7 Definitive Steps On How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You

5,888 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

Uh Oh

December 20, 2015 at 3:10 am

Hey Chris,
Does it decreases my chances to get my ex boyfriend back if I went on a date with another man? My ex seen a post on facebook about the date, there were no pictures. Just a simple “Had fun at the light show!- with sam smith
Lilian

December 18, 2015 at 6:14 am

Your advice and station are amazing! I’m looking forward to read the pro!
Lucky

December 17, 2015 at 11:54 pm

My boyfriend has always been putting everyone else before me. Making more of an effort with his friends and family; telling me that they are more important to him. His so called girl ‘best friend’ has been saying so many bad things about me to him but is now playing the victim. He is backing her up over me which made me hate her. I was so sick and tired of not being a priority that I told him you have to choose between me or her. He told me that she was more important to him than me so I said that’s it and broke up with him. Will this method make him miss me?
Shana

December 16, 2015 at 8:07 pm

Thank you for this 🙂 I think I’m on the right path… I just want to move on, I haven’t contacted my ex for almost 2 weeks (and I really don’t want to anymore). However my pride is hurt.. he has slept with someone else only a week after the breakup.. (I initiated the breakup… however, it felt like a mutual break up because he didn’t do anything to stop me from leaving). So I left. As I was saying my pride and a small part of my heart are hurt because he has moved on. We were in a relationship for 6 months. I’m a girl.. I don’t use people to get over an ex.. I concentrate on myself, work, family and friends and when the time is right.. when I feel ready I will let someone else in. The fact that he slept with this girl so quickly after we broke up really killed me… Did he ever care about me??!!! So many questions are running through my head.. but I keep strong and don’t contact him. I don’t post to much on facebook either because I’m not into social media to much and he knows that… so if I start posting my life.. he will see that I’m trying to catch his attention.. so the best thing is when someone “tags” me in a photo on facebook… the post is coming from someone else… I’m staying cool and strong… but inside I’m hurt… I wan’t to move on naturaly and fast!!! I don’t want to spend time thinking of someone who is sleeping with another woman… (he doesn’t know I know he’s moved on) I don’t want him back… the damage has been done.. I could never trust him again and we are not ment to be together… however I want him to realise what he has lost and come back on his knees… begging me to give him another chance. Is this a pride thing? I am hurt… I did cry and continu crying… to many questions are in my head.. I’m over analysing situations… but I don’t show ANYTHING to him… no contact since the break up.. The fact that I want a revenge shows that I still care about him.. because if I didn’t.. I wouldn’t be here in the first place. Thank you for your help and looking forward to your reply.
Amanda

December 15, 2015 at 4:37 am

Hi. My ex boyfriend seemed pretty sure that he wanted to move on because he prefers to be alone and dont want to be in a relationship. I just found out that he has been texting and flirting with this girl and Im just afraid that if i do go on with the no contact rule, he would just proceed with that girl and not talk to me again.
We were together for almost two years. im his first girlfriend. Im really confused whether i should go on trying to get him back or just forget it and move on.
Hi

December 15, 2015 at 3:11 am

Wonderful site. Thank you
D

December 14, 2015 at 12:46 am

Hi Chris. I’m doing the NCR with the guy who didn’t want to commit but into the third day of NCR he messaged saying he missed me and asking me to be his gf. should I reply already?

