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102 thoughts on “My Ex Said He Doesn’t See A Future With Me”

  1. Sarah

    October 8, 2020 at 6:01 am

    Mr and my ex broke up while I was 6months pregnant with our second baby together. All in all there’s 5 kids 3 from an ex. I have begged like an idiot professed my love he swears I don’t love him because according to him I have a nasty mean attitude. I honestly toke every failure I was afraid and brought it to life with verbal attacks. I love this man with all of me but he now says this relationship just isn’t it we could not be together he didn’t see it happening. I ask him to considering things he gets really frustrated discussing us. I’ve said if I came to him as a different women then maybe. I know so can improve things about myself he’s says become a better woman before I bring us up. I want my family together desperately

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 8, 2020 at 8:40 am

      Hi Sarah, you need to work on yourself in the sense that you learn to control your emotions so that you can react calmly to these situations. I am going to assume you have had some arguments and some negative interactions to make him feel this way. It is hard when you are pregnant to control your emotions, but make sure that you learn to compose yourself before you react to things. Give your ex some space and let him have that time to calm his own feelings.

  2. Sarah

    September 20, 2020 at 9:54 pm

    I need to tell my story and get some advise

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 21, 2020 at 4:26 pm

      Post it here and I can advise you best I can 🙂

  3. Te

    August 14, 2020 at 11:00 am

    Hello,
    my bf of 3,5 years left me month and half ago. I was his first relationship and we were together since he we were around 16. We were best friends and aside from some quarreling (we always worked the problems right away and never gone to bed upset) we had amazing relationship. He wasn’t sure what he wants and told me he doesn’t see a future with me and that maybe there is someone better for him. Day before breakup he told me he is thinking about how to propose to me. We were at the party and he was talking with a girl he found attractive at some point of our relationship.

    He was also devastated from the breakup and told me he hope we will work this out but still broke up with me few days after we tried. He is asking about this girl now.

    After breakup i went no contact for 21 days since he has memory problems and worked on myself. Then reached out. At first he was responsive but then he started to take his time replying and told me he isn’t ready to talk to me. He told me he likes how i look and my personality and that there is no problem with me. What should I do from now on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 1:44 pm

      Hi Te, so in this situation where he is telling you he hopes you work it out, but doesnt see a future with you = contradicting himself. He is wanting to be single at the moment and that is fine sometimes people need space to be alone, but he also could be thinking what else is out there seeing how young you got together. Work the holy trinity and the Ungettable information but this time you need to complete a 45 day no contact as he knows you are reaching out to get back together this is not the impression you want to give him

  4. Sharon Wells

    August 10, 2020 at 11:24 am

    My recent ex and I were together for about 5 years in total. We had our struggles but kept going. I became quite insecure towards the end, becoming more needy and low value and this added pressure to our relationship ending in a split. He once said that he did not want to marry me and I stupidly ignored this. Staying led to resentment on my part and I never knew if he was all in.
    When we had an argument the other day, he brought it up again (not going to marry me). I decided to regain control and decided on what I wanted…a future with him leading to marriage. He told me that he didn’t want this so I pulled the plug. He is an avoidant and natural progressions such as moving in together were such hurdles. Funnily enough my decision to leave if our goals didn’t match actually showed him my value. I am determined to work on myself and mature. I’m using no contact to help me but want to know if he’ll come back. Am I wasting my time because I said I want marriage. Which by the way if he came back, I would turn him away if it was anything other than marriage.

