The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:01 pm

My ex bf has low self-esteem jealousy and insecurity issues. he can get depressed. We dated for 6 months very passionate intense, there was much love and a deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex-husband which my bf misintepreted to mean I didn’t desire him the most. he got jealous of my ex. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. He asked if i’d slept with him before I met him and I lied said no. later when i told him the truth, he flipped out and lost all trust in me. I apologized but he didn’t seem to accept it. He tried to hold on, but his insecurity grew to the point where we couldn’t go out in public for for fear I was looking at other men. he accused me of not being true many times had many fights but I NEVER once betrayed him.

At 7 months said he needed space to work on himself. said he’s not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, and needed to resolve some personal thing from his past (family and ex-gf with child). said he couldn’t be devoted to me, or relied upon, and that we were done. Tried to give him space, but was heartbroken, we both broke the NC rule many times… then he started getting evasive hiding his phone and whereabouts, making new friends and I started getting suspicious and found out by seeing texts he had begun sleeping with someone else after we broke up.he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later said it was true but it was just physical and didn’t feel it was cheating since we were broken up. said he didn’t owe me any explanation.

I was devastated and sent him lots of messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, and a liar. I also lied in an email said I’d slept with another (to make him jealous) I also insulted parts of his body. None of the mean things I said were true, I was just so incredibly blinded by anger and fear that I was losing him and that he’d been with another.

He then left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things and said goodbye. We had NC… but on his way back he texted that he missed and knew he loved me. We talked and both apologized for the past. got back together, Then he started getting depressed and the cycle of fear and insecurity again. felt he wasn’t worthy, couldn’t support family friends or me, and felt suffocated and in fear in relationships, and that my love wasn’t true for him. Arguments started again he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. i tried to defend and got angry for being accused walked on eggshells choosing my words carefully

Then he re-opened his FB account and saw the old angry messages I’d sent months before where I’d insulted him. it reopened the wound. got depressed and stressed and angry at me I explained that I sent them because of my fear and anger and that none of it was true. But he’d lost all confidence in my words.

He said again “I need space” but after one week I broke the NC rule and pushed him and said to just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing him until finally he said “Ok then we are broken up, I can’t do it goodbye”.

For about 3 days I kept fighting for him reminded him of how great he is and our connection and times together, begged him not to leave, and to see that I really did love him I humiliated myself, kept sending messages and calling, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. After 3 days he’s stopped responding to all my contact.

So today is day 4 and I am determined to do the NC rule and take time for myself to heal all the accusations and pain from our past and allow him time to heal and work on himself too. I know he loves me deeply, but is also angry. He never blocked my phone or emails. But I’m not sure if he’s gone for good or if space will allow him to miss me and reconcile. we don’t live in the same area so wont run into each other in public, not connected online, so during this time he won’t see me improving or happy living my life without him and miss me.

So, I have 4 questions:
1. Did I damage things too far and I should move on?
2. How long NC last? Our situation seems like it should be longer than the standard 30 days
3. What is the best type of txt to send when NC is over?
4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?

Thank you, JS

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:53 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 8:42 pm

Hi, you’re website is so helpful. Thank you for all your work! My bf has low self-esteem and major jealousy and insecurity issues. He also can get depressed. We dated for 6 months. very passionate intense, much love deep connection on all levels. I once said something positive about my ex-husband early on in our relationship that was misintepreted and my bf took it to mean that I didn’t desire him the most. He became jealous. I also once responded to a text from a guy I previously dated. He asked if i’d slept with him and I lied said no. When I told him the truth later, that I had slept with this person before we left he flipped out and lost all trust in me. I apologized but he didn’t seem to accept it. He tried to hold on, but his insecurity grew to the point where in public he feared I was looking at other men. Many accusations and fights rooted in his jealousy but I NEVER once betrayed him or looked at others.

At 7 months he said he needed space to work on himself. saying he was not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, and needed to resolve personal situations from his past (family and ex-gf with child). He said couldn’t be devoted to me, or relied on, and ended it.

I tried to give him space, but I was heartbroken, we both broke the NC rule many times including being physical… then he started getting evasive hiding his phone and whereabouts, making new circle of friends and I started getting suspicious. Turns out he had begun sleeping with someone else after we broke up. I found out by seeing texts between them. He denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater, liar threw him out of my house. He later said it was true but it was just physical but didn’t feel it was cheating since we were broken up so didn’t owe me an explanation.

