What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

What Should I Do If My Breakup Is Killing Me?

I’ll never forget the very first time that I got a comment on this website.

It went a little something like,

Chris, my god I need your help so badly… My breakup is absolutely consuming me. What can I do to get my ex back?

Now, upon receiving my very first comment I did two things,

Thing #1 = Happy Dance

Which was immediately followed by thing two,

Thing #2 = Figuring Out Exactly What This Person Should Do

It’s not as easy as it seems, you know!

I mean, if you actually look online for help you’ll be immediately greeted with a zillion diffent results of men and women complaining that their breakup doesn’t feel real or that their breakup has ruined their life.

But you know the most bizarre thing?

It’s the fact that the internet is filled with people who like to get off on complaining but don’t offer any actionable advice that can help you.

So, here was this person coming to my website, which is supposed to have all the answers on breakups, and yet I was at a loss on what to do. Heck, everyone was at a loss on what to do.

Luckily, that was over half a decade ago and I have since come up with a very effective strategy that can help you if you feel your breakup is killing you.

The Strategy In A Nutshell

A few years ago I put together a pretty handy little video that taught people the basics of getting an ex back (since it is what I am kind of known for,)

And I am certainly going to teach you about that today but I am not necessarily sure that, that is why you are here.

You see, the way I see it is that you are at a crossroads right now.

You are obviously in a lot of pain and your breakup is probably consuming your every thought. Hell, it’s probably gotten so bad that you wake up with crusty eyes from crying all night and I want you to know that I get it.

I have been a professional breakup consultant for half a decade and have seen some very upsetting things in my time.

I’ve seen human beings on the brink of depression, on the brink of suicide for goodness sake.

I’ve seen girlfriends stalk their boyfriends and boyfriends stalk their girlfriends.

Heartbreak has a way of bringing the crazy out of all of us.

I want you to know that I understand exactly what you are going through which is why it’s important for you to listen to what I have to say next.

Right now you have a choice to make.

Try to move on


Try to get your ex back

Now, some people can’t stand choices like this, my wife is certainly like this.

When I first met her she kept telling me this really weird anecdote on how she had commitment problems with her cell phone,

“There are just so many choices out there. I never knew if I made the right one.”

I’m sure you have a little of that in you right now since one moment you are going from this state where you feel like you can’t even eat and the next you are filled with this hope.

Almost like a pendulum swinging back and forth.

From hope to despair…

So, I am going to open up my process for you so you can actually gain some insight into if your ex is even worth getting back.

The Three Most Important Factors That Will Tell You If Your Ex Is Worth Your Time

If you didn’t already know, I am a professional relationship consultant specializing in breakups.

To date, I have coached hundreds of clients over the phone and help thousands repair their relationships through this website. Now, with all the people I have ever worked with or helped there seems to be one common thread that connects them.

You see, everyone always asks me,

Chris, is this even worth it? Am I just wasting my time?

And I think that is where you should start if you find that your breakup has become unbearable.

Instead of going through this internal monologue where you go all in on getting him back one moment and the next moment you feel sick from the breakup lets tackle this by actually giving you a rough idea on if you eve have a realistic shot at salvaging things.

With every coaching client I have the pleasure of speaking to I run them through a little exercise that I frame like this,

“Ok, so I want you to know that I am not psychic and I can’t tell you with certainty what your chances are but I can tell you the general trend I can see your situation going in. I can tell you in broad terms where you fall.”

In other words, I can tell you if,

  1. You have a good chance
  2. You have an average chance
  3. You have a low chance

Now, quick question.

Where in this little scale do you think most of my clients fall?




Most of them actually fall in the average and low chance categories. In fact, I think I have only ever had five clients that I classified as having a good chance which isn’t a lot when you consider the amount of volume I work with.

(Oh, and all of the good chance people got their exes back if you are wondering. Now, whether they stayed with that ex is a story for another time.)

Now, I do feel it is really important to mention that just because most of my clients fall in the average to low chance categories doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t get their exes back. On the contrary, with my strategies they can actually substantially raise their chances it’s just that their starting point is not as ideal as I’d like it to be.

But I’m getting off topic.

So, now that you have a general idea of the “chances categories” let’s talk a bit about how to determine which category you fall into.

There are three factors I tend to look at.

  1. What your relationship was like before the breakup
  2. What you did during the breakup
  3. What you have done after the breakup

Ideally you’d like to see two of these three factors working in your favor to be placed in “the good chance” and I am going to outline how to rank well in each of these factors.

What Was Your Relationship Like Before The Breakup?

To me this is actually the factor that you need to pay the most attention to.


Well, because contrary to popular belief the battle for getting an ex back doesn’t happen in the things you say or do. It happens internally in your exes head when they are determining on if you are worth getting back or not.

You see, if they close their eyes and think back to your relationship and come up with specific reasons for why they shouldn’t get back with you this creates specific headwind that is always going to be there.

Almost always this “headwind” is determined by the things you did in your previous relationship that they didn’t like.

I’ll give you an extreme example.

Lets assume that you cheated on your ex a lot throughout your previous relationship and they knew about it. Well, wouldn’t it make sense that when you are beginning to reconnect with your ex and they are determining if they should give you another shot they are going to look back at your past relationship with them and think,

Damn, I am in love with them but they cheated on me so many times I don’t know if I am willing to put myself through that again…

In other words, what you did in your past relationship definitely impacts your overall chances of getting your ex back.


Perhaps I should put this in a different way.

