Well, here we are again. Over the next two weeks I’ve committed to going through every astrological sign and showing you how I would tweak my overall process for each.
Yesterday I did the Taurus (figured I’d start with my own sign) and today I’m going to show you how I’d recommend getting a libra man back (my wife’s sign.)
Ultimately it boils down to six clear steps,
- Understand the traits that are most important to consider when getting a libra man back
- Once again, implement the value ladder framework
- Libra’s are diplomatic, use tactical empathy
- They tend to be indecisive, you’ll probably have to take the lead
- They are romantic and idealistic, ensure you inject both romance and idealism into the meetup phase
- They are avoidant of confrontation, you’ll have to give them space
Let’s start from the top,
Understand The Traits That Are The Most Important To Consider When Getting A Libra Man Back
So, the traits that are most commonly associated with libras are,
- Diplomatic: Libra men are known for their diplomatic nature. They often strive for fairness and balance, and they are usually good at mediating conflicts and finding common ground in disagreements.
- Charming and Sociable: They are typically charming and have a friendly, sociable demeanor. This makes them quite popular in social settings, as they are often seen as pleasant and engaging individuals.
- Indecisive: One of the more challenging traits of a Libra man is his tendency to be indecisive. They can struggle with making choices, especially when they perceive that there’s no clear ‘right’ option.
- Romantic and Idealistic: Libra men are often romantic at heart and may have an idealistic view of love and relationships. They value harmony and often go to great lengths to maintain it in their relationships.
- Appreciative of Beauty: They have a strong appreciation for beauty and aesthetics, whether in art, nature, or people. This appreciation can also manifest in a keen sense of style and personal grooming.
- Peace-Loving: Libras generally dislike conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it. They prefer peaceful and harmonious environments and relationships.
- Intellectual and Thoughtful: They are often intellectual and enjoy engaging in deep conversations. Their thoughtfulness also extends to being considerate and mindful of others’ feelings.
- Justice-Seeking: Libra men have a strong sense of justice and fairness. They believe in equality and often advocate for the rights of others.
- Flexible and Adaptable: They are usually quite adaptable, able to adjust to new situations and changes with relative ease.
- Avoidant of Confrontation: Due to their peace-loving nature, Libra men might avoid confrontations and can sometimes be seen as people-pleasers.
Now, which of these traits should we really look at as having an impact on your attempt to get your libra ex back?
Well, a few definitely stick out to me.
- The fact that they are indecisive
- Romantic and idealistic
- Avoidant of confrontation
Once Again Implement The Value Ladder Framework
So, in pretty much every one of these astrology-based posts, I’m going to refer to my value ladder framework.
This is the foundational strategy that I recommend to pretty much everyone trying to get an ex back, regardless of the situation.
The difference lies in how you alter it based on your specific circumstances.
So, when considering Libra men, I don’t see the need for a completely new strategy, but rather an adjustment of the value ladder framework. This adjustment is based on traits that I believe are relevant or important and that will impact your ability to potentially reunite with this person.
In the Taurus article I wrote yesterday, I did a brief write-up on how the value ladder works.
The short SparkNotes version is that you’re looking at the different phases of a breakup and trying to build value as you climb this theoretical ladder.
- You start with the no-contact rule, which is about rebuilding yourself. But when you actually do get back in contact with your ex
- There’s a texting phase
- A phone call phase
- A meet-up phase
- Then an asking phase.
- In each of these phases, the goal is to build value.
- For example, in the texting phase, you build up value before moving on to the phone call phase.
- In the phone call phase, you build up value, and so on.
There’s a lot that actually goes into understanding how the value ladder works and the psychology behind it. I recommend reading my comprehensive article on how to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Essentially, that entire article is a love letter to the value ladder, explaining how it works and the nuances behind it. That would be my recommendation if you want a better understanding of the foundation we’re building upon.
However, the value ladder itself isn’t going to change for astrology signs. Instead, we’re going to highlight certain aspects and perhaps make a few alterations in how you approach it.
