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Sway2
January 26, 2016 at 2:50 am
I broke up with an ex about 3 weeks ago , deleted all social media and email and changed numbers. I guess they figured out i changed all my numbers and They sent an email asking me to call them it’s been about 6 day and I have not called or responded . Do I wait a month or should I text or call them now
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 26, 2016 at 11:47 am
Hi Sway2,
If you’re doing no contact, you have to message him only after it.
Jodie
January 24, 2016 at 10:26 pm
My ex and I broke up nearly 9 months ago and he got a new girlfriend about a month afterwards, I’m still not 100% over him and I still want him to miss me. We haven’t spoken in months, how do I get him to want me back? And am I a bad person for thinking this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2016 at 1:29 pm
Hi Jodie,
Of course you’re not bad. Maybe you can try to initiate contact since it’s been months after your last contact. Are you in the process of doing the steps above?
June
January 24, 2016 at 8:34 pm
Hi,
I fell in love with this guy years and years back. We both had other relationships at the time where we felt very much left alone and as we could only count on each other our friendship got stronger and stronger by the day. 3 years ago he left his relationship and close to two years ago I left mine. Ever since my breakup we got “all too close” from time to time. We work at the same company and at most parties and events we just ended up in each other’s company and ended the night in a kiss, but it was heavy on him – he is a friend of my ex-boyfriend. Well, we shared the same friend circle for a long time.
Last New Years we were with these friends, but ended up at his home together. We were there for the first time, all undressed and it was magical – but we ended up not having sex he said he could not, did not want to hurt me. In his head, he knew that what was between us is perfect, that -I am- perfect for him, he just had a thought in his mind ever since he left his ex, that he needed something, someone completely new. On that note, after lots of crying, we decided not to talk anymore beceause it would be too painful. A couple of months later, of course, we ended up talking again endlessly, as usual, at a good-bye party ended up in each other’s arms kissing the night away, but no major improvement happened. In May somehow we just ended communication. He started dating someone, I dated a few guys myself only to find none of them matches him.
in July, again, we met at a party, by then we hadn’t talked for 6 weeks. He came to me and told me how his life was meaningless without me and although he is dating somebody, she’s nothing like me. He said he missed me and days are plain crap.
We then started something like a relationship which turned out to be freinds with benefits for him. I went with the flow… hoping that if he saw how much he got from me he would be able to make up his mind and forget the “need for the new”. It went on for about six months, when I felt weary and all my ego crushed away. I did everything humanely possible. I cooked dinner, breakfast, held him, consoled him, tried to be a goddess in bed (even against my fears about my body) – and I think I succeeded. I wanted to be his true mate in every sense of the word. But somehow,by now I felt tired and drained. I felt he was not able to take it in, as if he was rejecting in part, everything I did for him. And of course he could not totally reciprocate.. He loved me about, everything about it, but is still not committed to me but the idea of this “magical new person fiction”.
I left him, said I wasn’t able to go on like this because in my head every relationship should be based on giving and receiving love and caring and without that – there is no point. I know he loves me to bits, but it feels as if he gave in to this idea of this fiction of new, as if he was subjugating everything to this one thought.
Can you help me? What can I do to turn the table finally? I still love him and I am afraid I will forever. But I need him to want me, not as a FWB. I know he thinks I will always be there for him, but I sometimes feel he has forgotten I may be lost, he has forgotten how worthy he had found me before – no woman has ever been good enough for him since he has kknown me, he compares everyone to me.
How can I make him realize that he is losing out on reality for a fictional wish? Is there any way?
Thanks so much,
June
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2016 at 12:58 pm
Hi June,
YOu need to stop being everything for him because no one is everything. That just means being fake and as to like what happened with you, you got tired of course. And also, like you said, he sees that you’re just there. Now, is the time to give your efforts for your own growth. I don’t get it that if you’re really the one for him, then why make things complicated by going out with other girls? Just for the sake of having someone new always?? But sometimes, it’s also about how we allow others to treat us. If you show him that you’re not going to stay if he’s not going to value you, then you will see if he really is worth all the effort.
