Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

378 thoughts on “EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Pedz

June 11, 2015 at 4:05 pm

Dear Chris I just love your website,thank you so much!!!
my ex bf is a very popular guy,,he is veryyy handsome,,clever and charming but he is cheating on me and he never confess and each time he says he only loves me!! once i found it out and ive broke up with him but he never stopped calling me. he even dated another girl who was someone in my circle!!! but he called me and texted me several times in a week during 5 months i put him in NC rule..i mean he never stoped calling me during these 5 months but at the same time ive heard he was dating other girls too!
2 weeks ago he wrote a long text for me begging me to forgive him,,finally i respond to him and we decided to have another chance with eachother.but i dont trust him,,,i think he still might cheat on me! how can i make him commit? does he ever love me?
Elspeth

June 5, 2015 at 9:13 pm

Hi Chris,

Does the NC have reversed effect on the person (me) who applies it?

I have just completed the NC (actually on day #32 now). I don’t feel ready to contact my ex yet because I myself have mixed feelings. I really want to reconnect with him but rationally speaking it looks like it’s very hard to have a relationship. We were together for 5 months but it was a long distance and both of us were super busy with work, travelling, family commitment etc… We parted amicably, with him saying that he wanted to be single for a while to focus on his career and become more independent (coz he was the kind of guy who was in and out relationships a lot in the past and he didn’t like that fact, but he thought that it was because of his lack of love as a young child that he became needy even as a grown up, and now (he said) that he wants to be more mature on his own), and me after hearing that and felt hurt, just calmly told him it wasn’t a good timing for us. I initiated NC but told him about it.

I’ve been doing relatively well with myself during the 32 days since then. I work more efficiently, participate on my online classes, doing a lot of work-outs and a little of travelling. However, my social life is horrible, not only because I’m shy (a little), but also because I’m in a new city in a country where I don’t speak the language very well and it’s difficult to make friends here. However, from what I’ve seen on his fb, he has a much more active social life (or it seems). I tried my best to not stalking him too often (he contacted me once, I didn’t answer, and still likes my posts once in a while), but recently I checked and saw him having fun activities and hugging girls in parties. I immediately felt sad, a little pathetic about myself (though I DO enjoy being on my own, it’s a bit boring in this small town where nothing happens and I know too few people), and more jealous!

I’ve been trying to understand my feelings here, because it’s confusing for me. Do I feel jealous because I see him with other girls, and having a fun life? While I know I have to improve my social life anyway (been trying but no luck yet), I feel I do that ALSO because I don’t want to see him having more fun than me (without me). It looks like the NC is doing reversed psychology on me! Is it supposed to be so? Is he becoming the Ungettable guy for me now? While I know I’ve become much more attractive (a lot of gym!) and better self that at the time of the break up, the feeling of jealousy no matter what sort, makes me feel so uncool right now that I don’t think I’m the Ungettable girl yet 🙁

I don’t know if I should contact him. I actually feel weaker and even a little hurt (jealousy?!?) compared to the first 30 days of NC. I’m waiting a couple of days more to see how it goes. I was quite cool about reconnecting (even prepared myself for low expectation), but now I’m so confused that I don’t feel cool inside me anymore.
Candace

May 20, 2015 at 10:40 am

Im not trying to get my ex back. I’m friends with a guy, we hooked up a few times went on a few dates, and I said I wanted to be just friends. Then some time passed, he joined me out to events with other guys that I was dating (I know I’m an idiot, like the worst kind). I fell for him in a big way and recently I admitted it. He sends me 32 messages in a row, basically saying he cares and wants to have a future with me but his career and financial situation is crazy and he has nothing to offer me. I didn’t know what to say other than I understand and talk soon xx. I’m like that, super short. Not really into going on and on, but I do believe him. Anyway that was two weeks ago, and we haven’t talked since. I’ve been doing NC, prior to reading your article only because I thought I’d give him some space, let him come to me when he’s ready. Is that dumb? If he does reach out should I ignore it or engage? Should I reach out like you say in your other posts, after 30days? Anyway at first I thought your site was crazy with the whole getting an ex back stuff. There are so many passionate people on her, mostly women. My father says that when a man loves you nothing can keep him from pursuing you. I dodged a lot of guys that didn’t “come correct,” but this guy I can stop thinking about. I really adore him. Seems like you have a lot of great advice which I appreciate.

Chris Seiter

May 20, 2015 at 2:56 pm

32 messages in a row…

Seriously?

If you are in NC then you have to ignore it.

Hopeless

May 13, 2015 at 7:55 pm

Question: Why would your ex boyfriend like your pic on Instagram and then unlike it after a week? It has happened twice.
He has a girlfriend. We broke up 3 years ago. It was two pics that I looked really good in. Why not unlike any of the other pics? What could be the reason behind this?
Maybe his gf unlikes them? If that is the case, why not delete me completely from all social media? Trying to get attention?

