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Tanvi Pandya
April 29, 2018 at 8:09 pm
I and my ex were still in contact for 6-7 months AFTER the breakup. Like nothing ever happened. Starting March there were fights and arguments, I mean they were before as well but he wouldn’t fight back as much considering he did have his studies to catch up on (he lived in a different city, 3 weeks before our breakup). Now, he asked for space but ofc I gnated. Which lead to more fights and eventually he blocked me from WhatsApp and on the normal call. He bought a car, something we both have been discussing together for like 7 months… he unblocked me sent me pics then blocked me again about 3 weeks ago (when he initially blocked me). He said he’s call after his exams were done if I pick up then its alright if not then he will “understand”. His exams were done 3 days ago and he’s going out with his friends in his new car, girls as well… He is supposed to be coming here to my city today, he got an internship here for the summer so he’d be staying here. it’s been 3 weeks and he still hasn’t unblocked me, let alone contact me in any way. He seems to be having fun and doing so good without me with his new car and everything while I’m here checking my WhatsApp every minute to see if he unblocked me.. is he going to come back?
Chris Seiter
April 29, 2018 at 8:32 pm
Hi Tanvi….thanks for dropping by. You would benefit if you had a strategic plan on both sides of the recovery equation (your personal recovery and the relationship recovery)! So I would encourage you to pick up a copy of my ebook (got to my website/Menu link). It serves as a comprehensive blueprint…sorta like a Companion Guide that helps you navigate through a breakup. Its not possible to go into everything here, but I see some upside, particularly with him coming into your town. But you need to have a actionable plan.
Lania Dominique Wellington
April 22, 2018 at 4:47 pm
Me and my ex boyfriend moved really fast and lived together for the four months of our relationship. He’s 23 and I’m 20. I moved back home to save money and get a car and start focusing on priorities. I definitely grew throughout our relationship because he showed me things about myself that I didn’t see before. Unfortunately I kept overthinking and being needy and I’m sure it pushed him away. I also overreacted over little things. He told me we could get through anything and he would always be there. But he eventually dumped me because “I was too young for him and not mature.” The night before it happened I blew up his phone because he promised to call but didn’t. He worked a 12 hour shift and was tired but I guess I was concerned with the fact that he promised and still didn’t call three nights in a row. I also think part of the reason was because I lied about something small. An acquaintance of mine asked for money because she was having a hard time and he advised me not to give her too much because he didn’t want her to take advantage of my kindness. I didn’t listen and gave her a big amount anyway, then lied to him about it. Before the breakup I came clean to him, and he got upset with me for lying. I know I’m young but this man was literally my best friend and I met his whole entire family and it just felt so real with him. I truly believed he would never leave and we would get through anything. When we broke up I cried and begged him not to leave but he said he wouldn’t change his mind. So I gave up and started the no contact rule as soon as we got off the phone. We worked together but he just recently quit. It’s been two weeks. After reading this I’m scared he might not come back because we have mutual friends and what if they told him I’ve been doing bad? I’m doing a lot better now, but I still don’t want him to know I was a wreck. I just want my best friend and boyfriend back. Do you think there’s hope?
Chris Seiter
April 22, 2018 at 10:41 pm
Hi Lania….thanks for dropping by! Don’t be too hard on yourself about any mistakes you may have made. We all make mistakes. What is important is to learn from them. Just knowing our own feelings and what is best for ourselves is not always an obvious thing. Don’t worry yourself about what you mutual friends may or may not say about you. I think you would benefit by picking up a copy of my Companion Guide, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. It is rather comprehensive and gives a blow by blow plan on what you can do to get through all of this. You can learn more about it and some of the other resources I offer by going to my website Menu/Products link. There are a lot of things you can do to begin your healing process as that is central to optimizing your chances of getting your ex back. Keep me in the loop Lania as to how things go for you!
