How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Fall In Love With You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

744 thoughts on “The Definitive Guide To Making Your Ex Boyfriend Love You Again”

Angela

October 7, 2013 at 3:16 pm

Hey Chris,
My ex broke up with me without telling me, a week before I had figured out he dumped me, he responded to one of my texts by telling me he loved me. Same weekend he did not contact me so I called him once. He didn’t answer, and I never bothered him once after that final call, no e-mails, no texts, no phone calls for three months straight. He never contacted me either or even offered an explanation all that time either. Long story short, yesterday I received several texts saying he just wanted to see how I was doing and that his phone was accidentally dumped in the toilet, and he couldn’t recover all his contacts ever since his phone went bust. I’m pretty sure that was a lie since he knows my phone number by heart, I’ve dated him for more than 7 months. I responded very casually by asking him how he was and that coincidentally I broke my cellphone too, and after some more small talk now he wants to see me again-on my terms. Now I don’t have any negative feelings toward him anymore, and I know he wants to play his games on me again, but if I really want this guy back and for him to commit to me once and for all, how do I know that he’s serious now and not just lonely and wants me back for selfish purposes?
P.S he visited my best friend’s coffee shop about a month and half after leaving me, but still remained aloof to me

admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:01 am

How can you break up with someone by not telling them?

Kristina

October 7, 2013 at 12:15 pm

Hey. My ex and I had broken up in the end of July. We had gone out on a Sunday and had a small(our first) argument, seemed to have made up the Monday he said he felt he was too immature for something so serious. Admitedly our relationship moved very fast; early on I had told him I felt like I didnt have time for my own stuff like the gym and he was like let’s go together! Just many instances like that. After the breakup we kept in light contact bc we both admitted to still having feelings. In early September we started talking almost daily and went on a date September 28th for lunch. After lunch he came to my house to talk and said he ultimately wanted a relationship and it would be an exclusive thing but we had to not be as intense this time and move slow. One thing led to another and we had some intimacy followed by cuddling for 2 hours and him saying he wanted us to go out w each other families to talk about what our plan is. When he left I asked him to text me that he got home bc it’s a 40 min drive and he was falling asleep. He didnt so I foolishly listened to my friends and feelings of abandonment and texted him monday asking if he was ok. He said he needed a day to think and would be in touch Wednesday. wednesday came and went and Thursday I got very emotional andtold him if he needed more time I’d give it to him but he had to tell me. After getting no answer i told him he had to let me know that day. He later texted I cant do this anymore. To which I went off that he’s a liar and used me. He said he meant the things when he said them but after that “it changed”. I know we’re both intense people and he probably felt boraged by texts. I’ve realized we both want things slow but did everything but take it slow

Do you think it’s worth going NC and trying again? Or too much damage has been done?

When you have two intense people how do you pace yourself?

October 22 is the 1 year anni of his best friend passing away, and I know he’ll be a wreck. Is it ok to wish him well that day even though it’s during the NC?

He truly is my best friend and I want him to understand I want a relationship based on that

Thank you

admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:54 am

I think it is worth trying NC again absolutely. But there can’t be any slip ups on your end.
Kristina

October 8, 2013 at 9:12 am

So you would skip the death anniversary aswell?
admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:00 am

Harsh I know 🙁 but yes.

santana

October 6, 2013 at 9:39 pm

i brokeup with my boyriend 2 years ago,because he said to me “new year new beggining thank you for everything”,so i went to other city and in two days found other one ,i felt inlove soo deeply ,i forgot about my ex,but my ex didint foreget about me he was waiting for one week everyday till i come back home because he wanted to make up.wheni got back i didint want to see him so we didint make up andas i said i was with my new boyfriend. i broke up with my other boyfridn one year ago.and now the first one messaged me that time changes everything and that he would like tom= meet for cup of tea.so we met it was very funny he looked awesome ,he texted me after and so on,later on we met one more time ,i saw few signs that he has interest in me he was touching my hand just to take better look on bracelet or touched my leg accidently ,but few days passed and he havent texted me yet,what should i do,what tactic should i use to fall in love with me?

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:46 am

Well, have you used any of the text messages I recommend on this site?
santana

October 7, 2013 at 3:58 pm

yes i saw that messages but i dont want to remind him our relationship because i hurt him i want to make him feel that im new one, so how could i get him closer?
admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:04 am

Focus on your emotional connection then.

annallese

October 6, 2013 at 12:24 pm

Hi. I tried NC for thirty days and managed it. It was pretty easy actually as only a couple of weeks after splitting up he was with someone else and didnt care how I found out.So i I was too hurt, upset and angry to want to talk to him anyway. The last contact I had with him was the day I found out , we fell out big style and some horrible things were said. I didnt hear from him during the NC , which annoyed me as I thought I at least deserved an apology. However, he text me just as the thirty days were up, saying sorry for the way things worked out, sorry for hurting me and thats hes sad we’re not friends anymore and that he wanted to let me know that he did care about me. He said he drafted the text out over a week ago but only just decieded to send it. He doesnt want me to hate him and think I dont care.
So, where do I go from here? We had a brief conversation after that, but I dont know what to think. Does he just want friendship? I’ll be honest, im still angry and hurt but I dont want to convey that to him. What do you think?

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:16 am

I think right now you should approach things very very slowly. I think there are things that need to be talked about between you guys. However, talking about it right off the bat might not be the best idea. You kind of have to slowly work your way up to that point.
annallese

October 7, 2013 at 10:22 am

Thank you. I agree that there are things we both need to talk about. Not particuarly looking forward to that one!
But without doing so we won’t be able to move forward, whether that’s as friends, lovers or just ex’s.