  5. Mariana

    May 21, 2020 at 9:56 pm

    My bf broke up with me 3 days ago, he basically said this that he doesn’t see a future and doesn’t want to waste both of our times. I didn’t see the catalyst but I do now, as quarantine was ending he made plans to go hang w/friends at the lake on the weekend that I was coming back in town after being away for almost 2 weeks, I didn’t take well and it pushed me away bc he values his friends and independence highly. I know I was wrong in being so pushy/clingly and I’m working on that but I was reacting like that bc I felt he was being distant and had been having doubts about us. Doubts that started the second time I reacted like that to him having other weekend plans. We texted later in the night that we broke up and it was the most honest and open conversation we had, I didn’t even expect him to reply, just wanted to get some things off my chest. But he expressed his fear of wasting his time with people and wanting to find the right person and loving his independence and free time and how he has a bad habit of comparing current relationships to past relationships and how he thinks he should feel and that’s why he’s been single for so long. I don’t take it for granted that he committed to me even tho that’s something he doesn’t do lightly and I really think we could have had something great and even get back together but I would appreciate any sincere and honest advice. I’ve taken the quiz and I got 74 percent. We casually dated for 2/3 months and officially bf/gf for 2 months.

  6. Amy

    May 6, 2020 at 5:31 pm

    My ex and I were best friends for over a year before we started dating (we were both in relationships during that year). He knew I had feelings for him and when we initially talked he said he didn’t ever, ever want to lose me as a friend and by dating me he was afraid that would happen, especially if we broke up. The issue was dropped. A couple months later, his behavior toward me changed and he said he wanted to date me. During even our friendship… he didn’t always value me as he should have. I was there for him 24/7 without him having to ask, and he wasn’t always for me. We started dating in January and he broke up with me about three weeks ago. I contacted him about two days after, initially, but it was not a plea to get back together, but something he had asked to know about before the breakup. He said he had been having this “feeling” for about 3 weeks (which was when we had to stop seeing each other due to COVID) and he couldn’t shake it. He then said he loved me, but only as his best friend, not his girlfriend and this was the first time I ever heard him say it. He said he couldn’t lose me as his best friend but that he just didn’t see a future with me, so there was no point in continuing. (He broke up with his last girlfriend of 2 years for kind of the same reasons– he didn’t see himself marrying her.) Over our relationship i asked him a couple times if he had truly been ready to date me and he assured me he was and that he was so happy to be with his best friend. However, even during our relationship he was never there for me in the same way that I was for him. He was never mean to me, he just didn’t make me a priority. I don’t know what to do… he was so sure of us getting married and having a future in the beginning (though it wasn’t explicitly said) and then bam, a change. I would date him again but I’d have to see change from his side on making me a priority, but I still don’t understand why he would break up with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 2:59 pm

      Hi Amy, sometimes our exes dont value enough in their mind so the best thing to do is remove yourself from their lives (short term) and let them feel that loss. One of the reasons we follow a NC rule for at least 30 days. I would suggest that this would be more effective way to make your ex realise they were not putting enough into the relationship. Make sure you read articles that apply to your relationship and follow that advice

  7. Sara

    March 22, 2020 at 11:16 pm

    My ex and I were together for a year, then he broke up because he didnt have feelings and he wasnt ready for a relationship then after 3 months came back as he missed me and after 2 months dating, he say he wasnt ready… same history for 2 years.
    Today he finally say he doesn’t see a future with me, he loves me just as a friend and we need to move on for good this time.
    And who knows what will happend in the future.
    Do you think is chance he will change his mind or i can do something? I really love him..
    Also its to painful and i dont know how to move on when I know is no more girls involve
    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 8:23 pm

      Hi Sara it sounds as if your guy is getting grass is greener syndrome while in the relationship and then when he goes out there and realises he cant do better he comes back to you. I would work on yourself to become Ungettable and then use social media to show your ex you are moving on with your life and he has “lost you”. If he wants to get back together then you need to get him to invest much more time into the relationship before you take him back properly. Go on dates, build a foundation and make him wait for the intimacy of a relationship.

  8. Rachel

    March 22, 2020 at 5:18 am

    Hey Chris,

    My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. Long story short, I was in a rough place because I moved to a new state to start a job and it was way more intense than I thought it was. We broke up because he came home for a funeral and I had a mental breakdown during that time. Things were said that were not meant by both parties and he initially just “wanted a break”. I reacted typically and begged to get him back. He went back to his military job and I continued to reach out to him for 3 weeks with the hot and cold conversations. One of those conversations he said “I just don’t see us working out”. It’s hard for me to take him for his word because his answers have been so different every time we’ve talked. I’ve been in NC for 4 days now and it’s just hard because we never fought until this blow out.

