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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Post categories
Trinh Huynh
January 13, 2017 at 4:09 am
I really need help i dont know what to do my boyfriend cheating me
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 13, 2017 at 3:18 pm
Hi Trinh
from reading the post above, do you want to try what Chris advised?
Dana
January 13, 2017 at 1:11 am
me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship together for a year. On new years, him and his ex girlfriend met for the first time after they broke up. When they met, he told me they had a nice conversation and she wasnt mad at him anymore. But he forgot to tell me that they kissed. but before I found out I felt like I relied too much on him and he his actions were disappointing me so i told him lets not talk for a while but i only lasted 2/3 days, during this time he was being so cold to me despite me being so loving and nice to him because he said he understood me. It was only when I asked him “do you still want to be with me” and his reply was “well no because i kissed my ex”. I feel regret because what if i didnt initiate a break he wouldn’t have realised that he doesn’t want to be with me instead realised that i’m worth fighting for. He says because of the kiss he realises that he’s lost and wants to be single but I feel like its just because he doesn’t want to deal with the situation even though he tells me it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt me any more. The thing is he already planned to study here for 6 months and he’s coming next month. I really want to get him back and try to fix and understand each other because I felt like we just gave up when it hasn’t even started. Right now i’m being nice and telling him i’m not holding a grudge on him but at the same time i’m really angry because he isnt explaining to me how he got to that decision. i said I hope we can still be friends but he doesnt think we can be friends right now because he doesnt want to hurt me. do you think I should talk to him again about our situation or will he just get annoyed? i want to just be nice and be a friend to him but what if i cant help myself but kiss him or more? or should i just shut him out? he’s really cold towards me at the most i just want him to make up for his mistake because right now he seems like he doesnt care because he has the right to be mad at me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 13, 2017 at 2:33 pm
Hi Dana,
I think he sees his ex as a grass is greener option. CHeck this:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Kris
January 4, 2017 at 8:00 pm
My boyfriend and I dated for a year. Things were amazing in the beginning, he wanted to see me all the time and I loved it. I moved in with him because he insisted, quit my job and started working for him. Put my carrier on hold because he needed help with his business. He asked me to sell all my furniture and just give my house up so I can save money on rent. I became his employee and saw a part of him I didn’t particularly like. He was aggressive, screaming a lot at me. The business wasn’t going well, we started fighting and I felt him pulling away from me. The more he pulled away the more clingy I became. He would go out and not answer his phone and I would call 20 or 30 times. I felt the relationship falling apart but I felt helpless to change anything. One day he told me that I have nothing going on for me besides the stuff that he has going on for him. I started crying a lot because I felt lonely and not loved. He hated me crying and would say things to stop me, not nice things but how I just don’t get it. We stopped going out and I rarely saw him. I stated looking for a new job because we closed the business but I haven’t been successful so far. One day I was looking through pictures on his computer and found a picture with a girl he used to sleep with before we started dating. It was from two weeks prior the accident and they had had dinner and taken a picture in front of the Christmas tree. I got really mad – screamed, cried, broke things. I moved my stuff out of his house that Saturday. On Monday he asked me to go out to dinner. And on Tuesday as well. Then we started fighting again, he told me that I wanna conttol him and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He had already been married twice and doesn’t want to get married again. He just wants to relax when done work and have fun when he goes out. We dragged it like that for about a month. I was getting progressively upset and he became even more distant. We spent Christmas together and then he went on vacation with his children. I texted him a lot and got sporadic answers here and there. As of today I haven’t texted him for 3 days and he hasn’t tried to contact me. I’m just wondering if there is a chance to get him back??? He says he doesn’t want a relationship. I’m still looking for a job and I feel very depressed and not good about myself. I miss him a lot and just wanna tell him that but don’t think he cares. So what do I do????
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 6, 2017 at 7:44 pm
Hi Kris,
get your life back first before trying to mend a relationship because you’ll just go around in circles with him if you don’t get yourself back first. Get a job, move out, grow and make new friends and start a new. Make yourself stable first before rebuilding friendahip with him. So, right now, just be civil with him..
Jessica
January 3, 2017 at 10:20 pm
so my boyfriend of three years went on vacation with my family. It was great. However, he was never loving or affectionate throughout the relationship he consonantly accused me, ignored for weeks at a time, sometimes even physically abusive. On this vacation when it was time to go home, it got delayed and he got very mad.. turns out he had another girlfriend that he was going to go see back home. I talked to her which she told me she had been with him for two months, he had met her family, bonded with her brothers.. she even told me that he dedicated her the same songs that were supposed to be ours. there were other girls too, but not as emotionally connected to her and he was. He’s been doing the absolute most to get me back.. but I feel like its too much.
Can someone give me advice? Please.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 8:21 pm
Hi Jessica,
Being physically abusive should be the deal breaker but lo and behold, he had more reasons for you to move on. It’s one thing for somebody to hurt us once or twice but if it’s repeatedly done that means you dont have standards for yourself. You’re basically just allowing him to be like that. Move on from him. If he really wants you back, it will be great work for him. He has to stop talking to all those girls, control his temper, be respectful to you and your family and more.. basically be a totally different guy..Not just somebody who’s sweeter and nicer..
