By Chris Seiter

Published on November 20th, 2023

Today we’re going to be covering how to get an Aquarius man back.

If you haven’t been following our little roundup check out my post last week on Capricorns.

So, how the heck do you get an Aquarius man back?

Well, there are seven main steps to the process.

  1. Understanding the traits of an Aquarius man
  2. Determining if the value ladder needs to be altered
  3. Understand that they need independence
  4. Realize that their emotional detachment is normal
  5. Use big talk to have deeper conversations
  6. Lean in to the mystery side of the stability and mystery scale
  7. Establish a good relationship with their sphere of influence

Let’s start from the top!

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Understanding The Traits of An Aquarius Man

Ah, Aquarius, the water bearer.

So, like all the astrology based posts I start first with understanding the overlying traits that revolve around the signs. For the Aquarius man those traits are,

  • Independent: Aquarius men value their independence highly. They are often seen as free spirits who don’t like to be constrained by traditional norms or expectations.
  • Intellectual and Analytical: They are often deep thinkers and highly intellectual. They enjoy delving into complex subjects and are always looking for deeper understanding.
  • Innovative and Creative: Aquarius men are known for their originality and creativity. They often have a unique perspective on things and are not afraid to think outside the box.
  • Humanitarian and Altruistic: They are often concerned with larger issues that affect humanity and are driven by a desire to make the world a better place.
  • Friendly and Social: While they are friendly and can be very social, they often maintain a sense of detachment in relationships. They value their social networks but often require space and time alone.
  • Unpredictable and Unconventional: Aquarius men can be unpredictable and enjoy going against the grain. They do not like to follow the crowd and often have unconventional ways of thinking.
  • Emotionally Detached: They can sometimes come across as aloof or emotionally detached. They might not be the most expressive when it comes to their feelings.
  • Communicative: They enjoy intellectual discussions and are usually very articulate. They value communication, especially if it involves exchanging ideas and viewpoints.
  • Adventurous and Risk-Taking: Aquarius men often enjoy new experiences and are not afraid to take risks. They are often drawn to adventures and unusual experiences.
  • Idealistic: They often have high ideals and are driven by their beliefs. They can be very passionate about causes they believe in.

Of course, not all of those traits are necessary relevant towards getting them back. Instead, I actually think you’ll need only about half of them,

  1. Give Them Independence
  2. Emotional detachment
  3. Intellectual
  4. Adventurous and Risk Taking
  5. Friendly and Social

But before we start really diving in to those traits I’d like to first talk about the overall framework of getting a man back.

Does The Value Ladder Need To Be Altered?

So, typically, the overall framework for getting anyone back begins with our famous ‘value ladder,’ which is all about, you guessed it, building value.

The value ladder primarily focuses on methods of communication.

Here’s how it works:

  • You start with the no-contact rule.
  • Then, you progress through the major methods of communication:
  • Texting
  • Phone calls
  • In-person interactions.

You begin with the no-contact rule, and then you move onto the first method of communication, which is texting, to build value there. Once enough value has been built at this stage, you advance to the phone call phase and build value there. After sufficient value is established in phone calls, you proceed to the meetup phase to continue building value, and so on.

I’ve discussed this concept in the past two astrology-based articles.

What’s interesting about the astrology signs is that, for some, you really need to alter the value ladder. This could mean extending the no-contact rule or skipping a specific method of communication entirely.

However, for an Aquarius, I haven’t found anything convincing enough to suggest deviating from the standard value ladder, assuming you want an Aquarius man back.

This makes your job a bit easier. The differences, I believe, lie in the nuances. The overall strategy isn’t just in the big picture; it’s also in the smaller details of your interactions.

While I don’t think any of the major steps of the value ladder need to be altered for an Aquarius, there are certain aspects of their personality that I would like to highlight. First, let’s talk about the importance of giving them independence.

Aquarius Men Might Need More Independence

The very first trait I discussed when going through the list of traits above is the high independence of Aquarius men.

They are often seen as free spirits who dislike being constrained by traditional norms or expectations.

