Should You Tell Your Ex That You Still Have Feelings For Him?

80 thoughts on “Should I Tell My Ex Boyfriend I Still Have Feelings For Him?”

Simmi

December 13, 2017 at 5:40 pm

Our break up happened a year ago. Since then i contacted him just two weeks back and had a simple how r u n hows life kind of chatting. What next ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2017 at 1:18 pm

You’re still talking to him now?

Hannah-Jayne Miller

December 13, 2017 at 2:27 pm

I have written here a few times over the last 3 months. I am so confused with my ex. We broke off after 9 months because his family didn’t like us being together due to cultural differences. For a while after the break up we stayed in contact he even took me to France for a week. Then I found out he was dating and then he apologized for dating as he said it was too quick (6 weeks after the break up) then he told me he needed space. So for over a month we didn’t speak but came his birthday and I said “happy birthday” we had a brief chat also found out he was dating again. I(thought this would be okay as had done NC for over 30 days) . Anyway conversation ended and that was on November the 16th, didn’t hear from him up until last Wednesday and he messaged to make sure all was okay with me because he has also been reading all my stories updates on what’s app and Instagram still. Again was brief, then he messaged me again on the Friday asking again if all was okay. Then Saturday came and he sent me a video of loads of presents he was sending the local hospital which he does every year and in the message he said “thought you would like to see all the presents I bought considering this time last year was when we started properly talking and this is what we spoke about ” I replied and nothing back. Then yesterday he messaged me again making sure I was definitely okay as I’ve had lots going on lately. Again, only a brief chat. He also mentioned that he will continue to follow my stories on social media because he wants to check up on me. I honestly don’t know what to take from all this. We have now been split up nearly 13 weeks now. Am I just to assume that this is definitely over or is there still hope? He is very stubborn and the fact his family won’t agree to us just makes me think I have no chance. Plus I have done the NC and that has done nothing either really. He is a very hard man to figure out. Please help. Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2017 at 12:10 pm

Hi Hannah,

The proper way of doing nc is accepting he has moved on, not talking to him for a period of time while you’re actively improving yourself and doing posts that doesn’t disappear after 24 hours, and then initiating contact after nc to slowly build rapport while you continue what you were doing during nc.. Check this:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Lauren

December 13, 2017 at 5:09 am

My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago, he told me he wasnt feeling responsable for anything and that he didn’t wanted to hurt me because of this, we have been dating for 1 year and 2 months, but i spent 6 months long distance, we were still together and everything was fine except for little fights over bad communication, before coming back i asked him for a time apart because i was really mad that he wasnt paying attention to our relationship ( communicating ) he apologized and said it was fine, when i came back we where together and everything was perfect our love was the same but the problem was that he is a comfort guy and since he got used to not making time to see me like before i felt it and talked about it with him but he said he loved me this happened like 3 times, we live 1 hour away from each other so i feel like we never got our chance do readjust to the relationship after i came back (with this i mean seeing each other; making time for each other) and then when we broke up he said he loved me and that when he was okay again he will reach me because he didnt know what was happening to him, i told him i understood and said goodbye and that i wasnt going to wait for him, that he could try reach me up and if we still loved each other good. So i didnt contact him until 2 weeks later he messaged me i miss you we texted and then 2 days later bump into each other he said he was very happy to see me and said he didnt wanted me to hate him i just said i didnt and that i wasnt going to talk to him, he apologized and we texted other 2 days but now nothing he just snapchats sometimes. I got confused after his texts and seeing him i just know we love each other but dont know what to do. I keep wanting to just say it like it is and talk to him, leaving out standards aside, we are not like these.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2017 at 7:01 pm

Hi Lauren,

Restart nc and do at least 30 days.. be active in improving yourself and in posting.