Jennifer
December 30, 2016 at 2:18 pm
My ex cheated on me and wanted to get back together. He know I forgive him. Now he is distant and not talking to me anymore. What does this mean?
Jennifer
January 5, 2017 at 5:14 am
I did not take him back. He and I not talking anymore. He isn’t even trying
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 2:35 pm
Ah ok, you just forgave him? If that’s the case, then he probably changed his mind when he didn’t feel guilty about what happened anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 30, 2016 at 3:30 pm
Hi Jennifer,
when did he cheat and when did you get back together? He’s probably like that because he got you back easily for him
Meng
December 28, 2016 at 11:16 am
My bf for 7 years cheated. We are in LDR, so when we meet, I always browse his photos in his phone and I found pictures of him with the girl in his phone, he did not say a word but he denied that they are together. Then, we went into a “cold down” period and during the period, we barely talk but he still text me couple of times to ask me to take good care of myself. I have thought through and I told him I am ready to forgive and forget, I want to work things out and I have decided to quit my job overseas and go back to be with him for good. He asked me to give him more time to “think, but after 3 weeks, he wanted to break up for good. I have then went into NC and he did not contact me either. I stalked him on fb and he seems very happy hanging out with his friends and the girl is also there! He then changed his facebook profile pic of us into black page and then he removed our pictures. It’s tearing up my heart. I thought during this period, he would’ve started to miss me or regret but he doesn’t seem like it.
I am very close with his family and they have been contacting me and visited me as well. I was told by the mother that he confronted to them that we have broken up but it’s just a temporarily break and he insisted saying that he is not with the girl. But the fact that he is not contacting me, hanging out happily with his friends, posting party pictures and picture with the girl and removing our pictures on facebook telling me otherwise.
I am devastated but I am still waiting for miracle to happen. I am not doing anything now because I do not know what I can do to win him back and I do not want to be like chasing him back. He might feel annoyed and irritated. I miss him so much and I want him back so much. What can I do?
RYZ
March 2, 2017 at 5:58 am
WE HAVE ALMOST THE SAME STORY,BUT MINE I WANT TO ASK IF APPLYING A NC RULE,WOULD IT BE BETTER IF I DEACTIVATE MY FB ACCOUNT? HE BLOCKED ME IN FB WHEN HE DECIDED TO END UP OUR RELATIONSHIP COZ HE WANT TO BE HAPPIER PHYSICALLY WITH OTHER GIRL, BUT AFTER FEW DAYS THEY FIGHT OR BREAK UP (THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE HOT AND COLD) AND HE ALWAYS UNBLOCK ME WHEN THINGS AREN’T WELL WITH HIS NEW GIRL. THEN LAST WEEK THEY HAD A HUGE BREAK UP THAT THE GIRL HAS TO MOVE OUT FROM HIS APARTMENT AND NEED A COPS TO GET HER THINGS (SHE’S A CRAZY GIRL,A JUNKIE/DRUG ADDICT,BAR GIRL THAT SOMETIMES BEAT HIM UP AND HAS 2 KIDS THE THE STATE TOOK HER KIDS FROM HER) AND HIS FEMALE BEST FRIEND TOLD ME THAT MY EX WAS VERY VERY REGRETFUL WHEN HE LEFT ME AND CRYING HIS EYES OUT THAT HE MISSES ME AND EVEN CRIED MORE WHEN HIS BESTFRIEND TOLD HIM THAT I MISSES HIM TOO. AND THAT TIME KNOWING HE’S DOWN AND GETTING THROUGH HELL I STARTED POKING HIM (HE’S POKING ME BACK TOO)LIKE I WANTED TO TELL HIM IM JUST HERE IF HE WANTS TO TALK AND FIX THINGS.I REALLY LOVE HIM SO MUCH COZ WE HAD A GREAT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP AND HE EVEN FLEW OUT TO COME HERE IN PHILIIPINES (HE’S FROM US) AND MET ALL MY FAMILIES,RELATIVES AND FRIENDS AND HE EVEN WISHED TO SETTLE DOWN HERE WITH ME AND BUILD A FAMILY WITH ME. BUT AFTER FEW MONTHS (7MONTHS IN LDR AGAIN) HE MESSAGED ME THROUGH FB THAT WE NEED TO BREAKUP COZ LDR DON’T WORK WITH THE POOR (HE ALWAYS PUTTING HIMSELF DOWN BUT I HATED HIM EVERYTIME HE IS INSECURE ABOUT HIMSELF. I WANTED TO WIN HIM BACK BECAUSE I KNOW HE IS THE MAN I WANTED TO LIVE WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. BUT THEN HE BLOCKED HIS BESTFRIEND WHO IS MY MESSENGER AND HE BLOCKED ME TOO THEN I SAW THAT THE CRAZY GIRL PUT BACK THEIR PICTURES TOGETHER AS A PROFILE BUT THEY’RE NOT FRIENDS ON FB.IM THINKING THEY MIGHT GET BACK TOGETHER OR HE TOOK HER BACK AGAIN BECAUSE THIS GIRL WAS CRYING ALL DAY AND NIGHT CALLING HIM AFTER THEY FOUGHT. SO MAYBE THEY JUST HAVING A RELATIUONSHIP OUTSIDE OF SOCIAL MEDIA AND MOVED THE GIRL WITH HIM AGAIN BUT HE DOESN’T LIKE SHOWING ON FB (MY EX-FRIENDS MIGHT THINK THAT HE HAS FUCKED UP RELATIOPNSHIP WITH THIS GIRL AND MESSES A WHOLE RELATIONSHIP SO HE DOESN’T LIKE PUTTING THEIR RELATIONSHIP ON SOCIAL MEDIA). SO IS IT BETTER TO DEACTIVATE MY ACCOUNT SO HE WON’T SEE ME AND STARTING TO MISS ME AS NC RULE?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2017 at 11:51 pm
Hi Ryz,
It would be better if you stay active in posting because he would miss you more when he sees you’re improvements and ignore him at the same time.
