Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back? Breaking Down Preconceived Notions

558 thoughts on “Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Heartbroken

April 9, 2016 at 7:56 pm

OK. So I wrote here before. But I lost where I wrote and I will give an update of whats going on. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me at the end if January. We had a wonderful relationship, never fought, I was close to his family and he was close to mine, I am 31 and he is almost 34. I lived in his house with him. So about a week before he dumped me we had a talk, I booked a flight to Aruba to visit my parents who went there for three months, he brought up how I live to travel and he wasn’t into it and then he asked me if I want to his kids and I said I wasn’t sure yet. Later on he “wanted to take a break” because “we want different things”, I counties to awkwardly live in his house, slept in the guest room. Then one day he sent me a text message saying “I want to start seeing other people soon, so I am going to need my space. I will help you move out, I understand if you don’t want my help”. I flipped out on him and grabbed an overnight bag and went to my brother’s house. I refused to talk to him for about a week. He contacted me 10 days later saying he was bringing some of my things to my parents house, he brought just small furniture, clothes, decorations etc. But my parents told him not to move anything else until they got back. I did make the mistake of begging for him to change his mind the first two times I saw him and he said “I’m sorry, my feelings changed”. Last time I saw him was Feb 19th. It is now April 9th and since then he hasn’t said a word about me moving the rest of my things out of his house (75% of my stuff is still there). We talk about once a week, just very small talk. Also on Facebook neither of us changed our relationship status, it says we are together on there and he hasn’t taken our pictures together down. I just don’t know if its possible too get him back anymore since it’s going on three months.

Heartbroken

April 10, 2016 at 3:57 pm

I highlighted my hair and put in streaks of purple, lost some weight and have been working my butt off. I’m trying to focus on friends and fun, but I still think about him a lot. Today would have been our two year anniversary. Last I talked to him he said he’s been working a lot lately. I’ve also been trying to post pictures of me having fun on Facebook too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 10:21 am

That’s normal.. Good keep it up.. Settle the things first so, it’s not that complicated
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2016 at 10:08 am

Hi,

I remember you.. Have you been active in improving yourself and building your own life? You should start to get your things first and transfer them to your parents house.

Alex

April 9, 2016 at 5:01 pm

I have bought the premium package and followed every steps of it. I hang out with lots of friends and he did see the photo and liked in Facebook. It has given my courage to try to get my ex back, however I am still confused in my current situation.
I am now on NC day 15. we are both each other first one. Me and him are in LDR currently since a year ago, before that we were tgt for a year. We were lovey dovey and even talked about marriage until two weeks before the break up. He broke up with me because he starts to have feelings toward my best friend back to his country. The reason he told me he wanted to break up was he thought our love has fade and it might be the reason of LDR. I don’t always agree this because I think we did very well in the past LDR and it is only a way he tried to make me feel better.
During the NC, he has reached my sis and asked am i doing alright, and he keep thinking should he send me a message but he is afraid to cause me unnecessary pain. He chatted with one of my friends (and of course my friend told me everything without he knowing). He said we had little arguments and stuff (I was grumpy lately because of my work and he is still doing the last year of uni) and it didn’t feel like a good relationship. He said he would’ve liked to have kept me as a friend but he doesn’t know if this will work (cause I am ignoring him at the moment i guess). He said as long as I am happy, thats the more important thing. He also said: I don’t regret the relationship with her, when we were tgt and having fun they were some of the best times of my life, I hope she can feel the same way and keep hold of those happy memories. Other than this he sent me snapchat of him having the food we used to make tgt and said it was one of his favourite. He still kept every photos of me and him on his wall.
I am so afraid he is just being nice to me and won’t consider having me again. And I will be friend zoned after the NC when I reach him. May I know what is he actually thinking cause its so confusing. He said he was feeling unhappy how things were between us (because we had fights lately before the break up). But why he still kept our photos? I was confident when I read your books but I feel like i back to square one all of the sudden. The point I worried is he has feelings toward my best friend so he probably will completely forget about me.

Alex

April 14, 2016 at 3:50 pm

Thank you Amor! 🙂 Is it normal for my ex friend zoning me during my NC period? I ignored him completely during the NC and today is NC 20. He sent me a super funny link of buzz feed of my favourite place today (He knows I will laugh my head off).
I am planning to be a completely new friend to him after the NC, is it a good idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 17, 2016 at 1:44 pm

I’m not sure if that’s friendzoning or that’s him wanting attention.. If we’re just going to based it on him being thankful, that’s like friendzoning you because it’s like saying goodbye… but right now, if he persists texting you even if you’re not reply, it can be because he misses you.. I don’t want to give you false hope but I just want to be honest with my thoughts. That’s a good idea, because that’s the purpose of nc… start over and start as friends and then work your way to building rapport and attraction.
Alex

April 12, 2016 at 4:48 pm

He reached me today again with a long text about how good I am and how I changed him into a better person, and how thankful he is. He also sent me a snapchat of a watch I gave him and said Love is endless even between friends.
I am so afraid he is being so thankful because I am friend zoned already. I rmb somewhere in the website said when a man being thankful to you mean he doesn’t love you anymore 🙁 Is it true? (sorry for keep asking question)
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 9:43 pm

It depends on how he said it, but in his case, yeah he looks like he is friendzoning you because he said it himself.. He said even between friends..
Alex

April 11, 2016 at 6:43 am

Thank you Amor for giving me advice 🙂 He reached me with a long text yesterday which is my NC 17. The text is about we have not spoken about a while now and its because he wanted to give me some space and not because he didn’t want to talk. He said he really hope we can be friends and we said we can try to remain friends when we broke up, and he genuinely mean it. He mentioned he looked at my Facebook and seeing me doing lots of interesting stuff, seems like I am having fun. Then he said his current thing doing is dissertation and it is so boring. At the end he said he hope all is well with me and I am taking care of myself.

