The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Ally

January 2, 2014 at 2:15 am

Hi Chris!

So long story short me and my ex broke up in September but were still basically seeing each other until the end of November. Then we had what felt like another break up. I did the NC rule before finding you website, during that we he texted me on Thanksgiving and I responded (my mistake). 30 days have been over since that point and he didn’t wish me a Merry Christmas but on New Years he texted me saying “happy new year” in which he responded saying “we never talk.” I never responded because it felt like such a dumb thing for him to say to me after everything and now I am completely stuck on what to do!! Do I try talking to him in a few days or do I wait to see if he says anything else? Please help and thank you so much for this great site!

admin

January 2, 2014 at 6:32 pm

Try talking to him after a few days 🙂

Nat

December 31, 2013 at 1:09 pm

Hi Chris,

Well I’m proud to say that I’ve made it past the 30 day mark on your NC rule, only read this for the first time tonight and had to pay myself on the back after I read about the NC stage.

Now that I’ve counted, my ex and I split up 57 days ago, and haven’t made any contact since, he even blocked me on Facebook, which I’m not taking personally after reading one of your replies to someone that, that means he’s thinking about me, then again, he blocked me the day I moved my stuff out. What I’m dealing with, is the angry guy, repeatedly told me on the day we broke up he didn’t love me anymore, didn’t miss me when I wasn’t there, and didn’t wish I was there when I wasn’t, he reminded me of all of this when I returned 3 days later to pick up my stuff, when I asked him about working whatever issues there were, out, he said it would be like beating a dead horse. I’m still convinced that after our petty argument, he broke up with me out of anger and frustration and just needed some space, he disagreed. 3 weeks prior to our breakup, he told me he was putting money aside to get me a puppy for Christmas, because by Christmas, we had planned to be living together, (I learned about the puppy in October, broke up in November) he also told me he wanted to marry me, and often thought about asking me, all this, and then some, is why I thought he was just a little suffocated and needed his own space. We had a pregnancy scare months prior, and I was the nervous wreck, while HE was the calm one and said he wouldn’t mind having a baby with me. So by November when he pulled out the “I don’t love you anymore” card, I don’t buy it, he also claimed he felt that way for months, (but you still asked me to move in and get puppies??)but 57 days later, neither of us have contacted the other, and I’m “scared” to, because of his reaction, and his stubbornness, that it won’t smooth over too well, I also can’t stop thinking about what he told me a long time ago, which was, “if we ever break up, which I don’t think will happen, I can kinda see our future, but anyway, there would be no point in working things out, relationships end for a reason.” So if you have any input that could help me, I would really really love that!!! Thank you!

admin

January 1, 2014 at 11:12 pm

Congrats on making it pas NC!

I know he said that comment but trust me… if you can really reignite his feelings youd be shocked at how little it meant.. which I guess is not a good thing if he said something and didn’t mean it….

I don’t know, guys are werid haha.
Nat

January 2, 2014 at 3:21 am

I texted him last night after the ball dropped saying “happy new year! : )” he responded “happy new year to you too” he replied pretty quickly, I then asked him if he had a fun night, no reply, and that was it, so I don’t know if he replied to be polite, or if I really Caught him off guard after almost 2 full months of no contact. And what’s my next step? I’ve read a few of your entries and I don’t know if it’s a good idea to send another message. But he replied and I almost fell over!

jass

December 30, 2013 at 6:12 pm

my boyfrend cheated on me. when i came to know i broke up with him with heavy heart. he was ok with the breakup and didn’t even apologise for whatever he has done. i totaly cut off with him like no text no calls nd no meeting anywhere. after 34 days he texted me on whats app but i didn’t replied. he again texted me next day 3 times but i replied very rudely nd said that i don’t want to talk to him nd i hate him. he then have deleted his account. i just want to know if he may have some feelings for me.

admin

January 1, 2014 at 10:32 pm

May I ask your reasoning for wanting him back if he cheated on you? Was the cheating a one time thing?
jass