Lee

December 12, 2017 at 11:15 am

Yes, I did n i’ve been silent for a month, and then I started texting but still did not get the answer, and then I was silent and texted again after a month, repeating like that been three times already, until now, And I just texted him on Sunday. Is there still have any chance for me? What should I do, Amor?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2017 at 11:34 am

Nc rule means being silent for a period of time because you’ll be focused in improving yourself and in posting in social media… It’s not just about being silent.. And then you will continue that routine while you slowly build rapport… The more you restart nc, the less it can help.. If you didn’t get a reply the first time, just try again after a week… If you still didn’t get reply, try again for the last time after two weeks

LC

December 12, 2017 at 7:55 am

Hey Amor! It’s LC. I’ve left comments on the past. So my Mexico trip with my ex has been planned since this past June. Obviously, this was at the time where my ex and I were together, and he felt it was the perfect time for me to meet his parents. So it’s been six months since we purchased our airfare. When he broke up with me he asked and begged for me to still consider going despite him breaking up with me and telling me why (he felt I have too much of a negative personality but never spoke to me about it). I was incredibly confused thinking, “why do you want me to go on this trip if you literally just broke up with me?” His reasoning was, “I think you deserve this trip to be away from home and have fun. I know you’ll love it, and you’re with people you trust and will take care of you.” Still confused about that whole thing. Anyways, while I was away in Seattle, his sister contacted me and she asked me if I was still coming and would join them in celebrating her daughter’s baptism (which was why the Mexico trip was planned). She also specified that her parents would like for me to come too and am welcome into their home. I asked her, “don’t you think it’s a little strange if I went given the situation with your brother and I?” She said no because we are all mature adults. My ex and I haven’t really talked about the trip. As of today, it’s a month away. At the time of the break up, he asked me to go still. Now I don’t know if he still wants me to go, but his family is asking me to still join them in the celebration. I try not too think too much about it because it just makes me anxious, but at this moment, I really want to go because the family is asking me to come for this child but my ex and I haven’t really spoken. I’ve started 2 conversations with him. It’s been positive but short, but I guess I’m nervous or don’t know what to do next. What do you think I should do? I want to get back together with him, but I just don’t know how to approach the whole scenario.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2017 at 9:15 am

Talk to hin about it when it’s near.. If it’s ok with him, then yes, its ok to go

Nikki

December 10, 2017 at 5:48 am

Hi, I need advice on what to do..
So my ex boyfriend and I were together for 2 years, we lived together and recently (about two months ago) broke up and I moved out about two weeks after we broke up. We have had a lot of fighting for a few months before we actually officially broke things off. I have been ignoring his texts after I moved out, for the most part.. . When we had broken up, he started making himself believe that I had been cheating on him (which I hadn’t and never would) and started acting like I was the most horrible person to be associated with. He continued to act awful to me, telling me I needed to move and avoiding me completely.. Until I finally convinced him, while we were still living together, that I did not cheat on him, he started acting somewhat okay with me..
A week ago he contacted me and said “we have stuff to catch up on some stuff” we agreed to see each other, and when we did he initiated having sex eventually, after being sweet to me and telling me that it’s hard for him being friends and whatever.. I didn’t oppose. We ended up seeing eachother 3 more times after. The second time he also initiated sex, telling me how beautiful I am and what not. The last two times he acted the complete opposite way he was the first two times. He barely even looked at me the way he was before, let alone touch me. I started feeling like he was using me for his own greedy needs. Plus he wanted me to baby sit his dog while he went and visited family across the country for 3 days, which he asked me to do the first time we saw eachother after the break up. So I thought maybe that was the reason he was acting sweet; to butter me up just so I would be open to watching his dog.
So here I am now, a month almost later, with his dog while he is out of state with family.
I have been thinking a lot about telling him this can’t keep going on, his wishy washy behavior towards me. One day he wants me and the next he doesn’t. I was going to tell him I want to be with him and I cannot put myself in the friendzone with him permanently, it’s too hard on me acting like I don’t have feelings for him, when I have so many. Basically, its either work things out between us or not be in my life at all from now on.
I am supposed to bring his dog back to him when he gets back into town in 2 days, and I was thinking about talking to him then and telling him how I felt.
Like I said, I want to be with him and make things work between us. And right now I have been so afraid to act like I like him and want him because the way he has been acting with me.
I have just been really confused lately and not knowing how to deal with this.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2017 at 4:13 am

Hi Nikki,

talk first.. if it doesn’t sort out, start the no contact rule period.

