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129 thoughts on “How to Make Your Ex Miss You Without Talking To Him”

  1. Avatar

    M

    March 14, 2018 at 1:27 am

    Hi Amor! Thank you so much for responding! yes, we were not officially back together but acting like a couple (he wanted to be but I was just too scared). I was staying at his place though a lot and we even spent New Year’s together. Do I start no contact over? I technically started almost a month ago but found out last week that him and the new girl started dating 2 weeks into my NC. Do I start NC over from then? I just didn’t want him thinking i contacted him just because I found out about the new relationship.

    btw is it awkward he still has one of my items in his house? Do I ask for it back?

  2. Avatar

    Abigail

    March 12, 2018 at 5:26 am

    why isnt my post showing up?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2018 at 5:31 pm

      Hi Abigail,

      If he has a habit of ghosting you, that means he’s the one who’s not vulnerable because he runs away from problems instead of dealing with them..is he the one that told you that you’re not vulnerable? If yes, it looks like he’s insecure amd somehow convinced you that being strong is the problem..but when the truth is, he’s the one who needs to work on dealing with problems.

  3. Avatar

    Abigail

    March 12, 2018 at 3:50 am

    I was best, BEST friends with a guy I eventually began dating, and our relationship was great and though I loved him, can honestly say he was MADLY in love with me. It’s difficult in general for me to be vulnerable, so even as friends when he doesnt know how to handle things or drama, he tends to go AWOL to clear his head, and essentially practices his own NC rule though I theres no way he’s aware of it. Yet every time we would take a couple weeks and he would realize how much he missed me etc. After one of these ~3 week breaks we finally began “real dating” (not just hooking up as confused friends) and had a fantastic relationship of 8 months. Trips, spending every night together, etc and we were true partner in crimes and best friends. However, my inability to be vulnerable still continued though I truly thought I was. After a drunken fight one night he lost it and what I thought was to be a minor fight ended up becoming a full blown breakup (the day before valentines day). When we met up to discuss it became clear my inability to wear my heart on my sleeve was hurting as as I tend to be a confident, sarcastic, alpha female that wasn’t aware that I was hurting him by not being truly vulnerable all of this time. After two weeks of NC he sent me an email forwarding our valentines day tickets and as I took that as an attempt to contact me and test the waters, made the mistake of texting him. During those two weeks the NC rule really worked for me in turns of self awareness, as I was able to see his side. What I thought was innocent behavior made me realize hes right – I was inadvertently hurting him and needed to be more vulnerable in our relationship. I sent a casual text hello and said I would love to meet up as his words really made an impact on me and he realized a lot of mistakes I’d made, and received a cool reply essentially saying he wasn’t free for two weeks. A week later he ran into our mutual friend, and though she lives very, very out of the way insisted on walking her home and told her he still loved me, hes struggling, but needs time.

    Now it’s been another week (so 4 weeks since breakup, 2 since we texted, and 1 since he saw my friend) and his birthday happens to be on the day NC ends (unless I was supposed to start over after the text mishap. I know I am not to reach out despite being his birthday and he KNOWS from my texts I want to talk, plus I dont want to have my ending of NC text get lost in the millions of birthday texts he will get. Also, as we were BEST friends, is it really the right thing to not just send a simply “happy birthday” text because thats mean or still the right thing to do? I’m typically that girlfriend or friend that throws you a birthday, does a million thoughtful things for you etc, so feel doing nothing might make him think I’m a bitch (and not in my character.) I have trouble with my words, but am very much an action oriented person.

    But what do I do in general? Do I wait for him to reach out or do I send him a friendly text 1-2 days after his birthday and the NC rule is over? He is EXTREMELY stubborn and in the past I’ve had to reach out to initiate conversation (and then we make up) but this time feels more serious. Or do I wait for him to reach out to me?

  4. Avatar

    M

    March 11, 2018 at 5:38 am

    Hi Amor, thank you so much for responding!!! I really appreciate it!

    Yes, we had begun talking again and were having sex (though I was reluctant at first) but we were basically behaving like a couple that entire time even though we didn’t say we were. And he also made it clear to me that he only focuses on one person when he dates.

    You don’t believe no contact will push him and his new girl together? And if so, how long do you think I should do NC for? Should I start again? I had started 2-3 weeks ago. I’m just afraid the rebound could become serious. I just feel that she must be a rebound if two months ago he was telling me he loved me and asking where our relationship was going and how emotional he was 1 month ago when he gave me my things. What do you think? Is there hope?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2018 at 11:53 am

      She’s not a rebound because they started talking while you and him were still seeing each other..keeping in contact after he ended it with you will just make you look like chasing..it’s either you move on or do nc..if you weren’t active in improving yourself and in posting, extend to 45 days.

  5. Avatar

    M

    March 10, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    I’ve been very confused as to whether I should continue NC or try the “being there route”, PLEASE ADVISE!
    My ex and I were involved for 3 years and were very serious about a future together. (to the point that I had a diamond promise ring that he wanted me to wear on my ring finger every day) Also, at 30 years old, he’s only had 3 relationships including myself (now 4) and also is only intimate if he’s in a relationship. I left him last September because we were fighting too much (I didn’t know it all stemmed from his insecurity about our relationship and his depression). We started talking again in October and immediately became involved. We were intimate, we said we loved each other, but I pushed him away by continuing to say let’s not be exclusive because I was afraid things would go back to the way they were. To be honest, I thought that if he thought I was on the market he’d work even harder. It only pushed him away.

