227 thoughts on “What Does It Mean When My Ex Randomly Texts Me?”

  1. Avatar

    ch

    June 17, 2016 at 2:50 am

    So my ex broke up with me three months ago and recently have been texting me saying things like ” how are you doing?” and “youre beautiful” I haven’t answer any of his text nor do I plan to. After the last text I blocked him because I don’t want him in my life at all. My question is why do you think he’s texting me when he broke my heart months back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      Hi Ch,.
      it looks like he’s interested in you

  2. Avatar

    J

    June 16, 2016 at 6:25 am

    My ex of two years, texted me, asked for my email address, and said he found something of mine and wanted to send it to me.
    It was a three year old resume?????
    I asked if he was just trying to stay in contact with me and his reply was that he was just being nice.
    This is the guy who abruptly ended a 10 year marriage and wanted nothing to do with me.
    Huh????

  3. Avatar

    Alexandra

    June 15, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Hi, I had a 1 year and a half relation and my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago because he feels there’s no connection between us, that I don’t understand him, that he feels we’re on different state of minds, he is jewish and i’m from romania and he wants to marry a israelian girl that lived in his country and shares the same values and customs and she understand the life here, he wants the grandparents of his children to be in the same country, he doesn’t want to wait me 5 years till I finish my conversion to marry me because he wants children in 2-3 years (jewish are not allowed to have children before marriage and he wants jewish children), and he sad he’s in peace with his decision, with our breaking up, and he asks me to understand him because I’m not for him and he can’t lie to himself anymore, that he gave all he could in this relation… He told me this very calm and rational…

    This is the second time he breaks up with me, first time it happened last year after 4 months of relation. We’re still living in the same house, how can I deal with the test messages that he sends me during day? If I don’t answer he asks me in the evening why I didn’t answer, why should I tell him?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 7:16 pm

      Hi Alexandra,

      I think the real reason is the first reason you said in your first comment, when he said the problem is communication and that he thinks you don’t understand him because if it’s really religion, it doesn’t match up with what you said that you’ve always said you were open to converting. So, it looks like he’s just using that as an excuse..

      Do nc first.. Improve yourself emotionally, physically, socially and when you get to talking again, don’t bring up past issues. Just concentrate on building rapport again with him.

  4. Avatar

    Gina

    June 15, 2016 at 12:12 am

    I broke up with my boyfrnd bcoz he was not making any commitment even after 3 years. I felt kind of used even though I loved him and he loved me. I tried to make him understand that I want his commiment, and although he wanted me in his life he did not want to commit. So ultimately I put an end to it and moved on. Altho I did not love anyone else and cud not date anyone else. I was single and was not emotionally prepared for any other relationship. However, my ex wud check up on me and send a mail each month or wud msg me, to which i wud never reply. After almost an year of break-up last night he sent me 4 mails, He wrote to me that he missed me and that it is painful for him, and that he loves me still and respects me a lot. He wrote down each and every memory we had and a pic from our past. Pls tell me his motivation and why is he sending me such a mail, even tho he humiliated me once in front of my frnd when my frnd asked him, “what are his motivations for me”.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 8:35 pm

      Hi Gina,

      do you want to move on from him or do you want to give him a chance? because if you want to move on from him, just ignore him. If you’re really curious, ask him why he’s doing what he’s doing.

  5. Avatar

    Gene

    June 14, 2016 at 10:00 am

    I am currently on NC now for almost 3 weeks and my ex has been texting me but not everyday, text msgs such as Hey and my name. However in that span of NC he’s also posting a girl on FB. And he seems inlove.he also posts song lyrics but i doubt it was for me. We were together for 2 years and those were a majority of happy memories. It was just this year we had a rough one. He also likes my fb posts, tweets, pictures and views my snapchat stories. I really want us to be together again but it seems like he doesnt pay respect towards me because it was only a month since our break up but he already has a new girl but im not really sure if they’re official already. But if ever he’s happy with her, why does he keep on contacting me? Just yesterday he texted me to reply him and he also called once. Do u think he still has feelings for me? What should i do?

