How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have Children Together- The Complete Steps

826 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”

Nicole W

September 2, 2016 at 12:25 am

Please help! My ex and I split up about a month ago, we have two small babies. When we were splitting up, he’s like I love you so much, this will be good for us. We are just taking a break. Now a month later, he wants nothing to do with me. He won’t help provide for the children either, when I’ve asked for help with diapers or food, he says that’s not my problem. I feel like I can’t win 🙁 He wants to spend time with the babies but refuses to help provide for their needs. He’s so hostile. We fell fast, got pregnant fast, babies came and a little over a year later, I’m a single mom to twins. He says it’s my fault we split up, when he was telling me for a couple days he was getting a uhaul. We were constantly bickering and fighting over petty stuff. My family hates him, and his family hates me. I want us to be a family more than anything but he always says, it’s all about you. I’ve tried minimal contact, he will go about two days before he texts me and asks about the twins. How can someone just walk away from their family like that? I’m so heartbroken 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 2:55 pm

Hi Nicole W,
it’s ok to only talk about the kids.. but him not wanting to provide is different. He sounds abusive..

Alicia

September 1, 2016 at 7:23 pm

me and my ex have been broken up for 3 weeks now, ive been trying to do the minimal contact rule. He lives 5 hours away from us. He always asks me to send him videos of our son and asks him how our son is doing but doesnt ask how im doing. Am i doing the right thing by sending him the videos? because for some reason i feel like hes somehow in a way trying to hurt me

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 1:22 pm

HI Alicia,

Are you improving yourself? Yes, it’s his right to see his son. Why do you think that he’s trying to hurt you?

Jan

August 26, 2016 at 2:25 pm

My boyfriend of 10 years left me a month ago telling me he wasn’t happy and more and needed some space. He’s not telling me he doesn’t want to come back at all we have two small children together and he’s recently started a new job where his new collegues are single and a couple years younger than he is. We have been together since we were 17 and he 18. I’m finding it really hard to accept as only a couple of days before he brought up having a third child. I don’t want it to be over but I’m getting the impression he wants what his new friends have. How do I make him realise it’s a mistake? How do I get him back and us back on track. I’ve only come across your website today so I am going to try he MC and UG methods for now but I am confused how it can go from one extreme to another in a matter of 3 days.

Jan

August 26, 2016 at 8:46 pm

Typo – now telling me he doesn’t want to come back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 9:02 am

Hi Jan,

yep, you’re going to do minimal contact.. Maybe he feels suffocated? Have your own life.. Only talk about the children and dont ask about how he is, is he happy now, is there a chance.. Dont chase. He has to see that you’ve accepted his decision and just co parenting with him

Elizabeth

August 23, 2016 at 4:31 am

Hello! I was getting advice from Chris when I was pregnant and he had some GREAT advice. I have a beautiful baby girl who’s 9 months old now. I tried the minimal contact rule and tried to evolve. I tried to stay positive and spend time with only people I love (family) and came to realize that her dad unfortunately wasn’t worth it. I say unfortunately because I constantly feel bad for my daughter. I’m also not sure why I haven’t been able to move on. Ive still kept minimal contact and he hasn’t been around. Her dad SAYS that he wants to be a family now. But how much time do you think I need to make sure he’s changed his ways?

Elizabeth

October 7, 2016 at 6:20 am

I think I do need to see someone too and talk about what I’ve been through! My daughter is 46 weeks old and taking care of her is a privilege. But I’ve been having a hard time even with my mother’s help. Being a single mom is not what I want. That’s why I’m here, but I’m starting to think it’s impossible.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 9, 2016 at 7:41 pm

nobody wants to be a single parent but that doesnt mean that if it doesnt work out between you and him that you’ll be less of a good mom…and it doesnt mean that you wont meet somebody that will accept her as his own..and of that happens, she’ll have two dads..but regardless of that, she has you and her grandma..
Elizabeth

August 29, 2016 at 5:23 am

Hello!
His family and myself have told him that he has to show us he’s going to be better and that we are done listening to anything he says. I can’t hate him he is the father of my child, but I think he’s a narcissist and he won’t ever change.
This is the only website that has all the information I could need and I’ve received a lot of help through you guys. Is there a certain therapy or counseling we can try?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 8:43 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

