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Amber
September 4, 2015 at 5:51 am
I’ve just finished my 30 day no contact period and am about to send a first contact text to my ex. Firstly, I am a little nervous that he will not reply. If he ignores my text or responds negatively, I know I am supposed to wait a week before trying again. After the week would it be best to try again using either the “I have a confession…” or “You’ll never guess what I saw!” text?
Amber
September 5, 2015 at 12:11 am
You can ignore my previous message! I was genuinely nervous my ex would not reply at all to my text, but he sent me all multi-word, neutral responses. He even replied to the text I sent to end the conversation.
So, in a couple of days I am going to send a ‘remembering the good times’ text. If I get a neutral response should I start rapport? Or would it be best to try a different memory and aim for a positive reply before starting rapport?
Thank you!
Julie
September 1, 2015 at 8:17 pm
Hi Chris,
I have been following your advice and practically eating this website for the last few months!! I’m a little confused about my ex boyfriend’s behavior and what do you think I should do from now?
Unfortunately I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder last year, it got to a point where I was emotional daily and I leaned on him too much. He was always very supportive and comforting but it came to be too much for him as he’s quite a fragile guy. This sadly led to him breaking up with me at the beginning of this year, saying that he was still crazy about me but just needed to be on his own for a while, I think my issues brought some of his own to the surface and he needed to deal with them. We were together for over a year and were deeply in love, so he was emotionally invested in me. I now realise my mistakes, but I was in a bad place at the time.
We have met for coffee about 5/6 times since the breakup, all requested by him. I focused on keeping everything positive between us and we never spoke of the relationship. I know he’s not over me because I can tell by the way he is when he’s around me but I doubt myself when he doesn’t contact me. I’ve done a couple of NC periods just to give him space and for my own good, and I have also sent him test texts to which he always responds positively. He never texts me first but when I went into NC he would like my FB posts and leave the occasional comment.
Now I’m in a really good place (also thanks to you!) I’ve worked so hard in becoming the UG and I no longer live with anxiety ( 🙂 ), and he is aware of this too. That was the one thing that destroyed our relationship and now I think we could have a really good chance as our relationship was so loving and we were the best of friends.
It’s tough because I feel like he’s pushing away his feelings for me because he doesn’t want a relationship now. Am I in danger of falling into the friendzone? I had been reading your articles about how time can have an amazing effect on a man and how he can become nostalgic after a lot of time and space, grass is greener syndrome etc. I know deep down that he won’t meet anyone that can compete with what we had but it does worry me sometimes. I pulled away from him for the month just to seem unavailable to him and in the last week he started liking my posts and left one comment. I texted him last night to congratulate him on something, we exchanged a few positive texts but before I could end the conversation, he didn’t reply (I know!). I don’t know what he’s thinking about me, do you think I have a good chance of getting him back? I would love for you to shed some light on this whole thing, huge thank you for everything you do 🙂
Diana
September 9, 2015 at 12:59 am
I was with my boyfriend for exactly a year. He was my best friend. We got into stupid arguments because I didn’t want to watch a movie. Or I didn’t respond fast enough. I was a first year teacher so my time was really consumed. I’d see him once a week but he was there for me 24-7. He would get me things for my classroom. Send me beautiful quotes. Even talked about marrying me. He told me he has never been vulnerable about a woman like me before. One day a week before our anniversary I texted about something I wanted to get him. Sometimes we had a lack of communication. He said he didn’t get my texts and told me to calm down. We got into a fight and I ignored him for two days. He went nuts and told me this isn’t going to work and we broke up. We got into more after the break up with name calling. He told me he was still in love with me. But I hated his yelling and name calling so I told him I met someone else: he blocked my number. But I still love him and I didn’t meet anyone else. It was a heat of the moment saying. Help what do I do
Julie
September 2, 2015 at 8:48 am
We broke up in January :/ if I use the texting methods will this allow him to chase me again? If he says that he didnt want a relationship right now then should I let him come to me? If you think I have a better chance through texting then that’s what I’ll do 🙂
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:13 am
Question!
How long have the two of you been broken up?
Seems to me like you need to focus your attention in on the texting side of things. Specifically building rapport with him.
Riss
August 31, 2015 at 12:26 am
Hi Chris,
I’m a little confused about the last text sesh I had and could use your thoughts and input.
I used a memory text, it was about a walk in a park and I remarked how our conversation reminded me of it.
He replies ‘with less nature though i guess haha’
I reply by saying ‘the park was beautiful but I’m talking about how awesome that companionship felt’
After 2 hours, he says ‘ah ok, well it sounds like that’s def a fond memory for you!’ Then he changes the topic by asking about my work.