Alabama
January 24, 2016 at 3:58 pm
Hey there, I am wondering if you could help me. Me and my ex boyfriend broke up on Halloween, we’ve been together for a year. We broke up two times throughout our relationship, first time it was because he caught me smoking tobacco when he asked me not to smoke and we’ve been broken up for 4 months. Then we got back together (his idea, no pressure from me whatsoever) and been together until Halloween. This time when we broke up, it was because he asked me not to smoke dope during weekdays and only on weekends and surprise surprise, he caught me smoking on Monday. We didn’t speak for 3 days, slept separately and eventually I told him that we need to break up, as I don’t feel happy. He told me the same, that we are wasting our time trying to make this work and there’s no point as “we can spend time with someone else who are better for us”. We been friends with benefits until 31st of December 2015, when there was a party and he started to hit on a girl in front of me, sitting on her lap and all that. Our FWB relationship was quite intense, we would spend days together, meeting almost every other day and not having sex every time we meet, sometimes just sleeping together. He would ask me if I have anyone else and his voice was very desperate when asking. After New years eve I was so angry with him, as we spent the day prior the party together, went to the city, I gave him a massage and then had sex, kinda a perfect day for both of us. And that man just betrayed me in front of me and my friends who didn’t know we are separated, by caressing and sitting on a another girls lap in the same room where I was. I was in shock, although I remained calm, cause I can’t do anything as we are separated. After that, I met him after a week, something on 6th of January 2016, to get my stuff that I left at his place. I was so angry when I saw him and he had this cheeky grin and asked me “are you angry?” I said no and as conversation went on I asked him how’s things with his new lady. He said it was nothing, they spent the night together and nothing happened, she left the other day. I deleted FB since then, he really posts a lot there. I’m in a good state now emotionally, I suppose it’s okay for him to have someone, I was just surprised that it happened so fast after we broke up. Every now and then I start to miss him, not madly but just things we shared, as during our whole relationship we lived together and it’s my first love and relationship, not for him though. I haven’t contacted him ever since our last meet up and don’t know anything what’s going on with his life, which is good. I have a feeling that he won’t reach out for me, as it would be too much for his ego to get back together for a second time.What do you think about this whole situation, and if he done that thing with the girl just to make me jealous? (which I doubt, but you’ll never know)
Thanks for your answer
Alabama
February 4, 2016 at 4:53 pm
Hello Amor, and thank you for reply. Just one last thing I want to ask you and I promise will stop bothering you hah, should I initiate contact now, as we haven’t spoke since this Monday, I mean there was no contact from both parties. I feel that I kinda should, but don’t want to come off as clingy. I’m being a real pest, but your replies really work for me. Thanks again!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 9:33 am
No, you’re not a pest! We’ll help as much as we can. Hmmm.. yeah I think it’s fine, it’s also the end of the week, so it’s kind of like normal to send messages since it’s the week’s downtime.
Alabama
February 3, 2016 at 2:01 pm
Hello Amor, thank you for your advice. So surprise surprise, my ex contacted me a week ago, asking how am I and all that. He asked to meet me at my workplace, as I was doing night shift so we couldn’t meet somewhere else. The meeting went good, unfortunately, there was my friend there and my ex seemed puzzled about him. Nevertheless, next day he asked if he could volunteer at my place, I said it’s fine. As I deleted my FB and wasn’t in any contact with him, he was very interested how my life is going and was eager to tell me how good he’s doing. Then we met the next day at his place, it was friendly and comfortable AND we didn’t hook up. Although, he asked if I would like to lay down and watch a movie, which I politely responded that “the armchair sounds just fine”, haha.
Anyways, he’s volunteering on Mondays, when I don’t work and this Monday he finished his shift and asked if he could come for a tea to my place. I agreed, we chat and then went to a park. It was lovely and again, nothing happened (regarding hooking up). We didn’t even talk about our relationship, just one thing I noticed, that he still calls his place where we used to live as “our place”. I do not text him, he initiates contact.
I want to ask you, is he’s being all friendly because he wants to be friends or should I wait for some signs that he’s becoming interested again in a romantic way?
