What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Roxy

September 12, 2017 at 12:08 am

So I just completed about 40 days of no contact. My situation was unique before the 30 days since he wasn’t contacting me barely at all, and left me hanging with a lot of questions as to what was going on in the relationship . I didn’t have anything to go off of and looking back on it now it seems that he was going to take the path of ghosting me without saying anything to me.

Anyways fast forward, I contacted him about a medical concern and felt he needed to know because at that point I just felt we were in a relationship going through a “rough patch” he didn’t seem very concerned and after an hour of trying to ask him if we could be on good terms and till I could get through this condition, we would discuss at a later time our issues . He didn’t respond a yes or no that he would be there for me if I needed him and I was so wound up and frustrated I finally asked him are we even together or not , he decides to tell me no.

Mind you this was after I had given him some very bad an overwhelming news about myself, and a bout a few months of going back-and-forth with him trying to gain some clarity and I thought that was very selfish that he made a decision and expected me to be OK with it . To add I didn’t understand why he kept being angry with me, or was always irritated with his responses like I was interrupting something. I didn’t know any better, and at this point there was no talks about breaking up so I just continued on like normal.

Thus decided to start the 30 day no contact rule after he didn’t show any compassion towards me or my feelings or the situation at hand. He still told me to “keep him posted” but I never did because at that last conversation was when I started the 30 day no contact rule. I went forward with treatment and a surgery since then, and he is viewed my postings or snap stories of my progress but still has not had the decency as a concerned human, just to see if I’m OK. And that infuriated me because he claimed to be concerned about my situation yet watched everything that I’ve posted in the last 30 days and never said a word. So I’m not sure what he’s angry about since he’s put me in this position to question him, and to have all these types of feelings that I have no explanation for. This was very hard to do because we talked about having and spending a life together, and he was the one, so a lot of factors are in play here.

I went ahead and sent a text message today, I kept it positive and focused on a topic we both know which is aviation. The text message read this:
“Hey, how are you? Hope all is well. Things are okay on my end, elbow deep in school work. Your first hand expertise would definitely be handy for my aviation class assignments lol. So many little things to know! What’s a good way to remember all that stuff?”

I tried to target a subject I know he’s good at because he’s a pilot so knowing that, I wanted him to know that I think he’s good at what he does and if there was something from a pilot point of view that could help me study specific topics in class.

I’m not sure if he will respond at all, especially at his lack of communication within the last few months and patterns so I’m hoping that my message would leave an open line for communication, but what do I do from here and how long do I wait from this point forward? I hope he will reach out at some point.

Help!
Roxy

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2017 at 7:44 pm

Hi Roxy,

Is that your first nc?

Vannessa

September 8, 2017 at 10:41 am

I did no contact for 60 days after I ended with a guy I was dating for 5 months as it wasn’t going anywhere and he was emotionally unavailable. Last week he sent me direct snapchat which was a pic of him and his mate but I didn’t respond as there was nothing to really say back to that, but I was surprised as we’ve had no communication at all for 6 months. I want to reach out but not sure what to say to him? Was I wrong for ignoring the snapchat? Was that him trying to reach out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2017 at 11:29 am

Hi Vanessa,
Let’s say he wanted to reach out, does that mean you’re goingto give him a chance?

Do I have a chance

September 3, 2017 at 7:46 pm

I never actually dated the guy, but we did talk a lot for weeks straight, hung out, and he started to pull away. He said we should just be friend because of our complicated situation. I do admit I got a little clingy (I rarely get this way so i was surprised by my own behavior). Im on NC right now but do I even have a chance if we were never together.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2017 at 6:51 pm

HI,

why is your situation complicated?

Crystal

August 21, 2017 at 3:59 am

Hi
So I am a little over halfway through the NC period. But I made a mistake last night and drank a little too much and snapchatted my ex (who replied). I don’t remember what I said to him, but does this mean I have to restart the NC period??

