Last year I surveyed my audience via my email list.

(If you want to get on my email list all you have to do is sign up for the “Sarah Vs. Kai” case study that I keep pitching all over the place in this website.)

Anyways, like I said, I surveyed my audience and asked a simple question,

What would you like me to write about?

By the end of the day over 300 answers had come back.

Not too bad when you consider I only asked around 1,200 people.

Now, since I tend to be an overly diligent person when it comes to this website I ended up writing all the answers that were repeated down and started formulating a game plan on how I was going to answer these questions.

My Game Plan– Write super long in-depth articles to help everyone on the website

How did this work out for me?

Well, when you consider that I have created this guide, this guide and this guide because of this little survey I like to think it’s been a tremendous success.

But there was something that I wasn’t counting on happening.

There was one answer that I got back that I wasn’t expecting.

“Introverted Vs. Extroverted Boyfriends And How To Get Them Back”

One thing that is clear to everyone walking this planet is that every human being has a unique personality.

And one thing that is clear to everyone reading this site is that every single “get your ex back game plan” is different.

So, wouldn’t it make sense that an ex boyfriend who is a bit more “introverted” by nature would require one type of a game plan where an ex boyfriend who is a bit more “extroverted” by nature would require another?

That’s what we are here to explore.

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Let’s Talk About Introverts And Extroverts

extrovert

The dictionary defines an introvert as,

A shy, reticent person

Reticent means “not revealing ones thoughts readily.”

For the record… I didn’t know what “reticent” meant and had to look it up so don’t think I am some genius who knows how to use ten dollar words…

I’m not.

Now lets take a look at extroverts,

An outgoing, overtly expressive person

Wow, what a difference.

So basically you have an introvert who wants to stay home and not take any risk and then you have the extrovert who wants to go out all the time and take tons of risks.

Now, generally speaking there is an interesting “Yin and Yang” effect that goes on in relationships with introverts and extroverts.

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The Introvert & Extrovert Yin/Yang

yang

I love the idea of Yin and Yang.

You see, in Chinese Philosophy Yin and Yang describes how opposite forces are not only attracted to each other but actually compliment each other. In fact, some philosophers would go as far as saying that they couldn’t live without each other.

You have heard the phrase,

Opposites attract

Right?

Well, that phrase perfectly sums up what Yin and Yang is trying to tell us and I can’t think of a better analogy to use for introverts and extroverts in relationships.

You see, often times I see relationships where one party is an introvert and the other is an extrovert.

introvert and extrovert

My wife and I are kind of like that…

Can you guess who is what?

Well, I’m introverted,

introvert

And my wife…

Well, she is extroverted,

Jennifer Chris W-099-X3

My point is that it is very possible for introverts and extroverts to co-exist and if you believe in Chinese Philosophy then techincially introverts and extroverts can’t exist without each other.

But what happens when the introverts and extroverts break up?

introvert and extrovert

What are you supposed to do then?

Well, the answer may shock you.

Does Yin & Yang Work For Getting Introverts & Extroverts Back?

In short…

NO.

The yin and yang theory I mentioned above is all about introverts and extroverts co-existing but when it comes to re-attracting the name of the game isn’t to highlight your major differences between your ex (assuming you are the opposite of what they are.)

It’s to highlight your similarities.

Have you ever seen the movie “High Fidelity?”

high fidelity

There is a quote in that movie that I have found to be quite true when it comes to re-attraction.

What really matters is what you like… Not what you are like.

Now, is this a quote that is going to hold true in the long run?

No, because the truth is that eventually your personality and what you are like matters the most but at the beginning… Well, it often get’s overlooked doesn’t it?

It’s that whole idea of judging a book by it’s cover.

And believe me when I say that most men do judge a book by it’s cover.

But what do you do if the man you are trying to get back has already read your book?

What if he is extroverted and you are introverted?

Remember our quote.

What really matters is what you like…

An introvert cannot re-attract an extrovert in an introverted way just like an extrovert cannot re-attract an introvert in an extroverted way.

What needs to happen is that if you are the opposite of what your ex boyfriend is then you need to prepare yourself to kill the ying/yang theory of “opposites attract” and shift your paradigm into believing that “opposites don’t attract.”

Or perhaps we don’t need to kill the yin/yang theory entirely because you ultimately won’t be able to change your nature but maybe we just overload one side of the yin/yang at the beginning to re-attract your ex.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that there are two ways to re-attract an ex boyfriend.

And those ways are entirely dependent on his personality.

You have the introverted way and the extroverted way.

Lets talk a little about that now.

Introverts

introvert

Ah introverts…

My people.

Before I get started I want to say that I personally know more about introverts than extroverts. I mean, that’s just what happens when you know one.

It’s sort of if I asked you to tell me about yourself.

Well, you would probably know more about yourself than someone who knows you but isn’t you.

Now, this is a great thing for those of you who are trying to get an ex boyfriend back who is very introverted. But that’s probably only half of you. The other half who are trying to get back (extroverts) are probably looking at their phone or computer screen and going,

what the heck

All I can tell you is that while I may not know extroverts as well my wife certainly does…

Thus, I am going to use more of her ideas in the extroverts section below. But for now, this section is dedicated to the introvert ex boyfriends.

Are you ready?

Good!

Let’s talk about what an introvert is.

The Characteristics Of An Introvert

Above I gave you the dictionaries definition of an introvert,

A shy, reticent person

But a definition is a defintion.

What I would like to do is go outside the definition and think outside the box a little.

What makes an introvert an introvert?

Well, I suppose the first thing that you need to know about us is that we are deep thinkers…

In other words, we don’t just look at a situation and act.

No, we often like to think before we act.

While this can certainly be an advantage it actually turns out to be our greatest disadvantage when it comes to dating.

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that you start dating an introvert… Lets call him Billy.

billy introvert

Alright, now Billy is the sweetest guy you have ever met in your entire life but he is very shy and guarded. You see, Billy has dated in the past and things haven’t really worked out for him that great.

