How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You- Advice & Help

1,052 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”

Jen

August 18, 2013 at 11:43 am

My live-in boyfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. A few months ago he stated he thought we should end things. I recognized from what he said during that talk it was the same insecurities and fears he had in the past due to his childhood and past marriages. We would always get back together, a week to 2 months. I honestly thought we would be able to resolve things before I moved out. We agreed to remain a couple in all manners until the day I moved to another city. He and his friends all said we would be back together within a couple of months.

I found out at the end that the friend he was helping thru her marital problems was undermining our relationship … playing up on his fears, making him believe I would leave him like his ex. I found out that they were texting occassionally but daily…all day and night long. He admitted that she wanted to leave her husband for him and asked if they would be together once I moved out but he.claimed he said no. He finally admitted last week that their conversations were sexual. The fact I saw a photo on his phone of her masturbating helped him admit it when I asked him after I left. He said they never had sex which I believed because she lived in another city.

He now is saying he needs and wants me in his life but refused to cut contact with her. He stated she isnt’t interested in him (delusional). I told him I can’t be friends with someone who is so protective of the person who caused me great pain. So I stopped texting and calling him and didn’t respond to his texts and calls…. I then came across your blog.

If I decide after 45 days that I still love and want a relationship with him, how and when do I bring up certain issues we have to address before moving forward and certain things he has to agree doing (cutting all ties with her, go to counseling to deal with his childhood and failed marriages so he stops self-destructing, etc)… and that I won’t settle for anything else than marriage?

admin

August 19, 2013 at 3:21 am

NC generally goes for 30 days. I am trying to figure out if it is a good idea to wait the 30 days though. He has already expressed that he wants you back has he not?

Maybe you only wait 10 days of NC and then talk to him. I wouldn’t lead with the marriage stuff though (even if that is what you want) big commitments like that right off the bat may scare a guy. Instead, I would go slow and slowly lead to things like that.
Jen

August 19, 2013 at 11:48 am

Thanks! I’m going to try and stick it out for the 30 days because I know while he was saying all those sweet things to me he was still in communication with her. He doesn’t like drama and judging from I know of her begging him to be with her he should be cutting all ties with her very soon. It will also help us not be a call away from an argument regarding everything.
When and how should I bring the subject of her so it doesn’t happen again?
admin

August 20, 2013 at 3:51 am

Good for you for trying the 30 day rule. You should wait a while before you discuss her with him. I would say wait until he is ready.
Jen

August 19, 2013 at 11:57 am

I forgot to say he hasn’t flat out said he wanted to get back together yet.

Lauren

August 14, 2013 at 12:18 am

When me and my boyfriend met, it was like love at first sight, no joke. we hit it off immidiately and a couple months later were living tigether. he told me i was the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he would always be happy as long as he had me my child and his child. we talked about the future (owning a house, hiw we would live, everything), he told me how amazing I was all the time an I told him too because he is. I watched his son all the time in order for him to be able to send as much time with him as possible between work shifts, and also he and my daughter got along really well. My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. Everything seemed to be going fine. The day of the break up we woke up cuddled had some fun and when he left for work he kissed me and said he loved me, when he got home he was like a different person, he was cold as angry (not screaming or anything, just angry) and told me he wasn’t happy anymore and that was it, and I was leaving for school soon anyway. He new when we first started dating that I would be leaving for school, and had reassurede constantly that he would be there for me. I’ll admit that the last couple weeks of the relationship were rocky in the sense that we were both a bit off, he stayed out all night one night and never came home, and had a few other nights that he stayed out later than notmal wa less intimate and distant, we still spent time together but it was different. I put it down to his long hours of work and me leaving for school soon, but then he hit me with this. I asked if there was some one else but he said no. I wrote him a letter a few days later and left it on his car, he didn’t respond. I tracked him down a week later to talk to him about the situation an try to work things out, he again assured me there was no one else and that it could have been the stress with work and everything but he was unwilling to try working anything out. A week later I saw him driving around with another girl. I was crushed, he had always sworn up and down at the beginning of our relationship that he would never cheat and I think it happened and he has such overwhelming guilt about it that he feels he can’t be with me anymore and that’s why he is unhappy. He has cut off his cell phone (which I only know because of a friend I never tried contacting him on it. The only way I can really reach him is if I call his work or wait for him to come (kinda weird). I leave in about three weeks to go to school about 14 hours away for 10 months. I love him so much and am willing to forgive him but I have no way to contact him. I’m thinking of making contact a few days before I leave to tell him I forgive him, and hope we can talk when I get back, but I don’t know if its the best course of action. I don’t want to harass him or make him feel like I am, I just don’t know what to do. I honestly felt that we were doing so well that he might very well propose to me before I left I have no idea what went wrong. Please give me some advise. The life that we talked about having together continues to be my biggest dream, even despite this situation.

