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317 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Stop Chasing Him?”

  1. Avatar

    Kay

    August 8, 2019 at 2:07 pm

    I was with my ex for 4 1/2 years. This was both of our first real long term relationships. We had a great connection, always laughing and communicating with each other on a daily basis. We had a lot of the same interests and never really argued, a few niggles here and there but nothing major. We always called each other soulmates and said we’d be lost without each other. We had plans of moving in together in the future.
    At the time I got together with my ex a traumatic event happened in my life which I still to this day feel like I haven’t dealt with properly which I am beginning to work through now. My ex stuck with me through that, making the effort to make me happy everyday and I appreciate him for that. I know this event changed me in a way where I would lash out at him over the slightest things, not at the start of the relationship but more so up until a year ago I would let the little things bother me. I see that now.
    Two weeks to the day is when we split. I had called him up to see how he was doing and to check if he’d still be coming over for the night and the next thing it seemed like he was trying to cause an argument and stated over the phone he did not want to be in a relationship anymore and that he thinks it’s all started going downhill. He kept asking me what I thought about him saying we should end it and I just didn’t really know what to say as I did not take it seriously at first, it’s the first I’ve heard him mention anything like this. His reasons for wanting to split were that he could not deal with the way I act anymore, he doesn’t want to feel closed in and he doesn’t want to deal with all the things that come with a relationship. He said he remembers how it used to be, I’m assuming he means not being in a relationship and living the single life. He has told me he has had enough and he has made his decision, it’s not going to change. He also said he has been thinking about this for 2 – 3 months. I told him that I wish he communicated how he felt as we wouldn’t be in this situation now.
    I admit I text and called him a few days following the break up to try and meet up so we could talk properly, to which he has refused and told me we both just have to ‘accept it’ and then he just ignored my follow up messages. I left it a week to give him some space and contacted once again to see if he would be willing to talk and he ignored me again so I haven’t contacted since and I don’t plan to.
    It’s just a lot of years and effort to throw away. He told me he loved me and cares for me and things are good when we’re okay but he just doesn’t want any of it anymore.
    He recently got back in contact with his old friends who he hasn’t bothered with for a while and I see that he has made various social media accounts to get back in contact with other people. Whether this is all him feeling trapped from being in a relationship for so long and just wanting to get some space I don’t know. But I just feel like he doesn’t plan on contacting me ever again after all the years we shared together.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 8, 2019 at 7:07 pm

      Hi Kay…you might want to take a closer look at my Program – “EBR PRO Bundle” and give some consideration to employing No Contact

  2. Avatar

    linda r garrett

    July 28, 2019 at 1:20 am

    I am finally divorced. I’m new to this dating thing. My pattern is I chase. I’m either all or nothing. When they become elusive I can’t stand it and I go all out chase mode. It’s not healthy. I realize I must stop this behavior if I’m ever going to have a healthy relationship.
    Thank you for this website

  3. Avatar

    Diana

    July 27, 2019 at 7:33 pm

    I’ve dated this guy for two weeks now, he says he loves me. But he never calls, am always the one calling. He never initiates a text, it’s always me.
    I feel cheated, it looks like am always begging him for everything.
    Begging him to communicate
    Begging him to see me.
    These are things I think I should recieve freely without me over begging.
    I feel I can’t take it anymore.
    I love him.
    I don’t know how to get him to do these things without me putting in this much effort

  4. Avatar

    KK

    July 9, 2019 at 8:16 pm

    I have been on and off with this man for 7 years. We have gotten closer and closer each time. Last summer we became really close and he “fell in love” but broke off talking because I wanted kids and he started talking to someone else he hit it off with. Fast forward a year later, we are still talking but so are they. He basically goes back and forth between the two of us and says he loves both of us. The only difference is, he says I am the girl he sees long term with, marriage with, living a happy life with. She is someone who yes I love but I want to fix, I can’t let go of. He is attached to her kids and she is also still married (going through her second divorce). I don’t quite understand why he tells me Im the one he should marry and sees a future with but is chasing after her. We went on a trip with his kids for the 4th of july and we were like a happy little family, accept the entire time he texted her from sun up to sun down basically missing out on the vacation. She found out and they hung out as soon as we got home. He said he needed to figure things out with her, theres a lot going on, and needed to not keep hurting me in the process. After fighting for answers, I said fine go do your thing! My question is, will he ever come back & will he commit to me?

