How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

554 thoughts on “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”

Sarah

January 6, 2018 at 12:31 am

I know I want to be more than friends with benefits with him. Does that mean I should stop sleeping with him when I see him? What do you suggest I do to have a better chance of a relationship with him? Today him and I worked out together then we grabbed dinner. We didn’t sleep together today. But should I tease him and not sleep with him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 7, 2018 at 1:55 am

Hi Sarah,

You shouldn’t sleep with him at all if you’re not together because you’re non verbally saying it’s ok for you to be friends with benefits

Sarah

January 5, 2018 at 7:04 am

I really hope you guys can reply soon. I am besides myself I am so scared I can’t sleep he may take this job. I really don’t want to lose this guy. Knowing he may move makes me realize how much I really care and how strong my feelings are for him still.
Sarah

January 5, 2018 at 12:24 am

So I have been on here before in 2016 him and I broke up for 2 weeks then I followed the steps here he came back, he missed me, and said he loved me ect. My ex and I dated from May 2015 till July 2017 since we broke up in July him and I have been seeing each other every 2 to 3 weeks sleeping together spending the weekend together. It was rocky at first we tried to get a long July- September but he started to not want anything to do with me and really said some things that hurt he said over text that lead me to tell him ” I don’t want anything to do with you, I want space from you for however long I feel I need” a week after I sent that he texted (this was the end of October) me he wanted to be on better terms with me. Since in May he graduated from college moved home to the same city I am in and didn’t have many friends he was lonely and missed my company. I will stay over with him the whole weekend and we spend time together I love it. He asks me still how he should dress and style his hair etc. He also recently got laid off from his job and a company in Florida reached out to him about working, I don’t want him to move I have told him this. He knows no one out in Florida, so I am also trying to connect him to people that could be valueable networking and potiential interview opportunites. I obviously still have really strong feelings and want more than a friends with benefits and to be in a relationship with him. Since November though I have always been the one intiating conversation and sending him snaps asking if he wants to hangout. I also realized I have an insecure- anxious attachment style. (I have taken a few psych courses in university) So I am working with a therapist also to have a more secure attachment style to better myself when dating. I have been working out, going to work, spending time with friends, working on being the best version of myself. Idk what else I can do to get this guy, I dont know if no contact is really ideal.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2018 at 12:24 am

Hi Sarah,

if you’re sleeping with him, that means you’re just friends with benefits.

Jill

December 20, 2017 at 11:14 pm

Timeline is this: Met in October 2016, broke up first time in December. We continued to talk as he really wanted to stay friends, decided to go as FWB/lovers a month after in January and did that until April… He went full NC on me for the first time only when we broke up the second time… Then came back to me with a mail talking about his vacation abroad, his bonding time with family, all the projects he’s starting and things during his trip that reminded him of me end of July if I recall it right…
What does that have to do with it?

I’ma bit nervous as I haven’t heard from him since Saturday when we slept together, everything was fine and he was really close, I don’t know why I’m worrying but I just don’t want to mess things with him again. I know he’s really busy though, and holidays coming up… I’ve been keeping very busy on my side as well. I sent him a long friendly mail to give him advice on his sports practice yesterday (so 3 days after) , giving him techniques to do even better and encouraging him (and flirting a little), he read it yesterday but no response.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 21, 2017 at 7:27 pm

ah, that means you’re just friends with benefits.. so you have to follow the advice on this one:
EBR 006: How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship

Jill

December 19, 2017 at 4:00 pm

Hi again!
I can’t find my last comment that I posted Saturday, so going to follow up with a new comment hoping my last one explaining the context wasn’t erased…

It’s been 3 days since (F) and I spent the night together, we haven’t communicated since and I’ve been showing on social media that I’m just really busy lately. Even if it all went great and that he clearly expressed his desire of keeping in touch I haven’t heard from him, I’m not that worried as we give each other a lot of space and never wanted the habit of talking everyday, but is it okay anyways?
I read this article and “Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend… Does It Work?” and “How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You”. I understood most of it but am still a little lost as to what I should apply and how to proceed…

I’m the one who said “I came to see you”, so I’m the one that initiated sex no? Does this change some of the advice given in this article? Do I more or less friend zone him and use the cat/string method, but until what? If he does suggest we see each other again or make a direct physical attempt to touch/kiss do I reciprocate or pull away and get “the talk” by telling him this time I value him too much to ‘use him’ as a friends with benefits once again, but willing to try a real relationship? Do I do no contact (I’m afraid this might hurt him) ?