  9. Beth

    March 20, 2020 at 7:50 pm

    Hi me and my boyfriend broke up 1 time a couple weeks before we made it to our 1 year mark. We were broke up for about 3 weeks but I still tried to talk to him I called him and texted him I was very pushy. He told me he didn’t love me, didn’t care about me, didn’t think about us, or miss me. His dad asked him if he could see me with another man and he said he didn’t care. Well around week 3 of us being broken up he asked how I was doing I told him “I’m doing good still feeling like I was and how are you doing” he replied “stressed” I apologized because I was thinking I had made him stressed from constantly bothering him well he said “well I’m gonna go good talking to you” I still continued to message him first and that following Sunday he started to text me about how I was doing and about a party I went to so I started to tell him about it and make him jealous. I asked him when I could bring him his gift I had ordered him before we broke up he said I could meet him at his house in the evening the next day. We had a good talk. He ends up messaging me the next morning asking if he can come that morning to talk. We ended up working things out and getting back together. I was so happy that day I can play the whole day out in my head and remember every word said. He told me he said all those hurtful things to make hisself believe he was making the right decision. Well it’s now 5 month after that and he breaks up with me again for same reasons. That we argue to much over dumb things and I never let him have fun with his friends. But this time he said he didn’t see a future with me when a month ago we talked about a future together. He said he wants to love someone the way I love him. That’s hurt but I didn’t know if I should believe he meant that. At first when we talked about it he was asking me what we should do or what he should do like he still wasn’t sure what to do but he ended up breaking up with me in the end. I did the same things as last time messaged him, called him, cried to him, just trying to make him see where I was coming from and trying to convince him not to do this. Well after like a week or a little more I find out he has already started to talk to another girl and hanging out with her and he has worked everyday long hours. I don’t know what to do because I see a future with him and I pray about it everyday. Even though he said all those things my feelings haven’t changed for him and I still see a future with him. I am having a really hard time with this because I believe he is serious this time and I don’t want it to be true. I have read all kinds of articles and watched videos in what to do so I tried the no contact well I tried for like 5 days and I ended up messaging him saying how sorry I was for stressing him out over things and making it harder for him and all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. He messaged me “it’s all fine” it was so short and seemed he really didn’t want to talk to me so I said “ I really hope you are happy” he replied “ I am”. I’m happy that he is happy but I’m not happy he isn’t happy with me. He made me feel a way no one ever has he got me through so many hard times in life and was always the person I wanted to go to, to talk about anything. He has a lot of insecurity problems and I think that was one factor in his reason to break up. He kept telling me I shouldn’t be upset that he should be because he was loosing someone amazing but I was kissing nothing or he didn’t deserve me, or my love, And his emotions didn’t matter. I want more then anything to be with him and be able to spend the rest of my life with him but idk what to do or think. I know this is really long but I need help.

  10. Sophia

    March 18, 2020 at 5:58 pm

    Hi! I hope you can give me some advise. Me (25) and my ex boyfriend (24) were in a relationship for 4.5 years, and 3 weeks ago he broke up with me. He told me that he doesn’t see a future with me anymore, because his feelings for me changed over the past months. We both cried (a lot) and said goodbye.

    A week after the break-up we decided to talk face to face without the crying and all the drama that was going on the week before. This is when I did something very very stupid. I asked him if he wanted to try the 30 days NC (I ASKED him… how dumb!).
    I explained that we both needed to rediscover ourselves and to just enjoy life without each other, while looking back at our relationship every now and then to figure out what went wrong exactly. I also said that after the 30 days we can meet up (if he still wants to) and just get to know each other again, not as boyfriend and girlfriend, but just as two people who used to be best friends for years. If there is a spark, than that’s nice, but if there isn’t, thats fine too and we go our separate ways.

