Using The No Contact Rule With Brad Browning

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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The no contact rule is one of those strategies used by all sorts of experts out there in the “ex back” niche. However, I will be the first person to admit that most of the people who recommend it are scammers looking to make a quick buck.

It’s sad but true.

My general rule of thumb is that if someone isn’t willing to get in front of a camera to teach then they aren’t worth your time.

Well, with that segue I would like to introduce you to Brad Browning,

brad-browning

Brad pretty much is the “go to” guy for YouTube advice (as you can see from the picture above) on getting your ex back and his advice WORKS!

He has also written one of the only books that I am willing to recommend on getting an ex back outside of my own,

The Ex Factor Guide

Brad is one of the very few experts on the planet that I trust. He is also one of the very few experts who you should listen to (me being the other one of course 😉 .)

I had the pleasure of having him come on the site to talk about the no contact rule and his best selling book, The Ex Factor Guide.

Now, the amazing thing about Brad was how open he was to talking about things that most people would charge you for.

Check it out,

Video Of This Episode (Using The No Contact Rule)

What We Talk About In This Episode

  • The No Contact Rule
  • His Epic YouTube Channel
  • The Ex Factor Guide
  • Testimonials Brad Has Gotten Over The Years
  • Experts Who Are Afraid To Put Their Faces Out There
  • Spellcaster Scammers

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript:

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, so I want to take a moment to welcome Brad Browning to the show. And now, Brad is one of those people, when I first started out, that– I don’t know. We started out around the same time I think but your stuff took off way faster and way– It kind of really, really way bigger than my stuff. And specifically when we started doing Youtube videos, I started looking at your Youtube videos, I was like, “god danggit that guy! He’s always at the top.”

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I feel like an old timer now man! A grizzled veteran! It’s funny how it just kind of accidentally took off a few years. You know what that’s like I’m sure.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ah well, got our ways to go with the Youtube channel but your stuff I’ve been watching it and I’ve even had  a few people who’ve visited my website that, “Hey, have you read Brad Browning stuff?” And so, I got turned on to you for a long time and kind of admired your from afar. And we’re kind of about in the same boat because we’re focusing on break ups, we’re focusing on– I think you’re even like a coach right?

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Oh yeah, I do lots of coaching. As a matter of fact, probably a lot of my–most of my time or half of it have been anyway are spent doing coaching stuff. Youtube is great but it makes you reluctant celebrity right?

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah right! Well, anyways, somehow you found me and I don’t even have contact page which is something I need to do  but somehow you found me and reached out to me and I was like–

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I have my ways Chris. I have my ways man.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Well, I remember I got the email. I was blown away. I almost fell onto my seat. I even ran up to my wife, who is upstairs and I go, “You’re not going to believe who just emailed me.” and she was like, “Who?”, “Brad Browning!” And we were both like freaking out for  a second.

There was a brief moment where I have to admit I thought it was just some like Indian guy, like sitting behind a computer doing fake–

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Yes, well, I was worried that you weren’t going to see my email. That it was going to get lost because I don’t know if your inbox. It’s a very busy place. And you know–

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Oh my god! right.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Hence the reason I put, “HI, I’m Brad Browning” in the subject line. I’m glad it worked out and thanks for inviting me on here by the way.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, yeah it’s a blast! So, we’re going to talk about the no contact rule today which is something you’re a gigantic proponent of. And I know everyone has to like

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

It’s the right way to go about in getting your ex back.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

It’s the only way, let’s get– just kidding! No but you know I think–go for it.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I feel passionately enough that I was willing to make it an actual separate Youtube video, just addressing some of the other experts. You know, some of the things I’m talking about who claim that no contact doesn’t work. It’s  a terrible idea.

I’m sure that’s a very nice marketing angle to get some lots of attention and that kind of controversy you know drives traffic to their site and everything. But no contact in my experience and yours too I imagine is generally–even if it’s a modified version of the right method and the most effective method.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, it’s interesting. One thing I’ve noticed by talking to people or I guess researching more than anything is everyone kind of has a different take on the no contact rule and I’m really eager to hear your take. Because I certainly have my take and I’m kind of wanting to compare the two and see how similar they were.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Well, my feeling is the most important thing is basically having a period of time after the break up where you don’t talk to your ex and that achieves a couple of things.

1) It gives you time to sort of get over the worst of the emotions.

2) By ignoring your ex, you’re basically going cold turkey in taking yourself completely out of their life suddenly instead of sort of slowly over time fading away which is a lot easier to handle from your ex’s perspective than compared to just sort of magically disappearing.

And of course, you know most of the time, or much of the time, they was neediness, clinginess, you know, obsessive behaviors that led to the break up or that happened after the break up 3:54 no contact. So, having sort of a period where you’re not pestering your ex. You’re showing a bit you’re independent and you’re capable of not being that needy, clingy ex.

Now, it’s really important to sort of setting the stage to rebuilding a real relationship after that. Fundamentally, I think probably, based on what I’ve learned of your stuff, you probably agree with that fundamentally, whether we agree on the time–

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Almost like word for word. It’s like I’m watching myself, except a much better looking version of myself talk.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Why thank you! You’re so kind! It’s funny, Youtube comments, you know they can be very flattering at times or–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Super me! Yeah, that’s certainly true.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I think the 30 day no contact thing–30 days is sort of like an average that works probably for the majority of people. I’m not sure that’s right for everybody. Sometimes I recommend 3 months or a week depending on the situation. But 30 is sort of like–if you use 30, you’re probably not going to go too much or too short. That’s where I got that number.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

It’s interesting. When I first started out, I remember I would recommend like, “Ok 30 day no contact.” And I was like dead set on it, never break it.