Andreia Carvalho
April 21, 2018 at 7:05 pm
My bf of 3.5 and I are together for totally 4 years. We have a broke up for 9 months in this period, but since he left the job we worked together and I start no contact rule he begged me to come back after one month and a half. After few weeks we trying to get me back, I decided to give him another chance. Anyway, we are a happy couple, we barely fight, but I notice when we stay almost 6 months with any problem and something happen, even fool things it really gets him very ovewhelming and stressfull. I think maybe he is already very worried about other things like familiar, or professional things. When something foolish happens and he became very stressful he simply disappear. He doesnt need to ask me space because I already know. But this time I’m little worried because we don’t have a lot of things to fight for, we are an easy couple, but if he can go trought simple foolish things, he cannot take a big step to a marriage, that we will probably face bigger problem. I’m giving him a space that I think he needs to but I’m serious thinking if I should still dating this guy after all. I think I will start no contact rule when he decided trying to reach me out, just because I’m full of somebody its not stronger enough for very simple things.
Chris Seiter
April 21, 2018 at 11:36 pm
Hi Andreia…first of all, being together for 4 years counts for a lot. That creates traction and relationship roots, particularly if the history was largely positive. During this period of space/No Contact it will serve you to have a Companion Guide like “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or the “No Contact Rule Book”, both of which you can find on my website Menu/Products link. Go take a look because if you wish to optimize your chances, it is best to proceed with a well informed plan. I like it that you are such a strong and independent woman as that will make your process easier to navigate….and yes, during this No Contact Period, its not just all about him, its also about YOU…becoming the best version of yourself and as you mentioned, learning whether he truly is the right guy for you as your tackle all the many years ahead of you!
Andreia Carvalho
April 25, 2018 at 2:48 pm
Thank you Chris. You are awesome!!! I feel very good after reading your articles and watching your videos because you gave me strengh and confidence, once I know I’m not only girl in the world facing problems like that, besides others we have in our life. Sometimes everything seems happen concomitant and you encourage me a lot. God bless you and all your fantastic team
Chris Seiter
April 25, 2018 at 11:43 pm
You are the one who is awesome Andreai! You draw your confidence from within. Remember that.
Rachel
April 21, 2018 at 3:06 am
Hi, I was wondering if gnatting for about a week would ruin the chances of reconciliation. I couldn’t help myself my bf of 3.5 years broke up with me and said he needed space. We usually spent about 5-6 days together. Spoke morning and night so when he withdrew I was very upset and tried to tell him how I’d change to fix this. He just yesterday told me how does he know what he wants because I keep annoying him every 12 hours and said he just wants a few days of no contact that’s it. I said fine I will not message him any further. Did I ruin it by being upset and bothering him? I love him very much and want us to work.
Chris Seiter
April 21, 2018 at 3:20 am
I do really think so Rachel. You will benefit though by taking a look at my Companion Guide (Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro) found on my website Menu/Products link. It is a pretty comprehensive ebook and walks you through how to effectively make use of No Contact and all the things you can do to focus on your own healing, while at the same time rebuild traffic. Optimizing your chances requires a plan and given that you guys have a good bit of history, that favors you in my view. So go take a look at some of the ebooks and other resources I have available and don’t think anymore about ruining anything. Deep down, he understands its your way of trying to process it all and emotions run fast when we are in the midst of a breakup. Indeed, you will learn that the most important cog of ex recovery is your own recovery!
Lauren
April 19, 2018 at 4:13 pm
Hi. I have been dating a guy for two months. Recently he has been very stressed financially, with work and moving into a new apartment. I could tell he was not himself and he asked me for space. He stated that he’s aware that he is not being the boyfriend he should be and needs time to figure himself out. He also stated that he did not want to axe the relationship completely and if we are going to be together again, this is the only thing that will help. How long should I wait to contact him if he doesn’t reach out. I am respecting his wishes and have not contacted him
Chris Seiter
April 19, 2018 at 10:52 pm
Hi Lauren. Yeah…it sounds like he is somewhat overwhelmed and recognizes he will not be a good relationship partner right now. So I think its good to give him some space. Just so you are aware of some of the resources here that might match up with your needs in terms of creating attraction, take a look at some of the ebooks and services available at website Menu/Products link. There are some texting strategies you can employ as needed during this No Contact Period.