    He said; well why the hell not. At the time I thought I was being very sophisticated and smart, but now, almost two weeks later, i’m afraid I made a big mistake by suggesting the 30 days NC. I’m a huge controlfreak and did it to stay in control of the situation, while it would have been better to just LET GO.

    So, do you think I ruined my chances to get back together by suggesting the 30 days NC? Should I break off the 30 days while I still can or should I just go with the flow and hope for the best? (and do fun stuff with friends in the meantime and work on myself).

    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2020 at 12:26 am

      Hi Sophia, so you need to complete a no contact after a break up to give yourself and your ex a break from each other. And deal with the emotions of the break up at the time. When you reach out to your ex you need to make sure that you are using one of the texts that Chris suggests so that you break a pattern how you would normally reach out to your ex and make sure that the conversation is short and positive.

  11. Kai

    March 17, 2020 at 12:13 am

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago after 2 years of relationship together. I did a 2 weeks of brief no contact and decided to ask him if he would like to try again. He told me he could not see a future of us anymore. I understand why he would say that. During our time together, we did not managed to built a strong emotional connection and I was quite demanding. However I am willing to change for the better. I still want to get back together with him because he is special to me and he is worth it. Will there still be any chance of
    reconciliation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 10:01 pm

      Hi Kai, so you broke the no contact for a text we tell you not to send. If you want your ex back then you need to complete a full no contact for 30 days and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles and videos that open a form of communication with your ex that is going to interest him while also not being emotional or too must pressure on him. You need to work up the value chain before you can reach a point where your ex will start thinking of you in a romantic way again. Re start a no contact for 45 days and work on yourself to be the Ungettable version of yourself.

  12. Annie

    March 11, 2020 at 9:52 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me… again, after we got back from a trip together We were great for a few days after our trip. We ha a great time but then we got in a fight….. We break up a lot and usually make up but this time he told me I need to move on because he doesn’t see a future with me. He said he will never marry me and that he lost feelings for me. Every time he gets mad at me he tells me he never wants to get married an that he will never marry me. I am planning on going no contact for 45 days but what should I tell him to initiate? I havent ever committed to No contact because he looks for me shortly after our break up every time. He will talk to me like if are together but will tell me we’re broken up and I usually go along with it until we get back together. This has been going on for over 5 years. Should I tell him I respect his decision and tell him I’m moving on? right now we are still talking and he’s very hot and cold. I don’t know what to do. I want to do no contact but I don’t kn ow what to tell him so he doesn’t contact me because every time he contacts me I eventually fall and answer him. I want to work on myself and become confident and be the “ungettable girl” . I think he knows he can come back when ever he wants and I will be there. I want him to fully commit but I know It wont work until I go through with no contact and work on myself. How can I tell him or should I even tell him I understand he doesn’t see a future with me??? and should I let him know I’m doing no contact? Also, should I block him or just ignore his calls/texts? Please help!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2020 at 12:33 am

      Hi Annie, so if your relationship is an on and off again pattern you need to break this pattern. You need to complete a no contact where you work on yourself for that time and then also make sure that you give your ex some space to reflect on their mistakes (hopefully) too. If you feel that there is not a future with this person then you stick to your no contact, there is no need to reach out and tell him this as it will appear that you are being emotional and trying to put guilt into the break up. Stay silent and keep your dignity. Also I wouldnt block him unless you find that you cant stop cyber stalking him

  13. Nina

    February 24, 2020 at 7:10 am

    Hi,
    My ex and I were dating all throughout medical school, we did go through alot of rough patches, we did have fights. We dated for 4 years and then he broke up with me, because he says we are incompatible. (Due to having fights, not constant fights at all, but yes often). He continued to stay in touch with me, I couldn’t do a period of no contact immediately because he had his exams and then I had mine. So we just stayed in touch. He and I are very much attached to each other.
    He isn’t looking to date anyone else, he still loves me and he hasn’t dated anyone since. It’s been 2 years since the break up, and we live on two separate sides of the country now.
    He told me he is tired of hurting me and disappointing me.
    So he said now just yesterday that he doesn’t see a Future with me.
    But I asked him if we could take a break from each other for 3 months and reevaluate. He said he would consider it.
    Am I doing the right thing?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 10:41 pm

      Hi Nina so that is not really what we do here at ERP, but if you stick to a 45 day no contact and reach out with a text that Chris suggest and see what sort of response you get from your ex. Read about the ungettable posts and what it takes to be the best version of yourself in that time.

