Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

Claire

May 6, 2015 at 5:18 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and i broke up about three weeks ago. We have been talking on and off, even today. I want to implement the no contact rule, but i am afraid that it will make him mad. I removed most of my things out of his house Sunday and it was the hardest thing in the world to do. Monday he was telling me how much he wants to get back with me, but wants space to heal. Last night, he was pretty much telling me he can’t stand me and that he doesn’t want to talk about our relationship and hopes we can be friends. What do you think i should do? Today i simply apologized for making him feel bad last night (that is why he didn’t want to talk about our relationship anymore, even though he brought it up). He said today thank you and he hopes i have a great day. He also mentioned something about his allergies bothering him. What do you think i should do?? I miss him a lot and want us to be close again.
tina

May 6, 2015 at 11:31 am

Haha.. Nice one, but this doesn’t work if a guy is angry, hurt or very upset.. I experience these already with different guys. I only text them how are you.. They will reply, or not reply.. If reply their situation or reply is still unhappy. Just don’t reply to their text after few weeks.. and text back how are you.. this time they will respond or not respond.. and just don’t attempt to text another word. After 3 or 1 month.. Text back.. just keep doing this: how are you? If the person is still unhappy.. Do not reply them.. Text again in few weeks or 1 month.. and slowly the person begins to know that you care for them.. and replied nicely. and asked about me and more. I don’t know. It’s just my situation is like that way. Maybe it depends..
Meli

May 5, 2015 at 7:11 pm

Hi Chris,

My current boyfriend and I are on the rocks and I’m extremely hesitant on figuring out an action plan. We met in college and have been together for 6 years. We were long distance and after 2.5 years he was able to move to my area. Apparently I wasn’t aware that our relationship was going downhill since we graduated (2012). Things were getting very stressful for me because I was having a hard time finding a job immediately out of college and he felt that I was taking all of my frustrations out on him – which I admit I might have actually been doing. He thought things would be picture perfect once we got back to living together, but he said he is having a difficult time finding it in his heart to stay with me. We have discussed that I was in a very low place during those times but he won’t accept it. He has agreed that he will give me a chance to fix things, but I’m at a dead end. Every time I try to change things for the better won’t let me. His responses are always along the lines of “Just stop, you never used to do that before.” He’s still semi-flirtatious through texts. How do we move forward? I love your site, but the fact is that we’re still together and I’m not sure if halting contact would really work in our case.
Jessintha

May 5, 2015 at 3:53 am

Hi Chris
I’ve broke up with my ex 7 years back.. Now am married since 6 months. In between 7 years now and then I tried communicating with him, but every time he insulted me to push me out.. Knowing that am getting married he contacted me back in a hope that i would’ve turned emotionally stable. We were talking good after my marriage and my husband got to know about it. Since then my ex doesn’t talk with me. I want to be in touch with my ex cos I get a feel of venting my dumped love and care for him that I had accumulated all the 7 years. I badly want to have a warm frndship with my ex and I want him to text me again. Please help
Camille

May 4, 2015 at 7:03 pm

hi chris,
so my boyfriend of 4 months just broke up with me. I had cheated on him. first of all thanks for your advice, it really made me fell better. i really want him back, so I’m going to try the NC thing. just one thing that scares me is that, I have already talked to him since the break-up, he said we would still talk as friends so I’m afraid that he’ll take it the wrong way if i ignore him. I just don’t want him getting the wrong idea because I want to try to earn back his trust and prove to him that I would do anything for him. He’ll just be angrier and hurt more. So what to I do if he takes it the wrong way ?
thanks for your help

NAY

June 22, 2015 at 1:50 pm

Currently going through the exact same situation as this! although we were only together 3 months, deeply care about him and want him back. Been told I need to earn his trust, i have give him his space and didn’t text him for a few days at am time which made him and me feel better knowing we had some space. I am extremely eager to try the 30 day no contact rule but with social media today I’m just worried he will get with someone else in the meantime and little things like his mates writing status’ & tweets trying to wind me up, actually do get to me and hurt me. I know I shouldn’t look but as I use facebook, instagram and twitter daily its hard to ignore it without blocking them and deleting them. Just really anxious about him moving on within the 30 NC.. fingers crossed

iza

May 4, 2015 at 5:33 am

hi chris,

i had sent him a text message that i want to confessed something..then i wait for a few hour before i reply to his text message..i used the first text you recommended to text him. however, he kept silent after read my text message.what should i do after that?
Kikimarie