I was utterly devastated…did horrible things, sent him emails texts and FB messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable with low morals, and a liar. I also lied in an email and said I’d slept with another (to make him jealous).I insulted his body, and damaged his self-esteem. feeling of security of about what I truly thought of him. Nothing I said was true, I was just so blinded by anger and fear that I was losing him and he’d been with another.

He left for two weeks to take care of personal things and said goodbye. We had NC but on his way back he texted that he missed me and knew he loved me. tried to resolve things, he apologized and I apologized for the past.

We got back together. Then his depression cycle and fear started again. felt he couldn’t be relied upon or worthy, couldn’t be there for family friends or me. Felt suffocated and fear in relationships, and questioned my love for him. Arguments about jealousy of others.. he’d say “I love you” then next day “I can’t do this”. It was a rollercoaster. I tried to defend and got angry for being accused. walked on eggshells choosing my words carefully. I knew he loved me and was struggling inside to find self-worth and security

Then he re-opened his FB account and saw some of the old angry messages I’d sent months before where I’d insulted him. It brought everything back inside him.. got stressed and angry at me.. There were many arguments. I explained that I sent them because of my fear and anger. But he’d lost all confidence in my words. He said “I need space to work on myself and my anger” but after one week I broke the NC rule and pushed him and said to just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until finally said “Ok then we are broken up, I can’t do it goodbye”.

I freaked out didn’t give space…. For about 3 days kept fighting for him – very positively, reminded him of how great he is and our amazing connection but also begged him not to leave, and to see that I really did love him. I humiliated myself, kept sending messages and calling, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. After 3 days he’s stopped responding.

Today is day 4 and I am starting NC. He hasn’t blocked my phone or emails, but I won’t contact him. I’m unsure though if it’s over for good or if space will allow him to miss me and reconcile. We don’t live in the same area so no chance to run into each other at public places, and not connected socially online, so during this time he won’t see anything about me to be curious what I’m doing or miss me.

So I have 4 questions:
1. Did I damage things so far that he’s gone and I should move on?
2. How long should I maintain the NC rule? Our situation seems like it should be longer than the standard 30 days but i don’t want to wait too long
3. What is the best type of message to send him after NC?
4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start the NC clock again?
Thank you, JS

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:53 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 8:21 pm

Hi, you’re website is so helpful. Thank you for all your work!

I need major advice how to move forward! Be warned, my situation is a bit long…. My bf has low self-esteem from his past which gave him major jealousy and insecurity issues. He also can get very depressed and beat himself down. We dated for about 6 months and it was very passionate and intense, there was much love and a deep connection on all levels… sexually, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.

I inadvertently added fuel to his insecurity and pain, because I once said something positive about my ex-husband early on in our relationship that was misintepreted and my bf took it to mean I didn’t think he was an amazing person or that I desired him the most. He became jealous of my ex-husband. I also one day while with I was with him I responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. He asked me if i’d slept with that person before I met him and I lied and said no because I was afraid of what he’d think. When I later told him the truth, that I had slept with this person (mind you it was before we met) he flipped out and lost all trust in me. I apologized profusely but he didn’t seem to accept it.

He tried to hold on, but his insecurity grew to the point where he was uncomfortable going out in public with me for fear I was looking at other men or thought he wasn’t “the one”. There were many accusations and fights all rooted in his jealousy but I NEVER once betrayed him. I feel he is an amazing and beautiful person and I am deeply in love with him.

At 7 months he said he needed space to work on himself. Kept saying he was not worthy, wasn’t relationship material because of his issues, and needed to resolve some personal situations from his past (family and ex-gf with child). He told me he couldn’t be devoted to me, or relied upon, and that we were not together anymore.

I tried to give him space, but I was heartbroken, we both broke the NC rule many times including being physical… then he started getting really evasive hiding his phone and any personal details of his whereabouts, making new friends I’d never heard of before and I started getting suspicious. Turns out he had begun sleeping with someone else after we broke up. I found out by seeing texts between them on his phone. He said he wasn’t with anyone else and denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater and a liar and threw him out of my house. He later said it was true he was seeing someone but it was just physical and also he didn’t feel it was cheating since we were broken up. He said he didn’t owe me any explanation because we weren’t an official couple anymore.