admin

August 14, 2013 at 3:11 am

I say go for it. You are in a really tough position and it seems you want to try a quick way to get him back (before you leave for school.) However, if it doesn’t work I suggest going NC and trying again later.
Lauren

August 14, 2013 at 3:30 am

Should I call his work when I know he’s not busy or show up at his work (he works in a kitchen so the kitchen closes before he has to leave)? I still have a few things of his that he didn’t take back yet, so kinda have an excuse to make face to face contact, but I don’t know! When we talked the last time (when I tracked him down a week after the initial break up) he said he never meant to hurt me, but has made no attempt at contacting me at all since then. What should I say to him?
admin

August 15, 2013 at 2:11 am

I don’t think you should show up out of the blue unless he wants you to.

Claudia

August 9, 2013 at 9:58 am

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years a month ago. He started rebounding immediately and I was crushed… I found that journaling really helped. I got a little poetic on this one bit in I’m sure you all can relate: then I sent him this lil poem that parallels my journey… I got his attention real quick.

Beautiful Disaster

The love I had for you struck the purist light inside me, discovering shiny new qualities within, teaching me things & bringing out the best in me. My senses were unfamiliar making my heart feel whole & overwhelmingly warm with joyful colors & aromas driven to one day make it my home…. I was addicted to the euphoric feeling, intoxicated by the spell; I wanted to get higher & higher. I was hooked like a drug that was sucking the life of me to start a new chapter.

Somewhere along this treacherous windy road I must have lost my way, struggling to hold on to the road crumbling beneath me, I found myself powerless & disoriented from the potion, internally battling my highest high and lowest lows… I was hooked, I needed a fix, just one more hit… I promised I can deal with it… It’s like I’m not me.

My world has been shaken all the way to the core & the recovery has been a humbling experience, leaving me helplessly defeated in the cold without my best friend. The uncontrollable storm unceremoniously swept away a huge chunk of my HEART leaving it empty and hollow. Will it recover? Will this scar make it hard? Will it be the same? Will it be better?

The storm left behind a lot broken pieces & unanswered questions. I began to identify with the wind as it was metaphorically stronger than usual, lifting the dust from the ruble as it spelled out “Destiny” as it faintly drifted with the wind…I caught my own reflection in a jagged mirror and wanted to talk that girl & show her the world through a different lense, tell her to fix her hair & grab her heels and run toward the optimistic sunset where my new chapter begins.

admin

August 10, 2013 at 2:52 am

Wow hahaha..

Do you need any help with anything?

theclassicmovies

August 6, 2013 at 2:37 am

I know he is very foul mouthed, and he is a chronic liar. Watching his actions, listening to how his stories of events always change, watching his eyes and body language as he is telling a lie then changes his story mid-way… He interrupts constantly and screams louder, or starts off loud, then gets louder with obscenities, and begins name calling with obscene language…. Typically I’m not so offended, however over the past two months its worse. He had done this exact same thing to his wife of 30 years (now ex-wife) and she was in a whirl wind of emotions and he turned it to point the blame to her. I see now what all she was dealing with, and even told both of them to not get divorced…well, that didn’t work. Its a total shame she got remarried shortly after their divorce… I read everything you have put on your web site. Awesome, helpful yet at the same time frustrating because its all true. Unfortunately I have to work with him and his degrading , demoralizing comments. Loving that nc rule. And keep up the good work.

admin

August 6, 2013 at 3:54 am

Thanks for the kind words!

Ronda

August 2, 2013 at 2:49 am

My ex n I jus broke up. It had only been 3 months and we kind of living together. He had now decided to try n work things out with his mother of jos only child. We were so close and we talked about just about anything. He mention to me once that she wouldn’t let him see his child and that he thought about going back to see how it would work. I asked him one day free he argued with her did he want to just let go because things seemed ruff with him and he was crying because he missed his child. And he promised me to never leave because of her and that it always seems as though he can’t make it work with other girls because of her and then one day he left because they had started talking again I want him back. And I want to know how I should go about it.he has to come over tomorrow and get his things from my house.how should I handle this what should I say and how can I try getting him back

admin

August 3, 2013 at 2:45 am

Sorry for the late response.

