How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

If you want your ex boyfriend to miss you (after your breakup) then you definitely came to the right place. You will find that my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a lot different than the rest of my peers. I don’t write articles for the sake of writing articles. In fact, I would say that I don’t write articles at all.

I write in-depth guides that will help you accomplish a specific goal. In addition to that, I am extremely involved on this site. Me and my team respond to every comment personally and as long as your comment relates to the topic that my “in-depth guide” covers you should get a response within a day (unless it’s the weekend.)

Now, I know that’s a bit of a shocking statement to make especially when you consider the state of the “get your back niche” these days. I mean, just the other day I was doing research on a forum and I saw hundreds of women NOT getting answered. But I really feel that’s what makes Ex Boyfriend Recovery different from the rest.

We have a whole team dedicated to upholding our “motto,” if you will.

What’s our motto?

That everyone who comes to the site to read, watch, or comment should be helped and attended to.

Oh… how rude of me.

Perhaps I should introduce you to “The Ex Recovery Team.”

team members

Now, throughout this article you may notice that a few of our team members chime in and offer little tidbits of advice on top of the advice that I am dishing out. Don’t be alarmed by that.

You are still learning from me, Chris Seiter, it’s just that I always think five heads are better than one.

But perhaps I shouldn’t get too touchy feely here. You are here for a reason after all and that reason is to make your ex boyfriend miss you.

So, since you are inquiring about how you can make your ex miss you this page is going to be focused solely on that. So, without further ado, I give you the method in which you should employ to make your ex miss you.

I Am Going To Coach You… For FREE!

And that’s where I come in!

Secret 4 Step Training

What if I were to tell you that I have put together an “On Demand Coaching Class” where I am going to coach you for free?

All you need to do if you want to join my FREE coaching class is click the green button below,

Yes, I Want You To Coach MeSign Up For Free On Demand Coaching

I thought would be kind of cool to show you some of the actual results women have gotten through my “On Demand Coaching,”

Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

I’ve got about 300 more Facebook testimonials just like this.

If you are interested in joining my Free On Demand Coaching please click the link below,

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February 1, 2017

1 - Will Making An Ex Boyfriend Miss You Help You Win Him Back?

You are here to learn about how to make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

If you are then this makes me assume that ultimately you want your ex boyfriend back. After all, why else would you want to make him miss you?

(Well, I suppose getting revenge on him is an answer here but lets just assume that, that isn’t the reason you want to make him miss you.)

The thinking goes a little like this,

“If I make him miss me then eventually he will realize that he wants to be back in a relationship with me.”

So, lets do a little role playing here and assume that you end up taking the advice I teach on this page to heart and successfully make your ex boyfriend miss you.

Do you think he will come back?

Do you think making him miss you alone will be enough?

Unfortunately no…

Don’t get me wrong, you will absolutely have to make your ex miss you if you want any chance of winning him back but it isn’t going to be enough alone.

Think of it like a puzzle.

In order to get your ex boyfriend back you need to put the entire puzzle together,


However, simply getting your ex boyfriend to miss you is essentially like trying to put a puzzle together with just one piece.

It’s impossible.

But that’s why you need a reference guide to teach you to put all the pieces together. So, The Ex Recovery Team and I have put together an entire book for doing just that.

It’s called,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Think of it like the ultimate step by step game plan for getting your ex back. It takes you through the process from start to finish. It gives you all the puzzle pieces and covers just about every situation you can think of.


Take a look at the situations we cover in PRO,

  • You Cheated
  • They Cheated
  • You Cheated On Each Other
  • Long Distance
  • Being Blocked
  • He/She Has A New Girlfriend/Boyfriend
  • If You Slept With Them
  • Engagement
  • If They Are In The Army
  • If You Have A Child Together
  • If You Have Been Friend Zoned
  • How To Get Them Back After A Long Time Apart (1 Yr +)
  • They Broke Up With You
  • You Broke Up With Them
  • If You Work With Them
  • If Your Ex Just Got Divorced
  • If You Just Got Divorced
  • Getting Your Husband/Wife Back
  • If You Think You Were The Rebound
  • If They Were On The Rebound
  • What To Do If They Are Married
  • What If There Is An Age Gap
  • If You Are Pregnant (Women Only)
  • What If Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant (Men Only)
  • On Again/Off Again

But you are probably getting bored of hearing me talk about Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO aren’t you? After all, you did come here to make your ex boyfriend back, right?

Well, then lets get right to it.

I give you the ultimate guide for making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Please enjoy it! Oh, and one thing we are really good about here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is answering people’s questions. So, if you have any type of question about the process I am about to teach you feel free to ask us in the comments section of this article or you can ask Leia, our support rep at [email protected]

Lets dive in!

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

2 - You Have A "Missing" Advantage Already


One of the things that I have always found fascinating when it comes to researching breakups is the scientific data that I come across. You see, I am one of those people who is low on faith.

Faith = Believing in something without seeing it.

And perhaps that’s a little strange for the profession that I have chosen since a lot of getting an ex back is all about believing in an outcome that hasn’t occurred yet.

Nevertheless, I think it would be wrong of me to try to teach you something without having proof it works which is why I find the scientific research done on breakups so fascinating.

So many insights can be derived from them.

Take The Brain Study As An Example…

Did you know that science has proven that after a breakup you experience the same type of feeling that a drug addict would feel if he/she was going through a withdrawal period?

In 2005, psychologist Art Aron, neurologist Lucy Brown, and anthropologist Helen Fisher all teamed up to do an interesting study on individuals who had just recently gone through a breakup.

They decided to have the individuals put a brain imaging tool on and then showed them pictures of their ex.

The scientists were trying to determine what was happening in the brain of the people who just went through the breakup.

The results were shocking.

The part of the brain that lit up was the same part of the brain that is commonly present in drug addicts who are going through withdrawal.

So, I guess it’s true what they say.

Love is a drug!

But one simple study probably isn’t enough to sway your opinion, huh?

Ok, lets dive in a little deeper and look at the interesting world of “Facebook Creeping”

The Facebook Creeper Statistic


I have done this.

Hell, I think everyone does this after a breakup. It’s human nature to be curious about what your ex is up to post breakup. I remember in my circumstance with my most recent ex I would think to myself,

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.36.41 PM“I wonder if she is depressed… I bet she is. Let me look and find out.”

And ever since Facebook was invented it has become the ultimate tool for spying on on ex. Just ask Veronika Lukacs who conducted the study as part of her Media Studies Masters thesis, in which she looked at how many people have admitted to “Facebook Creeping” on an ex.

Now, if you don’t know what “Facebook Creeping” is it’s actually quite simple.

Facebook Creeping = Spying on an exes Facebook profile after a breakup to see what they are up to.

You won’t believe how many people admitted to creeping on their exes Facebook.

Nearly 90%!


That’s incredible.

You realize what that means, right?

Well, it means that there is a nearly 90% chance that your ex boyfriend is going to come strolling by your Facebook profile assuming you are still friends there.

That’s amazing.

But again, I still feel this incredible need to provide you with overwhelming statistics before I specifically talk about the advantage you have.

The Overwhelming Statistics In Your Favor


Did you know that 71% of people claim that they think about their ex too much?

Now, does that necessarily mean that if your ex falls into the 71% category that he is going to be missing you?

No, remember, this statistic is basically just saying that 71% of people think about their exes too much. It doesn’t dive too deep into what he is thinking when he is missing you.

He could be thinking negative things…

He could be thinking positive things…

We just don’t know.

Nevertheless, thinking about an ex too much certainly is a start towards missing that ex.

But it gets even better, 60% of people who are married or dating say that their ex is on their mind too much. So, this basically tells us that even if you are married you may still think about your ex too much.

What are my thoughts on this statistic?

Well, I think the important distinction that has to be made is if they are thinking about their ex TOO MUCH or just a little bit. I think it’s human nature to have your mind wander to the past and think about an ex.

Hell, I am sure even my own wife has had this happen from time to time but it’s not like she can turn her mind off.

No one can.

But there is a definite difference between having your mind take a small trip down memory lane and thinking about an ex all day every day.

I would be curious to hear what people defined as thinking “too much”

Oh, and in case you are wondering where I got these statistics, the Yahoo Dating section!

Now I want to talk about your “Big Advantage”

The Big Advantage That You Have

I got pretty darn boring just now and threw out a bunch of statistics for you. The statistics were meant to prove one thing.

What The Statistics Prove = That even after a breakup, without you doing anything, your ex is thinking about you way too much

So, if your ex is thinking about you too much then you can ultimately use that to your advantage, right?

That’s your big advantage when it comes to making a man miss you. As a default, he is already thinking about you too much. So, that puts you in a pretty good place because many of you will find that it’s not going to take too much to get him to miss you.

Now, does that mean that it’s easy to make a man miss you?

Absolutely not.

There are a lot of factors involved.

But here is my vision.

Right now your ex, as a default, is thinking about you too much,


Now, imagine if you took an ex who was thinking about you too much and coupled it with a professional’s strategies,

My strategies

Making him miss you should be a piece of cake, right?

Well, there is still one more thing that I think we need to cover before I can give you the strategy you should implement and this is something that is going to be important for you to understand because it’s going to directly affect your chances for making him miss you.

The Number One Factor That Determines Whether He Misses You Or Not

Let’s role play.

Lets pretend that in your entire life you have only dated two men.

Man One – Was the great love of your life. He treated you like a queen, made you feel butterflies and as you were dating him you would often think to yourself, “I think he may be “The One.””

Man Two- You also loved Man Two but he did not treat you so well. Your entire relationship, while electric was full of fights. Man Two had a bad habit of putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself.

So, lets assume that you have broken up with both of these men.

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.42.07 PMWhich one do you think you are more likely to miss?

Man One, right?


Because he treated you like a queen and your overall relationship with him was better.

And that brings me to my ultimate point.

Without a doubt the number one factor that determines whether a man will miss you or not is always going to be your past relationship with him.

Now, I am not like those other relationship experts out there that will tell you what you want to hear 100% of the time.

If you had a horrible relationship with your ex your chances of having him miss you is going to be lower. That’s just the way it is. Of course, if you had a great relationship with him your chances will be higher.

So, it works both ways.

The Secret Advantage Of YOU Initiating The Breakup


Ok, one more thing to talk about before we can start getting down to the actual strategy of making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Did you know that you have a “secret advantage” if you were actually the one to initiate the breakup with your ex?

This one is just pretty much common sense. As you know, there are usually three outcomes to a breakup.

1. He Can Break Up With You- Where your ex boyfriend actually is the one to initiate the break up.

2. You Can Break Up With Him- Where YOU actually are the one to initiate the break up with him.

3. You Both Mutually Agree To Break Up- This one is where you both break up mutually. No side strikes first.

I highlighted the “you can break up with him” choice because you will have a small advantage in making your ex miss you if you initiated the breakup.

We have already established above that you have an advantage in the fact that most people say that they still think about their ex too much but when you add in the fact that you initiated the breakup your advantage is going to be a little more distinct.

When I get to talking about the no contact rule (really soon) I am going to talk about psychological reactance.

But I suppose I can give you an early taste here since it is definitely going to apply.

Psychological reactance theory basically states that when you take away someones options to do something their attraction to gain their freedom to get that option back increases.

Think of it like this.

Lets say you are walking in the store with a toddler named Ricky (no idea why I picked that name but bear with me here.) Ricky tugs on your pants and points to a toy saying,

“I want that toy!”

You immediately say,

“No, you can’t have that toy.”

Well, now that, Ricky’s freedom to have that toy has been taken away what does he want more than anything?

The toy!

This is psychological reactance in a nutshell.

So, by breaking up with your ex you actually increase the chances that he will miss you because his freedom to have you has been taken away.

Pretty interesting, right?

Of course, there is one case where this might not work as well.

The ONE Case Where You Might Not Have This Advantage

If you broke up with your ex because he cheated on you.

Cheating is one of those topics that is difficult for everyone involved (including me an impartial third party.)

“Wait, why is it hard for you?”

Easy, it’s hard because I am the one that has to come up with the game plan for putting a “cheating couple” back together. Thus, I have to do a lot of research on the topic to determine the best way to proceed.

So, like I said above, you probably aren’t going to have this secret advantage if you broke up with your ex if he cheated on you.


Because clearly something went wrong with your relationship.

Generally speaking people don’t cheat on a whim.

It’s not like a guy wakes up one day and goes,

“ALRIGHTY! Today is the day I cheat on my girlfriend.”

It’s usually a slow process that takes place over months. And for a man to cheat on you generally means that the wasn’t fully satisfied with the relationship.

Now, does that mean that he never loved you if he cheated on you?

No, Esther Perel, has dedicated pretty much her whole life to studying infidelity and she has found that oftentimes men and women who cheat are still in love with their partner. They just want more excitement in their sex lives.

Now, take that whatever way you want.

I am going to take it as if there is a fundamental problem with your relationship because in my mind a man who is fully satisfied with his relationship will be excited and engaged in his sex life with his partner.

Nevertheless, if you broke up with your ex because he cheated then you aren’t going to have this small little advantage that I am talking about.

Now lets look at the other side of the coin.

The ONE Case Where You Will Absolutely Have The Secret Advantage

If you broke up with him and he didn’t want you to.