Lee

December 10, 2017 at 3:03 am

Thanks for your reply, Amor.
Actually, the problem happened in April, then both of us tried to hold this relationship, but mostly from me, and just really did not talk from August, but usually about a month I sent another message/email by emotionally that I misses him even on my birthday but he never responded. We have been together for 1.5 years.
What should I do now, Amor? 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2017 at 2:18 am

So, when did you last try to contact him? That means, you have to take it like he has moved on.. have you tried the no contact rule?

Lynn

December 9, 2017 at 5:30 pm

You are right Amor, thank you. I’m not doing anything, not texting and I keep posting in social media and trying to master the UG. I must confess that I have temptations of texting him and tell him that I’m sorry for wanting to meet (even he he told me that he wanted and asked why I didn’t tell him before, whatever, he wasn’t annoyed for me wanting to meet). I’m not doing it, obviously, but I feel awful because we don’t talk anymore and I was building rapport until last week… I hate this situation and I need him to talk to me again but… I know that I shouldn’t chase him, so I’m not doing it. I’m just afraid that he won’t text me anymore, after these months getting closer…
Hanna

December 6, 2017 at 10:51 pm

Hey Amor,

thanks for the reply. I have done after breakup 5 days NC until we broke that (and the amazing talk started afterwards)
We have some “days off” in between. Like today, he asked for one day off.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2017 at 5:19 pm

Talk to him on what the real score is. If you want him to commit, then you have to be true to your standards. If he doesn’t want to commit, thank him for everything but tell him that’s not workable for you anymore. Don’t tell him you’re doing nc, just do nc for at least 30 days..and then take it slow in rebuilding rapport and attraction after.. If after a time, he’s still like that, move on….

LC

December 6, 2017 at 8:21 am

Hey Amor!

I’m sorry for the confusion. I “checked-in” on FB. I didn’t tag myself in photos on his account. My profile picture is an old, yet cute photo of my taken by my ex months back. I was just revamping my profile by using photos he took of me.

Also, my ex responded to my text. It was a positive response. In response to my waterfall photo, he said, “Hello! That looks like a cool place! Glad you’re having a good time!” I told him, the following morning, “Good morning! I’m having a great time! Coming home today, but I still have a whole day ahead of me. Talk later?” I ended the conversation and went about my day. Later, he responded, “If you’re ready for us to be friends, then yeah. We can talk later.” Since then, I haven’t sent him any text. I don’t know what to say or do to be honest. I want to get him back, but right now, he’s seeing a platonic relationship. So I’m thinking that I be platonic too while showing him how fun I am and how much I have worked on me. Maybe going to Mexico with him would be my opportunity to show him how I’m the woman he fell in love with 3 years ago? I hope this comment helps give more perspective. What do you think I should do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 11, 2017 at 4:23 am

Ah, yeah, it would have been better of it was your own new photos..How are you going to Mexico with him? Did he invite you?

Hanna

December 6, 2017 at 6:20 am

Hey Amor

Do you mean how many days or how many times?
Days wasn’t too long. A week roughly.
We make a lot of off days in between when he or me needs space.
I wouldn’t know how to get back into no contact on a good way.
Mel

December 6, 2017 at 12:11 am

My ex broke up with me over three month ago… we were together for over four years. I knew he was becoming distant in the last few month… and then he met a girl and they had chemistry. Sadly, I even saw the chemistry between them. So he ended it with me and two weeks later, started seeing her.
It hurt and I cried and did the NC for about 21 days… and then we texted and started talking and casually going out for coffee and drinks. From the chatting, I found out that he was in an on again off again relationship with the new gf… and that he wasn’t really happy.
He knows that I still have feelings for him. And he still cares about me deeply. The gf gets pretty jealous that we still text… and that’s great for me. But now… I don’t know what to do.
He’s now back with her… and he’s pretty sure it won’t last again. How do I get him to call it quits with her and get him back… Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2017 at 4:37 pm

Hi Mel,

When did you actually broke up and how did he know you still have feelings for him?

