As human beings, we have this constant need to respond to others.

If your ex reaches out to you, you will definitely want to respond to him, and if you reach out, you’ll undoubtedly want him to respond back too.

But it’s not always a good idea to send a response.

In fact, no response is still a response and a pretty powerful one of that.

This article will take you through why the power of silence can be your greatest tool in the journey of getting your ex back.

The Power Of Silence Is Underrated

A lot of people who come to me want to get their exes back, and most of them are surprised when I introduce them to the no contact rule.

It seems counterintuitive to them to deliberately ignore their ex and stop all contact instead of trying to win them back actively.

If you really think about it, though, if your words had the power to bring your ex back, why didn’t they work to prevent your breakup?

Sometimes silence has much more impact than words ever could.

Let’s break this down even more.

Here’s something that might be difficult to hear –

Ordinary people do not like solitude. But solitude is often where you have epiphanies that help you grow spiritually and philosophically as a person.

Most people detest solitude because they don’t like being alone and don’t know what to do when that happens. That solitude is often the driving factor for people who make rash decisions like irrational apologies or immediate concessions to get their ex back.

You need to step out of that mindset. Solitude allows you to embrace yourself in a way you might not have done before by giving you the time to truly self-reflect on your place in the universe and how you want your life to go.

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The Power Of Self Reflection In Solitude

A lot of people today don’t spend enough time on self-reflection after a breakup even though it’s the most crucial thing to do.

Self-reflection shows you whether you actually need your ex back in your life or if you just want them to fill that void of loneliness you’ve had since they left.

People make the mistake of obsessing over getting their ex back so much that they forget to truly remove the blinders from their view and realize that their ex was just a small part of their overall life. If you spend this time self-reflecting, it gives you much more power and leverage when you go after your ex to get them back.

You’d be reading this all day if I actually shared all examples of how successful people have been when they used this solitude to their advantage. Most people waste time after a breakup lamenting over their thoughts and exaggerating their depression by moping around all day as opposed to thinking how they can make the best of this moment.

Here’s what I’ve noticed in my 30 years on this earth- human beings tend to want to put things forth when they’re not ready to be put forth.

What does that mean?

Well, we speak first without thinking while we really should be thinking first and speaking later.

Simply put, a breakup puts you at your most emotionally vulnerable state, and those emotions can confuse and cloud your sense of judgment.

Emotions make you say things in the heat of the moment that would probably have been best left unsaid.

Perhaps your ex has done something like this before that deeply upset you. Hearing your loved one say something like “I never loved you” or “I hate you” can take a toll on you, and your heartbreak makes you take that at face value.

The Show Don’t Tell Mentality

You might not realize that it wasn’t true, and your ex loved you very dearly at one point; maybe he just doesn’t have those feelings anymore, or maybe he still does, but he is too angry to express himself clearly.

We, humans, are extremely fluid in our emotions, so we don’t feel the same thing throughout our entire lives. Then, don’t you owe yourself time to figure out your relationship with your ex after the initial shock of your breakup passes away?

We are all capable of change. In fact, it’s probably one of our greatest assets. Our feelings and circumstances can change, so if you just get wrapped up in what your ex said, it can be difficult to move forward. So, you respond by saying things back at them, and you just dig yourself deeper into a hole.

The biggest benefit of being silent is thus that it allows you time to self-reflect so that whenever you do have something to say to your ex, its impactful and well thought out.

This is also one of the greatest reasons for you to adopt a show don’t tell mentality. Most people, when they think they should say something to their ex, tell something to their ex. Personally, I think its way more impactful to SHOW something to your ex.

For example, let’s say that you lost a bunch of weight, and you’re extremely proud of that, so you naturally want to tell your ex about it when you start speaking to them again. You might want to shoot them a text that says something like, “Hey! I lost 20 pounds”.

Instead of doing that, it would be better and more impactful if you show them that by posting an amazing picture of yourself on social media for everyone, not just your ex, to see your incredible journey. This doesn’t just serve to alert your ex to your change, but it also boosts your confidence when your friends, family, and other potential lovers comment on it. It might even make your ex jealous and protective.

The internet is full of amazing quotes, but one of my favorite quotes of all times is by someone who chose to stay anonymous: “Maybe you sit there and view your silence as a weakness, but I view it as the opposite.”