D

December 23, 2015 at 9:04 am

Hi Chris, I answered his call and we are together now. But I kinda regret it because I’m not sure if he will thinks that I was easy to coax, I thought I should have gone through the 30 days. He told me that the 5 days of NC was a torture to him. He came to find me even though his buddy asked him to wait for 2 weeks and told him that I’m actually playing mind games with him. His buddy is an ass!

tanya

December 13, 2015 at 11:17 am

Hey I need to know that ..can I do 15 days of NC. Because ill be going to meet him in his city as we are in LDR.
N just last night he broke up with me. On 27 December I’m going to meet him..n my tickets are already booked . So I don’t know what to do. Please guide me..n he said that he has got a girlfriend..that’s why he broke up..
Jade

December 12, 2015 at 8:31 pm

Chris,

My boyfriend and I were only together a few months. The breakup wasn’t big or dramatic. We both kind of just gave up rather than talking about what was bothering us. I initiated he breakup and now regret it. He has sense asked a favor of me and trusts me enough to leave house keys with me while he’s away. Should I try to talk to him or do you think because of the short relationship it’s silly? He said (after we broke up) that he never felt he couldn’t live without me. Things felt forced. I’m confused.
Jade

December 11, 2015 at 10:56 pm

My boyfriend and I were only together a few months. Everything was going great, but I felt he started to pull away and not care as much. As a result I ended it. He then told me that he felt our relationship seemed forced…basically that he never had the desire to be around me all the time. Now, just after mere days, he is asking me to house sit and has been texting me. What do I make of this?
Lori

December 11, 2015 at 12:44 am

Hi Chris, my ex bf contacted me in July. A couple weeks went by and I didn’t hear from him. Then in August he contacted me and we talked every day. He lives in NJ I’m in NC. Before Thanksgiving he wanted to come here but I was busy and declined. It was a last minute request and ticked me off that he thought I would drop everything for him to come here. I didn’t hear from him after that for two weeks. The messaging became more and more spread out days would go by before I would hear from him. He has had some health issues and I was helping him through it. We were very very close when we were together. He is very disrespectful towards me sometimes. He has had several GF since our breakup but always calls me eventually. We got in a fight this past week because on Tues he told me he was really tired because Monday night he had a date with a “fat lady and she was old”. He kept asking me if I was seeing someone or had a sex buddy. He keeps asking me this repeatedly. The truth is I haven’t been with anyone because he hurt me so deeply I don’t trust men at all now. I know this sounds pathetic. From a mans point of view what is his MO? Is he just keeping me “warm” and as a backup?
Good job

December 10, 2015 at 4:37 pm

Good job on your recent article, Chris!
Janice

December 10, 2015 at 5:09 am

Hi Chris,

Really appreciate your in-depth book and guides. So, here’s my somewhat unusual situation:

Back in September I started dating a guy from Europe who came to New York (where I live) to get his MBA and work here a few years for a private equity fund. We instantly clicked on our first date (similar nerdy sci-fi interests, sports, politically incorrect jokes) and ended up sleeping together on our third.

Even though he has had an extremely busy work and travel schedule (80 hour weeks),
(1) He would always make time to see me (e.g. text in middle of trip to ask me not to make plans Friday so we could go places (museums, concerts), came over for a movie even when his parents were in town, asking me to come hang out when he was busy working at home then taking a break for us to grab groceries and make dinner together),
(2) We texted almost daily (he was at first the initiator and then I started slowly mirroring…e.g. he would send pics from where he was in Europe, pics of silly mail he got, a Portuguese restaurant he discovered by our offices which he and wanted us to go to together). (Phone is hard for him b/c English is his second or third language though he’s certainly proficient enough in it to have attended Columbia Univ. and make me–a picky audience–laugh)
(3) The sex has not waned–5 or 6 times a night and I’m as into it as he is.

Things were going strong up to the Friday after Thanksgiving. I was flying back on Saturday evening and we had a week earlier made plans to go to dinner, spend the night and then brunch at my social club the next day.

I got back Saturday evening, checked in with him regarding dinner, and got a devastating “Actually I need to talk to you.” He said he would come to my apt, sent a screenshot of his Uber ETA, arrived and said we should take a walk.