My ex is the kind of very nice man, I am so afraid this text is he just being friendly to me and I am friend zoned. Plus he said he genuinely want us to be friend, is it a good step or it means he would never want me back? My BFF is still flirting with him by keep introducing him to watch some superhero films which he likes it, he even send a snapchat to my friend of himself draw to be a superman. My BFF is turned into lesbian recently and he knows it too. But I feel like he is still chasing her, I feel so awful about them.
May I know what he is thinking right now from his words and action? I will still do my NC till Day 30 🙂 Thanks !
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 1:35 pm

with him accepting that she’s lesbian and you looking like moving on.. I think he misses you
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2016 at 4:42 am

Hi Alex,

Let’s say I’m just going to based his thoughts on what he said to your friend. It means he got tired of the relationship because you were always angry.. That doesn’t mean he should be angry or forget you too all of a sudden, he just is, tired of the relationship.. If that’s true, when he sees you’re being happy and trying to move on, he might think you’re not the same as before and if he sees you’re make over there’s a chance for attraction.

Cortney

April 9, 2016 at 2:01 am

So this might sound weird but the other day I went and saw a psychic… A reputable one. Some things that had nothing to do with my relationship with my ex she was spot on about. But the tarot cards even showed our break up where he is unsure and I shouldn’t be waiting around for him to come back. She went on to explain that there will be time apart (he moved out of our apartment and I’m currently doing no contact) and there will be a window in mid summer to get back together so I was happy with this answer. However, when I asked her again about my relationship towards the end of the reading when she asked if I wanted her to repeat or clarify anything she said I really see you with a different guy. In my own opinion I don’t want another boyfriend and I wont be looking for one anytime soon or Id say even a year from now… So my question is should I believe the first thing she said, the second thing she said or just forget it all together because she also told me people make choices everyday that change the course of everything. That might be true but it also could be her way of avoiding lawsuits from upset people or whatever. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 1:53 pm

Hi Cortney,

personally I don’t believe in it.. They are good reaction,physical and personality readers and most of the time their “predictions” come true because the person who heard it, acts upon it..

D

April 5, 2016 at 4:33 am

I am Canadian and my ex is Egyptian. We come from different backgrounds and grew up differently but we always got along really well in our relationship. The reason my ex gave me for our split was because he said there were certain experiences he didn’t feel like he could share with me. For example, he liked to listen to Arab music often, he spoke Arabic sometimes with his closest friends, he liked to eat certain Arab foods. It’s frustrating for me because I always tried to embrace his culture, not because I felt I had to, but because I genuinely wanted to. I was in the process of learning certain words in Arabic and could even keep up with certain conversations given the right context. I always listened to Arab music with him and often asked him to take out his headphones just so I could hear too, and I was always willing to try new foods/dishes. He tells me that he loves me but he doesn’t see the relationship working. It’s been 4 months since we broke up and I still love the heck out of him. He cares for me too but he says it can only be as a friend. Do I even bother trying to win him back or do I respect his decision and remain friends?

D

April 5, 2016 at 9:38 pm

I’ve told him many times that I think it’s an excuse but he insists that it’s not. He claims that while I never did anything wrong and while there wasn’t actually anything wrong with our relationship, he realized that he wanted something different. He says that he wants to be with someone who is also Arab and has had similar experiences to him. Everyone, even his closest friends think it’s ridiculous but he says that it was the right thing to do. He says that he still cares for me but if he were to try again at our relationship that it would end the same way and he doesn’t want to hurt me more. So for now he asks that we remain friends because he doesn’t want to lose me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 10:03 am

Oh, if that’s really the reason.. All you can do is respect that and then decide if you still want to be friends with him
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 10:44 am

Hi D,

Hmm could there any other reason? Is it possible that he’s just using that reason as an excuse because if not, have you told him that? and if you did, what did he say?

Rebecca

March 31, 2016 at 6:14 pm

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 months and two weeks. We had been fighting a lot about me wanting to spend more time with him (he works outof town a lot) I also wanted more communication between us. He said he was getting tired of the fighting and I agreed but I told him I wasn’t trying to nag I just wanted to be with him. On sunday was the last time he answered my text. He won’t answer my phone calls or text messages I asked him if he wanted to break up with me and he won’t reply. Does he hate me or never truly loved me. Keep in mind also we were trying to have a baby and talked about marriage. I don’t know what to do or think.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 11:54 am

Hi Rebecca,

sorry for the late reply..It looks like you became clingy… since he’s not responding, do you want to do no contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 12:25 pm

HI Aria,

Just focus on the positive and when you catch yourself worrying, stop it and remind yourself that it won’t help to worry. It’s productive if you have a solution for it but if not just stop because you’re going to create problems that are not there.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 12:25 pm

HI Aria,

Just focus on the positive and when you catch yourself worrying, stop it and remind yourself that it won’t help to worry. It’s productive if you have a solution for it but if not just stop because you’re going to create problems that are not there.
Nicole

