I’ll never forget the very first time that I got a comment on this website.

It went a little something like,

Chris, my god I need your help so badly… My breakup is absolutely consuming me. What can I do to get my ex back?

Now, upon receiving my very first comment I did two things,

Thing #1 = Happy Dance

Which was immediately followed by thing two,

Thing #2 = Figuring Out Exactly What This Person Should Do

It’s not as easy as it seems, you know!

I mean, if you actually look online for help you’ll be immediately greeted with a zillion diffent results of men and women complaining that their breakup doesn’t feel real or that their breakup has ruined their life.

But you know the most bizarre thing?

It’s the fact that the internet is filled with people who like to get off on complaining but don’t offer any actionable advice that can help you.

So, here was this person coming to my website, which is supposed to have all the answers on breakups, and yet I was at a loss on what to do. Heck, everyone was at a loss on what to do.

Luckily, that was over half a decade ago and I have since come up with a very effective strategy that can help you if you feel your breakup is killing you.

Is There A Chance Your Ex Will Take You Back?
Take The Quiz

The Strategy In A Nutshell

A few years ago I put together a pretty handy little video that taught people the basics of getting an ex back (since it is what I am kind of known for,)

And I am certainly going to teach you about that today but I am not necessarily sure that, that is why you are here.

You see, the way I see it is that you are at a crossroads right now.

You are obviously in a lot of pain and your breakup is probably consuming your every thought. Hell, it’s probably gotten so bad that you wake up with crusty eyes from crying all night and I want you to know that I get it.

I have been a professional breakup consultant for half a decade and have seen some very upsetting things in my time.

I’ve seen human beings on the brink of depression, on the brink of suicide for goodness sake.

I’ve seen girlfriends stalk their boyfriends and boyfriends stalk their girlfriends.

Heartbreak has a way of bringing the crazy out of all of us.

I want you to know that I understand exactly what you are going through which is why it’s important for you to listen to what I have to say next.

Right now you have a choice to make.

Try to move on

Or

Try to get your ex back

Now, some people can’t stand choices like this, my wife is certainly like this.

When I first met her she kept telling me this really weird anecdote on how she had commitment problems with her cell phone,

“There are just so many choices out there. I never knew if I made the right one.”

I’m sure you have a little of that in you right now since one moment you are going from this state where you feel like you can’t even eat and the next you are filled with this hope.

Almost like a pendulum swinging back and forth.

From hope to despair…

So, I am going to open up my process for you so you can actually gain some insight into if your ex is even worth getting back.

The Three Most Important Factors That Will Tell You If Your Ex Is Worth Your Time

If you didn’t already know, I am a professional relationship consultant specializing in breakups.

To date, I have coached hundreds of clients over the phone and help thousands repair their relationships through this website. Now, with all the people I have ever worked with or helped there seems to be one common thread that connects them.

You see, everyone always asks me,

Chris, is this even worth it? Am I just wasting my time?

And I think that is where you should start if you find that your breakup has become unbearable.

Instead of going through this internal monologue where you go all in on getting him back one moment and the next moment you feel sick from the breakup lets tackle this by actually giving you a rough idea on if you eve have a realistic shot at salvaging things.

With every coaching client I have the pleasure of speaking to I run them through a little exercise that I frame like this,

“Ok, so I want you to know that I am not psychic and I can’t tell you with certainty what your chances are but I can tell you the general trend I can see your situation going in. I can tell you in broad terms where you fall.”

In other words, I can tell you if,

  1. You have a good chance
  2. You have an average chance
  3. You have a low chance

Now, quick question.

Where in this little scale do you think most of my clients fall?

…..

…..

…..

Most of them actually fall in the average and low chance categories. In fact, I think I have only ever had five clients that I classified as having a good chance which isn’t a lot when you consider the amount of volume I work with.

(Oh, and all of the good chance people got their exes back if you are wondering. Now, whether they stayed with that ex is a story for another time.)

Now, I do feel it is really important to mention that just because most of my clients fall in the average to low chance categories doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t get their exes back. On the contrary, with my strategies they can actually substantially raise their chances it’s just that their starting point is not as ideal as I’d like it to be.

But I’m getting off topic.

So, now that you have a general idea of the “chances categories” let’s talk a bit about how to determine which category you fall into.