And then I remember I was like, kind of started getting more people come to the website and more people interacting and not hear back after they would do the 30 day no contact rule. I kind of adopted your method, what you just said. I kind of like have 3 different versions of it, 3 different time lengths.

I think I’d do the 21 day, the 30 day and 45 day. I never go past 45 days but the other thing–I actually had a look at your book, The Ex Factor Guide, right?

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Well, thank you for your autographs! Thank you!

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I can’t even remember that It just shows you how bad of a interviewer. I can’t even remember the–No, but I was looking at the–I guess the pitch or the sales page to it and you had like some actual people coming on that recorded testimonials for you. So, I wanted to get your take. What are some of the best testimonials you’ve ever had with people using your product?

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Well, you know what’s interesting is? I mean I get a lot– I’m pleased to say that I do get a lot of testimonials. Sometimes it’s more that the client was able to overcome the dark times that they were in and find happiness again. Sometimes, it’s not getting their back, sometimes it takes you know, sort of, some outside perspective to force people to start of realize that this is not the direction I should be going in or to realize that you know, maybe it’ll work out but now is not the time to pursue my ex.

Those kind of things. And so, I find that I get a lot of testimonials that are just sort of like you know, “Well, I needed somebody who was not involved in the situation to tell me here’s how it is and I needed somebody to help keep me on the right track in those kinds of things”

Some of the most flattering ones are probably just people who are genuinely very happy with their life now and they thank me for helping them create that new happy life. I don’t know if I was really a part of that. Generally, it’s the client’s work that you know, really makes the difference but it is nice to see that your work is  going to help people get out of their very dark times because you know, after the break up, it’s sort of a–it’s a low point in most people’s lives. So, it’s nice to be able to help people out of that and see what happens when they follow up with a testimonial.

The ones on my website, those are the people who are willing to go in front of the camera. Got a big folder full of people who are sort of I didn’t ask, or they didn’t want to be publicly..

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, I’ve had those too.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Which is understandable. Yeah, I don’t know with you man. Do you get–you obviously get the same kind of thing. Do you see the same stuff?

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah of course man. It’s funny we actually had a woman who–she was on her honeymoon. She had like got her ex back. So, she bought the product, she got her ex back. She was literally on her honeymoon and she let him in on the fact that she had bought this product because–I don’t know if you experience the same thing but this–often times like the women who buy the products I sell and everything, they’re terrified to let their ex know that they’re like trying to get them back.

So, I do anything to like prevent that from happening but she was on the honeymoon. She was like,

“Hey, I’m happy to do a testimonial for you.”

So, I was like,

“Ok, can you do a video one?”

And so she agreed. So, she’s in a process of  making a video. I think I might actually going to have her on the show too. So, that was probably the best ones I ever had. But–

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Well, marriage so soon after. That’s a good success story man. That’s a good case study for you.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

And perfect segway because I know you have marriage product and you’re kind of like an expert in marriage too!

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

To be honest with you, if you actually sort of read the two programs. There’s a lot of similarities. I mean they’re not the same. There’s a lot of differences but there’s also a lot of similar fundamentals. And it’s something that’ I’ve actually been interested in probably for the longer than the break up stuff.

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I know you are married too.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I am indeed. Yes, yes. You are as well, yes. Happily married in fact. But I have been through tough times and I know that the marriage situation is different but it’s sort of the same emotions, the same panic and anxiety that the people feel in that situation.

And you know, my products basically just give them a guide with which to follow knowing that they’re going to be doing the best possible things and giving themselves the best possible chance to save their marriage or to get their back or whatever. And often there’s sort of gray area in between those two topics. But I mean, yes. I’d like to think myself as a break up and divorce reversal or prevention specialist kind of thing you know.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Well, yeah, yeah, definitely and I think–I know I have definitely looked–kind of modeled your success after mine a little bit because I would always kind of look and see,

“Ok, what is Brad Browning doing?”

And then I’m kind of being like,

“Oh, crap! He’s got a Youtube channel now. So, I need to get the Youtube channel up”

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Well, here I am sitting now on your website saying,

“Who is this Chris guy? Got to get on his podcast.”

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

9:42 (stove him?) yes!

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Right. Exactly yeah. Well, I mean it’s nice to get also put your face out there because I know a lot of other experts you know, they will–so, you don’t really if it’s a real person or whatever. So, here we are in the flesh folks! We’re real.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

And to just let you know we are like committed. I’ve got a hurricane barreling down on most of Florida and Brad is in the midst  of a snow storm even though I just lied about that but don’t let them–

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Right. Because I live in Canada, it’s always snowing right? I don’t think it’s snowed here it two years so, there you go.

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Really?