    1. Avatar

      Gene

      June 20, 2016 at 5:27 am

      I just found out that they’re official. And i think while we were still together he has been dating her. Honestly it hurts but acceptance is a must. If he really loves me, he’ll fight for me and for us but he never did. I had enough this time. I dont trust him anymore. Any advice Amor/Chris? πŸ™‚

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 7:08 pm

      If I was in your case. I would move on.. What’s your decision?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 2:58 pm

      Hi Gene,

      don’t reply.. the girl might be a rebound but rught now, he might be wondering why you’re not replyig..that’s good.. that lets him miss you

  6. Avatar

    Danielle

    June 13, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    Hi, Chris!
    So, here’s my dilemma:
    My ex and I broke up last year, like in late May. We both unintentionally did the “No-contact” rule. We still go to same school, mind you, so we saw each other often (read: saw and not actually talking) and after about twelve months, he found a new girl. Of course , hit me like a ton of bricks, because I love him, and he knows that. My ex told me he doesn’t love me anymore (hence why HE broke up with me) and he just proved his statement by moving on. The thing is, he and I started texting each other recently, and his girlfriend doesn’t know that. So, while we text all friendly, I on the other hand are getting false hope. I was warned not to delve in too deep but….I would say he and I started to text each other daily, and teasingly flirt with each other. I don’t know if it’s mind games, or if that’s just the way he is…but I know his gf won’t be happy about it, I’m not since I truly love him and yet he continues.
    Any advice?
    Thanks!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      Hi Danielle,

      if yo can’t handle the game, don’t play it.. If you still want to try, aim to be the ungettable girl while you’re talking to him

  7. Avatar

    ash

    June 12, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    Hey guys ,
    Your advices helped me go through my last breakup and I’ve been doing no contact for a month right after the breakup.
    During the no contact , he liked my pictures on facebook and sent me an invitation to use badoo… And recently ( after a month ) he was trying to get my atention by sending me pictures and watching my snaps everyday. I kept ignoring him until he sent me another picture on snapchat with a comment “me with your face” ( he used a snapchat filter to change his face with a picture of mine) . I responded the day after with just a laughing smiley and since he saw it, he disappeared.
    I think he wanted to check if I was mad at him. Do you think I should talk to him or ignore him until he decides to send me an actual text ?
    Thank you again for your advices here !

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 9:57 am

      Hi Ash,

      it’s ok to initiate a text if you want to

  8. Avatar

    A

    June 12, 2016 at 8:29 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve been doing the NC rule and am into my 23rd day. My ex and I were only tgt for less than a month and the cause of our breakup was an argument. My ex kept apologising during our argument but I was adamant and so stubborn and kept going. When I sent him a Long text explaining myself, he told me he was confused and wanted to be single and alone first. He didn’t want a relationship anymore right now. His exact words. I asked if we could remain friends, to which is replied of course. We spoke normally after that and he kept calling me babe and had sent emojis like he did before.
    Basically our arguments were always about him being to busy to meet me. Do you think I still have a shot in getting him back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 9:30 am

      Hi A,

      I think so, if you can build up rapport slowly ovwr time

  9. Avatar

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    June 12, 2016 at 3:03 am

    Hi Jojo,

    sorry for the late reply.. Basically it looks like you’re good at what texts to send but you have to work on how you end the convos. You can pre-empt him at what you were doing at the start of the text, like what you did in one of your texts, and then say good bye right after the last high point text you end before he replies.
    And about jealousy, it’s felt when you’re about to lose someone you like.. Of course I know you know that, I just want to assure you that he’s human, he will feel that. Especially if you’ve been maintaining yourself and you kept improving even after nc.. start to go out more with your other friends and be active in posting it.

    when he talks about himself all the time, as in all the time and it’s always all about his feelings not just about what he’s doing, then he is using you as emotional support. But humans always like talking about himself, so use that to your advantage.. be his go to girl to one of his interest, so that he would be interested in you or be interested in it so that he would be willing to share

  10. Avatar

    Nkuli

    June 11, 2016 at 11:42 pm

    I Forget to ask, my ex bf believes strongly in commitment… This bothers me because I am afraid by the time I am done with NC he would have fallen in love with this girl. He goes in deep into a relationship and believe me, this is no excuse for me wanting to end

    NC but do you think NC might limit my chances of getting him back? This is our first break up… I feel like I should act quickly.