Crystal

August 27, 2017 at 8:15 am

Yes. Immediately
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 9:28 pm

yep…

Summer

August 6, 2017 at 8:38 pm

Hi,

My ex boyfriend was engaged and 3 months before the scheduled wedding she broke it off with him and gave him the ring back. We met a year and a half later.
Me and my ex dated for a couple of months. It was amazing in the beginning. We had so much in common. Same interests. We loved the same things and there was a connection. About a month and a half in he saw his ex at a gas station. There was no contact between them. They just saw each other. (Btw she is happily with someone else for a year now). Well ever sense then his attitude has completely changed. He quit calling me little pet names. He didn’t seem excited to see me. And I noticed that he was withdrawing. At this same time his schedule changed for his job. He now had to work 6 12 hour night shifts in a row. He was exhausted. He had no time to do anything. This occurred for the next 4 weeks straight. He told me he was mentally and physically exhausted, he didn’t have time to do anything and that he was “in a funk”. He didn’t know how long this would last it being 1,2,3 or weeks but that he always handled things on his own. He even told me he didn’t even hardly talk to his parents anymore because he just wasn’t emotionally there at the moment. So he broke up with me. What’s confuses me is that he told me that I was the best girl that he had ever had, but that he was just in a funk. I was devastated. I haven’t spoken to him sense the break up. It has been 6 days of NC. I’m so upset. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 2:31 pm

Hi Summer,

I hatw to say this but most men say that during break up just tto lessen the hurt of their ex..focus in improving yourself and be active in posting

Lourdes

August 6, 2017 at 2:57 am

Hello my ex and i spradically talked because i was alwas started the texti g. After i talked to him to settle things up he told me he wanted to have a date and then he ignored me. I decided to go no contact for 30 days and now is the first time that i text him hoping he was fine and he never answered then i wrote another text telling him that i never meant to hurt him but i respect his desicion. And of course he did not respond.. Shoud i move on? I think he is dTing another person

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 11:39 am

Wrong kind of first texts.. How active were you in improving and posting during nc?

Tracie Hinkle

July 25, 2017 at 11:00 pm

My ex and i were together for 5 years and lived together for two of those years we broke up last August and i started dating another guy during that time he begged me to give it another try which is not in his character, I told him no and I wanted to see where my new relationship would go .that rebound ended for me in December and I went back to my ex, everything was. Better than before and we even looked at rings! Unfortunately we broke up again in march and this time has been different. He says he is mad and hurt that I didn’t want to work things out with him until my new relationship ended and now I feel it has turned full circle, I begged and pleaded we still were talking and even beimg intimate but he would not recommit he says he is confused because he loves me very much..last week he went out with another girl and told me he does not know what he wants and needs time, I have been. No contact since , he did send a funny meme related to my job ,I sent a smile and i have not heard anything else this is killing me because I feel like he has someone new to be interested In so no contact may make him feel relieved . I really don’t know what to think I love him and want him back .and I’m not sure no contact will work in this case..any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 28, 2017 at 5:39 pm

Hi Trinkie,

That means you need to restart nc.. Check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

Hina

June 14, 2017 at 2:11 pm

Hi! I have been with this guy since 5 months. We meet through a common friend who one day called me and told me about this friend of his and told me that his friend really likes me and wants to be friends with me so we started talking on phone and became friends since beginning he wasn’t into texting or calling must we used to exchange 3-5 texts in a day and hardly used to talk on phone but we used to meet up twice or thrice a week and he was very sweet in the beginning so i had no issues with him not calling or texting me much. I slept with him on the 3rd date. After two weeks we became friends my father passed away and I had to go out of town for his funeral for 15 days he was in contact with me and was very supportive all this time though we used to fight on and off but we used to patch up at the end, when i came back and we started seeing each other again he even took me for lunch with his friends we had fun but one day I complained that he never replies to my texts on time even if he is online in desperation i called him 20 times he got pissed n blocked me on whatsapp though i was still on his snapchat I begged n pleaded him to unblock me and take me back though he used to call me on and off during that time so after a month we met again and things started to be normal until two weeks ago we had a little fight over him not replying to me even if hes online and not calling me to which he texted me “get lost” n blocked me again this time I didn’t beg n went on “no contact” strategy its been 15 days we didn’t contact each other but his friend did send me a video of my ex on snapchat which im sure he told him to send it to me but i still didn’t contact him even after that video

