The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Rachel

November 20, 2016 at 9:18 pm

Hey, so3 days ago my bf broke up with me, for me it was very unexpected. Before we were in a relationship we were good friends and he along with my other friends helped me through some of the toughest moments of my life…. I was in an abusive relationship and a family member was very sick…. Me and the FB who recently dumped me were together for 6 months and I was SO HAPPY! until 3 weeks ago…. We had an arguemt that made me feel unloved and I nearly broke up with him as I was scared, but he came to me and told me how much that all that matters to him was me and that he loves me….but because of My low self esteem caused by the previous relationship i didn’t believe him fully, I would bring up the fact that I was scared and push him for more and more love and more and more commitment…. All the time he was having a shocking time at work….. He started to pull away…. He started he was miserable at work, then one day when we met on our lunch he exclaimed he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me or not…. Then later text me saying he was being silly and he loved me…. A week goes by and we argue over a stupid little thing and he walks out… Then comes back and we solve everything I feel great! We even had sex… Then the next day I meet him and all our friends and he won’t come near me, later that night he explains how he is miserable and no longer loves me romantically but sees me as a friend…. But he wants to stay my friend and if I need anything he’s there for me…he is ignoring any texts with emotions just the literal ones when I’m asking to get my stuff. I saw him yesterday when he brought my clothes round and he said the same thing…. He had come out of a relationship that killed him a few months before me, he explained how he felt like he had lost his independence and needs to get back to himself…. He didn’t want me to delete him off social media but I had to, I started to get obsessed with it. This is the first day of no contact and it’s hard but do you think it will work in a situation like this one? Or should I just give up?
NIcole

November 18, 2016 at 5:46 pm

Hi!
English is not my first language so… 😉

My relationship ended for about 3 months ago. He dumped me after 5 years together beacuse I hurt his feelings and his trust in me really bad. I wasn´t cheating on him but it was other bad stuff I did behind his back. We have had some contact after the break up for practical reasons beacuse I had things and mail in his apartement to pick up. After the break up I have had some smaller surgery done. Just a standard procedure. He actually sent me a textmessage afterwards and wanted to know how it went. So obviously he did remember when it was going to be and he did care. That really touched my heart. Twice after our break up has he written to me among other things that he still miss me a lot and still loves me. He also lets me know that he is very heartbroken and almost in chock that the two of us would end up like this.

I try really hard with the “non contact,”-rule and up till now he is the one of us that contacts me about practical stuff or about how he feels on the inside. First I was going to maybe send him a christmas card but now I won´t. I will keep on just trying to leave him be and give him space. I think thats the only way I can do anything to avoid making the situation worse.

Do you guys have some input to my story?

/ Nicole

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 21, 2016 at 12:32 pm

Hi Nicole,

how did you hurt his feelings? During no contact you can answer him too. Especially if it’s a how are you or where are text. If it’s abiut giving left stuff, just keep it about that. And you have to be actively improving yourself. Are you doing that?

Pam

November 17, 2016 at 11:07 am

Hi,

Where can I find the section about the phases your ex boyfriend goes through during no contact? Cannot recall which article, unless the content has changed.

For example, it was a short list of phases (towards the mid section of a certain article, I think) in men’s minds, specifically said something like:

Phases
1. I’m not contacting her. She is going to call
2. Wait, why hasn’t she called
3. Sad
4. Anger
5. Calls ….

My ex is going through phases right now , but still hasn’t called. He blocked me on social media, I blocked him in return. Going on two weeks break up. He recently unblocked me on IG, guess he thought I would too, but didn’t. I did get to check his profile, he posted lots of sentimental stuff, love posts, even a message to me apparently. “You want me to wait, I will wait. Whenever you are ready let me know.” Guess he is missing me, but hasn’t reached out. He must have noticed he was still blocked, because his profile is private now. He still has ways to contact me by the way, either by calling, or emailing. He seems to be in the angry phase, because he later updated his profile with “No love lost, no love found”. I guess. Anyway, I would like to pin point his emotions. By the way, we were in a year plus loving LDR.

Should I unblock him too? To open a line of communication. Or, is that being too compliant, and a form of contact? Figured with NC in effect, once blocking occurs, there’s no going back.

Pam

November 19, 2016 at 7:16 pm

I thought it was this one. But cannot seem to find what I thought was on here. This shows you the different reactions, meaning a guy will have either or reaction to the NC rule.

What I am looking for is a step by step phase of what goes through their mind. I could have sworn it was in this article. But, this is separating the guys into different reactive categories. Not what I was looking for.