From this point on, my memory’s a little trauma-fuzzy, but it went something like:
HIM: “So, this isn’t just some sort of hookup or friends with benefits.”
— I agreed.
HIM: “As you can tell, I look like shit–I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about this and finally dozed off at 7[pm].”
— I demurred.
HIM: “You know my parents were in town [Note: they were visiting the weekend before Thanksgiving until the Wednesday]. They bugged me a lot about when I would move back to Europe. ”
[Pause]
HIM: “I’m moving back to Europe in April or May.”
[Pause]
HIM, mumbling: “And this isn’t just a hookup. But it’s not that serious. And I don’t want it to become more serious/painful.”
— I responded slowly “So I really like you…but you’re leaving in April…now what”
-HIM: “Exactly.” More mumbling.
ME: “Look, be honest, don’t sugarcoat things”
HIM, interrupting: “I am!”
ME: “Are you trying to/Do you want to end things now?”
HIM, mumbling what sounded like a barely audible “yes.”
ME: “What?”
HIM, quietly, “Yes.”
ME: “Ok, well good luck then.”

As I walked away he had a painful look on his face. He said he would walk me back to my building, then a few steps later I said I’d rather go alone. Same painful look.

Friends were genuinely shocked and pointed out that his parents were the only thing that changed from (A) his voluntarily making time to visit me and watch a movie while his parents were in town the pre-Thanksgiving weekend to (B) a firm breakup less than a week later.

See, he is from Lisbon, and although he’s hardly mentioned it it’s clear he’s from Portuguese moneyed elite.

I am Chinese-American. However–not to brag or ego-stroke–I am no restaurant-working poor kid. I’m a lawyer at an elite international firm and make approx $250K a year. I have friends that include American multimillionaires (‘serious’ banking types, not the Kardashian equivalents) and a couple of A-list celebrities. I horseback, attend symphonies etc, but at the same time attend cool/unusual (not sex-related) parties and have many artist and burning-man type friends. My parents are from Hong Kong, a cosmopolitan city, and attended the top private British schools there, and my dad makes a good living designing computer systems (he is retiring at 61 in Feb) and my mom is a professional worrier lol. My former guy knew all these things

I think these are the possible factors that killed us:
– His parents freaked out at the concept of their precious youngest son [of 3 brothers] dating an Asian
– Despite all my credentials, I am just too nouveau/outsider for their tastes (unfair b/c his sister in law is a lawyer at a tiny chicken-shit litigation firm and objectively plain-looking)
– He is exhausted by his job and his parents have dangled an alternative at some fancy friend’s firm/fund/bank

Chris, I know that ultimately he is responsible for the choice he made and it speaks volumes, but I honestly think he is a good guy and that it was an exceptionally painful decision for him. I get how difficult cultural differences are, but I am heartbroken that he didn’t even consider try-and-see for a few more months, and I am shocked and devastated about the sudden end of a warm and caring relationship.

I’m not a head-in-clouds type, and I feel the end game I’ve outlined in my head is not unreasonable:
(1) For him to spend up to 1 more year in New York to see where things go
(2) If things work, discuss a move to a prevalently English-speaking European city (e.g. London, Amsterdam, Berlin) where I can adjust to EU culture and learn the Portuguese language (I have several close friends with solid plans to move to Barcelona and Berlin in this time frame so I wouldn’t be uprooting everything).
(3) It’s somewhat clear his eventual end game is going back to Lisbon, and if it does turn out that we want to marry, I would probably follow (I’m not close with my parents who live in Dallas and the flight to New York where all my friends are is not that long).

I’ve read a vast number of your online articles and bought and read your entire Texting Bible, but as you can see my situation has some unique problems.

We have not had any contact in 11 days (starting immediately after the breakup), and I intend to continue through a 25-day no-contact period (I have a really good “best of times” pic–us at a Halloween party with him holding onto me and smiling like a kid with a new toy, that he’s never seen, which I want to hit before but not during Xmas (the 23rd–he’ll be in Lisbon likely with his whole family), along with the short text: “Bored at the airport (which will be true) and came across this silly pic. Made me smile. Hope you’re well.”). Plan is to send right before I board so built in 5 hour lag.