Just stay cool and keep the interaction pleasant but simple and short.

Kimberly

July 28, 2013 at 6:42 am

so where do i go from here?’
i know that if im there for him while he is jail more than his (girlfriend) is then maybe he will realize im willing to be with him threw thick and thin.. or am i crazy?

admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:09 am

I could give you advice but I don’t think I will for your own sake. This guy is not someone who you can have a long lasting relationship with in my opinion.

Kimberly

July 28, 2013 at 6:40 am

My boyfriend of a year, left me and was with another girl the next girl before i he even broke up with me.
and the thing is he didnt brea up with me. didnt talk to me or anything when he left. he was going back to pa to turn himself in for a warrant and ended up at another girls house. well he never admitted it to me. she told me. and now he is in jail, put me on his visitation list and everything. and there is so much that goes into this its crazy. He had nothing when we got together and i made him a better person that he is today. and well towards the end of the relationship, he couldnt stay ar my moms with me, so did he just go be with this girl so he had somewhere to stay? and does he still love me cause he couldnt confront me.

admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:08 am

Kimberly,

I think this guy is not the one for you. It’s not a great idea to get mixed up with someone who cheated on you and is in jail. You could totally do better.

Chow

July 23, 2013 at 4:04 pm

I had tried to follow your NC rules for weeks plus. However we worked in the same company which make it diffcult for me as we have to work closely if needed. And when Im at work with him, i have to put up a front to him that I am not affected from his denial (cheating on me) which I am not at all. And he can take it as though as nothing had happen. What should I do now?

admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:12 am

What is your reasoning for wanting him back if he cheated on you? Sorry, I am just really curious.

Since you work together I think you need to do a MC (minimal contact) rule. How far are you into doing that?
Chow

July 24, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Our first 3 months together was really great. He was so in love with me and honestly i felt that He was really loving me at that time.

However things went spiral down because of an arugement that we had during our trip together. There wasnt any shouting or screaming. it was just speaking our minds and reasonings things out. I had to admit that i wasn’t able to control my own emotions well enough. I cried badly during the arugement. He was annoyed with the crying suitation as he is one person that he can’t stand all these stuffs.

After the trip, he mentioned that he wanted to have space & time between us. Since then, he had his cold turkey treatments on me.

perhaps it’s my intuition, i felt that things wasn’t right. I had that gut feel that he was seeing someone. so i tried to talk to him, asking him what he want out from us. i had even given him a choice that if he is seeing someone else now, I’ll just walk away from him. I wanted a closure from him because I was hanging there not knowing what we are or what he want from us.

However He will either avoid these questions or he will say that he’s not ready to talk about it. He had also denied that he isn’t seeing anyone but it was more of himself. Giving him the benefits of doubts and I chose to believe his words. However end of it, I found out from his friend that he was seeing his ex Gf during our 3 months cold turkey we had. I had decided to end the relationship with him.

No doubt that it was all wrong that he cheated. However During those cold turkey time, he did show concern towards me. when I took the role to end the relationship, i can see that he doesn’t want to end it. I can still feel the love from him. I know there will be more for us ahead and I was hoping that we will be back together one day.

As of now, I am trying to keep minimum contacts with him via messaging. However when we see each other in person at work, we will naturally turn into old times like how we used to be when we were together. I guess we were trying to put up a front to others to avoid awkwardness.
admin

July 25, 2013 at 2:35 am

Hi Chow!

Is there a specific question you would like to ask? Now, I am not talking a general one like “how do I get him back.” Ask me something specific.
Chow

July 25, 2013 at 3:55 am

Given that we are working in the same company when there will be times that Ill need to be professional towards our work. We will turn out to be talking like normal and things seems to be same old times when we were together. Does MC help in this case?
The only MC With him is through texting.
admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:25 am

I think you may need to limit your conversations more in person and definitely don’t reach out to him through texting for 30 days. The only way this really works is if there is a significant change in your interaction.