Gina

October 5, 2013 at 5:09 pm

Hi, Chris! I have been doing nc and im on day 20! I am feeling a little down though. He hasnt contacted me once in these twenty days to ask how I am or anything which scares me because im afraid he actually doesnt care enough to contact me at all. He has however texted my bestfriend twice to see how I am. I dont know if thats a good sign or not..I feel like he could have texted me that exact same thing but instead he texted her about me. She gave him general responses like “she is doing fine” (probably a little nicer than that but basically thats a sort of response she gives.) I am starting to lose hope though. We’re both in college, and I am afraid he will never contact me. Before nc I was very ready to do anything for him, I asked him to come back or at least talk to me, but it didnt happen. I am afraid he still thinks of me as pathetic and thats why he won’t contact me. (We broke up because I was too controlling of a gf and were long distance. So during these 20 days ive really taken the time to work on myself work on how I veiw things and raise myself esteem so I do not need to be controlling anymore!) If you could offer me any advice, I would appreciate it greatly because I am starting to lose hope 🙁 thank you

admin

October 6, 2013 at 1:25 am

It is good that you feel you are less controlling now! But what else have you done during NC?

Hit the gym? Been on dates?

Just wondering because stuff like that can affect you on levels you can’t imagine.

P.S. youv’e ready my LDR guide right?
gina

October 7, 2013 at 2:24 am

I’ve been hitting the clubs with my friends and enjoying school and going out!I workout pretty regularily as well! I haven’t been on any dates sadly but my social life is pretty good! I also have read your post on ldr I’m just a bit down because its been so many days (day 21) and he hasn’t contacted me at all to see how I am or why I haven’t talked to him. We dated for 2 1/2 years so I’m afraid that during this timw period he hasn’t really missrd me. Also is it a good sign he still talks to my best friend about me sometimes? I know nc is just the beginning of getting him back but I’m starting to lose hope :-/
admin

October 7, 2013 at 11:35 pm

Yes I do think it is a good friend he reaches out to your best friend. I did that when I was missing my ex girlfriend. In fact, I talked to my exes best friend for three hours once about my ex.
Gina

October 8, 2013 at 12:47 am

He texted her once at 3 am when he was drunk saying “we need to talk, I am not okay.” But the next day said that it was nothing and sorry for the random text at night. He also randomly texts her to ask about me, but he hasnt texted her about me in a week and a half…so I am afraid that he doesn’t feel a need to text her anymore because he no longer misses me. Is this just me being paranoid or do I maybe have some truth to what I am saying?
admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:23 am

No offense I think a little paranoid.

Andy

October 4, 2013 at 1:18 am

I met my ex boyfriend 7 months ago. We hit it off right away and we are basically the same person in all the right areas. He fell a lot harder than me. He wanted to spend all his free time with me and was always there even when I asked for space. As the months went on I started to get use to his company and actually started to enjoy it. It is safe to say I fell in love with him. One week he acted weird and said he was stressed out and needed a day to himself. I told him to take as long as he wanted. He didnt even take a full day before he txted me and told me he loved me. Things were right back to normal after that. A week after that happened we spent an entire day together and everything was fine and then at the end of the day he broke up with me. I didnt see it coming and no one we knew saw it coming either. I always thought that if we broke up it would be me ending it if anything. Anyways, I handled the break up very well. I was polite and nice and didnt freak out or blow up his shit. Finally two weeks went by and my feelings werent weakening so I asked for closure. (His reasoning for breaking up with me when we broke up was that he didnt see a future with me- which didnt make sense when considering his attitude our entire relationship.) I requested that he tell me the truth so that I could move on for good and knowing that he is a thinker I figured I would give him 24 hours to respond to the txt just because I didnt think it would be hard to do. 24 hours passed and I never heard from him so I basically told him that it was unfortunate that I may never know the real reason behind the break up but that maybe one day we could grab a cup of coffee and talk. He replied to that by saying “i hardly think 24 hours is a long time to wait for me to reply but i was thinking on what I should say and I just stopped feeling the spark in our relationship and didnt see my heart changing and you were more in it than i was” I didnt really agree with the last part because he was definitely more in it than me but thats okay. Really long story shorter- i guess I let my girl emotions catch the best of me and had an emotional break down rant on him which caused him to say the following in a summary: 1. if I got a bf tomorrow he wouldnt care 2. he is over me 3. i was different than any girl he has dated 4. he is moved on 5. there is absolutely no hope for us to get back together. he then proceeded to like all of my friends pictures on instagram and hit on them. I later apologized to him for going on an emotional rant, told him i had held it in for too long, and i told him that i hope he doesnt hate me and that one day if he still wants to we can be friends. he never replied and I highly doubt he will. I then deactivated my fabo so I wouldnt get upset over the things he did and unfollowed him from instagram so i wouldnt have to see his likes and comments on other girls shit. lol. I am here today because of a few questions and I trust your judgement because you deal with emotional girl shit everyday BUT 1. is there hope for us getting back together, honestly.
2. if there isnt then what do i do next to heal the fastest.
3. if there is hope then I know I proceed with nc, however I know him well enough to know that he moves on very quickly so I actually am expecting him to be in a relationship in about a month or so which scares me.
4. is it normal to hurt this badly
and last but not least- 5. can you think of any reason he suddenly stopped caring about me.
thank you so much for everything, especailly your time. You are a definite blessing to have found.

admin

October 4, 2013 at 9:36 pm

1. I think there is!
2. If you do decide to move on though I recommend this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-boyfriend/.
3. Maybe you could shorten the NC to 21 days then.
4. Yes it is very normal.
5. Do you think you did anything to set him off to cause him not to?
Andy

October 5, 2013 at 2:28 am

welp, turns out that there is a chance that he is bisexual and struggling with it. Not only did every person in my life tell me they thought he was gay but my best friend who is gay told me that he was sure of it. I know he is atracted to woman but it all starts to make sense now. Feeling pretty hopeless now but atleast I can say it want my fault he stopped caring… sigh.
admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:49 am

Well, that is an interesting turn of events.