I can’t recommend any. I’ll ask Chris but he’s not a psychiatrist, coz I think that’s what you need or a psychologist? If he’s a really a naricissit, he has to be willing to do have therapy with that. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you should do a psychologist first and then that psychologist will recommend you to a psychiatrist if he needs meds.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 7:43 am

Hi Elizabeth,

if he wants to be a family, have you told him that you are willing as long as he proves it?

brittany

July 18, 2016 at 4:46 am

I put myself in a huge situation where i dont know if this is mendable or not. Im going to try to keep it short. I met a guy off fb last year in march. We hung out for about 3 mths then had sex. I was having a hard time w a recent breakup in feb so i told this guy i didnt want a relationship just yet i needed to heal first. We continued to hang out and we had sex every so often. In august i ended up pregnant w his child. I let him go to appts and stuff but i stopped having sexual contact w him completely. I was stressed and felt like my life was so messed up. I told him i didnt want to be w him jus bc were having a child together. Well he ended up being there when my son was born and we still nvr talked about us. His parents came to my house for a visit w their grandson and was very disrespectful to me so i just went and got a lawyer the next day so we could get visitations worked out without fighting all the time. A couple weeks later, i started feeling like maybe i should give this guy a chance, i forgot to mentiin that the entire time i was pregnant he wanted to be with me and i kept pushing him away. I just felt like there was a reason we had a child together maybe i need to at least give him a chance. I decided id wait a few months just to make sure it wasnt my crazy hormones. Well within two months of having my son, he started seeing someone that had two kids of her own and he seems like hes really happy with them. I dont know what t9 do but i know when he started dating her i felt crushed. I thought that he would understand that i was going through a bad time and i just needed my time and space. Now i lose so much sleep, no appetite, and think of him all the time. Please help i need some advise.

brittany

July 19, 2016 at 7:01 pm

Well its pretty well been no contact besides talking about our son for two months. And yesturday i gave in and i told him how i felt. He was pretty shocked but he wasnt interested. He says hes happy where he is at with his girlfriend of 1 month. I dont know what else to do
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 21, 2016 at 11:08 am

if you really want a better chance you have to move on without totally moving on..he has to see that you’re not going to be a threat to his new relationship and that you have accepted that he is happy now.. and then focus in improving yourself too..so that he would be comfortable being friends again later on.. and then from there slowly build rapport
brittany

July 18, 2016 at 5:23 pm

Am i going to get a response
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2016 at 5:58 pm

Hi Brittany,

sorry for the late reply.. do you want to try limited no contact and what Chris advised above?

B.C.

July 15, 2016 at 10:14 pm

Can you please give an example of how to phrase email about him spending next few visits just him and our son?
Don’t want it to sound like its a control maneuver

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 16, 2016 at 4:15 pm

hmmm like.. would you like to spend this weekend with (son), I won’t be able to accompany you two though.. but I think that’s better too.. we’re spending so much time together alone he needs one with you too

B.C.

July 14, 2016 at 7:10 am

I have maintained minimal contact with me and want everything to work out I do have a question about his and my son that I just need a neutral perspective on. The last three or four San head with his father,, my ex months ago there was a switching partners so to speak. The woman that he cheated on me with the same woman that had been homeless, in an abusive relationship, a needle stuck in her arm with two children that had not seen her in two years because CPS took them away for physical Abuse and neglect and the man was more important to her and her children because she saw what I had and wanted to take it herself. My son has gone down there and been in her care which is not something that I would not have such an issue with had she not told me what you have done to her sons previously. I digress ….. My ex I send her down there and spend the weekend with him and the new girl and then a month later for more when the next visit was we were trying to work things out and he would have us come down to visit him for the weekend as a family, time after that it would be a visit with him and her whole family visit this has caused some issues for our son. Is that in the situation are really amazing and very sad to hear coming from a four-year-old who does not hear any of this from mommy. It has been almost 2 months since he has seen his son (over three months sinc he sent any child support ) I feel that last time we went down there and I saw his son our son, along with the things that our son has said about the other woman and thank you just not like her to get family when she’s not around doesn’t want her around . I believe when he sees his dad this weekend if his dad actually follows through that it should be a weekend with just him and daddy. The next several visits At least should be our son and daddy, not our son and the new mommy of that house. It has caused many issues with our son and I really cannot stress enough the things that our four year old has said is heartbreaking. Should I stand my ground with this? How do I go about making sure he understands seriousness about this as much as I really want him and I to work everything out for family and mental well being of my children has to come before my desire to get him back

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2016 at 7:54 pm

Hi Bc,

just talk to your ex sincerely and calmly about it.. you’re doing the right thing

KT

July 10, 2016 at 3:52 am

Boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years,we have a two year old together. We recently broke up due to heated arguments. We recently after daughter was born would break up every 3 months and I would use no contact on him and it worked but I’m curious if now I should try MC but will it take longer ? He usually don’t contact me during normal NC till the very last day,I usually have someone else do the drop offs of our child.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 10, 2016 at 8:26 pm

Hi Kt,

how long were the previous ncs? and did you make a new routine in each nc or maintained your activitied after it?