I was utterly devastated and so I did horrible things, sent him a barrage of emails and texts and FB messages that he wasn’t a good person, he was unstable with low morals, and a liar for not telling me he was with another. I also lied in an email and said I’d slept with another (to make him jealous)… I also insulted parts of his body and really damaged his self-worth and feeling of security of about what I truly thought of him. None of the mean things I said were in any way true, I was just so incredibly blinded by anger and fear that I was losing him and that he’d been with another. It was the lowest thing I’d ever done in my life.

He then left the area for about two weeks to take care of personal things and said goodbye. We had NC during this time… but on his way back to town he texted that he missed me and knew he loved me. We talked a lot and tried to resolve things. He apologized for being with another woman and I accepted his apology. I apologized for my anger and previous behavior but I don’t think he fully accepted it.

We then got back together I thought things were going well. Then he started getting depressed and the cycle of fear started again. He said he felt he couldn’t be relied upon because he wasn’t worthy, couldn’t support anyone – family friends or me, and felt suffocated and in fear in relationships, and that my love wasn’t true for him.

Arguments started again about jealousy of others (that didn’t exist) and the push and pull pattern began again – he’d say “I love you” with real passion and then the next day “I can’t do this”. It was a rollercoaster. During all this I made the mistake of trying to defend and got angry for being accused and also walked on eggshells choosing my words carefully so as not to damage his pride or ego. I knew he loved me and was struggling inside to find self-worth and security and I was trying everyday I could to show him I could be trusted and that I was devoted to him.

Then something really bad happened. He re-opened his FB account and sitting there waiting for him were some of the old angry messages I’d sent months ago where I’d lashed out and insulted him. It brought everything racing back up inside him … he got very depressed and stressed and angry at me that I could have ever said those things. There were many arguments. I explained that I sent them because of my fear and anger that he’d lied and that none of it was true and it was in the past! But he’d totally lost all confidence in my words and wouldn’t accept my remorse or apology.

He said again “I need space to work on myself and my anger” but after one week I broke the NC rule and pushed him and said to just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I was frustrated to be in the gray area. Many phone calls and texts between us I kept pushing him until finally he said “Ok then we are broken up, I can’t do it goodbye”.

Yet, I still didn’t give him space…. For about 3 days I kept fighting for him and reminded him of how great he is and our amazing connection and times together, begged him not to leave, and to see that I really did love him and that I’d never betray him. I humiliated myself, kept sending messages and calling, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. After 3 days he’s stopped responding to all my contact. I know I pressured him too hard to stay in it and fight for us, until he broke.

So today is day 4 and I am determined to do the NC rule and take time for myself to heal all the accusations and pain from our past and allow him time to heal and work on himself too.

He has a lot to work on inside and my being in his life is just a reminder of his fears now. I know he loves me deeply, but is also angry and in pain and needs time to find his self-worth. But I’m afraid he’s doing everything not to deal with the pain and just burying his head in the sand and being alone.

He never blocked my contact, so I’m sure I could still email, text or call, but I won’t. But now here’s my dilemma I’m not sure if he’s truly broken us up for good and will never want to see me again because I drove him to that point… or if space will allow him to miss me and contact me and possibly consider reconciliation.

Also note that we don’t live in the same area (he lives an hour and 1/2 away) so we wont run into each other at public places, we also aren’t connected online anywhere, so during this time he won’t see that I’m moving on, improving myself and doing fine, or that I am happy living my life without him. So I’m not sure how he’ll see that or even be curious what I’m doing or miss me.

So knowing all this, I have these 4 questions:

1. Did I damage things so far that he’s gone and I should move on?
2. How long should I maintain the NC rule? Our situation seems like it should be longer than the standard 30 days given his personal issues and my pushing him so hard in the end, but I don’t want to wait too long to where there’s no chance at reconciliation again. How long should I wait to contact?
3. What is the best way and type of message to send him when the period is over?
4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start the NC clock over again?

Thank you,
JS

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:54 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

Lily

December 2, 2016 at 6:34 am

Hi,

Me and my ex broke up around 3 weeks ago. We were just together for around 1 month and the break up was really sudden to me. He sent me a long text message saying that he’s not used to being in a relationship and the feeling that someone cares about him a lot makes him pressured and scared.. The thing is, we were still really sweet and stuff 2 days prior to this text message. So I was really shocked. I’m not sure if the NC method would work since we were just together for such a short period of time. Also, if it does, I’m wondering if my ex was already ignoring my last messages since break up would NC still work? As he wouldn’t really notice it..