To really get the most out of this discussion, you need some knowledge of the foundational aspects of the value ladder. So, my recommendation would be to read the “how to get your ex-boyfriend back” article from start to finish to understand the framework.
Then, come back to this article and see how I suggest tweaking the value ladder to better align with Libra men.
Libra’s Are Incredibly Diplomatic
I think this is kind of like the first trait that most people associate with Libras. It’s the scale, fairness, diplomacy, things like that.
If it’s true that Libras are incredibly diplomatic and they seek fairness in situations, the first thing that always comes to my mind is the concept of tactical empathy and how it might be incredibly effective with them since it requires understanding their worldview.
So, in essence, it’s about you essentially speaking a Libra’s language. We always talk about these love languages. Well, a Libra has a love language, which I think is expressed through tactical empathy. So, when you enter into the texting phase, you’re going to want to start utilizing tactical empathy.
Now, what is tactical empathy? Well, I’m going to let my main man Chris Voss explain it here.
Tactical empathy involves understanding the feelings and mindset of another person. It’s not just recognizing these emotions but also showing the other person that you understand them.
Unlike general empathy, which is often about shared feelings or support, tactical empathy is used strategically. It’s about understanding the other person’s emotions and perspectives to navigate a negotiation or discussion more effectively.
A key component of tactical empathy is active listening. This means carefully listening to what the other person is saying and, more importantly, understanding the emotions and intentions behind their words.
Examples of Tactical Empathy:
- Negotiation in Business: Suppose you’re negotiating a contract. The other party seems resistant to your terms. Instead of pushing your agenda, you use tactical empathy to understand their hesitation. You might say, “It seems like you’re concerned about the long-term commitment this contract implies. Is that correct?” This approach shows you’re listening and understanding their concerns, potentially opening up a more fruitful dialogue.
- Hostage Negotiation: In his role as an FBI negotiator, Voss would use tactical empathy to connect with kidnappers. For example, acknowledging their frustration or desperation (“You sound really frustrated that things haven’t gone as planned”) without necessarily agreeing with their actions. This can build a rapport and make the negotiation process smoother.
- Customer Service: If a customer is upset about a product or service, instead of immediately offering a solution, a representative might first acknowledge the customer’s frustration (“I can hear how upset you are about this, and I understand why this situation is so frustrating for you”). This can help de-escalate the situation and make the customer feel heard and understood.
- Personal Relationships: In a personal disagreement, instead of arguing your point, first acknowledge the other person’s feelings or perspective. For example, if your partner is upset about you working late, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling neglected and worried that I’m not prioritizing our time together.”
So, essentially, my argument is that since tactical empathy is about understanding someone’s worldview, it taps into the fairness aspect. With Libras, you know, there’s always talk about how they are incredibly diplomatic. Imagine you’re repeating and understanding where a Libra is coming from.
They’re going to say, “Wow, this person really gets me,” and that, in essence, is going to create a really great dynamic where you stand out because you are actually listening and being fair about it.
And that, I think, is what I would pay special attention to, especially when it comes to interactions when you begin the texting phase and pretty much from that point on.
That’s their love language. So, as long as you do that work and actually listen, I think you can have great success.
Libra’s Tend To Be Indecisive
I think this is especially true when it comes to difficult decisions, like getting an ex back, when it feels like they want to stay true to themselves, but they also want to stay true to their hearts.
Probably, the first thing that came to mind when I was thinking about this is “Bachelor in Paradise,” or even the concept of “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette,” and how much people struggle with this.
You know, we can see multiple examples of the bachelor or bachelorette saying, “I didn’t think it was possible to be in love with two people at once. I’m going to have to choose one. It’s going to hurt someone.”
And this makes their decision sort of indecisive. I actually feel like Libras experience this maybe even on a greater level.
But what this usually means is that Libras’ decisiveness, especially when it comes to getting an ex back, someone who, if they broke up with you, wants to stay true to themselves, is going to be indecisive.
This means you might have to get used to being the one to reach out first and do most of the work in the value ladder.
