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Post categories
Maria
October 1, 2016 at 12:49 pm
Hello,
I’m hoping to get some clearity.
I met a guy at work, who came from a very catholic home in Poland. I noticef he could get very irritated when talking about religion and politics and had s certain view about women and feelings. We started dating and saw each other almost every day. He told everybody at work that we were dating and seemed very happy. He introduced me to his whole polish family and used to say he had almost never had girlfriend and I know he is serious because of his religion. But he couldnt talk about emotions and sometimes just got very rude or angry when things didnt go his way. If I told him to not talk to me like that he never appologized. I still loved him though. Maybe 6 months went and be broke up all of the sudden oven some small disagreement. After he was sometimes happy and kind at work and sometimes totally arrogant. Once he just yelled at me that he has absolutely no feelings for me and it hadn’t been love. I tried to not get upset. Sometimes I’d text him something, just friendly, but he’d totally ignore me, but still say Hello at work. Now almost one year later at a work party, I hear him say to his friends that he doesn’t know why I’m not his girlfriend anymore. I try not to look at him and just have a great time. But I can tell he’s looking. And after, he follows me and kisses me as if he’s been waiting for it for a long time. He ends up sleeping at my place and we laugh and have a nice night. He puts his head on my knees and there’s this great feeling of longing. Next day he is totally arrogant again. Annoyed almost. At work he looks all nervous, smiles awkwardly and says hello shyly but that’s all. A week after I call him to hear if he wants to come with me to this funny music-event. He doesn’t answer and never calls back. What is it that he wants..? It’s like he’s descided he doesn’t want to love me.
Maria
October 8, 2016 at 5:51 pm
Hm but what about all the other stuff..? Is he just an asshole or maybe just scared..?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 5:54 pm
it’s not really being an asshole right away.. yes, it might be that he’s scared but what’s sure is that he doesn’t want you to think that you’re getting back together.
Maria
October 5, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Slept with him. But very much his initiative..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 4:15 pm
oh no.. that means, it was just a booty call..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 3:38 pm
Hi Maria,
did you mean you slept with him? Or he just slept at your place?
Chloe
September 25, 2016 at 10:27 pm
Hello!
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago after 5 and a half years together. We agreed to go on a break on the Sunday and then 3 days in he broke it off saying he didn’t feel the same way about me. Since then he’s blocked my number, removed me on social media and gotten friends to do the same, he’s also gotten angry at his parents for still talking to me. He told me we could stay in contact and be friends but he’s been so mean. He got angry about me doing to visit his brother to return some things and when he came to mine to return my belongings 2 days after the break up it was almost like he didn’t know me and he was so distant, no hello or anything, it was in and out and gone with no emotion. He was the one I lost my virginity to and he always told me he loves me and how beautiful he thought I was. We planned out a future and then I was diagnosed with anxiety and after 2 years I had a relapse and he couldn’t cope. He said he didn’t love me anymore but hugged me before he left and told his parents he left because he couldn’t cope. I really don’t understand. I really love him and want him back. Help!
Chloe
September 26, 2016 at 7:26 pm
Thank you! I really hope it does help, I love him very much and I want to be the same person he fell in love with to begin with, I’m going to become more independent and should it work and if we get back together I’m not going to fall back into the same pattern of being the needy girlfriend, I’ll allow him space and be less reliant! Thank you for opening my eyes!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 7:20 am
Awesome! You’re welcome!
Chloe
September 26, 2016 at 12:41 pm
Thank you for your quick reply, I can see where you’re coming from entirely, do you think the no contact rule will be of any help in this situation? And how long do you think I should wait before I contact him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 1:32 pm
I think you should do at least 30 days and yes, it can help you increase your chances because you’re not going to be clingy and you’re going to start a new routine to have your own life.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 10:31 am
Hi Chloe,
I think he doesn’t want you to chase because that’s probably what he expects you to do, so he’s being mean with every action you take because he thinks it’s chasing. I think you need to check this:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy
I’m not saying you’re too clingy but that’s probably what he wants to avoid happening.
Gina linneman
September 10, 2016 at 1:16 am
Hey I love getting to learn about the mail mind I myself think of myself as a Emapth person so being in a relationship with someone that I will talk about here it runs very deep still to this day
Me and my ex fiancé were together for 6 going on 7 years AND two beautiful daughters
So I’m Sure u know what this interesting story about what I want to know from u and from reSding what u put down I can appreciate a whole honest answer
We had a pretty bad break up towards the end we were distant arguing and just living like roommates it was horrible but I still loved him very much but him I wasn’t getting that from him before I moved out of the home we shared and raised our girls who are 5 an 3 1/2 now
It took about if say a week an a half two weeks tops that when he would get girls he said I any talk to u right now or look at you which knowing him it was hitting at the time there was another girl he was pursuing that a year later I just found out that he was pursuing her right before he broke basically our family and now we are exactly doing what we were Doing and he’s acting treating me in ways that he did when we were together but I’m talking about picking fights moody with me etc and we agreed to stay civil for the girls of course so we have talked on the phone calls texts since then up we have talked everyday since his moods are up and down he’s mean looking for a fight with me always and then sometimes he’s short and to the point he would call and just ask or say things like he was just making up excuses to call me which he does for some times an. Then it’s weird it’s like one Dady he’ll talk to me like I’m annoying frustration him and I’m not even doing any of those things but then sometimes when I make. Point or tell him how he’s being he will either call me later on or text me this big paragraph of how either A.im wrong or B. He’s sorry without saying the word sorry. It’s a big up and down thing with him AND HERES THE CATCH about my story cause I know we have to talk cause we have children but I get Thess vibes like wow he really hAtes me and my family would always tell me he still loves u BUT REd this PART BC THIS IS WHAT THE TWIST OF MY STORY Is about HE HAS BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP with another since right before we officially called it quits at the time I didn’t know he was talking to another girl until about it seemed like a month after we broke up which was painful! I had no idea me 6…7 years later two kids and we were nothing to him it seemed he wanted the easy simple life with another girl who does have children then she moved in the house were me and the girl where living in with him real quick and that stings too real bad for a long time I had the defense of getting him out of my mind was all of these things he did to me and then our. Children he gave us all up I know that look on his face that he feels regret on what he did he admitted he cries about the girls which I hoped he had some heart on that they were missing from his life full time to every other week end