Jamie Karasin
April 17, 2018 at 2:39 am
Hi my boyfriend recently asked for some space/break after we’ve been getting into a series of small arguments that just tend to escalate. At first I called and gnatted but then stopped and told him I’d let him be and give him space. It’s been one week without speaking. When you are dating a guy who can be more stubborn and egotistical than many others I have dated, it’s hard to think he’ll come back. Was this his way of breaking up with me? The fight wasn’t big enough to warrant this long of a silence. I’m hanging in there but what would you say is the longest to keep not contacting before I come to the conclusion he wants to break up. It didn’t feel like a break up at the time but now I’m paranoid and thinking the worst. Please any advice would be so appreciated your article was so helpful.
Chris Seiter
April 17, 2018 at 11:30 pm
HI Jamie….I think it was wise of you to create some space. It allows for some healing. Sometimes, depending on the situation, people need to spend some time apart. I have some resources om website you can find by clicking my Menu/Products link, if you are looking for a blueprint to guide you through this process. My gut tells me you should try out an initial contact message right now, to see if you can nip this in the bud. I have lots of examples in my ebooks. You may not need to go through a full fledged No Contact period.
Jamie
April 18, 2018 at 2:18 am
My only hesitation is that he says he has family issues going on and work stress etc and he was adamant about needing space because he is “losing his mind.” I am always the one to initiate conversation again whenever we fight. I almost want to go through the whole no contact period. My fear is that giving it too much space will make him nervous to come back and reach out. I also fear his ego will stop him because he’ll wonder why I haven’t reached out so he won’t in order to spite me. Have you ever dealt with dealing with this situation before? I feel like I’m in a catch 22. All of your advice has been so helpful and I cant even express how appreciative I am!
Chris Seiter
April 18, 2018 at 5:15 am
Hey Jamie! So give him some space, but it doesn’t have to be a full flung NC period.
Dee
April 15, 2018 at 8:37 am
So, i’m a little confused, hence why i’m here! I’ve been seeing a guy for about 3 months and we became exclusive about a month ago. Since then he bacame distant….limited texts, always busy etc usual stuff. He then asked me how I feel about the relationship so.I pulled him up.on his lack of effort, told him I like him and care about him alot and that I was looking for long term and not casual game playing (best to be straight from the start). He said he has been avoiding me because I make him feel trapped, even though he inoitates most contact and dates (Im not a needy person). He said im scaring him and he feels pressured because its moving too quickly! I said if you feel like that then lets take a step back and build a friendship first! His reply ‘stop talking rubbish, we are in a relationship, I care alot about you, ALOT but dont preasure me’. I gave him some space and havent contacted him in over a week. I’m just so confused as to what went wrong because i thought I was doing everything right (letting him lead etc). Any advise?