There are three factors I tend to look at.

  1. What your relationship was like before the breakup
  2. What you did during the breakup
  3. What you have done after the breakup

Ideally you’d like to see two of these three factors working in your favor to be placed in “the good chance” and I am going to outline how to rank well in each of these factors.

What Was Your Relationship Like Before The Breakup?

To me this is actually the factor that you need to pay the most attention to.

Why?

Well, because contrary to popular belief the battle for getting an ex back doesn’t happen in the things you say or do. It happens internally in your exes head when they are determining on if you are worth getting back or not.

You see, if they close their eyes and think back to your relationship and come up with specific reasons for why they shouldn’t get back with you this creates specific headwind that is always going to be there.

Almost always this “headwind” is determined by the things you did in your previous relationship that they didn’t like.

I’ll give you an extreme example.

Lets assume that you cheated on your ex a lot throughout your previous relationship and they knew about it. Well, wouldn’t it make sense that when you are beginning to reconnect with your ex and they are determining if they should give you another shot they are going to look back at your past relationship with them and think,

Damn, I am in love with them but they cheated on me so many times I don’t know if I am willing to put myself through that again…

In other words, what you did in your past relationship definitely impacts your overall chances of getting your ex back.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should put this in a different way.

Ok, lets pretend that I am looking to create an ideal coaching client. In other words, I am looking to land a client that I feel is a shoe in for getting their ex back. Well, when it comes to this factor I would actually prefer to land a client that had a near perfect relationship with their ex and just got blindsided by a breakup because he was getting cold feet about going to the next level.

Or put more simply, the better your relationship with your ex was the better your chances of getting them back become.

What You Have Done During The Breakup

This factor is going to be the shortest of the three because it is relatively straight forward.

When I am referring to what you have done during a breakup I am talking about how the breakup actually went down.

Was your breakup pretty amicable or was it a knock down, drag out fight that resulted in lamps being smashed and axes being used on doors like the shining?

Generally speaking that is not what I’d like to see.

In a perfect world I’d be looking for a breakup that occurred pretty amicably

What You Have Done After Your Breakup

You should be pretty familiar with this by now since you are living it right now.

I mean, you did land on this article so it is something near and dear to your heart at this moment.

Look, I’ve seen a lot in my time at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. I’ve had men and women tell me that they still feel depressed six months after a breakup and in that same line of thinking how long that depression is going to last (that is really up to you and how you handle this big choice I am talking about in this article.)

I’ve even had people claim that their breakup isn’t real or it doesn’t feel real.

Oh, and my personal favorite is the people who tell me that their breakup doesn’t make sense.

*rant time*

I am going to let you in on the secret of the breakup universe here. Your breakup doesn’t make sense for a few reasons.

Firstly, it doesn’t make sense because that is the nature of breakups.

They blindside you and leave you crying for days after the breakup.

Secondly, your ex is most likely not tell you why they really broke up with you.

Why?

Well, it’s because they are afraid to hurt your feelings with the truth.

I mean, think about it for a moment.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you were dating someone and you couldn’t stand the sight of them anymore. I mean, the thought of them literally repulsed you and made you do this,

So, you decide that you are going to have to break up with them.

Of course, when that inevitable breakup talk happens what is the very first question they ask you?

“Why? Why do you want to break up with me?”

You aren’t going to tell them that they are the ugliest human being you have ever met, are you? No, if you have any type of compassion you are going to make up some BS excuse and let that be that.

I can’t tell you how common of a practice this is.

But I am getting way off topic here.

I just want you to know that I get it….

I know this  is killing you…

I know it’s that you are devastated over your breakup

And the fact that you are going through a really tough time is making you super susceptible to making really dumb decisions after your breakup. In fact, I recently just put together a video covering some of those dumb decisions,

So, I want you to know that you aren’t alone.

But how you act after this breakup definitely has an impact on your chances.

For example, if you sat there and begged and pleaded for him back after a breakup to an extreme extent you probably aren’t helping your chances at all.

So, the general rule of thumb to remember here is that the more in line you are with my strategies after a breakup the better your overall chances become.

What Do You Do If You Are Devastated By Your Breakup, Again?

Lets do a quick recap here before I send you on your way 😉 .

The very first thing that I believe you should do is understand that you aren’t alone in this.