B.C.

July 7, 2016 at 9:36 am

After all this time able to implement the minimal contact with my son’s father, it is very difficult he was still sext me or email me hours dirty sexual it is he’s he has about me. I told him no more it is with the other woman should be with and you can’t get his sexual needs for filled by me. We have no contact other than our son he is even and I am hoping that this works and I keep working on myself. My big question is him and I need to have a discussion it is been almost 3months since he has paid any child support . I have a tendency to either be a doormat and we to getting understanding and just keep my mouth shut I can’t and becoming extremely very angry I don’t want to be with him because I am still hoping for a future together Still. I just need to send with him I just don’t know where to start

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 5:36 pm

HI BC,

It’s ok to talk to him about your son… say it straight, you need to talk about child support.. have you talked about it before? What about being legally obligated to give it?

S.B

June 30, 2016 at 9:20 pm

Hello,
I am currently 7 months pregnant and i ended up leaving my boyfriend when i was 5 months due the lack of physical and emotional support. He wasnt there when i needed him most and it seemed as though our relationship was all focused on the baby and we werent working on us. I lost a brother in april and i lost 24 pounds from being so sick and i admit i was extremely stressed and took out most of my anger and stress on him. Now 2 months later, he is dating someone, he says he still has feelings for me but he has feelings for the new woman too. He says that the new woman and him are taking it slow because she has a child of her own and she also knows that sometimes couples have issues and end up back together once their baby is born…idk i just dont know what to do. He’s told me he has slept with her on different occasions and he’s also felt the need to lie about his whereabouts with her because he doesnt want to hurt me. He says he “lies to me for my own good”. Then quickly apoloized a few days later saying it was wrong for him to lie. He is very involved with his baby and checks on me all the time. I want him back but he says he just wants to date other people right now and have his space. I hve been giving him that space but at times he calls me and starts up a convo about our relationship and talks about our sex lives and how he hopes we have more kids in the future then when i respond and give in he quickly comes to his senses and says that we shouldnt be talking about us. So hes just messing with my head!!! What do i do? This man doesnt know what he wants. And as much as i want to focus on just me and my baby its hard to also not focus on him also. i want us to be a family…HELP!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 2:00 pm

HI Sb,

of course you can’t avoid thinking about him too.. that’s undeniable but the decision on whether to keep thinking about him when you do is yours.. when you catch yourself thinking about him, then stop and do other things..

vanessa encalada

June 28, 2016 at 8:54 pm

MY HUSBAND OF 7 YEARS LEFT ME 3 MONTHS AGO, WE HAVE A 4 YEAR OLD TOGETHER. I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION HE WANTED TO WORK THINGS OUT BUT HE WAS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE THE WHOLE TIME. NOW IVE FOUND OUT ABOUT HER AND HE SAYS HE DOESNT WANT TO WORK IT OUT BUT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER…ROLL EYES. IM SUCCESSFUL,SMART AND YOUNG. I DONT WANT TO WASTE MY TIME, HE SAYS ITS BC I TREATED HIM BAD AND LIED ABOUT CHEATING ON HIM…WHICH I NEVER DID BUT I SAID I DID TO GET A RISE OUTTA HIM. HE’S CURRENTLY LIVING SOMEWHERE ELSE ,BUT COMES TO OUR APARTMENT WHEN IM NOT THERE. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO…WILL THE MINIMAL CONTACT RULE WORK? CAN THIS HELP ME?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 3:03 pm

Hi Vanessa,

if the trust was broken, it’s going to take more than just doing nc.. read this post too:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

Leigh

June 28, 2016 at 12:02 pm

My ex boyfriend and I have been together for seven years with little petty breakups in the middle of all that.. We have a one year old son together also. Recently I found out that he was dating his co worker who he seems to really really like. I feel like this is really the end of us. I don’t know what to do. It really hurts to know he’s dating and that he might actually be taking this very serious. They have been dating for a few weeks now and he actually only dates women if he sees a future with them. I have noticed that he asks me for help with certain things and I wonder well if your with this person why aren’t you asking her or why are you asking me. It’s weird to me especially if you say you like her oh so much. I feel like I’m never going to get him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 12:26 pm

Hi Leigh,

when did you break up? and are you going to do active limited contact?