Does that sound familiar to you?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 2:34 pm

I’m not sure which one.. It’s not the one I mentioned above? What about this one?
Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2016 at 1:39 pm

Hi Pam,

if you are going to unblock him, just dont send a friend or follow request..
You mean this one?
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule

Kate

November 14, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Hi,

So me and my boyfriend were dating for two years. We got on well but he didn’t want to talk about the future. We lived together and things went well. We could no longer afford it and moved into my Mother’s house two months ago. Since we first got together he never made much of an effort with my family. It got to the point that he didn’t say hello to them unless it was said to him first (they never fought). We broke up a few weeks ago because I wanted to know if we had a future together ie marriage or moving back in together. He completely freaked out and said he didn’t want to get married. He never really made an effort doing things with me unless I planned them. We got back together last week but my Mother banned him from our house. So we couldn’t stay over together and I can’t stay at his as his parents treat him like a child. We ended up driving around in our cars when seeing each other and it got stressful. I broke up with him yesterday because I felt like he didn’t see a future with us. He was upset and cried. I told him if we rented a house together again and got to spend time with each other we could work. But he said he didn’t want to waste his money on renting. We text on and off today and said we would stay friends and he said he still loves me but that I am annoying him. He already joined dating sites but said if I wanted to get back with him he would like that. I just want to know should I use the no contact rule, is there a chance of us getting back together or are we finished for good. For the record he is socially awkward. Both of his don’t have many friends are rely on each other for friendship as well as our relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 10:27 pm

Hi Kate,

so both of you need the relationship for company? Did the reasons that you broke up with him, are solved now? I’m not saying that there’s not a chance, I just don’t think you want to go back for the right reasons. If you really want to try, try to at least build your own life and to make new friends. Widen your world, because if you’re going back to him just because you’re used to him being around and you don’t want to be lonely, that’s not going to be a healthy relationship.

Rhia Singh

November 13, 2016 at 8:35 pm

Hi,
My ex bf Anthony and I were in a long distance relationship for 7 months. 4 months into the relationship someone told him the my ex husband was at my house. He started looking through my phone. He became cold even though we stayed together. During our 6th month together he looked through my phone again and saw some inappropriate between my gym buddy that I broke up with to be in a relationship with Anthony. We spent a month together but he broke up with me shortly after. I begged but he said no relationship. Today is day 6 of no contact. I feel weak at times but I don’t call. I fell in love. I did make a mistake with the inappropriate messages to gym buddy but I fell in love with Anthony. Do you think I can get him back and gain his trust again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 4:13 pm

Hi rhia

it will take time. Check this one:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

SV

November 11, 2016 at 4:04 am

So, I am currently on Day 11 of no contact. And although at first I was almost desperate to get my ex back, I’ve actually been enjoying this time I’ve got to spend enjoying my own company and actually doing some of the things I used to love. Initiating no contact was extremely difficult for me at first because I thought I couldn’t live without my ex but It has gotten easier as each day passes. I’ve regained my strength. And I must admit, I feel so amazing! I feel peaceful and I feel really great about myself. I’ve been more consistent with my workouts AND dancing (something I have always been passionate about), getting adequate rest, and meditating. I’ve also realized that I honestly don’t even want my ex back now. I never thought I would be saying this. But I feel confident when I say it, with no regrets. And the memories are slowly fading. I DO NOT WANT MY EX BACK. (I just had to say it again. Because, well.. it feels so wonderful to say! ). Anyway, I ran into him the other day unexpectedly at a gas station. I smiled and waved then I got in front of him to pay for gas. I didn’t say another word as we stood in line. I paid for gas and left out of the store, went to my car and started singing and dancing Lol. (I kinda had my music blasting). Anyway, he called me last night while I was asleep (twice; and this is 3 days after we seen each other). And no I didn’t break the no CONTACT rule. But then today, he called again, and texted me 4 times. The last text he sent said, “You’re really cold. I would never do anyone like this. I hope you have an amazing life!” (Mind you, I told him almost 2 weeks ago that I was moving on for good.) And omg, I have been laughing since that text tonight. Because I find it ridiculous. Anyway, I can’t help but wonder what may be going through his mind right now. I tried reading the different reactions to expect “during” NC. But none of them seem fitting. Or maybe I can’t stop laughing enough to thoroughly understand. Maybe I am wrong for laughing. But hey, at least I’m not crying over him anymore!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 7:39 pm

Hi Sv,

most guys are straight to the point. I think he juat didnt expect you to be like that when you bump into each other.

Kathy

November 10, 2016 at 5:34 am

Hi EBR,

First off, thank you so much for this. You guys have helped me out a lot during my random nights of anxiety.