Too many people think they are the only ones going through a time where their breakup has consumed them and that isn’t the case. Heck, just take a look at our private facebook group to see how upset and depressed some of my clients are.

You aren’t alone, remember that.

The next thing I believe you should do is really take some time to determine what you want.

Figure out if you should simply forget about your ex and start the moving on process

Or

Figure out if you should attempt to get him back.

Now, I went on this big rant about how a lot of people struggle with this decision and how the best way to determine what you should do is determine what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back in general.

From there I talked about three factors that you need to look at to determine that and covered those factors in depth. Now, it’s easy for me to just say,

Ya… so you should read that and you should have a clear idea at what kind of chance you have. And if getting your ex back is even a realistic option.

But I don’t think it’s that cut and dry. Sometimes in order to get to the bottom of if this is even worth a go you have to have a dialogue.

So, here is what I am prepared to do for you.

Let’s have a dialogue about your situation below in the comments.

  1. Tell me what your relationship was like before the breakup
  2. What your breakup was actually like
  3. And what you have done after your breakup

And I will help you get to the bottom on if you have a good, average or low chance of getting your ex back. From there I think you can make a smart decision on how you want to approach your all consuming breakup.

181 thoughts on “What Should I Do If My Breakup Is Killing Me?”

  1. Ena

    September 16, 2018 at 1:13 pm

    Mine is a Long Distance Relationship.

    I am 900 miles away; I have known him for 4 years but we recently were dating the last 2. I will try to summarize everything if I can: When he asked me out it was the most wonderful thing in the world but it was a bad time I had just lost my well paying job. This is where I began to ruin our relationship slowly (there is blame to share).

    I hated the minimum wage paying jobs I had adn was very negative, I never knew if he was ever really happy with me, I was in a financial rut but he stood by me no matter what. I was never able to scrounge up enough money to see him on top of that from past relationships I have a lot of self hate/esteem issues.

    He got a new job in November of 2017, he started drifting away from me then. Since this is strictly online still it is hard because he was a jealous guy, never believed me when I said I wasnt cheating on him (i.e. If I was playing video games with old male friends he’d get upset)

    Despite that I accept we all arent perfect, he lied to me a few times stating he wasnt home that he was at work when he was playing online. I didnt send him many photos or Video call much like I said I have huge image issues. I always wanted to be what society says I should be, a size 0, super model. Its never going to happen.

    Fast forward to August of 2018, I got a new job, it pays better; I was able to catch up on all my bills I was now ready to see him. He ghosted me suddenly for 2 weeks, but he was still online playing video games and that hurt me so much. I got a job interview in his city (since I wanted to close the distance to give us a chance to see each other more and decide if this is a right fit). Needless to say I finally saw the ‘love of my life’ for the first time.

    It was nothing like I imagined. I was already emiotnally distraught from being ghosted, but when I saw him I fell in love all over again. He’s everything and more. But how he has treated me so far has been making me question things. I’m 900 miles from home, we’re eating dinner: He kept looking at his phone and responding to texts. It hurt not only because it was disrespectful but if he couldnt put his phone down there and he could ignore me for 2 weeks. It hurt so much. I was honestly afraid of him at this point, this indifference. I wanted to kiss him, to touch him romantically. All I could do was hold his hand and cry.

    I cried because this is meeting him for the first time and he is sitting across from me. Telling me that I WAS his world, but he isnt sure we’ll work and that he needs TIME. We cried, and I begged him not to give up on me, on us, that if he needed time to take it: I’d give him what he NEEDS since he always gave to me. But not to wait forever I was getting ‘old’.

    I am just so broken by this that I have done nothing but cry everyday for a month and a half. He texts me here and there very base messages. At this point its been 8 days since his last text, I am driving myself crazy just waiting for a response.

    I don’t know if I should give up, or keep trying. I got the job in his city… I dont know if I should take it since it IS better pay for me and IF there is ever a chance for he and I. That I’d finally be there to see him.

    On top of this I just learned a few days ago from some online friends that he is very CLOSE to some other girl. (Still internet but I dont know if she lives near him) I am just a hot mess.

