Can I Get My Boyfriend Back If I Give Him Space?

691 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

Ruth

March 17, 2018 at 8:34 am

We never had a fight and we were happy in the relationship we had I waited for him for one year plus to come home from outside the country so we could be together and we have been communicating since then everyday he messages me in the morning and night and the day I don’t text him he gets angry so he finally got back into the country last year we went out and was together because I was his girlfriend and so we did a lot of things and even made love to each other but after that he began to act wrong n stopped picking my calls and refused to see me and now I think he is out of the country and he didn’t even tell me I did no contact rule with him although he didn’t ask for space but he has been avoiding me so I decided to give him space but it’s almost two months since he left the country but we barely talk that much and he constantly views my WhatsApp story but hardly comment for months now my question is should I block him from viewing my WhatsApp stories and do a no contact rule all over again ? What if he tries to contact me should I respond since we haven’t talk for a long time?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2018 at 4:58 pm

Hi Ruth,

He ghosted you. Follow this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

Hopeless

March 15, 2018 at 10:12 pm

Plz help

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2018 at 3:28 pm

Hi,

What’s your situation?

Steph

March 15, 2018 at 6:49 pm

We broke up cause we were fighting a lot- at the time of the break up he said he needed time and space to heal. It’s been almost 4 months now, we had some bad conversation in the first 3, went no contact, he reached out and we had a good talk, he texted me the next day to discuss the relationship some more. I know giving him space is what’s best right now, especially cause he has told me he’s still not ok after all our fighting, but I am just so afraid he is going to move on (and keep me on the back burner while he does it) because he is talking to new girls and has gone on a couple dates…
Ann

March 14, 2018 at 4:21 pm

My boyfriend of four years broke up with me out of nowhere a week ago because he said he was unhappy. The next day, I told him not that we wouldn’t have contact for two months and he could reach out to me when he was ready to admit his mistake. Before that, I completely text gnatted him, but since then it’s been silence, except for him like one of my instagram posts. I have already realized that I placed a lot of my happiness into him and that could have put way too much pressure on him. We had also been dating since 15, so I think he wanted to explore a bit and make sure he wasn’t making the wrong choice. The only reason I think this is because he said he wanted to try to casually date other people and wasn’t sure about our future and didn’t like feeling married at 20.
Ann

March 13, 2018 at 1:38 pm

My boyfriend of four years broke up with me out of nowhere a week ago because he said he was unhappy. The next day, I told him not that we wouldn’t have contact for two months and he could reach out to me when he was ready to admit his mistake. Before that, I completely text gnatted him, but since then it’s been silence, except for him like one of my instagram posts yesterday. I have already realized that I placed a lot of my happiness into him and that could have put way too much pressure on him. We had also been dating since we were 15, so I think he wanted to explore a bit and make sure he wasn’t making the wrong choice. The only reason I think this is because he said he wanted to try to casually date other people and wasn’t sure about our future and didn’t like feeling married at 20. We met up twice after the breakup to talk, one where I was composed, and one, not so much, but they were both within the same day, and that was the day after the breakup. I haven’t spoken to him since, and I left a box outside of his door of all of his stuff two days after the split.
Missing someone

March 12, 2018 at 2:58 am

Hey I was with my boyfriend for 6 months and we tried to get back together but it didn’t work he said he didn’t know what he wanted and so I did the no contact rule I’m in the third week and I think he thinks I’ve completely moved on and he’s been having a lot of fun but he talks about me on social media but he hasn’t for a week now. I am too scared to contact him after the no contact rule and I’m scared he’s moved on to someone else. And he doesn’t like the job I do I want to change but he was my strength. And he’s the type of guy who doesn’t chase and I don’t chase either so I feel like we will never be together again and I’m too stubborn to contact him I’m so scared to I’m so lost
Alison Kirk