I’m afraid if I pull away he’ll think I still don’t care as much and not realize how he’s changed them, that he’ll pull away too like both times we broke up and that we’ll loose our connection, he’s too important to me now for me to loose him, I don’t want him to go NC on me and realize I lost him for good. Thes last two months having him back in my life makes me look at him under new light, I now value him as an important individual whereas both times he did NC I sometimes thought about him but shrugged it off. It’s ironic, all this time I spent over (W) trying to work on myself and be a better woman, it ended up not getting (W) who I now realize is just too insecure to be in relationships, but having met a greater guy (F) that just feels right. I have had nervous butterflies in my stomach for (W) but I feel happy and calm with (F), I realize now how passionate love is fleeting and not as strong as a growing love of mutual respect and common interests.
I don’t even know if he realizes all of this, should I tell him? What should I tell him and what should I keep to myself?
Also when we contact each other again should I talk to him like nothing happened, as a friend, and like we didn’t sleep together? Or am I still allowed to flirt/talk of sex in the aim of the “piper” technique? Lots of questions…

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 5:48 pm

Hi Jill

when did you and f broke up?

Jill

December 16, 2017 at 11:36 pm

So this might sound a bit weird but… After extensively reading this site I think my ex boyfriend read it and maybe using your advice? Is there a guy version like this?
I really need to know what I should do to make things work, as all he’s done has worked to get me interested back, it’s been a bit more than a month that I want him back into my life and to be committed to him. Thing is I’m a woman that thinks a bit like a man from what I’m told, and last night we slept together.

See two years ago I thought was hard in love with a guy (W) that I idealized and lusted over badly, because he’d “gotten away” after two dates. I didn’t truly get to know him enough, I just wanted to get him back I guess because I wasn’t used to not be given the chance and because he had traits I was hunting after in a partner. Not getting to date more frustrated me to no ends, it got me obsessed, I was very hurt over it.
I have a strong sex drive. Frustrated of the situation not evolving after 4months of effort I felt like getting a fling. One night at a party I hit up the greatest looking guy there (F – my ex). Turns out there was some kind of magic, he has a great job awesome personality same serious goals as well as interests/lifestyle and hoping to find love and have a family someday (more serious than me who up until now never thought I’d want kids!) . Chemistry was pretty wild since the first night, I let myself flow completely and had such great fun, never was I so synchronized with someone (at that moment I thought “Maybe he’s just great in bed with everyone” later I found out what we had was pretty unique to us) ! After a couple of days of seeing (F) I called up (W) just to kind of flip him the bird and say I was hitting it off pretty good with someone, stupid idea I know… Cause (W) told me the killer sentence to keep me still hooked and getting me to chase him again: “You know if things have to start over between us maybe it might happen, someday, if it’s meant to be… But I guess this guy seems great and serious, so good luck! ” and hung up. That played with my head big time. I was having a great time with (F) and hearing that from (W) made me overthink everything. I’d snap at (F) for being late, not giving enough news, freak out at him and saying “you’re probably not that serious, maybe you’re calling just for sex” when he’d call to see me a couple of hours in the day between his heavy traveling for work, and I did the biggest fatal flaw: talk too often about (W) for it to be too casual. He must of have caught on, read my mind or something, he took distance. After 2months asked that we break up. He wanted to take a coffee to discuss it, he said he loved our chemistry but maybe that it wasn’t strong enough mentally, but insisted he cared about me and wanted to continue to be able to talk and stay friends. When he hesitated saying how amazing things were physically between us I admit I jumped on the occasion, we decided to try out “friends with benefits”. I thought “I’ll get the awesome connection while not having to promise anything if (W) came along, great!”…

I convinced myself we were both getting what we wanted, and that he was probably deep down just another guy that’s motivated only by sex. A month later he planned a night for us, he’d brought over drinks and dinner, seemed gentleman, but didn’t spend the night. We saw each other 3-4 times after that and regularly texted. He’d attempt some small cuddling only when he thought I was asleep, seemed odd, but I shrugged it off telling myself “He agreed to the friends-with-benefits so he wanted it”. I’d been so hurt in the past, I didn’t think a guy could possibly not be okay with awesome casual sex!! How?!

So it came as shocker to me when he got distant again. He basically went no contact on me for 2-3 weeks and I’d send him messages over and over again, I was worried. I became furious when all I got in response after the silence was “Sorry, this isn’t working. I don’t even want to stay friends anymore.”
I wasn’t too happy about this, as frankly I might not have been in Love-love but I did have love for him, he was important to me, I was fond of him. Him wanting to leave hurt when I didn’t think it would, I got angry and wrote a passive aggressive rant on how “Oh sure that’s fine, I don’t care, you know what? I’m in love with someone else from before I even met you, guess it’s only fair to tell you now and better that we part ways, bye.” Since then I had no news for almost three months.