Tiffany

July 23, 2013 at 5:54 am

Me and my ex are high school sweethearts and we broke up bc we both cheated ..after the breAk up we were on nd off nd know we are on.. And i dont know what todo becAuse we dont trust each ..where do we begin?

admin

July 24, 2013 at 3:55 am

Well, you can start by having a long talk with him about the trust issues in the relationship, flesh it out a little bit and see if you can both come to a compromise that would lead to more trust.

lyn

July 17, 2013 at 1:10 pm

I follwed the NC rule after 5 days he add me In skype and sending message “how u doing” what should I do?

admin

July 17, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Keep following the NC rule

angelina

July 13, 2013 at 8:10 pm

Hey your articles have given me a lot of strength but m in kind of a fix here…I had a relationship with my boss and it started off as frns and then we were like totally in luv…. though he told me that he’s separated from his wife i feel she is very much with her but that’s not something i even give a shit about… I’m in my early twenties and he is in his early forties (sigh)we were in love but again last year he suddenly said that he didn’t see a future with me and i cried begged did all that but nothing fell on his deaf ears though he was always cordial and concerned about me then miraculously i still don’t know how we got back together again n everything was like a dream but now a month back he again went back to his old mode that i’m too young later it will becm difficult for both of us so its better to end this here.. and i have done all that i shud not have done i.e begged him, reminded him of good times threatened him etc etc….. but he says that at teh moment he doesnt c a future wth me and teherfore doesn’t want to take it forward.. i also have a doubt that he has some rromantic inclination towards a girl he is working on a project she is smwere around 34.. last night i called him and told him that i don’t want to keep any communication with him as talking to him only makes me more depressed and that now i want to move on… Now my question is that was it the right thing to do.. will the no contact thing work in my favour in getting him back? And how should i deal with him as we are working in the same orgaisation and not seeing or talking to hm is inevitable…….. plz help

admin

July 15, 2013 at 7:33 pm

You made a mistake Angela, you shouldn’t have called him and told him that you didn’t want any communication. You should have just cut off communication completely without letting him know.
angelina

July 16, 2013 at 7:11 am

now what?
admin

July 17, 2013 at 6:42 am

Well, I am inclined to believe that you should just go NC for a while before reaching out again. That is all I can come up with right now :/

Jenae

July 7, 2013 at 8:04 pm

Question..I made a mistake before reading this I contacted him and told him that I’d do anything to get him back and we’ve had arguments since then and a while ago he said he still thinks about me an still loves me but when I asked him recently he said h didn’t want to talk about it and stuff like that. Im going to admit I still love him and want to be with him but I’ve messed up so many times while trying to get him back (even though a long time ago he asked me if I wanted to get back with him)and I think he has a new girlfriend but I really really want him back can anyone help me please.. Its Urgent.

admin

July 7, 2013 at 10:43 pm

Ok, do you have a specific question?
kiki

July 22, 2013 at 10:25 am

My ex and i split back in march but we still have to be in contact and see one another because we have a baby together what can i do and is it too late for me to try to get him back
admin

July 23, 2013 at 2:48 am

You have great timing is all I will say!

I just wrote a post about what to do in this situation:

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-have-a-child-together/
Nats12

October 13, 2013 at 12:01 pm

e last six months have been the worst ever ino by his actions that he’s seeing someone else, I’ve asked him many times to which he lies saying he is not. He doesn’t answer my calls anymore and if he does he acts as tho I’m bothering him.he gas totally distance his self from me, everytime I try to talk to him he causes a argument which he blames me for. I’ve had numerous conversations with him to try to make the relationship work to which he stays quiet and acts like he doesn’t care. I’ve asked him many times if he wants us to still be together but he says do what you want, he won’t tell me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore either he just says of course I wanna b with you, then I don’t hear or c him again for weeks.He has been taking our daughter every weekend which is good but I miss our family unit. I’ve tried no contact but I last two weeks and start calling again. I admit there have been many times I’ve been disrespectful to him but it’s because I’ve been so exhausted by his behaviour.
3 years ago I broke up with him and started to see someone else for 6 months and ino this hurt him, but I told him for the start, I never cheated on him. Also at the beginning of our relationship he was cheating on me for months untill I found out. I left him had no contact for about 5 months then we started talking again when our child was born.

I really don’t know what to do now even though he can’t tell me he doesn’t want me anymore his actions say that. He texts me he loves and misses me which just confuse me. We are more apart than ever I feel like I don’t know him anymore do you think no contact will work if they are seeing someone else? NC feels like I’m pushing him further into her arms. I really love him and want him back.
admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:40 pm

Well, I don’t think there is a lot you can do to not push him into her arms. Honestly, it is something he is going to have to work out on his own.

NC will have a considerable effect on him though TRUST ME.

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1,052 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”