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198 thoughts on “What Should I Do If My Breakup Is Killing Me?”

  1. Sarah

    November 3, 2017 at 9:09 am

    Hi,
    I wrote a comment on here yesterday, but I didn’t get a reply, and I can’t see my comment either. šŸ™ Did something happen?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2017 at 12:25 am

      HI Sarah,

      it’s still here.. I just haven’t reached it for approval. It’s not yet too late. What matters more is how much you improve yourself during and after nc period.

  2. Lynn

    November 2, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    Hi Amor. About your question, I’ve done two NC. One in spring, when he started ingnoring me and being distant (just after the break up we were still cose but after six weeks he got cold and distant). After that first NC thing got better, we started to text more, with he initiating half of the times and as I told, before he moved, he admitted that he’ve missed me and told me that he could talk again about us when he got back (he doesn’t know hen, ina few months). SO after he moved, I did another NC (it was five weeks ago). He only texted me in my bday (just at 00.00, the first, with a noce but flirty message). After a few days my NC period ended and I text him saying thank you for his bday wishes. He didn’t text back until four days after that, he left it unread until then. That day I texted him back hours after and we texted for almost two hours, very personal. But at some point the conversation died (my bad, I know that I should have ended the conversation in the highest point). This was the Monday. I didn’t text him again, I am waiting him to do it. He is in social media almost everyday telling how happy he is in his new city, everything is perfect…and it kills me. I don’t know how to make him missing me and keep being part of his life

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2017 at 12:45 am

      well, if he sees you or your post does it seem like you’ve moved on and have a better life than before, or at least a more action filled one? Does it seem like you’ve moved on compared to him?

  3. Riri

    November 2, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    Hi Amor, yes I did email before. I was unable to comment on here as was having problems at the time. So I guess your colleague Leah may have come across it. The name was exactly the same as on here “Riri” if Leah is unable to locate it then I can always comment on here again, if that’s okay with yourself. šŸ™‚ Thanks for being so understanding X

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2017 at 12:37 am

      No problem.. but do you have any question regarding your situation?

  4. Sarah

    November 2, 2017 at 12:13 pm

    Hi,
    1) Our relationship was amazing, and everything was going great. As late as a week before the breakup he was texting me all the time, always wanted to spend time together, gave me small gifts, introduced me to his best friends, etc etc.
    2) He all of a sudden started pulling away, which was when I started contacting him more and more (texting), and asking “what’s going on?” and “what’s changed?”. So all of a sudden he told me that we needed to talk, and he told me that he’s not in love with me. And that he’s noticed that I’m more emotionally involved than he was, because when he started pulling away and focusing on other things, I was texting him and contacting him more and more, so I was needy. So that he wanted to tell me that he doesn’t really see a future for us and that we were not gonna be together more than we already were, and had to tell me in case I was hoping it would develop further. So he told me that we should take a break to see if we wanted to still see each other, even if I knew he wasn’t in love and that it wouldn’t develop any further. During the “break” I did text him a lot, because I wanted to understand the situation and had a lot of questions about it, so I guess I was a little needy. Then after a week, he texted me and said that he doesn’t think that we should continue our relationship. So basically, it was all done by text, I wanted to continue our relationship but he didn’t, because he’s not in love with me, and doesn’t think its worth continuing and developing if he doesn’t have the right feelings.
    3. The day after he sent that message, we decided to meet up. He came over to my place, and it was like everything was back to normal. We had an amazing evening and night, like we always do (yes, we had sex too). I didn’t contact him after that, and he ended up contacting me 4 days later, telling me that thanks for last time, that it was a great way to meet up after all that texting, and that he misses me. I replied politely and just thanked him too. And then 3 days later again he ended up contacting me again, and contacted me every day that week with “flirty” messages. I kept acting cold towards him, and then he called me Friday night and asked me to come over, so I gave in (which I never should have done). Again, we had an amazing night and everything was back to normal, but when I wanted to talk to him about us, told him I missed him and asked him what this means, he told me that: Nothing has changed about the fact that we’re not gonna be in a serious relationship again, but I just missed you and really wanted to see you. And acted weird and uncomfortable when I brought it up. So I got really confused after that, and when I texted him after, he only replied in really short texts (he said he was hungover, but still). And then because I was confused about the whole situation, I sent him some long emotional text messages, which he didn’t respond to at all, and then the next day I texted him again saying sorry that I sent you those frustrated text messages last night, which he didn’t respond to either. He didn’t respond or hasn’t wrĆ­tten to me since (it happened about 10 days ago), so after a week (on monday), I decided to send him a “clean” slate text message, and wrote that despite how it ended, thanks for last time, and thanks for everything, bla bla, and I wish you the best. To which he replied “hi lovely, thank you and the same to you”. I haven’t written to him since and don’t plan to either.