Do you think you can get past it or do you think at this point you should just focus on moving on?
Andy

October 9, 2013 at 6:56 am

Do you think I need to give up on the idea that he will ever speak to me again? After all this damage has been done?
admin

October 10, 2013 at 12:33 am

No I don’t think you give up I just think you accept that it could take some time.
Andy

October 8, 2013 at 3:34 am

well, last night he told me he “needed time to be my friend” even though just a week before that he told me he was completely fine. Today he continued to like and comment all of my friends shit on social networks and it was very clear that he has been going out of his way avoiding my existence or acknowledging me even though literally a week before he was blowing up all my stuff and i kind of lost it on him today and became what you call a txting gnat expressing how how he is confusing me because he goes from liking me to hating me to wanting to be my friend to not and i do not understand it and just want a solid answer and i wanted to know what he “needed time for” if just last week he was telling me he doesnt need time to be friends. Long story short….I fucked up by expressing to many emotions at once over txt messages after he had said he needed space…longer story short he unfollowed me and deleted me from all social networks yet is continuing on liking and commenting on all my friends stuff… even friends of mine he didnt like. I am really confsed on what is going on. I am hurt beyond belief. I just want my best friend back. He ignored every single one of my txts, and so I feel like that means I blew any chance I had at actually being friends with him even though I thought we already were. Im confused as to why he suddenly needed time. Please please please tell me what to do and maybe give me an insight on what he is thinking coming from a guy. why is he going back and forth and why was he fine the first two weeks of our break up and being friendly towards me and then the last week is completely gone even though I didnt do anything different than what I was doing before? I am terrified. I want answers, and i want to know why it seems like he has changed feelings over night constantly. and i hate being ignored. hate it. but who doesnt? I just want to make things right and I know this site is about getting ex boyfriends back but how about I start with getting a friendship back first? Is that approachable or possible?
admin

October 9, 2013 at 1:39 am

Well, right now the best bet to be his friend again is to actually give him that time that he wants and approach things very very slowly.
Andy

October 6, 2013 at 7:58 am

Yeah I read your moving on section and I agree with it all but it’s a lot easier to follow it if you actually want to move on rather than be forced to move on. If it was my choice everything would start over but it’s not. And it’s really hard to give up loving someone because you have to rather than because you want to.
admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:05 am

Yes I understand where you are coming from. However, that is where some self awareness of your own situation comes into play. There will be a point where you stop and think “why am I even trying to get him back any more?” You will know that you still want hi mback but you will also need to know that you need to move on.
Andy

October 5, 2013 at 6:06 pm

I’m also scared because what if he isn’t struggling with it. It’s hard for me to believe that ever person in my life thinks he is and he isn’t- especially since my gay friends think he is struggling with it. But what are the chances that you are completely in love with someone and decide you don’t over night
admin

October 6, 2013 at 12:26 am

Probably not high. I mean falling out of love overnight. It happens but its rare.
Andy

October 5, 2013 at 6:08 am

I think that I need to focus on moving on, not because I want to because I love him more than I have ever loved a guy, but because I love him. I don’t know what hardships he is facing and I can’t imagine what pain he is feeling because I know that if he is gay he doesn’t want to be. He left me because he felt like it was the right thing to do and as much as I think I would do anything to grab him and tell him I love him, I also want to respect him. Especially since our entire relationship he had the utmost respect for me. You don’t meet guys like him everyday. He is the definition of “Prince Charming” and I personally hate emotional shit like that lol. I don’t want to move on. I want to feel like I could have a second chance. I want to be able to feel like there is hope. But a relationship is between two people. And I think he lost hope for himself. And so I think I need to respect that he ended it and try to move on as killer as that will be because that’s the least I can do for him after all the good things he’s done for me. If I did get a second chance- yes I could look past the bi thing. In fact I think it makes him “imperfect” which is attractive to me because it just goes to show that you don’t love a person for there perfection a but for them as a whole. Bi and all. Lol. I just do not feel like a second chance is a possibility. I feel like he is running from himself and instead of hoping and trying to get what I want I love him more than anything and want to give him what he wants and needs which is maybe just my friendship in the near future. It’s really difficult though. He was my best friend and someone who I wanted to share my life with in a romantic sense. So I’m definitely torn. Between a selfish love and a respectful love- if any of that makes sense.
admin

October 6, 2013 at 12:05 am

Gotcha. Well, before you do anything have you read my post on how to get over your ex? It might be pretty insightful.

jasmine

October 3, 2013 at 11:20 pm

[[My comments involving his gf probably sound quite awful but I was friendly with her and in return she bitched about me in front of my face. Her reasoning was that im her bfs ex – end of story. Last time I saw her she walked up to the table where me an my ex were sat at, we weren’t even talking to each other, she crossed her arms gives him a stern look and they walk away together… but as a guy who suffers from depression, she probably offers him comfort that I never did through her control/ sweetness- i pushed him to find comfort for himself (and yes I was always available to help)- and no I wouldn’t take that back. Although I could probably learn something from this chick :/]]

jasmine

October 3, 2013 at 11:49 pm

Btw if buffy should be the next direction the memory will literally be buffy 😉 that musical episode – amazing! (we used to sing it together) Especially cause I don’t think I could do anything mushy at this point..?
Thinking about it that girl used the buffy technique (saw cuddly cat posts on Facebook before they were official) dammit! maybe I should…? What if im just the ex and he pined for her while we were together?! Although it really didn’t feel like a rebound – he was the one who once said “this is how I imagine our honeymoon to be – with you this happy” .. if only i could remind him of those times.. Advice would be very appreciated! Thanks!
admin

October 4, 2013 at 9:27 pm

The musical episode was amazing. I don’t think people realize how much! I can talk about Buffy all day. Just finished watching season 2 again and gotta say that is one of the best seasons ever. The ending is so sad. Being forced to make that sacrifice of someone you love to save the world. Just the way that Whedon did that episode still gives me chills today.