Sammie

December 5, 2017 at 8:57 pm

He said nothing. I haven’t gotten a response from him. I’m literally in tears because there was nothing wrong in our relationship. LD is tough and I let it get to me. I feel like an idiot.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 8, 2017 at 5:44 pm

if he’s still not saying anything up to now, restart nc.. do it right by doing at least 30 days, being active in improving yourself and in posting during and after nc, and take it slow in building rapport after nc.. take this as a restart… act as if reattracting him because he has already moved on.

Lynn

December 5, 2017 at 8:29 pm

Thank you for your response Amor. I don’t know…I think he is just holding himself back and trying to hide feelings and…I need to try… Not so long ago he admitted that he had missed me and told me that I made him happy telling him how I feel about us… I know that if he hadn’t moved…and it’s not forever. I am afraid that he is denying this due to distance and this could be why he ghosts me when he starts to get too close. I know that we could have a chance but I don’t know how to break his wall.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 8, 2017 at 5:41 pm

well, if he’s hiding it, the more you chase him, the more he will take you for granted because if he knows he’s losing and he loves you, if he’s the right guy, he will stop hiding but if he’s not, then you should really move on.. if the man can’t even fight for his own feelings, how would he do it for you?

Lee

December 5, 2017 at 8:41 am

We just broke up bcoz I went to travel without telling him, n then he told me he can’t trust me anymore. My boyfriend and I have never had such an argument before, and this has happened more than a month before the wedding of us. I tried to hold him but in vain, he was still silent, what should I do? And if I travel this time, should I public the photos of my trip on social media?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 8:35 pm

Hi Lee,

when did you break up? How long was your relationship?

Sammie

December 5, 2017 at 7:52 am

Wow I screwed up. I broke up with my LDR ex after 11 months together. We were LD for 6 months. He was being distant, non affectionate, and I heard a non confirmed rumor that he was talking to a girl he used to sleep with about visiting her. The BU was very one sided. (I had to do it in a voicemail because he wouldn’t pick up my calls about the rumor I heard) after the BU I texted an “I’m sorry” 2 nights later. No response. I did NC for 21 days. No response from my first contact message. I did NC for another week and I apologized for hurting him with the horrible things I said when I broke up with him. I ALSO asked if he’d consider giving me a second chance. OK NOW I see what I did wrong. I wanted to apologize to clear the air between us and start to repair the damage. I haven’t bothered him since. I understand that doing NC again will be less effective. 🙁 I guess this was my way of begging. I didn’t gnat at him. He is 30 and I am 23. My ex found me very mature for my age. He’s always talked about a forever with me and I feel like I either blind sided him with my BU or he was already backing out. He told me he missed me and he needed me like 2 weeks before I ended things. I’m relying on “no news is good news”. I really want my ex back, but being LDR it feels impossible.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 8:22 pm

well, you didn’t gnat, bu asking for another chance is begging.. now, he knows you’re chasing him.. what did he say after you asked that?