January 2, 2014 at 4:53 pm

i want him back because he means everything to me. i don’t know much abt his past whether cheating was for the first time but i know he was commited to a girl years ago who cheated him. one thing more he become angry when i said i hate him nd when i sent him new year wish he just replied with “why” and i said it just a new year wish but he didn’t replied but sent me a msg last night when i replied this morning again no reply. i don’t know what he really want.

june

December 30, 2013 at 5:23 am

So, even if your ex has not contacted you during the NC period, it’s still ok to initiate after the 30 days?
Leighanne

December 30, 2013 at 5:09 am

Hi Chris,

Unfortunately, my ex is the ”stubborn” guy. So I’m not sure if should hold out hope he’ll contact me. I’ve been in no contact for a week now, I started because he was ignoring me and I realized my only hope is during NC he’ll miss me… From all your experiences with this site, do stubborn exes ever really actually contact during NC?

Thanks
Aslyn

December 29, 2013 at 7:10 pm

My boyfriend just broke up with me a little over a week. The first week is the toughest. I’ve been reading all your stuff and it makes sense. What’s even harder is that when he broke up with me he said he had feelings for someone else. Which means “rebound relationship”. We were only together 5 months and you stated the longer you were with them the better chances you have of getting them back. I agreed that the break up was best for both of us. When he broke up with me he said we shouldn’t talk atleast not for awhile. He is the type that hates to be ignored. I want to apply no contact because right now I have so many mixed emotions after what he said. I was hurt that he didn’t even tell me he had feelings for someone else but that he wanted to stay single. What hurts the most is he was scoping this person out before he left me. We were suppose to celebrate Christmas with his family and everything.

I wanted to know if I have a shot at getting him back. He told me he liked me wanted to still be friends I said no so I lost him completely which is even harder for me. I was bad and texted him on xmas no response. I now I see why no contact is important.

So I want to no if I still have a shot? We were great together and can talk for hours and really talk well about issues that arise without blowing up at eachother.

Will he even miss me even though I texted him a few times and he is with someone else?

Also I read how to get your ex to text you but the I read how to get your ex back if he has “gf”. So what kind of plan and what type of texts should I start out with first?
I went through and wrote down a lot of great memories, but than after reading that other article I wasn’t sure how I should start it and write now I want to develop my plan While completing 30 no contact.
He is also shy when t comes to worrying about what I think so he may not contact me at all now because I agreed with him and told him I might need a lot of space and time.
So when I do contact do I do it on the 30th day or after that?
and what should I start with since he is in a rebound relationship?
Do you think I have a shot at getting my ex back?

admin

December 30, 2013 at 7:57 pm

Have you read my page on rebounds?

And of course I think you have a shot!

Susanne

December 29, 2013 at 4:10 pm

Hi Chris me and my ex bf broke up a year ago, he broke up with me a lots changed since then we went through the friends with benefits stage, then didnt talk for months. We are now texting again just as friends as this is all he wants. We dont text often just a few exchanges every couple of week. I asked him about meeting up he doesnt want to as he doesnt want to hurt me again. Im a different person now i went through the whole wacko emotional begging stage im so much happier but i still want him back im just wondering if i do the NC rule with him will it actually work?? or will he even know if anything is up as we only text every couple of weeks or so. Is the strategy of a way of me doing the NC like telling him i need space or something.?
tiana

