Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back? Breaking Down Preconceived Notions

558 thoughts on “Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Aria

March 7, 2016 at 9:35 pm

Hi again!
So while I kept the conversation going a little longer than usual and also after having changed subject, his answers became slightly more positive but they never really engaged the convo and it made me feel like I was forcing things too much. I was starting to loose hope when I decided to take a risk : Instead of cutting short the convo, I let it die down to see if he was going to take the initiative to restart the convo and not let it die. I did this knowing I had a 90% chance that he wouldn’t respond. Well, I’m happy to say he did! And the convo seems to be stearing towards slightly personal things (on his side). Do you think I should keep some distance and not dive straight into this, or is it safe for me to give him advice and reassurance now ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 6:50 pm

That’s nice.. It’s oknto give him advice.. it’s a way to build rapport too

Giving in

March 7, 2016 at 4:03 am

Okay, my boy and I broke up in December. He said he didn’t want a serious relationship, and he was getting too close to loving me and got scared because that’s not what he wants. Now, he is four months away from leaving on a 2-year mission. We recently got back in touch and he has been acting interested again; I’m managing the tennis team, of which he is a member. I finally sucked it up and spilled how I want to get back together and try to work it out before he leaves, and he got upset. He wants to be just friends, he said he doesn’t like me anymore and definitely does not want a relationship right now. His actions and words don’t line up. I know we won’t be together before he leaves, but how can I use the remaining time to get him to like me again and leave him with an impression of wanting more? He wants to be friends still, and we will be seeing each other all the time. It’s so painful, but I want him when he comes back one day, which he admitted is a possibility. What do I do??

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 1:13 pm

keep having a good time, leave him fun memories to think of… focus on being happy

Giving in

March 7, 2016 at 4:03 am

Okay, my boy and I broke up in December. He said he didn’t want a serious relationship, and he was getting too close to loving me and got scared because that’s not what he wants. Now, he is four months away from leaving on a 2-year mission. We recently got back in touch and he has been acting interested again; I’m managing the tennis team, of which he is a member. I finally sucked it up and spilled how I want to get back together and try to work it out before he leaves, and he got upset. He wants to be just friends, he said he doesn’t like me anymore and definitely does not want a relationship right now. His actions and words don’t line up. I know we won’t be together before he leaves, but how can I use the remaining time to get him to like me again and leave him with an impression of wanting more? He wants to be friends still, and we will be seeing each other all the time. It’s so painful, but I want him when he comes back one day, which he admitted is a possibility. What do I do??

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 1:13 pm

keep having a good time, leave him fun memories to think of… focus on being happy

Mary

March 6, 2016 at 8:27 am

Hi Chris.
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. He ended it because he couldn’t handle our fights. He told me, he had to get out of it, he coulnd’t see us not fighting. When we fight, we were not yelling. But for him fighting is the same as things get ruined. It will take him a week to get out of the fight, while for me is was a disagreement so, I could put it aside.
I really want him back, because we really had a great relationship. The day after our break-up
I tried the NC,but after 14 days, I wrote to him. He responded and we wrote to eachother 2 times. He was at my place to pice up his stuff, and we talked. We kept it positive and we didnt talk about our break-up.
I was at his place to borrow some things and it felt like he changed. He didnt gave me a good and warmth hug like he used to, but a friendly hug, he gives his friends.
What know? Should I start over?

Mary

March 17, 2016 at 8:55 pm

Hi Amor.
I tried the text, where I go from text to phonecall. And it was a success. I finished my story and we laughed a bit. I just couldnt end the conversation at a high note, because it was so nice talking to him again. I could hear on his voice, he was a bit nervous. We didnt talk about the past or our relationship. What now? Shall I text him again tomorrow?
Mary

March 8, 2016 at 11:20 pm

Thank you so much! I will give it a shot!
Mary

March 7, 2016 at 6:14 pm

Yes a little bit, but I’m the one who is writing first. He always responds and quickly. Our conversations are positive. I also found out that the reason, why he was a bit different. It was because he had a little cold, so he wasn’t feeling so good. But what now? Should I try to go NC for 14 days to see, if he contacts me first? I’m afraid to push it too much and scare him away.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 3:29 pm

It’s okay that you’re initiatjng as long as you’re the one ending it and the convi went well… You don’t have to go nc again.. You can rest in between..after two or three days, rest for a day or two