I reply with ‘it is a fond one, such a peaceful memory don’t you think?’ His next message was solely about my work.
Shortly after I ended the convo with ‘it’s really nice catching up with you’ and he replied ‘yeah it’s good to hear from you!’
Looking back at the text I am worried he wasn’t ready for the memory text, because of how long he waited, how he changed the topic and said fond memory “for you!” and didn’t respond about himself. But then the ‘!’ after “for you” and then again after “it’s good to hear from you” also has question that. But maybe I’m reading into that too much. I figure though that if anything it might force him to confront his feelings about that memory. I think I will do a few days of NC unless he contacts me and then send a light message, like a picture text or link to a quiz or something. I have to build more rapport. But what do you think of his text?? Am I okay or no?
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:46 am
Ok, I think the issue lies in the memory you picked.
I talk about this. You have to use a text that HE will find interesting. Him saying,
“That’s def a fond memory for you”
Is like him basically telling you that he doesn’t consider that memory all that great.
Jo
August 29, 2015 at 6:12 am
Hi Chris,
My ex and I were together for 6 and a half years. Things were great for the first few years however have become strained in the past 18 months, mainly due to anxiety with my work. As I live in his country & I am not fluent enough with the language. I had to take on a 100% commission based sales job which has slowly sucked the life out of me. He ended it a couple of weeks ago saying he’s had enough. At first I was shocked, but then I understood. I slowly turned from being bright, lively, attractive into socially withdrawn, not visiting his family, pushing him away and letting myself go. I let friends fall by the wayside. I hardly recognise myself!
During our break-up chat we realised I’ve been pretty depressed and I didn’t reach out to anyone for help which was a huge mistake. He said he thought this was the ‘real me and he said this has been a hard decision for him, and was also based on discussions about our future. (During my anxiety/depression I expressed doubts about having children, however I realise that was just the anxiety getting control of me, I have told him this). I also cannot communicate properly with his family (it’s a hard language, but I try).
He is a very caring, cautious, introverted man however isn’t very communicative. Instead of asserting issues he lets them build up. He says there is nobody else on his side, and I trust him enough to believe him, though you never know… We realised we had both struggled with communication, something which is fixable I think. I told him I wanted to fix this, however he said to just fix myself first. He also says he needs some time as he has some issues, he doesn’t know where he wants to live, if he wants kids, he’s not happy with himself as he doesn’t push himself enough on his goals. He is also confused.
Anyway I moved out last week and I decided I will be in town for three months, and I’m dedicating this time to getting my mojo back. I’m already socialising, I cut down on work and lost weight and starting to feel good about myself again. I started no contact and after two days he was already asking if I enjoyed a night out he knew I was going on. My plan during no contact is to just heal myself (for myself first) and maybe contact him after a month when I’ve hit my target weight, got a new wardrobe and seek new work opportunities.
Do you think there is a good chance this could work out if we both get ourselves together?
Leauna
August 23, 2015 at 7:44 pm
Hi Chris,
So my ex and I are apparently just friends for now because he says that he can’t handle a relationship right now with me while being in the police academy and working a lot. He says we may get back together in the future. He said he believes I’ve changed also. He texted me on the 12th and it went well, he said he felt better that we are on better terms. He said he was sorry for not talking to me for a while, but he’s doing it again. He hasn’t tried talking to me since that day and he said we would hang out soon. I just don’t understand and I don’t want to text him first because I want him to be the one to miss me..any advise you can think of? Should I keep waiting til he contacts me first..he also said he doesn’t want him to be the center of my universe which I thought was rude because he’s not..that’s also why I haven’t tried contacting him
Kayleigh
August 20, 2015 at 7:50 am
Hey there 🙂 first of all – this site is great and thank you for all the help you’re providing for us. Since I couldn’t find any particular advice for my current situation, I’m asking you how to proceed from here: my boyfriend and I were together for 5 years. We basically broke up because I started to get more demanding and he backed up/got fear of commitment and started saying things like “he’s not ready for a relationship” (although he was in one for five years!) so I guess he was confused. He was sad about the breakup that I initiated and he accepted it eventually. Well, now I’ve realized I’ve been too pushy and I would just like us to continue having the same or better relationship, but nothing more serious, just to start over… so here are my questions:
1. I implemented the no contact for some time, then I failed, said I missed him after two weeks. He was confused, very emotional but decided it was best for us this way since “he is not serious enough for me and he needs time to be alone”. Do you think there’s hope?