Above I established that the the secret advantage that I keep talking about heavily revolves around this idea of “psychological reactance.”

And to be honest I can’t think of situation that screams “taking a mans freedom to have you away” more than this one.

If you broke up with your ex boyfriend when he didn’t want you to break up with him then you have definitely left him with the impression that you are a very rare commodity.

It’s a bit of that law of scarcity.

You will find that the more scarce you are the more attractive you will be to men in general.

It’s the same way that diamonds are so attractive to women.

It’s the fact that they look pretty AND they are very rare.

I mean, something tells me that you wouldn’t find a diamond so attractive if you go buy it for a dollar at the dollar store.

Anyways, lets move on to the meat of this guide.

How to make a man miss you after a breakup!

3 - The "Make Him Miss You" Strategy

I want you to take a look at the graphic below,


Pretty straightforward, right?

“Umm Chris… no it’s not.”

Well, don’t worry. It will be because I am going to break it down for you.

The “BIG” strategy for making your ex boyfriend miss you is divided up into four different parts,

1. The No Contact Rule
2. Social Media Game
3. The “Frank Sinatra Effect”
4. Jealousy Tactics

Lets start from the top!

4 - PART ONE: The No Contact Rule

(For more in-depth information on the No Contact Rule and how to PROPERLY put it into practice please check out the No Contact Rule Book)

talk to me

Throughout this site you will find that the No Contact Rule is a pretty big theme.

Hell, I even wrote an entire book about it (The No Contact Rule Book.)

But why is it such a big theme?

Why do I talk about it so much?

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.49.58 PMWell that’s easy to answer. The no contact rule is without a doubt one of the most successful strategies for getting an ex back. A few weeks ago I compiled all of my recorded success stories to try to determine any correlations that I could find between what the people who had actually won their exes back were doing that the people who were failing weren’t.

Turns out the no contact rule was present in 74% of the successes.

But to be honest I think that number is actually a lot higher than that.


Because a portion of the success stories that I had recorded didn’t give me much information.

They just said something like,

“Thanks, I got my ex back.”

Not really deep enough for me to determine what that particular person did to succeed in getting their ex back, huh?

Don’t believe me?

Ok, here is a sample of one of the “thin” success stories that I got,




So, if you were to ask my opinion on how many of the successes used the no contact rule I would put the number closer to 90%. Whatever the case, one thing is very clear.

The no contact rule is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

But how does it make him miss you?

Good question.

In order to answer that I think we first need to define the no contact rule.

The NC Rule (No Contact Rule) is a rule that states the following:

You are not allowed to call, text, email, Facebook or Google your ex for a specific period of time. If during that “period of time” you are contacted by your ex you are not allowed to respond. The no contact rule serves three main purposes. It gives both of you a “cool off period” to calm down from the breakup, it gives you the opportunity to improve yourself during the “cool off period” and it raises the chances that he will miss you.

Sounds simple, right?


The no contact rule is without a doubt the hardest strategy to complete on this site.

Hell, all you have to do is visit one of my “no contact rule” pages to see just how many women are struggling with it.

But you don’t care about that do you?

No, you care about the psychology behind why the no contact rule can make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

Ok, lets tackle that right now.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I want you to ask me a question.

The question = Chris, what is the number one mistake you see people making after a breakup.

WOW, thanks for asking that amazing question 😉 .

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 3.18.52 PMThe number one mistake that I see people making after a breakup is begging. They beg for their exes back. The become GNATS and just stick around.

I mean, put yourself in your ex boyfriends shoes for a second assuming that you were bugging the hell out of him after a breakup with you.

Would you find it attractive if someone you didn’t have feelings for anymore was bugging you every five seconds trying to convince you to do something you didn’t want to do?

Something tells me you wouldn’t.

Now, how does this play into making an ex miss you?

Easy, a man cannot miss that which he sees every day.

One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

I know it’s kind of a weird choice when there are way more epic movies out there but for some reason “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

What can I say… I dig revenge stories.

Truthfully, I watch the movie at least once a year and you know what causes me to watch it?

Something reminds me of it and then I think to myself,

“Man, that movie was so good I miss the feeling that it gave me. Maybe I should watch it.”

But I only have that thought because I haven’t seen it in a long time. Lets say that I watched it every day for a year. I can tell you right now that at that point it wouldn’t be my favorite movie anymore. No, it would probably end up being my most hated movie. It would become stale and I would grow sick of it.

By not giving your ex a chance to miss you, via the no contact rule, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The No Contact Rule Makes You More Attractive (I Can Prove It)

Have you ever heard of the notion that “people want what they can’t have?”

People want “that” which they feel should belong to them. By taking something away from them (e.g. you make yourself unavailable by not communicating), the person will be motivated to pursue.

In the world of psychology, it’s called “Psychological Reactance”. This concept emerged from the work of the American psychologist, Jack Brehm in 1966.
“Brehm argues that individuals have a set of “free behaviors” that they believe they can engage in at present or some time in the future. Behavioral freedoms vary in importance, with some being highly important because they deal with critical survival. Stephen Worchel (2004) suggested that these freedoms help define the individual’s self-identity. A threat or elimination of freedom results in an increase of attractiveness of the forbidden act and the motivation to engage in that behavior.” In really simple terms, when you implement the No Contact Strategy, it’s like you are secretly saying, “You can’t have me. You can’t talk to me. I am depriving you of your freedom to be with me”.

With psychological reactance in play, your Ex is secretly thinking, “I want what you say I can’t have. It should belong to me and is part of me, so I will pursue it”

Ah, and that leads the way to another little hypothesis that I have.

According to psychological reactance your ex is going to want what he can’t have. We have already established that. But lets take a trip to fantasy land (your favorite place in the world) and say that you successfully get your ex back.

I have this theory that the harder you make it for him to get you back the more he will appreciate you when he has you.

My buddies first car is an example.

I had a friend who wanted a car more than anything when he was 16 years old. So, he spent an entire summer mowing peoples yards to get money to buy this beat up chevy truck that kind of looked like this,

old beat up chevy truck

Pretty crappy, right?

Here’s the thing.

He treated that car so good and he loved it more than anything. Hell, even now he reminisces about it. But I doubt he would have treated it so well if it had just been gifted to him.

In fact, there was one time that I asked him flat out,

“Why do you like this truck so much?”

His response was simple…

“Because I had to work so hard to get it. Dude, you have no idea how hard it was to scrounge up the money to buy this thing.”

So, here is my theory when it comes to you and your ex.

The harder you make it for him to get you back the more he is going to appreciate you once he gets you back. After all, I doubt you are in this to get your ex back and break up again, right? No, you want a relationship that is going to last.

And the no contact rule can provide that difficulty for him to succeed in getting you back.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

5 - PART TWO: Social Media Game

(For more in-depth information on how to use social media to get your ex back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

And now we move on to our second part of the strategy, social media,

strategy social media

Now, if you are confused as to what this is let me give you a quick history of social media.

Since the internet started… (No just kidding. I wouldn’t bore you to death with that.)

Look, here’s the deal.

Social media is an excellent way to make your ex miss you.


Well, above I established that close to 90% of exes “creep” on Facebook. In other words, the probability that your ex boyfriend is going to peek at your profile at some point post breakup is high.

So, why not prepare for that moment?

Why not pimp out your profile to be everything that he finds attractive in a woman.

How To Make Your Social Media Profile Perfect

I want to tell you a funny story that happened to my wife yesterday.

So, if you don’t know my wife she is in charge of our YouTube channel and our marketing experts. In other words, if we want to get featured anywhere popular she is in charge of making that happen.

Well, one day she decided that we should be featured on “Ted Talks” so she started trying to network with some of the people over at “Ted Talks” and she managed to locate one of the person’s Facebook profiles.

So, rather than asking me to reach out directly she decided that since this person was a man it would be better if she reached out since she knows she is a very beautiful woman.

There was just one problem.

This was her Facebook profile picture,

profile picture

Now, I don’t know about you but that’s not going to make any man fall over himself. Well, except maybe me (that’s my daughter.) My wife, of course, knew this so she decided to change the picture to something really sexy like this,

ellas grove

That’s my wife in a model shoot for some clothing company named Ella’s Grove.

Anyways, what do you think happened to her after she changed her profile picture on Facebook from our child to a sexy looking picture of her.

All the men went wild (myself included.)

She was getting comments like,

comment 1

comment 2

comment 3

Ok, first off… what the fu*k?

Looks like I have to beat some people up.


We have some work to do!


No I am just kidding…

Please don’t take that seriously.

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.57.49 PMThe point of telling you this story was to show you how powerful a picture can be. You can potentially make your ex boyfriend one of those men and show him what he is missing out on by posting strategic pictures on your social media profiles.

So, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to teach you my two best methods for catching a mans attention via social media.

1. The Profile Picture Change
2. The “Fun” Picture

Lets start with the profile picture change.

The Profile Picture Change

This is what my wife did and indirectly got all that attention from men.

Now, I am going to pick on myself a bit here.

Before I met my wife I heavily relied on good looks to attract attention. In other words, any picture I posted to Facebook looked like this,

not a good picture

Now, even though this picture isn’t bad it isn’t earth shatteringly amazing which is what I should be going for.

And then I met my wife….

The woman who forced me to get professional pictures done.

Like this,

professional pictures

Do you see the difference.

This is the kind of picture that I want you to be posting to your social media profile as your profile picture. Here is my general rule of thumb, any picture that makes you look like you belong in a magazine is definitely the one you should have as your profile picture.

So, I guess what I am saying is that you should hire a professional photographer to take your picture. Now, for those of you who don’t want to step outside the comfort zone and hire a photographer I have one piece of advice to you.

Often times it’s the things that make us step outside our comfort zone that yield the best results.

The “Fun” Picture

I have a question for you.

What do you think your ex boyfriend expecting you to do after the breakup?

He’s expecting you to mope around and be depressed.

Don’t believe me?

I remember an early breakup of mine where this is exactly what I thought.

“God I hope she is suffering.”

Pretty mean, right?

But when I would spy on her Facebook profile and see that she wasn’t depressed it would drive me nuts. I want this exact thing to unfold for you when your ex boyfriend snoops around your profile.

So, how can you accomplish this?

Easy, post pictures of yourself out having fun.

Here is a great example. Look at the picture below,

These girls like they are having fun. This is the kind of picture you want to post.

Because here is what he is going to think when he sees it,

“Wait, why is she out having fun? Why isn’t she sitting at home eating ice cream like I thought?”

Once you get him thinking that this thought is right around the corner,

“I’m kind of jealous…”

And as I am going to establish later in this guide jealousy can lead to a man missing you.

6 - PART THREE: The Frank Sinatra Effect

(For more in-depth information on The Frank Sinatra Effect check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

frank sinatra

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a man by the name of Frank Sinatra.

“The best revenge in life is massive success.”

Now, what does that have to do with making an ex boyfriend miss you?

Good question.

In order for me to answer it I first need to tell you a story. To me, teaching people to get back with their exes is my passion and in order for me to give people advice I need to understand the trends.

What works and what doesn’t work.

So, that’s why I am always keeping an eye on your comments and questions to me. But the one thing that warms my heart more than anything are the success stories!

Not just because I helped people get back together but I can learn so much from them.

Anyways, one trend that I began to notice with a lot of my success stories was the fact that the women who ended up succeeding were actually completely moved on from the break up and living successful lives.

It’s sort of like it was at this point that their ex finally woke up and saw their worth.

Hell, I even did an entire podcast about this phenomenon here.

Anyways, I kept seeing this phenomenon pop up again and again so when I did an audit of my success stories last month I learned that a lot of women who had actually completely moved on from their exes were able to get him back.

It sounds counter intuitive, right?

But maybe not.

Lets turn our attention back to psychological reactance.

By moving on from an ex boyfriend completely you are indirectly saying to him,

“You cannot have me. You have lost the freedom to have me.”

Which of course as you know, will only make him want you more.

And that’s where the Frank Sinatra effect comes into play.

I want you to “move on” without moving on if that makes any sense. I want you to live an incredible life outside of your relationship with your ex.

Here are a few of my best tips for doing this.

Specific Things You Can Do To Make Him Miss You During The Frank Sinatra Effect

In this section we are going to look at a number of things that you can specifically do to make him miss you while in the midst of the Frank Sinatra Effect. I absolutely love this because these are things that are in your control.

When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you have to accept the fact that there are a certain amount of factors that are completely out of your control. However, when it comes to making him miss you there are a lot of things you can do that will improve your chances. Buckle up because this may get long.

Tactic 1- Get In Shape

There is nothing that can catch a mans eye like a woman who has taken care of her body. Now, I am not saying that you are fat or out of shape. I am saying that this tactic (getting in shape) will be beneficial to you in not only making your ex boyfriend miss you but it will be beneficial in helping you with future relationships (if you have them.) How effective is this tactic? Let me tell you a story. There was a girl who had a crush on me in college. Like a fool, I didn’t do anything about it because like a typical guy I wanted the girls that I couldn’t get. Anyways, this girl had a very pretty face but I am not afraid to say that she was a little… chubby and for me it took away from her looks.