Ok, lets pretend that I am looking to create an ideal coaching client. In other words, I am looking to land a client that I feel is a shoe in for getting their ex back. Well, when it comes to this factor I would actually prefer to land a client that had a near perfect relationship with their ex and just got blindsided by a breakup because he was getting cold feet about going to the next level.

Or put more simply, the better your relationship with your ex was the better your chances of getting them back become.

What You Have Done During The Breakup

This factor is going to be the shortest of the three because it is relatively straight forward.

When I am referring to what you have done during a breakup I am talking about how the breakup actually went down.

Was your breakup pretty amicable or was it a knock down, drag out fight that resulted in lamps being smashed and axes being used on doors like the shining?

Generally speaking that is not what I’d like to see.

In a perfect world I’d be looking for a breakup that occurred pretty amicably

What You Have Done After Your Breakup

You should be pretty familiar with this by now since you are living it right now.

I mean, you did land on this article so it is something near and dear to your heart at this moment.

Look, I’ve seen a lot in my time at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. I’ve had men and women tell me that they still feel depressed six months after a breakup and in that same line of thinking how long that depression is going to last (that is really up to you and how you handle this big choice I am talking about in this article.)

I’ve even had people claim that their breakup isn’t real or it doesn’t feel real.

Oh, and my personal favorite is the people who tell me that their breakup doesn’t make sense.

*rant time*

I am going to let you in on the secret of the breakup universe here. Your breakup doesn’t make sense for a few reasons.

Firstly, it doesn’t make sense because that is the nature of breakups.

They blindside you and leave you crying for days after the breakup.

Secondly, your ex is most likely not tell you why they really broke up with you.


Well, it’s because they are afraid to hurt your feelings with the truth.

I mean, think about it for a moment.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you were dating someone and you couldn’t stand the sight of them anymore. I mean, the thought of them literally repulsed you and made you do this,

So, you decide that you are going to have to break up with them.

Of course, when that inevitable breakup talk happens what is the very first question they ask you?

“Why? Why do you want to break up with me?”

You aren’t going to tell them that they are the ugliest human being you have ever met, are you? No, if you have any type of compassion you are going to make up some BS excuse and let that be that.

I can’t tell you how common of a practice this is.

But I am getting way off topic here.

I just want you to know that I get it….

I know this  is killing you…

I know it’s that you are devastated over your breakup

And the fact that you are going through a really tough time is making you super susceptible to making really dumb decisions after your breakup. In fact, I recently just put together a video covering some of those dumb decisions,

So, I want you to know that you aren’t alone.

But how you act after this breakup definitely has an impact on your chances.

For example, if you sat there and begged and pleaded for him back after a breakup to an extreme extent you probably aren’t helping your chances at all.

So, the general rule of thumb to remember here is that the more in line you are with my strategies after a breakup the better your overall chances become.

What Do You Do If You Are Devastated By Your Breakup, Again?

Lets do a quick recap here before I send you on your way 😉 .

The very first thing that I believe you should do is understand that you aren’t alone in this.

Too many people think they are the only ones going through a time where their breakup has consumed them and that isn’t the case. Heck, just take a look at our private facebook group to see how upset and depressed some of my clients are.

You aren’t alone, remember that.

The next thing I believe you should do is really take some time to determine what you want.

Figure out if you should simply forget about your ex and start the moving on process


Figure out if you should attempt to get him back.

Now, I went on this big rant about how a lot of people struggle with this decision and how the best way to determine what you should do is determine what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back in general.

From there I talked about three factors that you need to look at to determine that and covered those factors in depth. Now, it’s easy for me to just say,

Ya… so you should read that and you should have a clear idea at what kind of chance you have. And if getting your ex back is even a realistic option.

But I don’t think it’s that cut and dry. Sometimes in order to get to the bottom of if this is even worth a go you have to have a dialogue.

So, here is what I am prepared to do for you.

Let’s have a dialogue about your situation below in the comments.

  1. Tell me what your relationship was like before the breakup
  2. What your breakup was actually like
  3. And what you have done after your breakup

And I will help you get to the bottom on if you have a good, average or low chance of getting your ex back. From there I think you can make a smart decision on how you want to approach your all consuming breakup.


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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173 thoughts on “What Should I Do If My Breakup Is Killing Me?”

  1. katherine

    January 23, 2018 at 9:40 pm

    Before the breakup:
    Absolute perfection. He is 7 years older than me, so much more mature and chivalrous. Treated me like a queen from day 1. Was chasing me at the beginning and then I fell HARD for him. Our relationship was serious butterflies and rainbows- on both our ends. People around us could feel and see the sparks between us. We were together for about 6 months, and it progressed fast and serious. he introduced me to his family and close friends very early on, and i did the same.

    During the breakup:
    I knew something had been up with him the past couple of weeks because he was having issues with his job. His business partner wasnt paying him fairly, and lying and sneaking around. He was stuck doing all the work and it was stressng him out. He’s 30 so i think seeing this business go downhill was scary for him at that age, because he thought he was completely stable. He came over and talked it out with me in person, told me there was so much going on in his head that he had to sort out, he felt that i had more feelings for him than he had for me, (which everyone knew was BS) and pretty much explained that it had absolutely nothing to do with me or how our relationship was at all, and it had everything to do with him and what was going on in his head. I cried and cried and he held me and hugged me and cried a little himself too. he said this was the hardest thing hes ever had to do. Because we both believed we were each others soulmates, and we talked about that sometimes.