2. He reached out to me on my birthday (27 days passed) and I responded, but not right away, only saying thank you :). Then he started talking about his job and other friendly stuff. I acted friendly, ended the conversation fast. Next time it was me who talked to him first – I sent him a picture of something he likes and I found on the internet and said that it reminded me how he liked that and he responded within 1 min of seeing the text however, he was a bit colder then. More distant. Didn’t engage in conversation much as before. I ended the conversation quickly again.
So my question is – and yes btw in one of those small textings he agreed to my coffee invitation and said “I think we should do that although I’m not sure it’s very smart” – so how to proceed now? Should I start the conversations first? Or ignore him until that “coffee time”? What do you think is the best approach in a situation like this? I’m mostly insecure because he never starts the convos first, it’s been me for the last three times.
Thank you in advance 🙂
Sofia
August 19, 2015 at 6:34 am
Hi Chris,
I am one of your avid fans of your website. Whenever I come across a situation, your approaches fit in nicely. And yes, I experimented and I sure do get positive results. A few months ago, my guy and I had a serious argument that ended both of us to give each other a time out. Unfortunately, he had a one-night stand with a woman when he and I started getting to know each other. Right after that, we stopped communicating each other. It took him about a week to gather his courage to start a conversation with me. We were trying to mend the bridge of communication during that period. Along the way, something happened to him that, somehow,put him in trouble (although he wasn’t involved) That point, nevertheless, changed him in a whole perspective of life. He left me messages on fb but i didn’t reply. He mentioned that his phone was confiscated. After a couple of days, my phone rang and i soon i discovered that it was him. He shared with me with the details of his “absence”. Throughout, I was quite calm and composed and most importantly, I wasn’t swept by anger or frustration. At that point, his life went downhill with bills,etc. He said that he didn’t want me to help out with his issues and had difficulty trusting the people around him. Whenever he opened up about his experience, I could sense how traumatized he was and my heart went out to him. I didn’t want to nag or repeat things that any woman would say. Instead, I gave him space to operate his emotions and feelings.
My guy and I are in a long distance relationship for almost a year. We discussed that I should stay over at his place early September.
My questions are:
1. How do I console a man when he has undergone such trauma?
2. How can I encourage him to put trust in me?
3. Is it appropriately for me to go over to his side to console him, even after the argument ?
Looking forward to hear from you soon. Thanks.
Sofia
September 2, 2015 at 3:59 am
This is going to be the second time I may be canceling the trip to go over to his side. What will be the best reason to tell him to do that? I also would like to know what goes inside his mind when he informed me that the bad incident he was involved in made him shut himself totally. He unfriended a lot of friends, which he viewed them as potential haters, on fb. He also unfriended me cos he didn’t want the friends that I knew from him, to be telling me stories and stuffs. He said that he didn’t want anyone to be prying their noses into their affairs. He wanted to protect me. He remained indoors most of the time. He minds his own business. He returns home from school and hardly say hi to anyone. A bad incident changed him to be more cautious and wary of people around him.
I am coping with the cheating. And I took as much time away from him to heal myself. Things are hanging in the air. He didn’t answer my questions about the status of the relationship. He either remained quiet, looking pensive in his thought. Should I stay or leave in this relationship?
Thanks, Chris.
Sofia
August 28, 2015 at 6:35 am
I have no plans to be physically intimate with him because the feeling of being betrayed is very much raw. He said that he wouldn’t want to do that too because he knew he would be rejected. In some conversations, I brought up the old wounds to surface. I am having so much difficulty in finding forgiveness that I felt that going over is not a good idea. This is going to be the second time we cancelled the meeting. I am not sure what to say to him this time around.
Chris Seiter
August 19, 2015 at 7:21 pm
Thanks for reading.
1. You shouldn’t console him (he’s the one who cheated)
2. You don’t need to make him trust you, he should be trying to get you to trust him
3. No don’t console him.
If you do no contact and when you see him in September don’t be physically intimate, it could help your situation a bit. You don’t want him to think what he is doing is ok. No matter what the circumstances it is not ok for him to cheat. (which is most likely where his mis-trust is coming from) There is a great saying “those who mistrust the most should be trusted the least.” Meaning if he doesn’t trust you to an unhealthy point, he is probably doing something wrong and internalizing it on you.
Jordan
August 19, 2015 at 4:21 am
Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend and I started dated again after we broke up last year. He actually broke up with the girl he’d been dating for a few months just so we could rekindle things, but I think we both felt like we rushed into things this time around so we decided to end things a couple of months ago. However, we got into a really bad fight about a month ago and our only contact since then was all business (for example: I left my watch at his place). Since then, I tried reaching out to him and his exact words were “I’m not trying to be mean but I’ve realized that being together brought drama into my life and we’ll never be anything again because of that.” I’ve started NC to give him time to cool down but the last time I did he didn’t reach out during NC period at all. He’s very stubborn and set in his ways, and the last time we broke up I had to stop and just let him come to me. I guess I’m just worried that he follow through with it. So my question is what do I need to do to entice a stubborn ex change his mind and trust and open up to me again without being cold and uncompromising?