After all, no response is essentially implementing the show don’t tell mentality.

Implementing the no contact rule and serving silence incites certain feelings and fears that your ex has.

What People Think Vs. What Actually Happens 

Whenever I’m working with a client it almost feels inevitable for them to disagree with my no response is a response mentality. So, I figured what I’d do is show the four things that people often think when they engage in this mentality as opposed to waht actually happens.

  1. People think their ex will completely forget about them if they don’t respond
  2. People think the no contact rule works differently for men than it does for women
  3. People believe that no contact should only be used to get over your ex
  4. People believe that if they use silence on their ex that they will just move on to someone else

Let’s address these major differences in what people think and what actually happens.

False Belief #1 – People Think Their Ex Will Forget About Them If They Use Silence

The opposite is actually true.

There’s this psychological theory called reactance that deals with behavioral freedoms. I actually talk about it in this video,

We all have certain behavioral freedoms, and we’re satisfied with our lives as long those freedoms are recognized.

However, the moment someone takes away one of those freedoms, our bodies and lives descend into chaos, and we desire those freedoms back.

So, when you actively choose not to respond to your ex, you’re taking away their behavioral freedom of being able to talk to you. Their mind makes them think about talking to you even more, and they will thus try to get you to talk to them again; however, they can.

That’s precisely the opposite of being forgetful if anything they probably remember the times they spent with you even more.

False Belief #2 – The No Contact Rule Works Differently For Men Than Women

Anyone saying this hasn’t done the proper research to support this claim because there is almost no difference in both gender’s reactions to the no contact rule.

What research have I done you ask.

Well, I actually have two large websites.

This one, Ex Boyfriend Recovery which primary helps women through their breakups and my other one, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, which helps men get through their breakups.

We have a lot of data.

I will concede that women have slightly more power during the no contact rule, but overall, I’ve seen the no contact rule work just as well for men and women who are trying to get their exes back.

False Belief #3 – The No Contact Rule Is Only Something You Use To Get Over Your Ex

I think that can be true in certain situations, but we have several success stories of it working on getting your ex back.

The no contact rule shouldn’t be looked at in this straight and narrow way with blinders on.

I see this rule as a choose your adventure scenario where you could start the no contact period wanting your ex back, and midway through it, you could realize you’re much better off without them or vice-versa.

One of the benefits of using the no contact rule is that it gives you the time you need to make these difficult decisions, and often times when you’re making difficult decisions, you shouldn’t do it in a highly emotional state.

The no contact rule lets you level out that hyper-emotional state and use logic to decide whether getting your ex back is the best thing for your future.

False Belief #4 – If You Use Silence On Your Ex They Will Find Someone New

Here’s what I have to say about that: if you’re in a situation where your ex moved on to someone else, you have to look at how fast they moved onto someone else and how quickly you implemented a no contact rule.

I find that sometimes the timing correlation can be off.

The problem I find is that most people learn about the no contact rule much later after their breakup, so their ex has had the time to move on.

The most effective way to use the no contact rule is to implement it immediately after a breakup.

Often times in clients who do use the no contact rule immediately after a breakup, the opposite happens.

If their exes do immediately “move on,” it’s mostly a rebound relationship.

Conclusion

No response is not only a response but is sometimes the best response you could use.

Your silence not only has the power to push your ex to miss you, but it also gives you clarity about what you need in life.

What to Read Next

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35 thoughts on “No Response Can Still Be A Response”

  1. Avatar

    Daisy

    May 11, 2020 at 7:56 pm

    Update, my ex contacted me on day 28 of No Contact. We have had a few nice conversations since so working on building rapport and I’m willing to take things slow. Funny thing is I was feeling so much better the last 10 days or so because I had worked on improving myself the entire time in no contact. I had gained perspective of what went wrong and what I could do to improve things.