Pretty shallow I know…

Well, about a year and a half later I happened to run into her. Actually, I walked right past her because I didn’t recognize her. She had lost about 35lbs and looked amazing. In my absence this mediocre looking girl had turned into a beautiful goddess. Anyways, I was walking with my buddy when she yelled my name and we started talking. After we were done talking we went our separate ways and I remember my buddy going,

“Dude she is sooo HOT why did you let that one slip through your fingers?”

I explained that she didn’t look like that back when I knew her but now that I saw this new and improved version I wanted her immediately.

So, I did everything I could to try to go on a date with her which was relatively easy because she liked me (or so I thought.)

Anyways, we set up a relatively simple date to go on at a restaurant. The plan was that we were going to meet there and we would probably go for a walk after that. There was just one problem.

She never showed up.

During the day of the date I had reached out to her to ask if we were still on (BIG MISTAKE) and got no response…. the hours inched closer to kickoff and I still hadn’t heard from her. I was starting to get worried so like an insecure guy I reached out to her again,

“Hey, are we on for tonight?”

No response..

It was starting to become clear that I was going to get stood up if I went to the restaurant but I figured I would give it one more try.

“Are you there?”

Again no response…

She didn’t want to go on a date with me.

Ironic, huh?

Karma I guess!

Tactic 2- Repeat After Me: I Do Not Care About Him

This tactic is more of a mindset that you need to have. During your no contact period (which is when you should probably be in the Frank Sinatra mindset) make sure you don’t focus on your ex too much.

Just focus on the most important thing, you.

If you were to ask me what I thought one of the biggest mistakes that I see women engaging in are I would definitely have to say that becoming to obsessed with their ex is at the top of the list.

In order to truly “move on, without moving on” you can’t be too worried about what your ex is doing. You need to be worrying about what you are doing.

I haven’t talked a lot about this yet because maybe I am trying to save something for my book. but maybe I think it’s too good to leave out.

If you really want to make the most of the Frank Sinatra effect I am going to teach you an amazing strategy. Well, perhaps strategy isn’t the right word to explain this. No, I would say this is more of a philosophy.

I like to call it…

“The Holy Trinity”

(Oh, and this is not biblical at all I promise.)

You can divide the most important aspects of your life into three categories,


  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

I don’t have to explain what is comprised of the categories, do I?

Well, I will tell you what, I am just going to leave my book for that.

Basically if you want to utilize the Frank Sinatra effect to the fullest I recommend that you try to maximize these three areas of your life.

You will notice that in the graphic above there is an intersection of the three.

The intersection where all three meet.


Perhaps it’s better if I pointed to it for you,

HWR copy

What you are trying to do here is find a perfect balance between your health, wealth and relationships. By doing so you will jump up in attractiveness to your ex.

Trust me when I say that the “missing thing” will fall into place if you do this. It is important to remember that the two of you broke up and while you may want him back you need to understand that rome was not built in a day and you won’t get him back in a day. So, sit back and work on the holy trinity for a while.

Tactic 3- Social Life

You have two choices when it comes to breaking up with your ex. You can either

A. Let the breakup own you.


B. Own the breakup.

I am a guy and let me tell you that I do not find it attractive when someone, who after a breakup, sits on the couch all day and eats ice cream. In fact, that is what I expect pretty much every girl to do after a breakup. About five years ago when I broke up with my girlfriend at the time the exact thought I had was “I bet she is sitting on the couch right now crying and eating ice cream.”

Here is the kicker though, a few days later when I logged on Facebook I found that she wasn’t quite as devastated as I thought. She had posted pictures of her having fun with friends and basically having a really fun social life. While I didn’t immediately think “man, I miss her” it set me up for thinking it. Her active social life made me realize what I was missing out on and made me a little jealous and angry that she wasn’t as devastated.

7 - PART FOUR: Jealousy Tactics

(For more in-depth information on how to use jealousy to get your ex boyfriend back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


A lot of experts will tell you to not try to make your ex jealous. I will admit that I don’t necessarily agree with them on that. If you have a chance to bring up some deep inner feelings within him then I say go for it. Of course, if you are going to use jealousy on your ex boyfriend it has to be done a specific way.

It probably won’t go over too well if he checks on your Facebook profile and sees you making out with three different guys. No, using jealousy is an art. It has to be done subtly but at the same time be obvious enough for him to pick up on it. Here are a few examples of how to properly use jealousy.

Example 1- Movie With A Male Friend

In this example I am going to show you a specific text message that is meant to make your ex a little jealous. Notice how in the example below you didn’t specify if your movie date was with a male or a female. You basically leave it up to your ex to assume if you went to see a romantic movie with a guy or a girl.

romantic movie text

Example 2- Did I See You?

This one is a little riskier but you are almost guaranteed to make your ex a little jealous which will hopefully contribute to him missing you. In this text message you are basically saying that you mistook him for a “hot guy” at a bar (or any other place you can think of.) Again, this one is risky but the reward is definitely higher.

jealousy (did I see you at)

If you want to learn more about what you can text your ex boyfriend I recommend checking out “The Texting Bible.

Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Misses You

I actually wrote a guide on how to tell if your ex boyfriend is still in love with you already but I thought I would give a quick recap here. After all, it might be important to figure out the signs that your ex misses you so you can determine if what you are doing is working. Below I am just going to give you a bullet point list so you can quickly reference the signs.

  • If he texts you
  • If he calls you
  • If he shows up at places you frequent in a non stalker way (if it is stalker like then that is just creepy)
  • If he has positive reactions when you see him in person.
  • If he keeps in touch with your family.

If something on this page or website confuses you do not be afraid to comment in our comments section below. Remember, your comment, as long as it is legitimate, will be made live and I will respond to you personally.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (5,427)

  1. Ella - 0


    My bf broke up with me about a month and a half ago without intending to – he came in the conversation wanting to try but talked himself into breaking up. A week later, he wanted to get back together and try again, so I gave him a chance. 2 weeks later, he was being lukewarm every time we met up, so I confronted him and he confessed he was dealing with the classic “should I stay or should I go?” dilemma – he was very torn both ways and even said things like “I might regret this” and “I wish I’d taken more time to think about things before trying again,” but because he didn’t feel like trying (in the moment? In general?), I ended it.

    It’s been almost 1 month, no contact. I’m in 2 fitness/dance classes; I’m doing art again; I’m reaching out to old friends; I’m starting therapy; etc. but there is still a nagging unresolved feeling. I still have some of his stuff and I don’t know what to do in 1-2 weeks should I decide to start talking again. If he wanted to try again, I’d be up for it, but I’m not interested unless he really wants to try. Advice?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ella,

      I think you should, but don’t start off asking if he wants to try again. Just be friendly.

    • Ella - 0


      Should I even mention returning his stuff when I text him? Or should I just text him and be friendly as if nothing has happened and wait until he brings something up? I don’t want to lose control over the situation but I also want to gauge what he feels.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you can mention his stuff but there’s a possibility that he would just brush off getting them if it’s not important right? So, better to initiate a topic to talk about and then bring that up too, tell him you still have his stuff, if he wants them, just coordinate with you. Don’t make it all too serious..

  2. Kai - 0


    Would you recommend blocking the ex? Or allow him to see you via social media enjoying life & leave him unblocked to see if he contacts

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kai,

      it would be better to let him see your posts

  3. J - 0


    I had an on and off relationship with my ex, most of the break-ups was partially my fault. I would explode out of frustration and let my emotions take action without me thinking of what the results would be. I acted impulsive. I was under pressure with college work and other finance, that made me act out on the other break up and how insecure my ex was about other guys’ flirting with me (I am loyal and I told him to ignore them because I wouldn’t ever cheat.)

    The fourth one was over something stupid, i realize what I’ve done was another implusive behavior I initiated.
    I became desperate to get him back for 2 weeks.

    It came to a point that I was seeing no hope into getting him back because he block me from social medias that we communicated in (long distance). He has my friends and my brother still as his contacts. I was his first serious relationship, he had past exes whom cheated on him and the other he had lost all feelings for.

    I was the ungettable girl he thought he wouldn’t ever get with from the beginning. He says that I could get any guy I want but I only want him.

    It’s already 4 weeks since the break up, he still has pictures of us still on his Facebook, but I know he barely uses it. He said he was never going to delete them.
    The last time I talk to him, i know he still has feelings for me, but now his believing his friends of what was bad about me.

    I have started no contact and this is my 10th day. I am certain that he has the Grass is Greener in the other side syndrome.
    It hurt really bad when he said he no longer sees a future with me and I was trying to find out what parts in the relationship i did wrong. But he would always hang up on me.

    Would there be a chance again? What should I do?

  4. Confused - 0


    So I dated a guy for a couple months (yes a short time, I know). In that time things seemed perfect, we never had a fight or argument, and he would send me adoring notes and messages. He even went away for a week on vacation with his family and during that time we texted constantly and he told me how much he missed me and couldn’t wait to get home to see me (he also explained that he deleted all of his dating profiles in this time and said he had to fight off the girls saying he was taken). During our conversations he also told me that he had thought of me with his last name and about how amazing our future could be together. He even gave his mother my phone number when they were in the airport on the way home because she wanted to send me a picture she took of his smartwatch were he had put hearts next to my contact information in his phone that would show up every time I texted him. We then had a short conversation and she said she was excited to meet me and he talked very fondly of me. When he finally got home he even took a shift off work to spend more time with me because he had missed me so much. During this day we spent the day together and it was fantastic and everything seemed great, we even made it ‘official’ that night.

    A little over a week later he had a guys night with a friend but we were supposed to hang out the next day (our schedules are mixed so we only have limited time to see each other each week). I left him alone until I knew his friend was gone then asked him about the next day cuz I wasn’t sure if we actually had plans or not (we had agreed to go skiing but had not set up a time or anything else for it). We were both a bit overtired from different life circumstances, and for some reason the conversation turned into random bickering over literally nothing, it was very confusing.

    The next morning we agreed that we would meet for lunch, although he said he didn’t think we needed to really talk about the conversation because there really wasn’t much substance to it anyway. Lunch was strange but ok, but he then informed me before leaving that he was going to leave for another couple days to spend time with his parents because he thought we needed some time to cool off. I texted him later that day and asked what that meant and when I would actually get to see him again since that was the only times for another week that we both had free time. He then told me he was having second thoughts and thought that we had jumped into everything too quickly and that he was done.

    I am so confused with this situation and have no idea what to do. It has been almost a week with no contact and I am dying because I miss him and I truly just do not understand what happened. What should I do?

  5. Confused - 0


    I am so confused, I haven’t talked to my boyfriend or ex boyfriend in about two weeks…
    We were out with his friends, We were having a conversation about something trivial and he said he knew it better because he is a professional…anyway…I went to hug him he said he was so pissed at me do not even touch me…night went on, suddenly I saw him leaving meanwhile I was talking with this gentleman (old btw) I thought well I guess we are leaving, I got in the car and asked him why he didn’t say we were leaving, his response was that I should’ve known because there were only 6 people at the bar… after that he started yelling raging at me about the comment from before that he was the professional…he accused me of getting everybody involved, which is not true, we were all sitting at the same table! And he became the hulk, cursing at me, I apologized I didn’t saw it as such a big deal me having an idea and him saying I was wrong because he was the professional…he criticized my career all the time or make fun of it, if I said he hurt my feelings it turns that it is my problem for not having a thicker skin, because he is critical and if I get not handle it then we better cut the relationship (btw a lot of times when I tried to talk to him or say something he would threaten that then isn’t going to work) Sorry back to that night, he had a few and treated me awful, called me names, he said I was rude, cursed so much … at a point I said I’m sorry maybe we need to talk about this when there isn’t so many jack and cokes involved…he rage at me, at a moment told me to f*** off, and kept going…. I was always told by him that he would get me a refill on my drink because I was his girl etc etc but that night he accused me of being rude, I didn’t say thank you or please, which I know is not true, he called me a princess and through at my face that I was being rude when he was paying ! After I just shut up, then he went into how f-ing sick was he of this, told me I don’t want to hear your voice etc etc …we arrived to his place, he stopped next to my car, said “you can stay here if you want” but I got of the car meanwhile he was keep saying things, I got into my car and left.
    Next morning I received a text message apologizing for saying hurtful things and frustration grab the best of him… I didn’t respond, nobody even my Parents yelled or treated me the way he did.
    This was not the first time he exploded that way, specially after drinking.
    My confusion is HOW someone can be that way, he was always being loving, worried about me, my well being, telling me how lucky he was for having me and how happy he was we met, he wanted to move in together, eventually get married, he was going to get me a promise ring…actually we both we were going to give one each other in symbol of our love and commitment, he wanted me to move in with him, but I said it was a little soon…he lives at a 4 room house, one is his studio/office, he would stay at my place most of the nights, so he rented three of the rooms and moved his bed into his studio, because whatever…. he was basically living with me, and planned on moving in to a new place in a few months, all this HIS plan for us…
    I miss him, I stopped contact after that text apologizing because I was so hurt, sad, shocked, I couldn’t believe it. After a week of no contact On a weak night I called him…for those things that happened one of my friends called me meanwhile I was on the phone with him, I told him I needed to take the call and I would call him back….but I didn’t call back. A couple of days after he sent me a text at 12:15AM asking for something random that happened to my car… I keep trying to not call, I don’t know if he is good for me, if I can call it the verbal/emotional abuse is going to stop? Did I create it?
    What can I do? I think about him constantly, miss him, want to share events of my life with him, is so hard to not contact…,
    Sore for the longest message ever, I appreciate your help
    Thank you very much

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused,

      nope, you didnt cause it.. it’s not the first time right? it looks like that’s his personality..

