How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Fall In Love With You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

744 thoughts on “The Definitive Guide To Making Your Ex Boyfriend Love You Again”

Faye Smith

November 17, 2013 at 10:57 am

Hi Chris.
This feels a little like writing to santa or God. I know you have a lot of people wanting your help but if you could take the time to read this then that would be amazing! And if you reply then it makes you better than santa and God lol.
My Husband and I had been together 4 years and married for one. A month after we married he went into the Navy. 6 months later after a roller-coaster ride he got scared of the commitment and came out just before his basic training would have been completed fully. When he came out he was so sure it was the right thing and although he got into a bit of a depressive state as he soon missed the Navy life, he would say that altho he hated his job, coming back to me made it all worth while!
We tried to plan our future and he would change his mind constantly about which direction he wanted to focus on, ie. career or mortgage or family etc. And along with the depression he would become very hostile towards me if we went out drinking. He would also try and start fights with people so it made it so that i didnt wanna go out drinking with him. I take responsibility for probably not helping with the depression, i took a “we tried your thing now lets do it my way” attitude and quite frankly i was not helping. I see that on reflection.
So then, 5 months after he came out and i was walking on egg shells and he felt he had no control over his life, he tells me that he thinks he might want to go back into the navy. I flipped. tho i was happy in the end when he was in (our time was so special together, quality over quantity), i only remembered the hardship of it at the beginning and didnt wanna go thru that again. I guess i got a bit cocky in the fact that we were married so he wudnt leave. One time we’d argued and i was upset, he came and hugged me and said “however crazy i get, whatever i do next, i DO love you”. But he left a few days later.
He moved in with a friend and we went on a break. I did everything wrong! i was devastated, in his face all the time, i was bargaining, blackmailing, anything i could. So the day came when i found out he had been on a date, and i was devastated. Went crazy and he told me that he didn’t love me anymore.
I then did the NC for a month but left him a heartfelt letter that he read eventually and text me saying that he appreciated my letter and he wud like us to try and be “friendly”. We share dogs so it makes sense. I asked him if we cud revisit the idea wen i got bk from holiday as i was in a good place at the moment. He agreed.
So we met up that first time. It was only brief but we caught up with each other. It was quite awkward but ok. I know that he is still seeing this girl now and they r in a rship. She doesnt live local about a 40 min drive so altho he rents a house of his own he isnt always there. So after that initial meeting, a few weeks went by and the odd message, mainly him asking for things that i still had. Then i knew i was going to be away for the nite and so i suggested he have the dogs which he was very pleased about. I dropped them to him and he asked me where i was going. I lied to him and downplayed where i was going. The next morning i picked the dogs up and stayed for a cup of tea. I ended up being round there for a few hours just talking about stuff. He told me tht he was going to see a solicitor and i sed he cud do wat he wanted but that i was not ready to discuss divorce. That was a whole other can of worms that i cudnt face yet, and he sed that he wud still see the solicitor. I asked if we cud work towards being friends and he sed not at this stage. That made me really angry. he sed he had to think about his new gf before me. That hurt! So when i left i wasnt happy and for the next few weeks we just sent argumentative txt to each other. Then this week he seemed more civil but then asked for something so i felt that i was being used and refused him it. He didnt like that and friday he sed we needed to meet as i needed to look at some paperwork. I was panicking! I so did not want this to happen! But wen i got there and we talked we found out that as usual we had completely misunderstood each other and that all the animosity was unnecessary. we discussed the divorce and i told him that i wasnt ready. He sed that after hearing from me he wudnt push for it and wud wait.
then his housemate came in and sed hed invited people round, so my husband and i were going to continue to talk in the kitchen bit we ended up having a drink and altho i asked him if he wanted me to go he sed no it was fine so i stayed and played poker too. we agreed to carry on our discussion at a later date.
while i was there i nearly shut the door on one of the dogs and he shouted out “Babe” which is what he used to call me, and i sed what? and looked at him amused and he sed, yeah i just realised what i sed. and looked embarrassed. I was pleased about this. shud i be? At the end of the nite, about 1am i asked if i cud stay as i was feeling tired and he sed it wasnt his problem. and wat did i want him to do about it? then he arranged to drive me home but in the end i woke up a bit and drove home myself.
we discussed trying to make a better arrangement wiv the dogs becoz i told him that i dnt want to know wat hes doing and i dnt want him to know wat im doin and he sed he wud try. But then wen he bought the dogs bk the next day and i mentioned it again, he sed he wnt be here all weekend next weekend making the point of telling me wat he was up to!?
He sed he wud let me know wen he had some time to finish our discussion and then left to go to his gfs the rest of the weekend.
My problem is that he implies that him and his gf get on great and tells me tht he will not put my feelings before hers, so i cannot push to b friends in the risk that he is forced to choose and he will not choose me. 🙁 They have been togeva probably 3 months now, but he told his mum (i obviously wasnt supposed to know) that they arent too serious and that he is trying to keep things casual as his ma dnt wanna meet her yet. we r still good friends. Is it just patience i need? i worry that the longer i leave it the closer he will become to her. But i want to do things the rite way this time! And i have the added fight of battling of his urge for divorce which he says wud make things easier. He also says he is doing it because his gf doesnt like it, but then as soon as i see him and speak to him he sees it from my point of view and agrees to wait? I need confirmation about if what im doing is right?
Thanks chris. x

admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:45 pm

OMG…

Wow, I have never been compared to Santa before… I hope you don’t think I am fat?

Do you think this new girl has rebound qualities?