Chris Seiter
April 18, 2018 at 4:18 am
Hi Dee….Yeah, some guys have what is called an insecure relationship attachment (not to be confused with avoidant attachment style) as their way of connecting with people. That have to ease in on things. He probably does care a lot about you and just needs to come along slower. You are more confident and aware of your needs. So, yes, it seems you to are different in that respect, but there are plenty of couples that don’t perfectly match up with their attachment style, but get along just fine. I offer Coaching services, if you think that might help and if you are looking for comprehensive advice, go read up on my ebooks (website Menu/Products link)
KristineSeropian
April 8, 2018 at 6:04 pm
Hi, first time joining an online convo. I’ve hit that point where I really need advice. I’ve been dating a man exclusively for almost 2 years. He takes care of me when I’m sick, gives me what little time he has and says he loves me. However, he says he doesn’t want a relationship or a girlfriend. I’ve walked away countless times after he says it, but he always comes back sorry. This is what we always argue about. I feel if he were to commit then his actions would make sense and I’d stop arguing with him. When we argue, says we need to talk later. It’s always later. He calls at 3am every night too tired to talk so it’s always “later.” So nothing ever gets solved. Hours turn to days, days into weeks, weeks into months, now going into 2 years. This constant state of question has made me kinda …let’s just use the word …emotional. Here’s the other part. When a convo accidentally turns into me saying anything about calling me girlfriend because that’s what I’ve been for 2 years..he dumps me and tells me to find another man cuz he doesn’t make me happy. Yeah he’s right. However if he would just admit that we’re in a relationship I’d be happy. I feel like that’s the only thing we argue about. Day before yesterday I mentioned to him how he’s been sending me one word texts for the last year after I send a text I put thought into..you know what I mean. Short texting. I asked him if he knew what short texting was. He got mad as heck and told me to go find someone else. He also said “short texting was exceptable because our honeymoon phase was over.”“What?! How can our honeymoon phase even have started when you don’t even call me your girlfriend?!” So yeah…me saying the word girlfriend made him run in terror and dump me again. He called back and apologized and said we would talk later. Did it happen? No. He went out to a party instead. He called me at 4 am. I asked if he forgot that he said we were going to talk later? He said, “no…but ….can’t I just not have to talk to you all the time?!?! Can’t I just get away from you to clear my head for a day..2 days ..even 3 days!!!! I NEED SOME SPACE!!!” I of corse started crying. I reminded him that he’s taken space before and always come back sorry and in love..not committed tho. So I said maybe we should see other people. He said fine..you can, but I’m not trying to see anyone and focus on my career. (FYI his career ship sailed. NFL player who ruined his own career and isn’t handling not being famous very well. So he thinks if he has no girlfriend to distract him he can be the “best in the world.” He needs a reality check but I cared too much to do anything but support him.) Back to the convo at 4am…he didn’t care that I mentioned seeing other people. He just wanted to go to sleep. I sent him a text an hour later saying,” you take your space. I get that you were trying to be respectful by not just disappearing without warning so I wouldn’t worry about you. I’m not going to give you a hard time about it.” He sent no reply and hasn’t called. Any advise on any of these issues would be amazing!!!
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:56 am
Hi Kristine… 2 years is some traction in terms of relationship time so things can get better. Guys can be mean. Right now the air between the two of you seems toxic. So some space might help you both come back down.
Linnea
April 8, 2018 at 5:04 pm
Hi. My ex boyfriend keep telling me that we won’t get back together because our relationship was so bad… we fought everyday. But the reason of all the fights was because I have depression and no friends (not all, but at least 50% of them). But I know how I can change that, but I don’t know how I can get him back. We love each other and miss each other very much, (a friend told me that he said that he missed me). But he also said that he was happier without me. What can I do to get him back?
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:58 am
What people say matters less than what they do over time. Execute a plan. If you are looking for something comprehensive, you will find some resources in my website menu/products link.