Huong

December 5, 2017 at 1:52 am

Hi sr about my English, Im from Viet Nam and my ex is American. He is the 1st westerner Ive dated and same with him. Weve been together 1year and just broke up 3 weeks ago. Before the broke up, everything was normal and sweet. He dumped me via text and want me to move out of his house in 2 days before his dad come to visit on Wednesday. I was shock and came to his house and talked. He said he loved me but his heart tell him that Im not the person he want to marry ( few months ago he told me he want a baby with me, and when he came back to USA visited family he told to our mutural friend that he want to marry me but he need to change me more). Im begging, crying and asked for another change. That time was really hard for me because I lost my job by accident and I told to my Ex ” Are you ok with this? I just need 1 month to relax and find another job, just want you support my mental and understand for me”, he said he ok withn that. So when we broke up I think he is upset because I lost the job and he need to pay for the meal everytime we hang out ( I pay him back by cooking for him and do sth nice, this is our culture). But he didnt say the reason he broke up with me. Im so down and heartbroken. I feel like Im gonna die and I need to go to the hospital the next day. I sent to him that Im in the hospital and I need him. But he just texted me and hope im doing ok. Then I went to another city to travel by myself, recover my mine. Then I sign-ups your email to read the article ” How to get my ex back”. I was doing the NC. Then my friend saw my bf on Tinder find another meaningful relationship. Its hurt me like hell and Im decide to follow tips in all the article I read. I sign-ups some dating site and find friend to talk, but I felt emty, I dont even wanna talk to another guys. One day my ex texted me ” Wow dating so fast” and I feel like he is angry. He texted me that he wanna cry because he open his laptop and my email still in the laptop. He saw I read your email and article about How to get ex back, I also read the book about love. He said he want to give us another chance. But then he saw me on all the dating site ( in my email). And he realized I just wanna find someone give me a better life and cover for me, not true love. He want a true love. He said I took advantage on him and he is not a sugardaddy. I was shocked and cried alot, I explained to him, but he didnt trust me. He said its over 100% and he dont want to meet me. Lastnight I saw 1 girl on the group ( in Vietnam we have a group that girl dating w foreigner) , she posted his information and asked people around. Now they are seeing through Tinder. I dont know what to do. Im not take advantage of him. Never asked him give me gift or expensive things. But we have cross cutural when we are dating. We like to hang out and try food. He make 5 times money than me so I coulnd pay and share all the time. But I always find the way to pay him back. Last month when I lost my job Im really stress, tried to explained to him but he is keeping his mind that he is a sugar daddy for me. I dont need money, I want my love, my soulmate. Now I got a new job with much more money, I can share and help him because I know he is working really hard and me too. We meet on the company trip so we have a really strong connection. But now he is dating online and find another girl. Tell me what I can do? I posted my positive pictures on Instagram and then he blocked me. I ased him why? He said he want zero contact so we can heal and move on. I still feel that he still love me ( he said that too). But he think Im not deserve with his love. Should I buy Ex recovery? Is it still help me in my situation or hopeless?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 8:08 pm

Hi Huong,

honestly, I think you should move on from him.

Hanna

December 4, 2017 at 11:43 pm

Hello

Interesting read- maybe I can get help here.
My LDR bf of 2 years broke up with me one month ago. We were in a kind of On Off relationship, because as soon as it gets troubled or serious for him, he backs off and questions the whole thing.
He told me he rather wants to be alone, fix himself, find a work and not find someone else. we had a short NC and then i started to move on and get ungettable. Since then we had amazing talks easy going video calls, laughed a lot, teased each other and even planned a bit future.
Now we slipped again into relationship without naming it.
Somehow now things escalated again because he felt it got “too serious” and he fell back in old patterns of stonewalling (being extremely mean …I was a jackpot but I am not any more etc).

We soooomehow deescalted, he asked for space, we call too often and I should not overthink and be insecure.
I made a mistake now somehow I told him I love him, with all his moods (he suffers).
He also said later he loves me, but was a bit aggressive afterwards, as if it pinched an open wound.

I don’t want to be the waiting girl (he even said i should find someone else, so i don’t have to wait for him??). I want him to put more effort and get me, and not take me for granted, but now I feel i made a mistake and that makes me angry. what shall I do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 7:49 pm

Hi Hanna,

how many nc have you done?