Ivy

November 13, 2013 at 8:31 am

Hey Chris,

I just want to know if my ex had a feelings for me or if all those stuffs he told me lately are true.. Basically we broke up long time backthen after 3 years he contacted me again, and telling that he wants me back inspite of all the replied that i sent to him. I told him that its not possible for us to get back together coz he is already married and as much as possible i asked him to stop contacting me for it is inappropriate. I admit that i still have a feeling for him thats why even if i told him to stop talking to me but then again i can’t help myself not to talk to him or ignore him. He wants to see me but then again we can’t agreed to meet up in a certain place that i like . And I told him that we can meet up in some place like in a coffee shop or in a restaurant for a chit chat and he agreed on that but he preferred to meet up in the city nearby to his current location. I don’t want to be a home wrecker but he insisted that he’d really like me to have in his life again and that he confessed that he was not happy with his marriage and he was fed up. Please advise me on this.

Kelly

November 14, 2013 at 12:03 am

So it’s been a few days since my first contact text. So I sent my second “first contact” text last night. This is what I said: I saw that Passafires new album came out today, and it made me think of you. 🙂

He has not responded or opened it. I am almost positive he read it though because shortly afterwards he liked a status that the band had posted about their new album being out.

I think I may have screwed up because I didn’t realize I had said in my first text that something made me think of him. Did I just screw myself over?

I’m not sure what to do since he hasn’t responded and perhaps I did the second “first contact” text wrong.

Also, what does it mean when a guy doesn’t delete all your pictures from his Facebook profile album?
admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:07 pm

I don’t think so he just obvioiusly isn’t ready to talk to you yet.

It may mean he is too lazy too.
Kelly

November 14, 2013 at 3:02 am

So he finally responded, with this: Oh ya haha did u get it?

It’s pretty obvious to me (unless this is in my head) that since he waited over 24 hours to respond to this first text and my initial first text that he wants to be in control. I almost feel like I shouldn’t be responding right away to him.

How should I respond to this and when should I?
admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:18 pm

I don’t think you should, I think you should wait a few days and text him again with another type of text.
Kelly

November 14, 2013 at 1:09 pm

Chris,
I just wanted to update you and let you know I chose not to respond to him last night. I would like to see what your advice is first. Thanks!
admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:58 pm

Sorry for the late response. You can either respond or start a new thread a few days down the road.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:06 pm

Well, let things play out a bit from his side to see if he actually means what he says. He may just be saying that to string you along as an option.

Kelly

November 9, 2013 at 7:32 pm

Chris,

I need your help. At the end of September my boyfriend of almost two years(whom I was living with) packed his things and left a note saying he loved me and wasn’t in love with me. The next 2-3 days I received a few mixed messages in which he said he let his demons take the best of him and he ruined what was supposed to be a beautiful day with me.

A little background, before I met him he was a recovering alcoholic and pot head. At the core he is an amazingly sensitive and kind hearted guy. He also knows he is a coward. A month before he left we had gone to a concert, he got wasted and turned in to an %$#$^&*. After that he spent two weeks being romantic, etc. Then two weeks later he left. He is 4 years younger than me, he is 25 I am 29. I am madly in love with him and everyone around us though he was madly in love with me as well.

About 6 days after he left he said this:
Im sorry kelly.. :,-( My feelings have been so mixed because of how much i care about you and for the feelings we have for eachother, and for the life we had together. But after sifting thru all my emotions iv focused a lot and i am finally able to tell you what i have not been abe to say, and i dont think i have been feeling the way i should be if i were still in love with you. I feel as tho that if i were in love with you, id still have the guts to fix my mistakes and make things right with you. But I dont believe i have what it takes to come back from this, nor from everything else iv done. That is what iv been conflicting with myself over for some time now, and I now feel that that spark would be there if i were still in love with you. I truly feel so horrible for how i did this. I will absolutely regret it forever.. But it is a worse sin to carry you on even further while i decide my feelings, especially to just realize the truth later down the road.. And i feel so gutwrenched for destroying your world and devestating you, never felt this horrible in my life. But i cant keep lying to myself and to you and continue questioning my feelings for you and struggling with them… Maybe i will realize later on that this was a huge mistake, biggest of my life, but i would have to live with that fact too, because there are no real ways to come back from this and i do not feel that we can heal after all that iv done..

My response was basically that we can always come back from things and that love heals everything and that I didn’t understand how he could go from telling me he couldn’t live without me and wanting to marry me to just up and leaving so he said:

My answer is that basically, whenever i started feeling my mixed up feelings, my defeseive reaction was to start feeling the oppisite in order to compensate for the mixed emotions, in order to convince myself, through my strong feeling of not wanting to hurt you, that i really do love you. That process shouldnt happen if i was truly in love with you i believe and i dont think a relationship should be based around mixed feelings and conflictions with being able to say what i need to say…

I asked how he fell out of love with me and he said

I cant explain how exactly, we were both on the same path together, but sumwhere along the line, my feelings began to change and i started on a different path. I tried desperatly to stay on our path, always denying what i was feeling because i thot being with u was the right thing to do. When i realized that i had to do what i had to do, i freaked cuz i didnt know how to do it and cuz i knew i had been leading u on, and no matter what i knew it would be a messy situation. If i could go back, i woukdnt do that again, and i do not like hurting ppl. Im sorry for being such a low life asshole, and im sorry for not being able to communicate with you..

My response was that I didn’t understand how he could go from not even being able to last 30 minutes without missing me to never seeing me again and I asked how he felt about that.. His response:

Yeah i mean i got over it for the most part within a few days. I accepted my feelings and what i had done.. The fact still remains the same, that i love you i am just not in love with you, and it is wrong to keep prolonging the relationship like that

You werent a horrible gf, its just the farther we got along the more i realized that sum things just arent for me. And living up there waiting for the day to have enough money to move out with someone who im not in love with and being unable to make a true commitment to that are just not some of those things. I thought i was being a good and humble man for sticking with you and trying to fix myself in order to fix the relationship, but that was foolish of me to believe, cuz as iv discovered, prolonging something like that and hurting ppl are not terms of living life to the fullest.. :/

I asked him to clarify what he meant by some things are not for him and he said:

Like what i said about living up there n what not in that last msseage. And living with a false committment to someone and pretending to live happier ever after at this point in my life was not something for me either..