Meng
January 9, 2017 at 12:12 am
Yea, nothing is impossible. I am improving myself further and I really hope he will come back one day. Wish me luck Amor and thanks. I will continue to have faith.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 9, 2017 at 3:53 pm
Good luck! You’re welcome!
Meng
January 7, 2017 at 11:12 am
It is a tough one. I may sound not tough enough because I really love him. It is so hard to let go of a childhood buddy whom I am in love with and in a relationship for 7 years. I really do not understand why he did that to me, he loved me so much and put in so much effort to pursue me back then and we both put in alot of effort to maintain our LDR too. I really want him back so much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 7:27 pm
it’s hard but not impossible to get through this. Just always remind yourself
Meng
January 5, 2017 at 2:21 pm
I agree and it seems like it is the only thing that i can do now. He hasn’t been contacting me at all and it is like he is cutting me off. I am moving on but still waiting for him to come back. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 7, 2017 at 5:03 am
Set a limit on until when you would wait.
Meng
January 3, 2017 at 3:19 am
I have read through that article. Besides focusing on myself now and switching my negative mindset, what else can I do to win him back? It has been 2 months but I am still not letting go. I am in “moving on but not moving on” stage. 🙁 Can I get a more “solid” advice from you? Please..
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 1:35 pm
Actually the articles explained it better than I can say because really, the best you can do is to improve yourself. Being attractive is the first step, because that’s what gets him to notice you.. so, even if when you’re building rapport, you should not stop from doing your own thing and having your own life.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 30, 2016 at 5:08 am
Hi Meng,
aside from the advice above, I think you should check this one too:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
rose29
December 22, 2016 at 11:14 am
hi,
i was in a relationship with my bf for the past 4years. we met in college and it was doing really great, but due to my job, i was living away from him…I came to know that he kissed one of his junior a couple of times . I WAS SHATTERED..i had warned him about texting this and even cried..he had promised me that he won’t have anything with her ever. But he texted her and eventually they kissed..he is not ready to stop texting her completely .he tells he needs more time and that he does not love her. he had kissed just for fun.i JUST HATE the fact that he still text her.. I abused him a lot and i stopped texting 2 days back. i want him to regret what he did, leave her and then come back to me.
Should I not text him for 30 days?
PLEASE HELP ME.
thanks
rose29
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 27, 2016 at 11:41 am
Hi Rose,
what do you mean that you abused him? If you’re not going to do nc, what’s your other plan?
rose
December 22, 2016 at 11:13 am
hi,
i was in a relationship with my bf for the past 4years. we met in college and it was doing really great, but due to my job, i was living away from him…I came to know that he kissed one of his junior a couple of times . I WAS SHATTERED..i had warned him about texting this and even cried..he had promised me that he won’t have anything with her ever. But he texted her and eventually they kissed..he is not ready to stop texting her completely .he tells he needs more time and that he does not love her. he had kissed just for fun.i JUST HATE the fact that he still text her.. I abused him a lot and i stopped texting 2 days back. i want him to regret what he did, leave her and then come back to me.
Should I not text him for 30 days?
PLEASE HELP ME.
thanks
rose
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 27, 2016 at 11:41 am
Hi Rose,
what do you mean that you abused him? If you’re not going to do nc, what’s your other plan?
Tasha
December 1, 2016 at 7:17 pm
My ex boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. I was his first real relationship and then we broke up because he kissed another girl and was texting her. I expected him to beg for forgiveness but instead he just said he didn’t want a relationship anymore. About a week went by and I saw him again and he said he missed me and wanted us to remain friends. Around 3 days later we got back in a relationship suggested by me because we were still actin good like a couple. For about 2 weeks things were perfect but he kept saying he felt bad like he didn’t deserve to be with me and that he felt he would hurt me again. Sure enough he did. He broke up with me saying he was unhappy and just didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and basically wanted to be free to do whatever. The next day I found out he had cheated the night before he broke up with me. We didn’t talk for about 1 1/2 weeks and then we spoke saying he wanted to sill hangout and be friends. We hung out 2x and started sleeping together while he was sleeping with another girl. He still would send me goodmorning texts, say he missed me, come spend the night even without sex, and sending mixed signals. After a while he would only spend the night with the girl 1-2 week and the rest of the days he would be with me. We still went to do activities together and still bought each other food during he day. While with her he never saw her unless it was at night and didn’t do those things with her. After a while I. Got upset because we basically acted like a couple so why not just be back together but he didn’t want to so we agreed to try and be friends. About a week later of us strictly being friends (but still commenting on who the other person was texting) I found out I was pregnant but was getting an abortion. He then distanced himself from me a lot and my parents told his parents about it and he blamed me. He told me he never wanted to speak to me again because it was clear that I wanted to be with him later on but he doesn’t ever want to be in a relationship with me again. A couple days later he said he didn’t have feelings for me anymore and wanted to be there for me because he loves me but just as a friend. He hasn’t blocked me on anything and I feel I text or call him he answers. I took him off my social media but it’s public and I can see that he still views everything I post. I don’t know if I even want him back but I do know I want him to want me like he use to and I want him to regret ever treating me like this and losing me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 1:39 pm
HI Tasha
if you really want him to regret, dont chase.. Check this:
EBR 007: How To Make Him Regret Cheating
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go
Claire
November 30, 2016 at 3:50 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend of 2 years went away on a guys trip in july, while away he cheated on me then dumped me upon his return. He now has a new girlfriend that he has been with for a couple of months. My no contact time is coming to an end and I have not heard from him at all, he seems to wrapped up with his new girlfriend. I really miss him and want him back. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 30, 2016 at 10:07 pm
Hi Claire,
What do you think about the advice above? Check this one too:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)
May
November 24, 2016 at 9:56 am
Hi I am May.