March 27, 2016 at 4:30 pm

Hi again, I commented about a week ago about my boyfriend (David) and I breaking up after almost 4 years together. Well it has been a week and things have became a bit crazy…it turns out he has feelings for another girl. A friend of mine. They have been close friends for a long time but I trusted there was nothing more than just friendship. He admitted that he confided in her after the passing of his grandmother and he said he expressed feelings for her. I don’t care about his new “feelings” for this girl. I think he is just confused and she’s something different and new. Pretty much like a rebound to get his mind off of me? I started NC 3 days ago. It just worries me because he is acting out of character. I’ve been with him almost everyday for the past 3 and a half years. He’s never acted like this before and it worries me. I know when I look at him the person I’ve been with for so long isn’t there. I still want him back. I’ll do what I have to do to make sure I do. I just don’t know why he is acting so strange.
Ashlee

March 24, 2016 at 7:41 pm

I decided I couldn’t be there in the house without him. So I came back to my parents. We’ve been staying there. Monday I went to his work with our son. Julian was confused. He didn’t know where his dad was or why he left. And I wanted to get some kind of answers. If I would mention us he would just say I can’t and shake his head and look all bent out of shape and upset. So I went there the next day and the following day. Pretty much to get the same results. On Wednesday he kind of opened up to me a little bit. I poured my heart out and told him how much Julian missed him. And he started to cry and then left immediately after that he even told me that he loved me. He let me touch him and hold his hand. The ultrasound was scheduled the next day he said he wanted to come. But he didn’t want to talk about us.. we decided that we would take our son to the park and get something to eat after the ultrasound. Everything seemed okay. He seemed a little upset. He held my hand he even kiss me on the cheek. And when I started crying you wipe the tears from my face and said please don’t cry. You never cold about anything. We went to the ultrasound and that’s where I push the issue a little bit. I asked him where he was staying. Which I already knew. It was the place that we had talked about getting for the last month. When our lease was up. I asked them if I could come see it. And he said not now it’s too soon. And I told him that I wanted to bring Julian and the baby and me there with him. And he didn’t answer me. At that point I was just irritated. And I asked him if he’s closing that door for ever. Or if it’s over forever just say those words so I can have my closure. I didn’t want to just be hanging on to something that was not worth hanging onto. But it was like he wouldn’t say it. He just said I moving on. By that point I was irritated and he and taking the joy right out of me. We found out we’re having a boy and of course he was super excited he said congratulations and rub my leg. I wanted to kick him in the face. By the time we got to the restaurant we were arguing things aren’t good anymore. I was ready to just take him home and be done with it. He had made some comment about me being like every other woman and trying to keep his kids away from him. Which is not the case at all. And I don’t remember what I said to him and he made the comment that I think I can say whatever I want it to him when he says something back I turn into a hypocrite and flipped out on him. And that’s why he’s gone. I text him later that night letting him know that I wanted to be civil about things especially since we’re about to have another baby. And that I was angry and then I had every right to be angry. I told him to go drink his pain away while I was pregnant I had to suffer. Only time after that that we text was about bills or Julian. And then Monday came around and I got the brilliant idea to text him and ask him how he was doing. He replied that he was a zombie a lost soul. But he wanted to know how Julian was doing and if he could keep him this weekend. I told him yes and he was instantly excited. He thanks me and I asked them if we could talk sometime this week. He said yes. I figured he knew what I was talking about. To me it was a given. And when I asked him if he knew what I was talking about he was like no but I hope it’s not about us. So I just told him I was like listen I’m not asking you to let me move in with you or even to come back to me just let me get close enough to you to show you that I can give you so much more than what we have. That we were both happy. That I recognize my faults in our relationship and I really wanted to work on them because I love them so much. He said he didn’t think that was a good idea. So I left it alone. The next day he text me and asked me about Julian again and we tried to get some things arranged. I was pleasant about it I told him that was fine. He thanked me and told me to have a good day. I did not reply and that was Monday morning. Today I was getting my hair done and I can get 5 texts right in a row and they were him. he said that when he went into the empty house it took his breath away that he was crying as he was packing up his things. And that he broke down. He apologized for sending the text and then said even though it hurts so bad I feel like this is what needs to be done. Then he text me back and said I don’t hate you. I don’t want to dislike you. But I feel like in order for you or me to get past this we need to spend some time away from each other. And if the question ever enters your mind if I love you the answer is yes I do. I didn’t know what to think it just made me cry. I haven’t responded and I don’t intend on it. I don’t even know how I would respond to that . It just breaks my heart that he feels that way. I felt like I have been there for him through so much. It’s just so easy for him to turn his back on me everything that we had. His family. I’m just lost ….confused….hurt…angry….I am going to stick strong with the NC….but it looks like he beat me to the punch. I’m to the point where I am trying to accept things for what they are and move forward with myself. I’ve been going to the gym nightly. Just got my hair and nails done. Anything to make me feel better. But it doesn’t work. I know I don’t need him in my life to be happy …eventually. I just want him but I feel as if there is no
Hope. He gave up everything like that. Why would he come back? Do you think there is even a chance to get him back? I’m still holding on. I don’t know If it’s even worth it. What do you think. I mean the guy can’t avoid me forever. I was going to ask him of he wanted to go to the drs Appt. With me. But I don’t know anymore…..so lost don’t know what to do:(

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 11:38 am

Hi Ashlee,

sorry for the late reply, are you still doing nc? It’s really a process, doing nc doesn’t mean the hurt will go away that fast..