    What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 4:13 am

      Hi Ena…I know about LDR as I was in one and I realize it can be hard. What is most important is your focus on “you” and your healing and recovery. Its difficult to mount an ex recovery plan when you are feeling vulnerable. Its important to learn that no matter what happens with this relationship, you are going to be fine and there are always many paths for you to explore and find what you want. I encourage you to tap into my resources found on my home page as to how to go about your ex recovery program.

  2. Sarah

    May 2, 2018 at 10:02 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I met my ex during freshman year of college. We had a wonderful relationship. His family loved me, we experienced so many things together, and he frequently said we were a “power couple”! I would say the biggest issue in our relationship was that I come from a more underprivileged background than him, and am frequently very vocal about my troubles. Looking back, he always figured out problems on his own, whereas I liked to share them with him and talk about my options. Our Junior year, it got a little rough because I decided to go study elsewhere for a semester and he stayed behind at University. I felt that we were getting a little distant, and that I was frequently the one initiating conversation. This made me insecure, and I definitely feel that I started to get somewhat needy. I frequently got upset for him for choosing to do other things instead of calling me. When he would come and visit, it felt like we were unaware of each-others lives, and it was hard to connect. Every time, I brought this up he assured me that he was busy and that talking so frequently just wasn’t his style because he was introverted. A few weeks ago while we were still away from each other, he did something that made me very upset (In hindsight, I probably overreacted), but it led me to break up with him. He didn’t want to break up and texted me all these nice things that night. The following day, I gave him a call and he was a totally different person and confirmed that breaking up had been the right decision. He mentioned feeling restrained by the responsibility of having to be a good boyfriend and feeling that we had grown apart (reason I had given him when I broke up with him originally). He also mentioned something about wanting to escape everything and going through a pre-mature quarter life crisis.I asked him to tell me he didn’t love me anymore, and he didn’t but eventually did say “I don’t love you romantically anymore”. I was very upset but ended up sending him a nice text saying I understood, and thanking them for a wonderful three years. He thanked me back but it still felt very cold. I’ve stuck to no contact except one morning when I called twice but it went ignored (one week after breakup). We are away from each other for summer, but will most likely end up running back into each-other at school. Both of us have been in relationships before, but this is our most serious one. I know I should move on, but I’m having so much trouble accepting that it’s over. He’s a super stubborn guy, and a big “no regrets” person. I really don’t see him coming back. He tends to avoid issues that cause him emotional stress, and I feel like he’s going to avoid me back at school. Am I better off moving on? I just hate feeling like I pushed him away the last few months of our relationship. Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 2, 2018 at 11:51 pm

      Hi Vanessa. You are such a good writer! And it was most interesting to hear about your experience. There is a lot of stuff going on here, so my advice is first of all don’t do anything until you come up to speed on this whole crazy world of breakups. I wrote an ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, that can help you with understanding much more about what you can do for yourself and for your ex relationship if you choose to pursue it. The period that you are in right now is tricky emotionally, so just gather up as much information as possible before making any majors steps. IF you are looking for a blueprint or Companion Guide on all matters related to breakups, then take a look at any some of my resources (at my website Menu/Products link) as it can do so much more for you in expanding your perspective and knowledge than I can here in just a few sentences. But let me know Vanessa how things go for you. One last thing…don’t pay to much attention to what an ex says about “love” during this breakup phases. People often know little about what they really want when they are being sloshed around in a sea of emotions.

  3. Kate

    April 9, 2018 at 2:03 pm

    Please help me,I was with a guy for 3 years..ibloved him and still do very much..everything was pretty much perfect but when we moved in together we had financial strains and i guess things got a bit stale but we still boyh loved eachother alot,One night i went out with some friends and ended up talking to a guy who lives in my town,i had seen him around before and undeniably thought he was attractive but that was as far as i had thought about it..until this night..we chatted for hours..we just seemed to click in a way I can’t describe..I went home feeling extremely confused,instantly i felt guilt as i knew I shouldn’t be having these feelings..I tried to stay away from this person..but he cane into the place I worked everyday and over the weeks and months,we became close..however i told myself he was just a good friend and i must admit in was enjoying having the best of both worlds..i knew I was playing with fire but I couldn’t seen to stop myself..i was in denial..
    This guy ended up taking his life 🙁 I felt it was my fault because this guy was depressed and I feel as if I contributed to it somhow by not giving him my love the way he wanted..anyway,I couldn’t handle my guilt..i fell to pieces..I ended up basically telling my boyfriend hiw I actually ‘thought maybe i was in love with dan'(the guy who died) and at first met boyfriend said he understood and forgive me..couldn’t leave me..loved me too much..but at Christmas he decided he couldn’t take it..he said he ‘couldn’t get me and him out of his mind’..i did grieve openly for another boy infront of him amd that must have been awful for him..i was just so confused and the guilt and grief warped my mind..now im in a place of regret and deep sadness..I lost a decent man and ive realised too late how much i love him ..i miss him so much ..it kills me..ive send him so many messages..trying to remind him of how special we were before this..but he doesn’t trust me..and just wants to be ‘friends ‘ i feel sick all the time..please help me..