    After the breakup:
    I did no contact for about 45 days, and then texted him. Asked for more explanations because I was still confused, and he would reply immediately with long text messages explaining his feelings, but making sure I understood how much I meant to him and how much our relationship meant to him, and told me how special I am. He pretty much didnt think he was good enough for me because his career at the moment was going downhill, while I had landed a successful job and was pretty confident in my future career. I think he was feeling down on himself about not feeling like he was stable enough at that point in his life, so he kind of took it out on the relationship in a way. Since then, I told him i wanted to see him and he came right over. We talked about it more, flirted a bit, kissed a lot. He came over again a few days after that and the same thing happened. WE were very close and intimate, and he was very compassionate towards me, cudding me and hugging me. He even ditched plans with his friends he made that night and stayed with me instead. He texted me the next day and said how amazing it was and that I deserve the best. I asked him if he would ever date me again. He said yes I would date you again, I just need to get my shit together” and I asked no further questions. This was on Friday morning after he stayed over Thursday night, so I havent heard anything from him since Friday besides a snapchat on Saturday. I am IMpatiently waiting….

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2018 at 6:23 pm

      Hi Katherine,

      Well that’s good that you did nc, and it looks there’s a chance if he gets his career together.. It’s just that he knows now you’re just waiting.. There’s no urgency..so, avoid being too available

  2. Charlie

    January 7, 2018 at 5:07 pm

    Before the break up
    He always wanted space. He never really wanted to do anything with me. He never wanted to have sex. He was irritable with me. I always tried to make things better but he just lost interest but would still tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me he just needs space.

    Break up was like
    I was going back to UK for Christmas and he said we should use this time to have space and see how we feel. I already agreed to move out the apartment and come back after Christmas living separately but see each other. He said I could come back until I found somewhere to live and still see each other. He told me he loved me and kept texting me for a few days after I got home. Then it just stopped and when I asked why he said he changed his mind he realises with space that he’s happier without me and thinks it’s best we don’t see each other again. He got nasty when I got upset and said for me to not contact him until I need my stuff back. He blocked me on all social media saying he doesn’t want to see anything to annoy him.

    Since the break up
    I haven’t contacted him for 4 days and have been trying to keep busy. I noticed he unblocked me on Facebook the other day but has now blocked me again. My friend said that she saw him on tinder.
    I feel sick. I love him so much and just want things to be perfect between us again. Time apart has made me see both of our faults in the relationship. He said if he’s not with me he doesn’t want to be with me so why is he on tinder?
    Is NC rule going to work for me? I have to go back to get my stuff so will see him then. How should I act? Will he be sleeping with other girls? Will he be missing me? I am so sick of this horrible feeling in my chest and stomach from heartbreak and worry. Please help me focus

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 9:32 pm

      Hi Charlie,

      what you said in the first paragraph, was those all throughout the whole length of the relationship? If yes, I think it would be better to move on.

  3. Sarah

    January 2, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    Tell me what your relationship was like before the breakup:
    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we’re both 28. We were together for 1.5 years, lived together in a house he bought for us for 5 months pre-breakup. Very tender, lots of PDA, we were very in love when we were out in public and privately most of it was very loving. The first year of the relationship he said he knew I was the one, soul-mates, love of his life, but then would have moments where he said he wasn’t sure he loved me. We went to couples counseling for 3 months and I still do private therapy. The entire time of our relationship we have talked openly about marrying each other and our children, and we both knew each other’s families. He is introverted and I am extroverted and while our fights were never mean spirited, we’d fight about him needing to be more communicative and open to my friends, my events, etc. and he would get upset that he didn’t think he could give me what I needed. Then he’d close down for days and need “his own space” a lot. His goals were to work a lot, and have freedom. Because he was talking so seriously about us I made the relationship and self-growth my priorities and I don’t know if he ever really did. He once described his perfect relationship as “We both do our own things and if we happen to come together and have fun then that’s great, but there should be no expectations of doing favors for each other.” Near the end I was pushing him to change and work on himself more so that he could be a good partner to me because our day to day life we felt awkward and like we were walking on eggshells.

    What your breakup was actually like: He ended things saying “I don’t see this working out long term, I have the ability to shut off my emotions and I have, I love you but I don’t feel like I can be myself around you and you’re not going to change and I’m not going to change and we’ve been working at this hard and it shouldn’t have to be this hard. I feel like we can’t have deep conversations, and that you were really strong when we met but then focused a lot on me. I feel like I am losing my individuality and excitement for life when we are together because I worry that in my excitement I will not be attuned to your needs, and disappoint you with my actions without realizing it.” I was calm and accepted it. We lived together in the house for 5 days afterwards while I found a new place and were both amicable. In those 5 days he was acting super nice to me and twice he had deeper talks with me where both of us cried and he admitted he could have tried harder and didn’t have the relationship as his priority. I thanked him for that but nothing more was said and I still moved out and we are still broken up.

    And what you have done after your breakup: Pretty much no contact except to work out the final details of the move. Celebrated the holidays with friends and family and posted nice pictures of me out and about. He has not reached out except to communicate about the move and returning mutual items. He watches all my snapchats.

    While I know there were many issues that we needed to grow and work on together and understand the breakup, a deep part of me still feels like this was my husband. Maybe we were both too immature in some ways to be ready for marriage, but that he is still the right guy. What do you think? Is this worth saving?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 6:55 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      finish the nc process first.. if it doesn’t work out, then move on..