I don’t know whAt to think I know we won’t get back together cause I can’t forgive him for breaking up our engagement the family we were building all for what? Is moodiness towards me ups and downs he hangs up on me the calls me right back two times and then a mean text cause I don’t answer him I did that test no contact but I was limited of thst cause I wasn’t about to keep our girls from him because I was bitter mad sad every feeling towards so one day he called and I had to answer casue he had to tell me what time he was getting the girls
We recently got into a fight that I started bc his current girlfriend did something on the Internet involving my children and I flipped he was so defensive about her I wAs getting more mad as he did it he defended her and not only did he never so that for me but our argument from his side NOt once did he defend our girls or agree with that she did somethin. Wrong then I gave it back to him ten times fold and it mad him think he called me when I hung up and called and then he sent texts paragraphs which he does she even needs to get what he’s trying to say out some time later he called again right before the girls went to bed and I was t going to keep the girls from saying their good nights I try to keep a routine sometimes he won’t call them but that’s happen maybe three times but still the girls should be on his mind they r number 1 and that’s whT I told him his gf and him don’t have children together we do we created this family so I told him put the girls first and show it if u really feel that way I think he gets stuck at times with this girl doing whatever and then she makes him forget his girls and it pisses me off to think that if him really forgetting his girls BUT. Once I said thst all he did was his way of apologizing and he also said I don’t care whAt “she”. Says or thinks it doesn’t matter to me (he was referring to his current gf) and this happened yesterday and today he came this morning to “see” the girls and right away his mouth went off being nasty to me again after whZt I thought was that we came to a conclusion and we were gonna work as a team while we wer not together to raise our girls co-parent cause it’s really important to me maybe him but he never says it
Ok well there’s so much more but I wanted you to hear my story maybe some people have been where I am or maybe mine is unique idk but how do i do? His do j handle this…cause I have had whiplash with him since we split he tries to make me jealous always bringing her up and saying he knows she like her coffee but he doesn’t remember whT I like??? It’s weird cause that was one of the things we did for each we cooked together Made or got each others coffee just the way we liked it
WhAt do u think he thinks about his gf now she still living with her in the “house” I actually saw some pics of them together and him buying almost the same necklace for her doing the same thjngs that he did for me like sends flowers to be cute from the same florist etc and it’s hurtful to see that too now cause I feel like I was a joking to him he makes it seem like they never fight and if they do its bc of me…so I’m here taking ally he punches and I exploded once I’m tapped out I did build this wall up so I can try to heal but it wasn’t working I missed him at times and then when he was moody toward me I wanted to smack him lol
also I wNted to know why?? Why did he talk to. Girl while he had this beautiful family by his side for the good and the bad I put up with a lot
And how is it that she’s Was the “rebound girl” maybe At first but a year later they r still together idk It making me feel some of the pain I did in the beginning come back and it reAl cUse i think I still love him and then I don’t im confused with my feelings so is he confused too?? I feel like he gets to have his cake and eAt it too his freedom a new girl then means his daughters at his convenience what do I do? WhZt do u think is on his mind? I know he’s a brat and he can be very very selfish snd he is still immature with his actions
He calls me almost every two Hours thru out the day then on his way home then he’ll call and just say how r the girls after he just called me two hours before asking the same thing
Is there a way if u think he’s truly moved on…a way that I can make his moods stop and him treating me how he did when we were together and let him no I’m over it too
He has told me several times thst he talks to me a lot more than his current gf
Which I suspected please this has gone on for. Year now and I need to fully move on while he still has to be in my Life for forever cause we have children together I try to date but being a single mom and hVing the girls 97% of the time I really. can’t have much of a life which is something I had to get use to plus doing it alone without him to raise our girls is hard in its self so I really don’t need his extr stuff he gives me and he knows this and still does it and. Blames me when I didn’t do anything to even cause him to act like An ass to me
Thanks so much for writing this it has been good for me to actuAlly write some of what my life is like now and if I can handle this and how to handle my feelings for him in. Way that I have to get to the point of not caring and this overwhelming feeling to get our family back which Ps that’s one thing he never tried and he even shut down couples counseling
I mean I did everything to push myself to stay for or children but I know fora fact that his heart was somewheres else as far as that goes
Sorry lol and one last question
**Did he ever loved me??? Towards the end why did he do what he did we were together for almost 7 years how could his feelings be so gone when he ended and got into another relAtionship saying I love u to this girl a month in his new gf but then do nice things for me be thoughtful then switch it up to looking for a fight etc
Please ur advice honest advice would mean the world to me cause I don’t have. Great support system nor do I know how to handle this crazy situation I never thought I’d be in with my beautiful daughters
Thank you so much
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 6:18 pm
Hi Gina,
She’s more probably a grass is greener case.. He either got tired or bored with you..
Yes, he was still nice after the breakup because there might be some feelings left for you but he’s not really in love with you anymore..
I understand that it’s a hard stage for you right now to have your own life, then dont. Appreciate this stage with your girls.. Build memories together, grow together, work out together, learn new things together, take them out and meet new people together.. Use this stage to help them be more independent and friendly.. So that when they go to school, they’ll excel more because they’re used to doing a lot of things and making new friends..