Yup, use the buffy tenchinque hahahaa.

Rebecca

October 3, 2013 at 9:48 pm

Hi. I am completely intrigued by this website..Hooked! I love it! This is my brief story any advice would be much appreciated. I was in a relationship for 7 months (we started out as friends) there was no doubt we were both completely in love got on so well same hobbies interests sense of humour the lot. However the guy I got with had just finished with his ex of 4 years who he claimed he didn’t love. I with was this guy a lot of the time and we did have a few little arguments but we always overcome them. We talked about a future together I though he was ‘the one’. The break-up was quite sudden we had pretty bad arguments over the space of 3 days until we had ‘the talk’…he gave no specific reason for the break-up just a lot of reasons such as/ ‘you deserve someone better’, ‘you have been sad alot’, ‘what if we moved in together and argued like this’ he didn’t actually finish it in the end I simply said ‘shall I get my stuff from yours then then’ in which we did. I was heartbroken because I was willing to work on things but he didn’t seem as bothered! I texted him 2 weeks after the break-up simply asking how he was and that I was gong to buy a cat and got no response (bummer) I am still mates with his sister not sure this will help me? But I will do anything to get back with him but find it strange that considering he ”loved” me he is treating me like a complete stranger. Is there hope? what are the chances of getting back? please help. thank you x

admin

October 4, 2013 at 1:27 am

Sure there is hope! Though I think you should have waited longer before you reached out.

Nicki

September 30, 2013 at 3:50 pm

Hey,
After months of casually browsing online for things I can do to try and get my ex boyfriend back, I came across your site the other day (which is the best, as I know other people have said!). I’ve read other people’s comments, but I can’t really fully relate to them, as they’re like ”oh we were together 2 years and then he we broke up” or whatever, but my situation’s kinda awkward and I don’t know what to do :'( And I’ll try and keep it as short as possible.

Ok, so I’m 16, nearly 17, and my ex is 18, nearly 2 years older than me to the day, and we got together when I was in yr 11 and he was in yr 13 in school. He’s friends with my older sister too, but I’d never really known him through her, just heard of him. I volunteered (well and still do) at a charity shop every week, and him and his friend James also did. Tom, my ex, was always quiet and I thought he had a problem with me, but one day, cut a long story short, he added me on facebook, where we spoke a lot, like, every day. I went to a halloween party with him there and by then I knew he liked me (you know when you can see someone watching you all night? Not in a stalker way,haha). Anyway, via FB I gave him my number, and we texted each other every day. Only thing is, we used to send really long messages, and in them he used to compliment me a lot, like saying how gorgeous and amazing I am, etc – I never insinuated I needed to be told that, and to be honest, he might’ve thought the ‘essay texts’ were annoying but they were mutual and yeah they did take a while to reply to,haha.
Ok, so February this year we were at my sister’s birthday party, and he asked to speak to me outside, it started snowing and he asked me out. I hesitated for a bit, but I said yes, and he was really happy. I was too, but I, unlike most of my friends, had never been in a relationship before so I was a bit nervous/awkward even. 3 days later he invited me to the cinema and we held hands for the first time and he walked me home but that was as far as it went that night. Anyway, exam period was coming up, and we would only see each other once a week, in the charity shop, although sometimes we’d go out on a weeknight, and literally all we’d do is sit on a bench together, and talk, although we were cuddled up too, and we’d be there for hours with each other.

I’d been having trouble with my parents at home and arguing a fair bit, and I occasionally gave hints to my bf about what was happening, but didn’t want to put him off me. He said he’d always be there for me, but that was it. My grandmother was also really sick after being diagnosed with cancer, but I didn’t really speak about that with him.

As the arguing and fighting continued, I decided to move down my nan’s house (although she was in hospital) so I could study for my exams. Two days after being on there, me and Tom were facebook messaging each other, when he slipped in that he wanted to see me in the charity shop the next day. He said things like ‘I have to do it in person as it’ll look like I don’t care otherwise’ and I knew what was coming. I told my friends and they were all in disbelief, saying how he chased after me for so long, and joked how he was the one who was ‘obsessed’ with me. Anyway, I went there, and basically, he said it ‘wasn’t working out’. I asked him why, and he kept looking at the floor and said he didn’t know. I asked if there was someone else, and he looked at me in the eye and said there wasn’t and he couldn’t do that to me. I was upset, but more angry, as especially when I was leaving, I found out James knew what my ex was going to do. James said after I’d left, Tom stayed upstairs for ages on his own, and didn’t speak on the way home..
I got home and had a FB message off him saying ‘hope you’re ok xx’ and I replied, but in hindsight I wish I hadn’t..should’ve kept him feeling bad (mean but could’ve made getting him back easier).
He broke up with me May 1st, but by June, my sister and him were at a friend’s birthday, and my ex asked her how I was. Later in June, my nan passed away. I didn’t delete him on facebook, so he would’ve known, but he didn’t say anything to me.