Mary

March 6, 2016 at 8:27 am

Hi Chris.
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. He ended it because he couldn’t handle our fights. He told me, he had to get out of it, he coulnd’t see us not fighting. When we fight, we were not yelling. But for him fighting is the same as things get ruined. It will take him a week to get out of the fight, while for me is was a disagreement so, I could put it aside.
I really want him back, because we really had a great relationship. The day after our break-up
I tried the NC,but after 14 days, I wrote to him. He responded and we wrote to eachother 2 times. He was at my place to pice up his stuff, and we talked. We kept it positive and we didnt talk about our break-up.
I was at his place to borrow some things and it felt like he changed. He didnt gave me a good and warmth hug like he used to, but a friendly hug, he gives his friends.
What know? Should I start over?

Mary

April 13, 2016 at 9:48 pm

So it actually doesnt matter weither I go NC for 7, 14 or 21 days, because him being a introvert, I have to initiate more?
Okay, thank you so much. I will text him next week. 🙂 I really hope, I can get him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 9:51 am

it still does because the days depends on the situation
Mary

April 11, 2016 at 7:12 pm

Hi Amor.
I actually chicken out. I have not written to my ex. I really dont want to push it or put pressure on him. So I went on NC for a week and my friend suggested to do one week more, so my ex could wonder howcome I havent texted him.
And because my ex and I had a good date, that could leave him thinking about me and maybe miss me.
I know, he thinks I’m beautiful and kind of out of his league. I know, he once told me, I was the most rationel girlfriend compared to his exes, because I was so calm, when we fought.
I know, he cant handle conflicts and maybe commitments, due to his parents marriage, which ended really bad. But we talked about marriage, children and moving in together.
I know, he wont contact me, because he is stubborn. I dont want to push it, because he is a introvert. I think, when the NC is over, I may have to start over with the re-attraction.
I do live my life, I go out and I’m happy with my life. I have learned to be more patience and let the small things go. I have only shown my ex the happy-me.
But I miss him very much, and I really think, his decision was taken out of the blue. It has now been 2 months since the break-up.
Maybe he lost attraction, maybe he deep down isnt ready to commit, even though he wants a family.
I know, he still likes to hang out with his friends and get drunk. He told me at our date, that he is drunk every weekend, sometimes Friday and Saturday. I just smiled and said thats cool. I have never stood in the way of him going out with his friends. My ex also asked me on the date, who I went to the spa with. He had asked me once before in a text, but I intentionally didnt answer, just to see his reaction. And that text was 2 weeks before the date. So thats positive?

I really want him back and I just want to make this right. Because we were great together. I’m so afraid of messing things up.

How should I handle this?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 10:30 am

Hi Mary,

yes that’s positive.. you’re right..take it slow and it would really be a restart.. You have to be friends again but him being an introvert, expect that you would initiate more of the convos
Mary

April 4, 2016 at 6:58 pm

I’m so sorry.. I replied on the wrong thread.
How much should I initiate? Because I dont want to become needy or having him think, that I’m chasing after him. I have a difficulty seeing what my next step should be. I texted, like Chris suggested, that it was nice seeing him again and I hope, we could hang out again, which he responded with: yeah, let us do that.
We saw each other last friday, when should I text and what? Should I maybe wait a week, so he has some time to miss me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 7:41 am

it’s okay… you could try to text him again 1 or 2 days after the meet and it’s better if it’s something about that meet or something you talked about in that meet so it’s more natural
Mary

March 24, 2016 at 4:35 pm

I dont get it 🙁 . We wrote to eachother last weekend, we both had plans on saturday, so he didnt respond on my last text that day. He then wrote to me the next day telling me, he was out and I wrote back asking if had he a good time.. He havent responded at all. I thought he might had hangovers, so I let him be. But I havent heard from him since. I dont know what to do now. I dont want to become needy or a GNAT… Its the first time he hasnt reponded at all, so I’m a little worried. Could really use an advice… Please..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 11:25 am

Hi Mary,
have you talked again?
Mary

March 17, 2016 at 8:55 pm

Hi Amor.
I tried the text, where I go from text to phonecall. And it was a success. I finished my story and we laughed a bit. I just couldnt end the conversation at a high note, because it was so nice talking to him again. I could hear on his voice, he was a bit nervous. We didnt talk about the past or our relationship. What now? Shall I text him again tomorrow?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 7:27 am