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 6:58 pm

Hi Lily,

there’s no guarantee that it will work but it’s better than chasing him.. if you are going to do it, just do 21 days..Improve yourself and be active in posting in social media..

Yadi

December 1, 2016 at 4:52 am

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago I begged I humiliated myself trying to get him back I finally stopped I started watching videos on how to get my ex back and I heard about the no contact rule my friends would tell me to just stop talking to him and he will eventually miss me but j finally have decided to do it it’s been only 3 days that we completely stopped talking I feel really sad and I miss him a lot I keep going to websites like these or watching videos on how to get my ex back I feel so confused so lost and sad I just have so much hope we will get back together but idk we were together for almost 3 years he said we argued a lot and he didn’t want to be in a relationship where do I go from now should I have hope should I give up should I stick to my plan and do the no contact rule will it actually work ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 1, 2016 at 12:17 pm

Hi Yadi,

Finish no contact rule first. Do 45 days and aim to be the ungettable girl. Not for him but for yourself. Check this:
The Ungettable Girl

Lou

November 30, 2016 at 12:20 pm

Hi,

My partner and I broke up this time last year. I realised I wasn’t being the best version of myself and made some changes and feel like I did all the right things. We got back together two months later. Things were perfect for a while – he looked at me like I was amazing and I must admit I thought we were generally happy until very recently. Life wasn’t so exciting and we had niggles but he made me happy and I enjoyed our life. Two weeks ago he got so angry at me and we had a huge row. He was then very distant and broke up with me two days ago. Prior to this he had started being snappy now and then and, occasionally said I drive him mad and he didn’t know what that meant for our future. I can see why we went wrong but I don’t know if those reasons are fundamental or not. He thinks they are but when we were together I thought they were minor things that if we were both willing to work on, we would be fine. Everyone thinks I’d be mad to go there again now. I know he needs to change some things as well as me. I know neither of us want to be in an endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together. I actually don’t think just doing what I did before will work. He’s smart, he’ll say we tried this and it didn’t work. And he’d be right. I know I have shortcomings I need to think about but I truly believe I need him to take some responsibility this time but he won’t if I don’t make him. He doesn’t have to answer to anyone in his life. He shuts me out and won’t let me have any input into fixing whatever is wrong. And he seems to believe everything should be perfect without any effort. I don’t know what to do or if I can or should do anything. Any advice please?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 9:48 pm

Hi Lou,

what did you do before? Did you mean the no contact rule? Is it really a no contact rule, or it just so happened you improved yourself?

Maya

November 28, 2016 at 9:17 pm

Hi,
My ex and I broke up for the second time a three weeks ago (first time was a rush decision, and we got back together after two weeks, but as you can see, that didn’t turned out well, and we broke up again after three months, for important reason-me not being capable to accept bad things about me and us). Since than we talked once I told him that I understand why he broke up with me and that I’m cool whit that because, honestly, if the brake up haven’t happend I would never realise how unrealistic I was about us. And I know that he loves me and that this was a tuff decision for him, but I think it was necessery in that moment. But now I see what we have actually had and I want to start over again, because I bealive that now I know my mistakes, and his too. The main problem is that we have lots of friends in comon and we stady in the same class, so how can I do no contact period if I have to see him at least two times a week? How to act than?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 6:35 pm

Hi Maya,

talk to your friends, they’ll understand why you’ll want to be distant from your ex for now.. Just be civil with your ex.. Don’t initiate talks..if he does, reply shortly and politely.. If you need to talk about school stuff, only talk about that

Miles

November 27, 2016 at 5:15 pm

I asked a question and it doesn’t show up on here

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 6:24 pm

Hi Miles,

I think it’s a site problem.. Anyways, it will only be bad if you didn’t improve and if you went back into begging and chasing.

Miles

November 25, 2016 at 8:29 pm

Hey Amor,
My two week small no contact turned into a month of no contact. I’m just soo afraid to message her again and have her be dry and not respond well. Is it bad to keep continuing no contact until I’m ready to contact her again?