December 29, 2013 at 3:20 am

I am working through abandonment issues and insecurity issues stemming from growing up amid domestic abuse. My ex boyfriend is aware of this. He really liked me, chased me hard and treated me very well, but every 3rd time we were together I would pick a stupid fight about nothing or suggest breaking up for silly reasons to see how he would react – whether it would push him away or he would reassure me that he was crazy about me or would fight hard for me. This was selfish, insecure, immature and unfair of me and I now realize this – it was more subconscious at the time but I now recognize how wrong it was and never want to be that way again. He was my best friend and he connected with me in a way he never has with other girls as well. But there’s only so much a person can take and eventually my ex boyfriend got tired of resisting breaking up and agreed with it…I immediately realized I had been stupid and said I was sorry and didn’t mean it but it was too late and he had finally had enough. Two days later, I pretty much begged him to give me one chance to treat him well from now on and promised that I meant it, as he knows I am someone who always keeps my word. He said that we get along so well and kept insisting that he wants to be there for me and stay good friends but that he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend. I kept fighting for him to give me one chance to be better and then he said that he didn’t see the same future with me anymore…so I accepted and said goodbye, and he kept pressuring me to consider friendship, and I said no thanks and wished him well. The next day he sent me a good luck text for an exam and I didn’t respond. I saw him at school 3 days later and he smiled and paused as though waiting for me to initiate conversation — I just smiled, said hi sweetly and kept walking by as I was heading to the room of an exam we were both about to take. I caught him looking at me fro across the room a few times before the test started…I guess then that means he caught me looking at him too. He knew it was my last test and that I would be graduating and leaving town for 2 months after the test. After the test was over, he stood outside the front door building lingering with his friend for awhile, so I avoided leaving the building until after I could see that he had finally gone. We never spoke again after that. I flew out the next morning. A week and a half later I found myself still missing him terribly and feeling powerless about it, since I was already in No Contact and he wasn’t reaching out or anything, so I decided it would be best for me to block him on Facebook so I didn’t feel tempted to look at photos of him and torture myself. The next day I got a call from a RESTRICTED number, which I have never gotten before, so I ignored it and wondered if maybe it was him. I suspect it was, but I cant be sure. Then today (3 days after blocking and 2 days after the missed RESTRICTED call) he texted me saying: “you defriended me on facebook? really??”

1. Do you think he regrets the break up or is just offended?
2. Do you think he will contact me again if I ignore his text and continue No Contact?
3. Do you think there is any chance that my ignoring him will result in him begging for a second chance for us to do things right?

I just feel we are perfect for each other as long as I don’t pick dumb fights for no reason ever again — which I am prepared to do!

admin

December 29, 2013 at 6:59 pm

I think at one point the two of you will talk again.

I also think that ignoring him via NC can be very effective.

Dori

December 28, 2013 at 4:11 am

Hi Chris, I am directed to be here from the LDR page. The above seven do not quite fit a description of him…
I am wondering if any of the guide is actually applicable to him. Since he is a French and he stresses repeatedly that he does not think romance in an Anglo-Saxon way…
My ex did mention before he thinks it is quite uncivilized to block a person. So I have already announced to him I would like to cut contact. And since then, he never contacts, not even to my announcement email. And after our breakup, we had an argument over the emails (of a false accusation he made against me), back then I had not heard of NC, but was so angry so just decided I needed this guy out of my life for good. I ignored him but he kept apologizing, but I eventually gave in and said I forgave him, and I told him I struggled to cut him off that’s why my reply was lagged. And he was like it was a bit uncivilized and he was worried that I had some accident, I should have told him if I made the decision and he would leave me for good (that’s why the later announcement email).
I remember that’s what his ex doing to him as well and he just said he felt sad (or might be he missed her (hence the breakup with me??) he just did not admit to me)
Monica

December 28, 2013 at 12:13 am

I’m just finishing up day 5 of no contact. In the section about NC, I asked whether I should send Merry Christmas/Happy New Years texts, and you said no, but you bet he’d send me one. Well he did (and I didn’t answer), so you were right, yay Chris! Anyways, I know it’s only day 5 but I have questions flying around in my head:

1. He is the kind of guy, that if I don’t talk to him, he’ll more likely than not think that I don’t want to talk to him and I’m moving on, even though I told him before NC that I wanted to work things out. Could that be a possible mindset? And is there anything I can/should do about it?

2. Also another mindset… what if he decides he’s happy single, even after almost a year and a half with me? He told me I was his first serious girlfriend, one other was 8 months, tops, I think and the others, not even that. He was the kind of guy that had enjoyed the company of many women, if you get me. So what if he decides during this period that he wants to go back to his old ways?

