The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Alexei

April 9, 2017 at 10:21 pm

Hey Chris
I’m on my 20 days NC and my ex hates me, when he looks at me it’s as if I make him sick , today I was standing with one of his friends then they greeted him in the car and instead he just drove faster past … ok I’m confused what now??

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 8:01 pm

just let him be.. how do you react when he does that?

Lucy

April 9, 2017 at 4:44 am

Hi,
My ex and i were together for 1 and a half years. We had a long distance relationship and we had our rocky patches but we always got through them. We broke up a couple of weeks ago because apparently he got drunk at a club and made out with another girl. He has a photo of him and her on Snapchat and that’s when I questioned who she was then he confessed what has happened. I broke up with him straight away. The next day I removed him from all my social medias. I then re added him on facebook and he did not accept me. So now I am doing the NC and it’s been 2 weeks. I’ve known him for about 6 and a half years including the 1 and a half we dated. Do you reckon there is a chance that he will get in contact with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 7:03 pm

Hi Lucy,

Yeah there is.. how much are you improving yourself and posting?

Ava

April 6, 2017 at 10:32 pm

Me & my Ex broke up 14 days ago after 2 years together. We didn’t get on for a while but the love was strong so we stuck it out. Eventually we had a fight (he’s very stressed & didn’t prioritise me the way I did him), he exploded & I walked out. I blocked him on all social media & what’s app before he could block me. I contacted him 4 days after the break up to say why I thought we weren’t getting on but worded it in a way that he wouldn’t feel bad for not replying. It was me just airing thoughts & opinions. I didn’t expect a reply & I didn’t get one. I caved again a few days later (not sure if he’s stubborn guy or angry guy so was wondering how he was) sending a text asking how he was & no reply. I just feel like he is completely unaffected by the break up which makes me think he never cared in the first place. Fantastic website!!!!! So interesting! Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2017 at 3:32 pm

start the count of nc after this, do at least 30 days.. Be active in your life and in posting and unblock him..

Soojin

April 5, 2017 at 8:46 am

Hi Amor. I met my ex after the 30 day no contact rule. It was a week ago. I didn’t contact him and we met by chance I saw him and talked to him after the no contact. I asked him to have coffee and we did. He was very nice, said he would unblock me and offered to catch up if I want to later sometime. But it still sounds like he wants to be friends. Because our breake up was very messy and painful also I begged him. He mentioned about it and he said hard to forget. Before he asked me be friends after breake up. Do I need to do no contact rule again? What should I do? Thanks!! Need your help please I’m still confusing…..

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 6:48 pm

build rapport through texts first, and then calls before meet ups… If you are successful at doing that slowly, there’s a chance.

Kellie

April 4, 2017 at 3:30 pm

My bf broke up with me after he told me he loved me 4 days earlier. We talked all week the week after, even got my good morning & good night txts. We saw each other twice that week & he he turned hateful. I blew his phone up wanting answers as to why he would tell me he loved me when he said he was really trying to break up. He’s mad & told me he was done & to leave him alone. He can’t give me the same reason for breaking up, it’s always different. I guess I’m wanting to know if the no contact will work even though I made him really mad by texting him & he said he was done?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 3:00 pm

Hi Kellie,

There’s no guarantee that it will but you can still try it.. I think you have a chance of you do it properly

melissa

April 4, 2017 at 2:10 pm

i was chatting with a guy a year we got really close chatted everyday on skype we meet on a chatroom site we had some problems last year he stopped chating with blocked mee alongtime thought he was done with was very hurt for along time was starting to get over did nc thing for a month he contacted me avgain but he very stubborn guy so he bugged off again im worried that that he chat again with me so ill do nc and see if it works vthats for your help

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 6:06 pm

Hi Melissa,

I’m sorry I didn’t understand your question. What are you worried about?