During those 3 months I dated around and (W) finally agreed to hang out, and the more we’d spend time the sillier he seemed… Until one night I slept over at his place and simply turned him down: I’d realized I was focused on the image I had of him, not the actual guy. I had built a fairytale in my head and suddenly regretted the real moments I had so taken for granted with (F). Even so, the more I met guys the more I realize how good we had it going with (F), I’d sometimes think about it but didn’t do anything…

One day I got a mail from (F), really out of the blue, talking about his travels, saying how some things reminded him of me, and wanted to know how I was doing. We started talking again. Without me realizing it he was building what you describe on your site as rapport. He suggested we get lunch after a month of occasional talk. He talked to me about how he made progress on work and his relation with his family, how he was evolving in his goals and wanted to settle down and find love. I was so happy for him, he seemed a lot more confident and upbeat. I’d said I was seeing someone, told him I forgot about (W) and finally moved on, hoping to love again also, he respectfully teased and flirted none the less. I was dating someone at the time, nothing serious, but after I saw (F) that day everyone commented how radiant I was, I felt full of happiness and couldn’t help but spend the day sharing kindness, because we had such a happy positive vibe. I was single again shortly after, (F) was right there for me when I was sad over it, call on the phone, grab drinks with groups of friends we’d just go the both of us to concerts, we’d always come to each others sports games to cheer each other on, would text about movies and jokes every so often. He flirted very often, I’d flirt a bit back but I kept it casual and would often say how much I appreciated his -friendship-. Yet I began to think of him again, more I got to know these new sides of him more I had feelings. Reading your articles this looks exactly like he did no contact to work on himself then rapport building, but is it really?
Last night was the fourth time I cheered him at a game, about two months we’d communicate regularly. But I saw a lot of girls around him at the game, got a bit jealous. We were supposed to meet up after for a after party, I almost declined then blurted “I didn’t come for the game, I came to see you!” , when I joined him he didn’t let me out of his sight and he kissed me, less than an hour later we were in each others arms, hurrying to his place. It went amazing, he didn’t hide to cuddle, it was almost blinding how obvious things seemed between us. We spend so much time in bed together the next day and talked about our respective christmas plans that we had with family, he hinted he didn’t have any yet. We kissed again before leaving and he said we’d keep in touch.
Except I’m back home and suddenly worried. It went so smoothly and perfectly I’m suddenly wondering “Wait, aren’t I not supposed to sleep with an ex? What if sleeping with him was wrong and puts to peril all chances of fixing things? Even if now I do want him back in my life and am finally ready to commit to him?”, did internet searches and fell upon your article. I’m now worried that maybe I made a mistake sleeping with him.
I know I made so many mistakes, but I know what I want now. I’m ready to settle and trust. How do I make our relationship work for here on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 5:49 pm

Hi Jill

when did you and f broke up?

Jill

December 16, 2017 at 11:33 pm

So this might sound a bit weird but… After extensively reading this site I think my ex boyfriend read it and maybe using your advice? Is there a guy version like this?
I really need to know what I should do to make things work, as all he’s done has worked to get me interested back, it’s been a bit more than a month that I want him back into my life and to be committed to him. Thing is I’m a woman that thinks a bit like a man from what I’m told, and last night we slept together.

See two years ago I thought was hard in love with a guy (W) that I idealized and lusted over badly, because he’d “gotten away” after two dates. I didn’t truly get to know him enough, I just wanted to get him back I guess because I wasn’t used to not be given the chance and because he had traits I was hunting after in a partner. Not getting to date more frustrated me to no ends, it got me obsessed, I was very hurt over it.
I have a strong sex drive. Frustrated of the situation not evolving after 4months of effort I felt like getting a fling. One night at a party I hit up the greatest looking guy there (F – my ex). Turns out there was some kind of magic, he has a great job awesome personality same serious goals as well as interests/lifestyle and hoping to find love and have a family someday (more serious than me who up until now never thought I’d want kids!) . Chemistry was pretty wild since the first night, I let myself flow completely and had such great fun, never was I so synchronized with someone (at that moment I thought “Maybe he’s just great in bed with everyone” later I found out what we had was pretty unique to us) ! After a couple of days of seeing (F) I called up (W) just to kind of flip him the bird and say I was hitting it off pretty good with someone, stupid idea I know… Cause (W) told me the killer sentence to keep me still hooked and getting me to chase him again: “You know if things have to start over between us maybe it might happen, someday, if it’s meant to be… But I guess this guy seems great and serious, so good luck! ” and hung up. That played with my head big time. I was having a great time with (F) and hearing that from (W) made me overthink everything. I’d snap at (F) for being late, not giving enough news, freak out at him and saying “you’re probably not that serious, maybe you’re calling just for sex” when he’d call to see me a couple of hours in the day between his heavy traveling for work, and I did the biggest fatal flaw: talk too often about (W) for it to be too casual. He must of have caught on, read my mind or something, he took distance. After 2months asked that we break up. He wanted to take a coffee to discuss it, he said he loved our chemistry but maybe that it wasn’t strong enough mentally, but insisted he cared about me and wanted to continue to be able to talk and stay friends. When he hesitated saying how amazing things were physically between us I admit I jumped on the occasion, we decided to try out “friends with benefits”. I thought “I’ll get the awesome connection while not having to promise anything if (W) came along, great!”…

I convinced myself we were both getting what we wanted, and that he was probably deep down just another guy that’s motivated only by sex. A month later he planned a night for us, he’d brought over drinks and dinner, seemed gentleman, but didn’t spend the night. We saw each other 3-4 times after that and regularly texted. He’d attempt some small cuddling only when he thought I was asleep, seemed odd, but I shrugged it off telling myself “He agreed to the friends-with-benefits so he wanted it”. I’d been so hurt in the past, I didn’t think a guy could possibly not be okay with awesome casual sex!! How?!