March 8, 2018 at 12:07 am

I have been off and on with this guys for 5 months. He has a history of bailing on me. Normally that is a no brainier and I should have left months ago. The thing with him is that when we are together we are on fire. I have tried to have conversations with him about how it makes me feel. I told him that I wanted a real relationship and he would say that he wants that to. He continues to ask me to open up and take down wall. He even asked if we could have kids meet. I wasn’t jumping the gun and when I later agreed he decided to freak out about it and started being elusive. Short back store, we originally met online and had both come off on our own. I had a gut feeling that he might have gone back on so I logged into my old account and there he was. Updated profile and all. I didn’t jump down his throat, instead i followed suit and I activated mine again and viewed his profile to make sure he knew i knew. I went on as normal without bring it up. He started making passive aggressive remarks about having other dates. I didn’t acknowledge it until he was more direct about it. We talked about and we agreed to both come off. I did the very next day and he never did. In fact he updated his profile again. I tried to be patient but after about a week i was getting blown off again and I was at the end of my robe. I send my last message telling him that we were nowhere close to being on the same page and if he wants to keep his options open that is fine but I don’t think I am the girl for him. I started no contact at the point. Four days later I actually hear from him. He tells me that we could still be friends/fling and that he always has a good time with me but he doesn’t know if he is ready for a committed relationship at this minute. But you never know and that he misses me. That was yesterday and I didn’t respond. It is killing me to just be quite and fear that he will jump on to someone else fast. I feel that we had that indescribable “thing” and i don’t want to lose it. I just can’t allow him to treat me like I’m nothing.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2018 at 9:23 am

Hi Allison,

Move on from him..he just knows how to hook you and string you along..

Sarah

March 6, 2018 at 8:42 am

So basically, we met through tinder, I was on holidays in Spain, we hit it off, went on dates every day till I left. We stayed in touch every day on WhatsApp, we expressed interest in one another and how mad we were for one another. Two months later, I went to Spain again to celebrate his birthday and stayed with him for a week then returned to the US. Two months later I travelled again to spend three weeks with him and did that again two months later. I knew he was not dating me only because when I leave the country, he is back on tinder and any dating app, but when I’m with him, he is committed. Unfortunately, I wasn’t like that and I was honest about being exclusive for him until I move to Spain and start working there (luckily my company decided to let me run our office in Spain. I could sense some red flags going on, him becoming distant before the last time I went to see him, my gut feeling said he met someone else. I became pissed because it’s only 6 months till I move to Spain but he is not being honest with me. So basically, I reached out to him and he told me that he is not really looking for something serious right now because of life, work, not sure how long he can act, his life is not stable before he lets someone in, his ex who hurt him 10 months ago and then when I told him I am sensing something not good happening between us and there are questions that were not answered such as are we seeing other people? He said let’s be friends, have some space and then see where we are when I move to Spain. He said the topic is making him nervous and so I said that’s all I wanted to know and thanks. 15 mins later he sent me that he is here if I need him. I didn’t reply. I developed feelings for him and I’m trying to heal myself and get over this. He is active on social media and he is fine. I haven’t contacted him since and I’m not going to. I met his friends every time I travel there and I think it is clear for everyone that we are not just a fling. I just need some advice because I really think we had an amazing time, we didn’t fight and it was just perfect. Why does he keep stressing on exploring more when I’m settled in Spain and not coming for a few weeks and leaving for two months. He was honest about not being interested in long distance relationships, but did he completely lose interest? He doesn’t miss my daily WhatsApp messages (morning and good night)? Was it meaningless for him? I think of it as a break up but what hurts me is that he gave up easily on us and i’m definitely sure I won’t contact him when I start working there. He asked for space and I just said okay thanks. Any insights? Did he just say let’s see where we are when I’m settled in Spain to be nice or he could mean it? It’s obvious he wants to be single for some time since his last relationship lasted for 3 years and I understand that, but even before the break up conversation, he used to text me.. We’ve been texting for 8 months on a daily basis. What is going on now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2018 at 4:15 pm

Hi Sarah,

You invested too much on a guy that doesn’t do the same for you.. Youre5 the only one going to his town and you know he’s dating someone else again when you’re gone because he’s back on Tinder.. You need to move on because you were not on the same page since the start..