Tonny

April 3, 2017 at 12:32 am

HI Chris

I know it’s not granted 100% it will work but id like to know if I still have a chance, I did NC ryt after we broke up for like a week then he was calling and checking my whatsup all the time then I slept with him then he said he wasn’t sure , then I did it for another two weeks where as I broke it again by sleeping with him and during that two weeks he tried greeting hence we attend the same class but then we went silent again…then another two weeks of NC I begged him again ?? It’s been a month and 5 days since we’ve broken up ?? He hasn’t tried calling or anything since then?? Do you think NC might have the slightest chance?? It’s been two weeks now full I’ve been in NC with him and still silent.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2017 at 7:08 am

The more you do nc, the less it can help..so stick to at least 30 days and dont sleep with him again

Meg

April 2, 2017 at 11:10 am

My case is different than all of these and I would be delighted to have some insight. No matter the outcome, could be an interesting testimonial for you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2017 at 1:31 pm

Hi Meg,

why? What’s your case?

Laira

March 30, 2017 at 9:00 pm

Hi, Excellent article! Thank you! My ex BF, after 27 days of NC sent message saying you don t want me even friend him and that he is so. Hurt. During NC he sent messages after 3 days, then 10, then almost 2 weeks! To my surprise he was playing the victim and the one hurt because I left him! He hasn’t t questioned himself at all, rather said he never expected I never contact him! I was obliged to answer saying I can t be friend with him and that I m the one hurt. at the end of the conversation he answered in a victim time saying “bye from the bad guy who doesn’t understand anything”! I didn t answer him for 5 days now. Shall I carry on NC? Though I felt in his words he still wants me..and he actually said that he still loves me..

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2017 at 6:30 pm

Hi Laire,

I understand.. but you need to restart nc..

Laire

March 30, 2017 at 6:35 pm

Hi,
Excellent article! Thank you!
My ex BF, after 27 days of NC sent message saying you don t want me even friend him and that he is so. Hurt. During NC he sent messages after 3 days, then 10, then almost 2 weeks! To my surprise he was playing the victim and the one hurt because I left him! He hasn’t t questioned himself at all, rather said he never expected I never contact him!
I was obliged to answer saying I can t be friend with him and that I m the one hurt.
at the end of the conversation he answered in a victim time saying “bye from the bad guy who doesn’t understand anything”! I didn t answer him for 5 days now. Shall I carry on NC? Though I felt in his words he still wants me..and he actually said that he still loves me..

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2017 at 1:21 pm

Hi Laire,

I understand.. but you need to restart nc..

Laura

March 28, 2017 at 2:41 pm

Hi,

I’ve been exclusively dating a guy for seven months. He texts and calls every day. We see each other like 3 times a week. Its obvious he likes me and we have great chemistry.

When we started dating he told me that he had a bad breakup with his ex (they lived together for 2 years). She lost her job and decided to move out of state. He was going to be traveling once a month to see her, but a few weeks after moving out, she dumped him over text message. 6 months later she married another guy and got pregnant. Apparently the guy I’m dating is traumatized by this and is emotionally unavailable….which I dont understand why because this happenned 2 years ago and he is supposed to be over it already.

The story is, we have been dating but he doesnt really connect with me. We go out but I feel like he doesnt include me in his things. He has different activities with his friends and never invites me. When I invite him to join me and my friends he makes up excuses.

I talked to him about how I feel and he said: “I truely care about you, I like you, I enjoy spending time with you, I admire you, you have everything I look for but I dont feel emotionally engaged. I’m sorry, its very difficult for me having a relationship”

I put my foot down and said “I care about you too but I will not accept less than what I deserve”. And I immediately started no contact. It has only been 3 days but Im determined.

Do you think it will work??? Or will he keep being emotionally unavailable? Or is this just a case of “He is just not that into you”

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 11:27 am

Hi Laura,

I think he’s more of a commitment phobe rather than emotionally unavailable. Check this one:
How Do I Get My Commitment Phobic Ex Boyfriend Back?