Have one day to ask somebody else to take care of them and then go to the salon.. I hope you dont mind me asking but do you work right now? Because if you do, then you have time alone.. Whoever guards them in your working hours can guard them one more day in a month so that you can have your day.. If not, hpw about a relative, a trusted friend, or hire a home service hairstylist.. I’m not a mom but I have best friends and relatives that are single moms and they make it work. At first they were also shaky in maintaining theirselves but eventually they find a way to keep their self in check and keep their individuality so that they dont get burned out as a mom, therefore helping them to be a better as well..
one at a time… set him aside and get your balance back first..once you get the hangs of maintaining yourself while being a single mom, slowly build rapport with him and besides yiu can ask him to stay with the girls for one day month right? That’s his chance to have more quality time with them at the same time establishing that you have a life too
Ariana
September 9, 2016 at 10:59 am
My boyfriend of 5 years just broke up with me. I fought with him because he wouldn’t listen to any of the problems I presented to him. I kept explaining what the problem 3 times but he basically pushed it aside. I had enough n asked for a break not a break up. After 2 weeks, I thought I was to harsh and would let him talk first. He ended up breaking things off.
He kept texting me saying it’s best. I felt completely dead. He texted me the next day saying let’s try again. I asked if he was confident. He left me clinging to hope for 3 days and said Nope nevermind let’s just break up.
I called him and begged him for one more chance but he said no and that he’ll stop responding to my calls and never talk to me ever again.
An hour later he texted me saying we should agree with a mutual breakup.
So the question is, why is he saying he wants me then saying no then contacts me again. I’m initially the NC rule right now. I don’t know if it’s too late.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 11:32 am
Hi Ariana,
he’s simply undecided. Nope, it’s not too late yet.
Ana
September 7, 2016 at 9:00 am
Just a short question-What if he doesn’t contact me in the no contact period ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 8:35 am
Hi ANa,
THis article answers that. What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?
Nunu
September 5, 2016 at 3:44 pm
Soo its been about a month since we broke up we where together for 8 months the 1st 5 months of the relationship where beautiful and i really felt loved and wanted now due to personal circumstances he started acting off he was there but not there and every time i asked he told me it wasn’t him and he’s depressed because of work and family and things like that i was there for him tired to open him up but it wasn’t working now over the weeks i noticed that he wasn’t committed to the relationship and blew up from there and we ended up breaking up because he couldnt see this relationship going any were and he doesn’t know what he wants iv asked him to delete my number and go our separate ways and he didn’t want to and was contacting me everyday he eventually stop and the NC started obviously me being a weak ass contacted him after 9 days he was happy to hear from me and told me he’s missed me how happy he was wen he’s seen my text. It didn’t say anything speical just sed hope u well i cut the contact and he’s been in touch everyday since then i get the hey beautiful and the i miss yous he think that I disliked him and i told him and just guarding myself i mean hey its only been a month u know feelings dont go away that quick and now he drops the bomb of we should meet up for a catch up i Dont remember the last time he asked me it was always me telling when and where im confused i Dont know weather he doest know what he wants or he actually wants us to get back together and if thats the case i Dont want him having it easy. Like u gotta work for it mate help what should i do
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 2:18 pm
Hi Nunu,
Take it slow.. if he wants to meet up, meet up and then if he asks you back, tell him you want to take it slow because you don’t want what happened to happen again.
Kate
September 4, 2016 at 9:09 am
My ex and I broke up like 2 years ago after being together for one year. We have stayed in touch and lately i have been seeing him. Last night we met and it was weird at first we were sitting in his car talking and then we kissed and we almost had sex but I had to leave for my friends were waiting me for dinner. He went with us and we all were just talking and laughing and then he got me 2 red roses. But wr have talked previously about getting back together and he is totally against this. What the hell am I supposed to do. I love him so much. I can’t let go. I want him and only him
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 1:19 am
Hi Kate,
let him work for it.. let him prove if he really want you back.. dont chase..dont have sex until you’re back together
Dana
September 2, 2016 at 12:37 pm
Hi! Me and my ex was together for five years. We broke up in april. Then I follow the no contact rule. Then we started texting, we met a couple of times. Then he started dating another girl. Then you told me that it may be a rebound and it was…During his relationship we was in touch, we met a couple of times. He always was nice, and loving, everytime told me how beautiful I’m, how I’m the best and such a things. Then before tree weeks we was together a hole evening, we have a realy good time, and a lot of fun. We was in a front door of our home (where i’m living now) we hugged for goodbye and then he kissed me. I was like ok…and he was like wild thing. We make love, two times. He was like he didn’t have sex for a year. We couldn’t speak after that because my friends was waiting for me to go to the sea side with them. So I leave and gave my keys to him to watering my flowers. When I was giving them to him he said something like “Oh, those keys!” with nostalgic. So he cheat on his 18years old girlfriend with me. I’m 26 he is 27.
Then I decided to wait him to start speak about that not me, I tried to play it hard like it nothing special. I was in rebound too for a month. So I cheat too. Then we met, have sax again. He was so nervous, his hands was shaking. There was something in his voice like he want something but he’s afraid of it. I was speaking about everything else but not about us, I was waiting to see what he is playing. It was a lovely evening, we went to cinema, and have a diner…but hi was nervous all the time.
Before 4 days was our last meeting. He was in home to fixing my sink. We smoked on the terace and he tried to hug me. I told him that I don’t want, because I’m not this girl. And we start speaking about something else. At the end of the evening he started to speak. About the night…he didn’t feel such a strong thing before, like this one betwen us. He broke up with his girl right after that. He told me that he likes her a lot in every aspect, but obviously he needs more. He told me that he was thinking to ask me, if I want to have sex with him for a last time, because he doesn’t want to have sex with me this way…before we dont go back…he was going to say together, but he stop and then change the subject… I think he want me back, but he is afraid and he still want to experiment with his freedom. So I’m wondering what to do now. We realy love each other and I really want him back.
