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128 thoughts on “Seduction 101: How To Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. SnowWhite

    August 12, 2015 at 12:57 am

    Wow, Chris! I’ve pretty much forfeited the work-day today (god bless flex-hours) and could not tear myself away from the diamond-posts you are elegantly spitting. Idk if my ‘nice guy turned dumper’ ex and I will get together again, though I still feel I love him (which makes me cringe sometimes). Your blog is by far the most insightful, honest and noteworthy information on relationships (and ex-files) I have seen thus far. Many Thanks!!

  2. Emily

    August 9, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    Hey Chris, i’m in a dilema… well there’s this guy, who was dating his gf and he broke up with her to try to have something with me. things got pretty good between us, and we started off being friends with benefits. My friends used to tell me that he was really into me (because he told one of my friend – when he was with his gf – that if i started have feelings for him he would leave his gf to be with me. ) Everything between us was going great, he had a lot of fun together and i could feel that he really liked me, tho we were in a friend with benefit relationship, but one day a friend of mine called him to tell him that i was sad and that i missed him – which was true but i wasn’t going to tell him because i didn’t want to ruin what we had. – then he texted me saying that i was doing everything wrong and that i was starting to like him and get feeling for him, and he wanted to break up with me. weeks later i discovered that he went back to his ex gf. thought i was really sad for him doing it, i started the rule of no contact at all thought we were on the same school. i didn’t texted him or talked to him for about 5 months. well, about a month ago he texted me. he is flirting with me ,he told me that he still recall the time we were together and that he wanted to be with me again. i told him that i’d love that but he had a gf and i didn’t want problems for me. he told me that she didn’t need to know and that he wouldn’t take me out of his mind.
    then he asked me to go out with him twice and it never happened because he had important things to do.
    i really don’t know what to do. i mean, i wanna be with him. but the thing i don’t get is why he texted me after 5 months and while he’s with his gf, to be in a friends with benefits relationship again… help me please…

    1. Gina

      August 22, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      Maybe his girlfriend isnt as good in sex as you are hehe or you’re hotter. The thing is I can see he only wants your body, Im sorry.

  3. Jess

    August 8, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    I really love this article I have been thinking about how I could get my ex back for a long time. I already made a couple mistakes but I am hoping this next time I can do it right.

  4. Dawn

    August 5, 2015 at 11:22 pm

    Alright, my boyfriend broke up with me (we’d been off and on for about a month because we’d both been away for a while and it was stressing the relationship) and I contacted him after. At first he was happy, “I wanna be friends” all the time an then after a week he was more cold and finally he blocked me, this was about a month ago and I’m going to see him soon everyday. Is it possible for me to still make him miss me? The relationship was really perfect before its ubrupt end and he had said we should give it some space until school starts up again (junior year in college). He told me to keep his belongings but I just returned them the other day

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 6, 2015 at 9:40 pm

      Have you read my article on blocking yet?

  5. reene

    August 5, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    Hi chris..I just read some of your article and I think that is great and help me to have better approach with my feeling and my ex. But I still confuse how to handle some part of it and how my ex actually think and want with us. So short story..we have been dating for 5 months…near our 6 months..he broke up with me saying that he is boring..he can’t make me happy and to be honest..I can sense it like quite sometime because he rarely initiate date..he is not spend time with me anymore…he seems distant and pull away. I try to ask him wht happen..but he just shut it off and in the end he said tht I’m not caring enough…he even said tht now he hate seeing me cooking for him…so we broke up.

    I try to move on…then around 1 week later..my family had some natural disaster back in my country…i was so worried and scared…then he showed up after read tht news and being there for me..help me contact my family..I was grateful for tht but I don’t dare to expect more..then he give me head pat like he used to do when we still dating..

    After tht we continue with our daily life…well…we work in the same instituion…and in the same building..so usually on lunch I go to kitchen and cook..and he usually do the same…and just two days ago…when I cook…we have casual talking..discuss about our job..etc..then…he suddenly kissed me passionately…I try to reject at first…but since I still have feeling for him…I got weak and response in the kiss.

    After the kiss..we separate…and he just left quick by saying he has to come back to work…I’m thinking like…wht???…why he do tht?…wht he want???..is he playing with me??…and sadly he is not contacting me at all till today…and I don’t also want to contact him either. I don’t want to chase him and nag him since he is the one who broke me up and said he isn’t happy and can’t make me happy.. but with all his attitude towad me…it is like confusing…can you help me chris?…wht does he want?…does he just playing? Does he want to come back? Does he just want sex? Wht is his motivation?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 6, 2015 at 9:45 pm

      Wait a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

      Gather some more data first.