  5. Avatar

    Confused

    June 25, 2019 at 9:39 pm

    I will try to sum this up as best possible. I started seeing this guy about 6 weeks ago and truly never felt this way so early on and his words and actions affirmed that he was feeling the same way. We just clicked and understood each other so well from the get go. He also has a young son which is a large part of his life btw. (Not with the ex who I’m about to mention). However half way through our short time together an ex of his (who has repeatedly harassed him since they broke up) found out he was seeing me and started the harassment again. Everything from using apps to call him from different numbers, showing up at his home and he had to call the police, etc. even more things but too much to mention. One event happened over the weekend that she did something again and it was after that night I Started to feel him withdraw from me. And then the next week He said that he has been feeling a lot of anxiety the past few days and he felt like it was telling him he isn’t “all the way ready to get back into a relationship right now”. He said how much he really likes me and how much I get him. He doesn’t want the fact that not being ready right now to hinder our friendship or the relationship we had created. And he was adamant that he wanted me in his life on a friendship level. My gut tells me that the reason he isn’t ready is because of all this baggage he has with his ex and he is self aware enough to know he needs to get that in check before he can start being ready for something new. But then I hear all the time “if a guy is serious about you then he will make it happen regardless”. So I’m battling on the inside of whether the was connection real for both of us and he just needs to get that situation ironed out, or was I just given the line like I hear many do “ I’m just not ready for a relationship?”

  6. Avatar

    missing him

    June 10, 2019 at 12:57 pm

    I have been seeing this guy for maybe 5 months. At month 3 he told me he was going back to his ex. He has continued to see me. Telling me he loves me is crazy about me etc.. I wasn’t good with the small amount of time he would give me. He recently turned down an opportunity to be with me making plans for a couple days later. I later found out he took yet another girl out. We are not talking now. I havent heard from him in 3 days he usually sends a morning text. I didnt get it this morning. Can I get him back as solely mine?

  7. Avatar

    Tessa

    June 7, 2019 at 5:34 pm

    Hi.
    Me and my boyfriend we have been dating for a year and a half. Our conflict began a month ago when i said to him my parents would like to see him since they know i have a boyfriend, Well his reaction didn’t seem to agree on meeting them so i said to him i am kidding with you i was testing you. I then overreacted and said to him so you meaning you using me for sex? And he went mad about me saying this, So he was like i am now turning the tables. It has been a month and a week without hearing from him and i have stopped chasing him too for about a week now

  8. Avatar

    Wishy-Washy

    May 22, 2019 at 6:06 pm

    I dated this guy over a year and a half ago. At first things were great, he did all the right things and we hit it off! However, when the time came to have “the talk” he told me he was not looking for a relationship. We decided to remain friends as we both are in the same social circle. Every time we saw each other, we always ended up hooking up. He’s an emotionally unavalible guy, but he has expressed several times that he wants me to be that person that he can be close to and talk about anything with. Unfortunately, every time I would try to come closer to him he would kind of push me away and that drove me crazy! For the last year.. I have talked to him at least once a week.. I have called him out on his issues, expressed how he has hurt me and walked away from the friendship. But I ended up trying to salvage the friendship only after a couple of weeks… he was around me at work and social gatherings during that time and I felt I wasn’t able to escape. Now that I told him I basically changed my mind, he’s confused by me and is stand offish, but still messages me back and meets up occasionally.We agreed to end the hook up part of it. I am really trying for him but now I feel I’m coming off desperate and needy which seems to be putting him off more. I do love the guy and I understand his emotional baggage. I understand he is unable to commit and I don’t expect him to change. I do want him apart of my life though and i do want to see him happy. Despite his lack of willingness and want for a relationship, he is a great person and wonderful friend. We just haven’t hit that total openness yet.. I have been working on myself and the way we communicate, but he still seems annoyed by me which makes it difficult. Help!!!!

  9. Avatar

    K

    May 16, 2019 at 3:59 pm

    So I don’t know what to do… This guy and I have been talking for 3 months. In the beginning we would meet up for breakfast or dinner or drinks, we went to the movies on 3 separate occasions. He told me from the beginning he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and I was not either being I just got out of a long relationship and I was hurt badly and so was he. My feelings for him grew stronger, he would tell me he had strong feelings for me to and say a whole bunch of nice things then about a month ago he said again I’m not ready for a relationship I don’t want to stop talking or hanging out I just might be more distant. I gave him his space and would only text him occasionally to ask him how things were going. We met up a couple times over the last month and went to the movies last weekend and out to breakfast the next morning. I’ve been feeling like I’m the one now chasing him and yesterday I told him I thought I was okay with all of this but I like him a lot and so my question is basically is it to late for him to come back to me?