Dana
September 4, 2016 at 7:59 am
No, I didn’t. It was like nothing was happen. We was together for a hour or two, we had a diner. He was very sick with high temperature and I offered him to stay and sleep in the other room, because he lives in the other end of the town and it was late at night, he was without a car or bike. But he was like “No, it’s better not to do this” So he went. At the door I asked him if this “sex for last time” means that we never ever do sex again. He was: No, are you mad, no! I mean since my future looks like that…Then he shuts his mouth again…I told something like : Oh,your future looks “interesting”…He told: Why, do you see me sad and alone for all my life. And then he looked in my eyes…I said: No you’ll have a better one. We hugged for a really long time. I felt some tears on my neck. But they was in my eyes too, so we didn’t make it a big deal. We just said bye. He told me that he will call my soon to see me.
Next day we text, he was very nice. Then he went to his summer vacation, so he is not in the town now, just traveling to different cities to see some of his friends. He even bought me my face cream from Sofia city. We text a little, I don’t want to bother him. So that’s it!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 1:10 am
ok, that’s good. Don’t sleep with him unless you’re back together. During his trip, continue what you started during no contact, and when he comes back continue those activities too. Don’t be too available for him. Have your own life and always look your best when you see each other. It has to be a fun when you see each other. Take this opportunity to bounce back from what happened and to raise your value again.
YOu need to read this too:
I hooked up with my ex..now what?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 6:08 pm
HI Dana,
did you agree to sleeping to him one last time? How did he leave?
leyley
September 2, 2016 at 5:19 am
Me and my boyfriend were dating for about 4 months. Everything was fine we didn’t really fight and if we did we resolved it easily. Well he told me about a week ago we were breaking up. 2 days before that he told me his ex messsaged him and said she wanted him back Even though she also had a boyfriend. Well he never replied to get and said to leave him alone. Well 2 days later I was at school and he called me and we were taking having fun, then about 3 hours after that he went to her house to get her little brother because they hangout sometimes. I told him i wish she wasnt there but he said nothing will happen hes mine and no one elses. He then called me hours later and told me to meet him at walmart so i did and he said he felt like an ass and that he doesn’t want to tie me down at school and that I seemed more like a friend at the end and he doesn’t know what to do and he’s sorry and cried, wiped my years away, hugged me, and said hell never forget me and wants to be friends. I texted him that night and asked if it was about his ex he said no he just doesn’t know what to do. he told his mom and best friend and they told him to do what he wants. Then his ex broke up with her bf the same night. Well i haven’t spoke to him since (it’s been a week) and he’s alwyas at his ex’s house almost everyday and says they are just friends but she says they’re more. Idk what to he’s my first boyfriend and i like him so much. His friend has been snapchatting me and asking what me and my ex did and saying sorry things to me. So my friend told my ex and now.he is mad at his friend.
I like that he’s mad but he acts like he doesn’t care for me? What should I do?
leyley
September 2, 2016 at 5:25 am
Also the day before we broke up he was talking about going haunted housing next month and stuff like that and then dropped me the next day.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 4:42 pm
Hi Leyley,
Looks like you’re a rebound.. Read this one: EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?
Tiphy
September 1, 2016 at 3:58 am
Thanks! Ive already read them all. He acted as a jerk haha
Today, he had called 5 times before I answered and he apologized for his behavior. I said thanks and we said goodbye. Im also blocked at WhatsApp. Anyway, Ive decided to keep the limited contact at work until the 45 days are completed.
Thanks for the support with the articles!
Anse
August 29, 2016 at 1:39 pm
I dunnk whether I am in the right place to have this conversation.
Me and my ex had a very complicated relationship. It was a long distance relationship. We haven’t seen each other in 2 years.
The thing is now that I have not spoke to him in about 5-6 weeks. Last week was his birthday, so I send him a message. But then decided to give him a call. His number did not work. As he travels a lot due to work I was not thinking too much about it. This year there have been many signs that sth is not ok with him. Even in our last whatsapp conversation he yelled at me to never try to contact him again but also “you don’t know what I am going through”. Because of all of that I am very worried. The last 4 days I have constanly called him. But his phone says switched off/out of network. It is also strange that I haven’t seen him on any social media for 2 weeks now, which is usually not the case. I am panicking. I don’t know anyone from his surroundings and he is also not in touch with any of our uni mates for a long time. Last time I got worried and tried to find out his ex and contacted her. Hence the reaction from him and he also threatend me with a few things. Yes, I have acted like a crazy person. But in the conversation before he said he has depressions and that he is not ok and very sad. He just disappeared after that conversation. I called him to see how he is after a few days. When I couldn’t reach him I started panicking more and more and tried to reach him via phone, mail and apps. In vain. Finally I got a mail saying: stop stalking me. I was hurt, angry and lost my mind and contacted his ex to bring this mess to an end. Maybe she might know what is up with him as she is still friends with his family. The next day he texted me the threats about 5-6 weeks ago.
I need to calm down at the same timeI don’t want to do sth crazy like I did. When u love someone u there is always a small hope of getting back together. But atm that is not my concern at all, i just want to know nth happend to him.
There might be some typos. Hope u still get me
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 8:58 am
Hi Anse,
the worst that can happen is that he’s dead but 4 days long, it’s impossible that nobody would notice if he is.. Ok, that’s absurd but I’m just trying to keep you in touch with reality.. If he can go 2 weeks off the grid, then another two weeks like that again is fine…
If he said you were a stalker before, then you really have to avoid checking up on him again and just focus in improving yourself now.
Bella
August 23, 2016 at 3:01 pm
After a 2 year relationship, an engagement, and living together I decide to leave him 3 months ago. We really had next to no conversation until one day i decided to call and back together for the weekend. He told me he had a gf, which i seriously didn’t take it serious, answered his phone when she called. We did spend the next day together, but because i destroyed his phone because of her endless calling. He realized when we were apart the following day called me and began to scream at me and never said were done but now I see him (spy) on a dating site practically all evening. that was 2 days ago. I’m confused because i love him but be is extremely boring and drinks a lot and at times abusive.