V

March 5, 2018 at 1:39 am

I met this guy over 3 years ago. He often cane by the place I worked and left his number. After a while he stopped trying.I never contacted him as I was in a relationship. I then messaged him a couple of month after I broke up with my ex. That was about 5 month ago. I didn’t chase him but left it a secret who is messaging. It took another month or more until he really wanted to meet me and find out who I was. We met and it was great. During this time I also saw another guy for whom I felt more. So I stopped seeing him and broke up the contact. He tried to convince me that we would be great together but I didn’t think he was right. Two month later he tried again. By that time I totally stopped seeing the other guy but was still recovering from it. Emotionally I wasn’t ready to meet someone new. We caught up anyway and had an amazing night. I still wanted to keep in causal and relaxed. He just was so charming and kept trying. We saw each other since then 3-4 times within 2-3 weeks until last weekend. I spent a long weekend at his place. I had a cosmetic treatmamet done and didn’t want to go out and thought it would be a great opportunity to spent more time with him and his place in the country. Stupid, I know. He was very excited but after the first day I felt a little distance. He always still treated me nicely but I felt it. The last day he took me to his friends place and we had a great night. We drunk way too much alcohol apart from him. He had plans the next day and his friends thought how unusual it is for him. I confronted him drunk why he acts weird and he finally said when he likes someone he really needs to think carefully if that person fits into his life. The next morning I left early and only messaged my apologies as I really didn’t remember the outcome of our conversations the night before. He said it was all a bit too much for him and he needs time to digest what happened. It’s a huge thing to accept someone in his life and he is sorry we are back there and hopes I understand. I said he should worry and it’s okay. I feel similar and everything went way to fast to quick and I shouldn’t have stayed so long and more importantly not come when I feel very insecure about myself (the cosmetic thing) I thanked for the fun times we had and said I wish him all the best. He replied he enjoyed it a lot and that I am really amazing.
That’s it. How high are the chances you think he comes back around?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2018 at 7:21 am

Hi V,

Have you tried our quiz? You’re back and forth with each other so, he’ll probably be back agai.

Sinead jackson

March 1, 2018 at 7:22 pm

Hi,

I’ve been dating this guy for two months. Before I left to go home for two weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. While I was away we were messaging each other non stop. He kept telling me how much he missed me and how much he liked me.
We had a trip organized for when we got back for a weekend. On the Friday I was very sick and there was a lot of snow so I couldn’t move from the house. I asked would he mind popping over so we could plan our trip together for the next day and buy some food. He said he had plans with his friend who he hadn’t seen in awhile. But I got snappy which I shouldn’t have done and he went quite which made it worse. I messaged after we spoke and apologized that I was on steroids and they weren’t agreeing with me. He said he understood that he was on them too. I asked did he still want to go on the trip and he said yes.
So we left in the afternoon the next day but when we got there he was acting very cold with me. He was on his phone most of the time which I found very rude. He even brought it into the toilet with him at one point. The remainder of the trip he bought me dinner and we did open up to each other about lots of deep things. I think I really annoyed him and made him question wether he wanted to be with me because I snapped so much before we went on the trip. I felt guilty so I said maybe it would be best if we had space. He said he didn’t want it at first but then said okay.

He has been very ill since I’ve met him with an inflammatory disease which he told me about the first date we went on. I have been really sick with a flu, cold and sininitus since we have met he had a flu too so we haven’t had much luck. I’ve also lost my job just before I left for home. So I came back to having no job and barely any money in a country I’m not from. His also been stressed out with work and keeping it together even when his sick. I’m head over heels in love with the guy.

Am I doing the right thing and giving him space? Will he come back happier and more loving? Or will he end things with me?

Really would appreciate the help as I really really like this guy so much!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2018 at 1:24 pm

Hi Sinead,

Yes, because you should use the time to take care of yourself before thinking about him. It’s not going to help your relationship if you’re both sick..

