How Long Will It Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?- The Three Timelines

733 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Uncertain

February 18, 2016 at 4:09 pm

This website is awesome, it has helped me a lot! I have a question. If the breakup was due to bad timing and a lot of pressure (financial problems, not having a steady job, etc) will the long timeline be the best thing to use? He pretty much said that he cannot be in a relationship right now because he has to get himself together and figure things out on his own but that if he wanted to be committed to someone it would be to me. We always talked about a future together but as more problems started piling up we thought it would be best to solve them first and then maybe get back together.

Uncertain

February 20, 2016 at 3:03 pm

Thank you! So, do you think the long timeline will be the best one?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 5:46 am

You mean the 45 days? Try 30 first.. if you reach the 30th day and you feel you have to extend to 45 go ahead
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 7:43 am

Hi Uncertain,

yes it’s better to give him time first to solve his problems

Tay

February 2, 2016 at 2:34 am

Is there ever a chance to get an ex boyfriend back after they go back to their ex girlfriend? I feel like my situation is hopeless.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 12:19 pm

Hi Tay

If it’s 100% percent, we can’t guarantee that but there is a chance. Check this post out 🙂 How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has A Girlfriend -Version 2.0-

emma

February 1, 2016 at 3:30 am

i didnt broke wid him he left me a 2 months ago nd am still waiting for his cum back nd i tried to contact him but he refused i need him barely nd still waiting form him your article was useful
Shue

January 30, 2016 at 9:01 pm

Hi! I came across your articles in trying to process a recent breakup. My ex-bf and I broke up three weeks ago and it was never a question: NCR ALL the way! In fact, even though I miss him SO much, it’s kind of a relief. It’s like….when and if we DO speak again, he can initiate and then I’ll KNOW he’s choosing to do that because he wants to. Anything less than 100% is settling and I refuse that.

He was my first love and family circumstances tore us apart when we were 20. We reconnected and tried again in the fall (at the age of 33) and it was incredible…BUT he was leaving the military and I had some temporary demanding work circumstances. Tuning was not great and we were doing long distance. Nevertheless, this guy went above and beyond for me. We got so close, SO fast. Our chemistry was incredible and his commitment was never in doubt. But we both were neglecting some parts of ourselves and in my opinion, he did the gentlemanly thing and ended things so that we could handle both of our personal things and hopefully try again soon.

This hasn’t been easy. I miss him so badly but what was worse was connecting with him SO deeply, falling more and more in love with him, and then falling in to a deep depression for three days because we were apart. I can’t relocate for a few months and he’s getting reacclimated. I think he did the stand-up thing and if he comes back, we’ll see what happens.

Where this is relevant to your site is: My girlfriends have been total savages about this. They are SO threatened of bothered by this for some reason. And to me, it makes sense; It feels right. Your website is the one outlet I’ve had to get a grip on my situation and embrace not having all of the answers I want today.

Thank you so much!

Shue

January 31, 2016 at 1:56 pm

Aw!! Thank you so much for the encouragement! Now I REALLY feel reinforced that I’m on the right path – and that always feels good!☺️
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2016 at 4:36 am

Hi Shue,

Wow! You’re a strong one. I’m glad we’re a good outlet for you 🙂 And thank you for setting a good example for other women on how to value themselves.
Shue

January 30, 2016 at 9:03 pm

*TIMING was not great
(Instead of “tuning” was not great)

anushka

January 21, 2016 at 8:29 am

Hi, i am going through a very bad no contact rule, i need help. I had a relationship that lasted 4.5 years and its been almost 3 months of our break up. I am 20. And i want to focus on my career before him. But i just cant get over him. After the break up i tried to contact him three times. And i begged him to come back. And it nearly killed me that he didnt even care about my suffering. I want him back. I dont know if it is worth waiting?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 10:03 am
HI Anushka.
Do you know the no contact rule? If not, you check it out here:
When was the last time you contacted him?

