How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have Children Together- The Complete Steps

826 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”

sara

September 1, 2017 at 10:51 am

Thanks again Amor you kept my silly brain cells from doing something that could’ve messed up the potential of getting him back…..I asked for $5 a day and he’ll supposedly give it, so that’s a positive help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2017 at 7:59 pm

Yeah, at least he is giving something..

sara

August 31, 2017 at 8:55 am

Wait, so if I ask and he doesn’t really want to give any at the moment (because me/baby are ok, and he doesn’t quite have a place to himself) or gives very little, just go along with it and not force (as in get the courts/lawyers involved)??

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2017 at 7:43 pm

If you’re trying to get him back, yes.. If you sue him, of course he wouldn’t happy about that..

Ali

August 30, 2017 at 10:08 pm

Im hurt and confused i need some advice ive been with my kids father for 7 years he started cheating on me in 2013 its now 2017 hes still wth that same gurl they have had a baby together jus 2 months ago and doesnt asj to see our 2 kids obly once a month if that and then hell hit me up and beg me to be bacj with him i give him the benefit of the doubt but it neer fails he leaves me and runs right back to hurt ive wrote him messages on how mad and hurt i am and he just reads them what can i do

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2017 at 7:31 pm

Hi Ali,

I’m confident you know what to do, you just have to be courageous for it. Check this one:
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?

Sara

August 28, 2017 at 9:42 pm

Okay, I’ll ask/force him to give child support, I guess I gotta stop worrying about him as much….Maybe, at the very least, he’ll think more about the baby…When you invest in things you usually end up caring more about them…

Thank you Amor.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2017 at 8:55 pm

It is his obligation but don’t force him to give..

sara

August 28, 2017 at 5:44 pm

I can see why you’re considered the best on here (I concur), you care enough to actually give good advice to many people (I’ve read a ton in the comments section).

The main reason he hasn’t bothered to give child support is, even though he makes a lot more than me, he still (kind of) doesn’t make enough to get a place without also roommates.

Also I haven’t really told him I make little, so I seem fine. Because I don’t have to pay for housing, and manage okay because I’m very very frugal.

To my understanding ungettable girls aren’t supposed to be poor or need the (somewhat less) poor ex’s money….It seems like he’d resent me asking/forcing support because I’m/baby is doing fine (only because I’m extremely frugal)…I don’t want to have a negative mark against me trying to possibly get him back.
sara

August 27, 2017 at 6:38 pm

Hey Amor 🙂

Sorry about the long story, I just wanted to give a fairly clear picture.

So would asking for child support (I can manage without it, but it would mean I could spend more on myself) be a negative tic towards trying to get him back?

I do see us sharing pretty similar values. I listed that as a pro in the previous monster comment.

I think he’s wants to be a good father/person but, with the distractions of trying to climb in the show-biz career, it’s easier said than done for him, being a young guy with an unplanned baby.

I think if I didn’t turn into such an affectionate, giving doormat (I was much more fun and carefree before the baby) he would have kept respect for me and would’ve wanted to stay with me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2017 at 2:15 pm

No, that’s his obligation..he should even give that without you asking

sara

August 27, 2017 at 4:59 am

I have a baby with a guy who in the beginning planned to help raise our baby evenly, time-wise.
So while he was in another town for about six months (he didn’t ask for it at the time, I just wanted to make things easier on him, because he is young and was pretty broke at the time ) I gave him money and helped him move in with me.
And a couple of days after he moved in with me, he said he didn’t want a “relationship” with me and would move out if I wanted. I said “no, you can stay, I care about you and would still even if you were with another girl”.

He stayed with me for about 9 months (two while I was prego). He ended up really falling for a sweet & pretty girl (I secretly read it in his diary) at about 4 months living with me .

I never (though words) pushed him for a relationship or really argued much at all, and stopped trying to get him to spend/care for baby even for a couple of hours a day, even though he only worked about 25 hours a week at the time….I probably became a bit of a doormat/trying to please him at the expense of my comfort.(I tell you around other people I’m really not a doormat).