Anna
April 8, 2018 at 4:14 pm
Hi, great article guys. Such an eye opener. Here’s my question : Will NC backfire if we haven’t broken up yet? He still texts/calls and wanna meet up from time to time. I tried NC for 3 days (was doing rather well) and yet he was the one who reached out first (after he asked for space). Hope the EBR team can shed some light for this situation. Thanks
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 2:04 am
Hi Anna. Thanks Anna for the compliment. Good sign. Usually I would advise you stick with NC, but sometimes you can make adjustments in your strategy depending on a host of variables. This could be such a situation if he has been positive with you and has a good history overall with you. I cover all of this in my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. You can read more about it in my website’s menu tab/products
Dani
April 8, 2018 at 12:01 am
Dani
I’ve been dating a guy for over a month and he is a recovering addict. He has been clean for over a year. He has a three year old son with a women that is being totally difficult about him seeing him. They are in the middle of court situation and not to mention she has drug problem and two other children with another man. Everything was going great and spending weekends at my place and meeting his family to me going to church with him. He went to a friends baby reveal party last Saturday and was supposed to be here around 530 I was a little grumpy and told him to stay there and have fun with his friends because they had been drinking a little. He wasn’t happy with the situation but he stayed and hung out with his friend anyway I text him and called him quite a few times that night and did not hear anything from him till the next morning around nine something He got to see his son for an hour at a park on Easter Sunday and talk to his exes dad about her drug problem and I met him for us to go to an Easter dinner at his family‘s around five He was emotionally exhausted because it drains him when he has to give his child back he wasn’t exactly himself He didn’t spend the night with me that night because he had to be at work an hour earlier than next morning he ended up going to the preacher’s house and talking to him for a while that night and then calling me before bed the next morning he woke up and wasn’t feeling good but he still went to work I felt things were a little off then but I didn’t say anything On Tuesday he still wasn’t feeling that well but he still went to work and after work he went by daycare to pay for his child and she shows up and causes a scene. She doesn’t know that he is dating anyone so that does not have anything to do with the situation Wednesday a little after lunch he texted me That with everything going on he wasn’t sure if he could be with anybody at the moment we text a few more things and I asked him was he telling me that I needed to MoveOn his response was I don’t know I need to figure things out. I did not text him or call him after he said that the next morning he text me to let me know about what was going on with his son I responded a few text and I haven’t heard from him since so it’s been over 48 hours what should I do. I know he has been turkey hunting and he starts third shift next week. It’s been a lot on his plate. I have started the no contact. The only thing I’ve done was liked a couple hunting pictures that he posted.
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 3:53 am
I think you are doing the right thing by starting NC!
Sophia
April 7, 2018 at 10:34 am
My boyfriend and I planned to live together when he got stationed in another country and we seemed strong and mutually in love. The day he left he broke up with me and I became majorly clingy and cried to him and begged. He said if I message him before he messages me (3 days into the breakup I was still trying to convince him) we wouldn’t talk for the whole month. He blocked me but undid this the next day when my dad asked him to. I messaged him the following day saying my dad said to message him but I need space. I planned a short message but when he ignored it I added 3 more messages and became clingy again. He hasn’t read them but is ignoring them. Is there any chance I can get him back? How could I do this? How long will the no contact rule work? Also he is on tinder and meeting girls already. Does this change anything? What should I do to get him back if I can?
Chris Seiter
April 9, 2018 at 11:31 am
Typically you always start out with a 30 day rule! And adjust it accordingly.
No matter what I think you should do it.
Sophia
April 10, 2018 at 9:28 am
Since this has happened. I messaged him again about a concert we had planned to see together. I said I need his bank details to send him the money for my ticket (I have already bought my plane ticket to Germany for the concert and he knows this). He was really short and said I have pushed him too many times. He said he is selling the ticket to someone else because he never wants to see me again. We blocked each other and have removed each other on other social medias. I miss him. Is there anything I can do? His mum has messaged him asking him to talk to me and he ignored that part of her message. She has suggested give him time, but even she is shocked he wants nothing to do with me. His mum has told me she wants to remain online friends with me. Is there any chance me and him can get back together with him in Germany and me in England and us not talking at all and him never wanting to see me again? He has been so angry and I feel he is moving on and will never talk to me again at all. I have no change of seeing him again if he does not want me to go to the concert. Please help me. Please is there any chance for me and him at all?