Brooke

June 27, 2016 at 8:10 pm

Please help, me and my boyfriend broke up after two years, we have an 11 month old together and he said we fight to much and that he needs to “do his own thing for a while” and that he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now. I love him to death but if im being perfectly honest I have noticed him being very short tempered with me no matter what we talk about the last few months and he said I dont deserve that. I am starting to think he has alot of personal issues going on ie him not having a job lately and having to move into his moms guest room. Even still I love him more then anything and would do anything to make it better. Please help!!

Brooke

June 29, 2016 at 6:50 pm

No we do not live together right now but I am noticing more and more he is being self destructive and just partying all the time so ive taken a huge step back and I dont contact him anymore unless its about our kid idk what else to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 9:40 am

that’s right.. let him be for now.. focus on improving yourself and your child..don’t engage in a fight if he does, just be calm always
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 6:28 am

Hi Brooke,

so, do you live with him at his mom’s right now? Give him his space and time to improve yourself. He needs that.. If he’s doing it for you and your baby, then have faith that he just needs this for himself

Luda A

June 19, 2016 at 10:21 pm

I have a question … My ex and I were with each other for 8 years , we have a 6 month old together. When I first gave birth the first month was horrible he didn’t help me at all him and his mom nagged me about having my child baptized the baby was less than 3 weeks old and I refuse till the baby is at least 3 months ! I got yelled at by him that I was selfish and some other non appreciative words anyway thing. Became so hostile while nursing and cleaning and cooking! He and I were very unhappy! He was unhappy he didn’t like that I didn’t clean enough and the way he wants , and I was fed up I was alone doing it alone! I figured if I left to my parents house and left him alone he will realize how wrong he was! Instead he became stubborn and angry with me! The more time passed the angrier he became at me for leaving with my son and leaving him rather than seeing what was wrong with or relationship and o grew angrier too! 3 months later I cooked off but we continue to argue about visitation and I made him even more upset when I went to the apartment and took my furniture ! After 5 months have passed I actually regret leaving being a single mom has taken a harder toll on me ! One day he came to pick up my son and I grew so weak I actually begged him to reconsider gluing our relationship together ! He said I can’t believe you saying this to me after everything you put me through! You thought you are going to wear me down but I didn’t chase you and I’m
Not going to ! I’m done ! I told him to just think about it, he agreed and called me first thing the next day to tell me no he doesn’t want to try again ! It shared me on the inside I stood quiet and this time I told him o understand ! I told him in that case we need to Have boundaries, no contact unless it’s about our child ! Which he has been and every time he picks up my son he doesn’t even look me in the eyes! It’s sooo cold between us! I don’t think 30 NC will work for me at this time! It’s just heart breaking for me to see how can someone just simply gives up ! Any thoughts? Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 4:31 am

Hi Luda A,

you have to start living your life doing new things especially during the times he’s with the baby.. use that time to take care of yourself.. go out with frienda or co workers.. If he sees you’re living life happy without him then it could be a chance for a reset

Tina B.

May 31, 2016 at 8:29 pm

I’ve been reading all of the advice…. Me and my boyfriend of 11 years split up about three months ago. I moved out with my son and daughter after finding out he was in a rebound relationship while we still lived together… But technically were broken up. I feel in my heart that this was a huge mistake… I became emotionally unavailable the last few years trying to change him and not being appreciative of what I had….. And neither was he. Part of me wants us to reconcile and part wants to move on. I try limited contact but my worry is that we have different ideas about the custody of the kids…. Im thinking once we go to court and he has to pay child support any thought in his mind of reconciling will be over….even with limited contact, me changing etc. When I talk to him I can hear the hate and anger he has towards me… But I also know he still cares. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2016 at 1:45 am

Hi Tina B,

if the hate comes from the custody of the kids, you have to settle that first before trying to do anything to get him back.