Thanks for your answer in advance. : ))
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 4, 2016 at 11:36 am
Whoa, congrats! I think he’s trying to re establish connection and get back with you. Go on with the flow, you’re doing great. Just don’t rush. Don’t suddenly disappear, just hold back a little with some things. Actually, you’re doing great. š
Alabama
January 26, 2016 at 6:37 pm
Hey, thank you for reply! One thing, I stopped all this FWB after the party, which was on 31st of Dec. When we met the last time on 6th of Jan, and I came to his house, I could tell he didn’t want me to leave so early, so he was saying oh it’s too early to leave, but I told him that I feel strange around him and I left. He told me all the best, which he never uses. None of us reached out since 6th till now. So just looking at my situation, do you think he might reach out for me at some point? I don’t know if I would take him back, but a talk would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 27, 2016 at 11:26 am
so, the count starts since last 6th? Well , I don’t know for sure, but there is a chance. But I’d he doesn’t, then do the first contact text after NC
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2016 at 10:31 am
Hi Alabama,
You need to end being FWB, or you’ll end up being that in his life. It can be that he’s making you jealous but right now, you need to focus on yourself again. Because honestly, he’ll try to see if he can be your FWB again but this time you need to establish that you’re not like that. Raise your value not just for him but mostly for yourself
Hannah
January 24, 2016 at 3:56 pm
Hey, My boyfriend and I were going out for 2 and a half years, and we were always there for each other through thick and thin. Anyways a couple of months ago while I was out a guy forced himself on top of me and I couldn’t push him off. I didn’t tell my boyfriend at first cause I was scared and I had one of my friends in my ear rattling on why I shouldn’t tell him (I shouldn’t have listened….) Anyways I told him about a month after it happened and he was deeply upset at first, but we worked through it and we were really happy and planning a future together. About 2 weeks ago his best friend died and he was deeply upset and still is. But all of a sudden he came home one evening and said he wanted space. Not going to lie I didn’t react well….. I don’t know if it just the grief talking, cause we were actually really happy and he had given me no indication of wanting to break up? Anyways I reacted really badly, like calls and text cause I couldn’t do the space thing cause he never gave me a reason. I still really love him and am 2 days into the contact phase, but finding it seriously hard! Is there still a bit of hope we could get back together. I know he needs the space to sort of his head, he’s after losing his bestfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2016 at 10:26 am
I think it is grief. Give him a little space, I think a week of no contact is enough. Don’t leave him totally if it’s grief talking but don’t try to talk about your relationship because that’s probably just going to push him away.
Sway
January 22, 2016 at 7:10 am
Hello There,
I recently broke up with my boyfriend because I was jealous and thinking that he’s cheating on me. I met this guy in social media 8 months ago and we became lovers afterwards. the first time I got jealous was in July 2015 because he added another lady on his friendlist so I confronted him. it was settled. we both agreed to deactivate our accounts to avoid argument and to focus in our relationship. he always calls me in Skype whenever I am home from work everyday (we live in different parts of the world) and he’s the only one who does it everyday. then everyday became 3times a week until down to 1 per week. I didn’t confront him. I believe what he said. I trust him. then last Sunday I was curious on whats going on now with my account in that dating site. so I reactivated it. with my surprise, I saw him active. i can’t breathe at that time. I waited for him to explain. and of course he message me in Skype first and explained that he only reactivated it to help out his friend about his daughter being hooked to this foreign guy. i really find it hard to believe he’s reasons. but I we still go on and talked and seems like nothing happened. he said he will deactivate it again as his purpose there is done. well,he didn’t and so I decided to split up with him last Monday . he replied , and stated that he still loves me and he’s very sorry for everything that he hasn’t the bf I expected him to be and he will still talk to me andnje just needed couple of days. I miss him very much.I love him so much. however his account remains active up until now and been online every now and then.