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 10:59 pm
There is always a chance. It about optimizing your chance if you feel he is worth the effort. The sense of futility when one is battling to get their Ex back can be overwhelming. Me know! It’s probably best to get a cohesive plan in place. I have an ebook this helps with this immensely. It’s called Ex Recovery Pro. You can find it over on my “Products Page”. (click on my website’s menu)
Jess
April 7, 2018 at 4:42 am
I have been dating a guy for about 11 months. We worked together about a year prior to dating. He had always had a “crush” on me and was a great friend and confidant at my job. We decided to hang out one day, and didnt stop since. We both have children, the same job with tough hours and I was also working my way out of an physically and emotionally abusive relationship. ( please don’t judge I never meant to fall in love with him while still going through this process.) He is a very up front and mature man. He was wonderful to me in every way. I however messed up, I started fighting with him. I took out my stress with my home life out on him. We had started to distance a little and I kept trying to do everything I could to “fix “ what I had messed up with the constant fighting. I feel I became clingy and self conscious (which was not the woman he fell for) Do not get me wrong there were many great times, but equally the same amount of fights to outweigh it. One day we had a big fight and it was enough for him. He didn’t talk to me for 5 days after my attempts to reach out for him daily. He finally contacted me saying we needed space if we were going to salvage this relationship and even that may be a stretch. I was crushed. I put my big girl pants on though, told him I still loved him and I will give him the space he needs, or we need rather. After an agonizing week goes by I reach out and tell him I am thinking about him and there hasn’t been a day I haven’t missed him. He replies with “ the feelings are mutual”. I think to myself great maybe he is ready to talk… nope. I worked with him one night and I asked him if he wanted to talk. He said he is not ready and asked if I knew what space meant. I was crushed again. I have him another week of space. Reached out to him and nothing. It has now been 3 1/2 weeks total since this started. I went off the deep end Monday and called him, I also called Tuesday and Wednesday. (I know crazy, at least it was only one time each day) anyways I told him the affect this is having on me. I believe he can see it too. I’ve lost weight, I don’t sleep. I’m very sad about this. My initial thoughts went to why doesn’t he care about me? Why doesn’t he care enough to reply knowing I’m “broken” . Reading the article opened my eyes a little bit. I guess my question after this long post is ; is it too late to give him space? To possibly salvage this? I truly in my heart know he loves me, he is 6 years older than me, he is a mature man. Even if I felt he was being immature. I guess I want to know, how do I fix this mess? I’m not ready to give up on him. I feel in my heart this is meant to be.
Thank you
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 9:27 pm
Ok, so lets start with the basic question to end all basic questions. Have you started a no contact period?
Jess
April 10, 2018 at 4:28 am
Just curious if you’re starting the 30 day rule 3 weeks into a break if it is still salvageable.
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 11:53 pm
Hi Jess! Always possible. But perhaps try a 21 day period. In my book, “The No Contact Rulebook”, I cover all the different ways you can play it depending on if x or y happens. Go up to the menu section of my site and click on products and you will find it there!
Jess
April 7, 2018 at 9:55 pm
Technically… I haven’t contacted him since Wednesday. I also didn’t say anything to him at work on Thursday when I saw him. Although it was mutual. He didn’t either. So I guess that’s an yes I have started it.
Abbylu
April 6, 2018 at 11:45 pm
After a months of issues, my boyfriend finally broke up with me after a blowout drunken night. I made mistakes which resulted in the breakup. The following day I went to him and begged him for another chance and apologize. At first he said no, but after four hours of talking and him taking me to his friend’s dinner party, and slight affection, he told me that we were broken up, but that he needed a week of space so he can focus on work. He even agreed to getting together on a weekend later in the month. I told him that I would give him his space, he even said that it was alright for me to check in, but I haven’t. Is it ok to text him in a week to ask where he is – so I can determine if there is hope or if I need to move on, if he doesn’t contact me first? I’m conflicted because i feel the need to follow-up since it was me that made the mistake, and that this is a situation where maybe I show that I’m serious about making the necessary changes to save the relationship.
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 2:17 am
I’d recommend doing 21 days no contact. Don’t answer him if he texts you. You need to become high value in his eyes and it will be easier to get him back. You will still have to work at the relationship but you will enter the relationship with him respecting you.
