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76 thoughts on “EBR 022- How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Taylor

    May 6, 2015 at 10:10 am

    Hi Chris,

    I just texted my ex last night after doing the NC rule…I said “Hey, I think I saw you driving a little while ago when I was walking home. ( I moved into my new place). Regardless of how things were left between us last month, I’d like to say that I hope all is well and you interviews have been successful.”—I think his response was positive..being “Hey you..welcome to the neighborhood. STill interviewing, a little tired of it but we will see what happens. And yes, hope all is well with you too so don’t be afraid to sit next to me on the #7 (thats a bus, chris) if we happen to see each other.”—SO I kept it short and simple with a response and said “Thanks, glad you’re doing well.”—-Sooooo Chris, my question, where should I go from here? He never responded to that..but that didn’t surprise me. Thanks!! Love you website, I read it religiously!

  2. Jen

    April 29, 2015 at 4:22 am

    What if your primary source of communication with your ex was voice-over chat like Skype or Ventrilo? Mine doesn’t really like texting but was fine using these as the primary source of communication. Is it okay to use that as a replacement for the first contact after NC? How would I have to modify my behavior for this versus texting for first contact?

  3. Faith

    April 24, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    Hi Chris,
    After the 30 days NC I’ve been in touch with my ex and had several messages back and forth and this led to a date which actually went really well. I ended it on a high note and followed your rules… My question about texting is this… he has messaged me every day since and has always been the first one to initiate it, but they are usually abrupt messages and aren’t personal really… like he doesn’t say hi or how are you… but rather… more like ‘did you watch the game last night?” … and the texts don’t last very long
    I’ve followed your suggestions for sure…but how can I build on this? I like that he messages me first and every day but they still feel impersonal…like something is missing

    Thanks for your help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 27, 2015 at 9:54 pm

      I think you need to really approach things with the tide theory in mind.

      The tide theory that I talk a lot about in the podcast episode.

  4. moomal

    April 14, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    Hey chris how r u i need your help my nc rule of 30 day is going to be completed on my bfs birthday what shoud be my first msg to him

    1. moomal

      April 17, 2015 at 8:50 am

      Chris i broke nc rule bcoz of his birthday on 26 day of nc rule should i wish him birthday and again do nc rule on him? but my first msg was good he replied me fast and i endup the conversation first he was caling me again and again but i did nt pick again next day he textd me do you mis me i said not yet. he said i miss you so much and he said met me plz gift me this birthday gft i said is it your birthday i dunt rember. he cald me again and again aftr wards but i die nt pickd his cal. So my question is should i do nc rule again to complete my 30 days or i should increase the time period.

    2. moomal

      April 17, 2015 at 7:51 am

      Its nt my birthday its his birthday so should i text him.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2015 at 8:29 pm

      Nope. Not during NC.

    4. Chris Seiter

      April 16, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      Text him after your birthday.

  5. Jeanine

    April 6, 2015 at 8:18 am

    hi chris!
    I was wondering this for a long time, because i have been in the no contact for an astonishing (not) 3 days now, and my ex boyfriend already told me something like: “why dont u just answer me? otherwise im also done with it…”
    so my question is, after im done with the 30 days and can finally talk to him again, and start off with an interesting text, what if he ignores that text and just asks me, why did you ignore me for so long?
    what do I answer to that?

    thanks a lot! xxx

  6. S

    April 4, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    I’m ashamed to say this but I failed. It was working perfectly but we ended up sleeping again. I’m afraid to do NC again, because all of the attraction built during my flirting with him, makes me want him more.

    I’ve become the ultimate UG too, so much so, that he can’t handle me being better than him. I also friendzoned him a bit. He called me moody because according to him I talk to him only when I want something from him (which is me doing occasional bouts of NC on him). He called me snobbish too, because he thinks I’ve changed, I think too highly of myself and have become too overconfident now.

    All of my confidence goes down when he runs back to that girl every now and then. He’s become so attached to her family too. It has been more than 6 months with his rebound, and it doesn’t look like a rebound to me anymore. He made it clear that he won’t leave her, he won’t commit to me. All he wants from me is that I talk to him whenever he feels like, and have sex with me whenever I flirt with him.