Time went by, and I went through different phases; anger, kickass/I don’t need you, sad, fine again, but now, since about July, I’ve just missed him so much. I became friends with James, who used to argue with me in the charity shop ironically, over nothing. I think he might’ve been jealous that tom had a girlfriend and he didn’t, so he took it out on me. Anyway, I would play squash with James, my sister and Perry, james and tom’s friend. Basically, both James and Perry liked (and still do like) me. I didn’t want that to happen, and I didn’t lead them on. Tom was a bit annoyed with James especially, after he found out he liked me, and when James asked how Tom got my number, he wouldn’t tell him.
One day in August, Perry said he had a free house and invited me round persistently. I declined, as I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. Perry said he’d asked Tom,and he’d said he didn’t mind, but it’d have looked weird if he’d said that he did mind…
I’ve gotta say, it was about early august, I went for a coffee with James who was giving me some books, and he told me Tom likes this other girl in their year. I’m not saying I don’t believe him, but lots of people have said to be careful about what James says. He’s meant to Tom’s ‘like a brother’ friend, yet he was backstabbing him to me, saying he can be ‘weird’ and stuff like that. Which makes me think, if he’s saying stuff like that to me about his best friend, he might’ve been saying to Tom that I’ve been dissing him, when I purposely haven’t really spoken to him about it. So if I wanted to find out via his two close friends if Tom still likes me, I can’t ask them, because they both like me, so they might not be being 100% straight with me. Ooh, also if this helps, early august, tom and james were going clubbing and tom told james they should send a snapchat to me of them, and they were just smiling and doing a gawky thumbs up thing, but I don’t know why Tom wanted to send me a picture of them…

Ok, this is where I get a bit embarrassed (and I’m so sorry, it’s not much longer now!).
Mid August I just felt like I wanted to speak to him (weak I know) and I so wish I hadn’t now. We hadn’t spoken since he broke up with me May 1st, and this was August 19th ish…
I basically sent him a long facebook message (like this message, it wasn’t meant to be as long as it was :P). Don’t worry, it wasn’t me admitting how much I missed him etc. I basically said something along the lines of I know his friends like me, but I’ll only stay friends with them, and I won’t take it any further with them, even if they want to, etc. I could see he’d read it, but didn’t reply. He showed James the message when they were in the pub which I work at (and was working at the time to make it even more awkward). But I didn’t hear from him…
Now, to make things worse, a few days ago, so this is a good month later, my touch screen phone accidentally rang him via facebook (and 2 or 3 of my other friends). None of them answered because according to my friends, it had only rung for like,a second, before I’d cut it off again. I felt like such a douche, it was so embarrassing…I wrote a status saying what had happened, and tagged the people I’d accidentally called (but I didn’t tag him!!).

All of my ex’s friends got into university, but despite getting amazing results (fair play to him), he didn’t, so is applying next year, whereas all his friends have moved out. Now, long story, but I saw a message from tom to perry and at one point they were talking and tom mentioned perry bringing flatmates out, and ‘bring any girls haha’. This possibly suggests he doesn’t really like the other girl James was on about. I last saw my ex two weeks ago at school as we’d both won several awards for grades and stuff (just boring stuff haha) and all my feelings came back,but I wish I could say the same for him.

I’m seriously lost about what to do. I’ve tried just forgetting about him, but I can’t.
I read ‘how long will it take to get your ex boyfriend back?’ and since we broke up in May, I think that puts me on the middle timeline. My only worry is, how can I make sure he doesn’t forget about me and eventually find someone else? We’re not even speaking, and I don’t know how to change this 🙁 I also read your page about texting him saying you have a ‘confession’ but since the facebook email in august, and the fact he might’ve taken my accidental call as intentional, I don’t think texting him will work; I’ll just look like a crazy stalker…

You also said about making sure your facebook is looking, you know, nice, so I’ve deleted any photos of me I don’t really like.
Ok, so I have a party tomorrow night, so the photos will be on fb and not just for his benefit, I’ll make sure only ones I like are on there 😉

I want to speak to him, but considering we aren’t speaking at the moment, it’s like we need something to edge us together slightly before I can work on getting him back….any idea will be greatly appreciated, and as I said, I’m so sorry for the length of this:(
Thank-you 🙂

admin

October 1, 2013 at 1:37 am

No problem I am sorry for the late reply. I took a bit of a vacation over the weekend so I didn’t get to much.

What can you do to kind of nudge you together. Well, after NC that is why I say contact him so you can provide that nudge. Have you read any of the other articles on this site?
Nicki

October 1, 2013 at 6:49 am

No problem, it’s fine!
Hmm, but after the mail I sent him about his friends in August and he.didn’t reply, I don’t want to look desperate or needy:(
Yeah, I’ve checked out loads of pages, and they are really helping, so thanks!
admin

October 2, 2013 at 12:14 am

I hope they are!

You are right to not want to see desperate. Your ex may just need more time before he will be responsive.
Nicki

October 2, 2013 at 6:55 am

Okay, thanks!
How do I make sure he knows I like him/want him to contact me? A few months ago when he asked his friends how I am and they told him to ask me himself, he said “I can’t, she hates me”?
admin

October 3, 2013 at 12:56 am

Did you do anything that made you come off as “hating him?”

You can always contact him after NC which is actually what I recommend. Really the only way is to talk really friendly to him.

Sweety

September 30, 2013 at 10:36 am

Hi.Thanks for everything u wrote for us.But My situation is realy weird.And i need ur great help.please. I n my bf had 2 yrs relationship but from past few months he cheated me by being in a relationship with another girl. One day he confronted me that he loves her now n broke up with me. after broke up he tried to contact me n so..He even told me few times that he stil loves me.but then again told that no .he was just addicted to me at the last. now he told that he likes me few days back. we went out a day.. there we huged n even kissed. al these were from his side. now i dnt know wat to do.I love him a lot and want him back. pleasee help me please..

admin

October 1, 2013 at 1:40 am

Well, have you had any serious talk about your relationship going forward?