  6. Lovely - 0


    My bf broke with me yesterday after a huge fight about how i destroyed his career opportunities by conflicts during his exams and saying that i am very immature and a crybaby. He said he needs space and i am very clingy. I apologised and agreed and he explained me everything he doesnt like in me. He said he loves me but i am very immature . I asked him if he can give me a chance ..or if he wants he can leave the relationship, to which he replied that he cant afford to give me a chance. I just said okay and we have’nt talked since last night. I blocked him on social media as well.
    What should i do to get him back ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lovely,

      do you want to do the no contact rule and the advice above?

  7. Hnnh - 0


    Hey. I commented but i didnt know if it got through. If it did then you could ignore this.

    My ex and i have been tgt for 4 years. We broke up six months back. Initially he said he didnt love me anymore. Then he came back two months ago and told me he still loved me and slept with me. After that he went ghost and when i confronted him, he said he isnt ready for a relationship. I was mad of course but then i still came back, he gave me cold replies unless it was about sex. I just found out he started talking to this girl two days ago. He told me he didnt love me anymore and the girl seemed like his type. Is she a rebound? How do i get over this?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nope…he madr you his friend with benefits.. first, don’t sleep with him again.. second, do you want to do nc again?

    • Hnnh - 0


      Yeah. Not contacting him anymore. But the fact he has this new girl is bugging me. Is she just a rebound or is this for real? Their convos look a lot like how we both started (i hacked into his social media) and i scared it’s something real

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s probably not a rebound.. and if it’s for real, then all the more that you should focus in improving yourself

    • Hnnh - 0


      But he’s also done this alot of times when we were tgt. Talk and flirt with other girls and claim them as friends. Im confused if this could be one of them.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well whether it’s real or not, you can only control yourself,so focus in yourself..

  8. Boy - 0


    Which one is the best option? The first option i very feel comfortable with her and the second gf is that I feel very passionate with her. We are only compatible in bed.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Boy

      what are your non negotiables and who meets them?

    • Boy - 0


      I’m still confused, I need both of them at one time. I really feel comfortable with the first gf. While the second gf gave me satisfaction in bed. It hard to make a choice.. dilemma

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, because yore fulfilling yoir wants and needs from two different people..when you’re old and you cant4 have sex, what kind of person do you see yourself with?

    • Boy - 0


      I’m still confused, I need both of them at one time. I really feel comfortable with the first gf. While the second gf gave me satisfaction in bed. It hard to make a choice.. dilemma

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, because yore fulfilling yoir wants and needs from two different people..when you’re old and you cant4 have sex, what kind of person do you see yourself with?

  9. Sarah - 0


    Hi there,

    I was dating a guy for 8 months, he is from the middle east and I am from the UK. He was here to study. Everything was fine in the beginning until he started spending more time with friends, not talking to me as much and blowing off plans and not giving me the time i wanted. I’m not an unreasonable person, so I already didn’t talk to him too much because I didn’t want to make him get sick of me and i would see him maybe once every 1/2 weeks. However, i found that once he realised i was his, he was not making much of an effort anymore. We did have 2-3 arguments but nothing heated or offensive, just about how he was bad at communicating and that it was not difficult since i didn’t expect much anyway!

    Additionally, he had a lot of supposed stress with exams and his parents being disappointed with his results. He tried to end the relationship as we are from different cultures (but the same religion) but he backed out because he was in love with me. I think he didn’t want to commit to me from the beginning but strung me along because i was a ‘nice, good girl’ that had everything he wanted and that ‘he will never find anyone like me’ (he doesn’t trust most girls and sees them as conniving) and he was ‘scared of losing me’ . He would drunk text me at times saying i am the one etc.

    He told me he would have to go back to his country soon due to his failed exams and his parents potentially kicking him out due to disappointment. I also noticed he did not want to have sex with me anymore.

    So the last time i saw him i confronted him about this and he then had sex with me. The next day I found out through social media that he was back in his country. I was hurt and I contacted him and he eventually replied and broke up with me stating that it was due to him not coming back to the UK. He said that I am pretty, kind and have a good heart and he wants me to have a good start again.
    However, a day later i found out through social media that he was actually still in the country and out clubbing with his friends. I felt betrayed as he had lied and I contacted him but he didn’t respond to any messages or calls.
    After that day of finding out, I contacted him a week later to return his things. i never once begged or cried to take him back or anything and never wrote any soppy messages. He did not reply to that text or call either. 2 weeks after that, i gave in and sent him a text saying i just want to know why you did this to me, i know we’ve broken up and that’s fine whatever makes you happy but i just want to know why you did it like that.

    The fact that he lied was what really hurt and upset me. I can handle rejection and i expected him to behave like a mature adult and the level of disrespect made me think he is a coward and never loved me.

    Anyway, on new years eve, I found out that he is still in the country and out clubbing (not seeking information, just by luck i found out this info) so I mentally closed myself off from ever contacting him again.

    So he has not contacted me for a total of 50 days since i discovered his lie and i last contacted him 30 days ago. He has just last week called me on private number and then at 3.30am from his international number which was not withheld. Then a day later, he video called me but i did not answer any calls. It has been 2 days since then and I am confused about what to do next?

    Should i not pick up or reply to any of his messages/calls at all and for how long?
    Also, my friends told me to answer his next call as he has called 3 times and even better to answer a withheld number as it looks like i would not know it was him?

    What do you advise and any help would be much appreciated.

    Please could you also not post the entire message because I don’t want anyone realising who the story belongs to please!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      Id have to post this so you can read my reply.. but for me, you should move on from him..if you really want to hear why he did what he did for closure, you have to talk to him..

  10. Hnnh - 0


    Broke up with my ex of 4 years 6 months back. Initially he said feelings faded. He came back 2 months ago, told me he loved me and slept with me. Then went ghost for a week and when i asked, he said be did love me but can’t be committed to a r/s. Earlier this month, tried contacting him again but seemed quite distant except if we’re talking abt sex. Confronted him abt his feelings and said that he didnt love me anymore. But i just found out he’s contacting another girl? Is this girl a rebound? She seems like his perfect girl tho…

  11. Angel - 0


    We broke up in the summer. Tried getting back together but he decided no. Bc I slept with someone when we broke up. Then I told him goodbye 3 weeks ago and said only to contact me if he wanted to date me. Then I was reading your site and it said that if the relationship ended In a big fight to send a text to smooth that over so he would have a positive memory. So tonight I sent a copy of the text on this site ; “Hi Dayne, I know a lot has been said between us a few weeks ago. I just wanted to tell you that I look back on our time very fondly and I hold nothing against you. I wish you the best in your life. Don’t be a stranger.”….. he replied “same”. Then he tried calling. I didn’t answer. Is it a good sign he called? He has abandonment issues so now do I go through with more of the no contact period? 30 days? I said “don’t be a stranger” so is it going to damage our chance of getting together if I do the NCR now?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Angel,

      yeah, that was a good text but confusing once you start the no contact rule.. you have to tell him you need space to heal..and then do nc..

  12. Logan C - 0

    Logan C

    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me in December. We were off and on, seemed like every year or so he would think that we were not working and felt that we just weren’t meant for each other. We got back together and he proposed to me in May 2016. 6 months later, I confront him of constantly hanging and texting with a mutual friend of ours and it blows up in my face. He says our break up has nothing to do with with this friend but has to do with the problems we had throughout our relationship and how it we say we are going to work on things but never do. He takes this as “us not being meant for eachother”. I found out that friend is now seeing my ex which really hurts (I hope it is just a phase). After repeated texts from my ex telling me to move on that he does not want to continue our relationship that I need to move on, I have decided to relocate out of the state. I moved for him where he has all his family here and he goes to grad school here while I am starting in a new market for real estate. I was only here for him and I have no family or friends here. I am completely sad that he has made this decision and will not talk to me specially knowing I am leaving in a few days. I love him to death and want nothing more than to spend my life with him but I know he doesnt feel the same way now. I need some advice if someone can give it. I am trying the No Contact Rule but with me leaving the state so soon, it is hard because I miss him so much. ME LEAVING THE STATE, WILL THIS HURT MY CHANCE OF BEING TOGETHER?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Logan,

      just treat it as a long distance relationship if you are getting back together..that’s good that you’re going to do nc.. be active in posting in social media

  13. Shayla Williams - 0

    Shayla Williams

    Hello, here is my story…
    My now ex boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, and his reasoning was, he wants to spend more time thinking about his 3 kids and not be in a relationship. He wants me to find somebody that wants to have kids and get married, because I’ve never had either one, and he said it’s not fair to me to stay with him if he doesn’t want that. Prior to that, (we’ve been together for a year by the way, and known each other for 20 years since Jr. High) he was the one saying that he wouldn’t mind having 2 more kids, and his goal was to marry me in the future in the beginning of our relationship. His baby Mama is the one who won’t let his kids be around me, which is what kicked it off in the first place, so he said he was trying to save up to get his own place so the kids can come over and spend time with him.

    But here is the kicker… earlier this week, as I was walking down stairs I saw him texting another girl, she sent a picture of herself and they were sending long texts back and forth, and I got pretty upset about it and I confronted him about it as well. I asked him what did I do, and what was wrong with me. I use to be that girl that he is texting and where did I go wrong… he had nothing to say. The absolute very first time that he was speechless. He apologized when I asked him about it, but he still did not give me an answer as to what they had going.

    We also live together and doing the NC is pretty hard when you don’t know how to do the NC if he is there. How will it make him miss me and want me back? I did, however, tell him that if he wants to continue to talk to other females he pack his stuff and leave, he hasn’t went anywhere. But I’m sure while he’s at work he is still talking to her. Also, as I’m trying to do the NC, part of it is going to workout after I get off work, and going to bed before he does to see where he going to fall asleep… and every night he gets in the bed with me. Not to mention he gets as close as possible instead of being on his side of the bed.

    I really want him back because we had no issues in our relationship whatsoever, don’t get me wrong we have the norm of couple arguements but nothing that would cause us to break up. His family loves me, and they are as shocked as I am. So my question is since we are still living together, how can the NC work, especially if I want him back and I want him to miss me and I see him everyday?

  14. Alexandra - 0


    Hi! So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and we got into an argument last Friday (today is Thursday). He basically changed plans last minute with me to go to a basketball game with his friends. He asked me if I wanted to go but I said no because I had a feeling I wouldn’t have fun and that he wouldn’t pay attention to me. This was probably the 4th or 5th time he has changed plans last minute and I got really upset because I told him we had 1. not spent time together alone in awhile 2. I felt as though he doesn’t want to spend time with me and 3. When we do spend time with each other it is always at his or my house. We haven’t actually gone out in awhile. He told me that he does want to spend time with me but that the basketball game was “important” to his friend. I got so angry and I acted irrationally and said “okay i’m done, this is enough. i don’t deserve to be a second choice.” We didn’t talk Friday night, all of Saturday, or all of Sunday because I felt as though he should come to me and apologize. He texted me at 12 am Sunday (basically Monday) and he said he needed time to think about his feelings. Long story short, yesterday (Wednesday). He said he wants time to be himself and to be independent. He said he won’t be with another girl cuz he just doesn’t want a relationship. Also, he said we could try things again in the summer if we still wanted to since he has a lot of things going on (Church activities, sports, etc). He said we could still be friends but it’s just awkward. He snapchats me and I feel awkward. I feel as though I can’t really be his friend because I just want to be with him, in a relationship. What do I do?? Summer is basically 5 months away. I don’t want to wait but at the same time he could change his mind soon right? It’s hard for me to let this go because he has been there for me through so many of my personal issues and I am very close with his family. What do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alexandra,

      do you want to try the advice above?

    • Alexandra - 0


      Hi thanks so much for your reply. Just a little update, today would have been our anniversary and he deleted pictures of us off of his instagram but he kept 1 up, our first picture together. I deleted some a few days ago and kept 2 up so I guess it’s fair he deleted some but it still bothers me of course. It hurt my feelings to see they were deleted. We have talked minimally these past few days and I realized how much anger I have inside of me for what he did. He dumped me over text, couldn’t even call, and he gave me what seemed to be sugarcoated reasons. I don’t know where to go from here. I want to get back together and work things out. He and his family are very important to me but it seems like each day the chances of us getting back together become slimmer and slimmer. What is your best advice for me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s still a good sign because it means he still thinks of you.. Try the no contact rule and follow the advice above.. Focus in improving yourself

  15. Brooke Cardeccia - 0

    Brooke Cardeccia

    My ex and I broke up a week ago after almost a year and a half of dating (we’ve been on and off for the past 6 years). His reasoning was that he doesn’t like the way our relationship is going and he feels we are never going to work because we’ve tried so many times. When he broke up with me he said to give it 2-3 weeks of no talking or contact at all (which I have broken a few times already to his annoyance) and if he misses the relationship he will come back and if not then it is permanent. He also stated that if he figures it out before the 2-3 weeks then he’ll let me know. This is his way of keeping me away from guys I assume and keeping me on my toes. What do I do?! HELP PLEASE!!!!