Ashlee

March 24, 2016 at 7:41 pm

Okay… Me and my boyfriend were together for 5 years. We first got together I fall fast and hard. He treated me like a queen. Probably within 8 months of us getting together I found out that I was pregnant. He was happy he told me he supported me in whatever I did. And when I told him I wanted to keep the baby he said that he wanted to move to the next stage of our relationship. But he ended up taking my truck one night wrecking it. Nearly totaling it out of town. Getting a DUI and a possession of a controlled substance. He was only supposed to serve six months but ended up serving two and a half years. I decided to stay in the relationship because I love him. And I wanted to have a family. I decided to stay with my parents while he was gone to help with the baby. And we discuss that when he got out he would have a place to stay until we could get on our feet. Everything was good when he got out. And then I found out that he was cheating on me before he got locked up. I wasn’t happy about it. I ended up throwing all of his things out of the room and tell him you need to go… That only lasted probably two days and I begged for him to come back. I really enjoyed having my family and my love for him runs extremely deep. After I got over that everything seemed alright. We fought and argue no more than a normal couple. We ended up having a falling out with my parents. And decided to go stay in a hotel room. And then a mutual friend’s house. It was a rough year. We’ve been going through a lot. And because of all the stress as we had been fighting more than normal. But we both knew and agree that that’s why we were fighting. We went all in on getting a home. We busted our butts to get in there when we finally got our house everything seems good. Around the middle of October I ended up getting hurt. And then a week later I lost my job. He took care of me he was great to me. He made sure everything was handled. We have a mutual friend. A male friend. I grew up with this kid. He has a paper route and was doing to at the time and asked me if I wanted to help he would pay me. Since I wasn’t working we decided that it would be a good idea to get the extra money. I told him it would probably be 5 or 6 hours but I wasn’t for sure. It ended up being close to 12. And I never called or text him to tell him that it was going to take that long or when I would be home. When I got home he was so angry. I think it was the next day he said in his mind the relationship is over. We are kind of at a standstill for about a week. And we had a big talk about a few things. Any told me that he’s never been more devoted to anything in his life than his family and that he was willing to make things work. From that point on I always made it a point to let him know where I was. When I would be home. That kind of thing. Once again things seem like they were going on the right track. November 21st. I just got my job back. I’ve been working for 3 days and we found out I was pregnant. We were both shocked. We didn’t know how we’re going to be able to afford another child and take care of another child financially. But I told him that I couldn’t go through with an abortion. He told me that he was with me either way. But he was scared. Over time we both started to get excited about the baby. We started talking about names things of that nature. We are spending time together on the weekends. Which we always have or with our son. I was working 2nd shift so I didn’t get to see them a lot throughout the week which I hated it. And so did he. It made things difficult. But we made it work. Fast forward to a month ago. I finally got switch to 3rd Shift so I could be with my family more. Things call work going really good. It was an adjustment for me but we both like the fact that I was home to be able to take care of things. We were spending more time together. Having more sex. I was happy. And he told me he was happy. That he was content with how things are going. That was one week before he left. We’ve been in a few arguments. But nothing too serious. In between that time. On the day he left it was 11 a.m. he have gotten off work early and brought a friend home with some beer. I was getting ready to take our son to daycare. And for whatever reason I was just irritated. I told him that he should go to his friends house and get drunk. Or go to the bar. And not such a nice way. And so he did. I went back to bed. Woke up at about 4:30 picked up our son can call Adrian and ask him to come home because I wasn’t feeling well. He told me that he was too drunk. That he had made a mistake and that he was sorry. And to just take Julian to my mom’s house so she could watch him while I was at work. Of course I was pissed. I was on the phone with them for like 20 minutes yelling at him telling him to come home. Until finally he hung up on me. You text me and told me to calm down he would be home by the time I got off work in the morning. I was so mad I was calling him and texting him off the hook. And telling him how childish and immature that was to do something like that. I even went to go look for him. I just wanted him to come home. I ended up taking our son to my mom’s house. And when I got to work that night I got a text message from him.. and it said and that he couldn’t take it anymore that he got all of his things that he could and he was leaving. He was sorry that it had to end this way but it was something he felt like he needed to do…… I couldn’t even work. I had to leave. I rush back home hoping that I can meet him there. He was already gone. And so are his things I broke down. I called and called and text and text begging and pleading for him to come home. But nothing no response at all. over the next few days I continue to try and get ahold of him. I felt like I deserve some kind of explanation. Considering he left me with our home. That we could not afford without each other. Our son that he didn’t even say goodbye to. I was so hurt and angry. Contd…
Julie

March 22, 2016 at 5:06 pm

Hi Amor,

Love the website and all the content, glad to see that EBR is getting bigger and even better! 🙂

My ex boyfriend broke up with me just over a year ago, he is a very sensitive guy and we were both in very emotional states in the last couple of weeks of our relationship and then into the breakup. He told me that he was still very much in love with me but needed to be alone for a while to clear his head and deal with some personal things. Throughout last year I had been following the advice here and seemed like I was making slow but good progress, we were hanging out and talking quite a bit, neither of us dating someone else.

After about 8 months of this, there was one weekend where we hung out everyday, he asked me to dinner the first night and then we had lunch the following day for his birthday, and the night after we went out with a group of mutual friends. We had never been intimate since the breakup but he touched my arm and my back quite a few times, and he even kissed my cheek twice during the evening which he hadn’t done since we were together.

We were talking the next day, and we ended up talking about us. The conversation started fine, him saying that I was amazing and the past few days had been great, then something switched in him and he started crying. I don’t know why he got upset so quickly but he started saying that he was so sorry and that he couldn’t do this. He’s not emotionally ready for a relationship, that he didn’t mean to lead me on and he just didn’t want any bad blood between us?? I was so upset and confused and he wasn’t making any sense, I told him that I didn’t deserve to be led on and I had to say goodbye.