Chris Seiter

May 14, 2015 at 3:47 pm

Probably b/c he was expecting some reciprocation from you after the like and then when he didn’t get it he unliked it to prove a point to you.

IN other words, to get attention.

Jan

May 1, 2015 at 2:33 am

Hi Chris! I just want to clarify if the NC Rule covers likes too? If I like something he posts, like a photo or a status, does that mean I broke the NC? What if I like a post by another friend where’s he’s tagged, a photo of a friend with him in it, does that count as breaking the NC Rule? My ex and I have a huge number of common friends and do a lot of activities with similar sets of people (separately), and we parted amicably.
becca

April 6, 2015 at 8:27 am

I really don’t know which way to go now. I’ve tried to send a text or 2 to him but I think his number has changed.. so as ive said before, It’ll look weird if I found/used that number.
Over the last couple days, some weird things have been happening. He’s completely deactivated his fb account, which makes me question why now? Why after we’ve been split a year, why not do this before or create a new one with hia New girlfriend? So yeah, that seemed strange.. considering he’s a geek and it seems now he’s had to get rid of his online business coz there’s no other way of drumming up buisness for him now?
Whilst he’s been with her (a year in June, but feels like a lifetime 🙁 ) He’s lost alot of his friends, his beloved band that he worked hard for, and now it seems his social media account and business.. I’ve heard that she is controlling and considering he’s known her longer than me (we were together 5years) I thought he’d have figured her out by now.. he used to tell me when they were in school she got in into smoking and drinking etc but whilst we were together he really struggled to quit.. so in my eyes, if she wasn’t around to offer the cigarettes he may not have started in the first place. I know it’s been nearly a year but could this still be a rebound? Or a gig syndrome?, he’s always seemed to put her on a pedestal and was even an usher at her wedding!! She also cheated in November and was seen by many of my friends kissing another guy.. she even spoke to one of my friends so he deffo knew it was her! I’ve tried to become the UG and think I’m achieving that well considering I have alot of male attention recently.. I have become happier in myself which is obviously more positive. He just can’t see it, I’ve considered trying to make him jealous by making a rumour that I’m in seeing someone but I know he’s insecure.. he used to have medication for panic attacks and depression and in my experience they go hand in hand.. this is why I think it won’t last as his new girl was previously married and it only lasted 7 months.. there is so much more to add to this crazy story but can you just answer my question – is it a rebound still? then I’ll probably ask you more 😀
Michelle

April 2, 2015 at 6:05 am

So I unfriended my ex on facebook because I didn’t want to see his posts and/or who he was talking to because I knew it would make becoming an ungettable girl much more difficult. I’d be obsessing and anxious all the time and definitely not confident. I’ve booked a trip with my cousin to Vegas and I got my hair done, so my posts on these subjects I’ve made public so anyone can see them. Like you suggested, they are subtle posts. Do you still think that he would be checking my profile?

admin

April 3, 2015 at 12:00 am

I do, remember there is a 90% chance he is.

That is really high

Jess

March 31, 2015 at 3:21 am

Hi Chris,
So my ex and I are still friends on Facebook and follow each other on Twitter. But he deleted me off snapchat a month after our breakup which was 5 months ago. He’s also my contact in Skype but he hasn’t been online since November. I also got a new phone and number around Christmas time. Our mutual friend has my new number (but I kept my old number too on my old phone). His sisters used to follow me on instagram but now they’ve both unfollowed me on there. Since our breakup, I’ve been avoiding facebook. I went on once and looked at his profile and saw that he got into one of his top schools but I didn’t comment or like his post at all. However, after our breakup he posted pictures where a girl was next to him continuously in all his pictures (there was nothing going on luckily) and he hit on this girl he liked a few years ago that likes him on and off along with his best friend, who is my best guy friend. She doesn’t like him but my ex flirted with him 3 weeks after our breakup. I’m afraid to go back onto facebook to see what is going on with him. I’m really happy he got into his top college but he announced it so long ago, I feel like a stalker if I mention over text. Plus, if I suddenly text him to give him my new number won’t it seem weird?
E

March 29, 2015 at 3:22 am

Hey chris thanks so much for this! Because my ex just friended me back on snapchat and this seems like a good way to do it! But the only problem is he has a girl friend and we have been broken up for over a year is it to late? And he friended me back a few days ago but just tonight I saw that the girlfriend asked him to semi what do I do?? Is it too late and I have a few classes with him in school and he will always try to join in on a conversation Im having with a mutual friend of ours now what??? Again is it to late? Can I even win him back? Thanks again,
E

admin

March 29, 2015 at 2:08 pm

You are so welcome.

He has a girlfriend?