    When I finally told him I still loved him in December, he kept asking “so what now? what’s our next step” and I told him I was afraid in telling him I loved him everything would change. He took that as I still didn’t want to be exclusive, meanwhile in my mind (because I hadn’t been seeing anyone anyways) I meant it as we need to continue taking it slow but I also said I wouldn’t tell him I loved him if I didn’t see us being in a relationship again. I think that went through one ear and out the other because after that his wall went right back up. This is all December.

    We spent New Year’s together but we had a really stupid fight. That was his last straw. He blocked me afterwards and didn’t speak to me for a month despite my pleading with him, asking him to just speak to me even if it was to end it. During this month, he still had my things in his apartment, and wouldn’t reach out even to just end it or say he didn’t love me anymore (When I finally confronted him about this, asking why he didn’t just end it or give me my things he just kept saying he didn’t know, he didn’t want to be pulled into the cycle again)

    He met with me one month ago, finally ending it. Telling me there was a difference between loving someone and caring about them but wanting to remove yourself from the cycle. I told him I didn’t mean anything I had said, that I had always loved him. He said he had too. We both admitted we missed each other in the time we didn’t speak and that we would miss each other. He admitted that it was never a lack of love but very poor communication that led us to this. He said We both said things we didn’t mean out of fear. He cried and said it was a shame, said he’d unblock me and that we could be friends and “hangout one day”. We even had moments when it was like we were ourselves again. I asked if we could never make it work, and he said “I don’t know, not now”. He wished me well and gave me my things (although he still to this day has my shoes)
    Two weeks later it was his birthday, I wished him well and that was it. He thanked me. (Since then, I tried implementing NC). On social media though, he thanked a girl for making his day special with a pic of a cupcake in an apartment I knew was not his but the wallet I bought him for his college graduation was in the background. Two weeks after that, it was “facebook official” via her page that they are in a relationship.(one week ago). There is a picture of them on instagram but they aren’t even touching. To be honest it looks awkward. Apparently they have been “talking/dating” since January. He also told my friend that he feels “like a whole new person”.

    I don’t know what my next move should be. To move on, to hold out hope. I wonder if she is a rebound? But he takes relationships so seriously that it’s hard to believe. He’s always been very emotional and in tune with his feelings. But because he’s so emotional I can’t help but think that he didn’t give himself time to move on at all. All of this behavior is not like him. His girlfriend before me cheated on him after a four year relationship and he didn’t ask me out for five months and then didn’t get into a relationship with me until 9 months after his previous split. I don’t know what to believe anymore. And to be honest, I’m freaking out because I still love him. Please help.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 6:55 pm

      Hi M,

      When you talked again last October and were intimate, did you mean you were not officially bask together but you had sex? Right now, continue on nc and being active posting. The being there method is done after nc while continue your new daily routine that you started in nc.

  6. Avatar

    J

    March 10, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He is 27 I am 25. We dated for 3.5 years. He broke up with me out of the blue, a week after we went to Mexico (my birthday was also during that time). He had booked a fancy restaurant for dinner and spent $500 on a couples massage for us. We even had future plans set up. He invited me over his place for dinner and sat me down saying we had to talk about our relationship. He said he wanted to break up and asked me how I felt. I said this was the first we’ve talked about this, I am willing to work on our relationship, but he said he didn’t want to. He couldn’t give me a reason for breaking up, he kept saying “I don’t know” and that we are different people from when we met and that neither of us should change. He even said that he may regret breaking up with me and want me back. I told him I respect his decision, he hugged me, and then I left. I wasn’t emotional, I didn’t cry. I have gone no contact since then. A week after the breakup he texted me saying “ Hey- I’m sure this past week has felt weird and I’m certain you have mixed emotions about it. I wanted to reach out to see how you are doing, I understand if you don’t want to chat either “. I just replied that I was doing well, and haven’t spoken to or heard from him since. His best friend told my friend that he is worried about him because I grounded him and he is worried that my ex is going to party too much. I was planning on continuing no contact for a couple more weeks. But after that, what should I do? Do you think it’s possible that he will want me back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 13, 2018 at 5:03 pm

      Hi J,

      what do you mean that you grounded your x? And you also have to restart nc because you replied to him.. How active are you in improving yourself and in posting?