Ann
August 18, 2015 at 3:37 pm
Hi Chris,
I like really this topic because I always find it so difficult to get my boyfriend be open to me and this helps a lot. I just have one question about the strategy 3, leading by example. How actually I can open up and be vulnerable to my boy friend? There was once he told me that I’m too dramatic and it really hurts my feeling as I was trying to open up to him.
Chris Seiter
August 19, 2015 at 1:39 am
What did you say that caused him to say you were too dramatic?
M.
August 18, 2015 at 1:15 pm
Hello! My ex boyfriend who has a gf a year now still keeps me on fb(without talking or like anything of course). He owes me Money that hasn’t given me although he said he would and I already has asked them once.I kept him too because I followed your advice and tryied everything you said but nothing.I can’t stand him anymore,mostly because she seems to look like me in appearence and character,it’s so disturbing and I feel very akward starting a conversation with him even to just ask my Money. lately he’s started posting photos with the two of them everytime I post sth and I can’t stand it anymore.Also he changed his profile photo to one with her kissing him and his cover with a quote saying sth like ”to tell you the truth I don’t feel anymore…I’m sick of it”..I have no idea if that went for me or no but I really see no hope winning him back..I feel such a loser, I want to just delete him..What do you beleive?Is it over for good?? What should I do?
M.
August 26, 2015 at 1:49 pm
I know..but I haven’t left anyone so far..they do so…I just wish I could make my ex come back,he’s the only one I could connect truly but I can’t see how!All I have is facebook and I’ve tried almost everything,I don’t even post many things to seems busy but ..nothing. I think this ”better deal” doesn’t apply to him and many others..
M.
August 22, 2015 at 12:12 pm
well I did try to date others but it’s so hard to find someone who actually wants a relantionship..so I’m pretty much disappointed,I can’t find what i do so wrong and I want to try become better to influence my ex but i can’t see what else to do!I mean i can’t speak to him..I want to feel this ‘hope’ you’re talking about..Any suggestions??
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 7:25 pm
Keep dating guys til you find one that has the same mentality as you when it comes to relationships. Just remember don’t bring up being in a relationship, let the man do that part. These things take time.
M.
August 19, 2015 at 1:10 pm
there have been times when I thought they broke up but they ended up together again..That’s why I’m losing hope..I don’t know what else to try,I’ve spend so much time and energy into becoming better and better but still I can’t have him! Do you beleive after so much time there’s any hope at all??
Chris Seiter
August 19, 2015 at 7:14 pm
Yes I think there is still hope. Like I said you should date other people. (You may find someone else you like better) if not you can try with him again.
Chris Seiter
August 19, 2015 at 3:10 am
Dont delete him, Keep your cool. Date other people until they break up. 🙂
Norissa
August 17, 2015 at 3:38 am
Hello, thank you for all your useful information, your site is awesome 🙂 If you have time, I would love your take on my situation. My ex and I broke up after 6 months. He got out of a very bad relationship 4 months before we started dating and I think he is still trying to deal with healing from that relationship based on some of the things he has told me. When we broke up, I told him I didn’t think I could be just friends but that I understood he needed some time and space to heal and I maybe we could try again in the future. I have been NC with my ex for 30 days and I am just wondering if you think I should wait longer to contact him, and how long do you think? And should I bring up being just friends to build trust? He is a great guy but it was getting pretty obvious he needed to work through some things by the end of our relationship so I don’t mind not contacting him if that helps him. I also don’t want him to think I have forgotten all about him though. I want him back but I am trying not to wait for him (started looking for dating prospects) as I understand it could be a long, never-ending wait 🙂 Any advice would be appreciated, thank you!
Norissa
August 29, 2015 at 4:10 am
I spoke too soon and he did respond eventually and it was pretty positive, so that was nice
Norissa
August 28, 2015 at 2:33 am
Hi Chris, Thank you for the prev response. I bought your ebook (thank you) and I tried an exciting first text after 7 weeks…and he ignored it. Might have went overboard with the text (basically saw something funny and sent him a picture and a note), but it wasn’t sweet at all because I was trying to stay away from emotional displays. So I guess I’m back to no contact. I’m thinking it might take awhile for him to come around to the right way of thinking 😉 Thank you!
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:23 am
Give him another week of nc. Then try again. Did he try to contact you at all during NC?