Please I request you to help me in this matter.
– Is he gonna contact me? (Hes a bit egoistic)
– If he wont contact me should i contact him myself after 30 days as its gonna be Eid (muslim festivel) when my NC period will end so should i greet him?
Do you think he has other girls in his life? (i think so he has) n im scared he will get involved with them n forget me. THANKS

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2017 at 7:24 pm

hi Hina,

I cant assure you that he will contact you during nc and yes, you should initiate after it and check the links below:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Joni Fryling

June 13, 2017 at 9:23 pm

I purchased the ex-recovery with all the extras for $87 but I haven’t received anything .
Kiran Bhatt

June 6, 2017 at 12:18 pm

Me and my boyfriend were together for5 and half months.But we had a connection even before we had a relationship together.There was a lot of affection at the beginning..Though we used to fight a lot but we used to sort that also.But then again I became clingy and needy.I started calling him all the day.and didn’t give him any space.He was frustrated with his career thing and I used to annoy him a lot.Just 2 days before we broke up,I stayed at his house and things went pretty well and he also said that he loved me and cared about me.But again I started taking his space.we fought on a matter and I called him so many times against his will to talk with me and then we decided to meet and he said that he is breaking up and also said that he has got no problem with me but has got problem with being in any relationship.he told that relationships aren’t his cup of things.At the beginning,it was never this.After 2 days of not contacting him..I again contacted him and he yelled at me saying I am ruining his happiness and then I said I am sorry about being needy and desperate.He listened to me and I asked him go take a break for 1 or 2 months and then he said he isnt sure about what is going to happen but if I won’t stop calling him then there are 0% chances to get back togethet.I promised him that I will change my ways but I know he doesnt care about the relationship right now.He also said that even if he feels guilty,he will never message me and if he feels anything then he will stop feeling that way by remembering those time when I annoyed him.I am scared if he will forget me forever and forget the times we had together.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 9, 2017 at 2:59 pm

Hi Kiran

check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

Kiran Bhatt

June 6, 2017 at 12:17 pm

Me and my boyfriend were together for5 and half months.But we had a connection even before we had a relationship together.There was a lot of affection at the beginning..Though we used to fight a lot but we used to sort that also.But then again I became clingy and needy.I started calling him all the day.and didn’t give him any space.He was frustrated with his career thing and I used to annoy him a lot.Just 2 days before we broke up,I stayed at his house and things went pretty well and he also said that he loved me and cared about me.But again I started taking his space.we fought on a matter and I called him so many times against his will to talk with me and then we decided to meet and he said that he is breaking up and also said that he has got no problem with me but has got problem with being in any relationship.he told that relationships aren’t his cup of things.At the beginning,it was never this.After 2 days of not contacting him..I again contacted him and he yelled at me saying I am ruining his happiness and then I said I am sorry about being needy and desperate.He listened to me and I asked him go take a break for 1 or 2 months and then he said he isnt sure about what is going to happen but if I won’t stop calling him then there are 0% chances to get back togethet.I promised him that I will change my ways but I know he doesnt care about the relationship right now.He also said that even if he feels guilty,he will never message me and if he feels anything then he will stop feeling that way by remembering those time when I annoyed him.I am scared if he will forget me forever and forget the times we had together.He said that not only with me but he wouldnt like to be with anyone in a relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 9, 2017 at 2:59 pm