Anyway, he moved out about 3 months ago.
He started (pretty much) ignoring me when he was chasing the girl, and still kinda ignores me, he only asks about his mail…I sent him pictures of our baby about once a week (used to send them daily), I usually don’t ask any questions because he’ll take at least a day to answer back, he lives and breaths with his phone, so that says something.

The girl is going up in her career, and is probably not going to end up with him (he’s doing well but nowhere as well as her).

This whole time I’ve not asked for child support, even though he makes a lot more than me (I haven’t told him that, seems like a weakness, and I’m trying not to appear needy). He is only about 40 miles away and doesn’t visit the baby much (2 month went by once)…I even offered to drive the baby over to him occasionally for a bit. He was like “I’ll come over when I some time and don’t hate me for focusing on career right now..And I’ll be there for baby when the time is right”.

Part of the reason I haven’t flat-out (I asked how much he makes a month, so maybe hinted) asked for child support. Part of the reason is his parents are really nice to me (I haven’t discussed much negatives about his behavior to his parents, I’ve been nice and positive to him & his parents) and I’m unsure for asking/maybe forcing child support will make getting together with him a completely lost cause.

I think he is a little selfish & immature (age 21), but I do think he wants to be a good father/person (I read a lot of his diary) .
He normally is very emphatic and nice towards people…It’s weird it’s like he probably feels guilty, or something, for taking me for granted/advantage of, and seems to want to block out any thoughts of that and avoid me.

Pros
Is smart and usually nice & caring towards most people.
Is athletic and likes most activities I like and vice versa .
Have similar beliefs in many things.
Can be a lot of fun even doing mundane things.

Cons
Lost interest in me, because I wasn’t a enough of a chase at the start and became boring trying to be pleasing in later….He’s the type that could get lots of girls pretty easily, but he seems to be really selective and goes for really confident pretty ungettable girls. (I was kinda one before I met him, towards other guys for sure).

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2017 at 2:03 pm

HI Sara,

check this one:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

Gail

August 22, 2017 at 9:22 am

My partner and i separated a year ago because of misunderstanding and his mother allways dictated him. I was depressed that time that’s why i decided to work far away from them and my family want to start new life and need a support for my 1st kid. (Not his child) but we have a baby and i left to his custody because i cant raise 2 kids at a time.. but i also visit my daughter to him if i have a chance.. i close my door with suitors bec i love him until now. One day my friend asked me if he can stay with my house because his aunt get mad of him then i said yes. I regret that everyday why i agreed. .. he raped me. I didn’t called or report to police cuz im afraid and its himuliating… i asked him to leave but he dont like.. until i found out i got pregnant. . Can’t do an abortion. Afterwards i went home, my ex talk to me sa we cn be together again. Sadly too late. .. you think we still have a chance? I want him back…

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 10:18 pm

HI Gail,

Set things right first.. talk to your family about what happened to you. File a case and get a therapist.

Nicole

August 15, 2017 at 8:10 pm

Hey ! I have a child with my ex so I am imeplementing the minimal contact rule. We don’t speak unless it’s about our daughter and we’re not friends on any social media. But his family and I are very close and we talk almost every day due to my kid but also because I am so involved. Does this gender my chances of getting him back ?

Nicole

August 17, 2017 at 4:24 pm

Got it ! Will do. Does it seem that I have a chance to get him back ? In the beginning he wanted to get back together and was trying super hard but I pushed him away I wasn’t ready. Ever since it seems I was the one trying and he wasn’t
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 18, 2017 at 5:22 pm

yeah it looks like you have a chance..
Nicole

August 17, 2017 at 1:27 am

His family and I go out and do things together with the kids. So the background to the situation is that he cheated on me (flirting with coworker) I broke up with him but we still lived together for a week. It got too hard to move past it for me and we ended up having a huge fight to which I broke his things and he moved out. Blocked me on apps but From there we still hooked up every now and then flirted etc. Recently I think he is dating someone else I confronted him and it went sour to which is basically said he wants to stay single and work on himself and not work on our family. So I started the minimal contact of 45 days only talk about our daughter when we talk
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 17, 2017 at 3:39 pm

It’s going to go out with the kids once in a while but if he thinks you’re ganging up with his family to get back together, better cut back on spending time with them
Nicole

August 17, 2017 at 1:23 am

We talk about everyday things. His family and I go out and do things together with the kids. So the background to the situation is that he cheated on me (flirting with coworker) I broke up with him but we still lived together for a week. It got too hard to move past it for me and we ended up having a huge fight to which I broke his things and he moved out. Blocked me on apps but From there we still hooked up every now and then flirted etc. Recently I think he is dating someone else I confronted him and it went sour to which is basically said he wants to stay single and work on himself and not work on our family. So I started the minimal contact of 45 days only talk about our daughter when we talk
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 16, 2017 at 1:26 pm

What do you talk about with his family?