So Chris, what do you think my chances are of using exboyfriendrecovery to get him to change his mind? Is there any particular advice you would give me?

I appreciate your work so much as it gives me hope and is logical and thorough.

Sadly but warmly,
Janice

Janice

December 10, 2015 at 3:18 pm

Thanks so much for the prompt reply! We never talked seriously about moving, but once during dinner I complained that all my friends were moving to Barcelona, said I could maybe consider living in London, and he said “Well, that’s because you’ve never been to Lisbon!” Since it was like our first month of dating, I just smiled.

Assuming post-NC texting continues to escalate, when do you think I should bring it up? At the “fire burning” text stage? After the romantic in-person contact? And how would you go about peppering it into the conversation in a way that wouldn’t freak him out/put him on the spot?

It sounds stupid as we only dated 3 months…and I know I’m wearing “take me back” glasses which rosy my view…but even before the breakup it struck me how much quicker the intellectual, physical and emotional aspects of the relationship were moving along compared to my other significant past relationships (one 9-monther and two 2-year ones for reference).

The 25-day NC rationale is a little selfish: (A) I want to be on his mind during the holidays, which he’s spending with family in Lisbon, and (B) If it results in no response or negative response it gives me a few days to enjoy skiing and bounce back before I return to work. If something here strikes you as problematic, I of course welcome your thoughts.

I can’t thank you enough for what you do, Chris. In my book you will always be an A-list celebrity 😉
Chris Seiter

December 10, 2015 at 2:31 pm

Am I one of those A-list celebrities your talking about? (Just kidding.)

I love that you have a text prepared for after no contact? What made you decide on a 25 day no contact rule? Also how long were you dating before he had this talk with you?

It’s sounds like you have your life together and I don’t think he wanted to break up with you. It sounds like his family was the influence here. I’m not so sure if it’s a cultural thing. I am leaning towards it being a distance kind of thing. No family wants to see their son/daughter move far away and usually a guy will move for a woman. Woman tend to be more cemented to their families but it doesn’t seem like that was the case for you as you are already living far from them. Does he know you’d be willing to move to make your relationship work?

ana

December 10, 2015 at 4:30 am

or who cares….!!
hey chris.. m ana..
i have boyfriend he is earning.
initially he was totally crazy about me… he took time for me..from his family,job ,friends…but from the last one month..he has barely talked to me…no msgs no calls…he doesn’t pick up my call..neither does he reply me..and the reason is always that “I AM BUSY ANA WITH MY JOB…NIGHT SHIFT..”…
we are in a long distance relationship.. i trust him that he is not ditching me with another girl..but what should i do…i don’t know..at times he is very rude to me…please help.

ana

December 10, 2015 at 2:55 pm

hey chris
I seriously need your help.
I have done huge mistakes before i got to you.
I have already posted on your site, but couldn’t stop myself to seek another way to talk to you. I am sorry.
I have a bf he is earning.He is in the drilling department of petroleum field .Initially he made out time for me.. we are in a long distance..we talked for hours earlier. But now he hasn’t talked to me in 1 month.. no text no calls.If i try to contact him….Either he is rude to me..or doesn’t respond…I don’t know.. I love him..and can’t lose him…He is very rude nowadays… What should I do..Please Help

ana

December 10, 2015 at 4:25 am

hey
your site is extremely helpful.. but i have a problem.. wanted to seek you for help… but don’t want to post it here.
Katy

December 9, 2015 at 4:27 am

Hi Chris
My boyfriend broke up with me after a year and a half he said he wasn’t happy and didn’t love me anymore and I was confused because we didn’t fight or anything at all, he told me there wasn’t a chance, and then he told me to wait and see how he felt and that he needed a break. It’s hard because I see him almost everyday and sometimes I catch him giving me a glance, and pretending I’m not there. He seems different he isolates himself from people he’s close with now and likes to be alone. Is it because of the break up? I haven’t talked to him in one week.
sarah