That was 4 months ago and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since, I know I did the right thing to say goodbye but it was for my own healing. I’m at peace now but I do miss him a lot and wish things were different. He’s a really good guy, not a player at all so he would never lead me on intentionally. We’re both in our mid-20s and our relationship was very serious and we were crazy about each other. He’s not seeing anyone as far as I know, I was hoping that when I stepped out of his life that he would realise he made a mistake, but I have not heard from him at all yet. I feel that he does still love me but is in a bad place right now, but maybe I’m wrong?? I feel that if I get in contact with him again he will only think I’m trying to get him back because he knows how I feel. What do you think the chances are of him coming back?

Sorry about the length, but thank you 🙂

Julie

April 4, 2016 at 10:41 pm

Hmm, I don’t know, maybe. I guess it doesn’t really matter anyway! I feel like I should let him come to me? His behaviour was very confusing to me.
Julie

April 3, 2016 at 7:05 pm

Thanks for reply Amor!

Yeah you’re probably right, he probably won’t contact me now because I’m the one who said goodbye, even though he initiated the breakup. If I were to contact him, I know he would reply anyway just because of who he is and the relationship we had. But I also feel that if I were to contact him and he would reply, it might leave me in more emotional turmoil.

I had thought of possibly running into him ‘accidentally’ some time soon? I want to give him time to feel ready but I’m also afraid that he might meet someone else.

Ps…I also noticed that the last message I sent him online, he never read my last reply (which was only one word and a smiley, nothing important) but it was seen/read yesterday? We haven’t spoken online since the summer so did he scroll all the way back to our last conversation? Just thought it was a bit weird!

Julie

March 22, 2016 at 5:06 pm

Hi Amor,

Love the website and all the content, glad to see that EBR is getting bigger and even better! 🙂

My ex boyfriend broke up with me just over a year ago, he is a very sensitive guy and we were both in very emotional states in the last couple of weeks of our relationship and then into the breakup. He told me that he was still very much in love with me but needed to be alone for a while to clear his head and deal with some personal things. Throughout last year I had been following the advice here and seemed like I was making slow but good progress, we were hanging out and talking quite a bit, neither of us dating someone else.

After about 8 months of this, there was one weekend where we hung out everyday, he asked me to dinner the first night and then we had lunch the following day for his birthday, and the night after we went out with a group of mutual friends. We had never been intimate since the breakup but he touched my arm and my back quite a few times, and he even kissed my cheek twice during the evening which he hadn’t done since we were together.

We were talking the next day, and we ended up talking about us. The conversation started fine, him saying that I was amazing and the past few days had been great, then something switched in him and he started crying. I don’t know why he got upset so quickly but he started saying that he was so sorry and that he couldn’t do this. He’s not emotionally ready for a relationship, that he didn’t mean to lead me on and he just didn’t want any bad blood between us?? I was so upset and confused and he wasn’t making any sense, I told him that I didn’t deserve to be led on and I had to say goodbye.

That was 4 months ago and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since, I know I did the right thing to say goodbye but it was for my own healing. I’m at peace now but I do miss him a lot and wish things were different. He’s a really good guy, not a player at all so he would never lead me on intentionally. We’re both in our mid-20s and our relationship was very serious and we were crazy about each other. He’s not seeing anyone as far as I know, I was hoping that when I stepped out of his life that he would realise he made a mistake, but I have not heard from him at all yet. I feel that he does still love me but is in a bad place right now, but maybe I’m wrong?? I feel that if I get in contact with him again he will only think I’m trying to get him back because he knows how I feel. What do you think the chances are of him coming back?

Sorry about the length, but thank you 🙂

Julie

April 4, 2016 at 10:41 pm

Hmm, I don’t know, maybe. I guess it doesn’t really matter anyway! I feel like I should let him come to me? His behaviour was very confusing to me.
Julie

April 3, 2016 at 7:05 pm

Thanks for reply Amor!

Yeah you’re probably right, he probably won’t contact me now because I’m the one who said goodbye, even though he initiated the breakup. If I were to contact him, I know he would reply anyway just because of who he is and the relationship we had. But I also feel that if I were to contact him and he would reply, it might leave me in more emotional turmoil.

I had thought of possibly running into him ‘accidentally’ some time soon? I want to give him time to feel ready but I’m also afraid that he might meet someone else.

Ps…I also noticed that the last message I sent him online, he never read my last reply (which was only one word and a smiley, nothing important) but it was seen/read yesterday? We haven’t spoken online since the summer so did he scroll all the way back to our last conversation? Just thought it was a bit weird!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 12:33 pm

that’s a good attempt… hmm maybe he did scroll but what if he just opened it and then the system automatically makes it seen
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 10:38 am

Hi Julie,

Maybe he doesn’t want to come across as leading you on again if he initiates. And if he won’t reply, that means he’s still not ready yet..If you want react to one of his posts so it seems more natural and then ask how things has been?