Bobo

August 12, 2017 at 7:10 am

Chris for my case, my ex has to give us monthly allowance so I will need to contact him to ask about that. What should I do? Contact to ask or don’t ask? Because what happen was he came to visit our kid yesterday and told him himself that he has transfer halve the allowance to my account but I checked today there wasn’t any amount inside my bank account so right now I am wondering should I do the minimal contact to ask about the money and how much is he giving us still because yesterday he mentioned half. Is it wise to contact him on this or I shouldn’t bring it up? It’s very tricky.

Bobo

August 22, 2017 at 1:38 pm

And then how do I reply?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 10:22 pm

why did he say that?
Bobo

August 22, 2017 at 1:25 pm

He told me that He don’t know how to restart. There’s so much bad between us now.
What does that means?
Bobo

August 14, 2017 at 1:39 am

He doesn’t have any social media like FB or IG. Therefore he can’t see my post. I updated some on my WhatsApp display pic. Last time he will ask me about it when we quarrel or break up but this time round he totally ignored me and he is very cold this time round. I really feel like doing the NC even with our kid.. I feel like just disappear from him. It’s so tired every day to think about it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 14, 2017 at 8:29 pm

Just make your posts public, so when gets curious, he will see them.
Bobo

August 12, 2017 at 2:52 pm

His reply was very cold and like stranger. And then I asked about the amount that you is sending. He completely ignored me. What should I do continue to text or ignore him completely? Actually our case have been going on for 2 months of weekly quarrel and patch back until this time round I told him off and that I won’t want to continue anymore and he accepted it for the first time. The passed few times he will ask for forgiveness and pacify me but this time round he seem like he has already moved on becos even when he come and visit our kid he doesn’t talk about other things to me and left. So is there still chance of reconciliation between us? We have broke up for 2 weeks and I just started minimal contact for 1 week. What is your advise?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:09 pm

It’s ok to talk to him about the money because you and your child need it. It’s not because that will increase your chances of getting him back. Also, it’s not to gauge if you can get him back. It’s just because you need to talk to him about it. That’s why it only has to be about that and not anything else. Aside from that, you need to focus in healing and improving yourself and to be active in posting.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 12, 2017 at 2:03 pm

It’s ok to talk to him about that.

Elsy

July 26, 2017 at 2:56 am

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. I’m pregnant and I can’t get over our one year relationship. I’m about to have to baby soon but I’ve always been a family person and I know he cares but we had a lot of issues when we were about to get married and the pressure made him give up on everything. All he says is he wants to be a good dad and be there when the baby is born but he wants nothing to do with me. He seems fine like he has moved on and that hurts. When I try talking to him he seems like he wants to continue the relationship but then starts to hold back affection and then I get mad and send him a bunch of sad messages. I don’t know what to do and I know we could be good together but one of the issues we had was his mum feeding him with negative things about me and I kind of feel crazy sending him messages and begging him to come back but I don’t want to be a single mum. I’m really confused.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 28, 2017 at 6:53 pm

Hi elsy,

Do you want to try the advice above? Aside from that check this one too:
Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back

Tracy

July 16, 2017 at 2:43 am

Need advice, my ex and I have broken up for a year. We dated for 10 years and have a 3 yr together. He now has a gf which he’s been dating for 6 months. They say I love you to each other. I’ve done everything to try to get him to come home. He tells me he thinks about coming home but he doesn’t want the nagging. We got into a heated arguement I told him to leave. There was no cheating or anything major just an arguement over something stupid. I haven’t tried the no contact rule but will. Have you had any testimonials with this same situation that ended well? I want him to come home.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 18, 2017 at 8:41 pm