So it came as shocker to me when he got distant again. He basically went no contact on me for 2-3 weeks and I’d send him messages over and over again, I was worried. I became furious when all I got in response after the silence was “Sorry, this isn’t working. I don’t even want to stay friends anymore.”
I wasn’t too happy about this, as frankly I might not have been in Love-love but I did have love for him, he was important to me, I was fond of him. Him wanting to leave hurt when I didn’t think it would, I got angry and wrote a passive aggressive rant on how “Oh sure that’s fine, I don’t care, you know what? I’m in love with someone else from before I even met you, guess it’s only fair to tell you now and better that we part ways, bye.” Since then I had no news for almost three months.

During those 3 months I dated around and (W) finally agreed to hang out, and the more we’d spend time the sillier he seemed… Until one night I slept over at his place and simply turned him down: I’d realized I was focused on the image I had of him, not the actual guy. I had built a fairytale in my head and suddenly regretted the real moments I had so taken for granted with (F). Even so, the more I met guys the more I realize how good we had it going with (F), I’d sometimes think about it but didn’t do anything…

One day I got a mail from (F), really out of the blue, talking about his travels, saying how some things reminded him of me, and wanted to know how I was doing. We started talking again. Without me realizing it he was building what you describe on your site as rapport. He suggested we get lunch after a month of occasional talk. He talked to me about how he made progress on work and his relation with his family, how he was evolving in his goals and wanted to settle down and find love. I was so happy for him, he seemed a lot more confident and upbeat. I’d said I was seeing someone, told him I forgot about (W) and finally moved on, hoping to love again also, he respectfully teased and flirted none the less. I was dating someone at the time, nothing serious, but after I saw (F) that day everyone commented how radiant I was, I felt full of happiness and couldn’t help but spend the day sharing kindness, because we had such a happy positive vibe. I was single again shortly after, (F) was right there for me when I was sad over it, call on the phone, grab drinks with groups of friends we’d just go the both of us to concerts, we’d always come to each others sports games to cheer each other on, would text about movies and jokes every so often. He flirted very often, I’d flirt a bit back but I kept it casual and would often say how much I appreciated his -friendship-. Yet I began to think of him again, more I got to know these new sides of him more I had feelings. Reading your articles this looks exactly like he did no contact to work on himself then rapport building, but is it really?
Last night was the fourth time I cheered him at a game, about two months we’d communicate regularly. But I saw a lot of girls around him at the game, got a bit jealous. We were supposed to meet up after for a after party, I almost declined then blurted “I didn’t come for the game, I came to see you!” , when I joined him he didn’t let me out of his sight and he kissed me, less than an hour later we were in each others arms, hurrying to his place. It went amazing, he didn’t hide to cuddle, it was almost blinding how obvious things seemed between us.
Except I’m back home and suddenly worried. It went more smoothly and perfectly I’m suddenly wondering “Wait, aren’t I not supposed to sleep with an ex? What if sleeping with him was wrong and puts to peril all chances of fixing things? Even if now I do want him back in my life and am finally ready to commit to him?”, did internet searches and fell upon your article. I’m now worried that maybe I made a mistake sleeping with him.
I know I made so many mistakes, but I know what I want now. I’m ready to settle and trust. How do I make our relationship work for here on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 5:49 pm

Hi Jill

when did you and f broke up?

Ashley

December 15, 2017 at 3:56 pm

I have a question. My ex and I broke up a month ago, after being together for a year; we were basically inseparable, but then in the summertime some stuff happened to me that changed me being happy. My insecurities went full blown and I no longer felt like I was good enough for him to be with me. Then when people would go near him, I’d become jealous cause I thought they were better than me and we’d fight. He said I didn’t trust him… I didn’t trust his words when he said he loved me. He had tons of people that he could have been with but chose me and I wasn’t accepting it or believing it. So we broke up… we stayed friends; or tried to, we slept together, gamed together, watched movies and cuddled together. A few times we had hiccups; I got drunk and said some stuff to him, I begged him to take me back since we were basically in a relationship without the officialness, and then when I found out that he slept with someone. I wasn’t upset or jealous if he did… but upset that he might have lied abit about it… so i asked him upfront about it but the conversation turned out so much worst than I had intended. I had not wanted anything to get in the middle of us being friends and wanted us to just have everything on the table; I hadn’t been sleeping with anyone else myself, so if he was starting to sleep with others, then I guess it was okay for me to. Anyways… we fought; more me talked and he replied a couple times… mostly about how I wasn’t being a good friend, why it was such a big deal that he slept with someone now… and how it was a good sign it was never going to happen again between us because we were having this conversation, and how I he loved me, cared about me but wasn’t gonna do this anymore and since I didn’t listen to things he’s said previously; that he was broken and that I could see other people. And that he quit… and now he’s not been around anywhere; stayed off of web stuff; game stuff etc. I left him an apology but then deleted it sorta…. Anyways, now I’m scared that he hates me, we’ll not able to be friends because I’m so intense and he doesn’t want to deal with it or me anymore… and that any chances in the future of us being together may be completely gone. I feel devastated…. I haven’t really done much but cried and waited for him to surface… I don’t want him to hate me or for us to never be able to be friends or even together later….what do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2017 at 6:19 pm

Hi Ashley,

why not try the advice above?