  2. Avatar

    Daisy

    April 28, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Dated for 11 months. He is recently divorced for almost a year. I’m in the process of a divorce. I was the first serious person he dated after his divorce. I had dated someone else prior to him but it wasn’t serious. Very little arguing in the relationship and truly enjoyed one another’s companionship. He said I was different from other women. Loved and adored me as I felt the same for him. No issues at all with intimacy. Broke up once for a few weeks (he initiated that break up) after a silly fight and then got back together when I reached out a week later and he said he had really missed me. I had to reach out as he is very stubborn. This recent break up was initiated by me (a month ago). I was expressing that I wasn’t getting enough time and attention from him. He works a lot. I knew I had made a mistake when I woke up the next day. He ignored me for days even though I said I had made a mistake and wanted to get back together. He then said he was done and I deserve better since he doesn’t deserve someone as good as me in his life right now. He also expressed that maybe he was better off being single at the moment. After that message he stopped responding to me again after I tried to reach out a few times. It’s been 15 days since I last tried to reach out. I’m trying to give him space. No contact from both of us. I really love this person. I don’t know if timing was just off for us but I miss his company and support so much. I was planning on trying to reach out after 30 days or is it better that I don’t reach out and see if he comes back around on his own?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 5, 2020 at 10:16 pm

      Hi Daisy, if you want to get him back then I would suggest that you reach out at the end of your 30 days and follow this process

  3. Avatar

    SUE

    April 13, 2020 at 8:35 pm

    I DON’T HAVE COMMENTS JUST A QUESTION. HOW LONG IS THE NO CONTACT LAST? A COUPLE OF DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 8:32 am

      Hi Sue, as it states in the many articles NC can be 21 days, 30 days, or 45 days. Depending on your situation, length of relationship and how much you begged and gnatted after the break up happened.

  4. Avatar

    Jay

    April 12, 2020 at 4:54 am

    Hi, mine is pretty lengthy and I’m going to try to be as open as I can and provide copy paste, hopefully. So I was dating this girl for 2 months and we talked every single day for hours. On Thursday she broke up with me saying that she doesn’t have time for a relationship and need her space and personal things she threw on me. She asked could we remain friends and I said no instantly but the next day I was open to the idea and she wasn’t, she said she was respecting my wishes and she is okay with that. I explained that I spoke out of a hurt place because it happened so fast and I didn’t mean that. Saturday edible arrangements were sent to her that I ordered during the beginning of the week and she assumed I got them that day so she said that I was acting out in childhood trauma and trying to manipulate conversation and that this is toxic and unhealthy and this communication is toxic and unhealthy. I also purchased her a gift in late March (international gift) and she knew about it and it’s suppose to reach her and I feel embarrassed enough about all of this. She told me I don’t respect her boundaries and I apologized for making her feel that way and she proceeded to tell me my manipulative communication will continue to push people away, I told her how I felt and that despite the feelings I have for her I won’t bother her and that I care enough about her to release her and communication stopped. I’m so hurt and distraught because we connected instantly and just this week she called me her twin and now it’s as if things took a left turn. She went from telling me she was scared of being hurt and that she has strong feelings for me and ashamed of how she felt to talking to me in a very cold manner as if she was scolding a child and I was a serious problem and an annoyance. What should I do? Would NC rule work in this regard even though I sent that message and she didn’t respond?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 22, 2020 at 12:26 am

      Hi Jay, if you want to get your ex back you need to give it a full 45 NC before you reach out again and in that time you need to have appeared that you have moved on in some way so that she is going to be more open to talking to you through text, and working up the value chain

  5. Avatar

    Tracey Francis

    April 10, 2020 at 11:25 pm

    I pursued my ex for 6 months via email, messages, letters. Absolute love of my life. He threatened to contact the police if I tried to make contact again. I wish I’d read this sooner. Will be me being no contact forever. I know that’s what I have to do….and I’ll never hear from him ever again. I’m devastated. 41 and begging someone to love me. And be with me. I’m so ashamed of myself. Just feel so heart broken.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 7:13 pm

      Hi Tracey, I am so sorry you feel this way it is one of the hardest things we can go through losing someone we love and them not returning the feeling. However if you have got to the point where he is threatening police action I do suggest that spend some time on your emotional control, and focus on your self esteem. We can get our heart broken at 14 or 41 even in our 70s so dont be ashamed of hurting, take some time to heal and think about yourself. Then re assess what is going to truly make you happy