  10. Avatar

    Ntombifuthi Ngwenya

    May 14, 2019 at 11:26 am

    I was in a relationship for two years my boyfriend will not once tell me to stop dating at first I chased after him but at some point I noticed that I appeared to be desperate and I stopped contacting him I remember I use to call him more than 30 times a day for 6 days and then I stopped he then came chasing after me.Yesterday he told me he wants his belongings I have at my place and I didn’t ask why but since he’s been meaning to break up with I assume we’ve broken up.Is that the case or I must be in the no contact?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 14, 2019 at 3:45 pm

      Certainly too many calls in a short period of time can be problematic, but it seems the relationship is going back and forth. You don’t want to start No Contact unless you are sure there is a breakup underway.

  11. Avatar

    Sharon

    May 11, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    By the way, he called me a stalker the last 3 heaes and ask me to stop stalking . 6 years ,and this is what we have come to, lived together most kf it. Now after 2 weeks he is seeing someone else

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 11, 2019 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Sharon….place your focus on your own healing and recovery. It seems your ex of 6 years has still much to learn. He just has not realized it yet. Those roots you both put down over 6 tears are not easily torn away. This other person could be a rebound. Take a look at my ex recovery Program to get a better picture of how you should proceed.

  12. Avatar

    Sharon

    May 11, 2019 at 3:58 pm

    I was with this man for nearly six years, we have been on and off throughout at all I would move in be there for 6 months and move out the way always got back together after a couple of months This Time It’s Different. I have always kept in contact with him always nagging begging pleading crying I always took the blame to get him back. But this time I did something I’ve never done I went two weeks without contacting him actually it was one day from being two weeks. On the 13th day he was on Instagram posting a picture of a girl he was on a date with talking about how beautiful she was and he had fun. I had noticed from the last breakup he had said I’m one of her post that she looked pretty. He never contacted me. Today is 3 weeks this has been the hardest three weeks of my life. Yesterday I did they drunk texting well actually it was email because he said he has me blocked on text. I sent message after message after message pleading and begging being mad and angry I did everything. The only thing you had to say to me was that he had put my stuff in my building and for me to never contact him again. And that he had no room for me in his life that he was moving on and I should do the same and also said Happy Mother’s Day. Is this the end for us is this man really gone after almost 6 years. How do I know if he’s serious with this girl. Please help

  13. Avatar

    Kelly Howard

    May 5, 2019 at 10:44 pm

    Hi,

    I was seeing my partner for a year roughly. We’ve had arguments before but always seemed to recover from them.
    Last week we had a big argument over the fact that every time I ask when we can catch up next he can never just seem to give me a straight answer.
    After a lot of tears and texts he has now completely stopped replying and reading anything I send him.
    I have now stopped texting him and given up. I’m really hurt that he couldn’t even have a proper conversation with me but I guess he’s really frustrated and wants his space.
    I don’t feel like there’s any hope left or that he’ll contact me again.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2019 at 4:00 am

      Seems like you both would benefit from having some space and employing the No Contact Rule for that reason and many others may be the right medicine. Take a look at picking up my EBR Pro Bundle as it can help you in many ways.

  14. Avatar

    Martha

    April 4, 2019 at 5:18 am

    Hello, me and my boyfriend were together for a year but in a long distance relationship. He’s white and I’m asian.

    Just few weeks before our 1st anniv I suggested that maybe we should break up. The reason: for the past 4 weeks (prior to our anniv) he would not “exist” on weekends no texts or calls. I know being in an LDR this was alarming to me because what if something happened to him? Is he okay or in the hospital?

    On the 3rd consecutive week that it happened we talked about it his reasons were he wanted alone time or he was our drinking/day drinking and I explained to him you can have those all I ask is for you to tell me that this is what I wanna do for the weekend / I just want me time for the weekend. At least I don’t have to worry for you r well being. But the more it happened repeatedly somehow it created trust issues for me. But after talking about it he said he won’t do it again and he will change. But just a week after that he did it again, a weekend with no texts or calls. He said he was just drinking at home.

    And I was hurt because I explained to you that this upsets me yet you did it again. And I suggested that maybe we should break up he said let’s talk again tomorrow. Next day no calls from him. Next day I messaged him and asked I thought you wanted to talk? He said I was not myself since the talk we had, let’s just talk on Sunday. Sunday came and I was messaging him on what time should we talk but no response and not even reading my messages. But all I did was chase him, messaging him or calling him asking him to talk to me because I said I was holding on to what he said that he’s not giving up and he still wants to talk. He finally messaged and said okay let’s talk on Saturday. And same thing when we were about to talk I heard nothing from him. So i messaged him again to ask when are we gonna talk, do you even have plans of talking to me? if you don’t wanna talk atleast say something and I’d stop bothering you. But up until now nothing (it has been a month since was last talked on the phone)

    Now I am scared that I don’t know what to do.