    Have I ruined all my chances by that last encounter? šŸ™

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2017 at 12:26 am

      HI Sarah,

      it’s still here.. I just haven’t reached it for approval. It’s not yet too late. What matters more is how much you improve yourself during and after nc period.

  5. Jane

    November 2, 2017 at 12:21 am

    Hi Amor, thanks for answering. I’ve NC for 20 days and I broke it when he texted me about something important which happened. But if it weren’t for that, I don’t know if he would have contacted…he always end up texting but lately he is ignoring me more and since he doesn’t believe in LDR (he admitted recently that if we lived in the same city we would have a second chance if I wanted) I don’t know how to gain him back. When we were together distance was a problem but I am sure that we could make it work if he weren’t so stubborn about LDR

  6. Riri

    October 31, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    Hey Amor, I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I think I had a technical glitch where I never saw my comment earlier. I just got egg on my face! Feeling so embarrassed. Truly sorry for jumping to hasty conclusions.. I eat my words back!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:58 pm

      Hi Riri,

      That’s ok..did you mean you emailed before? Because Leia, our other team member handles the emails.. If you commented before, what was the name and e add you used?

  7. Riri

    October 31, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    Hey thanks a lot for deleting my comment. It didn’t go un noticed. I get the hint you don’t want to help whoever asks for it but just a select few. Won’t be relying on this site again. You could have just said that you can’t do nothing for my situation. Thanks for nothing!

  8. Riri

    October 31, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    Hi, Amor
    I wrote you a message about over a month ago, and even though I got an email acknowledgement, no one responded to my issue about my breakup with my ex thereafter.
    Please could you shed some light?
    Thanks!

  9. Jaclyn

    October 31, 2017 at 2:02 pm

    1. our relationship felt amazing before the split ( at least thatā€™s how I felt)
    2. The break up was the worst thing ever, it was over text and he was out drinking.
    3. Iā€™ve been thinking about him A LOT since the break up, lots of crying.
    A little backstory : we were together 1.5 years, We spent a majority of our relationship together until he joined the Military and once he got to school things just went down hill.. Iā€™m trying SOOOO hard with the no contact rule (4 days into it) but I should also add- less than 24 hours post break up he DELETED ME off of EVERYTHING! So I donā€™t even know if the no contact would even be worth it..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Jaclyn,

      How much are you going to improve yourself?

  10. Jane

    October 31, 2017 at 10:28 am

    I think I’ve might have fallen in a kind of LDR friends with benefits situation with my ex. And he clearly has all the power. What can I do? I tried NC but it didn’t work very well, I am afraid that it was “out of sight, out of mind” for him

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:06 pm

      Hi Jane,

      How did you do nc and how long did you do it?

  11. May

    October 31, 2017 at 7:35 am

    Oh… I forgot to ask u one thing, when I begged for second chance, he said NO and demands for break up. But when I continously asked for a chance, my ex says let’s stay sperately and then, we will see. When I asked if he had an official relationship, he said he don’t know he has to see. So I started NC rule.
    But after two weeks, during my NC rule, he sent me msg on our anniversary day and a week later, he posted a pic with a gal together with ”kiss emoji”.
    What should I think? What does he want to mean… does he want to mean we will stay sperately and we will see, but he may date other gals. Or he break me up for good? Is that any difference between speration and break up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      Hi May,

      Dont over think.. What matters more is what he thinks of he sees your posts, talks to you or sees you in person.. Would he think you’re still the chasing ex or would he regrer not having you?

  12. May

    October 31, 2017 at 7:27 am

    Hey
    This is May. Yes, I am dying and so depressed. I have told u my story multiple times. But if u dun remember, I’ll tell u again. Me and my ex dated for about 11 yrs. He’s the love of my life. We loved each other so so much. But past few mnths, we fought a lot over financial issues. And he thought that I was using him just for money. So he started to date and sleep with gals for abt 3 mnths, when I found out, we fought. Then, we compromised and decided continue to date but within a week we broke up coz I had shown my desperate side which he hates the most.So he decided to stay sperately, and I begged him again for second which he demands for”let’s stay sperately!,, So i stopped there and started NC rule, so he sent me a msg on our Anniversary day ”I pray for u everyday” but after one week, he posted a pic with another gal on Facebook and the caption was ”kiss emoji”. May be the gal was one of the gals who he said he dated and slept. But posting only with that gal means they r official now.
    My heart is broken into pieces. I am dying and dying. But I didn’t contact him.
    I want to get back with him so so bad. I dun wanna lose him. What should I do? I cannot believe that he’s in love with her in a few mnths coz he loved, we loved and our love was the strongest thing.
    Pls I dun want to move on, I want to win him back. Pls give me advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      Hi May,

      Dont over think.. What matters more is what he thinks of he sees your posts, talks to you or sees you in person.. Would he think you’re still the chasing ex or would he regrer not having you?