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

But yes, if you blow away at any moment, I’ll know why.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s why

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

10:18 But you’re so devoted for doing this.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s it. Face is out there and everything but how many experts have you encountered that are afraid to put their faces out there? Because I know I talk a lot to women about–especially if they’re having problems trusting certain sources from experts. And half the experts don’t put their faces out there and they’re kind of pedaling–

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Why? That’s my question. Why? What are you afraid of? I mean I guess if it’s for privacy I understand but otherwise, putting a real face behind a product or what you’re saying just sort of makes it more honest and genuine

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Right and personal too

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I am honest and genuine so, here I am. You know what I mean? So, I feel like, some of them maybe, they’re just doing it because they don’t like being on camera. They’re camera shy or whatever and others probably just aren’t real people or whatever. I mean you know. You know this business. There’s lots of scam out there. You’ll get the spam emails and the my least favorite thing in the world

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Spell casters

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

that is–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yup. I know. I get it every single day.  Everyday.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

But I just. Yeah, I just want their phone number and just–you know, give them a piece of my mind but I won’t do that. But yeah, if you’re watching this and you’ve considered spell casting to get your ex back

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Do not do it.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Stop. Just stop

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Do not do it.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

No, don’t do it. It does not work. It does not work and there’s a reason why that they have build website. Just a phone number that randomly changes. You know so, yes, I think just, yeah–people who put their face behind, who actually come on camera and say, “Hey, this is me.

This is what I believe in. This is my product.” You’re just more likely to trust them. You’d more likely to understand that what they’re saying is real and you’re real. So, I don’t think I’d buy something from somebody who wasn’t willing to you know–who was wearing a mask and will only do business doing a mask. So, fair enough

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, yeah, definitely. No, go for it.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

There’s a lot of information about getting your ex back on the internet and I would argue that a lot of it is good information but then there’s some that are just out there to use desperate people to make a buck. And even though you’re not in this business and we make a living off of it. That doesn’t really, that’s not really–at least for me, it’s not the motivation. And if money was the only motivation, I probably would be doing something else you know. We would be lawyers or sort of.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Right. High powered lawyers, Chris and Brad.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Right. Exactly. Not standing in front of the camera and you know and things like that but you get to help people and I don’t know. For me, it’s a genuine passion. So, were you in the psychology and stuff? Because that’s kind of how I started making my way over to this field and I’ve always been interested in it. So, it’s that your sign of?

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, I love psychology. I’m always reading. I have this document I put together. It is essentially every single study I’ve ever cited for ex boyfriend recovery. It has all sorts of stuff in there. Some of the stuff I’ve never even used before. So, it’s just like sitting there. It’s kind of this holy grail of sites.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, I love psychology. I’m always reading. I have this document I put together. It is essentially every single study I’ve ever cited for ex boyfriend recovery. It has all sorts of stuff in there. Some of the stuff I’ve never even used before. So, it’s just like sitting there. It’s kind of this holy grail of sites.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I actually remember you saying–there’s an email from you- A survey about getting your ex back. That was fascinating.

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Oh yeah

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

It’s like a poll that was done by some research.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, associated press or like 2015 of November I think in it.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

That’s really interesting.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, it’s interesting. What I took away from it is more people actually get back with their exes than you’d think but you have to read between the lines a little bit because it said like–there was some number  out there like 42% or something like that but that is saying in their whole life, they’ve been 13:45 in getting back with their ex, not particularly an ex. But it’s sort of my number of my go to–I throw it out there to show that it’s possible to get an ex back.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Absolutely and I get a lot of comments on Youtube from people who are–I don’t know why they’re watching my videos but they say stuff like, “Your ex is your ex for a reason.” which I think is sort of a prevailing attitude among  a lot of people but I don’t think it accurate at all because I think probably.

2 out of 3 or 3 out 4 happen not for good reasons, they happened because someone got complacent or screwed up, made a mistake, whatever and they actually are still compatible people who could rebuild the spark and the connection but for some reason, it’s falling apart and that’s not to me a justification to not try to work things out because maybe this is the best for you, your ex I mean.

And in that case, why not get back together because who knows when you’ll find that kind of relationship or build that kind of bond with somebody else? So, that’s sort of my take on it. So, that doesn’t surprise me to hear that 40% of them will get back together because I know that a lot of break ups are not-don’t have a pretty good reason or a real meaningful reason that should prevent them from getting back together.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, I’m really glad that you brought that up because that’s kind of the number 1 thing I think a lot of women and men going through breakups kind of face. There’s no really support group for them to lean on. There’s this stereotypical attitude about why would you want to get them back? You know.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Yeah. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Right yeah, exactly. I feel like I made that point so many times in articles. Trying to explain like, there’s really not a lot of support out there for you. So, that’s why I’m glad that I’ve met you because it’s sort like–I feel like I’ve been kind of this support crutch for a lot of people but now, I’m introducing them to you which you another support crutch and I think you even have–with your ex factor, you have like a forum type thing going on?

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I have a coaching program while I work with clients one on one through email.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s right.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I used to Skype and phone but it’s just very time consuming and I get to help a lot of more people. I have the members–when you buy my product and basically you get a bunch of different stuff. I mean, exactly. It’s like a support network. And the reality is even if they have the support network, a lot of people their support network will be their friends and family who are well in intention but don’t know anything about what they’re talking about and they have their own biases.

Like maybe your mom didn’t like your ex, so she’s obviously not going to say, “Yeah, you should get back together with him.” Even though that might be the right or a logical course of action based on your situation. So, it is nice to be 16:26 as that support group and I also think there’s something–there’s  a benefit to it coming from somebody on the outside, who doesn’t know you or your situation, who can give you sort of–I don’t I mean–being honest doesn’t mean–I’m why not right?

When I’m working with clients, I tell them straight out. Sometimes it’s tough to hear some of the things you know that you–from an outsider’s perspective that I’m seeing when I tell people that they sort of don’t want to hear it but mom is not going to say that to you right? She’s not going to say, “This person is right for you. You’re clingy.” Whatever it is, it helps to be an outside person looking in and get past those biases or the friends and family advice which I’m sure you’ve dealt with in many clients in the past.