    I know I can do NC really well again, lead up to flirty texting again and take the cake away from him, but I’m not sure if I want to do it now. Sometimes I feel I just should let go, but that’s tough too.

    Feeling confused, hopeless and so not like a UG right now. 🙁
    Can’t tell you how badly I want this thing to turn into official commitment.

  7. Katie

    April 1, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Hi Chris. My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago basically from stress. He hadn’t seen his friends in a couple of weeks and I hadn’t seen him either and the stress drive me to break go with him. I regret it so much but when I pologized he said homework didn’t want a. Girlfriend right now. Can you help me?

    1. admin

      April 2, 2015 at 11:51 pm

      Have you done NC yet?

  8. Catherine

    March 30, 2015 at 12:17 pm

    Your advice is brilliant however I do have a slight problem. So me and my ex broke up a month ago due to exam stresses and it’s been put on the cards that we might try again after our exams. How should I make the first move? Or should I just wait for him to make a move?

    1. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      Do you have any text messages planned?

  9. Nadine

    March 23, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Hi chris ! First and foremost your site is amazing ! It had taught me a lot during the breakup with my boyfreind . But there is a thing i want to ask u … these type of texting are not the adequeate ones for me … Me and my boyfreind broke up over an ego issues few months ago we both acted like we dont care about each other and it ruined everything . I think that these particular type of texting u mentioned are suitable for people who were rejected … How can i text in a way my ex can understand that i care for him and by that create an attraction ?

    1. admin

      March 24, 2015 at 9:11 pm

  10. S

    March 22, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    An episode I had been looking forward to hearing. Thank you so much, Chris. 🙂

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 5:51 pm

      What did you think?

    2. S

      March 23, 2015 at 5:04 pm

      About the episode? I loved it! Listening to it helped because I’m currently done with my mini NC after hooking up with him, and I’ve started texting him casually, gradually taking it to the level of flirty texting. The response is good, he’s flirting back. I need to work on getting him to flirt with me so much that he’ll want to sleep with me again, which he won’t be getting unless he commits (like you advised).

      So that’s my progress up till now, and I’ll keep you updated with more. 🙂

    3. admin

      March 24, 2015 at 9:02 pm

      Definitely keep me updated. I am very interested in how this works out.

  11. Jen-Jen

    March 20, 2015 at 11:12 pm

    Really liked this podcast, I had also been curious on this. For me he initially told me to not contact him & then 2 of NC & he was calling me. Your figures are pretty accurate in my case. After NC, it was 100% me initiating, then about 70/30 & now about 50/50 and its been 3 months since breakup. Conversations have been very minimal, going very slow, but getting a little longer each time, with random phone calls. He’s kind of been dictating the texts & tends to end them before me. Things have been improving, he did a big favor for me without hesitation as he got my mail for me while I was on vacation and paid my Gardner for me. I had been texting him less and less to try and take control & get chased, which seemed to work as he would text me more. It’s been 3 days since we last texted in which he ended first again. Today I initiated the text and after a few messages, he responded negatively for the first time. In regards to an ongoing health issue, I told him about my dr results and he pretty much said tell someone who cares & I was shocked. I have the book, so I know the game plan & ended the conversation there. I am hella confused with his behavior and how to handle. I can’t tell if he is playing games or genuinely annoyed by me.

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      Yes, its a slow climb to get to that 50/50 split.

      That was certainly rude of him. Though I would say my little piece of advice is to not bring up personal problems at all. Keep things as upbeat and positive as possible.

  12. Olga

    March 20, 2015 at 6:49 am

    Hey Chris, thanks for this episode! I never understood how is it possible to get my ex to text me first after just a few text messages but now I finally see that it doesn’t have to be so. I need a mini no contact period to clear the awkwardness of our last conversation and then I’m back in the game ready to build some attraction 🙂

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:13 pm

      Hi Olga, you are very welcome.

      Keep me updated please.

  13. Ashley

    March 20, 2015 at 4:28 am

    Hey Chris!

    Loved this episode, with this + the eBook there is so much great advice on how to get back into contact with an ex! It’s always so awesome to hear success stories too!