3. And what about after NC, what if when I’m trying to open up communication again, he asks me why I ignored him for a month?

admin

December 28, 2013 at 7:42 pm

Hahhahaha I get all the questions flying around. It is scary to do NC but the truth is that it is the smartest thing you can do b/c more likely than not he is going to realize how good he had it with you.
Monica

December 29, 2013 at 4:05 am

He just blocked me on twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and I did absolutely nothing to make him mad. I put up a status about how I was going to see a DJ in NYC tonight and about 35 min later he put up a status saying something like “screw it. I’m sick of being home for so long. Goin out and having some fun”. I didn’t mean for the status to make him mad, I was just updating. Why would he block me?
admin

December 29, 2013 at 7:00 pm

Its just a guy thing. Don’t take it personally. If anythign it just proves he is thinking about you.
Monica

December 30, 2013 at 12:08 am

I really just want to say thank you, Chris. you’re so amazing for answering all of these questions that everyone has. I know I’m the kind of person that, if I have a question, I’m gonna ask it and it gives me a peace of mind that there is a real guy with real guy thoughts (gasp!) answering them. This entire site has already done so much to help me, even if it was just to snap me back into reality if I was diving into a negative spiral about my entire situation. I just KNOW my ex and I are going to get back together because of the materials that you’ve provided me. I’ve already read your book a couple times and I’m genuinely excited to implement the steps.

I’m sure I’m going to have some more questions to throw at you soon, but for now, I just wanted to express my gratitude! 🙂
admin

December 30, 2013 at 8:26 pm

Express away!
Monica

December 28, 2013 at 4:58 am

Ugh. ugh ugh ugh ugh. I caved. 5 days in, Chris, and I caved. This is what I just texted him:

“Hi Johnny”
“Just hoping you had a good Christmas and wishing you a fantastic new year. Have a good nightt :)”

(i’m one of those people that is sickeningly nice, and I hate it)

His response was neutral as far as I can tell which was: “Same to you”. It wasn’t angry or negative, because when he’s mad, he’ll use periods. Did those two texts ruin everything? Was the neutrality a bad sign?

I was SO weak just then and I regret it SO much. 30 days plus another 5 of NC for me!!

Krizia Gonzalez

December 27, 2013 at 11:36 pm

My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. We dated over 2 years and recently just moved to Florida together. We live together. I cried, I begged, I looked desperate and he said some terribly harsh things. He’s seeing someone new, someone he works with who is telling everything he wants to hear. and is lying about it and while I’ve been in Another state for the holidays I found out he’s been bringing her to our apartment. We were fighting a lot about money and he says I brought him down about chores. I miss him and care about him deeply. How do I do the no contact rule while I live with him? I am moving out but I need a month to find some place. I haven’t tried to contact him at all during Christmas or anything but he is suppose to pick me up from the airport.

admin

December 28, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Well you should contact him if he is supposed to pick you up.

MT

December 27, 2013 at 5:14 pm

So i tried NC and he became the frantic caller turned ignorer. because of which i slipped and told him i like him and that i miss him. he said okay.

now hes blowing hot and cold. messaging alot on a few days and ignoring me sometimes.

what do i do?

Alisha

December 28, 2013 at 6:01 pm

Why exactly do guys do that? One minute it’s like they are trying for you again and the next it’s the end of that and so on..

Natalie

December 27, 2013 at 1:16 pm

Chris it’s Natalie again. I did NC for 24 days (after I begged non-stop for 2 months) and it worked.. he texted me on Christmas Eve, I replied: “you too”. Yesterday I casually texted him, he replied and we ended up exchanging like 10 texts remembering stuff we liked to do together. He ended the conv by saying talk to you later and sent me a kiss. I dont know if he really meant that we would talk again or he was just saying that..

What should I do next?? I think that what happened is that we had spent the last 3 Christmas together so this one reminded him of me. What can I do to get us chatting again??

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:47 pm

Leave him wanting more.
Natalie

December 30, 2013 at 11:53 am

how do I do that? He hasn’t contacted me since that talk, which I initiated. I did text him 2 days after that talk and asked him if he was back in the country (he went away for Christmas)and he did not reply. I guess I have to wait for him to do it? I reeeeally don’t wanna act like a fool, texting him and getting no answer..