Hi Tracy,

Yeah, have you checked this ones?
Five Success Stories Of Women Who Got Their Exes Back

A Comprehensive List Of No Contact Rule Success Stories

Savannah

July 12, 2017 at 10:02 pm

Should i tell my child’s father not to text me unless it’s about our daughter? (doing MC) or should i not say anything?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 1:58 pm

No need.. Just don’t say anything

Danielle

June 20, 2017 at 6:06 am

Need Advice: My ex boyfriend and I had a pretty bad breakup this past month and it really took a toll on me because we have a 1 year son and I have a daughter who he took in as his own. We would argue a lot sometimes about unnecessary things or him being unreasonable. We lived together almost immediately after I found out I was pregnant with my son. Things were quit rocking due to lack of communication on both ends and both of us trying to figure our lives out all while doing the family thing. We both have very strong personalities but he is very hard to please, as I see things as him getting his way all the time. Basically if it wasn’t going the way he wanted it was a problem. I’ve always told him I was a work in progress as everything takes time and he would always say we have no time to waste, which I understood because we were 2 young parents. I began doing everything in my power to make home happy and it was never enough. He would always mention that he didn’t like the way I spent/used my time. Eventually after all the argument and misunderstanding I moved away to live with my parents in another state for 3 months. That wasn’t as successful as I thought so I moved back. While I was away we still tended to bump heads all while missing each other and me pretty much trying to show him I was attempting to change for our future together. I know I need some work on myself.. when I moved back we had been communicating on how things were going to be different and how he couldn’t wait to see us as a family be successful. But things really didn’t change. We both were still caught up in what happened in the past between us and that’s were our problems were drowning in rather than moving forward. About 2 weeks ago after I moved back he said we shouldn’t have sex due to us not being good on a mental note and that we needed to regain that back, which I respected. It made me feel unwanted, he wouldn’t touch me he no longer made me feel beautiful and it took a major toll on my self-esteem. About a week ago I felt that he was dealing with someone else, it it turned out to be true. He finally told me about the woman. He gave me a complete rundown as I left the apartment because I was so angry finding out that he was dealing with a “friend” he met. She’s a older woman 37 to Ben exact and he’s 25. He told me she has a lot of money and is very well established and that she would do anything for him and doesn’t want anything but him. He has told me that he is just going with the flow and likes what she does for him all while saying that he likes her as a person, which was very hard to hear. He continues to tell me he has a lot of love for me and still cares so much for me and wants to see me do good. He is moving out of the apartment to live with her and I’m Moving back to have stability while getting my ducks in a row but he wants to still have full access to the apartment because he says he doesn’t know what could happen with them but he’s happy with how things are going with her, because he’s never had anything like what he has with her before. He also said that she doesn’t know about me at all and he told her that we were”best friends” I really love this man with everything in me and want my family and him back what do it do where do I start. I have gone through the begging him and crying to him but he’s so adiment about who knows what the future holds and that he will always love me he just wasn’t happy and was tired of our relationship and me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 23, 2017 at 1:44 pm

You’re moving back where? Are you going to try the advice above?