    Should I stop messaging him? What if he finds someone new because I no longer exist?

    Should I keep chasing his answers to my whys? Or what if he is doing this on purpose, like to just ghost me?

    This situation really put me in a dark place right now.

    Thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2019 at 10:31 pm

      So there are brighter places for you to go and it starts with a focus on “you”. Take a look at implementing No Contact so you can find some peace and start focusing on some recovery/healing activities. This process can also help in getting an ex back. I recommend you take a look at my epic long eBook, “EBR Pro”!

  15. Avatar

    A*

    March 27, 2019 at 3:34 pm

    Hello all, I have been close friends with my Aries ex for quite some time before we dated. I’m a Cap. He had always had a thing for me but I was never interested until I was at a lower point in my life. He pursued me full force and chased the heck out of me but I gave him a hard time about pretty much everything and pushed him away greatly.( I was self conscious and depressed) He didn’t give up on me and things did get better but they always resorted back to “why are we doing this” mostly because I had created problems for myself and us that I shouldn’t have. I started to try harder and harder each day to make things great but it was hard to come back from a bad beginning. We were both very in love with eachother but now he is taking big steps in his life and has ended things with me completely (he’s done this before and the chasing method worked) I am not sure what to do this time around… I don’t plan to cause him anymore unnecessary stress and only plan to be more understanding of him. I don’t know if I am supposed to chase to show him that I will be more understanding or to implement no contact rule. It’s still fresh wounds and I begged at first and layed off after the first day. I do not want to lose this one for good /‘: I left a heartfelt letter for him and that was the last of communication on my end. He already knows I want this time to be different, he just doesn’t believe it will be

    he has been liking tons of girls photos on Instagram and following everyone under the sun – which is not like him esp because he knew that I wasn’t super fond of it – so I have been trying my hardest to not be broken up over that.

    pleaaaase guide me!!! This is one of the good guys and I should have never pushed him away in the first place!

    ** also his birthday is on Tuesday and I originally had a surprise party for him set but that went to crap when we broke up so he found out and made other plans for that day with his friends.

    I am unsure about implementing no contact or just being by his side while he is busy until/if he lets me in again. We are only a few days into the break up.

    Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 27, 2019 at 9:25 pm

      Hi there….so I think you will benefit by picking up my flagship product which is extensive (EBR Pro). Just give him some space and allow for things to proceed naturally. Chances are he will see the has a lot invested in you and will reconnect. NC is always available to you if needed.

  16. Avatar

    Kimberley

    February 15, 2019 at 5:02 pm

    Hi Chris. My ex broke up with me about a year ago. He got a new girlfriend soon afterwards and they even moved in together. I went on no contact for about 4 months. We started to talk again and I spoilt majority of my progress. I started to chase him again, even have sex with him. I’m readily available etc. I see him everyday except weekends because we’re in the same university. I feel so dumb and stupid because he’s pulling away again and I’m totally lost. Please how can I fix this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 16, 2019 at 12:35 am

      Hi Kimberely!

      So if things are not working out and you are not happy, then its usually time to change strategies. Pick up my epic 485 page eBook so you can get up to speed on all of what unfolds in the post breakup period….perhaps pull back, become less available…employ some subtle jealousy ploys

  17. Avatar

    Alexandra

    February 2, 2019 at 6:49 am

    So in October I noticed I was following this guy that I’ve seen before but couldn’t really tell from where so I dmed him and said hey you look really familiar, do I know u from somewhere? And he replied with hey how are you doing and then our conversations were good from there. Skipping ahead we went on a couple dates and he ending up falling hard for me and I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be his girlfriend or not. I’ve never been treated that way or been that happy in a while that I got scared that it would all disappear so I told him I wanted to spend more time together before we become official. Time went on and before New Years we got into an argument. There have been times when my friends have said things to me about this guy and I’ve never believed them but I would bring it up to the guy I was seeing. Our argument was over the fact that my siblings saw him liking other girls pictures and I didn’t know if I was okay with that. I trusted the guy with all my heart but I waited till the end of the day to decide if I was gonna tell him what happened because he’s really keen on communication which I liked but I just wasn’t use to being so direct, I’m shy at times. He didn’t like the way I told him what happened or that I didn’t come to him right away so he said he didn’t want to continue seeing me anymore. A few days passed after that of us cutting each other off and I sent a text apologizing to him because I felt that I messed up and needed closure. We were texted again but not like we were before, we texted as if we were just friends but not close ones, distant ones. Then he started spiraling down and just going super rebellious and started intoxicating himself heavily and other things that were not normal for him. I was concerned so I tried to talk to him about what’s going on and if he’s okay. He told me he still liked me but he just couldn’t be with someone who was influenced so easily by what others thought and that I didn’t communicate directly to him at that moment. I really liked this guy so I said that I wouldn’t do it again and to give us another shot so I can show him I’m not really like that and not just say it over text but he said he felt confused and even though he still liked me he said he couldn’t. At that point I had no romantic feelings and it was more of me being scared that he’d end up in a hospital. He got mad that I was up in his business like that and told me off and then said he was going to walk away from me and I was upset. I then said goodbye and unfollowed him on social media and he did the same. It’s been a month of us having space now and even though I’ve been talking to other guys I still keep thinking about him and I’m wondereing if by following him on Snapchat can rekindle a friendship that could be the start of us finding each other again. His birthday is also coming up soon.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 3, 2019 at 12:32 am