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 8:27 pm
30 days is good. No don’t bring up being friends, you don’t want to friendzone yourself. Just talk to him naturally. Try an exciting first text to get him to respond to you.
Sara
August 17, 2015 at 3:34 am
Hi Chris, I was hoping that you could give me advice on what to do about my ex-boyfriend. We started dating this summer and seemed to have a really good connection. Our only problem is that he goes to college in a different state that is 12 hours away, while I’m a senior in high school. Initially we didn’t address having a long distance relationship when we first started dating. But later on it came up. I told him I’d be willing to try a long distance relationship, but he didn’t want to. He said he wanted us to be friends until the time is right. He had a previous long distance that ended badly and he believes that all long distance relationships end up with people hating each other and he’d rather that we stay good friends instead of risking dating one another so that we don’t end up hating one another. He also mentioned that he thought it would be too hard for my senior year since I’d have prom and other things he couldn’t take me to. After this conversation we broke up for about a week and decided to just be friends. We work together though and saw each other all the time anyways and ended up getting back together. We didn’t readdress the issue before he left for college though. Our schedules got very busy right before he was leaving, especially because he waited to pack everything till the day before he was supposed to leave. He said we’d meet up to say goodbye after he was done packing but he didn’t finish till late at night, so we never said goodbye. He texted me from the road apologizing for not saying goodbye to me and that was the last I heard from him. I haven’t tried to text him or anything because I’m not sure what to say or do. I’m assuming that he still doesn’t want a long distance relationship, which is why I haven’t heard from him. But I don’t know if I was just a summer fling or if he genuinely liked me. I don’t know if I have a shot with getting back with him or not? And if I do have a shot, what do I need to do? Please help me.
Anastassia
August 14, 2015 at 2:48 pm
Hi Chris! So I left a comment on another forum, but it’s been in moderation for a week, so I thought maybe I would try one more time to get your help. I know you are a super busy guy and would really appreciate any advice you can give me. To sum up what’s going on with my relationship is that we started getting into little fights and it became too much. I don’t want to say my ex is very insecure, but he’s definitely a little more than most guys. So any ways, I ended up leaving for a 2 week vacation with my family and the day I left we got into an argument and ultimately ended things. I figured this would be a great time to implement NC. I came home from vacation and still hadn’t heard anything and continued NC for the remainder of 30 days. It was hard but I did it! When I tried to reach out to him, he was very upset. he said he realized he was happier with the less stress there was while I was gone, no more fighting and that he couldn’t do this with me. I was hurt and thought things would be better when I came back and let some time pass. I don’t know where to go from here. Back to NC? Give up?
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 9:28 pm
Go back into no contact for 2 more weeks. What did you say when you finally reached out to him? It shouldn’t be a relationship type of talk when you talk to him after the nc.
Dena
August 14, 2015 at 5:10 am
I totally agree with you re the “ah-ha” moment – that’s the plan 🙂
I knew you were going to ask me that! I did ask re the “missing” and he answered (he is quite an introverted person and has trouble expressing himself re feelings at times).
I’m sure you are both thrilled! I have a baby niece and she is the greatest. Your little one will also be a very lucky little lady – relationship guru Dad!
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 3:52 pm
Thank you for the update. Yes we are excited. She’s coming any day now…
Dena
August 13, 2015 at 11:38 pm
Hi Chris,
Thank you for your response. I appreciate your time.
His response to the 8 days of no contact was silence. No communication.
My text to him was along the lines of “I hope you’re well. I have realised that no one has actually shown us how to be with another person. I was thinking that we could potentially help each other with this. Starting with a clean slate?”.
I didn’t receive a response to this, so the next day I texted; “Just thought I would reach out in the instance you were hesitating as you’re feeling scared”. He replied, “Yeah, hurt, scared and confused” (I can’t recall the rest of the message and can’t retrieve it, as my cell is currently broken). We spoke on the phone once after that (positive phone call including a fair few laughs on both sides and no relationship talk), I ended the conversation, and he said he missed me (rating of 7.5 / 10), but nothing has happened since then. No action on his part, so I don’t believe his words at all.
I have made a “To Do” list and currently working my way through it 🙂
That’s ok. I totally understand. If you would like to let me know when you do decide to go ahead with the personal coaching (and if I make it on to the short-list), that would be awesome.
Best of your luck with welcoming your little one 🙂
Chris Seiter
August 14, 2015 at 4:18 am
I’m sure he does miss you but he needs to have that ah-ha moment where he realizes he can’t be without you. Your responses were perfect. Great job with ending the conversations first. Did he say he missed you without you asking?
