Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

NJ

June 6, 2015 at 11:16 pm

Dear Chris,
Let my story be a lesson to all.
By an absolute miracle I got talking with my ex, after NC and didn’t follow your texting guide I actually had to really be nice to him and push him to talk and after two hostile responses he suddenly turned around and we emailed all day, texted the next day and it was great, he was nice and opening up to me and sending nice emoticons. I was going to let you know then there are some men that your exact technique may not work on, some are just toooo stubborn and proud and he is one of them, so I had to soften him to get him to talk.
Then the most horrendous thing happened, after the third day I somehow forgot everything I learnt on your website and started texting more and longer emotional messages and felt him pulling away which made me even more intense trying to get him to change his opinion of me. Then started questioning him if he’s seeing someone else. A week later it was all over, he hates me again, won’t talk to me and it’s worse than before which I didnt think possible. This is it this time it’s really over. I know it, no amount of NC will change this. The thing I can’t get over is how close I was and I FUCKED it up AGAIN!!! I feel so stupid I can’t believe how stupid I am. All I wanted more than anything was to be friends with him again, having the conversations we did was an extra bonus and it was all right there waiting to be an ex boyfriend recovery sensation, and I ruined it in the worst possible way. I’m finding it very hard to understand why im so stupid and how that could possibly have happened when I miraculously got what I wanted. I am in shock. I forgot all the rules. Maybe if I had bought ex boyfriend recovery pro I would’ve known and remembered what to do, and what not to do better.
I’m Very depressed.

NJ

June 6, 2015 at 11:20 pm

You can delete this one it has a swear word, I edited it in the other one I sent

Sarah

June 6, 2015 at 12:38 pm

I am two weeks into NCR and my ex’s sisters (both of them) have been in touch separately about meeting up. It’s not totally out of the blue as there was some texts / messages before NCR but never came to anything. Would replying to them / meeting up with them be a bad idea, or would it help make my ex curious to see / hear about me and wonder why I’m contacting them and not him?
Ella

June 6, 2015 at 7:06 am

Hi Chris,

I’m on Day 45 of No Contact with my ex-boyfriend. I was his rebound. After spending 3 months together, he went back to live with his ex-girlfriend until they rekindled their relationship this January. We had also rekindled ours last December and we were on an open relationship set-up. Last April he broke up with me over mistakes I had made financially and logistically, saying I make him feel responsible for me. He also felt that my stand on big things is disruptive: I couldn’t make up my mind about having kids or maintaining contact after the breakup. Still, I blocked him and his other girlfriend on social media.

We work together and after noticing he hasn’t shown up for a week, I asked our manager what was up and I found out he was hospitalized for tonsillitis complications and blood infection. Should I unblock him from Facebook and message him with a simple “get well soon” message? I also wish to let him know by this gesture that I’m keeping lines of communication open. Should I also throw him a friend invite again on Facebook or is it too soon?
jennifer

June 4, 2015 at 12:11 am

Hey chris,
Me and my boyfriend broke up a month back.
I have done NC for 30days now.
Actually I was the one to break up because he said he was not serious. I even ended it nicely,wished him luck and stuff.
He said how would it work out because it was a long distance relationship. We only used to text because he was not allowed phones during his training. And we just met twice. But it was great for 5 months. And I think it was my mistake that he backed off because I was very boring. Now I realise my mistake and I want him back. But I do not know what to text him as I was the one who always texted first before. He is an egomaniac : / . I do not want to seem desperate and needy!! Could you please help me with how to go about getting him back.. Plzzz help!!!

jennifer

June 5, 2015 at 10:26 am

Done with 30 days of NC : /
Chris Seiter

June 4, 2015 at 6:37 pm

You ahe actually done the 30 days already or are you still in the middle of them?

Anonymous

June 3, 2015 at 2:32 pm

Hi chris.. Your website is the best I’ve ever stumbled upon on the Internet .. I’m really interested in buying your pro book.. But the problem is I’m underage and my parents would not allow me to purchase your book online.. Is there any other way I could access your book? I’m in a really desperate situation.. I’m 20 days through my no contact and I’m so confused on what to do once these days are over..

Chris Seiter

June 3, 2015 at 5:09 pm

I am really sorry but no.

I will be coming out with a course soon for only $7 though.