Caitlin

December 27, 2013 at 7:37 am

Hi Chris,

So I apologize that this is so complex, but that’s my life. It sucks. My best friend just sent me a message saying she was skyping with my ex, and he was complaining about how I wasn’t talking to him. What am I supposed to do? My best friend will blab to him if I say that I’m still in love with him. I hate that we share the same best friend, but we do and it sucks. I found this website like a good month after the breakup so we were on good terms by then and I was his friend. I had already babysat his dog while he was in school. But then I found this and started doing it. This is the problem with starting the program late. I was on good terms with my ex and so it’s confusing the hell out of him why I’m doing NC and might make him really angry. Yeah it’ll make him miss me but it’ll piss him off. What the hell am I supposed to do?? How do I explain myself to my best friend?

Caitlin

December 27, 2013 at 8:46 pm

I’m not planning to contact him, but what explanation do I give to my friend?
admin

December 28, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Just say you need some time.
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:37 pm

Don’t contact him until NC is up. You don’t owe your ex anything right now.

Melody

December 27, 2013 at 12:32 am

HELP! I am on day 8 on NC. However, my ex had been texting me days 5-7 and even showed up one day to “get some of his things” but he only took a few chargers and stuff, no clothes! He was living with me prior to the break up and has not taken anything with him except a backpack of clothes on the first day he left. He was trying to spend Christmas with me and stuff but I refused. I have ignored most of his texts(except the ones about his things and I kept it down to 1 or 2 word responses). When he showed up here unexpectedly, he asked why had I packed his things. He also noticed I packed the promise ring he recently gave me and he pleaded with me to keep it. I said I didn’t want it and so when he left, he left it for me on my steps. Anyway, I have done well to not contact him at all, and I deleted my facebook. However, mutual friends have come to me and told me he’s posting very angry statuses and he is not acting himself. He also has a rebound in the picture and is posting statuses about her. I feel like he’s doing all this to try to get a reaction out of me. Like on Christmas morning he was texting me and I ignored it, so he started texting like he was really mad. He posted on facebook something about how he bough “someone”(he’s referring to me) Christmas gifts and he’s all alone on Christmas and didn’t get a thing. I’m really confused! He hasn’t said anything to me about wanting to get back together, but his actions are as if he wants me to try to be with him, and then he gets angry because I don’t give him what he wants. Then there’s this stupid rebound that I feel like he’s pretending to like so much. Can I really win him back after all this and how?

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Yes you can.

And you have such a pretty name might I add.