  4. May

    November 28, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    Yeah.. I think I want to him to see me as a completely changed person(the better version of me) and that I want him to feel regret that he’s not being with me. Now, I wouldn’t care if he really like the new gal or what. I want to focus on improving myself, so I am planning to see a therapist and then start the NC again. Will it b ok?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 2:38 pm

      Yuo, that’s ok!

  5. T

    November 28, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Hi Amor,
    Thank you for your response and the link to that article. However, I’m not afraid that he will forget me. And I’m not planning on breaking no contact. I just didn’t expect him to get into a relationship so soon after a 5 year relationship. It’s only been 2 and a half months since we broke up. I’m really hoping it’s a rebound and that no contact will still work.

  6. Alyna

    November 27, 2017 at 5:09 pm

    Thanks for your answer. I got back to medications and also seing a therapist (combined treatment) for my depression and in day number 15 of NC.
    He has not contacted me either but I am aware it is not always the case.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 2:16 pm

      That’s good.. keep improving yourself even after nc..

  7. T

    November 27, 2017 at 3:26 pm

    Hi there! It’s T again. So I am now 10 days into No Contact and I found out that my ex is now in a relationship with the girl I mentioned in my initial post. I’m not sure what to do. I’m scared that No Contact isn’t going to work now because he has moved on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 2:13 pm

      Hi T,

      chasing him is worse.. check this one:
      Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

  8. May

    November 27, 2017 at 8:54 am

    ½Hey Amor..
    As I have told u that he posted the photo of his new girl (that gal alone not with him, but he put some heart stickers )on messager story only after I added him on msger again. Then, one day later that new gal posted a photo with him having dinner together at a bar on facebook and tagged him, so I saw it at his wall (she tries to make it seems like there were only two of them having dinner, but actually according to the comments below, there were also his friends together with them).
    And okey, he claimed that he’s seeing her even before he break up me but actually it seems like he’s started to dated her only after we break up and I feel like she’s more like a rebound, I dunno why. I also sometimes feel like they do it with only intentionally to hurt me or as a revenge coz before our break up, I was a very jealous annoying type and also a bad mouthed person.
    Now…. about two days ago, my sis and my frd posted a photo of me on their walls saying I’m so unwell and they r anxious for my health with intention that he might see. (But yeah, I also have gastric problem and Addison’s disease, so it was not even a white lie, coz I am also unwell coz of the stresses he gave me). So a day later, he gave me missed call from viber, and that he continously sent me msgs asking that if my meds are finished already and that he’s out of town coz of business trip and then he sent me the photos of his conference. He told me to take care of myself and he was talking about the conference a bit. I was responding calmly and tried to play cool. But I was nervous. Then we ended up the conversation amicably and he said ”if there’s smth, pls let me know”. I said Ok. That’s all. According to that he didn’t ask about my health directly. But he told me to take care and if the meds r finished. And asked me if I’m staying at the same home blah blah..and a bit about my job.
    I was quite pleased that he’s still worried about me but when I think that may b he’s taking care of me just as a friend. I’m really broken hearted and crying all day. I dun wanna be just frds with him. I want to get back with him, but whenever I think about the new gal, I’m devastated. What should I do? It’s been about three mnths already that he break me up. But we were dating more than a decade. He’s just seeing this gal only a few mnths. I cannot believe he really loves her.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:51 pm

      You can’t control them.. focus in yourself because you can only control yourself… how active are you in improving yourself? How active are you in posting? If he sees you in person or in photos, would he regret not being with you? if he bumps into you and talks to you, would he think you have moved on or are you going to sound like you’re still trying to convince him that you’ve changed?

  9. Belle

    November 26, 2017 at 6:37 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I had a closure last Monday, I wanna blame myself for everything bec when we fought 3months ago I didn’t even reached out to him but he didn’t also try to reach out to me. We met again yesterday to give something for his mother and I ask if we can still have another chance he said that it would be best for us to just move on. I can see that he’s also struggling but I think he already made up his mind to move on. Help!!! Do we still have the chance? What to do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:40 am

      Accept that he has moved on, and take it as a restart.. you can still try the no contact rule

  10. Linda

    November 25, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I had a closure last Monday, I wanna blame myself for everything bec when we fought 3months ago I didn’t even reach out to him but he didn’t also try to reach out. We meet again yesterday to give something for his mother and I ask if we can still have another chance he said that it would be best for us to just move on. I can see that he’s also struggling but I think he already made up his mind to move on. Help!!! Do we still have the chance? What to do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:40 am

      Accept that he has moved on, and take it as a restart.. you can still try the no contact rule

  11. May

    November 24, 2017 at 12:34 pm

    Sighhh… This is May again
    After, I added him again on messager, and I started the conversation via texts, after a week later, he posted the photo of his new gal with hearts sticker on messager story. And plus, that gal also posted the photo of them together at a bar having dinner together and tagged him on Facebook.
    I dunno what to think anymore! I want to get insane.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 12:45 pm

  12. May

    November 23, 2017 at 9:05 am

    Hey it’s May again..
    After the NC rule (it’s 30days), I waved at him on messager and he waved me back instantly.After a few days, I sent him text msg asking if he did buy the gastric meds that he told me he would buy for me, he replied instantly that ”he hasn’t this time, but he would buy next trip for sure”. Then I said ”it’s ok, after u have the meds, pls let me know”. He replied ”ok”. That’s all But after that he hasn’t contacted me and I also do not contact him, it’s been like two weeks already since we last texted each other. As far as I know, although he claimed that he has a new gal before we broke up and after that he posted a photo with her on Facebook, that’s all. He doesn’t post anymore photos with her yet.
    Plus, he also hasn’t deleted all the photo album together with me on Facebook too.
    What should I do and what should I think? Do I need to do another NC rule? I dun wanna lose him anyway.