Anyway, my ex dumped me last week. I understand the no contact rule and understand how it will help me personally. The last time I saw him, I don’t know whether I left a good aftertaste aka I begged him to reconsider and also asked for him to call me before he totally left. One day later after the break up, he texts me that he can call me but I never answered back. Right now, I am wondering whether or not to continue the no contact rule or confirm to him that I am fine and change the aftertaste? Also based on what I told you, are you able to tell what kind of guy he is during NC?

Thanks again for everything.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 13, 2016 at 5:02 pm

Hi Kathy,

not really.. That’s too vague to know.. why did you break up? How did you break up? how long were you together?

jinna

November 9, 2016 at 11:18 pm

.?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 13, 2016 at 2:34 pm

Jinna can you see my replies? Is it visible?

This was th last in November 9
that’s ok.. At least you didnt reply.. Make the most of the remaining days for yourself instead of worrying about him

Sima

November 9, 2016 at 12:17 am

Hi I met a guy at work we had a connection since the first day he was waiting 2 months to ask me about my number when he did we met on the same day we had dinner I spend night with him without not even let him kissing me he was so into me he was talking like we will last long second day I met him again and here we go he knew I’m virgin he freaked out even if he knew since the beginning my religion but he seems his ex was from my religion she left him to marry a guy from her religion.than he completely change with me he said he can’t continuer with me that impossible that’s nothing going to work that he can’t take me back home with him because his living NY soon that’s his country it’s so racist and don’t like people from my religion I was depressed I was begen him every day telling him that why did he start all this I was tying to ignore him at work even if it was killing me but he said he will never ignore me because he has feeling for me …any way with all my text messages he never ignored me he always texted me back saying I’m gem I’m material wife and one in f million but he can’t be my first when I was asking to much he said he has a girl waiting for him back home that he promised to marry I felt so hurt why he did that to me and put me in this situation …that things get complicated I called him one day because somebody told me he took a coworker to sleep with her this girl she’s always following him till now and that’s drive me crazy when I called he sweard he was asking me if I want a picture of his bad he said that’s not true we were talking for 3 hours he was driving me crazy saying that he sept with other girl that was only for sex and saying that the with me it was different that he like to huge me all the night I cried that he even introduce her to his friends like he did with me he said that’s it was by accident I felt I was one of this girls that I’m nothing in the end he said he would like to be with me but his not ready that he doesn’t want to call my parents he was also asking me if we can sleep next to each other as friends and in the end he said he likes me he keep asking me to come sleep next to him for 2 days that he just wants to huge me and sleep when you said yes he said I think it’s bad idea that it will hurt us I had horrible days he ignored me afte this call he go back to the bars to hook up with girls his also using cocaine he was happy like that .after he got burned and the work he texted me that God punishing me for what he did for me I said no I called him I was asking him to come over he said ok he took me cab once i arrived he took me to his arms took me up and start kissing me like never before saying he missed me he took my to the bed and start kissing all my body he said that we should had sexe like that he will stop thinking about this I stopped him I said you have first to make sure what you want he made me do stuff I never did before after that he told me he likes me he will not see other girls he even sweard when I asked him to do .he was tasing me all the night when we finished he introduced me like girlfriend to his friend we slept in each other hands all the night hugging me when I asked him if he loves the other girl he said King of it hurt me but I didn’t say anything after that the morning we watched tv he was weird but I understand he get scared about his foot becaus it was too bad ,I left to work he just cut me off again I felt so bad when the suppose to come see hinge said don’t come I need the hall bed for me I said I will never text him back .he come back to work after 20days ignoring me he start following me wants me to talk start looking at me getting jealous if I talk to other guys but also keep flirting with this bitch at work I told him it u want to talk to her and u care about her forget about me he said he will not that he don’t care about her he was touching my hands hugging me looking to my eyes at work showing me care one night it was too much feelings when we finished I left he texted me where are u I get exited and happy I told him I’m in my friend jobs he was asking with why I’m there what kind of place I called him to come over he did he was jealous asking me if I come there to look for guy I said no what about u did u sleep with any one else he said no that he has only the one back home between me and him I found days back a letter from her I took to my friend he translated to me she was begging him to stay with her that she will do the impossible for him I understand she was putting pressure on him but in this night when he come where my friend work he was nervous he can’t look to my eyes I start asking him he said not ready not ready I said why he doesn’t want answer I asked him if I can go home and with him he said not he will get crazy and want to touch me and his not ready for that we kissed like lovers he was kissing me so bad but so nervous he promised me to see him next day but never he just ignored me again I start ignore him at work he keep talking to me following watching me if I’m talking to any guy after that the big day come his always checking girls in front of me but in this day he was checking co worker I saw Hilton far I come to him to say his disgusting person .i texted him messages saying his a liar a sex addict that everything better heard about him at work it’s true that hate my s of because I trusted him again that I gived my feelings to the wrong guy he texted me back stop giving me shit ….I left work really right the way I was crying he saw me he didn’t say a word.since then I cut him off he tried to talk to me but not like before his very ignoring even if he keep looking at me caring watching if I’m talking to other guys I tried to be friends with him before this night when he kissed me and said he missed me but he said let me show u how friends do when he start kissing my body he was the one crossing friendship lines but now he can’t ask me to be friends he’s not talking to me even if I was the one ignoring his hi but because I’m hurt because he was always the one following me and asking me to talk to him even as friends my friends said his so scared of my reaction that I hurt him with my messages even if he deserve now he still talking to the girl at work I depressed every time I think he choose to talk to all girls at work and ignore me my heart fall to my feets when I think he will hook up with any girl at work and that I have to quit I’m so sad I’m lost I love him and I hate him deep on me I think he has feelings especially his eyes for me but all his actions said no now I’m in the nc rules since one month his doing the same do u thing he will reach out to me?do u think he has feelings for me ?im about to drive my self crazy with jealousy and questions pleas help me .