Fatima

September 29, 2013 at 1:12 am

Hello Chris,
Been reading your website for a month now, so you can guess how long I’ve been broken up with a love one. Been agreeing with majority of what you said, and the bluntness does not really knock-the-air out of me (it’s refreshing, I love blunt people). So please give me some advice with this.

My ex and me have been together for 5 and a half months. For some people that is short but some people don’t get that “certain” connection off-the-bat, imo. He pursued me and I liked him back because of his sense-of-humour. He told me he loved me first and I felt it because of the number of times he actively showed it to me. I wasn’t ready but eventually I fell for him.
We met at work, though he no longer works there, and he is 5 years my junior.

Whatever the reasons, his feelings gradually waned in the last two months.
I am not saying I did not contribute to our break-up because sometimes even good-intentions can drive someone off; it could either be that the intention wasn’t all about him sometimes and also because I pushed him too hard to be better (I strongly believe in him, he is a smart person but he lacks that belief himself). But, he also admitted to me he also had something to be blamed for and for those he was also sorry. This, btw, is something which I am eternally grateful for because not a lot of my previous relationships were ready to admit this. So, in a way he is mature too.

Now, because we both came from broken homes and we don’t know where we want to be or do, I am aware being with him now is not the best time. The weird thing is, our break-up was amicable, though he initiated it and I agreed eventually (the next day) that it was for the best.

Chris, although our relationship wasn’t perfect and we are of the complete opposite, we each held the utmost respect and care for each other. Never did a mean thing or said something bad or did something physical or had someone involved (at least not directly but I don’t feel its a factor really – this on his side). So on our break-up (where we even squeezed in watching a movie together), because we got on so well, the same day he asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him the next day at the restaurant we always went to, together. I said ok and we did.. We spent 5 and a half hours just laughing and generally having a good time. At this point btw, I am totally cool with just being friends because I am mature enough to realize trying to push someone who isn’t whole, not to mention knowing I’m not either, would neither benefit or do some good in the long run.
Now as I am a positive person, the next day was tough. I cried because I was sadden by the break-up but I also felt weird because in my previous relationships, none of this amicability was there; after those break-ups, it were just resentment or bitterness or something along those lines. So then the way I see it, because we got on great and we have had laughs, I was ready and excited about the future for him and me. Whatever it is.

So, now I just genuinely want to be friends with him though I am not going to lie that my feelings are gone because I still love and care about him loads. Because for the sake of what we had, and because he means more to me as a person than an ex, boyfriend or friend, I prefer and in my own mature way think it best that we remain just friends for now. What the future holds, we both don’t know.

Anyways, as I was saying I am optimistic, he is a pessimistic whose been alone far longer than me (I think). He eventually said he can’t even be friends with me. Why is that? I can understand if we disrespected or abused or etc. each other but we haven’t.

Oh, the reason we broke up was because he said he didn’t feel ready, didn’t feel right, he felt empty and unhappy. Now, today he said, he didn’t even love me anymore though I did mean a lot to him before. When I have seen him, he never looks at me and refuses to even touch my hand or be that close to me physically. Why?
Please help! I would like to salvage something. Well, not just something. I want to salvage us. I know its going to take a long process and a lot of effort on my side but I am not ready to give up. I love him more than I thought. And I would be lying if I didn’t want him back. But even now I just can’t. I want us to built that trust again first and work on being friends. Like I said, if our feelings change and we, or I, don’t want to be with him like that, at least we will still have a relationship. A friendship.
Break-ups normally don’t produce two people who end up being friends together but I know three people who managed to be very close friends with their ex. One of them, a girl friend, is friends with all of them! In fact she lives together with one and he looks after her when she’s down. So I know its possible.
I’m not here because of ‘I NEED him’ but ‘I WANT him’ and I want it to last and not be fraught with the same mistakes. I am ready to move on and progress and I would like him to be a part of it.

Please help! (P.S. can someone really stop loving someone just like that? Why doesn’t he look at me or finds it sooo uncomfortable and awkward to be close to me even? He said it is because he just sees an ‘ex’. I know he cares because even if the feelings has changed, he acts respectful in his own way to me. Also, my brother who is pretty good at analyzing said Danny couldn’t look at me because he still has feelings for me and is trying to disconnect himself because he wants to stand up on his own feet and do things/ prove things for himself first. Is this true?
P.P.S. aorry if this is a bit all over the place. My mind is getting worked on).

admin

October 1, 2013 at 1:30 am

I think your brother is spot on!

And don’t worry about being all over the place. Though I do want to tell you that you would really benefit from setting a goal. If you just want to get over him thats fine you can focus on that. But if you want him back you do have to kind of put 100% in that.

Lisa

September 25, 2013 at 5:11 pm

PLEASE READ! IT WORKED FOR ME! I did this and it worked! Please listen to me and what i am saying. My ex fiance and i was going through a hard time. We where together for 7 years and he called off the engagement since he was getting into drugs, liked the bar scene since he was a bouncer, and wanted to live the single life. That didn’t last more then 3 weeks… He came crawling back to me after 3 weeks. One night he just started texting me off the hook, i didnt answer and it turned into him showing up begging for me back at my door. He even went so far to quit his job to be away from that life and to focus on us without any temptation. He waited in my driveway all night till when i woke up the next morning… he got bought me dunkin donuts and flowers, apology card… literally crying apologizing for what he put me through…Right now we are not where i want to be BUT the ball is now in my court and he is dying to have me back in his arms. PLEASE FOLLOW THE NO CONTACT RULE!!! Chris, thank you so much!!!!

admin

September 26, 2013 at 3:16 am

THIS IS EPIC!