At that point I thanked him for explaining and ended the conversation. I waited 30 days and texted him with this:

I just realized Call of Duty Ghosts is out and it made me think of you for the first time in awhile. I know how much you were looking forward to it!

He didn’t read it right away, he read it this afternoon. After a night out partying. I only know he was partying because he was tagged in pictures at a party and it was on my FB newsfeed this morning. He ended up responding to me with this:

Yeahh i dont think im gonna get it for awhile tho i rly want ps3 or xbox 1 also lol. Buut gonna be tight on money for a bit i just traded my truck in last night 😡

I haven’t responded to it. I honestly do not know how to respond to it or what any of this entire situation means. I know that after being broken up for 6 weeks that I am still in love with him. If you could please give me advice on if I am wasting my time or not and how I should properly respond to his text as soon as you can, I would greatly appreciate it!

admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:22 am

Just end the conversation. Just say Hey I g2g or something like that.

I think that is not a bad response actually.
Kelly

November 10, 2013 at 6:11 pm

I ended up responding (after a few hours) with cool! I’m happy for ya, I hope you got something awesome and you should buy the game as a christmas gift to yourself hope all is well.

He responded: Maybe! Same to you! I got a better version of my last truck lol

So I said That’s you, you’ll have to send me a pic. I’m about to go meet up with some friends have a good weekend!

Now what? lol
Kelly

November 10, 2013 at 7:25 pm

Am I supposed to have a certain amount of time until my next contact and what is my next contact supposed to be? The remembering good times one?

Also there was a typo up above, I said thank you not That’s you.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 10:08 pm

Just follow the guides on this site.
Kelly

November 11, 2013 at 12:13 am

I Have been. This is why I was asking for more in depth advice on my entire situation. It seems I unfortunately have not received any additional advice.
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:03 pm

I’m sorry I have a lot of people asking me questions. I can’t dedicate the proper amount of time to everyone or nothing gets done. I will tell you something though. The main problem when people ask me for advice is that they ask for general advice. Well, that doesn’t help me at all. If you ask me advice for specific situations I can most likely help you more.
Kelly

November 11, 2013 at 9:57 pm

Also a couple things that I am unsure are relevant or not…. a week after we broke up he deleted a bunch of pictures of us from his profile album on FB. However, he still has 2 remaining there that he chose not to delete. Does this mean anything?

and secondly, do guys truly do the opposite of what they are thinking or feeling to try to convince themselves of their own emotions? (i.e my conversation with him up above)
Kelly

November 18, 2013 at 1:09 pm

So, I’ve been telling you all of his responses and goin by your advice in this thread. I am beginning to feel that this guideline isn’t working. That it’s doing the opposite, in fact. I sent him a message two days ago with a funny picture just saying thought you’d get a kick out of this. He responds with that’s hillarious. I said I know right, how are you? And he never responded to me. That was my third first contact text. I feel like his responses to me have worsened.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Well, in the end I think you nened to get creative b/c no matter what you know your situation better than I do so do what feels best in yoru gut.
Kelly

November 15, 2013 at 12:29 am

What does it mean if he is just being lazy?
Kelly

November 17, 2013 at 2:26 am

Well, my question was if you had any suggestions on what my next message should be. My first two both had the words “it made me think of you involved.” Would it be too much if my third text had that as well?
admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:09 pm

No I think you should change it up. Similar but change it up a bit. Has he been responding positively?
Kelly

November 16, 2013 at 12:35 am

Do you have any suggestions as to what my next text should be? I feel like saying I was thinking about him for the third time is far too much. Lol.
admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:34 pm

Do you think he will respond positively to that.
Kelly

November 16, 2013 at 12:33 am

Lol well I’m not sure what his laziness has to do with the texting?

An article to consider would be in regards to break ups that are not seen. I know a lot of people who have had their boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband who packed and left leaving a note for the other person to find. I think that this can be an interesting study and I think as far as getting them back it may involve additional tactics that you have not yet explored.
admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:36 pm

I will look into doing that.

His laziness.. sometimes guys won’t respond just b/c they are too lazy.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:21 pm

That he is a lazy guy. Not sure how much more I can say about that haha.
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Yes some guys do. It’s interesting because every guy is different and will have a different reaction but some guys do do that.
Kelly

November 15, 2013 at 12:27 am

Ok, I will wait 3-5 days and try a different subject. Do you have any suggestions? I’ve read the whole guide and I understand it. Part of me feels like I have a very different case than most people.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:26 pm

Everyone has a different case so its understandable. Is there anything you would like me to write about in the future?
Kelly

November 12, 2013 at 11:01 pm

Do you know why men do this?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:58 pm

Because deep down we are all jerks that like to see women cry…

No jk jk hahaha.

Umm… maybe because they are unsure.
Kelly

November 11, 2013 at 2:03 pm

I honestly really need to know from your perspective if this is a lost cause or not.
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:51 pm

I think your chances are lower than other peoples but that doesn’t make it a lost cause.
Kelly

November 11, 2013 at 9:55 pm

Why do you feel that its not a lost cause? And just to clarify, my next contact should be a few days after my first contact text and be basically another first contact text message. Correct?
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Pretty much but extend the conversation more the second time around 🙂
Kelly

November 9, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Also, in the past 30 days he never bothered to try contacting me.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:26 am

Thats ok. Its normal in some cases.