    PLEASE HELP

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 7:15 am

      Hi Nkuli,

      if you react to that, his tactics worked and it got you to chase him.. so stay strong in nc because the onmy reason that you could break it is if he says he’s breaking up with her because he wants to fix things with you

  11. Avatar

    Nkuli

    June 11, 2016 at 11:36 pm

    I Forget to ask, my ex bf believes strongly in commitment… This bothers me because I am afraid by the time I am done with NC he would have fallen in love with this girl. He goes in deep into a relationship and believe me, this is no excuse foe me to end NC but do you think NC might limit my chances of getting him back? This is our first break up…

    3 questions
    1. Is this a rebound relationship?
    2. does that text mean I’ve lost him for good?
    3. Do I have to act quickly by ending NC before he falls in love with the new girl?7

  12. Avatar

    Nkuli

    June 11, 2016 at 11:13 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My bf of almost a year broke up with me… well I ended things, called him the next day telling him I made a mistake, I apologize and would like us to get back together. uhmmm he suddenly was unsure about us getting back together and was avoiding this matter by being cold, not answering some of my calls and texts for a good week. Then he came to my place asking for his house keys and it hit me that this person is clearly not giving us a chance. I begged and pleaded and it just didn’t seem to work. I just could not how someone could change so drastically overnight, until he told me that on the night I broke up with him he was so HURT… in his vulnerable state, he called an ex he dated 8 years ago, off loaded and well the ex happened to be there to comfort him and she happened to be single and they left together on the night, slept together and they’ve been seeing eachother a lot on that week.

    You can imagine how my heart sank. lol…it still feels like a dream. I don’t know if this is a rebound or not as it’s been 3 weeks since our break up and they’re still seeing each other. On the 2 week she posted a picture of their sneakers on fb with the caption “Love has paid me a visit, thank you love” -feeling in love. This was a shock as my ex told me that he hasn’t even told her he loves her but they seem to be moving too fast. Could this be a rebound relationship?

    So my ex and I were constantly chatting after our breakup. uhmm the first few days he was basically trying to rub it in that he’s happy and has moved on then the last few days he suddenly the one calling and initiating conversations. Telling me he misses me and thinks about me a lot but can’t have two gfs. To me that showed that he might be a bit confused. He went on by saying we can be really good friends, call, text and go out. I did not really warm up to the friendship idea and told him I need some space and time to accept that he has moved on, so I would like to do the same without him standing in my way. He wasn’t pleased to her this, I asked him to bring a few items that I left at his house he dragged the process (I think he wanted us to be in contact) I finally decided to let him keep them and began NC immediately. I’m currently on Day 6 and this is such a difficult process.

    on Day 2 he called me 3 times (twice in the morning and I received another call in the evening) because we did not block each other on social media, he obviously saw I’m ignoring him. (he hasn’t posted any picture of this girl either, I find it weird as she has already posted) Anyway, he called me again on Day 4, it ran for a few sec, almost like he had anticipated that I might not answer. Day 5 he sends a message which was based on a conversation we once had after our break up, he has two beautiful kids and I had a really good relationship with them. So he had promised to bring them over so I can say goodbye to them. This was he’s text “You haven’t answered you cellphone for a number of days now. Wanted to grant you an opportunity you asked for, to say goodbye to the kids. Anyway it’s all good”.

    In the types of texts you mentioned I could not identify one that could be similar to this. I am very much confused. It is very formal, can’t really get his mood and feeling from it. if anything It makes me feel like I’ve lost him FOR GOOD. Is this a good or bad sign? should I give up? what should I do? Please help *sigh*

  13. Avatar

    mind games...

    June 11, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    Could really use some advice…

    I have a long history with this guy ( over a year ) and we rarely go without communicating but due to my life ( I have things to “sort out” ) we have stopped talking on occasions. The first time I applied no contact and he came back around day 26 confessing his strong feelings for me. Funny because I was starting to turn a corner and was almost over him. Due to me needing to sort out my issues we have again stopped talking. This time I am set on straightening out my life and we have agreed to go no contact (again)… he contacted me early in the morning on day 5 and he asked if I planned on contacting him anytime soon. I responded to his recent message right away since I happened to be awake. Was that a mistake? I let him know how well I am doing and then he didn’t seem to want to have a conversation anymore and stopped responding (fell asleep). Was he just testing me? He said he was lonely when I asked why he reached out after he woke up and got back in contact. He has threatened to date other women and he is always on dating apps. He gets very angry that I cannot commit to him right now. I am so mad I responded but I only did it because we have arguments about me ignoring him in the past. I miss him so much I ended up calling him after he was very cold in texts and we had a brief interaction. He was nice but seemingly unimpressed with my progress and ended the convo “hope to talk soon”. When I realized it was going to take more on my part to get him back I mentally freaked out. Texted him a few times after the conversation ended. I asked if he was dating other women? After brief and more short reply’s I decided to let him be. Why would he reach out and then turn around to be super cold? I feel like I failed a mind game. He is always really into our conversations. Could he be dating other women and weighing his options. What do I do? How do I turn things around asap?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 16, 2016 at 11:48 pm

      Hi mind games,

      set it straight by tellin him youbreally need space for yourself right now and you’ll reach out once you’re ready.. and then restart active nc and be proactive in massive improvements

  14. Avatar

    KR

    June 9, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I don’t know what to make of this.

