Sample Letter To Write To Your Ex To Get Them Back

86 thoughts on “Sample Letter To Write To Your Ex To Get Them Back”

Kiki

March 15, 2020 at 6:18 pm

Hi all, I’m wondering if a letter could help my situation. We’ve been dating for 4 months, at the beginning we both really hit it off. While I was slowly falling in love, he became more and more distant and also has a lot to process about the breakup with his ex. A month ago we agreed to break it off because he doesn’t want to hurt me by not going forward in the relationship. I agreed to give him space, but hope we can have another chance somehow. We’ve done no contact for about 3 weeks, now we’ve been texting again, but he seems hot and cold…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 17, 2020 at 8:58 pm

Hi Kiki, a letter does not help you in this situation no. As you are texting you just need to find what gets him talking through text and what doesnt. Work towards getting some phone calls in there, a letter will harm your chances right now

Sammie

February 26, 2020 at 4:12 am

My boyfriend and I were dating for a little over three years. Our first year and half together was while we were working and the second half of the relationship was long distance (about 2 years). We visited each other every two months or so and everything was always easy between us. A couple weeks ago he told me he wanted to take a break because he didn’t know if we would ever be in the same place. He told me he loved me and that I am probably the greatest girl he will ever meet, but our future together is too uncertain to keep waiting. We ended on good terms, thanking each other and saying how proud we were of each other etc. I stared the NC rule and made it a week but then texted him briefly. After that day ive started over and I’ve been doing the NC rule for about a week and a half and will not break until the time period is over. I’ve spoken to his mother and she suggested I write a letter thanking him for the memories, expressing how I’ve grown, and showing him I’m okay without him. I was considering sending it at the end of the NC period and just was hoping for your opinion?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 27, 2020 at 10:44 pm

Hi Sammie, so if you want to get your ex back I do not recommend writing him a letter, I know his mother means well but that emotion is going to take him back to the reasons he ended the relationship and ruin the work you are goign to need to do during NO contact. This is where you focus on yourself make yourself the ungettable girl to your ex. Making him realise his mistake letting you go. However with LDR it makes sense that the eventual goal is that you are in the same place long term. Living together one day for example. Was there these plans in the making?

Liam McDonald

February 11, 2020 at 4:10 am

Hello, my name is Liam, and I’ve been having troubles with my ex. A few days ago, a little close to a week, we had a falling out. I got upset, she got upset, I yelled, she yelled, and that was it. I did not reach out afterwards because I felt that she didn’t want to hear from me. Little did I know, she did, and was expecting it to. I feel like this is my fault because I can come too close to a conclusion without an explanation for her actions. I’ve made conclusions too many times without her explaining her actions but I still feel that I am to blame. She, and I FaceTimed earlier this evening, and she explained to me how there is no chance that we are ever getting back together because I yelled at her. I understand why she would feel that way, and fully expected that kind of a conversation even though it was more me listening to her talk about her feelings which I was okay with. There are many things that I have to cover that need patience and time, and I’ve told her that many times before. I fear that she doesn’t understand that I can’t move as fast as her because I need to work at my own pace. I am currently penning her a letter explaining to her that I’d be willing to fix things if she is willing to talk things out, and take things slow. She already has a fellow gentleman that confessed his feelings for her, so I am starting to feel hopeless. ANY advice will surely help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 11, 2020 at 11:06 pm

Hi Liam, keep working the program and making sure that you are taking on board the advice and making yourself the best version of yourself. I would also read about the being there method to prepare if she does start to date other men.

Jen

January 23, 2020 at 1:11 pm

Hi Chris , thanks for this article. If you could advise me please.My ex broke off with me in October and I did no contact and he reached out during Christmas time and we been chatting for a week, but he was hot and cold and then he said he need some space. After a week I reached out and asked how he was and he said he didn’t expect me talking to him and he seemed to be happy, we chatted spoke for a week and decided to meet. We met and he started saying he want to get back together, I told him we can but I want to take it slow . He started getting intimate and the on Monday says he is bit confused still and feel we are talking only for each other’s company and are not in live anymore. He again asked for space . I agreed.