Thank you! We are really excited to have our first little girl. 🙂
briana
August 12, 2015 at 12:49 pm
Hi Chris, I’ve lately for the last week or two been following your site and in love it. I first want to say keep doing what you are doing it helps many and we appreciate it. Secondly, my question for you is a bit complicated and reason why I feel I need your help. My ex I love him dearly he is younger I’m 27 he is 24 turning 25 in November. We were going out may up until July 8th of this year..I broke up with him not because of horrible things but because it seemed like I was being neglected and I found out reason he was being distant was because of a serious medical issue and I didn’t know for 2wks, but because he was embarrassed to tell me.. but broke up with him even though I didn’t want to and he didn’t want to either. I had every intention of staying with him but because he kept that info from me one the original reasons if why I was upset that would info would have helped if I knew then and probably no broken up if I knew and fact i loved him and I was afraid of being hurt again I went through with it. My mistake but now trying to fix it. Some time past few weeks 18 days or so we didn’t speak but I made mistakes trying to reach him and had our mutual friend talk to him get info etc.. didn’t work right away but eventually I broke down and realized how much I loved him and want him in my life so I wrote a letter and song and sent him a long love text and just put it all out there. That was few wks ago and as result I got a few txt and hi. Cuz i I know him I can tell what kind if mood he is in and if he genuinely is texting me so as a result we made contact and the hi was a good thing. We got to hangout another day all together me him and our mutual friend, it was like nothing was different we all had fun then I took him home and we went to boat dock to talk and just feel each other out. That night our friend made sure to tell him I love him and he said I know she loves me and she said well are u guys gonna get back together or what..he said one day at a time dont jump the gun and then that night we hung out alil more and then took him home..and he would do stuff like normal like sing our fave songs in car to me and songs I put in my love txt he while play also. I sent him alot of Sam smith and stuff.. And he still does it even though we broken up when he is in my car driving. its nice.. but makes me feel confused. And that night ..we did have sex at the dock and it was like nothing changed. And ever since then we’ve maintained talking and hung out again went to buffet last weekend and here and there do stuff and I can tell he still cares and hugs me tight and looks at me certain ways and sings to me and picks on me and etc. Ya know that flirty pick on crap like smacking, kicking ETC…and he has gotten my letter and song n hasn’t commented on it still and I’m like wondering he knows everything now and I know he cares also so why hasn’t he just said let’s try again or at least talk about stuff? He went on one date awhile ago but when I asked about it he said well was more like a group date but the location he still goes to and I said oh ok and made a jealous comment and he nudged me smirking that night and said don’t want ya to beat her up but it wasn’t a big deal she was ugly. Lol. And we maintain contact and he says stuff like b4 like ok love and sends me emoji text like he use to do when things were good so idk why he isn’t budging yet? Is their a reason I’m not seeing? And I was wondering If the NC RULE would still work now even after we’ve already made contact n hung out n bing bang boom? I’m afraid it will push him away..he always makes me feel like he wants to be with me but hesitates and when we say bye when i leave he hugs me a certain way I can just tell and says txt me when u home and looks at me like he wants to do something but don’t. kiss or say something. so I just don’t get what else I can do. I know its my fault I broke up but had valid reasons at the time but realized it was to soon and not what I wanted cuz he was good guy. now I’ve laid it all out except for telling him to his face i love you, do you deel the same back or not? Are we ever going to do this again or not? Like I’m hurting cuz I know what I want and getting tired of waiting but I want to so what do I do? Why is he being an oddball And why hasn’t he commented on my letter and song?average guy I think would have something to say regardless if Good news or bad.. that’s a special thing someone does for you. especially if the girl broke up with you and then came back and b4 we broke up he said I just want to be with you. knowing how much I love him I tried to save myself from being hurt again I had a 4yr relationship b4 him and was cheated on and doing stuff like tha so inmase mistake by bring scared and letting go when I shouldn’t have. Bottom line I miss him and he knows it and i know and others know he has feelings still for me and has my letter n stuff and we’ve hung out n stuff and still talk so IDK what else to do.. I’m starting to feel.like giving up but it’s only cuz i love him and feel like he ain’t gonna budge and it hurts me, but he does stuff make me feel like he will. He also when we broke up let me keep his military dog tags and bracelet he gave to me symbolizing I was his on our first date and waited two weeks after break up to get them wasnt worried about it. So yes, I know it’s crazy my story but I’m feeling kind I need to do something soon cuz I love him a lot but problem is because we’ve made contact and hung out etc and I’m helping him with a stuff for his car in a week Im afraid I can’t do the NO CONTACT rule if he trusting me to help him with stuff n i just disappear. I just want to know what to do. Need help. Please help. Email me. Thank you.