  13. G

    November 22, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    We were together for about a year and a half, we had some issues previously and had broken up before about 9 months in, but we got back together and things were seemingly great, until last week he broke up with me saying that he does not have the time to give me and just wants to focus on work (he’s moving states for a new job in about two months, but we had discussed our future and how long distance would work). I’m pretty blind sided and the whole breakup was weird as he went from being mean to really sweet to mean again and so on, he said he still cares and then proceeded to block me on everything, and we have not talked since (started my no contact without a choice I guess lol).

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 11:37 am

  14. T

    November 18, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Thank you Amor. I will start NC for 30 days. I’ve also already started working on myself. I started exercising alot and doing some reinvention (new hair cut and color). I just need to focus on the mental aspect. I hope the NC will pay off!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:36 am

      Wow! That’s great!

  15. w

    November 18, 2017 at 6:06 am

    Hi Amor, he texted me this morning and asked if i want to go out for a movie. But he dint offer to fetch me but asking me to go over myself. Im still in nc btw. Is it normal for him to not etch me because we are just friends and he dont have the need to fetch me anymore? What should i do next time if he ask me out for a date? Should i request him to fetch me or i could go over myself. He once said that he’s the one always coming over and fetching me when we’re a couple. But after we broke up i did silly things like driving over to find him almost once every week and then i decided to stop and do nc. So what should i do the next time if he actually ask me out for a date again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:07 am

      You need to restart nc because when you’re in nc you shouldn’t initiate nor reply

  16. Hanna

    November 16, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    Hi. We were together for 15 months. And although we both agree it was the best 15 months, he keeps insisting we were too different and our fights made him feel suffocated because they were mostly either about how immature he spoke or how he’d inappropriately place his female friends before me. On my part, I know I was slowly starting to become stricter and harsher. But the breakup was hard for the both of us. We decided to stay friends because we really were the best of friends, and the next day he started talking to me like nothing changed and that hurt me because I started to hope this meant he wanted us back together. But he keeps making it clear he just wants to be friends. So I asked him first if I could take some time off to move forward on my own, that I’d still be friends with him afterwards, that I still love him and would still be praying for him. But now I’m scared I won’t be able to win him back at all by the time we start talking again

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:35 am

  17. T

    November 15, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    This is my situation….
    My ex and I were together for 5 years. He broke up with me sort of out of nowhere. We stayed in touch after the break up. Although all of the communication wasn’t necessarily good but we are ‘cool’. However, it has now been 2 months after the break up and I’m still very sure I want another chance. About a week after our break up, he was already talking to someone new but is not dating her (I think it’s a rebound). We were together for a very long time so I doubt he could move on so quickly. Especially since nothing really went wrong.
    Is it too late for me to start No Contact? Should I do 21 days or 30?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:12 am

      Hi T,

      you can still do 30 days nc..

  18. Terry

    November 15, 2017 at 8:00 am

    We were together for almost 4 years, although we are young, I am 21 and he is 23.We were living together, we go to school together. We have been through so much, including me having cancer. At the beginning of this semester he started going out with friends a lot, which wasnt really his thing. He started to become distant, and 4 days ago he told me he is not happy anymore, when I asked why he said he didnt know.
    The day after I went to get my things, he hugged me, I cried and that was it. He didnt text
    me since then, I didnt text him either,he is avoiding me at school. I just cant function.
    I hate the fact that I dont know the true reason. I want to give him a week without any communication and then text him if we can meet and talk it through. I dont want to give up so easily. We were best friends, we know each other perfectly, he got through cancer with me. How could he give up so easily without working on it.
    Should I try and suggest starting from the beginning? Seeing each other once a week just to talk like we did 4 years ago. I am so hurt and confused

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:06 am

      HI Terry,

      talk to him after your one week of silence, if it doesn’t work out, start the no contact rule of at least 30 days and get a counselor for yourself..

  19. Bethany

    November 14, 2017 at 4:01 pm

    Hi, my ex and I dated for 2 years. Before we broke up, I started feeling more distant from him.. I felt like an option to him while he would hang out with his friends and not tell me. I told him how unhappy I felt and he distanced himself even more. We talked for a while about the situation and both agreed to put in more effort if we want things to work out. However, the communication on his end was effortless and he still seemed really distant. I broke up with him impulsively after an argument we had. Weeks later I realized how much I really loved and missed him. I even apologized for what had happened and opened the door for reconciliation. It took a while for him to respond, but he decided he didn’t want me back. I was crushed that he would just walk away. A lot of people think he cheated on me, but the mixed signals he gave during our break up told me he was really hurt. I just think he didn’t want to take the risk of being hurt again. We have had no contact for 30 days now. Since then, I have exercised more, seen a therapist, and hung out with friends more. Sometimes I feel better and other times I cry myself to sleep thinking about him and what could have been. I know he is just as miserable as I am. Do you think he will come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:33 am

      Hi Bethany,

      how active were you in posting?