Tina

November 8, 2013 at 11:21 am

Chris , your advices has been so on point and it has helped me alot on myself but theres still problems lol overall I’m looking for advice on my situation . My boyfriend of a year and 4 months has been on and off for a while . I had issues like I was too codependent on him . We basically lived together without even planning it . I was always at his house but things with us got so confusing . We would argue about the little things because I’d be the one to bring up the stupid little insecure bullshit . Which I learned its the wrong thing to do . I kept thinking negative about the relationship but he was honestly good to me .. I learned from Law of attraction that my negative thoughts brought them to life . Everything I was thinking didnt necessarily happened the exact way I thought them but it did push him away . Slowly he would distant himself from me . This made me even more upset esp since I relied on him for my happiness . which was MY mistake . I learned that I had to be happy within myself before anything could ever work out .. So we broke up last month and that only lasted 2 weeks . I was begging and crying for him to come back but he kept telling me that I needed to work on myself and he felt like he was an “anchor” to me .. smh soo , I ignored him for 3 days & then he came back begging for me this time lol but I took him back because I truly love this man & plus he was at my house crying for me to come out . That night we was in his car and he was being soo sweet to me but that only last for a couple of days till he started to become distant again which made me question him even more smfh I guess i gave in too quickly ? but just about last week he started to call me less , made excuses to seeing me . I would have to call to ask to spend time with him and he would choose his friends over me -.- Literally , I was hurt . I would keep calling him and asking if he wanted to be with me and he said YES but in an angry way .. I knew he was being annoyed but something in my gut tells me he was still confused . So a couple nights ago , I tried talking to him again and he kept making excuses like he was tired and that he was gonna call me later .. blah blah blah but ME ? I tried my hardest to respect his request but I couldnt bare feeling like I was living a lie . . so we said our goodnights .

I was on instagram & one of my old guy friends liked most of my pictures lol and I gave him a shout out saying “HMU sometimes” of course my ex saw it and called me yelling at me and calling me names . disrespected me and everything . He was very very upset over this and I saw it wasnt a big deal . So he broke up with me but the only reason why he was upset was because in the past when me and him would break up , i would go and talk to other guys to keep my mind off of him . Which caused alot of drama when we got back . but i stopped doing that when I knew it was useless . Also , I had a crazy past which was hard for him to accept but he did anyways . So you see theres alot of problems in our relationship .
One , I depended on him for my happiness .
We didnt give eachother enough space
My family doesnt want us together
I was insecure
I also started drama for no reason
I basically done everything wrong a girl could have done instead of cheating on him . SO sorry if this is all over the place lol but now we are broken up . Yesterday I went to his house to get my stuff and he DID NOT want to see me nor did he wanna talk to me . He kept yelling at me but me being stubborn , I wouldnt leave . I sat on his bed and basically made him spend time with me but he was sleeping so I just slept there with him -.- When im telling you I love this guy and would not give up , I mean it . I know its meant to be . He told me the reason why he doesnt want to be with me and that is because he doesnt trust me , hes not happy with me , he said I never changed , he said he still feels like hes holding me back and that he feels like hes not good enough .. He told me he doesnt love me anymore and that he does not want to be with me .. I know you may be thinking like , damnn , this chick got issues for still wanting to be with him but I cant let him go . I dont ever want to lose him in any way and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work again . I cant believe that he doesnt love me because 2 days ago he loved me lol I just feel like hes confused , and is very very mad at me . Today is my first day of No contact and I am willing to go on with it but truthfully , I just want to know if theres any chance of us getting back . I read your guide on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule” and he seems to be the stubborn and angry guy soo thats like giving me no hope what so ever but I have also read The Secret and is starting to use the Law of attraction to help me during this No contact thing . As a guy , Chris do you think there will ever be a chance ? I know hes really mad at me and I know I should use this time to better myself but I cant stand the thought of losing him . I guess I just really want to know how to get him back even if hes mad at me . Please help !

admin

November 8, 2013 at 7:05 pm

I do think there will be but I have proof. Take a look at the success section: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/success-stories/

Britt

November 5, 2013 at 10:53 pm

Hi Chris,
I need your help. I was in a short relationship with this guy for 5 months. We’ve been broken up for about 4 months now. After we broke up, we continued to sleep together. However, we always got in arguments because I wanted commitment again, and he wouldn’t commit. We broke up because every time we’d get into a fight, I’d break up with him. He said he wasn’t getting back into a relationship with me only to get dumped a week later. I’m sure I drove him nuts with all the text messaging I did. It’s now been a month since our final break…from being friends with benefits. We got into a big fight, and we both said things like “leave me alone” and “get out of my life” blah blah blah. That’s kinda how it ended. I didn’t text him for 3 days, and then I got a text from him at midnight asking why I include him on group text msgs. I responded basically saying I’m sorry. He never responded back. I text him the other night saying that I hope we can be civil with each other one day, and not always have the “silent treatment” at school. He replied exactly this “Ya I hope so too in time…things are just awkward right now and it actually sucks.” I want him back. We go to school together on the weekends, and I’m don’t think he still has feelings for me. He flirts a lot with this one girl (who is engaged by the way), and I have a gut feeling he could be secretly involved with her. He’s been going out a lot and hanging out with girls because I saw the pics he posted. This past weekend I was at school with him, and we didn’t talk because things are still awkward between us. He seemed not quite the “sociable sally” he normally is.I try not to glance at him at school because I don’t want him to know that I’m looking at him. I did notice that when I walked across the classroom, I saw him looking at me. What do you think I should do?

admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:07 pm

I think you should try NC!

Dhes

November 1, 2013 at 8:17 am

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago already. This past week, i am always at their home taking care of him because he got in an accident. When i am there, we hold hands, i can hug and kiss him but when i go home, i always receive a text message from him saying that i am just wasting my time proving to him that i love him and no matter what i do, he will stick to his decision that he wanted the relationship to end. How come that when we are together, he allows me to hold his hand, kiss and hug him?

admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Maybe you should take the opposite approach and go full NC!
Dhes

November 1, 2013 at 11:49 pm

Is it ok to go full NC after his next surgery which is two weeks from now or do it now?
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:39 pm

I would say do it now… BUT trust your gut on this one. What is YOUR gut telling you.
Dhes

November 1, 2013 at 11:52 pm

What do you think as well is the reason why his actions (he allows me to hug and kiss him and even hold hands) is different from his text messages to me?
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Maybe it has something to do with seeing you in person vs not seeing you in person.
Dhes

November 1, 2013 at 8:55 am

Is it a sign as well that things are getting better for the both of us?
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:48 pm

Maybe leaning towards that way a little bit.