  6. Avatar

    Ryan

    April 9, 2020 at 4:58 pm

    My ex and I were together for 6 years. I initiated the break up but then it became more mutual but now I am regretting breaking up. We broke up about a month and a half ago. He told me he wanted to be friends and we see each other once a week. Lately I’ve been texting him like crazy and he stopped responding. Is it too late to do the NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:16 pm

      Hi Ryan no it is not too late to start your NC but it is essential that you stick to it and work your Holy Trinity

  7. Avatar

    Nathalie

    April 9, 2020 at 1:18 am

    My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago after 9 months of dating. I sent him a msg saying that I miss him. He replied I hope all is good. I replied back. I haven’t heard a thing from him and it’s been 6 days. Would the NC work in this situation? Is there any hope?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 10, 2020 at 12:12 am

      Hi Nathalie yes go into a NC and stick to it for 30 days solid

  8. Avatar

    Kelly

    April 8, 2020 at 1:00 pm

    Chris,
    I know how you feel about cheating. My ex of four years was married for 25. He cheated on his wife the entire time, either physically or emotionally. He now has custody of the five kids, she cheated on him, left all of them and married the new guy. My ex brought all this into my life when we started dating. I didn’t find out about the seven women he cheated on me with until 3 years into ours, 3 of whom he had sex with, the others he had emotional relationships with. I left a after a year of attempting to reconcile recover and heal together in all of this.
    I had a question about no contact; but then I read what I just wrote to you and ask myself why would I even care…..?
    If you have time I’d love your thoughts
    Thank you stay safe and healthy
    Kelly

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 8, 2020 at 4:15 pm

      Hi Kelly, so when someone repeatedly cheats like this clearly there is an issue with that person. It could be a number of things but clearly he can not be faithful. I would take some time following the No Contact rules and look at your life – do you want to be treated this way for another four years?

      Work on the Holy Trinity, and also start casually dating too just to get yourself out there and see that not all men are jerks! I am sorry this happened to you, but yes I would also ask why would you want to be with someone who has treated you this way. I always say, imagine this was being done to someone you loved. Daughter / mother / sister etc. You would not allow them to accept this so don’t accept it for yourself

  9. Avatar

    Jordan O

    April 8, 2020 at 3:09 am

    I really need a podcast/article on dealing with a breakup in quarantine! My partner and I do not live together but he ended our 3 year relationship just a week ago because he felt bored and wanted space to figure things out and be single. I don’t know how to get him back if I’m not living my life being with friends, work, gym, clubs etc. I have listened to over half the podcasts but being in quarantine makes every explained scenario different. My ex is considered an essential worker in these times. He still goes to work, is able to physically socialize and has a gym in his home but I am stuck home with nothing to do but overthink and be caught up with emotions!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 10:04 pm

      Hi Jordan I understand how difficult this quarantine is to deal with alone never mind a break up too, but you need to work on your Holy Trinity in the areas you can right now. You can still work out at home, you can read, do things that are going to interest you and use social media to show you are dealing with our global situation with a positive mindset

  10. Avatar

    mel

    April 8, 2020 at 2:55 am

    Hi,
    So my ex reached out to me after nearly 3 months NC. We went into NC as soon as he broke up with me. He texted at 2am in the morning so I’m assuming he was drunk or something and admitted he had ‘caved’ first by texting. I didn’t reply because I didn’t see it until the next morning and knew he was drunk and he probably regretted it in the morning.
    He also unfollowed me on social media that day and my friend saw him on tinder the following week (although he might’ve been on tinder earlier). He hasn’t reached out again.
    Do you think he will reach out ever again? Is he trying to move on now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 13, 2020 at 3:21 pm

      Hi Mel, I would say that it shows he was thinking of you that night, but it doesn’t mean he is moving on just because he is on tinder, it could just be him looking for a distraction from his feelings and filling the void of talking to you. If you want him back, then you would need to follow NC period and then start the texting phase

  11. Avatar

    Jess

    April 7, 2020 at 7:09 pm

    Been in no contact for 4/5 months. Reached out to my ex and he was polite but scared about giving me false hope? Is this a common reaction? Reassured him that he didn’t need to worry about that, and happy to be friends and that I’m not here to add pressure. He has agreed to meet me in a few months! We went long distance before we split, but now by chance im moving up to city near him!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 10, 2020 at 12:35 am