Hi Kiran

check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

Kiran Bhatt

June 6, 2017 at 12:15 pm

Me and my boyfriend were together for5 and half months.But we had a connection even before we had a relationship together.There was a lot of affection at the beginning..Though we used to fight a lot but we used to sort that also.But then again I became clingy and needy.I started calling him all the day.and didn’t give him any space.He was frustrated with his career thing and I used to annoy him a lot.Just 2 days before we broke up,I stayed at his house and things went pretty well and he also said that he loved me and cared about me.But again I started taking his space.we fought on a matter and I called him so many times against his will to talk with me and then we decided to meet and he said that he is breaking up and also said that he has got no problem with me but has got problem with being in any relationship.he told that relationships aren’t his cup of things.At the beginning,it was never this.After 2 days of not contacting him..I again contacted him and he yelled at me saying I am ruining his happiness and then I said I am sorry about being needy and desperate.He listened to me and I asked him go take a break for 1 or 2 months and then he said he isnt sure about what is going to happen but if I won’t stop calling him then there are 0% chances to get back togethet.I promised him that I will change my ways but I know he doesnt care about the relationship right now.He also said that even if he feels guilty,he will never message me and if he feels anything then he will stop feeling that way by remembering those time when I annoyed him.I am scared if he will forget me forever and forget the times we had together.He said that not only with me but he wouldnt like to be with anyone in a relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 9, 2017 at 2:58 pm

Hi Kiran

check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

Kiran

June 6, 2017 at 12:13 pm

Me and my boyfriend were together for5 and half months.But we had a connection even before we had a relationship together.There was a lot of affection at the beginning..Though we used to fight a lot but we used to sort that also.But then again I became clingy and needy.I started calling him all the day.and didn’t give him any space.He was frustrated with his career thing and I used to annoy him a lot.Just 2 days before we broke up,I stayed at his house and things went pretty well and he also said that he loved me and cared about me.But again I started taking his space.we fought on a matter and I called him so many times against his will to talk with me and then we decided to meet and he said that he is breaking up and also said that he has got no problem with me but has got problem with being in any relationship.he told that relationships aren’t his cup of things.At the beginning,it was never this.After 2 days of not contacting him..I again contacted him and he yelled at me saying I am ruining his happiness and then I said I am sorry about being needy and desperate.He listened to me and I asked him go take a break for 1 or 2 months and then he said he isnt sure about what is going to happen but if I won’t stop calling him then there are 0% chances to get back togethet.I promised him that I will change my ways but I know he doesnt care about the relationship right now.He also said that even if he feels guilty,he will never message me and if he feels anything then he will stop feeling that way by remembering those time when I annoyed him.I am scared if he will forget me forever and forget the times we had together.He said that not only with me but he wouldnt like to be with anyone in a relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 9, 2017 at 2:58 pm

Hi Kiran

check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

Katie

May 30, 2017 at 4:16 pm

Hi, I really need some advice. My ex and I had a good relationship, was together for a year. But went through a rough patch. We had just finished an amazing holiday, just met his father and he was asking to see me more. I was up for seeing him more but it was difficult as he worked 4 hours from me. One day he wanted me to stay around and told me he was tired and had to wake up at 5am. I was being polite and suggested that I can see him another day if he is tired, and didn’t want to be in the way. He snapped and texted me that he can’t be with me. I knew we was going through a rough patch but did not expect it. I didn’t beg but I was popping up every so often. Asking him to talk to my face about the break-up. He has been very cold since the break-up. He told me that I annoy him, no-one annoys him so much and we are never getting back together. I asked him to meet me, at first he kept dodging then he finally met me, were he gave back my stuff. I cried and he held my hand, we was holding hands, reminiscing and joking about. He showed me his new flat and was running my arm and hand along his lips. He kept calling me baby and sweety. He told me he cared for me. I asked if he loved me which he dodged. I texted him a few days later to ask again which he replied I care about you a lot but I don’t love you. I was so confused as to why he was so touchy and affectionate. He has always said we can be friends but I can’t as I have feelings. He asked me to let him know when I do to a lesson so he can come with me, and was telling me stuff about his family. It was like old times. But since he told me he doesn’t love me I have told him I will accept his wishes and haven’t spoken to him since. He said he didn’t lead me on, he was just comforting me as I was upset. I am one week into no contact. He is very stubborn but I really don’t think he will contact me. I think he is done. It is a shame. What do you think? :(.