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:55 am

      Hi Kate. It was not your fault. And your boyfriend was too quick to judge in my opinion. Give this thing some time. Focus on your needs. Look to become the best version of yourself. Pick up a copy of my book (go to my website menu/products) as it has lots of great ideas in there for you. I think you are a wonderful person from what you have said and if your boyfriend doesn’t want to reconsider, there are plenty of guys who will love to be with you.

    2. Kate

      April 12, 2018 at 3:16 pm

      Thankyou so much for your reply,I know there’s probably nothing i can do to win him back..I just feel like life is not worth living without him a
      Now,I will pick up a copy of your book and try and keep positive..I’ve probably made it so much worse by begging and being pretty desperate but in my case I thought i was telling him what he needed to hear..thanks again gor your response

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 4:32 pm

      Hi again Kate! Yep, there are some excellent ebooks I have written than covers many topics. Also the Private Facebook Group is quite popular. Sure, begging is not the best way, but the past is in the past and now you need to construct a plan going forward.

  4. katherine

    January 23, 2018 at 9:40 pm

    Before the breakup:
    Absolute perfection. He is 7 years older than me, so much more mature and chivalrous. Treated me like a queen from day 1. Was chasing me at the beginning and then I fell HARD for him. Our relationship was serious butterflies and rainbows- on both our ends. People around us could feel and see the sparks between us. We were together for about 6 months, and it progressed fast and serious. he introduced me to his family and close friends very early on, and i did the same.

    During the breakup:
    I knew something had been up with him the past couple of weeks because he was having issues with his job. His business partner wasnt paying him fairly, and lying and sneaking around. He was stuck doing all the work and it was stressng him out. He’s 30 so i think seeing this business go downhill was scary for him at that age, because he thought he was completely stable. He came over and talked it out with me in person, told me there was so much going on in his head that he had to sort out, he felt that i had more feelings for him than he had for me, (which everyone knew was BS) and pretty much explained that it had absolutely nothing to do with me or how our relationship was at all, and it had everything to do with him and what was going on in his head. I cried and cried and he held me and hugged me and cried a little himself too. he said this was the hardest thing hes ever had to do. Because we both believed we were each others soulmates, and we talked about that sometimes.

    After the breakup:
    I did no contact for about 45 days, and then texted him. Asked for more explanations because I was still confused, and he would reply immediately with long text messages explaining his feelings, but making sure I understood how much I meant to him and how much our relationship meant to him, and told me how special I am. He pretty much didnt think he was good enough for me because his career at the moment was going downhill, while I had landed a successful job and was pretty confident in my future career. I think he was feeling down on himself about not feeling like he was stable enough at that point in his life, so he kind of took it out on the relationship in a way. Since then, I told him i wanted to see him and he came right over. We talked about it more, flirted a bit, kissed a lot. He came over again a few days after that and the same thing happened. WE were very close and intimate, and he was very compassionate towards me, cudding me and hugging me. He even ditched plans with his friends he made that night and stayed with me instead. He texted me the next day and said how amazing it was and that I deserve the best. I asked him if he would ever date me again. He said yes I would date you again, I just need to get my shit together” and I asked no further questions. This was on Friday morning after he stayed over Thursday night, so I havent heard anything from him since Friday besides a snapchat on Saturday. I am IMpatiently waiting….

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2018 at 6:23 pm

      Hi Katherine,

      Well that’s good that you did nc, and it looks there’s a chance if he gets his career together.. It’s just that he knows now you’re just waiting.. There’s no urgency..so, avoid being too available

  5. Charlie

    January 7, 2018 at 5:07 pm

    Before the break up
    He always wanted space. He never really wanted to do anything with me. He never wanted to have sex. He was irritable with me. I always tried to make things better but he just lost interest but would still tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me he just needs space.