When we were together he said some pretty hurtful things about being with others. I have not heard from him nor have i attempted to contact him. Sad and confused I’m not sure where to go from here, please help.
thank you,
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2016 at 11:38 am
Hi Bella,
if he’s abusive, you shouldnt get back with him
Kass
August 23, 2016 at 4:15 am
I broke up with my ex boyfriend in May. We were very serious, living together and he had bought me a ring, but neither of us were ready for an actual engagement. I ended the relationship because there were some serious shortcomings. Both of us were broken from events that happened around the same time during our relationship from forces outside the relationship. I lost my dream job and his ex-wife stopped allowing him to have contact with his former step kids. I became withdrawn and he became angry. He took his anger out on me, and I became further depressed and withdrawn. We both made the other person feel inadequate. I needed the cycle to end so we could start over and find the relationship we had lost. I tried the no contact, but he would not accept it. He called and texted everyday, stopping by my station at work, calling me for “official” reasons. We would end up chatting for a while. I blocked him on Facebook (I have since in-blocked, then deactivated my Facebook) so I could work on me, yet he still pursued me. He fell apart, was constantly late for work (we work at the same place), reported to work occasionally still drunk. I recently saw that he had become less angry and seemed like he was doing better with many things. So I started interacting with him more and even started to contact him. Things were going well, he still had some things at my house and came by to get them. We talked, he told me he loved me, then I went to dinner with a girl friend. He texted me telling me I looked great and we chatted via text for a little while, he told me I was amazing and special. The conversation even turned very flirty. Two days later, I sat down and wrote him a letter explaining all the thing I had done wrong and apologizing for my role in the decline of the relationship. I told him that I wanted us to be able to move forward without holding on to any of the past pain. I took him the letter when I asked he not give up on us, he told me he thought I already had given up and he had moved on. He was now talking to his sister’s best friend (12 years younger than him), they have only been talking for a few weeks., from what I could tell He told me that I should have said something before then, because his answer would have been yes. He cried as I hugged him and told him I wanted a future with him, but he still rejected me and told me I was too late. Now, he has not returned a single text message, but makes sure I bump into him at work every other day. I always smile and act like my happy self. He will not even return a text about his mail/property that is at my house. When I ended the live in relationship, I never told him that we were completely over, I told him that we both needed to work on things as individuals and if our paths lead back to each other, then maybe we could try again. I have realized that I love him and miss him very much. I see every step of my journey through life with him by my side, he makes me want to be and do better. I am just at a complete loss. I have no idea what to do. We do still work together, so complete no contact will be nearly impossible. Please help me.
Kass
September 18, 2016 at 12:52 am
Thank you. I am doing my best to show my improvements. I haven’t responded to him about the stuff he gave me. Why would he be so insistent on me giving the gifts back after we have been having such good talks? He texted me again tonight to let me know that he was going to her town, would be back Tuesday and to let him know when he can come get it. I’m not willing to give it back. They are all tied to very good memories of us.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2016 at 11:02 am
I’m not sure.. It can be just a way of seeing you or testing you how you would reach if you see him or he wants to move on
Kass
September 17, 2016 at 3:09 pm
During our talks he said he felt used because he bought me a lot of things (he lived in my house without paying any bills for 11 months). I told him that I didn’t want that stuff, I had only wanted him. Well, yesterday out of the blue he texted me asking when he could come get the stuff (stuff I had given back once and he gave back to me hoping we would get back together). I told him that I said I would rather have had him and I was not in town. He replied with “Let me know when you get back. Ty” Why is he asking for the gift he gave me back? I feel like he was probably upset and just lashing out at me. Is he just trying to make me into the bad guy so he can focus on his new girlfriend and try and forget he has feelings for me? He was really cold in the text messages and he was very slow to respond when I texted back. He has shown up where he knew I would be, he has told me he cares about me, he has told me he wanted us to get married, he has called to check on me. He has told me he is confused and frustrated that I want him back. He has said he has feelings for someone else. Now, out of the blue he is back to demanding that I return the gifts he gave me for birthdays, holidays, and at random because he loved me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 3:56 pm
If he’s confused that means he still has feelings.. he’s just at a crossroads right now.. You’re doing a good job on lashing out on him and being supportive.. I think that’s why he’s confused.. You’re not showing the old you and you just keep on being this new better person.. Just be consistent on being patient with him and continue improving yourself.. Continue maintaining yourself, continue being beautiful, having your own life and having great talks with him. It’s normal that you will have those talks, just don’t engage in a fight.
Kass
September 16, 2016 at 10:16 am
Well, things got worse. I saw him at the gym and he came and talked to me. He was having a disagreement with his new girlfriend, so he ended our conversation, but they apparently settled it quickly. He then met me at the grocery store and we sat and talked for another few hours. He asked why I hadn’t done all the stuff I was doing earlier. We talked about where we each went wrong. Then, he started to talk about his new girlfriend and how he was changing a lot of the toxic behavior he had used with me. He was glad there was distance between them (she live about 2 hours away), because it forces him to stop and communicate. Instead of just having a reaction, and arguing, he had to think of how to express himself. He said she was amazing and he thinks he loves her. He asked me, because I knew him best, how he could handle things so he didn’t ruin this relationship. I told him how to avoid some of the things he had done with me. I was being supportive of him exploring that relationship. He kept saying thing like he cared for me and he was sorry for all these things. He realized that he did a lot of the damage in the relationship. He also said that he had wanted us to get married, but he didn’t think I would ever let that happen. I told him I wasn’t ready for it at the time, but it wasn’t anything to do with him and I would have married him. He said when I told him to leave, he had to move on after a couple of months. He didn’t mean to care about her, it just happened. I told him that I wouldn’t do anything to interfere with his relationship, but I would always love him. I feel like he still loves me, I feel like they moved very fast, and it is still very new (like two months). He said he blew her off a few times and she gave him another chance. There were so many times that I should have left, but gave him a second chance and now I feel like I will never get a second chance. Is my situation completely hopeless? I’m so heartbroken because I love him so much, but he is falling for someone else.