  6. Ser

    August 5, 2015 at 3:24 am

    Hi chris, my ex boyfriend and i live in the same city but we were in a long distance relationship because he was studying in a different state. We broke up 2months ago because of some stupid argument and i succeeded in doing the no contact rule for only about 3weeks. We were suppose to have that last “date” but then he cancelled it 3days ago when he texted me saying “hey i just wanted to say you dont have to come here im happy by myself i hope you understand sorry” and I kind of went crazy again i told him i wasnt desperate (although it looked like it) because the only reason i wanted to spend a day with him is for us to talk things out and just finally get over it so it wouldnt have to be hard the next time we talk or see each other but he’s always cold around me and i cant even get him to talk to me. Two weeks from now he’ll be visiting here on the weekend because our friend is having a debut and i dont know what to do although i am a hundred percent sure he is physically attracted to me, i feel that i have no chance in pulling off any of these methods because he told everyone including my sister that he doesnt love me anymore. Truth is I cant tell. Even before the breakup i kind of felt that his emotional attraction for me was fading kind of saw it coming but I just dont understand how he could move on so quickly like the 20months were just nothing to him. I dont know anymore I’ve been slapped too many times by reality but still, i have that little hope even though my situation is pretty hopeless.. Please get back to me i would really like some advice. Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 6, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      You probably should have built more attraction first before going on a date.

  7. Lisa

    July 26, 2015 at 12:16 am

    Hi Chris,
    I just found your website yesterday & I can’t seem to read & re-read enough of your information. I am on board 100% however my situation is a bit different. I have been off & on with my boyfriend (I am 42 & he is 44) for almost 3 years now. We are both divorced & have children from our previous marriages & they all get along fine. Our problem is that he ONLY wants our relationship to go “so far” more specifically, he outright REFUSES to include me with any of his extended family (His parents, brothers & their families) He won’t take me to any of their get-together’s & holidays are completely out of the question. When I have questioned him, its the same old excuses “He’s not ready for that step” “He was married for 22 years & his nephews & niece only knew his ex-wife” (although hes been divorced for 4 yrs now) yet, he claims that everyone in his family knows hes been seeing me. Personally I believe that he has no intentions of a future with me & that is why he has not & will not include me. So, I’ve gone NC in the past before I found your site & I’ve lasted 2 weeks, he calls, texts and when those don’t work he comes to my house unexpectedly. Sadly, I have become the girlfriend how meets all his needs (just like your program outlines AND MORE) My boyfriend & I go in cycles of closeness, then out of the blue, he backs away. Last Wednesday, I finally told him (over the phone) that I have no reason to continue to invest in a man who clearly doesn’t invest in me. his answer? “I’m afraid to let you go & find out later that I cannot survive without you or worse yet, when I do decide to start dating other people, I won’t find another woman who loves me & bends over backwards the way you do.” & basically he wants a monogamous relationship with me but I’m expected to sit on the shelf & wait for him to decide when he’s ready to move forward..at this point, There isn’t enough jelly beans left . So, I am determined to go NC for the full 30 days starting today (even though he has called me 3 times already) I think he is stringing me along, does it sound like that to you also? Thank you for reading

  8. Mona

    July 25, 2015 at 11:24 am

    Hi Chris. I tried everything with my ex I even got him for a meet up after NC but when was going for texting he said that we can’t get back together. I don’t know if I moved to fast or if its really over or I should start the NC from the beginning?

  9. Trying to Stay in No Contact

    July 21, 2015 at 3:24 am

    It doesn’t seem like I am going to get a follow-up reply. My birthday just passed and I really wanted to start in a strong place. Perhaps it’s best to not give much background as I thought it would help in formulating your replies. I will try the book and if it does not help me, I will just return it at this point. Not sure how much longer I want to even try this site either. Discouraged.

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 30, 2015 at 3:34 pm

      Hi There,

      Sorry for the late response. Theres only one of me and there are millions of you so it can be tough sometimes.

      How can I help you?

  10. Waiting and Asking him out while looking strong

    July 17, 2015 at 10:41 am

    Good afternoon, Chris;
    Let me summarize my case:
    My boyfriend broke up with me 17 days ago and I´ve been using NC since then. The reason was that he felt overwhelmed with his work, and didn´t feel like he could do well in any aspect of his life, including our relationship. I understand him, because he is a soundtrack composer and you know how these things are: You don´t have almost any work in months and then, BAM, loads of it.