Miles

November 28, 2016 at 2:55 pm

My questions continue to disappear
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 8:13 pm

Sorry about that and Thank youI’ll forward it to Chris.. You can text her anytime now.. It will just depend on when you’ll do it..
Miles

November 27, 2016 at 9:32 pm

So how long can I possibly go without texting her? I saw her for the first time today after 2 months. It was for a quick second at temple and then I left. I’ve been improving a lot. I’ve gone on a couple of dates with another girl and ended up sleeping with her. I’ve been working out and been enjoying my time with friends too!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 6:24 pm

Hi Miles,

I think it’s a site problem.. Anyways, it will only be bad if you didn’t improve and if you went back into begging and chasing.

Louise

November 23, 2016 at 11:00 am

My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 10 weeks ago because “we couldnt make eachother happy anymore”, I think we had been arguing regularly because he started a new job and his priorities had changed and he got bored of that… I did no contact for 30 days, but he didnt try to contact me either. Since then hes been hot and cold, sometimes wanting to start a conversation, and then sometimes abruptly ending one. We eventually met up for a drink two days ago, and it went well.. I was confident and I asked him lots about his life, not giving too much away about my own.. at the end when we said goodbye he held on so long on the hug and I genuinely thought he might kiss me. When I got home I messaged him saying it had been nice to see him, but he hasn’t responded, or reached out since.. what do I do?

Louise

December 1, 2016 at 7:34 pm

Hi Amor,
Thank you for your advice. I havent spoken since, its been a week or so. I will happily do another no contact for maybe 4 weeks, as realistically I’m going to be really busy with Christmas and work and family so it wont be a problem for me… After this, if I still want to win him back, do you have any recommendations (an article on here, or just some tips?) for regaining attraction?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 1:49 pm

Most of the time, ironically, it’s the women who chose to move on that has the higher chance of getting their ex back because they chose to make everything better and be independent.. They became the ungettable girl in their ex’s eyes.. So, keep in mind that you have to aim and maintain being an ungettable girl..
Louise

November 29, 2016 at 7:25 am

Hi Amor,

So you think its hopeless and I cant win him back? Its so difficult because I literally didnt do anything wrong, there was no cheating no lying on my part…
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 8:26 pm

He lost attraction..Rest for twoo weeks first..if it doesn’t work out, maybe it’s just not the right time
Louise

November 26, 2016 at 3:59 pm

Hi Amor,

I improved myself mentally so much, build up a great set of friends around me and yes I still see them regularly. Its been difficult to commit to a fitness regime overhaul or anything like that as I have an exam coming up I have to spend time working towards.

After no contact I tried to build raport but it didnt go well.Then around three weeks after NC he messaged me. We build some raport over the next couple of weeks but it was quite little. In the end I just went straight to asking to go for a drink because I didn’t think he was responding well enough to messages that that would get anywhere.

Update on the situation, its now been 5 days and still no response. I even forwarded on an article about a shared interest, casually.. and he has completely ignored that too. Its really hurtful and its making me feel like this is also hopeless
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 11:43 am

Yeah, it’s not looking good. I think you should rest for two weeks before initiating again, if he still doesn’t respond after that, it means you have to move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 10:38 am

Hi Louise,

how much did you improve during the no contact period? Are you still continuing the activities you started in it? After the no contact period, how long did you build rapport before asking out?

Jen

November 23, 2016 at 4:37 am

Hi guys, I need some quick help.
My boyfriend & I almost broke up a day ago — I suggested some time apart. He agreed. Then, 24 hours later, I emailed him a brief thing, telling him that I love him, I’m thankful for him, etc. etc… since it’s almost Thanksgiving.
We are both in high school. I am one grade level older, and we’ve dated for 7 months.
He hasn’t responded to that email.
Prior to that email, I just asked if he’s feeling alright — he said, “Yeah, I’m ok.” And that was that.
Should I REALLY cut off the contact now? I think his interest in me is fading, but I’ll be sure to follow Chris’ advice on here. I have other guys to choose from at my school, but I just feel that he’s the best one for me. And, of course, I truly love him a lot.
Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 25, 2016 at 6:51 pm