  13. Rosie

    October 30, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    I am in my NC which I’m doing for 45 days, as you guys recommended me. In the last week tho (I’m at the end of NC) my ex’s behavior changed. He remains active and happy as he was during the whole NC, he also didn’t try to contact me but the way he handles social media changed. To this point, he used to not like anything I post but viewed all my stories on Snapchat etc. Now he isn’t always viewing them BUT he started liking my pictures. I also got a professional photoshoot and he liked it, but didn’t comment. When he posts Snaps, he does it in his motherlanguage, which I don’t understand. Before he used to snap all in English. I also see him liking a lot of posts about love or pictures of happy couples on IG, while when he was breaking up with me he told me ‘he’s sick of this relationship, he wants to be single and he won’t get in a new relationship for now’. Then why is he so into love a month after a big breakup? Why did he change his ways on social media? Does what he does mean that his interest in me increases or decreases?
    Thank you for your advice…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 6:43 pm

      Hi Rosie,

      He’s probably getting interested

  14. Heather Waldraff

    October 30, 2017 at 4:30 pm

    Hello, I’m Heather. My boyfriend broke up with me just yesterday morning. We’d only been “officially” dating for 2 weeks, but had been seeing each other (spending the night at each others houses, having sex, said “I Love You”, met my 1.5 year old daughter) since the beginning of September. On Friday a guy on Facebook messaged me, I told him he was attractive that was the end of it. I stopped talking to him. My boyfriend saw the message on Sunday morning and told me he needed me to get my stuff and leave. So I did. He shut down would not talk to me. I’ve been texting him on and off since yesterday, basically begging, for him to give me another chance. He just down right refuses. Do you think there is even a chance I can get him back? Right now I just feel hopeless and crushed. Even though it was a short relationship, it didn’t feel like that at all.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      Hi Heather,

      Check this one:
      This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

  15. Alex

    October 30, 2017 at 6:40 am

    I just wanted to add that he didnt try to contact me And i dont think he will…I know that it isnt about it at all .I dont even feel like i could contact him ,i have this feeling that he doesnt Want me to. After No contact i will still try tho

  16. Amanda

    October 30, 2017 at 5:41 am

    Hi there, my now ex fiancee and I have been broken up for 3 weeks now. We were together for 6 years. I was perfectly happy in our relationship, apparently he was not. I could have handled the break up better, I was crushed. Together we have a two year old, which means I see him just about every day when he comes to spend time with or pick up our daughter. He says he has no intention on trying to work things out with me. However when I started the minimal contact for a couple days it resulted in me getting extra attention from him. But once I give him attention back he cuts me off. I feel like I am in this endless loop. Is this relationship still salvageable?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 3:18 pm

      Hi Amanda,

      Dont rush and check this one:
      How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them

  17. Natalie

    October 29, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    Hi,
    I left a message on here yesterday to which I was hoping for a reply, however do not see it posted.
    ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      Hi Natalie,
      It’s still here.. I just haven’t reached it yet.. If you want to start slowly buildibg rapport, do so..