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, I’ve actually had some crazy stories where I’ve had it from both ends of the spectrum really where you have the friends and family who are not supportive and then you’ll have every once in a while, a mom–I don’t think I’ve ever had a dad before but I’m probably sure in the history of there’s been a dad or something but the mom actually goes and comes to the website and contacts me to help her daughter. I don’t know if you’ve ever had that one before.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Absolutely yup I have. Generally, I’m fine with it but it’s interesting to see that,I hope I’m that kind of parent because I think that’s the right method. Because the reality is, a break up start like is not like anything else. If you don’t know what you’re talking about, you probably shouldn’t be giving advice. Maybe it’s even worse than many cases because when it comes to break ups, often times what you should be doing is the exact opposite of what is logical when you start to think about it without knowing sort of any of the ins and outs of break ups and getting your ex. So, you might think, “Oh well, I should just tell them that I love them and I want them back and that will make them fall back in love with me and want to take me back.”

It’s logical but it’s completely backwards. 18:18

Exactly, it’s not going to help you get your ex back. It’s nice to be the influencing voice that can sort of stir them on the right track and say, “Well, yeah, I know that’s logical. but it’s also not going to work.” And it’s going to make matters worse.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I’m really interesting in your coaching and how that works. Like what is your process, so, you said you do email coaching. So, if someone signs up with you, what s your process? Do you like give them a game plan or?

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

It’s really very custom tailored to the client. So, basically, I just have a set number of slots and what I’ve found is that it helps if you’re there for somebody over the course of say a month or two or three instead of just one off phone calls for half an hour because then you can start off sort of help guide. I’ve been guiding my clients along as the situation unfolds. So, you know I’ve  already answered a couple of coaching emails today. I had one guy, his ex was sending a bunch of messages and she was angry out of the blue or something and he basically just said, “Help. How do I respond to this?”

 

And so, I was able to sort of, you know, stir the course in a different direction based on what was happening and I do it all through email. So, basically, when somebody signs up, they fill out a big form with their information, details of their situation, and then I just respond to that.

It comes to me as an email and I respond to that email direct and we just correspond by email as needed. So, you know when a client gets their ex back or decides that they no longer need my help, they cancel and otherwise, I just keep working with them until they achieve their goals.

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Now, how often do they contact you about this? Like let’s say they–to take your example, the guy who’s ex got angry all of a sudden, we’re you corresponding multiple times with them or —

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Yeah, this is probably like 6 or 7 exchange back and forth. Sometimes people will go quiet for a while and your clients, they just won’t need my help but then all of sudden, their no contact period ends or their ex does something and then all of a sudden they need my help everyday for two weeks or whatever.

And so it’s sort of an on and off thing as needed. I basically have guaranteed response time. So, if you know if you email you’re going to get a reply within this amount of time. And then it helps me, I will also just sort of plan my scheduling in time so–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

It’s pretty hectic I guess

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Well yeah. I want to keep helping people for free in doing the Youtube and doing the social media stuff and everything and answering emails. It’s tough as you know. So, I have to priotize the coaching clients which is nice though. Because then you get sort of work with this group of people until they reach their success point or decide no longer want help. And it’s really rewarding I find because you get to see people from where they started. And they have a whole email exchange, sort of the history of–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, you could go back and refer to something right. That always helps.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

And I can see the changes in them just through the emails often times. A couple of weeks later, all of sudden things have turned upside down and they’re feeling way better and their ex is a lot more receptive and all of this things. So, that’s really nice to see. And I think the ongoing nature is really important unless you can afford to do a Skype call twice a week or anytime you need it which is not feasible for most people. So, this way you get the same ongoing help at a much lower cost.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Now, the people who you’re working with, personally what are some of the problem areas that they’ve had or just–I’m really interested in the big picture perspective here. Like looking at everyone you’ve worked with, what are some of the areas where they really, really struggle?

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Let me know if this are some of the same things that usually–I see a lot of

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Because I bet it’s the same but —

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

It probably is, yeah. One is, people who have to see their ex during the no contact period. They have kids together, they work at the same job or whatever.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I find so many people fail. Probably like 80% of the people I have ever helped fail. Like they’ll break it you know.

 

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Yeah and that is sort of to be expected and so that I don’t really treat it as like a “You’re disappearing completely.” There are times when you need to respond right

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Right the kids and–

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Like if your ex says, “I’ve got to go tomorrow to work and my suit is at your house. I need to come pick it up today, Please.” Well, you can’t just ignore them right? Because that’s just going to make things worse and piss them off. And there are times like–the kids one is tough. I don’t get a lot of that. More of those are the marriage client situations a lot of the time.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

What I get is–let’s see. Working together and living together. That is always–that’s a difficult one.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

So, what I basically preach in that situation is sort of like modified no contact where it’s sort of mandatory contact only with certain conditions so, that the interactions you have with your ex are positive or at least not hurtful to your progress towards getting them back.

So, for example, if you live with your ex, maybe you can try to be busy as often as possible and find you know lots of social to do in the evenings so, you’re not home together a lot. But when you are, you say hi, hope everything is going well, you’d be friendly and act like you’re fine.

And that way you sort of get the same fundamental benefits out of the no contact. You’re just sort of doing as a limited or you know as a needed only type of no contact. Sometimes you can do that just as effectively or you maybe you do have to change the amount of time or whatever. This is something that, unfortunately, there’s no you know one recipe that’s going to work for everybody, as you know.