  7. Avatar

    Amy

    March 2, 2018 at 9:28 am

    Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up somewhat mutually about a month ago. The main reasons were he is extremely non-emotional and unexpressive, and I became insecure on a lot of his feelings towards me. It became a sort of cycle where his lack of expression would make me upset and insecure and in turn make him upset. Aside from those moments, we never fought much. I’m the first girl he’s ever said I love you to (and he’s had other girlfriends) and I’m literally the ONLY photo he has ever posted on his Instagram, even though he is on the app quite often (he also has not deleted that photo of us). The breakup ended really ambiguously, mostly with him saying he couldn’t put as much effort in the relationship right now and that he at least needed a step back, but somehow because we couldn’t come to resolve it it became an implied break up. A few days after he sent me a long message that made me more confused; parts of it said stuff like “I never went into that night with the intention of breaking up/Thinking about the future without you is scary/I still love you very much” but other parts said things like “I’m afraid I can’t be enough for you/for the time being I don’t think I can take care of myself and sometimes you as well”, although I did reply to this message, he didn’t reply again.
    Since then, I haven’t contacted him personally, although he still has me on all social media and we didn’t block each other from anything.
    He still watches my Snapchat stories and likes my newest Instagram posts, but of course has not reached out to me.
    It has been about 3 weeks since I last contacted him but I really want to know if I have a chance at getting him back or how much longer to continue no contact.
    My main fear is that he is not like other guys in that he is introverted, and that if he saw me moving on and being happy, even if he DID want to make things work, he wouldn’t want to hold me back if I look like I’ve moved on. I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m just scared of that. What to do??

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2018 at 5:27 pm

  8. Avatar

    Rebecca

    March 1, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    So me and my boyfriend..We broke up for good in November right after thanskgiving. even though when it happened in September it was apparently just a break to “step back”. I didn’t know that but he officially ended it the week I got back from Texas. We had a huge fight the day before I left to go to Texas. Well we’ve been broken up. And I’ve been devastated. Heartbroken. Then about a month ago he said he wants to just be friends. We had dinner once or twice and drinks and chilled. We went to publix and he drove around following me actin silly like “hey girl. What’s your name”. It was nice to just hang out. He kissed me. Well then we had lunch once or twice too.
    We had Christmas at his house when Christmas came around and it was nice.
    And then the end of the year was coming up. Well then I basically decided that I needed to start 2018 with a clear head and I had been writing this long letter and I read him what I wrote around 6pm on New Year’s Eve: So I know that things are different between us. And yes, I know why. I was wrong for so many things. And unfortunately I cannot undo the things I said and did. I would like another chance to give you the love you deserve.

    With that said, I want you to know that I want to go back to sharing the highs (and lows) of each other’s day. And the nights we spent together after long days–we shared our highs in each other’s arms, too, remember? Sleep came easy for me back then.

    Since you left, though, my nights are restless but uneventful. I find myself turning sideways in bed, throwing an arm over as I try to cuddle up to someone who’s no longer there. I don’t get to comfort you when you get home from a long,restless day at work.

    What all of this means, of course, is that I still love you. I took for granted what I had. I want us to share our dreams with each other, and share kisses when we have a rough day and I want to be able to be the one who makes things better for you. I definitely know that I need to listen more and choose my battles. All the things I got upset about were never worth it. Definitely not worth losing you just to be “right”.

    True love is not easily destroyed, I’ve found, even when the once-happy lovers separate in anger. It was anger, wasn’t it?

    We had our problems but most problems can be solved when those involved have had enough time to cool off and think about it. I don’t know about you, but it certainly doesn’t seem worth throwing away all the good things we’ve shared together.

    2017 wasn’t all bad but we definitely had our problems. But I remember the wonderful times that we shared, too. It’s more than just reminiscing about happy memories in the past; it’s a yearning to create more of them in the future. I think it’s no secret that I want to be able to call you mine again.

    And I guess you could say I’m asking if we can start fresh. Our old relationship is dead. I don’t want it back to be honest. I want to start over and have a chance of building something even better. I don’t want anyone else but you. (I hope you feel the same). And I respect you still need space. With that said, as we prepare to enter 2018, im simply asking for another first date and hopefully several more after that because I don’t want to lose the best man to have ever walked into my life.
    Are you opposed to starting fresh? New year, new us? I know that sounds cliche but like I’ve said before. I want us to be that power couple that beats all the obstacles that come our way. We beat all the odds It definitely hasn’t been easy but I believe it’s worth it. You’re worth it.

    ———-
    So basically he said he isn’t opposed to a first date but he doesn’t want me to misunderstand we’re in the direction of being friends.