Toyin

December 10, 2017 at 7:48 am

Hi Chris,
Please, I’m waiting for a response to my last post.

Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2017 at 5:55 pm

That’s it..he’s busy on weekends..don’t take it personally..why not invite him to do something one of these coming weekeneds?

Toyin

December 10, 2017 at 7:47 am

Hi Chris,
Please, I’m waiting for a response to my last post.

Thank you
Marissa

December 6, 2017 at 9:44 pm

Omg! I’m sorry for posting the same thing twice! I didn’t think it went through the first time.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2017 at 4:56 pm

Hi Marissa,

That’s ok…Honestly, it looks like you don’t have to tell him you’re not going to sleep with him again because you were the one who invited him to sleep with you…just start nc at least 30 days and don’t sleep with him again without commitment

Marissa

December 6, 2017 at 9:36 pm

Hi guys!

So my ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for over 2 years now. We dated right after high school and for about 3 months, and basically broke up because he moved to Ohio for school, and long-distance wasn’t working after two weeks of him being there. He’s came back home a couple of times, and each time he would text and call me before he would come back down, and then when he would make it back to Florida we would end up hanging out. The last time he was in town, well basically I got paranoid and super naggy and he just stopped talking to me after a while. After he left to go back to school, I blocked him a few months later and deleted his cell phone number, and when I tried to get it back from my friend (and his best friend) he told me that my ex didn’t want me to have his number. So next time he came in town we didn’t speak at all. Now, he’s back in Florida, and is going to be staying here for work and school. After some time of him being back in Florida, he asked my sister if she knew where I was when we were at church, and the following Sunday, we made eye contact at church, but didn’t speak. He did Snapchat me later that night, but the conversation didn’t last long at all. I sent him a video that I found interesting like a week or so later, and he responded and joked around a bit, and then told him I would talk to him later. About another week or so, he texted me and we continued texting like all day (or whenever he wasn’t at work or sleeping) for a few days, and then he asked if I wanted to hangout that weekend. I agreed, but plans fell through the day of. We continued texting for two more weeks, and then we had our date (which went amazing btw) but we got kinda intimate by the end of the night. We didn’t have sex, but MAJOR caressing did take place, and we got into the back of his car and he tried to have sex but I immediately stopped him, saying I wasn’t planning on going all the way. We just cuddled, and talked until I left. I texted him when I got home, and he responded and told me to have a goodnight. After that, he didn’t text me. So two days after the date I gave in and texted him, and we talked for the rest of that day, and he continued the conversation the next day. He didn’t text me again until a few days later, and after that, we didn’t text at all. I was thinking about losing my virginity to him, thought it over for like a week, and then texted him asking if he wanted to have sex with me. We made plans for me to come over to his house on Friday, and we did it, and it was pretty great. We talked and cuddled and joked around a lot while I was there. For a bit I was thinking I would be okay with having a friends with benefits relationship with him. But after hearing how my best friend reconnected with her ex, they slept together, and he was STILL trying to talk to her and hangout with her, it made me realize the being friends with benefits was going to be enough. Despite this, I did try going over to his house again, but plans fell through on my end, so I didn’t ha see him that day. That same day (yesterday I just realized…) I texted him if he wanted to come to the beach with me and my friends sometime in the upcoming year. He responded saying, “lol I’m not really a beach dude.” I sent him an emoji that basically implied “cool” or “okay,” He kept texting me after that, but the conversation quickly fell short, and I just decided to text him goodnight.
So with me saying all this I just want to know really: Should I go into No Contact again (we gone into it quite a few times without thought of it)? Do I need to tell him I’m not going to sleep with him, or only if he brings it up on his own? If I do tell him, would I start No Contact then?
Toyin

December 6, 2017 at 6:54 am

Thanks so much for your response!.
Well, he did answer when I asked again the following morning cos I noticed he was In a very good mood.
The conversation goes thus;
Me: why do you keep quiet on weekends?

Him; I do?

Him: I play golf saturday morningg…hang around d club afterwards, cos i don’t wanna go home and stay there till Sunday…so i hang around and watch football.

Him: I get home around 5pm and maybe watch a movie or TV or just sleep

Him: on Sunday i go to church and play golf and stay till like 7pm and go home

Him: Is dat quiet?

Me:Well, I hope you didn’t take that as a complaint

Me: hmmm ok

Him: No…..

Him: I stay too much alone in the house so l decided to just stay at d club to cope and watch TV

Him: So I won’t b lonely much

Me: ok

Pls what do you think i should do??