    Break up was like
    I was going back to UK for Christmas and he said we should use this time to have space and see how we feel. I already agreed to move out the apartment and come back after Christmas living separately but see each other. He said I could come back until I found somewhere to live and still see each other. He told me he loved me and kept texting me for a few days after I got home. Then it just stopped and when I asked why he said he changed his mind he realises with space that he’s happier without me and thinks it’s best we don’t see each other again. He got nasty when I got upset and said for me to not contact him until I need my stuff back. He blocked me on all social media saying he doesn’t want to see anything to annoy him.

    Since the break up
    I haven’t contacted him for 4 days and have been trying to keep busy. I noticed he unblocked me on Facebook the other day but has now blocked me again. My friend said that she saw him on tinder.
    I feel sick. I love him so much and just want things to be perfect between us again. Time apart has made me see both of our faults in the relationship. He said if he’s not with me he doesn’t want to be with me so why is he on tinder?
    Is NC rule going to work for me? I have to go back to get my stuff so will see him then. How should I act? Will he be sleeping with other girls? Will he be missing me? I am so sick of this horrible feeling in my chest and stomach from heartbreak and worry. Please help me focus

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 9:32 pm

      Hi Charlie,

      what you said in the first paragraph, was those all throughout the whole length of the relationship? If yes, I think it would be better to move on.

  6. Sarah

    January 2, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    Tell me what your relationship was like before the breakup:
    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we’re both 28. We were together for 1.5 years, lived together in a house he bought for us for 5 months pre-breakup. Very tender, lots of PDA, we were very in love when we were out in public and privately most of it was very loving. The first year of the relationship he said he knew I was the one, soul-mates, love of his life, but then would have moments where he said he wasn’t sure he loved me. We went to couples counseling for 3 months and I still do private therapy. The entire time of our relationship we have talked openly about marrying each other and our children, and we both knew each other’s families. He is introverted and I am extroverted and while our fights were never mean spirited, we’d fight about him needing to be more communicative and open to my friends, my events, etc. and he would get upset that he didn’t think he could give me what I needed. Then he’d close down for days and need “his own space” a lot. His goals were to work a lot, and have freedom. Because he was talking so seriously about us I made the relationship and self-growth my priorities and I don’t know if he ever really did. He once described his perfect relationship as “We both do our own things and if we happen to come together and have fun then that’s great, but there should be no expectations of doing favors for each other.” Near the end I was pushing him to change and work on himself more so that he could be a good partner to me because our day to day life we felt awkward and like we were walking on eggshells.

    What your breakup was actually like: He ended things saying “I don’t see this working out long term, I have the ability to shut off my emotions and I have, I love you but I don’t feel like I can be myself around you and you’re not going to change and I’m not going to change and we’ve been working at this hard and it shouldn’t have to be this hard. I feel like we can’t have deep conversations, and that you were really strong when we met but then focused a lot on me. I feel like I am losing my individuality and excitement for life when we are together because I worry that in my excitement I will not be attuned to your needs, and disappoint you with my actions without realizing it.” I was calm and accepted it. We lived together in the house for 5 days afterwards while I found a new place and were both amicable. In those 5 days he was acting super nice to me and twice he had deeper talks with me where both of us cried and he admitted he could have tried harder and didn’t have the relationship as his priority. I thanked him for that but nothing more was said and I still moved out and we are still broken up.

    And what you have done after your breakup: Pretty much no contact except to work out the final details of the move. Celebrated the holidays with friends and family and posted nice pictures of me out and about. He has not reached out except to communicate about the move and returning mutual items. He watches all my snapchats.

    While I know there were many issues that we needed to grow and work on together and understand the breakup, a deep part of me still feels like this was my husband. Maybe we were both too immature in some ways to be ready for marriage, but that he is still the right guy. What do you think? Is this worth saving?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 6:55 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      finish the nc process first.. if it doesn’t work out, then move on..