His ex girlfriends have cheated on him…

Women have rejected him…

All in all, things haven’t gone so great for him.

Now, when you hear him tell you things like this your eyes actually light up because you know that your relationship with him is going to be better than anything he has ever experienced before,

eyes light up

You aren’t the type of girl to cheat…

You clearly aren’t rejecting him…

Oh, and things ARE going to go great…

But that’s not the way he looks at it.

You see, in his mind he is always going to be on guard because he is preparing himself for a “worst case scenario.”

Which means that the first time you slip up… The first little tiny mistake and he is going to build the wall of protection even higher around him.

Lets talk about that now.

Lets say that things between the two of you are going great and then you make a mistake.

He goes on Facebook one day and checks on your page only to see that you have posted a picture with a guy friend,

For the record… I have yet to meet a man who is ok with this so this isn’t a thing that is exclusive just to introverts. Anyways, since your introverted boyfriend is always worrying about the worst case scenario he looks at this little mistake by you as a sign that history is going to repeat itself.

Now, another thing that a lot of people talk about in relation to introverts is the fact that they aren’t very outgoing.

Let me tell you the psychology behind this.

The Psychology Behind Why Introverts Don’t Like To Go Out

extrovert-introvert

I feel that I can teach you a lot about this in particular because this was my main problem as an introvert.

Let me tell you how my life used to go.

I only go out one time a day and that is just to play tennis for a few hours (ALONE.)

Other than that I usually only go out to pick up food because as a human being I do require food to live.

That was before I met Jennifer (my wife.)

Now she forces me to go out.

But you don’t care about that. What you care about is the psychology of why I enjoyed a solitary lifestyle.

And as much as it pains me to admit this I think it was all about safety. I liked living in a cocoon because it was safe. No one could hurt me or say anything hurtful to me. In fact, I was such an introvert that it took me months before I got the guts to put my picture up on this website.

(But now I do it all the time.)

To be honest…

This site has been an incredible outlet for me and I began to notice that the more I put my personality out there the more you guys liked me so I just kept doing it and doing it and now here we are.

But at my core it’s still all about safety. I feel safer staying in.

This is doubly true when an introvert is in a couple.

Why?

Because, an introvert is always looking at the worst case scenario (remember we are deep thinkers.)

So, lets use our fake example of Billy and you dating.

Lets say that you want to go to a party one day and you really want Billy to go with you,

party

Now, you look at the party as a really fun event where you can let loose and have fun.

Billy on the other hand…

Well, he looks at it in a different way.

Remember how introverts look at the worst case scenario?

What’s the worst case scenario of having him go to this party?

Well, since you are a very beautiful woman he knows that you are going to garner a lot of attention from the opposite sex.

Attention from the opposite sex = You being hit on

Now, lets all be honest here.

Being hit on is kind of nice.

It’s nice to be wanted. But what if you thought it was a little too nice?

What if you accidentally slipped up and started dancing with this guy who was hitting on you?

What if that dancing turned into something more?

What if you kissed him?

Oh no…

Well, the best way to avoid that is going to the party at all.

And therein lies the mindset of an introvert.

We like safety.

Anything that runs a risk of not being safe emotionally we are not cool with that…

How To Get An Introvert Ex Boyfriend Back

Are you ready to learn how to get an introverted ex boyfriend back?

Ok, here we go.

Take a look at the graphic below,

introvert

Since introverts tend to be more guarded and less outgoing the entire process of getting them back is going to take a bit longer than normal and that’s ok. Anyone who tells you that getting an ex boyfriend back is a fast process is lying to you.

So, there are really two core ideas behind getting an introverted ex boyfriend back.

  1. The no contact rule
  2. The extended value chain

However, there are “added aspects” within each of these two core ideas which is why you see the two core ideas in the middle of the graphic surrounded by circles and the “added aspects” surrounded by squares.

Don’t worry I am going to cover everything for you.

Lets start with the no contact rule.

The Introverted No Contact Rule

introvert

The biggest fear here with women who are dating introverts is the fact that if they leave an introvert alone they will get used to life without them and ultimately kill any chance that they have of winning the introvert back.

Thus, some women opt NOT to do a no contact rule on an introvert.

Let me tell you…

This is the worst thing that you can possibly do.

Why?

Introverts like time alone. Hell, we love it.

In fact, I think a case can be made that being in a relationship is extra tough for an introvert due to the fact that you always have to be taking care of the other person. Thus, introverts don’t get their patented “alone time” that they value so much.

So, the worst thing that you can do is badger them more AFTER you have already badgered them enough during the relationship.

That’s what makes the no contact rule such a great fit for introverts.

It’s something that you can do to not only improve your chances of winning them back later but give them the space they are desiring so much.

Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Anyways, I am sure you noticed when I told you the game plan for introverts above that there were these funny squares attached to the “no contact” entry,

introvert copy

I’d like to spend a minute to talk about those.

Lets start with the “admire from afar” tactics.

Admire From Afar Tactics

One of the most quoted studies on this entire website is one that was performed by a graduate student at “The University of Western Ontario” named, Veronika Lukacs,

She basically found that nearly 90% of people look at their exes profiles on Facebook after the breakup

Based on this study I have constantly recommended that women use Facebook as a tool to create some attraction and make their exes miss them even more. Well, I am an introvert and I can tell you that just because my kind isn’t as outgoing it doesn’t stop us from watching our mutual friends (and exes) who are outgoing on social media sites like Facebook.

Heck, I am not afraid to admit that when I went through my breakup with my ex I looked at her Facebook profile for about a month trying to see if she was shattered or if she was having the time of her life.

You can use Facebook and other related sites as a tool to incite some attraction for your introverted ex boyfriend.

Imagine this.

Your ex boyfriend pulls up your profile on Facebook one day and he sees you in a brand new outfit and thinks,

“Wow, I didn’t remember her looking that good when I was dating her.”