Thank you so much.
Marissa

December 6, 2017 at 3:24 am

Hey, my first time posting on this site. So my ex boyfriend and I dated for about three months straight out of high school, and broke up basically because he moved far away for school. Every time he would come back down we end up texting and at some point hanging out together. The first time he came down, we texted a few days prior to him arriving back home, and talked a little bit when we were church. That same day he ended up coming over to my house since my mom had some graduation shirt to give him, and we talked and joked around as we were watching football. We continued to text while he was in town, and when he left to go back to school. The day he was back in Ohio (where he went to school), we ended up talking on the phone at my request, and I told him how I felt, and that I wanted to get back together. He admitted he missed me, but said we should take things slow. I happily said okay. That same night, or the night after, I sexted him way into the early morning. He didn’t text for a couple of days, and I ended up texting him and he was distant. I sent him “I really want have sex with you” and he replied, “way too far away for that.” After that, he basically said this wasn’t going to work, and I told him I would keep my options open, and he said “lol ok.” I ended up texting him the next day asking what happened and I thought we were going somewhere with this. He apologized, and said “But you’re a very beautiful girl and I’m sure you’ll find someone else.” (And yes, I realized how naive I was through all this, and how BS of a response that was.)
The second time he came down, we talked everyday for about month prior to him coming down. We hung out together about a week into him being back home, and we had a lot of fun. At the end of the day we got pretty intimate (we didn’t have sex, but some major caressing and touching happened.) After thst, I got paranoid thinking he used me for sex, and though he texted a lot at first, he quickly became distant, and didn’t talk at all. At some point after he went back to school, I blocked him, after being given advice from a friend to do so. A few months later I tried to get in contact with him to text him, so I asked his best friend (who is also my friend) if he could give me my ex’s number, and was told that my ex gave him instructions to not do so.
The next time he came in town we didn’t speak at all.
This time he came back in town we didn’t speak much until about a month of him being back in town. I found out that he asked my sister if she knew where I was when we were at church, and found out he was staying at home for school now. He didn’t text until the following Sunday after we made eye contact at church. Conversation didn’t last long at all. I sent him some video and we texted for a little bit and I ended the convo after a bit. About a week or two later he started texting me and we talked for about three weeks (after plans to hangout fell through twice) and we finally hung out at a park near his house. The date lasted from about 8 pm to 1 am, and we talked all night about how things have been for us over the past year and joked around a lot as well, and plans for future (in general). We held hands, cuddled, zany I even sat in his lap. At the end of the night he walked me to my car and we kissed, and I kept saying “how he was holding back” after a while, of him just hugging me and kissing me. Finally he started to take things further and carressed me and we got into the back of his car. He tried to have sex, but I immediately stopped him since I wasn’t ready (I was a virgin). He ended up holding me, and we just continued talking for a bit, until I finally left at 1 am.
He didn’t text me after that, so I ended up texting him two days later, and we talked a bit more the day after. He texted me again about 4 days later. After he we weren’t really texting each other. I decided about a week later that I wanted to lose my virginity to him, and since he wasn’t putting any effort into things, I thought I might as well. So I texted him if he wanted to have sex, and we made plans for me to come over to his house two days later.
We had sex, and it was pretty great, and we joked around and talked a lot as usual. When I got home, I let him know I made it home safe (at his request) and told him I had a lot of fun and thanked him for making feel safe and comfortable. He said “lol Me too. And it was my pleasure. ”
I thought I was okay getting into a fwb relationship with him, but one of my best friends just got back in contact with her “favorite ex” and heading how he was all over her, even after having sex with her, made me realize that I probably couldn’t do this.
Despite that, I wanted to try other sex stuff with him so I made plans to see him again today, but fell through at the last minute.
My friends were taking about a beach trip we’ve been talking about for a while, and my best friend was saying if it would be okay to invite her ex, and we all said sure. And then I decided to invite mine’s too. He responded, “lol I’m not really a beach dude” and I just responded . And he kept texting me (so like as I’m writing this message.”
I don’t realky know what to do at this point. We have a lot history, and though I’m not sure he’s really “it” but I want proper go at “us” again. What should I do? Do I restart no contact? Do I blatantly tell him that I don’t want keep having these random sexual encounters? Or do I just do what you shown in the images with texts about participating for a moment with his sex convos then “exit” the convo? Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2017 at 4:57 pm

Hi Marissa,

That’s ok…Honestly, it looks like you don’t have to tell him you’re not going to sleep with him again because you were the one who invited him to sleep with you…just start nc at least 30 days and don’t sleep with him again without commitment