  7. May

    November 28, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    Yeah.. I think I want to him to see me as a completely changed person(the better version of me) and that I want him to feel regret that he’s not being with me. Now, I wouldn’t care if he really like the new gal or what. I want to focus on improving myself, so I am planning to see a therapist and then start the NC again. Will it b ok?
    May

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 2:38 pm

      Yuo, that’s ok!

  8. T

    November 28, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Hi Amor,
    Thank you for your response and the link to that article. However, I’m not afraid that he will forget me. And I’m not planning on breaking no contact. I just didn’t expect him to get into a relationship so soon after a 5 year relationship. It’s only been 2 and a half months since we broke up. I’m really hoping it’s a rebound and that no contact will still work.

  9. Alyna

    November 27, 2017 at 5:09 pm

    Thanks for your answer. I got back to medications and also seing a therapist (combined treatment) for my depression and in day number 15 of NC.
    He has not contacted me either but I am aware it is not always the case.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 2:16 pm

      That’s good.. keep improving yourself even after nc..

  10. T

    November 27, 2017 at 3:26 pm

    Hi there! It’s T again. So I am now 10 days into No Contact and I found out that my ex is now in a relationship with the girl I mentioned in my initial post. I’m not sure what to do. I’m scared that No Contact isn’t going to work now because he has moved on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 2:13 pm

      Hi T,

      chasing him is worse.. check this one:
      Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

  11. May

    November 27, 2017 at 8:54 am

    ½Hey Amor..
    As I have told u that he posted the photo of his new girl (that gal alone not with him, but he put some heart stickers )on messager story only after I added him on msger again. Then, one day later that new gal posted a photo with him having dinner together at a bar on facebook and tagged him, so I saw it at his wall (she tries to make it seems like there were only two of them having dinner, but actually according to the comments below, there were also his friends together with them).
    And okey, he claimed that he’s seeing her even before he break up me but actually it seems like he’s started to dated her only after we break up and I feel like she’s more like a rebound, I dunno why. I also sometimes feel like they do it with only intentionally to hurt me or as a revenge coz before our break up, I was a very jealous annoying type and also a bad mouthed person.
    Now…. about two days ago, my sis and my frd posted a photo of me on their walls saying I’m so unwell and they r anxious for my health with intention that he might see. (But yeah, I also have gastric problem and Addison’s disease, so it was not even a white lie, coz I am also unwell coz of the stresses he gave me). So a day later, he gave me missed call from viber, and that he continously sent me msgs asking that if my meds are finished already and that he’s out of town coz of business trip and then he sent me the photos of his conference. He told me to take care of myself and he was talking about the conference a bit. I was responding calmly and tried to play cool. But I was nervous. Then we ended up the conversation amicably and he said ”if there’s smth, pls let me know”. I said Ok. That’s all. According to that he didn’t ask about my health directly. But he told me to take care and if the meds r finished. And asked me if I’m staying at the same home blah blah..and a bit about my job.
    I was quite pleased that he’s still worried about me but when I think that may b he’s taking care of me just as a friend. I’m really broken hearted and crying all day. I dun wanna be just frds with him. I want to get back with him, but whenever I think about the new gal, I’m devastated. What should I do? It’s been about three mnths already that he break me up. But we were dating more than a decade. He’s just seeing this gal only a few mnths. I cannot believe he really loves her.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:51 pm

      You can’t control them.. focus in yourself because you can only control yourself… how active are you in improving yourself? How active are you in posting? If he sees you in person or in photos, would he regret not being with you? if he bumps into you and talks to you, would he think you have moved on or are you going to sound like you’re still trying to convince him that you’ve changed?

  12. Belle

    November 26, 2017 at 6:37 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I had a closure last Monday, I wanna blame myself for everything bec when we fought 3months ago I didn’t even reached out to him but he didn’t also try to reach out to me. We met again yesterday to give something for his mother and I ask if we can still have another chance he said that it would be best for us to just move on. I can see that he’s also struggling but I think he already made up his mind to move on. Help!!! Do we still have the chance? What to do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:40 am

      Hi,
      Accept that he has moved on, and take it as a restart.. you can still try the no contact rule

  13. Linda

    November 25, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I had a closure last Monday, I wanna blame myself for everything bec when we fought 3months ago I didn’t even reach out to him but he didn’t also try to reach out. We meet again yesterday to give something for his mother and I ask if we can still have another chance he said that it would be best for us to just move on. I can see that he’s also struggling but I think he already made up his mind to move on. Help!!! Do we still have the chance? What to do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:40 am