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2016 at 11:54 am

Hi Sima,

honestly, it looms like all he wants is sex..

Lily

November 7, 2016 at 4:27 pm

So to begin: we had a relationship for a year. In the beginning he made the first step. we went on multiple vacations together and lived together during the week. We were always having fun, and acting crazy and being ourselves. He told me many times how special he felt our relationship was.
But lately (last month) we’ve been hanging out a little too much. I’ve became clingy and he gave me a comment about that. He said he would like to hang out with his friends more (he already does a lot and he knows). After that conversation i didn’t change my attitude and so 3 days ago he broke up with me.
The night he broke up we just came back from a vacation of 3 days. He said i wanted to first go on the vacay and than break up because he still likes going on vacay with me (he also said he really enjoyed the trip) and because of the otherwise thrown away money.
Since then we meet up 3 times. Once at my house where he cuddled me and kissed my hair because i was crying. With him saying he feels so bad for me and wants to see me happy.
Second time on a party he wanted me to go to with my friend because he didn’t want me to be alone at home. At the party i tried to not go to him. But he came to me hugging me asking if i was doing ok. We went outside and kissed because i asked. A mutual friend of ours told me he was saying some good things about me to his guy friends and that she was sure he still loved me.
The next day i asked him if he would hate it if i would come to bring his stuff. He said that if it made me feel better i could come over to his place
So i did. we lay on his bed for 2 hours. We talked, i cried, he cuddled me, lay me on him. I wanted to kiss to make me feel better and he did. I know i shouldn’t ask for it because i know he will kiss me because i cry and he can’t watch me cry. He told me that if i liked to still text him he was totally ok with it. And that he didn’t yet know if he would like to date again in a few weeks/months.
He also asked me if i was able to eat something again. I said no, maybe you should make me my favorite food like you always did. And he said ok, if you will eat then, i will cook for you.
Yesterday i asked him a to come sleep with me for one last time. He said it’s a bad idea and he would not do that. I kinda kept asking and saying it would make me feel better to sleep together one last time (no sex!!!) so that i could ‘say goodbye’ to being together and have that happy feeling one last time before getting over this on myself. After a while he accepted my offer, still thinking it’s a bad idea. (And i also know it is but i can’t help it). But i know that it i want something now he gives it to me because he hates seeing me this unhappy. When i cry he will do anything to make me stop crying.
It really is my plan to stop texting him after he is sleeping with me. But i’ll see him every weekend at parties in our hometown and i know he is going to ask how i’m doing.
I kinda got the feeling that because of me being clingy he felt like it was too much and kinda lost feelings (he says it’s better breaking up for NOW). But on the other hand i feel like he still cares a little to much about me to say he has no feelings for me at all. Also because he says he does not feel bad when kissing me and that of course he still feels something then.
What should i do? Because i really want him back… we had the best year and our families liked eachother a lot. I know it’s stupid to ask for kisses or sleepovers but i just can help it and he does it because then i stop crying.
Should i leave him alone after that sleepover (i am going to do that even if it’s stupid)? Or should i keep a bit in contact because he says he is ok with that?

mikki

November 17, 2016 at 3:42 pm

Stop manipulating him with all the crying. It is very unattractive and he is giving you the equivalent of a “mercy hump”. He agrees with your requests simply to stop you from crying…you are holding him emotional hostage which is not the same as him WANTING you. The damage may already be done. You are becoming a bugaboo. You are settling for “any kind of attention is better than no attention” syndrome. After awhile his mercy may turn into rage. Stop. Get a backbone. Move on!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 10:10 pm