Hannah

June 2, 2015 at 7:39 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago, and I am totally heartbroken. He was my first true love and we were honestly best friends. We had been fighting a lot and he had just recently come home from college. He had me over and told me that he just can’t do it anymore, at least not right now. I proceeded to ask him if there was a chance that we could get back together, and he said that at this point it was 50/50. I miss him so much and if we got back together I know that this time would be different. I have learned a lot about myself and the relationship that we had, and would treat situations differently. I have learned that fighting with him makes me happier than being without him. While I know I should give him space, it kills me because I lost my best friend. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

June 3, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Have you implemented NC yet?

Jenny

June 2, 2015 at 6:56 am

Hi Chris!
I had a bf. We had a serious relationship where the plan was get hitch together. We went through hardships together as before we had different beliefs in religion but not anymore. Parents disagree with our relationship. I can understand both sides, parents does not like him. and it was hard for him to handle the situations. but patients is all we need because my parents are slowly accepting the fact of us being together and unbreakable. The last time we broke up because of an arguement. Til then, I don’t get an explaination from him after 5 months breakup. and we hadn’t talked for quite sometimes. That’s the contact rule. he’s been missing, he did not meet his friends but focus to his jobs only. recently, his sister had a baby and I congratulated him for having his first beautiful nephew. he responded to my message. and after weeks, I texted him again. and again he response to my messages. It went well. but nothing is happening. we didnt talk about us, only job. and conversation did not last long. last two nights I text him saying that I miss him but he did not reply me. and again last night, I texted him again..I sent him a message remembering the good memories we had before, our first meeting and places he took me. he replied me, he says sorry he was so busy and he thank me for the good memories we had before. I’m clueless and what should I do now? should I reply and what should I reply him. those 5 months was a battle, where I tried to accept the fact that I lose him. but, he always in mind.

Jenny

June 3, 2015 at 3:58 am

I think I did it right. no contact rule for 5 months. the last time we broke up, he mentioned about being friend at the moment. i did the remembering good memories and he replied “we had good memories of that time, thank you for that..” but before that I started saying that I miss him. let me tell u a bit more about him.. he’s a cold person, he doesn’t have the communication skills, but I know he loves me. one of the reason of break up was because a small argument and my parents that hardly can accept him. but I know my parents eventually will slowly accept him as they know we went through obstacles and yet we’re still together. but only now I do not know whether he has no one and if he still loves me as before or he has moved on. we’re actually doing our master studies while working but I’ll be finishing by end of this year, and he still have 2/3 years to go. the plan was we will get marry after I’m done with my studies. He told me before, he loves me that I’m funny, stronger and positive minded that he would never leave me. sometimes, I thought of where am I lacking of. I’m stubborn but I must admit that I have reasons of being stubborn which comes with an explaination. I love him that I couldn’t fall to any guy.
Jenny

June 3, 2015 at 12:54 am

thanks for your responds. I appreciate that.
well, my biggest fear was height which I never thought I had that in me. there’s once, we went to Cambodia, went to all temples, and I couldn’t go down after that. I cried and he smiled at me and guided me to follow his steps.
I started with the contact rule. no contact for 5 months. was it too long?
Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 4:01 pm

You started out doing the no contact rule correct?
Jenny

June 2, 2015 at 11:43 am

me? I’ve went through NC for five months. I wanted us to talk as before, I really hope that we will get back together. after he thanking me for the good memories, I still haven’t reply him because I’m not sure of what to do next. Do u have any idea on how to keep talking?
Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 3:59 pm

How about we start with this.

What is your biggest fear?

What are you scared of the most?

Elizabeth

June 1, 2015 at 5:45 pm

Hey Chris,

So I just read the article on texting your ex back, and I am a little confused. Should I send each text message (based on the correct examples) as one right after another? Basically, I just want to know how much time to leave between each text
Rose

May 30, 2015 at 6:54 am

Hi ! I am now seeing a guy.He is very shy and sometimes I don’t know how to approach him .He is difficult to deal with even though I have a lot of guys on the side.I feel like i wanted this to work.And because of him giving me too much hard time, I don’t feel like giving up on him. I have never been deeply in love with a guy before more than I am with him
Hera

May 28, 2015 at 12:49 pm

My ex boyfriend broke up with me last April 22, 2015. Since then we exchange text messages. And recently I found out that his courting someone. I told him if he’s happy with her, then I will be happy for him. But that’s not true. I still want him back. What should I do? I think he is really serious about that girl. I can accept if that girl is better than me. But she has a baby and the father of her baby is my ex-boyfriends cousin. And I think that girl is only using my ex.
Avi

May 27, 2015 at 4:19 am

Hi Chris,
with lot of hope i am writing you..,well, my problem is the person is not my boyfriend but a very good friend of mine, everything was going pretty well between us, we were planning to meet, but suddenly he blocked me on social sites and on text, it happened so sudden that we were chatting just an hour ago, and after an hour i see he blocked me. I texted him, pleaded him
(my mistake), but i really like him. please tell what shall i do so that he comes back. its been a week we are out of contact. Please help..!!