I been thinking to give him 15 days and if he doesn’t reach out to write a letter. I still love him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 24, 2020 at 11:23 am

Hi Jen, you need to go into a real no contact, not 15 days… 30 days! And no letter either. Work on yourself during your no contact and reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles. You do not want to rush the value chain, go slow and steady

C. Gabriel

November 26, 2019 at 11:07 pm

Ok, so I am in the dating area but as friends with benefits. Do you advice a letter, or just keep it fun? She doesn’t seem ready to commit yet, kinda feel that she is testing me and looking for what there is out there at the same time.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 12:03 am

Hey, there is no need to send a letter in your situation. If you want a relationship but you are sleeping together you need to start dating in a more romantic settings so that they invest more time in you and feel the need to commit. As you are not broken up or stopped sleeping together you need to be mindful you do not push them away.

Walter

November 15, 2019 at 4:13 am

Helpful article. About two months ago, after being together for almost 6 months, we decided to “take a break.” The concern was that I wasn’t serious about pursuing the relationship. After no contact for the break, I texted her about getting together and she said she’s seeing someone and hoped I was doing well. She has a milestone event coming up in a few weeks and I thought about writing a letter relative to the event, but also saying how I feel. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 18, 2019 at 8:02 pm

Hi Walter, so if you want to get her back then I suggest a friendly text and try to build a platform for a friendly conversation rather than a letter at the moment. Writing a letter should be a last resort when youve tried all else that Chris has suggested. If you want to hop over to the exgirlfriendrecovery.com website and read some articles and then you are welcome to post and ask more questions if you need 🙂

James

November 11, 2019 at 10:40 am

Hello, I’m James.
I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. The situation is very complicated, because I worsen it even more with my actions. My jealousy was over the roof, and I was starting to ask obvious and unnecessary questions. She gave me loads of opportunities to change, but I burned them all. You don’t realize what you’ve lost until you do. I hurt her badly with my words. Her wanting to pass on is stronger than to stay with me (her words). I can’t get in touch with her because she blocked me everywhere: Instagram, WhatsApp, my actual number, messages…
Before she went she said to respect her decision, that everything will get better and we’ll move on eventually. I don’t want to give up on her. She didn’t say she doesn’t love me, as a matter of fact she does, because she told me. It’s just that she can’t stay with me. I tried a no contact week, but it wasn’t completely no contact, because I got in touch with her friends to say sorry to them as well, and to ask if they coul help me (but they hate me). It was a 6 day-ish no contact-ish period. After the 6 days I sent via delivery some flowers and a letter (ticking all the not to do things to write in the letter to my ex). I don’t express myself to well by hand, I’m more of an action type. I didn’t receive any response for the flowers. So I decided to send another letter that would arrive next week. Two days later, I met up with some friends to try and distract myself, but in the end they convinced me to call her seeing that I had her friends phone number, and she was with her as well (I knew because I saw a story on Instagram). I called, but she went back home, so I had to talk to her friend. I told her if she could pass my gf on the phone so I could speak with her for the last time, but she said that she wasn’t there anymore. So I asked her advice, and I told her that I’ve changes and I wanted her to come back. But she said that it’s impossible that I changed in just a week. In the end I convinced her to talk to my ex on the next day, so she would answer at least for the flowers, but she said that she doubted that she would change her mind.
On the same night I realized of what I’ve done. She must have felt so bad in receiving those flowers. The next day I woke up and saw a message from my ex on WhatsApp. But I saw that she blocked me again ( the message said: “Hello James, I received your flowers and your letter and I thank you, but please respect and accept my decision. For respecting I also mean not putting picture of us in your Instagram stories, stop looking for my friends, and not sending me anything else.. it makes only things harder and and more hurtful. You’ll see that with time we’ll be better and we’ll be able to find the happiness that we’re looking for.
I’ll send you back your hoodie, the money for the plane tickets for December and a Christmas present that I bought for you
Bye..”.
Not being able to respond (because I was blocked), and in the heat of the situation I called her with my home phone. She answered. I tried talking to her, saying sorry, explaining the flowers and other stuff, but she said that she didn’t want to listen. At one point I said that I’ve changed and she said that it isn’t true, because I didn’t respect her decision, I looked for her. Then I stupidly asked her if she still loved me and she said: “yes I do, why do you ask, should I lie?”
Me:”because if I were you I would give you another chance because I love you.”
Her:”Well you’re not me! Bye.”
Me:”I still love you, and if you ever think in coming back I’ll be here waiting for you..”
Her: “Goodbye jam”
Me:”I love you..”
*End of call*
And this was yesterday..
What do I do..
I’ve said nothing that I wanted to tell her.. I messed up everything.. and it’s all my fault.. I don’t want her money back so I’m thinking of sending it back with another letter..
I don’t want the hoodie back.. I have it to her for a reason.. and I won’t open the present without her, she has to come back..
Please help guys..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 12, 2019 at 9:30 pm