Ah, and what about that picture that you posted where you went on vacation with your family to the Bahamas and were in a bikinni and looking better than you have ever looked before,

“Holy crap… She really didn’t look like that when we were together. Maybe I made a mistake…”

And what about that guy friend that you have been hanging out with lately..

What if your introverted ex boyfriend sees you with him?

Using Jealousy

Do not…

I REPEAT

Do not post that picture of a guy friend on Facebook for your ex to see. Look, I know that I do recommend jealousy in my PRO System and even talk about specific jealousy text messages you can send in the Texting Bible but as I explained above, introverts have a worst case scenario mindset and they don’t take too kindly to jealousy.

Think of a turtle.

You know how when turtles are scared they put their heads in their shell?

That’s your ex boyfriend reacting to jealousy,

turtule

And the last thing that we need your introvert ex boyfriend to do is to go back into his shell.

We want him to come out of his shell.

So, no jealousy tactics at all on your ex boyfriend.

Got it?

Good.

Lets talk about the value chain now.

The Extended Value Chain

value

Your aware of my value chain theory, right?

Well, if you aren’t then I suggest you read this to find out what I am talking about.

Of course, I do realize that most of you are too lazy to click on that link so allow me to give you a quick crash course on what the value chain is.

The value chain is my way of quickly summarizing what I want you to do after the no contact rule.

The idea behind it is that you are going to move your ex boyfriend up the value chain.

Now, what does that even mean?

Well, after the no contact rule I have found that women immediately want fly out of the gate to win their boyfriends back.

(AKA: They ask for a date right after NC.)

This is the equivalent of sending soldiers on a suicide mission. I have seen thousands of women try this approach and fail.

Why?

Simple, they didn’t do anything to earn that date.

They didn’t move their ex boyfriend up the value chain.

Hear me out before you roll your eyes and swear off Ex Boyfriend Recovery forever.

Which approach do you think yields more success?

approach one vs two

Approach two, right?

Because it utilizes “the value chain” or a way of slowly working your ex boyfriend up to the romantic dates.

Think of it like a baby learning to walk the first time.

A baby doesn’t come out of the womb and immediately start walking.

No, it takes months and months of practice and preparation.

First they start to sit up…

Once they have mastered that they begin to crawl…

Then once they crawl they begin to stand up…

Once they have mastered standing up they finally begin to walk.

It doesn’t just happen overnight. There is a natural progression.

Well, when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back the value chain is that natural progression.

But where the heck do introverts fall into this?

How do we approach a value chain with an introverted ex boyfriend?

Ah, I am glad you asked.

If you remember our graphic from above there were specific instructions about the value chain,

introvert

So we are obviously going to extend the value chain for an introvert but what the heck does that other stuff mean?

Text heavy?

Low key dates?

What the hell is that?

Ah, those are the tweaks that you are going to be making to the value chain that I talked about above. Lets start with texting.

Your Value Chain Needs To Be Text Heavy

Introverts are shy by nature so you want to handle them with care.

As I have stated multiple times throughout this article, I am an introvert and let me tell you that it takes a lot for us to come out of our shell.

In fact, we really need to trust the person in order to do that.

So, here is my idea.

Since introverts are guarded by nature lets make your value chain a lot more text heavy.

Generally speaking I teach women to contact their ex in three methods of communication,

  1. Texting
  2. Phone Calls
  3. In Person

Out of these three methods of communication the least threatening is form is texting.

So, my idea for introverts is this. Instead, of moving up the value chain traditionally extend your texting period a lot. Really get your introvert used to talking to you again.

Don’t be in a rush.

Low Key Dates

Now, a time will come where you move up the value chain so much that you are going to forced to go on dates with your ex boyfriend.

(Not that anyone is forcing you 😉 .)

Instead of pushing for the most romantic date of your life I recommend that you suggest a very low key non threatening date for the two of you.

Again, introverts need to be handled with care and you need to take things SLOW.

So, opt for the low key date of dinner and a walk around the park instead of dinner by the beach with a violin player serenading the two of you.

How To Get An Extrovert Back

Do you remember how I talked about introverts and extroverts sharing this interesting yin and yang connection?

Well, as you are about to say, that analogy was well placed (if I do say so.)

Take a good look at the introvert game plan,

introvert

Did you get a good look?

Ok, now lets look at the extrovert game plan,

extrovert

Look familiar?

It’s essentially the same game plan with the opposite switches.

Still don’t get it?

Ok, lets look at the section entitled (no contact)

In the introverts game plan I say NOT to use jealousy. However, in the extroverts game plan I say to USE jealousy.

What about the value chain?

For introverts I say extend it.

For extroverts I say to shorten it.

Remember, yin and yang…

Yin and yang…

Lets take a closer look at the extrovert game plan.

The Extroverted No Contact Rule

The big difference with the extroverts no contact rule are really these two things,

extrovert copy

Self improvement and jealousy…

Lets talk about the self improvement bit first.

When I talk about self improvement what do you think I am really talking about?

Self improvement on your knowledge of break dancing?

break dancing

I mean, I guess if that’s what floats your boat sure but I am talking more physical self improvement. Look, we all know that men are impressed with looks above all else right out of the gate so here is my idea.

Imagine that when you were dating your extrovert ex boyfriend you looked like this,

ugly woman

Eeek…

Not that flattering of a picture, huh?

Well, during this period of no contact I want you to look like this by the end of it,

pretty woman

The point is that I want there to be a clear difference.

I want people to not even recognize you.

Why?

Well, extroverts are more outgoing by nature, right?

This means that it would make sense that the two of you will eventually bump into each other and when you do…

Well, he is going to be blown away by how good you look.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“Ya, ya, ya we get it… But we really want to know about jealousy.”

Making An Extrovert Jealous

I talk a lot about jealousy on this website.

And the truth is that jealousy tends work quite well with with extroverted ex boyfriends.

How do I know this?

Ugh… I really hate to admit this because I do not like talking about this subject but I know this because of some of the stories my wife has told me. You see, before she met her knight in shining armor,

11885761_1699758493591972_4048904219548415199_o

She dated some duds.