    Well then he showed up at my house at 11:30pm New Year’s Eve. I was home alone. He was all like see we’re bringing in the new year together. We drove to the gas station to get some snacks. We did the countdown to the radio and he tried to kiss me. I turned my head and he grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips.
    We went back to my place. He cried and told me he’s in love with me and I was supposed to be the last after everything we have been through. That I was the first since his daughters mom. And I cried. I apologized. He stayed over. He kissed me and held me. Then he went home the next morning. Well, I kind of got distant bc he wants space & time. Well basically he reached out to me. He would text me “hey…goodnight buddy” and then one Thursday he called me and wanted to know if I had plans that weekend. He wanted to see if i wanted to go see the new insidious movie with him. I told him I had plans. He asked about Saturday or Sunday. I said sure. Then we talked and he said we just need time and he would always take me back. But we need time to ourselves. Well then I basically told him I understand and I asked him this through text: Okay so you want space/time clearly. But what for? If we can’t work through things together now, will we be able to later? He said in time we mature.I said: i respect that and i hope we find our way back to each other in time. but gonna keep building upwards. i hope to meet you on the way up and we finish building to the top together. And he replied with yea…we would have been a good power couple. (That doesn’t imply we will be…in the future ) and then I got frustrated and texted: you say you’d always take me back too. You want us to mature over time. but then you said we would of been a good power couple. I reply with we still could be and you dismiss what I say. i can’t make it any clearer what i want and I obviously want to fix things and be in your life.. you know where to find me when you realize you’re throwing away something real and it’s not everyday you find/experience a love as real as ours. He replied with okay Becca can you plz stop now. Well then I basically apologized for hurting him and not appreciating what I had when I had it. I said I hope he would one day forgive me. He replied that’s he’s already forgiven me. Then he said thanks for all I’ve done for him and Mya (his daughter). And I got super emotional and blew up his phone and I know it pushed him away more and he said goodnight and i didn’t really talk to him. In my gut, I just feel like I shouldn’t give up. But he clearly wants space and time but I’m scared I’ll never get him back. All because I didn’t appreciate what I had. And what we had was so real. And I don’t want to lose him but idk how to get him back and im just so devastated and I feel like I should just not contact him for awhile bc how can he miss me and realize what he’s missing out on if im around. I just want him back. Like I’ve been praying for him like I always do. He just seems confused..idk I’m just heartbroken girl. Idk if I lost him for good and i just feel so sad.. I just wanna give him his space but I also want him back.
    So then he texted me last Tuesday ” so idk if u want to wait @ ur house but if u got other plans then i just go home”. He waited an hour for me to get home just to see me. He hugged me and was like “give me a real hug”. I asked if he wanted to come inside bc I thought it would be rude if I didn’t since he waited for an hour. So we went inside and im wearing a jacket vest and he unzipped it to hug me again and had his arms around my waist. He said he missed me. He came in and hugged me like I said. we asked how each other have been. I asked about his daughter. School came up. He asked if I went and saw that movie insidious and I said no. You wanted to go see it but we both been busy. He was like maybe we can go see it tomorrow. Then I asked if he was ready for his birthday. I asked what was he doing. He said he was probably getting his daughter. I was like so that means you aren’t doing anything? No birthday lunch? (We always would treat the other person to lunch or dinner for their birthday). He said he’d let me know And THEN we got on the topic of us.. he asked but didn’t want me to answer why did things happen the way they did before I went to texas (we had a huge fight which I think I told you). he said he’s thinking positive. In time. Maybe. I said that’s a big maybe. So I got a little emotional and told him what I’ve told him before. That I can’t right my wrongs. I wish I could. I said I feel like you’re letting all the bad stuff and he cut me off and said I’m letting it cloud my judgement about getting back together? I said well..I just think you’re forgetting we had something real. And I was like I can’t do anything at this point. You’re happy in your own. He was like “don’t say that”. So then I basically told him he’s the only one keeping us from being together. He said if we take each other back I better be his wife and I laughed. He was like I’m not laughing. He said and you better have my babies. I told him he has to take me back bc he walked away and he knows I’d always take him back. I told him again he’s the only person keeping us from not being together that my cards are all on the table. I said but I’m done trying to ask to have you back and keep getting shut down. I’m not trying to sound desperate. He said you don’t sound desperate. It’s your love. And that was pretty much it and he left and said to have a good week.
    Well then I texted him this past Saturday asking if we could talk and he said he thinks we need to. So on Sunday we talked and he said he doesn’t feel that spark. That I don’t kiss him the way I used to. How am I supposed to have ever kissed him the way I used to when I kept having to remind myself we’re just friends. He asked if I hate him and I said no. I just want him to be happy. And he asked if I was still gonna go to the basketball game with him and I said yes but now I’m contemplating if i should kiss him the way I’ve wanted to this whole time and see if that changes anything. I just feel so then he texted me yesterday evening and said ” after yesterday i just want you to know. I don’t want you to be removed from my life that’s not my intentions”. I haven’t replied or talked to him. Idk what to do… in my gut and heart I just know he’s who I’m supposed to be with but it’s like what else can I do. And I’ve had a few people say that he’s gonna come back but idk that for sure and it hurts bc it’s never been just me and him. I’ve known his daughter since she was 2. She’s almost 7

    Well I took him to a hawks game feb 9th and it was really nice. He interlocked his arm in mine. Hugged me in the parking lot. We had dinner and he said that we could both do something about the situation we’re in. But we don’t have to label it and we can take our time as friends and see where it goes. We ended up kissing after dinner. He was like that’s how you’re supposed to kiss me. We made out like 3 times. When he got to his grandmas house where we met we made out in the rain. But I told someone and they apparently told him and he told me we needed to talk. He wants things between us private.. and he had to pull away bc i was kissing and telling. So then he said we are taking small steps. Well then my birthday was last Sunday. I just moved to a new place and he came over and saw it. He was subtle but gentle with touching my hand and leg and arm. We went to get food and he was like “babe turn left here” and we were laughing and it was like old times .
    So apparently my friend told me that she talked to him and asked him how we were and he said something along the lines of we’re good and we were together for a long time. It was a rollercoaster but he doesn’t want to put labels on it right now..

    So I called my ex this am. And I basically was like we’re still taking small steps and seeing what happens right. He was like I guess…idk. I thought we already talked about this. He had to go bc he had to clock in at 4. I texted him “never mind Vonte”. He replied y? What u He doesn’t know if he can meet to talk face to face. He doesn’t know about the movie anymore cause he doesn’t know what he’s doing later from me. I replied with I understand you had to clock in. It’s okay. He replied with you sure ? I replied to his “u sure” with “ I didn’t call to rehave that conversation about us about taking small steps and seeing where it goes btw” I asked if we are friends giving it time to see if we can actually have something better the second time around or just until someone better comes along?