  14. Emily

    February 20, 2020 at 3:31 am

    hey so me and my boyfriend of one year just broke up. i am completely heartbroken. he said he doenst want a relationship but is constantly reminded of me all the time and almost wandt to date again but sees no future. my friend talked to him and he was saying all that and that he just can’t see us in the future. we had a love that was stronger then anything and everyone looked up to us as a couple and we were both 90% of the time always happy together. but now im here and want him back asap what is the best way i can do that because i know he still cares for me and borderline loves me but he’s just not seeing anything

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 11:08 pm

      Hi Emily I suggest that you work on the Ungettable information and apply this to your life so your ex regrets losing you

  15. Sindy

    February 18, 2020 at 5:10 am

    Hi, my ex came back after 12 weeks after I text him. He’s with someone else with children but said as long as he gets to see me sometimes it’s better than not seeing me at all. We just talked for 3 hours. What do I do? His girlfriend is using social media to try and make me jealous cause she knows I’m his ex. We never seem to quite make it as he put barriers up. I’ve known him for more than 30 yrs and moved my life to be with him and then he changed his mind hence the no contact. What’s my next step? Or should I just use the be there method?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 11:03 pm

      Hi Sindy, so you need to complete a full no contact where you work on yourself for some time and allow him that time to miss you and not have you in his life! He does not get to end the relationship and still have you in his life when it suits him. Let him feel the loss of you. After your 30 days no contact and working on the Ungettable information then start following the being there method while dating casually

  16. Stephany

    February 3, 2020 at 9:42 pm

    My ex broke up with me about a month ago, we have been in contact on and off because he reaches out to see how I am doing. His reason for breaking up with me is because he says that the chemistry did not feel like it use to and that the relationship started feeling more as “friends”. Last week on tuesday he reached out to me to see how I was doing etc. and in the convo mentioned how it felt awkward texting me and when I asked why? he says because we have never been friends. I told him that I wasn’t looking to be his friend, and we kind of got into it. Just today we spoke because I reached out to him, when we spoke today he was telling me how much of a great person I am and that i never did anything wrong in the relationship and that maybe one day we will laugh or reflect on all of this. He says that “I’ll never say were over forever” and that we both need to work on ourselves and see how things progress naturally. I told him I didn’t want to lose him and he said I don’t but that we can talk the way we use to as in bf/gf. So at this point I am wondering will there ever be a chance for us again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 9:23 pm

      Hey Stephany, you need to complete a No Contact where you DO NOT REPLY if he reaches out! You need 30 days of ignoring him! This is how you get your ex to worry about losing you and that you might be moving on. If you keep giving him what he wants (speaking to you when he feels like it) this is the situation that is going to continue. Following this program it is essential that you look up what to do during No contact and what work you need to do on yourself in the mean time. Ignoring your ex is a good thing at this point. They get upset, they get angry, they even try to guilt you into answering because he does not like the fact you are taking away his option to speak to you when he feels like it