And since she is an outgoing and extroverted person these “duds” also tended to be outgoing and extroverted.

Upon some unfortunate prying from me she told me a few of the stories about them and what used to work on them.

The name of the game is jealousy.

You see, one of these a**hats did something to her that was pretty despicable so rather than getting into a massive fight with him she decided to go hang out with her mom at a restaurant/bar instead. Well, while at a restaurant/bar she decided that she would “accidentally call” this guy and just leave her phone open so he could hear what was going on.

That’s all it took…

She wasn’t hitting on any guys and I don’t think any guys were hitting on her…

(Though she could have left that part out to spare my feelings. If so, thank you 🙂 .)

Anyways, the fear of guys hitting on her is what scared this “dud” into apologizing for what he did and making amends.

Jealousy works on extroverts.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Shorten The Value Chain

There are two kinds of people in this world.

Those who take their time… (introverts)

And

Those who don’t… (extroverts)

In all seriousness, there are probably a lot more than two types of people but I just wanted to say, “there are two kinds of people in this world,” because they always say that line in movies and I think it’s just the coolest.

Anyways, my point is simple.

Extroverted men don’t usually have a lot of patience and we are going to use this to our advantage by shortening the value chain,

extrovert

As you can see by the graphic above we are going to do this in two ways,

  1. Making quicker progress up the value chain
  2. Going on romantic dates sooner

Lets start with the making quicker progress.

Make Quicker Progress With The Value Chain

There is really only one thing I want to talk to you about with this and it’s actually not “making quicker progress” with the value chain.

I figure you don’t need me to explain to you HOW to make quicker progress.

I mean, it’s not rocket science.

Just go faster.

But I am getting off topic here.

What I really want to talk to you about is the fact that you still have to do the value chain.

I know what your thinking,

“Wait, what do you mean?”

Well, just because you get to go quicker up the value chain doesn’t mean you get to skip the value chain.

You still have to work your way up and earn your right to go on a romantic date.

Speaking of romantic dates…

A Romantic Date With Your Extrovert

The name of the game with introverts was to shy away from romantic dates really until you officially got them back.

That isn’t the case with extroverted men. In fact, I would say that extroverted men really love romantic dates.

As for what to do on the date?

Well, I suggest you read this.

 

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213 thoughts on “Introverted Ex Boyfriends Vs. Extroverted Ex Boyfriends (How To Approach Them)”

  1. Avatar

    matthew

    October 3, 2020 at 4:08 am

    hello me and my ex girlfriend broke up about three weeks ago she is an introvert im both and I want to try to get back with her im working on my self cause she mainly got tired of having to tell me the same stuff and she felt like i didn’t care about how she felt and she felt more like an advice crutch then my girlfriend cause she also felt like she was an emotional struggle she did say when we broke up when im alot more stable and im working on it and im starting to understand now how she felt and i actually took time write letter to her i wanna send in a month and this is actually the toughest month but i want to stay true to this message and was wondering if you can take a look at it

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 3, 2020 at 9:18 am

      Hi Matthew, I wouldn’t suggest sending a letter at all, as those are just words in your situation. Your actions need to prove change to your ex girlfriend, you can do this through working on yourself and then reaching out at the end of your NC and showing that you are who she wants you to be (giving that you are also who you want to be) Being the best version of yourself and being happy with who you are as a person before attempting to get her back.

  2. Avatar

    SouthGal

    October 8, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    Hello! I’ve been ‘casually dating’ this guy for about 5 months, we used to see eachother once a week or every 2 weeks, and he is an introvert and SO shy about his feelings, he only once told me he liked me and that he wouldnt want me to date anyone else, but a month ago i asked him if we were friends with benefits or if he could tell me what he thought about us or something because i felt that seeing each other twice a month was not enough, and he told me we were not FWB, and that he enjoyed our meetings and he didnt think about wether he wanted a relationship or not and stuff like that. a few days later (we used to text almost everyday) he texted me to ask me how was i and i replied and that was it. He hasnt contacted me ever since (3 weeks ago) he stopped liking my posts but he sees all my stories, i dont really know if he misses me or what. I’ve been doing NC this last 3 weeks, do you have any suggestions? thank you very much 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 9, 2019 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Southgal, so as he is shy and and introvert I would not post any jealousy photos as it may push him back slightly but follow the rest of the program all the same

  3. Avatar

    Ken

    June 15, 2019 at 10:31 am

    I’m an introvert (a Dude) I stumbled across this page out of curiosity and I must say, I’m starting to suspect my Ex must’ve read this blog or at least something similar, because a couple of things she does seem to be related and I must say… It’s working on me, I feel like I miss her. (She’s an extreme Extrovert btw)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 15, 2019 at 10:51 pm

      I hear ya. Maybe you can get up to speed on my Program and beat her to the punch.

  4. Avatar

    Shannon

    December 13, 2018 at 7:29 am

    Hi Chris!

    My introvert (that tries to be more extroverted) boyfriend of a month and a half broke up with me exactly a week ago for a very “Billy”- like situation. Everything was going well: I’d met his whole family a few weeks before, he was planning on meeting mine in January, we were making plans for city trips, etc. That weekend prior to the break up, he’d taken me on a weekend party trip with his friends and their dates/girlfriends. That Friday night, we were sitting outside alone and he made a comment about how we “rushed into the relationship.” Later, he wanted to go to bed before the party started, to which I obliged, but the music was so loud we tried finding a quiet spot eventually but couldn’t. I’m an extrovert, and originally had wanted to join the party, so I asked him if he just wanted to join since we couldn’t sleep anyways, but he said no. I said nothing to indicate being annoyed (as he hyped this up as a huge party weekend and I was looking forward to it) but he kept apologizing to me for “being boring” even though I told him not to apologize and I understood wanting to sleep.The next day, we went hiking and took a nap instead of drinking with his friends during the day, as we were going to party that night anyway. I was 100% happy with this. When the party came around that night, a few things happened. I won all of the party games against him and his friends (which his friends made fun of him for in a good nature way but my bf didn’t seem happy about it), some of his friends were trying to flirt with me (which he also didn’t seem happy about), and when my bf made an insensitive joke, his friend called him out for it. I made the embarassment worse by telling him not to say things like that, despite saying it in a nice way (I was trying to help but made it worse). All of these little things caused our break up a few days later, even though he says it’s because we had “no connection” (which I know is a lie). I have not contacted him at all, have posted pictures of myself looking good and doing fun things, and posted postive/celebratory quotes and updates about myself since the break up. What should I do to get him back? Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 14, 2018 at 12:56 am