Msliz

March 22, 2016 at 2:22 am

Hi, my ex and I finally had a talk a couple of weeks ago after he completely stopped talking to me and never answered me for 2 months. We were seeing each other for almost 3 years .
He said he saw me on a dating website and that’s when he stopped talking to . I said he should have asked me. I was in the dating website back in July when he had broken up with me . We starting talking in October and slept together in November . In December he just stopped taking to me . Became cold. That’s when he saw I was in the website but never told me. We were not official when we started taking and I didn’t think anything of the website. I never got back in or dated anyone. I even told him back in October that I was talking to someone but was stuck with him .
When we talked he finally told me . Then he said his feelings changed. I saw he was still angry . I said I was glad we talked and was ready to go . He stopped me and asked to see a dent on my car . After that I was ready to go again and he stopped me and asked to stay for a smoke break . I did . Then I got in my car and he asked for a hug. I gave it to him . The next day he texted me and aplogized again for how he handles it and hoped we cloudless be friends . I told him I m glad we talked and now that’s in the past .
Since then , he has become cold again. Almost like we never had that talk. I don’t hear from him and if I text he rarely answers . It’s so confusing . Why would he behave that way again ! He is 31. I have done NC before and it has worked. Where we talked in October . He has A lot of trust issues but I’m not like that. I could never lie or do something behind someone’s back that I love . I don’t think he believed that . What to do. Thank you for all your help . Sometimes you feel crazy until you hear others going through the same .

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2016 at 2:17 pm

HI Msliz,

I think one of the best moves is to delete your account in the dating site before trying to reconnect with him. You don’t have to mention that you erased it because he probably still checks it. If that still exists, he will continue to doubt you.

Nicole

March 20, 2016 at 2:45 pm

Hi, my name is Nicole. My ex and I are both 18 years old. Yesterday he ended our 3 and a half year relationship. We see each other everyday, I lived with him over the course of 6 months because my room was under construction, we do have sex, (sorry if this is a bit TMI, I just feel like there is no need to lie) We have had arguments like every couple does, but nothing too extreme, and we have gone on “breaks” before, both initiated by him, but they usually ended in him calling me at 3 in the morning crying and telling me how much of an idiot he was to even consider leaving me. (We have been on 2 “breaks” not counting this breakup since it is the first). Within the last week I felt as if my boyfriend, (I will call him David for privacy sake), was becoming distant. I wasn’t surprised by this because a lot of emotional trauma happened within the last week. His mother, who left when he was 8, decided she was ready to be his mother again and jump head first back into his life. Also, his grandmother passed away unexpectedly, and his grandmother was pretty much his mother and best friend. So no, I was not surprised at all when David requested a break from me. I knew he needed time to mourn and collect his emotions. It is hard to actually go on a “break” when we attend the same school, have classes and lunch together. I saw my boyfriend every day of this break. As the days progressed I felt as if he was getting better and better. He cut out his Tennis picture and gave it to me and he even said he would like if I went to his match over the weekend. (I’ve been avioding going to any of his events since I knew he needed his time alone). I’ve talked to my mother, father, and close friends about our complicated situation, and everyone reassured me that with time, he would come around. On Saturday, (March 19,2016) after his match I waited for him to tell him I was proud of how well he played. I wasn’t expecting a hug or kiss since he’s been avoiding them within the past week. I also wasn’t expecting to see him after the match, I just wanted to express how happy I was for him. He walked up to me and was acting strange…I asked him if he knew what he was feeling and he told me, “I love you, and I care about you, but I just don’t feel the same anymore.” And of course I began to tear up and just told him goodbye. I asked if he would come over so we can talk about this more in person. He agreed and came to my house. I was laying in my bed, and to be quite honest I though he would come into my room and just cuddle with me like we’ve done so many times before. But no, he just sat on my bed and I just began to ask the basic “why” “when” and “how” questions. There were tears shed from the both of us. I asked if he would lay with me and he kept saying “I can’t.” He told me that he is hurting and that he loves me and cares about me but he just isn’t INlove with me anymore. I am left alone and feeling abandoned. I know that David and I met at an incredibly young age and our relationship was far beyond our years. And I am fully aware that with college approaching it was very likely we would head down separate paths, but I’m not going to lie and say I don’t think that we have a future together, because I do. He told me he still wants to go to prom with me, (April 24). I just feel like I need someone who has no emotional connection to David or I and analyze what would be the best for the both of us. I want to get back together with him with everything in me. I know it will take time and effort but I need someone to help me, because I can’t do this alone. (Sorry if this was too long it’s very complex). 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 7:28 am

Hi Nicole,

it’s okay.. I agree with giving him time because it seems like he is still mourning.. if you want, you can continue to be his friend but build your own life and keep your distance..
you can do nc to help yourself and to give him space too

Aria

March 19, 2016 at 5:11 pm

Hi Amor,
So I’m really confused. Things where going really really good, for two whole weeks we talked everyday and it was fantastic. He was sending 1st messages and seemed so involved in the convos and was flirting lots but most importantly wanted to know about ME and asked personal questions and was genuinely interested. But he’s suddenly being a weirdly cold again for few days and I have no idea what could possible have made him pull out like that. I didn’t say anything remotely offensive. Should I be worried or could it just be a bad couple of days for him…? Nothing is making sense…
Aria

March 19, 2016 at 5:11 pm

Hi Amor,
So I’m really confused. Things where going really really good, for two whole weeks we talked everyday and it was fantastic. He was sending 1st messages and seemed so involved in the convos and was flirting lots but most importantly wanted to know about ME and asked personal questions and was genuinely interested. But he’s suddenly being a weirdly cold again for few days and I have no idea what could possible have made him pull out like that. I didn’t say anything remotely offensive. Should I be worried or could it just be a bad couple of days for him…? Nothing is making sense…

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 20, 2016 at 7:48 am

observe first.. have you progressed to calls before this?

Gorgi

March 18, 2016 at 4:13 pm

Hi Amor
– Sorry that last post only posted the second part. ignore that!