Alice

March 28, 2017 at 2:05 pm

Hi,
So me and my boyfriend had been having difficulties before christmas, we were both trying and in his words he felt that things had finally got back to how they used to be and he was really happy. I clearly was not as happy as him and i kissed someone else, two days later i broke up with him. I continued talking to this other guy and quickly realised how much i missed my ex. I told him everything he was understandably very angry with me. Anyway since then he said he wanted to try and work things out and get us back on track but that obviously it would take time. I was happpy with that, things had been tough but i felt like we were getting there with him until yesterday when he just said i wasnt making him happy and that he wasnt sure he would be able to do it. I am distraught. I have decided to do the 30 day NC although i know how hard i will struggle with it, i am useless at things like this. Do you have any advice for me please? Do you think i can get him back?

Thankyou Alice

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 10:24 am

Hi Alice,

check this one:
Using The No Contact Rule With Brad Browning

Jennifer

March 26, 2017 at 1:23 am

I don’t even know what category mine falls in to. Married for 20 years. Moved our family to a different state 7 months ago. Suddenly starts acting weird. Thought it was stress from the job. Becomes more and more distant and cold. Gets angry at me for snooping on him, but I found he was texting with his employee A LOT. Like us having sex, and him going in to the other room at night to text her for hours afterwards. Confronted him and he admits to kissing her and having this “relationship” with her. Blames me, says I always thought he was cheating, so figured he would. He moved in to a hotel for “space and time” that he needed. Says he hasn’t been happy in a LONG time. We went to one marriage counseling session and he said he had no emotions, that he was done. My 18 year old son and I moved back to our home state, where we are considered separated. He is still taking “time and space”. I had been doing NC really well for over a week. But then we went back to our old house to retrieve some more items. Finds he changed the locks on us (I’m on the lease). Gets angry that we came and says I’m just there to check up on him, and that’s why he changed the locks. I came at a time I knew he’d be working, just to avoid confrontation. He said maybe it’s time I get that lawyer going (to move divorce forward). But I don’t know if he said that cause he as angry? Don’t know. So I’m back home (not going back there again, even for stuff) and back to doing NC. Not even sure I should want to be with this man. I’m still not sure what I did wrong? Yes, I had some insecurity issues. Yes, I lost myself and dedicated WAY too much to this man. I’m looking to rebuild my life. Make it more about me for a change. But I still want him back. I don’t know what to do anymore.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 4:14 pm

Hi Jennifer,
He’s a grass is greener case. Check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

Hopeful

March 25, 2017 at 5:14 am

I think I have the Stubborn and/or Scared Guy. He was someone who took offense when I brought up recurring problems because he had difficulty in and, after a while, refused to change his ways. He broke up with me nine days ago and we agreed to be friends upon his suggestion. He’ll sometimes like things I post or share on Facebook, and last night we were both in the same room of the chat site we met on, when he addressed me with an inside joke of ours. I jokingly replied and told him good night when he said he was leaving to sleep, but he hasn’t directly contacted me, and I haven’t directly contacted him.

I’m a bit worried he thinks I’ll be like his exes who said they’d stay friends and then just never contacted him again, or that he thinks I’m angry with/resent him and, as a result, is waiting on me to initiate direct contact. I feel as though by liking my posts and openly acknowledging me in a public setting he’s trying to test the waters, while trying to get me to initiate directly. At the same time, he knows I’m terrified of us falling out of touch and each other’s lives, and of the idea that he’ll never message or want to hang out with me anymore. Him not contacting me in private makes me worried he doesn’t feel it’s “necessary” and that our break up is something that he can just pretend never happened. I’m very confused and don’t know what to make of this situation. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 1:37 pm