      Hi Shannon! Give it some time…..a brief non contact and later see what his attitude on love and connection. PIck up my eBook (Pro) so you are up to speed ont how all of the breakup stuff works and how you can improve your chances.

  5. Avatar

    Joey

    September 23, 2018 at 10:26 am

    Hi Chris!
    I was just trying to search on google to see if there’s info about different approaches towards introverted/extroverted exes and I found this article by you!
    My ex boyfriend and I are both introverts. But we both chanllenge ourselves to be more social.
    You are so right about “the worst case scenario”! It’s also part of the reason he broke up with me: He said he was considering marriage and having a family with me but WHAT IF it happens again that his feelings for me fades (we know that it’s a fact there’re ups and downs, ins and outs in a relationship if you look at the whole picture) and then we break up. It would be the worst thing to happen (to the kid. His parents divorced when he was young.)

    I tried to convince him that his worry is so unecessary, as long as we learn how to handle the crisis together, by logic. And of course it didn’t work……

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 23, 2018 at 4:20 pm

      Hi Joey!

      I agree with you. When emotions run loose, logic runs slow. If you need further assistance, just dive into the materials I have on the site. The home page is a good guide.

  6. Avatar

    Blueberry

    August 29, 2018 at 10:51 am

    An Introvert broke up with me. So I’ve asked him after on emoneth of NC to get my stuff back from him. He said it’s ok. S we set up the meeting but he never show up. So we set another meeting and he did it again. So a texted him that maybe he prefers to send me my stuff by mail?! And he never repllied on that message. Why is that?
    Can I still get him back? Why he doesn’t want to give my stuff back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2018 at 3:10 am

      Hi Blueberry….so certainly that was bad from of him not showing…twice. Are you sure you want to invest any more time and energy into this relationship. Maybe best to return to NC and focus on your own healing and doing things for “you”. I have a lots of info on site about your recovery from disappointment.

  7. Avatar

    Amy

    August 29, 2018 at 9:58 am

    I dated my introvert ex who only shows interest if he think/ knows I’m dating another man. He otherwise withdraws. Also, he’s not much of a texter, however, when he knows I’m dating he all of the sudden has a lot to text. He’s just starting to show signs of attraction all because I’m dating.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2018 at 3:15 am

      So maybe you just ask him on a date. See what he says. If he declines, then roll into NC and continue your dating.

  8. Avatar

    Jenifer

    April 11, 2018 at 3:45 pm

    My ex and I were together for like 11 months. He was nice and caring. But recently I started feeling that he didn’t want to talk to me as much. Like he was getting distant. He is super introvert but he felt himself around me. Long story short, I was nagging him for a while week and he got frustrated and said it’s over. We broke up 18 days ago.He initially blocked me from everywhere like Facebook and stuff. The very same day he sent me a bye post on what’s app. I called him and then we cried and talked. I called him 3 times in the past 18 days off our break up. He was very depressed and said about cutting himself. I got really scared and called him to check on him. He was fine but the next day he sent me a text saying that why don’t I hate him. And that why do I still care. I just feel I’m forcing myself allot on him. Maybe he does want me to hate him. Or maybe he just wants to cut things with me and want me to hate him. I decided to do NC and not answer his question of why I still care. Do you think it’s right to do it. I mean I was taking care of him and being worried. Does he really want me to hate him. Would the NC work in this situation

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 11:09 pm

      Jennifer, it sounds like he is going through a lot of emotions. If you feel he is behaving erratically and is saying things again about hurting himself, encourage him to get help. If it’s his way of seeing attention and working through his feelings, then maybe a little space might help him, particularly if he realizes you want him to heal his hurts and you too.

    2. Avatar

      Jenifer

      April 11, 2018 at 11:43 pm

      So should I do NC on him? If so how many days? I still haven’t replied to him. It’s been a day

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 3:09 am

      21 days works for a lot of people. I really depends. If communication is negative and breaking down, then Yes, no contact is appropriate. If his reply is negative, then yes, NC is best. If he has a history of positive texts and communications, then perhaps not. I spell it all out in my ebook, The No Contact Rulebook!

    4. Avatar

      Jenifer

      April 12, 2018 at 3:18 am

      Whenever we talked it was positive and then he just being depressing about how worse his life is. He doesn’t hang up or soaks rudely to me. Always answers call. But because he is depressed, should I leave him alone for some days?

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 5:20 pm

      Yes, I think so. It will make him value you more. Is he aware he is acting in a depressed manner. Maybe he should focus on getting some self help.

    6. Avatar

      Jenifer

      April 19, 2018 at 10:08 pm

      I asked him to get some help but he didn’t reply. Just 4 days ago he messaged me saying that I have hurt him and that he will scar himself. I called and messaged him but he texted me saying that I should forget about him and that there is no point of worrying for him. I have talked to him since. Do you think I should really let him go?

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 19, 2018 at 10:41 pm

      Hi there again Jenifer! Obviously, you know the situation better than I. Allow some time to elapse which will help you with your own thoughts and hopefully help with him toning down his emotions. Just give him the space he has requested for now. Remind me, have you implemented NC? And are you working with one of my Companion Guides (ebooks) that help guide you through the process?