Aviii

June 2, 2015 at 7:33 am

Chris…please revert…. its been 15 days, since we re out of contact…

Lauren

May 26, 2015 at 7:34 pm

Breakup was 2 months ago. I went through >30 days of no-contact…from either side. After, I sent the “remember the good times” text. He responded the next day “I am glad you seem to get on well.” I’m assuming that is from my positive text and my Facebook profile showing I have a life. A week later, I sent a funny meme. He said, “Yes, I get it. It’s fun.” I tried to start a conversation. It took 2 days to get a completely neutral response. A mutual friend meddled and asked him about me between these two texts. He said the relationship is over, he commented we haven’t talked as much before (a.k.a. ONLY that which is mentioned above), and he will leave it as it is and will not do anything. I wish that friend hadn’t contacted him, and told me that I shouldn’t message the ex anymore. I don’t think I am building good rapport if my message gets ignored for a few days and get only neutral responses. One friend said to stop messaging him; he will message you when he is ready. Do you think I should continue messaging or wait? (This is an ex-LDR that isn’t going to get back together soon; my goal is just to re-establish a good connection).
Carrie

May 26, 2015 at 4:10 am

Hey Chris!
This page was definitely helpful but I really need your advice and help for my situation.
My boyfriend and I actually broke up yesterday, anyway this is what went down:
We met online in December and finally decided to meet in January, (we met on a movie date and he ended up asking me out, I said yes) the date was successful and we were both pretty happy. About a week or so into the relationship he told me that he’d have to go across the country for school. I was perfectly fine with it and we agreed we would make it work. We went through a a few hard times and it was just really frustrating overall, especially since I lose my cool a lot. Anyways he came back for a week or so last week and we met once and it didn’t go to well; I just ended up getting frustrated as he had to leave earlier than he promised. He couldn’t meet any other day and I was pissed tbh like I had waited 5 months id like to see you. Anyways Friday (a day before he had to leave) we got into an argument and I blamed him for not having time and I told him the distance was getting in the way. He told me to have faith because it will work out and he loves me too much to ever even imagine losing me. That really touched me and made me shut up lol. Anyways he left on Saturday but I couldn’t text him and then Sunday I didn’t text him until the afternoon and he replied and said he was done with this relationship and he’d like to keep talking and be friends as we are young and he wants to experiment still. That really scared me and I just lost it I asked him why’d he make so many promises and I tried so hard to convince him to give this a last try but he didn’t agree so I just agreed to be friends and to talk. He texted me today saying “hey what up” but I haven’t opened it and replied yet. idk what to he’s coming back for the summer and Id really like to get back together but this is so frustrating as I hadn’t really seen this coming. Advice?!!?

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:28 am

Where are you at right now?

ARe you in the middle of NC?

feeney

May 26, 2015 at 1:43 am

hey chris.. i was grinning n giggling and smiling all the way while reading ur articles.. haha,, cuz i had done some of those by myself, and it did work. he can’t resist me. We’ve already had 5 times breakup.. sounds crazy, but it is, we both are sensitive, but i manage to control my feelings as i don’t want to ruin this relationship.but i manage to get him back every single time. i want to read more n master it cuz i dun wanna have the sixth fight as i’m going to pursue my study at his place, i juz have bout 3 weeks to go, so i can juz ‘not to text him’ for 3 weeks.. will it work? hehe, tq

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:37 am

Pretty awesome you are doing so well.

Also, I feel a feeney call coming on…

FEEENNNNEEEYYY!

Please tell me you get that reference.

Christie

May 20, 2015 at 11:21 pm

My situation is a little different. We have been broken up for 2 months. I did roughly a month of no contact, but we worked together. After 3 weeks, he blocked me. After a month, I would say hello here and there, and he would reply, then stand there, staring at my eyes as if he was waiting for more. He left me blocked, though. Almost 2 weeks ago, he abruptly quit his job, and unblocked me the same day. A few days later, I messaged him asking why he unblocked me. He replied that there was no reason to message him, and I said okay. He said thank you. I’m afraid that means there’s no chance.

Christie

May 21, 2015 at 4:15 pm

Even though he said there’s no reason for us to talk?
Christie

May 21, 2015 at 4:14 pm

Can I fix it?
Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:48 pm

You played the texting game wrong a little I think.

You should have went straight into rebuilding attraction.