  20. arcy

    November 13, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 months now of which the last three months it was long distance. We had a great relationship,just that he never bought anything for me even though he is a bit well up hence he refuses any gifts from me as well because he says he doesn’t do gifts. I asked him if we were going to do christmas together but because of the gift issue he didn’t like the idea but then he said I will just do it for you.Before he told me that he would do it for me he said the love that you want is just too much.I didn’t say a thing. The thing is,I travel to different countries a lot,he can as well but is too busy with work and for me that is part of my work hence I always find myself wanting to by things for him but I don’t because I want him to take the first initiative ad when I come back he expects something which I don’t show up with.So,I broke up with him three days ago because I was tired of wanting to do for him and not doing it,I had used my money on him for some other things tho.So,for the past three days we were not talking till today,he sent me this message in the early morning hours,’ I hope you are good,I miss talking to you.Have a gud day’ and I responded later,’I’m great thanks.I hope you are doing great yourself’.I really love him and I will be going back to the city where he lives in two weeks to work there for three months. I still love him dearly and I got depressed of late because I love him to bits but i can’t wait for him to start taking responsibility when he marries me as he says.what should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Hi Arcy,

      the truth is, if the guys is not taking responsibility, he will wont either after marriage.. check this one:
      Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

  21. W

    November 13, 2017 at 9:15 am

    Hi Amor, i dint date him out that day. And i haven been texting him for almost a week alr . Should i send the re-breakup text ? Or just go on nc like this ? How long should i do nc ? 21 days or 30 days or 45 days ?

    But i really dk how to face him during training. I thought nc should be done like not seeing him for a month and not seeing his insta story and all for a month ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:45 pm

      If you can skip a month of training, then good.. but if that’s something that doesn’t help you personally in your life, then don’t sacrifice it just for a guy.. Improve yourself, your skills, your health and your relationships with friends and family, for yourself. Not for him.. Do what helps you grow as a person..

  22. Elaine

    November 13, 2017 at 8:47 am


    I was in a 10 month relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We were together 6 of those; then had LD for 3 and in the 10th month; he paid for my flights and to come to his home country to meet his family. We met in another country and then both moved back to our respective countries with the intention of me moving to his country. I felt things were very different and he was very distant. Despite communicating after I returned from the holiday, he insisted it was just the distance. We had many little arguments and then it ended 3 weeks ago. He said that he hates living in his home country and its taking me very long to get a job there so its for the best if we end things. We have both had no contact for 3 weeks. Do you think I will ever hear from him or is it a lost cause? I miss him…and I still feel blindsided but how fast everything changed.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      Hi Elaine

      have you tried our quiz? check this one too:
      If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

  23. Alyna

    November 13, 2017 at 2:09 am

    My break up is killing me. We were long distance. We met for a week because of a conference and in the last day we got together. I had just asked my hb for divorce a month ago when I met this guy.
    After I left home, I continued the divorce process and this new guy kept texting me everyday and being very sweet and supportive to me, talking about moving here and marrying and all that. We started to skype everyday and he seemed so much into me, he told me he was crazy about me. I was getting crazy about him too but had so many doubts if it would work out or not.
    Like seven weeks into this he came to visit and we spent a week together, it didnt go as well as I hoped it would, but I wouldnt say it went bad either. I was still struggling with my divorce and was not in my right mind all the time but still managed to have some lovely memories. The day he left I was cold to him and didnt talk much because I was not in my right mind that day (I was diagnosed with depression because of my divorce and had to take medication, and that week I wasnt taking it).
    After a few days he left, I started realizing what a great guy he was so we went back to normal texting and skyped a few more times, he was the same as always and I felt so happy and excited to go see him in december. Then he started texting less and saying he was gonna call me and then just dont doing it. I was patient and didnt complain about that at all.
    Then, like a week ago, 1 month since he has left, he texted me that he didnt fall in love with me, even if he wanted it very badly, that he was
    dissapointed. And that he was sorry about it but that he didnt think we would work in the long term. That crushed my heart.
    I texted him some days in a row telling him how I felt about him, that I cared so deeply about him and that I was willing to do anything for us. He reacted a bit, even tho I know for a fact he is very stubborn, said he knew how I felt, that he understood, told me he was going to call me to talk about it but he didnt.
    I started the NCR but only could make 6 days. Some texts he responded very friendly, then he got colder, some he ignored.
    I know I have to start NCR again. But do you think we stand a chance? Should I tell him I was dealing with depression?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:22 pm

      Hi Alyna,

      go back to your counselor, don’t rush things and be impulsive.. honestly for me, you shouldn’t be in a relationship while you’re still healing.. but I know you’re not going to stop trying. So the better option is to do nc..

  24. Sammie

    November 11, 2017 at 7:35 pm

    I broke up with my ex via voicemail. We were together for 10 months and LD for 5. Everything was going great. We were going to end the distance and we planned a future together. A month before I broke things off he started acting more distant, less affectionate, and eventually ignoring me. I heard from an old co worker of his that he had been talking to another girl and telling her he’d come visit her. Although the rumor was never proven I acted on my emotions and tried to get it out of him. He never replied. So I immediately ended the relationship out of anger. We loved each other and missed each other due to the distance. I did not beg for him to come back to me. But I want him back. I had to stand up for myself. I was not going to beg for my ex’s attention. I’m willing to do anything. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 1:23 am

      Hi Sammie,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  25. Lynn

    November 10, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    Thanks Amor, I will try to remain calm and I wish he agree to meet and then we’ll see… Thank you again

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 12:34 am

      You’re welcome!

  26. W

    November 10, 2017 at 2:29 pm

    Hi Amor, tmr was supposed to be our 3rd anni. Can i ask him out for a date ? Maybe a one last one before i send the re-breakup text and start nc ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:24 pm

      I hope you didn’t..