Hi Lily,
if you being clingy was the reason for the breakup, then asking for time after you’ve broken just proves you are indeed clingy.. If you want him to see you in a different light, be different. Change. Improve, grow, be independent

jules

November 5, 2016 at 7:32 pm

i have recently just broke up with my bf of 10 months. he decided to end it 11 days ago over the phone with poor excuses. we did have a rocky month where we did have a few quarrels but nothing that couldnt be sorted. since that phone call i went totally into no contact. he did txt the next morning after the fone call with a sad face but i didnt reply. a few days after that he deleted me off his facebook page and put his status to single. this was very hurtful. today he has been posting pics of him out drinking with his mates. is this attention seeking behaviour? it is day 11 no contact and i still havent heard anything from him. i do still care and love him and i dont want to go down the route of blocking him from my social media but his seeing him is hurting me.

Eileen

November 20, 2016 at 2:42 pm

The 30 day NC rules specifically say NO TEXT, NO EMAILS, NO CONTACT ON SOCIAL MEDIA or STALKING THE EXES page. So you should not be on there in the first place to see pictures of him etc. That is not helping you move forward.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 1:14 am

Hi Jules,

dont block him.. Yes, it’s more of attention seeking behavior.. So, dont focus in what he’s doing, focus in improving yourself.

Brittney

November 4, 2016 at 2:46 pm

My boyfriend of 2 years just broke up. About 2 days ago, we broke up. He has got heavily involved in weed and hanging around with bad friends. I cannot have that in my life being I want to do policework. I have asked him to stop for so long and he told me that he will choose weed over me and I should break up with him if I don’t like it cause that’s who he is. I’ve tried communicating with him but he doesn’t know how. So I left. My heart is shattered to pieces and of course I want him back. I love him. All i do is cry. He is so stubborn though. We argued pretty often about communication, he wouldn’t share his phone password and get angry if I asked, and would get mad when I asked for validation. When we argued, he wouldn’t reply to texts, or even attempt to talk to me. Never has he answered a phone call. He recently tweeted “I wasn’t good enough for her, she left, and I let her leave”. That hurts. I care so much a day I didnt want to leave. He just didn’t care if I did. Of course I would love to get back together but he is so stubborn, probably won’t ever text me (I’m not going to text him first), and I want him to fight for me but I don’t feel he will. I’m afraid of him going off and staying away and I will have to see and hear about him with other girls.

Sarah

November 11, 2016 at 2:36 pm

So what should do if he becomes a THE FRANTIC CALLER TURNED INTO IGNORER ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 13, 2016 at 6:54 pm

Hi Sarah,

How are you helping him before with his money? Don’t chase. Focus in improving yourself. And is he calling you to use you? Because if yes, then it’s very reasonable that you stop talking to him. The other girl looks like a grass is greener syndrome for him too. Check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Sarah

November 10, 2016 at 1:01 pm

Me and my boyfriend broke up almost a month ago. I have just begin the no contact rule. However he has been actually talking and dating another girl even before we had a official break up.
But when asked he says they have not commited totally but looking into it. But she is wealthy and he spends almost everyday of his time with her and brings her to all the places he goes to.
He has been only talking to me to settle his money issues by asking me for help. But is very firm with his decision on not wanting me back
He said he didnt want me because i compared him with my ex and also always talked about his past rs with his ex. But through this 3years i have been loyal and very commited to him and both our families knows about us. Pls help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 12:00 pm

Hi Brittney

so, that means you’re going to accept him now even if he’s still using weed?

Maddy

November 2, 2016 at 10:03 pm

Hi there, I was recently left by my serious boyfriend. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’ll try to be brief but concise:
We have been together for just about two years. We honestly had a great relationship. We had same values, sense of humor, vision of the future, etc. He loved my family and everyone thought we were going to go the distance. We are both in our late 20s and live at home. We planned to move in together in a few months after he got this new job. Well, the past 6 months have been hard. His parents suddenly divorced, leaving him with his devastated mom while he works a demanding job. I have also been working an incredibly high stress job, that a lot is riding on. So, we have bickered some lately but we never had horrible fights. And sometimes it’s hard for me to let little things go, and that’s what led to our demise. After about 48 hours of small arguments he was pulling away and like an idiot I didn’t give him space. I went over there, he freaked, kicked me out and said, “it’s over.” He blocked me on FB, email, phone. A week after I wrote him a letter via snail mail. No response. It’s been 2 weeks now since we broke up and i’ve gone NC. My dad did reach out after a week because they are really close. All he said was “he’s given me too many opportunities to change my behavior and he couldn’t take it anymore.” I can be argumentative sometimes, but I hardly saw this coming. We had a very very loving relationship. The good far outweighed the bad. I still have a bunch of his stuff. His brother has reached out to me saying he’s so sorry he didn’t see this coming. I don’t know what to think. Have I ruined our relationship to the point of no return? The guilt is killing me. I’m seeing a therapist to help me not ‘push’ people so much. Help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 3, 2016 at 11:16 pm

Hi Maddy,

that’s good that you’re in therapy.. I think you should do at least 30 days of no contact..