      Hi,
      Accept that he has moved on, and take it as a restart.. you can still try the no contact rule

  14. May

    November 24, 2017 at 12:34 pm

    Sighhh… This is May again
    After, I added him again on messager, and I started the conversation via texts, after a week later, he posted the photo of his new gal with hearts sticker on messager story. And plus, that gal also posted the photo of them together at a bar having dinner together and tagged him on Facebook.
    I dunno what to think anymore! I want to get insane.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 12:45 pm

  15. May

    November 23, 2017 at 9:05 am

    Hey it’s May again..
    After the NC rule (it’s 30days), I waved at him on messager and he waved me back instantly.After a few days, I sent him text msg asking if he did buy the gastric meds that he told me he would buy for me, he replied instantly that ”he hasn’t this time, but he would buy next trip for sure”. Then I said ”it’s ok, after u have the meds, pls let me know”. He replied ”ok”. That’s all But after that he hasn’t contacted me and I also do not contact him, it’s been like two weeks already since we last texted each other. As far as I know, although he claimed that he has a new gal before we broke up and after that he posted a photo with her on Facebook, that’s all. He doesn’t post anymore photos with her yet.
    Plus, he also hasn’t deleted all the photo album together with me on Facebook too.
    What should I do and what should I think? Do I need to do another NC rule? I dun wanna lose him anyway.

  16. G

    November 22, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    We were together for about a year and a half, we had some issues previously and had broken up before about 9 months in, but we got back together and things were seemingly great, until last week he broke up with me saying that he does not have the time to give me and just wants to focus on work (he’s moving states for a new job in about two months, but we had discussed our future and how long distance would work). I’m pretty blind sided and the whole breakup was weird as he went from being mean to really sweet to mean again and so on, he said he still cares and then proceeded to block me on everything, and we have not talked since (started my no contact without a choice I guess lol).

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 11:37 am

  17. T

    November 18, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Thank you Amor. I will start NC for 30 days. I’ve also already started working on myself. I started exercising alot and doing some reinvention (new hair cut and color). I just need to focus on the mental aspect. I hope the NC will pay off!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:36 am

      Wow! That’s great!

  18. w

    November 18, 2017 at 6:06 am

    Hi Amor, he texted me this morning and asked if i want to go out for a movie. But he dint offer to fetch me but asking me to go over myself. Im still in nc btw. Is it normal for him to not etch me because we are just friends and he dont have the need to fetch me anymore? What should i do next time if he ask me out for a date? Should i request him to fetch me or i could go over myself. He once said that he’s the one always coming over and fetching me when we’re a couple. But after we broke up i did silly things like driving over to find him almost once every week and then i decided to stop and do nc. So what should i do the next time if he actually ask me out for a date again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:07 am

      You need to restart nc because when you’re in nc you shouldn’t initiate nor reply

  19. Hanna

    November 16, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    Hi. We were together for 15 months. And although we both agree it was the best 15 months, he keeps insisting we were too different and our fights made him feel suffocated because they were mostly either about how immature he spoke or how he’d inappropriately place his female friends before me. On my part, I know I was slowly starting to become stricter and harsher. But the breakup was hard for the both of us. We decided to stay friends because we really were the best of friends, and the next day he started talking to me like nothing changed and that hurt me because I started to hope this meant he wanted us back together. But he keeps making it clear he just wants to be friends. So I asked him first if I could take some time off to move forward on my own, that I’d still be friends with him afterwards, that I still love him and would still be praying for him. But now I’m scared I won’t be able to win him back at all by the time we start talking again

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:35 am

  20. T

    November 15, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    This is my situation….
    My ex and I were together for 5 years. He broke up with me sort of out of nowhere. We stayed in touch after the break up. Although all of the communication wasn’t necessarily good but we are ‘cool’. However, it has now been 2 months after the break up and I’m still very sure I want another chance. About a week after our break up, he was already talking to someone new but is not dating her (I think it’s a rebound). We were together for a very long time so I doubt he could move on so quickly. Especially since nothing really went wrong.
    Is it too late for me to start No Contact? Should I do 21 days or 30?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:12 am

      Hi T,

      you can still do 30 days nc..

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