December 8, 2015 at 9:31 pm

I’m desperate, I’ve was with my boyfriend 15 months now living together for a year and madly in love, talking about our future together getting married having kids, these implied by him, a month ago he had to go back to Australia after his visa ran out and we both promised we would give it 100% to make it work and he also promised that he would do everything he could to make sure we can be together. Nows the confusing part, he’d been home a little over two weeks wen he decided that we needed some time apart apparently he felt like he wasn’t giving me 100% and he didn’t want to do that to me, he says he’s still in love with me and hates that he’s hurt me but I feel like everything he promised was a lie. He said he now just need to figure out what he wants n needs to sort his life out ie: work house other bits n bobs seen as he’s starting his new life, I’ve tried the no contact never making it past a day because he always contacts me first we’re still very friendly and we still skype and talk on the phone, very much like we did when we were an official couple, I feel lost, im so confused after everything we went through and how strong our relationship was to this in two weeks. I know he loves me deep down but he says he’s not “in love” with me and doesnt know why n more than anything he’s scared of me moving there with him as I have two children, i keep explaining to him that this would be my decision that they are my responsibility. Also before he left he said he’d do everything he could to get back to England to be with me and now he’s saying he doesn’t want to live here ever again. I don’t know what to do im breaking down. Any tips would be really appreciated
Leena

December 8, 2015 at 7:19 pm

Hi chris,
I must tell you that you are fabulous at your job.
I hv bin following your site quite regularly . I broke up with my bf a month ago n blocked him on WhatsApp. Its bin a month of no contact n he hasnt contacted me. We didnt have a fight that day but i was generally soooo upset with him coz he always made me feel that im not a priority for him. It has always bin work over me, family over me etc. He definitely possesses an insensitve nature towards me. The fact that he hasnt bothered to ask me why I just blocked him n he hasnt contacted me for 30 days as i just did it without giving him any signals or warning to breakup bothers me too much. I toook this step coz ts not the first time we broke up i have taken many breaks like these but for max 10 days but he always used to text me in between those days. But this time the only difference is I blocked him n went widout saying anythbg coz complaining, telling him i need time , etc hv done dat alot.but nothing effects him n doent make consistent changes.xhanges just last for a few days n then hes back on the same track .all he did in these 9 months was to spare 30 min for me as if it was a formailty n wudnt take me out for lunches n dinners. We never used to talk on the phone.our mode of communixation has bin texts throughout these 9 months I kind of feel ii gave toooo much in the relation n i deserve waybetter.but somewhre i still want him coz of certain qualities ie his love for work , his motivation towards my career, his thinking and my thinking were at times similar, we shared common interests tooo . Pls help as the no contact period hasnt helped me and i kind of feel i was just another girl for him . He definietly talked about marriage but his actions were not in coordonation with his words. I feel i trusted his words tooo much. Is there a wayhe can come back considering his stubborn nature. If i text him again he’ ll be more than happy to see my text but whats the point of nc if i only go back texting. Il b empowering his ego even more n he’ll take me for granted even more.We share a gap of 9 yrs .hes 33 n im 24 .suggestions
louli

December 8, 2015 at 6:56 pm

i have a complicated and very long story to tell. i married my man after a big love story and got pregnant and since then problems started. i want to tell you the story and ask for your advice.
Rebecca

December 8, 2015 at 6:41 am

Will the no contact rule still apply if you are living together ? I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He used to live with me and then he had me live with him at his house. I no longer have my place anymore. We hadn’t been getting along for a while and we sleep in separate rooms and sex has been non existent for quite some time. I’m going to eventually move out. How can you miss someone if you live with them? I also have 3 children who live here too. None are his. He won’t tell me he loves me anymore. He sleeps all the time and won’t do any cleaning or repairs to his house. I love him to death but I already know I love him more than he loves me. If I ignore him while we still live together , I’m sure that will piss him off.

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5,888 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”