    He said it could be both…whatever happens in time. I replied with “okay. “ He said: what making you think of all this. I replied with: bc march 5th is coming up and that was one of the best days of my life… and it’s been almost 3 months since we broke up. You don’t see that i think the world of you…
    he said: Oh…Becca I get u …I want you happy. I replied with: You don’t get it.. i think the world of you. You and Mya made me happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.. I didn’t know it was physically possible to feel so much love for two people. You both made my life 1,000,000 times better than before. I never wanted to imagine spending my life without you by My side..

    I don’t know what to do…
    He texts me good morning most mornings. He asks how I am. He was texting me two days ago in the am. And asked if I was off. Then he called me and asked how I was and if I worked. We chatted for about 10 minutes. He asked if I still needed help moving my stuff to my new place and I told him no I’d pretty much already got everything moved in. But he asked me the same question the day before too if I had everything moved in and I said yes so I thought that was weird. He asked if I had all my stuff set up in my room. He told me he hopes I have a great day.

    He then texted me about 5 minutes later “it was nice to hear you”.

    And he texted me some yesterday and today.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2018 at 1:17 pm

      Hi Rebecca,

      Stop chasing him.. It’s not helping you. Tell him being friends is not working for you, thank him for everything and then start at least 30 days nc.. Dont tell him that you’re doing nc..

  9. Avatar

    K

    February 22, 2018 at 2:04 am

    Is there any hope for getting a long distance ex boyfriend back if you only dated for a short period of time? We initially met in person in my hometown, and then had been talking regularly via text/snapchat for about two months. I visited him (he lives about five hours away), and we stayed together for three days, everything was great! He then came to visit me for a weekend a few weeks later, again, everything went well. This visit was the last one before he started his new job. We stayed in communication via skype/texting/snapchat after that visit, and when I asked him “what we were”, he said he wasn’t seeing anyone else, he was committed to me, and that he saw this potentially turning into something long-term. I stopped seeing other people at this point, as I told him I only wanted to see him as well (and long-distance isn’t something I usually do, I just really liked this guy). A few weeks later, I went to his place and stayed with him and his family for eight days, everything seemingly went well. I met his friends, his family seemed to like me a lot, he seemed to like me a lot, etc. We made things “boyfriend-girlfriend official” during this visit. We continued to skype throughout the weeks, and would text and snapchat throughout the day, although I did feel like communication was less frequent (because he was busy with work), and asked for a bit more when possible without being unreasonable. I am in graduate school and have 18 months left, but we were going to make it a point to see each other at least once a month if possible. Anyway, it seems like he got pretty overwhelmed with work and being uncertain of the future, so he ended it. He said he didn’t like me enough to do long distance, which really sucked, because I was putting in a lot of effort. I wonder if making it “official” scared him off, because we were really good together, and I had no idea he wasn’t as interested as I was. I wrote him a short letter about being disappointed that we wouldn’t get closure since we were long distance and about how I really liked him, then he apologized and I offered to stay “friends”. I haven’t contacted him since that day. He watches all of my social media stories and has snapchatted me, but I have not replied. I want to maintain no contact, but I am worried about losing him since the basis of our long-distance relationship isn’t as long as some of the other long-distance relationships I have read about. Can you offer any advice? I feel like I can’t implement some of these things since he is far away and I don’t really have a reason to go to his town in the future after no contact is over.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2018 at 11:54 am

      Hi K,

      It is a small chance because even if you don’t do nc, staying in contact would look like you’re chasing him because he clearly said he doesn’t like you enough.. That’s like being ok with somebody after they hurt you..

  10. Avatar

    Amanda

    February 8, 2018 at 12:07 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. I initially broke up with him, and then talked to him a few days later and he agreed with me. I didn’t really want to break up, just needed to give him a reality check. I freaked out and called him twice that night, but he stood his ground. We still love each other clearly, and he’s sad. But he thinks we shouldn’t be together right now. I definitely lost my identity in our relationship and am working on restoring myself. We are apart of the same friend group, and I have cried to just about every friend saying how much I miss him and just want it to work out. Is it too late to start sending a different message? I haven’t talked to him in over a week, but saw him briefly on accident, and he looked really sad. I want to start sending a different message to our friends because I’m worried they are relaying everything I’m saying to them.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 11:56 am

      Hi Amanda,

      Try the nc rule instead and if you are going to do it, stop telling friends you want him back. Use them to convey that you have accepted the situation now and is moving on.