  16. Lulu - 0


    my boyfriend broke up with me or he actually pushed me to break up with him by playing cold and pushing me away,,
    I’m 29 and he is 35,,
    we have long distance relationship and he was spouse to come to visit me for a week!! he didn’t!!! and he started making his calls less and just text a little saying he is busy all the time or tired ( i felt bad and sad ,, he was ignoring and neglecting me ) and whenever i ask him whats wrong he say (you r crazy!! nothing is wrong) or he just be nice for couple of days and go back to his staying away strategy,,, i was patient for a month and trying to give him all the excuses !! until i blew up one day!! i told him i can’t take this anymore and if he doesn’t want me he should just say it !! he was shocked and he said i kept distance coz i didn’t want to hurt u !! and he doesn’t know why is it that he is not ready to settle down or he is selfish or he doesn’t feel that click anymore !! and he kept saying don’t cry I’m selfish and I’m not good in relationships!!
    a month before that he was talking about marriage !!
    so we broke up 4 days ago and we didn’t have any contact since the breakup ,, I’m really sad!! I don’t know what i did wrong or why things went to that direction !!! everything was fine before that , i hope we can have another chance together !!

  17. Jesse - 0


    Hey Amor,

    This is a little time sensitive if you could get back to me ASAP I’d really appreciate:

    I posted on Dec. 17 about my ex and I continuing in counseling or not even though he wants to remain broken up. We haven’t spoken in 23 days. I forwarded him the electric bill, which I was paying for, in mid December, and told him to change the account information. Lo and behold, the money came out of my account on Dec. 20th. We were already four days into NC so I figured whatever, he just hasn’t gotten around to it yet and I lived there in November anyway, I don’t want to break no contact.

    I get the email again today. He still hasn’t switched over the information. So essentially I’m forced to break NC. And maybe he just forgot but knowing my ex, he’s being manipulative/playing games (or at least a combination of the two) and I’m just pissed. Do I say “I’m really frustrated you haven’t taken care of this yet?” Do I check in? Do I just forward the email?

    Feeling manipulated is SO frustrating because it says that they care, but what kind of caring is it?! All the vulnerability has laid with me for so long, and it’s partly my fault because I let it happen, but I just want him to be easier. . .you know? He’s such a good guy when he just let’s his guard down.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jesse,

      just forward the email, wait if he replies. If he doesn’t, then politely tell to please change then information as soon as he can..

  18. Rachel - 0


    My ex and I were together for 2 years and a half and were enganged. He broke up with me 6 months ago. We had a very troublesome relationship and he says that’s the reason he broke it off. Our relationship was just too damaged and that we needed time to heal. I am still very much in love with him and would like for us to get back together.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Rachel,

      How much did you change in the last 6 months? When did you last talk? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  19. lilly - 0


    Okay, so it has been 3 months since he broke up with me. After first month he came to me drunk and told me he missed me and love me but does not sure if he wants to experience the same things and fight all the time. Yes, we used to fight a lot especially because of jealousy but the only problem we have was jealousy fights. I am 17 and he is 17 too. We dated for nearly one year. After the day he came drunk we started texting for a week or so. Then we stopped talking again until the time I called him and told him I missed him a lot. However, it did not create any change. We met, talked, had fun a few times. After these, he came to me drunk again. He said he still misses me and loves me. However, we did not talk until one night after one week of drunk visiting, he came to me and asked me if my life is going on enough well and he missed me and he missed talking and missed having fun with me. We spend 5-6 hours together, just talking and laughing. After that day, we started talking, calling and texting each other every night for two or three weeks. However, five days ago I heard he is also talking with another girl and flirting with her. I asked him and the only answer he gave was there is no serious thing but also it is none of your business. All of his friends tried to make me believe that he just gibes with her and there is no serious thing. Even he thinks she is not his type and too bitchy for him but he still talks with her carelessly. I know she is into him and he is not. But after the day we had a fight we stopped talking. We are at the same school and we are always bumping into each other. All we have is a fake smile while passing next to each other. However, I know I am in love with him like the first day we started dating. And I am not sick of that same old love. I know I want him back but I am not sure with my next step I need your advice.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lilly,

      Do you want to try the no contact rule and start focusing in improving yourself?

  20. Wendy - 0


    Me and my partner had been together for seven years. We own a house, bought it together last year, not married, no kids. He said if I didn’t want a big wedding he’d go to the registry office tomorrow and get married now.

    He became more and more serious about excercise and marathons, so we stopped eating out as he was so strict with his diet and badminton (we used to play together) wasn’t strenuous enough for him. During the week in the last few months we would eat separately, watch things separately, go to bed to watch something, but he’d fall asleep within 5minutes around 8pm. On more than one occasion I’d said that we needed to do more things together, little things like eating together or at least the same time, go for a walk or watch something together first and then do our own thing in the evening so he doesn’t fall asleep, as I would feel lonely on occasion.

    We went on holiday in October, got up early and were always doing things and had a great time. He said he had the best day of his life and was so happy. When we got back middle of October he kept looking at our photographs and saying the time we spent together was amazing.

    11th December even though we’d done a few things since our holiday, we started not doing things in the week, like sitting together. I was dramatic asking why he didn’t want to spend time with me, did he still love me. He said he didn’t think there was a problem. I asked if we should go on a break to see if he wanted to see me, but he doesn’t believe in breaks and refused to see a counsellor. I asked if he wanted to see other people to see if I was the problem. He said no, agreed to try more, all seemed fine.

    14th December he says he thought about what I’ve been saying and realised I had a point, our lives were too separate and we’ve grown apart and nothing could be done. He stated that he knows he will say he will do better but won’t and that since the argument he hasn’t made more of an effort. I advised that we’d had meals together and that the dust had to settle and I was holed up as had the flu and not to base the decision on the last few days. He said he loved me, will always love me, meant every he said about the holiday, about marrying me, but it wasn’t enough, something must be wrong if he isn’t naturally wanting to be spending time together. I said now was the time to try but he said he already tried, I said if he only just understood me he couldn’t have, he said he’d either tried and if he hasn’t that’s a sign it won’t work. I said it is natural to get complacent, but he believes we’ve grown apart. I said if that was the case we wouldn’t enjoy each other’s company and would be indifferent. He started saying he didn’t think he was able to give me life I wanted, bigger house even though I’ve never said that and told him that too. He’s been wanting a better job and I recently got offered a new one and I don’t know if he’s reevaluating his career (my new job is still less money so this shouldn’t be a reason).

    I spoke to him the next day and said it had gotten out of hand and to think. He said he didn’t know. He went to a hotel. He didn’t know the following day or the day after. On 19th he sent me a message at 9am saying he wouldn’t change his mind. He came in the afternoon and said the same and said it would be easy to come back, but this is for the best. I asked when he made the decision and he said he didn’t know until 9am. Asked me to tell him when I was away for Christmas so he could stay at our house. He agreed we would see each other and talk before he moved his things out. I said it would be painful to come home and find his things gone and he said he wouldnt do that. He said it would be too difficult to live together or be in the house. Told me to leave lists of things he needed to know about the house and he would continue paying half as always.I said I’d leave his presents I’d already got him and he said he’d open them.

    On 21st i asked if I could speak to him as had to discuss things with him, he sent me a extra asking what. The next morning he wanted the dates I’d be away. I asked if we could talk, he said he needed space and to send him a message. I said I didn’t want to be ignored or for him to misunderstand me, he said to email him. I gave him details of when I would be away and said everything else in an email on 23rd December. I gave him all the details of what was needed with the house and asked him to take time to reconsider and some day it would be too late and to let me know. I said not to rush, take time and I would give him space.

    I decided to start NC from that point. I didn’t hear from Him.I came back on 27th to discover he’d moved more of his things out. He didn’t open his presents and put them in the spare room. I maintained NC.

    Today I got an email from him saying;

    Subject line: House – Sigh


    I hope you had a good Christmas / New Year. Difficult I know under the circumstances.

    We need to decide what we are going to do with the house.

    This isn’t easy and I’m speaking to you with the best of intentions. I’m not trying to make any money and just want this to be sorted as painlessly as possible.

    My preference would be for me to take over paying the mortgage and be the sole owner.

    Would obviously need to speak with Principality to work out the details.

    What do you think?

    Alternatively I would be happy for you to do the same but I would want my deposit back.

    I would rather not sell and waste money on fees etc. My understanding is that if we did sell I would receive my deposit back – £7000, before splitting the rest 50/50.

    Regardless of this I cannot continue paying the bills etc for a house that I no longer live in.


    I want to point out that he chose to move out, I’ve said he could’ve stayed in the other room, he has enough savings for rent, everything legally is equally joint and we cannot sell it or another year due to a stipulation in the deed. I’m not worried about him not paying his share and i think he doesn’t realise the situation is more complicated than just changing the mortgage.

    He’s not very social, doesn’t see his friends much, not close to his family, doesn’t have Facebook. He literally won’t hear about me or bump into me.

    We broke up within the first six months of our relationship because he didn’t know if he wanted a relationship and wanted to play on his Xbox, had NC and after 3 weeks he’d completely changed his mind and wanted to get back together.

    By the way I’m 28, he’s 31. Apart from me he had a relationship for 2months, nothing longer.

    Now I don’t know what to do. Is it too late? Am I ridiculous for thinking he will see that our problem is easily solved, just need to spend time together?

    Do I continue NC? If i do once it’s over and I contact him won’t he cling to this negative email or see through my text and think I’m mad to get in touch without acknowledging the email? We’ve only been over for a little over 2weeks.

    Do I continue NC or email just in relation to the house? Do I just accept it’s over? If I carry on with NC what do I do if he calls or comes to the house? Today was day 11 of NC. It’s been about a week since he took his stuff to his sister’s.

    I’m working on myself, going out with friends, but feel wretched all the time. I don’t see how he’s so cold so quickly.

    The email he sent today was at 5:31 this morning. Is it bad this was his first thought or more of an indication he hates being at someone’s home?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi wendy

      it’s ok to talk to him about the house, just make it about the house only. From what I see, it’s like you’ve grown apart or he out grew you. He found something to be active with but you still want the same thing with him. That’s not wrong though. Of course you need to spend time together. That’s how relationships work but instead of just doing it, like inviting him to walk right at that moment. Making a bowl of meal and then handing it to him, and then talking about how both your days went,that way you’re already eating together and bonding.. but him hearing it from you, made him think you’re demanding because he’s lacking effort for you, and for him that’s because he just wants to focus with his activities now and not think about how to make you happy..

      So, if you ever get back together, initiate more of what you want the both of you to do.. if he’s
      always not engaging after several attempts then that’s really on his end.. That’s when you talk more deeply.. and it would be easier for you to walk away..

      right now, for me, the best you can do is to accept that its easier for him to move on because he’s very active in his life right now. If you want a chance, leave the previous relationship. Take this as a restart. Slowly rebuild rapport and attraction after no contact period like both of you have chosen to move on and you’re just starting out as friends again..

  21. Hopeful - 0


    My boyfriend broke up with me because he feels it’s selfish of him to expect me to be in the relationship when he wants to go work over seas in a few years.
    We only fought when I asked him to message me more, because its hard for me when we are not together (not feeling the love). When we saw eachother there was no doubt for me that we were good together and how he felt about me.
    He said we could be friends, but I really think we should be together. We are not talking at the moment (NC) but he was never a talker over messanging. Do I have a chance?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hopeful,

      well, he has to want to be with you, if he doesn’t want that, then there’s no relationship.. But if you’re not talking at the moment, it’s only considered a no contact period for you if you focus in improving yourself and then contact him later on while still improving yourself. Like, do 30 days of no contact.

  22. Lindsey - 0


    My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years and living together, although we are only 16. Since living with him, his family has become like my own. He moved out and into his dads house so that I could stay with his mom. (His decision) The night that he broke up with me, he talked to his mom about it first and she cried. He told her that I was his best friend and that we have such a connection and that’s why breaking up with me is so hard. When he broke up with me, we were both crying. He said that he needed space but that he loves me. After talking about it, he asks me to watch one of our favorite shows with him. I decline, I just wanted to be by myself to cry. This was about 4 weeks ago. After he’s moved out, he decides to tell me that he’s talking to 2 other girls, but that it’s nothing serious. Anytime we are around each other it’s so uncomfortable, I can’t even look him in the eye. I love him so much and would do anything to have him back, but what really hurts the most is that we were best friends and now we barely even speak. Anytime something happens good or bad, I just want to talk to him. I just wish he would reach out to me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Lindsey,

      why did he break up with you and are you going to move out?