Just trying to gauge the situation. What did hte girlfriend ask him exactly?
E

March 30, 2015 at 1:09 am

You have probably seen something like it. She asked him like this not exactly saying this but similar.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/42854633926533671/
admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:10 pm

Clever…

I have to admit I wish I was that clever when it came to asking out dates in high school.
E

March 30, 2015 at 1:12 am

Sorry I forgot to mention that before they were dating I wanna say a few days before they started “talking”/dating, he was talking to me saying he missed me and brought things from our past relationship like old jokes basically the good times. He said he wanted to start over and start “talking again” but again Idk really it’s really confusing.

anon

March 27, 2015 at 9:53 pm

my ex blocked me on fb saying that he didn’t block me but he had to block himself from seeing my profile because he feels tempted to talk to me when i’m online and now he is with someone else. I think is the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ excuse and he probably hates me but didn’t want to say. He has 2 fb accounts, the other account is for work and he never added me so now that he blocked me if he lurks at my profile must be using that job account. The problem is that my facebook been always limited, I share my posts only with friends. If I start sharing public now he will probably think it’s for him. I also can’t update my profile picture because I look horrible after being dumped, I became depressed, lost a huge amount of weight, my hair is thinning and I got a skin allergy due stress. My life is pretty much over. He made his instagram private so I can’t see his pics anymore. I thought about making an instagram but what is the point? I don’t have friends and there aren’t cute guys here where I live nor places to go , can’t take pics hanging out with friends or a new guy to make him jealous or see that I’m having fun. My life is pathetic lol. Can’t posts pics of me looking hot because I look bad after the breakup. I can’t do anything on social media to make him interested or make him miss him. People say that success is the best revenge but I can’t do anything. I wish I could do something

admin

March 29, 2015 at 2:34 pm

Did you listen to my blocking podcast and read my blocking article?

You can start there.

Jennifer

March 27, 2015 at 5:39 am

My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. We were dating for almost a year and I thought for sure wed get married. I have never felt that way about anyone else. Anyway, he was the first to suggest facebook relationship changes when we started dating, and unfortunately when we stopped. I noticed today that he deleted the pic of us from his profile pics. It was 2nd after the one he changed it to the day after he broke up. Is this a bad sign? We have not had contact since he texted me to ask how my weekend was a couple of sundays ago.

Sunny

March 31, 2015 at 7:23 pm

Chris – I am curious what you think about the situation above^
admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:57 pm

What about it?
ArmyGirl

April 8, 2015 at 7:08 pm

Do you think that is a bad sign? ^

M

March 24, 2015 at 5:19 am

You know, Chris, JUST when I gave up hope of trying to get him back, you post this podcast which gives me just a little more spark to try again. Thank you! Your podcasts give me so much hope

admin

March 25, 2015 at 8:32 pm

Super glad to hear that from you.

Anything else I can do to help?

Courtney

March 24, 2015 at 12:48 am

So, what do you do when everytime you text your ex, he responds for awhile but then stops answering mid conversation? I know you said that I should be the one to end the conversation first, but literally every time i text him, he either does that, or says goodnight first if its late at night. I feel like hes playing me at my own game… Lol

admin

March 25, 2015 at 8:02 pm

You need to find a way to end the conversation first on him.
Courtney

March 24, 2015 at 12:54 am

And i also forgot to add; Im always the one to text him first!

felicia

March 23, 2015 at 9:32 pm

Hey Chris, great podcast as usual. On the subject of facebook, i refriended my ex in january after months of unfriending him. And while slowly but surely (last convo we had he was a bit of a jerk though..2 steps forward 2 steps back) we’ve been in contact, and he’s liked a few of my photos. i had to deactivate my account due to privacy concerns and also i need to finish up the semster and get good grades. Now im afraid he might think im a flip floper, but at the same time maybe disappearing for a month might make him miss me a bit? IDK.

admin

March 25, 2015 at 7:52 pm

Thanks Felicia!

Don’t worry about the flip flopper thing too much ok.

Just focus on the semester and the grades.

Olga

March 23, 2015 at 8:52 pm

Hey,

I know my ex kinda stalked me on instagram (he doesn’t have an account) cause I said something about my ipad and he knew I had got one (I only posted a pic of it on instagram). But I’m so confused with him right now and since you wanted me to keep you updated…
Last time we talked and I was worried because it took him long to respond, I replied to him and then he just cut the conversation by ignoring me. Today I was a witness of a situation that reminded me of something we saw together and I texted him about it (I do it via facebook now, it seems to be safer) and ofc he read it but still no response. I know he’s not home (don’t ask how) but I’m afraid I’m being ignored again and I’m wondering how much more of it I can take.

admin

March 25, 2015 at 7:49 pm

Give him until the end of the day.