I had a boyfriend over 4 years upto last 2 week’s. We have been in relationship for 4 years and 2 months. Everything was ok with us. I regarded him as my soul mate. But last two weeks, I found out that he had been cheatingon me over 1 and half year with one of my friends. Then he dumped me n ran away from me without explaining or apologizing to me. He called me last night n told me he dumped n cheated on me because he didn’t not interested in me anymore n not to wait for him because he will never getting back with an ex he dumped. I love him so much n I said I forgive him n will love him forever like I did previously. But he said I have no fault on his cheating n he only want to dumped me cause I cannot make him satisfied any longer. He is my very first n last lice to whom I gave my virginity. I am 27 now. I have loved him with all of my life. Now what I heard is he dumped my friend who cheated with too, n already dated with a very new gf now. He ignored n told me harsh n scurrilous words even I am begging him let me love him. I don’t know anything. I can’t even think anymore. The only thing I know is to get him back. I love him so much. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 7:13 pm
Hi May,
do you want to try the advice above?
Criss
November 21, 2016 at 9:31 pm
I dated my ex for about 6 months. He broke up with me, hooked up with people for two weeks, then we started hanging out again for about a month until I decided I couldn’t do the FWB after all I was his GF, and he now has downgraded me. I started NC an I am on day 25 of no contact. I would have been on day 37, but on day 16 I broke contact and was angry after finding out he was hooking up with a “friend” of his shortly after I began NC and it appeared as if they are very into each other, I see them being a rebound or a new GF. He basically said he was sorry and wished my true happiness, blocked me on FB after I went off on him, the last thing I said was negative out of anger.. he won’t see the message I sent 25 days until now given the situation he’s in.
For the past 25 days he has been underway as he is in the Navy so it’s been good for me because they are unable to contact out in the middle of the sea. But once his cell phone reaches service he will get my negative message from 25 days ago which I kind of regret now because it’s as if i am contacting him in present time although I am not.
Through this time I have followed the rules, worked on my self, really thought about the situation and who he has treated me. I’ve lost more and more interest, almost to the point were I no longer want him back. It hurts when I think he will start seeing this other girl on his return and has forgotten about me however. Although part of me still wants him to miss me and want me back, it’s mostly over ruled now by my moving on.
My question is, at the end of my no contact period, should I still contact my ex if I am over him? I want to, and I don’t want to all at once.
Criss
November 28, 2016 at 9:32 pm
Thank you Amor for hearing out and giving advice on my long story, and for that of others on the site! You rock!
I just want to say for anyone else reading this the NC rule has really helped me. After 30days I feel so much happier by myself, and have realized I don’t want to go back. This took a lot of introspection, but I feel like a much better person. Although I know I am not completely healed, and deep down I still slightly crave my ex (or the idea of our good times), I find that this was ultimately the best thing for me. Ima happy and appreciate this site and its staff for the help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 29, 2016 at 6:36 pm
You’re welcome and thank you too!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 9:24 am
Hi Criss,
that decision is solely yours.. If you want to apologize or clear somethings before moving on, do so. If that helps you be at peace right?
Aicha
November 8, 2016 at 6:18 pm
Hi,
I desperatly need opinion what to do.
Everything is such a big confus right now.
I have Been 3 years In longdistance rls with my boyfriend. He lives 200 km from me.
From the start things have been tricky, actually he lied allready then when we met..being single. In some way he is yes..He is divorced but for some difficult money things he is kinda stuck with his ex, and living as a roommate with her. Its a long story..I know there is not nothing More, ( allso this ex is over 60 years old and he is at his 30’s. It was marrying for money thing..And he is ashamed) but this ex still acts like jelous wife and he doesnt want her to know anything. So that mess is really limiting our change.
He havent handle his life well..He mess up his money things and havent really even move to better work.
He has narsistic charter…not total but some.
His mental side has allso been long time not so well..too much pressure for big loans and his family issues.
He comes from different culture and family is pushing him for many things.
He has even angry..verbally agressive. .selfish.
I have stick by him all this time..I love him even he havent really give me a reason.never with me..
Contact very minimum and many other things
But he allways sayd he loves me and was hoping I can wait..