Alanna

December 26, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Hi, Chris!
First of all I would just like to say you’re an angel. I found your website yesterday. Okay, so I think I might have a special case. My ex’s mom died a few years ago, and he definitely has some abandonment issues which I think played into our breakup because he got too close to me and got scared. You know what I’m saying? Like his relationship with his mom is going to affect all relationships he has with girls. So I think it’s really possible he may have consciously or subconsciously sabotaged the relationship because he had the mind set “I’m going to leave before she does.” Because beforehand he was saying things like “I want to marry you”, “I’d like to become apart of your family”, “I’m never leaving you, baby.” We broke up about a month ago (on Thanksgiving -_-). He broke up with me because (his words) he didn’t have time, and I lived too far away (a whole 20 minutes — rolling my eyes). I told him I still wanted to be friends and that I would always be there for him. He was like “yeah we can still talk.”The day after we broke up I didn’t text him all day, but around 6 he texted me that his favorite movie was on. (??? I thought that was weird behavior) It was a really short conversation about four texts long. I was missing him about two hours later so I wanted to see his picture a la Facebook. This was when I realized he had blocked me.???????? I have never once in my life said a mean word to him. Our breakup wasn’t bad. I don’t know if he was like talking to others girls and assumed they would post on his wall and didn’t want me to see or what. So I texted him “why am I blocked?” and he goes “you are? ” and blames it on his best friend. We had quite a long funny conversation after that. Then the next day I text him and he starts talking about these girls he is texting. And how one of them is smoking hot. So me being me I said “Can’t you tell them to leave you alone :(” and he texts back “ugh (hug)”. Then he told me he doesn’t want to date right now. Anyways, he also told me a little after that he had this massive crush on this different girl. But we continued to have funny light conversations about everday for two weeks. I was getting so annoyed about those girls, though. Also, our conversations were getting much shorter the third week where I would only get an “lol” for a response. There was a period where I didn’t text him for three days. I decided I needed to move on, but talking to other guys just made me miss him so much. After a few days after not texting him at all (again about three), I wrote him this huge email about how I missed him, everything guys did that reminded me of him, and that I wanted to get back together. He texed me “idk” then “sorry I’ve been snowmobiling with someone a lot lately.” As in ANOTHER girl. I also realized he so has time. He proceeded to tell me they run around all night together, but didn’t know if he was going to date her. Conversation, conversation, I said I was okay with it all, and we agreed we were buddies. I didn’t text him for five days. Then I did. And again that night telling him I wasn’t going to abandon him and that I was always here to listen. (He always always always talked to me when something was wrong/bothering him.) He replied that he would always be there for me, too. I didn’t reply because I didn’t really think I needed to. Then Christmas day he texts me merry Christmas FIRST! Whooooa. That was a shock. He never does that. So I texted him back humorously saying that all I wanted was for Christmas was for him to unblock me on Facebook. Cause I was still blocked.????? Why? I have no idea. He replies with “Why???”
ME:”Why not?”
HIM: “Why do you want me to?”
ME: “Why do you not want to?”
HIM: “I asked you first.”
ME: “I asked you second. Whoa.”
HIM: “Be serious”
Then I told him I thought it was weird, and he texted me “No its not just that now is it”. I told him it wasn’t and that I blocked people when they were rude so I thought it was weird that I was blocked. I asked him whar reason he thought I had (at 5:31 PM Christmas day). He replied “I don’t know.” this morning. I am assuming he thought it was because I didn’t want to move on and missed him and wanted to look at his pictures. Because that was the reason I initially found out I was blocked — he had asked why I was on his Facebook anyways so I was truthful. I didn’t reply to him this morning, though. ***Also, when he uses periods it means he is upset. And there was a period this morning. Anyways, is no contact still okay if he says he needs me? Like to talk. Because I said I would be there for him and his mom issues factor in.

admin

December 27, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Yes it definitely is.

Lexi Dawson

December 26, 2013 at 5:07 pm

I cheated on my biyfriend but techniqally he wasnt we broke it off in july and he said he wanted to wait until we were a bit older and I said fine but he stopped talking to me and got annoyed because I was texting him everyother day he said he wanted space we were on a break so I said fine and stopped and then I sent him a picture of my chest and he started talking to me normal again but only if I sent him dirty pictures so I did then he ignored me again so I hung out with this guy and we had sex (if my boyfriend and I were as close as we were before summer I would have never done it but it was becasuse he treated me like yesterdays trash that I did it) it was terrible I hated it I felt so disgusted about myself I told him to stop and we went back to school. I kept it from my ex for abiut a month and then I couldnt take it anymore and we were talking and I told him I have to tell you something and I told him and he freaked out he swore at me called.me horrible names that still burn in my mind and I dont think will ever go away and he told me to fuck off amd get out of his life forever. I have done NC since December 9 and then a few days ago I sent him a fb friend request and he denied it so I stopped again now I just read this artical and I realized hes the angry one will he ever talk to me again? Ive read you what to text back artical and I could think of any examples I ciuld use. I want him back chris hes the most greatest thing that has ever happend to me id do anything for him and id do anything to get him back I love him we were together for over a year and its been the greatest year of my life I messed up and if I could take it back I woild please help me
Alina

December 26, 2013 at 6:08 am

Hi Chris, me again… 🙂 so it’s been almost 3 weeks since the brake up and my ex ( the mid caller) decided to call, txt and email. I did not responded, and let me tell u, it feels good to ignore him! I got him where I want him. His excuse was ” to wish me a Merry Xmas” when the first thing that came out his mouth was that Xmas meant nothing to him, also called to say that if I ever needed help or someone to talk to that he will always be there oh and that just bc we has our differences doent mean he doesn’t care or love me ( but this morning my friend saw him coming out of a nasty motel with his ex girlfriend) what a joke some men can be… I’m in the process of moving to another area code… I still love him but he feels so secure I’m gonna call him ask for help, wtf? Not once I asked for money or anything while we were together so why is he offering help now? I don’t need it. I’m very strong and I will never ever ever contact him. ” gonna seat back and watch the craziness ensue” Chris words 😉 thank you!