  11. Avatar

    Jenna

    February 7, 2018 at 4:56 am

    Hey guys!
    I had to move to a new state for graduate school this past August (it was the only school I got into, so I didn’t have a choice & I was really upset about having to move so far away from my family & friends) & met my now-ex boyfriend right off the bat. He was a senior graduating in December & he basically showed me everything the town had to offer/was my only good friend for awhile (I have more now & I joined a club on campus so I promise I’m not wallowing alone in my room anymore) I felt much better about being in a new place because of him, & felt like I was sent there for a reason. I knew he was still kind of hung up on this girl who cheated on him 7 months prior to meeting me. They had dated for almost 3 years & sort of lived together since neither had lived on campus; it was obvious that she had really broken his heart, but when I asked if I was a rebound (which I did ask twice because I’m paranoid) he said he would never go back to her after what she did & that he’d hooked up with other girls in between so those random hook ups were the rebounds, not me. He asked me to be his girlfriend about one month in & then seemed to be really excited for me to meet his family. And I met his ENTIRE family (both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, freakin neighbors). He was always down to meet up in public, bought me stuff, he fixed my taillights, car radiator, & my broken car keys. He also made a lot of long term plans with me like spending a weekend together over summer vacation & talked about how I would have to visit him every weekend once he graduated & moved out of town. One day, 2 months into the relationship, we went to a pumpkin patch where one of his ex girlfriends friends saw us together. His ex contacted him via another friends phone number (her own number was blocked) & told him how much she still loved & missed him. He didn’t try to hide the texts from me & read all that she had sent. He seemed to really revel in the fact that she was clearly jealous, & I took pride in it, thinking that he was happy & proud of being with me instead of her. Afterwards, things got weird & kind of tense. She started showing up everywhere when we were out together, & when he saw her, he got snappy with me for little stupid things (one thing that bothered him was my driving & me not knowing the towns roads like um…obviously not I just moved there) & he started getting quieter & quieter. One night he got a job offer in another town about 40 minutes away, & on the same night he crashed his motorcycle that he had worked really hard to fix up over the summer. That weekend was crazy for me (being a grad student & all) so I didn’t get to talk or see him much. On that Sunday he invited me to his grandparents dinner to discuss if he should take the job or not. It was not as much money as he was hoping to make, but one of his cousins worked there & encouraged him to take it. I did too, since it was only 40 min away from campus & it was even on the way home for me. I thought it was the universe really falling into place. It was obvious, however, that he wasn’t thrilled about “settling” for this job. I told him that he didn’t have to take it, he could hold out for more, or he could take it just for now & move on to better things later, but his family ended up convincing him. He seemed in a worse mood after that, saying that he wasn’t making future career decisions based on me. I tried to make it clear that I understood, & that I wasn’t going to hold on to him if an amazing opportunity opened up where I couldn’t follow. However, the job he took was in a place that I could easily follow. That next week, I had 2 huge tests & couldn’t come to his place to hang out, even though he was texting about how much he missed me & wished I could be there. I finally came over for an hour on Wednesday & since his back still hurt from the motorcycle crash, I brought him hot chocolate. Everything seemed normal & we even started making out, when he abruptly stopped & started staring at the TV. I asked him what was wrong & he said he was wondering if we should be together. Now this week had been HELL for me: I was in a huge fight with my friends from home, my 16 year old cat was sick, I felt like I didn’t have any friends in my new program & I was super lonely, etc etc etc. I had told him all of this on top of my midterms that I was taking THE DAY AFTER. So understandably, I’m upset when he says this & when I calmly ask him what he meant he shrugged & said “I don’t know.” After trying some more to get him to elaborate, with him continuing to twiddle his thumbs, I calmly (I reiterate “calmly” because I didn’t yell, scream, cuss at him, or cry) left his apartment & said I had to go study. Later that same night, I called & told him I was sorry for leaving & asked if he wanted to talk the next day. He said that he did not want to break up, but that I had just shown him a “side he didn’t know about or like”. Now, again, I was the chilliest girl in the world when I left his apartment & I had literally nothing to apologize for. He agreed to meet up again after my tests. So the next night, I go back to his apartment where he’s in a shittier mood than the night before. And this sucks, because I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but I cried after asking him point blank if he wanted to break up with me & he AGAIN said “I don’t know”. But it wasn’t hysterical crying in any way & all I did after that was try to get to the root of the issue, because I literally DID NOT see this coming. For 4 hours (during which he told me he wasn’t over his ex who had cheated on him & that he had had a better connection with her than me – I responded that we hadn’t been dating for NEARLY as long & that it was dumb to compare a 3 month relationship to a 3 year one) he was wishy washy with me until he finally asked me to leave so he could think about what he wanted to do. I calmly left & then texted him later saying goodnight & that I hoped he felt better. The next morning, he texted to say he wanted to break up AFTER HE HAD SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO SAY IT TO MY FACE. Anyway, for 3 weeks we kind of back & forth texted & fought with each other. A few days after the break up I told him how much I missed him & didn’t understand what happened. I never begged for him back, all I asked him for was closure. He was very emotionally disconnected which broke my heart & made me extremely frustrated. I was in a very bad place & for 2 months would text him whenever I got drunk to tell him what a dick he was to me, none of which he ever responded to. Eventually I found myself in a better place over winter break & texted him saying sorry for all that I said & that I forgave him too & hoped he loved his new job. Again, never texted back & blocked me on Snapchat (nowhere else though which is odd). Now, I haven’t texted him for a little over a month & this guy has little to no social media presence, I never friended any of his relatives on Facebook, & I only met like 4 of his friends who are all graduated now. I stalked the ex who cheated on him & I see they never got back together. Like I mentioned before I’ve made new friends & have gone out & flirted with other men since this. I’ve focused on my studies, getting closer to God, & ya girl even got a boob job, but I can’t stop thinking about him, I really thought he was the one. Literallllly guys, what do I do???

