke up with me a week ago& I’ve been so emotional this week that today I’m trying to discover better ways to deal with this. You have said that messaging him constantly is not good &probably won’t make him miss me or miss what we had. I WILL TRY! What other advice do you have on trying to deal with this though? How do you get back a stubborn guy? He’s on Facebook even more now that we broke up and it was two years. I’m still friendly with his friends LOL I know I miss him and want him back and I know the NC will be hard , I’m trying to read more of ur articles but what other advice do you have? Thanks in advance your website is amazing Chris
admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Just read more guides so you can learn more about men.

Getting a stubborn guy back requires a number of things. Mostly though you need to be incredibly patient.
Kelly

December 9, 2013 at 2:32 pm

My ex boyfriend messages me this morning “I don’t love you anymore we grew apart I don’t want to be with you anymore please don’t make this harder on yourself try to move on as I have” 🙁 I feel really sad but I have many emotions and part of me knows I can get through this and deal with this at my own pace and I know I can make myself happy and move on and I know there’s another guy out there for me. Thanks for all your advice, what do you suggest in moving on?
admin

December 9, 2013 at 8:01 pm

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-boyfriend/
Kelly

December 9, 2013 at 11:01 pm

LOL wanna take this opportunity to say thank you for all the amazing advice this website is so good I’ve recommended it to some friends as well. Btw one more question …I’m going to an art exhibition on Weds night as I said and my ex (same guy who ended things a week ago) ‘s best friend one of them that is will be one of the artists showing pieces. We have so much in common and have remained good friends (we tag each other in History&Political statuses a lot, talk sometimes, enjoy each other’s company) he told me “it’s gonna be great to see you on weds night glad you could come” I’m not in a place where I want a rship right now but I’m wondering what’s your opinion on being close friends with any best friend of your ex’s. We share so many interests & he likes having found someone like me who we could talk about all these things anytime. What do u make of the situation? If u were in his situation, would u feel weird if I texted u frequently or let’s say weds I’m gonna lime with you? He’s my ex’s best friend ….I don’t wanna annoy him but we both agree we enjoy talking to each other & have so much in common. Again, not looking for a relationship anytime soon….. Maybe just dating when I feel I’m ready 🙂 what’s your opinion on all this?
admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:50 pm

I think you shouldn’t ever date unless you are ready.
Kelly

December 14, 2013 at 7:42 pm

Hi I went six days without contacting him and I emailed my ex today. Reason being is I’m extremely mad that a mutual friend can work things out with his girlfriend and they dated a few months and broke up a months ago, yet Marcus and I dated for two years and Marcus just is not very interested right now. I feel like there’s some unfinished business and we would have had the time now to talk and work things out and go out to dinner or something romantic and see if it cudnt work out. What do you think I should do to win him back? I was doing well till the mutual friend told me what they’re doing I did not send my ex an angry message I just can’t understand why it was two years and we could not try. He might reply to me but should I start over the NC or just try to recollect myself and start afresh ?? I miss him I’m just trying to recollect myself and make myself happy but this incident put me right back to how I was right after the breakup
Kelly

December 9, 2013 at 11:03 pm

Lime = hang out ! Lime is slang in my country
Kelly

December 10, 2013 at 3:00 am

Update – scott said I’m overthinking everything an he wants things to just flow between us to see where things go. So yeah, thanks a million for your amazing advice your site is truly wonderful and I have recommended it to many and thanks a lot! U never know…. Scott and I could date eventually…. But right now I know I need to make myself happy and work on myself
Kelly

December 9, 2013 at 2:35 pm

Ps. I’m posting an amazing picture of myself looking happy an beautiful an confident on weds evening as I’m going out that night in a beautiful dress, when he sees it on fb which is where I’m posting it it will be a confidence booster as deep down I know I can get through this and be happy until the right guy comes along soon.
admin

December 9, 2013 at 8:02 pm

I am sure it is beyond amazing and will make him jealous hahaha.
Kelly

December 7, 2013 at 9:31 pm

I get tempted a lot !!! Is he really over me like he seems to be portraying? You can’t just eliminate two years of good memories and experiences from your mind lol …. What advice do you have?

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