Sometimes men just take a while to respond.
Olga

March 24, 2015 at 11:29 pm

Every time he doesn’t respond I come here to express my frustration to you and tell myself I’m done… and then I get a message. And today he was surprisingly eager to talk again but I think he’s playing the same game as me haha. I mean, I wanted to end the conversation prematurely by simply not responding and after a few minutes of me doing that he said he was too tired to talk and still had something to do and “byebyebye” (why so excited lol). Of course I didn’t write anything back 😉
admin

March 31, 2015 at 7:01 pm

Haha PROGRESS!!!

Progress is good.
Olga

April 3, 2015 at 8:37 pm

Yeah progress… I texted him again today (maybe I should do it more frequently, what do you think?) and it was in the morning. It’s late evening and still no response, though he read the message and showed online. Why does he always take so long to respond?
Olga

April 6, 2015 at 7:53 pm

It’s Monday and he hasn’t replied since Friday…

M.

March 23, 2015 at 8:30 pm

If your ex likes a photo of yours after a very long time but at that time you learn after that he has a gf what that means?But after that ignores you and stops pressing likes at other girls..

M.

April 22, 2015 at 6:35 pm

The point is it’s a year we broke up now,I think I don’t have any hope at all!He’s posting now photos of him and her kissing etc…. I just can’t watch that anymore..every time I post something then he posts something like that..Should I just give up hope and delete him ??
M.

April 17, 2015 at 5:48 pm

??
Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:41 pm

What’s up?
M.

April 16, 2015 at 5:35 pm

???
M.

April 14, 2015 at 6:22 pm

The point is it’s a year we broke up now,I think I don’t have any hope at all!He’s posting now photos of him and her kissing etc…. I just can’t watch that anymore..every time I post something then he posts something like that..Should I just give up hope and delete him ??
admin

March 24, 2015 at 9:20 pm

It means he was probably thinking about you.
M.

March 27, 2015 at 6:33 pm

If that is true then why is he still with the other girl??
admin

March 29, 2015 at 2:35 pm

B/c you haven’t done enough to get him to ONLY think of you.
M.

March 31, 2015 at 6:17 pm

But how to do so? I post photos of me,I have many guys like them,I show off some skills,but nothing Works!he just started posting photos of him and his gf now..
admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:58 pm

Patience…

Sometimes you just have to be super patient.

Also, don’t put your life on hold from him.
M.

April 1, 2015 at 6:15 pm

The point is it’s a year we broke up now,I think I don’t have any hope at all!and I don’t know if I should make clear i’m dating a NEW guy or not..I don’t want to ruin my chances if I have any!What do you beleive?

becca

March 23, 2015 at 7:53 pm

What if we dont have each other on social media anymore. When we broke up we deleted each other but I created a new Twitter account as I couldn’t remember my old password. My ex is a geek so I think if he wanted to he’d be able to find me on there and see all my things (which is where I’ve put great pics of me and my freinds and a few things that they peek his interest so he’ll keep coming back to see) I can see his but do you think he’s found mine? He has got a new girlfreind but I honestly just dont see it lasting. She ended her marriage after 7 months and now my ex and her have been together around 8 months.. I do think it’s a case of the grass is greener – yes, I’ve read all these articles, so thanks for that 😀

admin

March 24, 2015 at 9:12 pm

Do you have any other way of getting in contact with him?
becca

March 25, 2015 at 7:28 am

Not really, not without it being weird. I’ve tried texting but I think hes changed his number, a new one is online but I see it as a business one so it’d be weird if I had it. If I suddenly added him on Twitter he’d freak out and know that I’ve seen the whole profile.. to be honest, nothing is really on there about his new relationship but I know he’d know I’ve been looking at it.
I’ve tried to stand my profile out to him by liking similar things but believeable things just incase he does see it and doesn’t believe it’s me, I’ve done it so he’ll stumble onto my profile if he hasn’t already. does that make sense?
admin

March 31, 2015 at 7:53 pm

Yes that does make sense.

Pretty clever actually.
becca

April 3, 2015 at 5:01 pm

So really, what do I do now? How do I get him to come across my profile and feel like he has to contact me etc and realise that he’s better with me than his girlfriend who hes been with for 8 months, after she was married for 7 months.. :/ please help!
becca

April 2, 2015 at 5:45 pm

Thank you! My freinds agree with what ive done as they can see how much it means to me having him back in my life. I just need him to see my profile and be like woah, wonder what she’s doing etc I’ve even posted things like “hanging out with my man” using no names, and it isn’t exactly a lie coz I’m hanging out with my 8 month old nephew.. so really, I’m telling the truth.. Haha 😉 sneaky eh? Thank you for all your work you’ve done for us girls 🙂 I appreciate it! 😀 x
becca

April 2, 2015 at 8:33 pm

So really, what do I do now? How do I get him to come across my profile and feel like he has to contact me etc and realise that he’s better with me than his girlfriend who hes been with for 8 months, after she was married for 7 months.. :/ please help!

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378 thoughts on “EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”