Bethy

October 30, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Oh! Chris ..
I’m now on 10 days of NC after break up.
Sadly, we are long-distance, and how can I follow like
dating outside or in-touch matters 🙁

P.S
It’s out 2nd break up. First time I succeeded by following your advices. We could make this in 2 months (call it in short timeline that you’ve classified on another page).
After reconciling about 1.5 months, we really became face the two problems you point out in this short period
– force things
– what change
he changed and cool like an ice, then finally it comes to break up with him.
…………………….
It’s not my first experience, so I’m much relief right now, and emotions begin to stable.
But my goals to get him back is never ruin 🙂 NC still a goes here.

Please drop me some Advices! Chris ..
More than THANKS!

admin

October 30, 2013 at 10:08 pm

10 days WOOT WOOT!

Hey check out the LDR post if I haven’t already recommened it.
Bethy

October 31, 2013 at 1:55 pm

Ofcoz I did. I’ve already shuffled all of your posts in this blog (except ex-husband and having child together 😛 )
After reading and thinking again and again, I feel like I’m getting things I didn’t care or I didn’t know, plus we couldn’t handle.
Chances may be weak, in the matter of fact,
it’s our SECOND break up, and most tactics were I’ve used to get him before (I succeeded). That’s why I’m getting little nervous.
He’s womanizer btw, girls are waiting for our break-up.
I hate this, there even won’t be time for him to feel the break-up emotions.

Please say sth Chris ! 🙂 Thanks
admin

October 31, 2013 at 8:07 pm

Womanizer… hmm… thats not good.

Some guys don’t know how to handle a lot of attention from girls and jump from woman to woman.

A

October 27, 2013 at 8:40 pm

Hi, I was in a relationship with a guy for about 4 months. About 2 weeks ago, he came over for dinner on Friday. I asked him if he was interested in having dinner the next night as well. He said maybe and said he wanted to spend time with his friends Saturday night, but I was welcome to go out with them. I felt like he wanted time away from me but he didn’t say it. The next morning he was leaving early for work and I asked him if he was coming over for dinner or not (since I would have to go to the grocery store if he did)? He said maybe, if it was an earlier dinner, at like 6. When he got out of work (around noon) he called me and we chatted like normal and he said he was going home to figure out his plans and he would call me about dinner. Well it gets to be 6:30 pm and he didn’t call me, so I call him. He apologizes saying that he was sleeping until just a few minutes before. I asked him what the plan was that night and he said he just wanted to hang out with his roommates. I said ok have fun and even though I was upset that he waited to tell me, and I was upset he didn’t call, I tried to let it go. The next day I try to play it cool, but we were at a football party at his friends place and they were all talking about how much fun they had the night before. For some reason hearing all the girlfriends talk about the night made me feel really bad, because it seemed like I was the only one not invited. I went outside bc I felt like I was going to cry, which I did and I was out there for a while. He eventually came out and I told him how I felt. He said we had been spending a lot of time together and he needed some time with his friends. I told him I would rather see him on the weekend and not on the weekdays and so he said why don’t we do that. The next day few days, he was very distant, not calling or texting as much, which confused me. On Wednesday I called him and I said I didn’t know if I liked not seeing him during the week because if feels like its turning into not talking at all during the week, and I was wondering if his change in behavior was intentional or not. He got really defensive and said he felt like I was smothering him and I was crying but at the end I said I knew I was overreacting and on Sunday I overreacted and I am usually not like this (I’m not I don’t think) I sent him a text the next day apologizing and saying I hoped he had a good time out of town that weekend and hopefully we could work things out when he got back. He called me that evening like nothing was wrong, so we chatted and I ended the conversation. He texted me Friday night saying let’s talk Sunday when I get home. He then called me at 4am (claiming to not be drunk but maybe he was) on Sunday morning asking if I wanted something from where he was visiting. He called again Sunday morning, but I didn’t get it until the afternoon because I was busy. He didn’t answer my call, so I texted him saying I missed your call, call me when you’re home! I ended up going over to see him when he was home, and we pretended there was no problem for a little bit, then I asked if we could talk about it. He said he was trying to balance everything in his life, me his friends work and just life and alone time. I told him I completely understood, and that I was just looking for some communication so I knew what he wanted. I thought it ended well, and we made plans to go see a movie Wednesday. We didn’t talk too much Monday or Tuesday but I realized that maybe that is what he needed and didn’t push, call at all or text more than once without a response. On Wednesday he asked to change plans and we could get food and watch a movie at his place. I thought everything was good, although he was less affectionate than usual (he hates PDA which is something I had been trying to work with) but at the end of the night before we were about to go to sleep he blew up at me and said that I kept doing things that were annoying him and everything was just pushing him away from me. I tried to talk to him, because I didn’t even know he was annoyed with me. I got upset and he cuddled with me, then woke me up an hour later asking if I wanted to have sex. I said no I don’t think so and he promptly went back to sleep. I got upset and got up ready to just leave. He woke up and asked if I was leaving and I shrugged saying I felt like that’s what he wanted. He said he didn’t say that and he said if I left he would get over it eventually (implying we would break up). I asked if he wanted me to stay and he said it seemed like I already had made up my mind. I said I didn’t want to leave and I laid down with him again. He hugged me tight all night, if I moved he would pull me closer. The next morning when he was leaving for work I asked what now? He said he was sorry he should have woken up earlier to talk about it, but we would talk later that night. I asked for a hug and he kissed my forehead, gave me a hug, said I’m sorry then gave me a kiss on the lips. I apologized too, and I thought things might be OK. He didn’t talk to me that whole day, and I could feel like he wanted to break up. I called him and he ended up saying that he wanted space, and that he hasn’t even had a week alone, and that he didn’t see the relationship going anywhere since his opinion of me has changed since I got upset that one Sunday and he saw me as just a needy person. I said I wasn’t usually like that and I regret my actions then. He said he still would be friends and we could text and stuff. We hung up and I haven’t contacted him since then (which has been a whole 3 days) It’s been rough, but do you think it’s possible once I give him some time that he would be interested in getting back together or should I just try to move on? Prior to the time I got upset, he would tell me how different I was from other women, how awesome he thought I was, and even joked that he’d be ok getting me pregnant so he could lock me down (I didn’t appreciate that and he told me he was joking and stopped making that joke). I just wish I could take back that Sunday I got upset and keep it to myself.