That’s ok.. at least it went well.. yes continue it
Mary

March 8, 2016 at 11:20 pm

Thank you so much! I will give it a shot!
Mary

March 7, 2016 at 6:14 pm

Yes a little bit, but I’m the one who is writing first. He always responds and quickly. Our conversations are positive. I also found out that the reason, why he was a bit different. It was because he had a little cold, so he wasn’t feeling so good. But what now? Should I try to go NC for 14 days to see, if he contacts me first? I’m afraid to push it too much and scare him away.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 3:29 pm

It’s okay that you’re initiatjng as long as you’re the one ending it and the convi went well… You don’t have to go nc again.. You can rest in between..after two or three days, rest for a day or two
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2016 at 5:34 am

Hi Mary,

it’s good that he responded..do you text each other?

Aria

March 3, 2016 at 9:31 pm

Hey Amor,
So I wanted to text him and I was thinking about what to send him for a few days, when a friend of mine (a guy) took my phone and sent him an ugly picture of me. He’s responded and I had to explain what happened. My issue here is that I used to get positive answers from him, and today he’s only giving me nutrual responses. Do you think it could be because he’s disappointed of the fact that I didn’t text him on My own accord, or is he just not interested in the convo anymore..?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2016 at 6:09 am

it can be because of the guy.. but let’s see first how he would respond with a different topic

Aria

February 29, 2016 at 8:39 pm

Ok, so how much time should I wait? I don’t really want to wait more than a week… Then again you’ll know better than me how long I should wait. But I want him to get used to talking to me everyday again, so that he gets back into that habit and I feel like I can’t wait too long if I want that to happen.
Also, by “not the best time to initiate a convo”, do you mean because he just came back from his trip?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 2:57 pm

oh.. I mean not right the day after he went back from the trip because of course he’s tired.. maybe make it three days after it

Susan

February 29, 2016 at 4:21 pm

Hi,

My ex and I split up in March 15, after 2.5 years- we lived together and my daughter calls him daddy. I did everything wrong, texts, calls, still sleeping with and spending time with him. Anyway three months ago he slept with someone else and everything changed. He didn’t get with this girl but he has since met someone he is interested in. It has caused arguments etc and he has decided it’s best he doesn’t even see my daughter anymore, we are both devastated (she’s 3).
My questions is- after everything, the hateful arguments (especially when he hurt my daughter) and the fact that he started to drift away will any of the NC stuff be worth implementing?
I want him back, I don’t want to lose him. There wasn’t a real reason for our break up- he didn’t cheat, neither did I- but I did accuse after finding a message from an ex- 3 days later he left. He has remained single and so have I. The first time anything happened was when he had a one night stand at Xmas. This is when to me it was over- but also when things got nasty.
How can I make him see that what we had was good and make him miss us?
He’s the only man my little girl has ever known and he was great with her until now… He just says its for the best.
How should I approach this? I’m 2 days in to not texting or calling- I was the serial texter as until recently we always talked. Is a year too late to try getting him back?

Thanks

Susan
Susan

February 29, 2016 at 4:21 pm

Hi,

My ex and I split up in March 15, after 2.5 years- we lived together and my daughter calls him daddy. I did everything wrong, texts, calls, still sleeping with and spending time with him. Anyway three months ago he slept with someone else and everything changed. He didn’t get with this girl but he has since met someone he is interested in. It has caused arguments etc and he has decided it’s best he doesn’t even see my daughter anymore, we are both devastated (she’s 3).
My questions is- after everything, the hateful arguments (especially when he hurt my daughter) and the fact that he started to drift away will any of the NC stuff be worth implementing?
I want him back, I don’t want to lose him. There wasn’t a real reason for our break up- he didn’t cheat, neither did I- but I did accuse after finding a message from an ex- 3 days later he left. He has remained single and so have I. The first time anything happened was when he had a one night stand at Xmas. This is when to me it was over- but also when things got nasty.
How can I make him see that what we had was good and make him miss us?
He’s the only man my little girl has ever known and he was great with her until now… He just says its for the best.
How should I approach this? I’m 2 days in to not texting or calling- I was the serial texter as until recently we always talked. Is a year too late to try getting him back?