Tough lately it was More : dont wait…I cant give nothing blaa blaa.
So some time ago he went to his family overseas, there was difficult things waiting. .threath allso going to jail if he cant pay something.
He left..
7 weeks go and I didnt heare nothing!
7 weeks! Phone closed.
Then one day raport from message come…phone was open.
I ask is he ok and like helooo. …
He answer leave me alone. This is over
I get shock. I waited here. .I loved and missd him and then he says like this.
I call him and he lied to me being still abroad ( later I found out he was allready here )
And that he doesnt want me anymore. Move on.
Allso sayd he wants a family there.
I get so hurt and depressed. .
Then two days later he write me like we can meet as friends blaa blaa…And I say I know you are here. Why you lie?
Then he sayd he comes here later.
He come..I could see something was wrong. I try talk. .He was telling bad problems etc. But didnt really want to say anything to that what was this breakup.
The he ask do I still want him ??!
I tell him I dont know. He was my everything but he doing this is…
Well one thing lead to other and we end up bed.
After that I could see some was wrong. Allso the sex was..very lame.
He got really akward. ..And finally confesed that he was in bed with a hokker there.
My world crush.
He left…What was painful even More. .He sayd he is sorry. But didnt say nothing to tell me im something to him.
Weekend we text..but he hade play this phone off phone open since goming back..and I knew from the raport.
Saturday I get pissed to this..and told him I have enough.
He say to me better that I go. For me !!
Later when I say that you know ok. What the fuck..I have cry and tell I love you bla blaa. .but you only push me away.
Why I try. I go out tonight and have to say that you treating me like this…Me feeling rejected and unwanted. .What you think happens if someone gives me attention etc.
I want to see yes if he is even jelous. ..He say I didnt say I dont want you.
So very mixed signals.
I didnt go..but didnt tell that.
3 at night I wakeup him calling…I just chek you are not with anyone.
Öööö. .Ok.
Sunday nothing allmost. .and then yesterday he was standing behind my door.
He come we talk..but he was silent and depressed. I was thinking that if he comes…He must feel something to me.
But when I just very light ask that I dont think he wants I go away…He get really akwarded again and finally say no…but it wasnt. ..I dont know.
Now Today. ..I dont feel atall anymore in love or panic if he goes.
But yes I would want him back still I think.
Does anyone have any idea what is this ?
He is the one who First dissapear for many weeks. Lies. ..cheat. dump me but then actually no..or I dont know.
And im the one who is allmost begging First him not to leave and tells I love him and maby I can try to forgive.
But I think I should be hear in from him that. That he dosent want to loose me etc
Or maby he Does then 🙁
But why the hell he keeps contact and comes here ?
Then other moment say leave me alone.
Uhh. ..help me please
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 9:17 am
Hi Aicha,
It could be because he wants to make you his friend with benefits. It’s apparent that he’s not going to leave his wife for money. For me you should move on. You deserve a guy that will stand up for you.
Denise
November 2, 2016 at 4:21 am
So I was dating this guy for a year and a month right now. He is a really good person I truly believe that. We met when we were doing our foundation year in Manchester, UK. So it took us about 10 days to actually start dating and kiss mainly cuz before he was just trying to get me. After that we were literally inseparable, since we lived in the same block at our student accommodation he would sleep at mine spend 24/7 together and we would go to college and do everything together, gosh sometimes it even was about 3 days of us not getting out of my room and just chilling. After about a month he confessed his love for me and later on so did I. But I always felt that He loves me the most, I could truly say that, I could feel it till the last point of our relationship. Then it took us around 5 months to have sex because both me and him were virgins and he just wanted me to take time and don’t rush into such things. After having it I got attached to him a lot. And throughout our relationship we never had like problems with sexual life hence we were pretty active. Since both of us are not from the UK we would go back home to our countries for winter break, spring break and etc. So we had some distance thing too. At the end of our foundation year we would apply for uni even tho they weren’t the same, because we just wanted to base our choices on our own choice and hopes for the future. However, we knew we are going to make it even though we would be in different cities, I mean England is not a massive country, is it? So I got accepted to London, whereas he decided to go to Swansea, which is around 4 hrs away by train… Later on we actually faced that horrible summer break that was around 2-3 months long. Obviously we had a lot of arguments and disagreements, it’s hard to keep it that way but we would still Skype and stuff. So here comes the spiciest part of the story… It was time for us to finally see each other and get on our way to our unis. It was his birthday when we got a chance to meet up and he came all the way from Swansea and spent around 4-5 days with me and we were actually extremely happy and everything. Ok so it was our freshers week and I admit I am generally a very jealous person, so I would get really concerned about him going out by himself, drinking an meeting new people, so we started arguing and I had trust issues for him. We basically agreed for seeing each other every weekend from Friday till Sunday, so he would come for around 3 weeks everytime and we would love and spend time. But we argued a lot during the past few weeks, mainly because of my jealousy him worrying and etc. When he would come on friday we would have fun and go clubbing together and enjoy ourselves. And one weekend I argued with him so much I told him not to come, so he didn’t but then we argued argued argued and I called him and told him to come next day and he did haha. That was the last time I saw him in person. He came over from saturday till tuesday and actually missed some of his classes for me. But then when he was leaving I was crying so much like I had a really bad feeling like something is going to happen but he calmed me down and left normally. Then next weekend I told him I am going out with my girls from uni , and so did he (I mean he was like ok I’m going out w my friends in swansea as well). We agreed that neither of us will get too drunk and to trust each other. He didn’t reply to a single call the whole night… I got concerned and I couldn’t sleep properly. Next day I called him and asked him to explain himself, which he freaking did. He said “Denise, yesterday night didn’t end up well, ….