I’m not contacting him. but I’m afraid he won’t come back to me. that is something I’m not ready to face yet. and its killing me softly everyday knowing that we will really part ways soon. hope you can help me with this,
thank you in advance
Sway
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 23, 2016 at 11:53 am
Hi Sway,
Actions speak louder than words. But actually, it’s hard to say if it’s really love between the relationship because you haven’t met in person. For now, focus on finding happiness apart from him, so you can rebuild yourself
Helen
January 21, 2016 at 6:09 am
My boyfriend and I had been together for a year. We never fought, though he cheated on me once early on and I forgave him. We had talked about marriage and he asked me to move in, then I brought my stuff over after a few weeks discussion. 3 days later he abruptly ended our relationship with no warning. He said he has no time in his life for a relationship, never loved me and it was all a lie (the last two he has taken back). I don’t understand this 360 degree change. He bought me beautiful jewelry for Christmas and had me spent Thanksgiving and this New Years with his family. It’s been 4 days since we broke up and I am giving him space as he has requested. Any idea how I can fix this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 10:07 am
Hi Helen,
I just want to get clear about the timeline. You moved in recently right? After new year? Are you still living together?
Julianna
January 21, 2016 at 4:42 am
Hi Team…
So, I have never ever written any comments as such in public spheres. But I’m out of option – and totally obvious, I’m heart broken.
So my boyfriend through 4 years broke up with me a few days ago. Noting drastic happened – he just had a pit in his stomach because the last two months have been a little roller coaster ride, emotion wise. I initiated a break in December because I needed some time and space to find myself and it had nothing to do with my love for him. He obviously lost a lot of trust towards me and it hit hard now after we moved back in together. I have never used the internet as much as I’m doing right now, to find out how he feels and what I should do. I am determined to get him back and I have not contacted him yet. Of course, my head spins with questions about everything but and I am not mad at him. In fact, by not contacting him, I’m trying to show him that I respect his choice. He knows I am sad because we spent a night crying our eye balls out before he left.
I’m dealign with a different dilemma here. So we also work together – and I have called in sick the last couple of days but the no-contact rule is kinda difficult to keep. I can’t ignore him at work because we are 3 people in the same department and spend time discussing stuff every day.
I know his sad but I have no idea whether the space and time will allow him to miss me or if it is ok for me to tell him that I miss him and that I will fight for him when we see each other at work again. Just to let him know, that I respect him but will not give up on him. I am also determined that we are not going back to our old relationsship but if anything, we are starting totally over.
I’m devastated about losing his family because they became mine as well and everything that goes along being together with him. I dont know what to do right now except for being miserable but respectful towards his decision.
I sincerely hope that you guys have a piece of advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 23, 2016 at 12:41 pm
Hi Julianna,
Is it clear to him now why broke up with him last December? Has he mentioned lately that he’s afraid you repeat it again? If he v really needs space, you’re right. respect him.
Jess
January 21, 2016 at 1:19 am
My boyfriend and I just broke up and I am heartbroken. I was planning my suicide before he came into my life and turned it all around for me so that I was happy and looking forward to each day. He broke up with me because he couldn’t handle my ‘down days’ any more and said I was causing too many arguments. I have tried not talking to him and giving him space from me but I physically can’t do it! I am starting to get really depressed and anxious again now that he’s gone and I’m afraid he’ll see that and then he’ll never want me back. Have you got any tips to help me at least talk to him less? I really want to be able to give him the time and space he needs but I don’t have anyone else to talk to (I’ve tried family, friends and counsellors) so it’s really hard for me to sit here with negative thoughts consuming me and not talk to the person who can make them go away. Please help me I am absolutely desperate! If I don’t get him back I don’t know what I’ll do!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 22, 2016 at 2:52 pm
Hi Jess,
I’m sorry for your depression. I know it’s really hard but the only thing I can advice is, focus on activities. More action creates more progress and then progress creates happiness. Find yourself this time. Let this be your soul searching journey days.
Sarah
January 20, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Today marks day 20 of NC. He has left me two bouquets of flowers at my door, and has text me multiple times per day with the standard “hey, I miss you”, “please say something”, “Sarah, I love you”, and “I’m thinking we should move in together”. I reject anywhere between 2 and 13 calls from him daily and shamefully admit that I replay his voicemails telling me how much he loves and misses me. I’d say NC is working! Hah! And I can keep going…but I need advice on breaking NC. When do I break my silence, and how much do I tell him? We’ve been best friends and lovers for 2years now. I can tell he’s really afraid of losing me, but I’m not sure how to position my “return” in a way that will encourage him to finally commit to a life with me and my kids 100%. I feel that NC implements a “switch cost”…the pain of losing me forever is now greater than his fear of commitment. But how to cash in on that without finding myself right back where I was prior to NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 23, 2016 at 11:03 am
Hi Sarah
congratulations! The shortest is 21 days so if v you want so stop today , you can of course. When you get back together, be a little observant, or va but distant, just a bit. don’t fully return to the old you, hell probably ask why you’re more quiet now than before, then tell him because you’re observing if he will really keep up to his promises.