    8. Avatar

      Jenifer

      April 19, 2018 at 10:47 pm

      At this point I don’t know if its NC. He just asked me to forget him and I never replied. It’s been 4 days I haven’t texted or called him.
      I don’t know if he is looking for attention and care or really wants me to go. And no I have worked with the companion guides

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 19, 2018 at 11:11 pm

      I hear ya Jenifer. Feel free to take a look at some of the resources here on the site in the event this situation gets more complicated. These things sometimes turn out to be more involved. Hopefully he just needs some alone downtime and will surface on his own and reach out to you.

    10. Avatar

      Jenifer

      April 20, 2018 at 2:45 am

      Do you suggest I check on him in a week?

    11. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 4:00 am

      Hi again Jenifer…yes, I think in one week, drop him a little line

    12. Avatar

      Jenifer

      April 20, 2018 at 4:04 am

      Chris, your awesome.!!! I will do it next Thursday

    13. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 4:13 am

      Thank you for your kind words Jenifer. If you need more help, just drop by and if you need much more in depth and directed help or support, just go visit my website Menu/Products Page. Lots of good stuff there!

    14. Avatar

      Jenifer

      April 20, 2018 at 4:20 am

      I would need help if I’m blocked from his phone. Then I won’t know what to do. And can you please send me the link to the companion you were talking about

    15. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 4:23 pm

      Jenifer…certainly being blocked slows things down, but my experience is that “blocking” is a a decision usually made out of emotion and is often not permanent. As far as any of my Companion Guides, just click on my website “Menu” link and then click on “Products” and you will find an array of ebooks and services.

    16. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 4:00 am

      Hi again Jenifer…yes, I think in one week, drop him a little line

  9. Avatar

    kxk

    March 20, 2018 at 11:44 pm

    Hi. Fisrt of all – sorry for my broken English! But I want to share my history with introverted ex boyfriend with you.
    So he broke up with me 4 weeks ago, probably cause of lots of fights recently and I feel that didn’t give him enough space.
    I did this big mistake and 4 days after break up called and beg him… He said he probably doesn’t love me anymore and I started to cry… he also started to cry.
    I’m in 15 day of NC but see him every day at college. After break up we are avoiding each other, neither of us say at least “hi”. It may be childish, but I’m afraid to do it but the other hand I worry it deter him from me. Lots of love coach say that woman has to playing hard to make his boyfriend back… except introverted I guess? Should I smile to him and be nice? Does my chances to get him back went down because of avoiding him? No contact should be 30 days or longer with introverted people? I worry he won’t initiate contact with me during and after NC…

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2018 at 10:41 am

      HI KXk,

      it’s ok to ignore him during nc but the more important thing is if you’re actively improving yourself?

  10. Avatar

    Beth

    February 26, 2018 at 8:00 pm

    Wait a minute – I’ve read the posts about using jealousy tactics on social media like posting pictures of you standing next to, or close to, other men. And now I read the introvert/extrovert post about if your man is an introvert, do NOT post any pictures of you with men on your timeline. WTF? My ex is an introvert, and was VERY jealous. So do I post friendly casual pictures of me hanging with guys, or no?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 2:36 pm

      Hi Beth,

      You can do that with a group photo.. That way he doesn’t think you’re dating but he can the possibility if he doesn’t act right away.

  11. Avatar

    Agnes Soriano

    January 10, 2018 at 9:53 am

    Can i send snapchat streaks to my ex just to keep the streaks going? But i only plan to send a blank one and not make a conversation just for the sake of the streak. HAHA We decided to be friends but I’m trying the no contact rule on my introverted ex.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 5:51 pm

      Hi Agnes,

      nope.. you have to stop that too.. and it would be better that you social media posts are the ones that don’t disappear unless you remove them.

  12. Avatar

    S

    December 26, 2017 at 12:18 am

    My ex and I broke up a week ago, after 1.5 years being together. He wanted to give up abt 8 weeks ago, but being in a long distance I asked if we should do a last try (we’ve been flying between Europe and Australia to see each other) So I flew to shorten the distance in hope that it would make a difference.

    But he seems to have made his mind. I think the problem was he’s been bottling up most of the issues so when I arrived in Europe hes just sooo angry at rverything. Mainly was this guy I used to date. Because for a few months when we first started, this guy keep pestering me. And sometimes I have to reply him (previous guy) as when I ignore his useless messages he will ask something serious that needed a reply – we are part of a community. I guess I thought being transparent was going to help Us. But I guess he (my ex) was insecure and he felt unimportant but he didnt really tell me.

    So by time I found out, he had burst. It went downhill a month before I flew to Europe. He kept bursting and I couldnt understand and it makes the distance harder. And now I found out that the medication I took gave me a side effect of feeling low so I didnt handle it well. I became needy and more clingy as I feel he was detaching – usually I handled it better when we are far. I only realised it was the medication after I was in Europe and i finished the prescription.

    When I was there, he was angry all the time, and he kept saying he cant trust me and he cant forgive me and he dont want to do this anymore. And regarding the guy I previously was dating before Him in anger he said he rather forgive me if i cheated (which my sister thinks hes being ridiculous and not make sense). That this relationship is eating him and he feels like he cant do it anymore. But it wasnt all bad, we have so much good memories too, a few firsts. We still do things we both enjoy. We basically do everything together and I could see he really love me still but something is holding him back. I guess like the article said about the wall. And he didnt want to be intimate. He hugs me but thats abt it. There are days while I was there that I slipped and loose my cool and will question why doesnt he care but i guess over the weeks I understand and deal better

    But towards the end I was focusing on how to say goodbye and not doing things ill regret. I gave him xmas presents – it wasnt a splurge, more of things we cherished. And he cried, so much. He asked me to stay with family after Europe so I wont be alone during the holidays, he asked me to do it for him. And the last few days before my flight he cried so much, WE cried so much. He proposed that maybe when I fly that day shouldnt be the last we see of each other, and perhaps we can arrange to meet a year + later – at first i detest of the idea, because a lot could happen in a year. But by time i was at the airport i felt like i want it too. But he seems to have lessen the time frame to a year or less. He said he still want to talk to me but he needed a few weeks for some space but theres an exception of special holidays. He said he still love me although we are ending. I left with us saying ’till we see each other next time’ in hugs and tears

    I did NC for 7 days and reflect back on my 7 weeks. In some ways this breakup w him is different. Im more collected. I cry, but not so much. Because idk why but maybe coz i understand (?). And knowing he loves me still and although he choose this he’s hurting too.