Thanks

Susan

Mary

April 3, 2016 at 7:49 pm

Hi Amor. Here a little update.
I waited a week, then I texted him again, where he actually responded. He responded positively. I didnt asked him, howcome he havent answered the last text. We have texted back and forth. I asked if he wanted to hang out. He said yes. We hang out for a couple of hours. Its was very nice, we just talked and there wasnt any awkward silence, which I was afraid of. He asked who I was out with, when I was at the spa. He had asked me once before, which I intentionally didnt answered, just to see his reaction. I didnt mention our relationship, but I did talk about the good memories, which he reacted kind of positively, maybe a bit neutral. At the end, I said, I hoped he wanted to hang out again sometime and he said yes of course. We ended with a big and warm hug. Now I dont know what to do now. My ex is very stubborn and a bit introvert, so I dont know, if I should try to give my ex some time to miss me? Before I initiate? I’m not sure if my ex is having an inner battle. He reponds positively and is okay with us meeting, but he is still not initiating.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 12:38 pm

If he’s an introvert you would realky have to do more of the initiating
Susan

March 1, 2016 at 6:46 pm

So I just do NC and see if it works or is it time to just let it all go?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 2:54 pm

try nc first.. use the time during n for you and your daughter to build a new routine, if after nc you still feel you want to try, you can try to text him, if he doesn’t respond positively.. then it’s better to move on…
Susan

March 1, 2016 at 4:34 pm

He hurt her by letting her down last minute when she was excited to see him. He says its for the best he stops seeing her now and we stop contact.
She’s devastated and talks about him all the time- which doesn’t help me trying not to talk to him. He just seems to have completely cut us out, although there hasn’t been any reasons aside from its for the best. (We have had a few heated arguments and then he went to silence!)
I would like him back in both our lives, but I just don’t know where to start.
I’m not sure he even wants to talk to us anymore. he won’t discuss my daughter now.
If we didn’t ever get back I’m sure she would be fine in time.
Do I start NC and see if anything changes?
We were a very close unit until recently.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 5:13 pm

Yeah, you should.. let your daughter get used to him not being there… and also for you to heal.. coz even if you try to reach him now..he won’t probably reply
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 1:15 pm

Hi Susan,

because of his relationship with your daughter, you have to take her feelings on the first priority.. if he really doesn’t want to be back, how would affect your daughter? If you two webt back and forth, how would it affect your daughter? Has he talked to you about that too? And why and how did he hurt her?

Misty

February 29, 2016 at 2:11 am

I just want to say how much this website helped me in the past. Before I found it I think I did everything you said not to do & I thought things with my boyfriend would never get better. We had so many stupid fights when we dated & I constantly texted him & tried to see him. I did the chasing. After reading your book & everything on the website I cut him off. I didn’t respond to his texts & I even started dating someone else. When he showed up at a friends house knowing I was there I made it a point to show him how happy I was & how much I didn’t need him. It broke his heart. I finally had the upper hand. I eventually gave him another chance & did not chase like I did before. He changed so much & did not let me get away this time. Of course we had fights but learning how to handle them really helped. No contact was very hard but helps so much! Now things are better than ever. We’ve always talked about getting married & now I’m confident we will. We’ve been together 2 years now & I couldn’t be happier! Your advice helped me so much & what you say really works!! I’m so happy I found this website! We’re moving in together & having a baby. It’s amazing how things can change when you stop chasing & acting like you’re so desperate. Being confident & strong will get you so much more! Keep up the great work!
Misty

February 29, 2016 at 2:11 am

I just want to say how much this website helped me in the past. Before I found it I think I did everything you said not to do & I thought things with my boyfriend would never get better. We had so many stupid fights when we dated & I constantly texted him & tried to see him. I did the chasing. After reading your book & everything on the website I cut him off. I didn’t respond to his texts & I even started dating someone else. When he showed up at a friends house knowing I was there I made it a point to show him how happy I was & how much I didn’t need him. It broke his heart. I finally had the upper hand. I eventually gave him another chance & did not chase like I did before. He changed so much & did not let me get away this time. Of course we had fights but learning how to handle them really helped. No contact was very hard but helps so much! Now things are better than ever. We’ve always talked about getting married & now I’m confident we will. We’ve been together 2 years now & I couldn’t be happier! Your advice helped me so much & what you say really works!! I’m so happy I found this website! We’re moving in together & having a baby. It’s amazing how things can change when you stop chasing & acting like you’re so desperate. Being confident & strong will get you so much more! Keep up the great work!
Aria