So, I started listening to my clients, the coaching clients anyway and then adjust based on that. Kids are one of the toughest ones I think because you kind of have to take their welfare into consideration right? But yeah, that’s an interesting one. Another topic, I find I get a lot of long distance relationship customers.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah me too.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

I just have to be brutally honest. Distance is a problem. It makes things tougher.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Very difficult. It’s difficult. I remember there was a girl I was working with when I first started the website, must have been trying to get her back for 7-8 months. Her name was like Terren I believe, And finally she– I don’t know if she ever got him back but she got back to where she got him to travel across the country to see him but it is–you’re right.. It’s a difficult situation to be in.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Especially when there’s like you know thousands of miles separating. You’re not just kind of like drive. If you are close enough, then you can meet easily, be in your ex’s area. It’s much less of a concern than if you’re in Thailand and your ex is in Germany. That’s a real–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, that’s a problem.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

That’s a distance that’s probably you know–and a lot of time, I ask this clients,”When you were together, what was the long term plan for your relationship?” Because like, you can’t really be in a long distance relationship forever. There has to be some future where you’re together or a plan and a lot of people don’t have that. And so, if they’re going to get back together, it’s just going to be the same problems.

You’re still 7000 miles apart, so, getting back together even if you can you know make that happen, which is often harder, it’s still going to be 25:15 the same problems and you’ll end up right back where you were.There are some situations where I find it can help where it’s going to be easy or at least just as easy in a long distance scenario but certain conditions obviously have to be met and the scenarios differ. But generally I think it makes things tougher right?

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

So, no contact, long distance and I guess I”ll throw one in.. One area where I know women really struggle is the first contact with their ex after the no contact rule is up.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Yes,definitely.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s one area where I see a lot of women like having issues. So, I’m interested to hear your take on it.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

First of all, there’s a segment of people who are going to get contacted by their ex during no contact without doing anything. So, the first contact is going to be made by their ex and that’s great. That happens often but for those who need to reach out to their ex at the end, the first message is tough. I generally try to encourage people to think of something that’s just going to make their smile or laugh or whatever and that’s the only goal of that interaction. It’s just to sort of like, “Hey, I’m here. I’m still awesome.” And then you disappear again for another few days or whatever and then you sort of start to build from there.

Because you don’t want to rush it and you don’t want to cause any drama or you know do anything to rock the boat. So, I like to use texts in that scenario. I know you’re a big fan of texting as well. At least if it was a part of your relationship, and a way you communicated or Facebook messenger, Snapchat or whatever. There’s no obligation to respond on your ex’s behalf. It’s not threatening in the way that a phone call or showing at their door would. So, that’s my preferred method of contact. And I like to start slow and fun and then just start to build from there. What about you? Is that 27:07 as well?

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, I’m kind of big of this idea of a value chain. So, you wouldn’t ask someone who you’re sitting in front of to marry you on the first date. You have to build up to it which is kind of your point how to start off fun and then kind of build up from there. Same exact principle. So, I like to think of ok, the no contact rule and then you’re going to kind of ease them back in with texting and then from texting you can talk on the phone, and then from the phone calls, you can transition to dating.

And then pretty much when you get them on a date, you’re close to getting him back. If you’ve done it, I guess the correct way but as far as like what to say in a text, I’m a big fan of having to text be interesting and then ending the conversation pretty quickly after that which I know you’re a pretty big proponent of as well at the beginning. `

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Well, it’s basically just, you have to be in control of all the interactions. You don’t want your ex dictate when, how, where, why, that needs to be all your decision because well, to be honest, it’s mind games right? I mean, I don’t like to play the mind games thing but it’s basically–at the time of the break up, your ex had all the power. You wanted to be back together, they didn’t want that. So they have the power. So, over the course of no contact you’re sort of shifting that and you need to sort of continue to go down that road where you are a valuable asset that they need to chase afterward.

They need to wake up and realize that they shouldn’t let you walk out of their life right? Because you’re awesome. And so, that’s sort of what I like to think of as the goal of the first interaction. It’s just sort of reminding your ex that. And basically like seduction 2,0. Like sort of beginning from the start again and you already know that this person, your ex

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Is kind of into you.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Who can fall in love to you, does like you as a person honestly. That’s all proves so, you just got to sort of go through the steps again and rebuild just like you did the first time and there’s no other way to do it. You cannot back together unless your ex is attracted to you, wants to be with you, feels the connection again.

So, that’s got to be your goal. It’s to build that and then have your ex be the one to say, “Hey, I made a mistake in breaking up. Let’s get back together.” And then of course I’m also a big proponent of building up the relationship this time around because there’s no point of together—

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Create a new and better–

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Exactly. If you’re just going to break up again every 6 months and have to go through the whole heartache thing again, well, why get back together right? So, it has to be– set a stage for a proper or a better relationship, next time around.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Man, I love it. I love it. So, where can people find you Brad?

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

People can find me by typing my name into Google or going to my website, bradbrowning.com or even just the ex factor guide 29:48 presentation you mentioned is on my website. Go one for men, one for women. It’s exfactorguide.com.

Ex as in E-X. not the TV show. I came first. I didn’t beat the Lauryn Hill song. I did learn that there’s a Lauryn Hill song from like 1997. It’s called The Ex Factor but if you Google Brad Browning, you’ll find me.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, yeah, he’s a popular guy. And also, you can find him on Youtube as well. His Youtube channel, pretty much blows mine under the water. He’s got like I think 87,000 subscribers is the last I looked. So, he does pretty phenomenal videos. So, I’ll recommend the Youtube as well.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

It’s flattering to have all of those views and fans and shocking to think that people will watch me for that many hours but Youtube–you can definitely find me on Youtube. Just search Brad Browning and you will see my beautiful in the search results absolutely.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Alright Brad. Take care man!