Allie

January 2, 2016 at 9:25 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago. And I just feel it in my heart that he was the one. We ended on very good terms with the intent of staying friends. I want to do no contact for 30 days. But I don’t want to try to make a move in getting him back for another a few months. I wanna do the long time plan plan because we both need time. Do I have to do no contact the whole time ? Or can we be acquaintances after no contact until I decide to try again.

Allie

January 5, 2016 at 1:21 am

He told me I never did anything wrong and that I was the best girlfriend he ever had. And he was mad that his feelings for this girl would not go away. We cried together when we decided to break it off.
Allie

January 5, 2016 at 12:15 am

We were very in love. Very compatible. We talked about moving in together, getting married. I think that he just forgot about us because of the strong feelings for the other person.
Allie

January 5, 2016 at 12:13 am

He began having strong feelings for someone else that we were close to.And he was having trouble getting over them. He said he still loves me. But that he can’t shake the feelings for the other person. This person does not return the feelings. Im thinking if I give him plenty of time to get over her then maybe he can realize his feelings for me again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 1:41 pm

Hi allie,
I appreciate him being honest to you. humans naturally want what they don’t have. you can wait if you want to but if you’re going to just wait and do nothing, you can end up ha hung less value in his eyes. If you must wait, do it with dignity. Improve yourself, grow while he’s away b and lookout for opportunities to rekindle your relationship while waiting
Chris Seiter

January 2, 2016 at 9:29 pm

No do not do no contact for more than 45 days. What was the cause of the breakup?

Rose

December 24, 2015 at 9:43 pm

In the end of October, I began seeing this guy. We’re both 19 so I know we’re young. In the first week he took me out to do something new with him and I couldn’t help but watch him enjoy himself and by that I couldn’t help but start to fall for him instantly. I never told him that I love him. In The last week I noticed that he started to act distant and he told me that he wanted to take the relationship slowly because he’s scared. But a few days later I told him that he can have time to think about it. He told me he didn’t want to date me because he isnt ready for a relationship. He hasn’t had a serious relationship before. He told me that he doesn’t want me out of his life and he says he wants to be friends but anything more will take time. But he broke my heart. I told him that I can’t hangout with him right now because it hurts and I want to be more. He was suppose to go on a family trip with me in the next couple days but now that he’s not coming he’s decided he might go on a different trip with his friends.
I havnt spoken to him in a few days. When he came to drop off my stuff (the last time I saw or spoke to him) I told him that I love him because I needed him to know rather than to regret not telling him how I feel as ive already held it in for a long time.
Our relationship was really amazing and strong. We were comfortable with eachother and our relationship flowed so naturally.
When he dropped off my things he gave me his Xmas present early. They were tickets to see my favourite singer. I don’t want to go unless I go with him. So im planning on asking him a couple weeks before the concert if he’d like to go with me. Because he bought the tickets and I couldn’t imagine myself going with anyone but him.the concert is in April. I don’t care if we go only as friends or whatever else. It just doesn’t feel right not to go without him. And after that concert I hope we’ll start to casually hangout again. I won’t expect a relationship for a while.
I want to take it slowly and I want him to feel ready to be with me. And Yes I’m beyond scared that he’ll find someone else. But I’m willing to wait for him because I’ve never felt this connection or feelings with anyone before. The breakup is still only just days new to me. But it’s really tough not to be spending Christmas or our trip together.
ashley