Daniella
January 20, 2016 at 12:17 pm
Hello Chris,
Well, my story is very recent and you can help me take the right decision maybe faster.
My name is danielle, and i have been with my boyfriend in a relationship for 3 years and half, we shared a tremendous love and an amazing love story and memories. Until we moved in together 1 year ago, where things started to get boring sometimes, as we both left our social independent life behind and there was nothing left to say or to share whenever we go out. Even our sexual life has lost passion,but i got to say i still loved him way more than he loved me. Until recently he cheated on me, and it left me in immense pain.At first, He claimed that maybe what happened was good for us to break up, but when i decided to leave, he broke down and asked me to stay and said that he cant live without me,so we agreed on maybe i can forgive him and we can try to bring love back to this relationship by giving each others more space and get a more active fun seperate social life until the passion is ignited again, with a promiss to not cheat or lie again.( i still think i love him way more than he does).
Do you think this relationship could have another chance? and do you think i should apply the “take a break /no contact rule” technic ,so he can value me or not? Any recommendations?
Thank you very much
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 23, 2016 at 8:46 am
Hi Daniella,
I think it can. Why not just try to build your social life again and do new things together? Sometimes even the small things matter. Have you tried a new coffee blend at home before? It doesn’t have to be grand. YOu just need to add variety in your couple life.
MJ
January 19, 2016 at 5:52 pm
After dating my boyfriend for over a year, I found out he was cheating on me. We had an incredible relationship, we were always together.Our relationship was great, we fell madly in love. He was my prince charming, opening all the doors, treated me like a queen, gave me massages and great experiences, he tells all his friends how great I am and shares fun stories about us. I have been great to his kids, we even went on vacation with the entire family (his). We even started discussing moving in together and made a budget ( this is where he says he . He is 39, got out of a hard divorce about 2 years ago, struggling at work and living with his parents again. He loves to go out and is very social; he’s the life of the party. I am 30 years old, ambitious and I have been an incredible partner to him.
Then, I found out…after I found out he cheated on me, we tried to stay together but he ended up asking me for space/split up since he wasn’t being himself. He said he cheated because he made a mistake and got cold feet. At that time, I was stronger and I agreed, I missed him but I didn’t want to settle anything less than amazing love and I didn’t want to start being looked at as less or become insecure ( which was almost impossible).
Shortly after the break up he called me to tell me he wants to make it work, but he needed time. I suggested we wait and not talk and he said no way. During this time, we kept in contact, we talk on the phone, we text, we go to the gym and every week or so we go on an amazing date. He keeps contacting me, we’ve gone out on a few dates and had the most incredible times together. I have slept with him, we have hung out with friends. I have told him I want 100%, then at the beginning of January, I got mad and told him to forget about us. He’s told me he’s ready to commit 100% and then didn’t act on it, then he had a long talk with me and told me he’s scared to commit and he’s not sure if he wants to get married again and have children. He went down a list of scenarios on his concerns of us getting married and then a list of all the reasons why he loves me and that I’m all he wants in a woman. He tells me he loves me and he’s sorry, that if we get through this, he will never do this again. I believe (know) he is still cheating on me; but he tells me he is not. He calls me everyday, he facetimes me, he calls to ask what time I got home the night before, he says he worries, he calls to say “hi”. Even though he keeps this contact, our relationship has turned completely around, instead of following his words he has just created more distance and continued to “disappear” on me; it’s like if the cheating has gotten worse! I am so exhausted from the back and forth. I also have to admit, it’s hard for me not to get anxious and sad if he doesn’t call, I’ve become used to him checking in and trying to see me or check what I’m up to. But I want more, so much more and am worth it; he knows me; he knows how I feel. I get so anxious to think of us not working out, but at the same time what we have now is not what I want.