Gretchen

November 1, 2016 at 4:03 pm

I have a /at least to me/ pretty unique situation. Say I’ve been in a relationship for about one year and we did pretty good things on the last 12 months, but then storm started to slash us it made us fought “too” much that it makes either him and I “think” that we “lost” interest to each other eventhough we still say i love you to each other and tell each other that we’re meant to be together that he will never let me go and that he’s the greatest bf i’ve ever have. To an extent, he’s really mad until almost all the time he said “you ve changed, you’re not like you, the more i do this the more i don’t like you, i don’t like your attitude i hate it, this is not going to work”.

So, i’m very mad that he said stuffs like that to me so I ended up telling him to end the relationship. He agreed. Next day, he told me he couldnt do that and he will commit suicide if I dumped him, I think twice and give him another shot. Storms come again. We fight, he end everything, I beg him not to go, he agreed. We fight, I want to end everything bcs I can’t stand it anymore, the end for 36 hours, he beg to continue the relationship, I agreed. The last one, he came to me after not meeting me for 2 months, but I’m still angry with him (since he said bad words towards me and it kinda hurt my feelings a lot), so Idk what to do my mind is full and I think twice whether i want to continue this or not, but the action that comes out of me is I’m acting cold towards him. He said its fine he can understand that it’s his fault bcs he’s not around me on the past 2 months. We agreed so we’re still together but it’s soo hard for me to act normal like lovers do to him, which make him very mad at me the next day, and he didn’t reply my text for almost 24 hours. I keep texting him whats wrong and he said “You’re rude for treating me like the last time we met” , we fought, and he ended everything. I agreed, I blocked his Line account and force myself to move on.

Next day he came to my house to get back to me, but bcs maybe I’m already in this “Move On” mode and still confuse about whether I want to give the relationship a shot or not, I said to him give me time I will think about it. He agreed so he went home and left me text message saying “I’ve done my part telling you to try give this a shot now it’s your turn to think, i love you”.

So I used my time to think, but i knew it has been 3 days since the last text and it seems like he talk about me in his social media ( i unblocked his Line anyway), like “The one who care the most is the one who hurt the most” something like that. Then I decided to text him i said are you busy can we talk, it’s about my answer and I already think about everything.
I was about to say I want to rebuild this relationship when he said “Sorry, it’s already over. It’s best for both of us like this. I’ts over”. I really regret everything I started to think only if I said “Yes” to him that day when he came over, it wouldn’t be like this.

I’m in shock bcs i don’t want it to over I want to reconcile so I beg him like craaazy. But he says no. I’m very sad, he ignored me three times before I finally decided to block his phone number bcs it’s too hurting for me.
I then do the NC , its day 5 or 6 I think.

So my question here is about the aftertaste effect, what if he already forget about what we have done in the amazing 12 months and only focus on our endless fights? I try to recover myself during this NC but I keep on thinking about the good memories we had while he, in my opinion, is probably think about the negativity plus there’s a high chance his friends says bad things about me too, or he talk to his friends about all bad things about me. How can he think about the good memories that we had when he probably think about the bad one the most? Among all relatioinships he has been through, he said that the one with “me” that left the most impression to him ( he even said before our big fight that even when we broke up in the future, he would invite me to his wedding and stuffs because he said I’m “that” special to him).

But would it still be the same after we fought like this?
I mean the bad memories > the good memories according to him?

Is there any chance that he will probably contact me in the future or during the NC or after it ends?

Thank you and sorry for this looong message.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 2, 2016 at 6:33 pm

Hi Gretchen,

that’s why you need to change or at least start to look like you’re moving on during nv.. do at least 45 days
no matter what other people say, if you show otherwise and he can see it, he will believe more on what he can see.. It would be ridiculous to believe something that he can clearly see you arent..

Nishnosh

November 1, 2016 at 11:45 am

My ex and I were friends and have known each other for years- although we had been out of touch for a couple of years as he works abroad (mainly Africa) as an aid worker in disaster zones.