Dalia Galicia

May 24, 2017 at 9:40 pm

Hey EBR,
I need some advice.
So my ex boyfriend and I dated for about 2 years. I broke up with him because I felt we were becoming distant and we argued for everything. During the 3 months after we broke up we were having sex once in a while. We got back together and then a week later I found out I was pregnant. He became very distant again and we broke up. I ended contact with him because all he was doing was hurting me emotionally, he didn’t know if he wanted to be in our baby’s life. But he broke it and we started communicating again. He still hadn’t told his parents that we were expecting so I had to tell his mom on my own a month before our daughter was born. He was with me in the hospital the entire 3 days, day and night. After that everything started to go well, we saw a lot of each other while I was home because of the doctors appointments and he would take us over his house so his parents could spend time with our baby too. We got back together but I’m still hurting over what he did to me during my pregnancy. Also during the last month of my pregnancy he was dating another girl, I found that out on my own. So I don’t trust him and I’ve been very emotional lately. I was going through instagram I noticed he still had me blocked (during the time I wasn’t speaking to him during my pregnancy I had blocked him on all social media so he did the same). I asked since we were together if he could unblock me. He became defensive and started asking why, and that he wouldn’t unblock me because I blow everything out of proportion. So I explained to him the only reason I would do that was if he had pictures of other females on his instagram, and I asked if there were things that he was hiding or that he didn’t want to see there. He became very upset and didn’t talk to me until the next day. That happened at the beginning of the month. A week past and we began talking friendly again. Last week when I went to his house to pick up the baby no one was home with him so we ended up having oral sex (I realize now that we should not have done that) I confronted him about it and told him that we couldn’t do that again unless he could sincerely say yes to two of my questions. Which were him being able to put up with me and work through problems while I learn to control my emotions and the second was to put in effort to regain my trust, which he said yes to. This past Saturday, I went to his house to pick up the baby after work ( his mom watches her for me while I’m at work). Well since I walked in the house he was acting strange. He wasn’t really looking at me or talking to me, his attention was to whom ever he was texting. He got a phone call and he got up right away, answered and went outside. He came back in the house still on the phone and I could hear that it was a girl he was talking to. It bothered me so much so I started packing the baby’s things to leave. He didn’t once look my way to help me take the baby to the car like he usually does nor did he pause to say bye to the baby. In fact he didn’t bat an eye in our direction when we walked out the door. So later I messaged him asking who was on the phone when we left. A friend. I then proceeded to ask her name and he became defensive again. Clearly upset by me asking he said “is this how it’s going to be now. I can’t have friends without you interrogating me beforehand?” I became upset because if it was nothing for me to worry about I assume he would have no problem answering my questions…. I ended up breaking up with him and saying that I didn’t want to speak with him. I still love him and I want things to work out for us but I’m not exactly sure where to start. I haven’t spoken with him since, should I continue and do MC rule??

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2017 at 5:08 pm

Hi Dalia,

Right now, I think it would be healthier if. both of you just co- parent.. so you can both separately work on yourselves.. If he doesn’t change, good for you.. You dodged a bullet while you continue improving.. If he changed and improved, the question is, by that time, have you changed too? Are you more rational? That instead of demanding, you would assess him. If he doesn’t fit the standards, or he’s not showing effort, then you would just continue on in life..

Sabrina G

May 24, 2017 at 2:02 am

Hello, I will try and keep my story short & to the point lol.

My ex & I have been together for 6 years total. The first 2 years we were long distance & after I graduated high school I moved to WA to be with him. We lived together in WA for 3 years & just last year we moved back to my home state TX because of my family & we just head a son. Living with my parents, having a baby & him working 6 days a week 60+ hours a week I’m sure caused lots of stress. I’m not saying I had no role in us breaking up, I have a attitude problem & when we fight I always want to fix the problem right then & there. I now understand that that isn’t always a good thing.

this all started a month ago, me & my fiancé got into a fight (not our biggest) & soon afterwards he started telling me how he is unsure how our realationship. He felt as if it would cause more pain to our son the good. A week later we decided to take a break & he packed his things to move into an hotel room. He told me right before he left that he feels we can fix things, we just need some time apart. I agreeded, but I was scared so I didn’t really give him the space he really needed. Another week past & he decided to move back to WA where we both planned to move back months before this “break” happened. He discussed that he would get the esitenals ready for us while my son & I would stay back. I agreeded. Before he left I thought we would work things out we just needed some space. But that’s when he started acting weird, he started acting mean towards me & he would say things like “Basically you don’t matter” when I would mention us as a family being together. This is unusually like him, he never reacts towards me in such a manor, I got scared. I got really upset. Just last week I went out to a friends house & we talked & we had a few drinks and watched movies. I was pretty drunk when I called him & he got pretty mad, he then broke up with me & exclaimed that he would take our son away. That night I was crushed, We were all of a sudden trying to work things out & then he started acting distant & then this. He told me that he wouldn’t come back, & he said he had already came to turns with us being apart. The things is it that I feel that he acting out of anger.