Bernice

February 28, 2018 at 3:32 pm

Well I have been dating my ex boyfriend for a year and a half. On January he told me that he wanted me to have a baby with him after I finish school (which is May this year btw). I told him I was not ready to have a baby. He argued about it and after so much arguing I felt like we both needed to calm down so I blocked him on everything ;calls;messages and social media sites. After 8hours I unblocked him. He asked me if I was back to my senses and still maintained his argument that he wants a baby with me or else we break up. I told him I wasn’t ready. We went for two days without talking and on the third day I asked him about his intensions. He told me he haven’t changed his mind and that he still wants a baby.. If at all I’m not ready then we should break up. I didn’t agree to the break up…. We continued talking which was arguing most of the part about the baby. After some time he told me that he needed space and time to think. I was so mad at him and I was so scared. I thought I was gonna loose him. So I gnatted him with messages and begged for him to rethink. He started bringing issues that we faced before during our 1 year relationship that he wasn’t really healed from the fact that I was still communicating with my other ex and that I did not want to go into business with him because our relationship isn’t guaranteed or secured because we not married. I apologized for all that and promised to do better But he kept telling me that he needs space and time to think…. I agreed to give him space but I was still hurt. I spent two days without talking to him and on the third day I asked him about his intensions regarding our relationship. He told me that he wanted to be single for now and that I shouldn’t pressurize him into a relationship that he needs a break from. I was so broken…I told him that I won’t pressurize him and I left him alone…what should I do Chris? I feel the break up was a bit rushed and it came unexpectedly…

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2018 at 11:23 am

Hi Bernice,

If he’s telling the truth about wanting a baby, then it’s better to move on because that’s a big ask for you to do.. If you think he’s just using it as an excuse, try the nc rule..

christiana

February 28, 2018 at 11:47 am

Hi Armor:
After I messaged you last few days – as I indicated previously, After feeling him pulling away and my getting very drunk and mean – Well my worst fears as expected, today my boyfriend said he was still having a hard time processing the night i got really drunk. He said If it was the first time we had that problem it would be different but unfortunately it has happened quite a few times before. That just happened to be by far the worst. he begged me to stop but i would not listen. He said I did untold damage to his feelings for me. After the drunk night, he stayed away for a week, but still called, but this week he is back to staying away after we saw each other for 2 days, and now there is no contact at all. He stayed away to be apart from me. I know this.
He said today in an email he need some time away from us to sort through it. And that he doesn’t feel as close to me as I did before and is afraid he might not get those feelings back. He said he did a lot of soul searching as he do not want to hurt me but he never envisioned going through what we went through the other night. he used to look forward to seeing me and visiting with me but honestly now he just does not. I said many hurtful things and he doesn’t want to live like that. He said he think it is best we spend some time apart as he need to search his feelings. I don’t know what to do. I wrote him a sincere letter back apologizing and asking for forgiveness; telling him how much I love him. He gave me no response. I called and text too. Still no response. What do I do now? He has not packed my things out of the house or asked for my key. Have I lost him completely based on what he said? are the change in feelings for not feeling close as before due to be very hurt and angry? He is trying to gently break things off and hope I fade away? I don’t understand how overnight practically he loses feelings. He must have been feeling this for a while now, because I did notice him pulling away; he said I was being needy and he felt suffocated. But, now we are on a break due to my drunken behavior and hurtful words. I don’t know what I even said that was so cruel. Will he come back? Please advise what I should do. I don’t want to lose him. I know I need to work on me, but he says he loves me, but doesn’t know what he feels right now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2018 at 11:15 am

Yeah he’s just probably breaking it slow for you. Have you checked this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Rachel Callahan

February 25, 2018 at 5:09 pm

A week ago my boyfriend of 4 years blindsided me by wanting to break up becuase he needed space becuase he felt confused and he wasn’t sure why. At first I was terrified and felt like my world was crumbling. But I realized after that there were a lot of things going on in his life that was causing him stress and I realized I was probably putting a lot of pressure on him that he couldn’t handle on top of everything else. I haven’t spoken to him or texted him or contacted him in the week since it has happened and I guess I’m just trying to figure out if me leaving him alone will make him realize that throwing away 4 years of us was the fight decision.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 12:47 pm

Hi Rachel,

You’re not the one who broke up with him.. he’s the one that decided to break up and leave you.. chasing isn’t going to help you.