  18. Natalie

    October 29, 2017 at 2:07 am

    Hola,
    My relationship ended in July, & I am still blaming myself for its downfall/missing my ex. Our relationship started roughly 4 yrs ago, however throughout the first cpl yrs everything was on his terms (he has a daughter that he did not want to bring me around for a long time, therefore we could only see each other every other weekend & maybe 1 or 2 days during the week). Let me also add that we met in the fall & broke up the following August (so we have already been through this..), however eventually got back together around October. If we have already gotten back together once, should I forget about it happening again?
    Throughout the course of our relationship my ex was distant/aloof/didn’t treat me all that well (hung out w friends & would lie to me about it, always talked about his ex-wife, in general just kept me hanging around for when it was good for him) until around January of this year when he showed up at my place unannounced one night w tears in his eyes professing his love for me. In a nutshell he did a complete 180 – all of a sudden he wants to do everything together & see each other all the time & would ask me regularly whether I want to get married (not proposing but just sorta throwing it out there, which bugged me quite a bit – feel so stupid now because I should have just been happy & excited). I was taken aback by the personality change & him smothering me…& I didn’t handle it well. I pushed him away until eventually he broke up w me, instead of just sitting down & discussing how he was scaring me a little bit/ how I was feeling like I couldn’t make a move without being watched, etc. Long story short, I had a lot of good feelings about him, but I focused on the negative things (him following me & showing up whenever he wanted & our rather crappy past etc.) instead of the sweetheart he had turned into.
    I’m afraid that my ex, who became fun & social & charming & realized it was ok to have feelings towards the end of our relationship, had no problem finding someone to replace me (he would regularly tell me girls were always hitting on him..). Nonetheless, he told me I was the first girl he ever really loved (mind you the man is 39 & was previously married…), & I hope that means something.
    After our awful breakup (he spent an hour or 2 telling me what a terrible person I am – mind you in May I was his ‘favorite person’ & he couldn’t picture his life without me in it..) we parted ways. My ex then called me and I for some reason picked up. He apologized for being a dick during the last couple hrs, & said something along the lines of ‘we could kiss and make up..’. When I heard this I drove to his house, but no such luck. After getting trashed by him some more I headed out. He stopped me and gave me a hug. As I was driving home I called to apologize for everything – he did not pick up, so I just sent an ‘I’m sorry’ text. My ex later replied w his own apology, & also apologized for not picking up when I called (was in the shower). The following day he sent me a good luck text (I had an interview), to which I never replied because he wasn’t his usual cute text format/I knew he was just trying to be nice but there was no feeling behind it. To this day I regret that, as well as about 52 other things I did that I wish desperately I could change to show him how much I loved him.
    Since the breakup I have been working on myself & spending time talking to a therapist (he is not a fan of my ex & thinks I should have broken up with him looong ago) & trying not to picture my ex w some beautiful woman living a perfect life. I have so many regrets and would like to have an opportunity to fix things. Every time my ex did something stupid or asshole-ish he would blow up my phone or just come over and apologize – I would hear him out and we would move on. It’s been months of no contact so presumably bad feelings should have dissipated by this point – I too would like an opportunity to be heard. I would like to give us another try.
    What do you think?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      Hi Natalie,
      It’s still here.. I just haven’t reached it yet.. If you want to start slowly buildibg rapport, do so..

  19. Amanda M King

    October 27, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    1. We were so happy. We just celebrated our one year a month before he dumped me.

    2. I read your articles ALOT in the past and I cried a ton but since then (almost a month) I have been strong. I accepted it and didnā€™t beg.

    3. I have behaved and acted calm. I have been going to the gym almost everyday (college campus) and since we live in a campus apartment (different rooms) I leave as often as I can

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 12:52 pm

      Hi Amanda,

      Are you in the nc rule now?

  20. Lynn

    October 27, 2017 at 8:23 pm

    My ex moved away a month ago. Since the break up (9 months ago) I did NC and then built rapport through text messages. When he moved, we were in friends + flirting stage and when I told him that I missed us and, in a positive way, kinda asked for another chance, he told me that when he came back we could talk about this again (he said that he wasn’t goinf away forever, just a month or a few, depending on his luck in the new city, he was moving just to live the adventure) and that he was happy to hear what I told him. When he moved, after wishing him good luck and him texting from there the first day, I went NC, including my bday (we was the first one to text me, just 00.00 and very nice and kinda flirty). Yesterday my NC ended and just the night before he told in a common chat group that he had found a job (not the best job and not very well paid) and an apartment. He is happy, too happy. I texted him yesterday, sending something funny that I saw (about two of his favorite topics) and thanking him his bday wishes. He didn’t answer, he even left it unread (he did that sometimes during these months but we always ended texting back). With his new – idealized life he is on the top of the world and I just dont know how to make him miss me. I think NC was counter-productive, since he was focusing in his new city and not thinking about me. And now I don’t know what to do. I was playing the UG too. But nothing seems to work. I believe the only thing that could work would be being in constant contact again, as when we started to talk when we met (we built rapport veeeery fast and that connection was still there, we talked about it recently several times). But with his new life I can’t find a way to make him wanting to text me and needing me.I am afraid he could met someone, not better than me but who lives in the “correct” city. And I don’t know how to make him “letting me in”, the only possible way to gaigning him back.And I don’t know how to do it, it is clear that he has a wall aganist me. This happened before and after the NC from months ago, we got better and, as I said, we were like kinda friends + flirting before he left. But now I can’t do anything and this NC only made things worse. What can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 12:45 pm

      Hi Lynn,
      How many nc have you done and for how long each?

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