    However, I got to know via Fb that he is finishing some projects and starting new ones, so I´m happy because it´s what he needs to feel worthy and confident about his skills. What worries me is: Considering his reasons for the breakup, it´s still a good idea that I write first after the NC? I mean, he´s like in a personal crisis that probably will take more than a month to solve, and I don´t want him to feel overwhelmed, specially because he literally said: “I will contact you when I feel better”

    Apart from that, since then I´m following your advice, and I´ve even read your posts related to when we meet in person and all that, just to be prepared. I understand all that´s related to seduction and the chase theory, but here comes my second doubt: Imagine that we meet, start flirting and we build sexual tension as the days pass. If I ask him for commitment before sex, is like showing all my cards because from that moment on, he will know for sure that I want him back.

    How do you ask for commitment without looking weak? Do you say something like: I´m looking for someone who won´t consider me just a booty call? I´ve read your post about how to ask him out, but it seems like a perfectly prepared scenario. I´m concerned about the fact that we build intimacy and I have to stop him when he asks for sex. I don´t want to look weak but I don´t want him to feel super rejected or something.

    Sorry for the long comment, I hope you can help me 🙂

  11. Kate

    July 16, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years for “experience” and realized he was all I wanted and now he doesnt want to work on things and is talking to a girl/friend. I just started the NC about 7 hours ago and he is blowing my phone up. He cant handle being alone and im afraid he will turn to this other girl and take things too far and Im not going to want him after that. We have only slept with each other and it will kill me knowing he has been with someone else. What do I do? he is acting like nothing happened.

  12. Katie

    July 15, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    My ex broke up with me a month ago. I have started no contact 17 days ago. The only issue is that he kept begging me to be friends with him before that so I told him I needed not to hear from him until I saw him at his sister’s baby shower. So now I am trying to figure out what to do since my first contact after nc will be in person and everything I read says it should be eased into with a text. I need help ASAP since I will be seeing him in 10 days!!!

    1. Katie

      July 18, 2015 at 1:17 pm

      No I have not. I wasn’t sure about sending a text since I am seeing before the 39 days nc is up, it will be only 27 days. Should I think of sending him a text before hand or start texting him a couple days after the baby shower?

    2. Katie

      July 16, 2015 at 9:52 pm

      No I haven’t because I wasn’t suppose to talk to him before the babyshower since that is at the end of nc, it would be 27 days of nc. Should I txt him before I see hi at the baby shower even though that will be breaking nc early?

    3. Chris Seiter

      July 16, 2015 at 6:08 pm

      Have you prepared a text yet Katie?

  13. Trying to Stay in No Contact

    July 15, 2015 at 1:29 am

    Hi Chris,

    I ended up doing 15 days of NC before I saw your reply and messaged him on day 16. I followed your directions and sent a text he could not help but reply to. Fast-forward to what is one week later and in that time I have successful been building a 50/50 texting ratio and I felt confident enough to ask him who that person was in a non-jealous or emotional manner. He confirmed that we are still monogamous and she is a recruiter actually. I have been good about leaving time between messages and I have started now ending convos on the high-note, such as today, and we’re back to joking a bit, which eventually (I don’t think any sooner than next month) I would maybe text a flirty text. I want to let him be the one messaging me soon in the coming weeks first from the get-go, but then again I have had my phone off but will put it back on tomorrow and will move from internet messaging to text. I have just been next thinking to do “mini NCs” of 2-4 day like you advised in one podcast to not be predictable or make him think he has all my attention.

    I repeat your mantra to myself “patient in NC, patience in contact”. I was just wondering now, could I possible go into another 21-30 day NC, as I take an exam tomorrow, and have a few things coming up that don’t solidify until mid-August about, so it may be a good time where I will have lots of news and have been achieving a lot of goals (additional work, graduate school acceptance, and my birthday where I intend to have a new selection of great photos for social media. I am looking to open up an instagram account and make him my first friend). I also have interest in finally taking my fitness to the next level for fitness modeling and spoke to a trainer today.

    What do you think? So this time do a full 21-30 day NC and build that “missing me” energy again or mystery? Thanks for your time and input.

    1. Trying to Stay in No Contact

      July 15, 2015 at 1:56 am

      I also used each your texting types already initially (intriguing text, sincere memory, lending my support, jealousy), but now I just work on having a short, normal convo, of increasing length, in 50/50 ratio, keeping it positive and light, with mini-NC to start being used more regularly (just did it once so far).