Hi Jamie, so you need to give her space, do the No Contact as hard as this is. It is needed in the situation. Your jealousy has driven the wedge between you both so you need to work on why you are acting this way. Even though you have realised your mistake you have not spent enough time apart to change your ways. You need to address why you were jealous, why you argued, and also learn how to communicate in a relationship. When you have given your ex 45 days Of NC you can attempt to reach out via text, but if you are still blocked you need to keep going with teh NC and workign on yourself until you are able to speak with her again. It can take a couple of months to hear back from someone who was angry enough to hard block you. So learn to be patient and learn to be happy again while you work on yourself and give her the time she needs

Chlo

November 4, 2019 at 10:54 am

My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago. He seemed very upset, said he still cared a lot for me but didn’t know how he felt about me or anything at the minute. I love him with all my heart and want him back so badly. I have started No Contact but am worried in 30 days time he would have moved on. I truly think we are good for eachother and that if we worked on this we could make it work forever. I want to write him a letter but am unsure when to send one. I’m just so upset and confused about this whole situation and really want him back, please help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 7:15 pm

Hi Chlo so you would be surprised how many people have the same worry as you do but he is not going to “move on” and meet someone else in 30 days where you are not going to be in his head still. It is said it takes 66 days to get out of the habit of talking with someone who you spoke to daily or was in a relationship with so you are going to be ok for 30 days. You need to work on yourself in that time so that you appear more positive and confident when you next speak to him (after the 30 days)

Amy

October 29, 2019 at 12:02 am

Hi there,

My boyfriend broke up with me about a year ago. We became friends a few months later talking like we used to. I recently saw him a few weeks ago and he kissed me. I got upset in front of his friends and him because I wanted him back. He apologized and my apology came out as a non-apology so now he cut off contact. I miss his friendship and just want our friendship back. I was thinking about contacting him in a year after I’ve worked on myself. This is the short version of the story. What do you think? Do you think it’s a good idea?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 30, 2019 at 1:31 pm

HI Amy, if you want to be friends with your ex then give it some time in NC and then reach out as a friend and dont flirt or allow kisses to happen if you want him back as a boyfriend then you need to follow the process

Bob

October 23, 2019 at 1:39 pm

Hi Chris,

I met my ex around 6 months ago. We talked online for a few months as I am living in another country currently and it looked like we were already in a relationship. She gave me cute nicknames, sent me a lot of photos of her, told me how much I mean to her and how lucky she is with me. She opened up to me about her past and told me that she dated a fuckboy, older than her who wasn’t interested in a relationship with her. They live in the same city and she told me that they met around 20 times in a year and a half. She said that she hates that guy and that I am a lot better than him and he is completely out of the picture, as they officially broke up 10 months ago. When we finally met irl we spent a lot of time together and a lot of romantic memories. She told me she loves me, and yes she is the one who said it first. Everything was going as normal until last week when she texted me out of the blue that she wants to go back to the other guy because “he is her true love”.
I’m really stuck now and I don’t know what to do because I know about her bipolarity and depression issues, which by the way are a result of the other guy’s plays with her from the past. I always told her I support and love her and that we’ll get over her problems together.
I still hope that this was just an impulse of hers.

Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 24, 2019 at 9:24 pm

Hi Bob, I would NC for short term and reach out to her in a month if you still feel the same but by the sounds of it the relationship with the other man is one of those that is on and off again often and she isn’t going to walk away from that until she has made the conscious decision that she is done

Grace Magama

October 11, 2019 at 5:59 pm

Dear coaches
I am 43 years and my ex is 44, I was in a 4-5 year relationship with my boyfriend, of which we started staying together early 2017 and the relationship has a daughter who is 18 months old. We had communication and accountability problems and they resulted in me asking for a break where, according to me who would introspect and seek common ground at a later stage. We went apart on the 1st of April 2019 and in June I heard from other sources that he had moved on. He did not even bother to let me know that he had decided to move on. When I confronted him about it, he denied it.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, I decided to become the bigger person and I went to apologise in August because I love him and I thought we could sit and talk. That is when he started pouring his hurt out yelling me what I did and did not do that hurt him and he was so antagonistic, bitter, angry and pushed me away. I acted needy and in desperation because my intention was not to push him away I thought we would one day find a common ground and talk.

Every time I tried talking to him he would take me back and start chronicling to me what I did to him that hurt him, some of the issues he was bringing up, he had never brought them to my attention during the course of the relationship. I even asked him why he did not mention them and he did not answer me. I wrote him emails, called him texted him and he did not respond.

I then decided to go on no contact and its has 25 days since I last texted him. I have been working on myself and I am at that point where I will accept what ever he decides, maybe I am impatient. He has never texted me or even cared to find out how her daughter is.

Can you assist me with drafting the accountability letter that will bring him back or atleast make him seek a dialogue with me

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 12, 2019 at 11:29 pm

Hi Grace, if you are looking for assistance in that sense it may be a good idea to look at the coaching options so that you can work with Anna or Chris to create this letter. Speaking with your ex on a casual basis about your child and then building up a friendship – where you flirt and friend zone will also create a better rapport between you both

Innocent

October 11, 2019 at 4:49 am

Hey, I’m Innocent.
I have a concern.
I have have issues with my girlfriend whereby she has chucked me for no reasons and come back with apologies after a no contact period of two months. Now this is the third time she comes, apologising, that it’s not too late to rebuild broken hearts, having spent 2 months without communication. What do I do? Should I give her another chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 11, 2019 at 7:15 pm

Hi Innocent this is your call but if you do, I suggest going slow slow slow, date and get to know each other again. Dont let her rush the relationship, take it at your pace and try not to be too emotional too soon

Ray

October 10, 2019 at 4:17 am

I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year.
He blocked me and told he’d come over later. Before knowing he blocked me and coming over I blew up his phone on no caller I’d and email begging for him to talk to me.
I haven’t contacted him since. I’ve been thinking about my relationship and why he would’ve done this. Came down 2 reasons other than that we’re fine. I never told him about my adhd and never realized how much it affected me. Things he would get upset that I do is because of my uncontrolled disorder. I’m working on controlling it before I talk to him again.
I feel like it would make a world of difference if he knew cause hes the type of person i believe to understand.
I want to write a letter to him in November. My goal is to get him talking to me. Should I include my adhd in the letter and apologize for past behaviors?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 12, 2019 at 8:02 am

Hi Ray, so a letter is more of a closure move at this point. Where you tell him how you’re going through all these emotions and explaining yourself. If you want to get him back as a boyfriend you need to start reaching out small and friendly interactions and then when you’ve moved up the Value Chain you can explain about your condition more in depth

Joseph A. Rodriguez

October 8, 2019 at 6:01 pm

My situation: My ex recently left me about 2 weeks ago. I did the no contact/radio silence. Finally broke it and we met up to clear things up.
Her reasons: She is still grieving the loss of an ex boyfriend and she voided the grieving process by being involved in a relationship too soon (with me) I have been very supportive of her during that time and it did not bother me that she is still grieving.
She hit a point in our relationship where she wasn’t romantically involved anymore and wasn’t expressing her affection and wants time to figure why she acts this way in relationships (it’s happened in previous relationships)
Our relation was not bad. No fights, no arguments, but we had small disagreements that would get resolved quickly.

