Today we’re going to talk about how to get an Aries man back after a breakup.
Like always, this is a continuation of our astrology based series.
Overall, these are the five steps that I think are important when attempting to get an Aries man back,
- Understanding the traits associated with Aries men
- Look and see how the value ladder might need to be altered
- Buy into my dismissive avoidant theory
- Lean into the mystery of the stability and mystery scale
- Use misattribution of arousal to your advantage
Understand The Traits Associated With Aries Men
As always we start first by defining what traits are typically associated with Aries men.
Below I’ve compiled a list of 10 traits that are typically associated with them,
- Confident and Assertive: Aries men are known for their confidence and assertiveness. They often take charge of situations and are not afraid to make the first move.
- Passionate and Energetic: They are full of energy and passion, which can be seen in their enthusiasm for life and their interests.
- Independent and Self-reliant: Aries men value their independence highly and often prefer to rely on their own abilities rather than depending on others.
- Impulsive and Spontaneous: They are known for their impulsiveness, often acting on their desires without much forethought. This spontaneity can be both exciting and challenging.
- Competitive and Driven: Aries men are naturally competitive and have a strong desire to succeed, which drives them to work hard and aim high in their endeavors.
- Adventurous and Courageous: They often seek adventure and are not afraid to take risks. Their courage is evident in both their personal and professional lives.
- Honest and Direct: Aries men are typically straightforward and honest. They value honesty in others and are usually direct in their communication.
- Impatient and Easily Bored: Patience is not a strong suit for many Aries men. They prefer fast-paced environments and can become easily bored with routine or delays.
- Loyal and Protective: Despite their independent nature, Aries men are fiercely loyal to those they care about and can be very protective of their loved ones.
- Temperamental: They can be prone to mood swings and may have a quick temper. However, their anger usually doesn’t last long.
Of course, only a handful of those traits are going to be relevant for this discussion.
- The independence and self reliance
- Their adventurous side
- The fact that they are easily bored
I’d like to have a discussion about these three traits and how I would approach an Aries men with them BUT let’s first talk about the value ladder.
Alterations To The Value Ladder
Typically, when discussing astrological signs, I refer to the framework we teach our clients for repairing relationships, known as the value ladder. Here’s a graphic of the value ladder for reference.
By reviewing my previous work on astrology, you can see how I’ve adapted the value ladder for each astrological sign. Sometimes these alterations are dramatic, while other times, no changes are necessary, and it’s more about the mindset while progressing through the steps.
What about Aries men? I believe they require a minor adjustment.
If you examine the traits associated with Aries men, you’ll notice common themes: they are passionate, energetic, competitive, adventurous, courageous, temperamental, impulsive, and spontaneous. Generally speaking, Aries men might prefer exciting dates over romantic ones.
Now, looking at the value ladder graphic, you’ll see there’s a meetup phase.
To build value in this phase before attempting to reconcile with an ex, it’s suggested to go on three specific types of dates.
- First, there are small dates, which I consider meetups.
- Next, there are medium dates, which are somewhat romantic but not overly so.
- Finally, there are the large, fully romantic dates.
Generally speaking, an Aries man might prefer an exciting date over a purely romantic one. This preference is rooted in the typical traits associated with Aries men, such as their love for adventure, energy, and enthusiasm. Here’s a breakdown of why an exciting date might appeal more to an Aries man:
- Love for Adventure: Aries men often seek thrilling experiences and adventures. They enjoy activities that are dynamic and energizing, which aligns more with exciting dates.
- Energetic Nature: Given their high energy levels, Aries men are likely to appreciate dates that involve physical activity or something that keeps them engaged and active.
- Impulsiveness and Spontaneity: Their impulsive and spontaneous traits make them more inclined towards dates that are unpredictable and full of surprises.
- Competitive Spirit: Incorporating a competitive element, like a sport or a game, can be very appealing to an Aries man, as it aligns with their natural competitive streak.
- Appreciation for Directness and Honesty: While they value honesty and direct communication, this doesn’t necessarily translate to a preference for traditionally romantic settings. They might find straightforward and unpretentious activities more appealing.