May 3, 2015 at 8:17 pm

Hi Chris. So since the memory lane text we had a phone conversation and he openly admitted that our demise made him very depressed. And during our conversation he also admitted to liking me “see that’s why I like you!” Ok what now, do you think he is becoming emotionally engaged? If so what should I do next?
amy

May 3, 2015 at 4:03 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m 20 my boyfriend broke up with me not to long ago, he said I should of tried harder in the relationship.&’ we could of still been together but he didn’t see any progress I said I tried &’ I did progress then he yells at.me “because I had to be behind you telling you what to do” I told it wasn’t true he response “you only did progress when I told you I will see you if you do your homework all this week that’s the only progress I seen you do” we do have our up and Downs I find it sad how he would doubt me &’ when a guy commented on my picture i called him dork as a friendly way it bothered him he told me so you like calling other guys dork now i seen how it bothered him so i deleted his comments &’ blocked my friend from my page.I told him what I done he said he never asked me to I told him if it bothers you I rather avoid a conflict he said it’s better cause he doesn’t have to worry about him. I didn’t talk to guys only my boyfriend. As months past I would see him commenting other girls pictures broke me apart I texted him wow Babe &’ he called me saying if I had something to say I said it bothers me how you cheering a b**** up when he already has me as a girlfriend or when he calls her beautiful &’ all he said I’m getting jealous over nothing that he doesn’t know her or they don’t even talk &’ he is pretty sure she’s faithful to her boyfriend cause every girl wants happiness and it shouldn’t bother me cause he loves me and only me I told him if there’s anyone coming in between he said no one . When I would call him he acted like he didn’t care anymore I tried harder he made things harder for me to talk. Few days ago he told me I’m going to the movies I said with who? He said a friend I said girl or boy? He said boy it was at night I was thinking girl cause it’s night time yesterday he broke up with me I mentioned to him about the movies saying if it was a girl he admit it Yes I told him that’s messed up cause he’s my boyfriend he said it’s my fault &’ I was taking him to someone else’s arms I was saying no I didn’t that he chose that he said I should of tried I did I always put him first he was my #1 priority I told him not to throw things away that we had our plans he said plans can change Idid cry &’ asked him maybe we can have plans in the future he said Yea if I don’t change my number I said I wouldn’t. He broke up with me saying I didn’t try hard, my shyness, I embarrassed him a lot, he had to introduce himself to my family cause I was shy to do that &’ lack of communication that I hardly talk. I told him what happened to loving me &’ only me your just gonna throw it away &’ it’s messed up how someone could walk into his life &’ he would allow her to break us apart I really love my boyfriend i cant sleep been up for 3 days I finally slept this night thank God but I have nightmares of that girl I don’t want to loose him I Want him back i know he doesnt mean it cause when we supposably broke up I called him since I got a missed called from him I was withNguyen sister &’ her friend which was a guy they were talking my boyfriend picked up his phone he heard my sister friend talking he said who was on the background I said my sister and he asked who else I told him her friend &’ why? I know he got a. Little jealous due to the tone of voice he said I can’t ask. Later on that day after work I called him things went bad i asked for one last chance he said no i told him i had hope we could one day get back and that I will wait he said not to do that and find someone else I said no I can’t he’s my everything cause I could see attractive guys but no matter what I would choose my boyfriend over anyone he said ima have to move on I couldn’t accept it. I said I would give it time a month or so just for him to think he said so you would let me be with the other girl for that time I said no and made the decision he wanted to move on I can’t take this anymore I want my boyfriend back he says I’m his ex I tried getting him back he says not gonna happen cause he is not gonna go back to someone who doesn’t talk at all I told him I’m making an effort he says it’s too late I told him it’s not its that he doesnt want to i need help what can I do to gwrong him back? My ex says to stop &’ he has a new girl now and he’s happy with her I told him. He is throwing everything we had for a girl he barely even knows for 3 days when we were longer together I can’t accept it how he gives her the spot of a girlfriend &’ he couldn’t do that for me breaks me apart he’s really my happiness he was so different I’m so sensitive I can’t hold on to my heart anymore we had a lot he says we didn’t have anything on common &’ we did a little Im getting to a point I want to rip my heart out so I could stop the pain it runs to my head I have nothing to live for without the love of my life I know I’m still young I shouldn’t get this far but we had our good times I know me &’ him could work it out that he’s just being hard headed
amy