Christiana

February 25, 2018 at 5:42 am

So my boyfriend and I reconnect after many years of lost time and failed relationships. He and I have been very serious for a about 5 months. At one point said he loved me and wants to spend life with me. He asks yo see me everyday, every weekend. So here’s the thing ,,,, he’s been feeling suffocated and need space. Last night he said he needed some time to process things. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to date anyone else. In last few weeks I have felt him pull away all the while internally panicking and try to get closer. He kept saying he was feeling suffocated. That I have been acting like nothing is ever enough and he can’t seem to do anything right. I denied that of course. It has been tense between us. I got very emotional after a evening out and insanely drunk and apparently said some hurtful and mean things. I’ve begged for forgiveness. Apologized. He had remained distant. He left town today said he loves me too but no indication when he will be home or how long he will need time to process things. So my getting drunk and mean was the icing on the cake. I’m scared he is going to break up with me. He said I was so mean that he is trying to process that event. Maybe everything has led to that point. He has not asked for my house key back and my things are still at his house. I don’t know what to do. Do I just leave him alone. I don’t know if he’s slowly trying to let me down. I definitely see the error of my ways and want to tell him how sorry I am but he’s gone and I’m scared of making him pull away further. Do I just totally leave him alone. I wanted to write a letter. Again I’m scared. I love him so much and thought he loved me too. I’m so hurt. I would do anything to make everything right.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 12:03 pm

Hi Christiana,

check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Jamie

February 23, 2018 at 4:57 pm

Hi,

First time poster and unfortunately I’ve come here to say I’ve done a really stupid thing. But first some background to prolong my own torture 🙁

I matched up with a guy on an online dating website about 2 weeks ago. Go me! We sent multiple messages every day to each other until we finally met up about a week ago. It didn’t think he was into me, but he asked to meet up again at the end of the date. I was happy to be wrong as he’s really handsome and has always been really easy to talk to.

We carried on regularly sending multiple messages to each other and then on Sunday we shared some pretty personal stuff like how he has been dealing with stress and two deaths in his family. Because of that I felt comfortable enough to tell him I’d never had a boyfriend. He seemed fine about it which was great!
However, foolishly I followed this up with “I also don’t mean the following in a nasty way, just a way of clarifying any doubt: I don’t see you as my boyfriend, just someone I wanted to be honest with”. He asked what I meant and I said that I wanted to take the pressure off him and I. He freaked out about this, said we’d only had one date and that he needed some breathing space.

Needless to say I’ve done what he’s asked and don’t plan to contact until he does so first, but I can’t help but feel that this whole situation has spiralled out of control. When I said take off the pressure of him and I, what I really meant was take the pressure of him. In my mind once I told him that I’ve never had a boyfriend then every time I do or saying something that can be related to that could make him think that I’m trying to turn him into my first boyfriend and freak out. So I just wanted to clarify that wasn’t the case. Also, by his own admission, he has enough stress in his life so the possibility of me being an added strain wasn’t something I liked so I, foolishly, tried to resolve the problem before it occurred. Which was rather stupid as the very act of me trying to resolve a non-existent problem actually caused one. Again stupid me.

I realise now that it was way too early to bring this up with him but the idea came from a good place. As such do you think this situation is beyond being resolved? Shall I just wait and see regardless of how much the silence hurts or shall I just write this one of as experience?

Thanks in advance for any help you can give.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 10:34 am

Hi Jamie,

don’t over think.. how did that day end?

Hoping

February 22, 2018 at 5:40 pm

Its been 10 weeks and Im trying to text to build rapport but he takes a few days to reply one text. Except when my grandpa got hospitalised and i told him and he quickly replies. Im not sure how to get through his wall? I did NC and when we broke up he said he needed time. So after over a month I tried texting him but eversince we exchsnge texts once a week as he takes a few days to reply. Im not sure if its progress or no?
Maggie