Dena
August 12, 2015 at 4:07 am
Hey Chris,
I hope you’re well.
When is your next podcast due to go live?
Chris Seiter
August 19, 2015 at 3:36 pm
Hi Dena,
I am getting all of the ones I have up transcribed before I record any new ones. Don’t worry I will be doing them again in the near future.
briana
August 11, 2015 at 11:38 pm
Hi Chris, I’ve lately for the last week or two been following your site and in love it. I first want to say keep doing what you are doing it helps many and we appreciate it. Secondly, my question for you is a bit complicated and reason why I feel I need your help. My ex I love him dearly he is younger I’m 27 he is 24 turning 25 in November. We were going out may up until July 8th if this year..I broke up with him not because of horrible things but because it seemed like I was being neglected and I found out reason he was being distant was because of a serious medical issue and I sidt know for 2wks but broke up with him even though I didn’t want to and he didn’t want to either. I had every intention of staying with him but because he kept that info from me that would have helped if I knew then and prob no breakup would happened if I knew and fact loved him and I was afraid of being hurt again I went through with it. Some time past few weeks 18 days we didn’t speak but I made mistakes trying to reach him and had our mutual friend talk to him get info etc.. didn’t work right away but eventually I broke and realized how much I love him and want him in my life so I wrote a letter and song and sent him a long love text and just put it all out there. That was few wks ago and as result I got a few short txt and hi. Cuz i I know him I can tell what kind if mood he is in and if he genuinely is texting me so as a result we made contact and got to hangout another day all together me him and our mutual friend once we all had fun I took him home and we went to dock and talked and just feels each other out. That night our friend made sure to tell him I love him and he said I know she loves me and she said well are u guys gonna get back together or what..he said one day at a time dont jump the gun and then that night we hung out alil more and then took him home..and he would do stuff like normal like sing our fave songs in car to me and songs I put in out txt I sent him aboutbme loving him lots of Sam smith and stuff.. And he still does it even though we broken up when he is in my car driving its nice.. And that night umm…we had sex at the dock and then took him home. And ever since then we’ve maintained talking and hung out again went to buffet last weekend and here and there do stuff and I can tell he still cares and hugs me tight ams looks at me and sings to me and picks on me and etc..and he has gotten my letter and song n hasn’t commented on it and I’m like wondering u know everything now and I now u care also so why haven’t u just said let’s try again ? He went on one date awhile ago but when I asked about it he said well was more like a group date bit the location he still goes to and I said oh ok and made a jealous comment and he nudged me smirking that night and said don’t want ya to beat her up. Lol. And we maintain contact and he says ok love ams sends me smilwys like he use to do and does all.the things I know he does that care in our relationship so idk why he isn’t budging yet? And I was wondering I’d the NC RULE would still work now even after we’ve already made contact n hung out n bing bang boom.. I’m afraid it will push him away..he always makes me feel like he wants to be with me but hesitates and when we say bye when in leave he hugs me long and says txt me when u home and looks at me like he wants to do something but don’t kiss I mean..and he smacks me in my butt pushes me and does all.that so I just don’t get what else I can do. I know its my fault I broke up but has valid reason and now I’ve laid it all out except for telling him.to.his face do ublove me back m wanna go out again so what do I do? Why is Kyle being an oddball? And whybhasnr he commented on my letter and song average guy I think would have something to say..especially if the girl broke up with him and then came back and b4 we broke up he said I just want you. And reason was because he may have nerve issues cuz of a car accident and I still broke up and but because I told him it was for the neglect feelings and knowing how much I love him I tried to save myself from being hurt again I had a 4yr b4 and was cheated and that guy stooped doing stuff like that. Bottom line I miss him and he knows it and o know and other sknow he has feelings still for me and has my letter n stuff and we’ve hung out n stuff and still talk so IDL what else to do.. I’m starting to feel.like giving up but it’s only cuz u love him and feel like he ain’t gonna budge but does stuff make me feel like he will. He also when we broke up let me keep his military dog tags and bracelet he gave to me symbolizing I was his on our first date and waited two weeks after break up and I have it to him but wasn’t entire about it getting back? So yes, I know it’s crazy my story but I’m feeling kind I need to do something soon cuz I love him a lot but problem is because we’ve made contact and hung out etc etc. I’m helping him with a ticket for his car in a week and I can’t do nc rule if he trusting me to help him and he let’s me hold his ticket and money and stuff like that. I just want to know what to do. Need help. Please help. Email me. Thank you.
Melissa
August 10, 2015 at 5:44 pm
Hi chris! I don’t know why my comments are always erased or no answer, but thanks anyway. ur page helps a lot.