May 3, 2015 at 3:22 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday 5/2/15 he said the reason for it was cause of lack of communication, me being shy, &’ the fact I embarrassed him alot cause he introduce himself to my family cause i was shy i didnt know how i was to nervous &’ shy. Throughout our relationship other went well we only lasted 4 days before reaching 5 months. I will admit I got jealous towards our 4th month together i would see him give comments to girls on instagram such as “beautiful” , “looking good kiddo ” &’ when a girl felt down he cheered her up other drove me crazy cause I’m the girlfriend not her plus she had a boyfriend I told my boyfriend it bothered me &’ I told him off “I bet you two talk” he said he doesn’t know why Im getting jealous over nothing that they don’t talk &’ he loves me &’ only me &’ if he sees I’m continuing my jealousy he would end it cause he doesn’t want that cause of his last relationships. I told him not to compare me cause I’m not like his ex’s he says I sure acted like them. Weeks last I began to notice how when we would talk he would respond like he didn’t care anymore I tried harder cause I really liked him we were together in the past &’ he broke up with him he first said his feelings faded broke me apart. Months would past he would message me how i been i wpuld answer him good &’ all he asked how i been i told him something i thought would be funny “its funny when someone runs over a bush by going to reverse” he responded “you are an idiot it was a mistake talking to you I cried a month or 2 I would message him no response so.a month later or so he would message me on a website I acted all new like I didn’t know him he said of I have forgotten him &’ I was like remind me again he said just forget it i waited 2-4days contact him back told him i remember your the guy i first drew my first.protrait. that everyone likes I saw the back &’ it says your Mauricio &’ we talked then stopped he ignored me. i went another 3-4 months got a new number messaged him
kathy

May 1, 2015 at 8:41 pm

Hi, I was feeling a bit insecure about my boyfriend’s feelings because he was acting kinda weird, we were together for over 2 years. He seem distance and our communication was very poor, despite of all the issues I still love him and give 110% in the relationship. One day he told me he was going to be on vacation and with the type of job that he has, which I’d very stressful I was happy of the idea of having a happy boyfriend at home. My expectations went ski high, to then find out that he book a ticket to go to Poland because his father is having a surgery and for vacation purposes, he had bought an open ticket, he will also go to Paris and Rome, and I was never even told about this plans. I was very sad, I felt completely left out. That night I was online and I open a dating website in which I gave my phone number to a guy, the very next day my boyfriend saw the message where I left my phone number to the guy. He broke up with me the next day and show me the reason why he was acting strange, he had bought a condo and have been working along with his brother to design the place, when he took me there, the place has a touch of me in every single room, he said he wanted to surprise me. I haven’t seen him since then he is still in Poland.
Mackenzie

May 1, 2015 at 7:29 pm

Hey chris,
I have been texting my ex and he has been very friendly and even kept the conversation going by asking me questions about my life or bringing up old memories and incorporating mutual friends. I also noticed he used a nickname for me often in the conversation, and i did not say his name once. Are these good signs of progress? the only thing that is negative about our texting is that he never initiates… i almost always have to. Thanks!
Christy

May 1, 2015 at 1:37 am

What about read receipts on text messages? Should he be able to see that you’ve read them and not responded or turn off the read receipts so he has no idea… This is an option available on my iPhone.
I’m currently in the no contact part of the process, but I am pregnant so I am using the modified NC.
Nix

May 1, 2015 at 12:20 am

Hi, question. What if our main source of communicating is through chatting? Before we got together and throughout the relationship, our primary way of talking was through chatting on facebook. We’d text sometimes but only in situations when we’re not online. This happened because have to have load (I believe it’s called top up in other countries) to make calls or texts and since he rarely texts or calls unless important, he rarely loads his phone and finds it more practical for us to talk by chatting (and we can call since messenger offers that now too as well). I thought if I texted him he might still reply but later on transfer to chatting since he doesnt wanna waste load or if he runs out of it which usually happens. So the question is, am I really required to text him and will these tactics work the same way if I do it through chatting?
Dominique