  23. chubbyRN - 0


    Just broke up with ex 2 days ago. He’s 29 Im 26. I broke up with him coz he’s emotionally unavailable. We’ve been dating for 7 months already but it feels it’s been a one way street. He said he likes me but he’s not inlove with me. He said I rush things and blames me why our relationship is effin up. Everytime I ask him to go out and go to places, he turns me down. Then he’ll tell me he’s a sarcastic prick but he’ll say yes eventually. I think he’s emotionally manipulating me. Thus, breaking up with him. Which I think is the best decision. I do like him.. a lot and I miss him plus his fam are the best. When I broke up with him he said he wants us to talk eventually and our break up bothers him and he’s hoping for us to be friends in the future. Im confused. No contact at this time. It just feels we’re still hangin on the edge. Help. 🙁

  24. Maria - 0


    This is my story: 6 months ago I met this guy, who i did not like at the beginning, but with his gestures he just conquered me, we had a very harmonic and passionate relationship, the only minus side was that i was a little intense, but it was because he was always texting less and making excuses to see me less, you know i wasnt his priority and tnd a shot, I changed, I calmed down a lot, gave him more space, but now he just did not call, or text, I was doing all the work, but when we were in person (we live in different cities) everything was perfect, and our connection was very strong. The issues continued, his hot and cold attitude, he was afraid to present me his friends, and I was cool with it, and everytime less and less texts and calls, and i always insisted, and it was kind of working. I always spoilt him and showered him with attention, and in person he as well was sweet and caring. A couple of weeks ago, he had a crisis, anxiety, again because he feels so unhappy and he wants to let his past behind and he just cannot, and i listened, gave him advice, and asked many times what I was to him, and if he wanted me in his life: the answer always: YEs, you are someone that love very much. I was happy and I told him i was going to fight for him, unless he did not want me. For xmas out of the blue (i was not pressing) he invited me to his parents house for xmas dinner, and all (his folks and I) were delighted. Then I asked him, so what are we going to do for new years? (i asked him at the beggining of december and he told me he does not have plans, and I told him i wanted to spend it with him, did not care with whom else) His answer: Wih my friends, and I stood there in one piece, he forgot about me, I was kind of mad, but reacted very cold and then calmed down and told him to solve the problem, that i do not have problems with his friends, that I just wanted to spend it with him, but he alwasy hesitated that i meet his friends, because of his story with his exgf.. So suddenly 2 days before new years eve, he dumped me, because he came to the conclusion (with of course the help of a friend) that he could not love me more, or better said he was not in love, but love me, and feel pressured to be inlove with me, i tried to explain him that this is normal, and that it can take time, but he did not want to listen… I personally think he is not in love with his ex, but he is very emotionally dependant on her, and that is a big problem, anyway his exgf lives in another country, and its not like they are getting back together. I also aksed him, if he loves me more, and he answered yes, but not enought to be with you, but I love you more than a friend, so WTF? Now im heartbroken, confused and a little angry at myself, because my only sin was to shower him with affection and love, but his eyes told me another story ( I saw love in his eyes), our connection and attraction was still very strong, and come on, he presented me his parents for Gods sake. I just cannot bring myself to give up hope, but i dont want to pin for someone that doesnt want to. Im trying the nc rule, this happened 3 days ago, and since then no cantact had been made. Im just confused.. What do you think? Do I have any hope or chance for that matter? He told me im too good, and that he has only positive feelings about me, Is a matter of time and space? I cannot be crazy, our connetion was very strong, one cannot fake that, or yes?? Thnk you for your advice

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria

      try 30 days of no contact. You said he’s dependent on his ex? they’re still talking even when you’re together? Are you the rebound?

    • Maria - 0


      Hi Amor thank you for your answer, he and his exgf had a very instable relationship, they always lived in different countries, and as long as I know they were travelling back and forth (10years). Then they decided to move in together in his country and she could not adapt to it, so she told him to come over to her or leave it, he chose to stay there. They just stopped contacting but i see they are still friends on fb, and she always like his things, he sometimes do this as well. About the rebound, truthfully I dont know, but after they left it, he went out with another girl and chased me for 6 months until I relented (I did not know this), so now he decided he wants to be alone, and broke my heart at the same time. I asked him many times if he is still in love with her, and he told me no, because things did not work up, and he was still very hurt, because he gave more than 150% and she was always homesick, I myself told him to talk to her, and he did it, and he told her he was with me, and that night he was upset, but at the next day he was fine. Then 2 weeks ago he had an anxiety attack because i think he still has regrets about his decision, then I asked him that if he wants to look for her do it, or if he wants to let her go, he told me the latter. But I see when he published something, she put hearts, I asked him if they talk, he again told me no. I hate this situation, because from the beginning I was clear, then I was in love, and I know how it is to be depressed. So I ended up being the victim here. I still dont believe they are going to be back together, and we had such a good time, and such strong connection and put so much time and energy, now im just heartbroken, Im still doing NC, and want things to work up, but dont know what can I do besides giving him space, like I said before do I have any chance? and of course he wants to be friends with benefits with me, but im not giving on that one..

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think so but you have to start being in control of yourself. Improve yourself. Dont be a victim. It will now depend on your standards if you still want to try. Assess your non-negotiables

  25. John - 0


    Hey, my girlfriend of 6 years told me “I care about you and I do love you. Sometimes I just feel like if I stay in a relationship I’m never gonna get that time in life where I was by myself, where I learned how to be alone, where my focus was literally only me. The truth is I rushed back into the relationship b/c I love you but I didn’t quite think about it, I just went with my heart.”

    What do I do? We just got back together for a month after a year of a break and now she tells me this

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi John,

      how old are you both? are you always together?

    • John - 0


      We are both 22 and I was at school while she was back at home but we saw each other atleast once every month and now I’m back home for good

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah, do you want to try the no contact rule? Even if it was after a year since you got back together, this time focus in improving yourself. Make it seem like you’ve accepted her decision and that you’re moving on before rebuilding rapport with her.

    • John - 0


      I told her yesterday I needed space and distance. What do I do now? She seems angry at me

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just let her be angry..she probably expected you to chase.. or she could manage to be friends because she’s still used to talking to you.. focus in improving yourself

    • John - 0


      I still have not communicated. How long should the no contact rule be?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do at least 30 days..

    • John - 0


      It has been 30 days already

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If it was not focused in improving yourself, you have to restart the count. And then be active in posting in social media too. If you did, initiate contact now, and start to slowly rebuild rapport.

  26. North - 0


    Me and my boyfriend were together for 4 months. He always told me that I was the most beautiful girl he has seen and how much he loved and appreciated me because he could be himself 100% with me and because he also saw me as his best friend who can make him laugh all the time. Everything actually went perfectly until he took a talk with his conservative father. We are from two different nationalities and his parents are really conservative and religious (we share the same religion though i’m protestant and he is catholic). His father told him that there is no way that they will accept a girl from another culture and he respects his father A LOT! Because of that he broke up with me because he felt he was wasting mine and his time by keeping a relationship that (he thinks) won’t last because of his parents. It’s been 6 days now and today is the first day that I haven’t have contact to him. The other days we have either been texting or videochatting to find solutions, but everytime he ends up concluding it to be impossible for us. One of the day’s we also met and made out a little. I’ve begged him for 4 days, but stopped 2 days ago. Now I’m just left with a broken heart and hoping to get him back, because I know he loves me a lot 🙁 btw he is 24 and I’m 23.
    I really want him to stand up for us and tell his parents that I am the girl he wants and they have to accept it.
    Is there any good advice you can give to my situation?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi North,

      don’t beg and don’t chase. If you really want a guy to stand up for you, you have to stand for yourself. You have to learn to let go of the people who will not fight for you.

  27. Gloria - 0


    We have been dating for a yr nw nd he normally says he’s d luckiest person 2 hv me… Two days bk he asked 4 my nudes nd I dint oblige… We dint talk 4 2 days nd den I sent him a message nd he askd y I sent it nd I told him twz coz I wz sending it 2 every1 on my friends list nd dt he can remove me 2 stop gtn dem…. Later in d evening I cld nd he went on nd on saying tins till he said twz d pix dt got him angry… Nd dt I should allow him 2 enjoy himself.. Nd I said owk… Den he went ahead posting stuffs on FB 2 mke Mockery of me indirectly… Even tho he dint block me on any social media…. I miss him like crazy.. Nd I wnt him 2 do so 2…. What do I do??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gloria,

      when did you break up? for me it was right that you didnt send nude pics..very disrespectful of him

  28. Lexi - 0


    My best friend and I each had things with two best friends. My guy is Guy 1 and hers is Guy 2. We would always go on double dates and stuff but nothing was ever made official. I knew he liked me and he knew I liked him. But then my best friend and guy 2 broke up but guy 1 and I kept talking. But then I posted something on social media of my best friend with another guy to make guy 2 jealous. Later that night guy 1 said him and i were done because our best friends hate each other. Guy 1 told me we couldn’t be a thing anymore and I was devastated but then a few days later he asked to hang out and we ended up hanging out and it was really fun. Then we had a small conversation over text two days later but now he did not reply to my last text. I don’t know where we stand but I need to get him back some how.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lexi,

      how old are you both? do you want to try the no contact rule?

  29. Simone - 0



    I think I’m dying. It feels so. In a year, my boyfriend and I have been together. 10 months out of them, we have lived together in a small apartment and fought a lot, breaking up and up and up, and been quite isolated, although we have not moved apart until today, I’m irritable and jealous. Should perhaps add that I have been diagnosed with borderline and depression.

    But the last few months I have received tremendous help and gone to a psychologist and really made an effort to get it really good with my boyfriend, it’s better with me now .. but unfortunately too late.

    He got enough today, was totally mad at me, phoned friends and family and packed all his belongings, furniture and clothes and moved back to his own apparment he had when we first met.

    We yelled, screamed, almost fought and been ugly in words against each other. A few weeks ago he said that he wished that we had a good time together, but now he says that it was wrong of him to say so, that he did not mean it at all, he does not feel anything for me, wish he never met me and that he just wants peace and quite and escape fromme. He has simply had enough of an infected relationship .. but I? I’ve just started to get better and want a future with him.

    I wrote a long letter for him when he left, with apologies and explanations. Nothing he has not heard before, but in desperation I wrote it anyway. So he knows I love him. He did not wanna take it, sighed at me and said that never in hell we become two again. Now it is over for good, and he wants to invest in his own life without me.

    So now he is gone, I am alone in the chaos of my apartment and die slowly inside. I sent a text message a few hours ago about that I’m sorry and I love him. No answer. I was going to start my no contact rule now. But what if it does not bite? He is terribly proud that he get in touch at all equal to zero. What if If he lives life without me, more happy and I was just a great plague that he is happy is gone? Do I even got a chance ….

  30. Belle - 0


    My boyfriend and I broke up last 2 weeks. His reasons were that he realized he wasn’t ready to have a girlfriend and he wants me stop being head over heels on him. He wants me to find a guy that I deserve more. We decided to be friends. Even if it hurts. I thought that he doesn’t love me because if he truly loves me, he won’t break up with me. I’m confused because we still chat each other, video calls, argue because of jealousy, and more, minus the i love you’s. It became a relationship without a label. He still sends kiss emojis before I sleep. I accepted the break up because I also know that I deserve better but I just love him and I only have him right now. But these few days, he is starting to get cold. When he chats, I don’t reply fast. But after an hour, I can’t help but miss him so I reply back. I don’t want to block him. I’m afraid that if I won’t chat, he will find another girl. I want him to miss me and get back together. I’m afraid that nc won’t work.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Belle,

      there’s no guarantee that nc will work but assess the situation, if it’s not getting better, why would you keep doing the same thing?

  31. Faith needs hope - 0

    Faith needs hope

    Hi. So my ex broke up with me because he couldn’t do long distance anymore. To some degree I understand his decision but it came out of the blue when he got news that he couldn’t move to my country next year as planned. Anyway, I completely messed up when it came to no contact because I couldn’t deal with the shock of losing him so suddenly and him cutting himself off emotionally, very easily. It’s gotten to a point where he completely ignores me now. He’s blocked me on whatsapp which was our main form of contact but has not blocked me on any social media (not sure what that means). Problem is that there were times he agreed to speak to me and call me and then he didn’t keep to his word which drove me nuts and I’d bombard him with messages. I know I need to leave him be for now but I want to know if there is any way of salvaging our relationship in the future or has he changed his opinion of me completely?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Faith,

      why cant he move to your country? I think there’s still a chance but you need to stop annoying him by pushing to talk

  32. Faith - 0


    Hi. So my ex broke up with me because he couldn’t do long distance anymore. To some degree I understand his decision but it came out if the blue when he got news that he couldn’t move to my country next year as planned. Anyway, I completely messed up when it came to no contact because I couldn’t deal with the shock of losing him so suddenly and him cutting himself off emotionally, very easily. It’s gotten to a point where he completely ignores me now. He’s blocked me on whatsapp which was our main form of contact but has not blocked me on any social media (not sure what that means). Problem is that there were times he agreed to speak to me and call me and then he didn’t keep to his word which drove me nuts and ended up bombarding him with messages. I know I need to leave him be for now but I want to know if there is any way of salvaging our relationship in the future or has he changed his opinion of me completely?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Faith,

      why cant he move to your country? I think there’s still a chance but you need to stop annoying him by pushing to talk

  33. MIna - 0


    Hi. I am Mina. First of all, i am very thankful for this website. It is giving me some courage to get my ex back. So, I broke up with my boy friend in this August. We had been dating for a year and half, but after the 3 months of the beginning of our relationship,I left for a graduate school, so did a long distance relationship with him. I came back home earlier in July to be with him even though my programm was 1 year long. But, within a month, I knew he cheated on me,(i found texts) so that’s why I broke up with me. After days later, He sent me a long text message saying that he apologized and agreeed with my decision to break up our relationship. At fisty, I was so panicked due to somekind of post-breakup syndrome, but in the following day I texted him back saying that I was willing to forgive and begge him to come back but he said no. Since then, it has been already 5 months passed.
    I texts him always. He replies, but he does not respond when the conversation gets longer. We had meet up third times afte break up. He holded my hand and kissed me as if we were still in a relationship. But, once I confessed him that I missed him a lot and wanted him to come back, he said he was not capable of seeing anybody.
    I really don’t understand his behavior.
    Now I assumed that he just made excuses to hide the fact that he does not love me anymore. So, I ended up coming to this website to get some sincere advice to my situation.
    He was alway supportive and understood my ego and career more than anyone. So I really want him back in my life.
    Do u think he likes me or I had a chance to get him back based on his behavior?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mina,

      when you got back in July, the relationship was a year and a half by then? I think there’s a chance, but if you keep looking like you’re the only one chasing, its probably going to continue how it is like you want to try the no contact rule?