Kate

May 18, 2015 at 12:30 pm

Hi Chris!

LDR: Reason for breakup: him not being ready to commit and being unsure about me.

I completed 30 day no contact. Got back in touch with the ex, responses were quick and flowing, we even skyped once already. Since then the chatting went down a bit. I know he went on a wild party trip with a guy friend this last weekend and we haven’t really talked since.

I am the one who starts every conversation. They all are going really well, he said he missed me a few times, but I’m wondering if me starting each talk isn’t making him feel secure , that he’s still got me in the palm on his hand.
I’m also worried he is just being polite with me.

Should I go into NC and wait for him to text me or do I keep instigating each chat?
I’m worried he will feel the comfort of me constantly reaching out suggesting I want him (although I never said it)
and in result not chase after me and whatnot. I don’t text every day, I have 3-4 days break and still nothing from him.
Pam

May 16, 2015 at 8:35 pm

I did the NC and when I texted my ex I asked him for someone’s number that I really needed but couldn’t get from anyone else. He called shortly after and explained that he didn’t have it so he went looking for it then called. I collected the number then said thanks a lot then hung up. Afterwards I sent him another text that said “thanks a lot you were a big help.” To wish he did not respond. Is that a good sign? Should I continue texting him as outlined in your guide?
Fangyuan

May 11, 2015 at 4:43 am

Hi Chris,

Firstly, thank you for so many insightful and truthful posts. I enjoy reading them. they let me know more about my man and relationship with him. about two weeks ago, my boyfriend decided to quit our relationship because we argued too much especially on the weekend. He said it was about 2 , 3 times a week. Long story short, I made bullet points what he said most frequently during the past two weeks of our breaking up(He didn’t talk much. all the bullet points are pretty much what he said) Based on that, do you think we can find love again? For me, I feel that sometimes you don’t know how to cherish or you think really love that guy until he is gone. I am in a lot of pain now trying to get him back. Last friday night he still confessed that he love and care about me still…so I been texting calling him last two weeks but it just seem to drive him further. now he blocked me on the phone. we are 400 miles away also. Do you think there is hope between us since you have seen lots of relationship examples based on our situation and the following bullet points:

I need some space

Leave me alone

go find someone else, you have my blessing

I don’t love you anymore

stop calling me

stop asking questions whenever i ask him questions like do you still love me? why not call each other? why are you contradicting yourself? …

few texts per day maybe

I don’t want to love anyone anyone

I don’t care about anyone anymore

maybe tomorrow I will just die

Hope you are doing well…

When I ask him: what do you want?
He says: I want nothing

the reason he break up with me cuz we argue too much. i picked on him over the little things.

-Thank you sooooo much!
Marian

May 10, 2015 at 10:35 am

Hi! I have been reading through this website the past couple of days and its really insightful.

Obviously, I just broke up with my boyfriend and that’s why I am here. My boyfriend broke up with me because he realized he is not over his ex-wife. Without me reading your “No Contact Rule”, I actually did it already. The thing is, its my ex that keeps on calling and texting me. Its driving me crazy because I dont want to harbor hopes of getting him back although of course that is what i really want but tries to temper out of my system. Ok, i am confused. Haha.

Help! What is going on? Can I get him back?
Rose

May 7, 2015 at 1:55 am

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up about 6 1/2 weeks ago. He is currently living on the other side of the world and was only supposed to be there for 5months and now has decided to stay for an undefined amount of time. This is the reason he chose to break up. Previous to this decision we had been discussing moving out and buying a dog etc. The break up was fairly tame and we heard each other out and made the decision to go our separate ways and if one day we were meant to be we agreed it would just be if fate wanted it.

He has been asking friends general questions regarding me recently, has hidden his Facebook relationship status (so no one can see it but him) but not deleted me from his relationship… This I find confusing. Would you not delete me if you wanted to be split up?

Anyway, we did not speak after the break up until I made first contact with a memory text 5 days ago and he responded very positively and even engaged in the memory saying it was so much fun and asked me questions. I politely answered and then did as instructed and ended the conversation.

3 days later I sent the meme text and once again he responded positively and began asking questions about my life. I answered yet again positively but once again ended the conversation after a few messages. I have only just purchased your book and noted that I was supposed to engage him further than a few short messages. Now i have used the meme text before I can move on to the next memory text do you have any advice? I am worried I have slightly disadvantaged myself by not engaging him long enough in the second message.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I am concerned he has already found himself a distraction of a new girl and may not be as interested in me. I want to strike while the iron is hot.

Thank you!!

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2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”