Lynn

December 4, 2017 at 9:11 pm

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST

Posted here before… I’m the one whose ex moved away (months after the break up) but recognized that we would have a chance if he hadn’t and told me that he can havethat talk when he come back (don’t know when, in months but…). We had a friends + flirting relationship via texts but everytime he starts to feel too comfortable he stops reading and responding for a few days. I didn’t show him that it hurts me, I always kept my conversations light and fun. Well, this past weekend I went to his new city to visit friends and I told him a few days before. The previous weeks I’ve been building more rapport and we were better than ever, he even said thatI had “disarmed” him. But the he stop reading so he missed the texts where I was telling him about my trip and he read them when I was already there. He said “damn, I hadn’t read this, of course that I want to meet but if I’ve known this two weeks ago I could have asked for free days at work”. I told him my plans there and when I could met but he worked that evening – night (yesterday, I just came home today). He seemed really sad and keep telling me that he didn’t know and asking me why I didn’t tell him before. I told him that if he has read it before we could have arranged another time and that I could wait for him and meet after work, since my hotel was close and he told me that he would tell me something that day (yesterday). He didn’t read my last texts and he didn’t tell me anything. I understand that he couldn’t met and as he said, he only knew I was going when I was already tehre BUT he could have read me before. I hate when he starts to get closer and then stops reading, he is limiting himself and I knew that he wouldn’t meet me because he has avoided it before, I feel that he is afraid that he may feel something and he doesn’t want (specially now with the distance). I am really hurt for him ignoring me yesterday but I feel that he is not over me and that’s why he acts weird, nice and flirty many times but when he starts to get closer he pulls away for a few days…I feel that he is restraining himself but this time it hurts more than ever, I really needed to see him, because I know that that would be the only way to get him back (and he avoiding it but not being distant, on the contrary). I feel he is trying to forget me but sometimes he almost fall. And I am afraid that one day he move on completely and meet another girl or just forget me.

So…what can I do now? I’m not texting him of course, I don’t know if he’s going to apologize and in that case..what should I say? I use to act like if I don’t care but this time has been too much and he behaved badly. If he texts me I would answer but I don’t know why and after that (or if he don’t text) I don’t feel like initiating conversations anymore. I need him to chase me, more than ever, but I am afraid that NC will help him to forget me. But I can’t act normal because even as “friends”, he hurted me and I can’t say him “ok, fine, keep going like this”. I need to break his wall and it’s impossible, when something works and we give some steps he gets “afraid” and ghost me for days. don’t know what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 7:39 pm

Hi Lynn,

It would be better if you move on..

Ida

December 3, 2017 at 9:00 pm

Me and my ex broke up almost 6 months ago. We have been very confused about it both of us, since that. We thought it over during the summer but in August he said he doesn’t dare to try again, afraid of not being able to meet my standards. I refused to accept that and did som bad pledging and was needy. Anyhow, we ended up in a kind of exclusive friends-with-benefit situation for a couple of weeks in October. After that I realized how crazy this is and that I needed to reestablish balance. I entered No Contact October 22th. As soon as he realized that I backed off I started contacting me almost every day. He asked me if I was moving on, if I wanted to meet him and a thousand other things. I finished No Contact November 21th and since then we have texted and chatted on Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. Today we met up for lunch. He obviously had reserved several hours to see me, at least 4-5 hours. I ended it though after 2 hours of lunch. We talked about work and we both were kind of neutral. We had a really good time, but my biggest fear is that he meets med just because he wants to talk about work and that I know much about that. I doubt it though, it would be too weird after all that we’ve been through. It seems none of us want to move on. It seems there is a big interest and curiosity from both parts but how do I know? What to do now, after a nice lunch for two hours? Shall I send him a thank you text or shall I let him contact me? Remember I have been the needy one for MONTHS and now, since I backed off and made distance, he has been the one contacting me regularly. This is a real mess, I don’t know what to do. But I guess he is not over me completely, that would be a weird way showing that. But how do I avoid getting in some friend zone and how do I take it to the next level?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 1:56 am

Hi Ida,

you should do the no contact rule.. check this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

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80 thoughts on “Should I Tell My Ex Boyfriend I Still Have Feelings For Him?”