February 28, 2016 at 6:43 pm

Hi amor,
So my plan to call him was side tracked as he left a whole week on holiday but had no internet or service and we could therefor not communicate… He came back yesterday and hasn’t contacted me yet. We had been talking everyday for 10days in a row, but his holiday stopped things. It has already happened that I contact him and then it suddenly stops and I really really don’t want that to happen again. Should I be the one sending first message again? I feel like I have been doing most of the efforts when it comes to texting first (not all, but still) and I’d really like for HIM to come to me this time (mostly because I’m scared he might think of me as pushy)
What should I do? I’m stuck and freaking out

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 29, 2016 at 8:44 am

Let’s wait first… He just came back. He needs rest. It may not be the best time to initiate a convo as well.

Meccah

February 28, 2016 at 5:24 pm

I’m 17 and my ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, we had a small argument about him showing me pictures of naked girls on his phone, he told me he didn’t know them and that they were just pictures he found on Facebook and I believed him because we both trusted each other and never gave me a gut feeling that he’s cheating on me. But I just didn’t like the fact that he saved them on his phone and we argued and the next day he broke up with me. We dated for 2 months and were very happy with each other, the day we made it bf/gf official I met his close friends and that same week, I met his family and he met mine and they both instantly loved us and thought we were cute together. During our relationship we talked about the future together and always talked about our feelings and concerns, when one of us was feeling down the other would just know how to make them smile again. He always told me he’d never want to lose me and that I’m the right girl for him but yet he broke up with me, He told me he broke up with me because he lost interest when he saw a poop stain on my panties when we had sex but that’s untrue because I didn’t have a stain on my panties and his body language never showed that he did lose interest he even still talked about sex and a lot of sexual things with me so I figured that was a lie especially since it didn’t make sense as to how we were still texting for hours on end and he still worried about me and always said “you’re mine”. A week after this “incident” we hung out like normal, we were making out, he was grabbing my butt and being who he always was when hung out together ( my hat doesn’t sound like a person who lost major interest in someone) As a couple, we were best friends and boyfriend and girlfriend, we always talked about our feelings but it just seems weird how he couldn’t tell me about him losing interest in me. I haven’t spoken or seen him since our breakup and I found out he’s friends with his ex of two years and they’re texting each other. Should I be the one to initiate contact with him first? Why did he break up with me when things were going great between us? Does it even look like I might have a chance to get him back?
Kristen

February 26, 2016 at 12:37 am

Hi Amor,

My ex boyfriend and I have hung out about 6 times now and it sort of feels like we are seeing each other again. We made tentative plans to go on a date soon. The problem is during the week when we are apart, we hardly talk and it frustrates me. I know this is a slow process. I’ve been trying to get him back for 5 months now, but I don’t know how to get him to initiate more conversation with me. I feel like I always have to get the ball rolling when we aren’t hanging out. He always ask to hang out but he never just wants to talk. So we will go many days without talking. I try sending interesting messages and leaving him wanting more but it’s just a lot of silence sometimes. What can I do? Is it bad I’m always initiating conversation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 9:43 am

Hi Kristen,

It’s not bad that you’re starting it but what’s more important is how you end it.. if he’s not really a texter, then at least he’s wanting to see you right? Go to a place where you can also talk about the activity or the activity itself doesn’t need much talking..like playing badminton or going to the arcade or going to a show..

Kristen

February 26, 2016 at 12:37 am

Hi Amor,

My ex boyfriend and I have hung out about 6 times now and it sort of feels like we are seeing each other again. We made tentative plans to go on a date soon. The problem is during the week when we are apart, we hardly talk and it frustrates me. I know this is a slow process. I’ve been trying to get him back for 5 months now, but I don’t know how to get him to initiate more conversation with me. I feel like I always have to get the ball rolling when we aren’t hanging out. He always ask to hang out but he never just wants to talk. So we will go many days without talking. I try sending interesting messages and leaving him wanting more but it’s just a lot of silence sometimes. What can I do? Is it bad I’m always initiating conversation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 9:43 am

Hi Kristen,

It’s not bad that you’re starting it but what’s more important is how you end it.. if he’s not really a texter, then at least he’s wanting to see you right? Go to a place where you can also talk about the activity or the activity itself doesn’t need much talking..like playing badminton or going to the arcade or going to a show..