We agreed to see each other 2 weeks later for a concert we had tickets to. I think after this I will go back to radio silence/No contact. We had plans to go to Peru on a spiritual retreat in February. When should I send a letter or should I discuss that with her the day of the concert?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 9, 2019 at 9:44 pm

Hey Joseph, don’t send her a letter based on what you’ve said above you need to give her some space let her deal with her own issues and work on being better version of yourself so that you can show her how you’re the better man. Id avoid doing anything with her for a s long as you can, giving her a full 30 days NC first

Corrina

October 4, 2019 at 10:32 am

But ever since the time we talked, I was begging and all. And the letter would be reaching out to address that I’m better tackling the issues logically and understand why he did what he did. That would help to see that I’m progressively changing to be better isn’t it? Pointing out that I did screw up and I have become the better version of me that he loved. Would this be a good idea after weeks of no contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 4, 2019 at 9:57 pm

Hi Corrina, no like the article explains you need to avoid sending a letter so soon after NC you need to work on rebuilding your relationship on a friend level texting and phone calls working up the Value Chain, sending this type of letter would be setting you back as it will be an emotional letter, even if you think its logical. After a No Contact is the wrong time to send a lettter

Happy

September 30, 2019 at 7:59 am

Hey chris . it’s been 71 days since my break up And 1st month was horrible she is the one who broke up with me but still had feelings for me . The day she broke up i told her we should not talk and stay apart but she kept pleading to be like best friends and cried a lot when I finally agreed on the same day she screwed the hell out of me picked up a huge fight and started blaming me for everything. It was hurtful seeing that you are doing something they want for their happiness and all of a sudden they fire back at you. After that day things started going down we are in the same college . After that day till one month she played with my feelings and like a dumbo i kept doing whatever she wanted . I was in love now almost 32 days back she cornered me and screwed me with her friends. She took out everything personally and bad mouthed me in front of a lot of people. College life has become hell . I started no contact that day worked on myself physically and mentally both . We do cross paths many times or sometimes but we ignore each other . I badly want to talk to her as i have realized where i went wrong and want her to know i am not the same person anymore but she has moved on . She is talking to a lot of random stranger boys online and all. But i am at a point now that i want to just talk to her and see where it goes , i have nothing against her no matter what she did that was a phase and I totally understand it . Can you help me out how i should reach out and talk as what if she is still holding grudges against me . If you can just help me out here .

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 30, 2019 at 11:30 am

Hi Happy, you need to complete a FULL NO CONTACT and take that time apart where you are not talking to her or her friends etc. During that NC when you do cross paths you say HELLO and walk past do not engage in conversation for 30 days. then when that is done you need to reach out via text with a conversation about her interests and something thats going to be light and easy to talk about.

Look up Chris’ other website, exgirlfriendrecovery.com

Jose

September 21, 2019 at 4:49 am

Hey Chris thank you for the article, I found it very helpful. I was thinking of sending a letter to my ex and I across your article. My ex’s birthday is this week and was thinking about getting her something and giving her a letter. I guess my question is if I should give it to her personally or give it to a friend of hers so she could give it to my ex. I haven’t contacted her in a month and it’s going to be my first time actually making contact with her. I would be appreciated if you could contact me as fast as possible. Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 21, 2019 at 5:48 pm

Hi Jose, so most of the time it is a bad idea to send a letter or a birthday gift to your ex. At any time. People tend to send letters normally based on their own guilt and hope to get some indication of forgiveness. Or admit to the ex that they have done wrong. So, unless you are looking for closure and want to give your ex closure from the break up and move on I suggest not sending a letter or the gift.