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Thanks buddy!Appreciate the invite coming on and nice chatting! Talk to you again soon buddy!

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Bye!

Brad Browning

Brad Browning

Thanks!

October 12, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (45)

  1. Megan - 0

    Megan

    I am on my last day of NC and haven’t heard from him yet. Should I be worried? And should I go ahead and send a first contact text tomorrow? (the day after 30 days) I’m just so worried that he won’t respond.

    I feel like I have improved in myself over NC. I’m focusing more in my school work and getting my degree. I’m getting better grades, really pushing myself to do better. I’ve also been working out a little, and hanging out with my friends more often. I have also taken time during certain days of the week to pamper myself and build my confidence. And I have been posting on Facebook about fun things I’ve done and sharing funny videos, hoping he will take notice.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Megan,

      Dont worry about it too much. You can initiate contact. Check this one:
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

    • Megan - 0

      Megan

      So I read the post you suggested and also reviewed the texting portion of the Pro guide. I went ahead and sent a text that said “Oh my gosh! You’re not going to believe what just happened to me…” and well he never responded. I thought my text out a lot and I really thought it would work. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to talk to me. What do I do now? I really need him back 🙁

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm.. when and why did you break up?

    • Megan - 0

      Megan

      I commented on another post before NC but no words of breaking up were said. Everything was perfect and then one day he just stopped talking to me out of nowhere with no warning. It’s been 2 months now. 1 month before NC and 1 month of the NC. So I don’t know why. I hope that helps.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That means he ghosted you and he’s being consisted with it.. wait two weeks, if he still doesnt reply, that means you have to move on

  2. Lucy G - 0

    Lucy G

    Would it be too late to use NC after sooo many attempts of doing NC and just end up not completing it? It’s been 3 months since the break up, is it still possible that I can still get him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      the more you use nc, the less it can help you.. I cant say for sure that it wont help, but realistically, it’s a small chance that it will

  3. Zara - 0

    Zara

    I’m in the no contact, on snapchat I’m I allowed to view his stories that he puts up? Does that count as contact? I want to keep it strict

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Zara,

      it’s better if you dont view his stories but continue being active in posting

    • Zara - 0

      Zara

      Ok thanks! I have been doing that and the more I post and don’t look at his stories the more he puts up! And he’s never been active on snapchat posting before, does it sound like it’s working?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah, it is.. it looks like he’s watching your posts

  4. Linda - 0

    Linda

    Hey !

    I’m a former success story, I got back together with my long distance relationship boyfriend in January this year.
    I used the no contact rule and followed every rule in the book and got him back.

    However, we broke up again 1 1/2 months ago.
    I was supposed to be working in his country this summer but I got another job so I didnt. We visited each other all the time and I spent two weeks with him in August.
    (it’s a three hour flight in between)

    He’s in a very stressful job and when we broke up it was mutual at first but then it was more him.
    He’s working constantly, 24/7 almost and it was putting a lot of stress on our relationship.
    After we broke up we remained in contact (which I know is not the best way at all).
    Now our situation is a bit weird, we talk everyday, send snaps and he keeps hinting all kinds of things, sending me cute pictures and complimenting me.
    Two weeks ago I hinted that I wanted to give us another chance but he did not agree.

    Now I’m wondering, should I slip right into NC without saying a word or saying something that I’m gonna take some alone-time?
    I did one mistake when we got back together (maybe it’s not a mistake though) but I told him about Chris Seiter and the NC rule so he is familiar with it.

    Right now, I don’t really know if I want to get back together or not but I think I need the NC to figure that out.
    I felt so good doing it last time but since things are on really good terms right now with us I feel like I should tell him that I’ll be taking some time for myself.

    Ps. I have two years left of studying in my country but I am willing to move, I speak the language in the country he is in and it was always the plan that I would. I could also move there next summer.
    When we broke up he said he wasnt really sure anymore.
    But he’s always said that he still loves me and misses me every day.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Linda,

      you said you only hinted.. how did you know he didn’t agree? Did he say why he didn’t agree?
      The thing is, he knows about the site, so he’ll probably think that’s what you’re doing once you just ignore him..I think you have to do a reverse psychology move..

      like tell him about how you feel, how you tried and that you understand that he’s not ready yet, but it’s just hurting you if you go on in talking with him.. you decided you’ll move on and you hope that someday he’s open to being friends again when you’re ready….

    • Linda - 0

      Linda

      Hey Amber

      Thank you so much for a quick and great answer! 🙂

      But yeah, that’s basically what I told him when I “hinted”.
      I said that I still wanted to be with him and talking to him everyday was hurting me.
      I said that I needed to move on once and for all and I would appreciate if he would let me do that. I also said that I still thought we could work it out and all that stuff, without getting too emotional.

      His response was something like; I still love you too and miss you everyday but i will let you be and you’re the strongest girl I know and I know you can get through this.

      (Typical “good guy” answer…)

      Since then it’s been a month and we have talked almost every day since then, I try to be cold in between and not answer him for hours, usually he double texts me.

      I’m thinking I should try to do the reverse-thing again? So say something like this again, only this time mean it and go into NC for X amount of time. So he knows I’m being serious?

      What you think?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yup.. because keeping on talking to him, just puts you more on the friendzone now..