(pause)…It’s time for us to end it….. I kissed a girl last night and I was really drunk”. My reaction was just a huge shock, cause he never seemed like that type of a guy to me, I mean I never caught him on flirting with girls or talking so actively. Then I called him back and asked him if it was a prank and he said it wasn’t and he wouldn’t joke around like that and I hung up. So I was just taking underground to home, and I couldn’t hold it and bursted out crying. I was so hurt. Then I got some huge bottle of wine an started drinking it by myself and all those emotions just hit me so I called him and started yelling crying shouting and blaming him ( long story short being a psycho). Then he said ” I can’t talk Denise we should really stop and end this I can’t hurt you” and he hung up. After a couple of minutes he sent me texts describing what exactly did he do. Quote: “Im sorry Denise, We have to never talk again, It was in the club, random girl started talking to me. I was really drunk, she bought me a drink… And I bought her one too and after we made out… We kissed for a pretty long time, around 10-15 mins; Then I went to the bathroom and all that guilt got me… I couldn’t do anything. I just cried and went home. And cried home. I have to go now, Im sorry…There is nothing I can do right now, I fucked up and no way in hell I can fix it. Even if you forgive me I won’t forgive myself”. So after that he blocked me everywhere so I wouldn’t reach him. I never thought I would forgive cheating, but we’ve just been through a lot and my love is unconditional, so I decided I would try and actually forgive him. But I figured He doesn’t want to be forgiven… I didn’t contact him for 2 days, until today I called him. I told him that I still love him and I’d forgive him if he lets me. The thing is that … he told me this “I’m so sorry Denise but I can’t I really can’t … Probably If I had stronger feelings for you I wouldn’t have cheated on you.. My feelings have decreased and they are decreasing a lot but I do care about you a lot.. You really have to move on, Denise… ( then I started crying and begging him) … Denise, please understand, all those arguments were leading to this, I never meant to hurt you…(I told him to at least think about it more carefully and come and see me on saturday…”I promise you, Denise I’ll come on Saturday and talk things through with you and I am going to think about it before, tho don’t expect anything please.. don’t rise your hopes even a tiny bit, because honestly I doubt I’m going to change my mind”…
And now I don’t know what to do, but he did ask me not to contact him in any way till saturday which is exactly what I am going to do… But I really want to get him back so much so desperately. I just have no idea how, probably he sounds so convincing. I don’t know how could I possibly get over him if we actually do break up… I just love him so much, he is special to me. Those last few days were just miserable… I hope you could help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2016 at 1:55 pm
Hi Denise,
if he really needs soace..give him that.. let him have his space so he can think and forgive himself..
Taurus 23
October 19, 2016 at 1:26 am
Hello ,
I was wondering is it even worth that i try to get my ex to chase after me?? My boyfriend, well ex and I have been on and off for 5 years . The foundation of our relationship is cheating (from
Him) and lies (from me) . We have a 2 year old daughter together and now we are expecting a son which I’m carrying going on 6 months. I guess you can say the reason why we always get back together is bc I allow him to come back bc I’m weak and stupid. Over the years I got a little strong with not tolerating his bull & he seems to be committed but then after while the cycle repeats itself & he’s back to trying to have his cake & eat it too. This last time around , he was doing good, I was doing good . We were finally happy & I had no doubt in my mind that he was faithful but then a random # texted his phone & I happened to notice & when I questioned him he blew up at me , said some lame excuse that I wasn’t buying saying that a guy had texted his phone lookin for someone else , basically acted guilty & left home that entire day & didn’t return until the next day. I broke up with him bc I felt like no man should spend the night away from home after being told time & time that I don’t allow it. A man should put his woman insecurities to rest especially if he has a background of cheating. I then later find out after I already broke with him that the “guy” who really texted his phone was really a female . She said she was his friend & had no clue that he and I were together and just knew I was his “baby mother” . Idk to what extent what relationship they had or how long he was involved with her but even tho I was suspicious of that text message then later find out that he was texting someone did hurt me . All that blowing up at me was just a sign that we was guilty of something & all I did was ask a simple question. I’m hurt bc he lied about who he was texting. In the past I normally go looking for dirt but this time i find out without invading his privacy & phone so I feel a little relieved but I’m hurt bc I’m emotionally attactched & have a kid & I’m already pregnant which makes me more emotional. At this point I don’t want him back, however , I do beilbe people can change , but I want him to hurt by realizing that I am no longer there &want him to learn his lesson & miss me. I haven’t contacted him nor even let him know that I know he was actually texting a female. But I know we will cross paths eventually I’m carrying his child along with a 2 year old daughter. I want him to CHANGE ! I want my family to work but if he can’t prove to me that he can be solely committed to me and ONLY me, the hell with his ass! Please respond
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 8:26 pm
Hi Taurus 23,
You cant force someone to change..you cant control them..that’s why it’s veey important that you know what your values are, and stick to them.. So, that the wrong people will leave and the right ones will stay.. If they have to change, they’ll do it because they can see they have no other choice if they want to stay in your life..