    2. Trying to Stay in No Contact

      July 15, 2015 at 1:39 am

      FYI: We also had a clear talk on the status of our relationship and it went well and he put me at ease, but he is generally trying to get his life back into normalcy first before he feels he is in a place to move into an even deeper level than how we were (he has been through a lot lately and confessed he has just buried himself in work and basketball). I had also been a texting and calling gnat and he confessed that had left him a little “apprehensive” when he had been going through things, but I basically let him know I would like to earn his trust again and in no ways will I smother him and let’s take it slow.. He is also letting me in a bit in our messaging in regard to his weekends and family, the pets we are both invested in (he has them but I send treats and toys for them and he sends me photos and we discuss the hilariousness of our babies), which are all positive signs things are slowly going back to how they used to be but it is slow, but I am patient.

      My end goal is move to the phone and then to plan our next mutual visit. Either way he will be up here again in a couple months (3) for a wedding we are both attending and we always stay together, so things are in a good medium-long timeline to solidify things (I am willing to not really be in a rush to solidify things until I finish school next year–it is not a long program-and I will probably move closer to him or do my first internship after school in the same city, so I do have an “end goal” as you advise with long distance).

  14. Katie

    July 14, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    Hi Chris.

    My ex dumped me a month from tomorrow. I started no contact 16 days ago, I obviously didn’t read the nc before the begging and pleading and when I did that was that. Sadly the difference is is that when I did it I actually told him while we discussed why I couldn’t just be his best friend instead that I didn’t want to hear from him for the next month until I see him at his sister’s baby shower. I am really nervous about what to do and I will be seeing him in 11 days. Everything seems to lead from light initial contact before meeting them in person and instead I am jumping straight in to in person contact after nc. What would you suggest to be the best method of behaving when I see him in 11 days? Please help!

  15. Sarah

    July 13, 2015 at 7:58 am


    Im meeting up with my ex on Friday, to get something my Dad let him borrow back. We are talking everyday, flirting, and have got to the stage where hes started talking about our “old times” – wink wink. In detail. So what I am wondering is how do I meet up with him and control the situation to where we can be flirty, and I can seduce him, but not let him think he can get the milk without buying the cow.

    We are flirting everyday, as well as having normal light conversations, and hes told me on several occassions he “wants me” – in a sexual way, but I dont want it to turn into a friends with benefits deal. I want the commitment. I want the relationship.

    It will be our first meeting since breaking up and i dont want him to think he can click his fingers and I will just jump into bed with him. But I also dont want him to lose interest altogether (not that I would ever sleep with anyone just to keep their attention).

    What do I do? Whats some little line I could pull out if things even happen to get a little carried away and starts to head down that road?

    Kinda awkward to ask, but Im sure many girls will end up in the same situation with their exes.

    Any advice ASAP would be helpful as I am meeting him in 3 days!

  16. Sharon

    July 12, 2015 at 1:13 am

    Hi Chris. I have been following your blog ever since I split up with my boyfriend of 5months. I ended things with us as 1)he can’t commit and 2)he’d rather spend most of his Saturday nights out in a bar with his mates. I have successfully done the NC and on the 6th week,he initiated contact. He’s asking if I am seeing someone, when I’m going for a holiday, and whether I’ve seen the movie that we were waiting to watch since we used to be together. He seems to want to be in touch so I reciprocated. After the initial contact,he’s then texting everyday to ask how my day was. All good and peachy until weekend comes. Dead silence. I never got any text from him not even a short Hi. Then when Monday rolls in,he’s back to texting again. which I ignored. Then another text on Tuesday,ignored. by the third day when he texted,I replied back and I may have replied harshly. I asked him why he’s asking my daily stuff(but can’t be bothered on weekends). He just said he doesn’t know and he just wants to see how I am. That was our last texts, 12 days ago. I still like him but the way I reacted to him ignoring me on weekends might have pushed him further away. I don’t know how to redeem myself. Do I still have a chance to get him back let alone commit?

  17. Annie

    July 11, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Hi Chris
    It’s been a while since I’ve posted as things have been going great with my ex. NC really works! We’ve been dating and hanging out and moving forward, or so I thought, I invited him to a birthday party and warned him people may read a lot into it and he said, tell them the truth, that we are just friends. So a little while later I spoke to him about it and he said, he just wants to take it slow. I agree with that, but then he invited me on a family holiday and repeatedly said, just as friends though, because we’ve been moving forward I have slept with him and we have been spending a lot of time together. It’s taken so long to get to this point I was quite proud of myself following your steps. Clearly now I realise I’ve done something wrong. Have you got any advices out what I should do? I’m so confused by this right now.