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 6:13 pm

      Hi Jenna,

      That’s good that you did a lot of those, and physically improving yourself but what about activities that help you grow in terms of skills and relationship with other people? And if even you’re blocked in Snapchat, did you do the kind of posts that just stays in your account publicly like in FB or Instagram?

  12. Avatar

    Casey

    February 2, 2018 at 7:58 pm

    Hi Amor:
    We were not living together, but I live down the street. I realized I don’t want to do medical school anymore because I have been trying for so long and just never do it. I contacted my ex the other day and he said he appreciated me reaching out but said he doesnt think he is in a place to talk to me with a clear head right now and said he just doesn’t think he can go down that road again…he wished me well and said to give my dog a big hug for him. Do you think it’s completely over and I should move on or he just needs space?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2018 at 12:39 pm

      it would be better to assume that he has moved on or starting to.. You can still do nc process even if that’s the case.

  13. Avatar

    Juliet

    February 2, 2018 at 12:29 am

    Hi Rachel! Nu ex boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years! We had a relationship full of ups and downs but we really love each other. He broke up with me 1 month ago for 2 reasons.. first he said he needed to star thinking about his future and need to start making money (we had a long distance relationship for 10 months and we saw each other every month) and 2nd because he’s Jewish and I’m not, my last name is Arabic. He said that he loved me and that he is not happy with his decision but that the future between us is unclear because of the religion issue, I told him and can convert into a Jew but he said that is not possible because I’m an Arabic. I don’t know what triggered him to make that decision, but I’m willing to get him back. He hasn’t texted me and I know he hasn’t gotten over me yet because he told me, and that talking to me with be worst for the both of us. What can I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2018 at 12:03 pm

      Hi Juliet,

      how many times have you broken up and how many times have you done nc?

  14. Avatar

    Richa

    February 1, 2018 at 3:15 am

    Hi

    So to cut the long story short we broke up on a very bad note. And I was a crazy girlfriend who constantly bugged him called him and sent him unpleasant texts. He has blocked and I know he means it when he says he will never be with me. I have realized my mistake too late but I can assure you I have changed myself. It’s been almost a month since I last contacted him. I am happy in my friend circle but sometimes I spiral downwards. I know for a fact that I will not contact him ever again as I don’t want to trouble him anymore. Do I still have a chance to get him back ? The only positive I can take from all of this is that my next relationship whenever it would be will be different. And yes the changes that I have made in myself can be seen by my close friends and they are proud of me. M sacred. Please help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2018 at 11:32 am

      HI Richa,

      I’m confused. If you’re not going to contact him again, are you expecting him to initiate contact? If yes, there’s still a chance if he sees you have moved on and improved.

  15. Avatar

    Amy

    January 31, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    Hi Rachel and Chris. I was together with my boyfriend for 4 months. It started awesome and I felt I’ve finnally found the one. At the 3 month mark we started fighting over stupid things but it seemed to never stop. We broke up and got back together a day after, I asked him to give the relationship another chance but he told me he knew it was a bad idea and we will end up breaking up again soon. The days passed and I did my best to help our relationship but he wasn’t paying too much attention to me and I know that me asking him to come back together was a bad idea because he felt that he could do anything he wanted because I would stay there with him. The days passed and we fought again around stupid things and his way to end the fight was “I think we shouldn’t date anymore, we won’t ever get along. We are so different” somehow I always talked him out of that and kept being together. A few days passed and everything was good and we fought again and he broke up with me AGAIN. I chased him and the same day told him that the best thing to do was talk things after we were calm. Inmediatly I started no contact and it has been a week and a half. I haven’t contact him neighter he has contacted me. Please help me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 6:19 pm

  16. Avatar

    Melanie

    January 29, 2018 at 8:22 am

    Referring to my post just a few ago, we were together for 1 year, we know each other since 2008. We got to a point of wanting to get married and everything, just to give you some background.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 4:31 pm

      HI Melanie,

      Extend to a week more because nc needs to be intentional and you have to be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