Quite randomly we started dating at the end of last year, and we talked about his job and he said he was looking to move back home now. Things were going well and then, 4 months in, he got a posting for 9 months abroad again in a role he felt he couldn’t turn down which he wanted. So we agreed to do long distance for that time

I knew it would be hard but I also knew he would be back in 9 moths. We went on an amazing holiday together 3 months in. Then he was without Internet for 6 weeks and couldn’t be in touch with me. It put a strain on us when he came back in contact things felt different and he said he wasn’t sure. I knew we had to resolve the issues but I couldn’t do this while he was away. With his job its hard as it is very stressful.

He came back home this month for a two week holiday we had a great time together and things felt normal again, but I asked him about messages he had sent before and he said yes he still isn’t sure if it’s worth it and he knows he can’t do another 2 months away and the relationship as it’s so stressful. He hasn’t lost lots of weight and looked ill.

We broke up but it was odd as he said he really didn’t want to do it but felt he had did as it was the job or the relationship. It was an odd breakup as he was still using affectionate words and he was kissing me throughout the night. I feel like if I hadn’t pushed the question he wouldn’t have had broken up. He sounded so conflicted. The next morning, we even spent the day together, it was really difficult but we were finding it hard to break the cycle of acting like a couple.

He’s gone now and fly’s back to Africa in a few days. He has also said he may want to go back out to Africa next year. He is 37 and I am 30.

Ive always felt he is one of a kind and when we are together we are great, I am gutted to lose him from my life. Will nc work for me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 2, 2016 at 3:12 pm

Hi Nishnosh,

there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if the distance is really the reason, is there a way that you could or he could at least visit once a month?

you should check this one too:
EBR 004: Breaking The Long Distance Barrier With An Ex

Lost In Love

October 29, 2016 at 1:42 pm

So he broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago and during the break up, I stayed calm, accepted the break up, and didn’t beg or plead with him. I did quite the opposite of how most women react during a break up just to have the upper hand and to save face. Of course, it was killing me inside but I didn’t want him to see that. I wished him well and immediately started implementing the no contact rule. About 8 days into NC, he text messages me telling me how proud of me he was and that if I ever needed someone to talk to, that he wanted to listen. I ignored this message where he proceeded to keep texting me a few more times that day. Later, he messaged me the next day telling me that he still had some things of mine and that he wanted to bring them to my house. I continued ignoring this but messaged his mother and asked if I could pick them up from her work so I wouldn’t have to talk to him or see him. I got a text message later from him asking if I wanted him to give my things to his mom and I said yes. He messaged me back saying why, I could just bring them to you. To me, I was taking getting my things back as a “finalization” to the break up. It has been 5 days and I haven’t heard anything else from him. Yesterday, I went on IG and checked and he had added a new girl, someone I know, she added him back, and then he blocked me from all social media sites. I didn’t react to this nor did I send him nor her a message, as bad as I wanted to. I drove over to his house later yesterday when I knew he wouldn’t be home and dropped off the remainder of things that I had of his. I never got any messages from him or anything. So, I am stuck here in limbo and confused. Maybe last week he was trying to reach out to me to work things out but wasn’t apparent through his messages and now that he realized that I wanted nothing to do with him and ignored all his messages, now he has found someone else, definitely something I was worried about. What do I do from here? I feel like this has set me back emotionally.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2016 at 6:33 pm

Hi Lost in love,
if he’s saying the truth, then that means he still sees the old you when he sees you and talks to you.. that his life is more fun right now than to go through the problems again with you… the only chance I can see is if he’s sure that you’ve moved on, you’re fun to be with, you kept improving and yet you’re not into him anymore, it can make him curious about you again…because he sees you as the ungettable girl

Cookie

October 28, 2016 at 11:56 am

Does the NC rule really ever work? My boyfriend of 5 years said to break up with me because he thinks he is incapable to commit in the relationship any longer, probably due to his work. He thinks he does not love me enough to continue the relationship. He even said that he really does still care for me but not enough to be in a relationship. He said that he has all kind of plans for his future which only involves “him” instead of “us”. I have been convincing to make him stay but he is still determined with his choice. I do not know if I really should leave him alone. I want to let him miss me but at the same time I am afraid that if we do not chat/talk any longer, his feelings for me will fade.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 29, 2016 at 1:49 am

Hi Cookie,

There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work.. With the way he talked, he already lost feelings with you. It’s like he lost attraction.