Hi Hopeful,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

Brittany

March 23, 2017 at 12:08 am

My ex and I were getting along great. We were friends for about a month but spoke on the phone every day for that month from 3-6 hours at a time. We were separated by a few sates (about 4hours away) so we could not see each other often. He was also finishing his PhD and didn’t have a lot of time. But, he would call me a few times a week and tell me how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and how no other girl compared. He started talking about our future whether I would want to stay in the country (I am currently teaching abroad) or go home. 4 months in he calls me and says he is concerned that our relationship isn’t progressing as fast as he likes and that there is a girl where he is that is constantly pestering him and telling him the long distance relationship isn’t real and he should date her. I am hot headed in the situation and can’t really listen to the rest, but he told me that he wanted to live with me. He also mentions that his parents want him to do a sort of arranged marriage meeting, but I don’t focus on that part. I just say we aren’t ready to live together, but I feel strongly about him too. The next month he is MIA because of his thesis and misses Christmas and my birthday. I understood he wasn’t handling the stress well and I start to feel like a burden and just leave him alone. Finally, we speak in January and he asks about being friends and I said we could be civil, but I couldn’t be his friend because of the intensity of our relationship (I already loved him). Anyways, he didn’t want to be friends and it was some sort of test and he asks to see me in February. He puts in some more effort into contact and he visits me in February. Everything went well – he drops hints about babies and marriage, but I think he is joking. He makes plans to see me again. 1.5 weeks later, I get a call where he tells me how serious his parents are about the arranged marriage meeting and they want him to marry a girl from his culture and that he thinks his parents can’t accept me because I am foreign and black. He tells me I can leave him and says it’s something that’s bothering him for a while (since November – 2 months after we started dating). I can’t answer and when he says he has dinner with a friend I just tell him to go – I’ve resolved to not push the issue and let him go. 15min later, he calls me back and tells me he wants me to wait until he can save money, so he can run away with me. I don’t know how to answer I told him I love him, but this is a huge blow to my pride – why doesn’t he first tell his parents about me and try it before trying to run. I say I will stick with him and see where it goes. The week after that, he is back to teasing me relentlessly and saying I am a stalker for wanting to move to the same town as him. This hurts me and I want to address it so I text him. He doesn’t respond for days and I say let’s just breakup and days later he finally responds and says “sorry for the late reply. let’s break up.” I ask why he was ignoring me and he says he was busy moving and stuff for his new job but 5days straight is too much. Now he won’t respond to any of my messages and has completely disappeared on me. I want closure and to be on good terms with him. It’s what I asked him for – I didn’t even beg for him back – but he doesn’t seem to be reading any of my texts. I am planning not to text him, but I really want to open the lines of communication. What should I do? I broke no contact after like 8 days and started again – it`s been 5 days, so I have 25 more days to go.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 7:59 pm

Hi Brittany,

what’s your nc goal? Closure or to rebuild rapport? Honestly he’s being shady in my perspective of your story.

Julia

March 21, 2017 at 8:58 am

Hi Chris or anybody,
My story is long and complicated, but the cheat-sheet version is this:
My ex and I were on and off for almost a year before he deleted me on Facebook with no explanation. I left him alone for a week before leaving him a voicemail politely requesting we talk in person (I wanted to know what was going on, even if he wanted to end things). A couple hours later I got a very long text saying that he didn’t want anything to do with me; that he no longer trusted me because I had told one of his friends the nature of our relationship (on and off; for the record, that was all I told her, and I knew he had been telling people about the most intimate parts of our relationship, and he never told me not to tell anyone, so how would I know that he would get upset?); that he had never “liked” me; and a bunch of hurtful stuff that left me in tears for hours. We texted for a bit following that, wherein I asked a ton of questions so I could get closure, and he hardly answered any of them. As soon as I brought my feelings into the conversation, he tried to bail, and even went so far as to insult me. Needless to say, we ended on horrible terms, but he did admit to a few of our mutual friends that he could have handled it better (no shit, Sherlock). That was almost 5 months ago and we haven’t spoken since (I have also been working on improving myself). However, I miss talking to him, even just as a friend, and I want to start talking to him again. Problem is, I’m terrified of how he’ll react. Can you help me, or give some words of encouragement? I know that what I just described is really bad, but I mostly just want to be friends again, or at least be on better terms with him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 5:23 am