  17. Avatar

    Melanie

    January 29, 2018 at 8:18 am

    I was in a long dist relationship. We were very serious about each other and very in love. He fell upon heavy work stress alongside us fighting. He called it quits, next day he changed it to a break, then he broke it off 1 mo later, saying he wants us but can’t stay with me while all of this stress is going on at once. I asked if this is the end and if he is thinking of dating others, he said when the stress goes down he will want to try us again first before anyone else. This final break up was towards end of Nov, saying he wants to keep talking. He messaged me initially 3 days after the break up and from there until early Jan, once-twice a week every week. Sometimes to have a good convo, others to tell me he missed me and feel im there..aka emotional crutch maybe?, then end the convo. We were having good convos up until New years, he responded immediately to my new years text but a little dry, yet still calling me babe. He touched base 1 week later asking me how I was, where Ive been etc (since I disappeared off fb 3 days which is unlike me). So I guess he was watching my activity. We went back and forth in convo, me slowly responding to it, at times leaving a day gap in between, just to be less available to him. At one point he suggested I add messenger on my phone, Im guessing as a means for him to be able to reach me more or maybe for more availability to him? Idk, thought it was weird for him to say. All in all he was the only one initiating contact from then until jan 10 or so, with me just twice, once for new years and another to tell him a quick story. Ever since I made up an excuse not to add messenger on my phone, telling him im slowly adding apps and it overwhelms me if there are too much etc..he seemed friendly but I think his ego took a hit? Idk. For me I was angry and wanted him to realize he cant just have me whenever, he needs to make up his mind. Because he keeps flirting with me, tells me he loves me and talks about possibilities in the future, compliments me, he even woke up in the middle of the night for our anniversary to spend time with me. He still sends me hearts and all of this stuff through end of the year that is. And I got tired of being told that he s needing a break before coming back …while he, what I feel like, is stringing me along and enjoying me when he can but not committing. Idk what to do. I acted friendly but cut the convo short when he last reached out and mentioned adding messenger in there etc. I feel like he suddenly got less invested end of year, then came back for that convo just mentioned and since Jan 10…its nearing 3 weeks of no initiating convo on his end and since I never went into no contact I decided this would be it…1 more week left. This behavior is unlike him. Is he beginning to move on? Testing to see if Im still interested because I didnt take his offer to add messenger? Bruised ego because I took my time responding to each of his texts then didnt take the offer? I can’t tell. I just dont understand the sudden shift. What do you think? Who would try to find a means to talk more then talk less, I cant think of any other ideas than those. Please give some insight.

  18. Avatar

    Alex

    January 28, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    Hey so he broke up with me after two months saying he felt sth was missing there was no spark but during the break up he tried to hug and kiss me. He also said he wanted to be friends and he doesn’t know what’s wrong all his friends are settled and I was the only one in the last year he made future plans with. He even considered going to therapy due to his divorced parents when we were breaking up but he was in a long term relationship before so maybe they were more compatible. We were righting after the break up which was on Monday and he was like how are you I am so sorry blah blah. I then did a mistake and told him to do me a favour and not reply to my messages for one month so I can get over him so I gave all the power to him…. he watches my insta stories but I stopped watching them now.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 1:10 am

      Hi Alex,

      That means if you’re doing nc, you have to extend to 45 days.

  19. Avatar

    Morgan

    January 28, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Last time I tried the no contact thing I didn’t properly read I just saw advice to not contact. So I didn’t message him for two days and he decided to meet up and get back together with me even though he’d just kicked me out of his house. He tempted me to move all my stuff back in but I didn’t want to rush into things. He wanted me to stay but I didn’t want to rush into things I stayed though as I thought he’d think I was being off if I didn’t and I liked that he wanted me around. It had been a week since he’d taken me back. We were driving back from a visit to my mums and the conversation shifted to “I can’t do this”. I couldn’t take it seriously. I broke down. That night I messaged him saying “goodbye” that I was going to hurt myself. He was with his friends. I could hear him joking in background with friends and he hung up the phone on me frustrated as he said there’s nothing he could do to help as I wouldn’t tell him where I was. We haven’t spoke for two weeks now. I don’t know what to do.
    I have anxiety and have a meeting in a week time to discuss my homelessness but I want him to come with me to support me as I don’t have anyone else. I don’t know whether to ask him as he did say he’d come with me when we were together but we’re not together and he wants to be friends but I don’t want to be friend zoned if I ask him for help/meet him. I don’t want to meet him before no contact finishes either but I don’t want to leave it too late as I think we’ve split up too many times now so he’s going to move on so I’m in dilemma.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 1:05 am

      HI Morgan,

      Where are you living now? Because frankly, asking for help for your living situation, is going to lessen your chances of getting him back.

  20. Avatar

    Belle

    January 28, 2018 at 9:56 am

    Hi!

    My boyfriend for 10 years broke up last November 2017. We were supposed to get married this February 2018 but he became unsure of the whole marriage and us as well. We got into a series of fights until he finally told me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He told me he wasn’t happy anymore and that he could not see a happy future with me. He then told me to cancel the wedding. I was so devastated that I begged him more than once to give me another chance and to try to fix things without breaking up. But he does not want to be with me anymore. We were still living together for a month after we broke up but he was so cold to me. But during the end we tried to be okay like be friends after the break up but it was do hard. He would still be romantic with me then later he would not talk to me or blame me for what is happening. I do not know why he hates me when I myself could not even blame him or hate him. I love him so much and I want to be with him. I want to start over again but he left last December. We still live in the same building but he is now with his friends. Before he left he asked me not to be engaged in any romatic relationship with anyone or have sex with anyone. He told me he would do the same until we have finally moved on. Sometimes we talk via email because we blocked each other from social media and even are numbers are blocked from each other’s phone. We have been in no contact period for 3 weeks now unless I have to remind him of his liabilities since we have some investments back home that he cannot ignore. Right now he is facing financial problems because he already paid for our wedding and he just transferred to a new flat and a lot is going on with him financially. I wanted to help but I do not want him to think I am using it as a way to get him back even though I want him back. He told me last time he is not ready to see me or even talk to me. I stopped emailing him except for the payments he has to make. But now I am just worried because I know how troubled he is. I want to help but he does not want me to help. I miss him and I want to be with him but at the same time I want to be okay and move on from all the pain.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 12:46 am

      Hi Belle,

      do you want to try the nc rule? You can do it while talking to him about the payments as long as it’s only about that.

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