Kasey

October 27, 2016 at 5:01 am

So how do you go about making contact once the NC rule ends and he never contacted you. I have a stubborn and angry guy!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 28, 2016 at 9:55 pm

Hi Kasey,

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Divya gupta

October 26, 2016 at 9:39 am

I was in a relationship for last more than 2 years we were together in college . First we became friends in first year of btech and then this friendship grew stronger day by day .We fight alot but fights were normal to us and we came on track easily . Then after two years of btech we decided to be together forever . That was the most beautiful day of my life i don know when and how i started loved him . We spend so much time together . Whole college know about us that the these two always seems to be together. Everything was so perfect in our relationship he surpised me so many times by doing wonderful things i too did same for him.
I made handmade gifts for him , he took me for shopping for small tours we hugged each other we spend quality time each other we were so perfect for each other . But after that he told me that he wants to do mba after btech i supported him in his every decision i was always there for him whenever he got sad whenever he want support i was completely available for him everytime i was doing this by my choice not by pressure i loved to talk talk to him , be with him . His mba coaching start from the month of july then he needed time for study also i gave sufficient amount of time so that he secure a good pecentile in cat . One year passes like that he stuided daily n waited daily to talk to him . Now comes the 4 th year of btech and also the last year of our studies and yeah imp fr cat too . As the time being close to the cat exam he felt very tensed but i normalised him . Finally he gave the cat exam and secure very good percentile which made me proud of him . After cat our time had been started now we again spend some quality time with each other . Thtat tym was so special and i always cherish that time .Cat interview started then he gave many interviews and got selected in one of them . Everyone was happy but we two were not because the tym had come and we had to separated now . We both cried on the last day of college we hugged each other and gave gifts to each other and good wishes for future. He was a day scholar and i was from other state went there for studies . I came to my home we talked daily share everything but this didnt work for more time . His mba college starts he became very busy at there even he didnt have time to talk to me . This inc distance between us but our love didnt dec it inc day by day and will inc. Whenever he was free we talked for 15-20 min a day not for more . Fights still went on but became normal on the next day . One fight turned our destiny it was on a very small topic then after that we didnt talk for few days after that i called him one day but he didnt pick my call i called him again but he didnt pic. After few min he send me a mail in which he wrote that he quits now and didnt want me in his life anymore also . I called him again tht whats that he picked the call and didnt say anything i asked him continuously that he didnt want me anymore in his life he said no i asked him he didnt love me anymore he said he loves me and will always love me but dont want to be with me. Thats all my story but now felt that one of my body part removed its too depressing .

Please suggest me way to get him back

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 28, 2016 at 11:56 am

Hi Divya,

When was the last time you talked? Do you want to start the no contact rule?

Divya gupta

October 26, 2016 at 9:38 am

I was in a relationship for last more than 2 years we were together in college . First we became friends in first year of btech and then this friendship grew stronger day by day .We fight alot but fights were normal to us and we came on track easily . Then after two years of btech we decided to be together forever . That was the most beautiful day of my life i don know when and how i started loved him . We spend so much time together . Whole college know about us that the these two always seems to be together. Everything was so perfect in our relationship he surpised me so many times by doing wonderful things i too did same for him.
I made handmade gifts for him , he took me for shopping for small tours we hugged each other we spend quality time each other we were so perfect for each other . But after that he told me that he wants to do mba after btech i supported him in his every decision i was always there for him whenever he got sad whenever he want support i was completely available for him everytime i was doing this by my choice not by pressure i loved to talk talk to him , be with him . His mba coaching start from the month of july then he needed time for study also i gave sufficient amount of time so that he secure a good pecentile in cat . One year passes like that he stuided daily n waited daily to talk to him . Now comes the 4 th year of btech and also the last year of our studies and yeah imp fr cat too . As the time being close to the cat exam he felt very tensed but i normalised him . Finally he gave the cat exam and secure very good percentile which made me proud of him . After cat our time had been started now we again spend some quality time with each other . Thtat tym was so special and i always cherish that time .Cat interview started then he gave many interviews and got selected in one of them . Everyone was happy but we two were not because the tym had come and we had to separated now . We both cried on the last day of college we hugged each other and gave gifts to each other and good wishes for future. He was a day scholar and i was from other state went there for studies . I came to my home we talked daily share everything but this didnt work for more time . His mba college starts he became very busy at there even he didnt have time to talk to me . This inc distance between us but our love didnt dec it inc day by day and will inc. Whenever he was free we talked for 15-20 min a day not for more . Fights still went on but became normal on the next day . One fight turned our destiny it was on a very small topic then after that we didnt talk for few days after that i called him one day but he didnt pick my call i called him again but he didnt pic. After few min he send me a mail in which he wrote that he quits now and didnt want me in his life anymore also . I called him again tht whats that he picked the call and didnt say anything i asked him continuously that he didnt want me anymore in his life he said no i asked him he didnt love me anymore he said he loves me and will always love me but dont want to be with me. Thats all my story but now felt that one of my body part removed its too depressing .

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 28, 2016 at 11:56 am

Hi Divya,

When was the last time you talked? Do you want to start the no contact rule?

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