  34. Kris - 0


    My ex bf broke up with me one week ago (we were together 3 months) and he said he can’t make me happy anymore I deserve batter blah blah blah but on the day he decided to be single, he still said let’s meet up more than couple of times a months okay ? I just focused on explaining why I didn’t met him, I should said let’s improve and meet more. So after couple of conversations, he told me he felt every worse bexuse it didn’t help. So he was not sure if he want this relationship, but he still like me as a person( this upset me actually) I have been review out relationship I gave so many love to him he felt pressure and also before we broke up I didn’t meet him often he told me asked me go out often and I didn’t He also said we didn’t flirt anymore now he wants to be single And very sure after we broke up he doesnt talk to me Even when I msg him he seems not interested I kinda told him let’s just have some fun while your in my city Becaus you can make me happy He said: haha that’s fine then I thought you were upset, I said I was because it happened so sudden now I understand why, so I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. I feel like he is not interested in me at all ! Or he is just playing the game or i misunderstood him again I used to misunderstood him lots ! Like when he said let’s meet more often I was really unconscious but now I know what was wrong but he seems not going to get me back 🙁

    And we haven’t met for almost a month and we broke up for a 1.5 weeks but we just sent te last msg at December 19 today is 20 We did sent some msg during the 1.5 weeks So should I count 30 days NC since 20th Bexuse we have met for a month and during one month he was struggling and yhight about should we broke up and he didn’t tell me before he was trying to make effort to improve it actually but I decline it Anxious now !

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor


      even if you didn’t meet and talk for a month, if you didn’t focus in improving yourself, that’s not considered as a no contact period. So, start the count for 30 days after reading this and focus in improving yourself.

  35. Jesse - 0



    My ex and I have been on and off for six months. He kept leaving and coming back because he was unhappy with all the conflict in our relationship, and I was unhappy because I felt like he didn’t respect me or love me enough to ever take responsibility for anything. He blamed all of our problems on me. I felt really rejected since he kept abandoning me and coming back. By the end he was super angry and I felt grossly desperate.

    We started couples counseling about four weeks before the break up, but weren’t really addressing the real issues because everything was generally calm. He dumped me after the first explosive session that we had.

    We decided to go to counseling that week, during which he was very consoling. I moved out the following weekend, he cried the entire day and said ‘this separation is exactly what we need’ and even gave me a kiss as I got in the uHaul.

    We met at counseling that week and he was furious, being super mean and angry about all his shit. He said we were never getting back together.

    When we saw each other at counseling this week, he was super nice. At one point the counselor was being super hard on him and he asked me what I wanted to do to help and I just said ‘I want to touch him’ and so I caressed his face with my hand and we both just said ‘hi’ very affectionately. At the end of the session when we were deciding whether or not we should continue in the new year my ex said ‘I like seeing you. I had moments of being wracked with missing you this week.’ However, he affirmed that we could continue in counseling but it was only to help us individually, not as a couple. He said we were not getting back together. He says we just have way too different personalities.

    We’re going no contact for awhile now, almost a month, but the counselor is going to get in touch in the new year to see if we want to continue. I feel like I’ve never said no to my ex. I never abandoned him and let him come back every time. Should I say yes to counseling or is he just using me to serve his next partner?

    Does he need to hear me reject him this time?

    I’ve been very needy/insecure and he’s been very emotionally unavailable/stubborn/etc.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jesse,

      this is your chance to prove that you decide and stand for what you want.. so, I’m not going to advise a move.. Just do what you think is best

  36. Grace - 0



    I am currently in my first week of implementing NC, it’s tough but it’s getting easier. Thank you so much for this website and all the advice! I am a little confused though. During no contact do you also implement the social media tactic or only after the 30 day no contact? If he knows what I’m up to during NC are my posts going to be received by him as indirect contact? Will it take away from him missing me if he knows what I’m up to and can follow that?

    Thank you!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Grace,

      yes, it’s during nc.. in a way it’ll make him miss you more because he can see you’re improving and yet he can’t talk to you

  37. Ronnie - 0


    Every relationship I have been in, my ex has attempted to get back together with me. My second to last relationship, we were together 8 months and he broke up with me. I texted him days after and he ignored me. A week later he texted me trying to get back together. Weeks to a month went by and we were talking about getting back together, meanwhile I was also talking to someone new and ended up dating the new guy instead. I have been in a fair amount of relationships and every guy treated me great, but with this guy, I felt like it was the best relationship of my life although it had only been three months. He had been with a lot of girls in the past but I was the first relationship he’s been in. He always told me that when he was feeling bad, seeing me made him so happy. We both had the password to each others phones and both checked each others phones (usually when each other was asleep) and we were both texting other people, but never actually doing anything with anyone. Everything was going great, he told me that he was in love for the first time and told all his family and friends about me. In the second month of our relationship I had gotten pregnant and he asked me what I wanted to do and I told him I didn’t want to keep it. He was very supportive in the process and left the decision entirely up to me. Before we knew about the pregnancy, he told me that his friends were saying they never got to see him and he started spending more time with them and less time with me, be he stayed with me every night and every morning. Eventually, he changed the password to his phone, and so did I (only because he did). One night when he was asleep next to me, I looked at his phone (he had left it unlocked that night) and I saw that he did meet up with another girl (and had sex with her) and he also asked a girl in our college that he met before me if he could have sex with her again and she turned him down and said she was sorry she kissed him and led him on. I knew he had slept with her before we met and he said they were not even talking, it was just a one time thing. Anyway, after I found out I woke him up immediately and told him to grab his things and leave and didn’t tell him why when he asked because I knew that he knew why. The next morning I texted him and told him to get the rest of his things and eventually I told him I knew he cheated. After arguing for a while we began arguing about the fact that I had been texting other people, although I never did anything with them, he didn’t care. He said that he cheated on me because I was wasting his time because I was texting people (these people lived in different states, it wasn’t even possible for me to see them). I was embarrassed, because he was talking to girls I went to school with who I occasionally hung out with. But anyway, we just had a huge argument and he said that he knows I love him but was wasting his time and I replied back sending him conversations with the guys to assure him nothing ever happened and I told him afterwards that after the abortion (which he was paying for) then I would be out of his life and he sent a peace sign back. Later he texted me asking if I had anything else to say to him before he leaves for break (winter break which is for one month) and I said no and he sent me kissing emojis and said bye and I said bye back. Later he texted me about sending me the money for the abortion and that was the last time we talked. At first, I was really angry he cheated on me but after knowing he’s gone for a whole month I miss him terribly and I want to try again. I feel that if I don’t text anyone else then he wouldn’t either, or maybe he would, I’m not sure. But I want to be with him, although we have not been together long at all, we were talking about moving in together and he wanted me to spend a week with his family. I don’t want to give up so easily, do you think it’s worth it?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ronnie,

      it looks toxic.. or it’s just because of you needs to mature more.. do you want to try the no contact rule instead?

  38. Alíria - 0


    Hey, this site has been really helpfull. We broke up last saturday, so it’s been 4 days since our break up. I decided to go into no contact, so we haven’t talked since then. The reason for the break up: he was stressed with his online games (I know zzz) and school, so he became really distant from me and our mutual friends. I endured it for a long while, but then I started complaining because his lack of interest was becoming really hard to ignore.
    Still, I complained very few times, but since he’s really young and imature, he saw it as fights, when I was really just giving him a heads up. Why a heads up? He has ADDH (and depression) and said that he really didn’t realize that he was being distant. So I thought “okay, I get that and won’t get mad. I’ll give him a heads up when he does that too much, since I know he doesn’t like being like this”. Worth noting, we texted everyday and he still came to me while stressed, but when I tried to keep the conversation going, he would pull away. Really annoying. Every single heads up, he would think was a fight.
    Basically, he ended up thinking I complained too much about small things since he couldn’t notice when he was being distant. He also said we were fighting too much and that messed up his head. So, he asked for a break to figure out his feelings since he didn’t know if he was feeling the same anymore. One week later, he decided to break things up for good. And wished we’d remain friends. Since then, we haven’t talked.
    Now, we have lots of mutual friends, our closest friends really, and they asked me to go to the mall with them (and he would go too). Should I go? And we had bought 2 games together (1 for him and 1 for me) and those games just arrived. We’ll meet today so I can give him his game. How should I behave? I want him back. I also have another problem, I bought his christimas gift already and he knows that. And when we took a break, I told him I’d give it to him no matter what. Do you think I should give the gift to him?
    When I told him about the games today, he tried to keep the conversation going but I cut him off. No contact is making me afraid of being rude. On the other hand, I’m afraid I’ll be friendzoned if I talk to him normally. Do you recommend no contact?
    Ps: We were each other first kisses. He truly liked me a lot. But he’s so stubborn. Do you think I have a chance at getting him back? We got along really well, before he got stressed with games and school.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Aliria,

      What kind of games?
      yes, you’re more likely to be friendzoned if you keep talking because you’re just there.. It’s like being too available.. If you want, tell him being friends is not working for you now.. You need space and then maybe someday you’ll reconnect.. Dont tell him you’re doing nc. Give the gift later on if you get back together or once you get to the date stage in the meet up phase.. You didn’t say how long was the relationship but commonly 30 days of nc is recommended. If you’re friends know you’ve broken up, they’ll understand if you want space from your ex

    • Alíria - 0


      Hi, Amor, thanks a lot for the answer!
      Well, video games. He takes League of Legends very seriously. I actually supported him a lot, but it got unhealthy around the beggining of November (because of rankings). So he was basically playing 24/7. Still, I didn’t wanna meddle in his hobbies, so I didn’t nag him for that.
      We were together for 3 months.
      So, yesterday I gave him the game we bought together (one for each of us). I acted fairly distant, was kinda in a hurry. As soon as we met he energetically tried to initiate a conversation about things we used to talk about, but I cut him off with some short responses. After a while I commented on his haircut (that it was good). Unfortunatedly he had told our common friend that I’d be at the mall. Since she was there too, the situation ended up with the 4 of us in a table (me, my ex and 2 of our female common friends). There I tried my best to give him the least attention as possible, though I was really playful and upbeat with our friends (he actually laughed at my comments). Then it was time for me to go to my friend’s house and I said my goodbyes.
      He also did some things that pissed me off. When we took a break, I told him that one thing that made me kinda sad was that our mutual male friend used to say that my ex had more in common with our friend C, because they both liked indie music and the walking dead (I told him just to get that off my chest). He said that it was nonsense, that he didn’t like her that way. But yesterday, as we were on that table, the first thing he did was ask C about the last TWD episode. And then start to show her some indie songs. I just ignored it, of course. But still, zZZZ
      I think I messed up by staying on that table, right? How badly? I should’ve just left after giving the game…
      Really, thanks a lot for answering. I’ll do as you suggested. I should start counting NC again, right? I had 4 days already.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont beat yourself up.. you did yiue best in the mall’s not too late for a restart..