Toyin

December 4, 2017 at 5:17 am

Thank you so much for taking out time to reply my posts. This is about my 2nd post.
Yea. I guess my ex boyfriend and I are back. I asked him a few weeks back what we were doing and he said ‘ a relationship sort off’ but not definitely friends with benefits. And I’m happy.
But hey, I have a concern. He comes to see me about once a week and I’ve gone to see him on a weekend (sat or sunday) about a couple of times now. But hardly does he ask us to see over d weekend. (Except one saturday maybe). For instance, there was a public holiday on Fri so he asked If I wld come spend d night at his place. So I was with him till Friday morning when he had to go out. We chatted briefly on Saturday morning and nothing again until evening when he chatted me up asking how I was. Same thing yday(sunday). We spoke on the phone in the morning. Told me he was going to the golf club . Didn’t hear anything again until in the evening when he chatted to check up on me.
Before our one month break up in june/July, we used to see more on weekends.
Well, when he is travelling out of the city, he does invite me now to go with him. This he wasn’t doing in our old r/ship. I guess that’s a good development. But I’m worried about the weekend thing. He used to ask me to come over or we go to see a movie b4 the breakup.
Well, he seems committed but why don’t we see regularly over the weekend as we used to ?
Please how do I address it and not come across as nagging or complaining??
I mentioned it to him last night when he chatted with me to check on me. That he usually seems quiet over the weekends. He kept quiet on it.
What do I do please?

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 2:10 am

if he didn’t answer now.. you have to let more time to pass and observe… later on, ask that again in person..

Tee

November 7, 2017 at 8:43 am

Hi.
My ex and I started dating last year Dec. Let me give a brief background info.
He got separated from his ex wife about 5years ago but the divorce became final early last year. He’s bitter because things are no longer good as they used to financially. So when we started dating, he said he would want us to take baby steps as he would not want us to rush.
While we were dating, we were seeing steadily, visiting each other and watching movies but he was sometimes Moody or sometimes emotionally unavailable.
Then sometime in may/June, I started asking for us to define the r/ship. Then he started pulling back until early June when he said we shld remain good friends as being lovers wld be complicated. Throughout our dating period,I never allowed sex.
So, I went into NC immediately after he said this. Then re-initiated contact after about 28days. His reception was good but I was the one that initiated our chats for the ist two weeks. Then he took over and started initiating. We chat everyday. And he comes to my place about once every week since post NC. I’ve only bn to his place twice when he was not feeling well.
I cook for him sometimes at his requests. He asked me out to functions about two times. I went on one but turned down the other as I was engaged. We’ve gone to the cinema too. But in all this,he never brought up talks on feelings or emotions until about 3 weeks ago. That I make him feel like making love. That he really likes me, has feelings for me, blah blah. Then there was a time he said that though he needs a babe badly, but it is restarting his business and making a headway financially that is his focus for now.
At first, I made him know that was a boyfriend benefit. But I gave in about 10 days ago. He came to my place and we made love for the first time. Said he loved it blah blah. Wanted to know if I did too and I told him it was good.
Pls note, right from the beginning, he does not call much or like call everyday kind of thing. We do more of chatting and seeing/meeting up. We chat every single day. since post NC, he was trying to call more but reduced over time.
But since our sex/lovemaking about 12days ago, he has not made a single call to me. I was the one that called about 4days ago about a biz idea he brought up over chats. Yes, he initiates our chats almost every day since post NC and after the sex, but no call. And he did not come last week as usual. Though I know he did sch errands for his kids in the evening on the days he usually comes to my place.
I’m more financially stable than he is. When we were dating, I helped out financially a couple of times but stopped doing that since the break up.
Now I’m confused..yes, we still chat everyday post sex, but talks about emotions have become scarce sort of. He laments about one biz idea or the other. That he’s clueless since the avenue for funding seems not to be forthcoming. I only calm him down and reassure him all will be well and nothing more.
I don’t know if we are now officially back together now or What?..i expected him to pamper me after our first sex. But not even a call apart from when he called to let me know he was home (like he usually does) the day we did it.
Pls what do I do?..do you think he’s got feelings for me or want us back?
Thank you So much

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 6:19 pm

HI,

Have you read this one:
How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You

Toyin

November 7, 2017 at 8:27 am

Hi.
My ex and I started dating last year Dec. Let me give a brief background info.
He got separated from his ex wife about 5years ago but the divorce became final early last year. He’s bitter because things are no longer good as they used to financially. So when we started dating, he said he would want us to take baby steps as he would not want us to rush.
While we were dating, we were seeing steadily, visiting each other and watching movies, i even became friends with his mum but he was sometimes Moody or sometimes emotionally unavailable.
Then sometime in may/June, I started asking for us to define the r/ship. Then he started pulling back until early June when he said we shld remain good friends that being lovers wld be somehow. Throughout our dating period,I never allowed sex.
So, I went into NC immediately after he said this. Then re-initiated contact after about 28days. His reception was good but I was the one that initiated our chats for the ist two weeks. Then he took over and started initiating. We chat everyday. And he comes to my place about once every week since post NC. I’ve only bn to his place twice when he was not feeling well.
I cook for him sometimes when he asks. He asked me out to functions about two times. I went on one but turned down the other as I was engaged. We’ve gone to the cinema too. But in all this,he never brought up talks on feelings or emotions until about 3 weeks ago. That I make him feel like making love. That he really likes me, has feelings for me, blah blah. Then there was a time he said that though he needs a babe badly, but it is restarting his business and making a headway financially that is his focus for now.
At first, I made him know that was a boyfriend benefit. But I gave in about 10 days ago. He came to my place and we made love for the first time. Said he loved it blah blah. Wanted to know if I did too and I told him it was good.
Pls note, right from the beginning, he does not call much or like call everyday kind of thing. We do more of chatting and seeing/meeting up. We chat every single day. since post NC, he was trying to call more but reduced over time.
But since our sex/lovemaking about 12days ago, he has not made a single call to me. I was the one that called about 4days ago about a biz idea he brought up over chats. Yes, he initiates our chats almost every day since post NC and after the sex, but no call. And he did not come last week as usual. Though I know he did sch errands for his kids in the evening on the days he usually comes to my place.
I’m more financially stable than he is. When we were dating, I helped out financially a couple of times but stopped doing that since the break up.
Now I’m confused..yes, we still chat everyday post sex, but talks about emotions have become scarce sort of. He laments about one biz idea or the other. That he’s clueless since the avenue for funding seems not to be forthcoming. I only calm him down and reassure him all will be well and nothing more.
I don’t know if we are now officially back together now or What?..i expected him to pamper me after our first sex. But not even a call apart from when he called to let me know he was home (like he usually does) the day we did it.
Pls what do I do?..do you think he’s got feelings for me or want us back?
Thank you So much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 6:19 pm