Before any of this we were a great couple, we were a great team. We worked together for a year & we made it work wonders. We always see eye to eye & when we don’t we talk about it & compromise. We have so much in common it’s sometimes funny, we know what we want & we know that the other would want the same. We shared the same dreams & goals in life & we knew that no matter what that we would have each other’s backs. I always had his back during tough times, I was there for him when he had nothing & it hurts me when I remember him telling me when he dumped me that he was “better off apart from me” because I was there when we were just young high school kids, he had no job, no license, & barely any friends. I was there when things got tough & it hurts that when things really got tough he just gave up.

My question is, could he have been acting out of anger, & if so due to our history do I still have a chance. I understand that all of this stress could have got to him & made him give up. He said some hurtful things when he broke up with me like he would not change his mind. I only talked to him once since last week & last was because I informed him his son was now walking. After that I stopped all communications & am in the NC. I have looked up advice & I am aware that a break up can lead to a make up, it’s sometimes what a couple needs to shock them back into it. I am just wondering if I am just holding onto hope of us making up again when there is none or do I really have a good chance?

Sorry that it is a long story. & if you mend more to the story I am happy to tell. I’m in desperate need because I dearly miss him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2017 at 4:45 pm

Hi Sabrina,

Yeah, he’s probably just emotional…it’s ok if you’re hoping now.. because if you dont try, you would regret not doing it.

Dalia Galicia

May 24, 2017 at 12:53 am

Hey EBR,
I need some advice.
So my ex boyfriend and I dated for about 2 years. I broke up with him because I felt we were becoming distant and we argued for everything. During the 3 months after we broke up we were having sex once in a while. We got back together and then a week later I found out I was pregnant. He became very distant again and we broke up. I ended contact with him because all he was doing was hurting me emotionally, he didn’t know if he wanted to be in our baby’s life. But he broke it and we started communicating again. He still hadn’t told his parents that we were expecting so I had to tell his mom on my own a month before our daughter was born. He was with me in the hospital the entire 3 days, day and night. After that everything started to go well, we saw a lot of each other while I was home because of the doctors appointments and he would take us over his house so his parents could spend time with our baby too. We got back together but I’m still hurting over what he did to me during my pregnancy. Also during the last month of my pregnancy he was dating another girl, I found that out on my own. So I don’t trust him and I’ve been very emotional lately. I was going through instagram I noticed he still had me blocked (during the time I wasn’t speaking to him during my pregnancy I had blocked him on all social media so he did the same). I asked since we were together if he could unblock me. He became defensive and started asking why, and that he wouldn’t unblock me because I blow everything out of proportion. So I explained to him the only reason I would do that was if he had pictures of other females on his instagram, and I asked if there were things that he was hiding or that he didn’t want to see there. He became very upset and didn’t talk to me until the next day. That happened at the beginning of the month. A week past and we began talking friendly again. Last week when I went to his house to pick up the baby no one was home with him so we ended up having oral sex (I realize now that we should not have done that) I confronted him about it and told him that we couldn’t do that again unless he could sincerely say yes to two of my questions. Which were him being able to put up with me and work through problems while I learn to control my emotions and the second was to put in effort to regain my trust, which he said yes to. This past Saturday, I went to his house to pick up the baby after work ( his mom watches her for me while I’m at work). Well since I walked in the house he was acting strange. He wasn’t really looking at me or talking to me, his attention was to whom ever he was texting. He got a phone call and he got up right away, answered and went outside. He came back in the house still on the phone and I could hear that it was a girl he was talking to. It bothered me so much so I started packing the baby’s things to leave. He didn’t once look my way to help me take the baby to the car like he usually does nor did he pause to say bye to the baby. In fact he didn’t bat an eye in our direction when we walked out the door. So later I messaged him asking who was on the phone when we left. A friend. I then proceeded to ask her name and he became defensive again. Clearly upset by me asking he said “is this how it’s going to be now. I can’t have friends without you interrogating me beforehand?” I became upset because if it was nothing for me to worry about I assume he would have no problem answering my questions…. I ended up breaking up with him and saying that I didn’t want to speak with him. I still love him and I want things to work out for us but I’m not exactly sure where to start. I haven’t spoken with him since, should I continue and do MC rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2017 at 5:08 pm

Hi Dalia,

Right now, I think it would be healthier if. both of you just co- parent.. so you can both separately work on yourselves.. If he doesn’t change, good for you.. You dodged a bullet while you continue improving.. If he changed and improved, the question is, by that time, have you changed too? Are you more rational? That instead of demanding, you would assess him. If he doesn’t fit the standards, or he’s not showing effort, then you would just continue on in life..