Which isn’t necessarily a problem for men who I coach, but for women. And since we’re structuring this entire series around getting Libra men back, women have a problem with this because they’re used to the stereotype of the man putting in the work at first. But it’s a little bit different when you’re going through breakups.
I have found that most of our clients tend to have to be the decisive ones. They tend to have to do most of the work. So, I think just getting okay with that concept is probably the big advice here.
The other thing I would like to point out is what I have found is that it doesn’t matter so much who starts a conversation. What matters is how good the conversation is and who ends the conversation.
That’s how you build momentum. That is what leaves the lasting effect.
Think of it kind of like a movie. You know, if a movie has a great beginning, it sucks you in, but if it has a really crappy middle and a really crappy end, you’re going to walk out of that movie theater thinking that movie sucked.
The point is, starting the conversation is only one small piece of it. The bigger pieces are how good the conversation is in the middle and who ends the conversation.
And if you do that, you’ll tend to build up this momentum.
Libra’s Are Romantic And Idealistic
There are two separate concepts here.
- Romance, you know, is romantic. It’s about speaking from the heart, and I mean, I don’t really have to explain romance, do I? Romance is romance. You know, we’re going to do romantic things.
- Idealism, I think, is more about the future. It’s about having this idealistic view of your time together and what the future holds.
And so, I think this is particularly important, especially when it comes to the meetup phase.
What maybe people don’t understand about the meetup phase in the value ladder is that there are three parts to it.
Generally speaking, I always talk about my three-date concept. Usually, in the meetup phase, you’re going to want to go on three dates. There’s almost like a little mini value ladder that occurs here:
- The small date
- The medium date
- The romantic date.
With Libras, especially if you’re climbing the value ladder, they might prefer romantic dates first. So, you might be able to skip the small date and the medium date and go right to the romantic date.
And so, I think that’s the alteration you would want to make there.
Here’s the other thing, though: idealism, in my opinion, is all about future pacing. It’s all about imagining a happy future together.
What is future pacing?
Well, it’s essentially when you’re having a conversation with your Libra man, and they say something about wanting to do something, you respond with something like, “Oh yeah, we’re going to do that.” That’s future pacing.
It’s about imagining a time in the future together where you’re doing something potentially romantic with one another. And so, I would say you want to start future pacing when you’re deep into the texting phase, when they’re telling you their wants and dreams, and you’ll say something along the lines of, “You know what? We’re going to do that together one day.”
That is future pacing. So, you don’t have to wait until you get into the romantic dates before you can actually start future pacing, but they do like that idealism.
Avoidant of Confrontation
Okay. So, for those of you who are familiar with my work here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, you know that I’m a huge fan of attachment styles. Without a doubt, the most common attachment style we’ve studied over the years is the dismissive avoidant.
It really goes back to that indecisiveness that I was talking about a little while ago. One of the reasons that Libras tend to be indecisive may be the fact that they also have some roots that are dismissive or at least have a dismissive side.
Now, what is a dismissive avoidant?
Well, usually, it’s someone who avoids confrontation. It’s right there in the name, but they avoid it usually because they want their independence. And while
I’m not prepared to say that Libras are dismissive avoidant altogether, I think there’s a lot more complication that goes into it. I think if you have a Libra man and they’re extremely avoidant of confrontation, you need to understand that it’s okay to give that Libra space. And this singular piece of advice has worked wonders for our clients.
The advice that I try to give clients who are struggling with dismissive avoidants is when they pull back, you pull back.
This is a simple change, but it has worked wonders. You can actually see that in a few of the success stories that I’ve interviewed. And I think probably no success story embodies that more than Heather’s, who I’m going to attach a video of here.
But what makes Heather’s situation so interesting is if you actually listen to the interview that I did with her, one of the things that she consistently keeps talking about is, “You know, I just had to be okay with giving them space. I just had to be okay with giving my ex space.”
And it took a long time, but eventually, that’s what got her ex to open up and eventually come back.
So, I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that it is okay to give your Libra man space.
That might actually be exactly what they need, but you need to play it by ear. If you sense they’re pulling away, you might be overcrowding them, and it’s time for you to pull back a little bit.