Fran

February 25, 2016 at 8:00 am

Please help! My ex boyfriend & I dated for 6 months. Two months in he moved to Santa Cruz for school. We got into our relationship shortly after both of us had come out of long term relationships: for me it had only been a month since the boyfriend before him & for him it had been about 3 months since his previous girlfriend; but we were so good together, good to each other, & I believe good for each other. What drew us together is that we were both dealing with fatally ill grandparents & of course that we were coping with coming out of long, serious relationships where both relationships had become toxic. We were friends & then we were inseparable. In the two months before SC I practically lived with him; I would go home once a week just to grab a few things but I slept at his place every night. He said I love you first; he was very open where my previous boyfriend was not. We talked about marriage & a future & after 4 months seriously talked about moving to Portland to start a life together. He was unhappy at school, unhappy with how stressful it was & how it was more of his parents’ dream than his own; unhappy at work where he felt that he just didn’t fit in; & unhappy with the fact that we were long distance. We were both unhappy at the latter; we had gone from seeing each other everyday to seeing each other every few weeks which for us felt like torture. Things really became strained over the holidays when he went to Hawaii with his family. Things for me at home were not going well, & texting & talking to him on the phone was not enough; I just felt incredibly alone in my struggles. So I asked for a few days of no contact to get my head on straight; I didn’t see it at the time because I had only asked for a few days & had stressed that I didn’t want to break up, but I was pushing him away. He acquiesced & then became distant. For a week conversations with him were very strained, & then finally after the week he broke up with me. He broke up with me on Christmas Day. Said that he had problems of his own that he wanted to deal with alone & that he couldn’t continue to be in a relationship that made him feel depressed & like he was only a part time boyfriend. Later he’d go on to say that the true reason why he broke up with me is because me asking for space broke his heart & made him fall out of love with me. Once he confessed that I begged him to take me back. I was already having a hard time with the break up & then to find out that it was my fault ruined me. I begged & begged but ultimately he refused. Said he could never feel the same way again. In the two months since we’ve tried to be friends but to be honest it hurts a lot. He keeps me at bay, not nearly as open with me as he used to be. He’s not as available; he was always easy to reach & now I’m lucky if he responds to a text or returns a phone call. & he makes plans with me but then never follows through. Yet in spite of all of this when I absolutely need someone to talk to he makes himself available & listens, & when we have a full conversation over the phone we talk for hours, it feels like old times, like we’re connected the way we used to be; we laugh & have a genuinely good time together. So I guess what I need help with is determining whether or not it’s possible to win him back. Or am I now in the friend zone forever?

Fran

March 1, 2016 at 6:28 am

Thanks Amor!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 1:58 pm

Hi Fran,

be positive.. if you’re friends then there’s a chance you can get back with him.. Chris made a post about that actually.. Here it is

How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

Fran

February 25, 2016 at 8:00 am

Please help! My ex boyfriend & I dated for 6 months. Two months in he moved to Santa Cruz for school. We got into our relationship shortly after both of us had come out of long term relationships: for me it had only been a month since the boyfriend before him & for him it had been about 3 months since his previous girlfriend; but we were so good together, good to each other, & I believe good for each other. What drew us together is that we were both dealing with fatally ill grandparents & of course that we were coping with coming out of long, serious relationships where both relationships had become toxic. We were friends & then we were inseparable. In the two months before SC I practically lived with him; I would go home once a week just to grab a few things but I slept at his place every night. He said I love you first; he was very open where my previous boyfriend was not. We talked about marriage & a future & after 4 months seriously talked about moving to Portland to start a life together. He was unhappy at school, unhappy with how stressful it was & how it was more of his parents’ dream than his own; unhappy at work where he felt that he just didn’t fit in; & unhappy with the fact that we were long distance. We were both unhappy at the latter; we had gone from seeing each other everyday to seeing each other every few weeks which for us felt like torture. Things really became strained over the holidays when he went to Hawaii with his family. Things for me at home were not going well, & texting & talking to him on the phone was not enough; I just felt incredibly alone in my struggles. So I asked for a few days of no contact to get my head on straight; I didn’t see it at the time because I had only asked for a few days & had stressed that I didn’t want to break up, but I was pushing him away. He acquiesced & then became distant. For a week conversations with him were very strained, & then finally after the week he broke up with me. He broke up with me on Christmas Day. Said that he had problems of his own that he wanted to deal with alone & that he couldn’t continue to be in a relationship that made him feel depressed & like he was only a part time boyfriend. Later he’d go on to say that the true reason why he broke up with me is because me asking for space broke his heart & made him fall out of love with me. Once he confessed that I begged him to take me back. I was already having a hard time with the break up & then to find out that it was my fault ruined me. I begged & begged but ultimately he refused. Said he could never feel the same way again. In the two months since we’ve tried to be friends but to be honest it hurts a lot. He keeps me at bay, not nearly as open with me as he used to be. He’s not as available; he was always easy to reach & now I’m lucky if he responds to a text or returns a phone call. & he makes plans with me but then never follows through. Yet in spite of all of this when I absolutely need someone to talk to he makes himself available & listens, & when we have a full conversation over the phone we talk for hours, it feels like old times, like we’re connected the way we used to be; we laugh & have a genuinely good time together. So I guess what I need help with is determining whether or not it’s possible to win him back. Or am I now in the friend zone forever?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 1:58 pm