In your case, you kept pushing your standards aside and accepting him.. It’s ok to make a mistake but that means the second chance would be really hard to earn..
This would be harsh, but if your daughter was in the same position, how would you advise her?
Elle
October 14, 2016 at 6:31 am
Hi,
My ex boyfriend and I are both 24 years old. We are each other’s first serious relationship. We dated for 2.5 years before he broke up with me the first time. I found out through friends that he had been cheating on me with another woman. I cried and begged for him to stay but he wanted no part of that. After 5 months, things fizzled out with the new girl.
We stayed apart all up for about a year (in which he dated another woman for around 4-5months, but I stayed single). The whole time we stayed in contact and my feelings for him were always clear but he never reciprocated those feelings. After his relationship with the second woman ended, we got back together (which I believe was out of convenience for him as he had just lost his licence, but he disagrees, saying that he had thought about it for a few months).
We stayed together for another 4.5 years in which everything was generally good. However, history is repeating itself and he has now left me again for another woman. When we broke up, I remained calm and listened to what he had to say (he said he had lost his feelings towards me and was unhappy), which I had sensed for the last 2 months of our relationship. I let him go without being overly emotional which was the complete opposite of what I had done the first time we broke up.
I implemented strict NC after the breakup for 40 days. During this time, I noticed he started watching my snapchat stories (he never did before, even when we were together). However, he has since deleted me. He has also deleted every trace of me on his Facebook profile but has still kept me as a friend. When I did the initial reach out via text, his responses were very neutral which is what I expected (I texted him a picture of something funny we used to laugh at and asked him about work). I am also aware that he is still seeing the other woman.
It has been 5 days since I first reached out to him and now I’m unsure of what to do. Any advice? Thanks 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 14, 2016 at 4:32 pm
Hi Elle,
I’m wondering why you were the one who begged before when he was the one who cheated? You have to wait a week, and since you’re already 5 days in, just 2 days from now before trying again.. Use a topic that he likes that is current.. if he doesn’t reply, wait two weeks before trying again.. if he still doesn’t reply, then it’s better to move on..
S
October 7, 2016 at 12:18 pm
Hi
Well, I wanna say sorry to you in advance, my English is not so good. (I’m not English speaker)
Even though, I found this site and thought articles are quite helpful and logical.
Honestly, my ex bf cheated on me and finally dumped me last Sunday, so we broke up. (yes, just few days ago)
He was really sweet. But from weeks ago before when we broke up, i felt he doesn’t pay attention to me enough.
Of course i know its natural phenomenon between couple. But his attitude was changed all of sudden.
Also I saw he texted with another girl on Facebook using sweet nickname, so I asked him who she is.
He told me she is just friend politely, and sorry to make me worry a lot. I was still have doubt, but tried to trust him.
However i couldn’t stop to suspect him because he changed our date plan again and again, didn’t call me, didn’t send me a snapchat and so on. Just he seemed to busy.
On Sunday, yes day when we broke up. I dated with him from morning to 1430, because he told me he have to go work place to dinner with his boss. I didn’t have any doubt about that.
But his friend(male friend) texted me “Are you with him? I saw your photo tagged him on your Facebook”
I told my bf that text, and he told me “Don’t answer that.” I asked him reason but he seemed avoid, just said “no no no”
After my bf left, I texted his friend “Yes, I was with him. Do you made plan with him?” so friend said “Yes, at 1600” lol
At that time, my bf texted me “Babe, i can’t use phone all night long becuz i will be with my boss”
I got mad suddenly because i thought he doesn’t need to lie about that.
So i answered him politely “please tell me honestly what are you doing now. babe, you have right to tell me if you wanna have time with your friends.”
But he didn’t answer. i called him, he hung up that. So i texted “Ok. Do anything what u wanna do.”
Then he texted me with curse words. Its first time i saw he reaction like that.
He told me i always do that to him, i always overact, his friend said to him i’m crazy and we should break up(his friend told me later its not true), and can’t deal my overact anymore ….
I’m so shocked, so i just told him “Ok. i can’t deal your lying either. bye” and its over.
Funny thing is that he changed his instagram bio to her nickname from my name after 20min we broke up.. -.-
I ignored, i deleted my instagram account and deleted him on “facebook”.
Then, after 2 hours, he changed his messenger profile picture to her from his selfie.
Then, after 1 hours, he setted his statue message “Oo, shes so cute” LOL
I just laughed because i thought he want to show me off that and just wanna make me annoyed.
I was in sadness deeply (Still i’m in).
I couldn’t understand how he could do that right after we broke up, how his love changed all of sudden.
Anyway, I tried to get over. But he sent me friend request on Facebook after two days of Sunday.
WHAT???? I assumed various reasons, but i couldn’t find a answer. I just ignored him. (I believe NC rule.)
But next day of that day, he sent me request AGAIN.
I’m so confused whats his intention. But i ignored second request again.
(I checked his profile pic of messenger app, but he didn’t change)
Actually, I don’t know I wanna get him back or not. I don’t know my emotion.