admin

October 27, 2013 at 11:08 pm

A PDA phobia?

Is he scared to like hold hands or something?

Are you currently doing NC?
A

October 28, 2013 at 12:07 am

No he would hold hands he just doesn’t like kissing or anything because he says it makes other people uncomfortable.

I have been doing NC, haven’t talked to him since the breakup phone call.
admin

October 29, 2013 at 1:49 am

Well, I guess if you are full blown making out in front of other people it can but just a regular kiss shouldn’t.

Glad you are in NC. I truly am! Tell me about any progress you have made personally during the rule?
A

October 27, 2013 at 8:44 pm

Wow Sorry for such a long comment. I got carried away. But I feel like spelling it all out will help me make sure that I’m not just trying to show my side of the story, because I feel I am very much at fault for what happened and I want to fix it :/

Butterfly

October 22, 2013 at 1:24 pm

Hi, So its been three – four weeks since we broke up and we been in contact till last Saturday. I ended up begging him for another chance and when he said no, I said that I wish he will kill himself (I know, very rude to say- regret it now). He told me that lets not talk for a while. He said that he still cares about me, but I am not sure if he does any more. When I asked him for a chance he told me that he want to meet new people and see what is out there and then maybe in future we might be able to get back together, but no promises. But I ended up making him really mad by saying the above comment. So now, it’s been two days I have had any contact with him. Then I sent him a long msg ( really long msg) saying how I never loved him but still stayed with him and how thankful I am that we broke up.We currently are in two different cities but with in 2 months we will be in same city for college. What should I do? HELP!

admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Have you read the LDR post?

Jesse

October 21, 2013 at 7:24 pm

What if a guy answers but he actually does not expect my reply to his reply…

admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:20 am

Then why would he reply?

Hahahahaahahahaha

Marty

October 18, 2013 at 7:18 pm

What if we ended things on good terms, and his responses will be positive bc he wants to be nice?

admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:38 pm

It is possible but I guess it supposes on the context of the conversation.
Marty

October 18, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Just saw identical question below…doesn’t matter xD

Didi

October 18, 2013 at 3:18 pm

What if his responds are positive bc he is a nice guy and does not want to hurt me more?

admin

October 18, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Well, that is why you follow the texting plan from the E-Book and slowly kick things up a notch to really test him.

Anita

October 17, 2013 at 10:00 pm

Hi Chris

I came across your site, its really good. I just wanted to ask you for some advice. I was seeing my ex for nearly 14 years, we broke up last july. the last year of the relationship things started to seem different. He was distant and he told me he didnt the same as he did before, he said he wanted to be friends but somehow we were still acting like boyyfriend girlfriend. I then asked him if he was seeing someone and he said yes so naturally i went a bit crazy told him not to contact me anymore. He was texting me asking how i am which this dragged on for 6 months and in this time we both said alot of things out of anger.

This guy is the love of my life he said i was too a month before we broke up.. Weve been through alot of ups and downs, i had cancer and he was my rock but because of the cancer i became very depressed and him feel depressed too. I have used nc for a while i contacted him but he doesnt seem to want to talk to me, he said everything i have said to him is what he remembers of me now, which is a shame because i was angry im not at that place anymore, hes now starting to talk but is still guarded. I want him back we have alot of history and i know he still cares but i dont know what to do wether to let him come to me or should i pursue him slowly.

Hope you can give some advice. Thanks

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:18 pm

14 years is a long time.

So, have you read this article yet: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/

Hannah

October 15, 2013 at 12:51 pm

My boyfriend of 4 and a half years broke up with me around about 3 months ago, and broke up based purely on the fact that he had ‘lost his feelings’ for me. However he reiterated many times that he was still really attracted to me, and cared for me a lot. However in the space of a couple of weeks he began going out with another girl. All of his family and friends think he is an absolute idiot for letting me go and it has caused lots of issues. I have done NC for over 30 days and received a text from him, however it is more down the lines of being friends. He is still oblivious to what he has done though to cause such upset with everyone and myself. Is there a chance he’ll return?

admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:12 am

Have you implemented the texting plan on the E-Book or in the site yet?
Hannah

October 16, 2013 at 9:51 am

Hi Chris,

Thank you for getting back in contact so swiftly.

Yes I have slowly begun the texting and have had very quick responses. I have also remained in control in terms of finishing the conversation. It’s now been 3 days since I last spoke to him. With the advice of friends I have been trying to wait to get him to send a text first. It is a little tricky for me however, as I am best friends with his sisters so am keeping in contact with them in the meantime.

Thank you for all your help, and look forward to hearing from you shortly. (Please do tell me though if you feel this is a lost cause!)
admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:25 am

I don’t think it is a lost cause. I would tell you if I did.
Hannah

October 15, 2013 at 1:00 pm

Just to add, he wanted to ensure me throughout the whole thing that I had not done anything wrong at all, and that if he could switch a switch he would to go back to what we were. We have had a great relationship with no arguments etc at all, and get on like we are best friends.