November 20, 2015 at 8:07 pm

Hey chris! My bf brokeup with me one month ago due to us having personality differences. We were in a relationship for more than two years and we both were each other’s first love. But he said he doesnt love me anymore and feels trapped in relationship. Before breakup we werent going that well, we had our ups and downs and then due to a misunderstanding which lead to an argument, i brokeup for a week (i was expecting him to comeback as he usually did) but after this he seemed to have lost feelings for me and told me this but we continued to make things better but when it didnt he brokeup. After breakup i begged him that we’ll make stuff better two times but he refused by saying it wont be. We decided to remain friends but he doesnt talk to me so neither do i. But we have a mutual chat group in which once i talked to him as a friend but he cutted me off after few dry replies. Since then i havent talked to him. I’ve often caught staring me in our college but now i am avoiding accidental eye contacts. Our mutual friend asked him that maybe he should give me one more chance as i am not the same anymore but my friend claims that he seems confused and said he’ll think about it. What do you think, do we still have a chance? he also claims that thibgs wont be the same even if we get back together (he said this to my friend) Please please helpp meee. I dont show him that i’m desperate now which i am not btw but he knows i love him. please answer this
Nina

November 19, 2015 at 8:10 pm

Hi chirs. My bf and i of four years just broke up. We were engaged and everything but on the last day of oir relationship i caught him with another girl. He was very drunk and i believe this was the only time regardless of what those around me say. When i asked him about it he said that he was sorry, that it was stupid but that he woke up 3 days ago with the realization thay he needed to end the relationship. That he wasn’t happy with himself and where he is at in his life and that if he is not jappy with himself then there is no way he can make me happy. He told me that he didnt want me waitibg for him because it woildnt be fair to me since he just doesnt know where this will take him. He said he didnt want me to continue making the sacrifices i was making for him when he isnt even able to provide to me the simple things i need from him. He says that he will always love me and that he is not interested in dating anyone else but that he wants me to move forward and to work on myself as well. He doesnt want to make any promises of the future because he really doesnt know where all this will take him. We are currently on no contact. I obvioisly love him and would want to give our relationship a shot but i dont know exactly what to do. Thanksgiving is next week so its still within the 30 days of no contact so i know i cant contact him but im scared to contact him after the 30 days becauae that will land us around christmaa time and our anniversary and i dont know if it will be wise to contact at that time as it might seem that im being emotional considering the timing but what if he sends me merry christmas or anythinf. Idk, please help.
Chrissy

September 29, 2015 at 7:13 am

Hey chris my boyfriend and I have a child together and were together for 3 years. We broke up last week be says he needs a break he loves me doesn’t want to be without me and it isn’t about anyone else. He said he is miserable with himself and wants to be a better man. He says I’m not losing him and I should take time to work on myself too.. Idk if I should just move on or trust him that it is just a break I hope you respond… I am so hurt and I have not made a big deal or been clingy but I tempted to ask why he is doing this to me I’m so scared he won’t ever love me again..
Leila

September 28, 2015 at 9:36 pm

Hi Chris,
Its been a month since my boyfriend left me well he really never broke up with me he just rejected my calls and trying to hang out with him.I would constantly try hanging out with him but he was “to tired” or had plans. He still replied my texts but that was it. Every summer he does this to me its been 4 years. He breaks up with me he goes and gets involved with other girls girls with kids girls that are known get around girls with boyfriends he desperatly looks for anyone other than me. He needs other girls attention no matter what. Ive caught him cheating flirting being unappropriate with girls he claimed just friends or that his knows simce forever. I’m the one always humiliating myself and begging him. Eventually after a month or so I convince him and we got back together. This year it was only his way. I was talked down on very bad he would just leave me n go do other things. He started being more rude n disrespectful not that he wasn’t before but it was worse this time. I would beg him not to treat me like that I would cry n hurt so much in front of him he didn’t care he would just say he didn’t want to deal with me and that I was crazy. We havnt spoken or seen eachother in a month the last we texted was because I texted him. He doesn’t run on emotion listens to what others say n goes with what he thinks not feels. His very strong person. By now he has girl or girls because that what he wants n does. Ive held back from contacting him n thats is why we haven’t spoken he never comes to its always me. And every time I contact him it boosts him up even more. I try so hard to keep busy n not think abt him but I cant help it I miss him sooo much. At times I wana go to him or txt him but I know he will either ignore me or be negative towards me cause thats whats happened in the past. Everyone tells me time will heal but it feels like forever. Comoletely agree we are very unpatient I know I am especially thinking he might be someone else. I really want him nack but I don’t want to go through this pattern every year. I Get tempted to reach out to him but I don’t know if thats really the right thing to do?
Hope