Hi Fran,

be positive.. if you’re friends then there’s a chance you can get back with him.. Chris made a post about that actually.. Here it is

How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

Ella

February 24, 2016 at 8:09 pm

Hi Amor,
I’m really grateful for the articles and help from Chris and the team. However, my current situation is a bit different than majority of the breakup stories here now. It has been over a year since the breakup. I was in long distance relationship for a year. We are both expats from different countries leaving in different countries and we meet during holidays. We were planning to be in the same place, but things didn’t go as quick as we have hoped. When we meet last after a long time apart we got into a fight and he ended it by saying that long distance is too difficult for him. After 2 months of no contact I reached out to him with a text and we started communicating again sporadically over the following months while living our own lives. He apologized for hurting me. A few months ago he was coming on a business trip to the city close by and we decided to meet. It was nice and we managed to clear up somethings from the past. We still had the chemistry and we were getting closer and intimate. We remained in contact afterwards but nothing serious followed. Recently we were talking about him coming for a visit again. It seemed that we were both looking forward to spending some time together and have fun. Now he has changed his mind and said he can’t make it. When I asked why, he said it wouldn’t be appropriate as he meet someone and things are getting serious and he doesn’t want to do something he might regret. That was a real shock and it hurt me. I thought we were getting closer again and we would have a chance to start over. I know he still respects me and cares about me, but I don’t know what I can do. He has been an important person in my life last couple of years despite of the distance. Is there anything that I can do in this situation despite the time passed and distance?

Ella

March 16, 2016 at 11:07 pm

That’s the catch 22, it could take months until we meet again as we leave in different countries. He was supposed to come for a visit a few weeks ago, but then he said that he has started seeing someone and it wouldn’t be appropriate if he came. It seems I have still been on his mind, but he didn’t want to take a risk and he hasn’t replied to my last text. How can I build rapport again before his new relationship gets really serious?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 2:00 am

If he avoids you because of the new relationship that can mean he would continue to do so until he’s sure that talking to you won’t hurt it
Ella

March 7, 2016 at 12:00 am

I asked him what he thought would happen if he came for a visit and what he was afraid of. He didn’t reply. That has happened in the past also if we got into topic about our relationship. Only when we meet in person he is more open to talk about it, which is more difficult when in long distance. Do I need to start NC or is there any other strategy?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 11:36 am

oh so, that means he’s really not comfortable talking about it in chat or text, then of that’s case don’t..just continue to build rapport and attraction through calls and chat or texts until he would want to meet up..but for now, rest for a week
Ella

March 3, 2016 at 12:05 am

Not an ultimatum, just asking him if he would consider giving us another chance to start from scratch. This topic was sort of in the air the last time we saw each other, but we didn’t want to get deep into it. It seems he is still attracted to me and was interested to come for a visit again (he started checking for flights and taking time off at work), but in few days later changed his mind saying it wouldn’t be appropriate for his brand new relationship (which I didn’t know about before). On one hand he seems interested to see me again, but at the same time unsure if it’s worth the risk. How to show him it is worth the risk? By being completely honest and open about everything?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 11:59 am

yes but don’t put it in a way that you’re chasing him.. just talk calmly..ask him what he reay feels
Ella