Katie

June 15, 2017 at 1:33 pm

Hi Amor, thought I would update you. He texted me to see if I was okay after the terror acts in London. I replied politely saying I was okay and hope he was doing well. He replied but I didn’t reply. I don’t feel like I have fully got over the hurt and anger of what happened and I don’t feel like we can be friends. I have been doing a lot of self improving. Just really want him to regret dumping me.
Katie

May 31, 2017 at 1:28 pm

Hi Amor,
Thank you for replying. We have been broken up for 2 month. Although I have been popping up every so often so haven’t fully done no contact. He told me that he doesn’t see a future with me and that I annoy him, and “no one winds him up like me” he also said he’s never changing his mind and we are over. I just don’t get it. He is very stubborn. Think I will have to do the fully 30 days of no contact but I am worried he won’t reach out 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2017 at 4:19 pm

that’s ok.. nc is for you to heal and improve and be more rational.. you can initiate contact after nc to slowly rebuild rapport.
Katie

May 30, 2017 at 9:01 pm

We broke up two months ago, two weeks after our holiday and a week after meeting his dad, all sudden and a shock to me but he said it was a big up and he doesn’t see a future with me. Only been doing no contact a week so will wait it out but he’s very stubborn
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2017 at 8:06 pm

when did you break up? more likely, it would be better to do 30 days of nc, and be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

Allaine

May 24, 2017 at 7:45 am

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me just a week ago. It’s the second time we broke up- and it’s both with the same reason: that he doesn’t love me anymore. After the first time we broke up which was 7 months ago, I made the no contact period and tried to make myself better and it worked. He contacted me after the no contact period and we went back together. And we wew happy. But now that we broke up the second time, for the same reason, I’m not sure if it’ll work again.

Will it? Because unlike the first time, I kinda saw the second break up coming. Days (or maybe two weeks or so) before the break up, he seemed to have lost interest in me, he changed the way he talked with me, he’s agitated, and would’t see me unless he had to (we had the same commitments in the Church). And I initiated the talk that led us to the break up and blocked him afterwards (I know, I shouldn’t have done the blocking but I already did and I’ve unblocked him recently though we’re not ‘friends’ anymore on facebook).

Again, I’m just wondering if I should do what I did the first time we broke up to get him back again? Or should I change things up since it’s now the second time?

Allaine

June 4, 2017 at 4:43 pm

By “made it seem like it was a mututal decision”, I meant saying I didn’t know if I love him as well. (which is a huge lie. lol)
Anyway, I just learned he likes someone else now (accidentally, through our mutual friends on facebook). And I am devastated, to say the least. Although they’re not yet officially dating, I’m pretty sure they’re talking nonstop on facebook chat (because I know him and that’s how he works) – which I think could prevent him from missing me just because we stopped talking. And I’m becoming too insecure knowing that she’s better than me in a lot of ways (sorry, I know I shouldn’t compare but this one’s undeniable).

I’m currently in no contact and it’s my birthday in a week and I’m secretly hoping he’d at least greet me just so I can ignore him and validate that at least he still cares? But if he won’t, then I guess it’s game over? I’ve been trying to make myself better and everyone notices the changes I make. I make sure I post it on facebook as well. But this is too much. It’s like eating me up from the inside out.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 7, 2017 at 2:34 pm

if you want to move on, that’s ok.. but if you want to initiate contact āter nc that’s ok too
Allaine

May 30, 2017 at 4:33 am

I thought I did. But there were times when I get back to the way I was. He said I was being clingy and needy. I guess it’s true, though. Anyway, he went back to me a few days ago but broke up with me again just yesterday. And this time I made it seem like it was a mututal decision.. I don’t know if I did the right thing, though. Now I’m back to square 1.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2017 at 6:58 pm

well, that’s better than chasing him
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2017 at 5:25 pm

it’s not a guarantee.. but after you got him back in the first nc, did you continue having your own life and improving or the relationship went back like the way it was before the first break up?