Hi Jen,

how are you? Check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Lisa

November 21, 2016 at 2:36 pm

Hi,
I am together with my boyfriend 2 years. And it has been rough the last months. He says he doesn’t have the feelings to me anymore, cause he thinks he should always have love feelings. (also he said he didn’t really have them at the beginning like that ” in love” stage. he just really liked me and was interested in me. of course we have shared some really nice times and so on but right now its just hurtful to see how this person just wants to get me out of his life so fast, seems like he wants that no contact phase more than me)
So we broke up cause he doesnt want anything anymore. we live together but I am looking for a place to stay. and we work together. so anyways I will be seeing him a lot.
I read all this article and I think its helpful, just how to do in my situation with no contact since we will have contact anyway? what if I move away and he likes that and doesn’t miss me at all? (probably insecurity question)

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 23, 2016 at 1:17 am

Hi Lisa,
when did you break up?
have you checked these ones:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Carl

November 21, 2016 at 1:43 am

Hi,
Even though this is website is BOYfriend recovery I’d like some opinions on what to do to get my ex-girlfriend back. It’s really simple actually, just a quick tip on an unavoidable situation. I’ve been practicing the no contact rule for 13 days now and though I feel confident enough to talk to her right now (the break-up was a month ago) I don’t want to disrespect the 30 days minimum rule. The thing is that we will have to see each other next thursday and next monday at least since we will have to do an exam for college in the same room. My question is: how do I procceed? Do I avoid her and try to stay as far as possible or do I come up and say hi?
I plan to implement all the steps listed above after completing the 30 days rule. What should be my move in the situation I described?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 10:54 pm

Hi Carl,
don’t initiate a conversation but be civil and polite with her.. If she initiates, give short, direct but polite replies

andread

November 20, 2016 at 10:31 am

how i apply the no contact rule if we work together and he lives in front of my house, plus he has a girlfriend now and every morning they come out of his apartment to go to work (she doesn’t work with us)

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 7:21 pm

Hi Andrea d,

check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

Alex

November 20, 2016 at 3:42 am

I was like the person you described above, I broke up with my ex and never realised what I had until he found someone else. I broke up with him because I have a disability, it meant I wasn’t spending as much time with him as either of us wanted, as well as that we’d moved in too quick and I isolated myself from my friends and family, something had to give and in the end I ended things. I denied how I felt about him for so long and finally when he got with someone new it hit me, what I’d thrown away.

Possibly on my side is the fact that he still cares about me, he’s hugged me, stroked my hair and told me he misses me (Quietening his voice so his GF’s sister couldn’t hear) and even slipped up and called me “babe” once. It took him 2 full minutes to take his hand from his mouth and I just laughed, he was smiling. He basically told me if I had been quicker realising what I was doing when I left, we’d still be back together.

But now he’s with this new girl, and they moved in together straight away (Into my old flat, they sleep on the bed that me and him built…) They’ve just passed their one month anniversary and she bought him a kitten (He likes animals) With Christmas coming up too I know she’s going to win him over because last Christmas he was alone all through the holidays because of me.

I thought about what I want, and I want a life with him, a proper one. I want us to grow old together and make a home together. But now he’s with someone else, it’s like a constant drain on my hopes and dreams. But at the same time, I know he still cares about me very deeply, I could see it in his eyes two days ago when we last met up to exchange post and had a heart to heart.

I am trying to improve myself, I’ve been back at the doctors about my disability and I’ve been shouting and screaming at them to sort things out, I did learn from the mistakes I made that lead me to decide so arrogantly that “He deserves better” because as he rightly told me the other day “When someone is with you, they don’t want better, they want you”

New Girl is like me on steroids, she can do all the things I couldn’t because of my dodgy stomach, she can take him places, they can go do normal things, he gets his needs fulfilled by her, even if it was rebound. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 5:53 pm

Hi Alex,

change your mindset first.. You’re differently abled not disabled. And honestly, you’re only chance is to take it slow..He’s happy now because he’s just starting out a new relationship. So, you have to slowly and carefully build rapport after doing the no contact period. Check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