But I wanna talk with him again. I feel painful whenever imagine he with new girl…..even though i don’t know they already in relationship or not.
I know i’m stupid. I respect my feeling too 🙁
I need your advice. What should I do? Whats his intention to sent me request twice? (Maybe not good intention, i guess)
I afraid I will lost chance to contact with him using his Facebook request.
But I think i have to keep No Contact rule too….. So confused.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you. Sorry for my English again.
Thank you.
S
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 9:47 am
Hi S,
dont’ delete the request but don’t approve it yet too.. Approve it after no contact rule.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media…make your posts public so he will see it even if his not your friend..
Sofia
October 2, 2016 at 11:42 pm
My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up last December. We’ve been on and off since then, on my birthday in September he told me he still loved me and missed me and wanted another chance and can’t imagine his life without me and I’m the only one he can go to and I am perfect to him. I just found out he slept with someone else while we were broken up… I suspected it before but he denied and now I know it’s true. We were so good last week but when I found out I left him a nasty voicemail crying telling him he was a disgusting pig and he was dead to me. ( I was upset). He has yet to even attempt to contact me… I really want him to.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 7:16 pm
Hi Sofia,
Honestly, he probably won’t because he knows you’re angry. But give him a few days, maybe he will initiate.
Aimee
September 30, 2016 at 1:44 am
I’m 27 and my bf is 34. We’ve known each other since February, and decided to take it to next level on month of May. At courting stage, I didn’t like him at all, I even ignore him often but he was so into me. Everyday he’ll come to my office just to give me any random food or flowers. He will skip office hours just to send me home or have a coffee date with me. During May to June, everything is like a fairytale, we go out with friends and with my family, we travel and do lot of stuff together. On mid-July, I just found out that there’s a girl he’s still into a relationship with and to my horror they’ve been together for 7 years. Everything he told me at first was a big fat lie, he even makes stories just to make it look real. When I found this out, he told me that it’s already done and I’m the one he wants to be with. After days, I forgive and accepted. But after then, I felt different, he changed, I can feel he’s hiding something from me. I’m aware from time to time, the other girl is trying to win him back, she keeps on messaging my bf and she keeps on coming to his office. I was not threaten because my bf will secure me. Then he’s starting to loose hand on our strings, he will not text, or chat me like old times, it would take hours for him and say he was busy. It gets worst by not answering back all my calls, text and chats. He ignored and didn’t push through all our plans of dates. Then one day he told me he wanted space, he confessed that he loves me deeply but things got really complicated in his part, he said his past is still haunting him and having hard time finishing it all at once. I got hurt so badly and let him do that, gave him space, I cut all the routines and he started getting curious of my whereabouts. He’s getting angry that I don’t tell him and accusing me seeing someone else. Until I can’t hold and went back to him. Now that I’m fighting for him and he must choose me over his ex, he started getting away again. I know clearly that he’s making communication with the other girl. Though he said he’ll understand that I may not comprehend that he has this strange strategy to get his ex totally out of our lives and that is to be attached again with her. And that he’s doing this for me so we can finally be together after all this conflicts. He asked me for a month or two of this complicated situation. We are now on its second month. At this point in time, I feel again that I’m losing him, I thought showing love and affection will help us. But it’s not working anymore, he continuously taking me for granted. I believe he’s making more contact with the other girl than me. He’s a chronic liar. I’m starting to think if he’s really worth it or not, I can’t figure it out yet and I’m super undecided, confused (and ofcourse still loving him despite of everything). I’m pretty aware now that I acted in a post break-up syndrome and I want to take over now of my own feelings and own self. I need guide on how to effectively implement things, Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 2:12 pm
Hi Aimee,
do you want to try what’s advised above and start no contact rule?
Aimee
September 30, 2016 at 2:11 am
I even forgot to tell that my bf said he still want to have me by his side while he’s taking his time and space. He said that he do not want me to go away and if we lose communication according to him we will drift away and forget what we had for good. I think it may contradict the NC rule. I’m curious of what you could advise. Thanks. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Hmm.. that’s just his way of trying to control you.. Well, it’s your choice.. If you start no contact you have to ignore him. If you want you can tell him you’re not going to do this anymore because you need to move on and you need space to move on.
Ailee
September 28, 2016 at 4:42 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend of three years broke up with me last week to date an 18 year old. We were off and on the last year of our relationship because he always cited that while we were best friends, a longterm relationship wasn’t right for him. We would be off for a month or so, but then we’d end up back together. This time was different though, he broke up with me for the same reason, adding that he still wanted me in his life, and me, being tired of this cycle, got up and left. Before I got into my car, he gave me a long hug and said he still loved me.
I told him I was going to begin NC to give myself space to heal before I could be his friend again. It wasn’t until a day later that my friends told me he had the other girl over the night before we broke up and that he asked her out the same day we broke up. I was so upset that I blocked them both on social media. Now I don’t know how to proceed. I wake up in the morning wanting to text him, “I know what you did. You’re not the man I thought you were,” but I know it wouldn’t be worth it.
The worst part is that I’ll see him every once in a while at competitions (he’s my college team’s coach – I just graduated last spring). At some point, I’d like him to come back and beg, but I’m not sure how to proceed from here.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 11:25 am
Hi Ailee,
if you want to increase your chances of him begging, then dont chase and focus in improving yourself