    That kind of brings me to my next point, I will be done with no contact in about a week, and I was thinking… My ex before we broke up had once said that he will block me off everything and not talk to me if we were to break up. It seems like a very immature perspective on his part, to me! But he seems to be sticking true to that, as he has blocked me off social media, and perhaps the phone as well (You know how an iMessage says delivered no matter what.) Meaning I am in a pickle.. I know in Episode 2 you talked a lot about how guys who block exes surprisingly end up unblocking them with time. It’s been almost three months since the break up, and that hasn’t happened. Why would a guy have a mindset like his? And do you think there is a high chance that it will be a lost cause at this point? Especially if there is not much I can do in terms of contacting him. Thanks again, Chris 🙂

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:11 pm

      Thanks Ashley!

      One question.

      Has he blocked you on all forms of media? Email, Facebook, Etc?

    2. Ashley

      March 22, 2015 at 10:03 pm

      Uh.. The only ways I know FOR SURE that he has blocked me are Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. Not sure about the phone yet, but there is a hunch I have, that he has. And I highly doubt I’ve been blocked through email!

    3. Ashley

      March 28, 2015 at 5:03 am

      Hey Chris!

      I was talking to a mutual friend of mine and my ex. And he told me that him and my ex were talking about relationships once and my ex had said that he basically just cuts his exes out of his life (blocking them, etc) because it’s easier and he doesn’t want to go back on his decisions basically. What is your opinion on a situation like that? Especially because my 30 day no contact is done on Monday! And like I said.. I’ve been blocked.

      P.S. I honestly feel so much better about myself personally! It honestly is so much more than not not contacting your ex. I feel like I don’t say it enough. Thank you so much for all that you do!

      P.S.S. I spent this entire week binge watching Buffy, it’s been a long while since I did that. And it was absolutely wonderful! Just thought you should know 🙂

  14. Jessica

    March 20, 2015 at 1:36 am

    Hey Chris,
    My ex and I broke up end of January. We had a none exclusive relationship for 2 years. Then, I broke things off cause I needed a commitment. He came back 6 months later and committed to me. We were official for 2 years, so a total of 5 years. I kept in limited contact with him because of mutual friends, events, and cause I didn’t want to seem petty. Most of the contact came from him. He even tried to kiss me during this time frame, which I pulled away from. Then, about a week ago he told me that he thinks we have just been best friends and he is glad nothing happened between us. So, now I have gone no contact. I told him I had to block him from my life for a little bit because I cant be friends with him. So that is kinda the background. First, me and my ex hate texting. We are phone call people for sure. Even during the limited contact where we were texting he would ask for me to call him when I found time, ask to if he could call me, or would just call me. I know that it will be the same once I start contact again. I also know he will talk to me because he did before and we ended things I guess friendly. So, I’m not sure how to handle that?

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      What specifically?

      Him reaching out and talking to you.

    2. Jessica

      March 22, 2015 at 4:46 pm

      Like how do I handle him trying to call me or asking me to call him after I send the first text. It says I’m suppose to build attraction through text, but if we don’t text and just talk on the phone is that ok? Or will I have to stick to texting as much as I can?
      Thanks, Jessica

    3. admin

      March 24, 2015 at 8:01 pm

      Just make something up and say you are busy and can’t talk on the phone .

      Of course, if he wants to talk on the phone that fast its a good sign. Its risky but you can expedite the process and move on to the phone.

  15. cynthia

    March 19, 2015 at 11:38 pm

    Hi chris,
    I was in the middle of my no contact period when he texted me, I replied because it had to do with concert tickets i had purchased for him, i made sure to keep the conversation distant, like if he was a stranger asking for directions. when he said that him going to the concert with me was a bad idea, i didnt get angry, i simply replied with an “ok” and a thumbs up. my question is, He reached out to me, i had one more week of no contact and i talked to him 🙁 so should i start again? or can i where im at?
    thankyou for reading and taking the time to reply 🙂
    -Desperate Girl trying to get her man back

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 3:58 pm


      I wish you hadn’t of broken nc but I will give you a pass 😉

    2. cynthia

      March 19, 2015 at 11:39 pm

      i meant to say, can i continue my no contact for the remander of the time, or do i have to start over?

    3. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      Continue it.

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