I am so happy for you!
Lisa

September 26, 2013 at 5:26 pm

I am too! I followed your whole guide. I printed it out read it, highlighted the important parts, when i felt weak i re-read it again. I improved myself, lost weight, got my hair done, went out with my girls, rebuilt myself and my self of steam. He called me, i ignored it, he texted me around 50 times begging for me back, i ignored it (like you said 30 day nc rule) but then he showed up in my driveway in front of my whole family on my doorstep begging me to forgive him and take him back. He now spoils me now, wants to be with me day in and day out, stopped doing drugs, quit his bouncer job and is now applying for a job that will support us, he also goes to college and is almost done. it is crazy how much they realize they miss you. You say for us girls not to get into psycho girl mode… but if you dont, the boy will… it drove him crazy not talking to me and me going out. He has fallen ever more in love with me now then ever.
admin

September 27, 2013 at 5:59 am

I wish more people were like you.

A lot of times women will read the stuff I talk about “loosely” try it out and then come back complaining when it doesn’t work. However, you were so smart to print it out and highlight the “game plan.” Each step is important and builds on eachother and this is one thing that you can’t half a**.

You did it right and you got a great result. I am ubelievably proud of you:)

Lynn

September 25, 2013 at 2:29 pm

Hello,
Me and my ex dated 7 years ago and broke up. We remained very close friends and just recently dated for three months. However I am too aggressive when it comes to dating and this broke us up both times. I am very set in my ways and determined to get what I want for example I made him hug me when he didn’t want to. Also if he doesn’t text me for a few days I will text him. I want to change and have another chance with him. We broke up yesterday and he said he wanted us to stay friends. I asked if we could ever date again in the future and he said he didn’t know.I really want him back and know we could be happy together but don’t know what to do. Please help !

admin

September 26, 2013 at 3:08 am

Have you done NC? It sounds like your situation is primed for that.

Erin

September 25, 2013 at 4:26 am

My boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago. After 3 weeks of no contact we slowly built a light friendship. Then after we hung out a handful of times and had nice times together (just as friends) I told him I still had feelings for him and wanted to try and rebuild our relationship. He didn’t really give me a clear response. He said he still had feelings for me but just “isn’t there, for anyone, not just me.” He said he still is attracted to me physically but that it scares him. He said he doesn’t want to close the door completely but he understands if I can’t be friends with him right now and doesn’t want me to hold out on a slight possibility. I don’t really know what any of this means. I told him I can’t be friends and went no contact for 3 weeks. Then I called him and said I missed his “friendship” and he said he was giving me space but it was nice to hear from me and I should call again sometime. I said it goes two ways. And it’s been 3 weeks and I haven’t heard from him. I don’t want to chase him. Advice?

admin

September 26, 2013 at 2:39 am

You are right to not chase him the dynamic should be him chasing you instead of the other way around.

Have you reached out to him at all during the 3 weeks?

Bryant

September 24, 2013 at 8:27 pm

Hi, need advise. My boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago and since then we’ve talked and texted a few times. He called and ask if I would like to go with him out of town so I did and we had a wonderful time by the way we live in different states, so anyway since then we’ve talked once and I did the calling. My question is can you tell me how I’m supposed to deal with this I love him and I’m sure he has some feeling for me but I’m not sure what to make of it.

admin

September 25, 2013 at 1:18 am

Have you read my E-Book? or this website? Hahaha

Elle

September 23, 2013 at 12:25 pm

Hey, it’s been a month since my ex broke it off with me. When I contacted him yestersay he told me that he was almost over me completely. That shocked me. Can NC backfire and only make it easier for him to move on?

He also told me that he wants nothing to do with me anymore since he was tired and had enough of me. But I am willing to change although I know it’s already too late. I really am willing to do anything just for another chance (third, that is).

What do you think my chances are? What do i do know :'(

admin

September 24, 2013 at 2:35 am

Haha just wait. Feelings have a way of shifting on a dime.

paige

September 19, 2013 at 6:18 pm

hi. i love the advice you give but i need some xtra advice about my situation. me and my ex have been together for 4 years now. we have 2 young kids that me and him both planned for. we have been through more than our share of ups and downs. but he broke it off with me about a month ago. I guess i am what you call an over giver. i basically spent most of my money on bills and him and the kids. whenever he struggled i helped fixed for the most part. he didnt have a steady job. i also got very emotional and insecure through our relationship because he had a very bad temper and would say mean things and i would cry.i most always said i was sorry first or called first. He left because he said i was to needy but i wasnt always like that. you say to do the no contacct rule but i already made the mistake of calling first. i am a great confident girl at heart i just am so emotionally helpless with him and i dont know what to do.

admin

September 20, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Haha I am glad you are a confident girl! That will help you a lot.

Ok, first I want to recommend the E-Book for extra advice (b/c it will cover things I can’t even go into in the comments.)