    My ex has texted me 3 times in the last week and a half. First, how are you? Then how are things? Then last night, any fun plans for the weekend? I have replied to all three of these messages. The first we had a short text exchange. The second I told him about my weekend and asked about his and he didn’t respond. And then the last, he texted me last night asking me about my plans for this coming weekend. I told him what I was doing and then asked him about his plans. He hasn’t replied. Why is he sending me messages and then ignoring my responses?

    1. Avatar

      Jj

      June 21, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      My ex seems to be doing this as well. Yet he wasn’t happy when I didn’t respond to his messages? I feel like he’s just making sure I’m hanging around for him.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 8:45 am

      Hi Kr,

      don’t respond in his next text.. he mightbe testing how you are with him through text

  15. Avatar

    SIobhan

    June 8, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    Hi! So my boyfriend of 8 months recently broke up with me about two weeks ago, he did the “it’s not you it’s me” but I actually believe him. More than one of our mutual friends have told me that he still seems stressed out or on edge during his day, and I do believe that he is actually going through some stuff. Its been almost two weeks, before I found this website I did do a little bit of begging and asking questions because really he didn’t tell me anything as to why our relationship was ending, there was no build up we were not fighting and we had plans for that week and the next, and honestly to me we were actually doing better than most weeks because we didn’t always have to be talking but we made time for later to catch up about our days. After I found this website I started the NC, but of course being so stupid he texted me after a week and a half asking how I was doing because I guess a friend of mine reached out to him, and I answered( I know stupid). He had asked me how I was doing and to be totally honest I didn’t want to use text message to talk so I suggested FaceTimeing, but he said he had too much work and it would have to be another time, I went on to saying “we havent talked in a couple of weeks and I’d rather answer your question of the phone you know I don’t prefer texting :)” and I’m currently waiting for a response. I’ve been hearing rumors of him and another girl that him and I have actually gotten into little fights about because they would talk kinda flirty, but they were friends before and during our relationship so I’m not sure if I believe the rumors. I plan on ending the conversation in a friendly way if/when he answers and restart the NC but I just want to know if I even have a shot?

  16. Avatar

    Nicole

    June 8, 2016 at 6:50 pm

    Hi chris,
    I broke up with my ex on June 5th, 2016. just a few days ago. We were together almost 4 years ago and broke up 2 years ago for the same reason. I feel like he doesn’t make me a bigger part of his life. Recently we had started talking about the possibility of marriage. I feel he is commitment- phobic and I am tired of going in circles. The first time we broke up, I did the NC rule and almost exactly a month later he called me and we started dating again. I still care about him and it is killing me that i broke up with him. I am trying to keep strong. My friends and family are telling me leave the relationship be and move n. I am trying to but deep down I can’t let go. He has been texting me, telling me to have a good day and telling me random stuff. I asking with very short answers. Please give me some advice. I am trying my utmost best to invoke the NC rule again.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 9:35 am

      Hi Nicole,

      why did you break up?

  17. Avatar

    Lockheart

    June 7, 2016 at 9:59 pm

    Hey Chris i have a question for you
    At March 22 my ex boyfriend ( gerniral broke up )with me and March 30 he send me this : Hey —- how have you been?
    So why did he do that ? We been together 4 years and im worried if the NC won’t work for me
    Im doing my best trying not to be too available to him and i still in love with him
    I feel lost now

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 8, 2016 at 12:26 am

      Old habits die hard. He probably is so used to texting you that, that’s why he texted you. I would say that the no contact rule is right up your ally.

  18. Avatar

    Jennifer J

    June 7, 2016 at 12:20 am

    My ex doesn’t randomly text me, he randomly “likes” my social media posts. Usually tweets, sometimes Facebook statuses, occasionally pictures. We broke up two months ago. I ran into him once, a few days after we broke up. We spoke then, just awkward small talk. I used to play the game where I liked his posts back but I haven’t in about a month. I haven’t reached out to him at all. We broke up mutually, never had any sort of angry falling out, things just kind of fell apart. I don’t really know what to make of his “likes.” Sometimes I wonder if I should reach out, but I also don’t want to seem like I’ve given in and seem like I need him back. I miss him sometimes, but I don’t need him. I’m generally pretty happy. Additionally, I’m friends with a lot of his friends, was before I dated him so I still hang out with them. He’s never been there… but a lot of what he “likes” are interactions between me and his friends on social media.