  17. Soph

    January 19, 2020 at 7:17 pm

    Hi Chris, Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago, after a month of no contact he reached out to meet up and we met three weeks later cause I was busy. During these 3 weeks we spoke a few times and he used pet names, told me he missed me and did at times get flirty/sexual. When we met, we did have sex and he asked to meet again. Then I ended up talking about the relationship and asking what he wants ‘He didn’t see a future with us’.
    After he found out I was using tinder we got in contact again and had a few serious conversations where he said he wanted to send me a letter explaining everything about why he broke up with me. I chose to have a slightly serious text conversation about why our relationship ended instead and he said ‘at least now we know if something ever happens between us in the future’.
    We had a talk recently where he said he doesn’t know what the future holds but right now he was happy alone and chatting (he’s told me he likes talking to me multiple times). I said I get that but I’d want to eventually hang out and see where it goes and he said that sounds positive and we can take it as it goes and we decided to just talk for now. We’ve since had a quick light conversation where he goes he still wants a painting from me which he initiated.
    Our current conversations can easily have quite flirty/sexual tones. I don’t know how best to go forth cause I’m worried that I could just be getting strung a long. I don’t know whether to do no contact cause I just said I was okay with talking and seeing how it goes.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 7:11 pm

      Hey Soph so you have the option of keeping the conversation going as you are, and flirting with him to see if you can get a meet up, but I would also be on dating sites, or go on dates if you have guys asking you as he needs to know that he could lose you to someone else. He is happy talking to you because this way he knows you are not going anywhere, I would leave him waiting for a response from you for a while and not reply as quickly as you normally to do make him worry why you are not replying etc.

  18. Bethany

    January 14, 2020 at 1:53 pm

    Hi,
    For a bit of insight my ex left for uni in September and his parents moved 250miles away a week before he started uni. I work full time and also study on the side.

    He is 21 and I am 20
    We were in a 2 year relationship when we broke up

    My Ex-boyfriend broke up with me last week over FaceTime (he lives around 33miles away from me). It was out of the blue because the evening before he was expressing his love for me and why I was great for him. We had only seen each other two days before when he was up at mine. But on the day of the break up he was off and not replying to my messages. I think something might have happened the night before as I went to bed early as I had work but he went out with his flat mates.

    I had felt since he started uni that he was acting very differently I no longer felt important I felt I was the only one putting any effort in. He went back to his days before we started dating. He no longer expressed his feelings he hid them away. I was no longer interesting he only ever wanted me when he had nothing to do. His uni life seemed extremely boring to me just partying and drink (Which he told me he was over and ready to actually just get a degree – I know you can have fun at uni without alcohol or drugs as I have many friend in uni and my brother also started at the same time and he has a very different experience) and due to me being the only one with money I started to pay for more things so we could do fun things. But I would be very annoyed when he would spend the same on a night out that I did for us to go out together like see a movie or look around a castle. I felt like I put a lot more effort in and I expressed this and he started to get better he got a job he started coming up to me and taking me out.

    He was my first boyfriend, first love, first everything. When we met he had just come out of a very toxic relationship we a very horrible girl and now we are done I’m starting to feel like he has gone back to her.

    My family have all said he made me feel horrible the last few months they all said I have always been insure but he has definitely made it worse. When we were apart things would be very different and distant but when we were together it was amazing and so I would always say it was just the distance.

    When he dumped me he started with that maybe we needed space and that he didn’t feel happy anymore and that he felt he was leading me on as he saw no future with me. I had been upset this day anyway due to family problems and he also used this as a reason why he didn’t do this sooner. We said we would meet up in two weeks and talk through it properly. I want all my stuff I’ve payed for back now because at the end of the day the reason I bought it for him was because one day I believed we would share them together.

    We did talk about moving in together in the future only weeks before.

    But if he really felt this was over why did he buy us tickets to do to the theatre In March. Why did he help choose pick out matching phone cases with pictures of us on two days before he dumped me. I’m still very confused.

    I defiantly feel he as a person is very unhappy he has never had unconditional love and I think as it was getting more serious and difficult he stopped trying because nobody has ever really loved him or looked after him and I defiantly put even more effort in which I’m worried is the reason this break up has happened if I hadn’t tried so hard I think he would have stepped up but I don’t think I have him space too.