Abbylu
April 9, 2018 at 6:23 pm
Thank you for your response, Jennifer . I’m relpying for anyone who reads this. I didn’t follow your advice. I reached out to him to let him know that I love him and that I’m sorry for my mistakes and that I hope we can talk soon. I received the most business-like response that basically stated that he is only replying so that I don’t feel ignored, his space has deemed valuable, and that we will talk in the future.
After reading articles on this site I can recognize my mistake(s). I have td him that I have no self respect (with my actions) or boundaries, and it is obvious that I am not high value to him.
Jennifer, I wish I would have stuck to your advice, and anyone that reads this, please don’t make my same mistake.
Jennifer Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 7:13 pm
Thank you for putting that out there for everyone to learn from. I think you still have a chance, repeat the process.
Missy
April 6, 2018 at 4:55 am
This story is a bit of a whirlwind. Been dating this guys for a year and a half. He moved out of state for work. I helped Him move and find an apartment. My name was on the lease as we were planning on moving in together once i got A job there. I asked if he wanted to take my name of the lease about a month after he moved in case it made him uncomfortable. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to live with me. He told me he didn’t want to take my name off the lease because it was his commitment to me and us that he wanted me there and wanted to build a life with me as soon as i could Make it out there.
So we’ve been doing long distance for about 5 months which has been rough. We’ve had our fair share of arguments because we haven’t been able to meet each other’s love language via FaceTime or through a phone call. The arguments started to happen more often and i started to feel him pulling away so i started gnatting him. That was a big no no. He has a bit of a temper and doesn’t do well under pressure.
So i finally get a job and accept an offer so i can move there. He then tells me he’s not ready to move in together all of a sudden. I left Out that about 3 weeks before this I was visiting him and he was crying to me telling me he couldn’t live there without me anymore and that place felt temporary without me and not like a home AND sent me pictures of enganent rings. So i started looking for jobs more aggressively. Finally got one,then he comes to visit me and he tells me he’s not ready to move in. So I start pressuring him about it and he kept telling me how guilt ridden he is and how he doesn’t understand why he would do this to me because he loves me and I’m so good to him. He keeps that up for about a week. I was pressuring and gnatting him even tho i knew he was having a hard time at work. This i realize Was my downfall. Well after telling me he loves me and is sorry, he starts getting angry and calls me on a Saturday telling me that he’s done and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Blocks me and doesn’t talk to me again until the next Saturday when he says he was sorry for doing that and that he needed some and didn’t know how to get it. He said he loves me still but doesn’t know if he’s in love with me because we kept arguing and that he needs space and isn’t holding on to anything while he sorts his shit out and he suggests i move on. He also said he missed me. Naturally, i start gnatting again and asking if he’s with another girl. He told me it’s none of my business if he is and that i need To move on and fix myself because he needs space. To me space sounds temporary, but to him it could mean indefinite. I took Myself off of all social media because i was obsessing over looking at his stuff and honestly i didnt Want him to be able to see me anymore. If you want your space, i will disappear. This was two weeks ago and he hasn’t contacted me, nor I him, at all and now I’m starting to feel hopeless like he never will. I was Moving for him and now I’m still moving there for the job but got my own place. I hope He calls when i move but maybe he’s just done and is moving onto someone else. I miss him and can’t stop thinking about him. Is all hope lost?
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 9:14 pm
So, I know this might be a little out of left tfield but I actually think social media is one of the best weapons you can employ through your period of no contact. I get that you were obsessing but now he has nothing to look at to constantly obsess over you.
Shannon
April 4, 2018 at 11:10 pm
Hi!