B.C

May 29, 2016 at 3:40 am

Yes that is all correct he has gone back and forth between the two of us like a tennis ball during Wimbleton. We have a Son together and I know that I had done somethings to push him into someone else’s arms for two years due to my drinking and unresolved childhood issues. I’ve been doing therapy and then a lot of work on the sexual abuse and my codependency issues
Nicole

May 28, 2016 at 10:53 pm

Hi
I’ve been with my ex on/off for almost 8 years. I love the No Contact Rule it works every time even with him after all these years! So I decided to try & make it work. And now I found out I’m pregnant. And he’s been treating me very rude/harsh/standoffish.

So I broke it off with him. Hoping that he will miss me & realized how badly he’s been treating me. Like I suceessfully done before. But I feel like he’s not chasing me like all the other times. He did apologized after a few days later & asked can we get back together. But I don’t want to make it easy for him. So I decline.

It’s been a few weeks but now I think he won’t run back to me since I am pregnant & eventually he knows I need his help. And also I’m 4 months now & he knows I’m getting bigger & no other man would hit on me now. I wish I can do the NC & look hot like I usually do but not with this big belly in front of me.
What should I do?? He’s been acting weird lately.. I just wanted him to treat me better.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 7:04 am

Hi Nicole,

it’s good that nc works for you but actaully it’s supposed to help you long term because if you keep doing it, he would see it as a pattern. And it’s supposed to help you know what your standards really are, it’s not just to make him chase you. Show him your true worth , even without dating others by communicating effectively with him and sticking to our decision of not getting back with him if your standards are not met. Your baby is a blessing, so focus on that. You may not attract new guys, but be a strong mom to be. Be happy, take care of yourself and do the things you still can do now, that you will be able to do for a while after you give birth. Explore your new world when you join classes and read books.. Try to make this time fun.. If your ex is a responsible father, he will always be present in your and your child’s life. So, for now, don’t focus on him. Focus on how you will prepare to be a good example for you child.

B.C.

May 25, 2016 at 6:20 pm

I have a question my ex and I were together for four almost 5 years we have a 4. -year-old son together. For the last year we have been split up for the last two years of the relationship we were together after having my mother move in and my child is she’s coming out to play I was pretty far under the bottle and not emotionally there for him for quite a while. I let a girl move into our house with her boyfriend because they were homeless and working for him, he was abusive and was the reason she had left and abandoned her two boys two years before and have not had any contact with them somehow give insert you get rid of the boyfriend and got her kids back into her life and got her clean and sober I have to need a lot of her arm and got her into a halfway house a full wardrobe of clothes and come to find out later on her and my now ex had started a thing it’s at her gifts and packages of the halfway house I got her into and love letters he had me help her get clean and sober but he couldn’t do that for me which is something I’m I am working on getting over he is now caught between loving me and loving her at this point he doesn’t want to be with me and he’s angry at me for having moved out of his house after he started the affair with her and taking his son with me. I want to get him back last weekend we spent it together and it was wonderful and Tuesday he sent me a message saying he can’t do this anymore is there any help and what do I do? I’ve been doing counseling and working on my child shoes have felt all of the things from the sexual abuse of my past that I wouldn’t allow myself to feel the time and I’m learning how to be an emotionally mature adult instead of a child is there any hope? It is definite that the sexual component is still there between us and there’s something that I feel that no one else has but I want to do more than that please tell me there’s hope

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 1:23 pm

Hi BC,

I just want to make it clear. He is cheating right with the girl you helped? He’s angry you moved out of his house and he lives with the girl now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 12:50 am

HI Alina,

honestly you should move on.. if he wants DNA test so be it, but your son is your first priority, focus on you and your son right now instead of him because it’s not worth it to let this time taint the happy memories you should be creating with your son.
Nesha

April 9, 2016 at 7:51 pm

I’ve been with my daughters dad for 5years all together she is two now we break up but we usually make up the next day this time he is extremely upset with me and has his friends in his hear a ex of mine text me that’s why we broke up I really would like to continue our relationship and move forward I am hurt by this he loves being a family and so do I haven’t called him in 3 days last night he text me and mentioned our relationship has been rough lately and that we needed to talk bcus of our daughter and that he still has things in my posession I didn’t respond what should I think about that message after 3 days of no contact he wants to talk but when I wanted to talk he didn’t help ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2016 at 9:51 am

Hi Nesha,

I think you really need to talk since it’s for your daughter, then it depends on that talk what your next actions would be.

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826 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”