You can however write the letter to clear it from your mind, but DO NOT SEND this to your ex if you want them back.

JUNIIR

July 25, 2019 at 3:38 pm

Hey Chris
i broke up with my girl friend 3 months ago,… i embarked on a 60 day NC period then i met her at church after the NC. She initiated contact saying she missed me a lot….i gave her a letter i had written a day before to apologise to her but it was filled with a lot of emotions….she then backed off as she was seing this other guy.rebound perhaps…now i was thinking of a writting her a note just to let her know that i was still under emotional construction and now im good though
And also to arrange a meet up in a friendly manner
can this be a good idea or not
What should i do?
Sobernow

July 19, 2019 at 1:17 am

Hey chris-

6 years LTR. She and her two kids (14/19) lived with me. My 7 yo daughter visited once/month. She split 6 weeks ago due to my drinking (only once per month but VERY heavily when I did) and to my “no accountability and I did what I wanted whenever I wanted”, and my demeaning language when I drank. She always told me she never knew what version of me was going to come home.

I would stay at a bar drinking until 3am by myself once per month. I was a mess, depressed, and blamed boredom and anything I could on her. We would fight and when she threatened moving out, id tell her to just f’ing leave. I attribute all my words and bad actions to my drinking.

So- she split (disappeared) one day when I came home after work at 6pm and drinking…and never came back. Texted me 2 days later that she got her keys to her new place. She won’t tell me where she is living…not that big of a deal bc I want to give her space.

We have only texted “business”
Stuff about her furniture, etc. She refuses to talk about “us” or meet me at all. Says she doesn’t owe me closure bc it’s “nothing I can give you.” She said she’s found peace with splitting up bc it was heathy for her, me and the kids. She says we were toxic for each other.

Full disclosure- she always worried me late in the relationship bc she spent a lot of time on her phone and we weren’t intimate for a bit before she left. I felt like maybe there was a person who gave her an emotional connection.

I was emotionally abusive due to my drinking and I’m ashamed of that and have since stopped drinking and have been sober for nearly 6 weeks. I’ve found self evaluation, understand respect for others, value relationships and don’t take people for granted. I’ve also gotten into shape and dropped 20lbs in a month.

Quandary: every once in a while my texts would be wishy-washy and somewhat passive aggressive. I’d ask about “us” things or talking and she’d NEVER respond. So I’d try to communicate in any other way like engaging in “be safe during this storm…possible tornadoes” or “can I see the dog please?” She’d respond with “I’m not ignoring you. Of course you can see the dog. I’m confused why it took me leaving you for you wanting to talk when all you did when we did was look for my faults to be able to use them to tear me down.” Not sure I agree with that statement- I just wanted her to understand that we ALL have faults and that mine are recognized by me.

Anyhow- yesterday her yesterday that all thisnisnt about me, but about how badly I treated everyone and how ashamed I am and how I was sorry and understand now why she had to leave and I love her and cherish her and how she helped me make a move to a being a sober and better person.

This weekend is her bday. I left her a note on her car because I hate texting real feelings. I laid out again how my faults and poor actions were held to the fire and the reason why we spilt up. I owned up to it, stated that I’m making changes for ME and no one else, but thanked her for shaking me up and showing me the path to a healthier life. I told
Her I love her and the kids and my daughter loves them (she raised her with me). I texted her that I left the note and card from My daughter on her car. Told her that I will now give her the
Marcela

April 10, 2019 at 9:37 pm

Hi Chris

I personally met this guy 19 years ago after been distance online friends for more than a year, we were together and for distance circumstances he broke up with me. we have a small talk couple years ago but, I always remembered him time to time. Since November I started with this feeling to contact him, I wrote several emails (only way to communicate with him) and deleted them every single time. Last week I was brave enough to email him and asking him how he is doing. He reply to me 4 days after telling me he was good, working and divorce. I emailed him back telling him I am separate and working as well. I want to write him a letter to keeping in touch with him.

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