    I’m kind of hoping some people have had the same kind of experience. I think someone people can never change and I do feel sorry for him as everyone in his family has crashed and burned but I think in the end think maybe I wasn’t the right one for him I’m ready to grow up and I don’t think he is.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 12:09 pm

      Hey Bethany, its great how you have handled the situation from what you have said and maybe it is a case of you are ready to grow up when he isnt and he sounds as if he is going through some emotional struggles too. So I’d suggest a No Contact for 30 days and decide what you want to do regards to him in that time and focus on yourself for a bit. Also so it is clarified, when someone wants to end things and it is not in a heated argument usually they are thinking about it for a few days and that is more than likely why he was telling you how much he loved you the night before, because he was trying to convince himself all was well. Even though he was doubting it in his head. So know he probably does have feelings for you, but isnt able to do a relationship right now for whatever his reasons may be. Work on the Ungettable girl and decide if you want to try and get him back then follow the program if you want to get over him you can do this by following the rules for Holy Trinity and Ungettable girl still the same without reaching out to him in the mean time

  19. Abbey

    January 13, 2020 at 10:26 am

    I was going out with a guy for a couple of months, and it wasn’t serious but we’d discussed not wanting to date anyone but each other so I thought it was going somewhere. Until last night when he ended our situationship saying he’s really attracted to me, thinks I’m “perfect on paper” and that he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him but he didn’t see us falling in love. He said he didn’t think he felt strongly enough for me – for instance he felt more excited to see his friends the other day than me which is pretty hard to take – and he thinks I wanted something pretty serious and he’s not sure so didn’t want to mislead me. I’m pretty shattered, it was early days but I saw such potential there. We both said we wanted to be friends and didn’t like the idea of never seeing one another again. I took it okay, but I feel like I could have done better in not saying things along the lines of “I wish you’d give it a bit longer” and trying to convince him that I didn’t want a serious relationship at the moment. So I waited 24 hours and sent him a “Clean-Slate Text” just apologising for not taking it better, saying I respected his decision and that I only wanted what was best for us both. He replied saying I handled it well, that he understood and that he was sure I would bounce back quickly. I have no intentions of replying to that and going for NC now. Do you have a recommended time period for it? Do you think we have an established enough relationship for this to even work? I’m aware that in the meantime I may just get over him anyway but I would like to think we might be able to resume as friends at the end of NC and then something might spark up again slowly.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 10:08 pm

      Hey Abbey, so if you are hoping to get him back then you need to follow the program and the direction it takes you, if you just want your ex back as a friend then you can reach out after you have completed a no contact, but make sure you are aware of the types of messages you should be reaching out with for the first time

  20. Katie

    January 7, 2020 at 5:10 pm

    Hi, I have been reading numerous articles on this website to try and find an answer to my situation.
    About a month ago, a week before Christmas, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me. We were mad about each other, he took me on amazing dates, bought me flowers, cherished me and treated me like a princess. I got a new job in November and so we spent a bit less time together but still tried to make it work. However, the break up was completely out of the blue and he said that a couple weeks prior he started to feel like “his head wasn’t in it and then my heart wasn’t in it” and he felt like carrying on would hurt me more than being honest. I was distraught and depressed for two weeks and begged him to come back so I ended up being the crazy ex. Then I found he messaged me again and said “I’ve had a think and I just don’t see it working out and it just wasn’t working in the end”. I don’t believe that intense a love that we had can go that quickly but I don’t want to beg or push him anymore because I know it’s not helping. I found this website and I’m two days into the no contact rule but I’m just wondering if you’ve got any further advice for me?

    I would have given him the world and we never argued, we were incredibly happy together and went out to different places and had lots of fun. I think that his decision is based on him being confused in his mind but I know that we were perfect together and I want to restore what we had. Please help, I’m at a loss and I don’t want to lose the person I love the most.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 5:03 am

      Hi Katie, I know it is awful and painful to be broken up with when you are in love with someone, but what you are not considering right at this moment that is not how your ex is feeling. That doesnt mean he didnt feel it at the start, it just means that he started to feel differently about the relationship. Its hard to understand, its hard to accept but if one person does not want to be in the relationship, we can not force them to be. Take some time to heal from the break up and work on yourself so that when you speak to your ex again you know you are at your best version of yourself and it will remind him how he fell for you in the first place.

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