This reminds me a lot of what I talk about when discussing dismissive avoidance. I’ve made no secret of my skepticism towards astrology. I prefer empirical evidence, things we can point to and say, ‘See, this exists,’ which isn’t always the case with astrology.

However, what I find interesting about Aquarius men is that their independence aligns with what we’ve found to be true about our average client’s ex. We’ve observed that our average client’s ex tends to be a dismissive avoidant.

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If you’re not familiar, a dismissive avoidant is a specific attachment style characterized by valuing independence above all else. Often, it’s when someone’s independence is encroached upon, especially if you’re anxious or seeking reassurance, that it can turn that person off. Assuming your ex or the man you’re trying to win back is an Aquarius, respecting their independence might be a smart approach.

So, what does that mean exactly?

Typically, for the value ladder, it doesn’t require an alteration, but you might want to consider a longer period of no contact.

We usually recommend 45 days of no contact for dismissive avoidants, but there are other elements to consider. We’ve also found it’s crucial for people to adopt the mantra: when they pull back, you pull back.

Most of our clients tend to be on the anxious side, desperate for results in getting their exes back or seeking a deeper, more meaningful commitment. This desperation often manifests in various ways, one of which is overcrowding their partner.

Therefore, one of our longstanding rules is: if you sense that your partner is pulling back, it’s important for you to mirror that behavior and pull back as well.

This might seem counterintuitive, yet we have seen time and time again that it effectively works. Many people who don’t follow this approach decide to problem-solve or fix the situation, which often pushes the person further away.

So, that’s what I mean by giving an Aquarius independence. When you sense they need space, it’s important to give them that space.

Don’t Be Shocked If They Are Emotionally Detached

For Aquarius men, this detachment seems more about their difficulty in expressing feelings.

As I explained earlier, Aquarius men can sometimes appear aloof or emotionally detached. Essentially, this means they are not very expressive about their feelings. They often struggle to articulate their emotions, which aligns closely with the dismissive-avoidant pattern.

These individuals tend to admire others from a distance, preferring not to be overtly expressive and to experience their emotions internally.

Understanding this can help temper your expectations when trying to reconnect with them. Hollywood hasn’t done Aquarius men any favors. The romantic comedy genre, with its typical storyline of a man realizing his love and grandly expressing it, doesn’t align with the Aquarius demeanor.

These films often depict men as incredibly expressive, engaging in grand gestures like the iconic boombox scene in ‘Say Anything.’

However, don’t expect such displays from an Aquarius man. In fact, you might find yourself initiating more of the deep, emotional conversations. But it’s crucial to engage in these conversations deeper into the value ladder framework that I mentioned earlier.

It’s not that they don’t care; they’re just not adept with words.

Additionally, it’s not always about them expressing their feelings; sometimes, it’s about the types of conversations they prefer. Intellectual and meaningful discussions are more their style.

Use Big Talk For Deeper Conversations

Aquarius men are known for being intellectual and analytical, often delving into complex subjects and seeking deeper understanding.

Interestingly, a lot of intellectual conversations essentially constitute ‘big talk.’ It might seem counterintuitive, but when meeting someone new, people often engage in the wrong type of conversation. This is where understanding ‘big talk’ becomes advantageous.

I recall an example from a season of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ (I believe it was season two). Bear with me on this analogy.

There was a guy who arrived early at the beach, a typical ‘Guido’ type, focused on appearance and seemingly of Italian heritage. His initial approach to connecting with the women was to talk about himself, particularly his physique, and to label himself as an alpha male.

This approach turned off many of the women. As the show progressed, it became apparent that this ‘muscle head’ had more depth than initially perceived. However, his choice to engage in superficial small talk prevented the women from seeing beyond his ‘meathead’ persona.

Interestingly, on the day he was sent home, he selflessly warned a woman about another contestant’s deceitful intentions. This act revealed his altruistic side, leaving a lasting impression on the woman who had mistakenly chosen someone else. The show allowed him to return, and although I haven’t finished the season, this incident made me reflect on his initial interactions.