      Hi Alexandra. It really sounds like you would benefit from a blueprint of things you can do to help you in your cause. Take a look at my eBook, “EBR PRO” as it is very comprehensive and can help you in the strategy department.

  18. Avatar

    Steph

    January 30, 2019 at 6:51 pm

    So I have been best friends with this guy for about 6 months. At around month 2 of our friendship, I started to like him as more than friends. I ended up telling him and the great thing was that he said it back! But, he said he was in no place to be in a relationship and didn’t want to start one with me because “it wouldn’t be fair to “. So, I accepted that the only thing that we were going to be was friends, and he ended up being “my person” .
    So we continued to stay in contact. We would text him for hours a day and constantly snapchat him when I was free. I would stop by his room (in the dorm) on my way back to my room or he would stop by my room almost everyday. I started getting confused because he started to treat us like we were in a relationship. I think I was chasing because I continued to respond to his text and snapchats all the time thinking that one day he would change his mind about not wanting a relationship. When he needed to talk I would immediately come to talk to him. We used each other for emotional support as if we were in a relationship and flirted as if we were in one.
    So I decided that I needed to take some space and stop talking to him, stop chasing him. He treated me as if we were in a relationship without the label and I didn’t want that kind of friendship anymore. If I stop chasing, stop responding, will it make a difference in our friendship? What will go through his mind? Will he finally ask for a relationship or just let me go?

  19. Avatar

    Anon

    January 15, 2019 at 4:21 am

    We weren’t actually in a relationship but he had been staying at my house every night for three weeks straight. I would cook him dinner every night, I let his dog live at my house, he took me and my kids fishing plus got them fishing rods each, did cute little gestures. I was really falling for this guy and then he said he need to go to his mothers (an hour down the road) we left on good terms and then he started avoiding my messages then he finally answered me and said that my insecurities were to much for him and that we were two different people (which is a lie cause we had so much in common and we had fun the whole time and got on so well, I was happy and I could tell he was happy) and then after that he wouldn’t answer any of my texts and calls and of course I kept calling and texting cause he was ignoring me so I thought if I kept doing it he will eventually answer me but obviously that didn’t work plus he has some of my stuff so I wanted to know when i was getting it back he reckons he will give it back but won’t tell me when and now it makes me look like a crazy psycho (as his sister answered his phone at one point and called me that haha cause I kept contacting him over and over again) now his family hates me and well I ran into him at gym and asked if we could talk and then I found out his dog had been bitten by a snake while he was out at his mums and that he just wanted space and didn’t care for anyone or anything and told me not to do this here and well I told him over and over again that I cared for him and not to shut me out and why invest so much into me just to shut me out like this..so I think I may have screwed things up big time with him and really wish I could take it all back and now I’m so upset and angry with myself and disappointed that I screwed up something that was so good.. I just don’t know what to do now :’(

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 17, 2019 at 1:43 am

      Hi Anon!

      Lots going on here. Have you though about NC? Sometimes giving each other some space and time and quiet down all of the emotions and clarify what one should do going forward.

  20. Avatar

    Ashleigh

    January 4, 2019 at 3:49 am

    My ex broke up with me after a year relationship. He said that he didn’t want to be with anymore. I begged and begged for him to come back and he told me to leave him alone and we were never getting back together. Fast forward to a week ago, he said he was so in love with me and of course wanted me back but we can’t be together. Two days later he follows a girl who caused a couple problems for us while we were together. I texted him today about our dog and if I could see him well we started talking and I asked him if about us and he said he doesn’t see himself getting back with me. I asked would he try to see this through and give us a chance and he said not any time soon. Please help I do not want to lose him :(.

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