  5. Krystal - 0

    Krystal

    I tried the no contact rule, and in less than a week I was contacted. He said hello, and asked how I did at my job interview… stuff like that. Unfortunately I went into an emotional rant about him and everything… so at this point I know it was a mistake, but do I restart the no contact rule?

    Reply
  6. Camille - 0

    Camille

    To follow up on my previous comment, I am making the choice in starting the no contact rule tomorrow. It’s obvious that he has feelings for me and doesn’t want to “let go” and wants to keep me around. Every time we talk, he calls me dude, keeps making dirty jokes, etc and asks if I’m dating and what not. I still have a chance right if I follow every step? I bought and read the whole book at Chris wrote. He just needs to “miss” me even though he says he misses me now, etc. He needs to see as not the girl who can’t live without him?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Camille,

      there’s no guarantee that the nc will work but yes, it can increase your chances.. and yes, he has to see you can live without him, like being an ungettable girl…

  7. Tak - 0

    Tak

    I have a question.
    My ex said he wanted to be friends (i agreed to it because I didn’t want him to cut contact/I begged, but he hasn’t really treated me like a friend). He has only maintained limited contact since we officially broke up (he dumped me) 3 weeks ago. The 3 week timeline went like this: I had been in no contact for 1 week and then he texted me “hey”. When I replied and he didn’t say anything. I went no contact again for 1 more week but broke it when I wished him a happy birthday via text and phone call but then couldn’t stop myself from texting him another text making sure he was ok (he saw me at a party and I think he may have been at little jealous/sad that I was dancing with other guys/male friends, so I wanted to check up on him, asking to talk and if he was ok, which I did via text). I have been in no contact once again for 1 week, but he hasn’t contacted me? When I see him in person I smile and wave because I don’t want him to see that i’m still hurting, he waves, but I think he avoids me when he can. Will no contact work in this case, or will we remain friends? is 21 days no contact good, since we didn’t have a bad breakup?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tak,

      dont wave when you see him.. smile if you really bump into each other but avoid him if you can.. how long were you together? why did you break up? How old are you both? I think you should do 30 days and be very active in improving yourself

    • Tak - 0

      Tak

      Hi,

      We were together 6 months, 2 months physically and 4 months long distance. I’m 21 he is 22. We broke up because he said he he didn’t understand me and why I did things. I admit I’m a very emotionally driven person, he is the more logical type, you should do x so you can get y. He also mentioned he would like to have deep discussion with me, but I fear I might not be intelligent enough (there is also the issue of my self esteem, so I tend to shy away in voicing my opinions along with the fact that I’m very agreeable by nature.) Otherwise he said the relationship was fine. I’m scared of doing 30 days because of the video I saw recently https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UxX79Q8ayM According to brad I only have that 2-3 month window, and I already wasted a month with minimal contact.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tak,

      Ok, well, you only have three choices: move on, chase him, or do nc and focus in improving yourself..

  8. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    Hi!
    I don’t know if you take requests but I was wondering if you could feature a podcast or an article about what to look for while building rapport with an ex. I’ve noticed that a lot of “get your ex back” sites put a lot of focus on writing about the no contact rule and about the first contact with an ex. From what I’m currently experiencing I feel like this is a very gray area so I’m not really sure what I should be expecting or anticipating while talking to an ex on a daily bases. Everything has been very positive and he initiates about 50% of the time and has been using a lot of our inside jokes/bringing up old memories but neither of us have talked about the break up or the possibility of getting back together so it’s hard to gauge what he is thinking. We have had one phone call so I know the next step is to increase them, and eventually move toward a mini date. He didn’t text me at all during NC so I definitely have had to initiate everything so far, and luckily he has responded positively.

    Thank you!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Thanks for the suggestion Sarah.. I will forward that to Chris! How long have you been texting? That’s a very good sign..I think you would be able to move on to calling phase easily.

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      After 27 days of NC I texted him so we’ve been texting every day for a solid 3 weeks now…I’ve implemented all of the different types of texts (first contact, good memory, like a girlfriend, jealousy, ect) so far so good

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh, then you should really move on to calls

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      Just a couple of things:
      1. Tonight I used one of our “inside phrases” (nothing sexual or super suggestive of a relationship, it’s just a goofy word we used to say all the time) and he said that it is a “banned word” when I asked him why he said that it’s the “most sensitive word between us” — everything else has been okay though. Is this triggering some sort of guilt/weird emotions in him to make him say it is a “sensitive word?”
      2. He asked me about something that happened at work so I asked if I could FaceTime him later to tell him all about it (we used to always FT but never call) — he said it was “too soon to FaceTime” but I could call him
      3. We talked on the phone for a while about a bunch of random things and everything was good! at the end he said “maybe when I get home (he’s on vaca) I can come over and we can order Chinese and watch a movie or something”
      There is definitely a barrier that I’ve discovered today with the “sensitive word” and “too soon to ft” comments — is this because he’s struggling with feelings or bc he is thinking we are more in the friend zone?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think he thinks you’re moving too fast.. He thinks that word and facetiming is too intimate, and maybe he doesn’t want to lead you on.. More likely it just means you need to build more rapport and attraction before you do that.