    1. Avatar

      Jennifer J

      June 8, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      Update: I gave in and texted him last night , nothing fancy just asked how he’d been. He admitted to keeping up with my social media and said he’s really glad to see I’m doing well. He was friendly, told a few jokes, even triple texted me at one point. I cut off the conversation after we’d exchanged like 6 texts each. He seems to be doing well too, has is priorities much more in order than the last time I spoke to him. He expressed he was really glad I reached out to him and wished me well… I didn’t respond to his last texts. It was a nice conversation. I don’t really have any inclination to text him again.

    2. Avatar

      Jennifer J

      June 8, 2016 at 1:13 am

      I would love an article designated to this, especially considering social media is so prevalent these days.. I didn’t do NC at first, I played the game he was playing… I would like one post of his to every 3 or 4 of mine that he liked. Then I stopped caring I guess and I haven’t responded to any contact from him in about a month. He still continues to like my posts, but now it is 1-2 times a week. Before we were together, he used to like my posts all the time. He’s fairly active on social media. I never realized he was into me or thought about him like that until he actually asked on a date.

      As for what I want… I’m not sure. Right now, I mostly want to know what his doing this means. I’ve thought about if I want him back and I go back and forth. I know he’s a good guy and we haven’t had any bad blood or falling out since our breakup. I know when people ask about me he responds respectfully. I’m happy without him though. I feel like I stay happy whether or not I’m in a relationship. I don’t like to be completely dependent on guys. We were together for only 4 months, but we were incredibly intimate. I’ve never felt so close or like I could be myself with anyone the way I felt with him. He was something special. So I’m unsure…

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 8, 2016 at 12:27 am

      Ah… that might be article worthy. Him randomly liking your posts and what it means.

      Have you utilized the no contact rule on him?

      If so, did he like the posts when you were using NC?

      Also, I am eager to hear about what you want. Do you want him back or do you just want to understand why he is liking the posts?

  19. Avatar

    Lily

    June 6, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    Hi. I really need your advice!!! So after 21 days of NC (I was very strict in this and didn’t initiate contact with my ex), he contacted me for the first time but his reaction was negative. He suddenly told me today to stop entering the app for couple (that we’ve been using regularly in the past to share our love and thoughts. also this app allows you to see when was the last online of the other person) and checking him out on Facebook (he blocked me, then unblocked after few days but hasn’t added me back yet) and that I should look for a new guy. I don’t understand his motivation behind this. I opened the app but didn’t do anything, no sharing, no writing. I was a bit surprised that he just opened it. Probably because I haven’t talked or wrote him in the last 21 days. Moreover, I improved myself a lot such as changing my hairstyle, trying new make up, etc…in general becoming prettier and cooler. I even posted a really nice profile picture on Facebook yesterday following your tips, and not just the boys but also the girls were crazy about it. Thanks for the tips πŸ˜‰ Back to the main problem, I didn’t reply to his text. He called me once right after that but I didn’t pick up the phone either. As I don’t know what to say and if I should break the NC rule. A little bit about our 5 year relationship. Though there were many difficulties (and fights of course) and we both have flaws, but it was a wonderful relationship. He really loved me and even changed himself in a positive way because of me. I also love him a lot and don’t want to lose him. We even talked about marriage before. But few months ago his attitude was different and we had several “little break ups” before the final parting. He said he didn’t love my anymore but would like to remain as good friends….and he will be there whenever I need him. What should I do now? Please help! Thanks a lot!!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 8, 2016 at 12:29 am

      Hi lily,

      That’s actually the same name as my daughter except she has an extra “l.”

      Did he leave a message?

      At this point you can’t break no contact. BUT be encouraged by the progress you have already made.

  20. Avatar

    Ivonne

    June 1, 2016 at 7:05 pm

    I am a bit confused as to what is going on with my guy. I am on day 12 of NC and have received no texts but I have received two calls. Call 1: day 6, just asking me to call him to let him know I am alright. Call 2: Day 11 again saying to call him or send him a txt to let him know I am alright. He had friend-zoned me after saying it’s him not me and we used to talk everyday. I didn’t want to be his friend and said all or nothing and have gone silent since. Now I am starting to feel bad since he sounds sad, frustrated, upset and slightly angry. Why the worried calls from him?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 2, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      It plays into my teachings on psychologal reactance. The truth is that it probably isn’t going to benefit you at acheiving your end goal for responding to him. If you just wanted to be friends then you could probably respond to him but I don’t think that’s what you want.

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