September 24, 2015 at 3:38 am

Mine has me blocked on facebook but has my number on his phone. He tried to be with two girls but they didnt work out. He feels i hold on too much and believes ill move on (from what ive heard). I guess its shifted to the medium period, but im getting worried still because it seems hes forgetting about me rather than missing me. We lasted 3 years and he broke up with me.

Please help because i have no idea what to think or even do. I just know i want him back and that i want us to start over.
kt

September 8, 2015 at 5:26 am

My ex boyfriend choosed my ex friend circle over me.. He is in fact quiet happy with them (two girls nd a guy who betrayed me and my boyfriend)..he is still with them..What should I do.??
Heartbroken

September 6, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I broke up. He decided to let me go and said that I deserve someone better than him. He said he lost trust in me ever since I told him that I looked thru his fb in the beginning, he knew I was in insecure. We had a messy situation to start with before we started officially dating. I felt insecure, I think we went into the relationship quickly. At that time, I wanted to break up with him but he wouldn’t let me go. So he took the risk to save our relationship and we have been doing well then. But the thing is recently after our 7 month, I told him that I looked thru his fb. He got so mad and pissed and upset and disappointed. He said I don’t know if I am able to trust the girl that I have been dating over half a year. When he decided to break up with me, he said we have to take family into consideration and trust. He said trust scares him a lot and he is scared to take it further. He said if we did take it further, it would be a huge mistake because he believes that we would not make it long term. And the fact that I hid it till now made him realize our different mindsets and personalities. I tried chasing him back saying I’m sorry that I did that but he said he can forgive me but he can’t forget. As much as I love him and want him back, hes trying his best to push me away. He closed off his feelings too which means he chooses not to care. Before I left him that day, I saw that there was still love in his eyes, I knew he still loves me. He said he hate that hes breaking something thats not even broken. He also said to find myself, find who I am and what I want. He said he can’t risk to take it further knowing he can’t trust me anymore. But he said maybe things will work out, after a year, maybe we can consider again and we can see.
Chris, Do you believe in that? Do you think I will have a chance?
Melissa

August 30, 2015 at 3:28 pm

Hi Chris,

So I made a mistake of sending my ex a letter post breakup. It’s something we did all of the time so I figured it would be ok. Anyways, this was his response:
Melissa,

I wanted to let you know that I received your letter, and I wanted to respond to a few things for clarity’s sake. But first I want to say that I’m glad that your appointment went very well, and I hope that this route provides you with the support you need to find more emotional stability in your life. We all deserve even the most basic level of happiness.

I do not appreciate the implication that I am in no way hurt by this on a deeply personal and emotional level – I am quite devastated. But most importantly I want to make it crystal clear that I did not leave you because you were going for therapy. Our problems go much deeper than just that – it is not a case of ‘you still went, anyway.’ There was nowhere left to stay. Just sticking in it to see if it maybe got better would have been both a disservice and disingenuous to both of us.

We were not happy. And it wasn’t right to pretend otherwise.

I was a bit concerned about your suggestions of just having a casual thing or anything else, because it suggested to me that on some level, you’re not recognizing the greater issues. And frankly it was inappropriate. Anything like that would have just created further complications, which we did not need.

I treasure our friendship more than just about anything else in my life, and I hope that someday we can have that bond again. There are very few people in life who have known each other forever or can have an entire conversation with just a glance. And right now there is an incredible, inescapable void in my life.