Gina

October 14, 2013 at 9:46 pm

Hi Chris! I just finished the 30 day nc and texted my ex today. (we dated for 2 1/2 years and were broken up for about a month and a half before I started this no contact rule.) I sent him a text about a movie we watched and how we laughed about it to remind him of a good memory. He replied with a few laughing emojis and said “that was so funny!!” I then replied saying “yes too funny! how have you been?” He replied saying he was busy with school and such and asked how I was. Then I said that I was on fall break but I had to go now because my friends were waiting for me. He replied saying “Alright, have fun!” So my question is what exactly do I say next time I text him? How long can I text him for? And is it a good sign that he texted back like that? To be honest, I was a little sad, I was hoping hed say something like “its good talking to you, ive missed you” But obviously thats living in a fantasy world haha. And how exactly do I work our conversations into something more meaningful, because right now it seems they are just small talk and I want to be his gf again and I know small take wont cut it

admin

October 15, 2013 at 2:37 am

You are actually supposed to end the conversation after FC and slowly build rapport and work up to meaningful conversations….
gina

October 15, 2013 at 4:09 am

Oh okay…I think ill text him wed with a funny joke or something and start a small convo with him for a while..I also think I’m going to buy your ex bf pro tomorrow! Seems worth it and I really am willing to try anything to get him back haha
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:45 am

Don’t send him anything until you read PRO cover to cover. I will give you some good starter texts in there.
Gina

October 16, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Hi Chris! I read your ex bf pro cover to cover last night! So the issue I am having is that my ex responds to all my texts..just very coldly. Or more neutral I guess. Today I texted him a joke and he responded saying that was funny and I continued the convo saying yes, isn’t it better than my old jokes? He responded saying “yes. I actually have to study for an exam right now, so i’ll probably talk to you later?” I responded saying “okay thats fine! goodluck on your exam!” The thing is chris, I know my ex and I cannot continually keep sending him memories of our past because he will get annoyed and I know it. Its been four days since nc ended and the first text I sent went fairly well and then I ended it. I know he wasnt studying THAT hard core because I saw him on fb just a few mins after…so I know he just said that to avoid talking to me. I know if I text him he will reply, i just need to figure out how to turn these neutral replies into positive ones…any suggestions? In the ex bf pro, you give great examples of how to initiate contact and such, but the issue with me is that he IS replying, just extremely neutrally/negatively. What should I do?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:44 am

Ok, back off for a bit. I think you are pressing too much. If he is responding neutrally or negatively just go back into NC for like a few days (unless he contacts you.)

You are right you can’t keep sending memory texts but hopefully you have gotten comfortable enough to send a more general text starter.

M

October 12, 2013 at 9:08 pm

Hi Chris,

I’ve been reading your website and find all this info helpful. I’m just feeling really lost at the moment. My ex and I were together for more than 4 years and were living together when he decided to end things. We were having communication issues which led to other issues. Before he ended things we had not spoken to each other in two days because we were both so busy with work and other commitments that we just saw each other when it was time to turn in. Apparently when he was breaking up with me he had told me that he was unhappy for a while but didt feel like telling me. Ive been thinking back to why I couldnt see it and its really tough because his attitude with me never changed. We had even just gone on three weekend trips and everything seemed great. It literally felt like a rug was ripped out from under my legs and that it was a really rash decision to make to end things. I moved out and gave him space for week. After a week I was realizing that it wasnt fair for me to live in two places so I suggested we talk. After talking, he pretty much told me that he didnt love me the same and felt as though any work or effort we put into the relationship it could never be as it once was or he wouldnt be able to love me the same way. It was really frustrating for me to hear this because out of all the years we had been together we rarely fought and had so many good memories. He then proceeded to say that all he could remember was feeling frustrated and trapped by the end of relationship. Needless to say I am still very much in love with him. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago. At first I was a wreck and needed to find out why it ended so suddenly. After that first chat I was a needy pest and was texting him a lot. I took a step back and cut off all contact, up until I told him I was going to our apt to get the rest of my stuff. Hadnt texted him in a week and cave in today, sent hima happy memory text. What should I do? Do you think I still have a chance to win his heart back?

admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:18 pm

Sorry you are feeling lost. 🙁

So, for you I think simplifying things would be great.

You say you tried NC but caved. Well, lets see if you can get through an entire month of NC.
M

October 13, 2013 at 10:59 pm

We chatted today again and I managed to get a straight answer out of him. He told me that he felt like I was taking out my frustrations on him and didn’t want to deal with the tension. He told me that he had stopped loving me well befote july but stayed in the relationship because he thought it was just going to pass without talking about it. I had no idea it was going on because I became so wrapped up in my own problems. We both apologized that we never talked about it. And I told him that I was sorry I ever made him feel like I didn’t love him. Our conversation ended by agreeing to celebrate with one another when a good memory brings a smile to our faces. I also told him that even though he feels differently about me right now that hopefully we will be able to find someone if not each other again in the future who will be able to fulfill all our needs. It was a nice coming to terms conversation. I still of course are routing for us. Definitely going to do the full 30 nc. Do you think he still cares for me? What do you think my chances are aft nc?
admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:34 am

Gald you are going the full 30 days.