February 22, 2018 at 1:42 am

Hello there! I had been talking to a guy I hooked up with. He confessed to me that he was feeling really down because some girl he was in love with had rejected him, but still texted him saying that she wanted to stay friends (yet, she wouldn’t see him and insisted on being friends). So we talked a lot about it and about seeing each other again, he even said he wanted to know my place, but he always insisted on the fact that he felt down, and that I should be patient with him, since he felt he needed time to let this girl go and focus on somebody else. So, one month passed and I was starting to feel really anxious about the situation. I even tried to make him end things, but he kept saying “but I do want to see you, can’t you just let it go with the flow?” Finally, he said we’d meet, but cancelled a few days earlier saying that he didn’t feel like going out of his house at all. Of course I went mad (yet, for the first time), and he said “look, I really want to stay alone why can’t you believe me?” so I said “oh ok, I believe you but don’t expect me to be there when you do need me… I’m telling you this because I don’t want to hurt you” and he said “oh, you could never hurt me, and you know I wouldn’t hurt you either… just let things happen…” And then I said “ok, so you feel terrible… need to talk about anything?” And he just said, “no, babe, I don’t. I just need peace. And time.”
I gave him space, it was obvious that it was the right thing to do. So I haven’t spoken to him for 10 days now, but he keeps checking my whatsapp status and instagram stories (often, he checks them as soon as I post them) and yesterday he liked a facebook post and shared it (a meme about Schroedinger’s cat). What do you think? Are things going well or I’m just hoping? Besides, I’m heading for Europe this weekend, so I definetely won’t be able to talk to him for quite some time, maybe more than the 30 NC period. Is it too much space? I do care about him and I know that I will have to contact him eventually, but it’s just that al these doubts keep coming =(

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2018 at 11:47 am

Hi Maggie,

Just to make it clear, you’re friends with benefits, he doesn’t want more but you do?

Amanda

February 20, 2018 at 9:02 pm

Ok, so here is my situation. My boyfriend of 3.5 years asked for space. We live together but he travels for work so it was “easy” to do. For the 5 days he was gone I didn’t contact him but he still text me every morning and called every night. He came home and we had another talk and he said it needed to be a complete break up because with us on pause he still felt obligated to contact me. After a total breakdown I said ok and we agreed that we are broken up but while he’s figuring it out we aren’t changing our social media stuff so all the questions from family don’t come flowing in and we may be broken up but other girls are off limits since he still has me on the hook and at home. He left 6 days ago for a 2 week stint being gone, I am trying to give him his space but he still texts me good morning I love you and goodnight I love you every day. I respond because I know if I don’t he will take that as me “playing games” but I still don’t feel like he’s taking his space and I don’t feel I will ever get him back if he doesn’t stop contacting me. I don’t know what to do! Help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2018 at 10:45 pm

Hi Amanda,

Tell him continuing to talk to him is not helping the both of you.. Do you live with him/

Irena

February 20, 2018 at 3:13 am

My boyfriend was getting distant for the last several weeks texting less and seeing preoccupied when together and not wanting to spend time together. I asked if everytjing was ok and he said yes he just had a lot on his mind and was busy. But he kept ignoring my texts and requests to hang out and then he did nothing much for Valentine’s Day. And I had had it and got upset. He then told me he needed space because he was stressed and had a lot going on and he needed space to figure it out. I wrote him back and said okay and that I would give him space and if he wanted to continue pursuing a relationship with me to let me know otherwise good luck with everything. It’s been days and haven’t heard anything. Did it handle it correctly?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 12:25 pm

Hi Irena,

Yeah, you laid an ultimatum but didn’t tell him until when you’re going to wait for his answer.

Irena

February 20, 2018 at 2:40 am

So my boyfriend was getting distant the past two weeks. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing just a lot on his mind and he’s busy. After him not wanting to hang out and almost barely communicating with me and blowing off Valentine’s Day, I got upset. He then told me he had a lot going on and it was taking a toll on him and he needed space to figure it out. I wrote back and said thank you for being honest and replying to me. I’m sorry you feel that way but I think what we have is great. But you need to want it too. I then told him I’d give him the space he asked for and if he wanted to continue pursuing things with me to let me know and if not good luck with everything. That was three days ago. And I haven’t heard a peep from him since. Did I handle it okay? What do I do now?

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