Kass
September 15, 2016 at 2:35 am
He also said that he didn’t know if he could trust that it wouldn’t be the same and I told him I was in counseling for my own issues and I realized that I had been very guarded because of my own guilt that I carried that for things that were not my fault. He said that he was sorry for the way he had treated me and no one ever deserved having to deal with that kind of anger and rage. Then he apologized for for never giving me his best. He wanted to see me happy and he hoped we would both take what we had learned into our next relationships. I told him that even through all of that, I still love him. I never tried to convince him that he should come back to me, I didn’t ask for another chance. I was open and honest with how I felt (a big problem in our relationship was I wasn’t open and wasn’t able to express how I felt, it fueled his insecurities). I felt like it was the best conversation we had had in a very long time.
Kass
September 14, 2016 at 7:01 am
I have stopped contacting him, but I respond when he has contacted me. He contacted me on a Wednesday about if his new credit card had been sent here (he had his address changed over two months ago) and I responded that I would look when I got home. I didn’t have it, but had a box of his checks and offered to leave them. He just kept texting thank you as a response. I left it and told him, he came right over to get it. So I was backing out of the driveway and he saw me. He waived, I just waived and left. So, fast forward to today, the following Tuesday. He texted again thanking me for the checks and I responded with I had received mail for him and he called. He said he called to see how I was doing, because he hadn’t talked to me in a few weeks, I said I figured he didn’t want to talk to me because he had blocked me, and that sent a pretty clear message. Then we spent two and a half hours apologizing for what we did to each other. He kept saying over and over again that he has to give the other girl a fair chance. He knew that he could actually love because of me. He asked me who I was seeing now and I told him I was working on myself. He got really upset at the end of the conversation telling me how he was so sorry that he never really gave me a fair chance because how our relationship started. He was crying at the end of the call and he was really quick to get off the phone. I have no idea what any of that conversation means. I told him I would answer if he called. I told him that I will always love him. He talked about needing to give her a fair chance over and over, but I haven’t contacted him or said anything to him. He told me he had to leave a store today because the last time he was there, we were together. He talked about how he is still my friend and he hasn’t talked to me and wanted to see how I was doing. I told him all I was doing to improve myself. I just tried to be supportive of him exploring the relationship with the new girl telling him that I didn’t expect him to end that if he thought it would make him happy. He told me he was doing well and that now he didn’t have to take anxiety medication because he was so insecure with me that he had obsessed over me. He said the insecurities were his own fault because I was seeing someone else at the beginning of the relationship, before we were exclusive, and he had created this because he thought I would go back. He said he understands now that he had no right to be mad at me for that. He said if he had just talked to me and not been so angry all the time, things would have ended differently. I said if we had both been more open (I am a very guarded girl because of a life time of traumatic events and I always struggle with allowing people close to me), things wouldn’t have ended and he agreed. He asked me what kind of man would he be if he didn’t give himself to the other girl fully and give her a fair chance. I replied with I knew he was a good man and had a good heart. He said that we would talk because we were working together three days a week, because he didn’t feel like texting me and calling me was appropriate. Was this conversation just so he could relieve his own guilt? Was he just trying to clear the air so working together wouldn’t be awkward (even though we will not be directly together and he can avoid me for the entire shift if he wanted to)? The conversation left me more confused than anything else. Can you help me out and point me in the right direction? I know without a doubt, even with the problems we had (that can be fixed), this man is my true love.
Kass
August 28, 2016 at 9:46 am
Oh, and when I showed him the texts she had sent me, I asked him if I should try and transfer out of working with him, he smiled and said “no, I think we can handle it.”
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 3:18 pm
Hi Kass,
you should listen to this one: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)
Kass
August 28, 2016 at 4:34 am
I took him coffee at work one day (because during our conversation he told me that he wished I would have done the little things like that), it made him smile. I dropped it off and didn’t say a word, he came running down the hall after me and I told him there was coffee, then I left his area. I sent him a few (like 4) memes that said very lovey things, he told his new girl and she texted me calling me all sorts of crazy things. I ran into him after I got the text and showed him. All he said was there was no need for the name calling. She had informed me in the texts that he had blocked me on all his stuff because she asked him to. He brought up some of the hurtful things about our break-up, I apologized for hurting him. He told me that it would kill him when he found out I was with someone else. (During our 5 minute conversation, she called and called and called his phone). I told him that I didn’t want to complicate his life or cause him any more pain, so I would stop. He told he hated to see me hurting so much. He then said he would miss me, then left. Then the next day he texted me about something he thought he had left at my house (I couldn’t reply because I’m blocked), then he called me at work to ask if I got the text. When I told him I had and I didn’t have the item, he started yelling at me. Over the next three weeks, we will be on vacation, then we will work together three days a week. How bad did I screw this up already? If he had told me they were in a serious relationship, I wouldn’t have done the things he loved me doing before. Should I ignore him, or should I be friendly, but distant with him since she is clearly crazy (she threatened me to transfer away from her boyfriend or things would get bad for me) and I don’t want him to be hurt anymore?
Kass
August 25, 2016 at 4:42 am
Well, he came by and got the rest of his stuff. We talked for a while and he told me again that he had moved on, there was no chance. He got really angry at me, but calmed down and we talked some more. He told me that he just didn’t trust himself with me. He talked about the strong feelings he had for me and how he had waited for several months for me to give him hope. I told him all the things I did to show him that I had still wanted him to be there. He kept bring up the fact that I had left him hanging for the last three months. But he stayed and talked. He made a point to tell me that he couldn’t see me while he was on vacation from work because he already had other plans. Toward the end of the conversation, he was less sure that it was final, but he never seemed like he was totally sure to start with. He seems like he wants me to prove that I love him. He even went as far as to say that he found it funny that I wanted him back after people had told me he was sleeping around. I told him it had nothing to do with that and I had reached out to him long before I knew anything. He brought up why I didn’t do anything for his birthday (August 1st) and I reminded him that I had called him several days prior and he told me all about his birthday plans, leaving me unable to asked him if I could buy him dinner for his birthday.