Bri

May 14, 2017 at 8:44 pm

My ex broke up with me about two months ago and neither of us have contacted eachother since. It is the second time he broke up with me. The first time he broke up with me we had dated for 6 months and he said he loved me but then broke up with me because he realized he didn’t and couldn’t say it back. I initiated meeting up a month and a half after NC and we dated for another 5 months in which time he said he loved me again, said I’m the best girlfriend he’s had and that I make him so happy (he was my first boyfriend). During the second time dating, I bought a ticket to travel for 2 and a half months and he wouldn’t stop telling me he how much he’d miss me and saying things like “what am I going to do when you’re gone?”. He ended up breaking up with me two weeks before I left, saying he sees no future but still loves me, and that travel is my only priority since I haven’t gone to school like I’ve been saying I would. He also said we shouldn’t have dated again and knew I wanted to when I called him to meet up after the first breakup, and that he was weak and shouldn’t have met up with me (even though after I called and suggested meeting up he messaged the next day asking when, then after the date he continued to message me and invite me over and then we decided to date again). I’ve been gone for a month and a half now and I’ve got nothing from him but a few likes on my pictures and a few snapchats. I’m not sure what do think as it was so sudden this time. Last time he broke up with me I felt him pulling away weeks before. But up until the very day of this time, he was making plans for the last weekends before I left, calling every day, saying he loves me, invited me out with friends the night before, and then even texted me “muah” an hour before he broke up with me as I was about to head to his place – which when I was about to leave he said I shouldn’t come because he was feeling miserable. I panicked and asked him if everything was okay with us. He then broke up with me. He said he wasn’t planning on doing it and then told me “now you don’t have to worry about anyone back home while you’re gone”. I will note he’d been cheated on multiple times in the past by others so I’m not sure if he was afraid of me leaving for 2.5 months? Do you think it’s on him to contact me this time? Do you think he will when I’m home? Is it even possible for things to work a third time? Any advice would be helpful! Thank you

Bri

May 16, 2017 at 8:19 am

Hey Amor thank you for the response! I hope you don’t mind a few last questions. Is there less of a chance he’ll contact me when I’m back if he hasn’t by now? (It’s been 2 months of no contact from him and I’m still away for another month). It would be over 3 months of neither of us speaking to eachother by the time I’m back… can things still work out? Especially if this is second time he’s broken up with me? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 17, 2017 at 2:38 pm

yes, there’s less chance but what’s good about that is it’s easier to think that you’ve moved on and just being friendly when you initiate
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2017 at 3:20 pm

let’s see if he will contact you when he’s back… but right now use this opportunity to keep posting

Ula

May 9, 2017 at 10:49 am

Dear Amor,

My storybin short – my boyfriend of 14 years broke up with me 2 days before Christmas. We were still taking and I was still pleading until 2 weeks ago.

He moved out in January and I have moved out a week ago from our flat we shared for 7years.

I have implemented NC which is 2 weeks now.

He is stubborn and he seemed to be not decided.

He did at times declared he doesn’t love me anymore and wants to move on.

So I have taken myself out of equation.

I go to gym, I go for long walks, I meet up with my friends and wallow anyway…

How long should I keep the NC for?

I have left the keys in the old flat but I need a few things from there still.

Should I use this as an excuse to get back in touch?