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What if he had engaged in ‘big talk’ instead of small talk? ‘Big talk’ involves deeper, open-ended questions, moving beyond surface-level conversations.

The concept of ‘big talk’ was introduced by Kalina Silverman in a TED talk.

It’s about asking meaningful questions. For instance, instead of merely asking someone what they like, ‘big talk’ involves exploring why they like it. Perhaps there’s a significant experience or a deeper reason behind their interests.

This approach is particularly relevant for engaging with Aquarius men.

If they are naturally inclined towards intellectual discussions and complex subjects, sparking that interest can make you stand out. Most people, when nervous, resort to trivial chatter. However, a conversation is essentially an exchange of information.

By asking more insightful questions than your competition, you appear more interesting and engaging.

Lean In To The Mystery Side Of The Stability And Mystery Scale

This revolves around what I call the ‘stability and mystery scale.’

This concept, which I developed years ago, encapsulates a complex paradox of human relationships.

We crave two competing values in our relationships: stability and mystery. Everyone desires a certain level of stability, but excessive stability can lead to boredom. On the other hand, we also need spontaneity, adventure, and mystery to keep things exciting. Interestingly, everyone has their own preference ratio, like 70% stability and 30% mystery, or vice versa. A successful relationship requires a balance of both elements.

From my experience running one of the largest breakup websites, I’ve observed how being overly stable can bore people, while being excessively adventurous can be intimidating.

However, when it comes to Aquarius men, tapping into adventure and spontaneity is crucial. They are drawn to new experiences, aren’t afraid of taking risks, and often seek out adventures and unusual experiences. Therefore, when planning dates, consider activities that are adrenaline-inducing.

This ties into the concept of the misattribution of emotions, where intense experiences can lead to associating those exhilarating feelings with the person you’re with.

However, there’s a caveat. For instance, if you’re on an adventurous double date or a guided rapid canoeing trip, the excitement might lead to misattributing those intense emotions to someone else, like an attractive tour guide. S

o, when you choose adventurous and spontaneous activities, ensure they maximize the likelihood of these emotions being associated with you.

But remember, too much adventure and mystery can also be detrimental. Finding the perfect balance between stability and excitement is key, and that often requires trusting your instincts.

The Sphere Of Influence Is A Bigger Deal Than You Think

A notable trait of Aquarius men is their sociability.

They often maintain a sense of detachment in relationships, valuing their social networks while also needing their own space and time alone. This characteristic immediately brings to mind the concept of the sphere of influence, which I’ve discussed extensively in the past.

This concept refers to the people around you whose opinions significantly shape your own. For instance, a best friend’s opinion might impact you more than an acquaintance’s, and a parent’s view could be even more influential.

The sphere of influence consists of those whose perspectives shape our own.

In the context of rekindling relationships, the sphere of influence is often undervalued. I’ve seen it play a crucial role in helping people get back with their exes, but it can also hinder their chances. If you’re in a negative light within an Aquarius man’s sphere of influence, it will likely work against you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Conversely, a positive standing can turn these individuals into allies, subtly influencing the Aquarius man’s decisions. Their value of social networks means that if their circle is against the breakup, they might reconsider their choices.

This concept is vividly illustrated in the show ‘Bachelor in Paradise,’ which my wife and I have been watching avidly. I often analyze the show through a professional lens.

There are two critical elements in this dating show: establishing a meaningful connection with someone and maintaining good relations with the sphere of influence, in this case, the other contestants. If the others on the show dislike you, it complicates things significantly. They might warn your potential partner about perceived red flags, creating doubts and potentially damaging the connection.

A prime example from one season involved a contestant named Rodney.

Rodney was so well-liked by the others that when he experienced a breakup, they were visibly upset on his behalf. Their affection for Rodney influenced the decision-making of the woman he was interested in, demonstrating the power of the sphere of influence.

This scenario is a direct example of how the sphere of influence can sway decisions, and it’s likely similar with Aquarius men.”

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