March 2, 2016 at 11:32 am

Thank you, Amor. He hasn’t been in a relationship since we broke up. This new girl has the newness factor and probably proximity. But we stayed in contact through all this time, there must be a reason I’m still on his mind. How can I make him see that? Is “putting all your cards on the table” and being completely honest ever an option?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 4:52 pm

what do you mean? do you want to confess or give him an ultimatum?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 12:40 pm

Hi Ella,

if that person is close to him, then to be honest, the chance is slim.. but if it’s long distance, then there’s a chance for you if you keep the connection and build the attraction

Ella

February 24, 2016 at 8:09 pm

Hi Amor,
I’m really grateful for the articles and help from Chris and the team. However, my current situation is a bit different than majority of the breakup stories here now. It has been over a year since the breakup. I was in long distance relationship for a year. We are both expats from different countries leaving in different countries and we meet during holidays. We were planning to be in the same place, but things didn’t go as quick as we have hoped. When we meet last after a long time apart we got into a fight and he ended it by saying that long distance is too difficult for him. After 2 months of no contact I reached out to him with a text and we started communicating again sporadically over the following months while living our own lives. He apologized for hurting me. A few months ago he was coming on a business trip to the city close by and we decided to meet. It was nice and we managed to clear up somethings from the past. We still had the chemistry and we were getting closer and intimate. We remained in contact afterwards but nothing serious followed. Recently we were talking about him coming for a visit again. It seemed that we were both looking forward to spending some time together and have fun. Now he has changed his mind and said he can’t make it. When I asked why, he said it wouldn’t be appropriate as he meet someone and things are getting serious and he doesn’t want to do something he might regret. That was a real shock and it hurt me. I thought we were getting closer again and we would have a chance to start over. I know he still respects me and cares about me, but I don’t know what I can do. He has been an important person in my life last couple of years despite of the distance. Is there anything that I can do in this situation despite the time passed and distance?

Ella

March 16, 2016 at 11:07 pm

That’s the catch 22, it could take months until we meet again as we leave in different countries. He was supposed to come for a visit a few weeks ago, but then he said that he has started seeing someone and it wouldn’t be appropriate if he came. It seems I have still been on his mind, but he didn’t want to take a risk and he hasn’t replied to my last text. How can I build rapport again before his new relationship gets really serious?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 2:00 am

If he avoids you because of the new relationship that can mean he would continue to do so until he’s sure that talking to you won’t hurt it
Ella

March 2, 2016 at 11:32 am

Thank you, Amor. He hasn’t been in a relationship since we broke up. This new girl has the newness factor and probably proximity. But we stayed in contact through all this time, there must be a reason I’m still on his mind. How can I make him see that? Is “putting all your cards on the table” and being completely honest ever an option?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 4:52 pm

what do you mean? do you want to confess or give him an ultimatum?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 12:40 pm

Hi Ella,

if that person is close to him, then to be honest, the chance is slim.. but if it’s long distance, then there’s a chance for you if you keep the connection and build the attraction

Rabbit

February 24, 2016 at 4:07 am

he broke up with me 3 mths ago……… i commit all the deadly sins ….. and he told all his friends that he hates me and gossip about the most nasty things about me ……. after i did NC , he text me a few times and i tot he is interested in me. So we had sex 1 time after the NC . After that i found out actually he started dating a new girl who is preetier than me and he is so crazy over her but the girl was overseas… i found out he told alot of bad things about me to all his friends and telling them that he text me because he ” pity ” me… after i found out all the horrible things he did to me and said behind my back and i wad shock about the new girl…..i could not talk it any longer (this was after the 1mth NC) ….. I TEXTED him about 25 messages scolding him and asking him why he’s been talkingso horrible things about to everyone and on the surface pretending his kind to me and care about me …. i also scolded him that i found out about his new girlfriend and asking him why is he so shallow etc . anw i scolded and swear so much till he block me …. i know it was a big mistake on my side but he is clearly a jerk i found out a pile of lies he told me earlier….. i feel better after shouting everything out that i have been enduring his flity behaviour so far.. and he is so shallow and fall in love so easily! rightnow i feel abit regret as he hated me even more and wil talk behindmy back even more…. he said im not suitable to comment anything and he don’t care what i think or feel about his new girl. And he said i don’t care about what u say….. just simply fuck off. what should i do now ? I must be the most crazy exgirlfriend now on earth. Please help me .we have been fighting for so long. What should i do now….

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 12:30 pm

Hi Rabbit,

after what he did, is he worth it to go back to?

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