    I felt like I promised him we will exchange wishes and to be a better person I cant back out – or ill be a hypocrite and how is that making myself a better person?. I wished him a simple text hoping hes having a great time with his family and that i was thinking of him. His reply was short. ”Thank you. Merry Christmas”

    And he replied very quickly which was unexpected and for some reason all of the feeling ok during NC, I felt bad with the reply. I didnt continue the conversation. I didnt want him to feel suffocated, and i wanted to respect him asking me for some time.

    But since xmas eve ive been feeling so sad and i couldnt help crying.

    I keep wishing theres a way to fix this with perseverence and patience. And i guess im scared that altho im working on myself he might just give up, or even if he manage to sort out his feelings, we have a huuge distance between us.

    What can I do? As you guessed he is an introvert, and i am scared that he’ll never open up and just be ok with life without me

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2017 at 10:02 pm

      Working on yourself is for yourself..Its not for somebody else to change their mind.. That’s why we need to have standards because we can’t control other people..either we let them stay in our life because they fit our standards or we walk away from them if they dont

  13. Avatar

    synthonaplinth

    October 10, 2017 at 2:14 am

    That’s kind of blanket generalization of introverts, isn’t it? There are introverts who DO like socializing, it’s just that our brains process information differently than extroverts. While being around people energizes extroverts, constant socialization drains introverts and we need time to ‘recharge our batteries’.

  14. Avatar

    Alexis David

    April 21, 2017 at 2:06 pm

    Wow, this article pretty much sums up everything and i can so relate to this! So glad i found this! So my ex broke up with me march 30 (officially). I broke up with him mid feb, but not a serious break up if that makes sense. I said we’ll try again in april. We would still talk and we still had each others things. I got frustrated when he wouldn’t do certain things, that’s y i “broke up”. Anyway, late march we seemed a bit more distant and i snapped at him one time. He came to my place the next day and told me i got him upset when i snapped at him. He said this is wot set him off to break up for real. I had a feeling he was already talking to someome. He started plenty of fish after “i broke up” with him. I know i had something to do with the break up, even it hurts like hell. We were together for 4. 5 yrs (should have been 5 on sept. 1). It was a happy relationship, we had a lot in common, and we were very comfortable with each other. We were always ourselves and always did silly goofy things. We had a lot of fun, our ups and downs were only when i would ask if he csn just make a lil effort. He does sometimes, but i guess that’s how he is. That or he didn’t love me enough. I am hoping it s the former.

    His friends say, he is in his early 30s and he is at his peak. He wants to date around, i guess especially he has only had 2 gfs. First one was a bad relationship that lasted 1.5 she left him cos she got bored. He cried when this happened, I was a lil upset that he didnt cry when he broke up with me. Especially that i treated him so well compared to his first gf, and we had a lot of fun together.

    I wish i read this during my break up before he made it official. We returned our things. I am doing no contact for now, 2 weeks so far. Longest i haven’t talked to him. I usually crack first and msg. Not this time. Going gbto see him at his friends wedding on may 13, that’s when i plan to talk to him. It s actually his bday todsy but i greeted him in advance when we last talked. When i told him i couldn’t be friends right then as the wound was too fresh and i needed to repair myself.

    I am trying to keep myself busy, doing different activities and improving myself. I know if we get another chance i will be more careful. And i know we would have to startover.

    When i see him i plan to be nice, thank him for the good times. But wont mention about the break up or ask for explanation. This article really helped me understand him a bit more.

    Do you suggest anything i say/do or not when i see him? I was thinking maybe if he dates other girls maybe he will understand why or how i am.
    If we get another chance, i know it shouldn’t be next month, probably best in few months so we have time to be apart and time to grow.

    Sorry this is really long.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2017 at 4:49 pm

      Just be casual and cool with him and look your best

  15. Avatar

    Christina

    March 15, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    This article was super helpful! My ex is definitely an introvert and the situation you described about “Billy” is so true! I’m pretty sure that’s why my ex broke up with me. He’s been cheated on several times in the past and was dumped by his last long-term girlfriend. Things were going so great; we both said that our relationship and our connection was different than anything we’ve ever had before. But as soon as we had our first real argument (he hurt my feelings and I left his apartment) he threw in the towel and didn’t even want to try to work it out. He didn’t actually give me a reason for the breakup, but from what I’ve read on your site, I think he thought history was about to repeat itself and I was going to leave him. So he ended things in order to protect himself from getting hurt.

    So my question is, when you’re dealing with someone who is very afraid of getting hurt and decides to end an otherwise great relationship to protect himself, do the same rules apply as far as the no-contact period? Does he need more time than other guys would? I understand I will have to prolong the texting period once it starts, but I’m having trouble figuring out if it’s time to initiate contact. I’m at the end of 45 days of no-contact and know I should probably text him soon, but I don’t want to scare him away if it’s too soon.

    Also, I didn’t hear from him at all during no-contact, but he has recently been “liking” a couple of my posts on Facebook. The last thing he said to me was “I’m happy to have you in my life, but right now I can’t see that progressing beyond friendship – and I am unable to provide any insight as to when that might change.” Do you think that means he’s only “liking” my stuff to be friendly? I’m worried I might not have a shot at getting him back if he really just wants to be friends.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 4:28 pm

      Hi Christina,

      it will take a longer time to build rapport with introverts.. If he’s being friendly that’s good, it means you have a chance of building rapport

  16. Avatar

    Allison

    March 4, 2017 at 6:51 am

    How do introvert men break up with you? If I wait a month no contact rule and he still will not text me does it mean it’s over? Thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2017 at 5:55 pm

      Hi Allison,

      there’s no set “how” on how they break up. But why did you and your ex broke up?