April 29, 2015 at 7:03 am

Hi Chris, well my ex boyfriend and I have a very particular case. We met online and instantly hit it off, I am Colombian and he came to meet me soon after we started talking; we decided to try to go the distance. After a few months apart I decided I was coming to the US to visit, and he was very excited. Soon after I got here, things started being complicated. I became jealous and sneaky, we had a couple fights that I brought upon ourselves, and he forgave me. Sadly, after a month during which we had tiny problems, again caused by me, which he always let slip away, I broke up with him while throwing a tantrum, expecting him to beg me not to leave, he didn’t. He said he was tired of the drama and the mind games and that it wasn’t healthy, that he didn’t believe I could change. Since I was staying with him, the next week I proceeded to beg and try to talk to him into taking me back, but he kept his mind set and finally told me he didn’t have it in he to give anymore to us, that he was sick of the “sociopath games”. I moved out and came back home, the first day I got here, I begged once again and he started ignoring me, that day I decided to begin with the No-contact period. I have found out that he blocked me on Fb and joined a dating site, I am asuming for distraction, since till the very last moment he said he loved me. I don’t know how long to remain quiet, and how to make the first contact, I could try to send an international text, but I don’t think that could appear to be casual. It’s been almost 30 days. He has tried to make no contact what so ever, and I am really scared to make a wrong move. Should I extend the No-contact period, and how should I make the first contact?
Krista

April 28, 2015 at 10:29 pm

I have been on-and-off with this guy since for four years with a gap between when he moved across the country. I was supposed to move at the same time and couldn’t for work related reasons. He wanted to help me with the move and stayed in contact for about three months after he moved asking when I was moving, how I could help, I let it teeter-off because of one very important fact. He is an “addict” (addictive personality). I thought it was best to let things go and so I stopped responding. Fast-forward a year or so and I decided to “tipsy text” him. I know immature but I just said “hi” and it wasn’t too late. We ended-up texting back and forth non-stop for about a week and a half and then he asked to see me. We have amazing sexual chemistry and it is hard for us to keep the lid on things even though we haven’t had sex yet. I know, I know. I just needed to sort things out — anyway, we ended-up almost going all the way the second time we saw each other and it was turned-out to be awkward. He was really nervous and I freaked-out and got all “gushy” and uncomfortable and what once was light-hearted and carefree turned into something painstakingly awkward and strenuous. We have so much sexual tension between us that it might have been too much too soon. Anyway, I said that I wanted to be carefree and he said it could never be uncomplicated between us. He refused to tell me why and I let it go. He contacted me and wanted to see me again and then kept rescheduling. Then I got into a car accident and he was went M.I.A. He said we should reschedule and I haven’t heard from him. I am totally confused, I think he is as well. We haven’t talked about my leaving him in the dust a year ago. I haven’t had contact for two weeks and I plan on sticking it out for another two weeks. Suggestions? F.Y.I we are in our early twenties.
Katie Taggart

April 27, 2015 at 8:58 pm

Hi Chris,
5 mths since a very emotional break up, I know from friends she is heartbroken still but equally has built a more independent stable life she wants to protect. Last 2 mths on IM we had built up a nice rapport, i got impatient and texted a memory text about the first time she looked at me how I knew she was the one etc and then also a funnier memory. She blocked me on Whats At no contact to explain! Now what? Have I pushed her for good how do i rectify this?
kidoo

April 27, 2015 at 4:25 am

What if we tell u something like ” don’t bring the memories like that back please ” wat do I do ??
Kiki

April 26, 2015 at 2:29 am

I text him reminding him about a day we spent together. It was maybe two sentences. I got a response which was positive but nothing more after that.

Kikimarie

May 3, 2015 at 8:20 pm

Sorry didn’t see this. His response was to the effect of oh yes I remember that day it was nice. Then I texted him about a show we used to watch asking him did he finish the series. He said yes. I didn’t want to keep texting him so I didn’t say anything else after that.
Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:25 pm

What was the response and did you text him after the response?