  39. Dionne - 0


    Hi, so I have no social media….never did
    All my friends do but none of them are friends with my ex on any social media. How do I still make him miss me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dionne,

      make one.. you dont have to add him but once he gets curious, at least he has something to see

  40. Soul aching hurt - 0

    Soul aching hurt

    Ok I would like some input. I’m  going to try to keep this as brief as possible with as much information as I can…… my soul physically hurts and I’m desperate for solace and a solution…….. I met this wonderful man through a mutual guy friend and we started dating about 7ish months ago. We clicked immediately…. spent lots of time together….in the beginning maybe 4 days a week…. He was great, attentive, affectionate, friendly, respectful, funny, just perfect…had his stuff together job/home/car wise…. We really hit it off …I got pregnant after month 2…. we ended the pregnancy mutually and STILL continued on…literally like best friends…. we both have decent paying jobs are under the age of 32 but not in our 20s….we have lives outside of each other and would speak daily seeing each other 1 to 2 times…sometimes 3 times a week as we got busier…….. around the end of month 3 he ran into unexpected financial issues….. this didnt bother me at all, as I seriously saw potential in the relationship and knew it wasn’t permanent…..this definately took a toll on him but we still continued spending time as we always had…….. he started to get distant while we were apart but everytime we saw each other our chemistry continued to grow…. month 5 and his living situation completely changed….. still not a problem for me, I even told him he could crash with me a couple nights a week….. all of his issues will rectify themselves within the next 3 to 4 months so I didn’t see them as a deal breaker…. I REALLY have strong feelings for him. He told me he loved me once but we were so drunk…I didn’t take it too serious and I never brought it up again…. last month… month 6… the last time I saw him in person…. we had a great night as usual…. went to work the next day as usual…… that evening I could tell things were different but I didn’t know why. … forward to that weekend…. I didn’t hear from him at all but I know he went out with friends….. I didn’t hear from him for the next 4 days straight……..which was a first. I called him on it and was told, I could’ve called him if I wanted to…. I figured he wanted space…. as time progressed, I started hearing from him less and got to the point that I was initiating contact 85% of the time. I started to get clingy and obsessive with the texting and would get responses like, I’m busy, I don’t have time, etc. He’d reach out to tell me to drive safe, or hopefully I’m doing well……and then I stopped hearing from him at all. Now we’re in this month….. 7.  I left him a voicemail telling him I hope he is ok and that I’d like to have a face to face. Nothing…… he completely ignored me for days……stopped replying or answering my calls, which honestly I only called him twice. Soooo last week I called him from another number, that I use for buisness and caught him off guard….. he answered and was emotionless and not the guy I’m used to. He was very direct and told me he does not have time for me, my texts annoyed him, and that he can not make me a priority, he has too much going on. He said he knows we make time for what he want but that he can’t. I told him I understand, and would just like 20 mins of his time to have a face to face….(I super miss him) he refused…. I rebuttaled with, “You don’t have 20 mins? You really don’t want to see me?” He said he didn’t…. I told him I just want to see where we stand or if this is a door I should close…. He told me he didn’t know what to tell me and had to go…..ended the call. This is a man that had NO PROBLEM telling me missed me and needed me not 3 weeks ago.
    OBVIOUSLY, I am CRUSHED…. I’ve met his whole family, friends…. and was just getting comfortable introducing him to mine…. I’m so puzzled. Please help. I’ve implemented NC as of our last convo…which has only been a few days….. HELP! Is there a chance? I have a hard time believing he feels nothing for me after everything….. but he sounded so emotionless when we talked. I’m trying not to obsess….. my brothers say forget him….. my friends say I’m too good for him, but I don’t feel that way. I need help….. is NC even worth it? Do I try to forget him? I’ve been studying this site daily.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Soul aching hurt,

      Nonetheless, whether nc is worth it or not, it’s still better than chasing. Clearly, he doesn’t want to talk right now. So, the best you can do is to heal and improve yourself. Don’t look like a chaser.

  41. priya - 0


    hey amor!

    me and my bf of 2+ years broke up last sunday and have been nc 8 days today. he sent me an email this morning to which i haven’t responded but things were bad. he called the cops when he came to visit me in chicago because he wanted to leave in the middle of the night and i care for him so i tried to stop him from going (it was a city, freezing, he was half sick, not the safest area) i just didn’t want something to happen to him and i was going home to where he wanted to leave to anyway the next morning (the initial plan was wed drive back together the next day). he had been pulling away so i told him the effort had to be 50 50 and i don’t think he liked that he began packing up his things to go and said he called because he felt trapped. the cops came and i told them to take him with them, they did but he wound up driving back home with me 12 hours the next day anyway chicago to baltimore and when i left him i told him maybe we will both find someone else or each other but we can’t be together right now. he kept crying and saying he loved me, i told him i would come say goodbye when i move back to chicago end of march, but we haven’t spoken since then. his email this morning read:
    We may never understand each other but I really did love you. There were things I hated but they weren’t able to make me stop loving you. I guess we just aren’t able to give each other what we need. I know I wasn’t. I’m aware that no one may love me the way you might have but I don’t know, maybe that’s a good thing. In the good times, thank you for accepting me for who I am. For what it’s worth I do miss you.

    my question is: i’ve thought and made a list of all the problems we had, which i think i caused, which he did, which i believe i can live with and which absolutely have to change, im wondering if i reply to his email in a few days with logical solutions to these issues if it would be ok to do this and insodoing, break nc? what do you suggest?

    thank you for your guidance!!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Priya,

      I didn’t understand your question fully. Correct me if I’m wrong. You said you made a list of all the problems that you caused? And did you mean the ones he caused that needs to change but you can live with? How can you live with the problems if it has to change? That means you can’t live with it. If you want to work out by talking, talk first before doing nc.

    • Priya Jayant Desai - 0

      Priya Jayant Desai

      i meant i made a list of all the issues we faced, marked those i felt responsible for, highlighted the ones he was responsible for. and of those, which i felt i could live with and which absolutely have to change. however if i am going to talk first about things with him, i need to know my approach will not backfire. i wrote a long response email out and erased everything and changed it to just something short and positive to see if that causes a response from him as opposed to being overly emotional and talking about problems in my response email. i thought it might be a bit overwhelming if i did that.
      what do you think his email meant? id like to believe it means more that he reached out at all than what exactly he said in it. i hope we can figure things out and i can speak from a place of more logic than emotion and not rush things again but i do miss him. i was waiting a few days to reply to make him sweat but if i’m considering talking things out before nc then i should just send it right? not wait any longer?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah in that case, I think you should just proceed to nc.. Change yourself, improve, take this as a restart. Once you have built rapport and decided to get back together later on, then that’s when you should talk about what the do’s and don’ts of the relationship are. Let your actions do that talking.. Change first. Maybe both of you just really need space to cool down, think and heal.

  42. Fran - 0


    My ex doesn’t follow me on any social media anymore and blocked my number thoughts ?

  43. Carol - 0


    This is such a helpful post! My boyfriend broke up with me because he moved to minnesota for senior year and it was just hard for him. He wanted to do what’s best for us but I really want him back :(. He’s coming back for college in 5 months but I’m not sure if I should wait for him. I did all the going out with other guys and working out to try to forget him and I still can’t. Sometimes I just wanna text him and tell him how I really feel but at the same time I don’t wanna bother him. I haven’t talked to him or bothered him but do you think it’s safe to be straight up with him and tell him that I tried to forget him but I cant? also I definitely think he still wants me because he still posts about our inside jokes, I have him on soundcloud and he listens to songs about me (lmao I know its ridiculous). Sometimes he even messages me out of nowhere but it’s dry like he’s doubting. I believe that if he really wants me he would talk but at the same time I also think that the distance is holding him back cause even if he gets back to me it’s just gonna go back to the same feeling on why he broke up with me; it’s cause long distance relationship is unhealthy and he’s just not generally happy moving to minnesota from florida. So please what should I do now?

  44. MyHeartHurts - 0


    My boyfriend and I live together for years and had some bad times in our relationship and now he met a girl and wants to be with her because he has feelings for her but I want him back what can I do? I tried to be nicer and make up and I can’t do no contact when he comes home every day after work

  45. Michele - 0


    My ex fiancé broke things off after 2 1/2 years. He has been back and forth about three times since the first year and a half saying we have no future but then coming around. We got along very well, liked the same things, etc. I lived an hour away and saw him half of the week with our schedules until the last four months when we lived together. I saw at that time how much he drank alcohol, which I did not condone but did not try to control. I didn’t complain or argue about it because we still got along well. Every so often he would golf or be with his buddies and that is when he would drink more to the point his actions towards me would change. He would be very edgy and grumpy, then next thing he would say it’s not working out and break up. Our last break up was when a friend from out of town visited. They were drinking and laughing, joking with me. Next thing I knew he was upset because I did not act like a good hostess to his friend. He asked me to heat the apps for them and I asked which ones they wanted—and he suddenly made a sarcastic comment, you cook from scratch but can’t heat food? So I went upstairs for the evening since his friend was there and I was angry. The next day he was not happy with me, When I asked why, his answers were vague, like, I don’t see how we have a future, you don’t even get how you act, you don’t make my friends feel welcome….I wanted him to understand how he had acted but it only irritated him and he said I wasn’t taking responsibility for my part. This happened three times in similar circumstances. Then he would pick right up where he left off and no one could tell we were broke up. He would never say sorry but instead would say things like ” you know we are wayyy more than friends….” Then we would be ” back together”. This last time He continued to say he loved me, even the last day I saw him he said he would miss me and he loved me. I moved away a month after the last break up, but until I did we went camping, to dinner, and got along perfectly like always. The difference was I knew I was changing jobs and would be moving and so did he. When I told him my move date he acted sad and surprised it had come so soon. Not once did he ask me not to go or say he wanted us to work it out. He is also moving because he decided to sell his place. He says he doesn’t know where he will move but it will still be within an hour of where I am. I could only say, ok. I have suspicions he is having $ problems but he hasn’t told me that. Drugs? The few weeks before I left he wanted to do things with me everyday. He even wanted to cancel on a game with his buddy but I told him he should go have fun. Two days before I left he wanted to take me to dinner. He said he would miss me and he loved me. One day before I left he said , ” If you want I am supposed to go to my Aunts for a dinner party…I’d like you to come and stay the rest of week, but I understand if you need to go.” I left the next day as I had planned. I didn’t think staying through weekend made sense….just to be more confused. He called the evening I left to check on me, called On day five—small talk but he mentioned, “it’s quiet here now, I have to find things to do while my house is shown and I went to the lake (where we use to go), then before hanging up said ” it’s good to hear your voice, have good night”. I pretty much just said ok. I haven’t contacted him. He texted me on day 12; he sent me a phone number I needed and asked how are you? I have not responded. I don’t understand what’s going on with him….he has never been married or engaged and has no children. I have one child that he had said he wanted to adopt….so, does he miss me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michele,

      It’s human nature that he will miss you because he’s used to you being there but that doesn’t he’s going to change for that. Unless he sees that you’re not really going to allow him to disrespect you anymore, he will not change. The chance that I see is that you move on, improve yourself, improve your life, if he wants to try again, take it slow, and let him prove first if he has really changed. Once he shows, he hasn’t, walk away.

  46. Shannon Page - 0

    Shannon Page

    How can I make him miss me if we live together?

  47. debbie - 0


    Hello my ex broke 6 days ago with me after 5 years because he don’t want me anymore butt he still loves me he said and he wanne be friend i was very upset en told him that too he did very cold so i saw thiss site en did the nc 2 days that i did de nc he trying to make me jealous but gave no attention so now he ask my little sister too the movies I am confused and do not know what to think, he does not talk to me, what do you think??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Debbie,

      2 days is too short for a no contact rule. I think you should should restart and do at least 30 days.

  48. Pam - 0


    Horrible ending last night. I saw him going to his FWB. Yes just FWB. Yes I was stalking because I was suspicous. Does it count when proven right? He was there less than an hour she is an old lady. Like mid 50s. Wtf. Anyway. A million texts last night. A million today (fail I know…on so many levels on my part the last 24 hours). He says I bring out hate in him. He hates me. 🙁 so obviously no contact now. I know we love each other. But he will be sidetracked having nasty sex with this old lady. I’m so stricken. 30 days. Christmas alone

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pam,

      You know what’s a more lonely feeling? When you’re with somebody at a certain time and yet, you still feel alone. It’s better to be with the people who make you feel loved on Christmas than force somebody who doesn’t..

  49. Lost - 0


    My on and off ex for two years left me for the girl he kept flip flopping between.


    For the last year he has jumped between me and another woman, citing her personality being “boring” and conversations “stale”. He claimed to miss our “emotional and soul connection” as well as our conversations. With her, it was always physical.

    He left me for her and two months later was begging for me back, miserable and anxious without me. Now, 6 weeks later, he decided to try with her, as his hormones have been out of sync and he feels like a “different person”. He says his priorities changed, that he knows she isn’t a perfect person but, she can be perfect for him. He says she “matches him better” and everyone settles in life. He also said hes getting old and needs to take action.

    He blocked me from everything except email a week after the break up. We still spoke in email but mostly he was saying his usual “just move on” and “this is goodbye”. The only difference between this time and every other time is I’m blocked. He left me un blocked on email but on my 3rd day of NC (today), I reached out. No response.

    Do I still have a chance? is it even possible? Does someone magically change their mind about someone who didn’t fulfill them for a year?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Lost,

      Nope, nobody just magically changes. There’s not guarantee that the no contact rule will work, but you can’t send him emails and social media stalk him during the no contact period. So, you have to restart the count. He fulfills his physical needs through her? If you are going to restart, I think you need to do 45 days.

  50. Mayra ruiz - 0

    Mayra ruiz

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for three months, I know not too long. It has been great since the beginning. He was in town for a little over a month, for work training. Then he had to go back home. We decided to continue out relationship and even talked about me moving up there so we can be close to each other. A week ago I went up to visit and we had a really good week. The day after I came back I noticed he seemed a little distracted. I must say, he had told me since the beginning that he is more of an introvert and when he feels stressed he likes to be home watching tv or playing games. Two days later he told me he had all this schedule changes at work and he was stressed out and felt exhausted and sometimes he just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I took it personal and kept insisting in talking to him. Yesterday morning he broke up with me, he said I’m too pushy. I had never seen him like that and he had never pushed me away, so I freaked out. I haven’t tried to contact him since yesterday, but I really want to try to be back with him since we have always been great together.


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