      Hi Jess it is common for exes to draw a line so that they are not giving you false hope. Be sure not to have emotional conversations keep conversations short positive and make sure it is you ending conversations first

  12. Avatar

    anu

    April 6, 2020 at 8:58 pm

    hi, i texted my ex , complementing on his new video, but he did not reply. and that was one month ago. before that, he has texted me casually a few times and i replied casually both times. nothing worth mentioning. but then why did he go MIA suddenly? i cant try again and be humiliated again. but i really want to talk.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 6, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Anu, I would reach out asking for advice on something rather than trying to have casual conversations. You need to get him investing in conversations and you need to be the one who leaves the conversation first.

  13. Avatar

    Sia

    April 6, 2020 at 11:54 am

    Can I stop a relationship before it starts? He is flirting online with some girls and I thnk one of them (at least) is corresponding. Since we are in quarantine he won’t travel to meet her but they can get closer and closer and after this… Also, I can’t do anuthing to be UG since we can’t do anything with the lockdown, unless I start to post sexy selfies, which is not my style and he knows, it would be suspicious. We were good getting closer but we haven’t talked in a few days (and I don’t want to initiate, I need him to start) and now another girls are taking “my” place. I don’t know what to do, have I lost him for another girl? What can I do to recover him before it gets too late?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 6, 2020 at 11:22 pm

      Hi Sia, look up the being there method and apply this to your situation – giving that you have done your NC already. But you can not stop him getting into a relationship with anyone else, you can only follow the program being the best version of yourself and letting your ex see how great you are

  14. Avatar

    France Bonay

    April 5, 2020 at 12:35 am

    Hello. I was with my childrens father for 15 years. I want him back. Hes in another relationship but I know he still loves me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:10 pm

      Hi there, so you need to complete a limited no contact for 45 days where you only speak with him about the children and nothing else. You work on yourself and follow the information about the Holy Trinity, and then you need to start following the being there method

  15. Avatar

    Tyler

    April 4, 2020 at 7:04 pm

    Okay so I’ve heard of this no contact rule before and used it in slightly a different way where I was tryin to get my ex back after she broke up with me and then one day I said a few final things and let it be. 3 or 4 weeks later I believe she called me outta nowhere… boom it worked .. but no 3 or 4 years down the road I’m goin through a break up with someone else and she has 2 kids and she broke up with me after a lil over a year and yes I deserve it but I want her back and right now her head is keeping her from coming back she hasn’t texted me but can I kinda do the same thing here? We haven’t talked in a week and 2 days but been broke up for a month… just curious if it I’m lucky enough for a 3rd shot with this girl and her 2 boys

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 4, 2020 at 8:27 pm

      Hi Tyler yes you need to complete NC for 30 days, working on your Holy Trinity, you mentioned you deserved to be broken up with so if it is something you need to work on yourself then make that your focus during this time

  16. Avatar

    m

    April 4, 2020 at 6:05 pm

    hey chris, i found your website about a month after my ex and i had broke up and i was wondering how much it’ll effect my chances to start NC a month after you two broke up? i occasionally would talk to him like every once in a couple of days or weeks but nearly every single time it would be me gnatting and ending up with me begging for him back. my sister even checked up on him and he told her that she should stop talking to him because it’s weird for him. he even directly told her “no, her and i never getting back together.” i don’t know how much that killed my chances but i started NC two weeks ago and i feel that he has completely moved on from me and i started a complete NC too late..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 11:13 pm

      Hi M, NC can still be effective after a break up giving that you apply the advice given and stick to the 30 days NC without breaking if you hear from your ex in that time.