He didn’t call, he drove over! He immediately told me he was mad at me. He told me he had set boundaries for himself, and was quickly telling me what they were. He told me that he had all these plans with “this other person” and how they were going to Vegas and concerts over the next couple of months. He yelled at me that what I was doing right now was all that he had wanted before, but now he had given himself to another person. He said they had been seeing each other for six weeks. He wouldn’t hug me at first, and kept telling me that he couldn’t stay long. He hugged me and held me before he finally did leave. He peeled out of my dirt driveway. Before he left, he said that if he picked me, he would ruin his relationship with his family, but if things ended badly with the other person, he would ruin his relationship with his sister, because they are best friends. I told him I would do everything I could to make things right with his family. He is so back and forth and so confusing.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2016 at 7:36 am
Hi Kass,
it looks like the no contact rule was started and done the wrong way because we only recommend upto 45 days only..
and now he’s confused because hebhas started to move on and he doesnt want to dissapoint his family..
The good thing is, you work together..
I think you need to implement having a restart.. dont ask him to come back again..make it look like you’ve accepted his decision. Always look your best at work and be nice with him
dont be extra nice, you’ll look like you’re faking it..
just be natural..take this as a restart and slowly start as friends again
Kass
August 24, 2016 at 2:27 pm
He did return the text, two days later, but still failed to address his property that I still have. He questioned me on how I had handled a firearm transfer (he gave me a gun for Christmas). It was short and to the point, he did throw in that he was working today (today is normally his day off and he knows that I would know that because we had days off together). For almost three months, he begged me everyday to give him another chance and now that I am willing to try again, he has stopped texting, returning texts, calling me, or talking to me when I have to call for work reasons. Even when I asked for my second chance (the one he rejected) he still said he loved me, he still called me babe. I’m just so confused.
Tracie
July 24, 2016 at 8:09 pm
My BF and I was in a 6 year relationship. I bought a house and told him 3 days prior to me closing on it. I did this due to the school my son went to had a lot of violence in it and wanted to get him in a different school system. It’s been a little over a year that the ex and I broke up. We had tried again a month or so after break up but it didn’t work. I have been speaking to my ex past couple months now and I miss him and realized how much when I saw him. He tells me we can only be friends and he gets mad at me when I ask if he can give us one last chance. He said he is working on his goals, doesn’t want the drama, and his love for me was like a switch he turned off. He is seeing someone casually but says he doesn’t love berth at there has only been one person he has ever loved and that was me. I keep asking him to give me a chance I would do anything to have his love, but he gets mad and tells me we will never be together again. Is there a chance his feelings will change? How do I get him back? Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 2:15 pm
Hi Tracie,
if you want to increase your chances, you have to stop chasing him and begging him to come back because it’s unattractive.. do no contact, distance yourself, work on yourself and regain balance on being more rational again and aim to be an ungettable girl
Mya
July 23, 2016 at 3:26 pm
So, my ex boyfriend broke up with me, and I told him that we could not be friends after the break up in one week he texted me twice. And one of the days I met up with him and we talked for hours and he said he wasn’t sure he wanted to be with me so I let go and walked always because I don’t want someone to have to decide if they want me or not. A few days later he texted me as if nothing happened I got mad of course because I told him he keeps hurting me and he kept saying that he loved me and that he cared he just didn’t know if he wanted to be with me I got mad and told him to never contact me again because it hurts. So I put my myself on a dating website because I wanted to move on and find someone else but then I realized I need to let myself heal a few days later I see him on the website he views me on purpose so that I know he’s on there. He has every right to be but he’s wrong because he’s the one who said he didn’t want me. In just confused I wanted to call him and beg for him to come back but I didn’t. He just kept hurting me and doing things to hurt me on purpose why I’ll never understand, I did do some things that may have hurt him but two wrongs don’t make a right, I know I need to move on but it’s just that why did he hurt me on purpose? He went from priming and talking about marriage to just leaving me so coldly in the dust it hurt I did nothing to desver all the damage he caused.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2016 at 1:46 pm
hi Mya,
he just broke up with you? He didn’t tell you the reason why?
ANNA
July 21, 2016 at 8:28 am
My ex and I dated for a year nd 3months, we broke up once. Exactly 2months after we got back together, he started giving me attitude nd then one day he broke up with me through bbm, saying it was beyond his capabilities. A week after he buzzed me on bbm and told me he was seeing another girl. I was really hurt by that, so I started d NC. a week after he deletes me from bbm.2months after he removes me from his snapchat&the next day he buzzes me on fb asking how am i doing? . I don’t reply, he keeps liking my post on instagram.2days ago he left a dm on instagram asking how am i doing? Ofcourse i am fine but i didnt reply. He left a bitter msg saying he knew i wouldnt reply nd if i want i could block him from instagram or he would do so himself.then he post a pucture saying trust no bitch. I am totally worked up by all this, I know I shouldn’t be worked up but I don’t get why he is doing all this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 11:58 am
HI Anna,
he’s not a sport.. he thought you would still be the same person as before that can still talk to whenever he wants despite of what happened.
Beth71
July 20, 2016 at 6:02 pm
My boyfriend and I had a bad break up and it’s not the first time. It started out very lustful early in our relationship but then we started to have feelings for each other. Our first break up was a miscommunication but it was also a stressful time for him. I pushed, constantly in the hopes that he would see that we could be happy again. We did get back together. I was more invested than ever. I fed his ego and he was my priority. He would be standoffish and I thought it was because I hurt the relationship and he didn’t trust that I wouldn’t pull away again. Well I found out that he was talking to other women and I was devastated. He said he needed time and distance to sort things out. Other things he said concerned me and I hated that I catered to his every need just to have him decide our future together without consulting me and my feelings so I texted him at least twice a day waiting for a response. Nothing…..when he did I got anger and he quickly blocked my texts. Well I’m a crafty and determined women so I’ve been able to get messages to him. I tried to appeal to his indecisiveness and said if we can’t be together let’s be friends. Again all I got was anger. I started to doubt our feelings and question the relationship all together. My last text was:
I can keep getting messages to you despite you not wanting to hear from me but I won’t and can’t do that any longer.