  27. Yas

    November 9, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I dated my ex for almost two years. Mostly long distance because we both moved. This summer we broke up because we had communication failure. I did no contact for almost two months, then i followed your texting advice and messaged him. He was kind and replied, we talk here and there but the issue is he will always randomly stop answering.

    What can i do? Should i go visit him? Ask him to hangout in his city?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 11:45 pm

      Hi Yas,

      nope, because you don’t have enough rapport to meet with him.. How much did you improve yourself and how active are you in posting?

  28. w

    November 9, 2017 at 3:23 am

    Hi Amor, i couldnt change my training schedule as we train together every week as a team. But skipping training for a month shoulnt be a big problem because i’ve tried skipping for a month or two before this because i still couldnt face him and look at him in public. I’ve red the re-breakup msg on this website, could i change to to something similar like this? ‘ Hey, I have been thinking abt things lately. I have really enjoyed spending time with you and i really would like to continue but i am looking for someone who values commitment and exclusivity and you seem confused about moving forward with me.Im not a confident person but would say that choosing freedom over me is definitely a wrong move because life with me will definitely be more enjoyable than having fun yourself. I think you need some time and space to be alone and think about what you want but at the meantime it would be best for me to …. ‘, what should i say after that? I felt like if i say ‘search for that special someone ‘ he’ll just freak out even more because he’s someone who sees face importantly and therefore since i alr said that im searching for a special someone he’ll just let me go. Could you help me alter my re-breakup text abit? And how many days of NC should i do? Can i do a 21 days NC or it must be 30 days?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:26 pm

      It’s too long.. you don’t have to skip a month of training too… make it short.. Just say this:

      Hey, I have been thinking abt things lately. I have really enjoyed spending time with you and i really would like to continue but i am looking for someone who values commitment and exclusivity and you seem confused about moving forward with me.

      and then end it with thanking him for everything..

      don’t try to explain or convince him or tell him that his choice was wrong because that just looks like you’re bitter with him and he will just prove to you that his choice was right.

  29. Rachel

    November 8, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    We were together for 2 and a half years

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      Do no contact rule of at least 30 days.

  30. Ruth

    November 8, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    I been dating this guy for almost a month we had an argument 2 weeks back and he stopped talking to me. I sent msgs to apologies but he didn’t respond. I wanted to try a NC but couldn’t hold the feeling of not talking to him, I sent a msg and he said thx. I asked if we could meet he said am working. Do you we can try this again? He hasn’t blocked me yet.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:12 pm

      Hi Ruth ,

      Try nc again? Yeah, you can still try it.. do at least 2 weeks to 3

  31. Barb

    November 8, 2017 at 12:30 pm

    My ex and I we’re together for eleven months, so just under one year. The last 5 of those months we’re long distance. I spent most of my summer traveling 8 hours to see him at least every other weekend. We had a couple issues a while back but I thought that we had resolved them. He had been seemingly very happy with me since then. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago and said he no longer had a spark for me and wanted to stay friends. We tried it for a couple of weeks and even planned for me to come visit and for him to come visit me and to go on a few dates, but then out of no where he told me a few days ago that he’s started seeing someone else. I told him that I needed time away with him with no contact for a while to see if I could even stay friends with him. I haven’t talked to him in 2 days. So I have any chance of getting out of the friend zone and getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 10:07 pm

      Hi Barb,

      he’s not supposed to know you’re doing no contact.. So, don’t inform him on how long you’re going to do it, be active in improving yourself and in posting.

  32. W

    November 8, 2017 at 7:04 am

    Hi Amor, if i will be seeing my ex twice every week for sport practise , should i attend ? We share the same gang of friends, therefore everytime they have gatherings or practise or hangouts, we both will surely meet each other ? Or should i temporary cut out all the meetings for 30 days and join them back after that ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 6:26 pm

      don’t do that, that’s still chasing.. and if you can change your schedule in your practice better do it. If not, just be indifferent with him. With your friends, see your close friends at a different schedule.. You’re going to be busy with other things, your friends will understand if you can’t attend the usual schedule because you’re still making effort to see them at a different time..

  33. Liz

    November 8, 2017 at 4:38 am

    thanks for the reply. well he ended it on our meetup, even though he kept crying. we both want to be friends but will go on break first. we didnt say how long etc.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 9:11 pm

      that means you can start the no contact rule..

  34. Olivia Leung

    November 7, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    My ex broke up with me out of the blue a few days ago. We dated for 1.7 years. I did not know this was coming because he made plans for my birthday, when he was going to visit me, what we were going to do. The day he broke up with me he treated me very well. He took me to an amazing dinner and was super sweet the entire time as usual. Then suddenly, when we got back he said that we weren’t working out and that he doesn’t know what he wants in a relationship anymore and that he doesn’t know what he wants in general. He stated a few other points but he told me that this was the main reason and that he couldn’t be with me anymore. He said that he still loved me and cared about me and that he would still keep everything I gave him (he also didn’t delete my photos or our photos on instagram yet). What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      Hi Olivia,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  35. Lynn

    November 7, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    Thank you Amor, I’ll do that, I will tell him the same week, two days before. But what can I do to increase my posibilities during these weeks? I texted him yesterday and he didn’t even read…I am always scared that he don’t replay never more, we always do but…I am nervous, more than ever,, with his sooo perfect and happy new life (as everyday post in social media). What can I do to get him closer, to build even more rapport? Last week he was flirting with me and texting happy and nice but I am always afraid that he changes his mind…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      don’t over think.. and if he doesn’t want to meet, then he doesn’t because your fear, and avoiding that possibility of him not wanting to meet will make you desperate and then you’ll act upon that..