Sabrina

May 23, 2017 at 7:37 pm

Hello, I will try and keep my story short & to the point lol.

My ex & I have been together for 6 years total. The first 2 years we were long distance & after I graduated high school I moved to WA to be with him. We lived together in WA for 3 years & just last year we moved back to my home state TX because of my family & we just head a son. Living with my parents, having a baby & him working 6 days a week 60+ hours a week I’m sure caused lots of stress. I’m not saying I had no role in us breaking up, I have a attitude problem & when we fight I always want to fix the problem right then & there. I now understand that that isn’t always a good thing.

this all started a month ago, me & my fiancé got into a fight (not our biggest) & soon afterwards he started telling me how he is unsure how our realationship. He felt as if it would cause more pain to our son the good. A week later we decided to take a break & he packed his things to move into an hotel room. He told me right before he left that he feels we can fix things, we just need some time apart. I agreeded, but I was scared so I didn’t really give him the space he really needed. Another week past & he decided to move back to WA where we both planned to move back months before this “break” happened. He discussed that he would get the esitenals ready for us while my son & I would stay back. I agreeded. Before he left I thought we would work things out we just needed some space. But that’s when he started acting weird, he started acting mean towards me & he would say things like “Basically you don’t matter” when I would mention us as a family being together. This is unusually like him, he never reacts towards me in such a manor, I got scared. I got really upset. Just last week I went out to a friends house & we talked & we had a few drinks and watched movies. I was pretty drunk when I called him & he got pretty mad, he then broke up with me & exclaimed that he would take our son away. That night I was crushed, We were all of a sudden trying to work things out & then he started acting distant & then this. He told me that he wouldn’t come back, & he said he had already came to turns with us being apart. The things is it that I feel that he acting out of anger.

Before any of this we were a great couple, we were a great team. We worked together for a year & we made it work wonders. We always see eye to eye & when we don’t we talk about it & compromise. We have so much in common it’s sometimes funny, we know what we want & we know that the other would want the same. We shared the same dreams & goals in life & we knew that no matter what that we would have each other’s backs. I always had his back during tough times, I was there for him when he had nothing & it hurts me when I remember him telling me when he dumped me that he was “better off apart from me” because I was there when we were just young high school kids, he had no job, no license, & barely any friends. I was there when things got tough & it hurts that when things really got tough he just gave up.

My question is, could he have been acting out of anger, & if so due to our history do I still have a chance. I understand that all of this stress could have got to him & made him give up. He said some hurtful things when he broke up with me like he would not change his mind. I only talked to him once since last week & last was because I informed him his son was now walking. After that I stopped all communications & am in the NC. I have looked up advice & I am aware that a break up can lead to a make up, it’s sometimes what a couple needs to shock them back into it. I am just wondering if I am just holding onto hope of us making up again when there is none or do I really have a good chance?

Sorry that it is a long story. & if you mend more to the story I am happy to tell. I’m in desperate need because I dearly miss him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2017 at 4:46 pm

Hi Sabrina,

Yeah, he’s probably just emotional…it’s ok if you’re hoping now.. because if you dont try, you would regret not doing it.

HS

April 2, 2017 at 9:29 pm

Hi, just after some advice 🙂

I’ll give you all our back story. We have been together for 5 years, married for 3. We have a daughter who is now 1.5 years old. About a year ago, Todd was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. His case is relatively mild compared to most, but he still has wild moods, the most destructive being his irritable moods. This would cause us a lot of fights, as he would become grumpy over the most tiny things, and me being stubborn and pigheaded would never let it go and tiny things would become huge fights. I also had suffered from anorexia for many years. I was mostly recovered for the past 3 years or so, but I still had some lingering disordered thoughts so I decided to try a new recovery program about 10 months ago (this involved eating larger than normal amounts to ‘repair damage’, theoretically weight then stabilises usually a little higher than your set point, and then the weight naturally tapers off when repairs have been completed). Well, this approach was not a good idea for me. I ended up gaining 50kg (about 115lb), and the whole time throughout this ‘recovery’ I was depressed, anxious, and I totally lost my sense of self because I didnt want to do the things I used to do, I also got post natal depression in addition to this. Because of the postnatal depression I wanted him to help out with our baby as much as possible. As a result, he was working 6 days a week and then coming home and looking after our daughter, and he had pretty much no time off at all. Whereas I had days to myself when she went to daycare or my mums place.