So, we’ve kind of looked at the overall strategy of the value ladder and how it’s altered (exciting dates over romantic dates,) but other than that, nothing should really change. But what about the mindset as you’re going through these steps?
Buying Into The Dismissive Avoidant Theory
A common trait of an Aries man is their independence and self-reliance.
They highly value this independence, preferring to rely on their own abilities rather than depending on others.
Does this sound familiar?
Regular readers of my articles will know that I often discuss how most of our clients are trying to get back with exes who tend to be dismissive-avoidant.
Dismissive-avoidants have a core wound that is deeply focused on independence.
What does this mean? Essentially, if you’re in a relationship with a dismissive-avoidant and they start feeling their independence is threatened, they tend to withdraw from or distance themselves in the relationship. You might sense something is off. It seems that Aries men are likely to exhibit dismissive-avoidant behavior.
So, what does this imply? It means that you need to be secure within yourself, but also capable of giving them space.
One key strategy I teach my clients for reconnecting with a dismissive-avoidant is to convince them that you have moved on, which might seem counterintuitive, but it does make sense.
A few years ago, I made a video titled ‘How to Make a Dismissive Avoidant Ex Miss You.’
My research for that video revealed that dismissive-avoidants don’t allow themselves to miss you until they believe you’ve moved on. Only then do they permit themselves to indulge in nostalgic reverie.
Therefore, part of making an Aries man, who is likely to be dismissive-avoidant, feel independent and self-reliant involves convincing them that you’re not interested in rekindling the relationship. This approach lowers their guard, allowing you to engage in meaningful conversations, build rapport, and create value.
Recognizing the likelihood of an Aries man being dismissive-avoidant is a crucial component in this process.
Lean In To The Mystery Of The Stability And Mystery Scale
Believe it or not, I was discussing this just yesterday while writing my article on Aquarius men, emphasizing the importance of the stability and mystery scale.
So, what is this scale?
It’s a concept I developed that addresses the two competing desires in human relationships.
On one hand, we seek stability – someone to relax with on the couch, watching Netflix, without the need for constant adventure and spontaneity. On the other hand, we crave someone adventurous and mysterious, someone who brings spontaneity into our lives.
Aries men, in particular, tend to lean more towards the adventurous and mysterious side of the scale. Understanding this is crucial as you progress up the value ladder.
Many relationships break down because they become too stable.
My hypothesis, which I can’t prove definitively, is that the initial excitement and almost chaotic nature of new relationships is a significant reason people fall in love.
However, as relationships mature, complacency often sets in, tipping the stability and mystery scale towards stability. At some point, your ex or Aries man might reflect and feel that something has changed.
They might not consciously think back to the exciting early days, but subconsciously, they yearn for that adventure and mystery.
This is where misattribution of arousal comes into play.
Misattribution of Arousal
This is why, in the value ladder, I suggest swapping romantic dates for exciting ones. It taps back into the reasons the Aries man initially fell in love with you.
But why does this work?
I believe it’s due to the misattribution of arousal, a psychological concept.
In psychology, misattribution of arousal is the process whereby people make a mistake in assuming what is causing them to feel aroused. For example, when actually experiencing physiological responses related to fear, people mislabel those responses as romantic arousal. The reason physiological symptoms may be attributed to incorrect stimuli is because many stimuli have similar physiological symptoms such as increased blood pressure or shortness of breath.
Imagine taking your Aries man on an adrenaline-filled, exciting date. Psychology suggests that the arousal experienced during such a date can be misattributed to your partner.
This concept is perfectly exemplified in the ‘Bachelor’ franchise, which I’ve been watching a lot of with my wife.
The show’s format, with no phones and a focus on forming connections, coupled with exciting dates, creates an environment where arousal is easily misattributed to the person they’re with.
I mean, look at some of these dates,
In ‘The Bachelor’ and ‘The Bachelorette’, the added element of competition also plays a role. Aries men thrive in such environments, mislabeling the romantic feelings from the experience and attributing them to their partner.
My argument is simple: Romantic dates are fine, but the real goal is to merge a romantic date with an exciting one.
This combination leverages the misattribution of arousal concept to its fullest potential.”