That said, right now, I think the best course of action is that this be our last communication/interaction for a while. I’m not blocking you on fb or on my phone, but I don’t need a response to this email. We both need space and to not be together. The break is not something that I think is in either of our best interests, so as painful as this is for me to say, we are broken up. I’m sorry we couldn’t make this work.

I hope you can find joy. I hope we both can. I hope we can find a place for each other in our respective lives, someday.

But until that time, I wish for you the very best in all things.

I guess my question is: what are my chances of getting him back and what timeline would you think is most appropriate?

PS. There was no cheating on either side. Our breakup would fall under the “general” category of breakups.
K

August 26, 2015 at 11:47 am

Hi Chris,
Love your articles and has definitely made me reflect back on previous relationship. Ashley’s story is inspiring as I am in her situation right now. The first time me and my ex broke up it was within a short timeline and as we have broken up again it was obviously not successful. However we are now nearing the medium timeline and the only contact we have had is with regards to our house and him moving out. Within this time I have tried to better myself and realised that I don’t need him back but I want him back. But what are my chances? Particularly if he might be dating someone? What do I do now?
Oceana

August 24, 2015 at 8:27 pm

My ex and I dated for around 9 months. We were happy and it went pretty well. The only problem was I was struggling with depression for periods of time and he couldn’t handle it. Right now, i’m over that and I am a lot more stable, happy and frankly in love with myself. (I mean whats not to love?) It’s been 5 months since our breakup and I haven’t talked to him since June. the only contact was recently when we had a very short casual conversation, and he seemed fairly nice…. almost apologetic when he didn’t respond right away. We talked about a movie i wanted to see and the movie he came out of. It was very confusing because I thought he dint want to talk to me. No, I don’t think he is in love with me. He contacted me once during the past moth on his own, a selfie with his whole lifeguard crew. Nothing fancy.
He’s now off to college, a very tricky place to be. I am waiting for wither break to communicate with him and ask him to coffee. Right now I’d like to know how I can lure him in so that I can keep his interest long enough to prove that he can trust me. He treated me quite badly at the end of the relationship, so I do need a trust building period – and i’m leaving the minute we have a big fight. But otherwise i’m willing to stay and do whatever is necessary. Any Ideas? I would like to have him talking to me fairly soon before I ask him to coffee so that I can have a larger possibility of him saying yes. It’s hard not that it’s LDR now, and that I know there is a lot of negative air around me.

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 5:46 pm

Your chances in this situation are pretty slim. I’d say don’t waste your time but if you think he’s the one then your going to have to rebuild the relationship very very slowly.
Oceana

August 24, 2015 at 8:29 pm

Apologies for all the typos

Lolo

June 28, 2015 at 7:37 pm

Hi Chris
You didn’t mention in your article if the period that the relationship lasts is related to the period after the breakup you mentioned above. For example, my relationship with my ex endured for 3 months, he said hurtful things to me generally it is bcz he is not attracted to me. i did the no contact rule for a month, i contacted him and he answered. But he is barely answering me. It takes him 5 days to a week to answer me. Bref, if my relationship with him lasted for 3 months. What is the amount of months expected to get him back if we only were together for 3 months?
Mia

June 7, 2015 at 4:03 am

Ok, so I bought the exboyfriend recovery pro and it worked like promised! I did a 40 day no contact; we got back together-prematurely I assume because, well, we’re not together today (really sad face). I think our getting back together was based on my needy emotions. I am going to try a medium timeline because I really want to work on myself and make sure I can handle being in a relationship. My fear is he will start a new relationship…but I guess that’s what I need to work on. Sigh.
Melissa

May 29, 2015 at 5:24 am

Loved this article. I am currently in the midst of a break up and have decided three definite things would have to be different for me to take him back. As much as I miss him, as much as I long for the friendship back, and as much as I hurt….it is not worth doing over unless the “WC” factor happens. So – thanks for the encouragement. I will keep on keeping on and I will find love that is sustainable because I won’t settle for anything but that. 🙂

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733 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”