admin

December 26, 2013 at 6:26 pm

He is just being nice or maybe the Christmas spirit got him.
Alina

December 27, 2013 at 12:51 am

Should I continue the NC rule?
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Yes mam

Alisha

December 25, 2013 at 3:19 pm

I need help. 4 weeks ago I found out that he was dating other girls. I should have enforce no contact right at the moment when I found out but I didn’t. Instead we quarrel a little here and there and we got together as fwb. Then I enforced one week of no contact and told him I don’t want fwb. During this one week of no contact, he thought I don’t want to be his friend. I initiate contact after a week and he was happy but he seems to not really want to meet up. Then I started to check in with guys in fb and eventually he initiated and started to tell me sorry and why he couldn’t meet up that day and started to answer my questions that I had asked. But nothing about us getting back together and start anew. And then we agreed to send each other a New Years card with what we want to accomplish next year but at the same time I’m thinking about doing a 30 days no contact bc when he apologized and told me and thank me for the things I did. I tested him to see if he mean it and if he would make an effort to see me but he didn’t respond. So that’s why I’m thinking about doing the 30 days no contact but at the same time I have to send him a card next week so idk what to do. Help? Should I send him the card? What happen if there’s a surprise I’m the card? Which I highly doubt tho. Or should I just do no contact n forget about the card?

admin

December 26, 2013 at 6:02 pm

I think you should definitely do the 30 day NC rule.

Alyssa

December 24, 2013 at 8:58 am

I started dating a guy back in June/July. Things moved pretty quickly, we both hadn’t felt like this for another person in years. He left the beginning of August for a friends wedding back home 12 hours away and came back saying he wanted to move back home and was homesick and put things between us on hold until he made a decision. 2 weeks later he took me to meet his family back home for his sisters wedding but we went “as friends” since he hadn’t made up his mind about moving back. We slept together for the first time on that trip. When we got back home we were inseparable, he decided not to move back but said we should continue dating and if he decided to move he wanted me to move with him, he started talking about “when we get married, have babies”. My lease in my apartment was coming to an end and he asked me to move in. I agreed and told him I’d move in as long as we were in a committed relationship. He said he wanted to be together but right now we weren’t “bf/gf” even though we were moving in together. I decided not to move in and 4 days later he said “I think it’s better we just be friends”. at first I have him space then I begged and pleaded. That didn’t work so I went quiet for a few days. He texted me one Sat morning “are you don’t crying yet?” I replied yes and from there he was texting me every weekend and some during the week. It was clockwork. He invited me to his work fundraiser for cancer patients out of the blue and it was the first time we saw each other in a 1.5 months. From then on he was wanting to see me all the time, initiating all contact and calling, dinner, movies, helped me shop for my new car. I didn’t ever bring up the relationship and we didn’t do anything physical and if we went days without speaking I didn’t freak out because I knew I’d hear from him. He started getting flirty with me again and saying sweet things so by Wednesday 12/18/3013 I told him I still had feelings for him to which he replied “I don’t have feelings for you and we won’t be getting back together and if you can’t accept that, then we can’t be friends” so I told him we shouldn’t speak anymore and I blocked him on Facebook. Today is day 6. We ended things October 5 and he stayed in contact with me, this will be the longest we’ve gone without speaking.if I did ignore him texts, he’d reply again or send something like a picture of something for my advice or say “your turn”. I’m not sure if I can get him “back” since he said he has no feelings, I just don’t understand why he’d string me along and take me out, initiate every conversation and I just played it cool thinking it’d eventually evolve. I guess I need to use NC to just move on because apparently he just wants to be friends. I’m not sure if I’ll hear from him during NC.

admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:33 pm

Look at it this way, you have nothing to lose with NC.

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