  17. Avatar

    Neha

    April 4, 2020 at 8:21 am

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been going through ur website for some days n its grt d way u r helping broken hearts to heal…so i got motivated to share my story also…me n my ex know each other for a decade now.. But became friends in 2017…n romance started in july last yr… although he was flirting always right from beginning..i was his crush… so ultimately i also started loving him.. He would be in touch whole day texting calling daily ,very caring n loving… we became intimate also… Then in late dec 19 he became very bsy in job..he told me abt it n asked me to cooperate.. Initially i understood then in jan i felt he is ignoring me n i became insecure .. So few times complained him…he started to get bit annoyed n distant , less loving n caring..still it was going..on 13 feb it was my birthday n i expected him to visit me.. But he didn’t (wished me although) n i got disappointed when confronted rather then be apologizing he blasted n said he is done, he is no more in love, i pleaded n said sorry for whole one week but he became completely different person.. It was like talking to a wall… lastly on 22 feb he said I’m not interested anymore, don’t call or text me n don’t expect any text or call from me… My heart broke …we didn’t talked to 5 days then i congratulated him on birth of his nephew n he responded nicely … I cut short conversation after few texts n contacted again after two days… Saying nice dp he said thanks. Next day i started routine conversation, how r u n all n he didn’t replied so i left him alone for 9 days he never contacted me… again i texted him on 13 mar.. Commenting on his status of whatsapp he just replied hmm… Till then i started following ur website.. on 15 mar i reached him with i need ur expertise text n he replied positively… I ended conversation short as u said waited two days n texted abt watching a movie he like n reminds me of him this time he just texted ok.. Next day i tried to take conversation further but he didn’t responded … so i started NC from 20 mar.. N it just seems to me that he will never contact me first.. He never did right from 13 feb..he is acting very stubborn… I’m so sad thinking whats on his mind.. He used to b after me like mad.. texting all the times even when we were just friends.. He used to say he need my care n support in his life always… N now its almost two months n no feelings.. He have muted my status on whatsapp … don’t like or comment on my posts… But didn’t blocked me anywhere… was he just using me? Has his feelings died? Was it all my fault? I don’t know what to expect even after NC…will he respond positively ? Please advise me.. what u think ? Can i get him back? Should i do 21 days or 30 days NC? I love him n need his support in my life.. . Please help me… do reply….

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 8:35 am

      Hi Neha, I would suggest that you do a 45 day NC as you continued to try and get him to talk after a few days each time, he has not had a long break from hearing form you. I suggest during that time you look at the Holy Trinity and apply this to your life. From there you can plan your texts about his interests like you did above but this time you need to not start any conversations with “how are you” as it seems he is open to talking to you, but not small talk yet – this is where we say you are skipping the value chain, first you need to get him investing in conversation with you again. And then as you work up the value chain you can have the small talk conversations

  18. Avatar

    Alice

    April 3, 2020 at 8:42 am

    My ex broke up with me last summer after being together 6 years due to some behavioural issues I was having but we continued to talk and meet up every few weeks as friends. After seeing I had changed inJanuary he said he wanted to give things another go even though he didn’t feel ready to. We got back together for a month but I could tell that his heart wasn’t totally in it and there wasn’t an equal amount of effort being put in so I ended it, making it clear that I love him and want to be with him but can’t make the relationship work on my own. He was upset and said he didn’t know why he didn’t feel able to mentally bring to the relationship what was needed and that being together didn’t feel right but neither did not being together, he says he thinks maybe it had all been too soon for him to try again. I cut off contact this time telling him to only come to me if he wanted to give this another go. I didn’t hear anything from him but I ran into him very briefly 3 weeks later. When he asked how I was I said that I was moving on and said he looked upset but said that he understood he wasn’t giving me an alternative. He then told me he was depressed and had started seeing a therapist (which I have been asking him to do for years) but that it hadn’t really been helping. We said goodbye and continued no contact. I messaged him 2 weeks to check that his family were ok amidst the corona virus situation and we exchanged a few messages about that before he then didn’t reply to my last one. I don’t plan to reach out to him and will continue with no contact but my worry is that no contact is just making him realise he doesn’t want to be with me. I worry that because we broke up back in summer last year he has had a long time to get used to the idea of not being together and therefore is now fine with the idea and is well on the way to getting over me with no contact just helping that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 6:08 pm

      Hi Alice, so I would not suggest going back into a NC if you have spent three weeks in silence and managed to have somewhat positive conversation through text too, the reason he stopped responding as the probably got “bored” not to sound mean. But the point of conversations with your ex now is to be short, fun, interesting and you leave before he gets bored. Meaning you end the conversation short. I would look at some texting videos that Chris has done and use them to create conversations and ideas on what to talk to him about and make sure you end the conversation at its peak!