So here’s my situation. I have known my ex for 10 years and for most of the time we have known each other we have been simply friends. However, we both remember the first day we met (down the details about what the other was wearing and what we said) and have always had this visible chemistry. Over the first 8 years we were friends but it was very obvious that I had feelings for him – everyone knew. I would ask him to be my date to dances…he’d say no. He’d date friends of mine and I still clung to the idea that there is something special about him and I should keep him in mind for the future.

Fast forward to 3 years ago, we have an amazing friend group of 6 of us who go on an annual ski trip together. 2 of the people in that group are in a relationship and after a lot of partying and too much drinking we hooked up. In my mind this was the best thing ever because I thought it might start something, but at the time he said “this isn’t us and this isnt our time.” I understood that because we were going to college in different states (him in Minnesota and me in California). We remained friends for the next year and casually dated other people, but any time we’d visit each other we would hook up and when we were apart we had a constant stream of communication, calls and texts daily. Then we took on the mentality that “when we are in the same place we are together”. So we’d visit each other once a semester and see each other over the holidays. I wanted more though. so after this went on for a year I pushed him to make a commitment. At that time he was about to leave for a semester abroad and did not want to go abroad with a girlfriend – again I was understanding. We stayed close while he was abroad – texting everyday and calling every week – and i actually went to visit him. The first day I got there he asked me to be his girlfriend. He realized we have something special and can make distance work because of our friendship as a foundation. OMG I WAS SO HAPPY. I had wanted to be with this person for 8 years and he finally wanted me back. We had an amazing trip and I returned to california to finish school. I graduated and ended up getting a job in Wisconsin which was only 3 hours from where his school was in MN.
So we continued to do long distance, but it wasnt that hard because at least now we were on the same time zone!
Then after about 2 months I started having a hard time at work and a hard adjustment to post grad life. He still had his senior year of college left and so most weekends I would drive up to see him and go out like I was still in college. But I was personally becoming very depressed… I would love spending the weekend with him but would cry on the drive home, dreading the upcoming work week. He’s also a very friendly guy and has lots of women friends – which never bothered me because I have lots of male friends, but I would see snapchats of him out having fun with girls and his guy friends while I was hating life working, coming home, sleeping x repeat. This cycle continued for about 5 months until I had a mental breakdown and resigned from my job. I was working 75+ hours a week and then driving back and forth and just wore myself out. I started to ask him to come here more, but he really didn’t want to mostly because this was his last semester of college and wanted to spend his weekends there – he has a FOMO problem.
So our visits started to spread out, which seemed to work well because I had time to work on myself and become a healthier person mind/body/spirit which in turn made me think I could be a better girlfriend to him. But it was hard because there wasn’t that physical affirmation that he loves me as much, so sometimes I would question him on the phone asking things like “do you miss me?” – this really hurt him because in his mind he obviously missed me but doesnt think dwelling on it is going to make anyone feel better. That makes sense. But without seeing each other I needed him to be more vocal that he still loves me, misses me, etc.
We have talked about marriage, when we want to have kids, how many, what our house will look like – all those things couples like to fantasize about.
Here’s where things went south. He is now 2 months away from graduating and doesnt have a job lined up, he has a heavy course load and is juggling a lot with school, I also think he’s scared that some of his friendships will end with college as people move to new cities, etc, and he is homesick for his family.. he’s very stressed. So he told me as he is looking to the future he is feeling very uncertain about what he wants and what he’s going to do next. He said he wants to do something crazy like move to California or somewhere else and just needs to be independent right now. He also told me this isn’t the relationship he wants and “it isn’t right, right now.” He said the distance, and little arguments have added up and he is no longer “in love” with me but still loves me. I asked him if he thinks being with someone else or no longer being in a LDR would make things better and he said no to both. He said he just wants to be alone right now. He said he cannot imagine his life with out me in it but that we need to do our own thing. So I asked him, does that mean we are over or do you just want to take some time apart to think about things? He said that he is hopeful for our future but doesn’t want me to wait around for him. I feel like he immediately is jumping to breaking up because that’s what the people closest to him have done with their relationships and found success: his brother and his fiance had the exact same situation. Known each other forever, sorta dated for a while, broke up right as they graduated college, and now have found their way back and are engaged. His parents also went through something and broke up twice before coming back together. So I see why he is hopeful because he has seen it work. And I think I can focus on myself for a while and improve myself. I just don’t know how of if the 30 day NC thing is a good idea. I don’t want to lose him as a friend, but at the same time the entire time I’ve known him he has never been seen as “just a friend” in my eyes, I have always felt something for him. With all the things he’s said he is making it very hard for me to move on. He’s saying “not right now, but maybe later” and the “If it’s meant to be it will be.” I cannot imagine getting over him. If I knew that he actually wants us and it’s just a timing issues, that’s one thing. But if he doesn’t know if he wants us I feel like I need to completely cut him out of my life in order to move on.