  17. Avatar

    Lou

    January 13, 2017 at 8:38 pm

    Hi,

    My ex bf is an introvert, I am an extrovert.
    Just over 3mths ago we broke up as I called him on what I felt was him pushing me away, he probably has commitment issues as his ex wife of 13yrs left him for another women.
    When we first got together (were together for 20mths) he talked about us all living together (he has 2 children as do I) and then 3-6mths later he had not mentioned it again, when questioned he told me his eldest was anxious so we need to put a hold on it for fear of her living with her mum over him. That was fine, but then he invited me and mine away with him and his for a holiday last summer, he then stopped mentioning it and when I asked he said he had changed his mind as he felt the age gap between his older kids and mine (7ys approx) was too much even though they would go for 2 weeks and we would only join them for a week.
    After that, I asked him again about us ever living together, he said now that if it was just me then yes we would but he didn’t want to commit to living with me and my kids now and not sure when if he ever would.
    I started to feel like he was pushing me away, so called him on it, asked him to talk and he didn’t want to keep going over the same things. So he said we should call it a day.
    I left him alone for an entire month, thinking that the man I know who overthinks everything would be thinking, then found out he was seeing someone so I went into meltdown and as an extrovert we can imaging how many texts I sent, visits I made, he spoke to me on the phone and replied to texts until I asked if we could meet. Then he would go silent and I would go into over drive.
    I settled and then heard he had broken things off with her so I started to message him again but this time I was asking him to block me from contacting him as I was going to make him hate me with my constant messaging and asking to talk. It took him 3 times of me asking before he blocked me. But he did say he would meet me but only as a friend before I got him to block me.
    So now I’m day 1 of NC and not sure how long to leave it and if I’ve already blown it?!?
    L xx

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2017 at 3:04 pm

      Hi Lou,

      you said you left him alone for an entire month, how much did you improve and how active were you in posting?

  18. Avatar

    Sara

    December 14, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    Hey! I appreciated this post because I’ve been thinking of prolonging my texting portion of the tide theory process because I feel that I need more time with my ex to get to know each other again and build rapport (he’s an introvert). This post answered my thoughts exactly! We have been broken up since January 2015, but have talked on and off since. in the past five months or so we haven’t been talking at all until a few days ago.

    So far the texting process is going great, I am on day 4. I have kind of gone off the guidelines for how many texts I should send a day and I am hoping that does not screw things up because he is replying to everything.

    I am struggling with how to make our conversations more flirty because right now we are just talking and being friends. I don’t mind these conversations at all I just worry they will never become something more.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 10:05 am

      Hi Sara,

      add humor and be cheeky..humor is like flirting toi

  19. Avatar

    Joey

    October 18, 2016 at 7:21 am

    My ex was both introvert and extrovert. Introvert with me and extrovert with his friends, actually he has a problem with commitment, since he heard it from his ex. We met in unexpected situation and I guess things just went too fast. He was really nice to me, cared a lot and told me everything about his family. We went on a vacation on sept. and after we came back he was so busy and haven’t seen for a month (he is in army, one hour away from my place and just got promoted right after we came back from our vacation, he cant sign me on the post that’s why he had to come to my place). He was working at the past 4 weeks, included weekend, and we couldn’t meet each other. I was trying to ask him out for few weeks and was about to give up because he always said he had to work. Finally, last week when he had time and I asked if he wanted to come to a festival near my place with me, he said that he was about to go somewhere with his friend and tell me to hang out with my friends either. I went out with my friends that night and suddenly saw him walking with another girl and his friend. I was so shock, said hey and walked away, he didn’t try to catch me. I went home and texted him all the things that’s gone through my mind in past month, and I wanted to stop. The next morning he texted me back and said he was so sorry but didn’t explain that situation, said that he was under pressure of making everybody happy and ask me to forgive him, he is not able to give me a relationship that I deserved. I had no idea if he met that girl before or he just met her that night while being his friend’s wingman. I texted back to tell him that we should stop talking and I will send him all the gift that I bought for him from my trip that I couldn’t give him since he was so busy. He begged me not to cut him out of my life, that he did cared about that. When I asked him so what we are now and he said whatever I want. I don’t know what to do, I told him to give me time to think about that because my mind wasn’t clear enough to say anything. Actually he was the first one I wanted to try to make things work, I have trouble with commitment too because I was hurt from my family and don’t believe in guy. Please tell me what to do.

    1. Avatar

      Joey

      October 24, 2016 at 5:03 am

      Thank you Amor for your reply all the time. I will try NC rule at least a month. And one more point is I told him before not to ask me anything when I’m mad. Will it stop him from contacting me in NC period? (if he try)

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 25, 2016 at 8:01 pm

      yeah, he might not try to contact you if he thinks you’re angry but that’s ok.. what’s more important is that you start to heal and improve during nc and continue to do so even after nc.. You can initiate contact after nc..

    3. Avatar

      Joey

      October 20, 2016 at 2:36 am

      Because of my nationality, it is impossible to sign me up. And I’m doing NC now, gonna go on a trip with my friend in the next 2 weeks to get rid of stress.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 21, 2016 at 8:47 pm

      Ah ok.. That’s good.. I think you need to do at least 45 days

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 19, 2016 at 9:17 pm

      Hi Joey,

      why cant he sign you up to visit him in camp? Honestly, he’s being shady.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  20. Avatar

    Sad Wife

    June 16, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    My husband is a combination of both so I am not sure which strategy to use. With his friends he is extroverted, with me and his family he is introverted. Help!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 12:57 pm

      Hi Sad wife,

      you will di a limited contact.. that means you can speak about important matters and the kidsand you remain civil but don’t initiate a relationship or feelings talk and you focus on improving yourself, going out more with friends and the kids and having a new routine

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