I think a part of him cares about you without a doubt. The question is, is it the right part.
M

October 14, 2013 at 12:17 am

I should alsso mention that he has been hanging out a lot more with a girl from work. He told me they aren’t dating but of course it still hurts. Rebound?
admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:31 am

Well, if they aren’t dating then its nothing but if they are it could be a rebound certianly

S

October 12, 2013 at 4:05 am

Hi,
My ex broke up wid me a few months back in June 2013. After that he said he needs me to be his best friend. Just for his sake I became his best friend although he knew I still loved him. However recently I got to know from him that he cheated on me since a long time back(March-April 2013) with his high school crush. He proposed her in July 2013 though. Before that he had just been talking to her. I have been talking to him on and off since the time i got to know about these things(that is a few weeks back). He says to me that he never had such feelings for me the way he had for his school crush. Now let me tell you he is a compulsive liar and he has lied to me about all kinds of stuff. But eventually he tells the truth to me. But I still do love him and I know somewhere he cares for me too. I wish I could get him back.
Do I start the NOC now? Will I still be able to get him back?

S

October 12, 2013 at 4:39 am

ALso if I have to start the NOC, how should I end conversation wid him? What are ways of starting an NOC?
admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:25 pm

NC you mean?

You just start it haha.

Kim

October 10, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Great website!! I am the UG and always have been
but this time I’ve fallen hard and my coolness
flew the coop. I took his dedication and love, and
thought he would do anything for our relationship.
I also treated him like we were already fully
committed. I made demands and he started
pulling away. Makes sense. I scared him
Then I started chasing him. I flipped out because
I wasn’t getting the attention I wanted and broke it off
In an uncontrolled manner, thinking he would come back
But he didn’t and I called him (huge mistake). He
Was then back in the drivers seat and I still was at
The chase stage and he had pulled away even
More (because of a crazed woman). So… A month
later nothing changed, so I broke up with him
Again, but this time in a controlled way without emotion. I told him
That our relationship wasnt good and that I’ve been
Chasing after things in the relationship that no
Longer exist (pretty much giving up). That was 4 weeks
Ago and I made sure to drop off everything at his house
shortly after the breakup.
I’m trying to be patient with the NC rule but
I think I have completely screwed up. How long
Should I wait before I text him about an
emotional event (w/o being emotional) ? Will my “giving
Up” be intriguing enough for him to want to
Try again?

admin

October 11, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Usually the NC lasts 30 days. And then a few weeks after it ends (if you buttered him up enough) you can text him about the emotional event.
Kim

October 10, 2013 at 9:05 pm

I also forgot to mention that we’ve been dating
For 3 year but we’ve only been able to see e.o
Every other weekend and a night each week.
Circumstances have caused our patience to be tested. And I’m not
A patient person (so I’m learning).

Biola

October 10, 2013 at 11:33 am

Hi. How do I get your book if I don’t have cards or paypal? I live abroad. Thanks!

admin

October 10, 2013 at 4:09 pm

Well, you should be able to sign up for Paypal

Joyce

October 8, 2013 at 9:01 pm

Hi, I just wanted to say thanks for this website. I’ve been dating my ex for 2.5 years and for 80% of the time, I was the distant one. He put up with me through all the “breaks” I needed and most of my unresponsiveness. I know I took him for granted so one day, he finally cracked and broke up with me (one month ago) but immediately started begging me to take him back. I had no doubts about taking him back but I was just so angry that I refused for a while. And when I finally said I would take him back, he said he had doubts. He had just met this girl and I noticed how close they were in his photos. I pointed it out to him and he insisted they were just friends until she told him that she liked him right after we broke up. He said didn’t want to regret not dating other people and wanted to see if he could be happier with someone else then he broke up with me again. (This all happened in a month and I’ve turned from a stoic being into a complete emotional wreck) I’m not sure if he’s going to out with her yet because he limited me on his social network sites. I will try the NC because he keeps texting me. But I think the thing is, my birthday is coming up and I know he’ll at least wish me “Happy Birthday” and I don’t want to seem rude by not saying thank you. (I won’t be answering when he follows up with asking me what I did to celebrate) but I’m not sure if I should respond at all.

I’m a bit better now and I’m looking better than ever since I lost a lot of weight since the broke up, so I actually look better than when I first met him. 🙂 (sorry I’m really not conceited, I’m just happy I lost all the weight I always wanted to lose) But anyways, I’m just scared that if I don’t talk to him for a month (probably 2 since I’m going on vacation) he’ll just move on with this new girl.

admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:20 am

Well, remember no matter what it is impossible to control him. So, you can’t control what he does. However, you can influence what he does. Which is a part of the NC. Of course, if he does move on to the new girl also realize that she could potentially be a reobund from you.
Joyce

October 9, 2013 at 5:11 pm

Hi Chris! Thanks for the quick reply 🙂
I just wanted your opinion – Is it weird if I started the NC now?
I met up with my ex last night to watch the premiere of a show. It was something we always did together and he was the one who called me out to watch it. We chatted about normal day to day stuff and I subtly dropped happy memory stuff here and there. And he responded positively and even brought up our intimate moments. At the end of the night, he told me he missed me and hugged me for so long. I have a feeling that he wanted to get laid too (just to assure you – nothing happened!) and he’s never been with anyone else nor is he one to be intimate with a girl if he doesn’t have feelings for them. I’m so confused. When he told me he missed me, all I did was gently asked if he was going to be okay.
Is it going to be confusing if I start NC now? Or would you recommend something else that you feel would be better?

PS. Sorry for the long messages. 🙁 but thank you so much for helping. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it
admin

October 10, 2013 at 1:37 am

Nope I don’t think its weird at all.
Joyce

October 8, 2013 at 10:12 pm

Sorry, I forgot to mention, but i really wanted to thank you for this site. It really gave me hope but more importantly, the NC rule really put things into perspective. I really think I need to find myself again, because I think I just lost myself in that relationship. I was so cold to him because I didn’t want to want him. But reality is, I really loved him yet I hated being so dependent on someone. Anyways, I will use the 30 days to reconnect with people and find myself again, be the person I use to be – one who wasn’t afraid to show how I felt. So thank you. I feel that this site was truly what I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and get a grip!
admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:22 am

Glad you are getting something out of it. It really makes me feel good to hear this 🙂

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