Our two mental issues clashed, plus we had sleep deprivation from our baby, some family issues, and building a house. I think my husband just couldn’t cope with it all. He lost attraction to me because I became a completely different person, mentally and physically. He couldn’t cope with my anxiety and depression as well as his own bipolar. So he ended things nearly 2 months ago. My world came crashing down, I went through the whole range of different emotions, and tried all the no-no’s (asking him to take me back, texting, calling, emailing, guilt-tripping etc etc). When we first split he said things like “I hope we can fall in love again one day”, “I have hope for the future” etc. But he stopped saying those things because he didn’t want me to hang on to hope, as it would prevent me from moving on. He says he still has “some love for me”.

Things have calmed down a lot now. Emotions aren’t running as high and we are ‘friends’. We still have to see each other once a week at least (when we switch custody of our daughter). And we also can’t really avoid communicating with each other because of our daughter. He seems a lot happier without me unfortunately (less stress on him, plus he actually has free time to do what he wants). He’s also on tinder and has been on dates (I try not to take this personally as I know thats just how most guys deal with a breakup, but it still hurts). I have changed my approach to my recovery beacause I realised a couple of weeks ago that it was doing more harm than good, and am now losing weight (this is all backed by my psychologist by the way). Since changing my approach, I feel a lot better within myself, have a lot more energy, motivation and hope. But I still want him back in my life. About a week and a half ago, I came to him and apologised for my cobtribution to the split (ie being controlling), and that i was working on myself and changing my approach to recovery as well so that I’m a happier person. He thanked me and said that he really appreciated it. I asked for another chance to make it work and he said he couldn’t say yes or no right now. I asked if we could reassess in 6 months time and he said “of course”.

After this, I decided I would stop initiating any contact with him. However, he still would call or text me every day! It was always about our daughter to start with but then he would morph it into something more conversational. This made me feel pretty good. (I should add that I let most of his calls ring out, and I delayed my repsonses to his texts) Yesterday, he said he was missing our daughter a lot, and asked if he could stop in at my place for an hour to spend some time with her on his way to an appointment near my place. I agreed. Well, we spent most of the time just chatting in a really friendly way. He said I seemed a lot happier, and then HE brought up the subject of our relationship. He said that he really likes that we can be friends (my heart sank). But then he said “I know you probably want more, but I really just want to be friends for now”. Do you think I have a chance? Or is he friend-zoning me? I am hanging onto the words he used: “for now” and hoping that he sees this situation changing.

Sorry this is so long. Hats off to you if you made it to the end!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 11:11 am

Hi hs,

yes, he’s friendzoning you.. he has to think you’re moving on so, you have to be more active in your life. Be indifferent with him too.

Leigh

February 11, 2017 at 11:32 am

Hello,
I would like some advice.
Me and my husband have been together 11yrs, married for 1yr. We have a 5yr old and a 7month old (he was the one who pushed to have her).
We were making plans right up until November for the future, the 5days before Christmas he left (still has contact with the kids). Said he was unhappy, confused and needed space. Of course I acted awful, begging etc.
I booked marriage counselling, which he came to and said nothing during the session, yet right after said I don’t love you anymore. He asked to talk to me again the day after. He said he was sorry and that he’d known he didn’t love me for 2weeks prior yet was too cowardly to say.
do you think MC could help, as can’t see how you fall out of love in 2months.
Plus he is still wearing his wedding ring?! Do I wear mine in MC?

Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 1:51 pm

Hi Leigh,

was there any other event or something that could have made me him feel different, when did you first feel he is distancing himself? It’s not a guarantee that it would but you’ve already done what you can. Doing more begging will just push hin away

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