HI,

Have you read this one:
How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You

Tee

November 7, 2017 at 8:23 am

Hi.
My ex and I started dating last year Dec. Let me give a brief background info.
He got separated from his ex wife about 5years ago but the divorce became final early last year. He’s bitter because things are no longer good as they used to financially. So when we started dating, he said he would want us to take baby steps as he would not want us to rush.
While we were dating, we were seeing steadily, visiting each other and watching movies, i even became friends with his mum but he was sometimes Moody or sometimes emotionally unavailable.
Then sometime in may/June, I started asking for us to define the r/ship. Then he started pulling back until early June when he said we shld remain good friends as being lovers wld be complicated. Throughout our dating period,I never allowed sex.
So, I went into NC immediately after he said this. Then re-initiated contact after about 28days. His reception was good but I was the one that initiated our chats for the ist two weeks. Then he took over and started initiating. We chat everyday. And he comes to my place about once every week since post NC. I’ve only bn to his place twice when he was not feeling well.
I cook for him sometimes at his requests. He asked me out to functions about two times. I went on one but turned down the other as I was engaged. We’ve gone to the cinema too. But in all this,he never brought up talks on feelings or emotions until about 3 weeks ago. That I make him feel like making love. That he really likes me, has feelings for me, blah blah. Then there was a time he said that though he needs a babe badly, but it is restarting his business and making a headway financially that is his focus for now.
At first, I made him know that was a boyfriend benefit. But I gave in about 10 days ago. He came to my place and we made love for the first time. Said he loved it blah blah. Wanted to know if I did too and I told him it was good.
Pls note, right from the beginning, he does not call much or like call everyday kind of thing. We do more of chatting and seeing/meeting up. We chat every single day. since post NC, he was trying to call more but reduced over time.
But since our sex/lovemaking about 12days ago, he has not made a single call to me. I was the one that called about 4days ago about a biz idea he brought up over chats. Yes, he initiates our chats almost every day since post NC and after the sex, but no call. And he did not come last week as usual. Though I know he did sch errands for his kids in the evening on the days he usually comes to my place.
I’m more financially stable than he is. When we were dating, I helped out financially a couple of times but stopped doing that since the break up.
Now I’m confused..yes, we still chat everyday post sex, but talks about emotions have become scarce sort of. He laments about one biz idea or the other. That he’s clueless since the avenue for funding seems not to be forthcoming. I only calm him down and reassure him all will be well and nothing more.
I don’t know if we are now officially back together now or What?..i expected him to pamper me after our first sex. But not even a call apart from when he called to let me know he was home (like he usually does) the day we did it.
Pls what do I do?..do you think he’s got feelings for me or want us back?
Thank you So much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 6:19 pm

HI,

Have you read this one:
How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You

Claire

November 5, 2017 at 3:46 pm

Please help me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago we had a bad break up we was together a year and half live together most of it when he left me he said he never wanted to see me again after a week of me crying and begging getting no where I went no contact with I broke he text me for one last night which I didn’t respond but a few days later I text saying I am happy we are over and I’m moving on which he replied quite nice text but soon became about sex he wanted one last time and I said no I want more but gave in to fwb but exclusive we meet had a great night we stay cuddle up he told me he love and missed me and stay together abit of the next day I got a few text that day but nothing since and I don’t know what to do

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2017 at 7:49 pm

HI Claire,

Restart nc and do at least 30 days.

Alexa

October 29, 2017 at 1:42 am

My ex calls me every 15 or 20 days to come over and catch up with him and the emotions always lead to sex. He always blocks me after and I wake up to his call again when I least expect it and the same thing happens again. How should I respond to the next time he calls me? Should I pick up and go to his place and play the game of dangling sex in front of him or engage in no contact? We broke up in January from a very serious relationship and it is now October

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2017 at 7:58 pm

Hi Alexa,

Do no contact, at least 45 days..

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