Holly

November 19, 2016 at 8:59 am

Hi, I’m in need of some advice. I broke up with my ex about a month ago after being together 9 months. It wasn’t a bad break up but I never truly got a reason, just that he hadn’t been happy for a few weeks but it was nothing I had done or nothing I can do. I’m 21and he’s 22 so I know still quite young, he’s my second relationship but things moved really quickly I pretty much was living with him mostly at his house but we would stay at my parents sometimes too. I had belongings at his and he had belongings at mine and had brought stuff together (adult relationship lol). And because of this we both took out a store card and because of my better credit I got more money to spend, he asked me to purchase some stuff for him and he would pay it off (Tv, PS4, Apple Watch). He brought me an iPod for Valentine’s Day on his card which after we broke up I said I would pay off and he refused but he did commit to continuing to pay me back. I found out last week that a week after we broke up he took someone to the zoo (all I know is he purchased 2 adult tickets) but leading up to the break up he was very distant and had just moved to a new job (a store where he had previously worked and his ex was still working there) I questioned about the ex he said he doesn’t talk to her but I had a feeling there was someone else. I asked him when we broke up if there was anyone else and he said no, he wouldn’t do that to me, he’s been cheated on and he wouldn’t do it. I own the book and have read it twice! But have only managed 1week no contact due to worrying about the money. He text me 1st 2 weeks after breaking up (after I posted a picture of me and some friends enjoying Halloween) saying he was sorry he hadn’t paid me already and would do so tomorrow (including an “x” on the end of the message) to which I replied to explaining if he hasn’t got it don’t stress as long as I have it by ‘this’ date but asked how he was. He replied very quickly and asked how I was where I replied “I’m good x” quite sort to get my point across I then received “:) x” which in my eyes is pointless so I don’t know if he was trying to talk more or have the last message. Then no contact for another week I then was in hospital n he had found out from Facebook he text me (why are you at hospital ? no “x this time) I replied to which I never received a text back. A few days later I found out about the zoo so I convinced myself I didn’t want him back and text him saying I may have left some stuff at his house can he check he agreed and asked how I was, I replied asked him how he was he said tired from work so I asked if it was busy he replied so busy and I ignored him. (“X” this time )After convincing myself I don’t want him back I kissed a friend of mine on a night out. This made me drop right back down and I realised I wanted him back. Mid week about 1 week of no contact I went out for dinner with a girl friend and posted our food on snapchat (2 meals, no faces, to imply it was a date) as soon as he viewed it I had a text. Again saying he is sorry he hasn’t given me any money yet as he had paid off my iPod but would give me money next month and asked how I was with a “x”(even though in the 1st text he sent me I said if he didn’t have the money this month it didn’t matter) I haven’t replied to this yet. I’m not sure what to do, I want to do no contact but he owes me money and I don’t want to annoy him coz I might not get it. But at the same time there is some stuff I want back from his house also, I am about a week and a bit in no contact, really sorry for the long message I’m just struggling thank you in advance !

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 12:50 am

Hi Holly

it’s ok to talk to him about the money and your stuff, as long as it’s only about those

Sarah

November 15, 2016 at 11:41 am

Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up the day before yesterday, and we sillying agreed to meet again in a year and if we felt like it we could try then, but i still want him back now, i cant wait. Should i stick to what we decided or is it okay to try after no contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 8:41 pm

Hi Sarah,

A year is too long to wait. Why did you break up? And what did you mean try after no contact, after what?

Lema

November 14, 2016 at 11:28 pm

Hello, I am very worried that i have ruined any chances of getting my ex back. We had been dating for two years. He broke up with me about two months ago because he said that we are at two places in our lives because he is more worried about partying and i am more worried about my future. Our relationship was amazing, we always were laughing, we were always traveling places, and I was his first serious relationship. Unfortunately, as he started partying more he stopped spending time with me and more with his friends which resulted in me getting jealous and kind of in a way demanding his time … which i think is the real reason he vroke up with me. And I wish I never would have done it … anyway … when he broke up with me he kept saying that if he wants to be with me in the future, he cant have me now, and he even cried. But me being me … i begged for him back … and he got angry and pretty much said that if we are meant to be we will be but we wont know if we are meant to be until we let eachother go … and then he said that his feelings for me were gone. Then later he said of course his feelings arent gone but that we both need to move on. Throughout the two months we have been separated i have tried the no contact, however, it only ever last a week … and then i end up contacting him … I am about to start it again because I have noticed that everytime we have talked since our break up its always been me initiating the conversation. My only fear withthe no contact is that I have already pushed him so far away … that doing the no contact will only push him farther … I really love him with all my heart and I beleive that he is the one for me … I just really do not know what to do because I have already messed up so much … I could really use some help, before I drive myself crazy …

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 7:33 pm

Hi Lema,

does pushing to keep talking to him would help you?