I don’t have to tell you how hard this is and how much I miss him…

It’s been 14 years of ups and downs. He has a very selective memory and focused on all bad quarrels we have ever had…

I love him. Despite of all the hurt I really do love him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 7:01 pm

Hi Ula,

you have to do new things.. you have to make a new routine..continue what you’re doing but you to improve yourself by doing new things.. join classes or volunteer.. do at least 30 days and check the link below:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Ula

May 9, 2017 at 10:47 am

Dear Amor,

My storybin short – my boyfriend of 14 years broke up with me 2 days before Christmas. We were still taking and I was still pleading until 2 weeks ago.

He moved out in January and I have moved out a week ago from our flat we shared for 7years.

I have implemented NC which is 2 weeks now.

He is stubborn and he seemed to be not decided.

He did at times declared he doesn’t love me anymore and wants to move on.

So I have taken myself out of equation.

I go to gym, I go for long walks, I meet up with my friends and wallow anyway…

How long should I keep the NC for?

I have left the keys in the old flat but I need a few things from there still.

Should I use this as an excuse to get back in touch?

I don’t have to tell you how hard this is and how much I miss him…

It’s been 14 years of ups and downs. He has a very selective memory and focused on all bad quarrels we have ever had…

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 7:00 pm

Hi Ula,

you have to do new things.. you have to make a new routine..continue what you’re doing but you to improve yourself by doing new things.. join classes or volunteer.. do at least 30 days and check the link below:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Julie

May 5, 2017 at 11:04 am

My boyfriend and I broke up 26 days ago. On day 7, I sent him a brief “hello, how are you” kind of text, and he responded. It was a short conversation- 2 or 3 texts each. On days 9, 10, and 15 I send him various versions of “This was a mistake, I miss you” texts and no response. If we start from the date of my last text, I’m on day 11 of no contact. He hasn’t initiated contact with me at all since the breakup.

We had a great relationship- dated 7 months, had a lot of things in common, had great conversation, personalities mesh well, etc. I thought this were great, honestly- I was still very happy in our relationship. He texted me everyday; we laughed a lot when we were together; we had fun together; we didn’t fight. I did think there were very subtle changes in his behavior- he texted less, initiated things less- but I attributed these to the usual slow down that happens after the initial phase of a relationship.

It all ended with him one day laying out a bunch of issues that had been on his mind for awhile that he hadn’t expressed and him giving me the “I love you but I’m not in love with you line” and breaking up with me. I truly had no idea this was coming; I was happy, and thought he was happy. All these issues were very fixable in my opinion too, but it just all came out in such a gush that there were a lot of bad feelings after this discussion. It was just too much to process at one time.

My personal intuition about the whole thing is that he just freaked out. That he had let a lot of things build up without talking to me about them and that build up gave him general bad feelings about our relationship. That perhaps he was scared about our relationship too and scared of moving forward. But ultimately my intuition is that we really are compatible and that he really did love me.

So here is my question- should I even contact him at the end of NC? He did the ultimate act of withdrawing -he broke up with me. Shouldn’t I just let him go entirely and let him come back if he wants to? I think he has some emotional work to do himself, so won’t I be preventing that from happening if I contact him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 5, 2017 at 5:15 pm

if you don’t want to initiate, set a time limit on until when you would wait for him to do so.

Ali

May 1, 2017 at 7:03 pm

Hi, on 4th of may we will have 30 days of NC. We had a not very agreable discussion Wien i told him that he fucked my life, because i was Waiting for him for almost 15 years for him and nothing…as well i told him a lot of things for wheat i ve semn him guilty for wheelie we are Today. He daes not. Intact me anymore during this periodic of time. He dissapeared. Only last Friday, i receive a part of money in my account, not from him director But from her sister. He still haș to return to me some money, but this îs not important for me. The question îs, how should i proceed? Shall i call him after 30 NC? What shouls i Tell him? What If he reject me or If he will be Cold with me? I am Said because i invested a lot of feelings and years in this relațion….thank you a lot!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 2, 2017 at 6:36 pm

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

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