Melissa
October 14, 2015 at 1:22 am
u think I should apologize?
Chris Seiter
October 16, 2015 at 2:05 am
Nope I don’t think you should.
Melissa
September 18, 2015 at 6:31 pm
I’m still blocked. u think he will unblock me? and I blocked him on facebook, but before that I told him he was a jerk.
Melissa
September 12, 2015 at 6:40 pm
I’m still blocked, i don’t know nothing about him. I think I made it worse, a few days ago I just texted him via fb that he is a jerk and i’m sorry for wasting my time. and i blocked him on facebook and whatsapp, but i ended up unblocking. I know nothing else. he hasn’t unblocked me on his phone.
Melissa
August 26, 2015 at 11:17 pm
is it a dead end? or will he unblocked me? I feel like a leftover, that no longer serves him cuz he’s not here anymore. so all the nice memories we had are like non existent. I feel like why would he dated me if I bothered him so much and no longer want to be in contact with me.
Chris Seiter
September 12, 2015 at 1:07 am
I know I am a bit late responding to this.
Any updates since then that I need to know about?
Melissa
August 26, 2015 at 9:46 pm
well, he just blocked me. I texted during the weekend apologizing for the way i acted. and he said thanks, and that is forgotten. but a few days after I only said hiii and he blocked me.
melissa
August 14, 2015 at 4:16 pm
thanks! I undersstand! 🙂 I had a fight with the guy I was dating, well I went crazy and I removed him from facebook (before our fight, i did cuz i wanted to stop stalking him and because I sense he was seeing someone else) and he lives in a different country now. And I was right he was seeing someone new and told me he can’t see how we can’t keep in touch (crazy, this is 2015 and we have laptops and videocalls or just facebook etc) then we argue and told him i was pissed cuz i thought we were friends. after all he said he didn’t want to add me bck on facebook cuz he is dating someone and I’ve been acting crazy with tons of messages and silly things. and he also said that that was startintg to bothering him. what can I do to make him add me again or change his mind? I won’t contact him for at least a mont, i think I’ll apologize for my behaviour, not sure if it’s right but I feel it kinda is. I’ve been knowing him for about 2 months. and our dates were great, and he used to pay for every date and we had a blast, he also said that he doesn’t remember me like I’ve been acting in the texts. what can i do? i’d like a relationship or at least keeping him as friend. do u see a future in this or I should move on?
Chris Seiter
August 26, 2015 at 2:31 pm
Don’t apologize for your behavior. If you do that it will bring up the negative feelings all over again. Also what would you apologize for? You didn’t do anything wrong, he’s the one that should be apologizing to you.
Just do the no contact for 30 days and don’t be a text gnat when you come back around. Read the post on long distance relationships.
Since he lives in another country your chances of getting him back are probably 10%, unless he moves closer to you or vice versa.
Chris Seiter
August 10, 2015 at 9:31 pm
Hi Melissa, What’s your question? I can’t always answer all of the comments because there is only one of me and thousands of comments. Comments are erased automatically if it looks like spam, (Not saying yours looked that way, that’s just want happens sometimes.)
Blindsided
August 6, 2015 at 10:46 pm
Did my comment ever come through? :/ I sent it on Aug. 1st, and have seen comments from yesterday and the day before go up, while mine is still waiting approval, or so the page says.
Blindsided
August 17, 2015 at 11:38 pm
I do wish things could be worked out in the long run. But I told him he needed to leave me be because all of his reaching out so shortly after dumping me was making it so I couldn’t heal. The texts and the wanting me to call him and the showing up at work were just picking at the wounds and sending mixed messages. He has stopped now that I’ve made that clear, and yes, we are in full NC now.
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:36 am
Hmmm well NC should be out of the blue. How many days are you in no contact as of now?
Blindsided
August 17, 2015 at 10:15 pm
Oh, it did go through, the original post, but my reply to your reply is what disappeared. I thanked you for your feedback, and I also wanted to clarify: is all of the missing me and finding various ways to contact me when other doors close for him just a friendzone kind of situation? I was never sure if this was his way of regretting the breakup and trying to get his foot in the door again. I’ve done NC on him for three weeks now, and he has not spoken to me since, but I think mostly because I told him to stop talking to me if he wants me to get over him. Hopefully the idea that I’m potentially getting over him the past three weeks will be effective in some way… -J
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 10:46 pm
Oh gottcha. Why did you tell him not to contact you? Are you trying to get over him or get back with him? No contact is when you aren’t responding to him at all.
Chris Seiter
August 13, 2015 at 1:11 pm
I don’t see it, can you resend it?