So long story short. My boyfriend and I dated for 5 months. Everything was going great! We talked about past relationships and everything (we both had been cheated on and told each other we would never do that to each other). We both went through some medical issues while dating and still stayed together and supported each other. He told me he loved me, wanted to move together to a new state and start over, I wanted the same thing. He talked about getting married, having kids and all that jazz. He told me he had never met someone like me and was so happy with me. He was struggling some at work and wasn’t moving up in the company as fast as we wanted to. He went on a work trip and got drunk, slept with a random girl. He came back and immediately told me about it. He was balling crying, told me he never meant to hurt me and he never ever thought he would do that to the person he loves and regrets everything he did and doesn’t know why he destroyed the something special we had. He said he can’t be happy with anything in his life because of his excessive drinking. Basically, He hit rock bottom….. he told me still loves me and doesn’t know what the future holds for us, but he doesn’t want to be with me right now. He said he needs to be alone to figure out his life and get his stuff together. He told me to move on and date other people but I can’t move on. Everything was so good, he was the perfect guy for me. I saw all of my future with him. We talked once a week for like a month after we broke up to catch up but every time it made me sad again and grieve losing him do I told him I needed no contact. I broke that and contacted him…. he told me to “leave him alone”. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him, I’m worried about him.
Chris Seiter
April 5, 2018 at 11:46 pm
Honestly you know what I am going to say, right?
If you haven’t started NC then it’s time to do that.
Ash
April 2, 2018 at 4:33 pm
My fwb and I fell for each other..We have been at it for a year. I have been the one to try and push for more than what we have had(to be in a relationship). We constantly shared i love yous’ and acted like a typical couple and didn’t always get intimate when we spent time together.
As we had the relationship talk he would always tell me his not ready for a relationship yet so i gave him time. And due to this we where on and off with this time him being really fixed on both of us moving on with our lives. He also told me i deserve so much better and because he loves and cares for me he would be ok with me getting an actual boyfriend.
To be honest I am trying to move on now but part of me has some hope as to us getting back and maybe trying for a relationship.
What do you think of my situation?
Chris Seiter
April 4, 2018 at 12:40 am
I wonder if this is a perception issue.
You mention your fwb and you fell for each other. Was there an actual commitment in place ever? Just curious I’m not judging or anything.
Ash
April 4, 2018 at 8:39 am
I wouldn’t call it commitment.
Lilian
March 28, 2018 at 10:32 pm
Hi, I have read the article and I like it
Here is my situation, He asked for time he has family issues but here is the problem I gave him time but he keeps texting that he’s thinking of me or checking on me and when I try to respond he doesn’t respond back for days and I just feel it’s necessary for me to respond.. How do I deal with this because I had my time frame to give him a week of space and then make my decision from the outcome.. Please advice
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 1:49 am
Glad you like it!
I would be curious to see what some of your texts are looking like.
Janae
March 26, 2018 at 3:22 am
We have been broken up for a little over a month. We lived together so after the breakup I left all my things there but would grab some clothes once a week and stay at my moms. I didn’t constantly text him anymore but whenever I went there to grab clothes we would talk about things and he always told me that he didn’t know what he wants, that he’s scared that I will be the same way, and that he didn’t feel like a whole person yet (I was super dependent and controlling). I got a text from him last week asking me to have all of my stuff moved out by the end of the month. Ouch. I got it all a couple of days ago and I asked him what prompted the message. He told me that he just lost his promotion at work and has to find another job or internship to meet requirements for grad school. And that after getting that news he just felt like he really needed to focus on himself, he’s a person that needs space and that he doesn’t want to put himself back in the situation. But when he hugged my bye he told me that he loved me 🙁
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 1:27 am
So, I don’t have a lot of time to fully answer every question you have but I can tell you one thing. Make sure you don’t get caught up in his words and you just focus on his actions because they will be what tells you everything.
jordan
March 23, 2018 at 1:55 pm
Hi why isn’t anyone replying to my messages?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 24, 2018 at 4:24 pm
Hi Jordan,
Checked your email adress and in regards to your post as Ann, do you have a particular question?