Yesterday, I asked him why does he string me along and he says he’s not, and that he just isn’t ready, he knows it’s not fair but he doesn’t want to lose me and that when we get back together it will be better than ever. I adore him and I feel like he really does love me, but something is holding him back from coming all the way. I am not sure what to do at this point, Do I go on dates? if I do the no contact rule, do I tell him I am trying to move on? or do I just cut him off and ignore without any explanation? Any help or advice would be great, at this point I am seriously tired and confused.
MJ
February 4, 2016 at 4:32 pm
Thanks for your reply, I have tried doing NC, and when I do he freaks out. Last week, confirmed he was still cheating on me and broke up with him ( he has been calling the break up a separation, which I think is just manipulative). I was doing okay at this point.
I initiated NC but gave in after 100+ phone calls in 3 days and when we spoke, he begged and cried that he took this too far and wanted another chance; that for me to please go to dinner with him. I did, I started seeing him again, but he wasn’t 100%. Yesterday, I told him I didn’t want to be in a position where I could be hurt again. He then told me he needs to be alone for a while, that’s he’s hurting everyone and he’s not this person.
My question is; what do I do when I initiate NC and he starts obsessively calling? Why would a man get like that when he is the one who keeps playing this toxic game? We had something great, but one of my fears is also by allowing him to comeback half-assed, we are just creating more damage.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 9:22 am
You have to be firm because otherwise nc won’t have an effect on him anymore
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 11:36 am
HI MJ,
How do you know for sure he’s still cheating? It’s good that you have high standards, but you need to be in tune with what you’re saying. Your actions are showing the opposite. Maybe one thing you can do to establish that, is to tell it one last time, and then go NC. But NOT like, I have standards, so I won’t talk for a while. Do it like this, I have standards and I don’t like what you’re doing PERIOD. Then that’s it. Do NC.
Because in this way, when you do no contact, he’ll think about what you said and it’ll come across that he’s not meeting your standards and he doesn’t know when you’re going to be back. Because letting him know you’re going away for a while will just make him wait until you contact him again.
K
January 18, 2016 at 10:48 pm
Hi Chris, I’ve never wrote on one of these sites but I can really use some advice.. My boyfriend and I had broke off our year relationship. He was still married but legally separated and hide that from me the whole relationship.. When he finally told me I was in shock and of course cried my eyes outs.. After he told me he said he needed time and space so I left.. I was living with him at this time.. I gave it a few days to hear from him and I hear nothing.. Now what makes this harder is that he had 3 kids that became a huge part of my life and I have a daughter.. We merged family’s so not only am I missing him I’m missing those kids and my daughter is missing them.. Long story short it’s been almost a month 1/2 he has not reached out and now has a new girlfriend.. My heart says text him but my head says no.. I need some advice
K
January 20, 2016 at 3:36 pm
He texted to say happy birthday to my daughter a week after it ended.. Then after I picked up the rest of my things he texted called me every name in the book and told me his kids hate me and then turned around and told me he loved me.. After I dropped off this stuff 2 days later he texted me with thanks and we had really great momories is a short period of time.. I told him to tell the kids I love them and he said he would tell them hi.. That was it… I messaged his mom to ask about the kids and let them know we were thinking about them last week but I got no reply… The more I talk about this and write about this the more I see he’s a douche.. But my heart hurts.. Now knowing he has another girlfriend makes it worse.. Like me and my daughter were nothing to him or his kids.. Why don’t guys hurts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 5:35 am
During that month and a half have you ever reached out to him? He didn’t tell you he was married, he didn’t contact you during that month, and now he has a new girlfriend. Honestly, he has a big problem on being honest. But I don’t know your whole story. So maybe, if you haven’t talked to him for a month and a half it won’t hurt to initiate contact.