Hi Julia,

if you’ve greatly improved and really looked like you’ve moved on initiate a friendly text.. you can still use the texting styles in this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Sara

March 18, 2017 at 8:26 pm

Does this work if you just casually dated (roughly for a month and a half) but weren’t technically in a relationship? I’m worried it wasn’t enough time for him to establish a strong enough connection to me and I have just become a thing of the past he doesn’t care about.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 23, 2017 at 9:28 am

Hi Sara,

there’s no guarantee that it will, if you want, just do 21 days

Abigail

March 15, 2017 at 11:49 am

It has been 45 days since my ex broke up with me. I did the entire NC rule, and I recently found out through a mutual friend that he is talking and seeing someone else. It pains me, and I am just really shocked how quickly he moved on. I honestly can’t bring myself to text him, since he told me friend “I have no intention of getting back with her”. It would hurt me more if I text him. He seems happy, and moved on after 2 years of dating

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 3:04 pm

hi Abigail,

it’s ok to extend nc.. take your time..so, that you would be less emotional and know what you really want to do..

Hannah

March 14, 2017 at 3:56 pm

Hi, my ex boyfriend and me have been dating for a little over 2 months before he broke up with me. He said that our relationship doesnt feel the same as it was before, like something was off and I agreed but I still loved him. When we first starting dating, i could tell he loved me a lot because since we live about 2 hours away he would come down to see me and he would buy me so many things and make me feel special. He took me to meet his family, he would always brag about me to his friends. He even stood up to his grandmother because she was rude to me. We went on so many dates and then about 1 month and a half in we started arguing. The arguing got worse where we would argue everyday but I love him and I know he loves me but then he confest that lately he’s felt obligated to talk to me and I was hurt so i went off on a rant saying how he takes me for granted and how im always there for him and stuff. I insisted we break up but he said no he doesnt want to do that because he loves me but he wants me to understand he can’t always talk to me because he has things to do. I didn’t actually want to break up, i was just talking. He then said he needed to think about this and so I gave him a day to think and then he came to a conclusion that its best that we end things. He said because I deserve better and someone who can always be there for me. I didn’t want that. So i was taken back and didn’t know what to do. I kept begging him we can work it out but he kept saying “im sorry but I dont really see this working out” He insisted in being friends because he doesn’t want to lose me but I said no I don’t want that and told him to delete my pictures from his phone at first he said no but then finally he deleted them. He asked if I wanted my stuff back, aka the gifts I gave him for valentines day and clothing items.. and he said if I didn’t want them then he’ll keep them and that’s what he did. This all happened like 4 days ago and I told him I was done talking to him and now im trying hard not to contact him but I don’t know if he still wants me or thinks of me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 9:18 am

Hi Hannah,

stick to at least 21 days and improve yourself like an ungettable girl..open this one:
The Ungettable Girl

Megan

March 7, 2017 at 9:35 pm

I was with my boyfriend almost two years, we never broke up before or really argued. His mum was very controlling caused him to break up with his previous girlfriends within 3 months, I am his longest girlfriend we use to travel and have the bestest times together we was best friends. His mum started making his life at home very very sad and hard and would say things to make him down. One day he turned round and said he can’t be with me because of his mum and she is making him feel suicidal and like his having a break down. He was distraught to tell me this he says he loves me and I own his heart.

A few days later I was very upset and called him he said things like “I won’t be around soon soon”
“Maybe we will happen in the future let’s see what occurs” “never say never” I’m talking about getting back together in the future future” “leave me alone” “I don’t want to talk about it” “unfortunately at the moment I don’t want this” “I can’t see you because it makes me fall harder in love with you and miss you”

We have two holidays planned one in 3 months the other in 6 ?

Do you think he will be back ?

Shall I try no contact ?

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 12:38 pm

Hi Megan,

Check this one:
EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”