Sorry for the novel! I’m just trying to explain it well and get your take.
Much thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 3:42 pm

Hi Gorgi,

Thanks for being elaborate.. maybe you’re right that he’s doing it because that’s what most people around him did. But regarding what he said that he’s not in live with you, that means he lost attraction…

Yvette0307

March 10, 2016 at 2:41 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 8 months ago and got a new girlfriend like a week after he broke up with me. We have a 18 month old daughter together and a lot of drama has happened between us. We currently don’t speak and as far as I know he doesn’t have a phone because he was on my phone bill and stopped giving me the money for the bill. I have tried everything to get him back with letters, gifts, cards, money, expressing how much I love him and nothing has worked. I don’t know at this point if its even possible for us to get back together or to at least have some form of communication. He has blocked me on all social media so I have no way to see how he is doing or anything. He communicates with my mom directly about our child but other than that nothing at all. I just don’t know what I should do at this point. I am trying to work on the issues he said that I had and just overall trying to become a better person. With him having a new girlfriend I just don’t know if there is hope at all, at this point. Hope to hear back from you. I can give you more details if needed.

yvette0307

March 17, 2016 at 3:08 pm

with everything I told you do you think it is possible I will have another chance with him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 5:31 pm

It’s slimmer now because he has a girl friend and also because you’re not ready yet to jump back in a relationship. But you have a child, I’m not saying you should use her. I’m saying you will see each other eventually, no matter what. Over the good and the bad, so that’s your edge.
yvette0307

March 12, 2016 at 11:19 pm

thank you very much for your response and yeah right now we don’t see or have anything to do with each other at all actually but I see what you mean. To just heal from this and see what happens? Sorry I am just trying to get clarity.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2016 at 7:01 am

Yes, Yvette, that’s right 🙂
yvette0307

March 11, 2016 at 5:09 pm

Sorry I totally forgot to mention that we were together for 8 years and he is my first real relationship and first sexual experience. So you think it is best to have zero contact and move on or is there still some sort of hope even though it feels like there is none? I do go to therapy and I am working on healing myself and becoming a better person. Thank you very much for responding.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2016 at 11:24 am

You still have a child together, so you will see each other no matter what..but the more important thing os for you to heal now.. and for him yo prove to you that it’s worth it to get back with him if ever he wants to get back someday
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 12:15 am

Hi Yvette,

after trying everythin..it’s time to do no contact and heal yourself..

Yvette0307

March 10, 2016 at 2:41 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 8 months ago and got a new girlfriend like a week after he broke up with me. We have a 18 month old daughter together and a lot of drama has happened between us. We currently don’t speak and as far as I know he doesn’t have a phone because he was on my phone bill and stopped giving me the money for the bill. I have tried everything to get him back with letters, gifts, cards, money, expressing how much I love him and nothing has worked. I don’t know at this point if its even possible for us to get back together or to at least have some form of communication. He has blocked me on all social media so I have no way to see how he is doing or anything. He communicates with my mom directly about our child but other than that nothing at all. I just don’t know what I should do at this point. I am trying to work on the issues he said that I had and just overall trying to become a better person. With him having a new girlfriend I just don’t know if there is hope at all, at this point. Hope to hear back from you. I can give you more details if needed.

yvette0307

March 18, 2016 at 2:40 pm

yeah that totally makes sense, we don’t communicate at all right now actually but I guess your right we will have to see each other at some point. I guess only time will tell if we will ever have a chance together. Thanks!
yvette0307

March 17, 2016 at 3:08 pm

with everything I told you do you think it is possible I will have another chance with him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 5:31 pm

It’s slimmer now because he has a girl friend and also because you’re not ready yet to jump back in a relationship. But you have a child, I’m not saying you should use her. I’m saying you will see each other eventually, no matter what. Over the good and the bad, so that’s your edge.
yvette0307

March 12, 2016 at 11:19 pm

thank you very much for your response and yeah right now we don’t see or have anything to do with each other at all actually but I see what you mean. To just heal from this and see what happens? Sorry I am just trying to get clarity.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2016 at 7:01 am

Yes, Yvette, that’s right 🙂
yvette0307

March 11, 2016 at 5:09 pm

Sorry I totally forgot to mention that we were together for 8 years and he is my first real relationship and first sexual experience. So you think it is best to have zero contact and move on or is there still some sort of hope even though it feels like there is none? I do go to therapy and I am working on healing myself and becoming a better person. Thank you very much for responding.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2016 at 11:24 am

You still have a child together, so you will see each other no matter what..but the more important thing os for you to heal now.. and for him yo prove to you that it’s worth it to get back with him if ever he wants to get back someday
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 12:15 am

Hi Yvette,

after trying everythin..it’s time to do no contact and heal yourself..

Wondering in LA

March 9, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Last week. I broke it off with my boyfriend. The few preceding weeks, we we’re in a “figuring it out”stage. I still want to be with him, but I am wondering if it is something I should even pursue. Here is the story…we have known each other for a year and a half. When we met, we were both looking for just fun/rebounds, and we were FWB for 9 months. Life got complicated for me, so we took a 5 month break, but we reconnected and began to get more serious. While we were on a break, he had reconnected with his ex-girlfriend. They didn’t have a physical relationship as she doesn’t live in our city, but the emotional door was open, but when I came back into the picture, he closed the door again. So why does this matter and how did I end up here? 2 months ago, his ex-girlfriend reached out to him, told him she was depressed and suicidal and she didn’t want to live without him. While he doesn’t want to be with her, this kind of talk really concerned him and his reaction made him concerned that he may still have feelings for her. He said it wasn’t fair to me for him to stay in our relationship with this other ex baggage. He said he had feelings for me, but doesn’t feel right being with me if he is still harboring feelings for his ex, even though he has no desire to be with her. She was his first girlfriend, first love, and he feels very guilty for moving on when she is struggling.

So my question…is this something I should even try to save? He has already shown me that he values the feelings and emotions of his ex-girlfriend over mine. He is a great guy, and I really started to see a future with him but I worry he will never be able to move on if his ex-girlfriend doesn’t.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 9:19 pm

I think he’s feelig guilt.. if he’s like that for now..it won’t be healthy to get back with him

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