I will also say you should check out this post: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-have-a-child-together/

Duygu Su

September 18, 2013 at 8:59 pm

Hi.. I don’t know how to do this, I have never been so sincere with my feelings and this story so here it goes…So me and my ex boyfriend broke up november 2013. He was my best friend before we started dating and I loved him to pieces. But when we started dating, all my excitement was gone and I got bored of it as I am his first girlfriend and first kiss, he got attached to me too much and he was being too clingy therefore i broke up with him…He and I still stayed friends because we live in the same building -boarding school. But he kept on trying to get me back, and in January, we were about to get back but then i met a guy, an exciting badboy to be exact, and started dating him. One would think everything was over between us but in early April, with my friend group, we went to an outside party,my boyfriend wasn’t there and I was cold at some point therefore all night, my hand was in his coat’s pocket and we held hands. The day after I was going to break up with my boyfriend because i realized it was always him and how much I missed him. I know it doesn’t seem like such a strong love, but believe me, it is. But he changed, he put a distance between us and started seeing girls therefore I didn’t do anything and waited until he settled down. Summer, we talked non stop, online, for a month but then he stopped talking to me. when we came back to the school, I found out his new girlfriend whom he met during summer is in our school now and they have been dating for a month. However last week, we kissed in a club while we were out with the friend group again. I understand that he doesn’t love the girl from this, because if you love someone you don’t kiss your ex girlfriend. And yes, he was the one starting it. This is not going to happen again, as I am not going to be the second woman. What to do? I am helpless…

admin

September 19, 2013 at 2:27 am

November 2013 hasn’t happened yet….. Are you from the future??????

Ok, deep breath deep breath.

He still has feelings for you but it’s important that you make it clear that he will not get any PDA if he doesn’t commit to you.

Irene

September 17, 2013 at 1:37 am

Hi Chris,
He broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago because he cheated and didn’t know if he could be in a committed relationship. He said he doesn’t want to date her, he loves me, but he’s in a rut right now and doesn’t want to drag me down with him. We’ve been dating for 6 months without a real commitment. The last time we talked almost a week ago he said he hasn’t had time to miss me because it was so soon after we broke up. He said he needed time to think and one of our biggest obstacle we’ll face if we ever give it another try will be to get over his cheating, and it scares him. We’ve been on NC for 5 days and I intend to go on for a few more weeks so we both have time and room to think things through. Thanks for your articles. They definitely give me more motivation and courage to stay on NC for longer.

admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:45 am

Good for you! I am proud that you have the motivation to keep on keeping on!

Gina

September 16, 2013 at 11:55 pm

Hi Chris, so I desperately need your advice! My boyfriend and I are in college and we go to schools and hr away from each other. We have been dating for about 2 1/2 years. 7 weeks ago, he broke up with me because he was tired of fighting and I think he just needed space. We decided that wed take this time to work on ourselves and then wed get back together. After about a month I called him to see how he felt about getting back together and he told me he doesnt think its a good idea anymore because hes more focused on himself. I was so devastated, I drove to his college that thursday to get dinner with him then. He told me he still loved me a lot he just doesnt know if he “has it in him” to be a good boyfriend right now, or to even be in a relationship. He said if he was going to be with anyone it would be me, but right now he just doesnt really want to. I told him okay and we kissed but we decided maybe to be friends. The day after I left I got a call from my friend that he got drunk and was telling her that he was incredibly miserable without me and missed me so much. He also told another friend (who told me) that he was not happy without me. He has texted me everyday this past week and sometimes his texts are more boyfriendy, other times they are very normal, and sometimes they are cold. It kept hurting me, so I told him yesterday that I couldnt do it anymore and that I had to leave and move on. He replied saying that right now he is his own priority and he isnt ready to be a good boyfriend. He also said that he doesnt think Ive changed in such a short period of time. Its been seven weeks, but one of our main issues was that I was very naggy, and i nagged at him for everything. I definitely realized that after he left and I am so ready to not nag and just be the best girlfriend I can be. He is worth everything to me. So basically right now I still love him so much, and im pretty sure he loves me, but he wont act on his feelings. So i have decided to do nc rule for 30 days and see what happens. I am really hoping it works. If you think theres anything I Can do to get him back, any advice would be so helpful. Thank you

admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:59 am

Yea, what are you doing to evolve during that time?
Gina

September 17, 2013 at 6:17 pm

Hey chris sorry! I thought my post below didn’t send so I had to retype it again and basically the same story posted twice. Also I am posting for my friend alyssa as well so please don’t be confused by the names, were both going through breakups! But as for during the nc time period, I am trying to study and do my best in school, work out, hang with my friends, and just “do me.” Although it does get very difficult because I miss him alot. And Ive also read your long distance page as well but I am confused as to how this nc 30 will work because weve been broken up for 7 weeks. Before we broke up we used to talk everyday so I know he would have missed me if I had done this before…but i am afraid maybe its too late to try this?
admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:01 am

No, you should still try it out. Have you read the guide on NC?
Gina

September 22, 2013 at 6:28 pm

So, I have been doing no contact for 7 days now! Its soo incredibly hard but I am glad I am doing it because already it has given me time to reflect and realize that I also made soo many mistakes in the relationship. One of my friends told me that my ex was saying how he still cares and loves me but doesnt want to get back into a relationship that was so messed up with all the fighting and arguing for 2 1/2 years. Do you think that after 30 days he will be okay giving us a chance again? I know it doesnt just end with the 30 day nc, it is a process even after that texting, talking, meeting up, showing I have changed. But what do you think?
admin

September 22, 2013 at 11:27 pm

I don’t know if I had the answer I would tell you.

All I can say is that by doing what you are doing you will improve your chances 🙂
Gina

September 18, 2013 at 5:18 pm

I have..but I am still very worried. I know that you said it can work even in long distance but I just dont know :-/ The last thing he said was “goodluck :)” And that doesnt seem like someone who will come back even after 30 days 🙁
admin

September 19, 2013 at 2:06 am

Well, this process might take longer than 30 days. I plan on writing a “how long will it take to get your ex boyfriend back” post.

You need to patient and really work on YOURSELF during this time.

I explain this all in the E-book really clearly.

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