  36. Rachel

    November 7, 2017 at 10:54 am

    My ex said we can still talk and be friends, he looks at my social media and we’re still friends on some social media sites. Should I not contact him or can I try talking to him? I haven’t done no contact he only broke up with me just over a week ago. I don’t think he’d try and talk to me during no contact, I’m the one who always initiated the conversation since he left. If I should do no contact how long should I do it for?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 6:57 pm

      HI Rachel,

      how long were you together?

  37. Azi

    November 7, 2017 at 10:45 am

    Amor, he broke up with me 2.5 months ago and after that I was in NC for 35 days. I wrote to him, but he wasn’t to eager to talk (he replied to my ‘guess what’ message and immediately ended the conversation), so I waited for 5 more days (5 days of NC) and then wrote again (I wrote ‘weird interesting’ story which he read immediately but answered 6 hours later with nothing more but a smiley face) – this last attempt to get in touch was 3 weeks ago (NC for 24 days).

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 6:56 pm

      ah, he really won’t be engaging because there’s no rapport.. you should have initiated again after 2-3 days from the last attempt..

  38. W

    November 7, 2017 at 9:07 am

    Hi Amor, since this sat was supposed to be our 3 years anni, can i date him out a whole day and give him surprises because he used to complain that i dont do surprise stuff when we were tgt before i jump into the re-break up method? Because he said that he dint wanna commit for now and prefer his freedom, by doing all these maybe could let him know it’s actually better to be with me than choosing his freedom. Is it workable?

  39. Brenda Diaz

    November 7, 2017 at 5:35 am

    Thanks for your help in advance!

  40. Brenda Diaz

    November 7, 2017 at 5:34 am

    1. Dated for 4 years. Lived together for 3. Broke up a month ago. We had a pretty good relationship. He was very encouraging and cared for me very much. Our only biggest issue with our relationship was a year ago. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get married. I told him we could go our own ways. He told me no, that he wanted to make our relationship work. So after a year (present time), I still felt no commitment from him. It actually seemed to get worse. He was very depressed (would miss work/sleep all day/not want to go anywhere or do anything/very unmotivated). I ended up telling him how unhappy I was and that I felt unloved and that I was the only one planning our future and he didn’t seem interested in being part of my future. He decided it was best we broke up. He said “think we are on opposite sides of the spectrum. I want to be able to make my own choices. I don’t want to hold you back from reaching your goal (getting married) (like getting married is suppose to be a goal you check off from your bucket list). I moved out the next day. We only had contact that first week about logistical things (our lease, dividing the furniture, money, etc). I haven’t talked to him since.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 6:15 pm

  41. Toya

    November 7, 2017 at 12:53 am

    Hi My boyfriend and I just broke up again. The relationship has only been 9 months, this is probably the 5th breakup but The first serious one. He was my very first boyfriend starting in 7th grade, my first kiss etc…after separating and going to different high schools, we lost all contact for over 15 years, finally he saw my pic on Fb..he reached out and we’ve been together since. It felt like fate in the beginning, and we moved pretty quickly, he moved in with me, and things started to go wrong. He has to always be right and catches attitudes for the smallest things. The break up was actually through text messages, and we said some pretty horrible things to one another. Some maybe unforgivable things? Idk…but we both havent contacted one another since oct 31 2017. Usually Its me who reaches out first, even going to his house to talk with out invitation. Calls, and long texts about how I feel…this time because I know he’s expecting that behavior, I want to do things differently. I usually don’t even give him time to miss me, and he keeps the control of if and when he’s going to come back
    Although I feel like crap and want to reach out just to stop this feeling, I’m tired of the same outcome. Help please!?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 5:58 pm

  42. Jay

    November 6, 2017 at 4:30 pm


    Me and my bf were together for six years. We had a long distance relationship for the last two years. I broke up with him four months ago because neither of us wanted to move. I recently moved to back to the same state as him three months ago. When i told him i moved back he said that he thought it was easier to work on himself when we werent in a relationship. He said that he needed time to get himself together so he can meet my needs and be the man i deserve. He said that he wanted me to stay apart of his life and that he wanted to get back together on new years. We tried being friends these last two months but emotions were too high. He stayed n contact, contacting me first, telling me about emotional things like family, made his phone password my birthday and inviting me on trips. The confusion was too much we had a discussion and he told me he just needed time and that he wanted to explore other people since we have only ever been with each other and work on himself. He again said he wants me to stay in his life and he is going to reach out new years to get back togerher. So i recently started doing the NC. What do u think he really means ans what do u think my chances are?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      Hi Jay,

      He friendzoned you.. have you tried our quiz?

  43. Lynn

    November 6, 2017 at 4:27 pm

    Hi Amor, thanks for answering. The problem is that he has different shifts at work, so if I tell him at the moments notice, he may not be able to meet. I need to tell him in advance because this is my only chance, I travel to that city like once a year, is not that if he couldn’t, I would have another chance in January…
    So I need to prepare the field during this weeks before telling him a few days before my trip. And I don’t know how, he is nice and flirty, but he is not leting things go, he always reaches a limit and when he is starting to get closer, he stops. And with his new life I am afraid to loose him forever…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      tell him a day or two before..