Christina
January 17, 2016 at 9:25 pm
Hi Ex Boyfriend Recovery Team! So I was seeing this guy for about 9 months who I met online. I thought things were going pretty well even though we only seemed to see each once a week to once every two weeks. We always texted through out the day everyday though so I never thought not seeing him all the time wasnāt a problem. He even met my friends and family a few times and I have met his friends multiple times and his family causally. But he always just introduced me to them as this is Christina. He always seemed really into me when I would see him and even through texting, but he never brought up the topic of becoming exclusive. I was too scared to since I thought it would ruin what we have. I also wasnāt sure if he was seeing anyone else.
Then last week he stopped texting me first. I would still text him though and his responses seemed pretty normal. He even mentioned to me that this month is going to be really busy for him for work because itās the first month of the new year. But then he stopped answering me all together. I didnāt even text him in an annoying way just texted saying hey did you watch the game, but didnāt get answer. Then the next day I texted him are you okay? but no answer. So two days later I texted him saying that Iām not sure whatās up, but I would really rather you be straight up with me. I thought you were more mature than just to ignore me. He finally answered after that and said Im sorry that was definitely an immature move, but I havenāt been myself lately, its not you. So I did answer him saying I gotcha but if you need help with anything let me know. And I havenāt heard from him since, which itās been 4 days.
Do you think he really hasnāt been himself lately? I noticed the last time I saw him, which was two weeks ago, he didnāt seem as lively as he usually is, but I just thought that was because he was sick with the flu.
I just donāt know if heās telling the truth or if heās not into me anymore. Do you think I should wait a few weeks and then text him to give him some space?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 9:21 am
Hi Christina,
Yes I think you should try no contact. it can help you have a better perspective too.
Emily
January 17, 2016 at 9:12 pm
Hi Chris
So here’s the thing… My ex and I met when I was 16(im European and it’s legal at 15 here)… He was 17… Beautiful, musician, smart and I fell for him the second I saw him…
So within a month he moved in with my family… He lived in a 3 bedroom apartment with his mom and 3 of his 5 siblings… We dated for 2+ years, broke up a couple of times, but using the same strategies you explained we got together again and again…
After little more than two years of dating, after a heated argument, a friend of ours apologised for sleeping with him during our one-week breakup the year before… I got hurt and furious and I tossed a beer in his face and declared that I was done… This was the first time I initialized the breakup…
Ans i was torn up, I loved him, no matter the mistakes he made…
But he was angry… And I never felt that I had closure… Going to the same school meant that we had the same friends, and during the years we have occasionally met, to talk things through and ended up in bed…
We broke up little more than 7 years ago and our last hookup was 2,5 years ago… Since then his new ex girlfriend started dating my cousin, and in a weird way, that made my ex and me start talking again, on a new level, as I was in a relationship… So we’ve just been talking about… Anything…
Last weekend our conversation got deeper and he suddenly asked me to come spend a few days in his new house… Because he thought it might be interesting to spend more time with me than just one night every few years… When I upright asked why… He told me that he was never able to shake the thought of me… He still reacted to the sight, thought and mention of me…
As the week progressed we’ve been talking more and more, almost every day, which is new… But he declared that he’s not looking for a girlfriend right now…
Hes still Facebook friends with most of my family, keeping in touch with few of them, he text me on/off but on for the past week… We live 4 hours apart atm…
He is the one who got away, but should I stop myself from being hurt or does he really miss me, and should I go for it?
What should I read into our interaction?
I’m so confused…
It’s been 7 years since the breakup and I’m still head over heels…
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 10:30 am
Hi Emily,
If you truly love, you will get hurt no matter what.Why not take it slow, and enjoy the moment
ibtissam
January 16, 2016 at 11:29 pm
Hi Chris , I really need help … My fiance broke up with me saying that I’m too emotional and that he doesn’t like that I cry easily and that my emotions affect my health and made me lose weight … but after he broke up with me I kept begging him to come back to me and promising him that i will gain weight , so now a month after breaking up he just keep checking my progress to see if i became good enough for him (since we are in a long distance relationship ) we only text and sometimes talk … today he had a problem so i was the first person he asks for advice and after talking for 2 hours via skype he told me that this conversation doesn’t mean anything and it doesn’t change the fact that he broke up with me … sometimes if i didn’t answer he keep saying that i’m talking to someone else and then tell me that he doesn’t care if i’m seeing anyone , lately he said that he’s going back to meet his ex(the girl he dated before me) only for sex and that he’s not going to be in a relationship with her . I love him and I want him back but I don’t know what to do … the NC period won’t work because he hate to be ignored he actually gets mad if i didn’t respond to his text quickly and say that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore š II really don’t know what to do … please help me please
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 5:24 am
Hi Ibtissam,
I’m sad to see how he’s treating you because it seems like he’s controlling you and disrespecting you with hurtful words. But we only experience what we allow. We have the power to say no things that we think we don’t deserve.