    1. Annie

      July 18, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      Thanks for your reply, I discovered last night he’s met someone else and has been texting her but keeping his options open with me, obviously this has hurt me, is there a way to turn this around? Because right now, the way I’m feeling, I’m tempted to walk away for good, we were doing so well. I don’t think I can do no contact again, although it was worth it, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, any advice?

    2. Chris Seiter

      July 16, 2015 at 10:23 pm

      Glad NC is working for you!

      Ya, you maybe talked to him a little too soon about relationship stuff.

  18. Elle

    July 10, 2015 at 8:44 am

    I initiated contact with my ex for the 3rd time with no real tactic or “comeback to me” intention, it really was for information I knew he could answer for me, next thing I know he’s making plans to come see me within the hour! He’s never been the type to initiate something and with me being an ex now I didn’t even think he’d try anything with me. (He was the one who initiated the break up.) he came over he felt really comfortable to act flirtatious, staring into my eyes, telling me I’m beautiful, he would find reasons to touch my hand, I totally had my guard up thinking okay, what the heck is he thinking? Needless to say he tried sleeping with me. Things did get a little hot and heavy but I put an end to it. Everything happened so fast I couldnt help but ask wth does this even mean? Him and I are pretty straight forward and he knows I hate things sugar coated. I knew if I asked this he would give me a straight answer, but all he’s said was “let’s just see where it goes.” He’s a stubborn sort of fella and has always been honest to where it would hurt to hear. I’m just taken back by all of this. but this article made feel good about not giving in.

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 16, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      I am glad you didn’t give in too!

  19. Melissa

    July 9, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    I recently started seeing a guy in May, he was very persistent. I had no real interest in him at first. He practically begged and pleaded and the more I put him off, the harder he worked. Eventually, I gave in and saw that he was a really great guy and we hit it off. Over the 4th of July weekend we made plans for me to stay at his condo but he had tickets to a soccer game with a few of his buddies, so he said come over later. He never said a exact time but I didn’t really give it much thought. So while he was watching the game, I made plans with one of my girlfriends to go eat dinner. Dinner ended around 8 and she mentioned she had some guy friends who were heading to the lake for a little evening boat ride and it wouldn’t last very long. So i agreed to go with her. He ended up texting me right after we had gotten on the boat, and got extremely upset. He thought it was weird that I was on a boat so late, he didn’t know any of the guys there and he said I was being selfish and inconsiderate of our plans after he rushed home after the game ( that ended around 10) to be with me. I suggested that I come when I get off but he said it would be too late and he was already upset and wanted to go to bed and we would talk in the morning. We talked the next day and he was still pretty upset and he said it didn’t settle very well with him. I asked him if he needed space to think or if he felt he was done and he replied he didn’t know.

    So Monday evening I thought it would be a good idea if I showed up and we talked in person, I called him and told him i was outside his condo and he said he was down the street at the bar his friend works at. His friend was closing so he was going to sit there with him and talk. I told him ok and I was heading home and hopefully we could talk in person soon. He texted me at 1 am telling me he just got home and that he missed me and wished I was there. I told him I missed him too and wanted to talk to him tomorrow night. He said ok as long as he didn’t have any meetings and he would let me know around noon. Well Tuesday afternoon came and went and I hadn’t heard from him. I sent him a text and no reply.

    Its Thursday and still nothing. Should I let him contact me? I get the situation was sketchy and that he was upset, but this upset? I’m starting to get confused! Do you think he was just losing interest in me and this was a out for him? or did I really just break his trust and he is trying to figure out what he wants? I need a males perspective cause he obviously will not talk to me right now. Should I do a NC Rule for 15 days on him if he does contact me? I don’t really know what happened here.

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 16, 2015 at 10:11 pm

      I think you should do a NC rule right now regardless of him contacting you or not.

  20. Mina

    July 9, 2015 at 11:53 am

    The texting is going well.. We texted about 4 times up till now.. But I’m concerned he’s just being nice.. I know he’s always been on friendly terms with his ex girlfriends..
    How do I get him to see me in a different way and realize I’m not looking to be his friend?

    1. Mina

      July 16, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      Yes. i tried the brining up the old good memories text.. We talked about how we used to make breakfast together. At some point something came up and I responded after a while that I miss it he wasn’t connected to WhatsApp and later when he saw is he didn’t respond.. So I started talking about something esle and he responded right away.
      I don’t know how to creat more conversations with him and keep him intrigued

    2. Chris Seiter

      July 16, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      Did you initially do NC?

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