Stephanie

April 25, 2015 at 10:29 pm

Hi Chris . I find your website really awesome . Well my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday . It all happens when he started acting strange , he already told me he was going through some problems . I’ve told him im with you and your not alone with this . I’ve told him well get through this. But he told me he would never shared his problems with me like ever . It makes me feel terrible . He always shut me off . Whenever he’s sick or feeling down . I always make it a habit to bring food to his work but lately i already feel tired , im always the one who plans the date , and everything im not asking anything return i only want affection from him . I remember as well on valentines i make him cupcakes . I always put notes in every food that i brought him . Inspite all that i don’t complain anything cause i know someday he would change, but im wrong , i don’t know if its my fault cause of my insecurities , lately we’re always on fight cause he told me he was too busy to talk things. At first i understand but he kept acting strange and telling me he doesnt have any break at work, but he never fails to say goodnight and goodmorning . Then what happen last night i’ve told him you should stop treating me like this. Why can you just let me go? You keep treating me like an option . I know its the stupidest word i ever said . He told me ” alright , we should break up then ” then i told him is that what yoh want ? “He said that’s what you want to hear right? I told him no . And began telling him that he take the people who love him so much . And i hate myself for loving him too much . I told him he’s an asshole and a bad person and a jerk cause i cant handle it all anymore . Then after that he said ” He wish someone would shoot him ” i didn’t repy that time cause i was so hurt . Then after 2 hours ive told him i dont wanna fight anymore and give thia relationship another last chance ? And is it worth fighting for? And if he wants this to end . He answer no he doesnt want this to end and its worth fighting for but he thinks it better for us to break up i beg and i beg for home to stay with me but he kept saying im sorry i can’t , but later told me its not easy for him and he still loves me . It started when at the beginning he told me that he can let go of anything easily . I miss him so much .

sonica

May 4, 2015 at 10:35 am

Cud u help me out. I did the sane mistake. I miss him so much i want him now so badly in my life. I cant think about others except him now. Please help me
Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:21 pm

Have you implemented any of the advice on this website yet or are you still in processing mode?
Stephanie

April 25, 2015 at 10:31 pm

Cause if ever i dont i initiate text he wouldn’t text me at all . I spoiled him so much and i always ask him why does he love me he always told me he was so busy to think of any answer with that.

Marie

April 25, 2015 at 12:13 am

My ex boyfriend and I broke up a year ago. While he was still trying to get me back he met someone else and was starting things with get while trying to get me back..within two month after we broke up he was in a official relationship with the girl I started to tell you about. I broke up with him to begin with and blocked him on fb so I didn’t have to see anything that upset me. He has been in a relationship for almost a year now. He never stopped texting me, not as often just here and there but at least every month. Four months or so into their relationship they broke up and i made the mistake of sleeping with him, then he got back with her..but continued to text me at least once a month his excuse is to try to talk sexual because he’s bored sexually and was never bored with me even after four years. I’m supposed to be the weak one but I’ve been strong enough to not text him first and at times ignore his texts even though I love him..he tells me he had no feelings for me hasn’t in awhile to rub it in my face or something but then why has he never stopped contact, is it sexual.. if so what does texting me do for him sexually haha. He’s never been the type of guy to mention his true feelings so it’s confusing…I miss him and love him to death and would love to be with him but I’m not sure if it’s too late? What do you think do you think he really doesn’t care and there’s no chance? I know he doesn’t sound like the greatest guy but I think trying to get me back and me not having it in the beginning and him try to get with het at the same time was for comfort. I don’t think there is any way he gave himself enough time to heal cand move on correctly and just shifted his feelings to someone else..since he still loved me when he started his relationship with her..what do you think?Help!

Marie

April 29, 2015 at 11:27 am

We had sex once when they “broke up” for a day. But he still messages every month wether he is trying to get nudes or just ” making sure im alive” . I am alset with nudes and what not but he sends them anyway. He asks for sex as well but im npt thst dumb to fall for it again especially not knowing his intentions.Wether its sexual or he misses me.Sexual reasons is always his excuse to message me and deliberately acts like “the dbag that just wants sex” bur i think its a cover up hes too masculine to say he messages for any other reason. I think the girlfriend is a cover up and comfort thing. ..after four years how do you start a new relationship in less then two momths. It was actually lesss then a month before it was official. I mean i know he sounds like a bad guy but i think he just teuly doesnt care about the relationship hes in abd hes more afraid of me never talkimg tp him then her. He insists i tell her when he does this stuff But i have no iinterest im that.So sometimes he tells on himself.
Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:00 pm

Wait, he was cheating on her with you?
Marie

April 25, 2015 at 12:16 am

Also I have never once since the break up said my real feelings like I miss you or I love you or I want you back, so as far as he knows I no longer care anymore.

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2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”