In my last correspondence with him I said that I know I loved him and I know that he loved me but apparently it’s not enough so I need to let go. I only wanted closure. I even begged for it in my prior emails and texts. Two days later I got texts that were angry. I glanced at them but didn’t respond. I blocked him but my curiosity got the best of me but because I blocked him I didn’t see the other texts. He says that they were filled with anger over my behavior. He said he needed time and I pushed which in turn pushed him away. He was so angry that he even said, “I’m glad I’m done with you”. I truly feel he said it to get a raise out of me or to get me to beg for him back like I did with our last breakup but I only replied that I cared about him but if he feels he’s better off, than I will have to accept that.
I’m confused by what he does, it always seems contradictory. I told him that I wouldn’t bother him anymore as I stated in the last email I sent him. He said nothing.
I guess, my question is: Is it possible that he wants me back? I’ve always push for communication when we argue. This time I said “no more” and I get a text 2 days later. I don’t believe it was the closure I was asking for. I think it was an open door. Is his anger him trying to hold back emotion? He attempted to block our forms of communication but with this email he showed me that he opened a door.
I want him back. I’ve not attempted to communicate with him since then, I’m waiting for him to come to me. If he does what should I do?
Beth71
July 21, 2016 at 7:25 pm
What if he contacts me before then? Do you think we still need that time apart? I want him to know that we need to work through problems not just walk off and stop all communication. Am I wrong? I guess I worry because we have nothing committing us to each other (not married, no children).
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 5:20 pm
that would suck more.. he should stay because he loves you .not because he has obligations with you..
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 6:59 pm
hi Beth71
he’s used to you chasing him, so to reset everything and to influence what he thinks about you.. keep doing no contact.. finish 30 days..
Jenn
July 19, 2016 at 8:25 pm
Hi, ok so my boyfriend of a year dumped me shortly after we moved in together, giving me 20 different reasons for the breakup. A couple weeks later he was in a new relationship, which I thought was a rebound because she appears to be the complete opposite of me. I did the terrible begging for him back phase, but once he moved out I dropped all contact with him and started working on myself and getting myself back. I had been depressed since before the relationship began so I used it as a chance to get myself straightened out and get back to the old me, a girl he never really got to meet. Anyway, I did strict NC for a little over 3 months and finally contacted him wishing him a happy father’s day and basically telling after sometime, I understood what went wrong and I apologized for things I had done during the relationship and said I didn’t expect a response, just wanted it off my chest as my closure. He responded after several days saying he still considers me a friend & is there if I ever need anything. I said I appreciated it, but didn’t want to be friends, see him or talk to him at this time and ended the conversation. Well then a week later he asked me if I would teach him my hobby, to which I said I wasn’t comfortable with right now. My thing is, he knows my hobby, I taught him when we were together and he knows several others who share the same hobby. Why is he contacting me about it and what should I do? I’d love to get back together, but he has been with this other girl for 4.5 months now.
Jenn
July 21, 2016 at 6:25 pm
Ok so I should be open to potentially seeing him and being around him while he’s still dating this girl? I did check their social media at the time to see if I could notice any changes in behavior, but they still seem to be obsessed with each other on there, which was why I told him no. I’m busy for the next couple weeks, but when I have some free time should I ask him if he’s still interested in learning?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 2:47 pm
hmm.. don’t take it as a date at first.. start being just friendly.. let’s see if he will initiate again, by then agree and then just keep the meet short
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 11:59 am
Hi Jenn,
I think he’s trying to reconnecr..if you want him back..rebuild rapport and attraction slowly but don’t be too available
Belle
July 18, 2016 at 10:05 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years because it was the right thing to do. I began to date someone almost immediately after and disagree with the “rebound” aspect or your article. I have been with this man for 2 years now and have no reservations about him. I feel like I know what I want and don’t want now and wouldn’t waste my time if it wasn’t right for me. Maybe this article only applies to men in that position? I came here to try and find the right thing to say to my ex who asked me if I ever think about him.. which is a hard question to answer because no, I do not really think about him but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. The answer can also be yes, because sometimes when he is brought up I wonder and hope he is doing well but I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. I am a firm believer in no contact after ending a relationship because I don’t see the point, I ended it, I decided this wasn’t right for me, no good will come from continuing to talk. I haven’t responded to his text, and I think my best option would be not to.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 20, 2016 at 12:41 pm
Hi Belle,
sorry I just want to make it clear. Who’s asking? The 6 year ex or 2 year ex?
Lauren
July 17, 2016 at 1:37 am
Hi,
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me after an arguement we had. This relationship has been both of our first and only relationship. I really thought he was the one. He broke up with me over text, and I know it speaks volumes but he always runs from his problems. He told me he needed space to find himself but when I started NC, he texted me and said “guess you’ve moved on huh” which really confused me because if you want space why text me. I haven’t moved on obviously it’s only been two weeks. I love him so much but he has tons of issues such as depression, anxiety, body image, etc. it sounds like a lot of baggage but he’s broken up with me twice before and comes back after a little while. Idk if this is it for the last time. What should I do? Start over with NC? I get so many mixed signals from him. One day he says this is my decision and the next day he says I want to leave the door open. Ugh
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 17, 2016 at 5:35 pm
Hi lauren,
If you didn’t reply to that, then nc wasn’t broken..but if you’re not actively improving yourself then you do need to restart nc.. that’s good that you’re sticking to it…he needs to realize that he can’t be hot and cold and try to pass the blame on you with those kind of texts