Miles

November 14, 2016 at 11:03 pm

I asked a question but I can’t see it on here

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 7:08 am

that’s hard because if all she wants is for you to move in then she wouldnt be initiating unless sshe needs something from you or she saw you did something interesting. Nope, giving her the stuff will not help

Emily

November 14, 2016 at 10:45 pm

Hi to everyone on Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

Firstly, thank you so much for creating this website, it is the only site I trust for opinions!
Me and my ex-boyfriend were together for over 5 years (started when we were 17). We have been through so much in this time, he moved to london for uni so we were long distance, I moved to london the following year for uni and he supported me so much because I really didn’t like it at the start (he moved me into his places for a month and cooked me dinner every night etc), we had a misscarriage which brought us insanely close together, we have been on many amazing holidays – he still says these places are so special to him. We are best best best friends, just have a good laugh constantly and have the same interests. Everyone, including every member of his family, said they have never seen two people more meant for each other, Im doing a bad job of painting a picture of our relationship but it really has been an amazing few years. (his mum still messages me everyday, she says he doesn’t talk to her much the last year and has become distant from others swell).

Anyway, we were long distance for a year, we both take our exams very seriously and normally we work together or have summer holidays afterwards to put more effort into our relationship. So around June we began to argue a bit (I do know it is less than other couples but still for us it was more than normal!). I have depression and it started to become worse. He had a dissertation to do and it was getting him so down, his friends were being idiots to him and it meant he started to have an eating disorder. He got beat up in a club for no reason and I think it has affected him more than he lets on. Obviously we were there for each other through this and I was the one who got him through his eating problems. However, us not being in a good mental state and being apart wasn’t a good mix. So he broke it off – i shamefully jumped on a train and he took me back. looking back, i would have taken some time apart then and sorted my head out. We still had some lovely times when we were lucky enough to see each other but never tackled the issues and didn’t see enough of each other. Everyone says, and we know, we are better when together and never argue and just have the best times.

So 2 months ago now we ended. We have talked most days, i just found it weird doing no contact rule since it was not communicating and being apart that broke us. He has a really high pressure job and he said he wanted to really focus on that and not have arguments on his mind if he is trying to work- i personally think he got VERY scared that he was growing up (commitment phobia classic example) he constantly said oh god is this what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life, he is living with people who he was friends with when he was 18 so think he is trying to feel young. whats the thing you can control – not being in a long term relationship.

We have met up a few times – he always compliments me, says i am so special to him and always will be, came to my birthday and all my friends said his face lit up when he saw me and was always asking where i was if i wasn’t around (also i was very very drunk so don’t remember but apparently i was talking to his friend about a kiss and he said to me don’t i get a kiss and i ran off dancing) they said he was trying to get me to talk to him all night but i was just having too much of a good time to sit talking. he was giving me lots of hugs when we met – afterwards i told him he couldn’t act like this if he wanted a friendship to work. the next time we met was awkward. But then we met on monday, it was AMAZING, my stomach hurt from laughing, we maintained eye contact (after i read one of your articles), he made me promise we would meet next week and gave me the tightest longest hug ever and said he always looks forward to our nights. he couldn’t look at me after and looked like he was going to cry. for the next few days he was messaging me constant – told me he has got me a xmas pressie, came to me about problems he was having, messaged me even when he was out with friends (had a few drinks), woke up in the night and messaged me about Trump. But then in the last few days has been distant – so i am leaving him too it. Oh and when we broke up he said he still wants us to go on holiday in summer.

I should mention that I have taken this time to drastically improve my mental and physical health – seriously I’ve lost 2 stone and my head is so clear and I’ve learnt so much. for instance, i don’t get angry or jealous because what does that achieve and only hurts yourself, i make a journal, i realise the importance of doing things by yourself and having your own goals. I need him to know things have changed so if we were to try again, i have now sorted the issues that cause the break up, but how do i let him know without ruining it?

I know he doesn’t want a relationship right now, and i know 10000000% there isn’t anyone else as he was shocked when he saw tinder pop up on my phone and said he was no way near ready to date (plus his job is so hectic he doesn’t have the time!) – as cringe as this is, he isn’t that sexual and wouldn’t have a one night stand.

so the question is, do you think that even though he isn’t ready now, do you think i still have a chance for future? how do i increase the chance?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 7:26 pm

Hi Emily,

If less time was the problem before,can you make more time now? Can you invite him more? Talk to him more before trying nc?

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