There are people who like other because they admire the character of that person but there are people who like others because they can manipulate them.
Maya abou Chahla
January 16, 2016 at 5:13 pm
Hi chris,
I need your help please. My fiance broke up with me four months ago. Sure i could not handle the breakup after 3 yrs and half of love. I can confess that we had a lot of problems in our relation, but he was not honest about that. So after he accumulated alot of stress, he blew them out in one shot. He shocked me specially that he never showed that these were problems. After the breakup, i did all the mistakes by contactin him specially through email and his friends and sometimes family. Then I realized that what I was doing is totally wrong, i quit doing that a month and a half after the breakup. I Went through a no contact rule for two months, i tried to know my mistakes and tried to feel better and accept the breakup and work on myself and i went for a vacation in another country and did many things i love to do. Since I came back, i sent him two messages. He did not reply. All he does, is whatsapp statuses sometimes showing that he misses something about the past and in others things like he won’t give other chances. What should I do now? Please reply. Thank you.
Jennifer Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 5:52 pm
Hi Maya, I am helping Chris out with the comments as they have increased to the point that one person cannot possibly answer all the comments. What are some of the things that he posts about missing the past? This can be very helpful to you when you start texting him again.
Two months is a bit long for no contact but don’t worry we can get around that. I’m glad you were able to do things that you enjoyed during no contact. What were the problems in the relationship that caused the breakup?
MsAsia
January 14, 2016 at 8:10 pm
Am I allowed to like pics on Instagram?
MsAsia
January 18, 2016 at 3:15 pm
Thank you. I’m new to this site so just wondering. My birthday is also coming up so I assume that is a no contact if he calls to say HBD.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 10:58 am
Hello Ms Asia,
During NC? As much as possible no.
Vasudha
January 14, 2016 at 10:14 am
I was in a relationship since the last 4 years. Both of us were truly in love with each other.
However, I have lied to him many times during our relationship because of which he says he doesn’t trust me anymore. We broke up 1 month back. I had lied to him about something very big because of which he decided to end it permanently. Since then I’ve tried a lot to get him back by crying, begging and pleading. Nothing worked. I contacted few gurus who took money and guaranteed results, but nothing happened. Since I have always hid things or lied to my boyfriend, I told him about visiting a guru and he got very angry with me. Since then he has been kind of ignoring me and whenever I try to contact him, either our conversation is very short or he ends it fast. Please help me and advice me what to do. I don’t want to leave him at any cost, I really love him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2016 at 1:22 pm
Hi Vasudha,
First step is admitting your mistakes. It’s hard and you’ve done that. I commend you for that. I think it’s best you do the no contact rule. He needs space and you as well to forgive yourself and also to remember the times of which you can remind him why he should trust you and why you fell in love with each other. I think this post can help you.How to make an ex boyfriend trust you again
Tef
January 13, 2016 at 6:13 pm
Hi Chris,
So my boyfriend is 36 and I’m 27 and have a kid. He broke up with me because his unemottionaly affective and said I deserve something better and doesn’t want to waste my time. At first I tried to convience him thay we could work things out he said no, that he had to figure things out alone. I haven’t contact him in 2 days and I told my kid when asked about him that he was on a trip. I kmow it wont be long until she tries to talk to him or starts asking about him again. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2016 at 1:54 pm
Hi Tef,
I admire you on staying strong for your kid. If he really needs a time off, then give it. But better if you can clear it up to him that whether it’s just a time off or about himself, that what you feel should come from you only. It’s good that he wants something better for you but saying he’s not that should be under your call. Have a talk on what it is that really made him feel that way once he makes contact but make it an empathetic way. Calm and listening.