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      A lot has happened since the last time I commented. But I’m 97% sure I’m already back together with my ex! Long story short he was having a bad day on Sunday and I said that he could call me to talk but he said that he will just come over and he’ll tell me all about it. Well he ended up staying the night that night and literally hasn’t left since. He comes and has lunch with me at work every day and I came home yesterday to discover that he hung all of his clothes back in his “spot” in the closet. We haven’t had a formal conversation about the break up or about what we are. Is it safe to say that we are back together? Should I straight up ask? When we first started dating it was similar to this — I didn’t really know what we were until one day he used the word girlfriend. I just don’t want to move too fast or freak him out if I ask if we are officially back together but also I deserve to know

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont ask yet.. just let him do his thing.. let’s see if it progresses

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      SOS!
      So my ex has stayed over every night for the past 2 weeks. We didn’t talk about the break up or about what we are but everything felt very much like we were back together. He had an interview today out of state and he has been talking the past few days about future plans for me to fly and visit him (we did long distance for a few months before). So that prompted me to ask him what we are since we haven’t talked about it. He said “idk what we are but that’s not a conversation we should have over text” so I let it go until we facetimed tonight. I asked him if “are we together or are we not? Are we exclusive or are we seeing other people?” And his response was “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life so I don’t know what we are. The last time we did long distance you were sad and lonely most of the time so I don’t know” and so I questioned why were we “hooking up” then if we weren’t even together and he was offended that I even said that and that I implied that he was leading me on bc he said he “didn’t plan on this happening it just did.” The conversation ended with him hanging up on me and then texting me “I hope you’re happy now.”

      So what should I do? Do I go back into no contact? Honestly everything felt like we were back together and he was making plans for me to visit him in December and January which idk why he would do that if we weren’t together.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      when you said hooking up, you didnt mean you already had sex right.. yeah, just laylow for now..and actually he is right, relationship status talks are better than in person..but I think yeah, a video call can suffice..although yours didnt end well.. next time, I think it’s better to agree that you should just go with the flow for now but dont be friends with benefits

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      Yes we have had sex but only because it felt like we were back together. It didn’t happen the first night we saw eachother. After our awkward “what are we” talk the next day went back to being normal but we haven’t discussed anything further. He is coming home tomorrow for a couple of weeks before he officially moves out of state for a new job. How do I initiate the conversation again if at all? I think it’s fair to want to know where this is going especially when he is about to move away again. His sister said she asked him if we are back together a couple of weeks ago and he said we are “really good friends” and when she asked if he was just leading me on or if he wants to be with me he said he does want to be with me. Basically it just seems like he doesn’t want to make any promises or commit even though he is acting the role of boyfriend.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      at this point yeah, I think you should ask. So, you would know if you should move on when he moves out

  9. Agnes - 0

    Agnes

    Well, I’m writing you cause I’m in the worst situation ever, regarding getting my ex back. We were together for 3 years, and living together for 9 months. He blindsided me and broke up with me, I had to move out of the house (it was his house).
    I begged him a lot on the past few months (we broke up in July) so now I’m in the beggar position. I’m currently applying the no contact rule (been reading some of your posts). Problem is, my birthday is coming and he is already invited,so I’ll see him before the 30 days are over. Should I apply the no contact rule after the party? Is there any chance for me to win him back after begging so much?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Agnes,

      hmmm… he said he will surely attend? if he comes, just be casual and polite..dont initiate any feelings nor relationship

    • Agnes - 0

      Agnes

      Yes, he said he would attend, if he doesn’t, it won’t be a problem since I’ll apply the rule in a better way. But my real question is… I ended up sort of like his friend with benefits (we were together some times during this month and had sex, got to sleep in his house and whatever): he clearly stated that he wants only that with me. Will ignoring him make any difference now that “everything is alright” between us (as friends) and we have broke up three months ago? Should I write to him explaining that I cannot be his friend or something like that? Thanks a lot

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope.. ignoring him will not be the greatest facot but your improvements will be.. there’s a higher chance that if you’ve improved, he will be attracted and want you..but dont ever be friends with benefits again..

    • Camille - 0

      Camille

      Hi! My ex and I broke up maybe a month ago, recently we’ve been hanging out a lot and he wants to just be friends but to me, it’s obvious he still wants to be with me but maybe he’s angry that I cheated. When we broke up, it was mutual but a week later I admitted to him I cheated. We hung out this weekend and it was amazing, I decided to do the no contact rule and he texted me good morning and I didnt reply but I couldnt handle it and I broke the rule. I only lasted 2 days. Is it too late for me to start it again? What are my chances? Should I give up? Because honestly I think I have a chance but I don’t want to make myself believe something that isn’t true.

  10. Beachrose - 0

    Beachrose

    Hey I have a suggestion/ question – as the 1st contact text…

    I’d rather send a cute, fun, significant photo, like something related to a fun inside joke or something like that the two of you had with each other. Nothing sexual or even flirtatious – just cute, funny – and that had a positive history/ evokes positive, fun memories – something positive, but with NO pressure around it.

    Reply
    • Beachrose - 0

      Beachrose

      PS – I’m on day 15 of NC. He finally stopped trying to text me a couple of days ago, after first trying pretty lame/limp texts, then appealing to pity, then finally offering something pretty small/lame. (He’s selfish/a taker.)

      Oh and YES – I’m doing tons of stuff for ME – have been for quite some time. This past week, I volunteered to help fund raise for a (non-profit) group of people I wanted to connect with, and I helped them raise over $10K in one week online – cash! Other for-myself stuff includes: staying in shape, fab skincare, and next up: upgraded wardrobe and FB pics 😉 (Did I mention: always make friends with photographers!)

      I’m not so sure my ex even worth taking back, but I’m doing this as an exercise, in any case!

      Living well is the best revenge 😉

    • Chris Seiter - 2

      Chris Seiter

      Love it! Great idea!

    • Brad Browning - 0

      Brad Browning

      I agree, Beachrose — great idea. 🙂

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